Judge John Hodgman - The Friendship Inquest

Episode Date: June 2, 2011

Friends Adam and Will have a dispute about social networking.  Is it Adam's responsibility as a young adult to get with the program and join the online social networking world, or is Will pushing his own life choices on his friend?

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week, the friendship inquest. Will is our complainant. He writes to say that his best friend Adam refuses to join Facebook or any equivalent social networking website. Is it Adam's social responsibility to socially network? Or is Will a madman trying to force Adam into social contacts that he doesn't desire? Only one man can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom. You may have 6,000 friends on Facebook silently judging you, but only I will judge you to your face, and I will never friend you on Facebook. You may be seated. Well, Adam, raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do.

I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he does most of his social networking inside of the exclusive Yale Club in New York City? I do. I do. Very well. Judge Hodgman? Okay, so who is the complainant here? Who's Mr. Internet?

I am. And your name is? Will. And you're Will Price? Correct. Are you Will Price of Widget And you're Will Price? Correct. Are you Will Price of Widgetbox, or Will Price of the Culinary Institute of America, or Will Price of Princeton, New Jersey, or Will Price of the New York City Department of Education?

I am none of those. Well, I'm looking on Facebook right now. I am trying to friend you. Do you have a pseudonym on Facebook? No. Stop being coy with me. You friend me now. All right. I'll wait until you do it. H-O-D-G-M-A-N.

No E in Hodgman. Did you find me? Yes. Adding as friend. Well, requesting. We'll see what happens. We'll see how this goes. All right, Will, so what's the problem?

Well, the problem is that Adam refuses to participate in any form of social media. Right. And specifically, I would like to get him on Facebook. Are you doing some buzz marketing for Facebook right now? I am not. Do you promise me you're not getting an affiliate fee or anything by infecting my podcast in my courtroom with your Facebook pop-up ads? Yes, I promise. All right. So what are your personal and non-commercial arguments for using a popular social networking service that shall remain unnamed? Okay. Yeah. So the networking service that I would like to get them to join,

many of our mutual friends, including myself, use this service, and we update our feeds with videos and articles and links and just various commentary. And we just have a great old time sharing links and photos, and it's a great way for us to stay in touch with one another, BuzzMarketer. Next argument. Yeah, I got it. I understand what they are.

Everyone does. I guarantee you everyone who's listening to this podcast knows what Facebook is. Not Adam because I know he listens to the podcast. So, I mean, everyone knows why it's great and the big issue though is that when we get together and uh we discuss something that we may have you know posted on in someone's feed like an interesting video or or article or perhaps you know something from your blog right um adam has to halt the conversation and then have us explain to him why we are all having a good time and laughing because now it's becoming an inside joke that he's not a part of right because he's really out of it at all your day of it after the dentist and slow

lorist parties. Yes, he is. Okay, I got you. Did you get what I was talking about there, Adam? Vaguely. Vaguely, okay. So, I mean, socially it cripples him. And then I think professionally that it's not helpful to not have a Facebook account.

I think it's a fairly common practice for employers to try to look up applicants on Facebook to see if they have – I think primarily employers are looking to see if anyone has embarrassing photos or odd things posted that might make them a bad employee. I think employers are looking at people's Facebook pages so they can verify that their prospective employees have nipples. Maybe. Yeah, that's true. You wouldn't want to miss out on that. Okay. Okay, that's true. You wouldn't want to miss out on that. Okay. Okay. What is your, what is his business? Adam's business is he is a personal trainer, but that's a, that's a simplification. That was a long, that was a long pause for a pretty

simple answer. I think he would be better at describing it. Yes. All right, Adam, what is your, what is your occupation? Well, I have three part-time jobs right now. Okay. I'm an assistant strength and conditioning coach for L.A.U. I do after-school phys ed at a private school for 17-year-olds, and I'm a tutor at the Swedish Massage Institute. Hello. Where I go to school right now.

You go to school at the Swedish Massage Institute? I do. So you're out there, you're teaching kids. I'm teaching classmates science. You're what? Let's go back to all of your jobs for a second. Okay. First job, you're an assistant strength trainer?

Yes. Whose strength are you training? The athletes at Long Island University. The athletes at Long Island University. You volunteer. Yes. Whose strength are you training? The athletes at Long Island University. The athletes at Long Island University. You volunteer. Yes. And you have a background in sports medicine, or what do you have a background in? Well, I got my master's in exercise physiology at LIU, where I also was the grad assistant strength coach.

