Judge John Hodgman - Persona Non Grata Catch 'Em All

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Cameron brings the case against his friend Shooka. When Cameron and Shooka were in college, Cameron was obsessed with Pokémon Go. One day, Cameron was distracted with Pokémon Go, so Shooka took his phone and deleted one of his favorite Pokémon! Shooka says it’s only a game. But Cameron wants justice!Thanks to reddit user u/lexfri for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, keep an eye on the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com!

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, persona non gratacachamal. Cameron brings the case against his friend Shuka. When Cameron and Shuka were in college, Cameron was obsessed with Pokemon Go. One day, Cameron was too distracted by Pokemon Go, so Shuka took his phone and deleted one of his favorite Pokemon. Shuka says it's just a game. Cameron wants justice. Who's right? Who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. presents an obscure cultural reference.

The machine in this room allows us to map the limits of your strength, endurance, and what we call clinical moxie. Please approach the center of the room and stand in the yellow square. The yellow square has a sign that says danger. Yes, that's the one. Please swear the litigants in. Cameron and Shuka, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God or whatever.

I absolutely do. I do as well. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he does not have to catch them all? Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed. I only catch the gout for an immediate summary. It's not even catching.

It's not even catching, but I got it. Gout in my big toe. I choose you. Cameron and Shuka, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favors. Can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom? Let's see. It's someone's birthday today.

I just learned. So, Cameron, happy birthday, but Shuka, you go first. I would say it's from the 1931 Dracula movie. Wow. Very specific. I like that guess. It's a strong guess.

I love a dated guess. That's what I thought. Let's put it in the guest book. 1931 Dracula. The English language or the Spanish language edition? Because they shot them both, you know. Yeah, they shot them in the same location. Yeah.

At day, they would shoot the English language. And at night, they shot the Spanish the same location. Yeah. At day they would shoot the English language and at night they shot the Spanish language. And the Spanish one is better. I would say the Spanish one. Okay, let's put the Spanish one. 1931's Dracula Spanish. Alright Cameron, what's your guess?

I would like to guess perhaps the novel 1984. This machine in this room allows us to map the limits of your strength, endurance, and what we call clinical moxie. That feels like a George Orwell sentence for sure. 1984. I'll put the movie or the novel? The novel. The novel.

Yeah, that's a better guess. All guesses are wrong. The answer is, that was a quote from a character named Dr. Agent Hobbs, a member of the security elite force called Aegis. In a little TV show called The Tick, which was on Amazon for two seasons, the character Hobbs, Dr. Agent Hobbs, or may have been Agent Dr. Hobbs, sorry Ben Edlund who created The Tick, agent Hobbs, or it may have been agent Dr. Hobbs, sorry Ben Edlund who created the tick, was a sayed by me, John Hodgman, who was instructed as I was about to take the stage for my first day of shooting, I don't want to give you any particular notes on how to play this, but are you familiar with the Muppets? I'm like, oh, you want me to Bunsen Honey do this, don't you? He's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, you want me to Bunsen Honey do this, don't you? He's like, yeah. I'm like, okay, I can do it. In your acting resume under special skills, it says Bunsen Honey doing it.

Yeah, I totally Honey-dud it. Horseback riding, fencing, Bunsen Honey doing it. You can see most of the time in order to be Bunsen honey do, I'm holding a clipboard and I only use one hand to gesture with in true Muppet style. Cause the other hand is controlling my mouth. But in any case, why am I, why am I quoting from the tick? One of that, that wonderful television show that I got to be a part of when I met my

friend, Griffin Newman was the co-star of that show with the great Peter Serafinowicz. Why am I quoting from that one? Well, because that particular episode, Cameron and Shuka, was written by the writing team of Dan Hernandez and Benji Samet. Do you know who they are, Cameron and Shuka? Your Honor, I do not have the first idea.

You do not have the first idea? Well, birthday boy, you of all people should know that Dan Hernandez and Benji Samet are the co-writers of the motion picture Detective Pikachu, who is one of the most famous Pokemons. He is. Perhaps the most famous of all. Sorry, Snorlax. My favorite, of course, being Psyduck. And should be yours too, Jesse, because he constantly has a headache. So my favorite, of course, being Psyduck and should be yours too, Jesse, because he constantly has a headache. But I will say they are not writers of anything right now because they are members of the Writers Guild of America. And like me, they are on strike and not writing anything for WGA contracted productions, including whatever they're working on right now.

They're picketing right now and I will go pick it later on today. And I hope you will all join me in supporting the WGA. And you can always go to the link in my bio on Instagram to find out more about that. In the meantime, we have this case to hear. Luckily, Maximum Fun is a wonderful organization that respects its creatives. And here we are about to hear a case. Who seeks justice in this fake internet court? I seek justice, Your Honor, against my friend Shuka. Well, happy birthday to you, Cam. It is your birthday, so I do want to say sincerely happy birthday. We just learned that.

Thank you very much. And what is the justice that you seek? So I had a good friend of mine, you could say, murdered by a good friend of mine. You could say murdered by a good friend of mine. My Torterra of Pokemon Go was taken from me in an untimely manner when I was hanging out in the apartment of my friend Shuka, on that fateful day, Shuka stole my phone and I chased Shuka around in a circle, in an actual circle. And then Shuka, as I was chasing her around in that circle, deleted that Torterra, Ryan Gildemond. And I would like for Shuka to basically be punished for her crimes. Technically, Cameron, it's your own fault for putting on yakety sacks.

The Torterra is a pocket monster, a Pokemon, correct? Yes, that's correct. But did it have another name? Ryan Gildemond, named after the lead singer of Mother Mother. Sure. I don't know a lot about Pokemon. Sure. I'm sure that I'm going to learn. But when you got a Pikachu, you call it Pikachu. You don't call it like Mark Mother's Ba or whatever. Are you able to give, you know, given names to your various Pokemons? Yes. In fact, it's tradition. I think you're allowed to not choose a name for your Pokemon.

But I think that with Pokemon Go, you just have to. You just have to name your own Pokemon. I would like to submit to the court for context that Shuka, I think, knows the least about Pokemon in this room of people. I think that's probably important context. Shuka, when did this all go down? It must have been 2018, I think. At one point, everyone around me started playing Pokemon. I don't know exactly when that was, but we were in college, so it must have been 2017 or 18. Mm-hmm. So it must have been 2017 or 18, including all of my friends.

