Judge John Hodgman - The Judge John Hodgman Holiday Special

Episode Date: December 18, 2013

Judge Hodgman is visited by the spirits of litigants past.

Judge Hodgman, are you asleep here in chambers? Spirit? Is this a spirit before me? No, this is your old partner, Jesse Marley. Oh, no, you know what? It's Jesse Thorne, my bailiff. Oh, yeah. Sorry. What are you doing in my chambers in the middle of the afternoon when I'm normally asleep? I misspoke. I spend a lot of time studying a chart that helps me keep the Marley children straight.

You know, Ziggy and... Oh, right. So I misspoke when I said I was Jesse Marley. This is in no way an allusion to Christmas Carol. Are you touring around the country pretending to be a lost Marley child again, Jesse?

Yeah, I am. I'm Ziggy Marley too. I'm using the old Gallagher approach. Getting a lot of college campus money, I'm sure. Listen, here's the moral of the story. It's the holiday season and it's time for two things. One is find fat geese. The other is contemplation and remembrance. This is a time when we think about our place in the world, what we've done in the world and so on and so forth. Right, Judge Hodgman? So on and so forth. So what are you trying to tell me, Jesse? I got to look back over my life? I'm saying... At that time, I kicked over an orphan and danced on the grave of my partner? I did not know about those two times. I guess they didn't give me complete notes when I got to heaven.

But we do have a couple of past litigants that we thought we could check in with and see how your decisions have benefited or, God forbid, harmed their lives. Well, I'm going to be visited by three spirits. Three, actually four, a total of four spirits. Why don't we get one of them on the show and get started? You probably remember this case. No, no, no, no, don't tell me. Just have them come on, and I'll see if I can remember the details. Okay, great. Hello? This is Judge Sean Hodgman.

Without saying your name, can you say just a few words about what you had for breakfast? I had chicken and vegetables. Wait a minute. Is this Noah who used to live in the bat house in verdict number 54, deflator mouse? I believe it is. I can't believe you recognize that from that little information.

Just chicken and vegetables was all you needed to know. Judge Hodgman? Well, I remember his voice and he seemed like a chicken and vegetables for breakfast kind of person. And in fact, there's only one person in the world who eats chicken and vegetables for breakfast, and that is Noah. How are you, sir? I am doing well. How are you?

Where do we find you in the world? At the moment, I'm in Bangkok, Thailand. So we should remind people of what this case was all about, Judge Hodgman. Yeah, go ahead then. If you're so eager to interrupt my nice conversation, do a little back announcing.

Some years ago, Noah and Adam came to us seeking assistance because they had, in order to save money, purchased a house in a relatively remote part of Kansas that was in ill repair. And they found that the house had been invaded by bats, which were coming in through a hole in the bathroom.

Or arguably, the bats found that their home was invaded by two brothers. And an old house. So Noah was quite reasonably afraid of the bats, which were sometimes coming up towards his parts when he was naked in the bathroom, as one is want to be from time to time. And Adam's position was that they should keep the bats out by just keeping the bathroom door closed. Well, also, Noah, didn't your brother, is your brother Adam with us today? Yes, Adam. Hey, it's Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorne and your older brother Noah. Hey, hi everybody but Noah.

Whoa. Wow. Okay. Bad blood between the brothers. So I'm going to say that so Adam thought they should just bat the bats as necessary with a broom and keep the bathroom door closed. Judge John Hodgman's ruling was that the payer should pitch a reality show called The Bat Brothers, and if they sold it, they should use that money to pay for the bat removal, humane bat removal specifically. And if that didn't work out, they would have to use a bat jar to raise money for the bat removal, They would have to use a bat jar to raise money for the bat removal, wherein they would each place $5 in said jar when either Adam killed something or Noah screamed. But given that we reached Noah in Bangkok, Thailand, and that Adam refuses to even speak to Noah, I presume none of those things happened, guys?

