Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald - Fortune Feimster, Bad Vegan and Classless Housewives

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

Comedian Fortune Feimster is here to reenact what may have happened when Luann got drunk and sang at a gay bar. Fraud Con is in the works and the Bad Vegan, Sarma is the latest to sign on. Jussie Smol...lett is out of jail pending his appeal. Pete Davidson went to Reign Disick’s baseball game. Heather summarizes Samantha Markle’s book and she is still trying to get Meghan to give her those candle sticks. Ben Affleck’s latest flick sucks. We give Below Deck staff some suggestions and more.  Subscribe on Apple Podcasts to get exclusive Extra Juicy episodes every Friday and get all episodes of Juicy Scoop, ad-free Or get access to Extra Juicy on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/juicyscoop To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email podcastadsales@sonymusic.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Head of McDonald Has got the juices scoop When you're on the road, when you're on the go Juice is scoop is the show to know She talks Hollywood tales Her real life, Mr. Sigma's serial data And serial system You'll be addicted and a-ticks it fast
Starting point is 00:00:21 To the number one tab, like real life hot cat Listen in, listen up. Woo, woo, and a McDonald. Juicy scoop. Hello and welcome to Juicy scoop. I have a return favorite. Adarling from the South, a debut hot, a southern bell, office wife,
Starting point is 00:00:44 with your office together fortune-famester Heather McDonald back so good to be back there was some juicy scoop rumors going on about us what was happening what were people saying things like talked about like friendships ending over COVID and stuff and someone's like do you think she's talking about fortune? Really? And I was like, no, fortune's just been on tour doing 12 billion shows. And I was just at your dinner. When was that? Like two months ago?
Starting point is 00:01:12 I know, but over the last few months, there were some rumblings. And people thought that, you know? Well, truth be told, and you know this, that there was a big chunk of time during the pandemic. We didn't see anybody. Oh yeah. Because my wife is a huge germaphob pandemic aside. Yes. So she was keeping it pretty yeah. Helped that like held down. I wasn't seeing a lot of people. And you know, I will admit, like if you were to give me a grade on, you know, the best COVID behavior and the worst COVID behavior.
Starting point is 00:01:46 You would have been the best for sure. Well, forgive me. I think I'm a... I can do. I thought a C+. I thought a C+. Maybe a C-minus. Okay. You are living life pretty.
Starting point is 00:02:00 But also it was making a sensitive to when people were... You reprimanding me. And so that's why I went out on stage and set about all my vaccinations and then fell on my head. Because I really wanted people to know, like I heard you, I got it done. Well, that was a thing.
Starting point is 00:02:20 You were living your life, but also aware. Yes, these were the times you were in. So you go, I know I get it, I hear you. I'm gonna be doing this, but also I'm doing this. So you had an awareness about it, but you were still doing it. But I mean, it would happen. I would be doing something. And then the following week, somebody would all of a sudden be like, okay, I don't think
Starting point is 00:02:43 I want to see you. Or I'd be like, Jeff Lewis would be like, okay, I don't think I wanna see you, or I'd hardly like Jeff Lewis would be like, I, you know, some of it would point out that I was talking to a stranger on a Insta store. Oh, really? I'm a, I would see you dancing in restaurants. Yes. So, I was like, probably I'm not gonna go see Heather.
Starting point is 00:03:01 So there was a couple of things. Yeah, there was a couple, where I, I had a little bit of the COVID stink on me, even though I never got COVID. Well, that's the thing that's that's really, and I want to circle back to a couple of things. But that's the thing that's crazy, because we were very close to going out and about again, yeah, when, uh, when Jeff Lewis had that Christmas party, we were
Starting point is 00:03:24 invited. Yeah. And we kept going back and forth about, are we gonna go? Because Omicron was starting to like, we were up again, but it wasn't as hard as it got over the holidays. And we decided last minute, we weren't gonna go.
Starting point is 00:03:39 And thank goodness, because a bunch of people got COVID. But, and then I go, I was like, Heather had to have gotten COVID because she was like singing. You were like spraying your germs all over everybody. You were taking selfies like the kind of selfies, cheek to cheek selfies.
Starting point is 00:03:56 And of all people, you did not get it. So, and I was like, never got it. It is truly crazy. So then we went back into our Hermit shell, but then we saw you at your dinner. Was that early? It was before. You had it like perfect.
Starting point is 00:04:13 I had it right before people started to get it. So I saw you there, but you said to me, like, you know, whenever I wanted to come, I honestly just don't ever think to ask to come anywhere. I just assume that people want me, they'll ask me. And I just wouldn't. And I'm so glad you let me know because top secret, but you have a big project going on. And you'll be taken out of our vicinity for a while.
Starting point is 00:04:41 I'm going to be out of town for four months filming something. Yeah, so I texted Heather I said I'm I'm hearing a few rumblings. I wasn't sure what was happening on the juicy Jesus, Scoob Forums and whatnot, but I'd heard a few things here and there where people were like when he coming back on juicy Scoob I didn't know all the like are they not friends anymore rumors? I just assumed people knew that we were friends and I texted Heather. I said, that's begun for four months. Let's get one in, girl.
Starting point is 00:05:15 I know. Let's have an afternoon delight. So excited. We have so many juicy things to talk about. Yes, just an afternoon just are fun. First thing that happened over the weekend weekend I don't know if you heard this but uh... luandaliceps from real house i was in new york you know she's a cabaret singer yes i haven't heard this story
Starting point is 00:05:35 she went to a famous gay bar in new york and got was drunk and she's out if she is you know but on and off the wagon oh really yes but a gay bar drunk at a gay bar in New York is very on brand for house was i mean it's a great moment it's a great moment and the co-ins baby shower hello everyone was like so hammered so um but the singing wasn't great oh really and the behavior wasn't her motto, which is her hit song, Money Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Buy, Buy, Can't Buy, Can't Buy, Buy, Can't Buy, Buy, Buy, Can't Buy, Buy, Buy, Can't Buy Well, the music and life. I'm assuming. Yeah, so that's somebody caught it. And the day she didn't like that, I think it's delightful.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Well, I think everybody was fine with it. And I mean, for the real housewives of New York, where today we've been like, we don't know for coming back. We don't know who's going to be it. We don't know who's going to. I'm like, she just bought herself another season. For sure. Back drinking again. I mean, this is exactly what we don't know who's gonna be and we don't know who's gonna. I'm like, she just bought herself another season. For sure. Back drinking again.
Starting point is 00:06:47 I mean, this is exactly, we don't want sober housewives unfortunately. Well, unfortunately the show does capitalize off of people's life unraveling. Yes. They do really like that. Yeah. And I want people in life to be very, you know,
Starting point is 00:07:03 happy and healthy, but it doesn't, it's not as fun. It's not as fun. You have to have a really awesome personality for your life to be going well. Like I'm, like I'm enjoying Gina on OC, even though her life is better, she's, she's been funny. All right, we're going to get to OC. But first I wanted to say that so Luandal steps. Hello the Countess.
Starting point is 00:07:27 The other things that they said is that she got up there and she, you know, was she sensed as apologized and said we were having a celebratory night. I didn't act classy. She's midtown. She did all of that. She's afraid.
Starting point is 00:07:41 And she said, but other people reported that she went right to the piano guy and was like, play money camp by class. And he's like, I don't like know that by heart. I can't just like start. That is the greatest. And she's like, everyone knows. It's a live tunes hit, you know?
Starting point is 00:07:59 And he's like, what? And like, she just assumes everyone knows that. Like, he could just like, do it right off the bat. I mean, I like to play the piano to it but I could be like money can buy your class. So that's all I got. I feel like I'm a true housewife. So she got up there and was singing and you know I remember you once said that I was slowly turning you into a gay man. Yeah, you were. And so I wanted to do a quick improv. You're a gay man at this bar.
Starting point is 00:08:30 I am drunk. It was your turn to sing. I took the mic from you. Oh, no. And I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed. You're a little annoyed. Like you're a fan, but you're annoyed.
Starting point is 00:08:40 And then I'm Luanne. Well, I'm starting my darkly. I mean, you're getting the cabaret for free. Oh, I don't know. Oh god, is anyone catching this on the insta? Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. It's not, let me tell you something motherfucker. It's embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:09:00 It's not embarrassing. I mean, I have been through it. I have that sold out shows. We had deal with shows being canceled. And I mean, I have been through it. I have that sold out show. We had a deal with shows being canceled. I mean, really bitch, we have to already deal with Bachelorette parties taking over our gay bars. Now we have to deal with drunk ladies coming in and taking over our karaoke.
Starting point is 00:09:17 I'm just trying to sing some Lady Gaga. Can you please get off the mic? Lady Gaga is a fan of the cactus. Well, she came to Feinstein's Down Under, where I performed. All right. You know what, I can't, I really, I can't. I'm just, I mean, maybe it was a hit 10 years ago,
Starting point is 00:09:36 but okay, bye mom. That is bitchy. Thank you. That was bitchy. Say bye mom. That one, thank you. Well bitch they buy mom that well thank you i was gonna offer you free tickets to my next show but you know now i'm not
Starting point is 00:09:50 you're where i can't anyone loves me i know what's going on i'm a gay icon if you were gay enough you know that clearly i mean if you saw what i did last night you know pretty gay that's pretty good. I think she'll be just fine.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Oh yes. Now, this ain't her first rodeo. I love this show, her cabaret show. No. I have gone a few times. Did you enjoy it? Yes, but she kind of had, she sings the songs and it's the vibe of the audience is fun. But then she does kind of stand up comedy in the middle of it, the vibe of the audience is fun. But then she like does kind of stand-up
Starting point is 00:10:26 comedy in the middle of it, but she's like reading like little stories like I'm gonna read from my diary. And she's like, hmm, Sonya was wearing a red dress that instantly came off again. And she got like, does these things. And then, but now she has a new story because she would do the story about her being arrested. Oh, really? You know, and all about Tom and everything. It's all part of the act. And now she'll have a new story to talk about, like,
Starting point is 00:10:53 her embarrassing night when she took over the gay bar and it wasn't well received. So I think it's all... I think she's leaning into where she's at, my... First of all, I never thought she was an alcoholic. You never thought she was? I don't, I still don't think she's at my. First of all, I never thought she was an alcoholic. You never thought she was? I don't, I still don't think she's enough.
