Jordan, Jesse, GO! - They Call Me Book Girl, with Amy Silverberg

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

This week we are joined by comedian, soon-to-be published author, and USC Professor Amy Silverberg who discusses her love of gambling, chow mein, and plays some fun games we found on Reddit. Try Stitch Fix today at StitchFix.com/JJGO and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.Pre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21! Get your signed copy at Golden Apple Comics.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We have a new sponsor. We don't usually do sponsorship announcements up top, but I wanted to read this quick sponsor, if you don't mind. But I wanted to read this quick sponsor, if you don't mind. No, no, no, please. I mean, sponsors, I mean, you know, the Maximum Fund members keep this going, but we also, you know, love to thank our sponsors.

I just, I got this earlier today, so I just wanted to fit it in. Yeah, no, sure. Yeah, I haven't seen the copy, but you can just go ahead and read it. You're good at cold reads. Do you mind if I read it? Yeah, please. Okay. Times are tight and we're all looking to stretch our dinner dollar. Luckily, there's one choice that's affordable, tastes great, and provides the protein and amino acids your body needs. What is it? Beans. From classic kidneys to luscious limas, piquant pintos to mouth-watering mungs, legumes are lovely. Fresh, dry, or canned, they're a perfect side and just as great in the middle of the plate. Fresh, dry, or canned, they're a perfect side and just as great in the middle of the plate.

Have beans with every meal. Turn a three-bean salad up to five, and don't forget stews and soups. Heap refrieds on your garbanzos and top with black bean salsa. You won't need other foods if you've got these bouncing baby boys. Beans all night, all day, every way. Beans. I'm Jesse Thorne for the American Toot Council. So, are we...

What are we selling here? Well, this is just on... I'm working on behalf of the American Toot Council, which is an industry group that works on behalf of Flagellant. So, is it going to be... I mean, hopefully this is an ongoing thing.

We thank the American Toot Council for their support. So this week, obviously, was a bean-based ad read. Right. So next week, is it going to be like broccoli with black coffee? I don't know. Look, I'm not on the council, Jordan. They send me the copy. I read the copy.

Yeah. I cash the checks. I read the copy. Yeah. I cash the checks. I read the copy. That's how I do this, baby. There's a lot of ways to toot. Okay. There's a lot of ways to make a toot. Sure.

And again, neither of us are on the council. But none better than the musical fruit. Sure. But I think we want to like, you know, we don't want to pigeonhole them. No. Yeah. Cornhole them. We want to cornhole.

Yes. We don't want to stick them up a tight little pigeonhole. A tight puckered pigeonhole. I don't know. These are from the American Toot Council, I guess. Could also have been the American First Draft Jokes Council. Also could have. They've been sponsoring the show for 15 years.

We thank them for their consistent support. Sick of trying again? Why not let it lie? The American First Draft Joke Council. It's good enough. You're busy. You have another podcast to do. See you later.

How are you doing, buddy? I'm doing good. I am tomorrow early in the a.m. I'm off to Las Vegas. Las Vegas, Nevada. Las Vegas, Nevada for a couple of days. And I am going to try, try

to achieve my summer boy goal. Which is going to a pool-based party function in a Speedo. Wow. Yeah. This is incredible. Like a public, non-exercise context, a fun context in a Speedo. And you have a bangin' beach bod.

I mean, that's something that- Well, I wouldn't call it banging. I don't—well. I think it's fair to say that the body is banging. Yeah. Some have said it. Some people say that the body is banging. Sure.

On Zaddy Jordan. Mm-hmm. But I wonder—so this is a goal that you've mentioned on the program. Yes. Failed many times. Yeah. And you own Espito because of your work, of course, over there at the Verdugo Aquatic Center. Yes, thank you for mentioning it.

And I wonder, Jordan, if you have an occasion, a specific event in mind, or you plan to travel the streets of Las Vegas ready for anything, so to speak? Well, I'll have a top hat out so people can tip me how I plan on making my money back after I lose it at Lady Roulette. You hear the ching of a handful of change and they just say, body banging, sir. Sure. So do you have a specific?

I do. So I am going to, I don't go every year, but I've been many years. It is a kind of a long weekend. Fantasy football draft. It's a fantasy football draft with my boys. Yeah. Cooter. Grog dog.

Pygmy. Pygmy, of course. Yes. Juju fruit. Booty Bob. Booty Bob. grog dog pygmy pygmy of course yes juju fruit booty bob booty bob and the slammer

yeah and the slammer he got that name because he has the best pogs god he has great pogs still still in 2023 the guy's got great pogs

you had any idea how metallic this guy's slammers are body glove slammer this guy's got this guy's got eight alfs. Yeah.

Metallic alfs. No, not a fantasy football draft. There is a kind of a long weekend music festival called Punk Rock Bowling. The bowling thing is a little confusing. There's a bowling tournament. It's not necessarily part of the music festival. But, you know, so they have like a parking lot where bands play. But there are also pool party events.

And then a nightclub where the bowling happens. Yes, exactly. Get coked up, put on your shiny shirt. What are we talking? Are we talking about, is F'd Up going to be performing at the festival? I don't know that F'd Up, this is more like, this is a very specific little pocket. It's like late 80s, early 90s. So like Fishbone, for instance.

People are very excited about Fishbone. What, you got a Rancid's playing there? Rancid is playing there, yes. Okay, there you go. You've come to the end of my Operation Ivy. Oh, no, no, no. Operation Ivy, that would be a huge deal. I really, Jordan, can only list patches I remember on punk rock friends in high school.

Right. Can I give you three more guesses? And I bet you can guess at least one more band that's going to be there. Really? Because I may truly have run out of punk rock bands. Do we want to introduce our guest and maybe she can guess too? Find out how punk rock she is? She's pretty punk rock.

I mean, she's been published in the Paris Review. Hell yeah. She's a stand-up comic. Just like the Bad Brains. And a fiction writer. She has a novel scheduled for 2024. And she really has been published in the Paris Review. Hi, Amy Silverberg.

How are you? Thank you for having me. I'm good. How punk rock are you, Amy? I've heard of Rancid. I haven't heard of Fishbone. Okay. I'm like the How punk rock are you, Amy? I've heard of Rancid. There you go. I haven't heard of Fishbone. Okay. I'm like the Sex Pistols.

Yeah, that is a punk band. It's okay. They would not be. No, that's perfect. Iggy and the Stooges. Sure. Well, I'd say that's proto-punk. I don't know.

I might. No. Yeah, that's right. That's correct. But I'm obsessed with gambling, so I love Vegas. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah. Give me some Vegas tips.

Well, I mean, I go play poker at the casinos in L.A. Okay, hold on. Poker at casino. I'm just in my notes app here. Okay. And I'm not. If I say that to someone, they'll know what I'm talking about. So at like the bicycle in Belmont and the Hollywood Park Casino.

And I'm not great at poker, but I love gambling. Really? Love it. Do you love? Now, here's what I'm imagining, Amy. I can picture if we're talking about Monaco, if we're talking about the grand casinos of Atlantic City. the grand casinos of Atlantic City. Okay, if we're talking about, where's another place?

Shanghai? That's not where it is. What's the one in Asia that's the Monaco? Yeah, there you go. Macau? Ian Macau. How do you say it? Ian Macau. Macau? Macau? Different game, different game.

So I can imagine the glamour associated with being dealt a hand of cards in those venues if i think about a poker casino on the outskirts of los angeles it seems less glam you're not going for the glamour you know you're going for the action men are screaming at me in russian I have no idea what they're saying. They're yelling. They're going, the last time there was a demented guy, and he would scream about his hand. He'd be like, three of a kind, three of a kind. And then he would lay down the cards, and there would be nothing there.

And everyone would be like, you lost. And he'd be like, three of a kind, fuck you. And everyone was like, what is going on? Insane people. I want three of a kind. Fuck you. And everyone was like, what is going on? Insane people. I want three of a kind. I want it. I want to win. Amy, it's called bluffing.

You have a lot to learn about poker. But in Vegas, I love like craps and blackjack. Just scream, nine queens. Nine queens. It was crazy. It was crazy. And then if you won, he would scream at you. So these, the like California casinos, maybe a little less posh than the Vegas, although there's some not posh ones in Vegas.

