Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald - Is Having Kids Worth It with Comic Natasha Leggero

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

I’m live in Boston, Philly, and DC! Get tickets at heathermcdonald.net Comedian, Author Natasha Leggero is here to discuss her book “The World Deserves My Children.” Heather and Natasha came up together as stand-up comedians. Now both working comedians and married mothers with kids of different ages compare and commiserate their parenting experiences. Topics include crazy adult siblings, having more kids in this world, and grandparents who aren’t into being grandparents. They cover it all while laughing and dropping inspirational knowledge you have never heard before. Get extra juice on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/juicyscoop https://heathermcdonald.net/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Listen in, listen up. Woo-hoo! And a McDonald. Juicy scoop. Hello and welcome to Juicy scoop. I have a girl I've known for so long, hilarious, writer-comedy-in, podcast host, wife, mother, and now author. Natasha Legiro, the world deserves my children.

Let's bring this up right here. Looking stunning. Oh thank you. This is me during the pandemic. Absolutely. She ran a lovely red dress. You guys know Natasha. She's worked on so many things. She also was a regular panelist on Chelsea lately. We knew each other from pretty funny women

shows. Oh my god. Wait, that's how we started knowing each other. That's the first time I think I was introduced to you is maybe watching you on stage when we did a show together. I forgot about that. I just recently did like a Zoom. I just remember one of my funniest jokes, that your funniest jokes that I saw, is one thing about Natasha, she's really beautiful, and she totally dresses up to do stand-up, and would wear like these classic beautiful outfits,

and it had like this funny, I have a very funny persona, but a very unique point of view in cadence to your style and jokes, which I love. But one time you were doing stand-up and you looked out at this guy and you go, don't worry, sir, I don't find women funny either. Ha!

I mean, that was a joke that I would do a lot. I love that. And I would always pick some guy in the audience. That was miserable. Well, it was like, I think I actually did it in Europe. And the woman sitting in the front row, this was like in Amsterdam. Yeah.

She was like, said very loudly. This is a TV taping. She was like, if she don't think women are funny, why is she on the stage? And I was like, I can hear you. Like, it was just, you know, you know, you have all those reactions. You have to be ready to react. Yes. You know, because it's like, people are like heckling and as a woman and, you know, it's,

it just, it was always hard. I don't know. Maybe it's better for women now. Yes. I feel like we paved the way. Oh, we did. Girls to have like a better time on stage. We made it so much better.

You know, as women paved it for us too. But yeah, they, now it's a great situation. But I also loved how you would be like, I come from a servantless household. Well, my dream was to like be above my social class. Okay. That was kind of like, you know, like, male comics want to like marry above their, like, level.

Like, they want to date out of their league. No, I didn't know that. Is that a thing that you've noticed among male comics? Have you not noticed that a lot of male comedians we know have like gorgeous child brides? Oh, yes, like a dainty cook. Well, I mean, there's a lot of them. Like, have you not noticed that most male comedians

have a woman that's way too hot for them? Yes, I know. I want to think of like Bert Cracher and his wife have been together forever and if she's beautiful, but they're like, they're a match. Well, I'm not going to name names. I'm just saying. I think Tom Sagora and Christina are like a match.

Well, you're, you're mentioning some like, it's very solid. I think, I think Mocha is obviously below you, your husband. So I agree with you there. Well, clearly married out of his league. I'm telling you this because I wanted to date out of my social class. I wanted to be out of my social class. So yes, so that was my fault. I love that you thought of that because I wish I had thought

of that more. I look now at what's your background. I'm just middle class. My parents did go to college. They're realtors and I grew up in a house that I bought the house next door to my parents. They're no longer alive but I bought the house next door with Phoenix having the kids so easy with my parents helping you with the baby. Yeah I could not every day or anything because my parents were a little bit older and they they still like worked but

definitely like could drop them off by a grocery shop or a me and then I would like get those blueberry muffins from Costco and give them half because you don't want 12 blueberry muffins. And I know all that and then when we bought the house we didn't have our house was all that needed all this work and we didn't have a pool but they did which I loved I loved because our kids were little so you don't wanna pool when your kids are little, you know? And then we had a gate that we could walk right through and use their pool all those years. By the way, that's how it's supposed to be. I know, it's the best. I feel so not for people that don't have grand parents.

No one has what you're saying. Like you're basically talking about a small village, which is what I wanna raise my child in. Like I would like to like share meal preparations. Like I'd like to make dinner like once a week. And then every, for like six people. Or really? It's just need to be a lesbian for that.

Because that is, that's where it takes a village. Where like the women all help the women with the babies. That could be nice. It's definitely hard that we all have our own little homes and our own, you know, having to just do everything on our own. But yes, I definitely wanted to be outside of my social class. And I think your parents going to college, that's a big thing because my parents didn't go to college.

Okay. But my mom, she almost finished, but she didn't. And then my dad was like, a used car dealer. Okay. So you were just kind of like middle class. I'd say working class. Okay. But no, yeah. Yeah, and I mean, I always thought that was like,

I never knew that like, I never knew anybody that where the parents would give them a huge down payment for their house. Oh, right. That's not what I need, like you get a job and then you try to get a house when you're married and like, and then not until like in the last 10 years I started to meet people where they're like well the house is in the

trust. Oh, I know. And the house is in and I'm like how mad is that I'm like, who are these people? Like I didn't even know that and now I'm like, oh well of course if if there's generational wealth and there's been eight generations of your family in America. Yeah, I guess you would be, and everyone did pretty well and no one, you're living off the interest of your trust. Yeah, yeah. You're not even touching your trust.

Yeah, so I didn't know people like that or anything, but you know, Are you gonna give your kids money? I mean, there is times where I'm like, come on, you know, like I can afford to get you a tutor, could you just please go to the tutor? Like, I on, you know, like I can afford to get you a tutor. Could you just please go to the tutor? Like, I do say that. Like I'm like, a lot of kids can't get this.

So stop and you know, ask for the help if you need it because we actually can give it to you. Yeah, but what about giving them when you die? Like a lot of money. Well, I don't think there's gonna be a lot of money and I plan on living to like very old. So, how old? I'd like to live to like 90. I think 90's a 90's good. The 80's aren't great, but I think at least 90's you got 80. At least till 80. At least. I used to beg Jen Kirkman if we could just like, once we become, well now it's becoming closer to our age,

so maybe it's not as nice. But like I was like, when we're in our 60s, we should just live in Manhattan. As like, go out, because like I feel like old women are kind of like glamorized in Manhattan, you know? And there's so much stuff for them to do. You can like, go to the opera and go to the theater every night and have season passes at the symphony. And there's just so much you could go to the premiere, go to the theater every night and have season passes at the symphony

and there's just so much you could go to the premiere, you have to have money. Right. You got a doorman. Well, I never lived in New York for any period of time. There would be, sometimes there'd be little things I'd be up for, you know, like a talk show or something. And I'd be like, I mean, what's the chance

of beginning this, but if I did, well, how would I do that with two little kids and a stepdaughter, what would I do? And I said, you know, if I ever get the chance to do anything in New York, I hope it's in my 50s when my kids are older, because I think in your 50s with some money in Manhattan is the perfect thing.

Because you can go to the dinners and the plays and stuff. And you kind of like a sheet place. And you know, that's when you want to do it. Like I never want to live there when I was going to be like 24 and like starving. Like, I know. But you've got like the ultimate status symbol

which is adult children. Like we're the same age, probably. My kids, I'm'm gonna be like 60 when she's starting high school or something. I mean, you say how old you are when you gave birth? I was 43. Okay, do you remember when you and Mosha came to my podcast? Did I ask you about it?

You must have already been pregnant. Oh really? So you guys, so you were, So you, me and Mosha did your pot, I don't remember. I know, you don't remember anything about me apparently. No, about anything. Motion's telling me things all the time, seriously.

Some people, I think when I had, when I gave birth, I forgot everything. Some people, like my sister, she's very smart, intelligent, wonderful, attorney, but like I can remember the crazy, I can remember such details from our childhood and stuff and she's like, I don't remember that. Sometimes I just think it's like the way your brain is or genetic.

It doesn't mean that you have Alzheimer's, it doesn't mean anything, it just means you just don't remember dumb things that don't matter. But like, I remember so much, except I just forgot what I was talking about. No, you were saying that when motion I did your podcast, I told you I was pregnant or something. Okay, so then you guys came and I was, and you were on the show and I don't think you, you hadn't started your podcast yet, but you were there to promote some.