But Cameron, I think, especially liked to play Pokemon. I never found the game interesting, so I never downloaded the game or played or engaged with any other Pokemon content. In fact, so far you have mentioned a few characters that I have no idea who they are. We'll all learn together. I certainly don't know the lead singer of Mother, Mother or whatever it is. We'll get to the bottom of all of this. We're going to start here at the top to get down to the bottom of it. You were in college together. This is some years ago. May I ask where you went to college? George Washington University in D.C. George Washington University in the District of Columbia.

Okay. That's my mother's alma mater. Oh. Yeah. She graduated on academic probation. Congratulations. I find in favor of Shuka. Sorry about that, Cameron.

You didn't know about legacy verdicts on Judge John Hodgman. Automatic. I was going to say, if one of you had gone to Yale, automatic. Automatic find in your favor, unfortunately. And Cameron, can you clarify for both me and clearly for Shuka and some of the other listeners? Yes. You weren't just playing Pokemon. You were playing Pokemon Go, correct?

That's correct. And what is that? So in Pokemon Go, you can basically walk down the street. You open up the app and you see something that simulates basically what you'd see on Google Maps. You see an overhead view of where you are. You see streets and locations. You see an overhead view of where you are. You see streets and locations. You see a map. And on that map- Just like you were using your GPS or whatever. Yes. You're represented by your character in Pokemon Go and where you are in real life.

They represent these little Pokemon, these little creatures on the map. So you can go and you can walk towards one of these creatures. If you get close to it on the map and in real life, then you can go ahead and you can catch that creature. So basically, it is a great motivator for people to walk around and go on little adventures and create a collection of these creatures so that you can simultaneously do something cute and silly in a little game, but also you're kind of really interacting with the real world around you and you can make a project of it.

It's an augmented reality game such that when you look through the camera of your phone and you find one of these virtual Pokemons that the Nintendo Corporation has sprinkled all over the map virtually, imaginarily, but if you hold the camera up, you will see it in the camera sitting there looking at you, and you capture it and add it to your collection. And that's the whole game, right? You capture them, you get them, you got to catch them all is the theme. And you got a Torterra. Did you get a Torterra originally or did you get its earlier form? I got its earlier form. That's correct. So that's a Turtwig. You get it as a Turtwig. Right. That's a cute little turtle with a leaf on its head. Yeah. Yeah. Basically it's a

little grass Pokemon. It's a little creature that hangs out in the grass. You go somewhere grass and you're alive. Was I selling Turtwig short there by saying it was a cute little turtle with a leaf on its head? And you're like, oh, basically. I think that's about correct, Your Honor. I think that's a very accurate description, and I'm sorry for doubting you, Your Honor. I didn't know whether there was more depth to Turtwig. Well, it has large yellow eyes and its face is oddly shaped.

On the bottom of the face, there's a yellow mouth and an obtuse shape. And also on its face, it has two tiny nostrils. Are you reading from the Pokemon manual again? I'm just reading straight from this Pokemon wiki. What type of Pokemon is Turtwig? So Turtwig is a grass Pokemon. It means that, you know, in the original games,

that just meant basically nothing. It was an aesthetic feature. In real life, in Pokemon Go, it means that... Sure, in real life. In real life. In real life, you go somewhere grassy

and you catch the Pokemon. In real life of Pokemon Go, you would find a grass Pokemon in an actual grassy location. Yes. Okay, that's cool. I like this. I like this game. Yeah. And then did you feed your Turtwig to grow it into a Torterra?

That's basically what it is, actually. So you grow it into a grottle first, feeding it Turtwig candy, and then you feed the grottle more Turtwig candy that turns into a Torterra. I don't know anything about Pokemon. I love talking about Pokemon. Turtwig candy is a virtual candy. Yes. And how do you get that? You buy it in an in-app purchase, I presume?

You catch other turtwigs and then you let them go. So when you catch a turtwig, you always get turtwig candy, but you just set it free like you'd catch a fish and you'd let it go. You set the turtwig free and you keep the candy. But first you extract its glands. Maybe. You know, they don't really explain how you get the candy. It's an invasive procedure. And then you get a Torterra and a Torterra is like a big

turtle with a forest on its back. Exactly. Fair enough. And you named this turtle, what did you call it again? Ryan Gildemond. Ryan Gildemond. It has powerful resonances in the world of myth that this turtle has land on its back. Yeah, that's right. It's the world turtle, right? Isn't that a common mythological element, a giant tortoise upon which all of the universe rests? Yeah, as detailed in Joseph Campbell's book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, colon, gotta catch them all. Gotta get all those faces. Let's take a quick recess and hear about this week's Judge John Hodgman sponsor. We'll be back in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at MaximumFun.org. And they are all your favorites. If you want to join the many member supporters of this podcast and this network, boy, oh boy, that would be fantastic. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week

by our pals over at Made In. Jesse, you've heard of Tom Colicchio, the famous chef, right? Yeah, from the restaurant Kraft. And did you know that most of the dishes at that very same restaurant are made with made-in pots and pans? Really? What's an example? The braised short ribs, they're made-in, made-in.

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The Judge John Hodgman podcast is also brought to you this week by the folks over there at Babbel. Did you know that learning, the experience of learning, causes a sound to happen? Let's hear the sound. Yep, that's the sound of you learning a new language with Babbel. We're talking about quick 10-minute lessons crafted by over 200 language experts that can help you start speaking a new language in as little as one, two, three weeks. Let's hear that sound. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations, and delivered with conversation-based teaching. So you're ready to practice what you've learned in the real world, and you get to hear

this sound. It's not just like a game that pretends to teach you a language. It's also not a rigid, weird, hyper-academic chore. It is an actually productive app that actually teaches you while you are actually having a nice time. And you get to hear this sound. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash Hodgman. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. Shuka, I saw you laughing uproariously doing a lot of this conversation. Is there anything you'd like to share at this point? This is all music to my ears if the music was really bad.

