Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Women Want a Thick Garage, with The Puterbaugh Sisters

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

This week we are blessed to welcome the hilarious comedy duo The Puterbaugh Sisters, Danielle and Tiffany, who pitch their new slogan for 2024, take a quiz about apples/old horses, and try out various silly voices.Brought to you by Magic Spoon! Head to magicspoon.com/JJGO to grab a custom bundle of cereal or their delicious treats for on-the-go! Be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save five dollars off your order!Also brought to you by Microdose.com! Get 30% off your first order, plus free shipping today at Microdose.com, promo code JJGO. It’s available nationwide.Jordan Events! Jordan will be doing a couple of comic book signings you should go to!On Saturday January 13 from 4pm-6pm, Jordan will be signing comic books at Things From Another World at Universal City Walk.On Saturday January 20 from  11am - 4pm, Jordan will also be signing comics at  Arsenal Comics, Newbury Park. Jordan and a bunch of other cool people will be there (like Patton Oswalt) and it should be a lot of fun. And if you can't make it to this event and want a signed comic book, Arsenal will be saving some signed copies and will mail them to you! Just call Arsenal Comics in Newbury Park, CA and ask for Timmy. Seriously!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boyd Detective. A new year, a new beginning, Jordan. 2020, whatever year it is now, has just begun. And I'm looking to the future for a brighter day. Smells fresh.

Yeah, I smell that day. Smells incredible. Oh, actually, I have a dryer sheet in my pants. That's probably what you're getting. Okay, I have a baguette tied to my head. Oh. Tied to my head. A baguette tied to my head.

A baguette is tied to my head. A baguette tied to my head. A baguette is tied to my head. A dryer sheet in my pants. Okay. What you're smelling is bounce. It is, Jordan. It is 2024. And the show is now officially all AI. To you.

As you can probably tell by the opening of the show. Yeah. Let's introduce our guests. Oh, sure. Let's do it. Because they're having a good time already. The audience can hear them having a great time. Believe it or not, Jordan.

They're just watching TikToks on their phones. They're stand-up comedy sisters. That's Danielle and Tiffany, the Putterbaugh sisters. Hello. Stand-up comedy sisters, fans of AI, fans of you guys. Fans, yeah. Love AI. Anything Jude fans of you guys. Fans, yeah. Love AI. Anything Jude Law.

Yeah. Just fans, yeah. Anything with an evil robot Jude Law, I am in. Danielle, you were doing a fun mic check voice that I was hoping would- Except that would be Tiffany. That's Tiffany. Oh my God. Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to tell us apart. We are wearing masks of each other's other faces Stand-up comedians Sisters, serial killers Masks of each other's faces For fun My podcast voice was positive

Good vibes for the year Keeping it positive Thank you for doing that Tiffany Yes I love 2024. I love vibes. I love energy. Light a candle.

I love synergy. You sound like you're about to sell us some colloidal silver. I love silver. And I love Mother God. Don't we all? Yes. Don't sell her short. She's going to sell us vaginal silver.

What you guys don't know, since you don't live with Tiff and you're not a comedy sister, is that's actually not that far off from your, I think I'm about to get a job voice. Hi. I'd love a career in any field. Hello. I'm like, oh, are you talking? Hello, have I reached a field? Hi.

Am I in any field? Can I come in to you and get money? I have plenty of experience in said field. I'd love to work. Sell leggings out of my garage? I could. I believe so. Do they have turtles on them?

Phlebotomy? I've did it. Phlebotomy? Damn near killed them. Silver? Absolutely. I'll drink it in the morning. Whenever I hear that voice, I'm like, you're either talking to a mom about potentially a nanny.

You're talking about a production that you might be getting tights or masks for. A field. I'm talking about any field. An in general field. I'm trying to get a job in a field. Or in a field. I could work in a field. Sure. Sure. A lot of great stuff you can do in a field. Sure. It's seasonal.

It's worked for women before. It'll work again. Yeah. Anything. A lot of great stuff you can do in a field. Sure. Seasonal. It's worked for women before. It'll work again. Yeah. Anything that works for women works for me. So each year, Potter Boz, you don't know this, but each year we try and focus our efforts, both our efforts and those of the Jordan Jesse Go community, the Tuppies, we like to focus our efforts behind a single unified vision. Okay.

An inspirational vision that will drive us through the year and lead us to great success. I love that. Fantastic. Or in our case, continued very modest success. Nice. Continued just hanging on. Yeah. I like to get to the middle and stay there hard.

You know what I mean? Middle, middle, middle. Stay there hard, stay there hard, stay there hard. Jordan, do you have any ideas for a slogan for 2024? Yeah, I mean, I had a little one that I was going to use for myself personally. I know, I think this is, you excel in this department. Thank you, that's very kind of you. You're an inspirational guy, you're a thought leader.

I also excel at Excel, if anybody is interested in inviting me into a field. This guy can merge cells, like no, you should see this motherfucker merge cells. Fill down is all I have to say. I can't wait. Yeah. Can't wait to see you on Excel. My macros are anything but micro.

Talk about staying hard in the middle. I don't know. That's how you want it. Sure. That's how you want it. God, I'm so glad this show is AI now. Equals parentheses. Right.

Yes, but I have a little one for myself and anyone who wants to join me can. Okay. Is it okay if the Putterbaugh sisters join you if they want to? Yeah, oh absolutely. Okay, that would be great. So these are slogans for 2024? So these are just like something, you know,

like a mantra sort of. Maybe your field character, I imagine they're into mantras. That's not 2023 and that's nice. That's really good actually. But yeah, just mine for me personally, I think it's self-explanatory. You can't spell 2024 without 420. Yeah. Ooh, I mine for me personally, I think it's self-explanatory. You can't spell 2024 without

420. Finally, Jordan. Finally. Finally a hitter year. Yeah, I know. So I haven't tried weed yet. I've been waiting for this year. I think it's going to be great. I think I'm really going to like it.

Are you going to try edibles? Are you going to try microdosing edibles? Are you going to try microdosing edibles? Yeah, what are you going to do? Which one? Indica's, sativa's. Oh, God, yes, please. One of each. Just going to throw them into a blender. I'm going to put them all into my magic bullet. Dump in a little oat milk. I like that. Jordan, I like that slogan for you because it conveys positivity and a relaxed attitude and sort of the ability

to surf life's waves. Yes. Yes. Because the tides of life, they come in, they go out. Yeah. The only way I can do it is by getting a surfboard and saying, let's go. Let's go. Yes.

But we can use our dreams as our surfboards. Oh, I like that. That's true. We do live in Los Angeles. Yeah, we do. And that is the land of dreams and surfboards. But what do you got, Jesse? I feel like you've got a home run in there, I can tell.

Jordan, you described me as an inspirational thought leader. And I'm not here to suggest otherwise. The last thing I would do would be contradict my friend Jordan. Thank you. But I'll say that for me, I have my own inspirational thought leader. And that is my six-year-old, Frankie. Now, you're probably saying, Jesse, doesn't Frankie once a day or so say that she hates you? Yes.

Yes. Yes. But, I mean, maybe that's just like a motivator for you, you know? Yeah, exactly. No, it's like having one of those abusive college sports coaches. Sure, yeah. Frankie would throw a folding chair at you. But, yeah, Frankie really has a great vision on life. A lot of clarity. Today Frankie was explaining to me,

did you know that there's a real martial art where you are only doing wrestling someone to the ground and threatening them, but you don't hit them or kick them. You only fretten. And if this was not coming from a child, I would think they were describing some of those non-sexual porn videos. Only fretting. Yeah, right.

You know how there's the tickling videos? Fretening life. I was like, is this an offshoot of that where two yoked studs hold each other down and threaten? Yeah, while Joe Rogan cranks it. It's pronounced fretten. Fretten, excuse me. Fretten, fretten. Two Joe Rogans hold each other down and fretten. Right, yeah.

Nice. Double Rogan. Frankie is a person of incredible clarity of vision. And the other day- Like father, like child. That's what I say. She had come into the bed that I share with my wife at some, you know, two o'clock in the morning or whatever, as six-year-olds sometimes do. Right, right, right.