Maybe you're not flickspecial. Yeah, I don't know, but you're both there. And, or I asked you to come and you were like, do you want motion? I'm like, totally great because I knew him from just lately being a great comedian. And I remember I was you to come and you were like, do you want motion? I'm like totally great because I knew him from Trust the Lightly and Being a Great Communion. And I remember I was like, oh my God, I think it's kind of exciting that you guys

are like this comedic duo because there's like all these comedic doers, like I do it. Like I said, Tom and Christina and people like that. And I think it's so great. And then I'm like, and what about kids? Like do you think you'll have kids? And you were like, and so, and then I remember when, and what about kids? Like do you think you'll have kids? And you're like, um, and I, and then I remember when you then shared it,

I'm like, oh, I think they were either pregnant or maybe you were waiting to find out. Well, I had frozen my eggs when I was 38. And so, oh, that's smart. I did that and that's kind of the cut off. So hopefully people who read my book can glean that information. Yeah.

You know, the whole idea of egg freezing, like you did it a different way, and also you had support. You had parents who live next door that you could drop your kid off. I mean, taking a kid to a grocery store in a pandemic is like a nightmare, you know? You're like constantly like,

if I run in and give him, I'm gonna kill my child. Right, I mean, it was just like, I was just like the most stressful thing, but that aside, I feel like I just got two extra decades to earn money and have fun and live my life. And then having a kid in my 40s, it was, and I think just this whole technology

is so amazing for women because we can achieve so much more now. You know, I have to have a kid with the first guy you meet at the beach, you know? Exactly, but so I was married, I got married just a couple weeks before my 30th birthday. And then, but I remember the day I went off the pill,

and it was when a pilot that I did didn't get picked up. So I had the pilot got picked up, I definitely would have put it off. So you were my career. My career was still coming first, but then I had like a nice like well Nothing's in a half for for a while and I'm 30 I was 31 at the time and my sister was two and a half years. No. Yeah, she knows she's about three or two and a half three years older

And she was having trouble conceiving So then I was like well if I have trouble conceiving I remember somebody telling me like Oh, if you have sag insurance, they'll pay this, you know, 18 years ago, 20 years ago, they'll pay $8,000 worth of fertility stuff. Now, I don't know if that's still true. Well, $8,000 won't get you as far as it did. Like, my eggs cost $8,000, but now it's probably double that.

Right, or I thought, well, at least that would cover like some inseminations. I don't know, because my sister was starting to go through it or having trouble. And I was like, all right, well, then I thought well at least that would cover like some inseminations I don't know because my sister was starting to go through it or having trouble and I was like all right Well, then I think maybe I just leave me I just go off the pill just in case I have trouble and then I was one of those People that never got the period like immediately got pregnant and then I had to tell my sister which I was dreading You're like I'm so fertile. I know, and I felt so, I felt like, and then she's like, how far along are you? And I'm like, 10 weeks, and she's like,

10 weeks, that's terrible that you felt you couldn't tell me, you know, and I felt so bad. Anyway, she has two kids now, and they're old and fine. But, you know, I, yeah, we've all gone through it either. It's been easy for us, or we felt guilty that it was easy for us, or, I, yeah, we've all gone through it either. It's been easy for us or we felt guilty that it was easy for us or, but yeah, everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. And if you don't have the partner and the means,

but you do have enough of the means to freeze the eggs, I think it's the greatest thing that you could do. So smart. Best insurance policy ever. Right, because my therapist called me a situational breeder. He's like, if the situation's right, you'll breed. And I was like, oh yeah, I think that's right.

Because I wasn't like, I think you had it in your head, right? Like you were like, I'm going to have a family. I always knew I wanted to have kids. I was that girl that like, played with a baby doll. Like, you know, because I was young as a five. And if my friend had a younger child, I was like, you've got a baby doll, because I was young as a five, and if my friend had a younger child, I was like, you've got a baby and a crib that I could like see.

Like I was obsessed. I love to like babysit. I love to see you. All that. So I remember being like 27 and doing stand up and coming home and like watching some fucking like awful Jerry Springer or something.

And I remember saying, you know, I'm gonna be a mom no matter what, even if I do it alone. Like if I remember saying, you know, I'm gonna be a mom no matter what, even if I do it alone, like if I don't fall in love, I'm gonna be a mom no matter, like I knew I always wanted to be a mom. Not a situational breeder. Yeah. You're like in it.

But so for me, I was like, I don't know if I deem someone worthy of blasting on one of my eggs, then perhaps I will allow it. And yeah, after I met Mosha, but what I didn't realize when you of my eggs, then perhaps I will allow it. And yeah, after I met Mosha, but what I didn't realize when you freeze your eggs, I had eight. And by the way, talk about fertile people. You'll have friends who freeze them. They're like, I got 39.

You know, they just have so many eggs. But I had eight, and I thought that meant I could have eight kids. And I was like, well, I barely want one. But then, when I, defrosted them, had Mosha do his thing, they did all of the genetic testing. There was only four. That they liked that were perfect. There were four, and then, no, there was four

when he, after he did his thing, then they did the genetic testing, which then there was two, and I put one up, and it was a miscarriage. And so the only one I had was my darling, darling child. Oh, that's so interesting. So with my sister Shannon, she went through a bunch of things,

miscarriages and different things. And then it was down to four frozen. And she was like, Are these embryos or eggs? These were the embryos. Okay, because embryos better, because I had eggs. Emreos are like, actually you can implant them, and egg needs to be fertilized by these.

Well, they still wanted to, it was her impression back then that still the embryos were better if they weren't frozen. So like, where they were that batch. So she'd done a batch of embryos, and she already did someone in her, and then it didn't work out. So she had four frozen left in the freezer. And she was like, you know, I don't know. I think now we're gonna look into adoption

or whatever it was. And I'm like, what, you just do one more because then you don't have to, if even if they work, then you don't have this freezer section that you have to like have to feel bad about, what you're gonna do with it, whatever. And then from that, then she got her son. So the one, and then after that at 39,

she got pregnant naturally with her daughter. Amazing. I know, she was like, I can't believe she's like, this is, she's had her husband, she goes, I feel so dumb, but I wanna have a drink, and it's been so long since I've appeared but she'd always have them wrong, you know. She's like there's no way after literally like $75,000

with fertility that I'm going to, and she used to hate when people would say, you never know, you know, you make a pregnant actually, she'd be like, back here, there's the worst, you know. It's really hard. And then that did happen. And then the doctors are always like, well what do you wanna do? Do you wanna test them? And I'm like, I don't worst, you know, like, it's really hard and then it happened and then the doctors are always like

What do you want to do? Do you want to test them? And I'm like, I don't know what would you do? And then you know, there's just not a lot of information out there Yeah, so I try to talk about it in the book But like I remember the doctor asking me if I wanted to test them and I said yes And but the testing often kills the embryo because they're like, you know trying to make sure it's good and then they kill it What does in you mean? No, like when it's in the P3 dish. So, you know, what people won't say to you because probably it's illegal,

but it's like, if you're willing to get an abortion, if there is something genetically wrong with it, and you have a better chance of keeping those embryos intact. And don't test them before. Don't test them before. But it's like no one will tell you that. So you have to just like glean all this information and some people maybe aren't okay having an abortion.

But you know, it's just, it's very challenging and also I didn't even understand how to get pregnant. I mean, in terms of like when you get older, it's like there's like one hour that you can get pregnant. So yes. What's the test that they would do? They always wanted you to have if you were over 35, where they would check and to make sure that everything's

OK, does that still exist? I don't know. I was like, they kept calling me a geriatric pregnancy. Anything over 35 is that. Oh, yeah. Like, you know, like a geriatric man over 35. I mean, it's so obnoxious. When when a man's 35, he's like barely ready for pet ownership.

And like meanwhile, a woman's just like geriatric. I mean, obviously a man invented that, right? Probably, yeah. That turn. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's so obnoxious. And now we don't have to like be fearful that by, you, because remember, I feel like even 10 years ago, it was like, I mean, my 30s, I have to start meeting someone, I have to, I have to be fearful that by, because I remember, I feel like even 10 years ago,

it was like, I'm in my 30s, I have to start meeting someone, I have to have babies, you know? Yeah. We're so lucky we have people. Now how long have you been married for now a while, right? Like seven years. And you're still in love, still laughing all the time. You still in love, Heather?

I'm in it to win it. What does that mean? I remember I said to you last time you were here, I go, well, I think staying married is kind of my brand. And you I have to give other people hope. No, I mean marriage, marriage and kids. And we've been married, I've been married 20, let me think, what year are we? 22 years. 22? 22, I got married in 2000. You guys do seem like you like. We have found Mary Sampatico though.

We have fun, but very annoying to work with your spouse. And it can be the best because there's nobody that has your back and wants you guys to succeed more than your partner. But then on the other hand, it could be really annoying too. So, I don't know what to say. I don't know if I can recommend it or not, but that's what we do. In it to win it. So it's like, yeah, so we're in it to win it. And now, and I do have to say, things do get better. Okay. And now, and I do have to say, things do get better. Okay.

