Keep it Positive, Sweetie - A Series of Yes with Brenda Palmer

Episode Date: July 30, 2024

This week I have my friend Brenda Palmer on the couch. In addition to being a preacher, she's also a producer, podcaster, and digital creator. We talked all things God, her book, upcoming tour, yoga, and denouncing greek organizations. Not only will you laugh but you are absolutely going to receive a prophetic word.

Keep It Positive, sweetie is available on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. Just search Keep It Positive, sweetie. That's sweetie with an IE to listen. Hello and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. I'm Crystal Renee Hazlett. And as you can see, I am not at home. I'm in LA catching up with some of my favorite people straight from 13 Loon here in LA.

This is a beautiful black owned store by Nicaeo Greco. 90% of the products sold here are BIPOC founded. Thank you so much 13 Loon. Today with me, I have a good friend of mine, someone I'm so proud of. You've probably seen her because she's all over Instagram. She may be in a church near you, Brenda Palmer. Chris! Yes!

Beep, beep, beep, beep! Clues along. I'm excited to be here. No, thank you for pulling up, sis. For sure, you in the city! I know, I mean, you really never choice. We would have found you. She knows where you live.

We would have come to hunt you down. We'd be like, get over here. No, but for real, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. No, for sure. I'm really proud of you. I love everything that you're doing. So we had to have you sit down and really talk to you.

Cause I know you'll definitely, our audience will be able to relate to you. So I'm excited. I'm excited too. Let's do it. All right. We're talking about the series of Yes. And I'm going to give you guys a little background

on Brenda, just in case you don't know. Brenda Palmer is a natural born innovator from the inner city of Chicago, discovered her passion for making a difference early on, propelling her toward higher education. An alumna of Mississippi Valley State and University of Syracuse,

Brenda refined her media and communication skills. Currently enrolled in Denver Seminary Women's Leadership Cohort, she's pursuing a Masters of Arts in Biblical and Theological Studies. Brenda is now a traveling preacher. She's the host of Life in Perspective Podcasts and leader of the movement Come Alive. This is a pop-up movement held nationwide, offers an authentic encounter with Jesus through Bible studies and worship nights. I gotta catch one of those for sure.

Brenda believes life unfolds through moments when we surrender to God's plan. With unwavering faith, a growing social following, and a creative spirit, she is determined to make a positive impact by making Jesus famous with her life. Ladies and gentlemen, Brenda Palmer. Bro, it's weird to hear your own bio.

I can hear like. You're like, that's me. That's me. That's me. That's you. So the first time we met was through Instagram, it was through social media bars, through mutual friends.

But then you had to come, you were in Atlanta writing your new book. Yes, yes. Writing your new book that we're gonna talk about. But that's when I got to actually meet you. It was like, you feel like you know somebody, but you don't. And then when you meet-

Instagram makes you feel like that. It really does. And sometimes that's weird. Yeah, y'all gotta stop doing that. Please. I think you'd be like their best friend in your day and you'd be like, I don't really know you like that. So it was really cool to get to meet you.

And we were like, wait, this is our first time actually meeting. For sure. But it was cool. It felt like we knew each other on Instagram. It did. Yes. No, for sure. For sure.

So you describe your life as a series of yes, and you're even writing your upcoming book is called A Journey of Yes. Let's talk about what even led you to writing this book because I know a lot of times when it comes to you said that your faith and being obedient to God is what led you to LA, what led you to the book deal and everything that's happening right now because there's a lot happening. For sure. So let's talk about all the things. Yeah I think the book thing happens I would say like just a series of yeses like So I do Instagram lives all the time.

So I'm like live and there's a girl following me, I'm doing Q&A and she writes in the comments like, hey, have you ever wanted to write a book? So I'm like, nobody got no questions. So I keep ignoring it. She's like, I asked one. I'm like, oh yeah, I hear you, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, at some point in life. But it was, I was irritated because I felt like God is like, I hear you. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, at some point in life. But it was, I was irritated

because I felt like God is like, girl, what are you doing? Kind of thing. Like long story short, she DMs me and she happened to actually work for a publishing company. Oh, wow. And so she was like, nah, like I follow you.

I think you have something to say. Like, let's set up a meeting. She's like, I can officially send you something. And then she goes like, she sends me an email. She got like one of the top Christian publishers and she like, I can officially send you something. And then she goes, like, she sends me an email. She got like one of the top Christian publishers and she goes, I can continue this conversation with your agent. I said, do I look, I must give. She has given it. Yeah.

I said, cause I don't. And at this time I probably had 25, maybe anywhere between 2,500 and 5,000 followers, like very, very, and this was 2022. Very like not that long ago. So she says agent, so I'm like, I need to get an agent. So I like reach out to somebody, take a meeting and she doesn't sign me. Cause she's like, publishers look at your numbers.

And so I talked to my best friend. She's like, bring the focus on like what God told you to do. She's like, he'll do it. A year later, I hit that same publisher up. My Instagram had grew, my TikTok had grew, my YouTube, like in a matter of six months. Like I had seven followers on TikTok. I posted one video and seven days I was at 20K.

Like it was like, God just was like, I got this. And he said, breathe. Yeah, and so it went from there. Like we had one conversation, I'm like, look, this is where I was a year ago, this is where I am now, and she was like, instantly signed me. Within a month, I sat down with every Christian publisher

in the market to talk, they wanted to meet with me about my book, and I'm like, who am I? And so it was just, and it was crazy because I was gonna write a book about something else. I went to sleep, had a dream, and got a download, which created the journey of Yes. Wow. And I messaged Charles, like, hey, I already have a book that has a chapter spelled out and one chapter done.

But I really feel like this is the book I'm supposed to do. And the publishers agree with it. We pitched it. And then by the end of last year, October, I had signed my first book through. Six figures. Come on. Holy damn. It's like. Come on, holy damn it. It's the Lord. That is nothing but the Lord. But it's like, if I never went live that day,

it's like, that's why I say it's a series of yeses, cause we always think for like the big one. It's like, oh yes to the deal. No, no, no, no. It's his fruit of decisions over time. Yes. That says, okay God, I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this, that lead to that moment,

and I can trace it back. Right, right. That is so good. Yeah. Oh my goodness well thank you for listening because a lot of times God can tell us something and we be like, oh that ain't it. You know, yeah that's you know I've been there. Me too. But then still there some days depending on what day it is. And then you like realize that your life ain't yours. Yeah. And then it becomes easier because then it's like if he's asking me to do something, I mean it's my life but it's his. It belongs to him. I gave it back to him when I said I was

gonna follow him. So then his plan is the only one that's gonna actually work. Is there in your walk because you are so in front of everybody now. You know a lot of times as even as celebrities, I feel like it's easier to live in the shadows. Yeah. Do you find it harder now that you are such a big internet sensation and people know you on Instagram and you walk down the street, oh you're her. I don't like it. You don't like it?

I don't like it. I mean, I think it like takes a getting used, it's weird. It's like, I'm like, I'm just being myself. Yeah. And then I'm like, and then just being myself. And then I'm like, and then it's becoming a thing to people. I've been preaching places and people were like, can I have your autograph?

I'm sorry for what? And I'm about to, and I literally like, I'll sign stuff, but it will be a scripture or something. Like, cause I'm not a celebrity. You know what I'm saying? So I think it's, it's like trying to find balance and it's different. Social media will make will take you places,

which I'm grateful for that, but sometimes it could be intrusive. I was at the Nike store and the girl was like, "'Oh my God, are you Brenda Palmer?' She's like, "'I watch your podcast.' I'm like, "'Girl, how?' And I'm like, I promise for me, I probably will always be shocked

that people know me. It's weird." And then she said, "'Podcast.' And I was in LA. I never think to be noticed that like people know me. It's weird and then she said podcast and I was in LA I never think to be noticed in LA. I'm like because most times because people like they don't bother anybody No for sure. Everybody's a recognize I also don't consider myself important enough for people to be like hey Brenda Okay, hey, and I'm socially awkward in that moment. I'm like hi But it's moment. I'm like, hi.

