Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Pete Holmes

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

In Craig’s words: "Welcome to Pete Holmes. Comedian and philosopher. We talk about God quite a bit so be prepared to disagree and be annoyed or perhaps to agree and be pleased or maybe even all of these things at the same time with a few chuckles thrown in. EnJoy.” Pete's brand new stand special called I AM NOT FOR EVERYONE is available on Netflix now! Go watch it! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said, like, in my head for, like, 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez.

And on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life. I had the best dad. And I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Guess what, Will?

What's that, Mango? I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults. I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy. We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money.

And then, of course, can you game a dog show? So what you're saying is everyone should be listening. Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Tour comes to these following places this very week. November the 2nd, Skokie, Illinois. November the 4th, Minneapolis. Two shows that night and I'm shooting a special. Nice. November the 5th,

Madison, Wisconsin. November the 6th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. For a full list of dates, please go to my website, thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness. Today we're chatting with Pete Holmes. He's a stand-up comedian, he's a philosopher, and he's a friend of mine. His new comedy special is out on Netflix. It's called I'm Not For Everyone. And I like it, because I'm also not for everyone. Here's Pete.

Here's the thing. Well, I don't think, I think time is an imposition on reality. Explain. And death, I don't think time exists. Okay. It's a vehicle. It's like we've landed on the moon, and the way that we can move and interact with the moon

is driving that little rover thing. I think that little rover thing is time. It's merciful. If everything happened to you all at once, it would be like 2001 A Space Odyssey. It would be overwhelming. So graciously, we're given this kind of like slow pace but i think death isn't so much the end of you as the end of time and the end of your

identity as yourself but i think it expands into what it always was which is a still point of infinite potential you know the the astrophysics sorry i have some cocaine no no the astrophysics of what you're saying are actually, I have some cocaine to do. No, no, no. The astrophysics is what you're saying. They're actually surprisingly accurate in contemporary thinking. Yeah. That everything exists all the time and that humans... We narrativize it. Right. We've turned it into something to help us cope. Right. Absolutely.

But it doesn't exist like that. Well, as Eckhart Tolle Toblerone? Toblerone, I think. Eckhart Toblerone said ask an eagle what time it is Eckhart Tolle? Toblerone? Toblerone, I think. Eckhart Toblerone said, ask an eagle what time it is before people were on the planet. Like, just ask a fucking fish what time it is. It doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense. I watch myself teach that to my daughter. My daughter's five. And it's kind of sad, but I kind of have to. I'll go like, what was your favorite part of your day? And I'm teaching her to build a

meaning system of past, present, future. I think that's a fair thing to do. No, you have to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have to do it. Yeah. But we don't have to do it as much as we do it. But, you know, you can get in touch with it. That's one of the See, these aren't just interesting thought

experiments. They're the cessation of your worries. Like, if you can really experientially know, like capital K, know, that it's all now, it's all sort of... It's so hard to talk about. It's vanished, and with all that vanishing, all your pain and fear goes away. You know, the early Christian theologians, in particular, Origin of Alexandria, I think. ECTs? Mm-hmm. That's exactly who I'm talking about. The early Christian theologians. ECTs.

They would explain the virgin birth away in that particular way. It was nothing to do with morality or sex. It was to do with the fact that there was a young woman and then there was a young woman who had a baby and it just happened just like that because that's how the universe is. And there was no time. That's, that was the intellectual

and theological thinking behind the concept of the virgin birth. Metaphorical stuff. Yeah, it's interesting. I used to say, I didn't put this in my book, but I wanted to put it in my book. I was like, I used to think when I was young.

Write another book. I'll write another book. Yeah. Just give me five minutes. Okay. Chat GPT, write a book in the voice of Pete Holmes.

Does it? It's terrible. Well, it's a start. It's a first draft. First draft is always the hardest. Chat GPT, I'd like an hour and a half of Craig Ferguson material.

Okay. Now I'll rewrite it, make it good. I think it's hilarious that comedians make fun of Chat GPT. It's like, they're like,

and it said, it said strawberry was a fruit or whatever. I'm like, guys, it's incredible that it said anything. Yeah,

no, it's amazing. These jokes won't last very long. Any who's a woozo, I was saying, when I was a fundamentalist growing up. You were? Yeah, no, it's amazing. These jokes won't last very long. Any who's a woozo, I was saying, when I was a fundamentalist growing up... You were? Yeah, just meaning a literalist, just meaning I believed that the Bible was a literal, like a historical, like a science book. Worse than a historical document.

Right. Because I do think the Bible is history interwoven with metaphor. But, which makes it very confusing. It's also, it's allegorical in its style, so that's very difficult as well. And it's Semitic in its style, too. You know who explained it to me? Alexander Shia,

who is like an expert in metaphor and mythology. He explained it to me like this. He goes, in Semitic storytelling, which is what the New Testament is, or the Old Testament as well, if somebody is talking

to a poor person, you tell them a story about losing $5. If somebody is talking to a poor person, you tell them a story about losing $5. If you're talking to Ted Serrano, you tell a story about losing $10 million. That detail doesn't matter at fucking all. The other point I tried to make in my book is

like, fuck, I can't remember it. But we know this in music. In music, we're using poetry and things to help us understand a feeling can you hear the drums for mando was that the lyric yeah there you go right it was that actually it was a ray charles there about the weather and it was something about it it's raining when she's gone or something and we were like we know he doesn't mean it's raining right she's right right they had a just a different understanding when i was writing one of my books, I said that in Scotland,

all women were called Margaret until 1974. Now, I didn't mean that in Scotland, all women were called Margaret until 1974. What I meant was, in 1974, I began to think about sex. That's really funny. Yeah, that's exactly right. And that's what it is, right?

Yeah. What would they make of Harry Potter? You know, like a future civilization looking at our time would also have to sift through similar degrees of bullshit if you're looking at it scientifically. And that's what we're doing. So anyway, there was a time when I believed that the Bible, the point of the Bible was like the facts and seven days and physical

death and resurrection. I actually had the list. It was virgin birth, sinless life, physical death and resurrection. That sort of like, those were non-negotiables. Things like you couldn't be a part of this group and not believe in those things. I don't feel that way anymore. But my fantasy when I was in high school was like, I wish there had been video cameras and recording devices when Jesus was alive. And now I'm like, what, and ruin it?