No, I tried to pitch the reality show, but of course without a production company, that was extremely unlikely. But I wanted to keep with the spirit of your ruling that we still do have the house. It's been renovated, and it's being rented out to family friends. So we did the best we could. But your ruling did shame my parents into fixing holes in there so their children didn't die of rabies.

When you say that the house got renovated, do you just mean that you stuffed some oily rags in the hole? No, we had to redo the entire plumbing system. It was lovely. I actually, shortly after your thing, I went to teach in the Republic of Georgia rather than face bats. Just actually a damn bat. Assassin followed me there in a mountain village on the Turkish border, which was not cool. And then when I got back from Georgia for volunteer, I was volunteering there for six months.

When I got back, the plumbing broke in the house. We had to dig out the entire, we'll tear up the floor walls in the kitchen and the bathroom, digging up about six feet of dirt and replace the hodgepodge of, and I keep using that word. I was very, I was very offended when you use that word in the case. I remember it was fine though. I've grown since then. That's good to know. But while digging, we found what we hoped wasn't a human femur,

but we didn't find a skull, so we didn't feel like we had to contact authorities. And then we just renovated the kitchen and the bathroom, so it's more like a house, less than a shanty now. It sounds like you're describing a real TV makeover show style renovation. Granted, you fixed the plumbing, but besides that, you just put some new facades on some things, painted a couple statement walls, and just got out of there to foreign countries while your parents dealt with the repercussions. If it had been up to me, yeah, but I was back in the country for this,

so I was the idiot labor that had to do it. My dad knows how to. I can lift things. And so that's kind of how that went down. So, no, it was actually well done. So where do we reach you now, Adam? Where are you in the world now? I'm in Missouri right now, but I'm going to

be going to Barranquilla, Colombia come January. All right. So we've got you going on the way to Colombia. We got Noah in Bangkok, Thailand. When we spoke to you in, by the way, Jesse, it was May of 2012, not a couple of years ago. When we spoke to you guys then, Adam, you were studying respiratory therapy. Noah, you were studying instructional design and technology. Here's my question for both of you. What the heck are you doing now? And have you now figured out what those things were? Because no one knows.

Yeah, I'm teaching English as a foreign language, as a second language. I'm doing that at a foreign language, as a second language. I'm doing that at a university right now, and then as I travel, we'll be doing that again in Colombia. Then next will be Turkey, and we'll see after that. The respiratory therapy didn't go through because there's waiting lists to get into the classes, the curriculum. Those waiting lists are all controlled by the bat lobby anyway. Can you clarify, Adam, what you said, that you were attacked by a bat assassin? Did I understand that correctly? Yeah.

When I got to Georgia, after orientation in their capital city, Tbilisi, I went to a very rustic village, not speaking any other language. I thought they spoke Russian. No, they speak Khartoum. So I had no idea what was going on. I was just in a car with what I thought was my principal of the school I was volunteering at. He shows me to a room and turns the light off. That was, you know, he's a little, you know, terse. And then a bat swooped down.

I traveled 17, 18 hours by plane and somehow managed to still get attacked by a bat. 18 hours by plane and somehow managed to still get attacked by a bat. And did you smash it with a dictionary, which I believe was your preferred method of dispatching a bat? I did not. I traveled quite light there. I didn't have any preferred weapons or even anything to really try to kill one with. The pillows were heavy, but I didn't think about it. No, that one escaped. And Noah, what are you doing in Bangkok? Well, I went to China to teach English at a university

after I finished my master's, and then I went to Bangkok to do the same, and I'm starting my PhD in educational technology. We still don't know what that is. What is educational technology? Let don't know what that is what is educational technology uh let's just say no let's not just say let's not just say just tell me the study of the computer game reader rabbit exactly no it's using technology to teach people distance classes things like that okay great and do you think you both will will emerge as teachers as a career or do you have other plans?

