Judge John Hodgman - Irre-console-able Differences

Episode Date: October 10, 2012

Jessica gave away most of her possessions when she left for the Peace Corps -- including a video game system that went to her sister Eden. The system broke under Eden's care and she says she's not obl...igated to return a working system to Jessica. Is restitution due?

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, irreconcilable differences. The complainant Jessica gave up most of her belongings two years ago when she went overseas to serve in the Peace Corps. She left her furniture and a video game system with her sister Eden. The game system broke while under Eden's care. Jessica says her sister owes her one working video game system broke while under Eden's care. Jessica says her sister owes her one working video game system. Eden says the machine was old and it malfunctioned,
Starting point is 00:00:31 and that she owes her sister nothing. Is restitution in order? Only one man can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom. I got a pocket full of quarters and I'm heading to the arcade. I got a pocket full of quarters and I'm heading to the arcade. I don't have a lot of money, but I'm bringing everything I made. I got a callus on my finger and my shoulders hurting too. I'm going to judge them all up just as soon as Jesse swears them in. Jesse, repeat after me.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Because I got justice fever. Justice fever. It's driving me crazy. Driving me crazy. I got internet justice fever. Justice fever. I'm going to shut their pie holes. Shut your pie holes. Thank you very much Jesse
Starting point is 00:01:26 Swear them in Please rise and raise your right hands Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth And nothing but the truth so help you God or whatever I do Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling Despite the fact that He recently acquired in a hostile takeover
Starting point is 00:01:42 The entire Peace Corps organization I do I do Very well Judge Hodgman He recently acquired in a hostile takeover the entire Peace Corps organization. I do. I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Oh, hey. Hi, everybody.
Starting point is 00:01:53 It's me, John Hodgman. Hello, Jessica. Are you the complainant? I am. Eden, you are the sister. Hello. The defendant sister. This is true so for an immediate summary judgment can either of you name the specific piece of popular culture that i was very badly paraphrasing
Starting point is 00:02:15 and and and in the spur of the moment inviting jesse in on a sing-along on i sadly cannot nor can i i was going to defer to Eden, but... Eden, you cannot, and Jessica, you cannot. No. Jesse, I'm sure you recognize it. No, I don't. It was, of course, Pac-Man fever, which peaked on the Billboard Hot 100
Starting point is 00:02:39 at number nine in March of 1982. You know, that's funny, because I was going to guess Disco Duck. in March of 1982. You know, that's funny because I was going to guess Disco Duck. Oh, it was very much in the vein of Disco Duck, to be sure. But Pac-Man Fever was by Buckner and Garcia
Starting point is 00:02:54 who did a whole album of video game parody songs. They had Ode to a Centipede and Do the Donkey Kong and Go and Desert. None of which were really... I had this album, actually, they had Ode to a Centipede and Do the Donkey Kong and Go and Dessert. None of which were really... I had this album, actually, on vinyl, obviously,
Starting point is 00:03:11 because it was either that or Wax Cylinder at the time. And none of them were as good as Pac-Man Fever, I have to say. But Disco Duck was by Rick Dees, very famous radio personality and host of Solid Gold for a long time and still does radio today. Look it up. And I wonder sometimes if he's the proprietor of a place here in Los Angeles, a tavern called
Starting point is 00:03:33 Disco Duck Boogie and Cocktails. I don't I don't know, but I want to go there immediately. I'm there right now and I am. Oh, well, tell me. Tell me if you see rick dees and tell me if he's got buckner and garcia as his bus boys uh so i'm i apologize for going so deep into the history of video game novelty songs but i'm just trying to stretch it out because this is a video game dispute and one of you is clearly very wrong yeah i agree i i i completely
Starting point is 00:04:03 agree just goes very wrong in this situation. It'll be interesting to see how long I can go before making an immediate judgment and pretending to be impartial. So one of you has their work cut out for her in terms of convincing me that what she is doing is okay. Jessica, you bring this complaint to the court. Explain to me what happened. You entrusted your gaming system to your sister? I did, yeah. So when I was going overseas,
Starting point is 00:04:35 I just gave a lot of stuff that it was not practical to store for two years to Eden. And I have returned. And the only thing I wanted back was this gaming system. And the gaming system is Odyssey and Intellivision. What is it? Clicovision? Am I allowed to say the name? I didn't want to be a buzz marketer. No, I appreciate your restraint. I think that it is germane to the case. It is a Nintendo Wii. A Nintendo Wii. All right. And you gave it to Eden
Starting point is 00:05:03 under what arrangement? First of all, where did you go in the Peace Corps? I went to, it's called the Gambia, West Africa. It's near Senegal. And what sort of work did you do there? I was an education volunteer, so I worked at a middle school and I did a computer lab and libraries and all sorts of things that they asked me to do. Incredibly valuable work. Well done.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Thank you. Yeah, I enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. Now, why didn't you bring your Wii to the Gambia? Well, I lived pretty... Did you not have the power adapter? There was no voltage converter and also no electricity in my house. So both of those factors.
