Jordan, Jesse, GO! - The Wonder Seed, with Dave Schilling

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

This week LA Times reporter, podcaster, and fashionista Dave Schilling is back on the pod talking about sexy video games, professional wrestling and more!Sponsored by ZipRecruiter. 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE at ZipRecruiter.com/JJGO.Also sponsored by Lumi Labs. Microdose Gummies deliver perfect, entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. Get 30% off your first order, plus free shipping today at Microdose.com, promo code JJGO. It’s available nationwide.Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at People's Book in Takoma Park, MD.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Forn, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you on a cool, blustery Los Angeles evening, Jordan? Here in Los Angeles, for those of you who don't live in Southern California, we're celebrating Sweater Week. Yeah, I put on one of those bad boys myself

and went for a little evening stroll, got drizzled upon, and I'm feeling great. This is a dream for God to drizzle on you a little bit, right? Yeah, right. I mean, I hope that the drizzle is tears of joy and not tears of sadness for all the lies i have told or urine of odor for all the asparagus god has eaten right god's favorite side dish when god rolls up to the steakhouse he doesn't order the creamed spinach god uh i had something i kind of wanted to get out in front of if you wouldn't mind When God rolls up to the steakhouse, he doesn't order the creamed spinach. God.

I had something I kind of wanted to get out in front of, if you wouldn't mind. Yeah. I'm glad because I'm tired of working from behind. Yeah. Well, speaking of fluids that come from the dick. Finally, this subject has come up on our program. You mentioned fluids that come from the dick. I've experienced some very painful seepage. Would you guys take a look at something for me?

I'm going to flap something up against the Zoom. So we have some beloved recurring, you know, I wouldn't call them jokes. Let's just say things that happen on the show. Yeah. And I like some of them more than I like others. You know, I like the gotta get a son thing. That's fun. That's something I say sometimes.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. You know, what else we got? Me saying that I went to college with you guys yeah matt saying he went to college with us that's fun either saying he's not paying attention to the show or simply not paying attention yeah it's usually a mixture of both yeah uh you know but i mean there's there's some that there's some that I'm less fond of. You know, I'll just mention that I don't, we don't love when we point out when something is a come word.

Jesse, this is something you've been spearheading. Yeah, I mean, like, obviously, just for anybody who hasn't been listening to the show for a long time some words uh are come words so the the canonical example of that is sauce um sauce is a come word so when you say again i'm just going back to the well the canonical well if you say wario sauce that means the come from evil mario wario from nintendo yeah but certainly i mean there's there are plenty of other come words i mean i think uh spurt or seepage right could both be come words yeah yeah and you know and i'm not nuts about i

know a lot of people like it not my my thing. I think to come is sinful. Batter. Yeah, sure. That's just me. But there is something in pop culture that I think so obviously falls under this category that I wanted us to say it before it gets pointed out to us. I can say it. Ferrariari directed by michael mann is that a cum word i don't know i'm just giving it a try that's fun see where it goes uh you know i mean we're toxic gamer bros on this show right jesse you know that i think our guest is also a toxic gamer bro we're gonna bring him into this in a minute. I love to bro out with my Call of Duty bros shooting foreigners in a realistic simulation of war.

Yeah, and I think the ultimate Toxic Gamer Bro franchise has a new installment recently. I'm speaking, of course, of Super Mario Wonder. I've been playing this game on the Nintendo Switch. I've really been loving it um but there is a collectible that um i feel like i should mention so obviously in the mario games you have coins you're collecting those um but you know these games have a lot of different collectibles so you know you get uh you know you get different colored coins you get eggs you get statues you get masks

you get whatever but in this particular yeah i played a fair amount of the game mario sunshine oh sure yeah with our friend nathaniel when he was my housemate and uh in that game you collect shine gets right yeah the shine get that's a classic mario collectible um but this new one takes place in the flower kingdom and so therefore one of the luigi's always collecting ex-wives oh boy that guy that guy can't stay married he's an alcoholic yeah and a coward um a cowardly alcoholic if you had the courage to face his alcoholism right he would be able to stay there. Luigi is afraid of ghosts. Booze, I guess I should say.

Booze in the haunted house and sharing his feelings with his loved ones. No, there's a new collectible in this new Mario game. It takes place in the Flower Kingdom, so therefore one of the collectibles is the Wonder Seed. And again, I don't love this running joke i don't like saying it to come is sinful i've been very clear about that but wonder seed is a come word well you've always said not a drop shall you spill sure but yeah there's no question about that i mean although wonder seed is a relative come word

how so you don't think this is a full come word do you want to bring our guest into this i think you'll have some opinions yeah our guest is a our guest is a writer comedy writer, podcaster, whatever, man about town, vintage Armani enthusiast, Dave Schilling. Hey, guys. You know, I'm glad we're talking about Mario, because I am playing it as well. I'm playing with my six-year-old. You like it? You having fun? It's awesome.

It's probably the best Mario game I've ever played. I think it's up there. But do I feel good about getting seed with my son? No, I don't. I think it's up there. But do I feel good about getting seed with my son? No, I don't. He's six. Yeah. He's screaming about seeds all the time.

Right. The sons should come. Sons come from seed. Sons don't speak of seed. He is seed. He is seed. He's seed. Yeah, you know, I just don't want to be talking about all this jism with my son all the time.