And then- I don't have one myself. Had re-arisen at like- Six-year-olds love to stay up and watch Comics Unleashed. Yeah. It's a cool- They love Byron Allen. They're just really excited about how incredibly rich Byron Allen is. How he's the richest man in show business somehow.

Six-year-olds love a clear setup for a pre-written joke. Yeah. So I hear you guys have been internet dating, and then you just get to do your joke about internet dating. guys have been internet dating and then you just get to do your joke about internet dating so um i i she she woke up in the bed very very early in the morning after having and my wife was very bleary-eyed and my wife said to frankie what are you doing? And Frankie said, I'm getting up. And my wife said,

well, it's really early. What are you doing so early in the morning? What are you going to be doing so early in the morning? And Frankie said, if in my life, you dingus. You dingus. Iving my ife, you dingus. Iving my ife, you dingus.

Where do you think she learned dingus? Iving my ife. I love that slogan. She was transmuting, downloading a slogan for you. Yeah. Iving my ife. Iving my ife. I, downloading a slogan for you. Yeah. Iving my Ive. Iving my Ive. Iving my Ive, you dingus.

If in 2024 anybody asks you what you're doing, you can respond. Iving my Ive, you dingus. Oh, that's amazing. Do y'all do New Year's resolutions? To make higher pitched noises. That was your New Year's resolutions? To make higher pitched noises. That was your New Year's resolution. Well, my slogan would be 2024, hope it's not a snore. I hate snores.

Let's get this here a CPAP machine, huh? Yeah. Stick the tubes right up the nose. I don't know if I believe necessarily in New Year's resolutions because I don't know if I really like to put the pressure of starting and then the whole year going. It's just kind of a nice thing to go, I'm going to start it off this way. And then if you get like midway through the year and you're still keeping it up, you're like, hey, now that was a real, even my life. Would you do a resolution just every

Sunday, maybe? Oh, sure. A week-to-week resolution sounds nice. For the Lord. I do resolutions for the Lord. A Jesus-centered... Something for the Lord. A faith-based Lord-based. Tiff and I like to just every Sunday say, hey, Tiff. And she goes, hey, Danielle.

And then we play Jars of Clay. Or we play- Godsmack. Jesus Freak. DC Talk. Amy Grant. Or we play Amy Grant. Ba-ba-ba-ba.

Yeah. Just your Christian rock. Yes. Any crossover Christian artist. I feel like in 2020 when everybody was like, this is it. It's going to be my year. And then it was 2020. Right.

So I think I stopped at that point. I said, let's just let it ride. And then we'll just see if it's not as bad as the year before. And then we'll be good. You know? Yeah. I like maybe a vision for you of 2024 of just capturing the power of inertia. I said, get to the middle, stay there hard.

Middle, middle, middle, middle. Stay there hard, stay there hard. So that, you know, just slowly going uphill, just petering out, you know? Do the two of you live together right now? We do, currently. We do. We have been living together for a long time.

A lot of our adult life, yeah. And then, you know, we had some childhood in there, too. Then a rough childhood in there. Then we had the Ohio childhood. Bunk beds? Bunk beds, Ohio. Yeah, we did. We had bunk beds in Ohio. I'd love it beds, Ohio. I didn't know you named bunk beds. Yeah, we did. We had bunk beds in Ohio.

I'd love it if we could tell you guys that we still have bunk beds. That would be fun. Ohio, Chicago, LA. All of the different, a lot of different states. How many years separate? Those are all the states. All the states. Separate? Yeah.

Two and a half. Two and a half. So one of you, you both look fantastic no matter what ages you are and who's older okay great i like because i've been this is my eye yeah it keeps you young yeah one of you keeps me young one of you is the older sister and at some point like welcome the younger sister into the ways of adulthood. Now that sounds gross. Now that the show is AI, we cannot edit it. So you kind of got to go with this.

Somebody like already knew how to separate colors for laundry. Oh, okay, sure. Open the door. I was the older one and I taught my sister how to party. You taught your sister to party? I think. Tiffany, you taught your sister to party. I think that was what you mean by if-ing my eyes. Danielle, what did Tiffany teach you? If you were talking about ways of life, you mean when I was young, young? I was talking about as you entered adulthood and moved in together as adults.

Somebody had already been an adult for two and a half years at least. I don't know if I was too wild of an adult. Like too much. I was not really responsible. Tim was always a very, very amazing older sister, like very caring and great and nurturing. And then, yes, by the time you had been partying, it's funny how both of our brains went there when he was asking about adulthood. And I'm like, you talking about drinking beer and smoking pot?

That's what we're talking about being adults. Wait, where's this character been? He's been partying. Okay, here's how you get out of a DUI. You keep a bottle of Jack in your glove box. It has to be sealed. And when they pull you over, you have to let them see you break the seal. And then you drink it in

front of them and they can't arrest you. That's exactly how I showed her. That is true. Jack Daniel's bottle in your glove compartment. Tiff's got a pretty strong if she was going to be a man and she was going to be named Tony.

I always call her, she's got a Tony energy about her. So she was kind of saying, yeah, she was kind of saying, yeah, she was kind of like, Hey! Put it on! Tiffany, we were discussing earlier your astrological sign gold medallion that you're wearing around your neck. Very Tony of you. It's very Tony. Very Tony.

Hey! With the cornicello, yeah. The Italian horn that you only see in New Jersey. Yeah. Or New York. I've never heard of the horn before. What does the horn mean? See, that's what I mean.

It's not really a West Coast thing. Yeah, yeah. It's an Italian horn, and if you are gifted it from another Italian person or somebody in your family, it wards off bad things from happening to you, brings goodness into your life. What if an Irishman gives it to you? That's true. I think so too. And that's when you keep the Jack Daniels in your...

Right. Then you have to let him see you open it. He has to see you open it. Then you don't blow. You broke it. You don't blow, dude. Get the blood test at the station. Yeah.

You might have added that an Italian has to give it to you. No, somebody has to give it to you. It has to be gifted to you. It's called a cornicello. Have you ever heard of the evil eye? The evil eye is like, don't let the evil eye. It's if somebody is saying something bad about you, this is a way to ward off bad spirits. And it's all the Italians in the sky making their pasta, having the good marinara.

Tossing meatballs. Tossing it down and saying, we're going to take care of you guys. I don't, that's, I. Sure, maybe it's superstitious. That sounds racist. I'm going to be honest with you. But at the end there. It got a little.

It got a little broad. Okay, sorry, sorry. I hope that any of you Italians weren't listening to that. They might throw down meatballs or whatever else. Italians like to eat a variety of cuisine. Yes, the Godfather movies. Whatever. Yeah, sure.

A Scarface poster. Gold chains. Velvet. Whatever. We're having a lot of fun. Yeah. Poofing around. I would dare to say I'm ivving my eye

we're all ivving we're all ivving ife Jessie you mentioned you wanted to you know maybe start off this year kind of

doing something we don't usually do on this show which is having content having some prepared content ooh content

I love content I'm uncomfortable with content I'm gonna put my podcast voice on I love content Potterboss sisters content, having some prepared content. Ooh, that makes me uncomfortable. Ooh. I'm uncomfortable with content. I'm going to put my podcast voice on. I love content. Potter Boss Sisters, I don't know if you know this about me, but I am, I have really dedicated my life in the last

three to four months to being a guy who has a nice apple, rubs it on my shirt, takes a big bite out of it, and then thinks while I chew while holding the apple in my hand and kind of regarding. So you're like a 1950s doctor. Yeah, exactly. Really?

See, I was imagining like an 1803 man in a park. Yeah. I think either one of those, which is – this is a classic. It's like a peacoat. You know what I mean? It can go at any time. It never goes out of style. Could be a doctor.

Could be an 1803 man in a park. Yeah. Now, I brought this up on a recent episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go. And someone in the Reddit who uses the username ElroySheep was excited to share we were talking about what our favorite types of apple are. Mine is Sundowner. Is it what? Sundowner. A what? It is a very

flavorful apple. It's from 1803. 1803 after a peacoat tour. I had it in a park. And this Redditor named ElroySheep was nice enough to share some of their favorite apple varieties. Now, it turns out that there are lots of varieties of apples. And they have stupid names.

