Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Molly Kearney

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

Meet Molly Kearney, an American stand-up comedian and actor best known for her work on NBC sketch comedy series Saturday Night Live. Molly and Craig discuss growing up in religious environment, being an outsider and reasons why one might become a comedian. EnJOY! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For 10 years, I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. We were all facing 20 years and all that good stuff. The lead singer tried to pull off an English accent and they went on the road as the zombies. These guys are not going to get away with it. The zombies are too popular. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. On Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

podcasts. What's good? It's Colleen Whit and eating while broke is back for season three,ought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Young Fly, Bone Thugs and Harmony, and many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday.

Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. The Craig Ferguson Pants on Fire tour is on sale now. It's a new show. It's new material.

But I'm afraid it's still only me, Craig Ferguson. On my own, standing on a stage, telling comedy words. Come and see me. Buy tickets. Bring your loved ones. Or don't come and see me. Don't buy tickets and don't bring your loved ones. I'm not your dad. You come or don't come, but you should at least know it's happening. And it is. The tour kicks off late September and goes through the end of the year and beyond. Tickets are available at thecraigfergussonshow.com slash tour. They're available at thecraigfergussonshow.com slash tour or at your local outlet in your region.

My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness. My guest today is from Cleveland, Ohio which is a city I am very fond of and I like the people of Cleveland, Ohio, and I suspect I will like Molly Carney very much. I know I do. And I think you will too. That was my note to you first, Molly. Don't fuck up. But I mean that in life. Because you're a youngster to me. You're a youngster. What age are you, like 20? That's, well, now you're being cute.

I'm 34. 34. 34, really? Yeah. I was 34 when I started on The Drew Carey Show. And one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you is because you're from Cleveland. I have a great deal of affection for the city of Cleveland because I've been on The Drew Carey Show.

Now, when Drew grew up in Cleveland, he said it was pretty tough at times. Is that your experience too, or were you from Posh, Cleveland? I was from the west side of Cleveland, like in a suburb, but like 10 minute drive to downtown. What's the suburb? Well, I grew up in North Homestead, went to school in Rocky River. Rocky River? My family resides in Lakewood now.

Lakewood's Posh, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It's a little fancy. Yeah. Getting a lot of more, it's becoming more young crowd. I don't know if I like that. Yeah.

See, I'm 62 years old, so I don't really like young people. I, you know, you have to pretend you do. And I'm reasonable with my kids and you seem like, you seem like a decent human being, but I don't know, they seem very literal to me the young people. I don't know. Yeah, I think they're just buying up the old houses and stuff. Yeah. Fixing them.

Are you doing that? Are you gentrifying your neighborhood? Where do you live? I lived in Cleveland. I haven't lived in Cleveland since I was 18. You go straight to New York to get in Saturday Night Live. Was that the thing? I did.

I went to college in Ohio. What'd you study? I studied whatever could get me out of there the fastest. Yeah, okay. So I did theater. Never been in a play in my life. That's okay. That's good practice for when you're an actor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right. No, but my thesis was like, I was the only person with my, they let me like really be specific with my major, so I was able to do a one person show for my thesis. To graduate. What was the one person show?

It was just an hour of comedy. I would do stand up and then I would run off the sidelines and change into outfits while I had a video playing so that I could keep, so I would do characters and then like five minutes of stand up and then a character and then a video and then a character. That's better than what I do now. It was probably the most, the best thing I've ever created. And I don't have any footage of it.

Really? I think I have like a couple. Was it autobiographical? Was it? Cause like, if you're a kid, you're 18 years old, like, let's see, who were the great comics who started early? Eddie Murphy was 18, 19 when he made Raw, I think. I mean, it was like nuts to be that.

Yeah, it must have been 20 or 21. And I came back from, I did a semester at, instead of going abroad, like the rich kids, I did a semester at Second City in Chicago. That's Chicago, that's abroad to Cleveland. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's like, that's a lot longer drive than a five hour drive or something. Yeah, exactly, it's Chicago. That's a broad to Cleveland. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's like, well along the drive, it's like five hour drive or something?

Yeah, exactly. It's five. So, I did a semester through Columbia College, the art school that you, it's like anybody can get in there. Right. But they connected with Second City, so you did a semester, so you did like 20 credits, or no, like 15 credits of comedy writing, comedy history, so you just study like vaudeville and all that. That's really interesting to me because you come at it as an academic then. It's an academic approach to comedy. It's a completely different experience to my own, which was I went into comedy because it was like being a realtor.

It's like it's not really a job that anybody wants, but you get it and you go, yeah, well, it's not that bad. And, you know. You get chunks of change here and there and you're like, oh, this is great. Oh, wow, I made a sale. And, you know, and it's kind of exciting. And then you get your, if you, you know,

if you do reasonably well, you get your photograph at bus stops and stuff like that. It's kind of exactly like being a realtor. You're like, if you can reasonably well, you get your photograph at bus stops and stuff like that. It's kind of exactly like being a realtor. You're like, if you can hustle as much as you want to get to the next level kind of thing. But it interests me because a lot of the comics, in fact, the reason, one of the reasons why I like to talk to comics is not because I would wish trauma on anyone, but it seems to me that for a lot of comedians that I connect to and that I like, doing comedy is the result

of an early trauma or an ongoing trauma even. And they kind of filter it through some kind of rage or despair into comedic gold. That's kind of what I've always thought about it. Would that be a fair description of you? Oh, 100%. Oh, so tough early childhood, eh? Addiction problems, maybe. Something like that? Just being gay in a Catholic, Irish Catholic.

Well, that'll do it. And in like, you know, in the 90s and early 2000s, I was gay, but I was like 10, 15, 20. So when you're kind of like pre-pubescent, but still like, you know who you are already. Yeah, I mean, I remember watching Beauty and the Beast and I was like, wow, Belle is a smoke show. Right.