Wow. Judge Hodgman, yesterday I was talking to Oscar Thorne, a regular on this program, and I'm doing a dad joke, an exhausting dad joke. Sure. And Oscar says, Dad, it's like, i don't want you to be my dad anymore that's what shuka just dropped yeah that's big i don't want you to be my dad anymore energy amazing so shuka do you do you remember when your friend cam got this Torterra or got the Turtwig and turned it into a Torterra by feeding it Turtwig candy? I have to say, because I found this game so boring, I never asked questions. I was not particularly curious about it.

So my friend would play this game all around me, but I would never look at their phones to see what they were doing. I just knew that they were playing Pokemon Go. So I didn't know what Torterra was until Cameron decided to bring me to court. So when I did delete this Pokemon, I didn't know that it was Torterra. It was just a pocket monster. So Cameron is not the only offender in your friend group back at George Washington University. There are a lot of kids playing this game. That is right. And how did that make you feel? You know, it did make me feel a bit left out.

It was the cool thing that the cool kids played. I don't know if that's true, but that's what it felt like. No, I'm glad we can finally settle this. No, it wasn't. Okay, good to know. But I was- Your feelings are valid, but I need to tell you. Thank you.

Thank you. That's actually great to know. In reality, actual reality, Cameron. People had fun with it. A lot of people had fun with it. A lot of people had fun with it. You were not one of them. I was not one of them, but it was fine with me that people like to play this game.

How did it affect your relationship with Cameron in a literal sense? So Cameron is a great friend. He especially is a very present friend. He's someone that you can always trust to listen to you when you have something to say. He's a great listener. He's a great conversationalist. And I think Pokemon, you know, Pokemon did not make Cameron a worse person, but I think it did make him a slightly worse friend. Oh, yeah. Do you cop to that, Cameron? Were you a more neglig us, we were on Pokemon Go in Shuka's apartment in front of Shuka. So that I definitely cannot deny that we probably were talking about Pokemon Go in front of Shuka. I love it when a litigant tells them themselves.

Just honest, Your Honor. And how conveniently have you forgotten this little detail about what happened that night? I had no idea until you informed me about that. But I doubt that otherwise I was talking about Pokemon Go all the time. Maybe I was. You don't have to be talking about it. You're just going around. You're trying to catch them all. Yeah.

I mean, it's literally a game where you have to walk out of your house while your friend is trying to tell you something. Like, I got to go. There might be a sand Pokemon nearby. See you later. I don't know if that was exact, but you are copying, at least to the fact that one day, it was in Shuka's apartment? Yes, that's correct. In the District of Columbia. You, Cameron, Jackson, and Justin, the three musketeers of Pokemon Go, were all on your phones. And just ignoring Shuka, what were you trying to do?

Talk to them about their days or what? Yeah, I was just trying to have a conversation with my friends who had come over to my place to play Pokemon Go, apparently. I know that they weren't playing it constantly. It was that they would take their phones out of their pockets every once in a while and start playing Pokemon. And I believe there is a trade of sorts that you can do in Pokemon. Yeah, because you weren't hunting for, were you hunting for Pokemons in Shuka's apartment? Is that what was going on? Or were you doing some other game activity? Would you guess, Cameron? I would guess that, so you have your team,

your collection of Pokemon. Sometimes you might have some extra Pokemon that you, you know, catch. You already have, you already have that Pokemon, but you'll take another just so that you can trade it with your friends to get a Pokemon that you don't have. And that's probably what we were doing. Some trash Pokemon. Some shagweed Pokemon. You've already extracted its glands. It's dead to you.

Its gland candy. It's just a husk. Yeah. So you were probably trading Pokemons with Jackson and Justin. That's right. And Shuka grabbed your phone out of your hand. Is this what happened? Tell me.

That's correct. Yes. Go deep into the narrative of your accusation. Okay. I don't know. It was a cold winter day. We were still in our coats, I think, in Shuka's lovely little apartment uh and lovely but unheated heated but i think we like had just come in and we were like kind of probably finishing a little

bit of a conversation about oh well i have this pokemon oh well uh let's see let me look through my pokemon uh oh look at look at my torter Oh, look at my Torterra, though. Look at my Torterra. I named him Ryan Gildemon. At that time, I had a system where actually the reason that I couldn't remember the names of, so that I would always see the Pokemon and I would always see the names of the band members. So if I couldn't remember, if for some reason I just kept on forgetting Tom York's name, whenever people talked about Radiohead, I could be in on the conversation and talk about the band that I really like. Judge Hodgman, this is all about the classic intersection between people who got to catch them all in Pokemon and people who got to catch them all at the used record store. That's right. You're saying that Shuka robbed you of a powerful mnemonic that you were using

to remember Ryan Gildemon's name, lead singer of the band Mother Mother? Cameron operates at the corner of Griffin McElroy and Tom Sharpling. Okay, so you're there playing on a cold winter's day. She could take your phone away or what? She snatches the phone out of my hands. It is completely sudden, And I can guarantee that I was not taking out my Torterra to trade. Ryan Gildemond, I would not have traded. And I was, in fact, you know, devastated, shocked, terrified even when Shuka stole the phone out of my hands

and started running away with it. I did not think that Shuka would have deleted my Pokemon. This is an extremely out of character-character move for Shuka. And so I had no idea that she was about to delete it. So we were running around in circles. She was laughing. I was laughing in sort of that shocked, I can't believe it kind of way. And then when I take my phone back,

I see her thumb, as I'm wrestling it out of her hand, I see her thumb come down on the button to delete the Pokemon. When it says, are you sure you want to delete the Pokemon? And Shuka presses yes with complete confidence. I snatch it back and I go, how did you just do that? And then Ryan Gildemon was, he had left us. Ryan Gildemon was dead, Shuka. I'm sorry for killing Ryan Gildemon was gone. He had left us. Yeah. Ryan Gildemon was dead, Shuka. I'm sorry for killing Ryan Gildemon. It's a very intrusive thing to do to steal someone's phone and then delete something from their phone without their permission.

Don't you agree, Shuka? I think you're right. I agree that I committed evil in that moment. But I have to say that this was a situation that had built up to that moment. It was like milk on stove. It was still for a long time until it boiled and overflowed on that night. Milk on stove. You're just dropping the hits.

It's incredible yeah it was a it was a it was a slow boil and it finally it finally bubbled over yes and boiling over milk is the worst thing that can happen yes milk is a pleasant substance until it boils over and it coats your cooktop and it's impossible to get off but now you acknowledge that you acknowledge that your friendship is coated with crusty milk. I suppose it is. Cameron, have you ever had pets? I have. I had a golden retriever.