But it's cool, I think somebody explained it to me in the sense of like, you have impacted their life and brought them closer to Jesus. That's like life changing to them. So when someone approaches you, you have to view it from that perspective. It's like, dang, okay, I can own that. I can say, man, I helped this person get closer to Jesus

and their life has been changed by that that that's something to honor somebody for it so I think I have to view it that way but it is different because it happened overnight. Yeah I can imagine and then a lot of times like for me I can't I'm not sure about because I feel like you're a pastor so your walk is completely different. Pastor is crazy. I know you tried to slide that in there I saw how you you couldn't even say say with a straight face And it was love Because you know that word is off limit

It's crazy I am a servant of the Lord Brenda is pastor Britain is crazy. You hate what I said so funny But for me, I know like living my life out in public and still knowing that I'm not perfect, I feel like, but I'm still professing the name of Jesus. It's hard, like if I feel like I can't make any mistake, because your life is under a microscope at all times. What would you say to people like me who are on that journey and may not be walking a fine line, but our heart, we know we love Jesus, we don't shy away from that, who are on that journey and may not be walking a fine line,

but our heart, we know we love Jesus. We don't shy away from that. We let everyone know this is what I believe in. I know His grace and mercy is the reason I'm here today. And everything, like you said, my life is not my own, but we struggle, you know what I'm saying, with that fine line of this is what I do and this is who I am and I'm not perfect, but everybody's looking at me to be perfect.

Yeah, I think that is a misconception. I don't think people want you to be perfect. I think people want you to be yourself. I think that if I was perfect, there's no way people would recognize their need for Jesus. And so I think where most people feel like they shy away from their shortcomings or their fallings, I amplify mine. I'm very open about, I missed it today.

I just posted the other day, like, hey, I've been telling y'all I got an announcement. Well, three days before I'm supposed to make it, God was like, nah, we not doing that. So I have to now say and be open and be like, man, y'all, I really thought God was in this. Turns out it was me doing my own thing. Because people need to see themselves and my inability to get it right all the time highlights their need for Jesus. So when we try to live and portray perfect lives, we're doing a disservice to people recognizing they need God. I don't think it's like me trying to be perfect, but people like, as soon as you

start saying like this is what I am, this is the walk, it's like if you make one mistake, it's like man she ain't, you know this is the walk, it's like if you make one mistake, it's like, man, she ain't, you know what I'm saying? It's like, it's automatically a judgment. That's what I'm saying. I think it's like, okay, I think we could come across it differently, right? I think it's, I think it's when you,

the moment you say, I'm a believer, you get loud about that, you immediately succumb yourself to a standard. And so what happens is people go, I thought you were saved. Now the difference is, you know, we got to, we progress. You know, it's a progressive journey, right? But the moment you say it, you go, you're taking a stand. And so sometimes it feels like judgment other, and people could be wrong at how they say it, you go, you're taking a stand. And so sometimes it feels like judgment, other,

and people could be wrong at how they approach it, but it's really them saying, okay, the moment you say Jesus, you set yourself to this standard. You set people to expect you to meet it. Do we all meet it every time? No, but that's the part about journeying with Jesus. It's like, all right, y'all, I know I said I'm a believer, but here is my journey.

Now, six months later, I'm gonna need you to not be where you was six months. Because if I'm growing in my revelation and knowledge of who God is, then it- There's gotta be some growth. There needs to be some progression. At some point, you have to start making decisions that no longer feed your desires,

but feed his desire for you. And so then it becomes easier. It's like I've been there, I'm a PK. I've been in church all my life. I also had times where I was drinking a lot. Not like social. Like I was drinking, I was smoking, I was getting high. Like and I enjoyed that until I recognized like this is not who I am and I think that we have to have the understanding that like even like our convictions are related to our spiritual maturity that happens as we progress in our relationship with God. So what convicts me in this moment might not convict you. Now there are some foundational things that we all need to be saying the same thing. But outside

of that it's like, okay, even when I share truth, I'm not telling you what to do. Right. I'm saying, hey, this is kind of what God said to me. Now go talk to him about it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Speaking of what God said to you, God told you that,

that, that, um, yoga. I knew, I knew! I was about to freak it out, but I was like, I'm gonna let Chris to freak it out. But she just wanna talk about this. Your fans gonna get you. They gonna be like, what you do about that yoga? up, but I was like, I'm gonna let Crystal freak it up. But she just wanna talk about this. Your fans gonna get you. They gonna be like, what you doing about that yoga? I love yoga.

We talked, you said that, give us the backstory about how this came about. Okay, now you know, this is our second time talking about this. You know we keep talking about this. You have a responsibility to search this out now. Yeah, I want you to tell the people. All right.

Yeah, cause I thought this was very interesting. All right, so I went to yoga. I went to hot yoga actually. And I posted it on social media. I'm like, yeah I'm going to yoga just in case I don't make it out of here. Because it's hot. And I was like, I'm going with this person and if I don't make it, it's her fault. And like the crazy thing was I went with, I was staff at a church I went with the church people. So we go to yoga and I like enjoyed it I was like dang this felt really good. What I recognized in the moment was I had like a very emotional experience like it was so relaxing and so calming that I

cried. And the only place I cry is in worship. So that was, it was like, okay. But then it was kind of like, I'm a little off about that. And so I posted it and one of my really, really close friends, she responds to my story and goes, don't ever go back there. I was like, bro, what happened? I was like, I didn't say nothing, I'm gonna stay.

I said in Jesus' name. I was like, I didn't participate in the thing. And so then she's like, nah, she's like, it's worship. And so then I'm like, what? So again, those are her convictions, right? I have no knowledge of it, but I went and searched it out. What I recognize is for that entire week, I had pains in like my shins, like hurting.

And I was like, what is this? And so the more research I started to do is like, oh, yoga is not an exercise, it's a practice. It's actually rooted in Hinduism. And the motions that we do are actual worship to deities. And so it's like, oh, that would explain my response in the moment is because here's the thing, right? Like even if I'm going there with the intent to exercise,

just the same way you go to church and you go in that atmosphere, you worship, and sometimes you might cry, sometimes you might laugh, sometimes you might, that environment has been cultivated for that to happen. It's the same thing in yoga. Although I have a hard intention that I'm just exercising, this environment has been cultivated for worship

and not to my God. So now I'm participating in worship to a pagan God, which the Bible clearly speaks against. And so we'll read Exodus, we'll read the whole Old Testament and we'll read about them serving other gods. It's the same for us, it's just been modernized into our culture in our everyday life. The actual word yoga means to yoke.

And so they'll tell you like empty yourself in the process, it's like empty yourself. For what? Well, because now you're giving your body access to that environment. So spirits have access to you, you're emptying yourself. The only place you empty yourself and be filled is in the presence of the Lord.

And so it's like manipulative. There are like actual people who were Hindus who will tell you, actually people in Hindu will tell you they don't like that Americans use their worship practices for exercise. Because it's not exercise. It's just being infiltrated that way. It's deception. I too was deceived. Because I was like, I was like, bro I'm about to, I like how this made me feel. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, nah, I can't fool with it. And the moment I repented and I was like,

man, God, I like break covenant with anything that I made agreement with in that environment, knowingly and unknowingly, pains in my legs gone. Wow. And I know that he allowed that to happen. So I would pay attention. Cause if not, I would have been going to yoga Yeah

Y'all heard crystals, okay This is not the first time. It's not the first time. It's okay. I still got to pray on that. You do bro. I'm waiting on the Lord to reveal that. He will. Yes.

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Download the DoorDash app now to get whatever you need delivered. Must be 21 and up to order alcohol. Drink responsibly. Alcohol available only in select markets. I did not know all those things until you broke it down. But I said that when I'm there, like for me, I'm thinking, it made me grateful for my breath. Like to just be able to breathe things that we take for granted. For sure.

