Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Dating In Your 40's

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Season 1 Episode 4 | Whew chile the ghetto!  Dating in today’s society is HARD, especially with social media and all of the apps. But dating in your 40’s seems to be even harder. Is it just me?! Ladies, the older we get, the more we know ourselves, therefore we know exactly what we want and don’t want. Our tolerance for BS is very low. Come join me on the couch as I share some of my dating stories, the good and the bad and much more. Follow KIPS: https://www.instagram.com/keepitpositivesweetie/ KIPS is produced and executive produced by Dinorah Peña, co produced by Chanel Laren. Audio and Visual by Kvle.  

Hey guys and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive Sweetie. I'm Krista Renee and today we are talking about dating in your 40s. And when I think about dating in your 40s, the first song that came to mind was Destiny's Child Independent Women. I'm a women independent, throw your hands up at me. And when I think of this, because I feel like once women get to their forties, they're still dating, they're definitely independent.

I know for me, I just turned 40 in October and it was something that clicked. It was something that clicked. It's like, literally the day I woke up after my party, I was like, whoa, I had so much clarity on things and I was very sure about what I wanted to do, how I wanted it and all those things. But leading up to that, I work in a very vain industry, an industry that's always looking for the youngest, and the hottest, and the next.

And I was worried, like, Lord, am I getting older? Like, and we also have an industry where we don't tell people our age. So even on my invitation, I was very strategic about not putting that I was turning 40 because I just didn't want to put that out there. But everybody found out anyway, so now everybody knows. But when you're dating in your 40s, there's so many factors that come to place.

Your biological clock is ticking. Society has put so much stress on, you need to get married by this age, you need to start having children by this age. And my acting career got started very late. And what I thought was late within, I realized some of the greatest artists there are started in their 40s. So I'm actually not as insecure about that as I was before,

but I was worried about that. My biological eye is ticking. I found myself attracting like 20 year olds. And I was like, what is this guy? No, I don't look 40. That was the first thing. I don't look like the hell old I am, but I was attracting young people.

And with that, it became a stress because I knew they wanted children. I'm like, okay, these are conversations we have to have. And I always wanted to taste somebody that's either my age or a little older. And honestly, that already had children because I didn't want that pressure. I don't want the pressure of, okay, he wants children.

I can't give him that. Like, what if I passed that stage in my life? And another thing that's really hard about dating in your 40s is, for me, is finding a man that's not intimidated. I've dated and then men see how I'm living and it's like, oh, I can't keep up with that. And I'm like, I don't need you to keep up. The things I need from you, of course, I want someone who has something going on for themselves.

Of course, I want somebody who can do the things for me that I can do for them, but it doesn't have to always be on the level that I do it, because that's not what I need you for. I need love, I need affection, I need the love languages. And there's five, and I need all of them. I need someone that is emotionally supportive to me, someone that supports my career.

And I found that a lot of men are not in a space of maturity or even have the bandwidth to give me that. They're so used to just buying women and oh, I'll go do this, I'll pay for this and everything's gonna be okay. No, I need some, I need you to be my homie, my lover and my friend. And that's where I feel like even dating,

I just haven't found all three of those things in a man. When I think about some of my like worst and best dates, one of the best dates I ever had, I was living in DC. And this was when the Devil Wears product was out. Anybody who knows me knows, I can quote the Devil Wears product from top to bottom, like I love that movie. And we had never taken a train ride before. So we took the train from DC to New York.

He took me to Nobu 57. And this was when Nobu was just starting to pop, because he was in every rap song. So it was like, oh, we want to know. Boot and I. So we went when Nobu was just starting to pop, because he was in every rap song. So it was like, oh, we want to know Boot and I. So we went to Nobu, and then the next day he took me to see the color purple. After the play, he took me to Smith and Lewinsky, which was the restaurant that Merrill Street had

and halfway go get her lunch. And when she brought it, she goes, oh, I don't need it. I'm going to have lunch with Demachier and she was like pissed. So she takes the plate and throws it in the sink and the plate cracks and all this stuff. So we went there, we got the exact same steak that the male street had ordered or that Anne Hathaway had ordered from male street. And I was like, this is the most thoughtful Valentine's Day I've ever had and probably still one of the most thoughtful weekends might have really planned out for me. And then we got back home,

he bought my first Louis Time bag, and I was like, okay, yeah, this is great. And then I found out that he was a scammer. Yeah, they always say when things seem to be too good to be true, they probably are. And it was, I was like, Lord, how does man work for the government and he's scamming? He had this man, and I don't want to be stereotypical because if you live in Atlanta, we know there's a lot of scammers.

