Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Angela Kinsey

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

This week on JOY, Craig’s “bestie friend,” Angela Kinsey, stops by! Angela is a star on the hit TV show The Office (US), and co-hosts the successful podcast “Office Ladies” with co-star Jenna Fisher, focusing on the ultimate Office re-watch. Additionally, Craig and Angela discuss her talent as an exceptional tennis player. This is a fun one - enJOY!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said, like, in my head for, like, 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez.

And on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life. I had the best dad. And I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business.

Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, this is Craig Ferguson, and even though you are listening to my podcast right now, I'm currently out on the Fancy Rascal Tour. Come and see me in such beautiful places as Wichita, Kansas, Springfield, Missouri,

Kansas City, Missouri, Omaha, Nebraska, Des Moines, Kansas, Springfield, Missouri, Kansas City, Missouri, Omaha, Nebraska, Des Moines, Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa, and many others. For the full list of dates, please go to my website, thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. My name is Craig Ferguson. This podcast is called Joy. It's not rocket science. I talk to people I like about their pursuit of happiness. Here's Angela Kinsey, one of my bestie friends, a star of the hit US TV show, The Office. She is now the co-host of a big successful podcast

based on a TV show called The Office. Enjoy. How are you, pal? I'm good. Yeah? Yeah. You were playing tennis today. I didn't know you were, I nearly said teeny tiny tennis player, and then I thought, that's not very nice. I'm a tiny tennis player. It's true. I'm the shortest of my tennis group, shocker. Look

at me playing to the camera. See, this is what happens. Yeah, that's right right that's what you do turn the cameras off when you turn them on i'm like oh look i'm pretty yeah there's there's your clip wait do you see my feet can you see that i'm i can see your feet i have beautiful feet but they have a slight anomaly my big toe is not my biggest toe my toe next to my big toe is bigger so it goes up and then it goes down. There's some meaning. I've read somewhere.

I can't remember it. It means, I had a girlfriend once that said, it means that you're intelligent. And I was like, does it though, really? I don't know. I think that you can have foot-based IQ. But I think she was being nice to me. She was just freaked out by your weird toes.

It makes you more intelligent. Can I go? That's awful. Just cover, put a sock on it. Oh no. Keep your socks on. It's just a thing. I like that. So tennis though. I don't understand. How did you get into tennis when you were

growing up in Jakarta? I was going to say Jakarta. You know why I remember Jakarta? Why? Because of the old joke. What? About Jakarta? There's an old stand-up joke about Jakarta?

There's two old stand-up jokes about Jamaica and Jakarta. Get on. I'm telling you. Right. So I say, I say, I say, my wife's gone to the West Indies. Okay. Jamaica. Jamaica or Jakarta?

No, she went of her own accord. That's what the old Von Vojtel, right? Oh, okay. And then I say, I say, my wife's gone to the East Indies. Jakarta? No, she went of her own accord. No, it's so bad. So bad.

Boo. I think Jakarta is involved in it. I do remember you grew up in Jakarta anyway. Yeah. And that's where you developed your love of tennis. Well, my mom played tennis. My mom was always playing tennis. And so I was just always on the court with her and there was no like iPad. So she would just be like, here, go hit that ball against the wall for like an hour. So I just hit the ball. That's racquetball. That's a whole different thing though. No, because this ball bounces. Okay. Does racquetball know?

Did you play racquetball too? Not if I have to. Okay. Why am bounces. Okay. Does racquetball, did you play racquetball too? Not if I have to. Okay. Why am I throwing so much shade to racquetball? I don't know. It's like you hate racquetball. I hope you get letters.

I think that's going to. Andrew and Kendi, I'm here to tell you about racquetball. It's a wonderful sport. No. That's the click bait from this.

Yes, really. I was looking at these racquetball shotguns. None of the other stuff, just that. No, so it was, you know, Indonesia, we know, Indonesia.

We had no television. We were outside all the time. Why were you in Indonesia? Why were your parents in Indonesia? Are they spies? Were they really? Did they work for the government? Okay.

But that's out there now. Okay. No. My dad was a drilling engineer. That's right. It was oil. Oil. It was oil because you're kind of not, your accent isn't Indonesian.

I don't know what an Indonesian accent sounds like, but I don't think it's a good idea that I attempt one. I don't think you should. I'm not going to. I wouldn't advise it. But when I speak Indonesian, I think I don't sound... Do you have a Texas accent when you speak Indonesian? I don't think so. My sisters do.

My sisters, like if I said, Sekarang sayabajara dengan Craig, right now I'm talking to you. Yeah, that's so cool. My sister would be like, Sekarang sayabajara dengan Craig. Right now I'm talking to you. Yeah, that's so cool. My sister would be like, Sekarang sayabajara dengan Craig. That's great. That's lovely. Sati demau.

I don't want anything. How come? What age were you when you came back from? 14. I moved there when I was two. Oh, wow. So you must like identify really as Indonesian, really, quite a lot. It's my whole childhood.

And I also didn't know any pop culture, like when we came to the States. That's such a gift. I didn't know any like references. Well, maybe not until a 14-year-old. It made me a weird, I was an outcast. I was a weirdo. Was it traumatic? Because that's like junior high.

That's the worst time to move. Oh, my God. It was horrible. It was horrible. That's why you were in comedy. Yes, because it's just survival. Yeah, totally. You know, like maybe if I make them laugh, they won't put me in a locker because I fit into a locker.

No, see, they said what you're doing. You know what you're doing. You made it funny about being little. And then so they wouldn't put you in a locker. I might put you in a locker just because you said that. I did get in a locker. Did you really? I was like, look, I can fit. You don't need to put me in here now. Oh, no. That makes me feel bad.

Oh, I was fine. Were you? Were you all right? I imagine you'd be quite popular because you're funny and beautiful, and that goes a long way in junior high school. Well, pretty much everywhere, really, doesn't it? Well, I mean, it doesn't hurt. No. That's nice of you to say. I've never felt like I was the prettiest girl in the room for sure. Definitely not. You're definitely the prettiest girl in this room. I'm the only girl in this room. That doesn't matter.

That doesn't matter. I mean, look, also, you're a very pretty woman. Why would you say that about yourself? No, I don't. You don't think about it like that? I don't think about it like that. I think I do just fine. Yeah, you do.

I think I do just fine. But I you do. I think I do just fine. But I definitely, sometimes you meet someone though and you're like, oh damn, that's a different. Like Angelina Jolie walked behind me at an award show one time and I was like, all right, I get it. I get it. You know, I once had to make space for Jennifer Lopez to get past me at an award ceremony. Oh, really? Like I was sitting in a seat, and she passed by.

She was married to Mark... Mark Anthony? Mark Anthony. She was married to Mark Anthony at the time. And not the Roman senator. I know, you said Anthony. What was his name? Was it Anthony?

