Joy, a Podcast. Hosted by Craig Ferguson - Taylor Williamson

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Meet Taylor Williamson, a super funny American comic and Craig’s friend. He is known for finishing as the runner-up on the eighth season of America's Got Talent and as a semi-finalist on Last Comic Standing. Check out his new stand-up special called Live At The Comedy Store here. EnJOY!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said, like, in my head for, like, 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez.

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I didn't know we were going to go there. People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Dabluke on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Stand-Up Tour continues throughout 2024. For a full list of dates and tickets, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. See you out there, thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. See you out there. thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness. Taylor Williamson was the youngest ever stand-up comedian

that I ever had on the old late night show. And yet, even although I put him on the show, he's still working. Well, he's an old man now. I think he's like 37 or something. Let's have a chat. Okay, so let me just say one thing to you first, which is we're in Los Angeles right now. Yes. Right?

And I was talking to my wife on the phone this morning because she's in Scotland. And she said, who are you talking to this morning? I said, Taylor Williams. And she went, oh, tell him I said hi. I'm like, what do you mean tell him I said hi? She went, oh, yeah, we're Instagram buddies. You're Instagram buddies with my wife? Is that okay?

I guess, yeah. I mean, if it wasn't okay, she wouldn't have said it. Oh, yeah, I heard of him. So how did that come about? What's going on? I don't know. I mean, I think she followed me on Instagram. She thinks you're funny.

That's true. As do I. I mean, so much to me. Well, you are funny. I'm grateful. You are great at being comedy. Thank you. We may have met at your house one time. We were working on a thing together.

I think that's what happened. And then I probably commented on one of your things like, ha ha ha. And she's like, oh. Do you have a lot of ersatz digital relationships? People's wives like me a lot of airsats digital relationships that with people's wives like me a lot. I don't know. I think it's because I think it's offensive. Actually, I think people's people feel comfortable with their partners being friends with me.

Yeah, you know, I don't want to insult you, but I am kind of comfortable with it. Like, I don't want to be but you know, it's kind of weird because you know, if it was like, I don't know if she was Instagram friends with like some other people. You don't want that. If she was Instagram friends with Drake, I'd be like, well, what the hell are you Instagram friends with Drake for? Yeah, but Taylor Williamson, you're like, yeah, stayed his house tonight. It's okay.

That's all right. He can come over while I'm not here. That's fine so listen i wanted to talk to you a little bit about something because years you were the youngest guy ever to appear on my late night show do you know that i i put that on my bio i don't know if that's true but i think it is i think you were i don't know if you were the youngest person i mean there was sometimes it was babies on and stuff yeah but but not doing stand-up you were the youngest stand-, I think.

It's the biggest, it was the biggest thing I ever got. It still is one of the most major things I ever got to do, truly. Me too. Oh, poor guy. But you were the first major comedy icon to be like, hey, this guy's, take a look at this guy. Really? I thought you did. I thought you did well in the, I mean, the, was it America's Got Talent? That was eight years well in the, I mean, was it America's Got Talent? That was eight years later.

Oh, really? Yeah. See, now it's interesting because I, ask your wife, she followed my course. But here's the thing,

what was the first one you did? So You Think You're Funny, then? Was that though? No, I did Last Comic Standing. Last Comic Standing. No,

I did, You didn't do So You Think You Can Dance? Did you do that one? I did America's Next Top Model. Right. When Tyra was hosting. Yeah.

Congratulations, you're still in the running to become America's Next Top Model. Which I've got to say, much as I admire Tyra, I think that's a terrible catchphrase. It's wordy. It's a little busy. You know, I mean, congratulations, you're still in the running to become America's Next Top Model. It's too much. Is that really what she said? yeah that's the thing

that's the bet when if you make it through the elimination round what would be a better one? you ain't dead yet how about like hey your face is still good enough for us

you're still pretty you're still pretty how about that? remember that one woman from the show? She married the guy from the Brady Bunch. I don't know about this.

You got to pay attention to show business, pal. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, man. I've been busy. So listen, I did, I started stand-up in 2000. No, wait a minute.

Before we go on. I'm answering your question. No, but I, yeah, I want you to answer the question, but I want you to tell me about the model that married the Brady Bunch guy. What happened there? I think that the, I want you to answer the question, but when you tell me about the model that married the Brady Bunch I think that I could be wrong. I but like the first winner of the show she married

the middle Brady respectfully Christopher Knight As a deep cut for me, I don't know you're not American. Did you have the pretty I am American? Oh, excuse me. I'm respect you are. You are what America's all about, pal. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Listen, can I tell you how this business goes? I've been in this for 20 years.

Right. And it's up and down, you know? But I'm trying to get my next big, whoa, career thing, you know? Okay. And I know a couple people have been canceled recently. Yeah, you should probably get canceled. And they're killing it. Yeah, you should get canceled.

They are thriving. It's the new thing. You have a few months where you're like, oh, maybe I should move it to China for a few months just to get away from the world, you know?

But then like four years later, you're selling at Madison Square Garden. Well, I think it's a marginalized cancel that you're after. You want to be canceled by a certain group of people, but you want to be celebrated by the people who disagree

with the people who cancel you. Right. And so that's kind of the way you go. But society is so fragmented now. Yes. That being canceled by one group can actually be a step forward with another group.

Truly. I remember talking to a big comedian from an older big comedian. I said, why don't you talk about politics speak out and he's like I don't want to

split my audience you know 50-50 of people whatever but now it's like you could have one person there's comedians

who are like I'm the nurse comedian if you're not a nurse you don't know what I'm talking about if you're a nurse I'm really funny they sell out

big theaters well there's a lot of nurses I think what it is as well is that everybody wants to have their own

special thing that they're upset about. I get it. I'm upset about a lot of things. But I never do politics in the act. Never. But not because I don't want to split the audience. I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of hearing it.

I'm sick of hearing people I agree with. Yeah, of course. I'm sick of hearing it. I'm sick of hearing people I agree with. Yeah, of course. You know when I had a conversation with Jim Gaffigan a couple of years ago, and Jim was saying, we were talking about how because he works clean, right? And he doesn't cuss in his act and stuff.

You're like that too, actually, right? I think I'm, I think I kind of, I started cursing a little bit, but yeah, I happen to work clean. All right. So I was talking to Jim about it. Now, Jim, I've known for a little bit, but yeah, I happen to work clean. All right. So I was talking to Jim about it and the gym I've known for a long time, you know, and he cusses the way people do, you know, sometimes and other times he's not a big cusser, but he's not a kind of, oh, you've never heard Jim swear. Yeah. But I said, so why don't you swear in the act if it's, you know, and he said,

he said it was a stylistic choice. It was a stylistic choice and I wanted to see if I could do it. And I went, oh, okay, well, that makes sense. Somehow I felt like, yeah, of course. And I made that same choice with politics. I'm like, I'm not going to do any, I'm not even going to mention those guys by name. I'm not even going to admit that politics exists.