So I've created a quiz that's called Apple Cultivar, Kentucky Derby Winner, or Some Shit I Made Up. So, Potter Boss Sisters, you'll be taking on Jordan in this competition. Okay. I will be giving you, in turn, three choices. One of them will be a type of apple.

One of them will be a past winner of the Kentucky Derby, a champion racehorse. One of them will be some bullshit that I wrote down that seems kind of halfway in between those two things. Apple, old horse, old horse winner, or stuff you made up. Exactly. Old horse.

Old horse winner. Old horse winner. Okay. Yeah. Old whore. Old whore. Old horse. The oldest whore we could find.

Yes. An apple. Old whore, horse apples. Okay. Here we go. You know what? I love that band. The Potter Boss Sisters.

Yeah. The graded. That's really good. Yeah. Really good. Graded Coachella. Really good. Really good.

The Potter Boss Sisters are our guests, Jordan, so I'm going to give them the opportunity to go first. That's great. Now, Matt Lieb, you're there in the control booth. How's it going over there? Oh, it's going good. I'm watching a squid game. Okay.

Ooh, don't spoil it! I just started it! Don't spoil it! Ooh, don't spoil it! Are you guys doing something? No. Okay, I'm going to keep watching squid game. But don't spoil it! I just started! Matt, I'm going to need your help. Oh, okay.

Keeping track of the score in this game, Apple Cultivar, Kentucky Derby winner, or some shit I made up. Okay. Yeah, I'll write down when a score happens. Okay. All right. Okay.

I'm ready. Potter Boss sisters, here are your choices. Okay. Lieutenant Gibson, Uncle Nubblers, or Poppy Quamp. We have to get our minds straight and answer them together, or I can say one. No, you've got to decide between the two of you. I mean, I don't think it requires absolute consensus, but at least roommate levels of make a chore wheel is what I'm saying.

One of them is an old whore. Yeah. Old whores. One of them is an apple. Okay. And one Old whores. One of them is an apple. Okay. And one of them is a, right. So say that. Lieutenant Gibson.

Okay. Uncle Nubblers and Poppy Quamp. Poppy Quamp? Quamp. Okay. So this is why we listen to Jars of Clay every Sunday so that we can get our synergy together. So that we can hone in the Lord. Poppy Quamp.

Let's start with C. Poppy Quamp. Let's start with honing the Lord. Let's start with C. Let's start with poppy. Poppy. Poppy. Poppy. Poppy. Poppy. Poppy.

Poppy is an apple. You think? I'm going to say apple. Girl. All right. I heard apple. I heard apple. All right.

So that's apple. Lieutenant Gibson and Uncle Nubblers. Uncle Nubblers is some stuff that you might have made up. Lieutenant Gibson. Okay. I guess I'm going with some stuff that you might have made up. Lieutenant Gibson. Okay, I guess. I'm going with. Look at you, just Tonying right on down. Not even giving me a chance.

All right. Okay, I think you're right. I think Lieutenant, what was the middle one? The Lieutenant Gibson. Uncle Nubblers. Lieutenant Dan. Lieutenant Gibson, right? Lieutenant Gibson.

Okay. Yeah, that's an old whore. That's three out of three. Wow. No way. Three out of three. Wow. No way. Three out of three. Tony, in for the kill. Tony wins it again.

Meatballs, meatballs, meatballs, meatballs. Pasta, pasta, pasta. Bib, bib, bib, bib. Jordan, I'm over to you here. Thank you. Your choices are blue bunting, big brown, or red sheriff. Okay, okay. One is a horse that won the Kentucky Derby. Blue bunting, big brown, or red sheriff? Okay. Okay.

One is a horse that won the Kentucky Derby. One is an apple. One is some bullshit. Let me hear them again. Blue bunting, big brown, and red sheriff. Okay. I think blue bunting is the apple. I think big brown.

No. I'm switching it. Blue Bunting is the horse. Big Brown is the apple. And Red Sheriff is made up. Zero out of three. No! Oh, my gosh. Help me, Tony.

Help me, Tony. You can always phone a friend. Oh, really? Who do you got? Who's on the other end of the line there, Matthew? It's me. I'm your only friend. I should have known.

Matt, thank you for your years of friendship, by the way. Yeah, no problem. I don't say that enough. Big Brown is, we went to college with Matt. We did, yeah. You did? You did? We did.

We all went to the same college. We were all best friends. What state? I think Matt. We did, yeah. You did? You did? We did. We all went to the same college. We were all best friends. What state? I think Matt and I were probably closest. And then I didn't remember that we went to college together until we started working together and he told me. Yeah, but we were best friends. In Cali?

Yeah. Yeah, UC Santa Cruz. Banana slugs. Oh, yeah, Santa Cruz. Nice. Yeah, that's how it was. Hey, I'm eating shrooms over here. Hey, where's my unicycle?

I'm going into a store barefoot over here. Can't tell me to put on shoes. I'm a white guy with threads over here. I got mud in my hair. Let me get some of that vegan gabagoo. with threads over here. I got mud in my hair.

Let me get some of that vegan gabagoo. Hey, I'm trying to watch Encino Man over here. Live in the forest? Sure, if you got a tarpaulin. Nobody makes carob like my ma. I'm problematic how? How am I problematic?

Free Moomy over problematic? Okay. Hey, move me over here. Okay. Back to you. What are we doing? Back to you, Butterfoss sisters. You want to keep doing the apple thing? Yeah, we're going to do the apple thing. I like this new character.

Yeah, it's a fun character. It started with your inspiration. Big Tony. Big T. Big Tony. Maybe this is Matt's new character for every cast. Santa Cruz. Italian Santa Cruz guy.

Here are your choices, Putterbaugh sisters. Summer Rambo, Gato del Sol. Gato del Sol. Summer Rambo. And Spring Break Indiscretion. Oh, gosh. That one you made up. Summer Rambo, Gato del Sol, and Spring Break Indiscretions.

Spring Break Indiscretions sounds like a Portland band I'd like to check out, but I think you made it up. And then Summertime Rambo? Summer Rambo, yeah. Summer Rambo, and what was the other one? Gato del Sol? Gato del Sol. The Cat of the Sun. The Cat of the Sun.

Is that an apple? Big Tony? Oh, Cat of the sun. The cat of the sun. Is that an apple? Big Tony? Oh. Use your Tony. Use your Tony energy. I think that number two is maybe an apple. Okay. And number one.

The gato. The gato I think is the apple. Okay. Gato is the apple. We'll go with you. Gato is the apple. And summertime Rambo. That would be the horse. And then Donnie Sink. I don't know. I don't know. I'll go with you. Gato is the apple. And Summertime Rambo. That would be the horse.

You think that's the horse? I don't think. I don't know. I don't know. I'll let you take this one. Summer Rambo. Just out of guilt because you really crushed the last one? Yeah.

Only one sister gets a crush each time. I'm going with Summer Rambo being a horse. Okay. How do you feel about that? And then we're going with number two being apple. Number three, making it up. One out of three. I did indeed make up spring break in

discretion. Well, I didn't make it up. We loved it. It's a concept. It's a concept. Summer Rambo is a real type of apple. Really? Gato del Sol was a Kentucky Derby winner. Wow.

Huh. Summer Rambo is an apple? That's an apple. Were you searching for your apples over here? Honestly, I'm going to be honest with you guys. This quiz may come. I wrote 10 questions. This quiz may come back four more times because these apples and horses are out of control.

Yeah. Summer Rambo. What kind of apple do you think? I don't know. What style of apple? I mean, am I wishing that I could follow up on each one with this one, the Kentucky Derby in this year, and here's some qualities of the apple? Yes.

But I didn't think of that until I started doing the quiz, and then I felt bad that I didn't do it. Don't have guilt about that. Jordan, next one's for you. Here's your three choices. Sea Hero, Dust Commander, and Sky Captain in the World of Tomorrow. Okay. Oh, did we hear what the answers were for the last one?

Yeah, we did. Summer Rambo. My last one. Oh, yeah. Blue Bunting was made up. Okay. Big Brown is a horse. Red Sheriff is last one. Oh, yeah. Blue Bunting was made up. Okay. Big Brown is a horse.

