Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Jay Leno

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Jay Leno needs no introduction. He is one of the greats, comedian, long time host of The Tonight Show on NBC and mainly a car enthusiast! Craig and Jay are friends and it shows in their conversation. Tune into a fun hour of jokes, stories and much more. This one is for the books. enJOY!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For 10 years, I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. We were all facing 20 years and all that good stuff. The lead singer tried to pull off an English accent, and they went on the road as the zombies. These guys are not going to get away with it. The zombies are too popular. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you.

I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. Dr. Joy here. I invite you to join me every Wednesday on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly chat about mental health and personal development, where my expert guests and I discuss the unique challenges and triumphs faced by Black women through the lens of self-care, pop culture, and building the best version of you. So if you're looking for more ways to incorporate

wellness into your life, listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness. Here's my favorite car collector. I think he had a late night show at some point.

I can't remember. Here he is, Jay Leno. All right, we're up. So here's the thing. Oh, so we're not no video, eh? No. Oh, okay. Well, here's the thing about no video,

because this is the reason why I don't do it. Because people like you, some performers, want so much makeup and hair done. Oh, yeah. Not me. No, not you. So I'll tell you what I'm doing right here, right now, is I'm enjoying a cup of coffee. Now, I know that you don't drink coffee. No, no drink coffee.

My first cup of coffee I ever had was Seinfeld on comedians in cars getting coffee. It was awful. Terrible. I don't like hot liquids. Now, see, this is... What about soup? Does soup come into it?

Soup is just a way to screw you out of a meal. Fuck you. Come on, I love soup. screw you out of a meal. Fuck you. Here you go. Come on, I love soup. Oh, here's a bowl. It's wet. Thanks. All right.

So, no. You have anything other than a wet bowl? You have something I can chew? Thank you. Well, hold on a second. Yeah. Is it because it's a hot liquid or because it's just a liquid? It's not a meal.

It's a, well, what is it? Does it have to be a meal? It's a drink. Yeah. But do you, but you won't have soup because it's a drink. Plus, I don't like hot liquids. If you don't like, what about gazpacho or maybe a cold borscht? No, horrible.

So really, it's about liquid then. Do you ever drink any liquids at all? Yeah, I drink a lot of water, a lot of fruit juice, a lot of orange juice. You drink beer? No, never had a beer in my life. Never had a beer? Never had a beer. You never drink any of the. You drink beer? No, never had a beer in my life. Never had a beer? Never had a beer. You never drink any of the hooch at all? No, no.

I have nothing against it. I have no interest in it. I was always a designated driver. I was always a car guy. So to me, it's like... That's true, because you love the car. I'll drive you jerks home and that's fine. Alright, so very few liquids. No liquids, lad! And no soup!

Well, see, I'm worried that you know, look, none of us are getting younger, Jay, right? Right. So at a certain point in life soup is kind of, gets attractive to the older gen. That's all I'm saying. I'm 73 and I haven't been there yet. Well, I'm just saying that, you know, your soup years may be coming up.

Get used to it. Let's hope not. Alright. So listen, your mother was Scottish. Aye. And my mother was Scottish. And my wife has a theory about stand-up comedians. Yeah. That their mothers have to be Scottish. Or they have to be cold with bad boundaries.

That's what Megan says. No, my mom was not cold. My parents were very good that way. Did she have good boundaries? I don't know what you mean by boundaries. Well, you know, not do I, but a lot of people talk about it. How long are you in Hollywood? An hour now and you've got boundaries.

Yeah, I mean, I'm just wondering. See, I never heard any of it. You know what's so funny? Where I grew up, I was the laziest person anybody knew. I come here, oh, Jay's the hardest working guy. No, it's just where you grow up. It's that, you know, you grow up in New England with Silas Marner

and Ethan Throme and all these depressing books about, first you work hard then you die, then you get rheumatoid arthritis and you die after you get rheumatoid arthritis and then you die. Whatever it is. Life is awful, you know. So then you come to Hollywood and all the lights are bright, and it's sunny outside.

What age were you when you came here? I started coming here, I guess, when I was 1920, something like that. Not in 1920. 1920. When you were 1920. 1920. But here's the thing. You came out here to do comedy, because you're Boston, right?

Right, right. Right. So did you ever do stand-up in Boston before you came out here? Oh, yeah. You know, that was a great thing because growing up in Boston, I never met

another stand-up comedian. Occasionally, comedians would come to like the Chateau de Ville in Framingham. Sounds fancy. Well, yeah, it's one of those places

like near a mall and it's got like a fountain in front. That is fancy. I worked there with Tom Jones. I worked there with Perry Como, like Dionne Warwick. You know, all those acts from that era. Sure, yeah.

Yeah, and that was an opening act. That was a little later. You wanted to be a stand-up that young at 19 and 20 years old? Oh, yeah. You've got to be fucked up in some way then because nobody wants to be a stand-up. Why wouldn't you want to be a stand-up? Well, back in the day, nobody wanted... I mean, nowadays, people want to do it.

They have courses for it and shit. You know what's interesting? When I watched TV, all comedians were middle-aged Jewish men like Rodney, like Henny Youngman, all those guys, all the Catskill comics. And then all of a sudden, Robert Klein came along, who was a huge influence on me. Robert was about 10 years older than me.

And he was a middle-class kid. Parents weren't wealthy, but he didn't grow up during the Depression. Just talking about the same kind of things I talked about. And then Carlin, at that point, had just about 1970s, early 71, released his Class Clown album. Right. And I used to do George's routines in my head. And I'd do them silently to myself. And then I'd add my own jokes at the end.

Right. So when I would go to audition at places, I would stand backstage. I would get into it by doing George's thing. And then when I walked out and say, you know, when I was in school, I didn't do any George's material, but I just get a rhythm to it, you know? That's interesting. Were you friendly with George?

Yes, I knew George from the very beginning. He was always very nice to me, so was Klein. You know, all comics are pretty nice. Steve Martin helped me get this in IHL. Steve Martin told Johnny about me. I told Johnny about Ellen DeGeneres. I find comedians help other comedians. i don't find it to be this i mean there are there obviously some cutthroat people around and that's not unusual but it's not the norm you know as a

comic you can't do every job no if i couldn't get something i go oh you should like i there's a gig i do in rhode island i at the audrey museum Museum, it's kind of like Pebble Beach East. It's a car show. And I've hosted it for the last four or five years, but I'm out of material at this point, you know. I said, oh, let me bring Billy Gardell in. So I brought, you know Billy Gardell? Of course I know Billy very well. He's a great guy, yeah.

Wonderful comic. Yeah, yeah. And he did a great job. He killed it. I felt good that I helped him. He felt good that he got to do a corporate date and paid a lot of money. And it was fun. So, wait.

You and I have been friends for a while. You don't think of putting me up for the fucking corporate? No, I never thought of that. Why the fuck not? Actually, you want to do it next year? Yeah, I'll do it next year. I'll get it for you. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Because, let me just say, it's on the East Coast. I like the idea. And you like cars. I do like cars. You got to work reasonably clean. Don't work super clean. No, I did gigs with you in our CBO. Yeah, let's do it.

I'll do it. Yeah. I don't mind working clean. The older I get, in fact, the easier it gets to work clean. I've noticed that. Well, you know, I find when you're 25 and you say the word pussy, girls go, oh, he said, oh my God. When you're 65, oh, that old guy said pussy.

And you know what? They got a point. It is. It's true. It's fun to grow into your act. Because my point of view is always from an adult observing things, how stupid this is or whatever it is. And as a young person,

it didn't work quite as well as it does now. Now you can be a bit curmudgeonly. I was struck by your stand-up, Mike, when we were working in the Midwest this summer. Like, you throw down, man. It's like a full solid hour, and the material is fresh. Well, you try to have a joke every six to nine seconds.