You know, and I was... But it's hard to, it's kind of hard when you're a kid, because I remember saying, when I was like, I don't know, I guess I had to be about 20 years old, I gated for a bit, tried it. Really? Oh yeah. Good for you. Well, look, the way I always... You gotta tried it. Really? Oh yeah. Good for you. Well, look, the way I always...

You gotta try it. The way I always say is this, if you say, look, I don't like chicken fingers, and you go, well, look, pop one in your mouth, if you don't like it, then you know. You spit it out. Yeah, you just go, I don't like chicken fingers. As it turned out, I don't like chicken fingers.

Well, but I thought I'd give them a try. I felt like I was, you know, I'd have an open mind about the situation. But it turned out... I love that. That makes me like you more. And I like you when I walk down. I don't have any judgment to make on that. I don't have it. And I kind of try and... It's not a kind of easy position to have because it kind of like, it doesn't allow people to get angry at you. Yeah, it was just kind of like it was my secret. And I was like, oh, nobody's going to accept me if I tell anybody.

So I remember, like in high school, you know, I went to an all girls Catholic high school and as my dad says, it was worth every penny, which it was because I loved it, but that's great looking back when I came out. And I remember, like like lying to my friends, not that I couldn't drink alcohol, because I was afraid that I said I had a stomach problem, but I just was afraid to get drunk because I was afraid I was going to tell everybody I was gay.

You'd get all gay on them? Yeah, yeah, I know. I know what you mean. So I, and then in college, like, it's not like... I did the opposite. I got drunk, told everyone I was gay, and told them I wasn't. I was like, I got drunk told everyone I was gay. I wasn't Like I was like blowing guys going this is enough for me

I just like being friendly. I Just want to be around people everybody love everybody. Yeah, well love all the people but that what's kind of interesting is That if you are dealing with a like that level of discomfort, right? Like I don't know how to be who I am in the world in which I inhabit. Is the standard on a stage a smoke screen then? Is it like, don't look at that, look at this, you know? I think it more so, I remember starting stand up, I was still in the closet. Right. Did standup for like three years in college.

And then was like, came out when I was at second city, told my mom over the phone. Everything was ended up fine. But then I started doing standup about being like my life and like, I was like 90% myself until I came out to my family. Right. I was like, I now I was like 90% myself until I came out to my family. And I was like, now I'm 100% myself. So now I can write everything. I can write about everything in my life, which is the funny part, which is me being in the closet.

Well, I think that that's part of being free. Like that's what makes me worry a little bit about, it seems kind of outdated to call it cancel culture, but it makes me worry a little bit about, it seems kind of outdated to call it cancel culture, but it makes me worry a little bit about the pressure, particularly young comedians, old comedians who have made their money, fuck those guys, they already made their money, you're a professional, you know how to deal with it, don't be ridiculous. But young people who are starting out thinking I better not talk about that, I think, well, yeah, you probably, the things you think you better not talk about

are probably things you really want to talk about. Do you know what I mean? And that's what I think anyway. It's like, I always thought the stuff that I ended up talking about, I was like, I don't really want to do this bit, but I'll do it. Yeah. I feel like coming from, like, you can talk about stuff that might be touchy. If you have a good point of view on it, it's funny the way right? It's gotta be funny. And if it's you know there's a lot of comics that try to do it and it's not funny then they just look like an asshole right?

Well but that's not new. There's been shit comics since there were people. Sometimes it's kind of like I gotta watch this. Well it's I think it's a lot of it as well is the, this reminds me a little bit of the 1980s, it was a huge comedy boom and everywhere you went there was a Chuckle Hut or a Laugh Inn or a, you know, Go Bananas. Yeah, or you know, Looney Bins. Can you call a club Looney Bins now? They're still called Looney Bins. I feel like that's shaming to people.

I don't think so. No, but I, what I mean is it's shaming to people. I don't think so. No? No, but I... I don't know. No, but what I mean is, it's like you call it something like you're a loony. Is that? I don't know. Maybe I'm just taking it too far.

I think it's like you're a cuckoo. Yeah, cuckoo. I think in Britain it might be different. It's one of those fanny words. Like you know fanny in Britain is vagina and fanny in America is just like is a butt Yeah, it's just your butt. It's like saying but yeah, but like when I hear people saying oh you gave him a pat on the fanny I'm like, well, I'm confused I don't know who anybody is

The front or the back? And I'm not sure who anybody I mean look everybody looks great in those pants, but I Don't know who anybody is here. It's all turned around. It's like looking like Lego down there. But I think that I want to get back to the idea of doing comedy to deal with trauma, because I think a lot of people, this is what interests me about you, is that you come at it in an academic shape, but it's clearly the engine and the fuel of what you do is, to my mind, and this is probably a closed mind approach, but to my mind is a legit approach

to comedy, which is you do it because you can't not do it. This is why when anybody says to me, you know, I want to be a comedian, I would say to them, can you be anything else? I, yeah. Sometimes I'm like, why do I need to keep doing this? Yeah. You know, because it is, it's so up and down, the feeling of it, is you're always, it's like chasing a healthy drug or something.

It has got addictive qualities, I think. I think that it has that kind of, that feeling of why am I doing this again? Yeah, why am I doing it? I remember like living in Chicago when I was like in my mid 20s and you know, I just got into Laugh Factory and like I was doing the annoyance and the comedy bar and there was so many independent shows

and it was awesome. It was like, you could do two shows a night, three shows a night every night. It was amazing. Right. And I remember I would go to the Laugh Factory and I was never, I would never do very well at clubs back then. Like I was more of like a independent, like cool, like,

like there would be more queer people at those independent shows than there would be at the regular clubs. Right. And I would just bomb at the Laugh Factory and I remember just walking home crying every single time. And I was like, why am I doing this? I think that, but that's a real comedian. I mean, look, if you talk to a real,

any legitimate comedian and my perception of it, and look, mine isn't the only view, but it's my only view, is that every comedian bombs. And that's why I think it has an addictive quality, because you bomb and you go, like a normal person doesn't go back. You know, if you go up there and you have that ritual like serious public humiliation,

where people are literally, in my case, certainly in the early days throwing things at me. And I'm thinking, yeah, but you got to get up there. Yeah, you're like, it's like the chicken fingers yeah but you gotta get up there. Yeah you're like, why? It's like the chicken fingers but you just keep trying them because maybe they'll taste different. Yeah it's the chicken fingers thing but this even the chicken fingers I was like no no I get it. I don't need to go back.