He passed away at the age of 13 while I was in senior year of high school. And his name was Fidelio. He was named after the opera. Oh, and do you have a pet now? I do not. I have not had a pet since then. Why not? I have been moving around too much. My future has been changing a lot. My plans have been changing a lot. I haven't been able to get a pet. I've wanted a pet desperately for a long time, but it's never really been a realistic option. Would you say that Cameron is a sentimentalist?

I do think so. Yeah. Would you say that you are a sentimentalist? In some ways and not in others. In what ways are you not a sentimentalist? In some ways and not in others. In what ways are you not a sentimentalist? I think I don't get attached to things very easily, especially if those things are not living creatures. I also have a dog, so I am very attached to my dog, for example. What is your dog's name? My dog's name is Plato.

Plato, like the philosopher, not like the sculpting toy? Exactly, like the philosopher, yes. So I do definitely get attached to animals, but I wouldn't say that I get attached to animals that I don't know. animals, but I wouldn't say that I get attached to animals that I don't know. For example, if I see a bird on the street, I wouldn't say that I feel any particular way about it. Well, you barely know that bird. You haven't even spoken to it. Not once in your life. Yeah. And you feel less inclined to feel attached to imaginary creatures? I think so. Hmm. You send in some evidence, Cameron, including a calendar from this year, the year of our God or whatever, March 2023, with some dates marked off on it, X'd off on it.

And it says, Exhibit A, my New Year's resolution, ask me about this. So I'm doing it. All right. Thank you, Your Honor, for asking me about this. You're welcome. So my New Year's resolution was that I should get on the treadmill at least a minute a day, usually limited to a minute a day, but at least a minute a day most days out of the year, meaning more than half. Mm-hmm.

So I don't get out a lot. Mm a lot. I don't exercise a lot. Ever since Pokemon Go, ever since I stopped using Pokemon Go because I was very sad that my account got messed up and I didn't have any Pokemon left, my Pokemon all died. All of the Pokemon that were left, all of the ones that Shuka didn't murder, those Pokemon died. And ever since that happened, I have not been on Pokemon Go. I haven't tried again. I haven't been motivated to try again. I haven't been motivated to get a new Ryan Guildenmon or anybody else. And I haven't been getting out much. I don't exercise and I tend to be like a little bit of a workaholic. So I don't really leave the house too much. So you're saying that what happened was Shuka killed Torterra.

Yes. Consequently, all the other Pokemons died mysteriously. Yes. And you haven't left your home since that time. And now you have to make a New Year's resolution to stand on a treadmill and trudge slowly through a non-magical world

in your basement or whatever. That's correct. Simply to stave off physical infirmity because of this wound. Yeah, that's correct, you're on. That's what you wanted me to... That was the prompt from this photo of the calendar? Yes.

Okay. That's right. Great. Sounds like it worked. I mean, Shuka, it sounds like it worked. You stopped the Pokemon Go. You killed Torterra. Did that end Pokemon Go in your friend group?

I've never been so successful in anything else in life. What do you do for a living, if I may ask? I work for the government. I work for the Federal Reserve. I'm an analyst there. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's no room for sentiment at the Federal Reserve. Yeah, if you're all cold-blooded. So you shut down the Pokemon Go, and did that improve your friendships with Cameron and Justin and Jackson? Yes or no? I did not realize that what I did was in any way a huge action that I'd taken in my fight against Pokemon, but apparently it was. And I think after that,

Pokemon Go slowly died down. I don't know if I should take credit for this happening, but I don't believe I know anyone today who plays Pokemon Go. And I don't know if you do, but that is another thing that I think Cameron would, regardless of whether he had Torterra today and regardless of whether his account still existed, whether he would be playing Pokemon Go still or not, because I don't know anyone else who plays Pokemon Go. Jackson and Justin do not.

Cameron, you wish to speak? Yes. So my goal here today, Shuka has basically already apologized. She's even apologized today. My goal today today, Shuka has basically already apologized. She's even apologized today. My goal today, so Shuka, she's not personally responsible for the fact that Pokemon Go somehow deleted my account under mysterious circumstances. Wait, there are two minutes.

Before you make your statement, please, because I think I see where you're going. Yes. I just want to verify some facts. Yes. Because there's a lot of illusion over some of these mysteries. Yes. How did all your other Pokemon die? So I clicked on the Pokemon Go app one day.

My friend said, oh, we should meet up and trade Pokemon, Pokemon Go. And I was so excited. And I clicked on the Pokemon Go app. It was someone I hadn't talked to in a long time. How long was this after Torterra had been deleted? Six months to a year. Would you say that Torterra's deletion basically ended Pokemon Go in your life meaningfully for a while? I was on it a lot less after that.

I wouldn't say that it was like an immediate stop, but I think it was a part of it slowing down. Would you say that something in you got deleted that day along with Torterra? Yes, something in me got deleted along with my Torterra. And then six months later or so, some other friends said, let's get back together and try to get the magic back. And you're like, sure. Yeah. And you open up the Pokemon app, Pokemon Go app. And what happens? And it tells me you are not logged into your account. the magic back and you're like sure yeah and you open up the pokemon app pokemon go app and what

happens and it tells me you are not logged into your account i tried to get information about how i could lock back log back into my account it did not work that this apparently has happened with a lot of people it's a glitch it's a glitch that happened in the pokemon go app and you just you just you just start over i think that they basically fit fix that glitch i think that's not happening anymore uh but uh because all of my pokemon are gone they're dead my my account was deleted um i don't really have much of an interest anymore because of the fact that you know the point of the game is the creatures and my creatures are gone i don't care about like i, any creature. I just want to point out that I just did a little research.