Yeah. And fucking ruin it? Sure. You know what I mean? Like, I know it's weird to kind of equate Batman and Jesus, but I'm about to. You'll always find a friend here, Pete, if you do that. Well, remember in Batman Begins? Sure you do.

Where they're telling him he can be a symbol. Symbols are powerful. Carl Jung, pretension alert. No, no, no. Carl Jung's very important. He's great. Yeah, very important. We're transformed by symbols.

We think it's the... You know what I was just talking to my wife about? By watching things online, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube even, that summarize things to their point, where actually I'm learning that the point isn't the point. The point isn't the resurrection or the virgin birth even. The point is, it's like thinking, Alan Watts said this, he goes, the point of your life is life. You know what I mean? It's like, it's this moment. It's today. It's what you're doing now. It's like a piece of music.

It's like, we think the end of the life is like the last note. That's like the point or the summation or something. No, it's the whole flow of the symphony. In the same way, you could summarize this podcast to the points. Maybe we'll make some interesting points. Maybe we'll, oh, we learned that thing about Harry Potter and reduce it into a three-minute thing. But the point was actually like being lulled into our space.

That's what art is. Come in. This is what it was like when Craig and Pete started talking. And it's kind of like, oh, they're looking for jokes. What's this? Cancel it. And it's about the point isn't the point is my point. I agree.

And I actually think what's quite interesting about it is that when people want to do that, I have a theory of when it began. And it's crib notes. Crib notes. Oh, like cliff notes. Yes. Cliff notes for... MTV Cribs.

Crib notes. This is my house. This is where the action happens, these are my sneakers. But you can get through an episode of Cribs in like three seconds with Crib Notes. And with Crib Notes, you're fine. They call them Crib Notes in my country, I think, although my country, to be honest, is Manhattan. But still, they call it Crib Notes or Cliff Notes, wherever it is. But still, they call it crib notes or cliff notes or wherever it is. To summarize, to take something like, I don't know, let's go with Great Expectations, which is a book,

which I didn't write it, I will admit. It would have been vastly improved with the line, in France, all women were called migré. Until, yes, 1780. Migré. Migré. Migré. called migré until yes 17 17 yeah migré migré but i think that trying to boil down things and to make them accessible to put them into bite-sized chunks is to miss the point of them completely absolutely and life is the same that i used to skip introductions to books because i was like just fucking get get on with the book and now it like, I think it's something to do with getting older, hopefully a little bit wiser. You're like, it's actually the foyer of the house is like just as important as the dining room. In many ways, more important.

More important. Because, you know, the foyer is a little bit of individuality and strangeness and welcome to my world. Yeah. The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascalascal stand up tour continues this fall. For tickets, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. See you on the road. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic, life in marriage.

I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is. I think he was like, oh yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians,

actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell

and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you've got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everyone. I am Lacey Lamar.

And I'm Amber Ruffin, a better Lacey Lamar. Boo. Okay, everybody, we have exciting news to share. We're back with season two of the Amber and Lacey, Lacey and Amber show on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network. You thought you had fun last season? Well, you were right. And you should tune in today for new fun

segments like Sister Court and listening to Lacey's steamy DMs. We've got new and exciting guests like Michael Beach. That's my husband. Daphne Spring. Daniel Thrasher. Peppermint. Morgan J.

And more. You gotta watch us. No, you mean you have to listen to us. I mean, you can still watch us, but you gotta listen. Like, if you're watching us, you have to tell us. Like, if you're out the window, you have to say, hey, I'm watching you outside of the window. Just, you have to tell us. Like if you're out the window, you have to say, hey, I'm watching you outside of the window. Just, you know what? Listen to the Amber and Lacey, Lacey and Amber show on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

get your podcasts. I used to love, and I still do actually, and I wrestle with this, the first lines of books, very important. Yeah, I agree. Just to create, to let you know what's coming, right? That's what it is. It doesn't sum up the book, but my favorite one was always the start of 1984. It was a bright, cold day in April, and the clocks were striking 13.

That's great. What the fuck? Something is deeply wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. I love the idea. People always say, call me Ishmael. And I'm like, well, that one I don't really... I mean, it's a great book, and I love it.

It's a fucking masterpiece. But the first line, I don't understand why it's so great. But when there are lines in, you know, it was It's a fucking masterpiece. But the first line, I don't understand why it's so great. But when there are lines in, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Okay. It was life. Life was unfolding, as it always does. And here's what was happening at this point

in the ever-expanding universe. Yeah, that's right. I feel the same way about stand-up specials. In fact, that's my number one criticism, is me going, that's how you started? Yeah, that's right. I feel the same way about stand-up specials. In fact, that's my number one criticism, is me going, that's how you started? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know this sounds stupid. I'm going to use myself as an example, but I miss this opener.

One of my specials I'm really thinking about, I think it was called Faces and Sounds. I open by smiling, I look at the audience, I let the applause die down, and I go, sometimes I get scared. And I'm like, that was it. That's a great beginning.

I love that. That's a great start to a book. I miss it. I know, sometimes I get scared. Yeah. I had a fake opening to a book about my life, which I've used in other things. But it's, my father was an oil man, but our house was always cold. That's great.

I thought that while I was in our freezing ass house. And I was like, my dad delivers home heating oil and there's a real, you get it, right? Like you see a disconnect. The last book that I completed, I'm still not writing another one, but the last

one that I completed, I woke up with the first line in my head and the book came from that. Wow. I woke up in the morning and I was like, oh my God, that's a book. And it was, in the time before I loved you, I never thought of the world as precious. Oh my God. That needs a warning. Yeah. You need a warning. Yeah, I know. It's crazy.

And what's crazy about that, Craig, was that before you said, I just thought of the line in the book came from that, I thought, well, that's like Cormac McCarthy, who he didn't say that he channeled his books. I'm not saying he's channeled his books. I'm saying he wrote them like he didn't know it was happening. Stephen King's talked about that, too. Yeah, and I think that's a real thing.