I think things get easier as kids get older and even when they're teenagers, like there's, there are more struggles that we, my step-data are lived with us, and I love to have her in the home, but like, there was things that we, that he would be like, what is she doing? And he'd ask me questions. I'm like, go ask her. Like, there was just things that were annoying. And then when she

went off on her own, then it's like, okay, that issue of communication is now, I don't have to worry about it. Like, there's a reason why people actually want their kids to go to a way to college, because if they live at home, you are stressed every time they're not home. college because if they live at home, you are stressed every time they're not home. But if they're living in college, you don't expect to talk to them all the time. So if they're out boozing till 4 a.m. or sleeping at a guy's house or whatever, and they're living out their dorm, you can still go to bed on a Tuesday on, and not know that you should be frantic.

This is like, that is the difference. So horrifying hearing you say this, because you're at such a different stage, and like, I don't know, and my daughter's saying, she's like, mommy, I'm never gonna leave you. How old is she now? She's gonna live here for. Uh-huh.

But she's just like, or such a cute age. And she's just like, I'm your shadow, and she just follows me everywhere, and she's so cute, and But she's just like, or such a cutate. And she's just like, I'm your shadow. And she just follows me everywhere and she's so cute. And soon she's going to be staying out till 4am. And I'm not going to know where she is. Oh my god, kill me. Just make sure she gets into college. So when she stays out at 4am, it won't matter because you won't be tracking her. Okay. But I mean, then Mouts of Times that I had and then my one son, he's like a giant, so I don't worry about him, like I do my stepdaughter, right? And because I remember one time the kids, they were younger and they're like, what do you worry about? I'm like the thing I worry most about

is you guys being kidnapped, you know? But, and this one they're a little, I go, but at one point, I won't worry about you being kidnapped anymore, but I will always worry about McKenzie being kidnapped. So, like, I mean, yes, because I'm like, eventually you'll like grow out of being kidnapped, like you physically will be too tall to be kidnapped, the boys, you know? I don't know, they take girls from gas stations

and riverside and put in bands. Girls, girls, but I'm saying, if you, teenagers, if know they take girls from gas stations and riverside and girls girls but I'm saying if you if you grow a boy that is six four right right right a guy and it's 250 pounds it's gonna be really hard to kidnap a guy unless you're like in the mafia or something they're not most likely they're they they are physically too big to be kidnapped? Someone the size of you forever. So easy to grab, throw. You are very petite. So anyway, but one day my son

just wasn't answering his phone. And I mean, I was just like, how are we and my husband was scared and we were, he was pinging the phone, you know? And he still wasn't, and he's like, it's in his apartment and he's not answering. And he is a heavy sleeper, but I still was like, I guess he took a drug and he's dead.

Like I literally, like that's where your mind goes. I mean, does it ever end? No. Most should doesn't have this experience. Is your husband like that with the kids? Or is this a mom thing? Because this is something I really struggled with. No, he was worried about it too, No. Most of it doesn't have this experience. Is your husband like that with the kids? Or is this a mom thing? Because this is something I really struggled with.

No, he was worried about it too, but I mean, he certainly went to bed. I had the phone right by my head, and I texted him, and I texted him so many times, and I'm like, I don't care what time it is. Call me. And then at 2.30, he's like, I'm sorry, I fell asleep, and I go, so you didn't hear the phone pinging. He's like, I'm sorry I fell asleep, but I go, so you didn't hear the phone ringing. He's like, no. I feel like as a mom, it's just so easy to lose yourself

in the minutia of your children, you know? And I feel like, I just, like, that's kind of why I wrote the book too, because I'm just like, I used to be this really cool person who was like, had so much to do to Veeve. And I really, like, go to Thailand at the drop of a hat and, you know, go river rafting without a helmet on,

and now I'm just like afraid and fearful, and trying to get back to that pre-motherhood, Natasha's, so challenging, and I noticed my husband, like when it's his, I wake up with her in the morning all the time. And then the other day, I was like, I had had like five days in a row, because he was out of town,

and I was like, can you wake up with her in the morning? And he, I get in there and he's just like making himself this protein shake And he's like shaking it up and adding all this stuff and it's all for him And I'm like, did you make her lunch? Did you make her breakfast? Did you brush your teeth? Did you bring like he's going through life Like how can I enhance my life? And I'm probably too much the other way. Like, I'll leave the house and not have the right clothes on because I'm just focused on her and getting all the chores checked off. So, here's the frustrating advice. Yes, I do. Here's the thing.

Biological men and women that become parents. I don't care how hippy-dippy, liberal, husband, whatever man you get. It will never ever be the same. They will never have the guilt that you have. They will put their kid ahead of them like if a train is coming, they would like grab them. But if they're hungry and the kid isn't begging

for food at that moment, they will feed themselves first. And it's important for him to give himself his vitamin milkshake, I guess. But like I wish I gave myself a vitamin milkshake, you know? But it was like that was where his mind was. I mean, listen, you're not alone. There's nothing you can do to really fix it, except to maybe be more specific

about what you want him to do on a day that you really need it. So let's say like you have, you're doing a morning call or you just are like, you know what, I just wanna sleep till nine. Just be really specific about like, I wanna know that like, you're gonna get up, you're gonna do this, you know what? I just wanna sleep till nine. Just be really specific about like, I wanna know that like, you're gonna get up, you're gonna do this, you're gonna shut the hall door

so I can sleep. You gotta delegate and be specific. Otherwise, you're gonna be disappointed. Yeah. So that's like. I know you want them to be intuitive about it. They're not, because they don't have the same brain. And sometimes it doesn't,

sometimes it's being a dick, but sometimes it's just being a man. And it's just never gonna be the same as what, like, and also, you and your husband will parent differently, and you will. Like, you might be like, I remember early on because Peter, you know, was the main caregiver when I was at Chelsea lately and I'd come home at like eight at night.

And I just wanted to have to be like, you know what? They're probably not gonna have as many baths as I'd like. Mm. Really? I'm submitted. I just kind of was like, I hear you though, because then he's happier. And if you're trying to micromanage

how he's taking care of them and the truth is, Mocha got his vitamin milkshake, but also the child did get food. Yeah, eventually. I just want to put her first. Right, my kids were never starving. They never were like getting colds or getting sick. They went to school.

They're nice. Not going to wear their not on drugs. I don't know, I mean, I set the standard very low too. Like I was like, I always set as long as my kids are not hurting themselves or whatever, like. But it's still, you might, I mean, it's just hard. It's just really hard. But it's fun. Let's talk about the fun. I was not prepared for it

But yes, okay, so okay, so you wrote this book You know what are like some of the things that you tackle in these in this book? Well, I think that you know well not to you said let's make it fun I was gonna say parenting in an environmental panic when we're well because everyone's always like you know Are you sure you want to have a kid the world is burning the world's on fire but it's like you can't just let the idiots have kids like you need to be like creating some sort of army what also what we believe in science right and we need people to also

like run the world for us when we're old like you do need people to you do need humans and, I never understood that, like where someone doesn't want, like, oh, so a million years ago when my mom was grocery shopping with all five kids, this was in the 70s. That is so crazy that you would have to go, like, no, you just like at the grocery store was five children. Yeah, like I was like a baby. So she could leave me alone. And then she probably picked up my brothers from swimming.

And so they probably had wet hair. And all five kids were at the grocery store with her. And she totally cooked a really good meal every night and stuff, which is crazy. And this woman comes up. Now this would have been like 1971. And she said, how dare you overpopulate the world like this. Oh!

This is right here in Woodland Hills, and that was a big thing. People thought the world was overpopulating and that it was really gross that someone, like my mother, yes. Someone said that to their mother? Yes, 100%. And so it's like how gross it is,

how selfish of you to have so many kids and this kind of thing. So it's like, I also think it's weird when someone's like, well, I just think it is, how selfish of you to have so many kids and this kind of thing. So it's like, I also think it's weird when someone's like, well, I just think it would be so selfish to bring a child into this world. And it's like, that's fine if you don't wanna have a child. But if you as a human, as a woman, want to experience motherhood, you should do it.

Yeah, because the world has always been shit. You don't think the people in World War II were like, how the fuck can I bring a child into this? You don't think the people who were dealing with Vietnam were like, how the fuck can I bring? I mean, it's like 9-11. Like every, the world has been shit since the beginning of time.

There has always been awful people and awful wars and awful things happening. So if you can have a cute baby and have some fun in your own backyard in LA, she's not going to hate me for having her. No. Oh, I am always waiting for the person and I predicted this many years ago and it's now happened. The person that then sued their parents for giving birth. Like I didn't ask for this. I was gonna ask you about that, because sometimes I'll tell someone something in front of my kid, I'm like, oh, she said this, and she's like,

mom, don't ever tell people what I say. Right. And so I'm like, like, should I do on stage every night? Yeah. So I'm like, I can't really put that into a special because then she'll see it when she's your kids age and hate me.