Starting point is 00:11:07 Right, right. I think that she, so I think she had to pretend to like be, act like she's sobered everything and I think she's been sneaking champagne this whole time and vodka. Hello, and if you want even more juicy scoop, I'm talking the serious super juicy scoop. You've got to join my Patreon.
Starting point is 00:11:28 You got to have them at www.havimichtall.net and you click on Patreon. I've been doing it for three years. That means if you join today every episode at the level of Patreon that you join, you will have access to. Join it, get the inside scoop on Hollywood, friends, my life, my inner thoughts, everyone that has joined has loved it. Kanye, you know, everything that's going on with him, the latest was that Trevor Noah, you know, talked very serious about what's going on because his own mother, I guess I did not realize that his own
Starting point is 00:12:04 mother was killed by his father. I thought she's sir oh she survived I have sure a definitely a big domestic violence I felt like he said she was shot maybe she was I do know she was shot I think in the head by her if it was a boyfriend step-dad I'm not sure but I I thought she survived but I'm not sure. But I thought she survived, but I'm not sure. Anyway, he's been talking about this for a while. And then, because he is hosting the Grammys, and then all this stuff with Kanye and the Threat City's made, then he had the 24-hour suspension on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:12:39 Anyway, now he will not be performing. He's been banned from performing at the Grammys, and he's been nominated for five Grammys. Listen, these award shows are suffering. I mean, like, all right. Well, what's funny? I wasn't gonna watch it anyway, but yeah. What's funny is that two years ago,
Starting point is 00:12:55 did he pee on his Grammy? Isn't there a video of me? Oh, that he liked, he like propped it in the toilet, right? I believe so. And they pee on it. So I'm like, already there's clearly some issues with him and the Grammys. And I mean, I don't remember what the issue was
Starting point is 00:13:11 two years ago. Yeah. And then was it, the Grammys or was the MTV Wars where he interrupted Taylor Swift? I think that might have been the Grammys or the American Music Awards or something where he took the award. Because he said, he's unpredictable when it comes to the award shows.
Starting point is 00:13:28 So maybe it's yeah, let's not. But I think he's still closing the... Uh, Coachella, right? Yeah. VMA, that sounds very M-T-B-S, you know. But I don't know. Yeah, there's just so much going on there with... Everybody's just kind of like, just keep this,
Starting point is 00:13:47 kind of it. So I was in Palm Desert this weekend. And a very, you go a lot. Yes. It seemed like it. My sister lives out there and then I have other friends out there and I just like it.
Starting point is 00:13:59 Do you leave your family behind? Yes. That would be what I would do. If I had kids, I feel bad. I feel like mommy's gotta do. If I had kids, I feel bad. Mommy's gotta have a week here. Honestly, I felt kind of badly because Brandon is old enough like to stay by himself, but I felt kind of bad
Starting point is 00:14:13 because it turned out to be like, like we stayed the whole Sunday practically too. So I felt a little bit bad, but I brought him home panic stress and. Oh, that's nice. And then we watched the latest episode of the dropout. Oh my God, he really likes the dropout. That was like me when I was a kid, whenever my mom
Starting point is 00:14:27 knocked the bummy out. But you guys made a face like, oh no, is Brandon headed on Fortune's path. My mom would go, she had a man friend that she was with and who lived like 45 minutes away, so she'd often go to his house for the weekend Oh, and it would bump me out, but I would forgive it because she would bring me like a big old sub sandwich at the weekend And I go, well, I was bummed she left, but I do like this sub a lot
Starting point is 00:15:00 So oh my gosh, no, I mean So he might he might associate Panda Express something lonely just saying. Oh no no I know I'm not kind of badly and my friend even said we stayed at our gorgeous house and she was like you could have brought your you know son but my sister was out of town and for our sister was in town then like her her kids, they could have all done something together. But he would have been bored down there. Anyway, we stayed in the gated community at the Kardashians on their mansion, said,
Starting point is 00:15:31 Oh, really? Yes. So I saw the lot, the double lot that Kim and Kanye own. They haven't started building yet. Okay. I'm really hoping that Kim can buy him out. I think that would be a disaster if they cut it in half. And each bought their own house there. I don't think that Kim can buy him out. I think that would be a disaster if they cut it in half. And each bought their own house there.
Starting point is 00:15:48 I don't think that's going to work out. Well, didn't he already buy a house that crawls from her? Yes, that's a hidden house. Yeah, the Gated Community in Wilhelm's. It's the Gated Community in She needs to come to Pond Desert. She needs to ever- She can't get in the community.
Starting point is 00:16:02 She doesn't need to have a road. So, but also this weekend, Pete Davidson, he is loving this fame. You think? I would be stressed out on my mind. You're not Pete Davidson. But you don't think he's stressed? No, I think he loves it.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Really? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's stress about the Kanye stuff or just an overwhelming fame. Oh, I think it definitely, it seems overwhelmed him sometimes.
Starting point is 00:16:26 The fame. Well, he probably likes it, but is also overwhelmed by it. Well, I mean, he took, I guess, you know, he doesn't have Instagram, so that's kind of a cool move. But then he like, you don't need it. Everyone talks about him every day. Right. And then he took, but he took, I guess, Scott Disick's Instagram or his phone
Starting point is 00:16:45 and filmed him hanging out with Scott and a couple of Travis and all this and hanging out in the couch and then he did like a funny face. Like, can you believe I'm here? Like with the Kardashians. Like, I'm, you know, this guy that made fun of him my whole life and now I'm, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:58 boning the main one. And, you know, it's all good. It's fine. They went to Little Rain, Disick's baseball game this week Travis him. Oh, oh really? And yeah, yeah, and Scott. Okay. Well, yeah, is he still doing SNL right? Is he? I mean, it seems like he's quite busy hanging out here. I mean, no, they're very West Coast I could see SNL. I could see Lauren Michaels just being like, you're bringing so many more eyes to SNL.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Like if you need to go and skip a week, a week, I can go get to Q. And keep this train going. I think we're okay with it. I mean, it'll be curious to see how it unfolds. I mean, I got the three tattoos. I mean, that's a lot. I mean, because they haven't even been together a year.
Starting point is 00:17:46 And almost my girls all over. Oh, yeah. And then she's not really a lesbian. Got branded. I mean, branding is, I mean, he already had a bunch of removes. I wonder if he got his branding from the Hobby Lobby. That's for that Sherry Papini, who faked her own death. What?
Starting point is 00:18:02 Yeah, she know this story. I don't know this story. I've been out of the juicy scoop. It's one of my favorites. A cute, a cute, thin blonde mom four years ago pretended to be kidnapped while she stayed at her old boyfriend's house. She made him go to Hobby Lobby.
Starting point is 00:18:16 It was a thing, something she found on Pinterest from Hobby Lobby. And then she had him brand her to say that the female Mexican lesbians that kidnapped her for 26 days, they branded her. You know what? She branded herself. I guess I did not know the follow up to that story because I remember it being like she faked her own thing.
Starting point is 00:18:37 But I didn't realize she was at a boyfriend's house. She never said that the Mexican girls, the fake Mexican girls that she made up on her head that she said were kidnappers. She never said they were lesbians, but I just assumed they were lesbians. But you know that was one of those, that was one of the things. Not very nice if you know it was similar. It was lesbians that are branding people. I didn't make sense.
Starting point is 00:18:55 It didn't make sense. And you know what? The experienced cop, he actually said that like women don't kidnap people. Right. And you know, I don't kidnap people. I don't mean to out you, but you are a married lesbian. Yeah, that's true. Do you know what couples have a desire to kidnap people? No, I personally don't know of any lesbian kidnapers.
Starting point is 00:19:19 I don't know if any woman kidnapers, he's right. Yeah, I'm sure of a woman being involved in the kidnapping, it's the man that's at the hell of it. Right, and they're like a victim of it too. Right, they're scared and they've been sucked under this spell. But normally, I'm in, they're like, I don't wanna deal with this. One more person to clean after and feed, like just don't kidnap people.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Yeah, no, it seems like a lot of effort. But also you should, there's so many ways to get caught if you were trying to pretend that you got kidnapped. There's a lot of, there's gonna be a lot of holes in your story. Right, you know what I mean? It's all just because you wanna hang out with a boy. No, in the end, they never even screwed.
Starting point is 00:20:03 No way! No, she, she, and he was like not cute and I think he was just kind of dumb about it. Like I think he just kind of sucked into her spell and was like, okay. And then she was like, no, I'll take the room and you see upon the couch. I don't know how I'm as that.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Jesus. Jesus wanted it. I think she was just a weirdo, gone girl wanting attention. And maybe a midlife crisis. Yeah. Or just, yeah. I think she was just a weirdo gone girl wanting attention and maybe a midlife crisis. Yeah, or just yeah, I think she's not right, but still she needs to do some time. Okay, real housewives of OC, they had their reunion and they had the reunion looks and it has not been well received. Really? Channel looks good. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:20:45 Channel's, I think, looks good. I mean, Gina's, Gina's is kind of an odd thing. I just know where Gina is. Gina has a crop top on a lot of people. She has a little brawlet and pants. But her body looks good. I think that's why she wanted to show it off,
Starting point is 00:20:59 but you know, you're sitting on a couch, which is a challenge for a crop top. Anybody, no matter what size you are. She's a adult, which is a challenge for a crop top. Anybody, no matter what size you are. Two feet tall, never worn a crop top, so I can't relate. I mean, I've worn shirts that are a little too short. Yeah. And it gets a little breezy under there.