I think I would use the word channeling. Like, he's tapping into a pure creative space that is kind of available to us. His antenna was just very, very precise and found the story, but he's writing it, and creative space that is kind of available to us. His antenna was just very, very precise and found the story. But he's writing it and he doesn't know what's going to happen. But in the book, The Road, there's a similar line about the boy, his son. It's not, I'm not saying, oh, it's too much.

It's not that. I'm saying it's something like, something like if the boy wasn't precious, then preciousness didn't exist or something. Right. Very beautiful in a similar way. Beautiful line. And it was channeled from, and you're also getting the same sort of message. Yeah, I must have been in the same oasis or something. We're talking about your friend Carl Jung,

the theory of the collective unconscious. Well, that's right. And I think that it's interesting because I've written three books. So I'm going to tell you the third opening line, or this was from the first book I wrote, it was the novel. And the opening line of the book,

which I was very proud of, was Cloven Hoofed Creatures Walked This Way. That's the opening line of the book. And then I became convinced that it was also the opening line of Sting's autobiography. I don't know why, so I had to go and find a copy of Sting's autobiography. Wait, what do you mean? That just occurred to you? Yeah, I became obsessed that it was the opening line of Sting's autobiography. I don't know why, so I had to go and find a copy of Sting's autobiography.

Wait, what do you mean? That just occurred to you? Yeah, I became obsessed that it was the opening line of Sting's autobiography. Out of nowhere? Out of nowhere. I couldn't rest until I found out. I didn't have a copy at home. This is before you could just find it on the internet,

so I had to go to a bookstore and find a copy of Sting's autobiography and see if it was there. It wasn't, thank God, but I became convinced. The first line was or Roxanne did you like the police no no I never did either in fact mmm kind of funny that you asked when I'm stressed which isn't often but if I go if the dark dog is visiting I hear you I fucking hate music and my

just just repetitive pop music right so if you I remember being in the car with my mom I'm in the back seat and the police are on and they're sending out and that's another song and I'm in the back and I must it's a terrible song and it must say sending out an SOS. Yes, another song. And I'm in the back. Terrible song. It's a terrible song, and it must say sending out an SOS, I'm going to guess conservatively 372 times. Like it just... Oh yeah,

it just repeats it over and over. And I don't even know that I'm having a generalized anxiety disorder. Right. But I am. Sure.

I'm a child, and I'm fucking stressed out. And I'm harping on that they won't stop saying it. And every time they say it, I'm like, that's got to be the last time. And then they say it again.

And at some point, I just go, ah! got to be the last time. And then they say it again. And at some point, I just go, ah! And my mom goes, what? Because she's having a generalized anxiety disorder of her own.

And I'm like, they just won't stop saying send it out. I learned a profound lesson that day that not everyone's having your experience. Some people,

it's just background music. I hear you on the music thing, though. It's quite interesting. There's never a point where I could say I don't like music. I hear you on the music thing, though. It's quite interesting. There's never a point where I could say I don't like music. But there's definitely been a point where I can't listen to contemporary music. Yeah.

Like, this is just garbage. Oh, no. If I'm having a generalized anxiety disorder and you put on The National, in fact, that's why I listen to it. There's music that saves me from that feeling. But my daughter is five, and I love her to death, and I will listen to whatever she why I listen to... There's music that saves me from that feeling. But my daughter is five, and I love her to death, and I will listen to whatever she wants to listen to.

And she wants to listen to fucking ice cream. What is that? Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man. Don't invite me. I ain't... And if you're having a rough day... That sounds scary. That music makes me want to die. It's funny because both my boys,

and particularly the youngest one, he wouldn't listen to kids' music. I'd put it on and he'd be like, no, no, no. Really? And then his mother, Megan, would put on Joy Division. He's like, I'd relax.

He'd be like, yeah. That's so cool. I'll walk away in silence. Can I tell you I'd relax. He'd be like, yeah. That's so cool. I'll walk away in silence. Can I tell you that one of my daughter's favorite songs, and here's the weirdest part, I like it too. There is some pop music I like, and it really burrows into my brain. It's almost like I like music too much,

if that makes sense. Sometimes I go, I don't like music, but really it's because... Well, it's too big a subject to say music, because it's like saying Basquiat, right? Who said, art is how we decorate space. Music is how we decorate time. So it's as big a word as art.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can't say really music. You have to be more specific. That's fair. Do you want to hear my quote about art? Yes. I hope you enjoy it. I go, art is highly sensitive people reporting back to the group what reality is like for them.

And that's how I feel. That's really good. You like that? Yeah, I do like that. That's the opening line of my new book. Is it really? I'm just kidding. It should be. It should be.

That's a good line. What kind of book are you going to write? I have notes for another book about spirituality. I like writing books that only a handful of people would like to read. May I recommend literary fiction? Because I've written one and I'm halfway through another and nobody reads that shit. But you like it.

I read it. It's very important. No, I mean you like the process of writing it. I do because it's the only way you're going to find out what happens. Yeah, there you go. Cormac McCarthy. Yeah, I mean, but, look, I'm not comparing myself to Cormac McCarthy, but... He's dead. He won't win. Yeah, but he go. Cormac McCarthy. Yeah, I mean, but... Look, I'm not comparing myself to Cormac McCarthy, but... He's dead. He won't win.

Yeah, but he has acolytes. Oh, that's right. And they'll mine. Droves. Yeah. Yeah, no, we won't. I won't compare myself to... You did compare yourself to Herman Melville on my podcast, but...

I said my book was better. Go on. Go on, then. I did. I only compared myself to Herman Melville not in the literary just because he was overlooked

yeah well he was a bit to be fair yeah yeah yeah in his lifetime in his lifetime but here's an interesting thing because I was

thinking about that did I talk to you about this on your podcast that I went to the Van Gogh exhibition yes you did and talking about

medication no you didn't you talked about the Andy Warhol and you loved the gift shop I did love the Andy Warhol gift shop tell me about the Van Gogh exhibition in the Met? Yes, you did. And talking about medication. No, you didn't. You talked about the Andy Warhol, and you loved the gift shop. I did love the Andy Warhol gift shop. Tell me about the Van Gogh. So I'm looking at the Van Gogh exhibition in the Met, and it is transcendent.