That's, I think, really... Because I don't think of it like that. Everybody's different. It's fresh. Well, you try to have a joke every six to nine seconds. That's, I think, really, because I don't think of it like that. I mean. Everybody's different. It's just different. To me, it's like a music show. You open with your hits. Boom, boom, boom. Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.

And then in the middle, you do the comedic version of a ballad. You tell a story. Oh, you know, my wife and I, we go to this place. And there are little humorous jokes along the way as opposed to, you know, my wife and I, we go to this place. And there are little humorous jokes along the way, as opposed to, you know. That's very interesting to me, because I do think of it in kind of musical terms as well. It's kind of a musical performance.

Are you a musician? Do you play anything? I play trumpet, but then I realized I couldn't talk and play trumpet at the same time. That's a terrible instrument for you to play. You should play like a guitar. I was in fourth grade at the time. Well, Jay, I'm going to tell you something right now. You know, I adore you like a guitar. I was in fourth grade at the time. Jay, I'm going to tell you

something right now. You know, I adore you, but because you played trumpet in fourth grade doesn't mean you played a fucking trumpet. Exactly. That's why I quickly got rid of it. But you do... See, I think a lot of the stand-ups that I like are also they think in musical terms

of what they do. You know, the most musical comic I can think of is Franklin and Jai. You know Franklin? I don't know. African-American comic. Very big in America. He had an album out 30, 40 years ago. He moved to Australia.

Right. He's a jazz comedian. He plays jazz and he does comedy. He has one of my favorite bits. He talks about the guy. Oh, there was an Olympic guy from some country and he ran in the marathon and he came

last. He was dead last. And he just, as he's running, he's going, I mean, I've been training, I've been working out. I could have sat on the couch and watched TV. I'd still be last. I mean, it's just, there's a lot

more to it than that. He does a lot better. It's just very funny, and he just thinks in jazz terms. You know, I was fortunate, I got to work with all the great jazz musicians. Miles Davis, Stan Getz, Moe's Allison, Ahmad Jamal, Roland Kirk, all these guys.

And with jazz, there was a place called Lenny's on the Turnpike in Boston. Okay. And that was a jazz club. Right. And real hardcore, Buddy Rich, real hardcore jazz. That's the real deal. You went to see that.

And the first time, because usually I used to play strip jazz. Hey, you suck, you suck, man! People just scream. So you really didn't know if you were any good or not. Right. But with the jazz audience, the minute I walked on stage, silence.

Did they nod and snap their fingers? No, not quite that much. But they would listen, you know, like Miles' audience, any of those audiences. I went, oh, this is really, you know, Rosson Roland, I don't know if you ever heard of him. He might be before your time. It's possible.

Rosson Roland, African-American guy, blind. Right. But famous because he could hold a note indefinitely. And he could play two instruments at the same time. He could play the sax and the clarinet at the same time. That's crazy. How is that even possible? Because he could breathe through his nose.

Okay. But he was blind. And we played primarily African-American audiences, plays like the Sugar Shack in Boston. And he would go on stage and he'd go,

I'm going to bring a young brother. A brother's going to tell that how it is. You know, he'd give the whole thing like I was black. Yeah.

Please welcome Jay Leno. You know, and I come out, I go, I go, shh, don't say anything. He doesn't know.

He doesn't know. And he thought that was the funniest thing. Right. He loved doing that routine every night with people. Bring on a young brother, tell it like it is. Yeah, woo! You know, black audiences. They get all worked up, you know, and then I walk out. What's this?

You know, shh, don't say anything. Here's the thing, because you talk about that right now. Like, you even telling that story to me right now, people are going to get bent out of shape because you mentioned race of any kind, different races of any kind, and people are already on the balls of their feet looking for a fight, which I'm getting a little tired of it.

I think everyone else is too. I had the best one happen a couple of months ago. Yeah? My wife, Mavis and I were in a little Chinese restaurant in Westwood. It's got like 14 tables, maybe, if that many. And the mother runs the cashier and takes the orders, and the dad's the cook, and it looks like the kids are cousins. It looks like a family.

So we got our food. We're sitting there. And you're kind of, it's right next to UCLA. In fact, it is UCLA. Right. And a lot of students are on the table. I just said to my wife, God, this woman's really working her ass off. And a girl at the next table, or a young woman at the next table goes,

she's a server. And I said to her, I'm not mad here, but I do think before I speak, I said to myself, is she a waitress? No. Is she a stewardess? No. She's a woman first. Let me say this woman is working her ass off.

Now, if I had said the server is working her ass off, you probably would have said, oh, she's a woman. Right. You should have probably just said, hey, toots, you're doing a great job. Then that way, everybody's happy. But to me, it's like, because I don't really want to. I mean, first of all, I get annoyed because I think, oh, do you really think

I'm being sexist by saying that? I would say this man. I didn't say girl. I didn't say chick. I didn't say waitress. I said this woman. What is wrong with her? She had to admit, well, no. If I had said server, isn't that demeaning?

Doesn't that mean that's all she is? Isn't she a woman's first? You're defining someone by their job. Yeah, but she was so anxious to jump on this. Well, I think it's a little kind of fashion that the young folks went through for a while. It's fine. You know what? When I was their age, I was a punk rocker.

I was a pain in the ass, too. Oh, yeah. I know. When you think about us stupid people, our generation was burning down the Bank of America building. Oh, my God. Remember the SDS to make up for racial injustice? They should kill every third white baby born. I remember some SDS

guy saying that early on. You know, just crazy talk. Just crazy talk. So to me, a lot of this, like I never use the word bitch on stage. I know women don't like the word, so I don't use it. And to me, it's funny because I do a joke where I see the women where I say, Northwest University did a study about the differences between men's brains and women's brains. That's amazing.

Listen to this. And you see the women go, you know, they're kind of like, it seems women's brains are located in their head. Who saw that coming? And then they laugh more than it is funny

because it's not an insult. It's not the usual. Well, I never understood anyone. Look, to me, an audience doesn't have a race or a gender or anything like that. An audience is an audience. No, no, but no. But an audience does have,

the best audience is a fully male, female, black, white, Asian integrated audience. Totally. For example, if you have a corporate event where it's all men. Yes, I have. Unless it's all football jokes or gun jokes or something. No, it's the worst. It's terrible.

I did a corporate event once on Pebble Beach. Yeah. And I used to do this bit about Tom Cruise. This is a long time ago. Because I actually am a big fan of Tom Cruise, but it wasn't the most flattering piece. Really? Yeah. It was a piece of stand-up. And it was just after he jumped on Oprah's couch, and I was dicking around

with that. And I was doing this piece, and this piece, it was a good bit, and every night it killed. I said, well, I'll do it at this corporate. It was a clean bit. It was nothing like bad in it. And at this corporate event, I did it at this corporate. It was a clean bet. It was nothing like bad in it. And at this corporate event, I did this Tom Cruise thing.

Died on his ass. Like, really badly died. Like, nothing. Jerk. Nothing. Crickets.

And I come off of it, wow, that was a rough crowd. And he went, somebody should probably tell you it's Tom Cruise's law firm. What was that? It was his lawyer. Oh,

that's so funny. Oh my God. It was funny. Do you remember, because you do a lot of corporate gigs. Oh, that's so funny. Oh my God. It was funny. Do you ever, because you do a lot of the corporate gigs. Yeah. And you work clean. I've seen you.

You don't work, you don't work squeaky clean. No, PG-13. Right. So you, you work, you don't,

you drop the F-bomb and you don't do that kind of thing. But you, but it's kind of, it's grown up, right? It's an adult show, but it's not an adult triple X show. Right, right, right. It's not balloon animals. Right. No, it's definitely up right it's an adult show but it's not an adult triple X show

it's not balloon animals right no it's definitely not that do you ever run into it with because I've had people say to me at corporate gigs

you've got to be really careful here they really do they ever say that to you now or does everybody trust you well I always ask I go is this like

a born again thing is the chairman the born again guy or something would you be able to cope with that if he was? Yeah, I can work.