It was a healthy boundary. You know I have had said, I've talked to gay friends since, gay men since who said look it was just the wrong penis and I'm going, it wasn't. It wasn't the wrong penis. It's like, I know they vary, but they don't vary that much. You know more than me. I'm telling you. Are you platinum? Are you just-

I'm a gold star, baby. Well, good for you. But then I wouldn't say to you though. No, don't. No, I'm just saying. Not a chance. All right. I do have friends that are like, do you know, I've done dabble to most of my friends, but I'm like, absolutely not.

I'm sorry. No, I look, if you know what you like, you know, you know what you like, it's fine. I mean, there's plenty of people that know right away. You don't need to bow to societal pressure. But inside the like, if you're saying, well, I'm doing shows in front of predominantly queer audiences and I'm doing great, but in front of the kind of more like Saturday night crowds, it's a difficult thing. Why did you keep going back to the Saturday night crowds?

Because I knew I could get them. I just needed to learn the tweak jokes and maybe write. Well, actually it was a great learning lesson because then I was like, okay, now that I've been doing it for so long, I don't cater to audiences, but sometimes you do because you're like, oh, I'll do one of my queer jokes for the Queerstrip Pride show or whatever. And then it kind of forced me to write about more, I went in depth with my family members

and childhood stories of me as a kid and that was more like universal. That is universal. Yeah. So when I actually wrote a lot of great material that I'm proud of from having to challenge myself to go to those more clubby spaces. Back in 1969, this was the hottest song around. ["It's the Time of the Season"]

So hot that some guys from Michigan tried to steal it. ["The Love Runs High"] ["It's the Time of the Season"] My name is Daniel Ralston. For ten years I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. A group would have a hit record and quickly they would hire a bunch of guys to go out and be the group.

People were being cheated on several levels. After years of searching, we bring you the true story of the fake zombies. I was like blown away. These guys are not going to get away with it. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you.

I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. Over my career, I've built and helped run multiple seven-figure businesses that leverage culture and built successful brands. Now I want to share what I've learned with you. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. On every episode, we get the inside scoop on how these leaders tap into culture to build something amazing. From exclusive interviews to business breakdowns, we'll explore the journey and turning passion for culture into business. Whether you're just getting started or an established business owner,

Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. This is Butternomics. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everyone. I am Lacey Lamar. And I'm Amber Ruffin, a better Lacey Lamar. Boo. Okay, everybody, we have exciting news to share.

We're back with season two of the Amber and Lacey Lacey and Amber Show on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network. You thought you had fun last season? Well, you were right. And you should tune in today for new fun segments like Sister Court and listening to Lacey's steamy DMs. We've got new and exciting guests like Michael Beach, that's my husband, Daphne Spring, Daniel Thrasher, Peppermint, Morgan Jay, and more. You gotta watch us.

No, you mean you have to listen to us. I mean, you can still watch us, but you gotta listen. Like if you're watching us, you have to tell us. Like if you're out the window, you have to have to say hey I'm watching you outside of the window Just just you know what listen to the amber and Lacey Lacey and amber Sean will ferrell's big money players network on the I heart Radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts Do you come from a big family? I do.

I come from a very big family and we're all really tight. Really? You're still friends? My cousins are like my, we feel like a media family. We share a house on the lake and we use it all year round. I saw that bit on Saturday Night Live when you did that bit. Oh, the Thanksgiving. The turkey parade and all that kind of stuff.

You guys take a turkey around town and. Yeah, Thanksgiving is a big, big time of year for us. Yeah. But we like whenever I go home, that's how it is. It's like that many people. It seems very healthy. It seems very kind of support. Oh, it's awesome.

Well, that's kind of interesting to me because it seems supportive and comfortable. Yeah. So why on earth did you do comedy then if things are supportive and comfortable? I don't know. Was it just a reaction to being closeted? Do you think that's what it was? Yeah, I do.

I think it was like, I just was traumatized by my, I made myself think these crazy things. And I was, I'm an anxious kid. Like I went to, I saw a therapist in kindergarten because I had school phobia. I always thought my parents were going to die when they left me. Like when they went out on a date night and like my mom's sibling, one of my aunts or uncles would stay with us. I was like, when my parents walk out that door, they're going to die. That's, that's an interesting reaction to it.

I wonder where that's from. I don't know. I still have like, obviously I've been in therapy for a long time and I'm- Me too. I'm a big fan of it. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, that's great.

I'm like, woo, let's go. Yeah, it's got to be a good therapist. Do you get the wrong therapist? It's like the wrong chicken finger. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm fortunate. I'm, I'm in a good spot right now, but yeah, I think it was just, I'm, I'm very anxious person. I was an anxious kid. That's a shame. Are you anxious now? I'm always anxious. Do you have a fear of flying? Nope.

I'll fly the goddamn plane if you need me to. That I'm not afraid of. I think it's like, I overthink. Like I'm worried right now about him if I'm moving around too much. Fuck him. That's just, I'm like. He doesn't care. That times a thousand all'm like. Fuck him. He doesn't care.

That times a thousand all day. Really? Yeah. What's the, Garrison Keeley said people in the Midwest are like people in elevators are all. People are pleasing. Yeah, all the time. It's like, I wonder if that's trying to fit in or.