That's what I went to school for originally, and that's with the PhD is with education, with the focus in educational technology, which makes it sound even more pretentious. But yeah, teaching is what I want to do. And Adam? I kind of just fell into it, went to volunteer teaching Georgia on a whim, found it was probably the least distasteful job I've had out of many. And that's the only way someone of modest means like myself gets to travel the world. So I'll be doing it for quite a while. Whether or not I keep doing it, I don't know when you said with what i still consider to be epically uh hilarious and

and and uh provocative terseness hello everyone but noah one of the great you say a lot with very few words sir are you in a feud with your brother no that's just our usual dichotomy got it yeah he's he's the r Swanson of the internet, I believe. I like it very much. How is it possible that the Duck Brothers have their own hit show and we can't get the Bat Brothers a show? What they need is a production company, Jesse. We're going to talk off the air about this, boys.

Let me say this. This is your one chance to tell me if I was right or wrong. Was there any error that I made in my judgment? No, I don't think so. I don't think we qualified to judge it because we didn't, we kind of ignored it. I mean, so the efficacy of it can't really be judged. I disagree.

When we see the contrary, you know. No, we fixed it before we left. Well, I'll tell you what, we'll get to talking to some production companies, see what we can do for you guys. I think there might be a future in maybe not Bat House Brothers, but maybe Bat House Flippers is what you're on to now. Good luck in all your travels, guys, and have a great holiday, whatever time of year it is where you are.

I don't know. It could be next fall for all I know. I don't know. Thanks for checking back on us. All right. We're going to move on to the next spirit that is coming to haunt us. Take care, guys. I was right. See, they said I was right. I think that's what they said. I was very wise and I was very correct. Yeah, I think that's a rough summation of what they said. If I were going to quickly summarize that recap there, I would say that they said that you were right. I think we really need to get these guys a show, Jesse. Bat house flippers.

This could be it. What about American bat house flippers? Well, that's how you got to sell it. Yeah, because it's not going to work trying to do it in the in the republic of georgia duck dynasty has taken over every every gift shop in every in every truck stop and airport uh in america what it is is unbelievable what about this judge hodgman what What about Bat House Flippers International? It's an international real estate show about buying homes

in vampire country like Romania and the Republic of Georgia. Sold in the gosh darn room. Is there another spirit coming to visit me? Yes, there is.

Let's have her spirit her way in here hey guys wait a minute wait don't say anything else don't tell me who you are what case you are from it's judge sean hodgman Just tell me what you had for breakfast this morning. I didn't eat breakfast this morning. Oh, it's Katie. I remember you, Katie, from the giraffe, from the long-necked custody battle. One of our very rare non-pun named cases. That is true. And as I recall, you had left computer science to go to art school to become a degenerate and a wastrel.

And that's why you didn't have anything for breakfast this morning, except, I presume, some absinthe or heroin. Yeah, that would be mostly true if I hadn't dropped out of art school and gone back to computer science. All right. Well, before we get ahead of ourselves, Jesse, fill the audience in on what we're talking about. So as we alluded to, this dispute was over a toy giraffe, which had been shared property of Katie and Megan, who were best buds in college. When Megan moved away, Judge John Hodgman ruled that they should have joint custody, essentially exchanging the giraffe each year, preferably in person, so that they could spend some time together and revel in their BFFitude and not forget each other using this toy giraffe as a sort of talisman of friendship. Now, Katie, first of all, I had urged you, Well, I'm not even sure I urged you to give up art school. I think I made it clear that I highly disapproved of your choice to go to art school when we spoke before. And now you have left art school. So let me first say congratulations.