Well, when I, what do you do about that? So in my first special, I did talk a lot about my kids and there were funny stories about them, but I did think at that like elementary stage that that's like embarrassing, like if I'm telling about a kid, you know, a poopoo story or whatever, you know, like that's embarrassing to them. But I did say you can watch it when you're 16. Because when you went 16, you're gonna also find the story about when you were 8 really fucking funny. Oh, interesting, but I mean, how do you prevent them from looking at your special if it's on Netflix?

Well, they did, I remember. Or any, on a clip on YouTube. I do remember there was one, somehow they did watch it. I didn't there was one, somehow they did watch it. I didn't want them to and they did watch it. And let me think, so it was 2014, so Brandon would have been like seven or something, and he was laughing really hard at the part where I was ripping on my older son Drake. And then when I got to the Brandon part,

then my stepfather goes, that Brandon got mad, then he didn't want to watch anymore and everything. So, you know, in the very beginning of like Instagram and stuff, I never like, I never, I never exploited them. I only like, that's why a lot of people were like, you have kids, like they'd watch me on Chelsea lately. And I thought I talked about my kids on the panel, but I didn't like post them all over it because I kind of thought like safety wise, right? I shouldn't. Now I'm like, look at these people making so much money off of exploring their kids.

Like I shouldn't done it more. But so then, and then sometimes that they'd be like, don't film this or don't post it. I never, ever did. I never did. And now even now I'll be like, okay, I now, even now, I'll be like, okay, I'll set them up and I'll be like, okay, we're going to, like we do a Christmas photo every year. And I'm like, okay, you guys, like,

I'm so excited. I wanna get back on your Christmas card list. Okay, I'll get your address for you, Lee. I was on it and then I stopped. Did you stop doing them? No. Did you cut me from your address, from your Christmas card? No, but I might have had like,

a list of Chelsea lately people. And I didn't make the cut. No, you're back on. If you think you're going to appreciate, if you're going to be appreciative of it. Well, I had never seen your kids and they're old and it was like interesting. And also, you had a really cool pool.

Oh yeah, that was a good one when we built the pool. But yeah, I just, I prepare them for like, okay, we're gonna have to do this little thing. And then they're like cool about it, but they're boys. So they're not like, Oh, you have all boys? They're two or boys, yeah. But so they're, and none of them are like super thirsty

or labeling about things. So they're just like, they're on it, but they don't post. They like, follow some people so I can like send them stuff, but they're not all. But a girl's not like that. Now girls are all about it, so it's like, I don't know, you know? But I thought it was funny, because I asked you what your daughter's name was, and you're like, I'd rather not say it. I'm like, oh my God, she's so classy.

Like every other mother makes everything about their kid and everything. And I'm like, so you're really trying to keep her identity private. You're like, what did you say? Oh, I said, I just don't want anyone to steal the name. Because I don't want her to grow up with a bunch of people named her name. Yeah.

You know, like, there was like nine Siena's in her class. And like, everyone thinks they came up with like, the coolest name. And then like, everyone's named it. Like, I think there Were three unas in my friends class like these names that you've never even heard before I was at the I was at the playground and there were two Artimuses I

Artimuses Artimus there was two kids name that even come from I don't know everyone's just trying to be unique But anyway, I found a name that was like Jewish but cosmopolitan but simple and you're Jewish glamorous or just motions. I am Jewish. I converted to Judaism. Oh, I know you have a chapter in my book about how I miss Christmas and now I'm not so Jewish that you don't do a tree. Moshe is not not into it. So he's not into doing the tree. Right. And I wasn't either. I didn't really care, but now that I have like a five-year-old, and you know, Christmas to me was one of the biggest

the only traditions I ever had growing up, you know? Yeah. In the Midwest, like Christmas was like the one time everyone got together, and so I still kind of feel this like affinity for it, more so now with a kid, but now I like have already converted, so I'm not exactly sure how to get it back. So on the actual Christmas day, you guys don't acknowledge it at all. Well last year I went away with my brother and my daughter and a friend, and we had a nature table. What's a nature table?

There's maybe some tree-ish things on it. Okay. And like, you know, a lot of like, it was more like things we found, objects like, you know, pine cones and cool shells. Okay. And, you know, just kind of trying to create some sort of pagan tree situation that isn't a tree.

And yeah, we gave them some presents because it was Christmas and they sell a bit Christmas like something that's just You could still have the yeah, but if you're a home on Christmas morning You and you and Mocha your daughter just act like it's a regular day. Well You know she's only been like talking for two years Yeah, it's like we haven't really gotten there yet. Now she knows what it is. But Hanukkah, it's like there's not, it's kind of hard to get excited about Hanukkah spirit.

I used to think Hanukkah sound like so great because you're guaranteed eight gifts. Eight, eight could be a lot. And then, and then like each day, it's like milking it out. I like to milk at a birthday. Right. So I'm like you milk it out every day day it's like milking it out. I like to milk it a birthday. Right, you're right. So I'm like you milk it out every day, it's exciting. And then also it's like you can still take your daughter

and go to a beautiful hotel. That is a good point. I have Jewish friends who take their kids to like see the beautiful Christmas. Yeah, and have like a cute lunch or a high-side year. That's a good idea. Like really like just celebrate the lights and stuff. And you don't have to explain,

I mean, I don't like the shoes as. Yeah, if you don't explain the religious part of it, it's just like, this is the time where people just kind of celebrate the end of the year. Yeah, yeah. So that was a little bit of something I started thinking about more as I like have, as my kid gets older.

And where are your parents in your situation? I started thinking about more as I like have as my kid gets older. And how are you where are your parents in your situation? Well, my dad just passed. No, I'm sorry. That's okay. And he was actually a really good grandpa, like not a great dad, but like, you know, you know, you never, it's kind of a wild card when you have a kid like which of your parents are going to like show up and be cool.

And it's so interesting because sometimes a really good parent actually isn't into being a grandparent. It's so weird. I did my job. And then people are like, you suck as a grandparent, you know? And then other people are like, holy shit mom, like,

what do you mean you're making a pot pie from scratch? You were the worst fucking mother ever. Like, right. And like, that's why those people want that second chance to like, maybe they worked all the time or maybe they were, you just, you know, so then they're like, oh my God, I get this second chance to like be this,

yeah, but you don't, there's no guarantee that your parent will be a great grandparent. No. And they didn't sign up to be a grandparent. That's true. They sign up to be a parent. So like, if they,

that's true. Yeah. Moshe's mom moved here as soon as we had the baby, moved three blocks away from us. Yeah. Never, we never, she only comes over to see him. To see. Mosha.

I was like, oh, she wants to be closer to Mosha. I swear to God. I mean, she's deaf, so they do have a language barrier. Right. But it'd be nice if someone would teach her sign language, like Mosha, or it's just, it's been very hard for them to communicate. Oh, that's right.

He has a very unique, both of his parents were deaf. And his mom is still alive, so she's deaf. And you see the only child? No, he has a brother, he's a rabbi. Oh, wow, so then he is really Jewish. Yes, and I do, I want to say, he's a rabbi. Oh wow, so then he is really Jewish. Yes, and I do, I wanna say, I do like his mother, but she definitely does not, I mean, her screensaver on her phone is just the one son, Mosha.

Yeah, that's it. She's not the grand kid, not the other son. Not the other son. Just Mosha. I was like, isn't that kind of weird that your mom has an adult picture of only one of her sons on their phone? But, you know, you're right,

she signed up to be a mother and maybe she'll be good when the kid's a little older, but it's stressful when they can't communicate. I, are you on TikTok a lot? I am not. You're not, okay, well I'm not down for brain rot. Well, it's not, it's not that, it's like really interesting.

It's just, first of all, they know what you like, and I don't know how they know what you like. It's the algorithm I know. So then I see things that interest me, that I'm like, how did I, and it'll only have like 800 likes or something. So it's not even like a viral thing, but they'll know to give it to me, okay?

You know, that's so scary to me. I know, but I'm like, well, I'm not a terrorist and I'm not a pedophile, so I don't care that you're watching me, like Find out whatever the fuck you want. There's nothing. I've no, I've no, nothing to hide. I wish there was like a tear of TikTok. Like you could sign up for like, what's the most,

like it's the highest echelon where they just like feed you like snobby interviews. Like, you know, like, if you only like snobby interviews, then all, that's the only thing that you're sitting through the whole two minutes up, they'll know. And they'll start getting, start getting no only give you snobby interviews only give you baking cooking not any kind of other cooking like they'll know so there was this there was this this video I saw where this

woman took this video and was like compared a Man-sing his daughter for the first time as a bride and how the comments were like This is the most beautiful thing this guy really is the greatest father ever the greatest man ever and then she Shared when she got to see her son for the first time on his wedding day and they're in brace and the comments About what a fucking freak she is, what a loser, this, get a life, move on already, cut the umbilical cord, like all this stuff. And that's like a mother of a boy. I say that too because they'll say you always hear about the awful mother-in-laws. And I'm like, one day I'm going to be that mother-in-law. You're going to kill it, Heather, you're in it.