And most of them are of African descent. So he had this African friend who, he's like, he owed him some money and he's like, hey, babe, can whatever his name was put this money in your account. So I was like, sure. So I wake up one morning and there's like, no, oh, I wake up and there's like a million dollars, a negative million dollars on my bank statement. I'm like a negative million dollars. I'm like, first of all, I'm working for the government. I know I ain't making no million dollars. I'm like, who put out a million? It wasn't saying negative.

So I call the bank and they're like, oh, that's because there's a fraudeler on your account because the money that was deposited the other day was actually stolen. What? Yeah, I cannot make this shit up. So like, oh, my lunch book, I had to go to make America and put out an affidavit to let them know it wasn't me. And they're like, no, we know it wasn't you. But I couldn't have an account with them for like years

because of that. It was crazy. So you got to be careful with your date and get to know people because that was, it turned, it was real good, and then you got real bad. Let's see another bad date. I want to tell you all some funny stories. And honestly I'm be honest with you guys I haven't really like getting a serious relationship since

2017 so the dating has been very far and few between but I dated this other guy who was a little older and one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who doesn't tip well. Judge me if you want to, but I feel like when there are people in hospitality, you should take care of them, especially if they look after you. And especially if I'm taking too, because I actually set the reservation up because that was another thing. I was always having to set up everything. I'm like, dog, like, can you do anything?

Like, what is going on? Like, I don't understand that about men who, like, it's like the courtship has been lost. Like, how many use, like, sim flowers? We're going to talk about that too. I mean, how many use to sim flowers make take time in advance to set up, hey I want to take you out on this day. They wait till the day of the hour, where you do it tonight, there's no initiative anymore. I'm going to talk about the flowers real quick.

So I love flowers. Anybody who knows me knows that I love flowers. Do you know how I dated this guy? And he literally looked me in my face and said, do you know why I haven't gotten you flowers? And I was like, why? I do want to know. Actually, yes. He said because he said because because you want them. What sense is that, man? He said, but when I do do it, he said, it's going to be so elaborate. You can be like, oh my guys. And I was like, you're making no sense. If you know this is a part of my love language,

and this is something that makes me happy, do it. Because I do that for you. And that's another thing, understanding how people need to be loved, because the way I love may not be the way my man needs to be loved. So understanding that, hey, okay, Chris' love language is all the love languages, so let me make sure at some point, I'm touching her. Let me make sure at some point love languages. So let me make sure at some point I'm touching her.

Let me make sure at some point I give her affection to make sure at some point I give her affirmations, I give her gifts, I do access service for her. And I'm not, I feel like that's all encompassing a relationship and I'm not saying do all those things every single day, but like just consistently let me know, hey babe, I see you, I hear you, and I feel you. And when he did that, hey babe, I see you, I hear you, and I feel you.

And when he did that, I was just like, okay, this is crazy. I was like, you're not my guy, you can go. And the other guy who didn't tip well, it was just like, you know, if you don't treat, I feel like the way you treat like waiters and people who are there to serve you. If you don't treat them right, that's an immediately dismissal for me.

Even when I think about like the dating process as a 40-year-old woman, it's not the same as it was in my 30s. Like, sis, don't have time. You know, I'm like, okay, what, what are we doing? Like, I'm not applying to pressure like day one unless I really, really like you. Um, I'm like, is he my husband or my kids? And because I need to know what are we doing. Um, apply the pressure because I like you. But I am, I do like to take time to get to know my person.

Um, I am big on referrals. I really do not like meeting strangers. I want to know somebody that knows you to be like to vouch for you and say, okay, this person isn't crazy or he, this is his past, it's what he's been through. I need a little backstory background check on you. Just waiting to feel safe. And then even with my success, like I have to be more strategic about the type of men that I even am around. You know, I have to make sure that you just don't have a lot going on that you're here for the right reasons.