The art is unbelievably beautiful. Really? It's heartbreakingly gorgeous, wonderful art. Van Gogh-ious? Van Gogh-ious. But I thought to myself, I wonder, because. Van Gogh-ious? Van Gogh-ious. But I thought to myself, I wonder, because clearly Van Gogh,

if he had lived now, could have been helped with contemporary medications. Yes. And I wonder what he would, I think he would have preferred the medication. I always think about this poem.

There was an Irishman, an Irish poet, who came on my podcast over 10 years ago, so I'll forgive myself for not remembering but he's like asking a poet for another poem is to ask for his heart to be broken basically and that's kind of what you're saying

yeah it's a very interesting topic I have some friends, people that I know that went on like very strong anti-anxiety medication and I'm not trying to put that down no, not at all I'm saying we need to get the dose right because some of these people, I miss them. You know what I mean? I'm like, oh, it turns out,

like my friend Joe called me this week and he was just shopping for groceries in Manhattan and we just talk fucking nothing, just making each other laugh. And the subtitles on for that conversation were like, I'm here. Are you here? I'm a little afraid. Are you afraid? Yeah, I'm afraid. And if I wasn't afraid, look, mental illness is a real thing. I'm just going to say that one more time. Yes, it is. And we need help. And we need all the help we can get. Sure. I'm just saying like, dial it in. And everybody would agree with that. If there gets a point where like, if I can't, you're docking on me now. We're bonding now over anxiety. We're helping each other with our anxiety. And if I was completely flat, nobody wants to be flat.

No, but if you are writing to kind of extend the metaphor in a rather clumsy way, but if you're on a very bumpy airplane and it gets smoothed out for a while, it's a fucking relief. I know. I probably shouldn't even be talking about this because I don't know. Right. Well, look, I think people should relax a little bit. You're allowed to have an opinion. The only thing is just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you don't have to hold on to it. And also it doesn't have to be

it's not right. I'm not claiming, I'm just saying, look, this is what I think, but I will preface it with, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a priest, I'm not you, and I'm not in your situation, I'm in my situation. And I think the danger with the current orthodox drive for everyone to agree is that, but if everyone agrees, or if you only are comfortable talking to people you agree with, you're not going to expand your experience. Right.

And if you can't expand your experience, are you really going to learn anything? Well, there's examples of haters who hate everything. And then there is like kind of, I do see a trend where you're not even allowed to not like something. Have you seen this? Like something comes out and you're like, well, we're not allowed to not like that. I feel that way

about cannabis. Yeah, I think we talked about this. You can't talk shit about weed. Yeah, it's like everybody is like, weed is the fucking savior of the earth. I'm like, oh, come on, it's fucking weed. You know, get a fucking job, heavy. I don't get it. It's like,

I've got to love weed. I never liked weed when I was doing drugs. I didn't like weed. Now that I don't do drugs, now I've got to love weed I never liked weed when I was doing drugs I didn't like weed and now I don't do drugs now I've got to like weed that's a very good example but I thought you were going to say that Van Gogh had he been medicated wouldn't have made the art I don't know if he would have or he wouldn't

but I would wager that he wouldn't I think you're probably right he might have made better or different art it's inconceivable he would have done anything better, but it would have been different. Yeah. To that, I would say my best stuff comes from a clear, spacious place in me,

not an agitated, angry place. I might write something agitated and angry, but my best jokes come from a place of, you know. I don't think you know. Well, that's fair. I'm just saying I wasn't depressed when I came up with the best jokes. Right. You weren't depressed when you came up with it,

but the process in getting to the joke, it may have cooked it up earlier on. And I think that to discount... See, my secret feeling, I even hesitate to say this because I know I'll get into trouble for saying it. But because the role of being a victim is now fetishized a little bit, that there seems to be an urge to pathologize every single emotion or opinion or beat of your life. And I don't think it's necessary to do that. Like if you say, I really didn't like that thing,

well, okay, you didn't like it. Comedy is a great example for this because people will say, that's not funny, that's not comedy. And you go, well, it clearly is because look, there's 10,000 people laughing at it, so clearly it is comedy. You say, I don't like classical music.

Well, it doesn't mean it's not music. It's just not music that you like. Right. And the whole idea of saying something isn't a thing unless you endorse it, you personally. One has to, either, it's binary thinking. It is that one or zero is thinking like a machine. Yeah. It's on or it's binary thinking is that one or zero it's the is thinking like a machine yeah it's on or it's off and i don't understand that's that's the last thing we should be doing we have machines to do that for us right we don't need to do that right yeah no it's it's i completely

agree and it is sort of an addict and it's a narcissistic almost a solipsistic it's interesting you use the word and I use it myself too, and I want to talk a little bit about it. Solipsistic? No, narcissist. Yeah, sure. Narcissist is an interesting one because people,

it's a very hot ticket word to use right now. It's like, oh, he's a narcissist. You know, he's kind of just a dick. Sure. I have a lot of thoughts about this. Well, there's narcissistic personality disorder. Now I sound like I am a doctor. No, that is a real thing.

Of course it is. Absolutely. And then there are narcissistic tendencies. But I think we could, would all do well. What's interesting about that is experts in the field from the books that I've read would say that it's good to have some characteristics of narcissistic tendencies. Meaning some of them are, there's like healthy levels of narcissism. I like where this is going. So what you're saying is that these conditions

are unhealthy levels of something. That's right. All right. So if you can get, if you have some fat in your food, it's good. But if you have too much, then it's bad. Yeah. Once it gets to a point and I forget what the list is, but this, this will make you laugh. I was reading a book to see if people... I'll be the judge of that. I was reading a book to see if people in my family were narcissistic. And then it's listing the qualities of a narcissist. And I'm like, oh, no. Really?