Starting point is 00:21:18 You know, when you're filming, they keep it really cold. So that's probably not the best choice Comfort Yeah, this dress Yeah, yeah, I can see that people I think Shannon looks I do like Shannon's like she looks good these dresses in the middle are wild colors Nowala is so thin Yeah, you know she and it looks good. I mean her hair's so long. Wow. Well, I think she you know, that's all her hair But right, but it's just so long. I was thinking of no well. Have you ever Given anyone a gift of a stack of a genus
Starting point is 00:22:00 No, that whole bit was very confusing to me I had to rewind a couple of times as Jack's like what is she saying? I don't understand. Why didn't you just call me? I could have xx. I know what then Jack's was explaining it to me. How did Jack's explain it? Clearly, I've never had a stack of So it was just like How did Jack's he explain it to me? It was ladies So you all the ladies are
Starting point is 00:22:27 wearing lingerie okay and they lay on top of each other okay on the edge of the bed okay so so the kind of laundry they have open vaginas so it's like lingerie but then an open vagina. Oh my God. And then sweet James, attorney at law, personal injury attorney, he then comes up. And then, This is according to that no well, by the way, we weren't there. Okay. So let's say allegedly,
Starting point is 00:22:58 allegedly I imagine, since her husband at the time was sweet James the attorney, I'm guessing she said she gave the stack of a Jinas she was part of it. I don't know if she was the bread or the meat or what like this is like a sandwich. Uh-huh. She was a bottom up. She was the cheese. And then she was talking club sandwich. Yeah. And then I think he comes up and inserts himself Yeah. And then I think he comes up and inserts himself
Starting point is 00:23:25 in the fun of it of knowing like, who's this what? It seems more complicated than a stack of vaginas. Like it seems like a lot of coordination had to go into that. Yes, I mean, a lot of, hey, that's truly insane. A lot of people say they don't like her on the show. I'm like, I think she's the only one that brought some interesting things for me to talk about on Justice. Well, it's thank of a Janus. I brought up stack of a Janus like seven times. And I mean, otherwise, I don't know what
Starting point is 00:23:53 else. I've never heard of such thing. Wow. But also, you know, who wants to be on the top of a pyramid? Do you want to ask? I'm the base baby. Why don't you ask me since I'm of a pyramid. Do you want to ask? On the base, baby. Why don't you ask me since I'm Noella. I'm bisexual. Oh no. And I'll tell you, just ask me anything about my life. I'm going to be Noella. I'm Noella. I fortunate. I heard that you've been having some hard times lately. I mean, my husband was my best friend. I need to just took off Puerto Rico and I mean, it's devastating. What are you doing to cope?
Starting point is 00:24:36 Well, I'm meeting this interesting ladies in OC. Heather DeBro hasn't been exactly nice of, I mean, I don't really enjoy Dr. Jen, but I just, I'm international, I'm interracial, I'm bisexual, and I just don't think the people of Ovese can handle it. Well, is there anyone you get along with? My mother, she's the only person in my family that can be featured on the show. Oh. Both my children, both my exes won't let them be on the show and both my exes left. So I am a single divorced woman with a mother and a father who is a weatherman
Starting point is 00:25:16 that I never met. Do you have any regrets? You wish you had it in the show? Do you feel like things might not have turned out this way? It's so interesting that you talk about that because um Prior to doing the show I was married to sweet James. We would go by all the billboards together and Dell I'm just a load. Oh no It's been really difficult Well All right, well, but I'm a star. Do you want some, do you want some shark cuterie? No, would you like a stack of a, a chitous? No, definitely not.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Um, do you notice that they have like a thousand shark cuterie boards on that show? And you know what bothers me the most? It's just like there's so much left over. It's too large of a short story. For the two women to sit down and just put a little short story board together. What are you going to do? Short story. Short story. Short story. Short story. I like to call it short story. You got to put the cooter in short story. I love it, but it's kind of overwhelming.
Starting point is 00:26:27 They do it every time they get together, someone has a shark cootery board. Yeah, and it's just, it's the most like, to speak about like a, like not a COVID friendly situation. I know, well, any buffets, so. Yeah, but it's like, take it off in the, in the height of COVID, it's been the driving force of like Women creating their own shark cootery boards. Thank you. I
Starting point is 00:26:51 tweeted early on like it drink every time you see a shark Now have a de bro a lot of people are very disturbed by her dress. It's not very happy to bro-ish It's not flattering in the top part. There's like, see, it's like, there's some lines and stuff. Okay, I'm putting my prediction out if it's already been proven fine. What?
Starting point is 00:27:16 I would bet money. Uh huh. This is from the color. The color. Yeah, Heather's closet because it doesn't look like it's you know a designer type of thing that she would normally buy. Also are these? That's like the hem. That's the hem right? This is probably going on. It is? Okay never mind. Sorry Christian. He makes really great things. Maybe it just-
Starting point is 00:27:43 I just don't know why she would choose this the bad a bad angle or you know what normally like on other housewives they the production company will say like everybody wear white oh yeah look great or the Potomac girls all were like purple or like all looked really great doesn't seem coordinated at all no I think that honestly they had it they let them go in a horrible direction because it lives. On purpose? Yes, because this show has gotten very little buzz this season, as far as even fans talking about it.
Starting point is 00:28:12 Oh, really? But put them in a bunch of awful outfits and we will talk. And I think they just want people to talk and watch the reunion. And so I think they were like, we're not going to color coordinate them. We're going to tell that we're going to give us each three dresses dresses. We're each gonna pick the worst one for them to wear. I think they need, I think they gotta go back to some of the OGs. Let's give Vicki, let's get Tamra.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Anybody else? Kelly Dodd. Oh yeah, I do think Kelly's pretty fun to watch. Yeah. I think they might get themselves back on the show after this season. Because you're just not really invested in a lot of the ladies. No offense. They all seem lovely. But I think you need, I definitely think Kelly Tamra Vicki back on the show.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Just bring them back. Why do we get rid of them? I know, just bring them back. You don't have to pay this much. Because even though you can disagree with people's points of view or whatever, but that's the point of the show. It's like all these different, hodgepodge of people bringing their stuff to the show. You know? Peter came over the great idea. We're gonna produce this.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Fraudcon. It's called Fraudcon. It's gonna be a cruise. Oh. And some of these speakers will be Elizabeth Holmes. Whoops. Elizabeth Holmes.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Sherry Papini. Who I just talked to. Which one has she heard this middle one? Sherry Papini is the one that was fake. Uh, fake. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Papini. That was fake. Papini. I was like, Pepper Chini.
Starting point is 00:29:48 Yeah, she's the one who we can then ask her like, how did you come up with? Well, she hasn't admitted it yet because she's been arrested and on the one she comes up with her stories. This is the tender swindler. Tender swindler. This is the fry guy. Yes. This is inventing Anna.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Uh-huh. Wait, who's this? Bad vegan, which came out this morning. I haven't watched that. Oh my god. Is she not a real vegan? Or best she's a bad vegan. The only thing that was real about her is that she was a vegan. Okay, but she was a bad... In a nutshell, she met a guy who was another dirty John that lied about being like a Navy SEAL and in like black ops and all the stuff that he was super wealthy, had super wealthy family went to pretend to buy a $14 million house, all this kind of stuff made according to her, made her give him all this money that was really the investor money for the vegan restaurant that was like this hot spot where alif baldwin okay was obsessed with
Starting point is 00:30:52 her but then met halaria baldwin at the vegan restaurant okay and that's where that's where i met his wife that restaurant yeah oh wow and then she ran out of money didn't pay any of her staff for her two restaurants. And then she and the guy who was her legal husband took off and were just like gambling and Vegas and then they ended up at Dollywood. To for fun?
Starting point is 00:31:21 Her to work. Just to try to gamble and hide out because she was wanted. They were like, wow. She was partly wanted because she skipped all these people. It's a pretty good one, but it could move a little bit. It was slow. In the end, they get arrested
Starting point is 00:31:37 because his credit card was used to buy a Domino's pizza. No, not, no, not the same. But they said she did not eat the dominoes. Well, she's vegan, right? But that's what all the articles got made were like, oh my god, can you believe that this woman who the vegan restaurant, I'm like, I can't, first of all, it was raw vegan. So it was like you didn't even have to turn on a stove to make money at this place. But it was, but it was super popular. Yes, because it was like all the stars went there. And Alec Bulge went there.
Starting point is 00:32:08 How does the place even suddenly become the place that all the stars go to? You know what I mean? I'm telling you this girl was one of those people that just was lucky. She was really pretty. And she was like smart, you know? So like, so she probably meet people in network
Starting point is 00:32:24 and get somebody to post about it. Yeah, I mean, she was kind of weird socially, like she was very, but people, yeah, I feel like she met a hot chef that started the restaurant then the hot chef did her broke up. She got to keep the restaurant because this other guy was like, I'll still be your main investor
Starting point is 00:32:41 and you can keep the restaurant. The point is she had that same thing that Elizabeth Holmes of Dropout had, and that she just got like old white men to invest in her. Right. And they really didn't care what the product was. Or that if they were even getting paid back on time or whatever, where she really got in trouble is when she didn't pay her staff. Nobody's letting girls like me borrow money. You gotta work for it.
Starting point is 00:33:10 I do, I mean I do think there's like a pretty privilege that and then also when you have at your whole life you have this kind of confidence. You're just doing it. Yeah, it's not like you were, you know, an ugly duckling that like remember that moosh that TV show The Swan where you really were an ugly duckling that like remember that moosh, that TV show, the swan, where you really were an ugly duckling. And then Dr. DeBro was on that.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Oh, he was. Yeah. And then you become a swan. And then they'd go back to their job at like the dairy queen and their care extensions would be falling out and everything, but they still had like high cheekbones. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that was that was the.