So I'm gonna win it, honey. Like, there is something weird, like just because you get birth to a boy, there's some, there's societal stigma that you can't be like super into that boy forever because they're supposed to be a man. Right. And you should be like off.

I see. But like, why can't she be? She can have a favorite subject. Well, I hear you, and she's great. But that's what I'm also scared about with TikTok. I just, I read something on Instagram yesterday. It was just like, cute coastal town people have forgotten about, and just the comments were like, this place sucks.

Fuck you. Now it's not a secret anymore. Fuck you Instagram. Fuck you New York Times's not a secret anymore. Fuck you Instagram. Fuck you New York Times. Everyone's just so angry. Why is it not so mad? The comments are. The comments of like just the coolest community.

The fishing community. Like, go visit it. Why? So tell me some stuff in here that you have. Tell me some other stuff. Your it says, wait. OK, so OK, well, you might find this interesting. At one point, I did do an interview with Mosha for a chapter, because I'm like, why is

he able to be like this? I told you, he's just making a protein shake. Well, he's just having fun, you know? Living life here. And we would get in so many fights, because you get married to someone you share a world view, like Mosha and I, Chennai, we both believe in science. We both voted for Bernie Sanders. We have so much in common, and then we have the kid,

and it's all minutiae that we cannot agree on. He's like, she needs to wear a hat. No, she doesn't need to wear a hat. She needs to wear a hat. It's like all of this minutiae of the baby. So dumb. This is how you do the car seat. No, that's not how you do it.

We would go camping. He's like, I want her close to the fire. I'm like, that pack and play is flammable. And he's like, but she's not getting the experience of camping if she's too far away from the fire. And so then, it's just like constant. Every day it's something. And like, I didn't know this about him

when we were together because we didn't have this, like, it wasn't the same with dogs. Yeah, no one will know, yeah. So then when I interviewed him, I know when people think it's the same with dog, it's not, I hate to break it to you. I know. Yeah. So then when I know what people think it's the same with dog, it's not I hate to break it to you. I know. Yeah. Dogs are so much easier. Get these dogs out of my life. I've got like three elderly Chihuahua's. I'm just like so over it. Yeah. So Mocha, I interviewed him because he's, you know,

likes to mansplain and talk about him. Yeah. So what do you know, what is your view on motherhood? And you know, I asked him about me, and then also fatherhood, and the thing he said that I really learned, because I do struggle with fear and love, and they're kind of interchangeable. They're like, you'll never know that you love something this much, but also I never knew I would be so fearful and so afraid of them, something happening to them.

And so Mocha said, my job is the chief fun officer. He's like the CFO of our family. And I'm here to make sure that everybody has fun. And I'm like, okay, because that's never my approach. My approach is like, how do I keep everyone safe? And like, what's the worst thing that could happen and how can I prepare for that? Right, right.

You know, and that's exhausting. And that takes up so much mental energy. And the other thing he said to me that really struck a chord is he's like, if you're constantly worried about your child, there is no way that she is not psychically picking that up somehow. That you're just always, and it's not good for her, you know? And so that kind of helped me a little bit not be so scared. And that was the first...

And that was the first. And that was the first. But that's the first time he said that was when you interviewed him for the first. Yes. So that's really amazing. Well, he was very articulate because I don't know. Well, she was probably three, but you know.

I mean, you got to a place of like opening up in a way that you know, here you guys are spending every night every day together and he never said that to you. Not until he was like put on the spot. I think that's really great actually Yeah, I think so too and I think that he also doesn't understand like he's a real mess And then now there's a kid and it's like I could handle his mess It was kind of cute. I thought but now it's like now that there's like someone emptying the contents of a junk drawer every two feet, you know, my whole life, like a child, and then he's doing stuff. It's like I can't really handle all of that. That's why I'm like not having another kid. Like I'm like maxed out for sure. And I love it, but I mean I don't love his mess.

But I don't, I think when I told you at one time did you think you might want to have a second? No. So I didn't I think when I told you at one time did you think you might want to have a second? No So I didn't want one okay, and he wanted to and I convinced him otherwise all right I was like listen. We're not doing to it's not happening. I don't want to be a referee I have a problem brother who kind of ruined our childhood growing up. What was that about telling you? He was just psychotic, you know really Really psychotic, like diagnosed. Not psychotic. Was he older or younger? He's younger. He lives now like in a van, you know? I live there most of his life. But he, you know, he would do crazy shit. He would wake up and he would like climb a tree and Mo is Mo fuck you in the lawn and I mean,

just like tell my boy, oh, actually, right, fuck you in the grass. He was just like, it's kind of clever though. He was crazy. Like I remember we went on a childhood vacation with my mom, my mom was divorced and we came to this lookout point. And my brother, Louis, he must have seen that the cliff had like a thing.

So he jumped off and was like, ah! Pretending to? Yes, and my mom started bawling. Me and my other brother were like, life stopped. How old was he when he did that? Maybe 10 or something, and then all of a sudden, after 30 seconds, he pops up and he's like, surprise!

So it was like stuff like that all the time. And like, he must have had some kind of undiagnosed. I don't know. He didn't want to take any medication. And you know, it was my mother like spent all of her energy trying to deal with that. And where was he in that? So there was three of you and what number was he?

He was the middle child. OK. But that made me very, so I'm like, I have one amazing child. Let's not roll the dice. Let's not roll the dice. Like, you know, also, I couldn't have, I would have to, well I'm totally open to adopting and I think that adoption just seems like if you really want to make a difference in the world that seems like such a real way that you make a difference because like, where is this kid going? You know, right, but

Yeah, I don't know what I can handle. Well, so I'm the only one who's a five, and we definitely had siblings, troubling siblings. You did? Yes, so I'm very close to my sister who's right above me. My two oldest brothers just passed this year. Both of them? Yes, but it's, people that listen to me show all the time know all the stories,

but like, you know, it was really hard growing up and seeing how much trouble they caused my parents. And so it's like as a kid, my parents would be like, I'd wake up and they'd be in their pajamas and they were up all night because one of these teenagers didn't come home and one of these teenagers didn't come home. And they'd be like, if you ever, if you enchant and might, ever disappoint us like this,

and I was like, we'll just kill ourselves. Like, we can't. She said that? Yeah, she's like, we cannot take two more that are fucked up, but like not, but did that make you be good? But did that make you be good?

Yes. 100%. Anytime, that's so funny. Anytime right in your child was suicide. And and then like anytime like someone would offer me like any kind of drug or whatever You said no Yeah, cuz I was like they did drugs and their lives were not good and even pot and stuff like that and I so I was like The minute you like in my head and I'm not saying this right me

I'm telling you, my worldview was my age based on my opinion. I thought, like, by start smoking pot, I'm gonna be a loser that doesn't go to college and, like, doesn't keep a job. So, like, for me, that's what was coming. So, yeah, for the same, I kind of relate in that, there were times where, and a little bit, I was like, oh, I wonder, there was a little part of me

that's like, I should have had like, a third child that I'd give birth to, which before for my family. And because I'm like, especially if I would have done it at Chelsea lately, I could have had like, a paid maternity leave and all that stuff. But then I wouldn't have been with that baby because I would have had to go into work.

So, there were times where I was like a little bit sad as my kids got older, should I had one more, whatever. But then there was also that thing at that point that I was like in my late 30s, and I was like, I don't wanna roll the dice because right now I have two healthys and then what would I do?

And also you don't know, you couldn't give birth to a healthy baby and then there could be issues and later and there's nothing you can do, you know? Like that's just such a, so I kind of was the same thing knowing that, like my, but I was like the one that like nobody, I was the double, I was the mistake.

Like I was, like my mom was done after the three, went on the pill, and then it was kind of a newer thing. It was inevitable for you to imagine. It was a newer thing, so then her friend got like a blood clot or something. So she went off the pill and then had my sister and was trying to like do the Catholic method

of like counting and all that. And then got pregnant again with me. And my dad was like, are you fucking kidding? You always be like, your mom couldn't count a calendar. Like it was always my mom's fault that she was pregnant. They didn't have apps then or anything. Yeah, yeah.

And then, and so, yeah, so then, I always knew that I wasn't planned or anything, but I never felt like they didn't want me, like they'd do it on me, but it was felt like they didn't want me, like they do it on me, but it was like we were so honest about everything in our family. I love the idea of you being like, they have a real baby I can touch. That is so cute. Yeah, because when you're the youngest, it's like, oh, that must be fun to have someone

younger that you could like boss around or whatever. I mean, believe me, I would obviously want to have a baby for my kid because she's desperate for, you know, she always says that her friends are her play cousins. Like, she clearly wants to have something beside, she's asked me before I wish I had a sibling and it's sad. But like, she doesn't understand, like, we can't all go to Japan, if we have to.