And I found that I enjoy doing the stand up more. Because I don't not because of anything to do with the audience, just because I don't want to talk about that. It's boring. And if you don't want to talk about it, then you shouldn't. As an audience member, I feel the same way as you is like, even when I agree with you, I don't want to hear about this, because it makes me sad. And like, but the one of the things that makes me want to start cursing more on stage is, um I get like low-key rage if someone says to me you know my favorite thing about your comedy is you're clean oh yeah that would make me angry too like what yeah like I will fight you my mom's friends my mom's

friend at this at this funeral I will fight you yeah maybe not the best place that's not the way to do it. But, you know, I remember, because when people say, people who have no sense of humor or don't understand stand-up comedy will sometimes say, good comedian doesn't have to swear. Good comedian doesn't have to cuss.

You know, I go, well, Richard Pryor was a pretty good comedian. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I don't know if that's it. It's language. You know what I mean? And you work with the language, and if you decide not to use't know if that's it. It's language. You know what I mean? And you work with the language. And if you decide not to use that, then that's fine.

But if you do, then you do. It's just, I don't know. And I've heard interviews with great comics who I admire, and everyone has their own point of view. That's the answer to the story. But, like, yeah, it's lazy to curse. And I used to think that. But then I have a couple jokes now where I curse.

And I'm like, it's not lazy, it's the word that's necessary for this joke to work. Also, lazy gets a bad rap. Lazy is actually an okay thing. We've got to stop being down. Stop shaming people for being lazy. I know some lazy people who are awesome.

I think COVID made it okay to be lazy. We were told, please be lazy. Yeah, just relax. Stay home. Don't go out there spreading the bug. Just stay home. Now, listen, tell me what I did ask you at the beginning about you getting started and it was you started you didn't start on America's Top Model. I started

on your show basically. Well, that was the very first thing. How come you go on my show? Because I thought somebody had seen you on a like the booker. I had seen you she saw my tape I did just for Laughs Festival. I got stuff early on. That's how I started Just for Laughs. In America, certainly. In Canada.

In Canada, yeah. But they sold it in America. Oh, okay. Because I was, you know, but... No, no, tell me about you. It's not about me. So you're, like, you're Just for Laughs Festival? I started saying it when I was 17.

So they had a kids festival? Like, Just for Laughs babies? I tried to do, I was 17. So they had a kids festival? Like, just for laughs babies? I tried to do, like, I tried to look in the kid thing. I was like, put me on a Disney channel show and I got a manager

when I was young and he wouldn't let me do any of that stuff. And like, I'm kind of bitter, but I probably would've done drugs and stuff. Yeah,

you would've, yeah. I mean, it's a bad, I wouldn't let my kids watch Disney. No, listen,

to be fair, I've worked a lot for the Disney organization over the years and they've always been very nice to me so I can't badmouth them. But my kids,

every time, when my kids were young, why this is not about me? I care about your family but they're for my friends. All right. It's basically my family. It's your family.

All right. So you weren't on, somebody saw you on. Just for Laughs. Just for Laughs Kids and then booked it on my show. And they had this new faces showcase where they, like the new breed of comedians. My year was Adam Devine and Nikki Glaser and Annable. That's a great year.

Yeah. Then there's a whole bunch of people. And then Reggie Watts was one of them. there's a whole bunch of people. And then Reggie Watts was one of them. It was a funny group of people. And then six months later, I got to do your show. It was February 14, 2007 was my first time. And I was terrified. When I see you, it's kind of triggering, actually.

It was a gnarly... Did you get triggered? Oh, yeah. Were you scared? Were you scared that the big bad man put you on the TV show? I was so scared. It's terrifying. Yeah, it was scary at first.

Stand-up should be scary at first. Yeah, but you know when I tell young people now, someone told this to me, just passing along wisdom like I came up with it, but when you have nerves, that means you care. Sure. And it's a good thing. When you lose that, it's kind of sad a little bit.

I don't know. I don't have any more. I don't get nervous about this. No, no. You're killing my theory. Well, I you know, listen, I used to physically throw up before I show up so nervous. Yeah, terrifying. But I think you know, you do often enough. Look, I say this to audiences now as well. When I go out, look, I've been doing this for a long time. I made a lot

of money. I've won some awards. I've been very successful. So, so if tonight, if this show sucks, it's, it's you, it's not me. Cause I've proved myself here. So it's gotta be you. So let's see how you do. How you been, how long have you been an audience? What five minutes? You don't even know what you're doing yet.

That's so good. But I think that I get a sense of, I don't know if you get this, but right now, and I will stop talking about me in a minute. I don't know what I'm going to do today. But I get a sense of when I go on stage now, it's where I'm meant to be. I get an absolute sense of peace. Like I can do this. I know this is my world. And there's a lot of things I don't know how to do.

But this, I know how to do. I love that. I think very similar to that. Oh, yeah? In this business and life that's full of rejection and just self-doubt, internal doubt and external doubt upon me. Sure.

My biggest source of validation for what I'm doing with my life is when I go on stage and I go, okay, you know what? I got this figured out. Yeah. And I'm doing with my life is when I go on stage and I go, okay, you know what? I got this figured out. And I'm more comfortable there than I am in other places, which is a bizarre thing to do, but it's the thing I've

worked hard on. No, I totally understand it. But you wanted to be in stand-up from being a very young kid. I mean, to me, stand-up is kind of like being a realtor. It's an okay job and you get your picture on a bus stop and stuff, but no one wants to really

do one. It's just like you do something because you failed at other stuff. But that's not for you. You really wanted to do it, right? Yeah, it's like porn and real estate and stand-up comedy is the backup plan of other things. I noticed that when actors got cancelled, when people were getting cancelled all the time,

like actors, if they got cancelled, they would always start doing stand-up. Like, it's okay to be a pervert and a stand-up comedian. It's like, oh, okay. I kind of like that. Oh, yeah. And they're taking my jobs. Yeah, there's room for everybody. So, what I'm trying to get at is, do you have a very bad relationship with your parents?

Well, it comes down to mommy issues. It's mom, yeah. That's what Megan, it comes down to mommy issues. It's mom. Yeah, that's what Megan, my wife, who you know very well, says. She says it's all about... Let me just turn my phone off. Sorry, because she'll probably call me. She'll call me too. I should turn off my phone.