You know something? I booked myself into Oral Roberts University once just to see if I could play it. And they said, look, we don't like sex jokes. We don't like drug jokes. Politics, everything else is fine. And they were fine. They just didn't want any dick jokes.

Right. Fine, that's okay. So that's probably not one I should be doing. No, no, no. Actually, I don't do a ton of those jokes no no yeah no but what i mean and to me i see a guy is paying me to do a job i i don't quite get guys to go so i told him to go shove it and i did what i yeah i don't get i i gotta agree with you i don't understand that like what are you? Then don't take the gig. To me, an audience is

like an orchestra. You want to get a nice, rolling laugh going. I remember I had a joke. I'm sorry I don't remember the joke, but it was when Hillary Clinton was running for president, and also so was Reggie Jackson and a bunch of other people. And I had a joke about

each candidate. The Reggie Jackson joke was a political joke other people. And I had a joke about each candidate. And the Reggie Jackson joke was a political joke. It wasn't about him being black. It was just, okay, that got a laugh. When they got to the Hillary joke, I remember what I was going, and I just hated the guttural laugh I got on it. Because I realized, oh, they think I'm making fun of her

because she's a woman candidate as opposed to just a candidate. So I just dropped the joke. I took it out. And the audience is much better because it just kept a nice even, you know, you've got a nice rolling boil going with the crowd. Yeah. And then you do something that's overly sexist or overly whatever.

No, I know what you mean. I felt it as well. There are gags, the joke's not worth it. Yeah. Lasalle used to always say that to me. Peter Lasalle, he was my boss in late night.

And I know you know Peter because he did the Tonight Show for so long. Whenever I did a joke that was like near the knuckle, and he would say, is it worth it? Is it really worth it,

that joke? Is it that good? Because he would say, you know, jokes like a house or a car, there's always another one. You can do another joke. When I first started, I was like,

no, it is worth it. Very quickly, I was like, no, you're right, fuck it, we'll be here tomorrow night. We'll do that. To me, you just sort of learn to read your audience. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life

of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is. I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went.

Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez.

Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you've got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone.

You're going to, you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. diving deep into holistic personal development and just building your mindset to have a happier healthier life we're going to be talking with some of my best friends i didn't know we were gonna go there on this people that i admire when we say listen to your body really tune in to what's going on authors of books that have changed my life now you're talking about sympathy which is different than empathy right and basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life i already believe in myself i already see myself and so when people give me an opportunity i'm just like oh great you see me too we'll laugh together we'll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions never forget it's okay to cry

as long as you make it a really good one listen to a really good cry with radhi devlukia on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Dabluke on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Let's talk a little bit about Late Night, though. So I bring that up because of Peter. When you took over on The Tonight Show, so when was that?

Early 90s, 91? I started guest hosting in 86, 87. Right. How long would a guest host gig be? Would it be like a week? Would it be like a night? No. Well, one night. Right. And Johnny used to do that a lot towards the end of his run, right?

He would bring people in. Yeah. And there were like six or seven guys that were being considered. Did you ever have guest hosts when you were doing it? No. I did it once because Katie Couric

wanted to switch seats. NBC thought it'd be a fun thing. So we did it one day. I did the same thing with Drew Carey. Right, right. I didn't quite get that. No, I didn't get it. To me,

when you have guest hosts, it just means more work for the staff. Right. Because then they have to put the monologue together instead of you. They have to figure out, can this guy talk to a guest and go over every single note? It's a job that's very hard to do for one night. It's a lot easier to do it for a couple of years than one night.

I get that. Is that something, because it's funny, you grew up in an era, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I'm right. You grew up in the era when Johnny was the gold standard and he was the king. Yeah. So did you have aspirations to be the Tonight Show host or was it just like, because you were a comic, you kind of drifted into that direction? You kind of went that way.

Yeah. It was the only job in show business that I liked. Right. Because I like to be around show business as opposed to in it. I think I saw a movie with you in it once. Oh, that's been some terrible work.

So have I. Was it a jungle movie? Did I see you in a jungle movie? No, that was Bill Maher in the jungle movie. I can't remember what the movie was. I've done some real clunkers as well. I mean, I just like you because, like I say, I don't want to be Charlie Sheen,

but I enjoy being around Charlie Sheen. I enjoy watching Charlie crash and burn. And not in a mean way, just in a funny way. You want to be around the circus folk, but you don't necessarily have to. Yeah, that's right. And I used to enjoy it. That's what's great about being your host of it.

I don't have to go to the party. To me, it's really, hey, what happened at the party? Oh, my God, I can't believe that. And you hear the story or whatever it might be. Yeah, I felt that way about, did you watch the movies when people were on the show? I always watched the movies. See, I never watched the movies.

Oh, I always watched the movies. I had a completely different, what was your philosophy then? That you wanted to know the movie to be able to talk about it? I think people like it. I know a lot of guests, if you made the effort to read their book or whatever it is they had, they would really be impressed. I mean, they would write you a note saying,

I can't believe you went to my movie. No, I never did. I did the complete opposite. That's funny. No, just because... Well, you were my movie. No, I never. I never did. I did the complete opposite. That's funny. No, just because, well, you were clearly much more successful than I was. But what I felt about it was, if I know about it, then the two of us are talking about a movie we've both seen. If you're on Plug in a Movie and I haven't seen it

and we're talking about it and you're telling me about the movie, I'm like, oh, this sounds like a movie that I want to see. And that was my philosophy. pete used to fight me on it a lot he's like no he is tom hanks he's a big star you gotta go see his movie i'm like but if i've seen the movie then i'm going to talk to him about the movie that we've both seen yeah but you you talk about what you liked about it or what the you know the character delineation or whatever it is they did come on no i i enjoyed that part of it i would try i'd watch a movie if i got to a part i thought was pretty challenging for the actor i would remember that they did. Come on. No, I enjoyed that part of it. I would watch a movie,

if I got to a part that was particularly challenging for the actor, I would remember that. And I'd bring it up in the interview and they, oh, you know,

because everybody in show business is insecure. Oh, sure. I remember once, you know, publicity agents

are my favorite. I went in to see a guest, not to say who the guest is, but one of those sort of knocks through. I said, hey man, pretty good job. Really enjoyed you in the not say who the guest is, but one of those sort of knocks through. I said, hey, man, pretty good job. Really enjoyed you in the movie.

And the press said, pretty good? Pretty good? I go, what? It was great. You didn't say great. No, to me, I meant, really? That means, oh, I went like, whoa, pretty good, man. Nice job.

And then I said, nice job. And I said, I genuinely enjoyed it. Well, it didn't sound like anything guys yelling at me so shut up you know I bet you I can tell who this is like off the microphone I bet you I can tell you this but the thing is I think about it as well like the show business because you said everyone in the show business is insecure I think you're right and I think that a lot of people in show business they're're crazy, damaged, you know, unemployable in any other business industry. That's true.

And they're all a little nuts. And the question that I got asked, I don't know if you got asked this, but like if there was somebody on who's like super famous, like Tom Hanks was on, so people will always say, were they nice? Was he a nice guy? Right. Was she a nice woman?

Are they nice? And I'm like, well, they were nice to me, because they're doing a talk show and they're professional, but the truth is, why is that important to people? Like, you know, like I don't know.

I'll ask you a question. Right. Did your opinion of Woody Allen movies change after you heard all the things? Oh, the stuff about Woody Allen? Yeah. I mean, did it change your opinion?

Did you think? Well, it's a, it's a good question, but it's a little tricky for me because I wasn't a huge fan anyway. I wasn't a huge fan either, but I like someone. I like to think, like to me, it's funny when I hear someone tell an exaggerated version of a story where they did something mean but didn't mean to. But if I know they're really mean,

then I go, oh no, that guy really did mean to hurt somebody. So to me, yeah, I think it does matter. I always equate kindness with intelligence. I've never met a kind person who was not intelligent. And by intelligent, I don't mean mathematically smart.