Oh, is that a difference? Mark Anthony, Mark Anthony? I think so. Okay. It's a pronunciation. I'm not originally from Indonesia, so my accent may be different. But anyway, I was at this awards ceremony.

I was in my seat. And you know, it was the old, the Shrine Auditorium downtown, right? So it's like the old-timey cinema seats. Yeah, yeah. And I had to stand up. You know that kind of half stand up you do when the seat folds up?

So I had to half stand up. And then Mark Anthony or Anthony came by first. And he's quite a little guy and just kind of got through quite nicely. And then she came by and she passed by right in front of my eyes. But yeah, no, I have played tennis. How'd you do? No, I only tried it once. I didn't care for it. You're very tall.

Is that bad for tennis? No, it's great. I mean, you would cover the net so well. There's a Scottish guy I've heard of who's good at tennis. Who's that? Andy Murray, his name is. Is he Scottish? Yeah, he's from Dunblane. I stayed at his place at the Cromlechs. What's the Cromlechs? Oh my gosh, it's beautiful. What is that? Is that a place in Scotland? Well, yeah. And so we stayed there and there was a couple, an older couple. I like to vacation where everyone is like 60 and up. Yeah. Those were my... You know, wherever I go, there's an over 60 there because I'm now over 60. Are you really? I'm 60. Okay. You're dipping your toe in. 50s, 60s, a new 50. I don't know. 60 is the... 60 is 60. 60 has always fucking been, yeah.

Well, I was vacationing with a bunch of people from the UK who were in their 60s. Yeah, that's a different type of 60. Yeah. That's like... And this woman next to us was like, you know, Andy Murray owns all of this. And I was like, oh, really? What, Scotland? He owns all of Scotland?

No, the Cromlechs. Oh, right. Okay. And I said, well, it's a lovely castle. And she went, it's not a castle. I mean, it's a lovely castle. And she went, it's not a castle. I mean, it's a great house. What was the difference? A castle was a military installation, I guess.

I said, oh, and I guess also the size. Well, you stayed at my place. My place is a castle. Are we talking about it? Sure. What? Yeah, we can talk about it. As long as you don't give out the address.

Giant castle near the moat, Scotland. I mean, this could be fucking anywhere. Get on a road and then, right when you think you're lost, that's where your place is.

You know, in that castle that Sean Connery lives in and all the movies that he's in, when they go to Sean Connery,

he says, that's my castle. That's your castle. Your place is gorgeous. You guys, here's the thing. It's not a place, it's a castle.

That's right, it's a place. Andy Murray owns it. My family and I went and we stayed with you guys, and you were so gracious. And I, here's the thing. We had never taken the kids to Europe before, and they all wanted to take a big suitcase. You guys traveled like, I mean, it was like Victorians when you turned up. I was so embarrassed.

I was so embarrassed. They were hot boxes. We each had a big suitcase and then a little suitcase. And then right as we get there, you say, great, you're on the 93rd floor or something. You were on the top. 90 steps. It was 93 steps. 93 steps.

93 steps. We counted. And I was like, what? And you're like, yeah. We carried these suitcases. I feel like I helped you carry the bags oh you 100% did i felt so bad yeah and i had covid then too i never told you shut up but you know what we know who did no a lot of people got covid but when we had that party

it was a little bit of a super spread of a super spreader event we thought there was no gonna be no covid and then there was quite a bit of a super spreader. A bit of a super spreader event. We thought there was going to be no COVID. And then there was quite a bit of it. You took so many precautions. And then my favorite thing was after the first night, the first night, the next morning breakfast, we're walking out. And I just see this one person who we both know. Yeah. And they're like a field away waving at me. And I was like, where are you going?

And they're like, we're leaving. Yeah, we're leaving. We just tested positive for COVID. And they left. And we were all stuck there like, well, I guess we going? And they're like, we're leaving. Yeah, we're leaving. We just tested positive for COVID. And they left. And we were all stuck there like, well, I guess we'll have the party anyway. And then you're like, you said to me, don't tell anyone. For legal reasons, that's not true. But I did.

I was like, okay. And you were like, did he hug you? And I was like, yes. Oh, shit. Did he breathe on you? And he was like, yeah, you're like, did he breathe on you or cough on you? And I was like, yes. Oh, shit. Did he breathe on you? And he was like, yeah, you were like, did he breathe on you or cough on you? And I was like, he laughed really hard in my face. Oh, no.

Jesus. But I didn't get it. I've never heard from him since. Not a fucking peep. Stop it. Not a fucking peep. Maybe he died. He did not.

I've talked to him. Oh, you have? I've talked to him, yeah. All right. He called you and made sure you were all right and called me. I didn't get COVID at that part. I didn't either. We're fine.

Yeah, we didn't get it from him. We're fine. But a lot of people, like 36 people. You know, my doctor was saying. You're kidding. My doctor. Your doctor? Your doctor's wife?

Yeah. Beautiful people. Beautiful people. Both over 60. Yes. Let's be honest. My kind of people. Maybe a fair bit over 60.

I walked along your river. Do you know he has a river? Not the whole river. Just a couple of miles. Just part of it. Just a couple of miles. Just as far as you can see. Yeah. My kind of people. Maybe a fair bit. I walked along your river. Do you know he has a river? Not the whole river, just a couple of miles. Just a couple of miles. Just as far as you can see. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Anyway, I live a block from the freeway. Well, yeah, but you're doing fine. The thing is, house a block from the freeway where you live costs about the same as a castle in a river in Scotland. Oh, my God. The whole time I was there, he was trying to unload his other castle on me. Yeah.

Don't tell everyone I've got two castles. People can't relate. He leaned over to me at dinner. He was like, seriously? Seriously, you should buy this castle. You should buy it. You make me sound like a dick. Maybe I am a dick.

I don't know. But here's the thing. My doctor and his wife were there. I won't say the name because of the, you know, Hippocratic Oath, but in reverse. It's a reach around Hippocratic Oath. I don't know what it is. I don't want to go there.

All right. Stop it. Nobody's, anyway, look, what I'm saying is that. It's not a phrase you use casually. Reach around. I'm going to go grocery shopping. I just got to reach around. Just got to reach around There you get the paper towels

It's a reach around Excuse me ma'am Can you step aside I need to reach around For paper towels No I don't I didn't mean it like that I mean what I'm saying

It's a reverse That's what I mean It's a reverse Hippocratic Oath Anyway So they're there Reverse reach around And they Which is just

A reach You just said it again I guess a reverse reach around Would just be a reach Because then you're not Anyway look Here's the thing He found out and well i said to them look somebody's tested positive for covid i've never seen two old people move that fast in my fucking life they were like boom out the door i was like where'd you go and it was like wow it was almost like it was like

you know the harry potter thing where they just like disappear up the fireplace it was like wow they were gone i know there was a thinning out the next night there was some empty seats yeah there was some empty seats because the covid had made its presence known and i never got it megan got it my kids both got it and i didn't get i didn't get it to a month later we never got it no you never got it ever never well we got the og covid right okay when you could get it from like not cleaning your groceries or having enough exactly yeah that was it i didn't wipe down my grocery bag yeah that's how you get it what i was going to

say was i didn't get covid at the party last summer when you were at my house yeah but a month later i went to dublin to celebrity name that tune. You know, it's the fucking kind of showbiz life I love, right? Right, right. It's just side hustle. Right. A little side scratch. Right.

