Judge John Hodgman - Alliums For Life

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

It's time to clear the docket! What is the worst way to describe eggs? Is menswear boring? Rulings on these cases and more. PLUS, Judge Hodgman's cat video dream comes true!We are on TikTok and YouTube! Follow us on both @judgejohnhodgmanpod! Follow us on Instagram @judgejohnhodgman. Judge John Hodgman: Road Court is happening NOW! Get your tickets at maximumfun.org/events.

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I am Bailiff Jesse Thorne and this week we are clearing out that docket. It's all gunked up, John. It's all gunked. We got to wash it out. We got to get that de-gunker. We got to get that Goo Gone. You ever use that product Goo Gone? Oh, Goo Gone is an incredible product. I know all about all the varietal versions of Goo Gone because my father-in-law until recently was the manager of a hardware store.

So I could call him and be like, what product with Goo in the name should I purchase for X? That and like what type of glue do I need to glue this to that were his greatest expertises. Oh, wow. You could probably still call him. He probably still has that expertise, you know? Yeah, no, he left it behind at the store.

No, he had to... Now it's all daiquiris and fishing. They had to jack him into the web and remove that information from his wetware. My father-in-law's the best. Hey, as we record this, we just finished our first leg of the Judge John Hodgman Road Court Tour. We had a very good time. What'd you say, Jesse?

I had a great time. I mean, I'm only gonna speak for myself, but I had a fantastic time. I enjoyed visiting beautiful Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where I'd never been before, and trying their famous C Plus cookies. You're talking about at Eaton Park? Those cookies were good. Eaton Park, smiley plus cookies. You're talking about at Eaton Park? Those cookies were good.

Eaton Park, smiley face cookies. Famous, famous Pittsburgh. Might as well just bottom at the Kroger. Now, let's see if I can remember the 10 locations of Eaton Park. There's Robinson, there's Waterside, Waterworks, McKnight Boulevard, I can't remember. We had a good time in Pittsburgh.

Great time in Philadelphia as well in DC, New York City. And I'll tell you something. Some people say a thing that's fun is like a hoot and a half. You've heard that before, a hoot and a half. Sure. Two full hoots, two hoots. The extra half hoot is for hanging out with John Hodgman's aunts.

Yeah, in Philadelphia that was a lot of fun. Hey, do you hate fun? Well, then I got nothing for you, but if you like fun, you should join us. Right now, we just got back from leg one of the tour as we're recording, but as you're listening to this in the not too distant future, at this very moment, Jesse and I are probably on a boat.

We're probably on a fast ferry speeding across Lake Michigan from Michigan to Wisconsin, so that we may join you once again in our beloved Crooked Majestic Theater in the great city of Madison, Wisconsin on Thursday, September 26th. Followed closely after that by St. Paul at the Fitzgerald Theater.

Tickets are still available there at St. Paul and in Madison, two of our very favorite cities. So please take a fast ferry to your internet connection and navigate right now to maximumfund.org slash events. We'll wait while you do it, right Jesse? Waiting, waiting, waiting. They did it, John. Good job everybody.

But now we got to de-gunk that docket. Here's a case from Alexandra. My husband, Josh calls eggs hot ovum. Constantly it's disgusting. I also worry this will interfere with the nutritional needs of our son whom we are raising to be vegetarian. It's hard to find sources of protein

that a one-year-old will eat regularly. Even our sister-in-law says she now can't see eggs without thinking hot ovum. Make Josh stop. A nation of vegetarians just became vegan, just from me saying that twice. Yeah, I wonder how I'm gonna rule on this one. Here's the thing, this reminds me of,

my very dear friend, Amy Radford, whom I've known since high school. Hi, Amy. Listen to this podcast. Lives out there in Seattle. Hope to see her in Seattle in January. Amy Radford has said two things, many things that have stuck with me, but two that I think about probably once a week.

One is when she's telling a story when she was working on a restaurant on the South Shore or North Shore of Massachusetts. And the manager came out one day and said to all the employees, all right, if anyone asked you if we use real butter, the answer is no. What we use is called swirl. It's a butter substitute and it's God damn delicious. Best Boston accent I can do.

Even having grown up there. And then the other thing Amy said was a much more personal creed occur. As they say in La Belle France, she said something like we were having breakfast to the diner or something because all I want in life is an egg heated to perfection. Is that so wrong? That's my favorite food is an egg heated to perfection. Instead, we got hot ovum, H-O-T-O-V-U-M, turn disgusting up to 10. That's my riff on a very famous song of the summer. Hot to go,

by Chappell Rohn. Yeah, this is gross. Wouldn't you say, Jesse, hot ovum? First of all, it's wrong. If you go to our friends at the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, who are right about everything except the fact that a hot dog is not a sandwich. Unless you're talking about one single egg heated to perfection, what you're talking about is hot ovuh, not hot ovum. Hot ovuh. Hot ovuh. But either way, that's not less disgusting.

Here's what I have to say about this. I mean, it's gross, right, Jesse? It's profoundly gross. It's really disgusting. And the thing that the thing that the thing is, though, that Alexandra pulls a maneuver here. It's just it's simply gross. That's all you had to say. Hot ovens gross.

Tell them to stop. But Alexandra pulls a maneuver here that I'd like to highlight. This is a maneuver that litigants sometimes use That I typically do not like which is the think of the children argument Like when the litigant goes I'm worried that if my partner keeps spreading this slander Our child will grow up thinking a hot dog is a sandwich or whatever it is that they're upset about their partner saying or whatever joke. And I don't like dragging the kids into it, you know? Your disgust or distaste is enough for the most part. And in this case, your one-year-old is not likely to be grossed out by hot ova in any form, unless you or someone else demonstrates how much it grosses you out, then they'll mirror your reaction to your disgusting husband,

Josh. They'll just grow up saying hot ova like it's normal, like, I'd like two hot ova over easy, please. And then they'll be shunned by everyone in a pariah in their community. But that's for later. That's not for now. But you're right. You're not wrong, Alexandria, in this case, to think of the children because you are, as you say, raising a vegetarian and that takes a measure of some responsibility. I mean, it's very healthy for kids to be raised vegetarian, but I trust, obviously,

you're consulting with your pediatrician to make sure that your kid is getting all of the protein and iron and B12. That's not always easy to source in a vegetarian diet. I'm sure you're doing that. And eggs, of course, are not a form of protein that you want to turn your nose up at or get your child to turn your nose up at.