I mean just the idea that a kind person can read another person's face and realize where to go that how to be sensitive how to whatever to me that's intelligence to me i i find really cruel people and mean people they might be book smart but they're not intelligent does that make any sense to you yeah of course it does it's actually it actually a very nice way of looking at it. I think that that's true. But if I look at someone like, here's someone I don't know.

I know nothing about them, but I'm a fan of his work. Ozzy Osbourne, right? Right. Ozzy Osbourne is like, you know, he's a game changer of a singer in a band. Right, right. Hugely important. I don't need him to be nice.

Did he bite the head off the bat, or did he not bite the head off the bat I don't know if I was you know like if I was heavily involved in the world of bats maybe it would be

well let's go back did did the Woody Allen stuff change your opinion of his work you know did it you know what

it probably did if I'm honest I probably yeah yeah I think you're right biting a bat is different than you know yeah

well you know. Yeah. Well, you know. Marrying your daughter? Yeah. So what did you do? Did you bite the head off a bat, maybe? Right, exactly. Or did you actually definitely marry your stepdaughter? Exactly.

Yeah, I know. I hear what you're saying. These are extremes, all right? But what I think is kind of weird to me is that maybe not are they nice, but the idea that everyone's got to be like a Sunday school teacher. No, but I'll give an example to someone. It's a way to get here. I'm not a big road rage guy.

One day I'm here in L.A., you know, and a guy behind me, beep, beep, beep, beep, you know, like, oh, he wants to go. So I said, go around me, go around me. He goes around me, gives me the finger, yells, you know, fuck you. So I come up to the next light. I look at him. I go, let me guess. What are you, 55? Bald? Fat? Divorced? Your kids

hate you? Hate your job? What was your greatest day? Was it in high school? And the guy starts crying. Oh, Jesus. And he goes, yes! You're right! And I went, oh, yeah, I realized as a comic, you have the ability to size people up pretty quickly. And I'm hitting, everything I said was exactly.

So I said, look, pull over, pull over. So I got on my mic, I get in the sky, I go, look, I'm sorry. He goes, I got kids, I got two girls, they don't speak to me. Oh, my God, this is a terrible story. So I said, do they like Taylor Swift? I said, I tell you what, I got Taylor Swift on the show on Wednesday, okay? Why don't you bring your two girls? Would they like to? Oh, God, would they show on Wednesday, okay? Why don't you bring your two girls? Would they like to?

Oh, God, would they? I said, okay. And Taylor Swift, I told her, she couldn't have been nicer. Came out, gave the kids a couple of albums, signed. I mean, the sweetest person you could imagine. I've heard that. I've heard no bad stories about her. Just a lovely, lovely person.

She didn't have to do it. I said, I had this guy, and I cut him off. And it was so mean to him. I mean, the guy literally had a breakdown. Oh, my God. He goes, you all right? But you know what's interesting about that story, which I like that story. I like it for you.

I like it for Taylor Swift. I like the fact that it happened. I wonder if that had happened today, that guy would have a phone in your face, record you slicing and dicing them, and then posting it on the internet. Maybe. Maybe not. More than likely. You know, maybe not a 55-year-old guy. You know something?

You can only live in the time you live in. That's true. It's like, could Muhammad Ali beat Rocky Marciano? Is that right? You want to take that? No. All right. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, I know. want to take that? No. Alright. You know,

that kind of thing. Yeah, I know, but I mean, you're right. I want to complain about it a little bit though because I feel like the filming

of everything is like we volunteered to be in Big Brother. It's not even like someone, we're all spying on each other. That's the funny thing

about Big Brother because people always say Big Brother is watching. You know, to me, probably the greatest day in media history was the Rodney King trial. The Rodney King thing. Here's Rodney King coming along.

According to the police, he had seven people in a Hyundai going 117 miles an hour. It's all exaggerated. Okay, that's what the news said. At 7 o'clock, I believe, that same evening, the guy who shot that footage, who chose not to give it to the news, who put it out on the internet. Right.

And then suddenly people saw raw, unfiltered news, and you saw this guy get the crap beat out of him. He didn't look like he did anything that terrible. And then you realize, because what happens, you give it to a news guy and they'll go, the editor will go, well, this is inflammatory. People, this is cause. Let's just say, it's like when I grew up in Boston,

a woman was never raped, she was accosted. Right. They never tell you what I said. Now you live in a world where you get your news unfiltered exactly as it happens. Have you traveled outside of the U.S.? I've traveled outside of the U.S. Yeah?

You do shows in... Well, I do England and... No, I don't really work in... Where have I been? Well, I've been to Italy, I've been to Saudi Arabia, a few places. Yeah, I don't find it totally different. Everybody speaks English. Well, yeah, to you. But, I mean, if you're doing a corporate gig in Italy, people will speak...

You know... It's like I was talking to Tomas, right? You know Tomas, who works with me, right? So Tomas, who produces this podcast, he also, I love Italy, right? I love Italy. And Tomas says to me, you love Italy? I said, yeah.

He says, now he, Tomas has managed heavy metal bands. He has to work in Italy. He said, if you had to work in Italy. Oh, my God. You have a very different idea about Italy it's like because it is that

kind of thing when people say you know I love Scotland so much you Scottish people you're so friendly I mean

try being Scottish with another Scottish person and see how fucking friendly they are so listen let's talk a little bit about the cars alright what do you want to know well I want to know how it started So listen, let's talk a little bit about the cars.

All right. What do you want to know? Well, I want to know how it started. Was it your dad? Was it the family? No, I grew up in a rural area, and there were always broken snowmobiles and abandoned cars. Not so much now. Now, when you abandon a car, it's got a computer. So software doesn't work.

Yeah, it's got a computer. In the old days, people would abandon a car because the distributor broke. All right, that's an easy enough fix to somebody who has a little bit of mechanical knowledge or things of that nature. You know, a car from the teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, you could leave for 100 years and you'd probably get it started pretty easy. Right. Because mechanical things break,

electrical things erode. And you look at a relay box, it might be shiny, but you can't tell what's going on inside it. But you can look at a fuel pump and go, oh, here's the gear. The gear is broken or the keyway is busted. So they're easier to fix.

So that was what drew you in was the mechanical nature or the fact that you could fix them when they were lying around? Yeah, anything that rolls explodes and makes noise. You know, when I was like 11, somebody abandoned

a Renault 4CV, which is like the French version of the Volkswagen. Right. And we had three acres behind our house and my mother would watch us

through the kitchen window and we'd just drive around and so, of course now, the parents would be taken away and you'd be put in foster care and, you know, it's a whole different story.

You just said it's better now, didn't you? Well, in some ways. Yeah, all right. So you started playing around with it. But as you go older, right? Here's the thing. Here's the main facts of it. We are in an objective business.

Some people like you. Some people think you suck. Some people think you're better than me. Some people think you're better than me. Some people think I'm better than you. But when you have a car and it's broken and now it's running, no one can say it's not running. You know, you can say it's still not funny, even if other people are laughing and you're not.

But no one can say the car's not running. Do you think that's why all comedians, a lot of comedians are into cars because of that same reason? Actually, most comedians are not into cars. I find that. Well, hold on a second. Jerry's into cars. Yeah.

I'm into cars a little bit. I know a million guys. I remember Rich Jenny called me one time. He goes, oh, he was funny. He had the best gay marriage joke back in the days when it was illegal. Yeah. He would go, gay guys have the ideal life. Larry, I'd love to marry you,

but it's against the law. Imagine you could say that to a girl. Oh, I'd love to marry you, honey, but it's against the law. Oh, I used to love that. And you know, it wasn't offensive. It was because that was... He was just talking.

He wasn't homophobic. Anyway, he calls me one time. He goes, hey, what's the best car to get girls? I go, well, I said, I only have one girl, and I've had her for like 26 years at this point. So I couldn't tell you that, but what do you like? Well, I don't know.

A Corvette's good? Can you get girls with Corvettes? Some girls like Corvettes. Some girls think, how old are you? You have a Corvette. You know, I said, so he gets a Corvette. And of course, he knows nothing about what it's capable of or whatever.