Even like the dating phase. Like before, I could go a year and still be wondering like, what are we doing? Now, I have to, a few months, like, okay, we know each other like, what are we doing? Like, are we gonna make a single official? You trying to put a ring on it? You trying to be my life partner with? But it's definitely a situation where I'm open. I had to get, I used to like to stay in the house all the time.

And I was like, crystal you're never gonna find a man if you don't leave the house. But y'all, even that, even, just getting ready. Putting the makeup on, doing your hair, finding an outfit, just going to shop for an outfit because you feel like I don't have nothing to wear. And then you get out there and nobody approaches you. What am I doing?

I find myself coming home, I don't spend $200 on a meal and drinks, and feeling an election. What's going on? I was still trying to figure it out. And people like, me and Don approach them like, no, nobody approaches me. I'm like, I don't know if I look like a mean or some people say I'm an approachable.

Other people say, oh, you look like you already got it, man. I'm like, I don't. I don't. All of my need just put a sign on back. I'm single, ready to mingle. And maybe somebody will holler. But I try to be more conscious of smiling at people, starting conversation or being saying hello,

just so the guy can know, okay, she's interested or that was an invitation to have a further conversation, but y'all don't get it. Like, I don't understand. Help me. I need somebody to respond to this and tell me what I need to do

because your girl need to help. And one of the biggest things for me is being intentional. And I let people know straight out the gate. Listen, if you're not intentional, I'm in a very intentional space in my life right now. I know what I want. I know what I'm ready for, I know what I bring to the table. So when you come into this table, I need you to understand A, no half ass and A, no like,

oh, I'll call it when I want to call her. I'm a carry her Amy kind of way. Certain times, in my 30s, I feel like I had a little more grace or I feel like I put up with more because I wasn't as secured who I am. But now I'm not putting up with it. I need you to come in knowing what you want and saying, hey, I see you and I know you're a good woman. I know I need to take this serious. Even if it's just as a friendship, I need to come in here knowing that I need to get to know you, I'm not playing with you and where it goes, is where it goes. I may have even put up with like cheating, you know what I'm saying? I dealt with it, and I would forgive and be like, it's okay, because I struggled with, and I still kind of struggle with this, I'm still trying to figure this part out. How we put marital expectations on dating.

So we were not married, but I want you to be monogamous, exclusive. I want you to treat me like your wife. And I want all the rewards of a husband and we're not married. So I had a friend of mine. She was like, I just believe that you're single until you're married. Until you're married, it's not under God,

but we know at some point it has to be like, okay, this is decision, this what I'm doing. And I would put up with a lot of things because I was like, well, like, he's got to get out of the system. You know, and I would make excuses for him. And then I would also try to justify, well, yeah, we're not made so technically you can't do what you want to do until we get married.

But at what point does the man say, you know what, I'm ready to go ahead and start practicing being a husband, because I know you're going to want me to cook, you're going to me to clean, keep the house right, keep my body right, you're going to put it down right, you're going to want me to carry myself in a certain way, and all that encompasses a wife. And I feel like that was something that I dealt with that I probably wouldn't deal with in my forties. Something else I dealt with in my forties was inconsistency. I mean, in my thirties, something I dealt with in my thirties was inconsistency. I mean, in my 30s, something I felt, dealt with in my 30s was inconsistency.

I would allow a man to just kind of come in and come out. I had a lot of relationships where it was off and on. And whenever he called back, we were back on. We'd fade out, and then I would do what I was doing. He would do what he was doing. Then he'd call and say, he missed me, and he was like, okay, we back.

I had a guy that I did that with for like six years. And he was like, off and on, off and on. And to this day, it's funny. They're like, you know that's your husband. And I'm like, no. They was like, well, he's still like with nobody. And I'm like, yeah, because he got issues. He has come at me issues.