Starting point is 00:33:41 That was when reality TV was like really taking a weird turn. There was like two years of it where it was like, what's happening now? Yeah, like it was getting dicey, right? Literally. But I guess she said she did the Netflix special and whatever money she got from it, she did finally pay back the workers.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Okay, that's good. But you know what, I I just got a fan like I think she's she can do big all on the fraud Con for sure with and so this is a this is a cruise idea that you have We're not sure the cruise will actually happen. No. I just want to put it out there before it happens And then everyone can say remember when Heather talked about it with fortune. Yeah, you know this idea already I'm probably never going to execute it. Well, I'm just saying, the problem is my idea first. It is your idea first, but the problem is,
Starting point is 00:34:30 how can we trust that this cruise will happen? You know what I mean? Yes, it's that we had the Fire Festival guy. And she sandwiches for everyone. Or a stack of a giant is for everyone. Oh my gosh. Anna Delvie of inventing Anna. I guess she is still here. She doesn't want to go to Germany. Oh, there's an ice cream. I'm her year and her dad finally spoke. Okay. And he said she wanted to live. He told tells Daily Mail.
Starting point is 00:35:01 This is Anna Delvey's actually his name is anna sorcan is of real her real name so it's mr sorcan said that uh... she wanted to live like peris helton and then he indulges daughter with dancin french tutors drove miles to buy a designer clothes and still gives her money but she never wants that she loved me all he says that she says things like you know um, well, I'm your only daughter. So you have to pay for me. Pay for it. What?
Starting point is 00:35:31 Why are you so poor? So that was a hard thing about getting into that show. I know that she was doing a pretty good accent of the girl, but it sounds so fake that you were it felt it feels cartoonish that you I had a hard time like getting into the show because I couldn't get past the voice. Well she's starting a podcast. I would have just like I would have just been like made an executive decision. Let's like do a German accent. Oh you you wouldn't, you don't think that she should have matched the girl? I don't think so. It's too, it's just too, I get that it's real, but it feels so, yeah. Like, fake. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:36:14 Right. I would have like maybe leaned into like one accent and not try to imitate her voice. Well, I hate her. Oh. I do. I hate it. I haven. Well, I hate her. Oh, I do. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. And I know the, and I cannot wait for her. I think I'll be playing.
Starting point is 00:36:32 I'll be playing. And I'll be here. Anyway, she's somehow, she's getting money. Dad's still sending her money. And then she has the other people in the jail do her chores for her and stuff. No way, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Wow, she must be very persuasive. Well, I think she pays with whatever chicken noodle, whatever ramen or whatever you can buy at the little store. But yeah, but you know, I think though, I mean, look, FraudCon, it's gotta happen soon because I do feel like there's a new one, like there's a new one, like there's a new one that just came out about the guy that created WeWork.
Starting point is 00:37:07 I guess he's a fraudster too. There's so many fraudulent people on TV right now. Yeah, he like had that company's estimate in the billions, but nothing to back it up or something like that. Are you watching the dropout on Hulu? That is Elizabeth Holmes? Yes, one episode in. I really like it.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Okay, and it's gotten really good now because now it's like episode five. The Swindle part. And now I like, what I really want it, which is what they're showing me. Of course it's scripted, but based on like all the podcasts, the documentary, is like her, she knows it doesn't work. She's still hoping that they maybe they can get it to work, but at a certain point, six
Starting point is 00:37:56 months before they put it into the Walmart stores, it's not working. And the boyfriend that she put as a sea of the older guy he knows that they all know what the scientists know it and this is where now you know she's really fraudulent but it's like she doesn't want to just go never mind we can't do it but it's too late because she took all this money and spent it on Theranos and she hired all these people and she's flying private and she's wearing this black turtleneck and she's kind of shot it for on air to have a power of it. Yes. I remember at that time everyone was talking about her. She was in all these magazines. Yes interviews. I can't believe
Starting point is 00:38:40 this girl like thought of this incredible idea. She's gonna change the world because I remember reading about it. She was like, getting as much attention as like, Mark Zuckerberg did back then. You know, it's like everything. Yeah, so she was like, probably, you know, just that power. Right.
Starting point is 00:38:57 She just got, it was intoxicating. Yeah, so we're waiting for sessions. But yeah, it's good. It's on Hulu and I think it's good. I read in people or somewhere, she's like living in like $132 million house right now with somebody else. She scored again.
Starting point is 00:39:11 She married a hotel heir. Oh, really? And how does baby, scored again. She's a real kid of privilege. Like just everything, you know. And she didn't want it, you know, she wanted it right away. So you just did not see, to see these levels of deception and not see the constant,
Starting point is 00:39:30 many consequences for it is weird. Well, um, Jesse Smollett, they let him out of prison. Did they, he's appealing his thing? Did they say what, I mean, how did he get release? Because his attorneys are really good and they said he should be released based on the home thing. Yes. And tell this appeal is exhausted, then he can go to his time or not. Now I would have Jesse on the fraud, uh, fraud con cruise. He's, I don't know that he's innocent. I know, but he's got to just tell the story.
Starting point is 00:40:08 And listen what he should do. I know, he's kept this thing, but the real juicy, just see the juicy, the juicy, juicy story. And if at this point he was like, okay, this is what happened and why, get, let me go this route. Let me get the Netflix doc or get a scripted show done
Starting point is 00:40:30 of what shows me why I chose to do it, how I changed my mind. But what if he didn't, I really don't know, what if he didn't do it though? I have no idea. He did it, but it's okay. I'm just saying at this point, no one's gonna to do a Netflix
Starting point is 00:40:46 doc where he still proclaiming his innocence okay if he goes the way of the bad vegan and and like already if he did it and I know that yeah there's going to be something in the work so let me just be part of it I don't know that's what he has to do and then he can go on you part of it i don't know that's what he has to do and then he can go on mhm as the um... the the rehabbed fraudster like i was i did do this thing but i saw the ways and then he will win he can go on fronconny can do his tete oxie can have his own podcast
Starting point is 00:41:21 and then he can start acting again with you you know i'm talking to you can be his manager you have it all mapped out i don't want to be anyone's manager or write any movies or plan fraud-conned like i tenners i put the ideas out of cons sounds like a lot of work it's a lot of work for me and i just like what it is is i put out the ideas and then i just get the satisfaction when someone does it saying that you call it. And then they said Heather said it first. Would you ever we've talked about this before? Is there a GC scoop cruise is coming at some point? I did like a mini one. Okay. But it was not
Starting point is 00:41:56 by its set. It wasn't all in all of us. Oh, it was like. Oh, it was like. I'm gonna be on the cruise. Yes. Yes. Yes. And we have fun. Yeah. Um, I don't know what the cruise. A small, yes, yes, yes, and we have fun. Yeah. I don't know what the future holds. I've got a long, I've got a lot of years ahead of me. The pandemic made cruises a little. Like let's put a pen in these for a minute. Not for everybody, I'm sure they're still going up.
Starting point is 00:42:17 It is really, it is a hard situation because no matter what they do, whatever, no matter what they do and how strict they make it. And then all the TikToks I've seen of when someone does get the COVID, get tested with the COVID, and then they put them in this like,
Starting point is 00:42:34 like a dungeon, no. Yes, a dungeon room. And then like they're like calling to get water. But they have to because no one understand they have to. But they would infect you in this entire boat that can't go anywhere. That's why it's too dicey right now for me. And then not for everybody,
Starting point is 00:42:49 people, there's a lot of hethers out there. Just live in their life. But for me, I can't do it, not right now. That is really scary if you get it. That's the thing. So then you're in the dungeon. And I saw this one tuckedop where they're like, please we don't have any water. Can you please give us some water? And they're just like, I'm sorry,
Starting point is 00:43:10 but we're like short staffed. You're just going to have to wait. Oh wow. And suddenly we can leave the room. Yeah, because you're just stuck there. You can't like make water appear out of nowhere and you can't drink it out of the sink. Right. It's from the ocean I'm assuming. Oh, that's a nightmare. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Well, I'm very excited. You're here. A lot of people have been asking, you know, for you to reprise your role as Samantha Markle.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Right. She's there upset with each other again. Samantha Markle is currently suing Megan Markle. I don't know if she's also suing like Oprah whatever, but no really? Oh really? In the Oprah interview Samantha? Why?
Starting point is 00:43:50 I mean, like why? That's just leave Megan alone, my god. Samantha Markle, the older sister, is saying that because Megan said in Santa Barbara Oprah interview that, you know, her sister wasn't always Samantha Markle that she took back the Markle last name once she became famous, you know, so she's kind of like to Oprah like so be, you know, put the dots together of like why this sister's after me. And so is the sisters claiming defamation or what? Yes, yes. And she said, because of that, nobody bought my book.
Starting point is 00:44:32 But Samantha Markle, diary of Princess Pushy Sisters. She would have to prove it basically. I bought it though. Oh, you did. I bought it. I read it this week. Oh my gosh, the whole thing. Good for you. I mean, for her to prove that it, you know, the
Starting point is 00:44:47 defamation thing you have to prove is not true. If she, if whatever Megan said, I don't know, I don't know the what happened. But if what Megan said is true, then it's not there's no cause for yeah, a case. So he, so the dad said, I've been trying from us four years to get to see my daughter and her ginger husband. Oh, okay. If you're already calling them a ginger, like why would she want to see you? They gotta let it go. She is like living her life. She has made it very clear. She's done.
Starting point is 00:45:22 And if your dad's referring to your husband as your ginger husband, that meeting ain't gonna go well. I mean, yeah, I mean, when my ginger husband face to face or my grandchildren, so I would thrill to come to court and talk and defend my oldest daughter. So I read the book and I'm gonna give you the gist of it. Well, they keep making it more and more clear why Megan doesn't have a relationship there.