He just got it together. What's the best car to get girls? It's just my favorite thing. It's funny because I've never really understood that as a thing. I guess maybe back in the day

when, you know, hey baby, do you want to sit in the rumble seat or something? A rumble seat? Yeah. Back in the day?

Back in the day in the rumble seat. What day was it? 1913? Yeah, it was the 1920sble scene. What day was this? 1913? Yeah, it was the 1920s in Scotland. So it's funny, Richard and Jenny, Rich was one of the last gigs he had actually, or one of the last things I remember him doing,

he was on my show. Oh yeah? Yeah, and it wasn't long after that that he killed himself. I don't think it was anything to do with my show, but I can't be sure. I met him in Australia when I was starting out. I was at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. And he turned up.

He had these two very glamorous-looking women, one on each arm. And he walked into the gig, and I was like, how does a guy do that? Now I realize he must have had a Corvette. That's what it was. But really funny. Oh yeah. Super funny guy.

He had very fast. Quick, fast, very New York. You know, he had that New York attitude. Really, just a great, great comic. That was a sad, sad story. It's an interesting thing and Rich is a good kind of example of it, is that the persona

that he had on stage was very different to who the guy he was. Rickles was very like this as well. People used to think Rickles was like, when he was on, he was the insult guy.

But you remember Don. He was a pussy cat. Oh yeah, very nice guy. I love Don. Don was great. Don was great. But even Don,

you know, the network would censor him and he would, I remember one time he came on even Don, you know, the network would censor him and he would, I remember one time he came on and he, you know, Kevin,

Kevin Eubanks, he'd go, and there's Kevin. Kevin's people are in the parking lot stealing hubcaps. And I'd go, I'd go,

Don, they don't have hubcaps anymore. You know, it was interesting. I remember seeing Rickles once and Rickles never swore. That's right. Okay,

but when he did racial stuff, you know, and the Puerto Rican guy is this, and the black guy is this, and the younger audience is kind of like, hmm, and older people laugh hysterically. And then he had a joke where the punchline was him saying, shit, you know, just like that. And the young people laughed, and the old people went,

ooh, you know. So it was really two different audiences. It's funny, I never had him say the shit joke. Well, it was really two different audiences it's funny I never heard him say the do the shit joke well it was one of those things where you know

it leads up to it and then he said yeah I can't remember what the bit was when I first when I first met him he Peter LaSalle

introduced me to Rickles and and I said will you come on the show Mr. Rickles he went gotta be honest kid I'm gonna wait and see

if you're a hit it's like okay so when he came on the show, Mr. Rickles, and he went, I've got to be honest, kid, I'm going to wait and see if you're a hit. It's like, okay. So when he came on the show, he said, I said to him, am I a hit? And he went, no, but I felt sorry for you. Yeah, yeah. It's funny. He was strangely lovely.

A lovely guy, and he grew up in the era when the mob guys really controlled it. And to the day he died, he would never tell a story. I go, Don, let me ask you about it. No, no, no. We went to Dan Tanner's once and I said, let's talk, like the mob.

I mean, he would just not even joke about it. He was just a boss. That was Larry King. He was connected in Miami at one point. Yeah, the old school guys. Do you ever run into that in Boston when you were a kid?

Well, I'll tell you a story. They had people there. I'll tell you a story. One day I get a call from, Sinatra had an agent named Jack Gilardi. They go, Hey, Sinatra wants you to play this Italian thing, some benefit at a country club in Chicago.

It's an Italian-American thing, and you've got to work clean. You understand? You've got to work clean. There's going to be a priest there. I said, yeah, okay, I'll work clean. So I get there. I get up and I do my little thing. I get some laughs.

Thank you very much. I sit down. So they introduce this guy. I'm not going to say you very much. I sit down. So they introduce this guy. I'm not going to say his name because his kids are still alive. A real gangster. And he gets up there. How you doing, everybody? Hey, what the fuck's going on?

You know, like that. And the priest goes like this. And the priest goes, What? Hey, father. Shut the fuck up you fucking you fucking he's just screaming

oh my god I mean the veins are popping when you see a psychopath just lose it he goes you got your 10 grand in a paper bag

right father shut the fuck up just scream and the priest is holding his bag with the 10 grand in it like this and he's just

and guys are holding him like this he's just are holding him like this. Motherfucker. He's just going after the priest. Just screaming at the guy, you know. So I'm like, oh, Jesus. And the crowd is like, oh, my God, because this guy. Yeah, that's a way to lose a crowd.

If you go psycho on, it doesn't even have to be the priest. If I remember the story, they told the heartwarming story. Some teenagers had broken into his house. Yeah. And stolen something. Okay. They found them two weeks later, and they had been skinned alive. Somebody hung them by their wrists, stripped them, and run a straight razor from their arms down to their toes,

and just peeled off a layer of skin until these guys slowly blended it. And it was like, oh, okay. So that was like, oh, scary. So I'm sitting there just watching this whole thing play out, and they take him away, right? So the lady says, Jay, come here, come here. He goes, you play golf? I said, no.

Well, come on, come on, come with me He goes, you play golf? No. Well, come on, come on. Come with me. So he and I are in the golf cart. He goes, you know, we asked Stallone to come to this. You know what he said? He said, no. And I said, well, you know, he's very busy. He wasn't busy!

He wasn't busy! He fucking explodes again, you know. And it's like, I'm sitting there. I would never play golf with a guy who had skinned people. Exactly. And I'm not doing it again. Do you play golf? No, no. I don't get it.

I didn't think you were a golf guy. If you could play it in 20 minutes, maybe. And also if the carts are shit. I mean, maybe if you had a Corvette. Yeah, a Corvette. But the point of this was, most people think, you know, my favorite thing, and the French Connection was the best movie to do. Whenever you watch TV, when a guy, Bob, put the gun down. I know you don't want to shoot me.

Okay. And the guy always puts the gun down and cannon or magnum or whoever it is takes the gun away from him. Cannon. That's great. He takes the gun away from him. Remember the French connection where the transit cop, the French guy who's running from Popeye Doyle. He's on the train.

He's got a gun. And the guy goes, look, I know you don't want to shoot me. You don't want to call me. He just shoots him. Four or five. Just blows the guy away. Okay, thank you. That's what really happens in real life.

All these people think they're going to be a hero because they know he's really a good guy. No, there are evil people in the world. There are bad guys out there, you know. But I'm still happy about you bringing up Cannon. Oh, Cannon. Oh, yeah. I love Cannon. You know, like he was like a 300 pound detective. He was like 5'8".

And he would run after teenagers 300 pounds. Right, right. And he would run after teenagers and catch them. No, what it was, he would park in the alley in his big Lincoln, and the crook would run towards him, and he'd open the driver's door, bang, and that would hit them. And knock them out. Yeah, yeah. Man, I think it's maybe time for a canon reboot. I love that.

If Billy hadn't lost all that weight, he'd be perfect for it. He'd be perfect. Yeah, but he's all thin and gorgeous now. That's the problem. He does look great. He does look great. Like 178 pounds he lost. That's how much he lost.

That's unbelievable. He lost a whole person. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. But he looks great. And you know something? I was telling this the other night. A lot of guys that used to be fat aren't really funny anymore

because their whole persona was based on being fat. But you know something? You look at him now, you're thinking, well, he's always been a skinny guy, right? Because it doesn't reflect in anything that he does. I mean, he's really, he was a graceful man. I mean, it's funny, we talked ages ago, because he was a big fan of Laurel and Hardy.

I was a big fan of Laurel and Hardy. I love Laurel and Hardy. Oh, my God. And one of the things about Babe Hardy was his grace. Yeah. You know, the lightness in his feet. It was funny. You know, Louis Anderson, the same thing.