I just searched Pokemon Go glitch. And I confirmed that this was a system-wide glitch that deleted lots of accounts. And they say, according to this subreddit, it was due to a malicious code that they have only recently traced back to the Federal Reserve Bank of the United States of America. Wow. It's weird, right? So you lost your account. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, it was unfortunate at the time. I was sad at the time, but that was a couple of years ago now. At this point, what I really want from Shuka, because Shuka has admitted that she has done evil. And actually, I don't really have a lot of interest in making Shuka, aside from being cold-hearted, unsentimental,

she is, aside from that, Shuka is extremely sweet and I do not want to cause her any suffering or pain. And I don't care about, you know, making her apologize more or her like, I don't want a deeper apology. What I would like is very pragmatic. I want Shuka to get me a new Ryan Gildemont. I think that I'm not going to do it. Wow. Okay. I'm not going to do it. I'm really sad. going to do it. Wow. Okay. I'm not going to do it. I'm really sad. And I think that it is a completely suitable and appropriate responsibility for Shuka to take on. I'm not asking her to recover or reproduce the Pokemon that were deleted by the Pokemon app. I'm asking her to take I'm asking her to take responsibility just pragmatically. I'm not asking her to like apologize. Like. I just want her to get the the Pokemon, get the Pokemon, bring me a Torterra named Ryan Gildemon. It can be any gender. It doesn't have to be a male Pokemon. As long as it's a Torterra named Ryan Gildemond, it will fill the same space in my heart. Let me

make sure I'm clear on this, Cameron. You want Shuka to download the Pokemon Go app, go out into the world. She doesn't got to catch them all. She's got to catch them one. Exactly. She's got to catch them one. Well, she's got to catch three because she's got to evolve

her turtlegog into the dingle dong. She has to get a number of turtwigs. Yes. One for saving. Yes. And the other's for getting that gland candy out of to feed the candy and become Torterra and then gift that Torterra to you. Yes.

On your Pokemon Go app. That's correct. And you created a tutorial for this on how to do it. I did. Which you shared with me and presumably would share with Shuka as well. Yes, that's correct. Have you walked Shuka through this process before? I have linked Shuka to this information.

But have you talked to her about it? Have you talked her through it before? Shuka, did we talk through it? I think we talked briefly about it. Okay. Well, let's pretend that you never did. Okay. All right.

So Cameron, describe to me and to Shuka what Shuka's got to do to got to catch him one. Okay. Okay. So first of all, Shuka, do you have got to do to catch him one. So, first of all, Shuka, do you have the presentation open on your device? You can bring that up while I'm telling you how to catch him one.

So, first of all, you have to find the Pokemon. You have to find the Turtwig. You just open up the app. After you made your account and you made your character, you just open up the app after you made your account, you and you and you made your character. You see if there are any good Pokemon in your area. If not, you just you walk around in real life and then you see if there are any good Pokemon in your area and then you walk around in real life, etc.

So you're looking for the Turtwig. You probably it's best to go somewhere grassy. Grassy because it's a grass Pokemon. Everyone knows this Shuka. Shuka. And then if, if we might, if we might all move to page two of the presentation. Yes. Don't worry. I'm following right along. Perfect. So, so you go ahead, you click on that, on that Turtwig. That looks like a Squirtle to me. This creature is not. Are we on the second page of the presentation?

Yes. The only one I'm seeing, I'm seeing a person here. I'm seeing that is a player and there's a thing that looks like a turtle, but does not look like a turtwig. Looks like a squirtle. That is a squirtle. So on the second page, we have a different Pokemon, which is also not a Turtwig. Okay. This is a great presentation. Incredible deck.

$1 billion in angel investing. Absolutely. You got it. Sold in the room. Go on. Okay. I see. Okay.

Right. There's an animation on page two. Got it. So in the theater of our mind, this can become a Turtwig. In fact. There's this. Okay. Right. There's an animation on page two. Yes. Got it. So in the theater of our mind, this can become a Turtwig. In fact, it's a Zigagon. That's a Zigzagoon. That's correct, Your Honor.

Oh. All right. Zigzagoon. Yeah. Yeah. I know my Zigzagoons. And so you take your Pokeball and you throw it with your finger at the Pokemon, at your Turtwig. You want to make sure that you throw it on the moving green circle.

There's a moving green circle on the Pokemon, which works as a target. You just throw it in the center. You're going to try to aim it, and hopefully you caught the Pokemon. Okay. Everything clear, Shuka? Yes. But if you notice later in, on, I don't know which page it is, but you will see that I will need to get. We'll get to that, Shuka.

All right. It's all clear. Yeah. No, I understand. We'll make the whole deck available, Cameron. I think it's pretty well, anyone who has a passing understanding of Pokemon understands. You throw your Pokeball at the Pokemon and it

captures it in a dimensional pocket or whatever. Exactly. And the Pokemon is imprisoned in that Pokeball until you release it. Exactly. To fight against other Pokemons or feed it gland candy or whatever and to eventually over time, as you point out here, Shuka would need to

obtain 125 Turtwig candy, catching 42 Turtwigs in all to get that candy to feed it and make it into a Torterra. Yeah, you need 125 Turtwig candy. So on the final page, I did do the math. Yes, that's correct. It's 42 Turtwigs. Cameron, could she just go to Target and buy one of those Robux gift cards? That's what I usually do for my kids' friends' birthdays. Just buy Robux. Bailey, I don't think so. Okay. You have to follow the deck precisely.

If I were to find in your favor, Cameron, she would follow your instructions precisely, correct? Yes. How long of a time do you think it would take to collect the 42 turtwigs to get the one Torterra? Depends where you are. Depends how determined you are, whether you're going to do this in one go or not. Which means years. Definitely not years. I'd say maybe, maybe a month. Maybe a month of daily searching?

Maybe a month of, Your Honor, that might be right. I think maybe a month of daily searching. If you take a few minutes every day, just a couple minutes every day, you could probably get 42 Turtwigs. So you can get Turtwigs at a rate of one a minute? Not exactly. How long does it take to get one Turtwig? I think it depends. A little less than a day. If you're saying it's a month of daily searching and you need 42 of them. But in a few minutes a day, Cameron said. 10 minutes maybe. Within 10 minutes, you could catch a turtwig, I think.

So we're talking about a total of, what is that, 420 minutes. 420 minutes. And that is 10 minutes after I'm on some sort of grass, not 10 minutes right outside my house. Is that right? It may register your house as grassy. As grass, I see. So we're talking about like seven hours. Seven hours.

If you were going to cram. Of grass time. Yeah. You got grass around your Federal Reserve Bank wherever you live, Shuka? There is some grass. Low quality grass mostly, but there is some. Come out to Cali. You got the good stuff. It's a work trip then.