So yeah, I agree. There's no need for you to be grossed out in your own life. And I think Josh needs to stop saying hot ovum or hot ova from now on. Just say, hey, look at those eggs heated to perfection. My favorite food, I would say, Jesse Thorne. You know what my favorite food is? Scrambled eggs, probably.

Egg sandwiches the most. Eggs are the subject of one of my favorite children's books of all time. Chickens Aren't the Only Ones by Ruth Heller. Have you ever read that one? No, is it a sequel to Everyone Poops? No, it's way better than Everyone Poops. Sorry, Everyone Poops, you're cute and everything.

Right. And you're telling the truth. Chickens Aren't the Only Ones is an awesome rhyming book with wonderful illustrations about all the different animals that lay eggs. Oh. You know, chickens lay the eggs you buy, the eggs you boil or fry.

Well, that's all there is in the, in the preview one. I'm sold already. I love it. What's the strangest egg you've ever eaten? I mean, I've had a duck egg. I'm pretty sure I've probably had a goose egg. I would love to even eat an ostrich egg. Have you ever had like a sea urchin egg or something?

Well, I mean, I've, I don't know. I've had caviar, right? So that's a bunch of different little eggs. Yeah. That's true. I hadn't thought about that. I've had caviar. I didn't, I didn't love it.

I'm talking about shelled eggs though. I mean, they're, they're, they used to sell the, at the Whole Foods in Western Massachusetts. They used to sell emu eggs, which are Massachusetts, they used to sell emu eggs, which are about, they're about as large as ostrich eggs, maybe a little smaller, but they're a deep, a deep like teal color. They're otherworldly.

And I said, what do you use these for? And the guy at the store said, party omelet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Because they're so big. Sure. You're making a lie. Look, you know, each one is like a half a dozen eggs in itself. Party omelet. You know what kind of egg I'd like to eat? No.

Dinosaur egg. No, don't eat a dinosaur egg, Jesse. I want to eat the dinosaur eggs. Otherwise these dinosaurs are gonna get loose They're gonna get off the island. That's true nature does find a way if I don't eat those dinosaur eggs now Plot line and Jurassic World or whatever This guy's just goes like I'm just gonna eat all the eggs simple problem solved That's Jeff Goldblum in in Jurassic Park 2

That's like the big difference between, you know, people are always complaining about the different, how his character turns into an action hero in Jurassic Park 2. In The Lost World, Jurassic Park again or whatever? Yeah, which is a dope movie, by the way. I watched that recently. It's a pretty good movie. Yeah, they're all good. Very exciting.

Yeah. The big difference is, he all of a sudden, he knows how to like use a gun or whatever. And then also, he's constantly poking holes in dinosaur eggs And sucking out the inside Like he's gonna make dinosaur pisanky I'd watch Jeff Goldblum making eggs all day long give him another show Pisanky is the highest calling of egg by the way,. Sorry, omelet. It's a Ukrainian egg art.

Oh, sure. Okay, I got you. That very intricate, beautifully decorated eggs. Those rule. And you blow out the, like you put a hole in it and you blow out the insides. Or if you're Jeff Goldblum, you suck it out and swallow it down. That's right, nature.

Yeah. So, yeah, Josh, I know it gives you a little chuckle to call these eggs hot ovum, but stop grossing out your family, your wife, your sister-in-law, and eventually your own child, and just call them what they are. Eggs heated to perfection.

That's the sound of a real life gavel. I just reached behind me and I gaveled it, Jesse. All right, here's a case from Nathaniel in Bel Air, Maryland. This one's for Jesse. John, that's me. Thated it, Jesse. All right, here's a case from Nathaniel in Bel Air, Maryland. This one's for Jesse. John, that's me. That's me, John. Well, we got a hot docket coming at you.

My dispute is with menswear because it's boring. Wow. My brother is getting married in October. The invite calls for sport coat or blazer. I don't know what to wear. This is further complicated by being gender queer. I want to look queer AF, but well put together. My ideal ruling is that Jesse admits

that menswear is boring and men should express themselves using more colors. Input on the outfit for the wedding would also be welcome. Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, you have to admit Jesse that menswear is boring, particularly when you look at the history of menswear. Never, never have gender queer male identifying people

ever put on an interesting suit. Or ever, ever had style. You know what I mean? Like it's impossible at the end of the day, if you want to tell, if you want someone to agree with you that menswear is boring, you're going to want to turn to someone who's dedicated roughly 35% of their professional life. Well, I, I just want to say, I feel for you, Nathaniel, and I'm sure Jesse does too. It's really hard to figure out what to wear at a wedding, particularly sport coat or blazer.

What do you think about, what's your opinion on that as a suggested dress code for a wedding, sport coat or blazer? I think it's totally fine. Really? I think it's totally fine. Really? I think it's relatively clear. I think it is more clear than the sort of business casual or semi-formal, those sorts of things, which tend to result in uncles wearing Tommy Bahama shirts, no matter what.

Well, can they ever be stopped? Can uncles be stopped from wearing Tommy Bahama shirts? matter what. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Well, can they ever be stopped? Can uncles be stopped from wearing Tommy Bahama shirts? Can uncles be stopped at all? But yeah, right. Can baby boomers be stopped from complaining about having to put on monkey suits? No. No.

Those dudes are inseparable. I'll tell you what. The invite calls for sport coat or blazer. I don't know what to wear. calls for sport coat or blazer. I don't know what to wear. Wear a sport coat or a blazer. Done. It's not your wedding. Like I appreciate and support your identity and your feeling like you want

your clothes to express your identity. It's also not your wedding. One of the central principles of dressing for a wedding is that it is essentially the guests' job to frame the couple being married, or the more than couple being married. I don't care about that part. I think your responsibility in dressing for a wedding

is not to be distinctive, but in fact, to some extent, it is the opposite. It is to show in your dress that you are a member of the community that is supporting the couple who are being married. It is... That's a good point. A wedding is fundamentally an expression of, if not

conformity then at least belonging. That's why there are dress codes at weddings. I think if the, this were a wedding where the expectation was that everyone wears the wildest thing they can think of, of which there are many weddings... Sure. ...then go to town. It's not like, I don't feel that there only has to be one type of wedding. But, uh, and, and, you know, I'm not into bride or groomzillas either, uh, but I do think that part of what the wedding is about is expressing,

through ceremony and aesthetics, a coherent community that is in support and celebration of the people being married. Right, I mean, that's why you don't wanna wear a white dress to a wedding. Exactly. You don't, you know, because you might accidentally get married.