Oh, okay. So you're helping athletes train for strength. Yes. In your phys ed, you're the second job, instruction for children? Yeah, for like seven to nine-year-olds. Oh, okay, wow. So you're helping mature athletes get better. You're also training young people not to be obese Facebook users.

And you're out there at the Swedish Massage Institute, And you're out there at the Swedish Massage Institute, which not only sounds like an exciting new educational opportunity for you, but also sounds like an incredibly fertile premise for a series of 80s sex comedies. I have heard variations of that from many of my friends. Whoa, okay. You're saying I'm a plagiarist? Oh, no, no. This is my courtroom. No, no. I don't care what your friends said.

I'm making that joke now. Neither do I. I was with you there for a minute, Adam, but now. I'm sorry. The Swedish Massage Institute. Yes. And what... The Swedish Massage Institute.

I'm sorry. You'll have to excuse Bailiff Jesse. He's not very... He's not in touch with his body. It sounds like something from a fantasy sequence in an early Woody Allen movie. Where is this place located? It's on 26th street between, uh, seventh and eighth. Oh, right near, right near my old place of employment, right near writer's house, the literary agency where I first worked but on 26 between six and broadway is it possible to audit some classes um i i think it is you can also sign up to uh to be a client there like for students for oh for practice like yeah oh like like a practice

like you get a practice haircut you get like you get a practice uh a practice of massage right exactly exactly oh okay and what's the degree you get there like a practice of massage, right? Exactly. Oh, okay. And what's the degree you get there? Like a master's of deep tissue? I think it's an associate's in occupational studies, and it qualifies you to take the state and national board exams. Oh, and then join the Olympic massage team? If that's real, I will definitely join that. I can tell.

If that's real, I will definitely join that. I can tell. But you're out there in the world dealing with humans, bringing satisfaction to people who are hurt or desiring more strength or just wanting a happy ending in life. So why don't you want to lead a sedentary life of looking at Green Lantern previews on Facebook and clicking on their pop-up ads? Is that a rhetorical question or do you really want me to? Let me ask you this. Why don't you join? Do you,

you're not on Facebook. No, you're not on Twitter. I'm not on Twitter, but I do. I'm willing to follow people's Twitter. Okay. You don't Twitter yourself though.

I do not. Do you have a Twitter account? I do not. Okay. You're not on LinkedIn. No, you're not I do not. Okay. You're not on LinkedIn? No. You're not on MySpace? No.

You're not on, what's the one that Google had, Jesse? Oh, Buzz? Orkut, Buzz, Wave. You're not on any of these? No, I'm not. I think Google doesn't have that thing anymore. Well, you're pretty up to date on these things. You must hate them a lot.

Look, I am a member of these things, even though I make fun of them. Well, not LinkedIn, because that's ridiculous. But I have a Facebook account and I have a Twitter account. And I have opinions on them. But what are your opinions? Why won't you join these things? I don't really see the need to.

I mean, I'm not going to say that it's not important, that it's not useful for people. I don't really see the need to. I mean, I'm not going to say that it's not important, that it's not useful for people. I don't really want to join. I don't want to be bothered by people. I figure that like most of the people I talk to, I'm fine with having them as friends. And I interact with them like talking to Wilson at all. We talk just about every day. We talk online on Gchat or something.

And we hang out pretty close to every week. So I don't really see why it's necessary that I join Facebook. This isn't like, I'm not someone who lives far away. We live maybe 15 minutes away from each other. You're talking about your friend. You said Wilson. I have his name there as Will. Has it gotten so bad that you've forgotten your own friend's name? No, I remember he doesn't remember his own name. Oh, boy.

Because his real name is Wilson. Do you feel out of place at these slow Loras parties that Wilson is having at his house all the time? These let's get around and talk about funny video meme fests that he's getting together at his house? I don't know. For most of them, I've seen them before. Or, I mean, sometimes the videos are coming from me. Right. So I'm not that out of place.

And if I am on occasion, then I take two minutes and watch the video. And then I enjoy it like everyone else. No, not like everyone else at all. Because you're enjoying it old timey, like you're going to the YouTube, like homepage and searching, you know, like an old man. You're like dialing up the homepage and searching the search bar and then going through the results and then looking at it right there on YouTube. on YouTube. You're not looking at it the way you're supposed to be looking at it, embedded in someone's personal Tumblr or whatever. Do you understand the difference? You're out of date. Yes, I am. Is that accurate, Will? Am I describing the situation accurately? It's somewhat accurate, yes.