And I got Irish COVID. Oh, no. The worst leprechaun. It's fucking like, it's the worst. And it gets right in there and you get sweaty and your lucky charms fall off. It's fucking, it was awful. And you never got a top

while you got the OG, did you? I got OG, yeah. But you didn't get long? I had no symptoms. I didn't run fever. I was a little tired, but whatever, you know, I have three kids.

I just figured I'm tired. Right. And then I was cutting a lemon and I couldn't smell it. Uh-oh. And the kids and my husband had COVID. We were isolating and doing the whole thing. Right. And I was cutting a lemon and I couldn't smell it. And the kids and my husband had COVID. We were isolating and doing the whole thing. And I was making dinner and I cut this lemon in half and I couldn't smell it.

Then I licked it and I couldn't taste it. And I just yelled to them all, come out. Oh, right. Because everybody's got it. Yeah. I don't, I mean, we tried isolating and that. You've seen my house. There's places you can isolate.

Your house. Yeah. And we still everybody got it sent me and i had to make sandwiches and stuff it was a nightmare you made sandwiches yeah i know everybody says that like you didn't i did i had to make sandwiches and tea and shit my favorite one of my favorite things of being at your castle was i couldn't find like where my kids were because we were in this one part of the tower. And then the tower, you walk down steps and then they're little like different floors shoot off from the tower. Yeah, it's a castle.

It's a castle. Oh, my God. You know what? Just relax. Relax. It's a castle. It's got a spiral staircase with rooms. I know.

And like people were tortured in the 1400s or something. But anyway, so I'm like, it's like seven in the morning and i told my daughter i would check in on her when i woke up so i'm going i'm in pajamas my hair is like you know whatever i'm going down into when my slippers and i get to this one floor and i turn and i see a shadowy figure step out in his pajamas and it's you me yes oh and we looked at each other and you had that's right head that's right and i was like and i and we just went like this huh and then i and i said kids and you pointed that way that's right and then i found them yeah they were they were all kind of all the kids kind of gravitated to one room i think for ghost reasons there was like they thought if they were all in the one room that the ghosts couldn't get them. Which is

likely because I don't think there are any ghosts in that castle. There's ghosts in the other castle. It's so fucking haunted. You can't even be in it. But this one is fine. This one's totally fine. It's fine. Now, did you go for a walk down by the river and stuff? Did you play

tennis on the tennis court? I never found the tennis court. There's no tennis court. I didn't think so. No. Yeah. How can you keep it dry? It just rains all the time. It rains in Scotland all the time.

Hence the castle, reasonable priced castle. It's like, it's fucking underwater most of the time. We walked all over. It was so beautiful. It was so much fun. You had a whole vacation in Scotland then last summer.

You were... Yeah, we went to London first and then we went to Scotland I just love Scotland I mean I could hang my hat there for sure well wait

I could sell you a castle I know please tell me you've sold it no I haven't sold it actually what happened it was a huge storm and it got damaged

and we got into this huge insurance claim for it it's an awful mess so I'm having a great time with it. I remember I used to, you know, Pierce Brosnan, have you ever run into Pierce Brosnan in your show business life?

I mean, one time I was at a Golden Globes after party, the HBO after party, and I was dancing my ass off with a few friends. It was like, it was, I don't know, early seasons of The Office where every time you got invited to a party, you were like, yeah, let's do this. And there was free food and free drinks, and we were so excited. And he was sort of standing on the edge of the dance floor and sort of started to dance a little bit in the corner. And my friend was like, holy shit, Pierce Brosnan is dancing behind you. Oh, my God.

Your friend is a ventriloquist dummy. Oh, my God. She was trying to be very cool and then i just was like what and you know did you dance with him i danced near him okay that's yeah that counts yeah anyway the reason why i brought him up i used to live near him and the in malibu i used to see him on the beach and every time i saw him he'd be complaining about because i like pierce i've known him for a while and he and every time I saw him he'd be complaining about because I like Pierce I've known him for a while and every time I saw him he would say

that fucking house in fucking Malibu it's falling out of the water yet he got into a huge problem with apparently there's a big wobbly bit of water there

called the ocean and it can really fuck up your house yeah and he got he got that he had a house like hanging over it or something. He has the best parties though.

You should make friends with him. Him and his wife, Kaylee, have the best parties. I met Barbara Streisand at their house. Stop it. I did, yeah. And she was nice to me. Did you make small talk with her? Yeah.

What do you say? I was like, what I said was, you were great in What's Up, Doc. No, you did not. I did say, what's wrong with that? Did you really? Yeah. I said, you were great in What's Up, Doc. No, you did not. I did say, what's wrong with that? Did you really? Yeah. I said, you were great in What's Up, Doc. What did she say?

She said, that was a little time ago. I went, well, it's the first movie I saw. And I fell in love with her. Well, actually, it wasn't the first movie. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. The first movie I saw was Sound of Music. Julie Andrews was also there. Did you talk to her?

Yeah, I actually. Did you talk to her? Yeah, I actually... Did you use the same line? Yeah. Do you think they talked to each other? Yes, they hate you. Are you invited anymore? You know, I haven't seen either one of them for a while. I should bring it up.

But I don't think so. I think that Julie Andrews knew that it was the first movie I ever saw, Sound of Music, and Barbra Streisand didn't care so it was alright but Barbara Streisand, they were both lovely I can't, I can't

I'm a bit frightened of Barbara Streisand I'd be too scared, I really shut down in parties like that why, you're a big star, you've got the biggest podcast in the world you're so funny I really can't I'll just go hang out in the kitchen with the caterers.

I mean, that's adorable, but you don't have to do that. No, I don't. People are like, it's actually okay. No, no, no. Yeah, they do. I've heard them. No, they don't. No, they don't.

And I'm okay with it. I'm totally okay with it. But my resting self is just really dorky. And then in those moments, the dorkiness heightens this is an official invitation to the fancy rascal stand-up show I Craig Ferguson will be performing this summer and fall in your region you can buy tickets and check out the full list of dates at thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. See you there or not. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world.