You don't wanna draw attention from the couple who are celebrating their love. You wanna celebrate their love as a supporting character for sure. But that doesn't mean that Nathaniel can't look great, right? I mean, it's not a crime to look great. No, of course not.

And I, you know, I don't know what Nathaniel's ordinary gender expression is or what the social expectations for Nathaniel's gender expression are in their community. And certainly within those bounds, there's plenty of opportunity to be gender queer. But I think what's really important is to remember that it's more about expressing your membership in this community of people that love the people who are being married, than it is about your individual expression, right? So if you are going to express your gender queerness

in a community where that will be really distinctive, I would say just think about what is the way to do that that feels true to you, that does not feel like a distraction from everything else. And ask yourself, what kinds of choices can feel good and suitable to me that also feel like they won't simply be a shift in focus of the wedding from the people who are getting married to me.

Now, here's something in Nathaniel's favor, which is that it is called for sport coat or blazer. I think there's a lot that gives the person a lot of leeway to, well, I mean, a sport coat or a blazer is a little less formal than a suit, right? And introduces the possibility of exactly what Nathaniel is hoping for, a little bit more color, right? Because aren't blazers typically nontraditional colors? Sport coats and blazers.

Well, blazers, you know, the classic blazer is going to be navy blue. Right. But, you know, sport coats are often very boldly patterned. You know, I don't know, like, the rest of, I don't know if this is a summer wedding outdoors or a winter wedding in a meat locker. Um, or like, you know, whether this is Palm beach or, uh, Boston, Massachusetts, you know what I mean?

Culturally speaking. Yeah. I would say that, uh, it's very possible, for example, that a men's skirt suit or a mask women's suit would both be appropriate. Like it really depends on cultural context that is difficult to convey in a four sentence email from Nathaniel.

But I think Nathaniel will have a better sense of that than I, like ultimately, you know, we got a lot of emails that put this on over the years about what should I wear to this wedding. And there is a certain extent to which you really just have to read the room, right? Like, you know, you know the people who are getting married. You know, like, look, my best friend Pete got married last year in New Orleans.

Congratulations, Pete. Pete is a professional musician. All his, you know, friends and acquaintances, and his wife is a professional costume designer. Right. All their friends and acquaintances work in creative fields in New Orleans and the Bay Area. Many of them are in makeup and costume. Many of them are professional musicians themselves. And they're really, it would be very difficult to find an outfit that would distract from the couple

in that context. Like, if one of the guests showed up in that full-on Bjork swan suit, like, probably that would have been fine at that particular wedding. that would have been fine at that particular wedding. The venue happened to have a lot of taxidermied animals and they might've had a drink set down on them. But other than that, I think it would have been fine, like culturally speaking.

So I think really it's a matter of like, all dress is communication between you and the outside world about how you are, what you are and how you fit into that world, right? And sometimes expressing our individuality is paramount and sometimes our expression of membership in a community is paramount, right? And indeed by saying they want to look queer AF,

they're talking about expressing membership in a community. But at a wedding in particular, your goal is to express your membership in this community of people who are supporting the people who are getting married. And that's also true in other contexts like funerals, right? Like the reason that we all dress in a certain way at a funeral, which is to say we all dress monochromatically

typically in black, is not because black is like a magical color that magically supports sadness. It's because that is a cultural expectation that allows us all to know if we wear black, we are expressing through our clothes that we are part of this group of mourners who are honoring those closest to the person who has passed away and also honoring the person

who's passed away, right? And so for a wedding, your job is similar. It's a different type of event and many weddings don't require the most conservative forms of dress, but your first and foremost job is to respect the needs of that community and basically behave in a way that

is supportive of the people who are getting married. I think that Nathaniel can find a way to look amazing. I think Nathaniel can find a way to look queer AF that does not itself distract from the excitement of the day for the couple who are getting married. And I would definitely say that menswear is not boring. No, at all, not even a little bit. And I wonder if there's some resources

that you could point to, whether it's a book or a look book or a catalog or a brand that might provide Nathaniel some guidance in putting together a look that can be individually stylish without taking away from the day? Well, I think that aesthetically, I mean, Nathaniel's name is Nathaniel, so I'm just gonna assume that they're

mask-identified and looking to express some femininity in their masculinity. Sorry if that's not a correct assumption, Nathaniel. We have he, him on the record for pronouns for Nathaniel. Okay. Sorry if that's not a correct assumption. We have he, him on the record for pronouns for Nathaniel. Okay. So if that's still active, we can, I think that's a relatively safe assumption. And if we're wrong, then we apologize.

I think a great example of this is the looks that Tom Brown has created over the years that involve skirts. And Tom Brown has also created some looks that have some other wonderful stuff, like three-legged suits. He's made some really good three-legged suits. So, three-legged suit, got it.

But, you know, Tom Brown is a designer who, uh, whose legacy is sort of twofold. One is creating the, or at least refining and popularizing the silhouette that was most popular, sort of peaked in popularity 10 years ago, which is to say sort of a shorter coat, thin short pants, you know, pants that sort of end at the ankle, no break. And narrow lapels, kind of an exaggerated riff on a 1960s Ivy League style. You know, sort of looks a little bit like, if you're not familiar with Tom Brown,

looks a little bit like what Pee Wee Herman wears, right? Sure. In his suit. And that look is essentially like a way of thinking about or describing the most conservative values of menswear in a new way, right? It's not a dramatic transformation. It's really just shrinking the proportions a little bit.