But it is a sexual game. Yes. Don't you know, I just don't want to be talking about all this jism with my son all the time. But it is a sexual game. Don't you think, Jordan? Don't you think there's something sexual about Mario and Princess Peach running around collecting seeds? Thank you, yes. On clogging pipes. Yeah, there's pipes and they turn into goo at one point. Right. There are little blobs of cum that they swim around sure it's it's problematic

at when mario wears the fox tail is is that a horny thing yeah he's a furry right you don't want to know uh let's uh you want to know how that tail's attached it's with it's surgical dried come we each had a different take on that i was trying to say on theme everybody It's with blood. Surgical. Dried cum. We each had a different take on that. I was trying to say on theme. Everybody else was just going off on tangents. Which was best? Let us know in the comments.

Let the audience decide. Thank you. Let the audience guess. None shall comfort and all shall upset. To err is human, but to cum is divine. Dave, that's really cool that you're playing with your with your kid hey whoa whoa okay okay i'm just i'm trying to go i'm just wanting to enjoy the game with your son and spending quality time with your son um have you like

tried to introduce your son to the games of your youth? Yes, we got into Sonic 2. Oh, interesting. We played all the way through Sonic 2 and Sonic 3, though we haven't gotten to the Knuckles levels yet. But the greatest thing about the modern video game era that we're in is that you can pretty much play any old game you want. You just have to download it. Right.

So he's getting a full education in video gaming. It's kind of good, kind of cool. It's really important. Thank you. My daughter just got Sonic the Hedgehog 2. It was the last Sonic of the... She had 1 and 3 and Sonic and Knuckles. Anyway, you can put Knuckles into Sonic 2.

I'm not breaking any news for you guys. It's just some shit I learned from my kid. You know that Knuckles can go into Sonic 2 if you have Sonic and Knuckles. Wow. Remember when you had to lock it on? You had to plug the cartridge into the other cartridge? I've gotten into Sonic 2 all the way

to the wrist. Yeah. Sonic has a very loose asshole. Yeah, you know what those rings are yeah that's interesting jesse that she's playing uh the one that i think is you know widely considered to be the greatest sonic the hedgehog game sonic 2 it's funny that she's gotten around to that last i don't know why she didn't have it before but she for christmas or something signed up for a service that sends you video games in the mail oh cool

it's like uh it's like stitch fix but for old video games whoa cool and they sent her sonic 2 and she didn't have sonic 2 for whatever reason the other day she she walked up to me i was sitting there and i was burnishing my brand by watching that errol morris movie about jean le carre on apple tv plus and um gracie walked up to me with a stack of white plastic boxes and she says uh i had no idea that i had so many nintendo wii games she says i had 10 of them and only nine of them are licensed garbage licensed garbage yeah she has a she has an m&ms game game, I believe. Okay. She's on a constant quest to spend her money on the worst video games possible. Yeah, a lot of shovelware on that Wii.

It was very popular. And, you know, you got a lot of kind of cranked out, poorly considered video games. I think the M&M's game is like a Mario Kart style racing game but with M&M's? Yeah. I don't know if they are the karts or they're driving the karts, frankly. It may be that they hollow out their bodies and tiny people drive them. Now, was this

before or after they desexualized the green M&M? I know. She's got huge knockers in this game. Oh, good. It's like in Leisure Suit Larry, you can have her take her top off. Whoa! But it's not closed, it's like the candy shell kind of peels off.

So it's her skin. You chip away with like a chisel and then it falls off. Oh, so the shell is their clothes. I thought it, I maybe thought it was their skin, but... Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. No, no, no, their skin is the chocolate and their inside is the peanut. Can I ask you guys a question? Okay. Yeah. You guys are toxic gamer bros, right? Yeah, we all are. Constantly saying the N word.

Obviously. That's me. Constantly saying the N word. Yep. Dave, you're an African-American gentleman. Okay, don't spoil it for the audience, all right? They're having fun right now, and you ruined it. Okay. Yeah, no fun when you say it. Say it. It just reminds me of the horrible sin of

racism. But when my friend Cletus says it, it's got panache. Yeah. So here's... Here's my question for you toxic gamer bros yeah uh i know that there are like i know that there are like horny video games like uh like laura croft tomb raider type horniness where it's just a sort of passive horniness that it comes from uh uh a male gazey portrayal of women right yeah it's still a good game but like she's got big boobs and a tiny

waist because you're a guy yeah it feels horny to be her sure yeah yes It's about putting yourself in her body. Yeah. So I know that that exists. Yeah. But in 2020, whatever year it is now, are there like leisure, like are there games where porniness is the point of the game? I think we should have Matt answer this question. I'm just kidding. Matt, what are you playing? Okay, so there are sex games, sex video games that exist.

I mean, I don't know about new ones. I'm talking about one that I played when I was in high school called Virtual Valerie. Tell us more. Yeah, it was basically, it was just a game. So there was this girl, Valerie. Ooh, she sounds great. You press buttons and you could do sex stuff to her. Whoa, like what?

You know, like sex. Whoa. Like not return her phone calls? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are the parts of sex? Yeah, you would say mean things to her in hopes that she will fall more deeply in love with you. No, it was like you put a penis inside.

So you press P and it goes to the penis button? No, you press the button shaped like a penis. The penis button. They made it easy in case you couldn't read. Where do you put it? Is this on a PC? It was on a PC. It was on a PC.

Who's making this game? I don't know. I downloaded it illegally. Wow. You be soft. You don't be soft when you're playing this game. More like you'll be hard. You'll be hard when you're playing the...