Starting point is 00:45:50 There have been very, like, it's a lot, like just letter, liver life. This is basically what she says in the book. I mean, it's her life story, but very little about Megan. But like, it's so many like little snark story, but very little about Megan. But like, it's so many like little snarky things in this book about Megan. And she calls her Meg throughout, okay? And Megan calls Samantha Babe throughout. That's her nickname that the whole family called her Babe. Called Samantha Babe.
Starting point is 00:46:21 And so basically, she says real nasty things now. They grew up in Woodland Hills, which is where I'm from. And she called it like one of the chapters was, you really did your research. The shady bunch of Woodland Hills. They haven't had all these pages. All these pages. Well, you know, I have some issues with siblings similar to this
Starting point is 00:46:40 where it's like a big thing with some older siblings is they would bring up that my parents paid for USC. Bring it up a lot. She goes on to make such a big deal and my private all-girl high school, which Megan went to one to a Maciel Heart. And she sings a little, starkly, things, Samantha. She's like, wow, I would have thought going to an all-girl Catholic high school that she would have some compassion and be nice but she just wasn't like throughout the whole thing she's saying Megan Markle was just very particular and at
Starting point is 00:47:14 one point she'd to move home with her eight years apart she'd to move home and she and she said and one day Megan said babe can you just put the cap back on the toothpaste? And I was like, wow! Like those are swear to God. There's like nothing. And then she goes, and then one day the dad goes, here's a catalog. So like maybe it was like a Macy's catalog. Pick out what you want for Christmas.
Starting point is 00:47:40 And then I looked and I saw a beautiful top pass ring that was $300 and Megan said, babe, you're not getting that ring. Throughout the book, she's like, it's just like the ring that she didn't want me to have. Like she'll bring it up. Like there was so little relationship. So then she brings up, this is what really pisses me off. This is all things in nightmare because she goes to... Like, they really didn't know each other.
Starting point is 00:48:03 I know. They go to notes, she gets into Northwestern, a private university, right? Babe does? No. Oh, man. Meg. Meg. Now, it's Meg.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Meg. So she breaks up. She goes, and my dad paid for that whole thing. She did not get scholarships or financial aid. Because at one point, I did see that Megan Markle talked about like going there and getting a scholarship or financial aid. Okay, she's like, no, my dad pays for it. And it was $250,000 a year. No.
Starting point is 00:48:38 No. And she says it again, a million dollars for her education. I'm like, well, maybe Northwestern and Megan Markle would like to, to you for defamation, because it's not true. In fact, we looked it up 20 years ago, on the high side, maybe it was 40,000 years. Yeah, that's so high.
Starting point is 00:48:54 On the high side. And then, you know how she also had, she also got like the great internship, this international, whatever. Oh, okay. She makes it very clear that that's because my uncle got her that internship. Why does she care? Oh, she's just making it very clear that that's because my uncle got her that internship why does she care oh she just making it very clear in the book
Starting point is 00:49:09 that's so weird she then she wrote a movie oh Samantha did okay and she really thought it would be good if her baby sister would be in the star in it it's called angel's redemption she doesn't seem to like her baby sister well she was trying to be nice, you know, I'm not it would help. That's what's crazy about this siblings. I'm like, you don't seem like you like her. Yeah. So why just let bygones be bygones and move on. You know, I mean, like live your life. If you don't like her, then why would you want to be around her? It's weird. It's all too much. Right. Oh, but you know, one thing that she still pissed about is
Starting point is 00:49:53 that the toe pass ring, the toe pass ring. And then also the, the, the mus, there were these music boxes that were Samantha's that Megan had taken over according to her. Okay. And like she never got those music boxes back. So we now have the music boxes and the cast. The candles and the toe pass, right? So this is part one. I guess if the part two, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Oh, there's another whole other book. Yes. I mean, well, that's impressive. Books are hard to write. And a whole part two, and I't know. There's another whole other book. Yes. Well, that's impressive. Books are hard to write. You've got a whole part two in there. I mean, it just, it's just. It's just a lot of me impressed. Fill in me impressed.
Starting point is 00:50:33 Oh, what also she talks about going to the public high school in Wooden Hills, in like the 80s or whatever, early 80s. And she talks about, oh, you know, and people for Christmas for talking about what Jaguar they're gonna get. I grew up here. Yeah, as both of you said. That is not a neighborhood of brand new Jaguar.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Back in the day, right? Yeah. In the 80s and everyone with Louis Vuitton, I'm like. People used to do their nose up at the Valley constantly. When I went here in like 2002, they were like, the Valley is disgusting. In the 80s, it was for sure disgusting. So I'm like, she's just like wanting to do a thing.
Starting point is 00:51:16 I'm like, oh, I was down to earth, but where I had to be forced to live when my dad married Dory or Doryo whatever the mom's name is. So anyway, she also brings up that she's constantly with the first born. She and her brother were the first born and that she felt that Megan just wanted it to be to be considered an only child. I mean, I can't say. It just seems like a lot of drama. So the last suit is happening and I think that we should do a call to say if we can just settle this lawsuit.
Starting point is 00:51:52 All right. And who's calling whom? It feels like you Megan would call she was squashed it, right? Maybe I do want to squash it because I'm tired of hearing just a scoop talk about it. So now you're going to be pretty excited to hear from me because I haven't called you any of you. Right, right. According to the book, tinglingling,
Starting point is 00:52:11 does the phone ever sound like that? tinglinglingling, hello. Hi babe, it's Meg. Your sister. Who? Calling from Santa Barbara. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Babe.
Starting point is 00:52:28 Your babe. As in babe? Yes, Samantha. I'm calling you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is the babe. You're the babe. I'm sorry, it's been so long since I've heard the name of the babe.
Starting point is 00:52:46 The babe, I forgot I'm the babe. You know, I'm so glad that you called. I've been wanting to talk to you clearly for the last four years. Yes, I know. And, you know, I just want this to end. I don't even live in England anymore. Harry and I are just trying to get our projects off the ground. We did a podcast. I think we did two episodes before we quit. We are raising rescue chickens.
Starting point is 00:53:10 And I am very busy as a young mother. I have two small children and I don't need the stress of this lawsuit right now. It's absolute ridiculous, babe. Oh, I clearly know where you live. I'm outside the gate right now. Wow, nobody knows where we live. Well, I am your sister. Except for Oprah. Oh. Have you been talking to Oprah? I have saw the interview and I'm not happy about it whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:53:39 I know you're not and that's why this lawsuit is happening. But babe, this is just, if you want not and that's why this lawsuit is happening but babe this is just if you want to keep dad healthy, putting him against me is not the way to go. I just want to live my life. What is it going to take for this to end? I don't care if you write a million books about me that no one reads. Well first off when you say babe it doesn't feel like you mean it. Well that is what I always called you and that was the one part of your book that was true. Okay, well, I just wish that you had a little bit more love in your voice when you called me, babe. I mean, I am exhausted, you know. You talk about me in your book, you talk about how I...
Starting point is 00:54:16 Oh, you read it. Yes, I did read. Well, I didn't, but I listened to Juicey Scoop and she read it for me. Oh, wow. Okay. Basically, you know, you made some st snide remarks about me being divorced on suits, on the, um, let's make a deal. It happened. And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be the lead in your, but movie that you put together yourself.
Starting point is 00:54:38 Well, it's not too late for you to sign on. I'm just looking for a finance here and I know that your name being attached would basically put it over the edge. So I have a list of demands. Okay. Things I want. Yes. Well first off those candlesticks from the palace. I'm still waiting for those. We left in the middle of the night to couch surf on... What is that guy's name? Tyler Perry. Yes, the couch surf on Tyler Perry's mansion. Okay. We were going from mansion to mansion in Santa Barbara with no place with a baby, you know, on my hip and I could not. Oh, boo,
Starting point is 00:55:20 boo. The candle sticks. I don't have the candlesticks. I also never got my toe pads ring. You know how much I wanted it and you were just throwing into my face that Dad wasn't gonna buy it for me. It was $300 that I didn't really think that that was the kind of price point Dad was thinking about when he showed us the Macy's catalog. Well, when you hand someone a catalog, you need to make that clear. Because it goes, it ranges in price from five to 10,000. I'm not familiar with the Macy's catalog. So Matt, I'm willing to offer you something better than the candlesticks.
Starting point is 00:55:54 What? Those old music boxes that I took from the Woodland Hills house. Oh my god. I still have two of them. Wow. And if I gave you those two music boxes, then could we just please call the attorneys and put an end to this frivolous lawsuit?
Starting point is 00:56:12 I've heard your request. I've thought about it. I will accept your two music boxes. I will drop this lawsuit. But I'm going to need to be invited to Christmas. Well, I will speak to Harry and we will definitely get that done. I'm going to send a docuSign over to you. I want it in the contract to be that anti-babe will be at Christmas and I guess what I want my stocking.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Candlesticks? Sure, but also that topaz ring. Topaz ring candlesticks music boxes and can the Christmas be a lunch at a cute Monocito restaurant on December 27th or you demanding Lucky's steak dinner. I would like a Lucky's steak dinner. It can be on the 27th sure. Just after the holidays. You know it's past Christmas. You have to sit at the table with me, not just send a steak out. And you're,
Starting point is 00:57:35 what is it called regrets? Oh, okay. I just am also gonna put an addendum in there. Maybe dad will come too. If on that lunch and day, dad's gonna be there. Dad can be there, but If on that lunch and day, dad's gonna be there. Dad can be there, but if on that lunch and day,
Starting point is 00:57:47 either one of my children happened not to feel well, then obviously I'm a wonderful mother and I wouldn't leave them with a nanny to meet you at Lucky's for lunch. Guess who you have left. Me, my whole life, my own babe.