For me. But anyone being honest, maybe that's not true. I can't speak to any other people. But I was like, I have a lot of... One of them was like... Hey, you're a stand-up comedian. How can you not have some of that? You need some of that. You need gas in the tank. Absolutely. But then my beloved Valerie,

my beloved Valerie, but she was like... I must talk to you of my beloved Valerie. She was like, I take a lot of comfort in no one with narcissistic personality disorder goes oh no am i a narcissist like that that's that's right that's 22 it's a good thing yeah it's great it's it's catch 22 is like yeah if you was at the in catch 22 yeah if you want to not fly these missions you

can't be crazy because you don't want to be crazy to want to fly these missions well can i say i'm watching as we all are. I'm assuming every single person in America is re-watching The Office at some point in their life. Maybe not you, you wild boy. But I'm just saying. Angela Kinsey is a close personal friend. My Angela, I call her, in fact. Angela, the Angela from the show?

Yeah. Oh, she's lovely. Oh, she's just the greatest girl. Is she really? Yeah, she's sat in that very chair podcasting with me. Well, guess who's going to poach your guests? Yeah, she's the greatest. Really? I'm so happy to hear that. She's been over and visited me in Scotland.

No way. Her husband Josh and the kids. Yeah. That's beautiful. She's great. Well, she knows that I'm sure people tell her all the time. It's almost like a disorder we all have. Like we all kind of have to be watching The Office.

Here's my point, though. Michael Scott has a lot of narcissistic tendencies and they delight us. We like it. I was trying to say to somebody like, comedy is a little bit like you go to a restaurant so they'll deep fry a Twinkie for you. It's not good for you, but you wouldn't do it if you had to batter up a Twinkie and deep fry it in oil and you can see the ingredients and the fucking nutrients, but you want it and you like it. So Michael Scott is like a deeply

narcissistic person and we love laughing at him. So to your point, cleaning everything up and making everybody agree isn't even what we really want. And we're back to our friend Jung. We actually want what we don't want a lot of the time. It is the duality problem, isn't it?

But I wonder if what we're doing is falling into the trap. Certainly, I've fallen into this trap, and I might be doing it right now, is that, because I've talked to my oldest son about this. He's 22 and he's very, very clever. And he said, Dad, you're talking about 40 people on Twitter. I don't even fucking know what you're worried about. These opinions are so, if you focus on that group of people, you're going to hear that group of things.

He seems to not be as incensed by opinions that fly at him from social media. And I think young people are less bothered by it. Well, they grew up with it. See, I grew up with the notion

of the power of the written word. That if something was written down, it had an inherent value. Now, clearly, that's totally gone. Yeah. But I believed that anything that was written down was worth at least your attention. Yeah. And, of course, it's not anymore,

because everyone writes everything down, and a lot of it's garbage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like talking now. Right. And some people can talk very well, and they say a lot of interesting things, and some people just are me talking now. Well, yeah. people can talk very well and they say a lot of interesting things and some people just

are me talking now. Well, yeah, I mean, that's the classic, it doesn't really work, but you're like, if you could see the person

who said something you didn't like, I'm talking about like a hater. Yeah, yeah. If you could, not only, I don't mean to judge their life,

I just mean if you could see how thoughtlessly and how like it's just something they do. It's like, yeah, eat shit, Craig Ferguson, you suck. Like it was nothing. It was just a fart. Yeah, I look at social media is like you're opening the window to the like Times Square and it's just filled with noise. And you're why are you listening to this? Why? It goes against your instincts, particularly if you're a standup because you wouldn't let a heckler do that it goes

Seinfeld goes he comes up a lot we don't comedy doesn't really need to be reviewed it was reviewed the night we did it yeah that's right and I love that

and that's what keeps it pure and that's what keeps it sort of endlessly engaging I'll tell you what Trace Atkins said about social media put down that bread? no

Trace Atkins who is a country singer of some repute, he's a very gruff gentleman. Yeah, that's the dude. Yeah. He was the guy. He's a hilarious guy. He's lovely. And he's wrestled with alcoholic demons.

He did one of the most alcoholic things I've ever seen in my life. He had a fight with his own lookalike. Oh, my God. And I'm on a Trace Atkins cruise. That is... That's about... I think that's beautiful. If you pitch that, though, in a writer's room for a movie,

I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know if that would happen. It's a little on the nose. Yeah, no, he... It did happen. He's fighting with himself. He's his own worst enemy. Yeah, I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know if that would happen. It's a little on the nose. Yeah, no, he did happen. He's fighting with himself. He's his own worst enemy. Yeah, I mean, all of it.

But Trace said, I asked him if he had social media, and he said, no, I don't. And I said, well, because he said, I said, you don't need to pay attention to all these people and them saying bad things. And he said, that's not how I see it. And I went, what do you mean? He said, it only takes one turd in the pool for me not to get in.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is. I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast, Miss Spelling.

When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez.

Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone.

You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everyone.

I am Lacey Lamar. And I'm Amber Ruffin, a better Lacey Lamar. Boo. Okay, everybody, we have exciting news to share. We're back with season two of the Amber and Lacey, Lacey and Amber show on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network. You thought you had fun last season? Well, you were right. And you should tune in today for new fun segments like Sister Court and listening to Lacey's steamy DMs. We've got new and exciting guests like Michael Beach.

That's my husband. Daphne Spring. Daniel Thrasher. Peppermint, Morgan Jay, and more. You got to watch us. No, you mean you have to listen to us. I mean, you can still watch us, but you got to listen. Like, if you're watching us, you have to tell us. Like, if you're out the window, you have to say, hey, I'm watching you outside of the window.

Just, you know what? Listen to the Amber and Lacey, Lacey and Amber show on Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you know this story? I'll be embarrassed

if I told you this when you were on my podcast, but Father Greg Boyle... No, I don't think you told me this. Father Greg Boyle, No, I don't think you told me this. Father Greg Boyle, who is a hero of mine and a friend. And a friend. What am I, a fucking spiritual name dropper?

Sure. And a friend. But I mean, he's a friend to the world, really. Right. He started Homeboy Industries here in Los Angeles. Anyway, he wrote three books, and they're must-listens. One's called Tattoos on the Heart, one's called Barking to the Choir, and one's called The Whole Language.