And I was like, that's not my husband. Something else that I dealt with in my 30s that I would not do now is the line. Like, let's just say this, I put up with a lot of shit that I would not put up with now. And that's because I don't have the tolerance. I have zero tolerance for lying, cheating, for inconsistency, for someone who, a deal breakfast for me, someone who's not like a man of God

who doesn't want to go to church. Like, I need somebody that I can do everything with. I don't want to just, we go on vacations together, we go to dinner together, we go to ball games together, we do all the things together, but on Sundays, I'm the only one going to church that ain't gonna work for me. I need somebody that's like, baby, we gonna pray together too,

because we gotta keep this thing tight. And that's for me, it's like one of the biggest, biggest things I always say, when people are like, what are you looking for in a man? And I always say, I want a man that has to seek God to get to me. When they see me, they're like, ooh, I can't go about the same way I didn't want it

without these other women. I got to go with this woman, different. Lord, help me secure this because I know if I do what I'm gonna mess it up. I need you to seek him first before you step over here, okay? Secondly, how he treats his mother. I want him to like, if my mother always said, watch how I'm gonna treat his mom

because that's how he's gonna treat you and it's so true. I look at how he is around his friends, the company that he keeps, how he is when I bring my friends around, because a lot of times you can kind of tell when you bring him in different environments, you're like, OK, I see how you care yourself. I want somebody that I can take in any room, whether we with the president of the Atlanta Hawk Suite, or we are at a children's

center helping some kids, like, I want to know that I can put you in any room when you are going to adapt, and I can go to the bathroom and you're not going to embarrass me. Okay. Because, for some folks, you cannot leave unattended. Another thing that I look for in a man is honesty and integrity. Integrity is so important because if you don't have that, it's just everything else starts to crumble. The way he handles himself takes care of his body.

That's important. And I've noticed that like the older I get, it's less about the physical, don't get me wrong. That's the first thing you do is you see. like the older I get, it's less about the physical, don't get me wrong, that's, we got eyes, that's the first thing you do is you see, you see the person like, hey, okay, it's a daddy, and then it's like, okay, what else you got, you was saying as of that,

but I still wanna be like, okay, I see you, but I've noticed that the older I get, the less important the physical is, it's more about your spirit and your soul, and I've found like, I've given guys who may not be wordly, like the quote unquote, like world definition of fine. And then I get to know and I'm like, wow, you really are fine.

You may not be like what the world deems beautiful, but like your spirit is so beautiful. I dated this one guy and he was Muslim. And my parents were so mad. They were like, you are that's unequally yoked. Like you shouldn't date somebody who's not Christian. And I was like, and this is really kind of what changed my view on religion, but we'll talk about that in a second.

And I was like, but nobody's ever loved me the way he has. This guy was the kindest person. He loved the way I love, I love really hard. He loved hard. There was nothing that I didn't have to ask for anything. If he saw that I needed it, it was done. I was like, he was so attentive. We're still good friends this day.

And he came to my college graduation. He got to meet my family. After this man met my family, they were like, oh my god, we love him. Because they saw what I saw. And just a beautiful, beautiful soul. But taking it back to the religion part. Because of that, and the way my parents reacted to that whole

unequally yoked thing. Because of the way he made me feel and the way my parents reacted to that whole unequally yoked thing, because of the way he made me feel and the way he loved me, it started to make me think that religion was just put in place to give people rules to live by, so that people could be good. And all of all the religions, there's like one thing in common is love your neighbor as yourself, like be good to people, how you treat people is what's going to come back to you. And if a whole world followed that, it would be such a loving world.

And I don't get, I haven't studied like deeply all the different religions, but I feel like it was all put into place so that we can just be good people. And have some type of rules to live by, so we're not reckless. But that was mine. He's the only Muslim I've dated. Honestly, I used to want the hot boy, you know what I'm saying, the head he going on,

the most popular, even from high school. I always dated the start of football team. College I paid it, they started the basketball team. And then it was a phase of my life where I started to attract like dudes that was making a lot of money. And I got, I was in college and that was when I was exposed to like my first like millionaire boyfriend. And I was like, whoa, this is a different life.

And being exposed to that at a very young age was like, it was a lot. And then you get exposed to it, and that's what you, it's almost like a drug. It's like you get addicted to the life, the access, everything that comes with it. And I saw that it was a trend. I continued to attract that type of man. Somebody that was always high in stature.