We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you've got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials,

you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Back in 1969,

this was the hottest song around. So hot that some guys from Michigan tried to steal it. My name is Daniel Ralston. For ten years, I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. A group would have a hit record, and quickly they would hire a bunch of guys to go out and be the group. People were being cheated on several levels. After years of searching, we bring you

the true story of the fake zombies. I was like blown away. These guys are not going to get away with it. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're

going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there on this. People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself.

I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, oh, great, you see me too. We'll laugh together. We'll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Dabluke on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When The Office was done, right? You guys were done right about the same time I was done in

Late Night, I think, weren't you? Or maybe a little before? No, I think you're right. It was a bit round at that time. Did you find the adjustment period difficult after coming off a big hit show like that? I did a pilot immediately right away with Rob Riggle, played his wife for Fox. Okay. So I went right from the office, right to this pilot. That was a really crazy experience because the way I got the office was I auditioned. I auditioned for the role of Pam.

Okay. But they said I was too feisty. I think that's a fair note, actually. There's a moment where Michael fake fires Pam in front of Ryan the Timp to impress him. And Pam kind of starts to cry and she calls him a jerk. And then I was in front of all the producers, big room full of people.

And when it got to that moment, I think I just became very Southern. And I went, jerk! And they all started to laugh and I remember thinking I don't think they're supposed to be laughing right here yeah and then four months later they called me back and said hey we've got this sort of prickly lady in accounting you know and that's pretty and then I just went and I read with the director and I got it so doing the pilot for Fox right after The Office was so studio and networky and corporate. A lot of executives. A lot of executives.

None of them work there now. Yeah, and they all... These people last six fucking months and then they go. Yeah. That's why I'm never nice to them now. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

You have to do what my mom says. What's that? Be politely bored. I fucking nailed it. What's that? Be politely bored. I've fucking nailed it. I have a hard time because I think, see, amongst people in show business,

like actors and writers and directors and stuff, I don't encounter much phoniness at all. I don't think people are really phony. But executives, they are the worst. You know, will you do a podcast? Oh, we just want to film it? Wait a minute. That's a TV show.

Yeah, you got to be careful with those assholes. You have three cameras. What? I thought they were like fancy microphones. I know. I know. But so you did the pilot, but did the pilot get picked up? No, it didn't.

Did that freak you out? Did you think, uh-oh? I really didn't at the time, but then I did another pilot and it didn't go. Okay, that's what happens with pilots most of the time. Yeah, and then I did a TV show and I filmed in Vancouver and I had the best time. Oh, remind me what that show was because I remember. It was called Haters Back Off

and I had to dye my hair. That's right. Like I had dark, dark, dark hair. Like brown hair. And I saw you that time and you were filming. You were flying up and down and you hated it. I hated having to go

back and forth, back and forth. Right. I loved Vancouver. You liked the job. And I loved the people. But then that went two years and didn't go.

And then all of a sudden I was like, well shit. Yeah. Now I'm hustling. I'm hustling. I'm doing like, you know,

a movie in Atlanta and then I'm going to Orlando. Then I'm going to New Orleans'm hustling. I'm doing like, you know, a movie in Atlanta. And then I'm going to Orlando. Then I'm going to New Orleans. And I was just taking- Some people just call that a career though. I mean, it's not nothing to panic about. Right, right. But it wasn't consistent.

And we had had that for a long time. Yeah, I know. You get used to it. You get used to it. Then I sort of really started to do the hustle. And then that's when Jen and I started the podcast. Then the podcast, I think, is very interesting because the podcast

that you do is a podcast where you take an episode of The Office and re-watch it and talk about what it was like to make it. Is that right?

Is that fair? Yeah, it's a re-watch podcast. We started at the very beginning. We're going in order each week and we reach out

to the cast and the writers and the cast and the writers and the directors and the crew members and people call in or you know it's so easy now you can

zoom in or you can just send in an audio clip and like tell the story and people have been super supportive and it's been really great and then

I think the fans of the show were there to hear behind the scenes but then we also have people who are staying for Jenna and I and our friendship

and that's really fun too well you're very funny both of you are very funny very clever woman so it's entertaining thank you you got you guys are really bestie friends as well yeah we're really bestie friends which is great too because we can in the moment i can say like oh you're gonna want to retell that oh that's right we have that like ability to be like, oh, you know what? This is why I do a podcast on my own. Yeah. Because I don't have any friends. You do too. I've burned too many bridges.

You do too. Barbara Streisand. Barbara Streisand. She loves you. She loves you. That's your podcast. There she is. Craig and Barbara.

Craig and Barbara. I think, you know what, to be fair, I think it might be Barbara and Craig. Maybe so. You know what? Maybe she's got a career behind her. I feel like. Maybe it's just Barb though. That's her podcast personality. Barb. be Barbara and Craig. Maybe so. You know what? Maybe she's got a career behind her. Maybe it's just Barb, though. That's her podcast personality.

Barb. Or Barb and Craig. E. Craig. No, you're Greg. Just Barb. And then who's on the show today, Barb? I get to say that. Oh, yeah.

Your side couch. Yeah, I'm Ed McMahon. Mm-hmm. Or Jeff Peterson. You did the voice of Jeff Peterson one night. I did. I did your robot one time. When Josh was on the robot, who was the robot's inside juice.

He was touring. You know what he was doing? What? He was doing an ad campaign in Britain. What for? He got this ad campaign for this like big giant thing. He's my friend, Josh. And he got this big ad campaign where he was doing the voice of Morgan Freeman.

Because he can do an amazing Morgan Freeman voice. So when they can't get Morgan Freeman, they hire your friend? Yeah. Shut the front door. Yeah, it's show business. I don't want a gig like that. Well, who can you sound like? Can you do Morgan Freeman?

No, don't do that one. That's taken. What about Barbra Streisand? Can you do Barbra Streisand? No, but I think I can do Martha Stewart. Let's hear it. Okay. One time I went to a food Stewart. Let's hear it. Okay. One time I went to a food expo and Martha was there.

Right. This is not you doing it yet? No, this is set up. Okay, okay, okay. Yes, Craig, this is me doing Martha. I just didn't know how good it was. Where's that food expo? She's Southern.

So she was showing off her Instapot. She had an Instapot. Is that to do with Snoop Dogg and their friendship? No. Okay. No, it's a pot you put things in and you cook it instantly. Oh, it's not an actual pot. Yeah, no.

Like add water and get high. That's a whole other show they're doing, I'm sure. So, okay. So she had her Instapot and she was going to give a display of it. And she also had these puffer sweater vests. Okay, so it's like imagine a puffy vest, but then imagine you a display of it. And she also had these puffer sweater vests. Okay. So it's like imagine a puffy vest, but then imagine you put sleeves on it. So it's like a t-shirt, but it zips up, but it's a puffer vest. I don't even know what's happening with it, but everyone,

her whole staff was wearing them. I love the sound of this. Okay. And she said, so, and she took questions from the audience, right? And so this woman was like, Martha, I just need a really simple dish. My family is coming for Thanksgiving and I just need a simple, maybe an appetizer. And I have a very small apartment. And Martha was like, well, you know, I love, I absolutely love Gruyere. So if you could get some Gruyere.