Starting point is 00:05:46 You're supposed to pack light. So I left the Nintendo behind. So what did you do? Did you just hang a sheet up on the wall or a painting and then pretend you were controlling it by waving a cliff bar around? I read a lot of books and I tried to interact with people during those two years. Those were sort of my goals. Well, no wonder you wanted your Wii back so badly. So the crux of this, Eden, is that the Wii that your sister left with you is no longer operable.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Is that correct? This is true. Yes. What happened to it? that correct this is true yes what happened what happened to it you know honestly I I don't really know um we set it up I moved a couple times when I when she went to Africa it coincided pretty identically to me moving out to Los Angeles so when I first moved out here I was just crashing on a friend's couch so I I had minimal stuff out here. And then about four or five months into me living out here, we got a real apartment. And so that's when
Starting point is 00:06:52 we took the stuff out of storage that was in Dallas. And we got all the furniture set up and I hooked up the Wii. And I think it did work for about a few weeks, but it was kind of janky. Some of the games didn't really work. The remotes were really in and out. It wasn't very dependable. And so then one of my other roommates had her own Wii, so then we just used that. And then when she moved away, we tried to hook up the new one and it just it just didn't work. Like, I understand something mysterious happened that had nothing to do with you.
Starting point is 00:07:31 And I see I see where you're going with this. How old are you, Eden? I am 24. And how old are you, Jessica? Twenty nine. And Eden, what are you doing now? I mean, what is your profession? What is your life entail?
Starting point is 00:07:45 I work in Culver City. I'm an executive assistant to the president of a production company. Oh, so you work in entertainment? I do. I do work in entertainment. All right. So let me just understand this. So when Jessica went to the Gambia to educate underprivileged children in a place without electricity, you moved from Dallas to Babylon. To take abuse from a person in order to make sure the world had access to television like Honey Boo Boo.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Is that correct? Is that more or less what's going on? That's actually eerily accurate. I wish she could tell you about some of the shows she works on. Honey Boo Boo looks pretty good compared to them. That was my former job. At the company that I'm at now, it's better. But I come from a Honey Boo Boo type background.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Since it's your former job, what were some of the shows you worked on? Did you work on any of the shows on HGTV? That's what I first of all wanted to know. Oh, I wish. No, I actually did apply to the production company that does that. I didn't get that job. Give me an example of some of the shows you were working on when you were trashing your sister's property as she educated you. I worked on the biggest show that we had at the original company was Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
Starting point is 00:09:16 Oh. They did a lot of game shows. They also did my personal favorite game show that we did was the revival of Lingo with Bill Engvall. They also did Family Game Night. Some of their docu-series, they did How'd You Get So Rich with Joan Rivers, Mother Knows Best, or Joan Knows Best with Joan Rivers. So we do unscripted fare. Yeah. So why didn't you capitalize on your sister's experience and do Are You Smarter Than a Gambian fifth grader? That would have been a good show.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Jeff Foxworthy did not want any part of Gambian. All the questions are about cassava melons. Let me ask you this, Jessica. What was the arrangement when you entrusted this Wii into your sister's care? Was it for her to store it or for her to use it? Oh, yeah. No, I expected her to play it. You know, we played that Wii a lot together. I knew she liked it.
Starting point is 00:10:23 And I just thought it was dumb to have it sit in my mom's house for two years and not be loved. I wanted her to play it and love it, but I did want her to keep it alive as well. And she always knew I wanted it back. Eden, did you know that she wanted it back? I mean, I think that was probably a safe assumption. I mean, I think the furniture, I pretty much assumed I would keep just because it would be a really big pain to move everything. But I mean, I 1 million percent say I was and I still am very grateful for everything that Jessica gave me. Thank you. The natural course of events happened and the Wii is gone. And then I had to replace it by myself. Well, right. So I think that alters the agreement. Jessica, did you want any of the furniture back? No, it's it was a lot of trouble getting that furniture out to her.