But it has a completely different effect while remaining essentially a gray flannel suit, right? Right. One of the things that Tom Brown has done is made really beautiful suits with skirts for men, for men's bodies, or, you know, more typical men's bodies. And that aesthetic is one that, you know, in most play, there's certainly there's weddings you might go to where just a bunch of people might flip out because a dude's wearing a skirt. But on the scale of a dude's

wearing a skirt, if that kind of gender queer expression is really important to you, that's something that's going to be really tasteful and beautiful. And also in its own way, not like loud in a way that says, look at me, look at me, look at me, rather than look at the people on the dais. Right. And I think that is an example of Right. And I think that is an example of an expression. Like, I would say if I was going to wear specifically femme-coated clothing as someone who's, you know, assigned male at birth using he, him pronouns and stuff, which is what we know about Nathaniel, like, I would. I would think about what are the ways

to do that while leaving everything else on the conservative side so that this point of difference doesn't overwhelm everything else. You know what I mean? It's not 10,000 points of difference. So that it can still feel respectful to the community expectations there while feeling, again, true to themselves. Yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to,

your vibe should not be like, ha ha, I tricked you, I'm wearing a sport coat, but look at me. Right. You know, your vibe, Nathaniel should be, I look incredible. And you'll know it when you wear it. And obviously, Tom, you may not want a skirted suit and Tom Brown is a pretty high price tag for yeah no I'm not suggesting that you have to wear the Tom Brown version just in terms of lookbooks you could look at yeah yeah no I'm looking I'm looking at Tom Brown's

website now under the you know sport jacket and sport coat and tailoring section and there's some you know there's some incredible looks in here that might guide you when you're maybe going through eBay or the put this on shop or whatever, trying to find a vintage piece that you love or a less expensive suit that you love. But in terms of fitting and styling, this is a good place to start.

And certainly none of it is boring. And I'm sorry, Nathaniel, I think Jesse has been very considerate in not bringing the gavel down on you, but your premise is incorrect. I'm going to bring it down. Men's wear is not boring. It is a wonderful way to express yourself,

as you will see when you look as queer AF and as great AF as you are going to when you get to this wedding. And congratulations to your brother. This is the sound of a gavel. Let's take a quick break to hear from this week's partners. We'll be back with more cases to clear from the docket on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. We're clearing the docket and we've got something here from Selly. My girlfriend Amber is obsessed with making me eat onions. We're not here to kink shame.

She puts them on everything. Burgers, fish, pizza. Amber says that onion always enhances the flavor. I Despise onions. I'm never going to like them No matter how many times amber puts them on the food Adding crunchy spicy water to my meal is the opposite of enticing Please judge allow me to shut down all attempts to add onion to my palate Spicy crunchy water.

That's a good word painting, Sally. Thank you. It does make onions sound a little gross. Even to me, a person who loves onions, love them. In fact, if there's a choice and I know that they're going to be good and not bad, I'll choose onion rings over french fries every day. Yeah, me too. Like a bad onion ring, what kind of onion rings over french fries every day. Yep. Me too. A bad, like a bad onion ring. What kind of onion ring do you like Jesse? Thick or thin?

I probably, I like all kinds of onion ring. I probably want a thinner one. I do. You know what I really love? I really love like onion strings. Yeah. Those are really good, but I love all kinds. I love like a puffy sort of tempura one.

I honestly even like, you know, the kind of frozen garbage onion rings you'd get at a fast food store or at the, you know, concession stand at the Little League Stadium. I was gonna say the one thing that I don't like is when you have a thick onion ring and you bite into it and the whole onion comes out of the batter. Yeah, that's too oniony. Like a slimy worm.

Yeah, that's too oniony. And yet even then I don't dislike it because then I get to have the onion, that spicy crunchy water, and I get a dessert, which is the batter. And speaking of slimy worms, by the way, on the day we're recording apparently, it's the birthday of slimy the worm on Sesame Street.

Happy birthday, slimy. September 19th is the day we're recording. It's international happy birthday slimy day. Do you know, I had to look it up. Do you know what slimy's parents are named? No, I don't. Dusty and Eartha. Eartha. Eartha's a good one.

Pretty brilliant. Dusty, honestly, B+, Sesame Street. Eartha, A+. Eartha, A++. As a name for a worm? Come on. They got that name out of their Eartha kit. Yeah. But that said, I mean, some people really do find onions to be gross, and obviously, Judge John Hodgman, as a settled law, as people like what they like.

And there is a corollary. Some people hate onions. I don't know. Hey, Jennifer Marmer and Jesse Thorne, I want to ask you this question. Sally gave three three cases of onion contamination here. Burgers, fish, pizza. Would you do you enjoy onions on a burger? Either of you, both of you? Yeah. Absolutely.

Like you have to have one or it's fine if there is one. I strongly prefer on a burger. Well, I actually can't eat a lot of raw onions because it's migraine trigger. Yeah. But I do like cooked onions on my burger, grilled or... Like caramelized. Yeah, I mean, if they're fully caramelized, that's a total dream.

But the sort of like fake version of caramelized, just griddled for a while. I like a grilled onion on my burger. Raw onion is unnecessary, but it's a welcomed addition. I may have posted about this on social media. Someone directed me to my hero Jacques Pepin, the chef, did a demo on his YouTube channel of James Beard's favorite sandwich. Uh-huh. It was just a raw onion sandwich.

Excuse me? A raw, yeah. What else is on the sandwich? And it's not even, I mean, this is the thing that maybe Amber doesn't understand, Selly, is that there are a lot of different kinds of onion, or maybe Selly, you need to get into some like different, different form factors for onion, because red onion is different than white onion, or Spanish onion, and then the Vidalia onion is quite sweet,

and then you caramelize it, et cetera, et cetera. James Beard, according to Jacques Papin, and your Spanish onion is, and the Vidalia onion's quite sweet, and then you caramelize it, et cetera, et cetera. James Beard, according to Jacques Papin, when he had people over, he would make them this sandwich. He would take spongy white bread, cut it out into circles, right? Like with a glass or a cookie cutter, right? Sure.

And then thinly cut raw onion to fill up that circle. But before you put the onion between the two pieces of bread, you slather both sides with mayonnaise. Oh God. Then you put the onion in, hang on, hang on. Then now you have a disc, right? Which is bread, mayonnaise, onion, mayonnaise, bread, right? That's your sandwich. And around the periphery, slather more mayonnaise

around the side so you can dip that in chives. Oh my God. So you dust the extra with more onion. I wanna try this sandwich so bad. I'll eat onions all day long. I love them raw. I love them raw on a burger. What about on a pizza?

I'm gonna say right now, best pizza that there is, jalapeno and red onion and pepperoni. Wow. Yeah. Huh. Incredible. I don't care if they're on a pizza. I'd eat them on a pizza, I don't eat them on a pizza.