Why is this a problem? Do you feel you do not get to see your friend? How do you guys know each other, first of all? Do you feel you do not get to see your friend? How do you guys know each other, first of all? We met in college. We lived together by chance sophomore year. You were both massage therapists doing undergraduate massage work at Princeton? No, I am not a massage therapist. What is your job?

Sitting around? No, I am a— Too far away. No, please. Easy, easy. I'll have the order, please. This is my court. I am a game designer and product manager for a game company.

How is being on Facebook going to help your friend recruit physical active people? Well, I mean, for example, I'm on Facebook and I consider myself to be fairly active. And I don't think Adam would refute that claim. Will you, Adam? No, but would you like to say who designs your exercise programs? We're not here to plug your... I know, but you're saying like it's just divorced from... Wait a minute, wait a minute, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, Adam.

Yes? Were you just buzz marketing something too? I was not meaning to. Uh-huh. I got to say, my suspicions are now raised about you too. What is this business that you are secretly buzz marketing now? What's the product placement that's going on? Oh, I didn't mean to buzz market anything.

I did marvel to include that the reason he's active is because I helped him become active. That's all. Oh, I see. So you're buzz marketing your services as a strength training massage therapist. I didn't mean to. All right. How is this going to help him build his business, Wilson? And why haven't you friended me yet?

What is going on? Where is your request? I did friend you. I promise. We'll see. friended me? What is going on? Where is your request? I did friend you. I promise. We'll see.

But I believe, for example, Adam could set up a page for, a fan page for himself where he could attract like either current clients or have people recommend him to friends on Facebook who would then come and see his page. And through that page, he could find new clients or post things about his business, post hilarious stories from the Swedish Institute. Whatever money you're getting from Facebook, I want 30%. I don't want half. Just 30%, please. Well, it seems to me that he could grow his business by starting a webpage for his Swedish Massage Institute studies. And then he can create a network of friends on Twitter and get his message out to...

What? Are you a... No, I don't even want network of friends on Twitter and get his message out to what? Are you? No, I don't even want him to get on Twitter. I baby steps. I just want him to get on Facebook and get his feet wet. I know you don't want him to get on Twitter because they're not paying you any money to talk on my popular podcast. Boy, oh boy. You know how I loathe advertising, guys.

That's not for me. But I'll tell you, this Union Market coffee is really good. All right. Without further advertising for Facebook, are you a social media guru, Will? I am not. How has being on Facebook helped you in your life as a sedentary game designer? Well, I can't say that it has helped me much as a game designer, although I do use Facebook

sometimes to research. Can you try to say one sentence without the word Facebook in it? Sure. Okay. I know Mark Zuckerberg is laughing it up right now listening to this podcast, listening to what a puppet you guys have made of me for your Facebook advertising. Oh, you think I'm in on it too?

I don't know what to think anymore, massage boy. I would just like to throw in that Adam appealed to you, Judge, saying that because I live so close to him that he doesn't need to participate in any form of social networking, but there are other friends of ours who don't live close that he's missing out on. We have friends who live on the West Coast or friends who live south of us, like around the D.C. area. Who lives in the D.C. area that I am not keeping in touch with? It's gotten that bad. You don't even remember your friends in D.C. What about Alyssa and Jake and Chris and Ethan and James and Elliot? What about Sabrina

and Brian and Lyle and Courtney and Gordon and Eliza? Come on. I don't think I'm friends with any of those. Well, I'm friends with Alyssa. Well, these are all Will's friends. I can see on his thing. You don't know all these people? Don't you want to be getting links from them all the time? People you've never heard of? Don't you want to have that be a part of your daily life, getting emails saying that this person's birthday that you don't care about or even heard of is today? I mean, that actually sounds not good. I think that I know exactly how I'm going to rule on this case. Is there anything you want to say, Will, before I go to chambers that might turn things around for you?

I just want Adam to be aware that there are many other Adam Marcuses on Facebook, many of which I don't believe he would like to be associated with accidentally. Like, for example, if you search Adam Marcus and you click on a profile, would you want someone thinking that you were a fan of, say, the Dave Matthews band Adam? Because there are plenty of Adam Marcuses out there that are. And a case of mistaken identity could hurt you quite badly. Oh, so you're closing this with blackmail. I just want him to be aware that by not having a presence, he could be mistaken for another Adam Marcus, a less desirable Adam Marcus, because we are best friends

and he is certainly a desirable person. You understand what Wilson is saying to you, Adam? He's saying that if you don't sign up, he's going to create an account under the name of Adam Marcus, Dave Matthews fan number one. And he's going to put all sorts of pictures of you looking awful on it. And he's going to he's going to talk about how you are going to the Swedish Massage Institute. Oh, no, that's true. So forget it. That won't be that won't be on there. But he's gonna, he going to say all sorts of other crazy things about you,

and he's blackmailing you, because that's just another one of the fun things you can do with Facebook. Sign up now. Would that be an accurate representation of your position, Wilson? No. Okay. Adam, if you win this case, what do you want me to do? Do you want to compel Wilson Adam, if you in this case, what do you want me to do?