They're all masterpieces. He tells this story that Larry David went to Yankee Stadium, and it was his birthday, and they announce it. And however many tens of thousands of people are at Yankee Stadium, sold out game, they all stand up and sing Happy Birthday to Larry David. He's on the jumbotron, and he's waving. I'm sure he didn't love it, but also, you know, it's got to feel pretty good. Sure. It seems like the entire city is singing happy birthday. Then he goes out after the game,

as Larry tells it. He's walking to his car and someone drives by and goes, hey Larry, you suck! And that's all he got from that night. And there's actually some neuroscience to this. Shout out to Richard Rohr, another beloved friend of mine and a spiritual, he's a some neuroscience to this. Shout out to Richard Rohr, another beloved friend of mine, and a spiritual, he's a brilliant theologian.

He talks about the Velcro Teflon theory. If I say, Craig, and I mean this, you're a generational talent. You're one of a kind. Who else is like you? These fucking improvised monologues. You're interviewing Scott, even right here, right now, and your writing, it's incredible. Like you're something unique and sparkly and special.

We see you. If you want to hold on to that, that's Teflon. You have to think about it and hold it and focus on it. I think the time is 30 seconds, which is way longer. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not even asking you to. is 30 seconds, which is way longer. Yeah, yeah. You're not going, and I'm not even asking you to, but if I say,

I'm not going to say the mean things because the way the mean things work is even if I don't mean them, They stick. Velcro. Yeah. That's fucked up. I've heard it described as narcissism in reverse.

Like looking to see the negative, to get a kick out of it. Well, it's cutting? Yeah. But I actually think there's theological implications here as well. I'm interested. The Garden of Eden. I think all you need is the Garden of Eden and the Prodigal Son.

I think you can summarize the whole thing with the Garden of Eden and the Prodigal Son. But the Garden of Eden is really, I think it's a masterpiece, especially when you consider it was probably written in dragonfly blood on the back of a dead deer. It's incredible. How I write, certainly.

In Scotland, that's kind of... That's what they sell at Staples. That's final draft. But the Garden of Eden, to me, and I've talked about this a lot, so forgive me if... Explain it to me, because I haven't heard your theories on this, and I'm interested. I think it's saying that we would rather...

So we're in the garden. Okay. What is that? That's unit of consciousness. That's oneness. Okay. And what's the problem with oneness? It's identity-less.

There's no Craig in the oneness. It's perfect oneness. So God, perfect oneness, perfect wholeness, perfect peace. Not a lot of specialness going around. So there we were. Now, this story falls apart because it's told in dualistic terms, but let's say in dualistic terms, I'm a naked man. Naked meaning not dressed. Naked without shame. Without shame, but also without identity. I don't have my red shirt. I don't have my job. I don't have my car. I don't have my opinions, my thoughts, my beliefs. It's all gone. I'm naked. Then there's a woman. Then a snake comes. The snake is the ego.

And the snake says, fuck this. Fuck this shit. You want to be in a fucking garden just humming and whist? This sucks. Eat from the tree of what? Good and evil. Yes and no. One and zero. Binary. Duality. Let's leave oneness. And what I like about it is that we chose it. What I like about the myth is that it's not saying God didn't do it to us. He didn't kick us out. We wanted it. I think this is interesting. We, as an aspect of God, decided to play a little game. Let's eat the apple. Let's have a dream. A dream of what? Suffering, yes, but also glory. Pain, separation, but also specialness, shininess. You can be Craig Ferguson. Oh, there he goes. He's done his fucking thing. I did that to make you laugh, to be bad at the voice. So when I say, when we're looking for that hit,

we would rather be miserable and special than blissed out and vanish. Is that what I'm saying? Yes. And? Yes, and the thing that I have, because I think you're right in what you're saying, but what I think is quite

interesting for me is that I have changed my opinion on a lot of things in the time that I have been traveling through since my inception and birth. So like, for example, me 10 years ago even says to you that is perfect and me now says to you it is but i also add to you something else and and what it is is this is that We choose it to relinquish it, to return to Oz was always there, Dorothy. Oh, I agree. The return to Eden. Can I say that's the Prodigal Son part? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is great. I mean, you're right. And I cut you off before the Prodigal Son. You didn't. You didn't. No, I'm delighted. You're saying the second part. The same thing.

Yeah. Which is that you got to come back. No, I'm delighted. You're saying the second part. The same thing, yeah. Which is that you've got to come back. After Rumspringer, it's not Rumspringer if you don't go home. That's right. If you stay out there, you're just a fucking junkie. But if you go back, it was Rumspringer. The part of the Garden of Eden story I think is completely ego-driven,

meaning we made a god like us instead of the other way around. We made God in our image. We made him angry. We put angels with flaming swords and we said, get the fuck out of here and I'm going to punish you. That's all just our own guilt. You could say for having left, who knows where the guilt comes from. Original sin,

isn't it? The original sin would be like an original misunderstanding. You know what I mean? It's harmless. Even the word sin is misunderstood in contemporary usage. I agree. You know, the idea that sin is some moral component.

No, the sin is what separates you from God. Sin, you could say it's separation. It's sort of benign. Are you a student of Evagrius of Pontus?

Pardon me? Evagrius of Pontus is a desert theologian in the third century, right? One of the Egyptian... a desert theologian in the 3rd century. One of the Egyptian... How'd I miss him? I'm just kidding. Is he fabulous? He's fabulous. He's a genius.

He extrapolated from the theology of origin of Alexandria. He came up with what was called the Eight Thoughts. First characterized by the Eight Thoughts. And the Eight Thoughts were, you'll recognize them, you recognize them average gluttony lust and I that became the seven deadly sins and I think sadness was folded into sloth and but sadness was one of the the eight thoughts and the thoughts that separate you that are

they characterize them as they used to talk about them as being demons that would separate you from God or wellness or the universe. They're separations. Right. And the idea of sin having like you're naughty or you're not naughty is much later in theology. It's much later on. The idea of, see, I think what happened to Christianity, this is my recent theory about Christianity, I'm a big fan of Christianity up until about Constantine.