Yeah, you should turn off your phone as well. Megan says that all stand-ups have the same mom. I've talked to a bunch of stand-ups about this. Cold with bad boundaries. That's what she says. I love my mom and we've been through a lot and we're on it. We're in a good healthy place now. But we have had a lot of stuff and she has lost her mom and it's a nice generational trauma that's passed down as a tradition in my family. Yeah, you know, what's funny about it? I was a Hollywood party once a famous actor guy and his came over, the mom brought the kid over, and he was about 13, and she went, this is our son, he really wants to be a stand-up comedian.

And I was like, you're a terrible mother. You're a terrible mother. Don't encourage that. Yeah, no. But my mom is part of my trigger for seeing you, is because I was 20 doing Late Late Show, and I'm trying to be a good person. I hear all the stories. You bring your mom. You got to bring your mom.

And like, so I invited my mom from San Diego to come up and, but we don't have like, we didn't have like a close, we had a lot of stuff. Right. And, but she came and she rides, you sent like a nice car to come pick me up. I got to be honest with you, Taylor. I didn't personally send. I know you don't. I know you don't do it. But yeah, let's

just take credit. Yeah. And then you drove you were not driving. I was driving. I was where that's when I used to wear the little chauffeur uniform. Welcome to the lately. Oh, I'll drive yet. Well, so this, I was thinking this three stages episode where he goes full service. Do you ever read full service by Scotty Bowers? Oh my god, I'll tell you about that in a minute. All right, so so my mom came and then she had a silly time. Right. Right. right yeah really

I can't remember what was it what did you say it'd be weird if you remembered my cue card was there's all the jokes and context making fun of people

for using these words you know I'm still proud of what it was right are you scared to say the worst thing? No, well, I said gay. Okay, that's an okay word.

But I'm making fun of people who say gay. But then the R word, whatever that is, you know? That was the punchline, making fun of these kids, they call everything gay. The way they talk, it's so... Oh, right, right, right. Comedy, you know? Yeah, let's get the hell away talk, it's so... Oh, right, right, right, right. Comedy, you know?

Yeah, let's get the hell away from this. And then I said, I said, I said, move on. And then, whore, I talk about like...

Whore, I think whore's fine as a word. I call myself a whore all the time. Yeah. Whore's one of those words that, yeah, it depends on how you use it and where you use it. I agree. In the context.

But it's just funny, I said these words on TV and then I did a show six months later and they wouldn't let me say anything because Don Imus happened in between And where are you using it? I agree. But it's just funny. I said these words on TV. Then I did a show six months later, and they wouldn't let me say anything because Don Imus happened in between. And there was a whole big difference. But anyways, I'm a good person. So my mom sent a fax.

The next day, she sent a fax to my manager. This is 2007. A fax. My mom sent a fax to my manager. It was after faxes were not done. You still had faxes on your website, but you're like, who does this? Yeah. She sent a fax.

She wrote a letter to him saying, thank you so much for taking care of my son's career. He speaks so highly of you. I never told her anything. This is all like made up in there. Right. And then here's some things that could help him out. Please take him somewhere to get a nice haircut. He has a great singing voice.

And maybe that's something you can use. And also, he held the microphone over his face the entire time please train him to not do that anymore thank you and i'm just like boundary issues well see there you go tick tick with the bad boundaries right there you know it's funny i talked to you know lewis black yeah of course all right he's great comic and i was talking to him about his mom and I said that thing about code with bad boundaries that Megan's theory and he went, oh my God. Because his mom had died about six months previously

at the age of 104 and he said, you know, I think the first time we looked each other in the eye was on her deathbed. Oh no. I'm like, that's why he's a good comic. Wow. You know, but I don't know if it's true for everyone.

Maybe it's just true for male stand-ups. I don't, maybe for female stand-ups it's with their dad or their mom. I don't know. Wow. You know, but I don't know if it's true for everyone. Maybe it's just true for male stand-ups. I don't, maybe for female stand-ups it's with their dad or their mom. I don't know. Interesting. Yeah.

But you hear like Seinfeld gets really like offended if it's brought up to him. Like, so do you think comedians come from traumas

or impoverished backgrounds or not enough neglect or not enough attention from the parents, whatever. He's just like, I like making people laugh. I'm like, can you just be the guy who likes

making people laugh and just know everyone else on the list? Yeah, you can do that. I think that's a fair argument. It's like, no, I just like making people laugh. I mean, if you talk to Leno about it, he's like that too. But then at the same time, if you dig deeper with Jay, because I love Jay. You know, Jay's my guy. I love him.

But dig deeper with him. He's love Jay. You know Jay's my guy. I love him. But dig deeper with him. He doesn't eat hot liquids. And he's very against any form of liquid diet. So soup makes him angry. And if soup makes you angry, you're not a normal person. And also his mom was Scottish. And if your mom's Scottish, you're not a normal person. Donald Trump's mother, Scottish.

Oh, wow. That's why I've always got sympathy for him. I if your mom's Scottish, you're not a normal person. Donald Trump's mother, Scottish. Oh, wow. That's why I've always got sympathy for him. I know what it's like. But the other thing about Jay Leno, I respect the hell out of him. But I remember him saying, don't say crap. I was so, what's the word? I was like a sponge for great comics saying these are the rules of comedy. I listen to all these interviews, the deep cuts.

And Jay Leno says, don't say crap, okay. Then I recently heard him say he hasn't had a vegetable in 40 years. Yeah. And I'm like, wait, I shouldn't take advice from this guy. No, you shouldn't. Like, that's the whole thing.

It's like, you've got to be a little selective about what you're doing. Because, you know, there are people who I really respect what they do as comedians, but, you know, I wouldn't let them look after my dog or anything like that. The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascals Stand-Up Tour continues throughout the United States in 2024.

For a full list of dates and tickets, go to thecraigfergusonshow.com slash tour. See you out there. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of

inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder so if you have a story to tell if you come through some trials you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone you're going to you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up to not quit listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Guess what, Mango? What's that, Will?

So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius. I know, that's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion. It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House. Mango, I'm gonna cut you off right there.

Why don't we just tell people about our show instead? Yeah, that's a better idea. So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions. Things like, when did America start dialing 911? Is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto? Also, what happened to Esperanto? Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food? How do dollar stores stay in business? And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese? There absolutely is. And we are risking our lives by

talking about it. But if you love mind blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune into Part-Time Genius. Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there. People that I admire. When we say listen

to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, oh great, you see me too.