Do you know what I mean? Well, you know, Grand Theft Auto, you can have sex. That's right. In Grand Theft Auto, you can have sex. Grand Theft Auto is the horniest one. Yeah yeah that's the horniest standard game right but i don't really i can't get off can't get off to that because you know what happens in grand like you could with leisure shoot larry yeah or even duke nukem was hornier than oh yeah gta does have sex but like you give the sex worker money and then they go into a car and the car kind of shakes for a little bit and you lose more money and then you come out looking kind of tired and and sad that

your life has amounted to this and that you're gonna die alone but that's not sexy it's possible that was a personal trainer right just doing squats in the car oh so it's like burpees and stuff okay car burpees. Yes. That thing where you whip around a rope. You know that thing I'm talking about that the people do when they're exercising in an abandoned train yard or whatever it is. You're whipping a rope down. Jump rope. You're in that cage, right? And then they start throwing sausages at you and salmon.

Yeah, that kind of stuff. When you're in a car in GTA, you're either whipping ropes or you're shooting ropes. One of the two. Dave, it's like when you're out in the forest and you find a big crystal clear stream and you wade into it and you take your giant paw and you start slapping salmon out of the water.

Oh! And you're in a constant battle with the mighty eagle. Yogi Berian. Yes, I know that. Yeah. Yeah, no pants and you got a bow tie on and you eat fish. Sure. Yeah.

The honest truth is that the only video game I really, is that I played that Starfield. And, you know, once I went into the Unity, I'm out of stuff to do. I don't really. I mean, there's probably I could find some more science stations. Sometimes those have space pirates in them. But, or Varun Zealots. But I kind of have done all this. They're all the, they're all about the same.

You know, it's just like, is this station have Varun Zealots or space pirates? You know, I don't know. What's the question for another time? I think I'm thinking about quitting video games and going back to jacking off in real life. What's the, what's the unity? off in real life what's the what's the unity uh it's like um it's some stars that you see and they go around sort of in like a music clef shape but they're spinning around they're going like that and then when you go through them there's like a it's like sort of like uh the warming up it's like at the beginning of a day in the life, you know,

like an orchestra warming up and then they hit a big chord kind of deal. Um, and, uh, well, I mean, I, we've discussed this before,

but the star born live in there. Um, and these guys are trying to gather all the artifacts. Of course they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially the hunter.

Uh, I mean that what else would a hunter do yeah so it's a it's a whole thing but the point of the story is that uh the hunter who has a the ultimate space gun um i defeated him because i had modded my pistol really good hell yeah yeah so is that a big deal? I got him for jacking off. Yeah. Modding the old pistol, putting a new, putting a new grip on the barrel.

That's an open world game where you can either shoot the hunter with your gun or jack off on the hunter. Either one. It gives you the chance to explore your own sort of, uh, moral universe and relativism. It's a power fantasy. Yeah. Dave, are you playing any games that aren't with your kid?

Are there any games for daddy? Games for daddy? Well, I just bought AEW Fight Forever. Ooh. It's a video game based on the All Elite Wrestling, wrestling company. Their show is on Tnt and tbs uh they had cm punk and cody rhodes and a bunch of other people who left the company uh i i played that it's horrible it's maybe the worst video game i played in in ever i guess wow the graphics look like

playstation 2 graphics um half the time, the wrestler is looking at another, like the referee. I try to punch a wrestler, and I'm accidentally punching the referee. Is it like NCAA basketball video game, where it's just the NBA basketball video game, but with all the colleges instead of all the all the nba teams or is it a whole like is it did they just take a a wwe video game and uh change out the heads no no the uh this is a brand new build of a video game and they spent tens of millions of dollars on it and uh years and years of development it's it's not a mod of anything it's it's from scratch and uh it it plays like um

just just absolute shit when you play okay follow-up question dave yeah when you play so you're a you're a wrestling enthusiast you're a former enthusiast. You're a former wrestling professional. Yeah. Not a wrestler yourself, right? You never... Have you ever wrestled? No, never. Okay. No.

Maybe with my dick when I'm jacking off, but that's better. Yeah, sure. I thought you were Brutus the Barber Beefcake. No, no, no. Have you not been? Dave Schilling. If you remember, I like to say the N-word, so I was Hulk Hogan. Yeah. Dude loves it. That you remember, I like to say the N word, so I was Hulk Hogan. Yeah.

Dude loves it. That's right, brother. Dave. Yeah. So you wrote wrestling scenarios. Yeah, we've talked about this before, for God's sake. Not everyone listens. I'm just trying to get some exposition done here.

That's fair. I understand. Okay. Just trying to get some exposition done here. That's fair. I understand. Okay. Just trying to chop some firewood real quick. Okay. So given that fact, you know that the world of professional wrestling is not so much about a specific athletic competition as it is about a grand narrative thrill ride. Yeah, wonderfully told story.

Absolutely. So how does that work in a video game? It doesn't. Okay. That is why there has never been a really good wrestling video game before. Because it's just press A, press Y, press Z, press the right the right shoulder button press a again move do this jump on the top rope and then maybe you'll do an elbow drop if you're lucky i like boring i like that game def jam battle for new york or whatever it was called where you got to be scarface that

was yeah those were great those were fun because it was big, silly-looking rap characters, and they did crazy moves. Wrestling video games have to be semi-realistic. You know, it has to follow what you see in wrestling. You can't just have somebody throwing Hadoukens or something like that. Yeah, imagine Mortal Kombat where they actually just did karate. Sure. That would suck. Nobody's skull's getting smashed.