Yeah. Louis was the same. Louis had great dignity about it. That's right. He'd move his hands very slowly and fold them in his lap. And you never saw him sweating on stage. But he always had those bits about his mom didn't like cats because they licked the butter and all that kind of stuff.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is. I think he was like, oh yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred,

Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of.

I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things that feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone you're gonna die being you so you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder so if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit.

Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. Over my career, I've built and helped run multiple seven-figure businesses that leverage culture and built successful brands.

Now I want to share what I've learned with you. Now I want to share what I've learned with you. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. On every episode, we get the inside scoop on how these leaders tap into culture to build something amazing. From exclusive interviews to business breakdowns, we'll explore the journey of turning passion for culture into business. Whether you're just getting started or an established business owner, Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. This is Butternomics. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You know, the guys you're talking, we're talking you know that like louis was one gilbert was another one gilbert guard freed was another one like real kind of idiosyncratic characters that i i don't look i i don't pay a lot of attention to the young comics right now i i don't know if you do i don't see a ton of that. I see a lot of the same. Like, you know, a lot of not as much eccentricity of performance, maybe. There's some really good ones. I mean, I watched Michelle Wolfe on Netflix. You see her? You see her new special? Yeah.

You know something? I thought it was terrific. Yeah, me too. I thought she was really good. Because I thought, you know, when she'd done all the White House stuff, it's like. Oh, that's a terrible gig. You've done it. It's a tough gig. Well, but I mean, you know, when she'd done all the White House stuff, it's like, oh, that's a terrible gig. You've done it. Yeah.

Well, but I mean, it's all politics. It's like, it's how stinging can it be. And to watch her latest one, oh, these are real jokes. Yeah, she's really good. And really, yeah, she's really funny. Yeah. And yeah, I really enjoyed it. The one that's done in three parts or four parts.

That's the one I'm talking about. Each one is a 20-minute segment. And I watched it, and I thought, boy, she's really, really good. And it's a shame that she got beat up so badly over. Well, you know, it happens with the White House. Like, Colbert got beat up pretty badly for what he did at the White House as well. But ultimately, it worked out for him. And I think it's one of those weird gigs,

the White House Dinner. I remember when I did it, I talked to you before I did it. You remember that? Yeah, yeah. Because I remember you said to me, it's just not about you. Just remember it's not about you.

Right, right. And I talked to you and I talked to Drew Carey because Drew had done it as well. But I thought it was a hard gig. It was like a really tough corporate gig. Well, it's an impossible gig because everybody is looking in the mirror. Yeah, that's right.

It's really not. And when you have somebody like Obama who is a really good comic, he goes on first and now you follow him. I didn't do it with Obama. I did it with George Bush. I did it with Reagan. First time I did it was with Reagan. So I'm backstage, and this general

comes in. He goes, hey, hey, hey! You the comic? Yes, sir. I'm Jay Leno. He goes, I'm so-and-so. This is my commander-in-chief. You understand that? This is my boss. He is the leader of the free world. You don't insult him. And he's poking me in the chest, you know? And I said, well, okay. Yes, sir. You understand? Yeah, and he leaves. Okay. I'm thinking, oh, man. I'm starting to change jokes.

Then all of a sudden, George Shultz comes in. Remember him? Yeah. He's really drunk. He goes, no, no. Come here. When you get up there, you nail Ronnie's ass to the wall. You understand me?

I go, but that guy told me, screw it. He works for me. I'm the defense guy. You make fun of that thing on Reagan's head. You think that's his hair color? You think that's his real hair color? And I go, I don't know. No, you're good. What do I do? I remember my opening

joke was, I want to congratulate Nancy Reagan on winning the Humanitarian of the Year award. I'm glad she beat out that conniving little bitch, Mother Teresa. That's a funny joke. And Reagan fell off the chair. He was like, oh! I thought, well, then I knew I was in.

I knew it was okay. But yeah, it is. It's an impossible game. It's really hard. Is there any, because I've got a couple of jokes. One of them was the White House correspondent at dinner that I never told. That I was going to do

the joke right to the last minute and then i did and i have two in my life that i've never done i'll tell you in a minute but do you have any that you thought i was going to do this you know it's so funny the only jokes i remember are the ones that made an impression because as a comic you have things that put a notch in your brain. You just remember, like that first joke I told about the Robin Hood thing and all that. So you remember everything. I remember being five years old and my mother taking me to, because we didn't have babysitters then, so she just took me everywhere. So we went to my Aunt Edith's house on the Italian side, and it's all women drinking wine, and I'm sitting on the floor, and I was looking at the women,

and I said, hey, Mom, why do women have humps like camels? Oh, listen to that one, Kathy! Oh, my God! And they're all drunk anyway, and they're all screaming, and I'm thinking, what did I say? I said something about humps.

And I always remember that, because it got it in me. So as a comic, I think when you say something and it gets a laugh, you just, for the most part, pretty much remember it because...

Well, I'm talking about the ones that you made a decision not to tell the joke for another reason. Yeah, I can't remember the jokes and I can't remember what it was. I have two. I'm going to tell you.

One was a White House correspondence dinner where there was a lot of trouble. It was the very last... Bush and Cheney and all those guys were up there. Rumsfeld was around, all that stuff. And I was going to say at the start of it, it's great to be up here. We won't see all these guys together in one room again until the trial.

And I thought that was a pretty good joke. And they said to me, probably a good idea. It wasn't the White House. It was one of my own guys said, probably a good idea if you don't do that joke. People are still a little, you know, uncomfortable. It's a pretty decent joke. And the other one, I'm kind of still thinking that maybe I should have done it and maybe I shouldn't. And here's what it was.

I had a book come out, my autobiography come out, right? And it was the same week as Ted Kennedy, his biography came out. He had just died that week. Right. And Mackenzie Phillips' book came out where she talks about having sex with her dad.

Oh, right, right. And there were all three of us vying for the number one spot in the New York Times bestseller list. And I knew I wasn't going to get it. Right. Because Ted Kennedy had died

and Mackenzie Phillips talks about having sex with her dad. So I was doing this event in Union Square at the Barnes and Noble and I wanted to do this joke and my publicist says that's a great joke and I beg you don't do it. I went okay but the joke I was going to come on stage and say, in my book, Mackenzie Phillips fucks Ted Kennedy. But I didn't do it, and I kind of wish I had done it, but I'm kind of glad I didn't. No, no, that's a funny joke. I think so, but, you know, tempers were flaring at the time, and it was probably a good idea.

Yeah, I always did that. There are all these things you want to say. I'm not going to say who it was, but I had someone on who was very sensitive, and they'd just gotten glasses, and they had a big nose and i said and i wanted to say oh did the nose come with the glasses but but i knew they'd be just yeah they'd be hurt yeah yeah you can you know you don't want to hurt someone's feelings we're not in that game man you don't want to feel bad that was the We're not in that game. You don't want to make anybody feel bad. That was the thing about being a talk show.

You got to know when I was a comedian when I did the monologue and I was a host when I did that. Because a lot of times. Yeah. I totally agree. You win the battle and you lose the war, you know. Totally. Totally. I always felt as well.

And this is why I love doing your show is because I felt like I was, took the word host like literally like i'm here to host i want you to feel good i want you to have a good time i want you to enjoy yourself and that's how i took that from you know when i was on your show and i was like no that's how i want to be because i've done other shows where i felt i've got to wash my ass here right i mean you know i'll put one foot wrong and i'm going to be made a fool of. And I never felt that when I was working with you. And I hope that anyone who was on my show felt the same way. It was like, you know, I'm not here. And funny enough, I was talking to Kristen Bell the other day,

who was like my number one all time, you know, she was like on the show every other week. She was great. You know, everyone has a guest. I'm sure you had them him and i'm going to ask you who it was in a minute but but i was talking to her and she said well it was weird for me because i always thought she was a great improviser and she said no i i hate that i always like knowing what i'm going to do i was like that's weird i i always thought you loved improvising and that's why you always did my show. And she went, no, I just trusted you. And I was like, oh, that's great.