Red Sheriff is an apple. Okay, thank you. Is that informing whether you think Sky Captain in the World of Tomorrow is a horse or an Let me hear the most recent ones again. Sea Hero. Okay. Dust Commander. Okay. Sky Captain in the World of Tomorrow.

Okay. Sky Captain in the World of Tomorrow. It's probably a horse. A Jude Law movie. Yeah. Probably a horse named after that movie that a man made in his garage or whatever. Yeah. So that's... I mean, that's neither of them.

It's made up. It's about some kind of dirigible. Right. I think it's like a steampunk thing. I'm sorry. So Dust Commander, I think, is the horse, which would leave, what's the last one? Sea Hero. I think Sea Hero is the apple.

Three out of three. Whoa! Okay, we got a game! We got a game! Sea Hero is an apple? Sea Hero is an apple, yeah. Did you start off your quiz by apples first or horses first? I started with apples.

Apples first? Yeah. And these are all apples. Have you guys known of these? No. I looked at a list of types of apples. And here I am. Elroy Sheep shared a list of funny apples.

I looked at some other apples as well. I don't think all of these were from Elroy Sheep's list. Elroy Sheep was nice enough to share some with me, though. You never see a bunting blueberry or whatever it's called at Trader Joe's. No. You never see it because I made that one up. So you can thank Reddit. You might see a red sheriff over there at Trader Joe's, maybe.

You would. You would if you are by the Silver Lake one. That one is needing a few red sheriffs. That's a true nightmare. A true version of hell, if you'd like to feel what hell feels like. Matt, what's our score? Oh, shit. I was watching Squid Game.

Were you watching the fictional show? Most people are dead, but two guys are still alive. Don't spoil it. Matt, I've just started. I'm just learning. I just finished the Queen's Gambit. I'm just starting. I'm just learning. I just finished the Queen's Gambit. I'm fine. I haven't even watched The Bear.

Putter Boss sisters have four. Jordan has three. The Bear made me feel like I needed to pick up a shift. You know what I mean? I felt like I had to get to work. My thing is having not seen The Bear, and I have to continue. Because if I see The Bear, I don't have a personality. It makes you feel like you need to pick up a shift, and it really was.

I would love to pick up a shift. Yeah, me too. I love a field. Potterbaws. Love to work in a field. Potterbaws, chestnut crab, dog's breakfast, gallant fox. Dog's breakfast is made up. Gallant fox, and what was is made up. Gallant Fox.

And what was the first one? Chestnut Crab. Huh. Chestnut Crab is an apple. You think? Yes. All right. And then Gallant Fox.

Yeah. That's a horse. Three out of three. Whoa. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. I got to just maybe let you ride it out two years ahead of me. I know the vibe of a horse. You're two years more wise.

Jordan, back to you. Yeah. Purple Mountain Majesty. Okay. Spectacular bid. Toilet Troubles. Okay. Purple Mountains.

Yeah. That's the apple. The bid thing. That's the horse. Toilet Trouble. That's made up. Three out thing. That's the horse. Toilet trouble. That's made up. Three out of three. Whoa.

Okay. Ting, ting, ting, ting. Okay. Johnny, come from behind. That's what they call me. Remember, if you guys need help, you can phone a friend. Your only friend, Matt. And I have to have gone to Santa Cruz with him.

You have to. Yeah. You have to have known him. Yeah. You have to have saved him from a balcony collapse at a frat party. Did you really? I did.

I did. Matt would have been dead if not for me. Wow. I just snatched him right off that balcony. Thank you so much, buddy. The balcony,

the whole balcony collapsed. Jordan is not going to tell you this. Okay. He caused the balcony collapse. So I could save Matt and gain his loyalty. Right, and then

so this podcast could begin. Exactly. I played the long game. How did you break a balcony? Well, you just like find the main support beam and you weaken it with axe chops. Oh, you did it on purpose. I did it on purpose. Yeah.

I sabotaged it. Many died. You brought an axe to a party in college? Uh-huh. Okay. You weaken them. You weaken the support beam. Support beams.

And then you save Matt to win his trust and the other people die but it's a little something called collateral damage. It's all worth it if you've got Matt your friend. That'll help you with the podcast. Yeah, because now he has a producer. Yeah, well that's the key. Matt,

were you in a frat? No, I wasn't. We didn't have frats. But you were at a frat party. There was a frat. Famously there was a frat? No, I wasn't. We didn't have frats. But you were at a frat party. There was a frat. Famously, there was a frat at UC Santa Cruz. There were a few ethnic interest frats, like an Asian American frat. But the only frat frat, the only sort of like classic frat was a- Bro frat.

That's what I think of when I think of frats. Created for the purposes of an MTV reality show called Frat Life. Incredible. Amazing. And also they stole a koi fish out of the koi pond at our college, Porter College. The MTV or the frats? Went to jail because koi are very valuable and it's cruel to koi to steal them out of a koi pond. So they went to jail.

And it was created from the minds of MTV. Wait, MTV stole the Coy or the frats? The frats? Beavis and Butthead stole. Those guys. Kind of both.

Those guys. I think the idea was, and I don't really remember all the deals. I think the deal was that like no frat, no existing frat would agree to this.

So one was kind of created for the show. Yeah, it was trumped up. Yeah, sure. So I think they just gave them three random Greek letters and let them out there to do whatever. Anyway, I think so. I don't really remember. Okay. But I remember the call.

Can we watch the show? Oh, I don't know. It might be streaming on Paramount Plus right now. Maybe they took it down on account of the people from it going to jail. That could be, yes. I mean, when I say that, I'm not joking. They all did? They went to jail for like six months. Oh, really? Wow.

Not an overnight, get your frat buddy to go out. No, because it was a huge scandal in Santa Cruz. It was a really big deal because it was cruel to the fish and the fish were worth like $10,000 each. And now they're sleeping with the fucking fish.

Hey! Hey, Santa Cruz! They had the mafia take care of it. Okay. Putter Boss sisters, here are your choices. Okay.

Six Finger Jack, Smarty Jones, Very Very Lonely Frank. Very Very Lonely Frank is your made up. Yeah. That's made up. Maybe. It's your made up.

Maybe. Very, very lonely Frank. That could be your made up. Very, very lonely Frank. First one is what, Mr. Bojangles? Six Finger Jack and Smarty Jones. Smarty Jones is an apple. Six Finger Jack and Smarty Jones. Smarty Jones is an apple. Six Finger Jack is a horse.

One out of three. Aye, aye, aye. And a koi fish to your face. And a koi falls in jail. Very, very lonely Frank is indeed made up, although inspired by a true story. Okay. Six Finger Jack is an apple. Smarty Jones won the Kentucky Derby.

Wow. Okay, Jordan. Six Finger Jack is an apple? It is. Back to you, Jordan. What is this world all about? Here are your choices. Okay.

Spend a buck. Westfield seek no further. And Americana at Brand. You know what? Phone a friend. Matt, you might just want to do this one? Yeah, alright. Say them again? Sure. Next time, you can listen the first time.

Let's watch a squid game. Spend a buck. Westfield Seek No Further and Americana at Brand. Okay, and what are we supposed to do? Okay, so I think Americana at the Brand made up. Yep.

Real mild. Which means the Westfield... Inspired by a true story. Westfield, what was it? Westfield Seek No Further. And story. Westfield, what was it? Westfield Seek No Further. And what's the other one again? Spend a buck.

Westfield Seek No Further got to be an app. So that means the other one's got to be a horse. Spend a buck is a horse? Are you going with that? Yeah, I'm going to trust Matt on this one. Three out of three. Whoa! Putter Bucks! Putter Bucks!

Yeah, we're best friends. He saved me. Okay, back to you, Put this one. Three out of three. Whoa! Putterbuck's! We're best friends. He saved me. Back to you, Putterbuzz. Hurlbutt? Whirlaway? Shartsy? Okay. Shartsy made up. Whirlabuck?

Hurlabutt? Whirlaway. Whirlawayut Whirlabut Whirlaway Whirlaway is an apple Whirlabut Yeah, is the 1903 man in the park Shining the apple Who's riding the horse

Whirlabut is an apple Whirlaway, a Kentucky Derby winner. Jordan, there's one left. This one's for all the marbles. Oh, my gosh. All of them? Wait.