Nobody's spine's getting ripped out. they have like a career like you know how sometimes in like the basketball games there's like spike lee directed a narrative version of being a basketball player in it do they have that in wrestling games uh yeah i mean they have like a career mode and you you are a wrestler and then you wrestle other wrestlers and then again eventually get a championship match and then you win the championship boring why can't it be like real wrestling where you have to turn down people trying to give you steroids or you have to stab your friend in the back who came up with your great character but then you lie and said it was your idea or you end up having sex with the boss's daughter and then you get fired like that's the kind of stuff i want to see cheating on your wife and then you also say the n-word exactly

you know what i'd love to see you get caught doing all kinds of shit that'd be the guy for the guy setting up hulk hogan it was like he's like i'm gonna film hulk hogan cheating on his wife and then he starts saying the n-word he's like okay all right i didn't expect this cool yeah if you're looking to blackmail rv11 on the phone did you see hulk hogan recently was caught on a on body cam police body cam trying to talk uh his son out of a dui oh my god not his son's first dui this is like dui number nine for his son um and he's like oh brother let me just tell you like my son's a good boy you know uh he's never done a bad thing in his life other than the eight other times that he's had this dui problem like that's what I want to see in a wrestling game. Sure.

You know what I'd love to see? I'd love to see one of these electronic arts or whatever have the courage to depict a senatorial race in Connecticut. Right. That's where the real action is. Linda McMahon's WWE 2K26. Like, if you're going to simulate something, you know, let's see the primaries. Let's see if you want to tack gonna simulate something, you know, let's see the primaries. Let's see if you want to tack left

or right, you know? Yeah, raise some funds, go out there, do a chicken dinner, you know, have some cocktails with a mover and a shaker. Sure, there's a little choice. Are you gonna go negative? Vince McMahon's wife ran for Senate, I think, two or three times and lost, every time,

lost tens of millions of dollars every time she did it. And then became Trump's the head of the Small Business Association. So, again, another better video game idea than more punching and kicking. Small Business Administration is your video game pitch? Yeah, why not? Giving out low interest loans? Yeah, start from the bottom you know you're gonna be handing out those covet checks and then uh never getting that money back dave did you know going did you know going into the wrestling game that it was like gonna be bad

or did you have like high hopes oh everybody said it was terrible okay and it was on sale for 35 dollars and i thought, why not? I'm doing it. Yeah. Get it. You should get it. Do you have a favorite wrestling guy to be when you play the wrestling game? Huh.

Who is my favorite wrestling guy to be in the game? Well, in this particular game, I like playing as Hangman Adam Page. What's Hangman Adam Page's deal? He's a cowboy. Oh. He used to come out with like a noose around his neck and like it was a little scarier but now he's like a fun

loving hangman. Right. He's still called the hangman. He's still called hangman. I'm not gonna have the noose but I will be still called the hangman. It doesn't look like a scary guy. It doesn't look like a hangman. I think he was a public school teacher before he was a wrestler But I like to play as him

Because he does this finishing move Where he jumps over the top rope and then clotheslines you That's a cum word Clothesline? Yeah, I think so Top rope? Top rope Hangman?

I did the hangman on my dick Basically every wrestling word is also a cum word Yeah, I think that's fair Listen Does he is yes go ahead what's the fun loving stuff that he does oh he he likes to uh drink beer from fans in the crowd oh that's nice what about rope tricks um he hasn't brought out the rope in a while there's no rope he did ride a horse out uh to the ring once and i think the horse pooped on the ramp. That's what you want. And they had little guys

sweeping it up. They could use standard sized guys if they wanted to. No, they had to be real small so they're not on camera. You could only see the tops of their heads. You want the wrestlers to appear bigger so you get smaller guys to do all the... The horse that doesn't get spooked by the little fellas. Yeah.

What... If you were going to give your The horse that doesn't get spooked by the little fellas. Yeah. Yeah. If you were going to give your best friend a wrestling gimmick, what's the secret wrestling gimmick that you've been sitting on the last 25 years since you started obsessively thinking about it? You know, I think like a Jordan Morris kind of like swarthy bearded guy right who sounds a little bit like me but um not as masculine i think you know like a real heel like a real kind of a beta dave yeah like a shittier me that makes sure like a beta of dave from the tv show dave no no the movie dave from the movie dave right he once caught a fish this, but he's indicating a relatively small fish. Exactly.

Exactly. Yes, you get it. All else happened to Dave. Big Rames is in it. Hail to the chief. He's the one we all say hail to. We all say hail to him. I can't remember why, is what Beta Dave would say.

Absolutely. Yes. Good old Beta Dave. Beta Dave, a.k.a. Jordan Morris. Sure. I just come out in the what Beta Dave would say. Absolutely, yes. Good old Beta Dave. Beta Dave, a.k.a. Jordan Morris. Sure, I just come out in the ring, I'm sorry. What have I done? I didn't mean to offend you. We can all go home.

You don't sound like that. Jordan, have you got a pitch for us? I'll play it up. I'll play it up as my wrestling character, Beta Dave. Jordan, do you have a pitch for uh wrestling gimmick i i have a meeting coming up with linda okay i'm supposed to bring her five ideas so linda mcmahon yeah linda mcmahon she's retired you're lying to me she's working over at the small business administration okay okay so she's looking for small wrestlers.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, I think that like, I think what Dave hit on something kind of interesting is that like wrestling has a hard time transitioning to the medium of video games because you already have, you know, a rich tradition of one-on-one fighting games

that are just inherently more fun, inherently more interesting um so you know that like player versus player stuff in the world of wrestling just like isn't as exciting so like why don't we why don't we kind of cut off mortal kombat at the knees so to speak by having a wrestler tear out its spine we'll tear out its spine about having a wrestler that does fatalities like kills the other real fatalities but yeah i think that like you know taking some of those tried and true fighting game moves talking hadoukens uh rising uppercuts these types of things and just doing that but you're a wrestler let me tell you let me tell

you something real quick about what you're suggesting it actually did kind of happen almost there was a wrestler in the 90s in wcw world championship wrestling his name was glacier okay he quite literally dressed up just like sub-zero from mortal kombat and he had like all fake mortal kombat music and he came out and he did like a Kung Fu karate demonstration before the match and just did kicks and flips and stuff. Unfortunately, he didn't have ice powers. Yeah. He didn't spy. Or an eternal battle against Scorpion.