Starting point is 00:11:21 If we could do it again, it might not happen again. But I definitely don't want to go through another cross-country furniture move. It's just too much trouble. You had to help her move to Los Angeles. Do I understand that correctly? Well, yeah, we did that at another point in our lives. The furniture, it was just when I was leaving, she didn't have the apartment yet. So I had to have the apartment packed up. Then that got put in a storage locker. Then she had to communicate with the storage locker. It was being moved from Texas to LA. And, uh, it was, I mean, I was in Africa trying to deal with this moving company and it was, I mean, the furniture turned out. But the other thing I just wanted to mention is I didn't want to imply or for Eden to imply that the Wii somehow was moved with this furniture in this truck and perhaps damage occurred then.
Starting point is 00:12:09 I hand delivered the Wii to Eden and she played with it in that first apartment. I'm sure that you delivered it using the traditional Wii velvet delivery gloves. I gave it a kiss, Marla. But you claim that you witnessed Eden using the wee in good working order. The impression I got from Eden was that it was broken by the time it got to L.A., which is true. I mean, Eden, how much did you play that in that first apartment that I dropped it off in? Ever? Yeah, I don't think we ever hooked it up there because the TV in that place was mad old.
Starting point is 00:12:47 And I don't even think... Yeah, now wait a minute, Jessica. Do you agree that the TV in that place was mad old? I don't think I ever watched TV there. I just remember that roommate had that huge dog. It scared the crap out of me. Oh, Sly Ren was sweet. But that apartment, it was there was, there was,
Starting point is 00:13:06 it was a junior studio apartment with a big dog and two girls and there was no room to do anything. Oh, my God, it sounds as terrible as West Africa. Oh, how could you
Starting point is 00:13:15 possibly stand it? I don't think that's fair just because she was doing all the tear work. That's absolutely the most fair thing that you could say. You know, there is a thing as a first world problem and there's a thing as a developing world problem.
Starting point is 00:13:30 Well, you know, Jessica had been out of college for how many years at that point? Like six, six years. And so she had a time to establish a life and that was a decision that she made. Yeah, I don't regret it. Here's the thing. First of all, her argument is just, I broke your Wii, I bought a new Wii, this Wii is no longer yours. Whereas I left a working Wii, I should get a working Wii back. I don't care who bought it.
Starting point is 00:14:00 I think that that makes, I mean, that is a reasonable argument that a 29-year-old person who has seen something of the world and has perhaps slept under a malaria net would make. And I'm not sure that I understand the argument of a 24-year-old person who lives in Los Angeles and is frankly can't be bothered to play the Wii due to the mad oldness of her TV. So Eden, I'm going to really let you, let you stretch out for a second here. Okay. And, and, and explain under what possible circumstances should I judge that your,
Starting point is 00:14:36 that, that you have no requirement to return your sister's property in reasonably good order after it was entrusted to you. When she lived in Dallas, she would, um, like take it from Houston to Dallas. It had been on several road trips. It, how long did you have that? We, it wasn't a, we, that was around for several years. Um, that's a good question, Jessica, because here's the thing you went away for two years, right? You understand that even if the Wii had been put into a safety deposit box, given the nature
Starting point is 00:15:11 of technology, when you opened that safety deposit box, in contrast to the technology that had been invented those two years, that Wii was already garbage. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Did you take reasonable care of this Wii or what? Yeah, I mean, the Wii is a great video gaming system because it is portable. Now you're a buzz mug. Now I'm getting suspicious. I mean, I definitely took it around to some parties and it had traveled.
Starting point is 00:15:42 But I mean, yeah, who's to say? and it had traveled. But, I mean, yeah, who's to say? I'm not saying that... I don't think Eden dropped it or spilled beer on it or anything. Let me ask you this question. But I do think maybe she did something. Because it worked fine the whole time I owned it.
Starting point is 00:15:57 I never had a problem with it. And I had it maybe two and a half years. Why did you... Excuse me, I'll have an order, thank you. Jessica, two years away, seeing a world far distinct
Starting point is 00:16:11 from your sister's hedonistic lifestyle, why did you even want this thing back? Had you not... Had you not been transformed personally and spiritually? I have been in many ways.