To hold myself up was really a hard thing in that 90 plus degree room and then the movements they were doing, I was like, thank you God. It made me like more grateful for things that I didn't think about because I was detached from my phone. I was just by myself and in that space. And for me, I would have pains, but they would go away when I did yoga. So I was like, oh, this is really working. And I was in the best shape of my life when I did yoga. So I was like, oh, this is really working.

And I was in the best shape of my life when I implemented yoga into my workouts. And for me, I'm thanking God for the movements. I'm not subscribing to this. I wasn't even thinking about what I could possibly be taking in because in the whole moment, I'm thinking Jesus and God, thank you for this. And thank you for my health.

And thank you for this movement in my body. So when I was like, well, when I do it, I'm thinking about the Lord. I'm thinking about Jesus. Go ahead. Did you see me think? It was like, Brenda, I reeled my own selfie in. Would you go to an Islamic temple and worship Jesus there? Is that the same thing? Is it? I've never been to an Islamic temple. But you know why? Because you... Okay, but I did not look at it like that.

That's what I'm saying. Because you're thinking exercise. I'm saying it's cool that you think it's that. It's nice. It is Hinduism. That is what it is. It's a Hindu practice. And so it's not my, the Luragachi. The fact that you keep asking about it. I just thought it was a really interesting topic. Yeah, no, it's just- I didn't write, Danora actually wrote that.

This- Ha ha! Because she's like- So traditional. She's like, she doesn't want to talk about it, bro. She is very centered in mind. But it's the, you say, you know what? The Luragachi.

She said, the Lord God. Because it's not my job. I plant the seed. Somebody else gonna water it and the Lord is gonna make it grow. Yes, amen. But the day you stop going. I haven't been in a while.

A long time actually. I haven't been all year. You friends? Okay, so. You know, you friends. Okay. So. And they're gonna light you up though. Huh? They're gonna be like, Kris, are you still going to yoga?

Right, right, yeah. Sometimes, like, you be cussing sometimes a little. Are you still going to yoga? Sometimes. Mm-mm. Don't try to... We're not gonna group those. We're not gonna go cursing yoga.

No, we're not gonna do that. Cause it's too different. See? Don't try, don't try to, we're not gonna group those. We're not gonna go cursing yoga. No, we're not gonna do that. Cause it's two different things. Don't try that. You still be, yeah a little bit. You know, I wanna talk about the defining moment when you decided that you were gonna take this walk really serious and that it was no back and forth, this is what I wanna do.

What was that moment where you were like, this is it? Cause I feel like for everyone, there's a moment where you were like, this is it? Because I feel like for everyone, there's a moment where they're like, God, I got to do it your way. Yeah, I think I have a couple of those. I think it got really, really real for me. Like I said, I grew up with PK, but I didn't really know Jesus.

Like I think I knew church, I knew activity, I knew the practice of what they say you're supposed to do. I knew how to play the game really well. I could go home, I'd be like, and I could be outside living my best life. People would be like, you're saved? Well, I didn't know. Like, yeah, because I just, you know,

when I commit to something, I'm committed. And so in 2017, I feel like it's really when I felt the call of God on my life. And I was like, no, I don't want this. And I went on a complete journey to ensure, like to prove to the Lord that I wasn't the one he wanted. So I was like, no, I don't want this. And I went on a complete journey to ensure, like to prove to the Lord that I wasn't the one he wanted. So I was like, nah. So I remember one of my former line sisters got married

and we went, I went to her wedding. I mean, I was, I turned up. Like I went on a binge. I'm like, I'm approved to you. So I like, I got drunk off my tail. I was high. Like I remember being in the backseat of my car looking for snacks.

Cause I was, I had the munchies like in the middle of the night I was like, I have reached a new low. Like, it just was, I was trying to prove to God like, no, it's not, I promise you, I'm not the one you want to use. And when I got back home, I felt like I had this moment and God was like, when you finish, I'm still right here waiting. And I think for me, it felt like I had this moment and God was like, when you finish, I'm still right here waiting.

And I think for me, it felt like, one, it was like, oh, you're really not gonna change your mind. I really was working hard. And he's like, nah, because when I called you, I considered who you are, who you would be, the decisions and the choices you would make, and it doesn't change my mind about you. And I think that made me dive in and go,

hey, somebody who could love me that unconditionally, no matter what I do, he doesn't change on me, that's the kind of person I could rock with. Like that's the kind of person I could ride for. And so I think in that moment, I made a decision like, okay, whatever you ask me to do, I'm gonna say yes. Still didn't do that quite right. Because that year, like December of 2016,

he told me to move 2017 of April to LA, and I didn't do it. And I was like, nah, I just need to stay here kind of thing. I had accepted that ministry was gonna be my life. I had given up on my dreams. I didn't wanna be a preacher. That wasn't a production, like a producer, which is where my background is in. Like I went to school for that. Like that was why I moved to LA. And somehow we ended up here.

Past the Britain. Here. I can't. But yeah, I think in that, and so I didn't move, I stayed there, and then the worst thing that I think could have ever happened to me happened. So I was on staff at a church, and when I say staff, people think the big churches, it was like, it was kind of like a thousand people a week kind of church. So I did everything.

I was overproduction, I ran creative, I traveled with the pastors, what they would call an armor bearer. I did that. I had keys to their house. Like they were like my second family. Like I called them moms and pops. Like they were my spiritual parents.

And I started dating this guy top of 2018. And then April of 2018, which would have been a year to date from when I was supposed to move to LA. I find out that like my, the guy I was dating and my pastor were like in a relationship. Like the male pastor.

The man that you call Pops? Yeah. Wow. And so like, initially what was that feeling? Devastation, 100%. And I feel like too, like also detachment, right? Like, cause you know how something could be so crazy you don't feel real?

So then it's like, I don't think I ever processed the emotions of it, for real, for real, until I moved to LA. Because I think I didn't want to, I think in that. And so for sure devastated for a whole bunch of reasons. But I instantly went into like, okay, like what do I do? But then also how do I keep this from getting out? Wow, protective mode.

Yeah, because, and it wasn't because I was trying to protect them. It was like I was trying to protect what it would do to people. Yeah. Because you see how you just made that face. He went, yeah. So in my head, it was like was like nah like this can't hit people so I went a whole month like watching them interact with each other and still showing up to work watching them like communicate like you knew nothing

also you found out and they didn't even know that you knew no no and no like to be honest had they never like forced my hand they probably would have never done it I was just quit and moved on with my life and never said nothing. Cause I just, I don't know. I just, I don't, and I'm sure that's unhealthy. You know, we unpack that in therapy and all those things. But I think I just, I watched them engage. I was dying. Like, like I look at pictures from that time of my life. I looked like I was on some hard drugs. Like my body was I was breaking out because I was internalizing everything. And nobody like knew my mom.

I would like I just caught a rhythm. So I would like wake up, go to work, go home, watch sermons, pray, play worship music. I turned the world off because I'm like, if I don't have the Lord, I ain't going to make it through this. And so one day my mom was like, are you good? I'm like, I'm fine. She's like, no, you not. And I was like, if you want to know, ask the Lord. I leave, go to work, come home. She was home early. I'm like, she looked like I felt. And I'm like, you good? She was like, nah. She said, Holy Spirit revealed. And she says it verbatim. Oh my goodness. I said, and you walk with the Lord.

Mama tells me for real, Mama tells me. I said, Lord you want to give me some stuff like that? I need some sure answers to these things. Let me add. I know that's right. And for the first time after maybe two or three weeks, I could finally like release a little bit. And she just goes, oh baby. And so we kind of cried out,

it gets confronted, whatever that means. It's like, they were aware, you know, that I knew I finally, cause I didn't break up with the guy right away. Like I was just like trying to navigate it kind of thing. And so, yeah, I don't know. I feel like in that season though, is where I learned like the heart of thing. And so, I don't know, I feel like in that season though, is where I learned

like the heart of God. I learned how to love people the way that God does. Clearly. Because we are trash and God doesn't change on us. And so I learned, I feel like people will like call me pastor. That's where I developed, being a pastor is about your heart. That's where I developed mine at. Because it was weird. As's where I developed my name because it was weird. As much as I wanted to be angry with them. I had compassion. Hmm.