I can't think of a fish that I would put an onion on though. That's where Amber, girlfriend Amber is going too far as far as I'm concerned. That's not for me. I don't like fish, but one of the only things that holds my marriage together, other than of course decades of love, is that my wife also doesn't like fish,

so she isn't constantly serving me fish and making me try and like it. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I'm not sold on onions on fish, and you don't have to be either, Selly. And Amber, you don't have to be forcing onions on someone who has an established position, which is don't like them.

If you don't like them, you don't like them. By the way, they're not entirely crowd pleasers. Like, it's not like, as much as we all love onions, they're a real flavor. And if you don't like them, you don't like them, but here's another possibility. Selly, maybe you should cook for yourself. I mean, there is settled law and Judge John Hodgman that the person who does the work, you know, gets to decide whether it's if you're driving, you get to pick

them the music, if you're loading the dishwasher, you're doing it correctly. You're doing it the way you want to do it. And I would imagine that if Amber is cooking and cooking and cooking and your complaint is, I don't like the onions, then that puts you in a little bit of a wine category, Selly. But perhaps you already cook for yourself and for Amber all the time.

It's 50-50. I don't mean to make presumptions here, but regardless, I would say definitely Amber. Knock it off with the onions. You've tried out everything. You've even tried putting the onions on fish and Selly is not buying the onion you're selling. So stop it.

I have to say my first reaction to this is someone, I do do the cooking in my household. And I cook in a largely American Anglo-Franco sort of continuum. There's not a huge number of surprises in my food. It would be hard to exclude onions from savory foods. Onions are a base ingredient of almost all savory foods. Like onions are a base ingredient of almost all savory foods.

It's a struggle. Yeah, it's how you build the flavor of like any broth, almost all the sauces. Like if you're including all the forms of onions, you know, shallots and green onions and chives and all these other alliums. Alliums for life. Like there's, that's truly probably 75 plus percent

of the things that you would cook that are savory, any meat dishes or, I mean. It's hard, but it's not impossible. My husband Shane really hates onion and like it's a real thing. And we've been together for going on 12 years. And I've found ways to figure out certain dishes and there are certain things like if they're cooked in a certain way he can handle it but I use less than what the recipe calls for. Is it a flavor thing or a texture thing or

both? A flavor thing a hundred percent. How does he what is an example of, you know, if you're making, like, I just, I'm like, well, if you're making broth. Well, we don't, we're not big soupy people. So we, I mean, the broth is the basis of every sauce. I'll use a, I'll use a kitchen basics broth. Um, and I've yet to hear a complaint, um, you know, and if I'm making like- Jennifer and Shane are not brothy, but they definitely are saucy.

I mean, right? Sure, sure. By the way, Kitchen Basics is the best, is pretty much the best broth in the biz, though I'm very much into a better than bullion mode. That little jar. Oh yeah, that comes in the little jar. Yeah, I use that a lot too.

Yeah, I'm enjoying all that stuff. Yeah, cause it can stay in the refrigerator and then I don't have to like, make sure I use the entire container of broth. Right, exactly. Guys, I hate to big time you here, but I'm all about having a gallon Ziploc bag in my freezer and putting those trimmings in there.

You love the trims, you love the trims. I got frozen homemade chicken stock in my freezer at all times. You know, I kept that Ziploc baggie of trimmings with all the intentions to make that into a stock. Never did it. Never did it, huh? And then it was just taking up space, and I need to meet myself where I am.

I got an ice cube tray full of stock right now in my freezer. Yeah, just dropping a full of stock right now in my freezer. Yeah, just dropping a cube of stock. Yep. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm not sure whether Sally is averse to all flavor of onion. Sally says that Amber puts onions on everything. So it sounds like maybe it's raw or sauteed onions

and there might be a texture issue there, but either way, whether it is a sensitivity or an aversion, or I hope not an allergy, I couldn't live without my Alliums. I'm Alliums all day long, but you don't have to foist onions on your partner if you love them. Sorry about that, Amber.

This is the sound of a gavel on you now. Here's something from Michelle in Pittsburgh. My sister made a cheesecake for her husband in a heart shaped pan. The cheesecake cooled in our parents' fridge. After it set, she noticed a crescent shaped crack in the middle of the cheesecake surface. To this day, she accuses me of taking a spoon to the cake and stealing a sample. I am completely innocent. Please order my family to stop giving me the sarcastic yeah, sure. We believe you. Look, whenever it comes up.

All right. I don't have a sweet tooth, but I do enjoy a savory cake, such as cheesecake. Wow. I'm on the record right now, particularly if it's got onions on it. No, that's not true. By the way, corollary ruling with regard to the onions, I love onions a lot, but if you're on a road trip,

you are not allowed to have Funyuns. You can't open a bag of Funyuns in a car. Just not, it's not okay. And you know, honestly, you can't open a bag of beef jerky unless there is a hundred percent consent from everybody. You got some beef jerky on our tour. Oh yeah. At that gas station, it was veteran owned.

That's like it's pitch. You know, Jennifer Marmor enjoyed that beef jerky in the back of the car. Did it stink it up real bad? No, it didn't. Jesse, were you okay? It was just fine. It reminded me of the wings I eat at the Maryland Shore,

I believe is what it advertised on the bag. I think it was called the feel, like, it was said based on our famous wing recipe. And then in quotation marks, it said like, the feel of the shore or the smell of the shore. It was something. Yeah. It was, all right.

So you know, the number one ingredient on the ingredient list was of course beef. You know what the number two ingredient was, Jesse? Jennifer Marmer and I checked it out. I mean, it wasn't salt. No, hit him with it, Jennifer Marmer. Old Bay Bloody Mary Mix. Old Bay Bloody Mary Mix.

Wild. Which I didn't know existed. Old Bay seasoning, of course, is that combination of cayenne pepper and I think, I mean, I don't know what else is in Old Bay. I think celery salt's in there. Celery salt, that's what I was looking for in my brain. Celery salt, very heavy celery salt. Probably some onion powder in there too, I betcha. Very, very specific flavor from the old, the old Chesapeake Bay. And Jennifer Marmor and I, we were in Maryland. So Jennifer Marmor,

you scored a bag full of the Utz crab chip, right? You know I did. Yeah. And did we, did I eat a lot more than I should have of those? No, you ate a perfect amount. Well, I don't know. It was your bag of chips. I was happy to share.