Starting point is 00:58:03 Do you love babe this gal? I actually think what babe should do is put, if the Lucky's lunch doesn't happen on the December 27th, she does get to move and permanently. Sometimes you gotta do this takes high, because, because Meg is absolutely gonna cancel that day. For sure. For sure.
Starting point is 00:58:24 For sure. Well sure. For sure. Well, there you go. I hope it works out. Did you know that Bella Hadid made the news this week? She finally admitted that she had a nose job at 14. You know who Bella Hadid is, right? She had a nose job at 14, but nothing else. And she regrets her nose.
Starting point is 00:58:40 She's mad that she got a nose job. Mad that her mom let her go to nose job. And she would have loved to have grown into her ancestry type of nose. She doesn't like the nose. She's mad that she got a nose job, mad that her mom let her get a nose job, and she would have loved to have grown into her ancestry type of nose. She doesn't like the nose. Huh. No, I mean, for all nose. I know. Oh, she said, I felt she said she doesn't like her current nose.
Starting point is 00:58:56 No, she's just saying it to like, when people over, I think, to be like. Well, she does young to have that kind of thing done, but I guess it is LA. Well, when I was growing up in the rich area of Woodland Hills, wherever we're gonna jazz. Oh, there are big ones. Yeah. There were some people that got nose jobs. Oh, that you got at a 16.
Starting point is 00:59:14 Really? I'm from such a tiny town. Like, that is unheard of. Like, well, first of all, you're privileged because you do have one of the cutest noses in the business. It is the tiniest thing in my entire body. It is such a good nose. My little bitty bitty nose.
Starting point is 00:59:30 I did such a good profile. You've always come home in my nose. I appreciate that. If I get a nose job, I'm actually going to take your nose. I have a pretty great nose. I'm going to take your nose to the plastic surgeon and say just give me a fortune-feme star. Yeah, it's a little tiny nose. I think more and more people are
Starting point is 00:59:47 going to start to look at your nose and ask for the fortune. I asked for the fortune femester. Yeah, let's drop the last name. The doctor's going to like, okay, fine. Just give me the fortune. Give me the fortune. Give me the fortune. The fortune. Deal. And yeah, this would you I wouldn't suggest taking any other cues from my body, but the nose for sure. Look at this. I mean, perky kids.
Starting point is 01:00:09 It also helps that I have a real chubby face so my nose looks even smaller. But no, it's a good nose, but anyway, she, you know, now says, oh, I wish I did it. And then two other, a couple other people have chimed in saying, yes, I regret getting rid of my like, more ethnic looking long nose or whatever ancestral type of thing. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:00:32 I think it's a mistake when anyone takes a thing that makes them different and tries to be one of everybody else. There have been some real nose faux pas. Jennifer Gray is the most iconic The biggest one mistake the biggest mistake of her life. She was in dancing dirty dancing There she is. They all she had such a like a distinct look I'd also the kind of girl like you knew that girl. You saw that girl in school She was castable. She was
Starting point is 01:01:05 No, you know, not the conventional pretty but like pretty and unique and all this but the people saw her in bounce with and there was like who's that? Bounce right the That's like movie. Oh, that's what happened. She was in that movie like later on. That was later in life speaking of the movie Where you get in that movie? Like later on, that was later in life. Speaking of the movie where he gets the husband seat on a point they switched tickets or whatever. Wasn't that the Gwyneth Paltrow movie? Where she's supposed to be called Bounce or something else. I think I know what you're talking about, but I don't like that. The plane was like full and he was like here take my ticket, I'll take yours and the plane goes down.
Starting point is 01:01:48 I'm pretty sure she was in that movie, but she hadn't been anything in a while. And then it was bounce. Oh my God. Oh, okay. And she played like a airport flight attendant. I mean, I don't know what she's saying. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:02:03 And people were like, who is that? And it was Jennifer. And then she came out and said, yeah, I don't know what it's just so good. Oh, okay. And people were like, who is that? And it was Jennifer. And then she came out and said, yeah, I read it. Everything. Then she got to be on Dancing With The Stars. But for sure. Yeah, and then she got a short lived show about it. That was all about, it was kind of like a version of friends,
Starting point is 01:02:20 but it was all about her, how she regretted getting a nose. So I was like, it became like a storyline, but after a while, you're like, okay. I mean, what it was all about her, how she regretted getting a nose job. Like it became like a storyline, but after a while, you're like, okay, I mean, you could, what it could have showed you, you can't take it back. But, you know, I, I, I think about your differences, but the thing about Bell Hadid, which she's not in opting to is she got like a fox eye done. She's had like more than just a nose done. I believe though, you know, I don't see me.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Bell Hadid, I could not tell, what some of the young girls are doing is they get this like, what do you call it? Buckle fat removal. They get buckle fat removal to have their cheekbones. But then once you get like 30, you might look like you're 50. Like you need the fat. Oh, this is why I look so useful.
Starting point is 01:03:03 Yeah, you need the fat. I have a chubby chase. You have no one would know I'm 80. They used to call me cabbage patch kid in high school. Really? Because you had chubby cheeks. And a little chubby face. Oh, yeah. But I ever mean are you over it? I just remember this one girl going, you look like a very expensive doll that's difficult to get right now, which was the height of the cabbage patch. Well, that also seems like a compliment. Yeah, it's expensive and hard to get.
Starting point is 01:03:33 I mean, come on. I remember jumping like a minute ago. I remember jumping like a minute ago. Money cat by a class. And then you started juicy scoop and you're like how show me now yeah Thank God bed-athlete is with J.Lo They just bought a $50 million house together. Whoa and the reason why is He got sucked into a real shitty movie that I got sucked into watching Friday night. Oh really?
Starting point is 01:04:02 I was so excited for it Deep water on Hulu water and I thought it was going to be sucked into watching Friday night. Oh really? I was so excited for it. Deep water on Hulu. Deep water. And I thought it was going to be like another unfaithful fatal attraction. It's based on a book that must have been a hit, but the way they executed it was so dumb. Oh really? And I was just like, I cannot believe how she did this movie is.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Basically, he meets a girl and marries her and he allows her to screw whoever she wants. Okay. But then she, each new boyfriend that she gets and it's like out in the open, like her, all the friends know and everything. Okay. Each new boyfriend she gets, he might, may or may not have killed. That is what? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:44 Like later, like, like one, like they're like, do you know where someone's so wet and he's just like, you know, I can't look at that. So it's like, oh, you can sleep with these guys, but then I'm gonna murder them. Yeah, and then you just, a male not working through his feelings. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Interesting. And then I'm like, and the guy she's with are just young hot guys like still been aflux is like hot yeah why does it she but then they make him like oh he developed something for a drone so he's kind of a nerd so that's what she'd rather be like a young hot thing yeah exactly and then like it's to be an aflux yeah i'm telling you that this girl doesn't
Starting point is 01:05:23 want to screw but what do you think super horny it was such tell you that this girl doesn't want to screw. But why do you think she's a super horny? It was such a dumb movie. It was so bad that we had to do it this house. I'm saying, I feel like he's going down the road of like Bruce Willis doing the paycheck. Taking the paycheck. I don't want that to ever happen to you, fortune. Well, luckily for you, I have not bought a $50 million house.
Starting point is 01:05:43 Well, or you have to pay that mortgage and he doesn't she can afford it that's what i'm saying we have a both can they both very well they're both very wealthy but it's clearly going well but he i just hope he doesn't end up doing crappy movies like to do it to get a paycheck like well at least he is also very talented director he can he can sort things out for himself. Some people can't.
Starting point is 01:06:07 They only have like a one-trick pony. It's the second-pen-athlete movie I've seen that I didn't enjoy this year. What was the other one? Tender bar. That one was a little slow, yeah. But you know. There's some points.
Starting point is 01:06:19 I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I just... He'll snap back. Don't worry. Okay. He's got a good one coming I'm just so is that the Anna?
Starting point is 01:06:29 Yeah, I remember they had a that a little thing going on before do you think they did press together for this or no? I think he wants no one talking about it because I haven't heard anything about this movie. I Know I was like isn't everyone gonna watch this tonight? I'm so fucking excited. We sat down. I like watched, I had Peter watch it, I had a class of wide, and I was like, this is not good. Like I was so bummed.
Starting point is 01:06:53 You weren't horny once, once. So the whole thing. Now, and I was like, well who's putting up with this girl just sleeping with everybody? And then, okay, Mara Povitz show is ending after 30 years. Truth be told, I had no idea it was still on the air. I didn't. I mean, he's such a part of the, you know,
Starting point is 01:07:10 the culture as far as being like, and you are not the father. Yeah, you know, when it first started, that was just kind of like something he did once in a while. And then it just became every episode. Yeah, because that was the thing everyone talks about. That's all anyone wanted to see. You guys jump up and down when they weren't the father was like whoa and then see another guy's just like cry hysterically when they
Starting point is 01:07:32 were the father you were like what's going on I know that and that's just in there for the and then and then Angela from 90 day fiance she's one of the famous people she's gotten gastric and all this facial she's been on the show she was She's got in gastric and all this facial. She's been on the show. She was on the show like in 2015 before she got picked up by 90 Dayfiancé. Screaming that her daughter's baby daddy who she believes is the baby daddy is not the baby daddy because the daughter the baby looks to be black and She said and then she comes out and she's like, I walked
Starting point is 01:08:06 in on my daughter sleeping with somebody else. So I don't think you're the father. That is on Moripovent. Oh my gosh. No. Well, he's, listen, he's, it's 30 years. That's a, that is a long time. It's time for him to enjoy his life. It really is. He does not need to be worried about anyone's paternity situation anymore. Now he's done. He's going to enjoy life. God.
Starting point is 01:08:38 That's crazy. And then also Judge Jerry, that got counsel too. Judge Jerry. It's very sin-filled. Not Judge Jerry that got that got counseled to Jerry. That's Jerry Seinfeld. Not Jerry Seinfeld. Sorry. What? Jerry Seinfeld is not doing a judge.