It's true. Do you think your colleagues would feel differently about you if you were taking your lunch hour to go search the grass for turt wigs? They would probably be very confused. I don't know how many of them would know what Pokemon Go is. Especially now. Do people still play this game, Cameron? It exists. I mean, it's not... That's the answer to a different question.

Yeah. How many Judge John Hodgman listeners do you think would be willing to send a turtwig to Shuka? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, if we crowdsource the turt wigs, she could be done in a day. Turt wigs for Shuka.org.

You better get that domain locked down right now, Valerie Moffat. I'm already on it. Oh, man, we got to get turt wigs for Shuka.fishing. But it's not a game that is, the moment has passed for pokemon go to some degree it would seem to me it's not stylish anymore it's not it's not it's not trendy right it's no longer for the cool kids you have no desire to get back into this game you just want to get a torterra back to complete the cycle and to heal the wound. I do want to get back

into this game. If I had the Torterra, then I could. Currently, I actually genuinely, I'm not lying, I don't have any special particular interest in it. I think genuinely, if I got this Tertwig, this Torterra from Shuka, I genuinely would get back into this game. That's not a lie. Twig, this Torterra from Shuka, I genuinely would get back into this game. That's not a lie. Shuka, let's go back to the original moment. You stole this phone and you deleted this thing because Cameron wasn't being present in your friendship. Why is that important to you? Well, Cameron is one of my best friends and we have been very close ever since college. And as I mentioned before, Cameron is probably one of the most present people that I know, because I'm sure you all have friends who are, whenever they're talking to you or whenever you're

spending time together, they might have their phone out. They might be scrolling down Twitter every once in a while and nod at you and say, ah, yes, I'm listening. But maybe they're not entirely listening. Cameron is not that kind of person. I'm listening. I'm what? I'm sorry. What did you just say? I was just looking up stats on the Zig Zagoon. Exactly. Once you're in the Pokemon wiki, you can't get out. No. It's like a multi-level marketing scheme. So you felt that Cameron abandoned you to a certain degree for Pokemon Go back a few years ago. I believe so, yes.

And yet Cameron just said that if I order in his favor and you get this Torterra for him, he might start playing again. Why would you want that to happen? Well, I wouldn't want that to happen. Don't you think Cameron should have said, I just need to get this Torterra so I can feel some sense of closure in my life, and then I'll just go ahead and be a very present friend to Shuka? Well, listen, if Cameron wants to, if that is truly something Cameron wants to do, then I think if that brings him joy, if he wants to get back into Pokemon Go, I think he should be able to do it. I personally would probably prefer if Cameron did not get back into Pokemon Go. And I'm still not entirely convinced that if that hadn't happened, Cameron would be playing Pokemon Go now.

But I guess we can't guess that. That's an alternate universe. It is an alternate universe. So what I do want for Cameron is what he wants for himself, which is to get out of the house more. If that is the purpose that Pokemon Go was serving in his life and not having Pokemon Go has led to him not leaving the house as much as he would like. I would like Cameron to do that. And in fact, if I win this case, I would ask Cameron to get out of the house more. Maybe a short amount of time every day, even if it's 15 minutes or 10 minutes. The same amount of time it takes to get a tortwig.

You can, you know, go on grass, touch grass, as the kids say, and, you know, enjoy nature without looking down on your phone. Without the mediation of augmented reality. Yes. Just actual reality. You two don't live in the same place anymore. No. So how do you manage to have a present relationship when you are not living in the same place? Because Cameron, you live in New York somewhere, right?

Yes, that's correct. Right. And you live in a bank. I do live in a bank. Yeah. Under all the money. That's where I sleep. That's right.

Fantastic. Yeah, it must be hard to maintain a relationship. Are you concerned that a resurgence of, I mean, how do you guys stay in touch currently? We actually are very like actively best friends. So, so actually we don't always meet in person, but this is the third month in a row that we're hanging out. Is that right? Yeah, in person. I visited you in March in D.C. where I stayed there for like, what was it? Two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks.

That's right. And then we met another friend in North Carolina for a weekend. And now Shuka is visiting me for my birthday. for a weekend. And now Shuka is visiting me for my birthday. So aside from that, though, you know, we hadn't seen each other for at least like a year, but we're very actively, you know, we're very good friends. We hang out a lot online, but we like, I'll just call Shuka in the middle of the day for no reason. And sometimes Shuka says, hi, I'm at work. Can we talk later? I say, okay. And then Shuka calls me back a few hours later and I say, oh, I got a terrible stomach ache today. Let me tell you about it. And we'll just talk for hours. I'll say, oh, I have to get to work in 15 minutes. And Shuka will say, OK. And I work from home.

I'm basically self-employed. And then we'll just talk for an hour when I have to go work. And we watch TV shows together. We're watching Twin Peaks. We're very close. Good. Good. And do you, so do you fear that if I were to rule in his favor, Sh again, once again, Cameron is a great friend. So I think now that he knows this, he will not talk about Pokemon in my presence, probably.

And there's no difficulty remaining present when he, you know, you're visiting him now for his birthday. It's not like he's on his phone the entire time. He has not been on his phone. Right. And you're present there for him. You're not just sitting over on your phone, raising interest rates or whatever it is you do all day. Well, no, I'm not. All right. So if you were, if I were to, I know what Cameron wants, if I were to find in his favor, if I were to find in your favor, you're asking that he be more active in the world, but not mediated through augmented reality of Pokemon Go? Yes. I want him to, without Pokemon Go, make an effort to spend some time outside, however much that he wants or he thinks would be good for him.

Let me ask you a different question, Shuka. Is there any reason that I should find in your favor? I'm not sure. I like you both very much, and I understand where you're coming from. But you did take his thing and delete his thing without his permission and it was hurtful to him. Well, I guess two things. Firstly, the crime I committed was out of passion, out of my passion for our friendship. So I would firstly—

It was a crime of passion. All right. No, I like it. I like it. I like it. Keep going. So firstly, I would hope that first you would understand and you would feel the same if your friend was doing something like Cameron was doing. Now, whether what I did was right or wrong, well, it was wrong, but I don't think I should be punished for it.