Let me, let me tell you something. Well, then we went in, speaking of this is on the way to Pittsburgh. We were driving through Maryland on the way to Pittsburgh. Once we landed in Pittsburgh to do the, you went into, to advance the show. I went back to the hotel for a while. I came back, I had to get my cord out of the car. That open bag of Old Bay potato chips were quite hot in the sun,

having baked in the sun for an hour or two. Quite hot. I didn't know that. I ate the rest of them after that show. But did I have a handful of hot Old Bay potato chips? Yes, I did. Fresh out of the air fryer that was our rented minivan.

I bet that enhanced the flavor. It was great. It was great. Well, heat gets those molecules moving. Anyway, that beef jerky did, it had a mix. The second thing on the ingredient list was Old Bay Bloody Mary mix. That was too sweet for me.

That, I don't like sweet jerky. That was too sweet for me. But don't like sweet jerky. That was too sweet for me. But I do love sweet, sweet cheesecake. And people have written in probably multiple times a year for every year that we've done this podcast, which is multiple years. And they're always like, I know the hot dog isn't a sandwich, it's a cheesecake. But cheesecake is really a pie. Nope, it's a cake.

It's totally a pie. Nope, it's a cake. It's totally a cake. I mean, it has a crust, which is unusual for a cake I'll grant you, but it is served, that crust, in classic cheesecake style, that crust is just on the bottom, something to give shape to what is, truthfully, it's a set custard, according to Sirius Eats.

A set custard. And the sides are exposed, you know, so that it's like a cake, like literally a cake of something. It's like a cake of cream cheesy goodness. And those sides are nude and exposed unless you want to slide them with mayonnaise and rub them in chives, which you're allowed to do, I suppose. Give it a try. But here's the thing.

I was consulting serious eats about this because I had, I have a theory about this, the mystery of the heart shaped pan. Jesse Thorne, Michelle in Pittsburgh, hell with the lid off says she didn't take a bite of the cheesecake. My question to you is, do you have a theory as to who did? You're asking me who stole the cookies from the cookie jar, it was not me. Then who? I think.

I think you're on it, I think you have solved the crime. I think that it's possible. Yes. That this was a naturally occurring rift. Absolutely. And all of the bakers in our audience have been screaming this at their phones and their car stereo systems wherever they get their podcasts. Because this happens with cheesecakes all the time. I mean, Michelle described it, a crescent-shaped crack, the surface of

cheesecakes crack all the time. It's not what you want, necessarily, unless apparently you're making a Basque cheesecake. Did you ever hear that, that a Basque cheesecake, like Basque, like the region of Spain? No, but do you know about Basque cuisine that is not Basque? It's actually a type of Central California cuisine? No. Sometime when we do a big Fresno show. I'll take it.

It's not Basque cuisine, but it's called Basque cuisine? It has a relationship to Basque cuisine. Like it was developed by Basque people, you know, 100 years ago. OK, I got you. But it doesn't have that much to do. It's like a big family style meal. There's a lot of spaghetti involved.

Honestly, it's really good. There's sort of like Madera wine, marinated lamb is central to it. Sure. It's pretty. There's like a bunch of Basque restaurants, quote unquote, in central California, where they just, you just give them $20 and a person and they bring you an infinite volume of food.

And it's really great. By the way, that sounds amazing. And by the way, when I said that Basque is a region of Spain, I might get in trouble with some Basque people. It's an autonomous region of Europe, all right? I apologize for that. But the point is Basque cheesecake is supposed to be baked at high heat

and kind of get like burned and crusty and that high heat cracks the surface of the cheesecake on the top. But if you don't want the cheesecake to crack, according to Sirius Eats, what you want, to crack, according to serious eats, what you want, the crack is caused by over baking, which dries the cheesecake out, or by over mixing.

If you over mix the cheesecake, the custard that is going to get set by the baking, you get air bubbles in there and that causes cracking as well. So you just wanna fold it lightly and you may wanna cook it in a ban Marie, which is French for Marie in a bath or a water bath. And that should, that should help you keep that cool,

glossy top coat upon your cheesecake. But Michelle, I believe that you are absolutely innocent. I suspect that what happened was your sister did a bad job. I mean, so nice that you made that heart shaped cheesecake for her husband, very nice, but she did a bad job. It cracked while cooling in the fridge and she got upset about it and she blamed you and the whole family has to stop making that sarcastic face.

I'm gonna gavel on that. You know how you can tell that it wasn't me that ate that piece of the cheesecake? No. Don't like cheesecake, it's gross to me. Wow, texture? I mean, I'd eat it if you served it to me, it's not like a punishment food. Yeah.

But I would never choose it. Don't like sweet cheese. Let's take a quick break. When we come back, we've got a case involving a video of a cat, finally. Oh, here we go. (*pounding on table*) Judge John Hodgman, what would you say

is your favorite experience you've had so far on the Judge John Hodgman, what would you say is your favorite experience you've had so far on the Judge John Hodgman Road Court Tour? What is the favorite thing you have seen, food you have eaten? Well, the favorite food that I ate was the Scrapple that I ate with you at the Reading Terminal Market in Philadelphia the morning after our incredible Philadelphia show. We had a devastating 10 hours of food consumption where immediately after the show concluded, it was like 1130 at night in downtown Philadelphia. We're walking back to the hotel,

carrying our stuff from the venue. John says to me, hey, Jesse, you hungry? And I had eaten a kale salad for dinner, so I was very hungry. Yeah. I said yes, and John said, great. And he like pointed ahead towards the freeway. I just found us a place where we could get

some late night, fully cheese steaks. And then we took them separately back to our separate rooms, and I just found us a place where we could get some late night fully cheesesteaks. Oh, boy. And then we took them separately back to our separate rooms. And I just, I enjoyed my cheesesteak while watching Roy Wood Jr. promote his new show. Have I got news for you on CNN, where you might see your local podcast judge on there sometime soon, maybe. I'll tell you what, I destroyed that cheesesteak. I was not expecting to.

It was my second dinner. I absolutely destroyed the entire thing. I got it with whiz. Yeah. The only way to do it. You got American, you chickened out. I like American cheese. I don't care for the whiz.

I don't like whiz. So I ate the, I housed it. I absolutely housed it. Went to bed. Yeah. Woke up. Yeah. Was like, I better eat some Scra Went to bed. Yeah. Woke up. Yeah. Was like, I better eat some Scrapple now. Yeah.