In California, the rule is that if it's not on Indian land or and it's in California, it has to be the house doesn't take a cut or something like that. Correct. So the bicycle, you can play regular blackjack. They have some company there that, I don't know. Right, they hire dealers that are like cater waiters. But then at other casinos in LA they have

craps but you play with cards. It's very weird. Can I ask about food and drink? Great food. They'll bring you chow mein right to the table. Wow. So good. Great martinis. A bunch of greasy noodles. I go there for the chow mein. I'm like, more pot stickers.

Turkey wings. They got those big turkey wings. Wow, that's good. The food's good. You know. Pickle in a little plastic bag. I'll be like, I lost $100, but I had great chow mein. You have chow mein in a martini.

That classic combo. I have chow mein in a martini. Yeah, or some pot stickers. Yeah. Maybe some pickled beets. Sure. Sounds beautiful. Pickled beets. Sure. Sounds beautiful. Pickled beets.

Let's move on, but I want to see if you guys, between you two. Okay. You have four guesses. You each have two. Can you guess another band that's going to be at this thing? Minor Threat. No. That would be huge.

Well, you already said Fishbone, Jordan. Yeah. Amy, any thoughts? I mean, I'm trying to think of a single punk band. Yeah, you already? Green Day, but they're too famous, right? No, yeah. Does that count as punk, Green Day?

You know, depending on who you ask, I would say. It's a wide tent. Smashing Pumpkins? No, now we're really rap and forte. Yes! Weirdly. I want to give my guess to

Jesse. To anyone. Matt Lieb is going to have to answer this. Matt Lieb, do you think you can do one? Agent Orange? No, that's a great guess. Circle Jerks.

Circle Jerks. Circle Jerks. Another good guess. These are bands who have played in the past. Circle Jerks are real band names. Did I already say NoFX? No, they're on there. Coheed and Cambria? Is that a good guess?

Come on. Is that too famous? Screamo. These are great guesses, Matt. These are all. Is X going to be there? They're not. I saw X recently, though.

Still got it. Rage Against? Belle and Sebastian. Yes. Finally, one I've heard of. Playing only their old hardcore albums. A lot of people don't know. Air! Air! Air!

You're all right. Everybody's right. Audience, who do you think played at this festival that happened four weeks ago when this airs? Why not Google it? No Googling audience. I wanted to ask Amy about a – I guess I should say Amy did a great job opening for us and then later joining us on stage at one of our live goof arounds here in LA. It was my pleasure. It was lovely. A joy to have you.

But you did stand up. You goofed around with us. But you did stand up. You goofed around with us. In your stand up, you mentioned that one of your jobs, one of your many hustles is organizing book clubs. Yeah, I moderate. I facilitate book clubs for women in L.A. And Amy is a professor at a, or a lecturer at an adjunct professor. Yeah, adjunct. Yeah Is that the word? Yeah, an adjunct, yeah. I have a PhD. Yeah, she's an adjunct professor at a highly prestigious Southern California

university. Rhymes with University of Smothern, California. Let's just say she teaches a few spoiled children. And that her condom brand of choice is not the Durax. Let's just say she plays Trojan football.

Let's just say she teaches at USC. So Amy has a very prestigious academic career. In addition to her prestigious literary career and her top-tier stand-up comedy career, but you also have a career leading book clubs for old ladies. Yeah, but some are young. I mean, some are like the hottest moms you've ever seen. Well, have you met my wife, Teresa?

Well, no, and I'm sure she's – but, you know, these gorgeous – some are really mean. You know, some of the richest ones are mean. They call me book girl. They don't know my name. Oh, boy. They'll be like, book girl's here. I would love, I would pay so much money to have a beautiful rich woman call me book girl. Yeah. They seem to hate books. They hate each other. They're like talking over each other the entire time. You're just sort of trying to keep them happy. I have a similar question about this that I do about the casino. Let's hear about the food and drink. Okay. Well that one, the really, the casino. Let's hear about the food and drink. Okay, well, that one,

the really, the one in Bel Air where all the women are really wealthy, they're all dressed in the nines. It's like the craziest book club you've ever seen. It's like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I wait for them in the kitchen while they're having their dinner party. And you don't? No, they don't. You're not invited to eat? They don't offer me any food.

So you just stand in the kitchen? I'm like with a woman in a uniform serving drinks, and I try to joke around with her, and she's like, you know, you shouldn't talk. I'm like with a woman in a uniform serving drinks, and I like try to joke around with her. And she's like, you know, we shouldn't talk. I'm busy. I'm trying to. Yeah, or I think she doesn't want to be near me. I have a job, book girl. Yeah, literally. She's like, I'm here. You're here.

And then I have a group of old women who are the cutest, sweetest grandmas, came to watch me do stand-up, brought their knitting. Oh. They told me they hadn't seen stand-up in 30 years. I was like, Lenny Bruce? Who was the last person you saw? And then I have some young moms. The Dice Man. You're almost as good as the Dice Man.

And then they all smoke a cigarette by putting their arm over their head and into the mouth. I want to be like them when I'm old. They have great politics. All they do is sit around reading books. I thought they're like, I want to be like them when I'm old. You know, they have great politics. All they do is sit around reading books. I thought you were saying that you want to be like the Dice Man

when you're old. No, I want to be like the Dice Man. Great politics. No, I walk in to see these women and I'm like, hey, show me your tits. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I'm like, I'm the Dice Man, Grandma.

It's me. Amy Silverberg. How wet is your pussy, Grandma? Is this a character? Probably not. I'm probably just an asshole. Is he alive or is he? He's alive.

I think he's alive. Yeah. He had a comeback a few years ago, a Pauly Shore style comeback. Yeah. I think there was a, yeah, they try and put him into some prestige-y movies as like the salty dad or something. I think I confuse him with Sam Kinison. Yeah, Sam Kinison is similarly exhausting but more talented. Yeah, yeah, okay, all right.

Unless Andrew Dice Clay is listening to this, in which case, happy to open for you. Do you need a feature on the road, Hojer? Exactly, I'm happy to go to Reno or Vegas with you. I'll smoke cigarettes in whatever style you prefer. I did five days in Reno, and I was telling everyone in L.A. that I was never coming back. I was like, this is the place for me. You loved Reno.

I loved it. I was working from the sports book. And at the end of the day, I couldn't open my eyes because it was so smoky. Oh, my God. So there was people there just like watching horse racing on a TV, and you were— And I had my computer. I looked like 10 years old. People kept thinking I was doing homework. But I was also gambling.

So I was like watching the games. Oh, okay. You weren't doing stand-up comedy. No, I was like doing stand-up at night. So during the day, I had nothing to do but like gamble and work. So I would work on my novel in the sports book. And people would be like, hello, little girl. What homework are you doing?

How was the chow mein? You know, they have great food in Reno. I love Reno. I cannot talk Reno up enough. The Peppermill Casino is where I stayed. Dang, maybe I'll do a little detour Reno after the weekend. I'm begging you. You can go up to Tahoe, very close. I did stand up in Tahoe.

I'm trying to get a sponsor from Reno. Oh, from the tourism board of Reno. Yeah, I just want all of a sponsor from Reno. You know, oh, from the Tourism Board of Reno. Yeah, I just want all of Reno to sponsor me. This podcast brought to you by the Tourism Board of Reno. You can go right up to Tahoe. Reno, a beautiful city to toot in.

So do you do all gambles? Any gamble you can get? I like sports. When I was in Reno, they were showing a dog obstacle course, and you could bet on a dog. Whoa. It was crazy. Wow, like steeplechase for dogs? I mean, the dogs, yeah, agility.

They just seemed to be goofing off. I was like, oh, I should bet for the one with the guy with the longest legs, I was thinking. Yeah, that's smart, actually. I literally had to take out a second mortgage on my house because I lost so much money betting on the puppy bowl. Those things are rigged. I bet on touchdowns to happen. And I was complaining that the puppies were not cute this year. Oh, yeah.

You didn't think they were cute? What was your problem with the puppies? I didn't see it, I should say. I'm sorry. This is going to be politically incorrect, what I'm about to say. It's okay. Jordan's Bill Maher politically incorrect, what I'm about to say. It's okay. This is Jordan's Bill Maher. Yeah, this is a free speech podcast.

You know, they were shelter puppies, which I appreciate. Sure. But they weren't cute. You know, I wanted a few pure breeds in there. A golden, a yellow lab. No, you don't need any pure breeds. I meant to leave the show. Save us all some.