I've changed my mind. So now you have to, yeah, you have to go back. I'm sorry. No. So you left art school and you're gone back to computer science. And what's Megan doing? Are you still in touch with her? Yeah, actually. She is a teacher, a middle school teacher out in Palo Alto now. Ah, right. A middle school teacher. And I was also in her wedding last month. Oh, is that why she's too good to talk to us? Because now she's got a real life with a husband and everything else. She's got 11-year-olds who depend on her. She's got 11-year-olds throwing rocks at her, actually. Oh, it's a Montessori school and are you still living in atlanta yes i am and where where what neighborhood of atlanta um that's very specific

i'm sorry let me put it this way what is your address oh well when you put it like that let me ask you a different question then if you if you're concerned that someone's going to try and rob your wind-up giraffe because they heard about it on a podcast. Is there a really good restaurant, new restaurant that you recommend in Atlanta that I can buy a gift certificate for my father and stepmother-in-law for the holidays? Oh, hmm. Let's move on to a different line of questioning. Who currently has Jeffrey the wind-up giraffe? Megan does. And did you follow my instructions? I believe she had it last time, didn't she? Did you follow my instructions to trade off year over year? We did follow them up until this past Christmas, where I saw her, but she did not bring Jeffrey. Why do you think she failed to bring Jeffrey?

Is she hoarding it? No, no. She had just gotten engaged, and so she was coming out to do that announcement, and she was just finishing up grad school, and I think she just honestly forgot. Oh, what a shame. This is the beginning of the end of your friendship. It was good. It was a good run, though. Really? Even with the wedding?

No, but that's usually when it really stops. Oh. Yeah, there's like four groomsmen from my wedding who I still have very fond feelings of. But I basically haven't talked to since my wedding. Yeah, let's just put it this way. You don't trade a giraffe with them every year, right? No, sir. No.

But maybe, but if you follow my instructions and do not allow her to be neglectful of Jeffrey in the future, it could be that you guys could continue this relationship and Jeffrey won't end up being storage ward later on. You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. I'll get You know what I mean? Yeah. Okay. I'll get on her case about it. Yeah. Tell her that I,

tell her that I, that it's really on her at this point. Cause she didn't even call back to haunt me on this clip show and you are, and you're doing everything right. And she's doing some, do you like the, do you like her husband or is it, is it a husband?

Yes, it is a husband. And he's a good guy? Yeah, he's really good. Was he in the picture when we spoke last time? Yep, since college. Oh, nice. Now, which one of you, and forgive me, I mean, obviously my memory is preternatural, but which one of you was it that gave me a copy of Jeffrey? That was me. That's what I thought, Katie. Sorry, I should have just guessed. Well, I want you to know that the Jeffrey that you gave me is still intact and happy and here in my office, one of my prized possessions. And if your friend Megan fails to live up to her end of the court-ordered bargain, you and I can start trading Jeffrey back and forth year over year, and we'll start a new friendship.

How does that sound? Sounds good. Was your experience in the court of Judge John Hodgman positive, negative? Do you have any feedback? Did I do anything wrong? Is there anything I can do to improve myself in the years to come? No, it was really fun, and we still talk about it. And Megan was actually really disappointed that she wouldn't get to call in today. Yeah, well, she's going to be disappointed

that she can't do a lot of the things that she ought to be doing. I think that that's the pattern so far. Yeah, well, she is kind of a screw up. So I'm glad I was able to intervene at this sensitive time. Before she had fallen off the Jeffrey wagon too far. She can finally get her act back together and, and share that, share that, that wind up giraffe with you the way she's supposed to. Yeah,

me too. I'll get, I'm finding her a thousand dollars a day until she, until she gets that giraffe to you. Does that go to you or to me? Let's split it. Okay. I'm good good Giraffe friends

Thank you so much, Katie, for coming back and talking with us Yes, thank you for talking with me again Every now and then, the giraffe winds down Do you know what I mean? It just needs a little wind-up It'll be fine Okay It'll start marching across the table again

Going ring, ring, ring, ring. That's a sound. I remember what that sounds like. I got one over here. Yeah. No, I'm saying your, your story holds together.

I'm that's all I'm trying to do is convince people that I'm a normal human. Thanks so much for talking to us, Katie. Thank you, John. We got to move on because I'm being pulled. I'm being pulled away by another spirit of the holiday season. Hello, how are you?

Oh, it's Judge Sean Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorne. Don't say your name or what case you were a part of. Just tell me what you had for breakfast. I had, oh goodness, a banana. Oh, I know who it is. It's Jason from verdict number eight to tree or not to tree. Is that not right, sir? That is correct.