And oh, I feed my chickens blueberries and because I love this certain color of blue and when they eat the blueberries, their eggs are blue. And I am right now wearing my puffer vest in navy. I wanted the blue, but they didn't have it. I wanted my Instapot in the blue. They didn't have it. Wow my instapot in the blue they didn't have it wow this is terrifying first of all if that's really what she said that's terrifying and also what's terrifying is how close that was that was like martha stewart was in the room and and she also says things like this she also says things like this you are very humorous yeah you're humorous yeah that she is one of those i think these people that You know that You're very funny

Yes Like that's the thing With executives Like in Hollywood They'll say You are hilarious You're hilarious I loved you

Your show is hilarious And you're hilarious You have a hilarious accent Are you from outside of the country? You should work that Did you get a lot When you first came here To get work Did you get a lot, when you first came here to get work, did you get a lot of southern jobs? Was it a lot of like Larry the Cable Guy's wife and stuff? I mean, yes.

Yeah. I mean, I did a voiceover on King of the Hill where they go to the super, the mega low mart. And one of my lines was, we don't sell super squatters anymore on account of they're dangerous. And one of my lines was, we don't sell super squirters anymore on account of they're dangerous. And then I was also a dispatch lady in the police office. It was like, all units, code nine, all units. That's very good. It's like you picked up that Southern stuff very quickly.

I auditioned for this pilot. I wanted it so badly one year. And it was set in a small town in Texas. I was like, I got this. And it's like the no nonsense, like judge in the small town. I'm like, yes, this is me. And so I went in and I played it exactly like one of the people I know in my small town from home. And the writer loved it. And the network, because I went all the way to the network read,

they said, she's making fun of Texas. And that's going to make people uncomfortable. I was like, what? I am from Texas. I am playing a person from my hometown. This is exactly who they are. I have that story as well. When I first got out of town, the movie Braveheart had just come out.

Did you audition for Braveheart? I did. Didn't get it. Not Scottish enough. I auditioned for Braveheart had just come out and they were doing Did you audition for Braveheart? I did didn't get it not Scottish enough I auditioned for Braveheart everybody in Scotland auditioned for Braveheart I didn't get it

and I've kind of fostered a resentment about that ever since but I'm going to let that go I think you should hold on to it alright I'll keep going

but when I go here hold on to your resentment the movie had come out and well you know what the worst thing was lots of people who got it you're like that guy's fucking hopeless yeah but and he's not scottish he's not scottish well the guy who got my job wasn't scottish the job that i was down to the last two and the guy who got the job was irish and to be fair he was playing irish so it was all right oh is he the guy that was like, that's my island? Yeah.

Oh! That was the job. And I was right there, and I met Mel Gibson a couple of times and everything, and I didn't get it. It's like, ah, I was crushed, because I could really use that job at the time. Now, I don't know. But then I was like, I could really have done that job. Actually, now I would still love that job. I don't know why I'm trying to say that.

I would. But that's not the story. The story is this. The story is, I got to LA because I was so angry at not getting the job in Braveheart. I thought, I'm going to move to America and get a different job. Yeah. That's one of the reasons. And I came here and I couldn't get a job.

And I auditioned. They wanted a Scottish actor to read the audiobook series of the Braveheart spinoff books. Did you do it? I auditioned for it. Yeah. And the executive said, we just don't feel your accent is authentic. I'm like, I'm the only fucking Scottish person you've ever met in your fucking life. Now, if he had heard me say that, he would have said, oh, yeah, maybe that is authentic.

But I didn't get the job. I wasn't Scottish enough. So you auditioned twice for Braveheart? Both times. Didn't get it. Well, I think you're okay to hold on to that. Yeah, I'm seething when I think of it. Maybe if I do the Netflix reboot.

Yeah. Because it must be a bit ready for it. Right, a musical. Yeah, or something. Yes. But anyway, I didn't get Braveheart twice is what I'm saying. I don't know why I brought that up. I brought it up because I seethed with resentment about it.

Oh, and we were also talking about, you asked me if I'd ever done a role where I got to use my accent. Yeah. Yeah. Well, in the office, you kind of used your accent. I did not. A little bit. You could hear it a little bit.

I know. Well, like three o'clock in the afternoon, you can always hear it. Because I get a little tired. And like after lunch, one time I had to say, you send us all these filthy emails. And I can't say a vowel with like an I before an L or like any vowel in front of an L. I'm just screwed. Right. So I, and I was also tired and I wasn't focusing.

And so I said, you send us all these filthy emails. And John Krasinski was like, hello, Texas has arrived. And I also had to say a hand-tilled field. That's a difficult thing to say. And I kept saying hand-tilled field. Hand-tilled field. Hand-tilled field. And then the writer came over and said, just say hand plowed. Oh, nice. Yeah. Well, I think it's interesting. It seems to me, and maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that the cast of The Office got along. We really did.

Yeah, and you remained friends. We have a group text. We still text. That's amazing. Yeah. Do you know how rare that is? I think we are really fortunate. I think also the show, I mean, Steve Carell set the tone.

He was no ego. He's a very nice man. Nice, nice person. And he was so up for whoever could sell the joke the best. It didn't have to be number one on the call sheet to sell the joke. If we had a line that wasn't working and then Phyllis said it and it killed the room, Phyllis should say it. And it was a real collaborative, creative effort that way right so that's real that also is very rare yeah did you ever have any interaction with Ricky Gervais yes so he came to set and he was there one day at lunch

and um I was going through the lunch line and the AD came out to me, assistant director, and said, Angela, your talking head is first up after lunch. And I said, oh, okay. And one of our producers were like, oh, Ricky's going to be here for that. You can watch that. And I was like, oh, great. And then Ricky looked at me and said, don't worry,

I don't tsk too loudly. He is a very interesting guy, Ricky Gervais, I think, because he's nothing like people think he is he's a very interesting guy Ricky Gervais I think because he's nothing like people think he is yeah yeah he's very he's shy yeah

he was very nice and he's shy and very nice you know what he reminds me of did you ever meet Don Rickles no but I would have loved to well Don was on my show a ton yeah

yeah he was great on your show he was great on talk shows yeah he was he was fantastic but he was great on your show. He was great on talk shows. Yeah, he was. He was fantastic. But he was nothing like that. You know, he was nothing like this kind of a... His persona. Yeah, he was very, very shy and quiet and kind of afraid of his wife.