How many did they get right? Yeah, which one was what? What did they get? They got a hurlbutt is an apple. Did they get that right or wrong? They got shartsy right. Okay, so they got one out of three. One point.

What's the score here right now, Matthew? Three plus three is six plus one plus one plus nine. And Jordan has three plus three. That's nine. It's tied. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It comes down to this.

Who's going to take the koi out of the pond right now? Who's going to get all the koi? Early Joe. Sunday silence. Grandpa's Wake. Early Joe. I know which one's my favorite. Early Joe Horse, Sunday Silence, Apple, last thing, made up.

Grandpa's Wake, my perfect joke that everyone agreed is probably one of the best jokes ever written. I did, yeah. It has a strong premise, a little surprise. Mystery. A little twinge of mystery. The prestige. Promise. Well, Jordan, you're lucky it was tied. Early Joe is an apple.

Sunday Silence, a Kentucky Derby winner. Gosh. But I did indeed make up. Oh, my gosh. Grandpa's win. One by one. A squeaker, they call it. I think my eyes.

Yeah. You dingus. Thank you to Jesse. Thank you to Matt. Thank you to all the dinguses out there who supported me. What does he win? Yeah, what does he win? An apple?

He gets to do this podcast for another 20 years. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Middle! Middle! Middle! Middle!

Middle! We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thor you, love you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. You know, Jordan, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh, we thank the members of Maximum Fun. If you listen to this show, you're a member of Maximum Fun. You keep our lights on here at Jordan Jesse Goh.

We really appreciate it. Maximum Fun. You keep our lights on here at Jordan, Jesse, go. We really appreciate it. Thank you for sticking with us, keeping us in that big, fat middle of modest success. We love it here. We love it. It's warm and smooth. Thank you, daddies.

Hey, the folks. And mommies. And mommies. And parents. Parents of all types. All the parents out there. They're the real heroes. Mm-hmm. Parents who give $5 or $10 a month to Maximum Fun. Yeah, MaximumFun.org slash join.

You go there, you keep the show going, and also you get a ton of free bonus content, including the new episode of Stashed we just posted. Yeah. Stashed rules everything around me. About Sharky's Machine. Yes. If you want to hear a recap of Sharky's Machine with our delightful guest, Matt Kirshen, maximumfund.org slash join. Find out what it's like when you subject a British person to Burt Reynolds.

Right. Is Burt Reynolds what's good or bad about America? Who knows? There's only one way to find out. Listen, we do solve it. We do figure it out. Yeah. If you didn't know, we created an entire series of Burt Reynolds recaps only for members of

Maximum Fun. So if you're a member of Maximum Fun, make sure and get into that bonus content. Now, you know, it used to be all the bonus content always came in one giant stream. You can do that still. But you can also just choose what shows you want bonus content for, and it will make a little custom stream, a custom RSS feed for you. Beautiful. Convenient. To drop into your podcast app so you can catch stream and all the – look, there's also dozens of hours of other Jordan Jessico stuff that's in there as well. The time we bought a paddle boat on Craigslist

and then tried to record a podcast on it. Yes. All of our dumbest ideas. Maximumfun.org slash join. We're also supported this week by the folks at Lumi Labs. They're the micro-dose people, Jordan. That's right. If you want a gummy with a nice

entry-level dose of THC, LumiLabs has you covered. They're delicious gummies, and they won't freak you the hell out. Jordan, let me ask you this question. What year is it? It's 2024, Jesse. What's your personal slogan for 2024? You can't spell 2024 without 420. Yeah, well, you can't spell 420 without microdosing. That's right.

You can't spell 420 without microdose.com. Microdose gummies deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. You can get 30% off your first order plus free shipping today at microdose.com, promo code JJGO. It's available nationwide. That's microdose.com, promo code JJGO for 30% off and free shipping. Microdose.com, promo code JJGO. We're also supported this week by the folks at Magic Spoon. Welcome back to the fold, Magic Spoon. We enjoy eating your breakfast food. Really, really tasty.

Here's what Magic Spoon has done, Jesse. They've reinvented your favorite childhood cereals to taste great, but each serving contains 0 grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and 4 to 5 grams of net carbs per serving. It's gluten-free, grain-free, and soy-free, plus it's 140 calories a serving. Yeah, Magic Spoon, really tasty. And Jesse, you know me.

I'm a protein monster. I need it. I need it. I need it or I get cranky. If you don't know your protein, how are you going to get stronger down there at the Verdugo Aquatic Center? I'm not gonna. That's how.

I need that protein. This cereal is really tasty, but also when you eat it, you feel full, which is nice. That is a nice thing. It's a nice thing about it. As we mentioned, really tasty, really delicious. They got a bunch of great flavors.

Cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, birthday cake. And they have snacks now. Oh, my gosh. Jesse, tell me about these snacks. They have chewy marshmallow and chocolate peanut butter bar snacks. Very tasty. Same deal.

One gram of sugar, one to two grams of net carbs. Head to magicspoon.com slash JJGo to grab a custom bundle of cereal or their delicious treats for on the go. Be sure to use our promo code JJGo at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's back with 100% happiness guarantee.

So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money. No questions asked. Again, that's magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use code JJGO to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Jordan, you got some comic book stuff going on? Yeah, yeah.

I got some events coming up in the Southern California area. But hey, if you're not in the Southern California area, keep listening because I got something for you too. Oh, wow. Excuse me. On Saturday, January 13th, I'm going to be signing comics at Things From Another World.

That is the comic book store that is part of Universal CityWalk. That's right. Wow. Yes. You're not really. I am. I will be there

with a bunch of other cool writers. We're going to be signing a bunch of Archie stuff. I'm going to bring some copies of Bubble. We're going to be signing from 4 to 6 p.m. You're going to meet so many goth teens. God, if you're a goth teen, please, please show. I need your support. So many little Chris Angels are going to come to that.

Gosh. Please, mind freak me while I'm there. If I'm not mind freaked during this event, I'm going to be very disappointed. And Jesse, I mean, you've been to the City Walk. You know that this comic book store, Things from Another World, it's spit and distance. It's created by John Lovitz, right? No, you're talking about the John Lovitz Comedy Theater that closed down. This is a comic book store.

Okay. You know, collectibles and action figures and things like that. Right, but John Lovitz hangs around a lot. Oh, yeah, absolutely. If you ask him, he'll just do your favorite line from The Critic. He doesn't care. He's cool about it. Yeah, so this was then Spittin' Distance from Margaritaville.

And listen, I'm not allowed to say the official after party is at Margaritaville. And listen, I'm not allowed to say the official after party is at Margaritaville. What I can say is that I will be going to Margaritaville afterwards and, you know, if people want to come chill, it ends at 6 but it's 5 o'clock somewhere and that somewhere is at the Margaritaville at the City Walk. So come on down. Saturday, January 13th, 4 to 6 p.m. Things from Another World. And hey, the very next Saturday, January 20th, I am going to be at Arsenal Comics in Newberry Park,

11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Here's the deal. Arsenal Comics is a great indie local comic book store. They had a tough year. So a bunch of folks are rallying to help them out. We have this really cool event coming up to support Arsenal Comics. A bunch of folks. It's me.

Patton Oswalt, right? Patton Oswalt's going to be there. Jordan Blum. Who else we got here? I'm looking at the flyer. Hannah Rosemay, Dan Hernandez, Jason Inman, Ryan Carr. These are comic book legends. We're all going to be there.

January 20th 11 a.m to 4 p.m matter eater boy yes a bunch of yes deep cut dc characters will be there matter eater lad condiment king the gangs the gang's all there uh fire and ice yeah um invited guest mr mitzvah pittle sure you don't know if he's going to- You don't know? Invited guest. He has been invited. We do have a gift bag for him. In the gift bag is a typewriter you're going to trick him into using to type his own name so he goes back to his own evil dimension. There you go.