Save all of our menchies. All our menchies. All our menchies. I'm going to get canceled. I have to say that the time that I saw a dog act, I'm sure I've mentioned here on this show. You saw a dog act? Yeah, performance. A dog show. A performance show.

Not like a best dog show. Okay, got it. Our friend Al Madrigal was booked to this stand-up show with lots of – Maria Bamford was on it and Bill Burr and Al was on it. And right in the middle there was a dog act and it was a father-daughter duo. Father-dog, daughter-dog. Yeah, exactly. It was a golden and she was a golden doodle. So I'm not going to do any speculating here.

Yeah, mommy was a doodle. That's one of my favorite country songs from the 70s. I was going to say, yeah, great Tammy Wynette song. So it was, this performance was the father-daughter. Daughter, I was uncomfortable with how attractive she was. She was a really beautiful lady. She wasn't like a child. When I say daughter, i was uncomfortable with how attractive she was she was a really beautiful lady she wasn't like a child when i say daughter she was allowed to look at beautiful what your wife doesn't let you look at no i know it's not that i'm uncomfortable think it was just

weird to be watching a dog act and thinking about how hot the dog trainer's daughter was it was weird okay it was a weird feeling but the point is that you got a lot of hang-ups jesse the dad i thought you're gonna savor how attracted they seem to each other the father and the daughter and i was like well yeah that's weird or the daughter and the dogs the father had trained eddie from fraser oh huge he's one of our best. Our, the dog, you know. Surely one of our best. The dog community, yeah. And all the dogs were rescue dogs. They were all mixed breed dogs. Okay.

These dogs could do shit that no golden doodle could ever touch. Okay. You're saying because they started at the bottom and now they're up at the top. Like they're working hard to. Yeah, they know what it is to work like Drake. It's a beautiful story. They had to be on Degrassi first. Right, yeah. Right, they weren't born with a silver platter like so many golden.

No, they were born beautiful and talented and in a fake wheelchair just like Drake. I met a weird man at a wedding. Oh, really? He's like sitting at my table. Wedding is a great place to meet a weird man. He's like sitting at my table. Wedding is a great place to meet a weird man. You know, someone asked him what he did for a living.

And he used to train the animals at Universal Studios. Oh, okay. And then. I bet that's a weird man. Okay, well, it gets weirder. Okay. And then after that, or before that, after that, he trained the whales and dolphins at SeaWorld. Okay. Wait, so he switched from land mammals to sea mammals?

He just loved training animals, I guess, and he went from one to the other. But he was talking about somebody— That feels like a betrayal to me, but continue. Well, somebody mentioned blackfish, and he was so upset. And he was like, blackfish ruined my life. It ruined SeaWorld. That was bullshit. These aren't—we're not stealing these whales from the sea. Blackfish ruined my life. It ruined SeaWorld. That was bullshit.

These aren't, we're not stealing these whales from the sea. These are like special needs whales. These whales come to us wanting to join show business. He was like, they have fun. They bring us resumes. He didn't say they come, but he was like, they have fun. Like, they're enjoying it. Like, one whale kind of went off the rails. But like the rest of, and Blackfish, I lost my job,

like the SeaWorld camp, whatever. And then someone was like, well, what do you do now? And he goes, I'm a cop. Oh, boy. And I was like, what a transition from Universal Studios trainer to SeaWorld to cop. I can see the kind of person who could make the switch from land to sea. How about to police? Making the switch from sea to COP. Don about to police? Making the switch from sea to COP.

Don't you think? It was so crazy. And then he was like, what do you do? And I was like, never mind. Like, forget it. You're like, for once, my resume is less interesting. I was like, you know. Yeah, I guess when you are,

when you, Amy, are somewhere making chit chat with like a table you've been stuck at randomly, like professor, prose writer, stand-up comic, tough to beat. Tough to beat as far as chit-chatting with a stranger. Well, thank you, but you hear animal trainer of several different kinds of animals, and then cop, and you're like... Yeah, it makes you feel like a real asshole. That guy's probably met dinosaurs.

Yeah. And then he'd also trained dolphins for the military. Okay. This is not, I don't want to talk about this guy. I don't even remember his name, but he's out there. Yeah.

He's probably got a fourth job. I was like, are there any animals you haven't trained? I don't remember what his name is. It was Stormin Norman. Hey, we mentioned Amy's job as a professor. Yeah. That's

school. Sure. And a school is a place you might, I don't know, take a quiz. Great news, guys. What? We have a quiz today. Our producer Matt Lieb is going to be keeping score because I forgot to bring a pen into here.

But a Redditor on the Maximum Fun Reddit. Oh, I love Reddit. I'm going to go comment. Truly the best. Please do. Please say complimentary things. Someone named at Amy Silverberg 69 420 said this show sucks. Actually, my handle is Seadoo69.

I made it sort of as a joke by my mom. That's really rock solid. Have you been on a sea do? I love a jet ski. Really? I don't know yet. I've never been on a jet ski and you would think that I would poo-poo jet ski just because of my public persona. I would love to go on a jet ski. When I see someone on a jet ski, I think

It's so fun. You can't not smile. It's also something that we can definitely make happen for you. Really? Yeah. Would you do that for me? I can take you to Marina Del Rey. I'll rent you a jet ski.

I can definitely make that happen. Now that I found out, I have to go to Marina Del Rey. Can I do it in Echo Park or Silver Lake or something? Or Alhambra. I'll go either direction from my house in Lincoln Heights. Okay, okay, okay. A Redditor named, on the MaxFun Reddit, named Cheeto Bandito. See, it's fun because it was the Frito Bandito.

This is a different snack chip. Was the racist mascot for Fritos. Chester Cheeto was probably problematic in some way, too. Yeah, I mean, he's coded enough to be racist, yes. All mascots. I don't know. What race would you say MC Scat Cat is? Redditor Cheeto Bandito was nice enough to link to a viral tweet from a history researcher, historian named Isabella Rosner. Now, this tweet,

I'm really grateful that she was doing the important work. She was working on early America and specifically Quakers in early America. And she was nice enough to, while she was doing years and years and years of research into primary sources about Quakers in the 17th and 18th centuries on the East Coast. She was nice enough to keep a list of the funniest names she read. So this is a quiz where I will give you one real Quaker name from the 17th and 18th centuries. And four that I have just made up. It's called Quaker or Faker. It rhymes.

I saw this tweet, but I didn't look at the names. Great. Great news, Amy. Because you're going first. Here are your four choices. Mary Potts, Majesty Christlove, Charity Korn, or Plunk Tenderman. That's Mary Potts, Majesty Christ Love, Charity Corn, or Plunk Tenderman. This is which is the fake name?

Which one of these is real? One of these is real. Potts. Oh, I'm supposed to talk it out? Yeah, do whatever. I mean, it doesn't matter. This isn't a show. I feel like I'm on Millionaire

where they're like, well... Okay, you can phone a Matt. You can phone a Matt and we each have one lifeline. We can phone Matt Lieb. You know, Mary Potts, that was one of the names. It stood out to me, although is that too easy? You know, is he trying to fool me with an easy

name? Sure, maybe I am. Hard to say. What do I get if I win? That's a great question. Probably some of the leftover summer boy beach balls that we have on top of the studio right now. I'm going to stick with my first instinct. I'm going to go pots. That's incorrect.

The correct answer is Charity Corn. Wow. Charity Corn is a real name. Okay. It's over to you, Jordan. Yes. Here's yourorn. Wow. Charity Korn is a real name. Okay, it's over to you, Jordan. Yes. Here's your choices. Hallelujah Harvest, Marvelous Doily, Thankful Tune, or Starbucks Bathroom.

Boy. Okay, Starbucks Bathroom. Can I get the code? Yeah. You don't need a code. You don't need a code. That's what's so great about the Starbucks Bathroom. Oh, yeah.

And it's always unisex, too. Yeah. There's some Starbucks bathrooms where you need a code, right don't need a code. That's what's so great about the Starbucks bathroom. Oh, yeah. And it's always unisex, too. Yeah. There's some Starbucks bathrooms where you need a code, right? Yeah, have they taken that away? Do you need a code for the Starbucks bathroom? It varies Starbucks to Starbucks. Studio City, they used to require a code. No offense to Studio City.