And Ricky's kind of the same. Really? Yeah. My favorite thing is when Ricky posts photos of Jane, like alone, and he'll say Jane and her friends. She's like alone in a field somewhere. She's very nice, too. We share the same birthday. Really?

Is you, her, and Hitler? No, me and Ricky. Oh, you and Ricky, right. What's your birthday? June 25th. That's not Hitler's birthday. It's not. No, he was Ricky, right. What's your birthday? June 25th. That's not Hitler's birthday. It's not. No, he was April sometime, I think. April 27th, I think.

Same as my sister. Is he really? I mean, was he? Well, personality? Yeah, a little bit. No, no, no. Completely different. I met some of your family. At my house? At the COVID party. Yeah.

Don't call it the COVID party. Although it was, I guess. Like a third of the people got COVID. No. Yeah. But I know who it was. I mean, we know who it was. We know who patient zero was.

But it was American COVID. It arrived from America. Yeah. But it was bad because there were some old Scottish people there. But they all made it. They made it. They all made it. They got American COVID like,

it's nothing like the Scottish COVID. American COVID's easy. It's like decaf. It was all right. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world.

We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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so after you left my house in Scotland yeah then you went to Andy Murray's house no okay no you're in London another time another time another time you were in Scotland you didn't tell me you stayed at Andy Murray's house I went to Scotland for my honeymoon and I came and I before I went on my honeymoon I asked you I said I'm going to Scotland. You said, when? I said, March. And you said, oh, it's a horrible time to go to Scotland. You go, actually, it doesn't matter. No, I live there and it's lovely. But it does rain a lot.

No, no, no. You just meant, yeah. It was going to rain all the time. It does rain all the time. It's raining now. But we had the best time. You did? But you're on honeymoon.

You don't, well, it doesn't matter. Yeah, we didn't care. But we went after your house. We went, oh, God, this is like, we did the classic American thing. We're the only place in Scotland. You kind of were like the Griswolds when you turned up. I got to say, it was fantastic. I know, I know.

I loved it. You had check pants on and everything. It was fabulous. Well, you did. Somebody did. It may have been me. I don't know. Somebody was wearing check pants.

But we left your house. We loaded up in this giant, biggest car we could find in Scotland to fit our whole family. We had this driver, Gary, who was so great. I loved him. And we get in and we found the only place I think you can find that has an indoor swimming pool with a slide. Yeah, I didn't know they had one of those in Scotland. Yeah, because our kids really, they were like, can we swim? We're like, in Scotland?

Yeah. My husband was like, good Lord.? We're like, in Scotland? Yeah. My husband's like, good Lord. But he found a place. They loved it. Wow. They loved it. That's good. What was the place?

Do you remember? Cambridge House. Okay. I think that's right. I just don't want to go because I see their indoor swimming pool. Yeah. So you can do the indoor pool. You can do the slide.

The kids got me up on the slide. That was a little bit embarrassing. And they were like, mom, go on your knees. That was a little bit embarrassing. And they were like, mom, go on your knees. We're going on our knees. It's really fun. It's like a corkscrew slide. They're like, but go on your knees. Cause I went on my butt. That was already embarrassing cause your feet fly up at the end and the end, it ends near the hot tub. So everyone in the hot tub, just the mystery's over. Those sophisticated, the sophisticated sort of Long Island F. Scott Fitzgerald types

from Scotland who are in the hot tub. I know. Oh, there's that lady from the telly. What? Yeah, exactly. So the kids were like,

go down on your knees. I was like, all right, fine. So I went on my knees and when I did, I got the whistle. I got the whistle and the young lifeguard.

And this is an enclosed it's not a big space she whistles and she goes sorry you can't do your knees and I was like and I turned to my kids

and they were like we've done it like three times yeah but the difference is of course your kids are children oh yeah

and I'm a 50 year old woman and so you should know better let me ask you about your driver without mentioning any names. Oh, I loved him. No, I know. I'm just saying whenever I've had a driver in Scotland, if you're for something like that,

or American friends who've had a driver in Scotland, they always get kind of a tour. Like the driver will say, this is where Bonnie Prince Charlie found his hat after the Battle of Nukes. Did you get all that no we didn't he was so great and uh

he didn't tell you any of the stuff no he was great because we've had that guy we've had that guy and we're like please I love you

but will you shut up for two seconds he's just making it up anyway I know he's just and the Americans are like oh I did not believe that

would you like some gum? Would you like, I love your English Beatles. Do you have like a place where we can go on a slide? Do you have an indoor slide where I can go on my knees? I really feel the need to show my vagina. I did, though. I came down that slide so fast. It was way faster than I thought I was going to go.

And things got twisted. Oh, I'm so fast. It was way faster than I thought I was going to go. And things got twisted. Oh, I'm so sorry. No. But also that you were shamed by a Scottish lifeguard. Yeah. Because all Scottish civic order is based on shame. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Look at you. You're going down there on your knees. That's awful. You're bad. You're a bad person. And I could hear your accent sometimes when you were on the office there, I've said. Shame based.

I like it. I can't do a Scottish accent. I mean, I really can't. One or two words here or there, and then it veers off really badly. I think you have a musical ear and you could pick it up. Terima kasih. Si. Thank you.

You can speak Indonesian. Do you ever think, you know what, I'm going to take the family and we're just going to live in Indonesia? Or Scotland? Scotland, yes. You would do that?

I would live in Scotland. I would. I heard there's a castle. No, I'm not buying your stupid castle. All right, all right, all right. With all of its leaky problems. No, no, not anymore. They've been fixed.

I mean, the ghosts are still there, but the leaks are done. You had people partying in that castle. That was the party house. Yeah, it was this overspill castle. Yeah. Yeah. It was bad. We didn't go over there.

I didn't party over there. Well, we had an extra place where they went to because there were some of the people like to get twisted on drugs and alcohol, which is fine. But I don't do that. And I don't like it in the house. And we had kids in the house and stuff. And so if you want to be up late. We were in the family house. We were in the family house.

Can I tell you one story? One morning I went down and next to where you guys were so nice, you had breakfast set up. There was a little room where there was a coffee and tea area. Yeah, the wee kitchen. Yeah, the wee kitchen. And there was a lady in there sort of setting up. Will you tell me her name again? Shirley. Shirley? Yeah, Shirley. Okay. I said to my husband, Josh, who is horrible with names. I said, he was in there getting coffee and I said, what's the lady's name? He goes, I think it's like, she said something like, Charlotte. That's right.

That's what I said. And I said, are you sure? He goes, I don't know. I don't know. And I said, oh, my God. So I went in there, and I said, good morning, Charlotte. Oh, my God. So I went in there and I said, good morning, Charlotte.