Compel Wilson to stop bothering you about this? To be honest, if I was concerned about being bothered, me and Wilson would not have been friends. I mean, the bothering is going to continue regardless. No, I just don't want to have to join Facebook. You seem like a very centered, self-confident, mature person, probably with very strong hands. I like where you're coming from on this You didn't need to push everybody to your point of view. You just keep it the way you want to keep it, right? Yes, I would say that's accurate. Wilson. Why can't you be more like adam? I'm not going to answer that I'm going to my chambers. I'll be back in a moment. Please rise as judge. Sean hodgman exits the courtroom

Will I have to ask you, uh, it doesn't sound like it went well in the courtroom there for you. How are you feeling right now? I feel good. I tried to make my points. I was cut off a little bit. I was a little surprised by Adam's lack of contention, but I think I did well. Adam, how are you feeling right now? I'm doing okay.

I guess I'll find out. Is that some kind of complicated trick, Adam? Is what a complicated trick? I don't know. I'm getting a real trick-type vibe from your contented tone. Oh, no. I still have no confidence that the ruling will be in my favor whatsoever. Fair enough.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman reacts to the court. Well, first of all, it just goes to show you can't trust people you meet on the Internet. You know, you use all these social networking tools, these emails, these Facebooks, these Twitters, these podcasts, all this new media, and you think you're meeting two nice guys who want to actually have a conversation, and it turns out they're just robots trying to get you to sign up for Facebook or whatever. Because I think that's what's going on here. And I don't get any of this money. Boy, oh boy.

I hope Mark Zuckerberg makes a big contribution to MaximumFun.org. But let's say for the moment that I am not speaking to androids who are actually adbots for Facebook, but actual human beings, one of whom is a masseur and the other is a game designer and are clearly good friends. And the game designer really wants to be in contact with his friend

and finds talking to him and seeing him to be insufficient and also really resents having to explain funny videos to him. I get it. Will, I think you just want to be closer to your friend, and I understand that. I almost was tempted just to compel Adam to sign up for Facebook, just to get you off his back and to make everybody happy, and also to do something a little unexpected in my ruling.

But I can't. I can't compel someone to do something else. You know, when I signed up for Twitter, a service that I like a lot and use regularly, I was writing things on it, and I immediately got a lot of people writing back to me saying, hey, buy my product. And also, hey, you're using Twitter wrong, right? You're not following back everybody who's following you, or you're tweeting too fast or too many times, or you're tweeting too slowly,

or you should say tweeting instead of twittering, or you're doing it wrong. And invariably, when I would look at who these people were, these were self-described social media gurus who had about five followers. And I feel that there is such an accepted mode of Internet usage, which is just telling people they're doing it wrong, that is really ultimately unproductive and toxic. And I just can't be party to telling Adam that he's using technology wrong. He's not a Luddite.

He's using the Gchat. And I guess because he said that, he's probably doing some buzz marketing for Google now that I think about it. He's using the Yahoo Messenger service. He's using the other things that he's using, the Bell telephone. And he occasionally enjoys using his American Express card to buy movie tickets via Fandango to enjoy Bridesmaids opening this weekend with his friends. But he's a please don't have a stroke. He's

really, he's not, he's using technology in the way that he is choosing to use it. And I think that he should not succumb to the bullying that sometimes goes on on the internet. And by sometimes, I mean, always, that other people think that you are doing it wrong, as they say. So I can't support your, although I appreciate the sentiment behind your campaign, as a matter of principle, I cannot support it. And so I absolutely have to find in Adam's favor, and this is the sign of a gavel, delicious Union Market coffee from 7th Avenue in Park Slope. Ah, that's good stuff. Judge Sean Hodgman rules that is all. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Adam, you said your chances were slim, but you seem to have come out on top. How are you feeling? I'm feeling relieved. You seem ecstatic. I'm not going to lie. You're bouncing off the freaking wall. I'm feeling relieved. You seem ecstatic. I'm not going to lie. You're bouncing off the freaking wall. I am feeling

relieved. Once I see Wilson's face, that would really once I see his reaction in person, that will do it. I promise you. Will, did you think that by appealing to techno-enthusiast Judge, you would

certainly come out on top of this conflict? You know, I figure that since the judge is a social media savvy man, he would understand. And I have to say, I am a little soured by the ruling. I disagree that Adam's doing it wrong. He's not doing it at all.