Starting point is 00:16:27 And ready to cast off earthly possessions and terrible television shows and leave that to your sister? Yeah, no, that was actually one of the reasons I joined the Peace Corps, because I was like, you watch too much crap TV. You need to go do something better with your life. But one of the things I learned overseas is that there is no purpose or there's no point to feeling bad about the things you enjoy or feeling guilty for enjoying them. It doesn't do anything to make the world better. And there are things I can do to make the world better,
Starting point is 00:17:01 but not playing the Wii isn't going to make the world any better. So I enjoyed the Wii. And I to make the world any better. So I enjoyed the Wii. And I've been gone for two years, too. The thing is, I would like to have it fun for parties. It's fun. And I didn't get to play for two years.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I kind of missed my Nintendo. Without buzz marketing further, what is the game that you, as you came back from educating children abroad, that you were most looking forward to playing? I really liked the Mario World. Was that Super Mario World?
Starting point is 00:17:37 Yeah, that's a fun one. I mean, we, the thing is that makes this dispute so sad and I hope it can end with us both having to leave. having yeah we really enjoy playing together it's just sad that we live so far apart and we can't share one we but we can't and thus i should be the one who has a we well if you got the we we could we could play on the internet wait a minute let me ask j ask Jessica one last question. Isn't it unreasonable, Jessica, to expect
Starting point is 00:18:10 that your sister, an adult, could possibly take care of a piece of electronic equipment for two years in a major American city that is plagued by nothing worse than bad television and maybe some energy drinks. Isn't that unreasonable? Yeah. I mean, I thought it was reasonable at the time. Like I said, I just didn't, I knew that she liked the Wii and I just thought she would enjoy playing it, but it was not sort of a play this thing
Starting point is 00:18:45 to death. How many years? Like Eden? Eden? Yes. No, I don't want you to talk right now. I want you to answer my questions. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:53 How many years did your sister have the Wii before it was put in your possession? Oh, I honestly, I'm not sure. I don't know when she bought the Wii. When did you get it? I mean, a few years. Did you get it when you were in college? Eden. No, you got it outside of college.
Starting point is 00:19:09 I don't remember. I got it in Dallas. It was two years old when I gave it to Eden. The Wii, did you get the first one? It was released in 2006. No. I mean, it was definitely 2007 or 2000. At its maximum, it was four years old when you gave possession of it to your sister.
Starting point is 00:19:33 And it's potentially six years old now. Okay? A lifetime. It's an eternity in terms of electronics. Great. And I believe you can probably buy one right now for, what is the currency in Gambia? The Dalasi? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:48 27 Dalasi to a dollar. Yeah, so you would probably get one now for half a Dalasi. I mean, that's what makes this whole thing so sad, you understand? Not your love of Super Mario World. Eden, really quickly, how did you break this thing? I maintain that I did not, but I will also say. What happened? Did you spill an energy drink on it or what?
Starting point is 00:20:20 No, I mean, things just stopped sinking. And honestly, I thought the whole thing was broken. But then when I bought the new Wii, like, like I have, she gave me the Wii Fit board and stuff. So that started working again. Call them everything else. Oh, wait a minute. You're still in possession of the Wii Fit board and the other, and the other accessories? That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:20:43 I, and I, if Jessica got a new Wii, I completely, she gave me a lot of games. She gave me a lot of accessories. I will, one million percent, obviously, I do think those are hers.
Starting point is 00:20:54 And those should go back to her. I agree. All of them? Or do you get to keep your five favorite games? That was her first proposal. I was just going to say, you're making me sound really bad right now.
Starting point is 00:21:15 That's one of the more distinctive features of the adversarial system of justice. If the court found my favorite and I got to keep some stuff, yeah, I've had a lot of fun with that. I would totally keep the Wii Fit Board if I could. But if you wanted it back and you got a new Wii, you're my sister. I would do that. Oh, that's very kind of you, Eden. I'll take that consideration. I'll give your property back if you buy something new.
Starting point is 00:21:44 That's very thoughtful. I'll take that into consideration as I make your property back if you buy something new. That's very thoughtful. I'll take that into consideration as I make my decision. One last question, Eden. Do you have an income? I do. I have an assistant, a low assistant income, but I do. Okay. And Jessica, do you have a job now? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:03 I'm actually working for Peace Corps. You're working for Peace Corps. So, well, not really a job, but Yeah, yeah. I'm actually working for Peace Corps. You're working for Peace Corps. So, well, not really a job, but okay, I got you. Yeah. You're paid in Dilawfi, may I presume? Yeah. How many Dilawfi a year do you make? Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Millions. That's what we used to do in Peace Corps. We would convert our American salaries to Dilawfi, and then we would be like, we're millionaires. Okay. So you're both, you know, we're all DeLossi millionaires. But in real life, to what degree would it be an equal hardship to either of you to purchase a Wii at this stage? You know, I'm actually curious, because I did take a pay cut when I got back from Peace Corps. And so I bet Eden and I make the same amount now.