We'll laugh together, we'll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good cry with raleigh on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts have you still got your little dog i have a tiny dog i love that you know that yeah betty right this is honestly the greatest thing that could ever happen that you say

my dog's name no stop it's just i thought bringing her here, but I didn't know what the vibe was. You would be not the first person in Hollywood that turned up here with a little dog for your podcast. It happens. I became that guy during COVID. I got a tiny dog, and I'm that guy who brings a tiny dog everywhere. You know Gabe Iglesias? Oh, he's got some.

He's got little dogs all over the place. Yeah. He's a sweet man. You ever worked with him? No, I just hear the most wonderful things about him. Oh, what a terrific dude. Yeah. I mean, just lovely.

Again with a weird mom, though, I got to say. A lot of weird moms. Yeah. I had a thought on all the, I don't know. Anyways. So, I tell you then. All right, we're talking about stand-up. Yeah.

And I watched a little bit. I haven't watched all of it, I'll be honest with you, of the stand-up special that you did at the Comedy Store, the recent one watched all of it, I'll be honest with you, of the stand up special that you did at the comedy store the recent one. Oh, thank you for taking a look. You took a look. That's great.

You know what? The sensibility of it, I hope you don't mind me saying, so it feels very late nighty. It feels like a kind of, hey, welcome to my thing. And it's like the tracking show into the kind of club

and all that. Like, no, welcome Terry. It felt like a late night show. Oh, it's a great compliment. That's what you were going for. I don't know. I was going for old school kind of vibe. Yeah, it definitely vibe like that. Yeah. I feel like thank you. I love that. Yeah. Taylor Williamson

live at the Comedy Store. It's on YouTube for free. And I'd love it if people take a look and it happens to be clean if anyone cares about that. But my best jokes I've ever told us was the most important my best thing. You should anyone cares about that but my best jokes I've ever told that's what's the most important my best stand-up I've ever put out there you should have called the special that the best jokes I've ever told I think I maybe I should have yeah I can change it but I it's funny like this business full of rejection trying to sell shows and trying to get people to believe in me whatever and like and I see a lot of like scummy scumbag comedians are blowing up right now and that's what people want and

I forgot who said this to me. It was just the great simplest advice or just like thought like I couldn't be one of these filthy guys and that What does whatever on stage if I wanted to it just that it's not I would bomb I wouldn't wear a fan tick for you. Well, I can just be me right and I have this Joy for like old school kind of like, like I'm Jewish, but like, I guess low kind of self-effacing a little bit self deprecating Jewish humor. I don't know. Right. And I, that's who I am. I don't know. You are in the industry. It's not happening a lot anymore, but all I can do is be me at a hundred percent. And I'm more

proud of it myself as an artist than I've ever been. So I'm like, I'm gonna keep putting this out there and it's not what everyone wants, but it's what I do and I'm really good at it and I don't know. No, I think that that's the only way to mental health. I mean, look, if you, when I first came at Hollywood, every single cast casting director, every single person I met said, can you drop the accent for a role? And I was like, why? Because then we can put you up for stuff we're putting other people up for. of all of these people is getting that job. And why the fuck would I want to put myself in a pool where I'm already on the back foot? I'm just who I fucking am. And occasionally I would, you know, I met who, Drew Carey and Bruce Helford actually,

who were like, they said, can you do an English accent? I went, yes, of course. They're like, yeah, all right, just do that. But it is an odd thing that people want you to be something else, but really the only thing you can do properly, for a stand-up comedy, I think, you have to be yourself. I think for any artist, there are people trying to do things like,

I was always told you're too, this is the feedback I got from industry, you're too alternative. Then I got told you're too mainstream. Right. Like a joke. Those are the feedback I got from industry you're too alternative then I got told you're too mainstream right like a joke like those are the things

I was told you know that's unbelievable and then like on a last comic standing the way they cast it was they did very bizarre like it was clearly

cast before so there's like two rounds and then the the top ten right right and it was before voting so it was just casting

producers casting and um the semi-finals there's 40 of us and there's two tapings where they pick the top 10, right? Right. And it was before voting, so it was just casting, producers casting. And the semifinals, there was 40 of us and there was two tapings where they pick, two tapings of 20 people and they picked five of each.

This is a math problem, I'm sorry. But the first episode, the first taping, they picked five already, so we're already, they're casting, so they're not going to have

10 people who are this similar, you know? Right. But I wore a hoodie during my thing right well that's very alternative they think you were like in the the white stripes or something it's like oh no but I remember me and Fortune were the ones who were like standouts on that show right that didn't get put through and they told me something yeah we already had two alternative guys in the first round so we didn't put you I'm like when is this?

we've already got a Scottish guy so now have you had that happen? like I would imagine dude I failed the audition when I came here to read the audio book of the movie Braveheart

and the casting director said we don't feel your accent is authentic in the casting session like I don't know what the fuck to tell you. I'm sorry. And now Scottish people get mad at me because they say that I sound like an American. Like I've put on an American accent to be successful in America. And I'm like, I gotta be honest with you fuckers, just being able to dampen your Scottish accent isn't enough

to make you do well in America. You have to do a wee bit more than that. But, you know, I don't know. Where are you from originally? San Diego? I'm from San Diego. You ever go there? Yeah, you know, I have been there a couple of times. Yeah. I bought a boat there once.

You bought a boat in San Diego? Yeah. Did you leave it there? No, I sailed it around a little bit and then I sold it. Around the world? Yeah, I sailed a boat around the world. I don't know. Yeah, I have a boat. Yeah, you don't have a boat and you lived in San Diego? What the hell did you do? I heard the smart rich people move respectfully. Yeah. Is you borrow other people's boats. Did I say I still own a boat? I was going

to ask to borrow your boat. Yeah, you can. I don't have a boat anymore. Who did you sell it to? I don't know. I think it was a realtor, actually. I think I sold it to a realtor. A failed stand-up who became a realtor. Yeah, he failed at stand-up, became a realtor. Or he succeeded at being a realtor, so he didn't have to be a stand-up.

So you come up in San Diego, and were you good at school? No, no, no. No, right, okay. My SAT score was so bad that I don't... like were you good at school were you no no no right okay my SAT score was so bad that like I don't it was like it was so I was really good at English and I was really good at um that's about it I think you know but that would make sense language would be yeah attractive to you if you're drawn to stand-up how did you get how did you get attracted to stand-up

who did you watch when you were a kid I wasn't a fan of stand-up when I was little it was just this dumb sibling rival everything my brother would listen to like Adam Sandler albums and like, and in which was who I should have loved I loved later but I want to be the opposite of him. So I was to annoy your brother just for my own ego. I remember being like I don't like music because he likes music.