There was no portal that he had to go through. And then, you know, Outworld wasn't real. But other than that, he had all the cool things you like about Mortal Kombat. Like the costume. But that didn't catch on, huh? No, it was a huge failure. I would have liked to have seen maybe like a Dig Dug or something like that. If you're going to knock off a video game character.

Let me see a Q-Bert wrestler. So if you're a Dig Dug, you just character, let me see a Qbert wrestler. So if you're a Dig Dug, you just try and get your hose into the other wrestler's mouth and seal the mouth so you could blow him up like a balloon. I think that's correct. Yeah. Okay. Where's that reboot? I have a pitch that might work.

Sure. Dave, I'm sure you still have some email addresses. I know you're busy. VinceMcMahon might work. Sure. Dave, I'm sure you still have some email addresses. I know you're busy. VinceMcMahon at WWE.net. The.rock at gmail.com. Austin Hellyeah at WWE.edu. Here's my pitch to you guys. And Dave, obviously this might not be WWF type

wrestler WWE type wrestler right but it could be for this other one what's this other one called that you're talking about AEW so here's my pitch Big Mac tonight you know with the moon head I know that guy

do you know him personally can you get a message to him that I want him to become a professional wrestler? How jacked is he? Oh, yeah. We're boys. We're boys. Yeah, for sure. We go down to Gold's Gym in Venice and we just pump.

Oh, sweet. Classic pump and dump. That guy says the N-word, but it's nighttime. No, he says the N-word. Nice. Nice don't know i tried i tried i don't know either nice bro have some fries he says dave when you say you have to turn down as a wrestler you have to turn down uh steroids are there wrestlers that aren't doing steroids? Hmm. Yes, I think so.

I mean, if you watch wrestling today, you'll see some skinny guys. Really? Some guys, not skinny, well, some are actually skinny. But yeah, there's less big bodies than there used to be, especially in AEW. A lot of those guys, they were independent wrestlers for a long time. They were wrestling on the circuits around various small towns or smaller venues in Los Angeles. I don't know if they can afford steroids. Are you going to small venues in Los Angeles? Are you going to the VFW Hall? I used to go to PWG, which was for a long

time at the American Legion Hall in Reseda. And then it moved to the Globe Theater downtown, and now they just don't do it anymore. But yeah, I used to avail myself of smaller time wrestling. And now that I'm a dad, I just don't have time for that kind of stuff, you know? Would you take your child to wrestling? No, no, no, definitely not. I was like eight when I started liking wrestling, and it was a different vibe back then. It was very cartoonish.

It was mostly race cartoons, correct? Yes, yes, mostly like Song of the south yeah sure a kind of an iron chic if you will yes a bit of an iron chic um it's a different time jordan we could we could hate iranians without understanding why um what about when you're sorry go ahead Jesse what about when your kid is older maybe if he wants yeah I don't want to make him like wrestling I made him like Weird Al Yankovic and Godzilla I'm not going to make him like wrestling

you don't want him to be a nerd no no no he's going to be a cool jock who listens to Edith all the time I do like what you were saying that now we have some more Being a cool jock who listens to Eat It all the time. I do like what you were saying, that now we have some more achievable bodies in wrestling. I mean, that's good.

You're not going to give your kid a complex by, you know, it's like he'll never look like Jake the Snake Roberts, but, you know, maybe he can. My kids look a lot like Jake the Snake Roberts. Yeah, he gave them all mullets. To the point where I've been thinking about getting DNA tests done. Well, he did get around quite a bit. He had been hanging around my house a lot for a while. Do you mean methamphetamine?

Does your wife ever come home smelling like frozen mice? Get snakes eat. come home smelling like frozen mice. Get a steak seat. He didn't actually eat those mice. Let's take a break. You want to take a break? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Just to Go. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you it's jordan jesse go i'm jordan morris boy detective taking a quick break to say thank you to some good folks who keep this show going first and foremost want to say thank you to everybody who's gone to maximum fun.org join and thrown down a couple of bucks to support us and all the other great shows on Maximum Fun. Everybody who's done that gets access to a special bonus feed that now has a new episode of Stash Rules Everything Around Me, Jesse and I's Burt Reynolds recap podcast. We had a really fun time recapping Burt Reynolds's cameo

in an episode of 90210 with the great Linda Holmes from Pop Culture Happy Hour. Yes, we had a blast watching the first episode of 90210 that Jesse and I had ever seen, and it was a wild ride. Maximumfun.org slash join if you want to hear that episode and all the other great bonus content that's just for members. I also want to say thank you this week to Zip Recruiter. Our friends at Zip Recruiter conducted a recent survey and found that the top hiring challenge employers face for 2024 is a lack of qualified candidates. You want your candidates to be qualified. These unqualified candidates are probably breaking the machinery and not knowing how to operate the coffee machine. You don't need these jokers, these unqualified jokers coming in

and ruining your workplace. you need qualified candidates. If you're an employer and you need to hire, there's good news. ZipRecruiter has smart features that help you find more qualified candidates fast. They've got matching technology. Yeah, that's the technology we like. It shows you top candidates that you can send a personalized invite to apply. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. We are also sponsored this week by LumiL and their micro dose gummies. We love these