I don't know what that is. I think it does. My therapist says it's me when I was a kid trying to fit into the social norms of like That you weren't built for. Square pegging around home kind of thing. That's kind of, how did you, does your family have any other gay family members or? I have no gay family members that we know of.

I'm not, no I'm kidding. In like my parents era. And then I have some gay cousins that are like in my. But do you think that, yeah, look, I'm not trying to make it anything hereditary here, but I just try to think the precedent of something like, well, your uncle George was always a confirmed bachelor. Was there always that kind of thing? No, nothing like that.

So that probably, you know, cause in my family, I don't think there was, yeah, was there, yeah, there was, I think my uncle Jack, like your uncle Jack never married. I was like, oh, did he not? I wonder why. He died with just his friend. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I don't know.

I didn't have any of that. It was more, I came out and then my other cousin came out and life's been groovy. Are you a religious family? You're an Irish Catholic family, right? Catholic, but we are, and I don't want to speak for every one of my family members, but I was raised Catholic. I'm, you know, be a good person, do right by you and your family. You know, just be a good human being.

And I'm very grateful that I went to Catholic school because I feel like it really did teach me like kindness and hard work and stuff like that. And yeah, but yeah, the whole like, you know, the priest thing is kind of weird. Like my mom, I remember when I came out, my mom's like, okay, Molly doesn't have to eat meat anymore. Molly can eat meat on Fridays

because they won't even let the gays in the church right now. In my standup, I'm starting to write more jokes about my identity, gender identity, because I like when the audience, like at the Comedy Cellar, the audience is mostly, you know, clubby people. Like, they're usually like tourists and stuff. And I love to talk about it because it kind of is like, they're like, oh, is this person going to be preachy? But really, I'm more just kind of making fun of myself. I was thinking the Comedy Cellar, look, I'm talking completely out of turn here because I've never played the Comedy Cellar, but I was thinking, no, I've never done it.

I just don't do that kind of thing. And everybody says, you should go down and do it. It's so fun. That's what people say. I would blast. I'm in bed by 10 o'clock, you know? Yeah, there's really, there's, you know. I need, like, you know, people used to say, you know,

do you miss doing the late night show late at night? It was like, we were finished at six o'clock. It is, yeah, it is like difficult sometimes to like, now that I've been doing, I'm like a little over 10 years, but like getting up, having a full day off, and then at 10 o'clock at night, I gotta get on the train and I gotta go to a show.

Once I get there, I'm like, woo. Sure. But that like hour before you're leaving, you're like, what am I doing? You get the first line of coke and you're fine. But I'm like, what am I doing? I'm going to, I got to put jeans on right now or whatever. It's funny. It's funny.

Do you get OCD about performance? Do you like, are there little rituals or, or like things you have to wear or any of that stuff? Um, I like, sometimes I have jokes about my appearance, so I'll like plan my outfit, but I usually just wear the same goddamn thing every time. Well, I, what I do is if I- My casual dresser, as you can see. Well, you seem informal,

but I'm not dressed for the opera myself. The, but I get, if I do a show and it's a good show, I wear that every night for ages. Really? Yeah. Like how like, okay, I got to wear these underpants then because that's clearly that's what goes. Wow.

So I have a complete lack of trust and... Do you like go like... Nah, I don't do any of that stuff. But I kind of tend to stretch a little bit before I go on. I try and get my breathing slower before I go on. Because when I was younger, not even that, like even 10 years ago, I'd look at performances I did, then I'd go, what the fuck are you running all over the stage for? What's wrong with you? And now, like if I move more than a foot when I'm performing,

it's a particularly animated night. I don't know why. That's funny. Do you, so, like, I do this thing where sometimes, we have an acting coach, I'll tap myself to, like, get your engine running. Yeah. But yeah, I, like, don't drink before, really.

I try to stop my engine running I go on and it works for me I'm like revving a motor. No. No, I'm the other way around. I'm like because your mind's racing Yeah, I'm also I mean this is not when I was 32 I was like dude pushups backstage to like shit like walking up and down and like, you know It's like burpees and shit. He ran to the club. Oh yeah. I mean, it was nuts, but now it's like, mmm, slow down. And I'll, I'll, maybe I'll meditate a little bit. Like I'll sit in a chair and just slow my breathing down

for 20 minutes before I go on. And then I got this thing now where I start the show where I say, you know, I tell the audience how long I've been doing it and how successful I've been at it. So if the show sucks, it's not my fault. It's mathematically. Yeah, they're the one.

Like I've got Grammy nominations, I've got Emmy awards and I won a fucking Peabody. I know that I can do this. So if you think I can't do it, you're wrong. Yeah, exactly. That's a good attitude because then it pumps you up and you're like, I can do this. So if you think I can't do it, you're wrong. Yeah, exactly. That's a good attitude because then it pumps you up and you're like, I can do this. Yeah, you need to feel that, I think. I feel like it took me 25 plus years of doing stand up to know that, like, before I go on and go, I'm exactly where I should be.

This is what I do. And I'm good at it. And they've come here to see me and I'm going to do the very best I can for them. And that feels good. Yeah, that makes me more relaxed when I like have confidence before. Sometimes I get in my head and it's like once in a while I get in my head and I'm like, this is going to be a bad show because it's just something's off. I don't know what it is.