You know, I'm not accusing him of doing anything incorrectly. I'm sorry, sir. Is it your place to disagree with the ruling? No, I'm just... That's okay. I'm here. I'm listening.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to tweet about this right now. Shut your pie hole. Bailiff Jesse, please, please stop buzz marketing Bailiff Jesse's shut your pie hole pies. I know they come in five delicious flavor. Apple, lemon, pomegranate, Rubery and gooseberry,

Rubery and gooseberry. And they have an incredibly flaky crust that does not burn your mouth the way some fast food brand, uh, hand pies do, but this is not the time or the place. Um, no, you know, I, I, I understand, uh, your, your hairitting complaint with my ruling, Will. You are, after all, an Internet user. What would you be if not a hair-splitter and a nitpicker? I am not suggesting that you are telling your friend that he is using this particular social network wrong.

I am saying you're telling him that he's using the Internet wrong and that he needs to sign up for these things in order to be part of an actual full and complete technological life. But you can't tell people how to enjoy the internet. That's just something I cannot abide. Do you understand what I'm saying, Will? Yes, and I accept the ruling. However, I hope you also accept my friendship on Facebook, which I just confirmed.

Oh, thank you. Well, it seems, you know, you seem like a nice fellow. I don't, I know you don't mean wrong. And I also, I mean, the only reason I use Facebook is so that I can spy on people. So I also wanted to see more photos of you. Now, here you are playing poker. Here you are at a Star Trek convention. Here you are with a creepy woman dressed up as a Hitler. No, I'm sorry. Charlie Chaplin, my mistake. Yes. that's my ex-girlfriend. Your ex-girlfriend? Okay, good. Yeah. I can see why you would want potential employers to see all of this. I'm already employed, so I'm fine.

Do you know what, Adam? Every now and then on this podcast, I hope you will continue to listen because you will refuse to use Facebook. I will maybe do a segment from time to time updating you and my listeners as to what's going on on Will Price's Facebook page so that you will know. Well, thank you. All the funny, crazy videos. What is going on? What kind of crazy videos do you have on your wall? Let's see what people are saying here.

Will and John Hodgman are now friends. Will likes Hair Metal Salon. And here are some of your interesting new hairstyles. So there you go. See, we're friends. We're connected. We're living life together.

It's like, we're the best of friends. I feel it. Okay, good bailiff, Jesse. I'm sorry that I interrupted your buzz marketing. Not at all.

Gentlemen, thank you for agreeing to be on the judge. John Hodgman podcast. Oh, well, thank you. Good luck guys. And judge John Hodgman podcast. Oh, well, thank you. Good luck guys. Thank you very much.

And, and good luck with the, the, the, the deep tissue study. Be sure to like Thorne's individual pie at on club penguin.com. And remember, shut your pie hole.

Having now retired to chambers, Judge Hodgman, shall we clear out the docket? Uh, hang on, I'm just updating my linked up page and inviting you to join my new social network, Hodgebook. Confirm.

Thank you very much. Oh, hi Jesse, now I can see you we have uh one point of clarification in the mailbag here from graham in palmdale california uh he cites wikipedia as a source saying that nibisco claims uh that the name chips ahoy is a reference to the nautical term shipsahoy. I think shipahoy. I've heard shipahoy. I've never heard either of those. And, you know, thank you, Wikipedia. I also looked at Wikipedia.

I'm capable of using a keyboard, even though I don't use Facebook that much. But I would like to know from Nabisco. Can we get someone on the line from Nabisco to confirm this? I'm sure we can. It'll probably have to be on a future episode. Okay, let's do that. Fair enough. If anyone out there from Nabisco is listening, drop us a line. Otherwise, we'll track you down. Who was it who wrote in about Chips Ahoy? Graham McRae? Graham from Palmdale, California. But I did like this point about I may be interested to know that the package of Chips Ahoy has an illustration of maritime signal flags that spell out Chips Ahoy. I am interested

to know that. I feel very silly that I did not know that. That seems exactly like the sort of thing I would like to know. Anything that's using weird codes or semaphore or flag maritime flag signals to put hidden messages in their packaging. I need to know about that now. So thank you. That's like sex on a Ritz cracker to me. But what I'd like to know is, were these cookies originally called Chip Ahoy, and they each had one chocolate chip only?