I still get that with my brother. My brother's 65 years old. I still like Yeah, I don't like that. For years. I didn't listen to Led Zeppelin because he liked Led. I still get that with my brother. My brother's 65 years old. I still like, yeah, I don't like that. For years, I didn't listen to Led Zeppelin because he liked Led Zeppelin. Oh, for sure.

Which is crazy because Led Zeppelin are a great band. Yeah. If I were listening to Nirvana, I'd be like, ugh. Yeah, yeah.

But I have a little bit of what Jay has for soup and stuff. Do you? But I fixed it when I was like 25. All right. But I was like, I don't like these things

because whatever. Then I tried them as an adult. I'm like, oh, this is actually pretty good. He had, oh, here's my theory. Can I share my theory on that stuff? Yeah, sure. I ain't going anywhere. I don't have a boat anymore.

But I think you get, I don't know if this is his thing. I don't, but like a lot of people get stunted. You know how child stars, they say that the age that they become famous is the age of their maturity. I think for men maybe or comedians or people I've met,

the age where they become really famous is kind of like the age where they go, I don't have to wear a suit when I go on a late night show. I don't have to change diapers. You know what I mean? I think there's kind of that. If you were like you get famous at 50, you're still going to change diapers for your kid or something. Yeah, you don't have any kids.

Yeah, I don't change diapers. Because if you're going around changing diapers and people aren't asking you or it's not your kids, there's your cancel right there. That'll get you in trouble. Oh, that's pretty good. Oh yeah, did you hear Taylor was like changing kids' diapers? See, that's kind of, that's too weird. It's a little, I think it's too much. Yeah, it's bad.

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, but like, so I got into comedy in a bizarre way because I was watching pro wrestling a lot. Okay. I was really into pro wrestling. Yeah. And I hear the laughter there. The lack of respect I hear from you.

No, not at all. I'm just, I was, what I was laughing at was the transition from pro wrestling to stand-up comedy. I don't see it, so I'm looking forward to it. You don't see it? So it's a laughter of anticipation. Roddy Roddy Piper.

Well, we don't all know each other, plus he was Canadian. But he must have been part of... I'm sure, yeah. Most Canadians of that generation were. So, but Andy, I watched this documentary on Andy Kaufman on Comedy Central. Oh, yeah. And like, that was the first me thinking like, oh, comedy.

That's cool. Yeah. And then I listened to Jeff Foxworthy in like seventh grade. I thought that was really cool. Foxworthy is a great comic. And he was so great. And also, for a kid, he's quotable. I could go to school and be like,

hey, you might be a redneck if this, and kids laugh and they think I'm funny. I always loved jokes you can quote. I can't remember a street joke that saved my life. No, I'm bad at jokes. I have one joke that I tell in the act. The rest of it is just me bullshit.

Yeah. Do you remember street jokes from back in the day? Street jokes? Or what do you call a joke that like, I do Jewish benefits sometimes

and there's always some old Jewish guy like, hey, you want to hear a joke? And I was standing for like seven minutes. And they tell you the joke and there's one laugh

maybe at the end of it. It's like, I don't get that joke structure that is told by people who say, you want to hear a joke? And then a long story that nothing funny happens and at the end of it. It's like, I don't get that joke structure that is told by people who say, you want to hear a joke and then you do a long story, then nothing funny happens. And at the end, a sort of funny thing maybe happens, or maybe just a shit thing happens. And especially like private events, you try to be extra extra polite, you know,

because you're getting paid to hang out kind of, and then like, she's at least like polite laughing halfway through, but you think that's the punchline. And it's not. No, no, you have to keep going. Hey, I was wondering why I hadn't done a lot of Jewish events recently. So you're doing them all, aren't you? Listen, I'm going for it. Do you get those things? I've done a few of them, yeah. How do you get that?

That's like Roddy Piper being Scottish. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I kind of ended up doing a couple of things. I did once, I was the comic relief at the Holocaust Memorial Dinner. Oh, that sounds fun. You know, it's a much coveted spot.

It's not an easy gig, I'll tell you. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty hard. That's wild. Yeah, but if you get asked to do it, you can't say no, can you? You can't say, no, I'm not going to do it. No, it's an honor too, but I'm sure it pays something't say no, I'm not gonna do it. No, it's an honor to but it's right. And I'm sure it pays something nice. No, there's no money. You did it for free.

Yeah. Wow, you're a real friend of the Jews. Stop it. Shalom. Did you what? What joke do you say to transition? Remember how I did it? I think I I don't know. It was it was bad because it was a really kind of very tough video played beforehand. And then I had to go I think what I said was, Well, I'm the guy who won the most coveted spot in show business the you know, the comic relief. And I think I started with that. And then we you know, I got through it. It was it was tough what's the toughest gig you've done? well I've done I mean I remember the opening this is not the toughest

but I remember opening for doing a show to Sorority at Cal State Northridge and then they go one of our sorority sisters died last night

in a car accident so we just want to make sure that you know you don't have any jokes about that no no that happened they went ahead with the event? yeah So we just want to make sure that you know that. You don't have any jokes about that? No. No, that happened.

They went ahead with the event? Yeah. God, people are weird. And then, oh, I've done a whole bunch of terrible things. I remember I did a show at a college and the lights didn't work. And they were like, so we're not, I was like, I just get my paycheck. This is great. And they're like, no, no, no. We'll have you come back another time.

I'm like, I'm not coming back to Florida. florida i mean i would i don't need the money they're like well we can do the show on the sidewalk if you weren't and i was like okay i guess so matt's on the sidewalk and um and uh so when the kids all six crisscross applesauce do you know what that is yeah yeah and then um it was little kids no they're like 20 you know okay and then um but they sit in the grass and then, but there's cicadas. And so every time I told a joke, it just sounded like crickets chirping,

like I'm bombing. It's so actual crickets. For an hour, I was like. Oh no. You did an hour outside to crickets? Yeah.

Oh man. Well, you've earned your stripes. That's good. You know. Yeah, you got to bomb. No,

you have to. It's a real thing. Because if you're a stand-up and you don't bomb, then at a certain point, you're going to find out you're not a stand-up. Yeah.

Because only stand-ups will walk through that fire. Only a real stand-up will go on a stage, bomb completely, come off the stage and go, well, I better do that again. It is terribly unhealthy.

I analyze it all the time. I'm like, it's like touching a hot... The whole business in general. For me, it's like touching a hot stove and I burn myself 499 out of 500 times. But then the 500th time, ice cream comes out.

And I'm like, oh, I should try that again. Are you in therapy now? I just signed up for therapy. Did you? Yeah. What age are you now? I'm 37.