Yeah, I knew I recognize, I do recognize that voice, obviously, because ladies and gentlemen, you mind if I use your last name on the podcast? I do not mind. This is Jason Sims, who was one of our very early litigants, along with his lovely wife, Brandy, who I presume is not at your place of employment at this very moment, right? No, no. every year at this time, Jason, upon orders from this court, is forced to hack off a limb of a tree and watch it die in the attached shed next to his home so that he can celebrate his own dour version of Advent, which he calls Sadvent. He is also, by the way, the host of a great podcast that I've been a guest on called Jason Sims Puts You in Your Place and is a frequent caller to the soon-to-be, and depending on when you listen to this, now late and lamented dearly, the best show on WFMU.

How are you, Jason? I'm doing very well. Good Sadvent to you. Well, good sadvent to you. I guess it will be sadvent by the time people hear this. It may or may not. Look, I don't know what time it is in Alabama. We're about 10 years behind the rest of the country. Yeah. How are you down there? It's Huntsville, Alabama. Is that correct? Yes, Huntsville, Alabama. That's correct. Now, where is Huntsville in relation to Birmingham? Huntsville is almost in Tennessee. It is way north.

Yes, well north. And have we gotten any farther in getting me into the Bottle Tree Cafe in Birmingham to perform a show? You know, I did what I could. I know. And then they tweeted me and I tweeted them again. But we'll work on it. Bottle Tree Cafe in Birmingham, Alabama is a great music and comedy venue that Jason and I have spoken about before. And I'd love to go do a show there. And Jason, if that happens, I hope that you'll come and open for me. Oh, I would love to do that. I'll have to figure out, I'll have to find a talent to open with.

Well, it's going to be great. You're a natural broadcaster, and you are a devout convert to a particularly harsh strain of Catholicism. Is that not so? Well, just regular Catholicism, but I found a way to pump some medieval rigor into my Catholicism. So to fill people in, we spoke around holiday time or pre-holiday time, let's say, 2010, at the very beginning of the Judge John Hodgman podcast, as I say, verdict number five.

Judge John Hodgman podcast, as I say, verdict number five. Jason and his wife had a dispute about when to decorate the holiday tree, the Christmas tree specifically. Brandy, his wife, wanted to decorate it at and depressing in honor of the time of apocalyptic self-reflection that led up to Christmas Eve and then totally blast out the tinsel at the last minute for that big Christmas ceremony. Kick out the Christmas jams. Yeah, and as I said, I ordered you to let your wife and sons enjoy Christmas in a normal way, and you would have to have a sadness tree of your very own so that you could do your own reflection by yourself in your shed. And you did that, I know. You posted pictures of it. How many?

At least twice. Well, we are now about to enter or have entered sad vent number four. And yesterday I actually harvested sad vent tree number four, sadness tree number four. Oh, so what are we working on now? Is this just an old railroad tie? Close, very close. I went to the back end of the warehouse in this building where I'm calling you from right now, where I work, and I ripped off a particularly gnarly plank from a pallet, a standard shipping pallet, and it has all kinds of crazy nails in it, and it's split down the middle sort of, and it's got blue paint on it. It's seen some miles so you're using it you're using a tree that has been dead for a long time i'm gonna like shove

some greenery in it though i think so i can watch it brown you're gonna yeah because something because because as i recall part of the part of the purpose of the sadness tree was that you had to watch it die yeah so i'm gonna i'm gonna rip up something or rip something out and shove it in the cracks there and watch it round. Now, I was absolutely convinced in 2010 when we spoke that the world would end on winter solstice 2012. I staked my reputation on it. And indeed, I did a special that I will not buzzmark it, but it's on Netflix.

Search my name. I can't stop you. Based on this, and it didn't happen. How was your Ragnarok? Uneventful. Yeah. I enjoyed the special. Well, look, we don't need to talk about that any much more.