And they realized that that wasn't selling so well, so they named it Chip Ahoy. And then someone said, you know, that's not really a maritime term. And they were like, don't say anything about it. We'll just put these crazy flags in the front and we'll confuse everybody. It was sort of like a French Christmas celebration where if you find the chip in the box of Chip Sohoi cookies. It's like a king cookie.

Yeah, it's a king cookie. You find a little plastic baby inside it. Any food that has little plastic babies hidden inside of it, you've got to admire that kind of recklessness. Here's a question from Bryce. Go on. He writes, Judge Hodgman, I recently heard and agreed with your ruling that airport visits cannot be counted towards one's personal state count.

Thank you, Bruce. However, I have a similar scenario that I need a ruling on. with your ruling that airport visits cannot be counted towards one's personal state count thank you however i have a similar scenario that i need a ruling on uh he says i too am a fan of geography and an enthusiastic traveler and as such i also keep a personal state count oh boy now he's starting to get on my nerves all right go on as a child my family took a trip to memphis tennessee one day on our trip, while my father was attending whatever conference he was there for, my mother and I drove across a bridge over the Mississippi River to the state of Arkansas. As I recall, we turned off the road just on the other side of the river and the state line and got out of the car and stood looking back

at the city of Memphis for a few minutes and then returned to Memphis. Can I count Arkansas on my state list? Hmm, that's a judgment call, but I guess that's why I'm here. It's certainly not a bailiffment call. No, it's not. Well, I love the Flannery O'Connor short story that describes your childhood. And I would say, sure, yes, you've been in Arkansas, you know, driving across a bridge with your mother in Arkansas and looking back on Memphis. That's a meaningful thing to do. And it certainly is different doing it in Arkansas than doing it in Tennessee. So, yeah, I say yes.

Enjoy. Please, Ash, I say yes. Enjoy. Please, Ash, add another hash to your state log. Here's an email from Brian on behalf of himself and his friend Andrew. He says, my friend and former housemate Andrew and I are writing because we have a minor dispute relating to food and language that we would love for you to resolve. While living together, one of our weekly routines was to go grocery shopping. Hang on, hang on, hang on, Jesse. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to start again.

I was just picturing Bryce and his mom holding hands and, you know, looking back on Tennessee from Arkansas. And I was just loving that image so much that I wasn't listening to you. It's so pretty. Such a pretty thing to do. Well done, Mom. Okay. My friend and former housemate Andrew and I are writing because we have a minor dispute relating to food and language that we would love for you to resolve.

While living together, one of our weekly routines was to go grocery shopping. to go grocery shopping, and during these trips we would often get at least one irreverent or unhealthy food item, for example tater tots, for the house. One week we decided to get a family-sized tub of Neapolitan ice cream, which we thought, based on

its apparent immensity, would last us for at least two weeks. However, we were surprised to find that in a matter of two days we had run out of ice cream, rather than the two weeks we'd initially anticipated. I'm not surprised. The conflict between Andrew and I arose when we started to reminisce on this unfortunate circumstance.

And I fatefully remarked that the tub of ice cream in question was deceptively large. Upon hearing these words, Andrew became incensed, his emphasis, stating that I was either confused or did not know the definition of certain words and that the tub of ice cream in question would best be described as deceptively small. Being both men of words, our discussion quickly became acrimonious over the meaning of the word deceptively so was this tub of ice cream deceptively large or deceptively small the answer is neapolitan ice cream is three different kinds of ice cream put together and originated in the 19th century as a version of Spumoni from the city of Naples. There you go.

That's an answer. The matter is therefore settled. Thank you, Judge Hodgman. Until next time. The Judge John Hodgman Podcast is a production of MaximumFun.org. Our special thanks to all of the folks who donate to support this show and all of our shows at MaximumFun.org. The show is produced by Julia Smith and me, Jesse Thorne, and edited by Matt Gourley. His great podcast, by the way,

is called Super Ego. You can find it in iTunes or online at gosuperego.com. You can find John Hodgman online at areasofmyexpertise.com. If you have a case for Judge John Hodgman, email us and be sure and include your telephone number. The email address is hodgman at maximumfund.org. If you have thoughts about the show, you can always comment on it on our message board, forum.maximumfund.org. We'll see you online and next time right here on the Judge John Hodgman Podcast.