Exactly. I mean, that's the best part of my friends who have one child. My other friend, she comes from a huge family. And she, her husband just had their one son who's a freshman in high school right now. And I mean, he's a really great kid. And they do have like, he does have cousins and stuff.

But still, their family is a family, it's just three of them and I mean it is nice I mean they would get invited to things that we wouldn't get invited to because we're too many fucking people oh I was at my dentist after I had my kid and he's like are you having another one and I was like no he's like one child's not a family my dentist told me this. That's rude. I know, but I mean it is though. Like it is a family. Is it annoying though when you had how many times,

because I would have to stop my mom from doing that where she'd be like to that friend that had the one? She'd be like, oh my god, he's so cute. You should have another dead, dead, dead, dead. I'm like, mom, shut up. Like that is just as rude as Tully asking. So I'm gonna have kids. Like I think that is really,

that's a new thing people need to stop doing. Asking people if they want kids. Or asking are you gonna have another? Yeah, I know you need. Like just because you have one that's like one and a half, don't be asking that, let them volunteer that information. Cause a lot of people do just want the one. And it's like, and it, you know, there's, it's nice to have to and that they kind of can play with each other but

it is a lot more chaos yeah and it is much easier to go on a trip and you only like need one hotel room yeah we just put her in the bathroom yeah we did a little packer play the well she when she was a baby yeah, yeah. And so what have you dealt with any, what else? How are other mothers? Do you feel like, are you in a school that is like happy to be a Hollywood people and you all get along or do you feel like the outsider? It's hard because we're used to hanging out

with the funniest people ever. So it's hard to just hang out with moms. You know? I moms, you know? I know, I know. No offense. But let me just say I have not made that many mom friends that easily. I mean, I think I'm like kind of dark, you know what I mean?

Like, actually, I mean, it's hard because, you know, we're, I tried really hard and then I just one day gave up. You did. You tried hard. I thought I tried really hard and then I just one day gave up. You did. You tried hard. I thought I tried hard. I did. And they just weren't having it. Well, there was part of it being completely honest where I was like, why aren't they like a little more excited

than other fucking pejora would do? Right, you're like, like, I'm like, do they not get? Like, do they know what Chelsea lately did not get that I'm like doing stand up at like the thousand o'c civic arts center? Like, they don't wanna go in a group and like hear me talk about like, mom shit. And then I kind of was like, no, they don't care. Cause I have their own thing going on

and they really don't care. Yeah. And then when I finally was like, wow, well, this wasn't really what my house, I, this is not what I thought. There's a little part of me that's like jealous that my sister has had made so many friends and we're involved in so many different, like,

school mom things. And I just wasn't. You know what I do? I sign up and then I have to cancel. Because I'm like, I want to help. And then, you know, work comes up or your schedule changes or, you know, so it's like, I wanna be there in spirit.

I don't really know what the answer is to that. I remember my summer's like in seventh grade, my older son, and he never made me feel bad for being busy. My younger son, now that he's older, I'm like, do you remember when you'd say this and like, maybe like, yes, I'm like, why, why, why did you want me to feel bad?

Like, I'd be like, let's say our purse tonight. And he's like, I pray that my daddy doesn't have to work. And I was like, oh, fuck. Like, why me? You feel so bad. My daughter does that too. She wants to be with me all the time. And like, I just told my husband I said,

I feel so bad because so much of my time with her, I'm trying to wrap it up. You know, like, she's like, come sit with me while I take my bath. And like the babysitters are, I'm like, I have a Zoom, I have to go. You know, but I feel like that energy, I'm doing so much, and it makes me feel bad because then when she's gone, I'm like, I love her so much, I just want to hang out with her. But I have work to do, and it's so hard to make that balance. You think the kids are making this field guilty?

They do, but I pray that she doesn't have to go to work. I mean, I do think so and I mean, I can't go back and think like, oh, you know, could the kids have turned out differently like if I didn't do Chelsea lately? Like, I can't, I mean, it is what it is. And I knew I had to do that in order to have a career after that.

Like, I was like 37 or something when the opportunity came and I'm like, if I don't take this, I'm gonna be too old to like get back into it. And it's good modeling for your kids to like see. Oh, and my kids like, we are a great relationship and there's no, no like, guilt or anything. But there were times when like that I would kind of here things are think like my younger son i think would have been a bit of benefited for me being around

more my older son would it could be fine no matter what and they had their dad a lot of kids just haven't any right so the dad is kind of everything you know it's it's an extension of you and then so but this one woman, the so I signed up after Chelsea Lentley was done. I was like, I'm gonna be more involved.

I missed all these years of poetry readings and stuff. And so I signed up for like a bunch of shit and like didn't put in my calendar totally forgot. And, so I get like this email, not a phone number or text, like how the fuck, you think I'm checking my email and they're like, you forgot to bring the plates or something for this thing. And I'm like, oh my God, it's already like 130. Like the lunch is already coming, gone. And I'm like, I'm so, so sorry.

And then it like happened again. And I felt so bad, but I was like, whatever. And this woman comes up to me in Costco and she's like, you forgot the napkins again. And I think she was kind of joking, but it was like shortly after one of my parents had passed. And I just like fucking burst into tears. And I was like, and then I'm like, I'm so sorry now. Now you feel

terrible and you are the one that remembers napkins and I'm not like you shouldn't feel bad you you the moms that do all the stuff they have every right to be mad at the moms like me that weren't running the school and then like wanted to be a part of it and wasn't great like I get it where they're like you know what can you just not well those people don't have careers usually right? Right, but I also want to say like I see sympathies for them too because then it's like but then there'd be part of me where I'd be like Okay, I could never go to anything. Can I just go to this one thing like you guys have gone to everything for seven years

Can I just be the one of the four moms that gets to go on this one field trip and I just be the one of the four moms that gets to go on this one field trip and They still would be like not great about it And I think one time I basically did start to say that I mean some of these moms though They might be more tout not talented, but they just have a larger capacity like I think that some people like me and you like We'd probably be good with three hours a day with the kids Whereas like some people could probably do eight and not lose it I'm also like horrible at like any kind of crafts. Yeah, I know what you mean.

I'm just like not into it. Like I'm never been good at art anyway. Most of all, he says the same thing. I like it, but he's like, he'll immediately when it's his turn, take her somewhere. That's like all he can do is like take her to the horse, take her to a movie, take her to a fair. Like he needs to go out and do something. Yeah. He can't do an activity either.

Yeah. It's really challenging. So tell me what else, what else are you hoping that people get out of this book? What are some, what are your three best tips is being a mother? Well, I will say like raising a, because this is coming from a kind of a cis-hate,

you know, very, you know, the males are this and female. It's just my experience. Right. Right. But like, I would say as a woman, I would have to have five drinks and be an amputee for my parenting style to be equal to that of a sober father. Like, Mosha would be like, when we first had her, he was like, can we just leave her in

the car? And I'm like, no, that's like a famous thing you don't do. Wait, to do what? To go to dinner or like, yeah. Yeah, or he's just like, we're just gonna run to Starbucks. Yeah, and I'm just like, no. He's like, there's a valet guy like right there. I'm like, just like having to deal with that.

And then I was finally like, okay, I'm just gonna go have a coffee because I was breastfeeding, I was like, I need to get out of the house. Can you bathe her? And I come back and he just has her in the sink with the dishes. Like just doing it all. And I was like, do not put dawn on my baby.

Okay, she is not a duck after an oil spill. But like every day it's like having to deal with this. Like if you and I were raising children together, that would never happen. Right, of course not. You mean like, think the same. Right. But I'm sure there are male and female who think the same, but like it's just, yeah. It's just been such a challenge.

Right. I remember my friend and her husband and these are, these weren't, they weren't teenage parents, okay. They were like in the early 30s, okay. He makes a lot of money, went to college, and this was their second child, okay. So she was off with the first child. The second child was a baby, and he was to watch the baby for the day. So she comes home after a few hours, and she, and this is years ago, okay, before like postmates, so she sees like a bag from like a Mexican place. And she goes, oh, you took Kelly to go to the whatever Brito Mania or whatever. And he goes, no, she was napping.

I went to go get a burrito. What? She was like, you can get your kid taken away for that. Believe me, my friend went fucking off. He didn't know. He was like, he goes, what, it was 10 minutes. And then she had to be like, what if there was a fire? See, it's so scary because you get to do that.

What if you, what if you going to get the burrito got hit by a car? And nobody knew this baby was here for three hours. Like, do you understand? Like, you have to say all those things because someone's like, what? The task takes 10 minutes. Like, and the kid is sleeping for two hours.