It makes me feel good. So tell me who were your go-tos? You know, Terry Bradshaw was pretty good. Yeah, he's very funny, yeah. Remember, he had a talk show? Yes, that's right. He had a daytime talk show or something. You know, Terry was the best one ever

and you could not have planned this. He comes out and he goes, Jayla, I heard that monologue. That monologue sucked. That was the worst jokes I've ever heard. He's just trashing on me. And I said, you know, I could shut you down with four words. No, you can't. I can't.

What? I said, your fly is open. And his pants were wide open. Oh, my God. And he looked down, and he fell off the chair. He's laughing so hard. He just felt so stupid. He just felt so stupid. He was a great one.

I had him maybe 54 times. And the comics are always good. You were good. Jerry was good. Robin Williams, of course, was good. Yeah, Robin kind of took over. I used to like that. You just hand him the reins.

Yeah, right. You just let him go. You couldn't really interact with him. But you know what my favorite, too, was with Rodney? Because when I would watch Rodney with Johnny, Johnny would be the straight man. Tough week, Rodney? Johnny, I tell you, this week was all right, but last week

it was cold. Really? Cold outside? Oh, Johnny was so cold. When I would get Rodney out, oh, that was my favorite thing. Been a tough week? Oh, Jay, I tell you, it's all right now. But last week, I got to tell you. Did I tell you my Rodney story about?

No. I'll tell you Rodney's story. I've told this story, but I had Rodney on the show. Okay. Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield, 2004. And Rodney was a little older. Yeah.

A little more frail. And he comes up, and he's doing the show. He's doing his stand-up. I notice he's sweating more than... You know, as someone who watches comics and you know them personally, you can tell when they're a little off. I can tell when Jerry's killing,

but it's not his normal super hard kill. It's just a real... And Rodney, he would always touch his tie. This time his hands were kind of hurt. He's just a real... And Rodney, he would always touch his tie. This time, his hands were kind of hurt. He's just a little... There are tails. You know,

so I'm watching this. So I said to Debbie, our producer, Debbie Vickers, I said, Deb, I said, I think Rodney's

having a stroke. Call the cops. Call the paramedics. She goes, do you think? I think he is, yeah. Okay, so he finally sits down. Jay, I will tell you,

I'm all right now, Jay, but last week. You know, and he's got the handkerchief and he's really sweating, but he gets through it and he does fine. Okay. So he sits down. Jay, I will tell you, I'm all right now, Jay, but last week. And he's got the handkerchief, and he's really sweating. But he gets through it, and he does fine. Okay. Now the show ends. Just as the show ends, Rodney goes to his dressing room, and the paramedics come in.

And I say, Rodney, the paramedics, I think, might have a stroke. I didn't have a stroke. Well, he did have a stroke. You saw that? Well, he was just off. He was just off. So they took him away in an ambulance. He went to a stroke. I didn't have a stroke. Well, he did have a stroke. You saw that? Well, he was just off. He was just off. So they took him away in an ambulance. He went to the hospital.

And he didn't live much longer than that. And then his wife, Joan, calls me and says, you've got to come to the hospital. Rodney's in a coma. Okay, I get there, and Rodney's lying there. His eyes are open. And she says, Jay, the doctor says Rodney can hear us, but he can't respond to us.

So I'm telling him how much we love him and how great he was to all his comics, letting us work Rodney's club and Rodney Dangerfields and all, blah, blah, blah, blah. So his wife, Joan, says, Rodney. She goes, Jay, put your finger in Rodney's hand. She goes, Rodney, if you know it's Jay, try and squeeze his finger.

So I put my finger in Rodney's hand like this, and I went, Rodney, if you know it's Jay, try and squeeze his finger. So I put my finger in Rodney's hand like this. And I went, Rodney, that's not my finger. Okay. And Rodney's shoulders go like this. They just move. And Joe goes, he moved, he moved, he moved, he moved. And then the doctor comes in, he moved, he moved. And he died right after that.

But you got to laugh. Yeah, we got to laugh out of Rodney. Yeah, that's true. You know, and it was kind of, I mean, I don't say it to be mean or even to be funny, just this, a life well led, you know, and he was a wonderful guy, and he was a

smart guy. I never got to meet him. You never met Rodney? No, I never met him. Well, you know, the whole thing about being an aluminum siding salesman, you know, if comedy doesn't make you, well, he did. He was an aluminum siding salesman, but he was a great aluminum siding salesman. He know, if comedy doesn't make it. Well, he did. He was an aluminum siding salesman, but he was a great aluminum siding salesman. I'll bet he was.

He was so successful, he quit show business to sell aluminum siding. Then at age 44, his face finally grew into his act. He began to look like the sad sack that he was. And that's when he really became famous. Because see, I remember Rodney, before he had no respect, when he used to do bits. Right. And he really became famous. Because, see, I remember Rodney, before, he had no respect.

When he used to do bits. Right. And he would do bits. I remember one bit he had. I can't recreate it, but this is the essence of it. He goes, welcome to Flight 265 of TW Airlines. He'd be the pilot. You know, he'd go, we're flying over right now over to Indiana,

rather desolate part. If you look down on the left side of the plane, you can see the remains of Flight 418 that crashed right there on the ground. Bob, you were with me on that one, weren't you? It was just like a, just hilarious, just like a funny, almost like a very Bob Newhart. Yeah, it's

been Newhart, yeah. And then later he got into doing bits. Did you ever see a movie called The Projectionist? It was done I think in 69. No. Rodney was Projectionist? It was done, I think, in 69. No. Rodney was in that play. He was good. He was good.

And Back to School, one of the funniest, to me, that thing about, oh, and The Union, yeah, remember the guy goes,

I'm going to build an imaginary factory. Oh, yeah, how are you going to pay off this guy and pay off that guy? You know,

and just so funny. Yeah, he was really the funniest guy. And I knew Rodney 40 years. I have no idea if he's a Democrat. I have no idea if he's a Republican. All we ever

talked about were jokes. That is true with a lot of older comics. He had the essence. He had quick jokes. One of my favorite Rodney jokes is I walked past a strip joint. He said, topless and bottomless. I went in. There was nobody there. I mean, it's a great topless and bottomless. There was nobody there. I mean, it's a great topless bottle.

It's a stupid joke. There was nobody there. Yeah, that's a great joke. And the other joke, I was like, my doctor said, I need a semen sample, I need a stool sample,

I need a urine sample. So I gave him my underpants. You know, just those stupid kind of jokes. And just hilarious. Just hilarious. Were you ever intimidated by anyone? Did you ever have a guest

and you actually get nervous? I had a couple, but do you ever intimidated by anyone? Did you ever have a guest and you actually get nervous? I had a couple, but do you ever have anyone you think, oh, yeah. One day I had Roger Moore on. So I'll tell you about Sean Connery forever. Roger Moore. And he would tell you, I said, where are you going on vacation? He said, we're going to India.

We're going to India. It was quite often. Go to India? Yeah. That's quite a trip. Oh, not really. Well, how often do you go? Oh, I go every weekend.

Every weekend to India? Yes, yes. I mean, it's not a long flight? No, no, no, we drive, really drive. You drive to India? From England? No, no, from California. He was trying to say Indio.

Indio. Oh, it's just like a whole wasted segment. Yeah, you're trying to talk about Indio. Sean Connery is my favorite because Sean Connery is the only guy I have heard my mother referred to in a sexual way. That's a real man, Jamie. Oh, yeah. The women were different. I introduced my wife to Sean

Connery and her breasts lit up. And I didn't even know breasts could do that. That's right. Sean Connery probably went through life thinking that women's breasts lit up all the time. That's right. That's the only time I've seen it happen. I introduced her and she went, oh hello Sean, nice to meet you. He's like, very nice to meet you, Megan. Boom, boom. Hello, pushy. Well, he didn't talk to her bottom department even. I mean, it was really, ba-ba.

I know. Well, most people don't know, he was Mr. Universe's third runner-up. Yeah. 1953. He was a long showman and he was a tough son of a bitch. Very tough. You know the story about him and Johnny Stompanato?