Yeah. And I should have started 20 years ago. I don't know. I mean, it's like you don't study the Kabbalah until you're 40. Is that when you start? That's when you start. Yeah. And you don't i think psychotherapy is you know i'm very valuable i i've gone through tons of it but

i didn't get much of it early on mind you i was a blackout drunk and i nearly died so maybe i should have got it early on i don't know did you ever feel the call of the the chemicals and the and that kind of lifestyle the the the booze and the no i was one of those guys who i didn't even i've never smoked a cigarette and i didn't even drink alcohol like a sip until i was like 32 what did you think when you first tried it i i don't get it yeah well fuck you man well well can i tell you who was always nice to me about it is people who were like um sober in the program respectfully. I've been sober 32 years.

Much respect. Amazing. God bless you. And my first joke on Craig Ferguson's show, I was like, he has to say I'm 20 years old. Like that was my intro. I had, you have to say he's 20. So then my joke doesn't work, you know? So then I walked on stage and my opener was

it's kind of hard for me to talk about but I'm going to let you guys know that I've been clean and sober now for 20 years and then I make a joke how people are like mean to me

and then but yeah I don't know did I say he's 20? yeah you set me up yeah there you are yeah

and I remember I stopped doing the joke and someone was like what if you're like when you're 40 you're going to have people still saying, like, you have to, you know, when you start out, you think you can tell the jokes forever, you know? Yeah, you wish.

That was something I'm envious of. I remember talking to Rickles about that. Do you ever meet Rickles? I got to meet him once. It was so special. Oh, my God. What a guy. But he did basically the same act for about 40 years.

Yeah. I was so jealous because, you know, you can't do that, no? Yeah. I mean, if you do an act for two years, you're pushing it. Yeah. You at least won't get the respect of your peers for sure. Oh, no. It's weird.

I like the Chris Rock model, which is you wait till you have your great act, you live your life, you take some time off from stand up, you live your life. And then you have a killer special, it's a special and you put out your special every six years, maybe, or whatever. There's no time limit, you know? And then I remember there was this special on HBO, it was like Louis CK and Seinfeld and Chris Rock and Ricky Gervais and discussing like, are they coming to see you? Are they coming to see the act? And then everyone just thinks each other's crazy because Seinfeld did the same act forever. And right. He used to at least in like, greatest other comes to greatest hits. Are they coming to see? Yeah, it depends on who the audience is. I think if you're playing like, what's the biggest gig you've done? Probably, I'm guessing Radio City Musical for America's Got Talent.

Does that count? Yeah, of course it counts. There's like 90 seconds. Right, but it still counts. It's a big gig. It's 6,000 seats. I've played it. You did your own show.

Yeah, I did. Thanks, Tom. But that's the thing, though. I mean, what I quite admire about you is that you went at these comedy competition shows where I don't know if I would have done that I I don't know if I if I could have done that I think I think I would have felt I don't know if I would have been able to manufacture a stand-up in that environment I'd have felt frightened or not frightened what is it I just didn't didn't feel it was conducive to to stand up but you made it work. I've seen you do it.

They are bad. I today I don't think I could I was just desperate as right like curse on the show. No. I was desperate as frick buddy. No, you can I was fucking desperate. I was like I was I was 10 years in and my career was like I was about to I never had to have a day job like I was like, I was, I was 10 years in and my career was like, I was about to I never had to have a day job. Like I was really lucky. I was able to like live in squalor. I was I was always my ego. I'm professional comedian, right? I live I live with 12 people and I can't afford more than peanut butter sandwiches. But I'm a professional comedian. I should

have a day job but but then I was broke and and my jokes were proved for Conan. And there was like a year of just like waiting to get on. Yeah. And like, and what's funny, if I had gotten on that, I wouldn't have done America's Got Talent. But I don't think, I think I would have still had a day job, you know? Like it just didn't change your life like it used to, you know? No, I don't think it did.

I mean, I remember booking comedians on Late Night when I was doing it. And even then watching them do it I thought I don't know how I could do that I don't know how you can come out

and just like in the space of 5-10 minutes get them on your side it's I guess I guess you do I guess I've done it

my stand up is like quick jokes I always I never I wish I always wanted to do late night all the time for whatever reason like the gatekeeper bookers never wanted me.

Is it still a thing, stand up in late night? I mean, I never watched late night before I did it. I never watched it when I was doing it. And I don't watch it now. So I don't really, I have a weird disconnect with the whole thing. Understood, yeah. I think Jimmy Fallon's the only one to even, or Seth Meyers and Jimmy Fallon are the only ones to do really like, yeah, but I did your show twice in 2007. Right.

And then like Nick Cannon asked me to do his talk daytime talk show like two years ago. Right. I haven't done stand up on a talk show before after and I all I do is write clean quick jokes. But for whatever reason, I submitted like 55 times I was always told but this is broadcast television even a thing. I mean, Instagram and Instagram. TikTok. Yeah, the gatekeepers now are comedians in the algorithm. I'm edgy Martinez, check out my podcast where I talk to some of

the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just this relaxation, this not feeling stressed, this not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you've got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder.

So if you have a story to tell if you come through some trials you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone you're going to you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up to not quit listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts get emotional with me Radhi Devlukia in my my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life. We're going to be talking with some of my

best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there on this. I'm going to go on this because this is people that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. And so when people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, oh great, you see me too.

We'll laugh together, we'll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to A Really Good Cry with Raleigh Dablukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Back in 1969, this was the hottest song around.

So hot that some guys from Michigan tried to steal it. My name is Daniel Ralston. For ten years, I've been obsessed with one of the most bizarre and audacious cons in rock and roll history. A group would have a hit record, and quickly they would hire a bunch of guys to go out and be the group. People were being cheated on several levels. People were being cheated on several levels. After years of searching, we bring you the true story of the fake zombies. I was like blown away.

These guys are not going to get away with it. Listen to the true story of the fake zombies on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The algorithm. Yeah, it's a nightmare. That's kind of creepy though, isn't it? Yeah. I talked to a guy at YouTube.

This is really kind guy who is just cares about comedians and wants to help. And he happens to be an executive at YouTube. And I talked to him. I was like, I'm putting out the special. What can we do here, buddy? You like me, I like you. Get people to wants to help. And he happens to be an executive at YouTube. And I talked to him, I was like, I'm putting out the special, like, what can we do here, buddy? You know, like, you like me, I like you. Get people to come to it. Put a little finger on the scale, you know? Yeah. And he's like, that doesn't happen. And he says that the algorithm is, he really, his perspective is it really is fair. It really, I don't experience this, but his experience is it gives people what they want.