Then I think it starts to go south. When Constantine co-ops Christianity as the official religion of the Roman Empire. At that point, the equivalent today would be Starbucks opening at Burning Man. That you take something which is, and it's already happened, it isn't Starbucks, but it's already co-opted, it's already gone. Because I know about it. Right.

So, I'm not saying I know about things, I mean, if I know about it, it means it's already gone. I'm the sign that it's over. If you see me at Burning Man, go, I guess it's the last one. And I think that that's, you know, something that was all about a thing became all about something else. It was co-opted. And it was when there's a great line.

You know the movie, The Great Rock and Roll Swindle? It's a kind of mock documentary Julian Temple made about the Sex Pistols. In it, Julian says to Malcolm McLaren before he gets, where did you get the idea for the Sex Pistols, The Great Swindle? Where did you get the idea? And he said, when Elvis Presley joined the army. And I thought it's such a cool kind of framing of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the truth is, Elvis was who he was the whole time. It's just that you projected the image onto one thing, you make it a thing, and then it becomes something and you... That's right. And I'm going to... Richard Rohr can explain this much better than me, but I think it's 1032 is when we get like atonement theory.

We start thinking of Jesus as this like, I'm going to pay your check sort of stuff. It's like, oh, you're evil and you're twisted. When, you know, as Father Greg Boyle points out, that Jesus says you're the light of the world. He doesn't say you're the light of the world. If you could just get fewer tattoos, Craig, what are you doing?

Or stop saying fuck and shit and piss and stop playing with your ding-a-ling and all that. Like, we want that, though. That's what we're doing here. I have this joke I'm working on. It's like, my God is love. And I don't mean the emotion love. I mean like an un-understandable

yes. A spacious and simultaneously whole oneness that is beyond words, right? Yes and. Yes and. Brilliant. We can touch on it. We can reflect it here, but we can't really do much else.

But I miss, and I do, when I thought God was mad at me. I really do. It was pretty fun. Like thinking, I equate it to the Bourne movies, the Jason Bourne movies. Like God's in the room with the computers,

and they're like, he just... He's gone rogue. He had sex. Send the agent. Swarm! Swarm! And I think we love that. Look at what we do.

We make up teams, and we fight them, and we gamble, and we make up money, and we love it. So we don't even have to be mad at it. But that's the prodigal son. Is your inheritance, so the prodigal son asks for his inheritance, is consciousness, is awareness, is your God nature, which is looking out your eyes right now. Okay.

It's how you're hearing me. It's everything. Right. It's how you know reality. We can do an experiment after this. It's so fun. Anyway, he says, I'm bored at the kingdom. Same as the Garden of Eden.

I'm bored, basically. I want my rump springer. It's nice that you're a king. I want to go and do stuff. And God says, okay. The king says, okay. Gives him his inheritance. And then he goes and he squanders it.

Squanders is in quotes. There's no judgment in the story. He just goes and kind of implies that he has some sex. Fleshports of Egypt, I believe it says. Does it? Yeah. And he has some sex. And thenports of Egypt, I believe it says. Does it? Yeah. And he has some sex. And then he ends up working with the pigs,

which for a Jewish man means the lowest of the low. That's his rock bottom. But what happens was, unlike the Garden of Eden, there are no flaming angels, angels with flaming swords, guarding it. Spare the riff. Save your career. Save your career.

You know what I'm thinking. No, we all know it. Let them think it. You can't get canceled for what you let them think. Oh, I don't know about that. But what the prodigal son does that we're all here to do, and it's not sexy, it's not that interesting, it's not achieving enlightenment,

it's not washing away your sins. He just remembers he's free to go home. He remembers that dad isn't mad. And it's the greatest story in the world. And it's not that great of a story because we would rather he goes and like an Old Testament, not to put down the Old Testament, but like the father's like, you can come back, but you have to work for seven years in the field, like that sort of thing. We don't do that anymore. He slaughters the fattened calf. He gives him new shoes. He gives him the best robe. He puts rings on his finger. That's the story.

We don't like that story. My God doesn't talk shit. And that's all I'm here to do. Fucking Craig, you see, is fucking dumbass or whatever. And he's like, he doesn't even know who Craig is. And I mean that in the best possible way. I'm very happy with that.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you stop being scared that God... We're talking about the untalkable. I can say God loves Craig in a certain way. And I can say in the ultimate reality, God is so busy loving you and being loving. He doesn't even know what you are.

That's not exactly right. But it's so, bah, that it's almost offensive to us. We would rather he love Craig, but he just, it just is. It's very, very wide and very difficult because the drive in contemporary society and as for as Americans in particular is for the individual yeah and we think of the opposite of the individual as being the hive mind or communism or cultism and it's not that either yeah it is I think this is Moses talking about God says to Moses,

none shall see my face and live. It's not that you see me, you die. It's you can't come. It's you can't see. Craig can't come. Yeah. I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm just so excited.

Yeah. I say this all the time. Pete can't come. Yeah. In fact, you're talking to Pete. That's one of the frustrations. In my book, I write, Pete isn't enlightened, but I am.

And I thought when I wrote that, I was like, I've done it. That's it. That's how I feel. Pete's not enlightened. I'm going around just like everybody. Whatever you think unenlightened is. I get angry. I get horny. I get hangry. All that stuff. But there is a spacious, quiet place that I can tap into and do. This is the example. Ram Dass says, like, if Craig Ferguson comes and sits at the right hand of God,

you know what that is? Schizophrenia. You can't come. Craig can't come. If you think I am Jesus Christ, that's, you're now unstable, right? Unless you're Jesus Christ. Unless you're Jesus Christ. But if you find the part of you that isn't you that is Jesus, it's hard to talk about. Here's the example. So Rupert Spiro, who's, I've never met him, but he's my homeboy. He teaches non-duality, which is at the core of all of this,

I think is sort of what we're talking about. God being one, this, this, this thing. And you being that at its core. And he explains it way better than I can, for those of you listening. And if I can't quite explain this, he wrote a book called Being Aware of Being Aware, which will take you about 20 minutes to read, but it'll just blow your mind. And every chapter is the same thing. He just says it a different way. It's incredible. He's also on YouTube. It's all just given away for free on YouTube. He's amazing.