And I think it was, and I started to even look at me and like, OK, yeah, I just want to take care of me. I had that mentality because I didn't have nothing going on. But when I started having something going on and the table started turning, I was making my own money. I was standing on my own two feet. I didn't have to pay on him to pay my bills. I could do it on my own.

That's when I started looking for different things in a man. I was looking for somebody to take care of me when I was younger, but as I started to come into my own, I was like, no, I need something deeper. It's not all about the fame, it's not about the riches, because those men, I'm not putting all men who make a lot of money or men of stature and high status in the same box.

But it's a lot that comes with their life. And you deal with infidelity, you deal with ego, you deal with a lot of loneliness because they're always busy. And those are things like, okay, do I want that? Like, is this the life I want? Do I want to be by myself all the time? Why he's out doing God knows what? Because he feels like he can,

because he's the one bringing all the money in. So when I started making my own money, I started my whole idea of what I wanted and the man started to change. And not saying that my success defines me, but I'm not gonna sit here in the line and say that it didn't boost my confidence and make me like, I don't need you, you know?

I can do this on my own, I want you. And there's a difference between needing somebody and wanting somebody. When you want them, it's a choice. I'm making a choice to be with you. When I need you, it's like, I'm not gonna be with a survivor, if I don't have you. And the need turns into something different.

Like I need that spiritual connection. I need you mentally, like you have my heart and my soul now. It's not all like tangible things. When I'm now, to the way I am now, but yeah, it's definitely changed. I look more on the inside than the outside. It's not all about what you can do for me at this age. It's about how you can feed me. And that's what it really is. How can you feed me? How can you feed my spirit? How can I learn from you? There's guys that that literally can be top NBA players

that like Crystal, I will meet you tomorrow. And I'm like, bruh, the conversation's horrible. Like I'm gonna save you a sexual. You get me here, you gonna get me there, okay? You gotta get the mind first. And I'm like every time I'm on the phone with you, I'm like, and I know'm on the phone with you, I'm like, and I know you'll buy me every Chanel collection, everything in Gucci.

You'll take me on every trip I wanna go on. But when we there, we'll be talking about, it's something about that I have to be stimulated mentally. So those are the things I look for now as a 40-year-old. And that's what the difference is, for sure. A man that's how an F40-year-old crystal needs to come with some confidence, some swag.

He got to come knowing, like, I need to see that you know that you can handle me. Because I don't feel like you can handle me. I'm like, OK, I'm about to run all over you. Like, I need to know that when you come to me, you come with intention. It's like, listen, like, this is where I'm in my life. I want to get to know you.

I want to take you serious. Come to me single. Don't be having a whole bunch of stuff going on. Okay. Some stragglers. Go ahead and let them fall by the wayside before you come over here. Because I need you to be open to receive all that your blessings that God has for you

because I'm a blessing. I need you to know I'm a blessing. I had one God tell me he's like you know Chris so he's like I just wonder sometimes and I miss him I blessing because I'm in a he's in a like, he's in a very evolutionary phase of his life, where I mean, Tom and I, he is doing amazing things. And he's like, and I wonder because of where I am, and I mean, a phase where I have to be selfish, and there are phases in life where you have to focus on yourself. He's like, am I missing my blessing?

And I looked up at him, I said, you are. But that's okay. You gotta do what you feel is right for you. And if the time is right and we're supposed to be together, we'll be together when the time is right. And if not, you are a great friend. And I'm here for you. I support you.

But you're not about to play with me. We can be cool. We got to keep it just like this. Keep it friendly. Don't play with me when you know this not what you're ready for. So he's got to be intentional. He's got to be ready for open for something serious, because I'm telling you, when you come up with him,

you're going to love it. You're going to love it here. And you're not going to leave. So yeah, he got to come confident. He got to come intentional and ready. So I talked about it. I said that I love referrals. But in 2019, my friends were like,

Crystal, why are you single? Like, you are such an amazing woman. Like, I know there's somebody out there for you. And I had two friends that had met on Raya, which is just like, high-end elite dating site. You gotta get vetted. So like, anybody just can't sign up for this site. And I was like, okay, like, I felt a little more comfortable

and safe about it. Because for me, like, I've heard the horror stories of people meeting on dating sites. And this is not everybody's story. But for me, it's my scary behind. I'm like, that'll be my story. It's like, I don't want to be on the news. Because I went on dating site and met some crazy man.