This is a lot about who you are. Brenda seriously. No, it is because I don't know how would I know how would it be? I think I was here. So I don't know how you see. I'm actually very clear. Actually, I know.

The steps would be yeah. I think I think it's interesting to always talk about it because now I'm living in this season of my life and sometimes I can feel undeserving of it. I was never pursuing this pathway or whatever. And I feel like God always sits me in this moment and go, no, no, no, no. Your decision to honor in that moment

is what you're living in the fruit of now. Yeah, I see it. And I have to hold that. Cause sometimes it could feel like, you know, like imposter syndrome, like, bro, I wasn't even after this, you know, kind of thing. And the opportunities and the doors that God has trusted me with, I'm like, why me? And he's like, and not in that moment,

I didn't have no clue what my life would be like now. You know what I'm saying? But I loved God enough to go, I didn't have no clue what my life would be like now, you know what I'm saying? But I loved God enough to go, this isn't you. And I'm not gonna walk away from you because of what someone who represents you has done to me. And I think we hear a lot in this generation about church heard. And it's like, yeah,

cause church is full of imperfect people. They gonna hurt you. But that is not a reflection of God. Not at all. Like the reflection of God is that the fact that an imperfect person could still represent him and God doesn't change his mind, that's the reflection of God.

Cause when you find out someone's humanity, you like, how did they become where they became? That's, that is the reflection of God. Absolutely. That's the grace and the mercy of God. And so I think we have to see it that way. But yeah, I learned I learned forgiveness. I learned I never like harbored stuff. I probably could have held them to a little bit more like responsibility. I've never dealt with anything like that. There isn't a playbook for how you should. And I know like I shared this story recently,

somebody's like, there's no way you honor somebody. I'm like, have y'all ever read the story of David and Saul? Yes. Because Saul was trying to kill him. He sure was. David had the opportunity to lay him out and he just clips his little cloth like I could. Yeah.

Because you recognize that at some point this was God's man. Yeah. And until God removes me from this situation, you don't allow people's shortcomings to change you and your heart. Yes. And I think that's what we miss.

When somebody hurt us, we want to, they go low, we want to go lower. I'm a drag, I'm going to the mud. And it's like, yeah. And then the core of that is that you changing who you are, which is really the enemy's assignment Yeah, and it is a hurt and worse. Yeah, you realize I really stood low and lost yourself because of someone else. Yeah Yeah, that's crazy. Now. Do you feel like?

How has it impacted the way you look at love the way you approach relationships now? Is there like a mistrust or like a guardedness where you're like, oh. I always say I live life with a universal side eye. Like. Like, yeah, right. You know, it's very unhealthy, but you know, somebody will say it's protection. It's really a prison, you know, if we think about it.

It's like, because I'm not allowing people to see, like experience the fullness of who I am, or I'm not getting to experience the fullness of what they're supposed to bring into my life, because I'm like, at any moment, I always like describe it as living life as if the bottom of the box is gonna fall out. Wow, ooh.

Because you pack a box, you like, ooh, I got this. You close it, and then now I'm holding it like at any moment, the bottom, because that's what I felt like. I felt like life just got ripped from underneath me. We're not just talking about like, oh, I was dating a guy. That's my entire life, revolves around that system, my community, my friends. When I moved to LA and would go back, I hated going to Chicago. I hated going there.

I'd like to see my parents, but I would be in and out because it would remind me of what I lost. Cause I lost my, I lost everything essentially. I had to start over and then that's when I started to become a little mean and bitter. Cause it's like, they did this. So why do I have to start life over? And I moved to LA, it cost for us to breathe this air right now.

It does. It's too much. Yeah, and so it's like, why do, it was taking me a minute like to find a job. Because here's the thing, right? We like, God got me. I didn't suffer through all this, so I'm about to be, you know what I'm saying? And here's the thing, I'm like, because I'm feeling a stun on them. Like they ain't feeling, because when somebody make you mad or they do something to you, the first thing you want to do is try to you want To level up to prove them wrong. That's dumb. It's so dumb. I'm leaving my life to prove you right It's what you missed out on and y'all should never let me go y'all you fumbled a bad

You know Mary's like you fumble me don't fumble me And it's like that's stupid and I believe that's why God didn't allow it to happen right away. Absolutely. Like I got to do crazy things like when I first moved here, people couldn't even believe like, you just moved here, you still doing this? Yeah, but God had to do with my heart. Yeah.

And go like, let's clean that up. Especially now, the level of influence I have, there's no way I could be able to share my testimony if I was bitter. Cause you would be able to hear me, it's not even ever about them. It's about how I met God in the darkest place of my life. And so it's one of those things where, I don't know,

you just, you have to trust God enough to know that he knew I could handle that. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. That's deep. And I commend you because Brenda, I don't know how I would have handled that. I didn't handle it. That was, I got it.

I had some just regular breakups, bad. You know what I'm saying? I done drug a couple people. You talking about playing in my face. Playing in my face, how's it go? I didn't handle it though, it was really the grace of God. Now you said that God told you to move.

A year before. Do you feel like if you had moved a year before, you would have, God would have? For sure. Wow. Yeah, yeah. That's why, cause people will always ask, like, how do you just be obedient?

Cause I've experienced life. Chills. I've experienced life when you don't say, when you don't do a God, there's no grace. Like it's like when God is asking you to do something, we forget, he got the whole picture. I only got a portion of it. I have the comfortable space I'm in right now that I don't want to leave.

But I need to trust that he's an all knowing God. So if he's like, hey, it's time to go. It's time to go. I'm trying to go wherever he at. And I didn't do it out of loyalty to that place. I'm like, nah, they need me. That's pride. That's usually, if you ask yourself

why you not doing the thing God told you to do, you're gonna say, they need me, I can't go. You're not God. And you're eliminating his ability to be God in their lives because you're occupying his space. So if he's saying, let's go, And you're eliminating his ability to be God in their lives because you're occupying his space. Come on. So if he's saying, let's go, then I'ma roll with him. Cause so that's why I don't,

I don't fool with that no more. Cause I'm good, got my lesson, don't need to run it back. Right. Right. Right. You know, so I think, yeah, I think what I'm learning is, or I guess what I'm asking God to continue to deal with me on is like my ability to trust people Because I feel like you know, I'll be in a space and I'm like, yeah, and in the moment they do something

I'm like see this why I don't mean people You know like so it's and it's not like I won't have connections with people I have a lot of connections with people But they won't get the core of me. Yeah. Are you in therapy? I'm going back. Okay. I'm only asking that because I feel like

people should be able to experience the core of you. You know what I'm saying? For sure. Cause I can see it's like super beautiful, but when you have that mask or that guard up, people don't really get to you fully for sure Yeah, and it is I could like I was like going through my phone the other day where I've seen videos like prior to 2018 And I'm like dang I don't even know like even like the fact I have a podcast effect that I publicly speak like anybody who met me in

2018 it Shots that this is my life now. Cause I didn't, I would go to church, sit on the front row cause there was a door. And as soon as they said, shalom, shalom, I was out the door. We would wait in line before they opened the doors of the church, I would just be on my phone.

Or I would FaceTime people so nobody would talk to me. I did not want interaction with people. Cause I never wanted anybody to have the ability to hurt me the way I was hurt. So it was like, I, we have a mutual friend, Randy. Yes. I lived with Randy like the first, I don't know, five or six months I was here. I slept on an air mattress in his living room. Oh, he's, I love him. And me and Randy just had a conversation because he was like, you are so mean and guarded. I lived in the house with him and then he saw an

interview I did and he was like, I never knew that's what you were going through. Because I didn't have language for it. I just went inside myself. So even the first time I like I did a fast with my best friend and she's like, God told me to do a fast. What does it have to do with me? And she's like, I feel like you're supposed to go on it. And I did the fast with her and not even recognizing that the fast was to break like the stuff that I was in so inside myself. I didn't want to pray out loud.