You know what? That's a very honest defense. I appreciate that. Okay, I think I've heard everything I need to. I'm going to go to my Pokemon training gym and consult with my Charmander, and I'll be back in a moment with my verdict. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Cameron, how are you feeling right now? You know, I actually I came into here thinking that I would win. I do have my doubts. I do understand how many Torchwakes 42 is. But I didn't exactly do the math on how long it would take to catch them. That didn't exactly cross my mind. But, you know, I do really feel like...

Did it make you reevaluate your own choices? I'm doubting how well this is going to go. But I will say, you know, I do feel like when your friend breaks something, usually the right thing to do is to pay them back. And I feel like sometimes the way that you pay somebody back is through time and showing that you care and doing your best instead of just through money. Shuka, how are you feeling? I was certain that Cameron would win. I'm now less certain, but I still think Cameron would win. So I have to probably devise a plan to maybe guilt trip Cameron because it's summer and Cameron knows how much I hate the sun and being outside in the sun. So maybe I can make him feel bad about me being out there in the sun on the grass trying to find a little fictional turtles. Extend your deadline. Uh-huh. I see. Shuka, you said you would find that activity soporific, I believe was your word.

Yes. You know you're an analyst at the Federal Reserve. You know you have a fair point. We'll see what Judge Hodgman has to say about all this when we come back in just a second. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie,

Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace, because, yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Hmm. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky

Let me give it a try Okay If you need a laugh and you're on the go Call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I It'll never fit No, it will Let me try If you need a laugh and you're on the go

Try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O We are so close. Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh and you're on the go. Judge Hodgman, we're taking a break from the case. As we record this, the Writers Guild of America remains on strike. Yes, I am prohibited from not only writing for Struck Studios and companies, but I'm also

prohibited from promoting projects in association with Struck companies. So I will not say anything about the projects that you probably already know about. But there's nothing that prohibits me from promoting this, the Judge John Hodgman podcast. And here's a thing that we've said in the past, but haven't said recently, which is, hey, would you go leave a review of this show somewhere? Would you go tell a friend about the show? If you enjoy it, maybe this is the week when you might go to Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and leave a review reflecting your enjoyment because it really does help people discover the show. And it's something we're very proud of. So why don't you go ahead and do that if you don't mind? Write a social media post about why a particular episode was your favorite episode.

Yeah. Anyway, that's all. If you feel like doing that, that sounds great. In the meantime, the writer's strike goes on. And if you go to the link in my bio on Instagram, which is my best link of links, you can find out more details as why the writer's strike is happening and how to support it if you'd like. In the meantime, Jesse Thorne, what do you have going on? I've got the same usual things going on. You know, I hope that people will check out Jordan, Jesse Goh and Bullseye, my other podcasts here at the Maximum Fund Network. And I hope that people will check out Jordan, Jesse Goe and Bullseye, my other podcasts here at the Maximum Fund Network. And I hope that people will join Maximum Fund, which I think our transition to being an employee

owned co-op, and I will be an employee owner, is very, very imminent. So we've all had all the agreements, but I think the actual transition will happen within a couple of weeks. So go to MaximumFun.org slash join and support us because it's a big undertaking. MaximumFun.org slash join. And what about Bullseye? Got anything coming up? I had a great interview with Stanley Tucci recently. I mentioned my wonderful interviews with Mary Steenburgen and Lonnie Liston-Smith. Got our colleague from Fanti, Trayvill Anderson, coming up. Trayvill has a new book and they are one of the most brilliant and entertaining people that I have ever known. So go listen to that. Let's get back to the case.

I have ever known. So go listen to that. Let's get back to the case. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict. Torterra's large and clean shell supports the lives of many small Pokemon, which occasionally gather and build their nests upon the shell. Some are born and spend their entire lives on Torterra's back. Ancient people believed the ground contained a gigantic Torterra living underneath. This is a deep Pokemon. And Shuka just deleted it. Deleted a whole universe. not just a little virtual pet a world that supported other animals on its back deleted in a crime of passion i'll allow that shuka because i understand

that you are tired of your friends looking at their phones and being distracted by a trend and indeed this trend was fairly distracting there were i remember there were a lot of news articles about you know people wandering into traffic while looking for these pocket monsters and getting dinged by cars people wandering into rail yards where they're not supposed to be, looking for valuable ding-dongs or whatever. People are wandering off from their friends, looking into their phones. Nevermind a lot of the weird ethical dilemmas regarding in-game advertising and surveillance that was prompted by this game. What you did was wrong. And obviously I'm going to find in Cameron's favor, but I understand why you did what you did. It was out of friendship, but

let me just be clear to everyone who's listening. No matter how annoying your friends are being, you can't grab their phones away, run around the apartment and then delete their things. It's not okay. That's a violation. It's a violation that needs to be punished. And the question now is the damages are substantial. You're both young, a couple of years out of college. Your lives are not settled yet. Cameron can't get a golden retriever. The only kind of pet that he can have is a virtual one. The emotional damage is clear. He liked that guy. He named him after the singer from Mother Mother. He wants him back. He wants his friend back. He lost a friend that day, thanks to your friendship, Shuka. And that may be hard to

accept, but it's true. One thing I just want to say is that I really think that you are both terrific friends to each other. I think that, you know, one of the hard things about post-college friendships is you move to other places and you, you drift apart, you establish different lives. You've really worked, I think, to not only just, you know, actually stay in touch with each other sort of logistically, but stay in touch with each other emotionally. And I fully felt your apology when you offered it, Shuka. What you did was cruel. Now the question is, what is the sentence? What is the damages?

What's going to make it right? Shuka, you would like for Cameron to get out into the world. Cameron, you want a Torterra. Now look, Shuka, I could order you to go find 42 Turtwigs. Cameron to get out into the world. Cameron, you want a Torterra. Now look, Shuka, I could order you to go find 42 Turtwigs. That's no problem. And with the help of our listeners,

you'd get it done in a day. Turtwigsforshuka.com. Valerie Moffat was looking this up backstage. We can get a year of that domain for $14.99, right, Valerie? That's right. It's on sale. What about turtwigsforshuka.fun? Turtwigsforshuka.fun is available right now for $4.99.