Starting point is 00:22:47 Oh, okay. But Eden, will you agree then that it would be an equal hardship to both of you more or less in the context of your salaries to purchase a Wii? I mean, I guess that's probably fair. I mean, I'm sure Jessica might have more in in savings and stuff just because I don't know. I would say probably Jessica is more financially well off as a whole than I am. But salary wise, yeah, it's probably comparable. I think I have everything I need to make my decision. I'm going into my chambers now and I will be back in a moment.
Starting point is 00:23:24 Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Jessica, you're the complainant in this case. How are you feeling? Pretty good. I think it went pretty well for me. Sorry, Eden. No, yeah, that's cool. Fantasize about playing your Wii while you were living in the Gambia oh yeah I thought about it yeah probably a little bit more than I thought about
Starting point is 00:23:52 Eden but that was close Eden how are you feeling um you know it could be better it could be better to be honest I feel like Jessica's role in the Peace Corps, I feel like that was a big part of the case that I wasn't really expecting.
Starting point is 00:24:13 I didn't think that moving to Los Angeles would be viewed so negatively. But that's okay. I understand. The court and joking aside, I'm very proud of Jessica. And she did something that I could never do. Aw, thanks, Eden. You're welcome. It's true. Hey, have either of you guys ever played this game Super Wario Shake It Club or something like that?
Starting point is 00:24:42 Where it's like Wario's on the screen. He tells you, shake it! And you've got to shake the thing. Get some ants off a log and you've got to climb on a little tree or something. Oh, it's great. Have you ever played that? Have you? No, me neither. It sounds awesome.
Starting point is 00:24:58 That's a Wii game? Yeah, it's for the Nintendo Wii. Well, anyway, guys, thanks for taking the time. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman reenters the courtroom. You know, I've been thinking a lot about it, and someone said something to me very meaningful once, and I'll just paraphrase it now. I'm very proud of Jessica,
Starting point is 00:25:18 and she did something that Eden could never do. I think truer words have rarely been spoken. I find it truly one of the most exemplary little sibling positions to take. That the older sibling has gone to the Peace Corps and trusted the little sibling with some property, which gets destroyed in the little sibling's possession.
Starting point is 00:25:53 The little sibling not only says, tough luck, but I'm going to keep the fit board and all the other stuff with it because what do you need it for? That is, are you the baby of the family, Evie? Yes. Is there anyone younger than you?
Starting point is 00:26:10 What was that? Is there anyone younger than you in the family? Are you the only two siblings? We have an older sister, and Jessica's the middle sister, and I'm the youngest. Now it's even sadder. Middle sister goes to Africa to help children.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Sorry, middle sis. You don't deserve any attention. You don't even deserve this four-year-old video game console back. I'm sorry. I trashed it with all my roommates and my boyfriends and my dog
Starting point is 00:26:46 and my honey boo-boo. It's just, you know, maybe what you didn't learn in Africa is life is fleeting and you should get over it already. And you also bought a new one, which you deserve to buy for yourself. But what I mean to say is
Starting point is 00:27:05 you're not exhibiting financial hardship. I'm definitely, I'm surviving. Here's the thing. I don't believe, Eden, that you did anything wrong with regard to the property. You used it. That was part of the agreement
Starting point is 00:27:23 that you would use it. It was old. Frankly used it. That was part of the agreement that you would use it. It was old. Frankly, it has been outpaced by a lot of other gaming systems. And there will be, I think this may be the last year that Wii is in production, even. I think Nintendo is planning to replace it. But I believe we are coming to the end of its life. And so very soon, this entire discussion would be moot. And so we have just a brief moment to administer justice here in the fast-paced world of consumer electronics.
Starting point is 00:27:56 So here's what I'm going to say. I don't think you did anything wrong. The thing just died. That was going to happen. That was going to happen. Jessica, you could have easily put it into a storage locker or just under someone's bed and be enjoying it today, but you made a choice to let your sister use it, and it reached the end of its natural life. The fact that she has been a monster about it since has no bearing on that fact. But it is true that you could have put it under a bed and have it today, probably in decent working order.