That's because you were conspicuously holding heroin. Fair enough. Can I have them again? Yeah. Hallelujah Harvest, Marvelous Doily, Thankful Tune, or Starbucks Bathroom. Boy, Thankful Tune, I don't know, stuck in my brain. Yeah, it seems like it's one of those things. It's like in the olden times

your name was your job, so maybe they came from a family of singers. Thankful tune. For your family gives you a name that they hope you are. Oh, sure. Like, oh, she's thankful. She's a tune. That's absolutely correct, Jordan. Wow! Tune is spelled T-O-O-N-E. Okay. Matt, that's a point for

Jordan. Can you let us know what the score is so far? Goddamn, I think we know the score. Right now, it is zero. Amy, Matt's trying to read the score. The score so far, zero to one. Zero to one with Jordan at the advantage. God damn it. What if you guys didn't know about me that I go crazy if I lose?

I start throwing things in the, thank God these walls are padded. Three of a kind. Three of a kind. Fuck you. Where's my chow mein? I'm banging my head against the foam. Get her her chow mein. Yeah.

Okay, back to you, Amy Silverberg. Here are your choices. Nell Fell, Sally O'Malley, Hester Chester, or Stinkin' Thinkin'? Can you read the first two again? Nell Fell. Nell Fell. Nell Fell. Sally O'Malley. Sally O'Malley.

Hester Chester. Hester Chester. Or stinking thinking? I used to have this terrible therapist. She was from the UK and she was always like, you have stinking thinking. And she gave me a- Wait, did your therapist told you?

Are you not thinking of your middle school English teacher? No, she was a terrible therapist. She gave me a- Now I have a great therapist, Dr. Barbara. Shout out to Dr. Barbara. But she gave me a- Love her. We have no choice but to stand.

She gave me a stop sign from a train to stop negative thinking. And then the next- She was also quite old. And then the next week she gave me the same stop sign to stop negative, okay, anyway. That was her one. She did not have a lot of tricks. I was like, you already told me this, you know, and she was like, stop negative thinking.

But to be fair, since going to see her, have you been hit by any trends? I don't know. So I don't think it's stinking thinking. Nell Fell, Sally O'Malley, Hester Chester, stinking thinking. I think it's Stinkin' Thinkin'. Nell Fell, Sally O'Malley, Hester Chester, Stinkin' Thinkin'. I think it's Nell Fell. I feel like the name Nell is something that's fallen out of fashion, but why?

Great question. Especially with that wonderful film and its titular character. What film? Nell. Oh. I'm going to go Nell Fell. That's wrong. It's Hester Chester. It's Hester Chester.

Wow. Hester Chester. Would you have gotten that? The what? Would you have gotten that right? No, I would have guessed. I think I would have guessed right. Because I'm worried that I'm not in his head and that you are.

No, I think what I would have. That you guys have a connection that I can't begin to breach. I just gave him the answers ahead of time. Listen, there's a special connection between a man and his former college RA. Well, before this, I asked them if they ever fought, and they said no. Just telling the audience. No, I mean, we don't. We just resent.

Do you kiss? We resented kiss. We kiss with resentment. Okay, Jordan. It's back to you. Right now, you're leading 0-1 with the advantage advantage as Matt so perplexingly gave the score. Okay. Here are your choices.

Joseph Bazooka, Majestic Diamond, Patience Raw Bone, or Acute Bronchitis. Okay. Joseph Bazooka. I know you're a giant fan of the Bazooka Joe franchise. I love Mort mostly. I'm guessing that's just a personal. I mean, if I was going to do a Bazooka Joe thing, I'd probably do something about Mort. Okay.

Bye. Okay. You're trying to get me off your scent here, Senty. He's hard to hear because his turtleneck goes right over his goddamn face, Amy. Give me the middle two. The middle two are Majestic Diamond and Patience Rawbone. Patience Rawbone

sounds very Quaker-y to me. Let's go Patience Rawbone. That's absolutely correct. Wow! And I'm telling you, I was gonna guess that. Rawbone sounds like the name of frat guy who gets himself. I don't wanna Listen, I don't wanna blow up. Patience Rawbone for Trilby the Kegasoon. Listen, I don't want to blow up Patience, Robbo For it will be the kegger soon I don't want to

You know, blow up my own spot But can you guess what kind of oats I had this morning? I'm sorry I've been to a Quaker Meeting Was it nice? Yeah, everybody just sat silently and then occasionally occasionally someone would, like, stand up and say a thought.

You wait until you're moved to speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What sorts of thoughts? Like, somebody just stands up and goes, fuck this. You know, the person I went with, I went with his family, and I was about to break up with him, so I was really distracted. But I remember just thinking be cool be cool there's just quiet for a long time and then you say I have something I'd like to share

no I know I should have done it this isn't working I think we both know it yeah no I wish I I think people are saying stuff they were grateful for but then one guy wouldn't stop talking and you could tell that he hadn't talked to anyone for a long time he was like on and on and on yeah that was probably my high school U.S. history teacher, Miss Letterer, who was always talking about her Quaker meetings.

Full of jibber jabber. I get a lot of Quaker family on my father's side. Really? Big, wide swath. Have you been to many Quaker meetings? I have never been to a Quaker meeting, but they really sound like a beautiful thing. Yeah, it felt like meditative, you know. Nice. How was the food? Wait, I didn't eat anything. Wow. never been to a Quaker meeting, but they really sound like a beautiful thing. Yeah, it felt like meditative, you know.

Nice. How was the food? I didn't eat anything. Wow. So no casino. Quaker meeting, casino. So it is worse than a casino. Oddly, they serve barley. Really?

Last thing you'd expect. Like, oh, that's a stereotype. If I leave a place and I didn't have the opportunity to win money, I'm upset. Yeah. Okay. Are you ready for this, Amy? Okay. Here are your choices.

Herodotus Lay, Lilac Delight, Plant Fry, or Percival Carrot. Herodotus Lay, Lilac Delight, Plant Fry, or Percival Carrot. I feel like I get the hard ones. Wow. Well, I mean, I didn like I get the hard ones. Wow. Well, I mean, I didn't give you the answers, so in that sense, yeah. I'm leaning towards Percival fry, lilac. What was the first one? Percival carrot is maybe what you're talking about.

Lilac delight. Herodotus lay. Where did I come up with fry? Plant fry is one of them Plant seems like an odd first name It does I've never seen that before but it doesn't mean it couldn't have been

I mean it's no thankful when it comes to normal names Right God When I was in first grade we had four thankfuls in our class. Thankful L Thankful N, thankful N. That one year. I know a guy named Percival.

Oh, really? Great writer. Percival Everett. Wonderful night. Say the first one again. Herodotus Lay. Herodotus Lay rolls off the tongue. Sure.

It's rolling off my tongue right now. I'm going to go Percival. It rolled off my tongue and underneath the cabinet. Now I can't find it. Okay. Herodotus Lay. What? I can't even say it.

I lost it. It rolled off my tongue. Just having fun here, Amy. What's your choice? Percival. Percival Carrot? Yeah. It having fun here, Amy. What's your choice? Percival. Percival carrot? Yeah. It's plant fry, Amy. God damn it. Plant fry is a real name.

You were doing the roll-off. I was like, is he trying to give me a signal? He wants me to guess? No. If I was going to give you a signal, I'd have just given you the answers beforehand like I did with Jordan. Plant. Okay. Are you ready, Jordan? Yes. Ebenezer Throckmorton. Okay.

Experience cuppage. Grope gentleman or bountiful chunt. Oh, these are some good ones. Okay. Let me ask you this. I'm strategizing here. How many questions we got in this? I don't know.

However many we did, plus four. Okay. I think. Too many is the answer. I want... As always. Okay. I want to preserve this lead. If only there was a woman with a

PhD who teaches at USC that you could hire to freelance edit your manuscripts. I think I want to maintain this lead, so I'm going to use my phone to Matt. That's where we're going to talk to Matt Lee, our producer on the program. Yeah, what were the- Say them all again. Help me out here, Matt.

Say them all again. He's like- You can just check your live transcription that you're making, Matt. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Check your notes. Ebenezer Throckmorton, experience cuppage, grope gentleman, or bountiful chunt? Experience cuppage all of junior high. Not until college for me.

I did with my grandma. Oh, my God. What? I want to hear more about that. We had some weird breakthrough here. After a while, we didn't go see her anymore. Sure. I like Chunt.

Chunt seems real. Chunt seems real. Bountiful seems less real, but compared to all the other names. Chunt seems real, says Matt. This phone of Matt thing is terrible. Yeah, okay. What an awful service he provides. I'm going to go against Matt.