And I would be like, Africans pray different. And I'm like, woo, y'all are going for hours. And I'll give my little three minutes in and then take it over. And one day on that call, something broke. And from from that moment forward I hadn't been the same. I started a podcast like I started to find because usually it's like man I want to go back to the person I was before that that'll never happen. That is a part of my life but how can I become the person God intended for me to be with this a

part of my story. And so it you know baby steps. I feel like I've gotten a whole lot better. But then people start acting crazy, then I'm like. Kids listeners, today I'm sharing everyone's favorite lunchtime indulgence, the double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald's. It's the go-to that keeps you full and energized for the rest of the day. It's not just a meal, it's a whole experience.

You know it's fresh when you feel that heat through the bag. For those of us who know burgers, the McDonald's drive-thru is all about the double QPC. When those burger cravings hit, nothing comes even close. Get a drip that's as far as your drip when you order a double quarter pound with cheese at McDonald's. Fresh beef at Participating US McDonald's excludes Alaska, Hawaii, and US territories. McDonald's excludes Alaska, Hawaii and US territories. It's a universal side. I love a universal side. I will use it. No, Crystal, we don't want to live life with universal side.

It is like, Hey, I want to be your friend. Why? No, because why do you want to be my friend? Even now? It's even 10 times worse now, right? With exposure and like people know now you have to, aside from what I've been through, you gotta go, why is this person here? Yeah. Have you found yourself even like with friends and relationships because you had no assignments

on your life that you've had to filter through but like, I can't hang with you as much or, okay, you good, you good, but no, you know know because I know for me with just with a level of success I've had to do that. Has that happened with you? For sure a hundred percent and even more so because I don't think we recognize the weight of friendship and covenant. So very similar to relations, like romantic relationships, right? You connect with somebody, you say, man, it's my friend. There's an exchange that happens there even emotionally,

but also spiritually. So then you recognize that you dealing with stuff that ain't your stuff, but you've given that spirit access because of the person you're connected to and so for me I feel like that's something that God's been teaching me in this season is like We always say like oh we have to steward our gifts, right? And what's been placed in our hands? Yeah, we are also a thing that needs to be stewarded Me my life who I am who I allow who I don allow. Like it also needs to be stewarded.

And I didn't really think of it like that because I finally got no space. I'm like, I want friends. And I'm like, let me in. Maybe not. Right, yeah, because that person is a, that person represents you. The moment I say, Crystal's my friend.

Yeah. I'm like, then. She's not a question. Oh, that's Brenda's friend. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You got to be mindful of that. And I was not. Like, I didn't think of it that deep because I'm still regarding myself as Brenda,

the normal girl that was on social media, right? Until people start attaching your name to stuff that don't really align with you. And I have another level of that because I'm a minister of the gospel. I'm not a celebrity, I'm not an influencer, I'm not famous, I'm a minister of the gospel. And nothing can take that.

I don't want anything to take my ability to be able to speak into things and the anointing and the oil to flow the way I needed it to flow. And so, that's what a lot of things, but friendships has been something that God's been on me about. And I like randomly, he's like, go read Acts 9.

And it's like when Paul is on the road to Damascus. So I'm thinking he's like wanting me to go into consecration. I'm like, I ain't turning fast, bro. I'm like, but I'ma read it. I'm reading it. And like, for those of you who don't know the story, like Paul is like on his way somewhere.

He has an encounter, he goes blind. But then like Jesus gives him an instruction. He says, go to Damascus. Well, when he stands up, he recognizes that he's blind. And then it says, his companions led him. I had never seen that. And I was like, Oh, you, you coming at my throat, Lord. He's like, yeah. He said, are the people in your circle, would you trust them to lead you to Jesus when you couldn't see him yourself?

You on my street. Get out. Get out. Wow. So I, cause I am also something that needs to be stewarded. I never read that scripture like that, but yes. I never saw, nobody, we always hear about Paul being blind. Right. He need to go to the, how he got there? His friends. I gotta rely on you to lead me to Jesus. Nah bro, I'm probably gonna make it. Right, right.

So that made me start qualifying the relationships. And here's the thing, right? It doesn't mean you get rid of everybody. It just means they need to be in the right position on the bus. Because if I gotta depend on your walk with Jesus to get me to him when I'm struggling myself, I need to check the circle.

I need to go, all right, are you here? Cause I'm supposed to, and that's a thing. Like I also recognize that sometimes I'm coming into friendship with people I'm supposed to and that's a thing like I also recognize that sometimes I'm coming into friendship with people I'm called to disciple Wow and it's like We got to draw the line like everybody can have access and for me that's really hard because I'm a people person I love people. I'm I'm down to earth and I don't want people to like she changed cuz she you know saying like I'm not changing Or maybe I am.

But it's a good change. It's almost like with anything as you grow, you do change. We should change. Yeah. And it's like, no, excuse me. It's like, no, I'm being entrusted with this level of influence. I have to steward it properly

cause I want God to continue to trust me. Yes, yes. So that's how the friendship stuff be going. So there was this video that went viral about you denouncing your sorority. Yeah. And my mom and aunt are both Deltas. All my friends are AKAs. What was that that led you to that?

Now I've noticed like people are having meetings about it. I think Essence wrote an article on it. It's become like a real topic since you actually opened up about it. I think Essence wrote an article on it. It's become like a real topic since you actually opened up about it. And how do you feel about the conversations that are being had after you actually taking your stance on it? And then what led you to the point where you say, you know what, I'm going to let this go? First of all, I didn't know it was going to turn up

to be what it is. Like I think, I think in hindsight, I wouldn't have done it where I did it, because I talked about it in the middle of a sermon. And it was just because I was preaching on idols and it kind of just came up. It wasn't like I did two services that day,

it wasn't in the first service, it just happened in the second one. And so I think that I have been most shocked that the most pushback has come from church people. I thought, here's the thing, right? I was not oblivious to the fight I was picking. Yeah. Okay, it's like, I already know how this gonna be.

I was a Delta for 12 years. So I know I was one of the people on the other side going, oh my God, y'all knock it off. It's like, it's not that deep. And so I was aware of like the pushback and the warfare, right? It's like, I struck an altar, so I already know. Like I knew what was gonna happen.

I think that, I think the misconception could be that I'm trying to force something down someone's throat when that's never like my vibe like if anybody Don't take my word for it Yeah, and so I feel like For me like if you've engaged with any of my content, you'll know like whatever I'm going through in life I'm a share it this happened to be something I had just the first time I shared it was on another podcast Well, because I had just renounced the day before. Wow, so it's very fresh. Yeah, it was like, oh I was okay

So just like this I was going to interview with this girl and in the conversation She keeps bringing up that she like renounced her sorority and she doesn't like say what it is I'm getting irritated because I'm like this has nothing to do with the conversation. Why does she keep saying it? doesn't like say what it is. I'm getting irritated. Cause I'm like, this has nothing to do with the conversation. Why does she keep saying it? And we talked about the conversation was about purpose. And so she goes, yeah, like I renounce whatever.

And so then I start, because she keeps repeating it, I start asking the Lord, what are you after? Because something keeps coming up. It had came up for me like earlier that week in some, another space. So I'm like, what's going on? And so long story short, she was in the same sorority I was a part of.

And so then she goes, yeah, like I wrote this, I have this podcast or whatever, you should listen to it. I was like, oh yeah, cool, like I'll check it out. She's like, no, and I'm gonna send you a letter. She said, cause Brenda, we need to get you out of there. And I just go, like, I laugh, you know, like how you did with your girl. I did the same thing, like yeah, yeah, I hear you, I hear you.