If you're listening to this, Mr. Mitsopidilic, we're not actually doing that. No, we're doing a different thing. We're doing a different thing. We're not trying to send you back to another dimension. Yeah, Arsenal Comics, Newberry Park, they're a really, really great shop, and it would be cool to give them a little bit of love. So come on down January 20th, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., and if you can't make it to any of those events, the folks at Arsenal Comics are going to have all of those signed books

from all those folks for sale. You can get them through the mail. Here's what you do. You call up Arsenal Comics. Ask to have all of those signed books from all those folks for sale. You can get them through the mail. Here's what you do. You call up Arsenal Comics. Ask for Timmy. Okay. That's all you got to do? Say Timmy?

Timmy from the whitest kids you know? No, there's a different Timmy. Similar vibe, though. Oh, great. Awesome. Similar Timmy. Yeah, just like a really cool- A nice, cool-

Nice guy vibe, yeah. A nice, cool, friendly guy. Yeah, Arsenal Comics. Ask for Timmy loves hot dogs and if you want to get any of the stuff I signed any of the stuff that all these

cool folks have signed they'll get it to you in the mail Arsenal Comics we love them and don't even think about calling Manchester United Comics

no we hate them those are our enemies we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, And I'm Tiffany Pewterbaugh. I am a real estate extraordinaire. A real estate. Really? So you failed the agent test.

I'm an extraordinaire. Yeah. Time to get real. Time to get real. Time to get real about this estate. Am I right, girl? If you lived here, you'd be home by now. Okay.

Okay. Extraordinaire sounds like a rank in the French Foreign Legion. I only deal with French homes. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Oui, oui. Some of the most beautiful homes.

What's your favorite thing that you've learned so far about real estate in 2023? Location. Yes. That's absolutely key. So important. So important. Absolutely key. What else? Location. location is absolutely key absolutely key

location location location location bathroom space bedroom width school I need so much

bathroom space my bathrooms are enormous. I'm talking about my movements. Yeah. When you sit down, you just whip your legs around. That's how you get it out. A lot of people come to me and they say, I need a lot of bathroom space. I'm in my little bathroom doing my small movements, and I need a big bathroom for my big movements.

I need to shit. I need to kick my legs. I need to kick. I need to flare. I need to do my moves. And I always say, get in the bathroom. I need to shit. I need to kick my legs. I need to kick. I need to flare. I need to do my moves. And I always say, get in the bathroom. That's why we have a big, I sell big bathroom space.

That's fun. And bedroom width and garage girth. What are your roommates? A lot of people think it's the length of the garage. It's the girth. The girth is important too. It's also a wide garage. You want a big, wide, thick garage. And when people are coming and saying, hey, do girths actually care about the garage girth?

Of course they do. Of course they do. They want a thick garage. What do you think? But it's also important that the garage knows how to eat pussy. Of course. Of course. Of course.

We can. The door has to go up and down and up and down in the right way. That's right. And now that's what feminism is. Thank you. I saw Barbie. I saw Barbie. Yeah.

Margot Robbie. Not the bear, though. Just Barbie. What are your roommate pet peeves about each other? Ooh. Juicy. Garage girls.

Juicy. Well, juicy! Garage girls! Well, I'll tell you one thing. We don't have enough bathroom width. Sharing a bathroom is not always the best. The Chicago location, location, location. A lot more bathroom width than those. The LA choices, a lot less

space. I'll hit you with my best shot. Tiff, I'm not a, I'm a have to drink my coffee in silence lady. Tiff has never in all of our years grasped that as a concept. And by the time, she's an earlier riser. So by the time I get up, she is ready to go. She's talking to me like we've already been in the conversation. And I am like, I just, she'll be like go. She's talking to me like we've already been in the conversation. And I am like,

she'll be like, and so November 18th, should we go to, Margo, Robbie wants to go to the Cracker Barrel on November 18th. And I'm like, I didn't know. What are we talking about? She always says, just once a year, November 18th we go to the Cracker Barrel. She gets a chicken fried steak

and a rocking chair. Whatever the fact is, she's got a fact. It's hard. It's ready. And it's always in the morning. And I always, in all of our years, say, Tiff, I'm not there yet. I don't have my planner out. Tiffany, what's your roommate?

My roommate, Qualm, is not about Margot Robbie. No, we're all great with Margot Robbie. She's wonderful. Every November 18th. Every November she said, and Cracker Barrel? Best day of the year for me every year. Yes, our yearly trip to the Cracker Barrel. I want the giant checkers.

We drive up to Ventura. It's the only place in Southern California with a Cracker Barrel. I've actually Googled it. I've Googled it and I've Googled where a Waffle House. Guess where it is. Guess how far you have to go for a Waffle House. Oh, boy. I've Googled it. I've Googled it and I've Googled where a Waffle House. Oh. Guess where it is. Guess how far you have to go for a Waffle House. Oh, boy.

I'm going to guess. I bet there's one in Arizona. Oh, my gosh. Is that it? Yeah. Wow. I'll tell you. I was in the American Southeast on tour with John Hodgman.

We were in Kentucky. And we had arrived in town. It was a little late. We were a little hungry. I said, there's a waffle house. That's a famous place in the Southeast. Let's stop there to eat something because it's 10 o'clock at night or whatever.

You had a great time. Across the street was some chain restaurant that they like on the Doughboys that John remembered from hearing about on the Doughboys. And he said, maybe we should go there. And I said, well, why would we go there when we could go to this famous thing that I've heard of, Waffle House, or get the local experience of Waffle House. I didn't know where it sat culturally.

Oh, it's amazing. The Waffle House is incredible. I think I was thinking of Cracker Barrel when I chose Waffle House. This is a whole different vibration. The Waffle House entity. They have their own style of waitress. It's its own, you know what I mean? It's like smoking cigs while you're at the table kind of waitress.

Yeah, my waitress was friendly but thin and vibrational, I would say. Like a real edgy quality. Oh, nice. Kentucky? Yeah, in Kentucky. Yeah. She was very nice. What did you get at the Waffle House?

The week, I think we pretty much got one of everything. Oh, it's so good. I love. So much butter, so much. The grits are amazing. I know that we got both country ham and city ham, which is the alternative is city ham. She said- City ham was an option?

John asked for ham and eggs or something like that. And she said, well, do you want country ham or city ham? And we're like, how about one country ham, one city ham? She's like, that's a great choice. Wow. Does the city ham have an agent? Yeah. City ham is a cop.

A briefcase. Yeah, city ham. Wow. I love the Waffle House. It's satirical. It's so good. I love the Waffle House. I miss it.

Well, when something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN. Or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. One momentous occasion has come from this person who's either called it in or sent us a voice memo. We'll find out in just a moment right here on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hit play. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm guessing James Acaster? I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I don't know who that is. Who's that? I just completed my civil service in the form of jury duty.

We ruled in favor of the plaintiffs in a case against the villainous chemical company Monsanto, and we hit them with punitive damage of about $850 million. Whoa. I'm not sure, but I think that makes me some sort of hero. Love you guys. Aw. Wow. I just finished my civil service in the form of being at a desk, like a front desk in City Hall,

and then having one of those stamps that goes ka-chunk, ka-chunk. And then another person comes up in the line and they go ka-chunk, ka-chunk. So I'm the real hero. Right, you're the stamper. Did you recognize, am I supposed to know what that company was talking about? Monsanto? Monsanto.

Yeah, they make like pesticides. Oh. Chemical company. Yeah, I think this caller is like a folk hero. Maybe like a Paul Bunyan type Pecos Bill. How much of that 850 mil you think makes it through once the judge does his little adjustments? Once the judge gets a little for himself. Judgey needs a taste.

That's what he says. Save some for judgey. Jurors are always getting awards and then judges got to stick their little finger in the pie. Fat little finger in the pie. Pull out a plum I will and hide it under my robes. I'll taste this plum in my chambers, they say. Fucking freaks. Fucking robe freaks.

You guys know about judges. I know it's not my podcast, but what's the word? Okay, I'll tell you what. Okay, I don't know much about judges. I know a lot about... We can tell you. I know a lot about lawyers. We can tell you.

I know a lot about Judge Mathis, Judge Judy, and that's where it stops. If you go out on a blind date... Judge Joe Brown. Judge Joe Brown. Judge Joe Brown. If you go out on a blind date, okay, and the person that you're on a date with orders plums... Yes. Yeah, you know they're a fucking judge.