And is it? If I say maybe one out of five times, if I have that mindset, it will be a bad one. But you know what? I think Jesus is me being a therapist now, a bad one. But that's, I think what you're craving is the feeling of confidence. If you say and you're an anxious person,

then that feeling of confidence, like I can do this and I'm fine and this is going to be a good show. That's a good feeling. That's, that's heroin. Not that I'm advocating the use of heroin, but the feeling of... You can get it probably from a great show. Yeah, it's fine. I'm on top of the world. Yeah. And I like that feeling. I seek that feeling now, even at this point. It's like, no, I kind of, I'm doing what I need to, I'm where I need to be. I think some people get it from fishing, some people get it from, but I get it from everything's humming in

the universe. My place in the universe is correct right now. This is where I should be. What about in a metaphysical term for you? Do you have a belief system? Do you have a philosophy or a religion that you can, I mean I know you say be a nice person and stuff. Yeah, I like to make my goal and I don't know if I always just make whoever I'm in the room with feel they're welcome and they're heard and Or else I can be on it. Like if I see somebody in the group who's new to the group, I'll make sure that They feel okay. Yeah, that's kind of the goal. That's being a nice person. Right. But Which is okay. I mean that's in fact that's essential I think to be a nice person is you have to be nice to people

But I wonder if there's a like for for you, is there a religious, is there a god-like figure, is there a universe personality, is there a deeper spiritual heartbeat to it? I think I pray all the time, but not so much like in the Catholic way that they taught us in school, but more in the way like how my parents taught me to like, like growing up we would always pray before bed, but it would be like pray to... I hope I don't die and if I do, yeah, I take my soul. Yeah, yeah. No, but like I prayed to whoever, like I prayed my

friends who passed away and be like, can you please help me have a good show tonight? You know, I usually pray to them rather than like a God, if you will. I pray to like people who are passed. So the people that are passed, people who have died, I'm guessing relatives and friends, you've had friends pass from what? Suicide and like and friends. You've had friends pass from what? Suicide and like tragic accidents. These are hugely traumatic events. People committing suicide is hugely traumatic.

I mean, obviously it's the single most traumatic event is that. What were the circumstances? Do you mind talking about that? I think just depression and like, it was around the time of college and it's like, I don't know, you just, it's such a fucking head scratcher depression, isn't it? I mean, it's like, how the fuck do you unpick that shit? I, I, I don't know.

It's so misunderstood. I think is a thing. I used to do this whole bit in the act about it's about Tom Cruise. I was having a go at him. He was saying that, you know, you know, that something about depression, I think it was some ideology about depression. I was saying, look, you don't understand that the symptoms of depression is depression. That's what it is. You can't just fucking shake it off. Yeah. But I'm not a doctor and I think people mistake sadness and clinical depression as two separate things.

It's as wide apart as a Saturday night drunk and an alcoholic. I'm a fucking alcoholic. I've got friends who can drink on Saturday night and on Sunday they get on with their lives. Maybe a little slower in the morning, but they get on with their lives. I couldn't do that. I go out on Saturday night, I'll see you in February. Really? Oh fuck. Yeah, okay

it's a different thing for me and These are misunderstood things about you know, it's like I was talking to my one of my kids today Actually, you said I won't be an alcoholic. I know too much because of you like Knowing shit doesn't protect you. I mean, it's like, you got to put it into action. Did you ever fall foul of that? Because it's a heavy party scene in Chicago with the comedians, young comedians, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, you know, we get, we always have these jokes about getting paid. You get drink tickets. Right. You do. Yeah. I used to call them beer tokens. Yeah. You do three shows in a night and you're like, okay, what I get? Okay. I took an Uber or I used to call them beer tokens. Yeah, you do three shows in a night and you're like, okay, what'd I get?

Okay, I took an Uber or I had to take three trains. So I'm out, I'm out, $25, but I had three drink tickets and I would have bought beer, so I actually kind of came up on top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, the party scene in Chicago, you know, you get down those and you hang out with people who are like, oh, they drink every night. Man, I could drink with them tonight.

Then it's like, okay, I don't want people to think that I'm drinking every time you see me. Yeah. But yeah, of course, I was in my 20s drinking. Sure, sure. And for a lot of people, it's like, look, I, look, nobody knew. I was an alcoholic, least of all me in my 20s. I guess maybe something in my 20s.

But as you get older, it starts to show a little more. Yeah. I think I definitely cooled off like in like maybe like past five years I've cooled down. People grow up. Also, you know, you find yourself in a situation now which you are in the corporate flagship. You know, you are, it's kind of interesting. So you're this, you're a queer kid who's doing this edgy comedy to queer audience is now you're on fucking Saturday night live. You're fucking Coca-Cola.

Uh, I mean, that's, that's kind of interesting. That's like, how do you, how do you exist and survive in, uh, in that environment? And I look, I'm not putting you on the fucking spot here because I did 10 fucking years at CBS. Yeah. And look, I'm not, I don't think I'm queer, but I'm certainly off the beaten path somewhere. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You know, I've tried a chicken finger or two. I actually, I've talked to Bricks about this.

I'm like, when does the statute of limitations on blowjobs run out? Because if, if, if it doesn't run out, I think I get to fly my rainbow flag. I don't know. I support your, whoever you want to identify with, I stand by your side. God bless you, great, that's good. You have one chicken finger every 10 years,

God bless you. No, I think my chicken finger days are behind me, but unless I can get my own chicken finger through Kundalini Yoga, I think that's about the only chicken finger. Keep working and maybe you'll laugh. I don't know. It's good to have a dream. Good to have a goal.

But I think that, you know, if we're looking at you existing in this heavily, because I remember this from, I was lucky because I had David Letterman protecting me all the time Which is it's just fantastic and he didn't he didn't have to do anything He just had to be David Letterman, right? But because he owned the time slot that I was in but had I had these corporate people crawling all over me I don't know how how it exists. Are you protected from it? Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of like head down and you're just trying to survive and play the game of trying to get your sketch on. Like it's just, and it's a big cast.

Yeah. I've heard other cast members say that. It's also like just so fun to, I love table read when we read all the sketches. I just think it, cause you're playing and you're doing all and I don't know. If I walk away from table read with like a, oh, I had a good time and I actually genuinely felt a release of something from performing at the table, then I feel good.