Bad idea. No, thank you, Matt, for your help. Bountiful Chunt. I think you're wrong. Give me the middle two. Experience Cuppage and Grope Gentleman. I think Experience Cuppage. You're absolutely correct.

What? Oh, my God. It's Experience Cuppage. Okay, it's back to you now, Amy. Do you guys want the scores? Yeah, fine. Let's hear them. Let's hear them.

I forgot what they were. Let me add them up. I haven't lost this badly. Add them up as you Yeah, let's hear them. I forgot what they were. Let me add them up. I haven't lost this badly. Add them up as you go, man. Jesus Christ. I'm adding them up. Okay, we are so far at Amy with zero. If people are imagining a human man, they're wrong.

Matt is a wall of different colored lights. I am the Matrix. And I can do math. Hold on, let me do that math again. As the Matrix so famously says. I am the Matrix and I can do math. Whoa, I can do math. We have Amy with zero

and Jordan with three. Giving him the advantage. Thank you, Matrix. It's back to you, Amy, and this one's worth three points. Wolf Lust, Rich Whale, Uriah Dog Taint, or Chester Cheetah? That's Wolf Lust, Rich Whale, Uriah Dog Taint, or Chester Cheetah? I'm going to go with the first one. Incorrect. It's rich whale.

Amy, is this more fun for you if we put a little money on it or if we have something else? Not at this rate. Let's bump up the juice a little. What do you give it? Do you give it a four to one? Let's say. Double or nothing? Let's say plate of chow mein.

Damn. Chinese restaurant of your choice. Let's say Double or nothing Let's say Plate of chow mein Damn I knew My wolf was too obvious Chinese restaurant of your choice Okay here we go Jordan It's back to you Dutiful cockery Furly loosevelt Soup rootman

Or slim good body Okay so Amy What I'm doing here is I'm trying to imagine the real one that Jesse saw that he thought was funny and then kind of like did versions of. Okay. You're not just thinking about

public television educational performer from the 1980s that I every so often have to Google to make sure it was real and not just something I imagined. It really was a guy with a big head of curly hair wearing a stretchy suit with the insides of his body printed

on it. Give me the first two. Okay. Dutiful Cockery or Furly Loosevelt. I'm going to say Dutiful Cockery. Incorrect. It's Furly Loosevelt. I would have said Dutiful Cockery.

Would you? Yeah. Okay. This next one is also for you, Jordan. What? Yeah. Wow. That's how it works.

Cool. Here's your choices. Ebenezer Crock, Love Beer, Light Her herb, or band chunch. If it helps, remember that band chunch is Martha Stewart's pony that our friend Lisa Hanawalt is obsessed with. I knew I had heard band chunch somewhere. Yeah. So you can use your Colin Emily Heller now if you want to double check that one, but

I promise it's the case. Okay. Give me the first three. Should I just give you the name of Martha Stewart's pony again? Ban Chunch. Fun to say. Fun to say. Sometimes called Ben Chunch.

It's not clear whether it's Ben Chunch or Ban Chunch. Ebenezer Croc. Ebenezer Croc. Love Beer or Light Herb. Light Herb sounds right to me. Incorrect. It's love beer. Oh, no.

It's love beer. My streak is over. Thank God. It was hot so briefly. Matt, would you mind calculating the current score? There he goes. Different calculating noise. Mesmerizingly beautiful.

This is how he puts his baby to sleep. I just do math in front of her. Okay, so far we have Amy with zero and Jordan with three points, giving him the advantage still. Okay, our final question, and Amy, this one's worth

four points. Wow! Here are your choices. Lucretia Sturge, Constance Drybox, Charity Nut, or Cuck Townsman? That's Lucretia Sturge, Constance Drybox, Charity Nut, or Cuck Townsman? I'd love to phone my friend. Okay, let's call your friend Matt. Okay.

Say them all again. Okay. Lucretia Sturge. That's the one. Constance Drybox. I don't need to hear the rest. Charity Nut. Stop.

Or Cuck Townsman. You know what? Calculate this, you fucking wall of lights. Is he right? The first one. That's what I say. And listen to me. I can't tell you whether he's right. You gotta make a guess. Okay. He said that

with such confidence, and I've always been someone unfortunately who's probably prone to being conned by someone with a lot of confidence. Yeah. No, don't go with this. He's just a fucking computer. Don't fucking go with this one. He doesn't even know what love is.

Just listen to me. I't fucking go with this one. He doesn't even know what love is. No, he doesn't. Listen to me. I'm going to go with Matt. No, don't go with Matt. Listen to me. This is for four points. You could win this if you get this right. Can you? Jesse doesn't have your interest in mind.

Lucretia Sturge, Constance Drybox, Charity Nut, or Cuck Townsend? Okay, I'm going to go Constance Drybox. Don't go with that. Oh, my God. Those are my final answers. Go with number three. Go with number three. Okay, I want to go with number three.

You're absolutely correct for the win. Wow. Oh, no. Charity Nut. Oh, no. Okay, that was actually my first instinct, but then I thought, you know, that it's never the one I think it is. Charity Nut.

Congratulations, Amy. You won the big bet. Enjoy your chow mein. I have not. Let me do the one I think it is. Charity. Congratulations, Amy. You won the big bet. Enjoy your chow mein. Let me do the math real quick. Okay, sorry. Please do the math. Soundboard break? Well, I ran out of YouTube.

Have you had anyone on this podcast do as badly at the game as I did? Well, we do play this same game. If you would have listened to the podcast before you came on. I just want to let you know, technically, it's a tie. Oh, wow. It was a tie. Oh, my gosh.

Congratulations to both of you. Oh, I'm wrong about that. It's not a tie. I did the math wrong because I didn't have the beep boop sounds. Matt, this isn't your show. This is Jordan and Amy's show. Amy, congratulations. Thank you.

What do I win? You win the chow mein. Enjoy it in good health. It's a combination chow mein, and it's got plenty of shrimp. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love way, and you have not yet listened to Stash Rules Everything Around Me, our Burt Reynolds movie recap podcast, I just would like to invite you to go out there

and try and find another Burt Reynolds movie recap podcast that has Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert on it. Now, she did do an episode of a Tom Selleck recap podcast. That's true.

The Evening Shade cast. Throwing Shade cast? Throwing Evening Shade. Throwing Evening Shade. We can work on the name of this fake podcast later. Yeah. Right now, we're just encouraging you to listen to Stash Rules Everything Around Me. And hey, why not buy Liz's novel, City of Girls, which I loved.

I loved that book. Liz is the best. So much fun to record. Stash Rules Everything Around Me. A lot of great guests joined us for that. And new episodes coming your way later this year. So keep an eye on that Max Fun bonus feed. Speaking of that feed, Jesse,

and feed is an appropriate way to describe it because I just recorded the newest episode of Shooting the Breeze, the MaxFun member-only cheese podcast that I do with John Hodgman. So that's right around the corner, too, for Maximum Fun members. If you're not already a member, you can join at MaximumFun.org slash join. We're also supported this week by the good folks over there at Stitch Fix. You know, Jordan, a lot of people out there, you listening, you might be experiencing the stress of shopping. Oh, boy. You know what?

It's a great time to say goodbye to it. Get out of here. Get out of here. Parking. Get out of here. Having to deal with sales people. Get out of here. Getting hit with handbags by little old ladies.

Sure. Get out of here. Unacceptable selections at mall food courts. Yeah. Sometimes you could go to the mall food court. There's not a hot dog on a stick or any other dang thing on a stick. But good news, Stitch Fix is here to help. Here's what you do.

You go to stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. You take a fun style quiz. You tell them what you're after. Do you need stuff for the weekend? Do you need stuff for the weekend? Do you need stuff for the office? Do you need stuff for dates? Let them know. They send you a fun box, hand-picked by a stylist.

There's over 1,000 brands and styles in a wide range of sizes available. You keep what you like. You send back what you don't in a very convenient prepaid envelope uh jesse i've often talked about the famous bird shirt that i've gotten from stitch fix this is a legendary shirt the shirts the shirt's hot every time i wear it i get a compliment where'd you get that bird shirt people ask i tell them stitch fix.com slash JJ Go. Guess what I got in my latest box? What's that, Jordan? A flying fish shirt. Oh my

gosh, you sound like a real summer boy. Sure, it's the perfect summer boy shirt. I told them I was looking for some short-sleeved button-ups for the hot weather, and they did not disappoint. I have all sorts of shirts with flying beings on it, thanks to Stitch Fix.