She looked at me like I was crazy, crazy. And then she had set out some teabags and I said, what's your darkest teabag? And then she looked at me like, what? And then I said, can I have two? And I had a little tiny cup. And I put two teabags in there. And she said, I mean, I can't do the accent at all. Try, please. No, she was like, if I drank that, I'd have the jitters.

I understood it. I understood what you did. If I drank that, I'd have the jitters. She said it so fast and together. And I was like, try. And we'd had a little bit of wine the night before. Yes, you did. Yeah.

There was dancing. There was Scottish dancing. It was so fun. Yeah, but Scotland. Yeah. You've got to have the dancing. Yeah. Yeah.

So I always thought really bad because I was like, I just called that lady Charlotte. No, that's how it's pronounced. Charlotte. Okay. Are you coming back to Scotland this year for another vacation? Because if you do, I've got a surprise. I would love to. Well, why don't you?

Because we've planned a tropical vacation. Well, that would be my choice. So where are you going to go then? If you're going to go to the tropics, are you going to like the Marshall Islands? I think we're going to go to French Polynesia. Now, what's the difference between French Polynesia and regular Polynesia? All right. So, I don't know either.

I think French Polynesia, they... Am I saying it wrong? I don't think so. I don't know. I'm no expert. I mean, we might both be saying it wrong, in which case we're in trouble. Okay, ask me again. Where are you going on vacation?

Well, the kids want to go somewhere tropical. Right. Are you going to French Polynesia? Why not? Is there a slide? Can I fly off and show my business to everyone? No, you don't want to do that there. Will I get the whistle?

You'll get the whistle. If you could play the whistle. The French Polynesian culture, I don't think they have that shame-based system. I don't know. I don't know what it's like over there. Where is it? What's the name of the...

Name a big town over there. Okay, so you have Tahiti. Oh, that's where all the Australians go. Oh. Tahiti. Well, that'll be real fun, won't it? No, not Tahiti. Go down a slide.

Do you know what happens when Australians go down slides? Oh, no. They have other little baby Australians in their tummies. What? Yeah, they're marsupials. All Australians. That's what they don't tell you. All Australians have little baby Australians.

How does it go when you tour there? When I talk about that? I don't. I never brought it up when I was there because I think they might be a little embarrassed about it. But they all have, they're like Russian dolls. There's an Australian, and then there's another Australian, and it goes all the way down. Inside their business.

And the smallest baby Australian is called Joy. That's true. Baby kangaroos are called Joy. That's a baby kangaroo, guys. Baby kangaroo is called Joy. I know this. And that was why Joy was named Joy in France, because the character originally was going to be Australian.

Stop it. How do you know this? This is great TV folklore. I made it up, but it does sound good. Why did I believe that? Because it sounds... I probably would have gone and told someone that. Well, go ahead.

I mean, it might be true. Chandler was originally going to be called Chandler because he was a dealer in supplies and equipment for ships and boats. For ships. And boats. And you know, funny thing, Monica was going to be called Monica because she's a pirate. Because she had one eye. She had one eye. Monica. Get it? Monica. And what was the other one called? Rachel. Phoebe. Phoebe and Rachel. Yeah. Did you have the Rachel hair when you were that age? I did not. I did. You did. You have great hair. I had the Rachel. You had the Rachel. I kind of did actually. There's an old photograph of me in the Drew Carey show. I'm like, wow, I've got the Rachel. And it was run

about the same time. You did have floppy hair for a bit. I did for a little bit. I had the Rachel. I mean, it was the same time. I remember seeing you on the Drew Carey show well before I met you. And I was like, that just looked like a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. But people used to call us, you know, they said that they wouldn't be able to say this now, but they said we were the ugly friends. No, they didn't.

Yeah, that's what they said about us. And I was like, well, I don't know about everybody else, but I'm not living with this. I'm gorgeous. And some of those friends are creaking, you know, but that's what it is. You got to have self-esteem. Well, my Rolodex is going with things I want comedy now, which I'm okay with for the most part. But I wonder, like the Drew Carey show, I think that would have to be well rewritten. I don't know, I can't think, but I think there's probably a lot of jokes wouldn't be allowed. Well, I certainly think that most of entertainment is a timestamp of when it was made. Yeah, I think that's right. And we should look back with reflection.

It should bump us here or there because hopefully we're all evolving and the way we relate to one another is evolving. Or even if it's not, fashions change. Yeah. So sometimes when you see people wearing stonewashed denim, you you think nobody wears that anymore you shouldn't really do that but some people just won't let it go no some people want to hold on yeah but i don't i don't think you should i'm quite happy with with comedy moving on without me no no it's fine no you had great bits look at all the bits you had today. You had... All the bits we've had to cut out.

You really... All the bits we've had to cut out were your bits, actually, when I think about it. What? We've had to cut out all of your bits. You had some bits. Yeah.

Well, but wait. No, Ben, you turned really fast there. It's easy to see how you've been successful in Hollywood. You were like, first of all, you had great bits, and then I said, well, you had some odd bits and then you went, your bits were the worst. Like, you were, boom, 180.

You're like a Netflix executive. I've been recording this. What's the whole point? You know what? I was directing a film and my mum came to it and it was a big set update and there was tons of stuff. And she went, oh, this is very impressive. You should take some photographs.

I went went the whole fucking reason anyone's here is to take photographs we're filming it she went no but you know photographs yeah i was like yeah all right we'll take some photographs but we never did and you know what that movie was a failure because there weren't enough photographs in it have you ever directed a film or did you direct the office at all? No, no, no. I didn't. I didn't. I don't know. I didn't want to take that on.

I think you'd be great at that. I like to write. So that's the stuff. That's like what I like to do. I've sold five shows. They haven't gone. But I always love to write. It's about a 10 to 1 ratio anyway.

So you'll have to do another five before it even like the odds. Someday I'm going to write something for us or we're going to do something together because that would make me so happy. I would love to do that. I think it should be

a romantic comedy. Okay. Okay. And it's set in a castle in Scotland maybe where you're American and I'm not. And you're a local hire. Well, I could be maybe like the cleaning person and you could think I'm older than And you're a local hire. Well, I could be maybe like the cleaning person

and you could think I'm older than I am, but I'm not as old as that. I just look old because I've- You're Scottish. I'm Scottish and I'm tired. And then you find out, you know, I'm young enough for you to consider dating. And that would be it.

And I'm a Chandler. I've come there for business. You've come there to sell goods and services to boats and ships. To boats, yeah. And I've got one eye. And you've got one eye. It sells itself. Oh, my God.

I feel like we're on episode 12 already. I can't wait for the television critic to be like, what was your choice having him have one eye? What was your choice? Having him have one eye. What was your motivation? Yeah. I don't think anyone asks these questions anymore. I don't think there are show business journalists anymore. It's either you suck or I stand for this.