I was. I need some corn dust in my stomach to absorb all that whiz. I was in my pajamas in my bed. I barely opened my eyes when I got a text from you saying, I'm at the counter at the Amish diner in the Reading Terminal Market about to eat some Scrapple. And did I move faster than I ever have in my life?

Correct, I got over there. You flew like you were on rocket skates to sit down next to me. I did an enormous pancake that was fantastic, but even a huge pancake, I was fantastic pancake. And I ate the heck out of some Scrapple. Scrapple is really tasty. out of some Scrapple. Scrapple is really tasty. I really like Scrapple.

It was the perfect crispy exterior and creamy interior. I think that was my highlight, that like disgusting 12 hours of destroying my body. Look, I enjoy punishing my body in the great cities of the world while on tour as much as anybody. But if you had to say my favorite part of the tour, it's the moments that I get to spend on stage with the litigants on stage. And then when people yell out their disputes

and we both have to give them justice from the stage. But just visiting with all the listeners to Judge John Hodgman, it's so much fun. Whether it's eating cookies from Eaton Park on stage and that an audience member provided and they didn't turn out to be poisoned in Pittsburgh, or looking at some truly disgusting globs of frozen cranberry sauce that two best friends

had put googly eyes on and had named Bob and Barry. Two best friends, John, who were upset with us that we thought it was weird that they always have edible googly eyes on hand. Yeah. Or singing about trees with the audience in New York City. I mean, something happens that's different

every night on the tour. I love meeting, John, all the briefcase children who come to the shows. Yeah. Shout out to Finn, for sure. Yeah, we had incredible kids in every audience and they always sit in the same spot in the front row for some reason. It's a little it's a little scary. But you know, I had a letter from a

listener Selena saying thank you for the DC show. And she said, although I am a Maximum Fund member, thank you very much, Selena, and a longtime fan of Judge John Hodgman. My husband's a new listener and I appreciated him joining in on the fun, trying to outbid the audience member behind us on the Baby Marty painting, which I've completely forgot about.

There was a terrifying painting of one of the litigants as a baby that is a backstory you will not believe. I mean, everything, every show is different and it's all full of surprises, as much to me as anyone else. And it's so much fun to visit with folks across the country who listen to Judge John Hodgman,

and to meet those who have been introduced to the show for the very first time at one of these live shows. It's a great way to introduce your spouse as a whole being in their own right, or another person in your life to the show. So please join us on our remaining road court tour shows, won't you? By going to the show. So please join us on our remaining road court tour shows, won't you?

By going to maximumfun.org slash events, that's where you will find ticket links for Madison, Wisconsin, St. Paul, Minnesota, Burlington, Vermont, Portland, Maine, Turner's Falls, Massachusetts, about to sell out by the way, Brookline, Massachusetts, too late, already sold out, Seattle, Portland, Oregon, Los Angeles, San Francisco.

Listen, the shows will sell out. So I really am asking you if you've been putting it off, go over to maximumfund.org slash events and get your tickets now. I'm excited to hit Vancouver, British Columbia. That's our first return to Canada in many years. Yeah, we haven't been there for a long time. I'm excited to get your recommendations for how I should destroy my digestion and my sleep

by eating after the show, after hours, with some local food specialties. So get over to maximumfund.org slash events, get your tickets now before they sell out. And of course, get your disputes in for these shows. You know, we had Michael and his daughter, Bay, on litigants for the show in Pittsburgh, they had they had missed out. They didn't have tickets for the show. And instead, they wrote me saying I

have this dispute about unicorns with wings. Yeah, we're like, Okay, well, great. Yeah, guess what you're in the show. Yeah. You're in the show. That's a good way to get into a show that might be sold out or about to sell out. So give us your disputes as well. Maximumfund.org slash JJHO for disputes. And of course, Maximumfund.org slash events for tickets.

Let's get back to the show. Welcome back to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Here is a case from Heather in Philadelphia. Franklin, our Siamese cat, loves delicious water from the fridge in a special dedicated glass. Yes. Do you think that there's a special dedicated glass because the cat prefers it,

or because they got so many letters when they talked on their podcast about how it might be okay for someone to let the dog lick the plate before it goes into the dishwasher? I think that this glass, and by the way, I'm just gonna tell everybody, as always, our whole episodes are now available

on our YouTube channel at Judge John Hodgman Pod. And is there gonna be video of this cat drinking from a dedicated glass? Yes. You will wanna get over there to see it. And does the dedicated glass have an etching of a TARDIS on the side? Of course.

Oh my gosh, I see the TARDIS now. I was so focused on this beautiful cat. I mean, this cat is gorgeous. This is one of the top cats, you know, top cat. You know what I'm talking about? This is a real top cat. It's a real top cat. Da da da da da da, top cat.

If you thought it was a snaggle, plus you're wrong, it's a top cat. It's a real top cat. This is a gorgeous da da, top cat. If you thought it was a snaggle, plus you're wrong, it's a top cat. It's a real top cat. This is a gorgeous looking cat. All right, let's finish reading the letter and then we'll talk about this. My husband does not approve of cats on the counter. Franklin's first sister, Ellie, supports him.

They had a brother named Theodore, who's no longer with us. Yes, they were named after the Roosevelts. Okay. Remember how Teddy Roosevelt got drummed out of the Republican party so he came back as an independent? Remember what he named his own party? The Bull Moose Party.

Bull Moose Party. Man, I can't even begin to recommend enough that PBS documentary about Theodore Roosevelt. Yeah, Teddy Roosevelt, true weirdo, but I'll tell you what, not as weird as cats. Cats are weird. Let's take a, let's take a look at this video of this cat drinking from this glass. There it is, drinking from the glass. I thought I was going to see one cat now. Now the one cat took a break from drinking from the glass. I thought I was gonna see one cat now.