What a way to follow up the bird shirt. Try Stitch Fix today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo for 25% off today. Stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. And hey, Jordan, if you're a listener, you want to get a message onto Jordan Jesse Go, you totally can.

Very reasonably at MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Whether it's a plug for some project you're working on or just a happy birthday wish for a pal, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Jumbotron's been quiet lately. Yeah. Jesse, you mentioned plugs for projects, birthday wishes for friends, threats to your enemies.

We'll threaten your enemy as long as it's not legally actionable. Yeah. It could just be a general threat. Yeah. Like, hey, Frank from accounting, watch yourself. Mind your P's and Q's, Frankie. Yeah, or just like, hey, Tommy,

I hope that accounts receivable is treating you well. Don't make any mistakes. Yeah. Hey, Tilson, maybe have somebody start your car for you. Yeah, sure. Tilson. Is Tilson's name like John Tilson, but you call him Tilson? Or is his name like Tilson Duboucher or something like that?

Yeah. Yeah. Tilson had weird Quaker parents. Okay. Yeah. So MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second. The son of one who tills the soil. Got it, got it.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, If we gave you that nickname, but if you want... Little whore is what I come up with for myself? I don't know. You didn't come up with that. Gambler's Anonymous. That's what it says in your bio in grant. Yeah, right, right. In the Best American Short Stories. Also, I could call myself Little Whore and no one can...

In the About the Authors section of Best American Short Stories. Amy Silverberg is a little whore. no one can in the about the author's section of best american short stories amy silverberg is a little whore and a big writer uh a little whore with a big gift for the english language i am only five feet i want the listeners to know that she's a small woman yeah she doesn't need you to punch up her bio a huge whore she doesn't she doesn't need me to punch up her bio. A huge whore, a little one. She doesn't need me to punch up her bio. She's been published in the Paris Review. She's got George Plimpton to punch up her bio. Talk about whores.

Plimpton, love to fuck. That's why he joined all those football teams. God, he loved to fucking get pounded by football players. Big, beefy football players. Okay, anyway, what's going on? What are we doing? Taking calls, I think. Oh, sure, why not?

When something momentous happens to you, call us at 206-984-4FUN or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Here's a momentous occasion, I think, because I couldn't quite hear Matt when he was saying what calls we have this week. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guest.

I'm going to guess Maddie Myers. And if it's not, can you get her again? Love her. She's great. Always great. We should get her. Anyway, so I was hiking a few weeks back with my kids, and we came across a Pokemon card in the woods. Thought it was pretty cool.

I'd had a bunch when I was a kid. Can you pause it for a second, Matt? So I took it, put it in my wallet, and we came across a Pokemon card in the woods. I thought it was pretty cool. I'd had a bunch when I was a kid. Can you pause it for a second, Matt? So I took it, put it in my wallet, didn't think about it. Is that where kids are stashing their Pokemons these days? Right, now that you can get porn on the internet, you need something to stash in the woods for the other kids to see. Yeah. Go ahead.

Sorry, Matt. About it. Until a couple days ago, I was trying to get some drinks at a convenience store, and apparently I put this card directly behind my ID. So when my ID was sticking to, you know, the plastic covering over it and wouldn't come out,

I smoothly pulled out a far-fetched and presented it to a very confused clerk. Took me a second to realize what I'd done. I tried to take it back quickly, but they definitely saw. They definitely saw. Yeah, so I thought y'all would appreciate that. He's really coming to terms with that live on the air. Oh, God.

I appreciate all the detail he went into. Don't tell my mother. I just realized. I mean, yeah, as a writer, you know God is in the details. I thought he was going to tell us what drink he got in the name of the convenience store. Specificity is the soul of marriage. Yeah, specificity is key, yeah. It sounds, maybe it, I wonder if the cashier.

The texture of real life, as I tell my students. Exactly, thank you. Oh, beautiful. Jordan, you're a texture nut. No wonder you're so great at texture. Yes. That's why I love a blackberry. Great texture on those things.

How do you feel about the old razzle dazzle? Talking about raspberries. Oh, you're talking about raspberries? I mean, not as good as blackberries, but still a damn good texture. Even though blackberries could be a little pokey. Oh, you're talking about raspberries? I mean, not as good as blackberries, but still a damn good texture. Even though blackberries could be a little pokey. Oh, yeah. Hey, I like a little poke. Like Plimpton himself.

I'm real Plimpton when it comes to getting poked by a blackberry. Hey, you don't have to explain to me about Plimpton. I'm in television. You have an Intellivision? Can I play? Can I come over? Anyway, I was wondering if this cashier maybe thought that for a second he was trying to bribe him. Oh, yeah.

My friend Pikachu says I'm 21. Shining Charizard, maybe? That's a valuable one. Shining Charizard. Sounds pretty valuable. When did Pokemon come about? The Shining Charizard, maybe? Sure. That's a valuable one. Shining Charizard. Sounds pretty valuable. When did Pokemon come about? That's a great question.

Beautiful question. It was the Dark Ages, I believe. Thinking of the bubonic plague. I'm just trying to think of how long it's been. One of the more evil popes came up with Pokemon. Yeah, it is. When I hear about Jesse's kids being nuts for Pokemon, it is like totally amazing to me that it's still a thing. Yeah. I mean, it really is.

And yet Pogs went by the wayside. Yeah, right. You would think it would kind of join. Beanie Babies were when I was, you know, that was my retirement, you know. Sure. What was your prize baby? I mean, I didn't have a Princess Di, but I had a Speedy the Turtle. I had a few good ones.

I had Prince Charles. Yeah. I had the Joan Didion Memorial Bear. I wish, yeah. And yet, they're, you know, they haven't materialized. They have not. Yeah, you would think that Pokemon would be one of those, like, hey, remember this generational signifiers. Yeah, it keeps going.

Pokemon would be one of those like, hey, remember this generational signifiers. Yeah, it keeps going. I had a coworker who had like young kids and he was like talking about like, oh, like we're trying to keep the kids away from Pokemon. You know, it's, you know, whatever. It's expensive. They're violent. So we're trying to. They're violent? Yeah, they like fight each other.

Okay, this guy's got it. I need to give this guy a swirly, whoever you're talking to. I'll let him know. I'll send you his address and you can pants him. Okay, thank you. But he just talked about like, you know, his kid caught a glimpse of a commercial and was immediately into it. There's just like something about their design. It's like the most brilliant design that just like a kid will just like, you know, no matter

what generation. Kids love a creature. Kids love a creature. Kids love a creature and I think some kids love lists, categorizations. Collecting is so fun. I used to bring my Garbage Pail Kids out into the living room when my mom had a guest

and make them work on the checklists with me to see which garbage bill kids I did and didn't have. And your parents never brought friends over again. That would be a great segment for the show. Bring your garbage bill kids in. Okay. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. So I guess it does have, it does like, it does have a little something for every kind of like kid, you know, if you're like a. Well, and then it got popular again when people were doing it on the phone. Yeah, right. Like catching them. Sure, sure.

Now it's video gamified. So, yeah. I think like if you compare it, say, to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sure. Speaking of – you and I are people who are three years too old to have grown up with Pokemons. to have grown up with Pokemons. But Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, important, right in the key,

key, you know, right down the pipe of our demographic. Like, I'm pretty sure, I can't speak to the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic books, but I've seen a few minutes of the cartoon show. I've seen films one and two recently. I saw some of some of the more recent films. And I can tell you, they're all very bad. Just all of them are terrible. The first

movie is more charming than most of the rest of them. But boy, is it creaky and bad. It's bad, but it has some charm. But that is just the pure strength of what a 12 out of 10 spectacularly beautiful idea Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is. Like if you take that, plus they love pizza, it is the greatest fucking thing anyone has ever thought of. has ever thought of. Whereas Pokemons, I think, like, it is, there is like a breadth and depth of great things that they thought of

with re-Pokemons. Like, Snorlax is a sleepy one. Like, think of all the different funny words they came up with. Think of all the numbers that are in books. Also, it's like collecting, but then you can play it.

It's like both a game and a collectible. Yeah, you're a compulsive gambler. You get it. Yeah, I'm like, I'm ready to take out some Pokemon cards right now. I'm like, who's got 21? Some back alley Pokemon fights. I'm a Pokemon high roller. They comp me rooms.