Yeah. But you know what? If they just have a purple end on their fat finger, that's gonna be a judge too. Okay. Huh. Stay away from judges. Is this from your

1903 Apple Man? Is that? Because I feel like it's very plum inspired. Pretty much. Right. This is a newspaper comic where someone has tariffs written on them and a purple finger for they stuck it in the pie.

When I was on a jury... Labeled public trust. It's very Calvin Coolidge. Right, yes. It's very stuck in the bathtub. Taft. I've been told I'm pretty Calvin Coolidge. Right, yes. Kind of Coolidge. It's very stuck in the bathtub, taft. I've been told I'm pretty Calvin Coolidge. You are pretty cool. Pretty Calvin Coolidge.

Our coolest president. Jordan, have you served on a jury? No, I've been to the jury duty and never been picked. Really? Yeah. What do you think's wrong with you? Always spitting around. Putter Boss, what about you?

You guys jurored? Tiff, I want to know what the roommate... You never got to it. The roommate pet peeve. Oh, yeah. My roommate peeve? Yeah. You know what, Danielle?

Go ahead and host the show. I think this will be more fruitful than the jury thing. I don't need to... No, I've never done a jury... Actually, I've never... No. fruitful than the jury thing. Okay. No, I've never done a jury. I actually have never, no, never done a jury duty. I think I got out of it one time. Danielle, what's your juror pet peeve? My juror pet?

The plump. The finger in the plump. So when they put the finger in the plump, they come out. Yeah. And it's a dirty, dirty. That's a judge thing, not a juror thing. Don't be so presumptuous, jurors. No, I'm with you.

Sugar plum apples or whatever the- Sure. Dirty, dirty, nasty, whatever the apple name you made up. Yeah, sugar plum, those nasty sugar plum apples. Grandpa's wake. So when a juror puts his finger in a grandpa's wake, pulls it out, and there's a plum, that's my pet peeve. It's the apple within the plum.

That's my pet peeve. It's the plum within the apple. The apple within the plum. That's my pet peeve. The apple within the plum. That's my pet peeve. The apple within the plum. The apple within the plum. I was on a jury, and the only things that I remember about the jury, it was in San Francisco. It was a civil trial of a woman who'd been in an accident in a taxi cab. Okay. The things I remember about this jury, which I was on for a week, were the defense lawyer or the excuse me, the the the plaintiff's lawyer, the guy who was representing the girl who had been in the accident.

He was a black guy from Marin who wore cowboy boots, which was just like a combination of cultural characteristics. I could not wrap my head around. I love that combination. It was incredible. He was a very bad. All the attorneys were very bad at it. I love that combination. It was incredible. He was a very bad. All the attorneys were very bad at it. I don't understand. Yeah.

All three of the attorneys. I love a cowboy boot attorney. Yeah. From Marin? Yeah. From Marin County. Up there in cowboy country. Yeah.

Up there in million dollars of cowboy boots. In a $10 million yurt in Marin. Okay. So that was one thing I remember. The other thing is when we got to the deliberations, everyone on the jury was in agreement that as much as all the lawyers had been embarrassments, including the plaintiff's lawyer, who was, you know, it was like a silly ambulance chaser, whatever, right? That actually, sure, the cab driver had been negligent. He didn't stop at the stop sign. He got in an accident and the woman was actually hurt.

So we were all in agreement except for this one guy. And this guy was a federal prosecutor who somehow ended up on our jury. He was a white guy with a shaved head, like 55 ish in a wheelchair. And he just fucking screamed at us. Wow. Like he's like, you're fucking falling for it. This is what's wrong with the fucking legal system. Like this is a fucking embarrassment.

And we're like, sir, we all like you're the only one. He was against the cowboy guy're the only one you and he was against the cowboy boot guy are the only television characters here the rest of us are regular none of us are played by michael chickless he was he was the most he was the most chickless man in the history of the world right history of the world and uh in the end he he literally this was a man who argues before juries he was again a federal prosecutor he just goes oh fuck it i want to go home oh wow and then went home yeah that was it he was like he voted he voted with us because uh because he didn't so he was voting against the woman that got hurt yeah he thought that's a move

you know what i mean that That's a strong move. It was because he believed that she was abusing the trial system or whatever. Typical woman stuff. He thought she was. Yeah, typical woman stuff. Those women. Always abusing the trial system. They're shopping, gabbing on the phone to their gal pals.

Wearing heels, trying to chase ambulances. Yes. Free bleeding. I met a woman. Running away chase ambulances. Yes. Free bleeding. I met a woman. Running away from ambulances. What happens when you, so what happens if you don't go to jury duty? What happens in life? Because people are like, I have to go no matter what.

I have to call off work. I got out of mine. I remember. What happens if you don't show up? I've never known that. Is there, does Marin cowboy boot knock on your door? I think they send Chickless. Yeah.

They send Grandpa's away. And it's been a while since he's been in anything, so it's kind of hard to place him when he knocks on your door. Like, he looks kind of familiar. Where are you from? Where are you from? Oh, right, right. The commish.

Yeah, I was bummed when I went to jury duty last time. Maybe Chiklis is on like a CBS procedural. That would make sense. I just haven't seen it. Commish is good. I didn't want to say it. I don't know who you're talking about. Oh, yeah.

The commish. She played the thing in those Fantastic Four movies in the early 2000s. Anyway, I don't know. Michael Chiklis. The commish. The commish. Come in. From television,is. The Commish. The Commish. Come in. From television

is The Commish. Yeah, like a, sure, a similar kind of show. Angela Lansbury. Yeah. Kat Lansbury. Kat Lansbury. Angela Lansbury.

I do know the show Mr. Ed. Right. Yes. So Chiklis, they would put peanut butter in his mouth. It makes it look like

he's talking. He's not really talking. Okay, okay, okay. Grandpa's wake, the horse. I got it. That's how it worked with Michael Chick-Less. When I was on a jury last time, I didn't want to get picked, but I had to spend a couple days in the jury room for voir dire

when they're choosing who's going to be on the jury. Oh, you have to get see, I don't know. I don't know about any of this. You have to dress pretty and braid your mustache? I did braid my mustache, but for reasons related to the relative girth of my garage. Let's just say you have to get good at something else, okay? And that requires braiding the mustache. You guys want to take a little break and braid our mustaches and then come back for some more?

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. The human mind can be tricky. Your mental health can be complex. Your emotional life can be complicated. So it helps to talk about it. I'm John Moe. Join me each week on my show Depression Mode with John Moe. It's in-depth conversations about mental health with writers,

musicians, comedians, doctors, and experts. Folks like Noah Kahn, Sashir Zameda, and Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. We talk about depression, anxiety, trauma, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism. We have the kind of conversations that a lot of folks are hesitant to have themselves. Listen, and you won't feel as alone, and you'll have some laughs too. Depressed Mode for Maximum Fun at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everyone out there. Thank you for coming to our service.

Yes. We are ready to heal you. We are Ross and Carrie. We are faith healers. Yes, you there. Yes, sir. You have a spirit of... Not listening to enough podcasts. We have the solution for that.

Oh, we can cure you. You should listen to Oh No Ross and Carrie. Hallelujah. It's on Maximum Fun. I couldn't have said it better myself. Yes, ma'am. Yes, you there. Gladys.

A spirit of boredom. Oh my goodness. We have the solution for you. It is to listen to the podcast. Oh No Ross and Carrie. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective.

Danielle Putterball, head writer of Clarissa Explains It All. And Tiffany Putterball, I can tell the girth of your garage by looking at your bathroom. Wow. It's not the girth of the garage, it's the width of the bathroom. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. It's the motion of the attic. Did Clarissa Explains It All have a colorful friend?

Six. Oh, gosh. No, no, you're thinking Blossom. That's Blossom's friend. Sam. I think Sam was Clarissa explains it all, have a colorful friend. Six. Oh, gosh. No, no, you're thinking Blossom. Blossom's friend. Sam. I think Sam was Clarissa's friend. He came in through the window? Oh, yeah.