things. Our listeners love these things. I think I've mentioned this on the show before. But basically, when anyone tells me they like anything about the show, less and less it is, you know, jokes or guests and more just like, hey, I tried those microdose gummies and they're great. I couldn't agree more. If you're having a stressful time, if you need help unwinding, if you need help sleeping, microdose gummies are awesome. Microdose gummies deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. If you've ever had weird experiences with edibles in the past, know that microdose gummies are very different. It's a mild, chill, little kiss of THC that won't make you feel like you're freaking the F out. Get 30% off your first

order plus free shipping today at microdose.com, promo code JJGO. It's available nationwide. That's microdose.com, promo code JJGO for 30% off and free shipping. Microdose.com, promo code JJGO. And before we get back to the show, I also want to say thank you to another cool listener who pre-ordered Youth Group, the new graphic novel, from me and Bowen McGurdy, coming soon to a bookstore near you. I am shouting out everybody who has pre-ordered at a local indie bookstore the best place to pre-order Youth Group. Of course, you can grab that on Amazon. You can grab it at Barnes & Noble.

But those local indie bookstores are awesome, and we love to support them. I heard from a cool listener who pre-ordered from People's Book in Tacoma Park, Maryland. People's Book in Tacoma Park, Maryland. Head on over there. There will be a link to their website in the show notes. And yeah, it looks like these folks ship too. So if you don't have a local indie in your neighborhood and want to support a cool one, you can head over there to peoplesbooktacoma.com and pre-order Youth Group and anything else you want in the book-averse. All right, back to the show. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, That's Stone Cold Steve Austin's nickname. Stone Cold isn't his nickname? That's his Christian name. Yeah, Stone Cold, one word, Steve, middle name, Austin, last name.

Stone Cold. He had a lot of nicknames, okay? You trademarked that thing, you slap it on a t-shirt, you're a rich man. His parents named him Steve Austin Jordan. Stone Cold is the name that was given to him at his christening. Right, okay. His buddies call him that other thing. Did you ever play Saturday Night Slam Masters, Dave?

No, what was that? That was a wrestling game that had some of the tenets of fighting games. They could throw fireballs and do more know kind of more you know anime type moves anyway a lot of fun i'm gonna check that out yeah nothing that would inspire any conversation that would be meaningful i just wanted to mention saturday night slam masters i'm really excited that you brought that up yes it was good that i did that yeah i think we should have more things that you just say that have no potential for follow-up. Sure. That'd be good.

That'd be good for the show. It'd be good for the show. It would. Just say more stuff that dies on the vine. Why not? I certainly have been doing it all night. What's the best wrestler you ever saw wrestle at an independent wrestling? And when I say best, I don't mean best at wrestling.

I mean best at being a thing that you could talk about on our show for a minute. Oh, I really love Orange Cassidy. So his whole thing is he doesn't try. It's sort of like you remember in Wet Hot American Summer, Paul Rudd's character. Yeah, when all the plates and silverware fall on the ground and he has to clean them up. He's a big old slacker, right? Yeah. What if that guy was a professional wrestler?

Okay. How does it play out? Find out this Wednesday on AEW Dynamite on TBS. Just gets beat up. You're welcome. No, so he wears like a jean jacket and aviator sunglasses and also

more jeans. Like he's just all jeans all the time. He's just a little skinny guy in jeans. And he puts his hands in his pocket and he just kind of kicks people in the shins. Just kicks them a little bit. Sounds pretty good. Yeah, eventually he'll start wrestling,

but he starts out just kind of not giving a shit. Right. How come the other wrestler doesn't just whoop him real quick? Oh, you've caught on to the problem with this character. People just go along with it like it's normal. Okay. And then eventually they do fight a little bit but it it stretches uh reality a

little too much i think um and uh yeah it's it's funny but it's not really wrestling you know like you want to see people that are mad at each other wrestling is like, it's more like a guy in a suit and he has a moon for a head. He's playing a grand piano. Yes. And he's singing a song about different times when sandwiches are available at restaurants. Like tonight? Yeah.

Like tonight? It's like on a night like tonight. Yeah. Hey, speaking of... I was going to segue by saying saying speaking of low effort here's what passes for a segment on this show it's called momentous occasions when something momentous happens to you call us at 206-9844-FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org here's one that someone has sent hey Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests.

I'm guessing Dave Shumka. First time, long time. This is Dave from Baltimore. I'm calling because I've heard you guys mention the Al Pacino ice cream truck. And I wanted to share a story from my youth when I was a teenager. Can we pause it for a second, Matt? a story from my youth when I was a teenager. Can we pause it for a second, Matt? For Dave and for folks who are listening at home,

we received a momentous occasion call regarding an ice cream truck called Al Pacino Ice Cream. Al Pacino Ice Cream is just a standard ice cream truck that says Al Pacino Ice Cream on it. There's no Al Pacino-themed products. There's no picture of Al Pacino. Al Pacino is not in quote marks. We Googled it. We found a picture of it on Instagram. It just says Al Pacino ice cream and is a standard ice cream truck. birthday dinners was a place called al pacino egyptian pizza they were like the first um wood that was fired at the deposit just dave just so you know um that was one of the wwf guys from the mid 80s al pacino pizza al pacino yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a sort of combination of Italian-Egyptian stereotypes into one wrestler.

You know, Vince McMahon is a genius for all that. He really is, isn't he? Hey, I'm making a Sphinx over here, he would say. And then the crowd would chant, USA, USA. Because we were, of course, at war with Egypt and Italy at the same time. How do you think that Sphinx lost his fucking nose? Courtesy of the red, white, and blue, my friend. You know what happens to nosy people?