You're right, though. It's a great special. I think that's about enough. Thank you. Thank you both. I'm just saying it's worth watching. And do you think it's possible that if you go to johnhodgman.com, you'll find out about how you can buy one of only 500 commemorative DVDs, along with a super package of survival mayonnaise, a urine flask, my consciousness imprinted on a thumb drive, and also an absolutely non-ironic unisex men's cologne. I mean, unisex cologne for men and women,

all in a beautiful package that will be shippable to you by Sadvent itself Christmas of this year. Do you think you could do that? Seems like a reasonable bet, right, Jason? I'd stake my reputation on it. All right. Well, I'm sorry to do a buzz marketing on my own podcast, but Moxie Soda is also great.

So, Jason, I would love to see all of the photos of your various sadness trees, including this new particularly sad one. Would you mind reposting them or resending them to MaximumFun.org so when this particular episode comes out, we can do a whole flipbook of them, of all four so far? Yeah, I wouldn't mind at all. I'll try not to be too happy to do it, but I will be happy to do it. And maybe if we keep it up, we'll eventually be able to bring out a Sadvent calendar.

There has been a Sadvent calendar. At last year, there's a Tumblr where there's a Sadvent calendar. I think I'm going to do it again this year. What would that be? And what would the address be? Okay, it's sadventcal.tumblr.com. And what will we see on the Tumblr? Well, I think this year, I'm going to have me being sad every day. Last year I had artists do some really sad pictures, and that was great, but it was a ton of work for everybody. So this year, and those are still up, you can look at them. This year I'm going to do just me getting progressively sadder, doing different sad activities throughout the sadvent season. And so what day does sadvent begin?

December 1st. December 1st. December 1st. And this will certainly be airing once the Sadvent Tumblr is underway. And I will look forward to seeing you do sad things. I did have a request, a possible, you know, commuting of a sentence maybe. Well, you know that Judge Sean Hodgman cannot deny a favor at Sadvent. This is what I've heard. This is what I've heard.

So here's the thing. Not this Sadvent, but next Sadvent, toward the end of it, I will turn 40. Good heavens. Yeah. And I feel like that the sort of combined crushing weight of my disappointments. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're going to turn 40 next Advent? No, not this one.

Yeah, but the next one, yeah. Yeah, next Advent of 2014. Are you suggesting to me that you are aging in real time and not staying the exact same age like me? I'm not only suggesting it, I'm stating it. I'm claiming it. I'm claiming it. My goodness. So as 40 approaches, what's going to happen? Well, and I feel like these past four, you know, what will be have been five years at that point, and the fact that when I, you know, crushing weight of my own disappointments and failures,

by the time I'm 40, I might be sufficiently sad. I may not need to spend so much time in the shed. But this is a matter of religious conviction, Jason. Are you trying to suggest that you were pranking us all along? No, no. My conviction to... Is your religious conviction simply a matter of how bad you feel when you wake up in the morning? No. I think I may be able to feel sufficiently apocalyptic

and sad during the Advent season without the use of the sadness shit is all I'm saying. My sadness heart has grown three sizes over these sad Vents. Well, that's pretty good. You've got to admit that's pretty good, Judge John Hodgman. I do admit it. But I also think that he should seek some medical attention. I am really torn. This is an interesting conundrum because I did imagine that this was a matter of your religious faith. Why else would you put your family through this madness?

But on the other hand, I am very much in favor of personal growth. And unlike you, I believe in evolution, both of the species and of spirit. So I absolutely grant you the right to stop hacking off a branch and letting it rot in your shed as soon as you feel that it is appropriate. Although I think we would all miss these updates. So we'll find another thing to talk about when that happens. And I will continue at least until I'm 40, and then we'll decide. We'll see what happens after that. When is your birthday exactly, Jason?

Christmas Eve. Is it really? I may have known that and forgotten because I'm a monster. Well, happy advanced birthday to you. Thank you. And I hope your family is all well, your sons. Oh, yeah, except for the fact that they're teenagers. Other than that, they're fine.