Now the one cat took a break from drinking from the glass and is looking at his or her brother. They're such beautiful cats. And they're on that counter, look at them. They're friends too. They're friends with each other and they're siblings and they're on the counter. And even, oh. I mean, the thing about cats is that they are such dignified creatures most

of the time, and then they have to go poop in a box while you, you know what I mean? That said, I grew up with the Siamese cat and there's, I mean, of all of the cats, could there be a weirder cat than a purebred Siamese? First of all, these things do not shut up. Maybe when they're drinking from their dedicated glass, they'll be quiet for a while, but the rest of the time is like John Goodman in true stories, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,

meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I'll tell you something right now, Heather, in Philadelphia. I feel you because Lolo the dumb, dumb cat, which is our cat, who is truly dumb, truly not a smart cat, the most incurious cat that I've ever observed, a cliche buster, dumb, she also will drink out of a human glass, if one is available, and it should be next to a window

so that she can look out the window and stare into the middle distance out the window while laughing at her water from a human glass. If you put that human glass on the floor, won't drink it. Put that water into a bowl, will not drink. Human glass on the windowsill, that's where that cat gets the water. And guess what?

You want your cats to be well hydrated. So sorry about that, husband to Heather in Philadelphia. I know you don't like cats on the counter and with good reason. They poop in a box and then they mush their paws around in it. And one of the things that cats do, unfortunately, Lolo the Dum Dum Cat doesn't do this. And I've talked about it on the podcast multiple times now. Some cats like to pick up things and carry them in their mouths, which is on its own delightful and then they just carry them from room to room for reasons of their own.

And I put a call out to our listeners, please send me videos of cats carrying things from room to room, be it a stuffed animal or a t-shirt or whatever. And I guess they're probably doing this because they're evolutionarily trained to carry their young around in their mouths or whatever. But I put the call out, please send me videos of cats carrying something from room to room and only one of you wrote back.

And that is listener Rachel who sent not one, but two videos. And if you want to see them, you got to go over to the YouTube Judge John Hodgman pod right now. But let's take a look at those Jennifer Marm. We finally got this video. This cat, this cat is named Oreo, I'm told. So let's take a look. I see you.

Yes. I got you red handed. There it is. Is that underwear? No, it's a shirt. Yes. It's a shirt. That voice you hear is listener Rachel, who, according to her emails, has been trying to catch Oreo in the act of moving shirts around her apartment for a long time. And you may have noticed Jesse, that there was a second cat whose name I do not know in this video. Probably Hydrox. Yeah. And if you want any proof that cats

are weirder than dogs, yeah, probably Hydrox. That'd be awesome if it were true. If you want any proof that cats are weirder than dogs, take a look at this next video, Jesse. This is after Oreo drops the shirt. There's another one. I think this is just your golden hour. It's not as good, though. Dang it. What are they doing? What are they doing? For those of you who can't see, you know, cats do this thing where they make biscuits, they call it. Some people call it, you know, where they, they need with their front paws, which is to, I think, a learned behavior or

evolutionarily learned behavior to stimulate milk production in their moms or some whatever, whatever it is, it's just as dumb hobby they have now. And, and there and Oreo was not needing this other cat. But Oreo got severely confused. Because he, he or she put their paws on the other cat as if to need the other cat, but then started needing the carpet with their back legs. Look, you got to see the video. You got to look at this poor other cat looking at the camera going like, I bet you're wondering how I got here.

Anyway, cats are weirder than dogs. And if you think that dogs are weirder than cats, you better get to proving it by sending in videos and your disputes to maximumfun.org slash JJ HO. I wanna see more videos of cats carrying things from room to room, cats doing, having weird hobbies. And if you have dogs doing weird hobbies, I'd like to see that too.

The docket is clear. That's it for another episode of the Judge John Hodgman podcast. The show was created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman. Our video editor is Daniel Spear. The podcast is edited by A.J. McKeon. Our producer is Jennifer Marmer. Photos from the show on our Instagram account at instagram.com slash Judge John Hodgman.

We're also on TikTok and YouTube at JudgeJohnHodgmanPod. Follow and subscribe to see our episodes and video only content. John, how do you like the decor in the studio now? We're really pumping up the decor here in the Max Fun Studio. Yeah, it looks terrific, Jesse. You got that neon gavel back there. You've got that Judge John Hodgman live justice poster

that was designed by Aaron Draplin. And you've got, it looks like some creeping vines even. Creeping vines of justice. If you're wondering if our video guy Daniel Spear is one of these millennials, all you gotta do is take a look at this and notice that it looks like a Fern bar in 1978 in here. Yeah.

It looks great and it looks highly oxygenated. It's terrific and I'm so glad that we're able to see each other. I'm here to meet other older singles. Yeah. I just got divorced and I don't want to meet women at the disco. No, you got to go to the regal beagle. Yeah, but do follow us if you want to see all that stuff. Do follow us on YouTube and tell a friend. You know, a lot of people, if you're listening to this in audio form, probably you mostly consume podcasts in audio

form and God bless you for it. Well, you probably have a pal that mostly consumes podcasts in video form. Tell them to check out Judge John Hodgman on YouTube, because it's looking pretty fly these days. Yeah, absolutely. And by the way, as we record this, it's nearing the end of September. And by the time you're hearing it, it's going to be even closer to the end of September.

And finally, I'm willing to admit it. It's spooky season. It's Halloween time. It's fine for the drug stores to put out candy finally, even though they've been doing it since August. That means that we need, as always, once a year we need your Halloween disputes. What are you giving out to kids this year?

Only whoppers or only Maltesers? Those are your choices. Does your so-called friend want you to trick or treat as the back half of a horse? Or for that matter, are you trying to convince your friend Jeremy Morrison to drag you around on Halloween in a wagon while you sweat to death inside of a green sleeping bag pretending to be the blob? That was my most inspired Halloween costume of all time.

How many 12 foot tall yard skeletons is enough for your yard? We want the answers, we want the disputes, send us. Judge Hodgson, when we were on tour, we drove past some backyards. I mean, I'm talking about, I guess probably we were in rural Pennsylvania, semi-rural Pennsylvania.

Yeah. We drove past some backyards that just had six of those 12-foot Halloween figures in no particular configuration or theme other than Halloween. Just people who like big stuff. Yeah, people who like big stuff. We like big stuff, especially big feuds. Give us your Halloween disputes at maximumfund.org slash JJ HO. And by the way, if you're on your way to our Madison show or our St. Paul show this weekend,

send us your disputes for there. Maximumfund.org slash JJ HO or get your tickets at maximumfund.org slash events. Will I be giving a brand new Great Lakes beach report based on our travel across the Great Lake of Michigan? Absolutely, I will be. Go see us at the show and see a bunch of stuff that you'll never hear on the podcast ever in your life

because it's all live and it's all on the road court, maximumfund.org slash events. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Maximum fun. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.