That is insane. But that is a man. I know. And then it's like, so then you've got to preemptively be thinking like, oh, okay, wait, what, sneaker waves are a thing? Okay, well, what if a wave comes when we're on the beach and like takes over our family? Like everywhere, I start like going like, what's the worst thing that

can happen? When this tsunami happened, I was so obsessed with this tsunami. Anytime we were on the beach, I would be like, I would look past the waves and I would start to just imagine a huge tsunami and which child I would grab. And like, you know. Do you have a favorite? Mm. They've switched over the years. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. Because someone told me that our kid would switch back and forth from me to Mosha. Yeah. But I seem to be the main person she likes all the time. I think with people that have a few kids, I think there are kids, and when people say you do have a favorite, and they're like, oh, she was mom's favorite or whatever,

I think that when you give birth to your kids, along with them looking like you, some of them have personalities, like let's say, of three kids. There might be one that has a very similar personality to you, which might be a problem, or it might be a personality maybe like your spouses, and it's very compatible to you.

And so then you were like, that one we just jive better. That, like I remember my mom with my sisters, she was funny and she'd say, it's like some starkey bitchy things. And it would be my sister, we get very upset. My other sister sometimes would be upset. And I never cared. Interesting.

And so we probably had the best, I think we had. She loved all her kids, but I think my mom and I were the most similar and had the greatest relationship. And then I kinda say with my dad because I sorta had this personality that was like, the good attributes of both was in this and I could kinda like, and I think with my older son,

he has the logic and the math brain of my husband which I don't have, but then he has the funniness of me, and he actually wants to hear the stories and the juicy scoop and stuff. He'll be like, just tell me the story or whatever. So for a boy, you don't think sometimes people think, oh, you can't have that with a boy,

but you can. And so, I mean, my other son, 16, I still love talking to him and everything. But just with my older son who's 20, we're just at like a more adult level of conversation that I kind of just enjoy talking to him. Like I could do an eight-hour road trip with my older son. And like he was, my husband was like, I can't believe that, you know, this kid that we know and his mom is driving from LA to North Carolina where the kids go to school.

And I'm like, why is that? I mean, it's just big. So I'm more towards her sense to fly than venture car, don't know. And I'm like, please talk to me. Yeah, 16 hours. I'm like, I'm like, I could go across the country with Drake or with Brandon.

Like I could, I would like, when do you have eight hours to talk and listen to stuff and look up things? What did your mom do to make you want to live next door to her? Is there any like, besides telling you, she's going to commit suicide if you tried to throw it? I didn't necessarily want to look live next door to her. It was, we first lived in Sherman Oaks when my husband owned a condo.

And then I remember I was looking for a little house's around Sherman Oaks. And he goes, well, why are we looking here? If we're going to buy a house, why wouldn't we be closer to your parents? He said it. And I was like, all right, so we found a house here in Woodland Hills.

And then we were going to, we were like, kind of in the market for thinking, should we go to the next level where we have a little bit of a house? And my mom was like, oh, we're going to, they were in real estate. So she's like, oh, we're going to get the listing of the house next door because the man is older and he's going to, you know, go to a place. And I'm like, well, I think we'd want that house.

And my mom's like, well, why would you want that house? It's the smallest house on the street. So tired. And she's like, and it has no pool. I'm like, that's exactly what we want? It's the smallest house on the street. So tired. And she's like, and it has no pool. I'm like, that's exactly what we want. We want the smallest house on the, on the best street. We'll build stuff. And we don't need a pool.

We'll just use yours. And then eventually we'll build a pool. And so then it like all worked out. But it was like, it was scary for my parents. Like they didn't want to be like everyone loves Raymond. They were like so respectful. They never knocked on the door unannounced. Good.

And my mom would be like, would you like to come out for Ditter Tuesday and like that type of thing? And then there were time to be times where I'd ask her to sit and they'd be like, no, we're tired. That's cool. Because they were older. So they were like, there were times when they just couldn't do it. Emotions can always baby sits when I ask them.

Yeah. But it's like once every two weeks or something. Right. Yeah. Well, I'm so every two weeks or something. Right, yeah. Well, I'm so glad you came. Natasha, tell us everything besides the book. You have your podcast. What are the podcast we'd love to have you on? People ask advice.

It's called the Endless Honeymoon podcast. Yes, I follow your Instagram when I see your clips. Okay. Sometimes I find it a nice way to just hijack him with things I'm upset about and then crowdsource it and see who agrees with me. That is such a good idea. Because it's always like,

I remember there was this TV show that like did make it, but I thought it was a brilliant idea. I wanna say like Jerry Seinfeld might have produced it or something, or Tom Papa would have. Oh yeah, I remember that. And it was like because it was that feeling where when you're fighting with your spouse, you're like, if there was cameras,

there's no way that's what that show is about. That's what I would not, that the world would not be 100% on my side, right? And so I just, I thought it was such a good idea. It just didn't like execute, right? I don't know, maybe it would never. But it was that idea that a couple would come and tell their argument or whatever and then the world

would say who is right who's wrong and but yeah that's you can do that with your show a little bit. And sometimes I won't but I mean I try to not tell him and then just see what he says. Sometimes he cuts it out but usually like he thinks it's okay to use my toothbrush. Every day or like on a trip. He says when he can't find his, but it was every day. And then like every time I grab my toothbrush it'll be wet and like dripping wet.

Would you like that? No, but I will be honest about one thing. You, you allow this. No, Peter would never use mine. But there have been times like on a trip or something where I either forgot it or was lazy. And I have used his and but I wiped a dry and I never told him. Once in a while, but he's a chaos.

So he's like, he never find it. Okay. And then he got so. How do you lose your toothbrush? He just is like brushing his teeth in bed and then throws it somewhere Oh, no, but he was so Humiliated yeah by the comment section of everyone telling him like how disgusting and how it's like so those kind of things have been very effective

Yeah, I'm not in therapy. Yeah, so we have our podcasts and this honeymoon podcast and I'm just really for this book to come out. And I'll never have to think about it again. Was it? Did you? It's a three years to write. It did not enjoy it. But it is very funny. And because there was the pandemic, so I had nothing else to do. So then any stand up. You already have the deal before the pandemic. Yes. You already had the book deal. Yes. And so, I mean, that would have been the most, like, I think the most, the, the people that had to write a book during the pandemic or give birth to a baby, maybe not give birth. Okay, this is the most ideal situation. Let me know. Someone will go, you're wrong, Heather.

Okay. If you had just given birth, like March 1st, okay, and, everything shut down March 20th, right? And then I think for those people, and their husband could stay home and like work from home and maybe you were planning on staying home or you got after your three months, you got another whatever six months at home, those people, I think that's the most perfect, that's the most perfect situation. Okay, well here's what you're not thinking of. I had no childcare. I think that's the most perfect, that's the most perfect situation. Okay, well here's what you're not thinking of. I had no childcare, so I couldn't write.

Oh, and you had a toddler. I had a, I was breastfeeding. So I found ways, but like it wasn't, and I really didn't want her to watch TV under two. No, I meant either you have the baby and you don't have to do anything but take care of the baby. Or you have to write the book and you don't have her to watch TV under two. No, I meant either you have the baby and you don't have to do anything but take care of the baby. Or you have to write the book and you don't have anything to do. You don't have the baby.

You have to write a book. Write a baby with that baby. No baby. Like you just got to like get a book deal. But it's just all you had to do. Then I think that would be easy. Well, whatever I did was not easy. But it was, I'm glad it exists.

You're about to have one of the other. Right. But yeah. And you thought it was, but you was, I'm glad it exists. You'd both, that's not, you gotta have one of the other. Right. Yeah. But yeah. And you thought it was, but you enjoyed, but when you actually got like on a roll, did you enjoy it? Yes, and I enjoyed, you know, thinking about things in different ways that I hadn't before, you know?

I never thought of my Nana with seven kids and like how she did it. And like, I feel like I'm from three generations of women who ironed for men. And just being able to not be like that, you start to see, you compare yourself to your relatives, and we have come a long way as women. And just examining things from different sides,

I remember when Roe v. Wade, like when Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, I was with my friends and it was during the pandemic and they had like a 10 year old, and the mom immediately told the daughter, she's like, Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, and now we're never gonna have rights, and they're gonna take away our rights. And then the daughter started bawling,

got in the fetal position, and was like, I hate Donald Trump! And me and my husband were like, oh my God. Wait, you were witnessing it? Yes. But then, I kind of judged my friend for that. But then after I thought about it, I'm like, we have to tell girls what's happening.