They couldn't have guessed people want to watch unboxing videos. That's a big thing is people opening packages of videos. And ASMR is like, who would have thought people would love just woman whispering and clicking things? But the algorithm sends people what do they want. See, I don't know if it's good for you to get what you want all the time

I agree I mean I professionally I have Instagram and of course it's me on it all the time I never ever ever ever there's a company I pay them it's healthy

because I went on it and on that when that little search engine, like the little magnifying glass, and you start scrolling through, that shit's crazy. It's like you get, you know, war atrocity, kitten playing with a ball of wool, someone tightrope walking, a volcano exploding. That's Pandora's box, man. Human brain isn't built for that. That's crazy. The only things I try to like now

are if my friends have something happen like a career thing or if it's two animals from different species snuggling each other. Okay, see, that's a kink I'm not familiar with. But like, you know, like a little cat like riding a turtle, you know, or like a monkey, a chimpanzee, respectfully, like holding like a puppy. Wait a minute.

Why did you say chimpanzee and then respectfully to me? Like, what the hell is that meant to me? No, I just, I wanted to use the right term. Like it might not be a monkey, you know, in case they're listening. Oh, you mean like it could be a gorilla and not a chimpanzee? Right. I believe it was a, I don't want to get canceled on that one. Well, I don't know if primates are canceling people yet on social media. I don't know. It was that monkey who sued the guy who took the picture. Remember that thing? A monkey

sued someone? I think maybe an adventurous lawyer decided to work on a retainer. sued someone? I think maybe an adventurous lawyer decided to work on a retainer. No retainer, I should say. Yeah, a contingency law. Because I don't think a monkey is like, you know what? Fuck them. I've had enough of this shit.

There was a monkey type thing that took the first selfie in the jungle or something. But then they went that you don't own the picture because they took the picture. Then there's a whole lawsuit. Oh, okay. America, you're an American. This is your country, baby. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of law suiting going on. You ever been sued? I had a threat of a lawsuit. I got hit by a drunk driver a few years ago.

Oh, you did? And they threatened to sue me. It's a whole insurance scam. Oh, you did? And they threatened to sue me as a whole insurance scam. Look, I'm not a lawyer. I learned a lot about this. It's a whole thing. They sue to make your insurance just settle. They just want to settle and then it gets paid.

Oh, they want to make it go away. Yeah. Yeah. It was actually, I think, over the years. You've been sued? Fuck yeah. Yeah, I've been here for a while.

You know, it happens. Have you ever been done a stand-up show and then they want to give you your paycheck? I take no part in any of that. Oh, wow. I take no part in it. I have, I'm very lucky that when I got here, this is a true story.

I have a lawyer who's, I don't know if I should say their name. No, I don't think I will. But when I first got to America, I had no money. And I met this guy who's still my lawyer, with him and one of the partners. So it's a man and a woman. And they're terrific lawyers. And they're super successful lawyers. And I had no money at all. But I was talking to them. And they said, well, we'll be your lawyers. And like, they represent really, really big people. And they did back then,

like giant titans of the industry shit. And I said, I got no money. I can't pay you. They said, no, no, we'll,

we'll take a percentage. And it's not a big percentage. He said, I said, but I, you can't have, you know, 5% of nothing is still nothing.

And they said, eh, we have a feeling. And they're still my lawyers. That's so special. Yes, fantastic. That's amazing. I'm very, very lucky.

And we've been through some real adventures. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm very... So who represents you? Do you have the same manager you had at the beginning and stuff? No. I heard a sentence from somebody a few months ago at this party. And then he came up to me.

He's like, I brought my wife to your show. And she's, don't take this the wrong way, but she said, he's excited to say this. He means it as a compliment, but she said, oh my God, Taylor's so funny. Why isn't he famous? And then I'm just like. Do you feel you're not famous enough? No, but I'm just saying, this is my representative saying this to me. And I'm just like, do you not want to come up with a game plan with me?

Do you not see any part of... What would be a game plan for you? What do you want? I want... It's hard. I mean, a lot of my dreams don't exist anymore. As this industry changes so much. I started in 2003.

I wanted to be like... I wanted to... Not to kiss your butt. I wanted to be on a sitcom like that. Yeah, I thought you get sitcom, then you become like, people know you as a comedian, you know, then I swear my kids, we were pitched a show several years ago, that was meant the world to me. I wanted to host a talk a talk show. Yeah, like that. And then that doesn't really happen. You know, yeah. And like, it's, it's just all these like huge dreams that work so hard for like, like, oh, that's not really a thing. Multicam's not a thing. Talk show's not a thing.

Well, it's not. But it's changing. Everybody has a talk show. You're on one right now. You can have a talk show. You can talk to your buddy at YouTube. I mean, it's... Right. But you're right. It's different. It's definitely different. I was having a conversation with Lando about it. He was like, yeah, I feel like we got the last of that kind of thing. You know, for sure. Does he do your voice when he talks about you?

I hope so. Yeah, he does. I think he does. But I want to be I want to I want my comedy to be seen by lots of people and enjoyed by lots of people. And I'd like to, I still want to create shows and have my friends in them. And I want to write movies and have my friends in them. What about personal stuff? What about your life outside of comedy? What do you do?

Is it just you and Betty? I got Betty. I got a wonderful girlfriend. How long have you guys been together? Two years. Okay. And you're what, 37? 37, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And she's been on your show. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's her name? Ginger Gonzaga. Yeah, I remember her. Yeah, yeah so yeah okay and uh she's been on your show oh yeah yeah yeah what's her name Ginger Gonzaga yeah I remember yeah yeah yeah

she was on your show she adores you yeah yeah yeah she's more of an actress superstar yeah but she did stand up for a while yeah yeah

and uh yeah like I'm I think I'm like I'm excited about my life and my COVID messed things up a lot that was like I didn't care for it

I don't think that's a controversial thing to say. I think that's true. But it's weird. Like, I feel like I aged, I don't know, there's like an age, I don't know, like, you know, in your 20s, it's like nothing matters, kind of, like, you can make mistakes, whatever. In the early 30s, it's kind of that. But then, like, later 30s, like, oh, I got to make decisions in my life. And I feel like I missed a few years of chilling a little bit more. Because the last few years has been catching up on opportunities that were taken away and stuff. But right now, I feel so excited about my art and career stuff coming up and personal life stuff. And I feel like I'm figuring out who I am and what I'm about.

And I'm not in a hurry. I spend too much time trying to do things by a certain age. It's like a dumb thing that happened starting out so young. No, I think everybody does that. I remember, yeah, because I remember saying, like, when I was a kid, you know, Orson Welles made Citizen Kane by the time he was like 25 or something. Oh, you did that too? Yeah.