No, Vinny from Doogie Howser. No, you're thinking of Vinny from Doogie Howser. But I think Sam did also come in the window. Jordan is right. A lot of breaking and entering. Wait, multiple characters came in through windows? Yes, yeah. You didn't know about that in the 80s convention?

The convention that your friend comes through the window, Vinny. And I think in Saved by the Bell, didn't like Zack go through a window? Didn't he, him and... Or AC Slayer. Or a screech. A screech.

Screech. No, screech. I swear to God, if screech came through my fucking window. I swear to God, if Dustin Diamond comes through my window

one more time. R.I.P. Came in through one too many windows. R.I.P. to a legend. I don't remember much about Clarissa Explains at all, except I just knew the... That's Blossom. Really? It's hard to say what was Blossom and what was Clarissa.

It's hard to say who came through the windows after the pandemic. Who came through the windows? Yeah. Who came through the windows? Listen, we were all... We all got a little brain fog. That was Blossom. That's Blossom and what was Clarissa. It's hard to say who came through the windows after the pandemic. Who came through the windows? Listen, we were all... We all got a little brain fog. That was Blossom? It could be. That's Blossom. That was Ren and Stimpy.

No, no, no. Blossom was, because in my opinionation, and then somebody's tap dancing on the piano. I'm just, even my so-called Iph. There you go. Great. Bor you go. Great.

Borat voice, my I've. There you go. I just wanted to join. That's fun, though, Matt. I'm glad you saved that one. Yeah, I waited for an hour. In even color? Yeah, sure.

Why not? Anyway, we're hurtling towards the void of death. Not me. Not me. Nope. Not in this girthy garage. He's going to live forever. Colloidal silver.

For Mother God. Yep. Thank you. God is a woman. She's on Earth. Morning vodka, colloidal silver, Mother God. Thank you. That's her vibe.

Mother God. That's what she does. Yeah, that's the pyramid. Mother God started off in 2003 looking like Jewel, left her kids, somehow became Mother God. A mummy. A blue. Looked like Jewel, left her kid. Started drinking morning vodka. Started drinking morning vodka.

Then drank silver. Started fucking a guy in his 70s. Bada bing, bada boom, Mother God. Yeah. Silver. Started fucking a guy in his 70s. Bada bing, bada boom, Mother God. Yeah.

Now, where in this did they invent goddess dressing? Green goddess dressing? I think that was when the Florida, I think that's when those Florida white girls got involved. This is all at Sarah Lawrence College. Is that correct? It's all happening at Sarah Lawrence. And then in a live stream, they had to sell something. This is like an HBO docu-series about a cult. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you've got to see it. You really must. You'veies about a cult. Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you've got to see it. You really must. You really must. The colloidal silver? Is this in the cult? She drinks morning vodka, and then she starts pounding silver, colloidal silver, until she turns blue. Colloidal or colloidal?

It's nice because it's a woman. She's got a cult. Colloidal or colloidal? And it's nice because it's a woman. When you watch the people that she brings into her cult and start fucking, it's really great news. She starts having sex with a meth guy. No, she first starts with a 70-year-old. And then she turns. And then an ex-Marine that she starts saying, she anoints them as you are the father of the God.

You are a father. You are a father of the God. And then all of the 10 people that are following start to believe that he's father god mother god and then when like a hotter guy comes in she's like oh actually there's a new god and you actually masturbate in the corner now yes and then so they're like he's like i'm the king of the metaverse and then he has to masturbate in the corner, the other guy. So you really got to give it a lot. Somebody has to masturbate in a corner.

Well, that's what. No, I added that. I think I was probably. That's what I saw in my head. But you know what? It was inferred. It was inferred. Yeah.

Thank you. Now, what I heard. Yeah. I heard that there's a real martial art where. Right. Yes. That's. This is the same.

I think Frankie probably saw this same docu she did yeah that's what she was just describing just threats just threats just threats I love it I teach kids and this kid told me

it's one of my favorite kid sayings he said I've got good news and bad news which one do you want first and I've got good news and bad news. Which one do you want first? And I was like, give me the bad news. He said, the bad news is my tummy hurts. The good news is lizard's tails grow back after they fall off. That is very good news.

That is very good news. So in that respect, maybe it's going to be your slogan for 2024. Yeah, maybe it's going to be. Good news, Lizard's tails fall off after they get cut off. Or they grow back after they get. Yeah. Putterbaugh sisters, you have a YouTube series that people can enjoy. Sure. They can watch it.

It's called Kitchen Women. They can check us out on the World Wide Web. On the World Wide Web. Putterbaugh, P-U-T-T-E-R-B-A-U-G-H Danny and what happens in kitchen women wait I'm still in kitchen women

here okay okay okay we wrote actually we wrote a web series about two women living the same day over and over again

in the 1950s trapped in their kitchen they just drink and keep drinking and taking pills and slowly realize how shitty their life is. And then eventually they get to leave. They're married to two men who are in love with each other and they always leave for the briefcase convention.

And it's a made up thing so that they can go have sex with each other. And yeah. And there's a Tupperwood salesman that comes by and that's not Tupperware, but it's Tupperware made of wood so that men can buy it too. Yeah. And it's silly. That sounds like a lot of fun. It's like this briefcase convention.

Briefcase convention. I like this briefcase convention. Yeah. It's where men go and they- Let my wife know about this. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be at the briefcase convention.

It starts late. Yeah. This'll be at the briefcase convention. It starts late. Yeah. This is called Kitchen Women. Kitchen Women. You're also on social medias probably, right? That's true. I'm on Yahoo. We're on AOL chat.

Now, if you're on Yahoo, but do you have the little pixelated sunglasses next to your No, that's how you know I'm lying. I don't have the verified sunglasses check. You can check us out on TickTick. We post videos every very once in a while. And so that's what they tell you to do.

Putterball Sisters, you can check me out on Instagram, Putterball Tiff, Putterball Danny. Yeah. What's nice about Putterball Sisters is

it's an almost parodically good name for a comedy act. I know. I know. Somebody a long time ago was like, Putterball's your real last name? And I was like, yeah. A lot of people think that. And he was like, you do have to do comedy, I think.

Yeah. You have no choice. People think it's a stage name. But my passion is fishing. Sorry. There's no Putterball on the thing. No Putterball on fishing. Sorry.

But I like accounting. Sorry. But I want to work in a field. Sorry. But I like accounting. Sorry. But I want to work in a field. Sorry. Take an improv class. People think we made it up. People think it's a stage name. One time in Chicago, we performed.

This is nice. We said, came out afterwards, and this guy said, man, it was named like putterball. I thought you guys were going to be fat. No, no, no. What he said was, no, no, no. He said what I. Yeah. Is it better than that?

He said, I thought you guys were going to be fat and not funny. But. Yeah, you weren't fat. Oh, boy. It's better. It was better than that. Okay. And I was like, oh, yeah.

I was talking to someone from the home electronics company on the phone, just making an appointment to ask them about pull-down movie screens. And she said, Jesse Thorne. It's like a movie star name. I said, no, ma'am, just television. I wish. I haven't done film. You're thinking of Jordan. Jesse Thorne does sound like maybe an

action character. That's true. I didn't think about it like that. It's a zippy name. That's probably why I got to host the 2009 IFC Independent Spirit Awards nomination special. That is... I didn't know we were sitting amongst stars.

Television. Not film, but television. TV is the new film. That's a good point, Jordan. That's true. The bear. The bear. I will never watch because it's my thing now to not watch it.

Well. I'm Tom Cruise. I'm the new Tom Cruise. Cool. Tom Cruise is getting old, so I'm the new Tom Cruise. Yeah, nice. I was on Comedy Bang Bang that one time. Right.

Okay, Potter Boss Sisters, it's been a delight to have you here. Thank you for having us. Matt Lieb is the producer of Jordan, Jesse Go. Brian Sundy, D. Fernandez, our producer of Meredith. You can find us on social medias ourselves, at JordanDavidMorris, at put.this.on on Instagram. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. It's a great Reddit there to go to. And you can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo.

Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and their label, Light in the Attic Records. Thank you, The Free Design, surviving members thereof. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you and love you love you love you love you love you

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