For a lot of performers, American performers, I guess, and maybe that's kind of the only ones I know. Saturday Night Live is a real childhood goal. It's a real kind of, was it that way for you? Oh yeah, I watched it so much. I think I kind of let it, to be honest, and like, I think in like five or six years ago, I was like, I'm just gonna do standup and act.

There's no way, like, I do standup, how would they want standup comics to be on SNL over character actors. Yeah. And then my year they picked, they took on four stand-ups. So it was Michael Lungfellow, Devin Walker, Marcelo Hernandez, and myself. And we all came from stand-up. So did you all know each other?

No, but we sure do now. Yeah. I love them. They're the best. They're so talented. It seems to have a collegiate thing, Saturday Night Live. I remember talking to Bill Hader about when he was on it, he's still very close with the people that were in his group.

It has like almost like a college vibe. Is that right? It is. And you go in and you're scared and you don't know what's going to happen, what the hell's... You're just like... I remember the first year I was so in like a shock mode. I was like, this is awesome. Also like I'm only, I'm not sleeping well. And I was like, I remember when I first got us and I was like literally pooping blood. And I had to call my mom because I was so nervous. You really pooping blood? Because if you call it, if you're pooping blood, you call a doctor.

You don't call your mom. Well, she's a nurse and my aunt's a doctor. Oh, well, thanks for your time. I assumed your mom wasn't a doctor there, right there. And my aunt's a doctor. See what I did right there? And it was just anxiety. Can you poop blood with anxiety?

I don't know, everybody. Now we'll let our secrets out. No, no, no. Look, I'm not judging you for pooping blood. We've all pooped blood. I don't know. It was just a little and I was like, Oh my God, I was like exploding.

Cause we couldn't tell, like in my mind, not in my butt, but we couldn't tell, we couldn't tell the news. We couldn't know, like the announcement wasn't out. And I was just sitting in this hotel room with like, just yellow lighting and I was like, Oh my God, I couldn't eat. I was just so overwhelmed and anxious and I couldn't. I would be, I would be all of those things just for pooping blood.

So I like, like, you wouldn't have to give me a job on Saturday Night Live. It would just say, I poop blood. I'd be like, oh my God! What the hell is going on? I actually did once. I did once. Did you have an ulcer?

Well, as it turned out, what I did was this. There was a little bit of blood and I was on tour. I was on tour. So I called my doctor and I went, I think I have ass cancer. And he went, oh my God, really? I went, yeah. And he said, it's something on my ass. He went, send me a photograph.

No. Yeah, yeah, I did. So I took a photograph a photograph of, I mean look it's really close up. It looks like a Grateful Dead t-shirt or something. You know what I mean? It's like tie-dyed. You can't tell. You wouldn't like go, oh, an ass. You'd go, I don't really like tie-dyed. That's what you'd say. But I sent it and my daughter went, nah, what you got there is a hemorrhoid. Oh, guys get those a lot. Ladies get them too.

I mean, I think, I think... Hemorrhoids are non-gender specific. You can get... I'm like, no, no, it's just guys. Anyone with an asshole can get... And I think we can agree, we all have assholes. ["It's the Time of the Season"] ["The Time of the Season"] Back in 1969, this was the hottest song around.

["It's the Time of the Season"] So hot that some guys from Michigan tried to steal it. ["The Time of the Season"] ["The Time of the Season"] ["For the Peace"] My name is Daniel Ralston. For 10 years I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. A group would have a hit record and quickly they would hire a bunch of guys to go out and be the group. People were being cheated on several levels.

After years of searching, we bring you the true story of the fake zombies. I was like blown away. These guys are not going to get away with it. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. Over my career, I've built and helped run multiple seven-figure businesses that leverage culture and built successful brands. Now I want to share what I've learned with you.

On Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as the driving force in their business. On every episode, we get the inside scoop on how these leaders tap into culture to build something amazing. From exclusive interviews to business breakdowns, we'll explore the journey of turning passion for culture into business. Whether you're just getting started or an established business owner,

Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. This is Butternomics. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everyone. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Big Money Players Network. You thought you had fun last season? Well, you were right. And you should tune in today for new fun segments like Sister Court and listening to Lacey's steamy DMs. We've got new and exciting guests like Michael Beach. That's my husband.

Daphne Spring, Daniel Thrasher, Peppermint, Morgan J., and more. You gotta watch us. No, you mean you have to listen to us. I mean, you can still watch us, but you gotta listen. Like, if you're watching us, you have gotta watch us. No, you mean you have to listen to us. I mean, you can still watch us, but you gotta listen. Like if you're watching us, you have to tell us. Like if you're out the window, you have to say, Hey, I'm watching you outside of the window. Just, just, you know what? Listen to the Amber and Lacey Lacey and Amber show

on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I find that like I things I think I'm going to keep secret. Yeah. See, this is, I think a little bit like you coming out, like the thing you think you're going to keep secret becomes the thing that you talk about. Yeah, and that feels good. You're like, that wasn't so bad. That actually felt great that I told that.

Well, I used to have that this thing about like when I was drunk, I got sober when I was 29. So I've been sober 32 and a half years. Hell yeah. Yeah. When I when I was drunk, I had I had pee myself. I'd pee the bed. I was so ashamed.

I was like, oh, because I was a bed wetter as a kid. And then so I stopped wetting the bed when I was so ashamed. I was like, oh, cause I was a bed wetter as a kid. And then, so I stopped wetting the bed when I was about 12. And then I started drinking, it was about 14 and it kicked back in. No, we only gave it to your brain. I was only dry for a couple of years. And then, but I was so ashamed about it. And then I remember when I got sober,

I thought I have never got to talk about it. This is just the worst thing. And then about remember when I got sober, I thought, I have never got to talk about this. This is just the worst thing. And then about three years later, got to be on stage going, so I'm peeing the bed. Yeah. Well, once you, once you conquer it and you cleared your system, you're not drinking anymore and you're in a better mindset because you're not a drunk anymore. Yeah. I think it's about shame though.