Starting point is 01:08:52 No, no. Jerry Springer. Oh, Jerry Springer stopped doing a judge. Jerry Springer showed up. And he had a Jerry. He had a Jerry of. Yeah, well, how are you gonna take him? I know he's like a smart guy from what I've heard,
Starting point is 01:09:09 cause didn't he, wasn't he in politics at one point? Yeah, but that's not the person. I just think that, I just think they're like, let's get rid of some of these oldies. Okay. Um, Erica the Rose. She was on the bachelor of really long time ago. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 01:09:23 With the prince, you remember her? Yeah. Anyway, she went on to With the Prince, you remember her? Yeah. Anyway, she went on to go be a lawyer, get married. And this is the second time she's been on below deck, but they go to be assholes. Like they're really, they are, they are being badly. Oh, like bossy people around. Yes, like her husband is being ridiculous.
Starting point is 01:09:40 Oh, no. And everyone's talking about it. Would you ever go on below deck? I really would like to because the biggest thing for me is the food. Yeah. Those like, I love watching the chef prepare the meals. Me too. That's all I can out these gorgeous like dinners and breakfasts.
Starting point is 01:10:04 That looks so fun to me. But Jack's Hades Boats, she gets seasick. So I think she would put the kabash on that because she would be miserable for like a day. Yeah, okay, but if we went, if just the stars of Jesus' school, yeah, went on below deck and it worked out with your scheduling. I don't know. I don't know that I would want to be featured in that. I don't think I would want to.
Starting point is 01:10:30 They always complain. They are always like, ugh, they didn't like this or whatever. And you still have to pay. So I'm like, yeah, if you didn't have Rumbauer, Shardinay, and you just had like something else. And I'm like, oh, it's not Rumbauer. I thought I'd put that on my preference sheet. You know, they'd be like,
Starting point is 01:10:46 ah, the old one, the juicy scoop one. She doesn't like the charred. Yeah, because you have to, they're making their narrative fit whatever that your, yeah, that your group's assholes. So yeah, so like, and you have no control of the edit out. I don't think I would want to do it.
Starting point is 01:11:03 But what I like to be on a boat and be fit all that yummy food, absolutely, just maybe not on film. Yeah. But yeah, because there's always a complaint, because they need it to fit the, so it's those matters so and so, and now you're contributing to their fight.
Starting point is 01:11:19 Yes. Yeah. And also I sunburn, so. Also the minute you get on yeah Yeah, you gotta put your sunscreen and I'll figure out the tips. That's hard. It's a lot of the tips is really hard You're like you're just like well, just bring wads and wads of money with you You have wads of cash. I know and then if it's like I wanted to all just be like tell me what to give I wouldn't okay So what I give and y'all divvy it out. I don't want to have to be like,
Starting point is 01:11:45 count my 20s and 50s. You're like, when you go on the show, I said, what is the tip? This is the amount and then they're like, this is the tip. I'm like, but now I've watched it and they're like, there was one time that one firm was on
Starting point is 01:11:59 and there was only six of them. Yeah. And their tip, it was a lesser tip, but I'm like, there was only six of them. Right. Like, why should they have to pay the amount? But then they bagged on them. Yeah. And their tip it was a lesser tip, but I'm like, there was only six of them. Right. Like, why should they have to pay the amount? But then they bagged on them. They're like, wow. Oh really? I think I'll tip them out. Yeah. But I think, um, I give you a sick, that's the, that's the thing. I just want to know, like what you're supposed, what's, you know, expected. Right. If they, I would like to hear like a ballpark. Like,
Starting point is 01:12:23 this is what people normally do. And then you go, okay, you know what I mean? Yeah. But if you just have to pull it out of your butt and you've never yotted before. I also, I have interviewed some of the people that work on below duck and I've given them some tips. And one is the minute they get on the butt. You give them a verbal tips.
Starting point is 01:12:39 Verbal tips. They should also be, I got, I would love if you show, I'm like, here's all of your tips. You need to do this. You. I, but they're always hungry and they're always waiting. And it's taking like the girls so long to like make some special cocktail for them or whatever.
Starting point is 01:13:00 You know what they should do? What? To bring it back, they should have a shark cootery board Mm-hmm out there nibble on it They walk in and they should go lunch will be ready in about 45 minutes for an hour We're gonna let you nibble on this enjoy the champagne. We have to empty your clothes And then we'll be meet you know, they make them unpack their clothes, but then That'll give us just enough time
Starting point is 01:13:25 and get acquainted with the boat. Yeah, you're, they're not hungry. And it will then sit down to your 230 lunch. Yeah. When you suggested that, what did they say? Well, first off, did you call it a shirt? What do you call it? A shirt.
Starting point is 01:13:37 Short, chrudery. Chrudery. Is she called a short chrudery board? Is that how a short chruder like? And they're like, what is she even talking about? Actually, I think, actually I think what I've said that I think they all said that that would be a good idea. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:53 But maybe to that to the chef that's not gourmet or they want them to be really hungry for real. Is he all, Captain Sandy, she's a lesbian, right? Yeah, full blown. Full blown. Well, I like that representation for sure. Yes, no, she has a beautiful girl for underwear. I don't know if they're married.
Starting point is 01:14:13 But yeah, she's cool. And she's always wanting to bring up the other people to they get promoted. She's a fan favorite, right? Yeah, there are certain captains like pop. Yeah, so captains. Captain Lee, right now there's a sailing one. This girl is on the one where they sail.
Starting point is 01:14:31 Oh, well, I never did a yacht, not a sailboat. So it's a yacht sailboat, but then they go, okay, are we gonna sail now? So then they take out the sails, and they turn off the motor, and then they're like, are we sailing out? But then everybody down there trying to make the, you know, the food, it tips over.
Starting point is 01:14:51 No, again, we didn't. I don't want to sell both. We also need to figure out that. Like why doesn't the chef figure it out and go, okay. They come on at noon, we're gonna do sharturi board. Sharturi board. Don't leave out the cooter and shartu-tter. We're going to do the shartu-tterie board and cocktails.
Starting point is 01:15:08 But I'm not going to plate the food or anything until we're after we're done sailing. Right. We've sailed for an hour, then we're going to stop the sail, and then I'm going to do the food. Well listen, you have a boat now. Do you? ours is not a tipping sail.
Starting point is 01:15:23 Yeah, yours is like, catamaran. So now you can speak from experience. Yeah. Do you ever film yourself as Captain Heather? We did a really funny YouTube last year of we did all at our house where I was both Captain Sania played two roles. Captain Sania and a drunk guest. Okay.
Starting point is 01:15:44 And the boys and Peter everybody everybody, all repost it because it really didn't get the love it should. I looked at you at the views. But I was like, what happened here? But I'll repost it. And then I will do Annie suggests that too. I will do a new one where we're on our boat and. But this time you need to be Captain Heather.
Starting point is 01:16:03 Okay. You don't need to pretend to be anybody else. You're the captain of that ship, baby. Me and my original nose. I call it a sh- Shootery forward. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- pronounced shark- Char- Cudery, shark- Char- Cudery, shark- Cudery, shark- Cudery.
Starting point is 01:16:27 Yeah, just remember Cudery. All right, shark- Cudery. It's just so big words. It is a big word. Oh, that's a mystery. Me and cheese. Just a mean cheese platter, please.
Starting point is 01:16:36 Throw in some jams. But now they do them so fancy, there's like all these different things. They're so good. There's like different fruits, and there's different nuts, and then there's like edible flowers, and then like little jams. There's like different fruits and there's different nuts and then there's like edible flowers and then like little jams. There's businesses now that just do that. We got a board from this. I don't know, what is it called?
Starting point is 01:16:53 Lady and Larder or something? It is like the most gorgeous board you've ever seen in your life of like, I don't, they've made it like into an art. Right. But then it's tasty. Yeah, hook helped me write to me O.C. Shark Cootery Board, ladies. Oh yeah, you have me aboard what I called my phone.
Starting point is 01:17:12 Oh yeah, because how many you got? Stuff from them before. I think I saw you post some search. Yeah, no, there was one, and I'm sorry that I don't remember, but it just DM me again. Just just just just make a board appear at my boat, and I'll post about it. Ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 01:17:31 By the way, do you like this boat life for you enjoying it? I mean, I feel like I'm finally like living the life I should be living. OK. Your part works, paying off. Yeah, I mean, I just feel like I just kept working and working on my like never change. Like I literally didn't do one new thing to my house
Starting point is 01:17:50 or anything. Yeah, but now I'm like, you know, kind of it's kind of stepping it up a bit and enjoying a little bit more. Yeah, that's good. You know, I'm trying. I'm trying to join the fruits of your labor. Yeah, I mean this summer we're just gonna hang out in Southern California hang around here
Starting point is 01:18:08 Do you go down there? Oh, maybe next year I'll go on like a big trip. You go down to Anyone wants to give me a free trip to your just to see me to him. Yeah, they're supposed to about it I'll post about you. I'll post about Europe totally post about Europe Oh, did I what? Do I go down? Is it, it's down in Laguna or? It's down in Newport. I mean, you can be invited if you can. My wife hates boats.
Starting point is 01:18:32 I know, but if there's a day you wanna go, if there's a day you wanna go and she doesn't care. Yeah, I'll just put you on. I'll just put you on. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go.
Starting point is 01:18:43 I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just put you on every time you go. I'll just have to take tons of drama, mean, or whatever. Not have to take tons. You literally just take one. Oh, well, however it was. I don't get to see six, so. Neither do I. Well, that's good. That's good. Don't get to see six.