Starting point is 00:28:29 And for that reason, you should be able to get your property back. Here is the thing, though. It is unfair to compel your sister to buy you a new Wii because that is not what you put in her possession. And, Sister Eden, I'm looking right now on a popular internet shopping website, and I can tell you right now that if I had a sister who had gone through the Peace Corps
Starting point is 00:28:52 and whom I loved and whose we I had casually destroyed in my Hollywood lifestyle by throwing it off the balcony of the Chateau Marmont or whatever you did with it, I would just go ahead and buy her a new one and say, you deserve this. by throwing it off the balcony of the Chateau Marmont or whatever you did with it. I would just go ahead and buy her a new one and say, you deserve this.
Starting point is 00:29:14 But I'm not going to compel you to do that thing, which would be a nice thing to do, you should consider doing. Only through justice can I compel you to buy her a used system that would probably be ultimately in better order than the one she left with you. And as far as I can tell online, used Wii consoles are all over the place and only in the range of about $50 or $60. So you should have no problem whatsoever with buying that Wii and returning to her all of her property that you are currently thieving through possession. And I think that is the only fair resolution to this. This is the sound of a gavel. Judge John Hodgman rules. That is all.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Eden, how are you feeling? You know, I don't feel bad. I feel I feel it could have gone a little better for me. Not going to lie. But, you know, I think it's fair. I think it's fair. I will definitely take his advisement to look into new Wiis as well because she does deserve it. So I'll look into that. But that's fine.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Maybe over Thanksgiving. I'll figure out when I can get this stuff to you because shipping is going to be tough. I would accept a Thanksgiving delivery. That's going to be as much as buying a new Wii is all this shipping. So I have to figure out how I'm going to get this to you. No, I would accept if you wanted to deliver it over Thanksgiving. I'm fine with that.
Starting point is 00:30:53 We can work it out. That's a sidebar. It should be handy. Oh, good. I'm so glad. I'm just so glad that a neutral third party told Eden how wrong she was because she was almost beginning to make me second guess myself
Starting point is 00:31:09 that I was the one who was wrong. Thank you, Judge John Hodgman. So are you guys going to get a copy of Super Wario Shake It Up? That's going to be the first game I buy. It's this game where there's these ants on a log
Starting point is 00:31:25 and you got to get them off the log by shaking your control stick. It is a blast. I can't even begin to tell you. Sounds right up our alley. I like it. It's called Wario Land Shake It. Wario Land colon Shake It exclamation point.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Since we're buzz marketing games now. This thing is tremendous. There's too many somethings in a something, and you have to do a little dance with your stick. It is great. I can't recommend it enough. Jessica, Eden, thanks for joining us on the Judge Sean Hodgman podcast. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Judge Hodgman, Judge Hodgman. How are you, Jesse? Oh, I'm really excited. I remember this called Super WarioWare Smooth Moves. I looked it up. Want to hear what happens in it? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:14 In WarioWare Smooth Moves, Wario is gorging himself on cakes when he is interrupted by a small, strange creature called a Splunk. Wait a minute. He's gorging himself on cakes and it's called Smooth Moves? Is this a constipation-related video game? Is this like Maximum Regularity Achieved? Maximum Regularity Unlocked? You didn't listen to the whole thing. So first he's interrupted by the Splunk.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Then the creature steals Wario's cakes, and he chases it all the way, where? To the Temple of Form, where he discovers, what? The Form Baton. Wario takes it and gets chased out of the temple by a giant boulder. He soon incorporates the Form Baton into his video game empire, and as always, his latest development is a huge hit. Guess what, Jesse? I've now got Super WarioWare Smooth Moves Fever,
Starting point is 00:33:13 and I will give a free download of my new audiobook, that is all, to the first and best person to create a Buckner and Garcia-style novelty song called Super Wario Wear Smooth Moves Fever and send it in to Judge John Hodgman. And we'll play the song on the internet air. Oh, that's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:33:36 We do have something on the docket here that we can clear out. It's technology-related. All right, good. Dear Sir, this is from Jason. I have noticed that my Apple iPhone autoc-corrects the surname Hodgman to Hoffman. This irks me, and I would like a snap judgment regarding Hodgman v. Apple. Is it your honor's opinion that the surname Hoffman outranks the surname Hodgman? surname Hoffman outranks the surname Hodgman. In a Google search, the first item that comes up upon typing Hoffman is Hoffman enclosures. Please clear up this internal dispute of mine.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Well, now I want to know what Hoffman enclosures are. I'm looking up Hoffman enclosures to find out what a Hoffman enclosure is because... You know what? I'm also looking up Hoffman enclosures, but you realize what we're doing is we're both causing Hoffman to outrank Hodgman yet again. Oh no. Hoffman is a leading designer and manufacturer of systems to safely and reliably protect the electronic controls and mission critical electrical
Starting point is 00:34:40 systems in industrial data communications, commercial construction and government applications. Their product catalog features the wide array of enclosures, accessories, and thermal management products. I got to tell you, this looks like one of the best in-row cooling units that I've ever seen. I have noticed many a time. Imagine how I feel when I'm typing onto my iPhone and try to sign my own name, only to have it be replaced by the mysterious Hoffman. And indeed, I received a tweet from a person in the United Kingdom asking me the very perplexing question, At Hodgman, can people in the UK submit cases to Judge John Hoffman?