Yeah. I think, I think. And hey, a lot of people pee in the bed, okay? Yeah. You don't have to talk to me like that. I don't do it anymore. Some people do. Not me.

Some people like you pee the bed. Oh, pee buddy. I, I, um, I remember one of the things I was ashamed about. We went on a school trip once and there was a bunch of us in sleeping bags and I peed the sleeping bag, but I blamed it on a kid next to me. I would have done the same. Yeah. Fortunately. But they, but the kid next to me. I would have done the same. Yeah. Fortunately.

But the kid next to me is like, no way you did it. And it was always a bone of contention between the two of us. But I admit to it now. Did you tell, are you friends with that kid or know where he is? I have no idea even what his name is now, but. I bet he knows yours. Let me tell you that. Oh man.

I bet you he's probably like, I'm... No, but he never took. I always just said it was him, but everyone, you know, they didn't believe it. Yours was the damn sleeping bag. I had the damn sleeping bag. You were rolling it up, it was ringing out the piss. Right. It was like I had the map of Africa and he just had a little bit of the Norwegian fjords. So it was clearly who the guilty party was.

That's traumatizing though. That is. I found childhood very traumatizing. I was terrified. A lot of firsts of embarrassment. I hated it. I hated it. I hated every, not every bit of it. I mean, I have happy memories of it, but I could, you know,

I can give you about 25 of them and then the rest of it, it's a bit of a, bit of a blank actually, a lot of it as well, which apparently isn't a good sign. Yeah, but that's might as well be if it's bad, you don't need to remember. Oh yeah, no. But I'm sure in therapy it's probably coming up here and there. Well, I haven't been doing therapy for a while. My therapist who was wonderful from Chicago actually, a woman from Chicago, she died a

few years ago. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Yeah, and it was like losing, that was like a super important family member. Like someone, she was really good. How long were you a patient of hers? I guess about 10 years. Oh my God, that's, I'm so sorry.

That is really, that is. Yeah, it was. A deep loss, that's. Yeah, it's a loss because she used to do this thing when I was talking to her. I would always be like that when I was talking to her. And she would say, what is that? I know, I do it too. What is that when you touch your chest? What is that?

I'm like, I don't know. Is that where the pain is, honey? I'm like, no, it'll be silly. But... But it is. But I guess. I mean, I would always go like that. I don't know. So I don't know. I mean, I would always go like that. I don't know about that. So I don't know. I mean, maybe that is where the pain is. I don't know, the way the funny,

the body kind of does things like that. Like you get, like, have you ever had any illnesses in your life you had of anything? You were like, well, you put blood because you were anxious. I guess that's a real sign of it. When I was a kid, I was going to that therapist. I was in like kindergarten to like third grade or something.

Like, I don't know how long I went to her, but I would get these stomach pains. It would always happen around right after dinner time. Yeah. And then I would start, and then it would go away and I'd fall asleep. And I'd wake up in the middle of the night with the same pain in my stomach. This is like in grade school. I would be puking nonstop. Puking, puking, puking for hours and hours and hours

and my parents would have to take me. I would go to the hospital. Then they would like put me on like IVs and stuff and they'd be like, we can't figure it out. It happened like maybe 10 times. And then they did like a scope to like see what's in my stomach. And it was literally my stomach getting so tight

and anxious that my stomach was having like a scope to like see what's in my stomach. And it was literally my stomach getting so tight and anxious that my stomach was having like a migraine. Wow. Like from anxiety. That's a super high level of anxiety. Yeah. I don't even think it's been my whole life. So I'm like, oh, am I really that anxious?

I'm like, holy shit. I've been unpacking in therapy. I'm like, I'm a bubble of nerves. Wow. Are you anxious now? Do you get anxious? I'm not anxious now because I feel comfortable talking to you. Yeah, you're fine with me. But the idea, because this is fascinating to me because I do the same thing. I'm quite an anxious, like,

oh my God, is everyone going to be okay person? Yeah. We both chose the number one thing that most people are afraid of, which is public humiliation. You know, it's like speaking in public. It's like, why would you choose that if you're anxious? It's so crazy, right? I think about it all the time, like, what the hell am I doing here? Like, what am I doing? Yeah. Yeah, well, I don't think that'll go away. I don't know. Look, I'm a little older than you, but that doesn't mean I know anymore. In fact, in a lot of ways, I think you probably know less than I knew 30 years ago, or I'm

less sure of things. Do you worry about aging? Um. Too early. I definitely worry about, like, I need to get healthier, like, and take care of my body a little more. Yeah. What does that look like for you? I've been working out this summer, so I've been just, I'm going to go to the gym.

My mom's in town. We're going to go to the gym together. Yeah. It's how do you, do you eat bad food? That's a Midwest problem sometimes. Of course. Especially if I'm like, Oh, I'm not going to like, I'll be like, Oh, I'm not going to drink for a couple of weeks or take a break.

And then I'm like, well, I really could use a slice of pizza. Yeah. Yeah. Who couldn't? But the thing is, if I could have a slice of pizza, the problem is not a slice of pizza, it's a pizza. Yeah, exactly. You know, I mean, I think, no, it's truly.

That is me too. Me too. I totally get it. I fight with it the whole time. Like when I was, I was tubby little kid. I was fat kid. In fact, that was my nickname when I was in grade school. Tubby. Yeah. Used to people who come to do it, it's tubby coming out to play. No.

Oh, we'll have tubby for the team. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Sad. Feel sorry for me. Don't, don't hurt me. Yeah, that was my name. I hated it. I fucking hated it. I hated it. Oh, I still angry at those. No, no, I agree with them. No, most of them are dead.