Pizza oven place that I knew of in Baltimore, and I went there for three or four birthdays in a row. But yeah, Al Pacino, Egyptian pizza, which I feel like is weirder than an ice cream truck from Al Pacino. But it makes you wonder if maybe Al Pacino has a second life as a restaurateur in Baltimore. So anyway, love the show. Keep doing what you're doing. And thanks a

lot. Off I go. Yeah, it does make you wonder, doesn't it? I definitely wonder. Is he out there? And if he is, is he selling Egyptian pizzas? I guess we'll never know. I'm taking a look at this. There's a crossword blog here. I looked for Al Pacino's Egyptian pizza. Al Pacino's Egyptian pizza. Um, and the, what I, what I found was just one mention of it on our Reddit in the episode previously about Al Pacino ice cream. So probably same guy. Then this LA

times crossword corner daily crossword blog. And it says, a few years back, there was an Al Pacino's Egyptian pizza cafe not far from us. They were the only place around where you could get baba ghanoush and hummus. Those were bolded out, baba ghanoush and hummus on the side. Alas, they closed. So there's a little background information on al pacino's egyptian pizza cafe you could get baba ghanoush and hummus on the side and alas they closed um i would have thought to do that i guess yeah to close if you were losing money in your small business yeah i would have just kept going and asked for a loan from lindsay mcmahon yeah uh what i'm up to right now um while we there's an al pacino cafe and

the breaking news there's an al pacino cafe in pikesville maryland okay al pacino not doing is there an al pacino's social security? Is there an Al Pacino's Social Security Administration? Is there an Al Pacino's gynecologist? King Tut himself presides over the Egyptian fantasy decor at this pizzazzy pizza and pasta joint. King Tut himself? How many Yelp stars we got? Okay, I'm taking a look at the... Yeah.

Three and a half Yelp stars, 62 reviews. Okay. Now closed, though. Now closed. Oh, no. Al Pacino pizza, rest in peace. Don't worry. There's Robert De Niro's sushi and pierogies opening up in Huntsville, Alabama soon.

I mean, the man's box office gold, but he's restaurant poison, apparently. What was the last Al Pacino movie you saw? Here's an article from the Baltimore Sun, 1991. The Irishman, I guess. The Irishman. Yeah, I guess. Some first-rate restaurants, like some first-rate actors, have humble beginnings. Al Pacino, the first-rate restaurant, not the first-rate actor, started out as a little

Fells Point pizzeria. It wasn't much to look at unless an old poster of some first-rate, unless an old poster of Che. Some first-rate restaurants, look, this is a 35-year-old article here. It's not perfectly transcribed. Some first-rate restaurants like some first, nope, that's what we just read. It wasn't much to look at unless an old poster of Cher

is your idea of decor. But the brick oven pizza was extraordinary. Basic pizzas, dressy California pizzas, even pizzas which honored the owner's Middle Eastern roots. Nothing seemed beyond the range of the Al Pacino

Cafe. Alright. So the owner is middle eastern you can establish that his name is not al pacino okay so this was the original okay this was the original this article is about the opening of the second which which is the Egyptian pizza, a.k.a. Al Pacino Cafe 3. That's in the Belvedere market area. Okay, but who is Al Pacino? Is there another Al Pacino out there who is profiting off of the happenstance of being named the same as a famous actor? This is at least a 2,000-word article here.

Not one word explains why this restaurant is called al pacino this is why journalism is falling apart thank you to be fair a pizza restaurant named al pacino makes more sense than an ice cream truck named al pacino so i think this is what happened this is what i'm seeing here. This is the timeline I'm putting together in my head. Late 1980s, an Egyptian American immigrant learns to make pizza, perhaps working at a pizzeria, classic immigrant's tale, decides to open their own pizzeria, thinks, if I name this Hosney's pizzeria nobody's gonna come and so i need to name it uh i need to name it something italiany what about al pacino that's the first restaurant second restaurant expanded version of that third restaurant this, this guy's thinking, I'm going to make this a little more Egyptian

because I myself am Egyptian. So I'm going to make it Al Pacino's Egyptian pizza. That goes south. Eventually, that has a run of success, but then it goes south. Downsize. It's the ice cream. Then the guy is like, my life is in shambles.

How am I going to pay for my kid to go to college? At this point, his kid is at the University of Maryland. And thinking about going to Johns Hopkins for medical school. Not cheap. Yeah. I mean, you save a little money being a terrapin, you know, going to public school for undergrad, but Johns Hopkins is not cheap. And then he decides to get into the ice cream game, and he's traveling up and down the mid-Atlantic states, bending soft serve. But he keeps that Al Pacino name because it reminds him of his roots.

It's plausible. And of the star of Scent of his roots. It's plausible. And of the star of Son of a Woman. Maybe the Al Pacino name was very famous around the mid-Atlantic region at that point. And it's like, oh, Al Pacino's. Yeah, like the pizza with the hummus on the side for some reason. That really doesn't compliment my pizza in any way. But they give it to you for free. I'd like to try their ice cream.

I think that could be what's going on here. I just wish that we knew. Is there anybody out there who is from Maryland or West Virginia? I would put pizza into tzatziki. Oh yeah, like the crust, right? Kind of a cooling quality. I'll let you guys know what I've been up to over here.