To go on a podcast, I watched one of the late Ninja Turtle movies from our childhood. podcast I watched one of the late Ninja Turtle movies from our childhood like one of the late 90s Turtles in Time? three or four yeah the one where they went back in time but using I remember them wearing samurai outfits

yes yeah using a magic scepter that April got at a garage sale pretty good joke and that kicks off the adventure but at that it seemed like at that point in the franchise, like, you know. I looked up April O'Neil, by the way, on IMDb to check out what her other credits were. Just going to say, not extensive.

Is she the voice of the turtle? She's the actual turtle? No, she's the lady. Their human friend. Okay, sorry. I'm not. Okay, well, now I'm embarrassed. but i'm not deep into the turtles she's sort of like if you just if you imagine a woman turtle like a woman but with turtle if you imagine a television reporter in a yellow plumber's jumpsuit who they all want

to be their mother and fuck okay that's who april O'Neil is. So at that point in the franchise, like, the Turtles started out having different characteristics and personalities, right? You know, Raphael, cool but rude. Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines. Michelangelo, party dude. Party dude, yeah. Like, you know, and Michelangelo was kind of a, you know, was kind of a zenith or kind of a genesis character for a lot of, like, the kids TV characters we grew up with. Like, right at post Michelangelo, everything had a guy talk like this. Whoa. Like, everything we watched as kids had a guy that talked like this.

What? My hat's backwards and I'm wearing knee and elbow pads because of my love of skateboarding. Exactly. backwards and I'm wearing knee and elbow pads because of my love of skateboarding. Exactly. And by the third movie, they realize that's what kids like. And there were just three guys that talk like this. They all talk like this. And this was all their personality.

They all made jokes like that. And it is so fucking insufferable. That times four for 90 minutes. Even Leonardo? Yeah, even Leonardo talked like this. They were all this. He's the calm and collected leader with whom I identify. Yeah, and like Donatello said one math thing, but then it was just like this the whole other time.

Whoa, and just like it's so fucking, it sucked so bad. That's a good impression. Yeah, I mean, I, you know, I listened to it in nine million hours of cartoons from the ages of six to 18. I just had an incredible idea. What? When I was talking about April O'Neil being the mom that they all want to fuck, what if April O'Neil was played by, and this is a callback to a conversation, granted, that Amy and I were having before we went on the air. No, use it, man. Use it.

It's all just raw material for art. Are you going to say Mary Steenburgen? What if she was played by Mary Steenburgen? Because I was going to say earlier, a mom you want to fuck, Mary Steenburgen. Yeah, or Catherine Keener. Those are my two moms that I want to fuck. Wild if Catherine Keener had to play April O'Deal. I don't know.

Isn't Seth Rogen making a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie? Oh, yeah. That seems like- He'd cast Catherine Keener had to play April O'Neil. I don't know. Isn't Seth Rogen making a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie? That seems like- He'd cast Catherine Keener. That would. That guy gets it. Sure, yeah. That guy's a bright and funny guy. Every time you think he's not going to be, he is.

And you're like, oh, right. That's how he got famous, by being so talented and, by all accounts, a decent fella. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the prestige. I mean, if someone could win an Oscar for playing the Joker, shouldn't someone be able to win an Oscar for playing April O'Neil? Yeah, and shouldn't it be Catherine

Keener? Where's Catherine Keener's Oscar? I think so. Laura Linney could get it. Yeah. And get an Oscar, if you know what I mean. Folks, I have a crush on Laura Linney. These are the hottest celebrities, Jordan. Mom, Helen Hunt.

Helen Hunt. But I like a dark-haired mom. Yeah. I mean, I like one particular blonde-haired mom. That's my beautiful wife, Teresa. Of course, Teresa. And where's her Oscar, by the way? Never met her, but she's hot.

She's a smoking babe. I mean, is she Catherine Keener? Well, she'd have to sound a little more like she was crying when she talked. But if she were to sound a little more like, okay, if you have something momentous to share with us, 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Is it Michael Chabon that likes birding? I don't know. The author? No, it's Franzen.

It's John Franzen. He was in a fight with the Audubon Society. Did Michael— And he loves birds. Wait, hold on. This sounds juicy. He said something that offended them. He's the one that hates cats, right, because they eat birds?

Franzen? Yeah, I think Fran, right? Because they eat birds. Franzen? Yeah, I think Franzen hates cats because they eat birds. This is my thinking around this, right? It was Chabon that wrote the Star Trek thing, right? Oh, I don't know. I think Chabon was in charge of Star Trek Picard for a minute. Oh, I didn't know that. I think that's true.

It might be Franzen, but I think it's Michael Chabon who's in charge of Star Trek. I don't think it was Franzen. I think he's like out in the forest. Yeah, so this is my thinking about Franzen. If Chabon can do Star Trek, Franzen, noted birder, can do Pokemons. Sure. Because what is Pokemon if not birding for children? Hey, okay. I did Crossroads for the book club, Franzen.

Franzen, 206-9844-FUN or JJGoAtMaximumFun.org. Or just stop by KZSE. They've got our number over there. Our old college radio station? Yeah, he teaches at Santa Cruz. Were you guys on the college radio station together? We were. Franzen teaches at Santa Cruz, doesn't he?

I don't know. I didn't know that. Does Franzen teach at Santa Cruz, Matt? Look it up. I didn't know that. Wake Franzen teach at Santa Cruz, Matt? Look it up. I didn't know that. Wake up. Matt is over there jerking off.

He's napping like a security guard. He's napping now because he was jerking off earlier. Like a security guard in a Norman Rockwell painting. He's got like a cap draped over his eyes. Who teaches at Santa Cruz, Matt?

Sorry, I'm tired from doing all that math. Matt, you went to Santa Cruz. I did. You went to Santa Cruz with us. You did? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that fun?

We only sort of do each other. Go banana slugs. Yeah, go banana slugs. What's the word? Type in friends in Santa Cruz and see what comes up. I'm doing it slowly. Oh, my God. Say Michael.

How do you pronounce Michael Chabon? I've always said Chabon. I was saying Chabon. I don't know. But I love his debut. We're going to find out. And I did not like his Pulitzer Prize winner. In case anyone cares about my book opinions, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh is my favorite.

Oh, really? Well, I read a recent Pulitzer Prize winner, Stay True by Hua Tzu. He's been in the New Yorker. Sorry, Amy. All right. So I looked it up. Yeah. I found an article from 2012 that says,

celebrated author Jonathan Franzen to deliver Cowell College commencement speech. Jesus Christ. When I graduated from Porter College at UC Santa Cruz, the commencement speaker was just a lady who was a professor at a different college at Santa Cruz and she just talked about George W. Bush the whole time. What did she say about him? She didn't like him.

Not crazy. What if she was like, he's great? The whole time she talked about his calves. Yeah, people are giving this guy a bad rap. He's alright. It's kind of cute how he uses the wrong word a lot. Yeah, eventually he'll paint. That'll be kind of cute.

She's like, there are weapons of mass destruction. The title of her address was, nice calves, Colin. I'd like to have a beer with him, Colin. Sure. Someday he'll paint. I'd like to have a beer with him. So what about Franzen? Does Franzen teach?

I don't think he does a lot of teaching. You know, he's a famed curmudgeon. Right. He didn't go on Oprah, right? That was the thing? No, he did not want to be in our book club. Right. Franzen didn't?

Mm-hmm. Who has refused to be in your book club? I put my stamp on people's books. Any of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Do they pick the books or do you pick the books? My job is I'm supposed to offer them three choices and then they can vote. But they're very bossy. They want to read their – we read one of their friend's books.

I'm not going to tell you the name because it's too rude. But Off Air because the name is funny. Al Roker. It's Al Roker. It was a friend who wrote a book about her. I'm going to wait. Let's get Elizabeth Gilbert to Skype in to Amy's book club.

Get Liz Skyping in. If you're Franzen or you just have a momentous occasion, 206-984-4FUN. We're going to take a break. Amy's going to tell us about this book club book, and we're going to come back and wrap it up. We'll be back in just a second La La La La La La La La

La La La La La La La La Greatest Trek is the podcast for all your modern Star Trek needs it's funny, informative and now it's also timely that's because every Friday right after the release of a new episode of Strange New Worlds, Picard Lower Decks, Discovery or Prodig, we bring you a review of that episode.