Starting point is 00:35:22 You just wrote it! cases to Judge John Hoffman. You just wrote it! But then I realized it is this insidious tendency of autocorrect to change from Hodgman to Hoffman. I don't know why it is. I can only presume that there is someone named Hoffman who works at Apple who secretly put this in in order to elevate himself and bother me. And if that is the case, I applaud it. That is what you should be doing. If you have access to programming autocorrect at Apple, you should be creating mischief. So there's nothing that can be done
Starting point is 00:35:54 until such time as they recognize that I once worked for them and maybe deserve the correct spelling of my own. Do you think that this is good news for my British television hour-long drama pitch, Judge John Hoffman, in which an irascible country
Starting point is 00:36:12 judge played by Stephen Fry also works as a veterinarian on the side? That sounds like a great television pitch, but as much as I love Stephen Fry, Judge John Hoffman should be played by David Mitchell. Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you
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Starting point is 00:37:15 We're talking about quick 10-minute lessons crafted by over 200 language experts that can help you start speaking a new language in as little as one, two, three weeks. Let's hear that sound. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations and delivered with conversation-based teaching. So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world and you get to hear the sound. It's not just like a game that pretends to teach you a language. It's also not a rigid, weird, hyper-academic chore. It is an actually productive app that actually teaches you while you are actually having a nice time. And you get to hear this sound. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash Hodgman. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by our pals over at Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant are made with Made In pots and pans?
Starting point is 00:38:39 Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs, they're Made In, Made In. The Rohan duck. Made in, made in. Riders of Rohan. Duck. What about the Heritage Pork Shop? You got it.
Starting point is 00:38:53 Made in, made in. Made in has been supplying top chefs and restaurants with high-end cookware for years. They make the stuff that chefs need. Their carbon steel cookware is the best of cast iron, the best of stainless clad. It gets super hot. It's rugged enough for grills or an open flame. One of the most useful pans you can own. And like we said, good enough for real professional chefs, the best professional chefs. Oh, so I have to go all the way down to the restaurant district in restaurant town? to go all the way down to the restaurant district in restaurant town? Just buy it online.
Starting point is 00:39:29 This is professional-grade cookware that is available online directly to you, the consumer, at a very reasonable price. Yeah. If you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes on menus all around the world have in common. They're made in Made In. Save up to 25% this Memorial Day from the 18th until the 27th visit made in cookware.com that's m-a-d-e-i-n cookware.com hello teachers and faculty this is janet varney i'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast the The JV Club with Janet Varney,
Starting point is 00:40:07 is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace because, yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there?
Starting point is 00:40:49 Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-p-p-p-d-c-o-o oh we are so close stop podcasting yourself a podcast from maximumfun.org if you need a laugh and you're on the go
Starting point is 00:41:16 we'll talk to you next time on the judge john hodgman podcast the judge john hodgman podcast is a production of MaximumFun.org. Our special thanks to all of the folks who donate to support the show and all of our shows at MaximumFun.org slash donate. The show is produced by Julia Smith and me, Jesse Thorne, and edited by Mark McConville. You can check out his podcast, Super Ego, in iTunes or online at gosuperego.com. You can find John Hodgman online at areasofmyexpertise.com. If you have a case for Judge John Hodgman,
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