Yeah, thanks Jordan. When we first heard about al pacino ice cream we kind of messed around with like what's the what's the al pacino movie ice cream pun we didn't really land on anything and everybody let us know in the comments we missed any given sunday right well yeah sure um i'm i'm just trying to do it with pizza i can't basically basically all i've gotten is sauce of a woman instead of scent of a woman that says that's a cum word yeah right i know i don't like it is there i don't want to miss i don't want to get roasted in the comments for missing

the perfect al pacino pizza but i just don't know that I can do it. The Pyreshman? Is it the Pyreshman? Is that it? Is that as good as we can do? Pizzas in America. What rhymes with Serpico? Right.

Pizza Co. Dog Day Afternoon. Right. Yeah. Let's keep thinking about this. Oh, Serpico? look can we do it yeah afternoon right yeah let's keep thinking about oh serpico and gary glenn sauce glenn sauce instead of serpico i guess we could say domino i thought you said slurpico slurpico is good you know what that is definitely a cum word. You know what? I have a taste of my Slurpico. Guys, I think we...

Jesse, what was yours? Sauce Day Afternoon? That doesn't even rhyme. What would that rhyme with? No, mine worked, but I don't remember what it was. It didn't have sauce in it. It was Glen Gary Glen Sauce. Glen Gary Glen Sauce.

Okay. I think we got a couple that kind of work was he in marvin's room and pizza for all okay that could be one sure instead of jack and jill jack and pizza something about panic and needle park what would that be? That was like his big breakthrough role, I think. Oh, yeah. This is terrible. This is terrible content.

Hey, guys. You ever play Saturday Night Slam Masters? No, I haven't. I just sat on the microphone thinking for another 20 minutes. Let's do this. Hold on, guys. I got an idea. I got an idea.

Just give me five more minutes. We'll watch a long play of Saturday Night Slam Masters, and we'll all come back with a lot of opinions about it. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. I'm Jordan Cruciola, host of Feeling Seen, where we start by asking our guests just one question. What movie character made you feel seen?

I knew exactly what it was. Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Choi Wang slash Shobu Tupaki. That one question launches amazing conversations about their lives, the movies they love, and about the past, present, and future of entertainment. Roy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I worry about what this might say about me, but I've brought Tracy Flick in the film Election.

So if you like movies, diverse perspectives, and great conversations, check us out. Oof, this is real. New episodes of Feeling Seen drop every week on MaximumFun.org. drop every week on MaximumFun.org. But you might have never watched it. It's got so much history and so many storylines that it can feel overwhelming to get into. Mm-hmm. It's like a real housewife season, but everyone's a better singer. Well, sometimes. But that's where we come in. I'm Dimitri Pompei. I'm Oscar Montoya. And I'm Jeremy Bent, and we're the hosts of Eurovangelists. If you're new to Eurovision, we'll tell you everything you need to know to start enjoying the world's most important song competition.

And if you're already a fan, we'll dive deep on its wildest moments, like when Ireland sends a turkey puppet to sing for them. You're evangelists. New episodes every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dave Schilling, the Texas by God rattlesnake. Dave, what's going on in your life? Where can we

find your writing these days? What's happening with Dave Schilling? Oh, Jesus. I don't want to talk about myself. You might know this. You might not. I have a sub stack. Like a lot of other um people out there who made their living in the blog era sub stack is kind of a wonderful thing where you don't have to answer to anybody you just write what you want um i've been writing about style, men's fashion, how to behave in the modern era, how to be a better human being, better man.

The Substack is called How Not to Be a Man. So you see I kind of tweaked it a little bit. That's fun. It's currently still free. The archive is free. Come on by DaveShilling dot sub stack dot com. Check it out and you might learn something. I want me.

I once had the late GQ style guy Glenn O'Brien on my public radio show. I loved Glenn. Didn't know him, but I loved his work. And that was kind of where I got the idea for the name of the sub stack was from his book How to Be a Man. Didn't want to be on the show? Didn't hide it. Yeah. Just annoyed that I was bothering him. Kind of like me right now, Jesse. No, I'm just kidding. I love being on here. Yeah, I don't think he was a nice guy. I think he was like a really shitty person. That's very possible. Charming writer.

Yeah, well, it doesn't always translate to actual human interaction. Well, Dave, we're always glad to have you on the program. Always nice to see you. Always nice to just ask you six things that I'm wondering about professional wrestling. Yeah, can I come back in a year and talk more about wrestling?

I'm going to need you to list more wrestling guys to me because I do like much more than I like watching wrestling. I like hearing about a type of wrestling guy. Well, I know for a fact that there is one wrestler who listens to this show regularly all the time and said, I love you on Jordan and Jesse Coe Dave is it past guest Colt

Cabana yeah it's Colt yeah of course it's Colt Cabana alright I was gonna say no it's actually Hulk Hogan brother it's the barber beefcake he loves all the casual racism on the show oh yeah I love hearing about

cum words, brother. I love the same five stories over and over again. Oh, yeah. Where did Jesse grow up, man, brother? San Francisco. Al Pacino had an ice cream truck. Did you hear about this?

That blows my mind, dude. Say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and go to Al Pacino had an ice cream truck. Did you hear about this? That blows my mind, dude. Say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and go to Al Pacino's Egyptian Pizza. I'd love to get some of that pizza. Our producer on the program is Matt Lee, but theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com,

chat about this week's episode. Tell us what these, what are the pizza Pacino? Uh, yeah. What do we miss? What are we missing here? Cause it's gotta be something right.

And, um, we'll bring it back on a, on a future episode of the program. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan, David Morris. Cheesy, cheesy given Sunday,

cheesy given Sunday. No, no, no no no no no listen there's no bad ideas in brainstorming this is you guys aren't creating a safe space for creativity sir pepperonico sir pepperonico that's the one that's it right let's go to lunch we got it okay we'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go I'll hug you and kiss you and love you love you love you

love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you.