There's some great new Star Trek coming up, and we're going to cover all of it. You'll like our show because we're both former video producers, so we bring a lot of insight into the production and filmmaking aspects to these episodes. And we also have a very refined sense of humor, so we make lots of delightful fart jokes along the way. So come see why Greatest Trek is one of the most popular television recap podcasts on all of the internet. Subscribe to Greatest Trek at MaximumFun.org or in the podcast app you're using right now. Hey there, this is Drea Clark. This is Alonzo Durali. And this is Sparta. Ify.

Listen, I got 300 on the brain. We just watched the movie 300 in honor of our 300th episode of Maximum Film. That's right. And to celebrate this major milestone, we brought back original co-hosts Ricky Carmona and April Wolf. But just for this one episode, right? Oh, Ify if you know we could never replace you some of the voices have changed over the years heck the name of the show has changed too but through it all maximum film remains the movie podcast that isn't just a

bunch of straight white guys deal with it find this and all 300 episodes of maximum film anytime on maximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Amy Silverberg, normal woman. Amy Silverberg, what is the last, what is the, most of our listeners are librarians.

What short story of yours should they recommend to their visitors and read themselves? Maybe the duplex and the parish review. Okay. But if you go on my website, I have links to all my short stories, amysilverberg.com. Great. So amysilverberg.com. Great. So amysilverberg.com. So you're running like a business. Yeah.

Congratulations on that. That makes no money. I'm making a nonprofit short story website business. I feel like if there's one thing that I believe in, Jordan, it's American entrepreneurialism. I mean, it's so beautiful. And then half the time people are like, Silverman? Silverstein? And I'm like, you're just confusing it with another Jewish last name.

Just look up antisemitism.com. Amy Jew? Gee whiz. Gee whiz. I think I said Jew with a little question mark at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jew? Yeah, I prefer it with an exclamation mark at the end.

Short stories. People can read them. But also people can come see you do stand-up comedy, right? Yes, and they can watch me a little online. They can come watch me do stand-up. You're headed out on the road. We're looking. This summer we were talking about Omaha, Nebraska.

Talking about Chicago, Illinois. Talking about Des Moines, Iowa. At this point I'm just naming cities. And I'm just nodding. Yeah. But those are all real. You said all those, right? Those are real cities.

Yeah. Those are where I'll be. Haven't been to any of them except for Chicago. I think we got fans in this place. You think our fans in, I don't think our fans in Omaha are going to miss Amy Silverberg, right? Please. I need all the Omahans to come out. If they miss the show, we renounce

them as fans. I'll be in the Johnny Carson Theater, whatever that is. One of our best. Truly one of our best. You know what? At the end of the day, I don't think I'd be in show business if it weren't for the example of Mr. Johnny Carson. He just had a conversation

with them. It was just him having a conversation. He just talked. And with them. It was just him having a conversation. And to me, I haven't made it in show business until I get invited over to the couch by Mr. Johnny Carson. Someday. Or I get more than one job in film or television in a five-year period. So either one of those would count. So it's either the one or the, or I get a talent. If I had a talent, like even just, even just, you know, slight of hand or even basketball trick shots would count.

If there's anything that's been known as a moneymaker, it's magic. Yeah. I mean, but seriously. A lot of rich-ass magicians. Yeah. Let's just say I had 12 mixed-breed dogs and a hot daughter. Sure. That would count as making it in show business.

Whatever is not podcasting, that's making it in show business. Plus, hell, maybe one day I'll get to fuck Johnny Carson. That's the dream. That's making it in show business. Plus, hell, maybe one day I'll get to fuck Johnny Carson. That's the dream. That's the dream. That's where we get into show business. And your novel due next year, 2024. Although, I will say this, in the publishing industry,

sometimes release dates are delayed because of shipping issues. Right. Not because of how slow I've been writing. You've been doing a great job. Thank you. Can I make a recommendation? Please.

Get up to Reno. They got great sports books to write in. And you can go from there right over to Tahoe. Thank you. Perfect. Right from the biggest little city in the world. That's what they say. Most of the most acclaimed novelists in America have written their novels in Reno, Nevada.

That's very true. And gotten their quickie divorces. Those two things. Quickie divorces. And Matt Lieb is our producer. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer emeritus. You can find us. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design.

Our thanks to The Free Design. Our thanks to their label, Light in the Attic Records. free design are thanks to the free design are thanks to their label light in the attic records um uh you can find us on social media at jordan jesse go on twitter facebook.com slash jordan jesse go on reddit at maximum fun dot reddit.com where who knows maybe you'll inspire the next moderately lazy jordan jesse go you'll be seeing someone with Sea-Doo 69 being like, that Amy Silverberg, now she's a star. Show sucks, not funny. Hey, if you're out there in the Southern California area

and you have access to a Sea-Doo, invite Jesse on a Sea-Doo. I'm ready to ride on your Sea-Doo. You also have to bring one of my in-laws down to babysit while I go ride the Sea-Doo. You have a big job ahead of you, listener. Figure this shit out. You don't have to give me a ride to the

Sea-Doo. I got a car. There you go. You'll cover that. You're probably going to have to give my mother-in-law or father-in-law a ride from Marin down to L.A. That's fine. Easy peasy. Just to help with babysitting. Or you could send your in-laws over to my house. Could the person just babysit?

I have a question. What if it's a jet ski, but it's not a Sea-Doo brand jet ski? Yes, that's just a jet ski. Sea-Doo is a brand. Great question. Correct. The whole Kleenex tissue thing. Yeah.

Is it Sea-Doo or nothing for you, Jesse? Well, I like to think of myself as kind of a sophisticate, and when it comes to Sea-Doo, everybody's doing it. You want Wave Runner. I think I would want a Wave Runner. Oh, so you don't want the brand name. You want the more elite. She wants the Kirkland brand.

Do you think I could get a Kirkland Sea-Doo? They make everything. Muffins. They really do. Personal watercraft. Did you know, a lot of people don't know this. Coffins. Coffins.

A lot of people don't know this, but do you know that Kirkland brand vodka, the top shelf Kirkland brand vodka, did you know that's actually rebadged or rebranded Sea Dew vodka? I didn't know that. That's really interesting. Yeah, it's the official vodka of bad choices at sea. If you pour it into the Sea-Doo gas tank, it shoots out the back basically as good as Grey Goose. You know what?

I'd ride a snowmobile too. Oh, okay. Yeah. You've never ridden on a snowmobile? No. I acted like that's something everybody does. You've never ridden on a snowmobile? What are you, a loser? Have never ridden on a snowmobile? No. I acted like that's something everybody does. You've never ridden on a snowmobile? What are you, a loser?

Have you ridden on a snowmobile? I have, yeah. How was it? It was fine. I've shot a handgun. Does that count? I've never shot a handgun. Well, there you go.

So, Jesse wins again. Listen, invite us all on any dirtbag vehicle. We just want to ride a dirtbag vehicle. Would you get in a hot air balloon? No, no. That seems so scary to me. Whenever I see anyone in a hot air balloon. I've been skydiving.

Really? That's also something I've never done. But I've never been in a hot air balloon. Yeah, that seems terrifying to me. Because of the fire? The whole thing. No part of it seems fun to me. It does seem weird that it's a machine with a chain you pull to open a gate to hell.

Yeah, it's like the technology seems outdated. Yeah. Our blimp is falling. Don't worry. I'll open a gate. Yeah, you know why people don't fly around like that anymore? It seems like a bad way to fly around. I think it sounds nice.

Why are you picking a fucking flight with Albuquerque, New Mexico, Jordan? These are good people. What have they done for me lately? What have you done for me lately, Albuquerque? Yeah, hello. 1987 called. It's asking Albuquerque to do a new thing for Jordan. There's a reason

that Bugs Bunny's always making a wrong turn there. Yeah. He's going to end up in Kalamazoo. Djibouti. Lake Titicaca. A lot of funny place names out there. I don't think Bugs Bunny ever made a wrong turn at Titicaca. No, that's right where he wanted to be, baby.

You know he's a nasty bitch. That's right. Bugs Bunny's a real nasty bitch. Okay. Blah, blah a real nasty bitch. Okay. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. At Jordan underscore Morris. Yeah. I mean, show's over, right?

Keep going. We'll talk to you. Four more hours. Four more hours. Ten more weird games. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you.