Oh, no. Did he get in a fight with Johnny Stompanato? Johnny Stompanato brings a gun on at the set. I can't remember the movie. He was doing a movie with Lana Turner. Right, right, yeah, yeah. And the rumor was that Big Tam, as he's known in Scotland, or Sean Connery, was having an affair with Lana Turner,

which knowing him and knowing about her I'd say it's probably a good even money bet but Stompanato who's her gangster boyfriend turns up points a gun at Sean

points a handgun at Sean he takes the gun he smacks Stompanato on the side of the head with the gun and she says get the fuck out of here

don't bring a gun onto a place of war he fucking I mean it's like he was a tough guy he was a very tough part of Edinburgh and he was very kind of

and he's the only guy you know what I say you always hear a joke it's a knee slamper yeah he's the only guy I ever saw slap his knee he'd go gee

gee what's the latest filthy joke going about gee you know and I'd tell him he'd go oh I mean he would laugh and he'd go, oh! Oh!

I mean, he would laugh like he was a pirate. Oh! And he was the only guy that ever took a shower in a Tonight Show dressing room. Because the dressing room

is small in this area. I remember. Just a little tiny. He had a shower, but nobody, and he would sing, hello, I'm going to take

the high road, and you, and the news crew, news guys, news that would run down with the headphones. Who's shouting down? I said, Sean Connery. I said, Sean Connery. He said, I'll take the high road.

I'll be in Scotland before. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But, oh, yeah. You know, it was, they took this rough thug. They put him in a Savile Rose suit. They taught him a little bit about wine. So he came across

he was the only really dangerous guy. I never got, Roger Moore was always the Pilbury Doughboy. He was kind of like the comedy boy. But him and Daniel Craig. Yeah, I can believe Daniel Craig. But Sean Connery had the height.

He had the weight. He had the threatening. Pierce was pretty good for the 1980s. Pierce was good too. But Sean Connery had the height. He had the weight. He had the threatening. Pierce was pretty good for the 1980s. Yeah, Pierce was good too. But Sean Connery just had the physical presence. I mean, the Bond films are funny because Goldfinger, the man with the big fat guy can barely speak English. Slobbering over himself.

How is this guy in the song? But in the song, women, he's Goldfinger, you know. Oh, please. in the song a threat to Sean Connery but in the song women oh he's Goldfinger you know oh please you know that Sean Connery

I think it's in the movie Goldfinger he wears a little toweling mini like it's like little shorty shorts and a zip that goes up

the front and a little thing like that it's the most ridiculous looking outfit and I remember we were watching it like when one of my boys was little

we were watching introducing him to an old Bond movie and I remember we were watching it when one of my boys was little we were watching introducing him to an old Bond movie and I said to Megan that's a stupid looking outfit and she went not on Sean Connery

and then her breasts lit up again oh yeah wow and he wasn't even there yeah he was he was quite a guy he was

he was a very impressive I mean he was a guy for his time. Sure. Because you watch it now, and it's so incredibly sexy. It's shocking. It's shocking. But it was what it was.

Anyway, look, buddy, we're done for the recording. You and I can talk anything. We've done all right. Yeah, we're done. But listen. That went pretty quick. Yeah, well, you know, we do talk a lot. Yeah.

A lot more than I talk to any other former host of The Tonight Show. Oh, there you go. Yeah, you're the one I talk to the most. Well, there you go. And I think that, you know, I had such a good time when we were doing gigs with Arsenio this summer. And we should do it again. Yeah, I love doing those. He's a great guy, too.

Arsenio's a great guy. I have to tell you a story about Arsenio. It was so funny. I think I told you about with Barry great guy too. Arsenio's a great guy. I'll tell you a story about Arsenio. It was so funny. I think I told you about with Barry Manilow. You know what I'm saying? No, tell me.

Well, he was the only real threat. That was the one Carson was afraid of. Arsenio? Well, because it was hip. Yeah,

and he was good. It was black. It was young. It was everything Johnny wasn't, you know. Right. And,

you know, like when Dana Carvey did Carcinio, he did a comedy impression of a brilliant impression. Johnny just hated it. It made him very nervous. Anyway, so the first night of our Carcinio show, he goes, you're not going to see Barry Manilow's ass on this show. This show is all about the funk.

It's about to hit it. You know, the band plays it. Right. Okay. So I remember watching that show. Now, this is the time when he and I were supposedly fighting, right? You and Arsenio? Well, he had, I'm going to kick Leno's ass.

He had all this stuff going on, you know. It's funny because I think of you two as being very good friends. We were very good friends. Yeah, yeah. And we still are. And we were even during that. So anyway, so I'm watching him every night to make sure we don't do the same jokes. Because you need to do that,

you know. And I hear him say about December, now he came on, I guess, in September. And about December, he goes,

and next week on the show, Barry Manilow, you know, I have to say. So the next day I call, I go, hi, can I speak to you,

Mr. Hall? This is Jay Leno. Just a minute. He doesn't want to speak to you. Just put on. He doesn't want to speak to you. I said, no,

he needs to hear what I have to say, you know. He goes, what do't want to speak to you. I said, no, he needs to hear what I have to say. You know? He goes, what do you want, motherfucker? What do you want? Ooh, next week, Barry Manilow. And then he falls off the chair. He's laughing so hard.

I go, oh, he won't see his ass on the line. Because you realize when you do these shows, you need everybody. You need, hey, you got to take it. You can't be. Every fucking night. Every night, you got to. But from that point on, we both laughed at that.

You know, when the news broke that I was gonna do the late night show, when I was taking it over, I was at a U2 concert in Forum in Los Angeles, and you know,

the little backstage. Yeah. So I'm backstage there, and Chris Rock is there. And he comes over and he goes, you're the guy taking over the show? And I went, yeah.

And he goes, you guys do that shit every fucking night I went yeah and he went no man every fucking night I went yeah and then it kind of haunted me it was like a movie but see I found every night easier because if it didn't go well I got some I I I can't stop and dwell I gotta move on that is the the glory of it. But the truth is, by the time I was done, I mean, what did you do? 25 years? 22 years. 23? Well, I mean, 25 is kind of guessing.

Yeah. I did 10 years. And that's about two more than I really wanted to do. Wasn't there a point where you were like, ugh? No, I'm pretty good at simple, repetitive tasks. Yeah. Well. You know, I enjoyed it. I liked

the discipline of writing jokes every day. You were great at it. I liked it. Pencils down. I gotta go. Okay. If the show wasn't any good, I got another show tomorrow. And three days later, you forgot about that show that wasn't very good. That's true. It's interesting

now, though, that all these shows hang around. People pick out parts from a show and broadcast it. I don't even remember doing that. I know. I know. It's crazy. It's different. The saddest thing about late night is everybody doing it is really good.

The trouble is you have these streaming services. You can watch the Lord of the Wings trilogy without commercials. You can watch all three Godfather movies. You know, every talk show you watch now, because the viewing audience is smaller, there's even more commercials. So you watch the monologue five and a half minutes, then seven minutes of commercials,

then six and a half minutes of show, then nine minutes after midnight of commercials. And it just makes, you know, and it's not the host's fault. It's just there's so much. The economics of it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, I'm glad I got out.

We got out at the right time. Oh, we did, yeah. Nobody's making that kind of money anymore. All right, well, let's get the fuck out. Let's go. Drive a car somewhere. Yeah, anytime. For ten years, I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history.

We were all facing 20 years and all that good stuff. The lead singer tried to pull off an English accent, and they went on the road as the zombies. These guys are not going to get away with it. Zombies are too popular. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all, Dr. Joy here. I invite you to join me every Wednesday on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly chat about mental health and personal development where my expert guests and I discuss the unique challenges and triumphs faced by Black women through the lens of self-care, pop culture, and building the best version of you. So if you're looking for more ways to incorporate wellness into your life,

listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.