That's it. Like or dislike. Yeah. It's, you know, ones or zeros. It's all the algorithm. You either, you know, you either all for it or you're all against it. That's it.

There's no, eh. See, in most of my life've that's where i've lived the sweet spot between i hate them and i love them it doesn't doesn't bother me that much and now man is gone man is gone there's no there's no place for me to be i think you found a home and i think it's right here yeah next to the robot cameras it's there uh-huh yeah yeah and your leaky tap and the robot cameras. It's there. Uh-huh. Yeah. And your leaky AC vent. I'm going back to my castle. This place is falling apart. And this, you've done a great job with this.

I have to be honest with you. When I saw this, I thought, whose idea? And then I thought, it might be somebody who's in this room's idea. So then I didn't say anything about it because I thought, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe it's to hide that like mic pack dial-y thing here. Oh yeah.

Because you're filming a show. I thought it was like radio. Like podcast means radio, right? No. And then you've got some placemats. Yeah. In case we have lunch.

We might have supper. Lunch. Supper. Supper. Now here, let me ask you this. Supper is when? When? When? When? When do you have supper?

We have supper after- This is accent from nowhere in Huatihla. From nowhere. We have supper, you know, around 5.30. See, that's not supper. Supper is a snack before bedtime in Scotland. This explains a lot of my conversations with Charlie. It explains a lot

because, you know, Scottish people like to have a pie and some potatoes for a snack before they go to sleep. Mmm. Supper.

Supper. Yeah. And then breakfast, second breakfast. Mm-hmm. You had second breakfast. Oh, yeah. Because I came down to have breakfast and you were there and we had second breakfast. Oh, yeah. Because I came down to have breakfast

and you were there and we had breakfast together. It was early. Yeah. Then I went for a walk and I came back and there was a whole other wave of people having breakfast

and you had breakfast again. It's second breakfast. What can I tell you? You never have second breakfast? It's in the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit and everything. You're allowed to have it. It's literary.

You auditioned for that too. No, I did not. No, no. At that point I gave up. I knew that, I knew that the,

the, the costume drama thing is a world. You're not going to do a period piece? I don't look like someone who's from another time. Apparently. I think I'd be great in something like that. I don't think I do either. You know what?

I don't think I can sell it because I think even if you put me like in like some kind of like Bridgerton outfit, I'd just be like, ha! Yeah, I think that's it too. I think if you can dress me up like someone from Shakespeare's time, I'll just look like an idiot from medieval times or something. It's like, oh, look, it's the doorman from medieval times. Hey, everybody, come on in.

That's how I talk in my real life. That's your acting voice. This might explain some things. Like this. That's how I audition for Braveheart. When I auditioned for Braveheart, I was like, that's my alley. They may take our lives, but...

They won't take our freedom. Are you fucking kidding me? No fucking way. No fucking way to freedom. You're becoming a freedom. You're becoming a mother fucker. I'll fucking kill that king. You come up here trying to fucking take our fucking way. Don't you take our women.

I come for you. I get you. We just got the E. What does E mean? Explicit. We got the E. We have an E? Oh, is that how they create podcasts? They put E on it? explicit we got the E we have an E? oh is that how they grade podcasts?

they put E on it? we just got an E I think I got E all the time it'll tie in with my own school reports I'm fine it's like E E this is below F

it's right in the meh yeah that's what it's F and then A just leave already like go on go and work at a store. Were you good at school?

Yeah. Yeah, I bet you were, actually. I liked it. Kind of sassy and clever and stuff. Yeah, I liked it. I volunteered. I raised my hand. I wrote my English teacher a letter after when I was in college.

I titled it Captain Oh My Captain. Wow. I was such a dork. I was such a dork. I was such a dork. You are. It's amazing to me that you and I are friends because I feel like we're very different, but yet the same. I don't know what it is.

I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I feel like there's a time we would have met and like we would have, you know, been crazy. Oh yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

But you probably wouldn't have hung out with me like a lot, because I probably would have dorked out on you too much. I don't know about that. I mean, I think I would have probably, you know, I had a habit when I was a young man of spontaneously falling asleep outside. I was kind of drunk a lot, so I would fall asleep and pee myself.

Oh no! Yeah, it's a thing. Yeah. It's called, you heard of it? It's alcoholism. You ever heard of it? I have. It's fabulous.

You know, I mean, in a way, and then in another way, it's not. You never get into trouble with anything like that, did you? No, but I mean, I love a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. Yeah, that's not the same. I do. Yeah, that's not the same. That's like... Have some glasses of wine,ignon Blanc. Yeah. I do. That's not the same. I do. Yeah, that's not the same. That's like. Have some glasses of wine, get a little chatty.

Yeah. Yeah. I've done that too. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's like the first two or three minutes. And then it's whiskey and get a little stabby. Yeah.

And then the pissies. You had to go to the pissies. I was trying to make it sound more butch and stabby, but then you took it to the pissies. You had to go to the pissies. I was trying to make it sound more butch and stabby, but then you took it to the pissies. The pee-pee time. That was actually, I think, the reason I got sober. It was not because of the bad stuff, like fights and stuff, but the kind of embarrassing.

You're like, I peed myself. I peed myself. I peed myself once too often. That's it. All right. Well, we have to go now. I think that's enough. We've got our E. We've got our often. That's it. All right. Well, we have to go now. I think that's enough. We've got our E.

We've got our E. E for enough. E for excited. Yeah. E for E. Love that podcast you do with your friend, Jenna. E for... Elephantitis.

That's exactly what I was thinking. E for elephantitis. I was literally thinking elephant. Yeah. This is why we should have, you know, hung out. Had babies together. Because we both have lame improv. Yeah, we have terrible improv, but our babies would have been able to say yes and.

Yes and. That would have been their first words. Craig, I love you. I love you too. I love seeing you. I love hanging out. I love hanging out with you. Come back to Scotland when you're done with French Polynesia.

I know. I want to. I would come all the time. I would buy your crappy other castle. Yeah. Well, you know, have a think about it. I'll give you mates rates. That's what you told me.

You told me you'd give me a good deal on it. Yeah, well, I'll give you mates rates. I'll sell you a cost. Not, you know, 13th century cost. It'll be updated for inflation. Right, right, right. So, like, I don't know, 40 bucks, 50 bucks. That's a really good deal.

Per square foot. Oh no. All right. I'll see you later. Okay, bye. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines We'll see you next time. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. And on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life. I had the best dad, and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I am Lacey Lamar. and i'm also lacy lamar just kidding i'm amber ruffin okay everybody we have exciting news to share we're

back with season two of the amber and lacy lacy and amber show on will ferrell's big money players network this season we make new friends deep dive into my steamy DMs, answer your listener questions, and more. The more is punch each other. Listen to the Amber and Lacey Lacey and Amber show on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just listen, okay? Or Lacey gets it. Do it.