Yeah, yeah, but nah. Yeah. And so that was like, it was like a week went by. I'm driving, I'm about to fly to Atlanta, I'm driving home from the mall, and Holy Spirit says, put the podcast on. Because it wasn't a visual one, so I was never going to listen to it. That's just the truth. I don't be listening to podcasts.

Right. Watch, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to listen to it. I'm the same way. I'm a visual person. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm never finna watch this. It's like the nerve of you to send me something that was audio. And Holy Spirit says, put it on. Listen.

So I'm driving in a car. I'm driving from like the Grove and I live far. So I had like 48 minutes, alright? Holy Spirit says put it on. The podcast is an hour and two minutes. I got home in an hour and three minutes. Wow. And I was like bruh. So I'm listening to the podcast is an hour and two minutes. I got home in an hour and three minutes. Wow. And I was like, bruh.

So I'm listening to the podcast. Now, something about me is like, I pledged in 2011, and I could not remember like what I actually did, like the whole crossing the scenes process. I had no recollection of it. Oh wow. And so I'm like listening to the podcast, and she starts saying, 20 minutes in, I'm bawling.

Because she starts talking about how, she starts saying like, okay, we taking oath. And in the oath, we say like, the president of the chapter says, you are taking like this oath before the eternal spirit of truth, and you cannot leave it until the day of judgment. We say these things.

And then we are at a ceremonial table that has a candle that's lit. We have to kneel at it and we take this oath. So the argument on social media is like, this is not an idol for me. I still love the Lord. I still do this. No, it's inherently an idol.

It is idolatry the moment I take an oath. And you are deceived to think you're taking an oath to an organization, but every organization has a Greek deity attached to it. And it's not like not known. We talked to Minerva, like in the process, she is present. And and so like she said I'm listening to the podcast and I'm going bruh I did what? I'm like nah I didn't do that.

And I'm like I didn't do that and she said something she says and this is when I make the decision she says when you show up to an altar without a sacrifice you're the sacrifice I said actually, actually, I will not be. And you can get me up out of here immediately. And so it's like, I what I always say is like, bro, like, don't take my word for it. The fact that I'm saying, bro, this is idolatry. Go check it out.

Yeah. Like when Satan tempts Jesus right before he goes into his ministry, he perverts scripture. He uses scripture and spits it to Jesus like he isn't the word, but we don't get on him. And Jesus is like, no, these organizations are taking actual scripture, removing words from it and putting in words that represent the organization. Bro, that's we can't do that. And so I commented on the essence thing because I was like come on and let the conversation go. And so I put on there like bro don't I think that because what used to irritate me was like when people would

denounce they would give like black Israelite energy. It's like you gotta come. It's like stop yelling at me. I'm not even listening to nothing you're saying. And understanding the severity of it, I know why they go that hard. But I feel like God's given me a grace to communicate hard truths on a level where you will at least go check it for yourself. And I had a friend who I went to middle school with that every time I would post something about it,

I would think about her because she had just crossed AKA the year before. Like the end of last year. And so every time I would post something, I would go, I wonder if she's Oh, wow. And so every time I would post something I would go And The crazy thing was I went home for Mother's Day and she sent me this long message about denouncing Wow, and she had just like she was fresh and she goes she said Brenda what you did for me was you disarmed me Enough to go researching myself and that is my heart is not because if you do it just cuz somebody told you to do it It's not my heart. It's not, because if you do it

just because somebody told you to do it, it's not gonna last. It's not gonna take root. I want you to go and do the same thing I did, which is start researching. No, I did say that. It says eternal spirit of truth. Who is that?

Because Jesus is the way, the truth and the light. So somebody else claiming his name, that's another God. So it's like, it's clear as day. It's just, we don't wanna see it because we don't wanna own it. And I get, man, I know what those organizations have done for the black community, what they've done to progress us,

but they're doing it all in the name of another God. So it's like, we do community service in whose name? Because you don't show up there and say, we're here in Jesus' name. You said you were name of whatever the organization is. So who's getting the credit? Or the other argument is this is Christian principles, you know what a Christian principle is? Love your neighbor. I can take that and say wow that sounds really good and go start a Satanist

organization and say it's founded on Christian principles. Not Christian principles, is it Christ-centered? Where is Jesus in this? And so I think like for me, it was pretty cut and dry. It took me 20 minutes because I cried because I couldn't believe that I had taken an oath to another, I would never do that in my right mind. But it happens as we're like teenagers, right at the brink of adulthood. Very valuable.

We ain't thinking about no covenants and nobody's saying, well, maybe I should research this. And the reason it made it to essence is because a girl who had just crossed two weeks prior, she denounced. Wow. Wow. And that's. Now, do you feel like there's anything

that the organization could do to make it right? Like within like, I know they have to change like a lot within the organization. I feel like it's pretty much. I mean, I think anything can be redeemed. I just don't know if that can be redeemed because I don't know if it was ever for the Lord. You know what I'm saying?

I don't, and I don't, here's the other thing, right? I don't think that that organization knew that's what they were doing. Doing, right. You know what I'm saying? But now that they know. I don't know if they know. I don't know if they want to hear that I mean cuz they had

There's when you are renouncing they asked and would you like to discuss which or like with them about it? I click yes, yes, and they responded but then after I reached out to follow up first half conversation They did it cuz on my like my paper they asked you know, like why are you leaving? I was like this goes against Jesus period I On my paper, they asked you, like, why are you leaving? I was like, this goes against Jesus. Period. Period. And I want out. And it is, it's like, it's the grace and mercy of God

that will tell you, like, because you're still allowed to do, I was still preaching. I had no knowledge that that's what I was doing. So I think there's a grace, right? But the moment you come into truth, you're responsible for what you do with that. And people, like, I've seen all the arguments. And the first thing I thought was, I've seen a lot of pastors, you know, give clap back and

what they shouldn't do. I've seen them defend their letters more than I've seen them defend the actual church. And I think that says a lot about what that, the weight that holds in their life. Because the church be getting bullets every week. I ain't seen y'all make no podcast. I ain't seen y'all go in the shade room comments and drop what the Lord said about the church, the institution he is, you know what I'm saying?

So I think that in itself proves what has your heart and what has your loyalty. And so I really, I don't want to argue about it. That's never been my heart. I'm just saying, Hey, I'm on a journey to following Jesus. And this is what I came across and you're welcome to step into this truth or not. Cause it says we have to work out our own salvation. Right. So I can't stand in line with Jesus for you and vice versa. Right. No, for sure. There is people believe you're a preacher, right, you know the Bible back and forth, you understand scripture, you're getting this theological understanding, so

they believe. They can't fathom that you could experience seasons of us, like seasons where you are not feeling close to God, you're lacking faith, whatever that is, right? And then there's also the fact that again, because you're human you battle things Through depression and anybody else will be like but how you're a preacher so you should know what the formula is to tell this So how do you reconcile that like how do you how do you? Navigate as a minister of the word those seasons where you don't feel that closeness to God and you don't feel that proximity You feel like there's a lack of faith. Okay Okay so I think the misconception is that because someone is I don't I don't like further along in their faith but I guess because you would always see me preaching I think the idea is I don't

struggle with human things and I think like that doesn't make sense because I'm a human. I think part of that comes from leaders not being transparent when they're given the opportunity to. And I feel like that is why I'm very intentional, like nah bro, I struggled today. Because I need people to know, we on this journey together. I know I'm struggling, you might be struggling,

I'm struggling too. And so I think for me, it keeps me from becoming an idol. Because I'm like, nah bro, I was just struggling with that yesterday. And I think that it allowed, like inviting people into that space helps for me to say like I'm struggling, I don't have it. Sometimes I live in a cubby hole because when I'm going through depression or battling it, I think what I recognize is those are the moments where I feel God the closest. Like it's not when I'm on a platform preaching,

it's not when I'm shooting a podcast or doing an interview or whatever people think is the pinnacle of success. I feel God the most when I need him the most. And so I think being transparent helps with that. I've journeyed through anxiety. I don't deal with that no more because I've come into the revelation of like, no, I have authority over this.