But I got on there and I was scrolling through. I was like, oh my goodness, it took me like a week or two to even get approved. So I get on there and I'm like, and then a few guys that I did match with, they never hit me. So I was just like, okay, this is stupid. So I deactivated my account.

It has out to somebody who does that, and it actually works like, because I feel like there are some good people out there who use dating sites for the right reasons. And those are people who are, everybody's looking for relationships. So it's not like you're going out there and we're not on the same page.

We definitely have the same end goal in mind that we're ready to be with somebody and we want to get married or whatever the case may be. But I'm big on referrals. I'm not too keen on the dating sites. Somebody asked me before, would I go on a dating show?

No. Well, maybe not. This won't be appropriate. Yeah, no, I would never. Somebody didn't start it asking me to, like, somebody did ask me about some type of show. And we were like, we'll host it, but we're not coming on it.

Yes. I can't believe it. It's coming back. Yeah, we were both like, no. I just, I don't know, it's something about it. And that's whatever you do is your business. And I watch the shows, I think they're fun to watch. And I'm very intrigued by it,

but I'm not putting myself out there on live television. I do that already through my work. I'm not about to put you like in that all my business trying to find love. There was another show too. Was it looking for love? The Will Packer produces. Yeah, that's my mom loves that show. Um, Leigh and I don't think I would do a dating show or anything like that either. When it comes to dating and that timeline of, OK, we met, we get to know each other, you're according me. OK, now are we exclusive?

Are we doing this thing? What are we doing? The most uncomfortable position to be in a relationship or in a dating phase is to the point where you're like confused about what we're doing. I talked to this guy for a year and didn't know what we were doing and when I finally asked him I was like so what are we doing? I know guys hate that question it's like a or they hate that we need to talk and they hate the what are we doing it's like and I'm like I don't and I

tried to use my tone like so what are we doing? Not so what don't, and I tried to use my tone like, so what are we doing? Not, so what are we doing? I tried to be very particular about how I say it because I didn't want to like scare him or him to be like, hurm to go in and say, I'm gonna be like, oh God, I don't want to talk about this. And he was like, we're, I'm thinking we're dating and he's like, oh no, he's like, we're getting to know each other.

I'm like, Brad, how much knowing do we need to get? Like, come on. Passed deris and Passes-Shameka say, collecting data. I was like, it ain't that much data to collect. I showed you in three months what it was. If you didn't catch it, you can catch it. So I'm thinking we dating, and that's the importance of communication, because women will be

thinking one thing, and a man will be thinking another. So I feel like, at that that point I was in my 30s and I waited a year to kind of figure out what we were doing. But now I feel like within, within 90 days that three-month-old, we need to know what we're doing. You know, like, I'm not gonna keep wasting my time if you're unsure because I'm an open book.

When, in my energy is very penetrating. You're going to feel it, and it's either you're going to feel it or you're not feeling it. Make a decision. Don't string me along. I need you to be very vocal about how you feel. So I would say about three months is my waiting kind of figure out where it's going. At this age, I'm gonna have a man who I don't have to ask, he's gonna tell me, or I might have to hit him with the,

I'm about to go out tonight, am I taking her now? Cause I need to let these men know what it is because I know they're gonna be on me, you know, or not cause they don't be approaching me. But am I taking her now? you know, or not, because they don't be approaching me. But, I'm not taking her now. You know, I need to know. I might get in with that. You have probably catch my old gun, but, um, no,

like, at some point, like, I feel like that point, I'd be like, so what are we doing? Like, this is where I am, this is how I feel about you. Um, and if I'm asking you that, that means I feel safe with you, I want to take this further. But I hope that the man that I attract now, I hope that I'm attracting the likeness and people who think like me,

that I'm not even going to have to ask that to, he's going to come and be like, babe, like, this is where I am. I want to take this to the next level with you. And I'm going to speak that. My next man, I'm not even going to have to ask him, because he's going to tell me. And he's going to let me know, baby, this is what it is. I got you, we in this thing.