And then, but then if you go to look at the whole picture, look at Orson Welles at, like, you know, in his 60s doing commercials for frozen peas. There's nothing wrong with doing a commercial for frozen peas, but, you know, it's not a kind of linear thing. It's very naive, I think, to think, oh, well, once I get this, everything's going to be okay. You know? Yeah.

I don't know. I think the longer I survive physically, the more I'm like, yeah, health is the only thing that fucking matters, man. It's the only thing that matters. Yeah. Health and your family. That's the only thing. Show business, fuck please.

Show business, I feel, is like the internet. It's only dangerous if you take it seriously. You don't take it seriously. It doesn't fucking, it doesn't matter at all. Right. It's crazy. You know, hey, look, he did this, okay?

That's great, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah, it's a funny journey and like, even just being alive still, I feel like I'm doing well. You're ahead of the game. 90% of people aren't. Yeah, there's so many people that I used

to try to impress in this business or wanted their validation or wanted them to work with me or whatever. They're not in the business anymore. They're not alive anymore, some of them. It's funny how it resets. Have you noticed that? Oh, tons. I mean, with Late Night, I remember people who I had idolized,

who I became friendly with, I went for dinner with, came in my house. And then, you know, and now they've had a lot of them have died and stuff like that. I mean, time fucking moves on, man. It's not like you get to a point and you're going to sit there forever. Yeah. It's, uh, have fun. What's your healthy thing you do outside of the business? I take no part in it, is what I do. I take no part in the business.

I hang with my family, and I do that. I don't have hobbies or anything. I don't have a warehouse full of cars, but I bought a boat. I can fly airplanes. Oh, my God. I like you just casually saying, I can fly a plane. Yeah, I can fly a plane. You fly multiple planes? But not at the same God. I like you just casually say, I can fly a plane. Yeah, I can fly a plane. You fly multiple planes?

But not at the same time. I'm not an octopus. I don't know why an octopus could do that, but you would need at least, you need a lot of limbs, is what I'm saying. But of course, you would need more than just limbs to fly a plane. It's not like an octopus can go, I can fly eight planes. That's not true. What's the longest flight you've done?

As me as the pilot yeah a couple hours I guess and like so do you need explain this to me is it hard to fly a plane

or they just need to make sure that you're not an asshole well you can be an asshole and fly a plane yeah but it's a learned experience

yeah I mean you don't you don't you don't get to fly a plane on your first day learning about it. It's kind of like stand-up.

The difference is, the difference is when you fail at stand-up, you walk away with hurt feelings. You fail at aviation, you don't walk away at all. Wow, that's beautiful. What I like about it

and what drew me to it is that it's a very and it's the same thing leno says about cars you it's very scientific it's very cause and effect there's no why does that guy do well and i don't do well or why do people like there's no ambiguity to it it's like you follow the rules and it will work yeah You don't follow the rules, it will not work. And that kind of appeals to me because show business is not like that. You can follow all the rules. Like you were discussing your frustration,

following certain rules and it not working out for you. And it's like, yeah, show business is mercurial, but aviation is scientific. Wow, that's so thoughtful. That's really fascinating. Well. No, but I heard your interview with Jay Leno talking about that too. And like, I get it more now.

Like, yeah, you know what John Cena says, control the controllable. Yeah. That's what John Cena says. John Cena is a very wise man. I think it's been said before, it was the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things that can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh, they stole that from John Cena.

That was John Cena who first came up with it. I think he was the first stoic. Yeah. I was just in Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's a great place. Have you been there? There was this fancy bar there that Harrison Ford would fly there. I think it was called Soda Bar or something like that.

I don't know. But he would go there and have a cocktail. Then he would fly home. I imagine he would sleep. Or maybe he'd crash. No, no, no. He's fine. He's here with respect.

But respect to Harrison. But have you ever done that? You fly to a place, then you just hang out and fly home? Yeah. Yeah. I've done it a lot of times i haven't done it with harrison ford but i've done it with other people and yeah you go back to cocktail that that would be bad if i flew i'm not saying he flew drunk i did i made a joke

saying that but i don't know that's a good cancel by the way that's a cute can you you were cancelled for saying that harris ford that's not bad. I heard Harrison Ford helps you with listeners too. No, I don't want any help with listeners. No, you got it. No, no, what I mean is this. I always, you know, whenever you do an interview and they say,

why should people come to your show? I'm like, I don't fucking know. Come if they want. I'm not your dad. If you don't want to come, don't come. I'm not going to force you. You know who I am.

If you want to see me, come see me. If you don't, don't. It's okay. I'm not going to force you. You know who I am. If you want to see me, come see me. If you don't, don't. It's okay. I'm not going to try and sell you anything. Do you know what the business is now? You're locked in as comedy icon. And different generations know you.

And you're in a special thing. The things that comedians are doing now to get famous, it's not about... I'm sure it never was about just being a great artist has always been a business you know sure but there's people who sell out because they promote their promoters right and they get agents because the agents are like well they're selling out everything i guess we'll book them like the big agencies are signing these like yeah yeah well that's always been the case has there always been like people sure yeah look you think an agent gives a fuck what you do? You think any agent in Hollywood gives a flying fuck what your act is like?

It's how much money it makes. That's the business they're in. That's something for me to figure out in therapy. I'm always looking for like... I'm 20 years in and I still think, I'm like, they're going to be my friend. They're going to be like a mother figure, a father figure. I have now my agents and

and people i work with i've been with for a very long time that they are friends but they're friends now because i don't really give a shit about what i'm working at right um but i don't know if you're in the you're in the heat right now you're in the in the 30s your 30s your 40s that's like you know it's like fucking making your bones time. It's hard to be friends in that environment. Yeah. What do I do? I don't fucking know, man. It's different for everybody. Will you be my dad?

Yeah, alright. Do you have allowance? How much do you want? Like 100 bucks a week? No. If I give you 100 bucks a week, then I have to give the other kids 100 bucks a week. I think If I give you a hundred bucks a week, then I have to give the other kids a hundred bucks a week. I think it's the other guest.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson has to get a hundred bucks a week. I don't know. Are your actual kids? Yeah, my actual kids. I don't want them coming at me for money. Oh, I understand. Yeah. But if you didn't have them,

you would give me a hundred bucks a week? Sure. Let's see. Okay. Get the fuck out of here. Thank you. to the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez, and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life. I had the best dad, and I had the best memories and the greatest experience, and that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends. I didn't know we were going to go there.

People that I admire. When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right? Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one.

Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Dabluke on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.