British guy. Not what you would expect to be like a teacher. He looks like something from Wind in the Willows. But anyway, he's incredible. This isn't going to be a massive point, but he talks about who or what is it that is aware of your experience. That is the question. When we say, who am I? And I heard that my whole life. That is the question. When we say, who am I?

And I heard that my whole life. The most important question you can ask is, who am I? But I thought that meant like, figure out Craig's peccadillos. I like coffee. I don't like tea. I like, you know. It's like you know me, Pete.

That's not what that means. What does it mean there? Who am I behind? What is essential to your identity? Because when you were a child, maybe you didn't like coffee. Now you do. So everything's changing.

You were talking about your opinions changing, your body changes, your location changes. All this stuff isn't essential to you. So what's essential to you, it's also not your thoughts or your feelings. But change. Change is the law of God's mind, and resistance to it is the source of all pain.

I like that. Who said that? Me. When did you say it? Right now. That now is over. It's a new now. Without explaining it, he talks about the knowing that you are.

So when you, I used to do a joke like this. I would like sing happy birthday in your head. How are you hearing that? That's your awareness. Are you your thoughts? Are you the spacious field in which they appear? You must never do acid. I love it.

Do you really? No, no, I haven't done acid in a long time, but I have done it. I would think it would be bad for you. Really? Not in my experience. Yeah. Did you do it, combine it with Guinness? No. Really? Not in my experience. Yeah. Did you do it, combine it with Guinness?

No. No, that's what I did. That's probably where I went wrong. Alcohol and acid are a very bad combination. He talks about the knowing part of you, the part that knows. So I see that and something, we never talk about it,

but something knows what it sees and interprets it. So he talks about that being like the screen of a movie that isn't colored or changed by what happens on the movie. So identify with the screen, with that knowing presence. So the thing that I was going to do with you is if you close your eyes, he just did

I just watched this. Okay, I'm closing my eyes. If you close your eyes and get in touch with the like it's going to be hard for me to do because I'm talking. But if you get in touch with the tingly sensation, imagine that you're a newborn baby. Okay. No past. This is your first moment.

So you don't know you have a body. Okay. And now I'm going to talk to you like you have a body. Get in touch with the, put your attention on the tingly sensation of your mouth, like that you have a mouth, and just feel it. You can kind of, this is a phenomenon that we should be talking about all the time. You can kind of spotlight your awareness and put it on your lips and your mouth.

And because you have nerve endings there, you can feel it. And you can ask yourself, where does that sensation show up? And because you don't know anything, you'd go, well, it shows up here no place it's just like i feel it here but then if we say now feel your hands you and i both know that your hands aren't near your eyes are open you cheater your hands i i was i mean i i you love it i do your hands are far from your mouth right right but when you close your eyes and you just point your awareness to the tingly sensation in your hands, where does that sensation show up?

Also here. There's no distance between your mouth and your hands. You could do it with your feet as well. Also here. A distant sound. Where does that show up in you? Here. It's like you're a piece of paper

and everything's written on that piece of paper and you're the paper. I find that quite anxiety provoking. Tell me why. I'm not entirely sure. I think because it probably, it feeds into me an idea of when I was struggling with alcohol and coming out from you know trying to get off of it i would experience disassociation very great amounts of panic and lack of physical context with where i was in the world and it reminds me of that uh craig you're not nuts most nights if i get up to pee and i'm vulnerable sometimes these thoughts occur to me as well. And what's happening, I'm not saying to you, what's happening to me is this resistance. Again, that goes back to like, no, no, I want to be a body and hands and it helps me know. And you start to freak out until,

and I haven't, I'm not fully cooked, until you start to trust of what you are a part of and know that to be a loving and say, Father, that's the prodigal son again. We're both prodigal sons. We're with the pigs. And we know that our hands and our lips are showing up here. And everything is made of awareness. You know, we've touched the table and I feel that here.

And it's all here. And we're still not quite ready to go home. No, not yet. That's what we're doing here. Here's the good news. Big fucking deal. It's okay. So, do you have a special coming up?

And it's filled with handjob jokes and jizz jokes. You know what's so weird about me, man? I enjoy talking about this with you. I certainly don't have any of it figured out. But here we are promoting my Netflix special. 1024 on Netflix. It's called I Am Not For Everyone. You should have called it Fleshpots of Egypt.

Fleshpots of Egypt. Yeah. As the prodigal son. No, just Fleshpots of Egypt. As we talked about it, and I remembered that line, Fleshpots of Egypt, and I As the prodigal son. No, just Fleshpots of Egypt. I just, as we talked about it, and I remembered that line, Fleshpots of Egypt, and I thought, God. Does it mean vagina?

Probably. Yeah. But it could not mean that. Hosea 3.8 is my favorite Bible verse. What is that? It's talking to the prophet Hosea. He's talking to, I don't know who he's talking to, but his God.

And he says, go show love to your wife or something. Like the Lord your God shows love to the Israelites, though they turn to false gods and love the sacred raisin cakes. Oh, wow. And I'm like, what the fuck are sacred raisin cakes? I give it a Google. I think it means anal.

Does it? Some scholars say it means butt stuff. Well, you know, there's a bit of that around. Even back then, there was butt behavior. People loved it. Do you know what I like in the Bible? There's quite a lot of it I like, and quite a lot of it I'm like, I don't know where you're coming from with this.

But there's a line in it. I think Solomon said it, who was apparently a bit of a wise ass. He said, none suffers like he who tarries too long at the wine. And I'm like, yeah, fuck, I hear you, Solomon. Yeah. I hear you, buddy.

You tarried a little too long, Solly. I hear you. All right, Pete, it's always a trip. Am I leaving you freaked out? No, I'm going to have this exact same conversation with Jay Leno this afternoon. Oh, Bill,

there's a thing as in the Bible. Put your awareness on your chin. I'll see you next time. and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez, and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life.

I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Guess what, Will? What's that, Mango? I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius,

but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults. I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy. We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money? And then, of course,

can you game a dog show? So what you're saying is everyone should be listening. Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.