They were teenagers last time we talked. When are they getting out of the house, or are they gone? One of them is 18, and he's a musician, so he's probably never leaving. I'm very sorry. And the other one is 16. You know, Katie, the art student from the Long Neck Giraffe episode, stopped being an art student. And she's up in Atlanta. So maybe you can arrange a marriage because she's a respectable person again.

She's doing computer science. I know Katie through the Internet. Oh, well, there you go. This is it. Another sadvent miracle. Just tell your son that there's a woman he might be interested in, and you know her through the internet. That'll work.

My younger son, he's 16, and he's either going to go into the Air Force, the police force, or the Benedictine Monastery. Which one are you rooting for? I think he could do all three. I think he could go into maybe the Air Force and then retire and then be a cop and then retire and then become a monk. The triple eagle. I like it. Well, I know that I just missed you up here in New York City because I had to go to Los Angeles to do the devil's work of pretending. And I'm very sorry to have. Did you have a nice visit in New York City last week?

It was wonderful. It was fantastic. I only had one disappointment. Which was? It was wonderful. It was fantastic. I only had one disappointment. Which was? I didn't see any of your fantastic possum-sized rats. Or any rats.

You didn't have your eyes open. Well. Did you take the subway? Oh, I loved the subway. Yes, I took the subway. What you have to do is next time just climb right into the train well. Climb down into the tracks. Just ignore the sign.

Oh, yeah. No, we all do. We all do. Don't do that. Don't do that, anyone. Take it all back. Jason, it is always a pleasure to speak to you, and I hope that we'll get to speak to each other again,

podcast phonically, and eventually face-to-face when we co-host a night of adventure and excitement and entertainment. And Jesse, would you like to come down to the Bottle Tree as well? I'll be there. Sure. It's a good place. Hey, you don't have to tell me twice. It's a good place. It's a good place. There, I told you four times. Happy sadness to you, Jason, and to your whole family and to all in Huntsville, Alabama, and to all a good night.

Thank you. Wow, Jesse, that was quite a tour down memory lane. Yeah, I thought it in order to continue. Go to MaximumFun.org slash JJ Ho. JJHO. MaximumFun.org slash JJ Ho. You're listening to Judge John Hodgman. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorne. Of course, the Judge John Hodgman podcast always brought to you by you, the members of MaximumFun.org. Thanks to everybody who's gone to MaximumFun.org slash join. And you can join them by going to MaximumFun.org slash join.

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a nice time. And you get to hear this sound. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash Hodgman.

Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash Hodgman spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash Hodgman. Rules and restrictions apply. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace, because yes, listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun

or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. And remember, no running in the halls. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky. Let me give it a try.

Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D-I. It'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O. Ah, we are so close. Stop podcasting yourself.

A podcast from MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh, then you're on the go. To Jesse, Julia, Mark McConville, and all the listeners of Judge John Hodgman, thank you so much for making this such an exciting and fun and surprising week-over-week part of my life. I really appreciate you all. I wish you all a very happy,

healthy, safe holiday. There'll be more episodes to come, maybe even before the holidays, but I'm a little bit in my cups and feeling a little wassail-y right now. So I adore you all. Now go down to the store and buy me a goose. Goodbye. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman Podcast. The Judge John Hodgman Podcast is a production of MaximumFun.org.

Our special thanks to all of the folks who donate to support the show and all of our shows at MaximumFun.org slash donate. The show is produced by Julia Smith and me, Jesse Thorne, and edited by Mark McConville. You can check out his podcast, Super Ego, in iTunes or online at GoSuperEgo.com. You can find John Hodgman online at AreasOfMyExpertise.com. If you have a case for Judge John Hodgman, go to MaximumFund.org slash JJHO. If you have thoughts about the show, join the conversation on our forum at forum.maximumfund.org and our Facebook group at Facebook.com slash Judge John Hodgman.

We'll see you online and next time right here on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. MaximumFund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.