And there is a blueprint for anxiety. It's in scripture. It says, be anxious for nothing, period. That's a command. And so I practiced that. How am I not anxious? Whatever I'm worried about, I take it to the Lord. It don't gotta be this, oh I come humbly as you. I'm like, hey bruh, I'm trying to figure out how we can make this happen. That's how I talk to him. Yeah, it's like, nah, he is ever-present, you know

I'm saying? Yeah, all the time. Depression runs in my bloodline. I can remember having an aunt who was very like put together, very bougie, and I've seen her in a dark place. It scared the living day. Like it's etched in my mind. I maybe was like nine or 10, and I could see her sitting in a dark house in a robe, not looking like herself. And I'm like, I never want to experience that.

But it's bloodline, like my grandfather, my dad, my aunt. And so it's like, nah nah bro, this stops with me. But that situation that I told y'all about earlier, like that, I probably walked through every mental illness, you know, like in processing that. But I do remember having this moment where I consider taking my life. And I guess now the term for it

is passive suicidal ideology, where you like don't like, you're not like, I'ma kill myself, but you feel like you have nothing to live for. So you're passively thinking about suicide. And I didn't even recognize, this was a year today, I had just moved to LA, August of 2018, this happened April, 2019.

So it's a year from when that stuff happened. Our body remembers trauma. And I hadn't even recognized that I was in the bed for five days. But I lived in a house with like five girls and I had a roommate who knocked on my door every day. And she would just... Some days I would yell at her,

some days I'll act like I ain't hear it, but she would come back every single day. Thank God friends did not, like seriously. Bruh. And she has like this, her name is Nick, but she has like this little soft voice and she's like Brenda. She's like, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come out

and like watch TV, cause like TV is my love language. Okay. And so she's like, She just wanted to know if you wanted to come out and like watch TV cuz like TV is my love language Okay, and so she's like she knew what yeah, and I'm like nah, bro Like or I would yell at her or some days I wouldn't even but to be so far in yourself that you don't even recognize that you have I have been laying there for five Just not moving because I think at that point I was like I We could end this. Like I don't feel like I have anything to live for. And like clockwork, she would knock on the door.

So maybe day five, I was like, if I don't get up, she's never gonna leave me. She's not gonna leave me alone, right? So let me get up. So I did, I ended up getting up, we watched TV, and then we're sitting there, she's like, you wanna go get ice cream? So then I got dressed, took a shower, put on clothes,

we go get ice cream, she's like, you wanna go walk? So like we go to the lake and I broke down. And I think in that moment, I feel like that was when I, like even though it was Nick, it's like, that's how God pursues us. It is. Like, cause usually we have those moments alone. You know, like nobody knows that's the stuff we carry.

Like nobody knows those dark moments, but he's the one that keeps knocking. And you might think like, man, God isn't, no, he's right there in that with you, like always. Because sometimes I don't have the language to articulate how I feel. It's just how I feel. I could be, life could be great

and that thing will sit on you. And I'm like, nah, bro, that gave me a clear picture of how much God loves me and us to articulate that. And so I think sometimes it's pride that makes us go like, nah, I don't deal with it. No, I do deal with that. It's why I need God. I feel like the higher you rise, the more you deal with that.

What y'all think, B? I am heartbroken every time I see someone die by suicide. Cause I can remember a time where that could have been me. Yeah, yeah. And somebody would say, they were so happy, bro. We the best at it. Actors. Best at it. And it's like, no, no, no, no.

That was me. Yeah. And being honest about that, like, no, the fact that you think I'm further alone with God is because of those moments. The reason I'm all in with him is because he was all in with me when I was like, nah, bro, I can't do this. Mm-mm. I can't, yeah, nah.

And so I think like, I always look at it as stuff like depression or anxiety. Those are invitations to invite God in to those moments. It's like, I have reached the end of where I can go. And where I end is where he begins. And you could do it. That time in my life marked me. Cause if she didn't knock on that door,

it would have been a wrap. Cause in that moment, it all was, I was finished. And so- And you're away from everybody, away from your family, you're isolated, literally. For sure. And I was like, and that happened like the beginning of April. And then, like within a few weeks, my life turned around.

I got my first job with that TBN, I was a producer. Like, then I did BET that year. Like my life literally, it's right when you right there. The enemy's job is to take you out before you reach the point. So the harder it gets, you got to know you right on the brink of it. He's like, even today, like not today, but like in this time of my life, I have moments. Three weeks ago, I was like, y'all could have all of this. It is a wrap. Like I'm finna go get a job because I could go get one of those really easily. I'm. Like I'm finna go get a job. Cause I can go get one of those really easily.

I'm like, I'm finna go get a job. This whole like, all these expectations. Everybody wants you to do what they want you to do. They cool with you walking in your calling, but only if it aligns with how they see it. And I have reached a place of frustration. I was like, God, I don't want to, I never asked for this. Because there is a weight and a pressure that comes with people like you being Pastor

Brenda. It's like, sometimes I just want to be Brenda. Yeah, right. Like, and nobody know my name. You know what I'm saying? Like, and so I think we also think that because we follow God, life's supposed to be roses and I don't think that, but sometimes I reach a point where I'm like, it's not even worth it. And I remember like being, two weeks ago, I was on the phone with my friend and I had just reached a place of frustration

and I was like, hey, I gotta call you back. And I just cried and I had to take a walk. And I'm like, I don't wanna do this anymore. And I felt like a couple of days after that, I got in the, I was in the shower, like to talk to Lord in the shower. And I felt like he was like, don't take it personal. Wow.

Cause it's like, bro, one thing come at you like who? Bro, back to back. It's a lot. And then like with people that like you care about, like it's like, I thought you was rock, you not rock. Okay, I thought you was, okay, you not, all right, all right, I got it. All of y'all could like, I'm good. Yeah, and I think I had just reached a boiling point and I just was like, bro. I don't I don't want it no more

Yeah, and he was like don't take it personal. Don't take it personal and he He's like it has nothing to do with you And everything to do with what i'm calling you to do Because it's yeah, he puts you on the side with not them and he's like, yeah Don't worry about them and the attacks are not towards Brenda. The attacks are on what Brenda carries. But if I take Brenda out, what Brenda's supposed to carry into the world never makes it. And so I was like, so then I start singing, don't take it personal. I was like, da da da da da da da da da. I love it.

Yeah. And that made it easy. I love when he comes back and answers you like, maybe the subtle don't take it personal. For sure. And he'd be like, oh, got it. Okay. That's what it is for me that it clicked.

Yes, because then he's like, okay, like we think about Jesus, right? Because Satan isn't all knowing. He don't know everything. But the moment Jesus is born, then Herod issues a decree that says, take out all the boys three and under. He like, I don't know what's coming for me,

but I recognize that something's about to attack the kingdom of darkness, I gotta shut it down. And so when we think about that, we recognize like our lives and what we've been entrusted to Stuart are not about us.'s like God's like okay I need this thing let me put it in crystals yes like I need this thing we put in Brenda's hand now Satan's job is to ensure that that thing don't become what it's supposed to become right so he gonna try everything and it's usually the people that are closest to you

Wow thank you thank you for that question Denora thank God for Nick she was For sure, and every time I do something, I appreciate the potter's house. And she's like, oh my God, Brenda! I was like, thank you for knocking on my door to ensure that I live, to see this moment. So whenever something good happens, the whole world gonna know Nick.

Why am I the crybaby? Not, cause you understand the way that that, like to have, yeah bro. All right, so we always close out the show with positive outcomes and we read one of our open listener letters and then we give them advice. So this one says, hi Crystal, my name is Asia Kirkland. I am 23 and I am starting my serious walk of faith.

I have built a platform on social media and I am known for being sexy or more so tempting and lustful. I know in being a Christian, you can be harshly judged for it. I want to know if there's a balance of sexy and yet somewhat modesty that you need to uphold or do I need just a fresh start?