You know, like, these are 10 year old future women. Like, if someone would have told me that when I was 10, I would have been fucking pissed. And I think that it's just, you know, just examining things from so many sides. Like, a book really makes you like, really kind of, you know, expand these thoughts. So you start to think about things in a different way. I remember another thing that you said, which was so great because you kind of on stage

would dress kind of timeless, like kind of almost 1940s, 50s, whatever. Like in your like cute, like the way you have this like your little coat, like you have a great style. And you said something like something to affect of where it's like, if this is a rape joke, don't say it. No, where you said, why do we have like, you know, it takes a lot of women's rights because in the past, we just like had to be just housewives, you know,

and that would have been so nice to just like, what was the story? What was the story? Like now we have to work and it used to be just housewives, you know, and that would have been so nice to just like, what was the story? What was the story? What was the story? Like now we have to work and it used to be we could just like, if we wanted something we would just twist our dimples and act like a baby and be like, please, Mr. sweetie, buy me a dress.

And then if he didn't give you what you wanted, your husband, you would just faint. Like they would have couches made just for fainting. Yes. I mean, you know, you think things. I wouldn't say that on stage now, and I'm glad I have a career now. But I think that just glamorizing free time.

Yes. And I mean, hustling was hard. When it came up, we really had to hustle. And that's exhausting. Yeah. But I always say that too. Everyone was like, oh my God, you know, like, all I had to do was just like make a casserole all day

and like keep a clean house. You're still bored in your house, Ronk. No, that's what I'm saying. You'd be drunk. You'd get drunk. Like a lot of the housewives became like, I remember my mom, my dad's brother's wife. He was like high, like a high ranking officer in the army.

And she's like, oh my god, she was so lucky. She had the twins. She had these Germanannis and she lived in Germany and like, dead at a, and every night they would go and have martinis at the officer's club. She's like, but then she turned into an awful alcoholic and her children could take it or like. Really?

Yeah, and it was like one of those type of things, like people's always like, thinking about that time and life and how different it is. It's like, I think motherhood is probably very fulfilling for some women and for some women, it's like part of their journey. Yeah, I always remember I saw this when I was pregnant with Drake, I saw this Oprah,

and I was like pretty close to giving birth and had every intention of like you know doing everything that i thought i was going to do with my child and then they oprah was like this is a very serious oprah this is a lot of women who don't like being mothers ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo They were like really honest and they were all saying, none of them liked it. They just all talked about the struggles of it. And as I walked, I think that's not how I sound.

Not at all because when I watched it, I was like, don't they see what the common denominator is? What was it? Breastfeeding. They didn't like breastfeeding. They didn't get that it was breastfeeding, but I got that all their stress was being caused by breastfeeding and they wouldn't figure it,

they didn't figure it out. Well, here's a two-year-old. So then when I couldn't breastfeed, I was like, fuck it, I'm not even gonna try. Like because of stress, they got where they ate broccoli and now the kids miserable or the kid isn't getting enough food or they can't, the kids strapped to them for one year and they can't do anything and the husband feels like he's not doing anything. And so when I shared that like in my book and stuff and talked about it, people are like thank you. My God, why don't more people like normalize not breastfeeding?

Well, yeah, you forget that the whole reason they had formula was so that in the 20s women in the jazz age could go hang out in party. They didn't have to be like at the kid. It was like a feminist thing. Yeah. To give you the formula. And you know. What's your juicy scoop?

You said it. Oh, I have a juicy, well so basically, I, this might come across weird because I had like tons of milk flowing from my tits. And like, it was just making me so miserable because I felt like I couldn't live my life. I was like, after like four years of trying to get pregnant, a year of being, or 10 months of being pregnant,

and then the baby's here, now I still can't leave my house without like leaking my tits into a sink. Like I was at the arc light, like, you know, leaking my boobs, like just to go to a movie. And I just, I really didn't like it. And I asked my doctor, the guy, my guy in the college is, he's this really funny gay guy. And he's just like, oh, honey, I go, how long do I have to do this?

And he was like, oh, you don't have to do it at all. I just gave my kids some luck. And I was like, well, like what? And then I was like, well, maybe I should add. He's like a month is good. And I was like, okay. And then I asked the guy or the the pediatrician because I'm like, okay, she's has more experience with you know, the actual baby not just getting it out

of my vagina. And she was like, you know, I think three months, you really she said it's very it's it's overblown the effects. And three months is plenty of time for it to stop up the nutrients that are flowing through your highly productive milk titties. I don't remember how she said it, but yeah So I stopped and I had to like put cabbage in my like it wouldn't stop flowing and I was just like it was like a very emotional decision But I was like and I had friends who were like well I'm just not gonna stop because I don't want my kid to get sick. And I'm just like, like I do, you know,

but this is just making me not be able to, I need to be back to who I am, to be the mom I can be. And so I stopped and the woman did not want me to stop. I had to hire a lactation specialist. And she had me, do you know how you stopped? You put cabbage, you had to like shove cabbage in your tits for like two weeks. And it just slowly starts to stop up the milk

for some reason. But my kid's been totally healthy. And I didn't have to put myself through that misery because it made me unhappy. And I think you're right. Like, sharing those stories is very helpful because I didn't even have a choice at the hospital. Like the hospital that I went to

was run by La Leche League. I'm not saying I'm glad that it was, but like everywhere you look, they're just like pictures and they're like human milk for human babies and the second she was born, they put her right to my boob and I was unconscious, you know, it was like no one was like, are you do you want to try breastfeeding? I mean, but again, I'm glad that it happened and hopefully she was able to, you know, get some something from it, but But no, it's I mean, I will say this that like so yeah, I didn't breastfeed and Drake is 6465. This is the truth. He has never had a near infection

and only once was young antibiotics and and only once was young antibiotics and it was, we think he probably had COVID and it was like early COVID, it was January. That's the only time he was ever on antivirus. That was the only time he was felt he seemed sick in his entire life, right? What? I have looked on his scalp for a 666. I am like, what the fuck is this person?

And he was not breastfed and my other son had a few more colds and stuff like that, but he was not, and so with my second son, I told them off the bat, I'm not breastfeeding. And they were like, okay. Oh, you told the doc the hospital. I told the hospital, I'm like, so feed him, and like wake me up when he's like done, and I'll like, I definitely wanna cuddle with him,

and I wanna feed him the bottles and stuff, but I'm not gonna try, because it didn't work through the first time. And then with my sister Shannon, she'll like, I definitely want to cuddle with him and I want to feed him the bottles and stuff, but I'm not gonna try it because it didn't work through the first time. And then with my sister Shannon, she was like, I want to stop breastfeeding and I go then do. And she goes, but I have to call them. I go, who's them? She goes, Lilletchely, they said I can't stop breastfeeding,

Gini, unless I call them. I'm like, okay, Shannon, you're a 35 year old, a turnie. She's afraid of it, actually. Like, you live in a gated community. They're not gonna be able to get in. Give your child the bottle. They might be never known. Yeah, they're pretty passionate.

They're going to be fine. Like, so, but I also think if someone wants love's breastfeeding, and it's super natural. Of course. And even if they want to go to like, I don't like when people are overly judgey about someone going too long. Like, your kids not gonna be on your tit in college.

So like, I know everyone jokes about it when a kid says, can say it, they're too old. Again, not our business. Like, whatever. I'm, you know, don't judge me. I won't judge you. We've gotta be entering a new state of the world where people don't say that you have

to do things how they did them. What is that? Yeah. With religion, with abortion, with breastfeeding, with let everyone do things their own, as long as they're not hurting people. Right. I guess they would say that you're hurting someone by having an abortion, I guess, but it's not like anyone's offering any help to this unborn

child. People are like, don't have an abortion, but they're not like going to give you money to help you raise it. It's very confusing to me. How important is it? Yeah, but it's exactly that in that, and people feel the right to say it because 10, 10, 15 years ago, you couldn't write a comment and you didn't share every thought you had at every moment. And, you know, like you would just see something on TV or see something in paper and be like, well, I don't agree with that, Betty,

well, neither do I. And then you know, that would be it. And you're like, believe me, you wouldn't go, blah, blah, blah, blah, do a TikTok, duh, duh, duh, duh, I don't like that this person said that you would just check the comments. Yeah, you would just go on with your life and be like, oh, I don't like that person or I don't agree with that policy and like that, you know, okay, what, yeah.

Well Natasha, thank you for this fabulous conversation. I loved catching up with you. The world deserves my children. You can pre-order it right now when it is available. It's out November 15th. Oh, round the corner. Okay, great. And thank you for having me Heather. Thank you. I'm excited to read it. I love to see all of your success. And you too. I

like to read your temples. I seem like what I really. A really good mom. Oh. And I love that your mom kind of passed it down to you. Yeah, but again, like, it feels like healthy. Nobody's the perfect parent you will learn, and every generation learns from the past, so you can always improve on it. And I love that you've fulfilled yourself and didn't feel like you needed to stay home with your kids just because they were asking you to. That's very inspirational for me,

because it's tempting. The day that he asked me, I think I was gonna be on the round table, so I was like, oh, let's go. I'm getting Karen Maker time, and I believe $348. So, no. That was for the days. Yes, that was for the days, tollex. Thank you.

Okay, thanks, Heather.