Starting point is 01:18:53 Clearly Jesus loves me the most. That's what I said before, passed out, and a lot of people really don't like that. I said that, but I like it. I like it. How um, do you have you had any effects since then, or everything, everything's in the clear You feel well. I'm going this weekend
Starting point is 01:19:08 I can get my date out here. I am going this weekend, which will be the first time I've performed Oh, and Justin will be there just it is gonna be there We're doing stand up to 25th and 26 the live juicy scoop is a 27 and people you can buy it and watch it after if you want The live juicy scoop. That's all it has a McDonald's not net, but um scoop is a 27 and people you can buy it and watch it after if you want. Okay. The live juicy scoop, that's all at Heather McDoll and .NET. But um, make sure you eat, was that part of it? You had eaten? No.
Starting point is 01:19:32 You got to eat. I don't want me to had eaten. Oh, you had eaten. Yeah. So I had you drank a lot the night before. No. Not crazy. Not that much.
Starting point is 01:19:41 And then I had a bite. Is there altitude there? What is it? I don't, we don't know. We is it? I don't we don't know I don't know People think there's a freak thing or Jesus didn't like that I said that because we're trying to take in his name in vain Baby speaking to little too casually about him. Oh, like he's like I'll still spite you But I was raised with Jesus as my best friend. My life is a smite or spite
Starting point is 01:20:02 I don't know. They just said it's, smile, it was ungodly or whatever. That's what you, the feedback you got? Yeah. Okay. So, well, you can't breath. Well, I do have, I do have virtue available that says Jesus loves me the most.
Starting point is 01:20:16 If you are cocky enough to wear it, you can get it and have a big doll like that. Yeah, quit out of it. That means be careful. In what language? Oh. Oh, okay. I don't know what I said. That means be careful In what language? Okay, I don't know why I said that I was thinking of those I didn't think this Spanish people got after me or Mexican people They seem to be okay with the Jesus stuff. Well, you can't use loves me the most you can't get too cocky about
Starting point is 01:20:39 God and Jesus saying that they why not because they're the ones that decide who they love the most. And according to them, they love everybody the same. Right. That's the joke. That's what people don't get. The other embarrassing part is that when I was saying that clip, which is like right at the beginning of your of your of my standup, which is not the heart and the juiciest parts, right?
Starting point is 01:21:02 I then said, I got the shingle shot and I go, you know, I'm going to admit I get the shingle shot, you have to, you cannot get it till you're 50, right? And I go, and, you know, I don't mean to cry, I was still got my period. And I'm joking because female comics always talk, like that's always the thing that, if you don't like a female comic or like your old hack, talking about your period, like I was literally making fun of what a hacky thing that is to do It's hey, but then when the people would bag on me They would bring that up like and I'm like I agree. It's not fucking funny
Starting point is 01:21:34 Like it's the cornyish I was being like my audience He knows me. It's not so I'm not the straight out this one outside of the juicy's Scoot right then when it went on these YouTubers, then people were like, I mean, the comments, sometimes if I just like, I'd like to feel bad about myself or get angry, I'd go and I... Don't go late. Don't read those.
Starting point is 01:21:54 And I just read them. Don't read them. I know, but whatever. But the video was pretty crazy though. I am going to do something that I've never done. What? How old was it? This just into that picture.
Starting point is 01:22:05 That's like 25 right there. Look at the baby face. He is a little baby. I think I'm going to do something I've never done before that I've brought about, but I think it's time. Okay. It's a pretty big deal for me. What is it?
Starting point is 01:22:22 I am going to wear tennis shoes on stage. Whoa! Juicy! Oh! That's juicy. Because it's two shows a night. Two bean greets. That's a lot.
Starting point is 01:22:38 Two days in a row. And you don't wanna stand up. And I, you might have one coming. My girl is making me one. My friend Crystal Thomas is making a watch like with bedazzles. Yeah, it's been taking her a really long time. Yeah, there's a lot of bedazzles. So there's gonna be some fun things, but I mean at least we're a stylish pair of sneakers. What do you have now? These are these white ones. I have black ones. I think I'm just going to wear these black ones. Yeah, wear black ones. They don't stand out as much. Now, when did you stop wearing heels to do stand-up?
Starting point is 01:23:11 To early on. I don't know how any woman does stand up in heels. That's insane. I think I just always... That was always my... I always wanted... I felt like... Were you one- You were one-dalled up in general. Yes, and there was one time where I didn't have the right heels and I like, need someone to go back and get them
Starting point is 01:23:31 because I'm like, I just don't think I'll be able to, do my act the way I feel like I'll get there. I was gonna dance in the room. Now I'm like, you prince. I'm pretty, I am so excited about wearing my juice-iscute merch on stage and being casual. I'm gonna look back and I'm gonna be like, why the hell had I not started? There's a lot of female comics in their specials and stuff that I love.
Starting point is 01:23:56 They're all wearing the cute tenies and I was like, okay, give it a whirl. I mean, why why chance it right now with the, I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:24:11 I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:24:19 I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I's a casual one. I wear the same stuff often on stage. Have you ever had someone go, this is what I, this I saw you three years ago and you're wearing the same thing.
Starting point is 01:24:31 I'm sure, I'm sure. I try to rotate them out every tour like, but within the tour, within the tour there's a lot of repeats. Let's talk about the tour. Okay. So you've done 87 shows. I mean, this month, the tour. Okay. So, you've done 87 shows. I mean, this month, the Zillion shows.
Starting point is 01:24:49 Well, we're, you know, I've been everywhere because I've been trying to make up for all the dates. I got rescheduled from 2020. Right. I just finished the last 2020 date last weekend. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm headed to Wisconsin this weekend. I know, and you're with Chris Krenchela.
Starting point is 01:25:04 What's Chris Krenchola? Yeah. He's doing a green Bay Madison and Milwaukee with me. Are there any tickets available for these shows? Yeah. Okay, good. Milwaukee's almost sold out. Green Bay has almost sold out in Madison, the second show, there's tickets. Okay, well everybody go to, where do they go to?
Starting point is 01:25:20 ForgingFemesery.com. I really worked at Skat. Do you have a lot of Canadians that listen? I mean, I think so, yeah. Well, hi Canadians. Are you going to Canada? I want to Canada. Yeah, but they're in a, I haven't performed there in like three or four years.
Starting point is 01:25:33 Where is your Canada, Canada? Vancouver at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre and a messy hall. Sounds fancy. They're really big, so I need you Canadian folks to come out. Okay, yeah. That's coming up in a couple weeks in April and then Florida Yeah, I know there's GC scoopers and flyers and do scuba in Florida Jacksonville St. Petersburg for Florida in Orlando Orlando Orlando's now September but yeah, come on out and then boys see Spokane all those places still have a lot
Starting point is 01:26:03 Yeah, yeah, and then is that it? Oh, well then I'm doing some upstate New York And then I'm gonna take something in June we're sorting all that. Oh, you don't know the theater yet Yeah, but I've got some Syracuse Well, let me know where it is. I will be in California. No, no I It'll be in California. No. No. It'll, yeah, we're figuring out the theater right now. So I'm not that nailed down, but it's a fun tour. It's a whole new hour. You have really, really grown up.
Starting point is 01:26:36 Oh, thank you, my shirt, chudery, Heather. From the little cocky girl that I met that first-day cocky I was just nervous and overcompensating and also I didn't know any of y'all know we're all staring at me and I was intimidated. I'll just never get how you're like see you after you went to your interview and then
Starting point is 01:27:04 we were like sitting in that media center we called the media center. I think I was like, after you went to your interview and then we were like sitting in that media center. We called the media center. I was like, I remember the jeans you wore and I was like, that's crazy. And I was like, I really stuck with you. Yeah. Were you turned on? Well, no, then I remember they're like, we're hiring this girl fortune. And I think that you guys are gonna really hit it off.
Starting point is 01:27:25 She, Sumer if he said that. That all of y'all would hit it off me. No, that she's gonna put you in my office because she thinks that we would be a good combo. And were you like, oh God, not this lesbian. No, I was like, well I thought, because you were from the growlings, I'm like, well probably will,
Starting point is 01:27:41 but I was like, she's just like so cocky. But I was really walk by. But do you, but do you not remember that first year was pretty quiet? I was pretty shy and quiet that first year. Yeah. Yeah. I would talk to you because we were in the office together
Starting point is 01:27:53 and we would talk about whatever. Right. I was pretty quiet in meetings and everything. And finally, the second year got out of my shell and got comfortable. No, it was fun. And I'm just so glad you took all my advice and became a success. I mean, you're welcome.
Starting point is 01:28:13 Thank God I listen to you. You're a thing. I was like, I don't know if I want to be successful, but Heather says I should. But there were some situations and stories in your life of people I did not enjoy in your life. And I did think I gave you good advice about those weirdos. Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:28:32 And you ended up happy with a beautiful wife. And so, it all worked out. You're welcome. Now, I just have no life. I'm constantly touring. And, but it's good. It's all fun. The road is so fun and these shows have been cool,
Starting point is 01:28:47 but I have definitely, I won't always have a tour like this where it's just like back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back. Because I'm just trying to make up, I was trying to make up all those dates, you know, and that the lovely pandemic post-pomber two years. Right, you guys, you don't know, you know, I mean, you might, you might never do stand up and get out after this.
Starting point is 01:29:08 You better see her when she comes to your town. That's what I always say. I don't know. This could be the last time. Literally, she could fall and stage like I did. Oh, please don't. This could be the last time, Joe, she won't. But I'm saying, you know, so don't think that there's always going to be another time
Starting point is 01:29:22 before a fan and you're free. You should guys should go see our fortunefamester.com slash tour and it comes to me. I do love it when I hear the the girl shout out juicy scoop. Oh, I love that too. We're Chris there. It's always fun too. Yeah. Yeah, they yell it out even more. Oh, oh, well have a great weekend this weekend. Thanks for coming on GCScope. Thanks for having me. Bye.
Starting point is 01:29:48 Bye.

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