I have decided that when I get baptized to abstain from sex with my partner until we're married Which will be hard because our relationship started off very sex-based and we progressed to both of us deciding to walk To take the walk of faith. I'm afraid I'll fail God and God in the end. How should I go about this? I'm like, wow, you know what? Okay, so this is a good question because I've noticed a lot of women lately, a lot of people like that God has put in position that it has like all these followers have turned their life over to Christ. And some of them have been like she described very sexy and lustful and they are taking on this new walk with God and

being very vocal about it but it's a lot of judgment like she said that comes along with it. What would you tell her because for me I know like I had to be mindful of like the young women that follow me and the image that I want to portray for them and to show them it's okay to love yourself but you don't have to show everything you know I'm saying what would you tell her in that? I just threw it back at you. I said oh who picked this up? I can't get up. I'm scared. I think that, so here's the first thing, right? I think that relationship with Jesus is progression, not perfection, right? And so I think that I used to always say like convictions come according to your callings, right?

So some stuff you could do, I can't do because of what I'm called to do. I think that convictions come when you mature spiritually, right? I think when you, you have to pay attention to why you ask the things you ask, right? So why are you now all of a sudden concerned? Because something in you is saying, maybe I shouldn't do this.

Maybe I shouldn't, yeah. And I think what we miss is that when that, when a conviction comes, it's not God saying, oh, why are you doing that? He's saying, I have so much more for you. And you're now living beneath where I'm calling you. And so I think if we view it that way, we'll lose this whole like religion is so based on rules. It's like, no, it's God saying, baby girl, I see you so much better than that. And let me show you what life like that looks like.

And let me show you that if you do it my way, it will be way better than what you could have did in your own strength. I think it's that. I think the other part is, you already have a social media following and it's growing because of these things. But now you've had a life change.

So now you have to go, okay, am I gonna trust God or am I gonna trust what I can do in my own strength? And there is a process. I too have that same process. I'm like, ah, should I post this? Ah, should I not? Sometimes I post stuff and I'm like, let me take that down. Right, right, right.

I'm like, ooh, I shouldn't have posted that. I shouldn't have posted that. I shouldn't have made that up. And something like my rubric is this, it's very simple. Is this leading them towards Jesus or away from him? And that's, you just, that is what it is. Because the moment you get loud about being a believer, you set the standard for how people respond to what you post. Because there could, he could be calling you to switch it. And you also to your

point, you are responsible for where you lead people. Yes. And that's the way, like we hold in our hands. It is, yeah. Yeah. Because people look at what we do, and they're like, oh, that sounds so good. Oh, and the first thing they're going to say is, oh, I saw Chris doing that. Yeah. I saw pretty good at that.

I'm like, no, you didn't. Hey, no, you didn't. It was not me. I don't know who it was. This is good. That's, yeah. Yeah, nah, I feel you. That's good.

Thank you. Another thing we do before we close is what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And I'll start off by saying I am, I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to find the balance of resting and pushing myself because I feel like, you know, we always say God never put more on us than we can bear. But there is sometimes I'm like, somebody has made a comment one day and said that if it's, if it's, if God means for you to do this, it won't exhaust you, but if you may be tired,

but you won't be just completely exhausted. And there's a moment where I'm like, I'm on the break, Lord, like, is this your thing or not? I'll be tired. So just trying to balance, making sure that I'm taking care of myself along with everything that's coming my way. I feel like this whole year has just been like one thing after another. And it's been amazing.

But also just finding that balance and saying, okay, now you need to lay down. Like yesterday I slept for hours. Like it's the most sleep I've gotten probably in months. It was so good. You need a good nap. Yeah, yes, a good nap. So that's the most sleep I've gotten probably in months. It was so good. You need a good nap. Yeah, yes, a good nap. So that's what I'm balancing right now,

what I'm going through and growing through. What about you? Okay, ugh. I think going and growing through what it means to be set apart. Like it's been really hard for me. It's an adjustment. It's like, oh I thought I could, oh I can't, oh I can't, ah. And so yeah and like on some very like simple stuff it's been really hard and it kind of goes to this idea that like it'll be worth it on the other side.

But in the moment you'd be like, hey, bro. Right. And then I'm always like, I didn't even ask for this. This is your life. And so I'm going through that and growing through it because it's stretching me. But it's even recently, I was going to start, Patreon and the Lord told me no. Really? Why do you think, well, I mean,

I know it's been you and God, if you don't want to go, but why do you feel like he told you no? Cause he told me I was a minister first. And I can't, Antoine didn't know. And I can't, Antoine didn't know. I was like, ah, I got myself in trouble. No bro, like just like three days ago, he said, what are you talking about?

Yeah, like I was ready. I mean, it's ready, it's loaded. And it gets to the point where it's like, I can do what everybody else could do. And it was less about like the thing. That's not bad. But I can lose the minister in the things. And sometimes you can, yeah.

I know it's your name. And it was like God gave me a choice. He led me to a scripture. He said, He always take you to that space. What'd he say? He said, Hebrews 11, it talks about a remnant,

which is like a group of people that are set apart. And he said, he talks about their table of wealth being their trap and their snare. So they're successful so they don't even recognize that God isn't with them. Wow. And he just said, he said, you can do it. It's gonna be great.

He was like, but your success won't allow you to recognize when I'm not there. Oh, wow. I said, you didn't wanna tell me before I had spent some money. That's what I'm saying. I have been working really hard. To build everything up to get ready for it.

And he said, Trust me, I got you. It's exactly what he said actually. And I was like, all right, but yeah. So, I got the things that I'm over here. But when you start talking about like a series of yeses, it's like, I'm going to be able to mark this one.

Watch what I do. Yeah. You know? You did a Patreon on me. Yeah. I'll see you in able to mark this one. Why, that's what I do, yeah. You know? You did a Patreon on, yeah. I see New York Times, this fella. Come on. All the things. Amen. He gonna do his thing. For sure.

But that's what I'm growing through. Like, what it means to be set apart. Cause I thought, you know, it was enough to say yes, to become a preacher, cause nobody has to do that. Right. And he's like, girl, this is, that's a slight word. In comparison. In comparison. To all the to all the things so yeah I'm just you know I would prefer to be able to preach to a room and they be set free then preach to a room and they'd be like that was a good word. That's the difference. Yeah, big difference. And so, yeah, I wanna be trusted to carry the oil.

Mm-hmm. To be anointing. Come on, oil. I love that. So the last thing we do is keep it blank, sweetie. Okay. And we're gonna fill in the blank. And for this episode,

ooh, there's so many things. Keep it, sometimes it's hard to fill in that blank because you want to say something else. Keep it spirit led, sweetie. Let the spirit guide you. Hey, that was a good one. You rub it off on me. Just Brenda. Just Brenda?

Just Brenda is crazy. Keep it honest, sweetie. Yes, we're stars, honestly. Honestly. We ourselves, but with God too. Yes. That's good. That's good.

Be honest. Brenda! We did it! We did it! Yes! So good! It was fun. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I appreciate you for your time. Guys, thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. If you want to write into our Positive Outcomes Listener Letter, you can write into keepitpositsweety at gmail.com and that's sweetie with an I-E. You can follow me on all platforms at Love, Chris, or Renee and that's L-U-V. Brenda, tell the people that can find you all the platforms. All right, so you can find me on all social media platforms at I Am Brenda Palmer on TikTok,

Instagram, and YouTube. I have a podcast called Life in Perspective with Brenda Palmer. It's literally available everywhere. And more importantly, we are doing a pop-up tour in Counter Nights. We're going to six cities and I want to see you there. So just visit us at comealivecollective.com to get your tickets and be in the building because Jesus is going to be there. So wouldn't you want to be where Jesus is? Duh! Thank you Brenda. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. Make sure you guys tap into everything that Brenda has going on. We want to make sure we support this amazing sister.

I'm appreciative of your time. We got you on the sofa. We did it. We did it. Thank you guys so much for tuning into this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. In the meantime, in between time, you know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie. See you guys later! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!