And it's so funny because my parents got engaged within six months and they were married by the eighth month. So like, it was a very fast track marriage. And my mom always says, they don't take nobody that long to figure out they want to be with you or not. Now, I will say that I go back and forth to this. Some days I want marriage, other days I want a life partner. There's been a time where I wondered if I just

wanted a commitment ceremony because I wanted to be, I wanted to honor God and get married before God but not in the law. You understand, I feel like it just gets weird and technical when it comes to getting married the way that the United States and everybody else wants you to get married. But I feel like that's when you and God. And if we can honor God and live by those vows,

that's all I need. And what we do together, how we build together is ours. And if it don't work, you go, your way I go mine, we split what we've done together, I leave what I can't with you, leave what you can with. But then other times I was like, okay, let's get me. I don't know. I still want my ring, whichever way I do it, I need that ring. Okay.

Yeah. That's not the most important thing. Minimum eight. Oh, what did Jay-Z say, Rock, Soul, Beat, can't even fit her hand in their new purse? Yeah. Yeah, I need it. I need that thing.

I need the one that I like got to take off some days. My baby's just too big. It's just too big. Everything's too big. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Too big! Too wide! It's too strong! It won't fit! All the things. All the things.

It's just a big energy, okay? They're young men, a fine boy. They keep you young. They keep you young. You know what I like about young men? Is that they're very confident? If they're attracted to an older woman, those little boys be coming with some confidence.

It's like, okay, they make you feel good about yourself. They hype you up. And I think we do the same thing for them. Older women, it's like we struck their ego. We make them feel more of a man, and it's like they feel like they're conquering something, but a little do know we conquering them. We just let them think that they do it something. But yeah, my day, I did go through a phase where all I was attracting was 20-year-olds.

And like even boys, they'd be like, well, I'm 29, I went to 28, 29, and then I'm at a 30-year-old. And finally, I'm meeting like men in their 40s where I'm like, okay, been through some things, have a better understanding of life. That's what I mean. Me and young men, I realize there's some good conversation. We have fun together, but when it gets to that depth and what I really need in a relationship,

they can't really provide me with that. And there are some young men that have gone through enough in their childhood with their like, I'm like, well, you actually have an old soul, and it's because of things they've been through. Look for me, I definitely need somebody a little older, someone that's my age that understands and has that maturity.

I feel like there are pros and cons to like dating guys that are a little older than you. I personally wouldn't go over five to eight years older than me. I kind of want to keep it in that range. Except for like once you get like into the fethies in the sixties, that's just, we got it. It's just too much. I like, I used my daddy like for real.

I can't do that. But even like the energy and like the fun, there's some 50s and 60s that like, I like to have fun, but I feel like my age range, like we're still young, we still have a lot of vigor, we like to go out, like to travel. I need somebody to keep up with me, because when I go out, especially out the country,

I like to have a good time. And I'm out partying, I might be on the table, I don't need you being embarrassed. Like I wanna have a good time. And I don't feel like sometimes older people, they just wanna stay in the house all the time or wanna do boring stuff. Like I don't wanna go play Bingo.

Like what? I'm trying to, no. I'm trying to. You know that's what all we were doing. I was even playing B. I had the beans in there. I'm going to Bingo night. No, bro. All right, go on. I'm going to be over it.

I'll be in no boom. I'll let me. One of the first young boys I talk to, um, we met in the All right, go on. I'm gonna be over it. I'll be in no boot. I'll let me. One of the first young boys I talked to, we met through a mutual friend. We had dinner together. We pulled up on and we had dinner with him. And I thought he liked my friend.

So then I get a call. My brother's like, yo, so and so I want you a number. And I was like, me? I was like, because my friend is like a lot younger than I am. So I just knew that he wanted my friend. He's like, no, he said you.

And I said, oh, I said, okay, I was like, yeah, you can give my number. So I hit him and he was like, hey, what's up? He was like, I want to fly you out. Like I want to bring you to where I live if I say too much. People want to know what I'm talking about. But yeah, he's like, I want to bring you to where I am. And he was very like assertive and like was very,

made plans. All right, send me your birthday and all that stuff. I'm fighting out, pitching a hotel, because I know we don't know each other like that. And it was time to go eat. So like, he came and picked me up. He did all the things. It was like very thought out.