But it's, uh, I did confront a bully when I was home this month. It was the craziest. Whoa. Someone had bullied you when you were a kid. Oh yeah. Let me tell you, I went home to Cleveland to throw out the first pitch for the guardians game for the pride. Oh, I remember them. Yeah. They went home to Cleveland to throw out the first pitch for the Guardians game for the Pride. Oh, I remember that.

Yeah, they were calling something else for nice home play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a home match. My whole family, I got like 30, 40, 50 of us in this loge and it was awesome. We go out on the town. I'm with my brothers and my cousins and we're at this bar and this girl's sitting there and I'm like...

And she was a neighborhood friend. She didn't go to my school. She was a neighborhood friend and my brother's new appeal. And my brother Sean's like, I think that's... The girl's name, yeah. And I'm like, oh my God. And I went up to her and I was like, whoa, what's up? How are you? She's like, oh my God, how are you? Like, you're so funny, like blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, I was pretty drunk, but I was like, you were so mean to me. I was like, you bullied the crap out of me. And I was going in on her. And it felt good because she's like, I'm so sorry, I really was really mean to you. And I was like, I remember you guys making fun of me for being fat, the neighborhood kid, and would make me go up and get the scale from my parents' bathroom.

Oh, stop it. And I went up and I got it and I broke it. And then I brought it downstairs and I was like, sorry guys, the scale's broken. Scale's broken. In my mind I was like, how the hell did the scale get broke? What the heck? Okay, that's weird. And I was like, I told her like, you know, 10 years later,

I was like, I broke the scale on my fist. Totally understand. Which is wild. I felt so bad for my little self. No, I totally get that. Cause I was, there was a school project when I, I guess when I was about eight or nine years old and they were weighing all the kids in the class.

That's so mean. Well, it was just science. It was just like they were weighing all the kids in the class. That's so mean. Well, it was just science. It was just like they were measuring everyone and weighing them and then you drew your picture and everyone put their weight in their picture. Of course, I'm fatter than all the other kids. All right. And I was really upset. And then a couple of weeks later, it's up in the wall, it's looking at me every day

your self-portrait, your weight and your height next day. And I'm like, Jesus, I hate this. Be better, Tommy, be better! And then, I don't know, I'd done something that got me into trouble and the punishment, which was unusual, because usually the punishment when I was a kid was physical, like they would belt you, but the punishment was cleaning out the teacher's locker. So I had to clean out the teacher's locker and there was

a little teacher's report book and it was like all the kids. I looked at it. Yeah. And I got to mine. Obviously, you look up yourself. This is good. And it said, like the usual things, easily distracted, like bit of an asshole, good at this, bad at that.

It said, he has a weight complex. And I was like, what is that? Oh my gosh. A weight complex. And I think I still do. Uh, but I don't know what it is. That is wild that that was in the book. It was in the sheet.

She's still got her weight on the wall. She's got her up there on the wall. That's kind of... Yeah, but, and then, you know, I go to meetings and I, you know, amongst people that kind of live like me and I say the traumatic thing from my childhood and then somebody lays down some real fucking trauma from their childhood and I'm like, forget it, forget it, it's all right. It's all right. I'm sorry I said it. I have a weight complex, like yeah, I was raised under the Soviet jackboot in, you know, eastern suburbs of Moscow.

They're like, yeah, alright, I'm sorry. Shit. But other people's trauma doesn't take your trauma away. Right, it doesn't compare. Yeah, it's apples and speedboats. But it does maybe give you a perspective on your own drum. I don't know. It lightens it up maybe a little.

Maybe a little. Shines a little light on it or gives you a little bit of, I don't know, breathing space. Yeah. But whatever it is, Molly, we're kind of out of time now because we talked really for too long. Yeah, we've been cruising. We fucking did it. We fucking did it We got it fucking done and now we're best friends. Absolutely. We're now best friends and I think after this Do you have any tattoos?

To on my finger. All right fingers. It's time to go and get something fucking major. Let's go right now You live in Brooklyn. Yeah, I like a tattoo parlor in Brooklyn. You do I do so let's go right now. You live in Brooklyn. Yeah. I like a tattoo parlor in Brooklyn. You do? I do. So let's go out to... Oh, Mom, I'm sorry. Let's go out there. I think it's time.

And I was just talking to my wife today about this. I don't have any skulls. I have all these tattoos, but no skulls. Except the one on your head. Well, there's that one, but that one's... That is kind of odd. You don't have any skulls. I feel like I should have a...

For the amount of tattoos you have on your hands. Yeah, I should have a skull on fire. You do have the sun, though. I do have the sun, and I... You know, this is when I really... In the moon. No, this should have a skull on fire. You have the sun though. I do have the sun and I, you know, this is what I really...

No, that is Saturn. Saturn in mythology is the bringer of old age. And what, he also Saturn ate his own children. But that's just a metaphor for old age and time passing. So normally I wear my watch there, but I take it off because I don't want it clinking against the microphone and all that kind of stuff. But even if I look at my wrist when my watch is on, my watch is not on, Saturn's there. Like still timing. Fucking going. It's still fucking ticking.

That's pretty cool. Yeah. What's your newest one you have? Oh, I think this Hawthorne bush here. I got it done in Chicago actually. That's nice. Yeah I was gonna say that this was that one looks new. Yeah, that's that's fairly new But we crispy the new ones look good. Yeah, I like See see you know what I like Like that makes me feel good You know what I like? These match. I like the cynic shape. Yeah, they match.

It makes me feel good. Yeah, the thing is balanced. So that's what we'll get for you. We'll get a big snake up here. Absolutely. And a big chicken finger up here. Absolutely. Yes, Mr. Craig, I'm in.

Talk to you later. Thank you so much. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. On Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

your podcasts. For 10 years I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. We were all facing 20 years and all that good stuff. The lead singer tried to pull off an English accent and they went on the road as the zombies. These guys are not gonna get away with it. The zombies are too popular. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's good?

It's Colleen Witt and Eating While Broke is back for season three. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs and Harmony, and many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.