That's quite a bargain. What about turtwigsforshuka.luxury? Turtwigsforshuka.luxury is available for $649.99. I don't think so. I don't think so. We have any other offers? Anything else we should consider? If we're feeling really flush, turtwigsforshuka.security is available for $2,499.99. All right. I'll take 10 of them. Got to get them all. Wow. I think we should just grab turt wigs for shuka dot fun just to be safe you know to make it a little bit easy because i'm not going to order shuka to go find these turt wigs on her own in the sun parched grass around the Federal Reserve Bank because you're both going to do it together.

It's going to be a friendship quest. Why are you sending your friend a deck of how to do something, Cameron, when you can just show Shuka in the real world as you go from grassy patch to grassy patch together finding turtwigs and siphoning off the ones that our listeners send you. Get it done. Big bang, boom, 42 turtwigs. I think you'd bang it out in an afternoon for sure. I would wait for an overcast day so that Shuka doesn't have to be out in the sun. Maybe go to the place with a nice breeze. Maybe go to, uh, you know, the national mall or something.

I don't know if there are dirt wigs around there do something fun together outside with the aid of our listeners you're going to get that tortera back very quickly you know i appreciate that this is pain and suffering for you cameron but time has passed i feel like you're in a forgiving mood one or two afternoons of time with your friend out in the real world in the sunshine, collecting little turtwigs with the help of our listeners. You'll get it done. You get your Torterra back.

You put that in your pocket and I don't care whether you play Pokemon Go again or never again. But when you and Shuka are hanging out together, phone's down, hangout time is on, especially now that you don't live in the same place. This is the sound of a gavel. Judge John Hodgman rules that is all. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Shuka, how do you feel? I feel good.

I think this will infinitely make this activity more fun if I'm doing it with Cameron. So I accept this. I accept this form of justice. Will it be as fun as financial reserve analysis? Oh, you have no idea how much fun that is. What's the most fun aspect of analysis? Oh, I love to troubleshoot code for hours and hours. Cameron, how do you feel?

I am very happy with this resolution. I'm actually surprised and delighted that Shuka's happy with it too. So that brings me joy because i never wanted um shuka to suffer either i just wanted you know to to get my tortura back in the way that felt the most appropriate so um i i'm very happy with this and i think that i'm gonna be really comforted seeing that little creature in my in my uh my phone screen now i think it going to bring me a lot of comfort and I'm going to be happy to see him. Cameron Shuka, thank you for joining us on the

Judge John Hodgman podcast. Thank you. Thank you. Another Judge John Hodgman case is in the books. In just a second, we'll have Swift Justice. Our thanks first to Reddit user Lex Fry for naming this week's episode Persona Non Grata Catch Em All. Pretty solid. Persona Non Grata, just a Latin phrase, nothing to do with legal. Just a Latin phrase, nothing legal. Yeah, but still pretty good. Had to do it. Had to do it.

Yep. Join the conversation on the Maximum Fun subreddit. That's MaximumFun.reddit.com. That's where we ask for title suggestions. So keep an eye out for those posts. Evidence and photos from the show are on our Instagram account, Instagram.com slash Judge John Hodgman. Follow us there.

Judge John Hodgman was created by Jesse Thorne and John Hodgman. Our producer is Valerie Moffitt. Our litigants this week were recorded at Tiki Recording Studios in Glen Cove, New York by Fred Guarino. Can we please assume that anyone with any sense has their phone in do not disturb mode while they're sleeping? Or do we still need to be concerned about what time of day we send texts? What do you think about this one, Jesse? I don't really know how to turn do not disturb mode on and off. I've never bothered to learn. My big concern is that if I turn it on, I will forget to turn it off.

Yeah, that happens to me quite a fair amount. My main problem is that I'm on do not disturb all the time. And then I discover that I should have been disturbed. But it's also the case that you can set do not disturb, but certain contacts of yours automatically bypass do not disturb, like say your spouse or your child. And I would say that I, I would prefer to maintain the sanctity of the email as a non time sensitive piece of communication, but the text as being, I need your attention right away. I don't want to live in a world where people are sending me texts in the middle of the night knowing that I'm going to get to it later. It's too intimate. It's too intimate.

It's like a call. And I would say, if you're texting someone at 2 a.m., you better be seeing if they're up, if you know what I mean. I don't think you should be sending texts in the middle of the night. Sorry, Meredith. When you say that, you mean that like somebody's giving birth and they got to go to the hospital or whatever. Right.

Or, you know, like, yeah, exactly. Or I think there might be a squirtle outside. I need you to meet me right away. Hey, you know where Ali's asking for cases. And since we heard some Pokemon cases, how about some Magic the Gathering cases? That's another thing I don't know anything about. I'd love to learn. And I think I have a very good idea for an expert witness for that case.

So if you've got some Magic the Gathering disputes, send them in or any kind of card game, even regular old playing card game. Do you have a bridge dispute? Pinochle? Did somebody sell you a bridge in Brooklyn? Do you have a bridge dispute? Pinochle? Did somebody sell you a bridge in Brooklyn? Why don't you send in your cases to MaximumFund.org slash JJHO.

And it's not just card game disputes. Right, Jesse? Any kind of dispute. MaximumFund.org slash JJHO. If you're not sure if it meets our standards, just send it in. The stakes are low here, folks. We look at all of them. MaximumFund.org slash JJHO. I love hearing from you, and I We look at all of them. Maximumfund.org slash JJHO. I love hearing from you and I read them all. I got to read them all. I got to read them all.

I'll tell you the truth. John can't reply to all of them. It would be impossible. But I think a lot of times John replies to somebody and they're like, thanks to whoever answered this. That's not actually John Hodgman. No, John really replies to as many as he can. I got to read them all and I got to reply to them most. Yeah. Not insignificantly. Maximumfun.org slash JJHO. Send me your beefs.

And I got one more URL to tell people about, John. Yeah, let's hear it. It's a little URL I like to call turtwigsforshuka.fun. Turtwigsforshuka.fun turtwigsforshuka.fun turtwigsforshuka.fun That's where you can go to find out information for how to send shuka turtwigs. Honestly, if we just texted my bullseye colleague

Jesus Ambrosio, I bet he has 42 turtwigs right now. Right now, I bet Jesus has 42 turtwigs. If you got any extra turtwigs hanging around, you know where to go.t wigs for Shuka, S-H-O-O-K-A dot fun. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.