And I was like, OK, little boy. That's what you're doing. And he was just like, yeah, he's like, I saw you. And I was like, yo, little boy, I see what you're doing. And he was just like, yeah, he's like, I saw you, and I was like, yo, like who is that? He said, as soon as you walked in, I was like, who is that? He's like, how does Crystal? And I was like, yeah, I was like, I'm a lot older than you. You don't care about that.

Where they say, aging number, but a number. Yeah, I love to use that line. I was like, age is more than number once we get down the line. Okay, we got to, right now it's all cute, but when we get down the line. Okay, we got it. Right now it's all cute, but when we get to the nitty-gritty and you start wanting babies and talking other things, I'm like, I'm 40 years old. So, he came with a real confident,

came strong, was already booking flights, planning dates. And I was like, okay, I liked it. I liked it. And I was like, okay, I liked it. I liked it. All right, guys, here is one of my favorite parts of the show where we have positive outcomes where you guys write into me and I give you my advice.

So, this one says, Miss Crystal. Hey, Crystal, I am a huge fan of your work. I'm 43 years old and recently divorced with a 15 year old son. My marriage was over a long time before we decided to end it. Ain't that it? My son loves his father to death

and took the divorce really hard. Now I'm single and ready to mingle. But I'm scared to date today's man because I was married for 20 years. I have no clue on how to date. And I know my son is going to give whoever I date, the blues. Can you please give me some advice on how to put myself back out there? Okay. Yeah. If you were married for 20 years,

I totally understand because dating has come, politely changed. And today's man is not the man 20 years ago. Whew. So I'm gonna take you to buckle up because it's hard out here for a pimp. Like it's real hard. I'm telling you, like people,

I tell people, honestly, who like have troubles in their marriages. I was like, do everything you can to work that thing out because when you come out here, hey, nothing out here. So I'm gonna be honest with you, it's gonna be hard, but I want you to be open-minded. I want you to get up, go to restaurants

where you feel like you can meet people. Sometimes like nice hotel bars and nice places to meet people. You wanna go to places that attract the type of man that you want. Don't just go anywhere, you gotta be very strategic about where you go. My friend used to tell me he'd go to Whole Foods,

put on a cute little workout outfit because that's where all the doctors go for lunch. And I was like, what's your cause? I'm serious, cause so go to Starbucks in the morning, cause that's where everybody goes to get their coffee. And she was like, you think about it, you want to strategically put yourself in the places that you want to meet the caliber of man that you want.

As far as your son, I'm sensitive over protective of them, I'm sure whoever you date, your son's gonna give a hard time. But yeah, I would say just be open-minded, know that it's not gonna be easy, that it's gonna be a lot harder than it was 20 years ago. But honey, if that's what you want, you deserve it,

and I want you to go get your man. Okay, keep it positive, sweetie. What I'm going through and what I'm growing through. In this season of my life, when it comes to dating in my 40s, I am going through developing patience for the timeline that God has me on to get a man. Because right now I'm like, Lord where is he? And I feel like he's coming this year.

I really do. I feel like he's coming this year. But Lord where is he? And I'm growing through this season, learning myself and preparing myself for that man. So in therapy, I'm really trying to unpack more things so that I can be my full self when I do find or attract. So if I ain't gonna find me, find my man. So yeah, that's what I'm going through

and what I'm growing through. Guys, this has been an amazing episode. I hope you guys enjoyed it. For the Keep It blank, sweetie, what are we gonna say? I'ma say, keep it, mm, keep it cute, sweetie. Okay, because listen, we're 40, we're fabulous, we're fine. Just keep it cute.

Have fun with it and stay open-minded. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode. If you wanna write into my positive outcomes, listening letter, make sure you write to keep it positive, sweetie at gmail.com. You can find me on all things, all platforms, at Love, Christopher, and A, follow me, tap in, and let me know how you guys are enjoying the show.

I hope it's blessing you as much as it's blessing me. Mwah. And in the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie. Bye.