Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Heart to Heart with Dinorah Peña

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

Season 2 | Episode 4. When I met this week’s guest, I had no idea how much my life would change. KIPS Gang has requested my manager, Dinorah Peña on the show since season 1 and now she’s on the couch! Not only is she my manager, but she is my sister and my friend. We dive deep in this episode discussing our careers, faith, healing through issues with parents, and more. Enjoy this heart to heart, Sweeties.

Hello and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive Sweetie. I'm Cristinae Hazelid and today I'm having girl talk with my girl's last sister's last manager, the Nora aka the Nora Alina. The Nora Alina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina.

The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina.

The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. The Norellina. So it was a thought when we first met and started working together. And I was like, oh, because I feel like podcasts were kind of over-saturated. It didn't.

Didn't know if my voice would be heard if it even mattered. And at the top of this year, you're like, no, you need to do this. And you have a lot to talk about. And I was like, okay. And we're filming season two now. Season two. It's been an amazing time. And how do you feel?

I feel good. As someone who thought, like, I don't have a voice, my voice doesn't matter. And you get flooded with messages and DMs and emails about how impactful this podcast has been. It feels amazing. And then it's also a testament that we made the right choice to go forward with this.

Because I was nervous. I remember the first episode I did. Oh my God, yes. It was a Dr. Darius, and I'm a pastor, Shameka. And I was so nervous, y'all. Oh my god. So nervous. So nervous.

And then I found my footing and got more comfortable with it. And because of you guys, it's just grown. And the support has been amazing. My team, you, Chanel, Kyle. It's just been incredible. And I'm super excited to have you on the couch. This is important because we have, we have some really good deep talks y'all we do and I want people to see another side of you. So nervous y'all.

Don't be nervous, it's all being nervous. I'm nervous because I don't, you know, I'm used to, as you know, being behind the scenes. Yeah. And I mean, you met me back when I was like, even when you're doing social media, I don't want to be in it. Yes, like you're like, I don't like not want to be on camera, y'all. She's like, no, stop, get the camera on my face. And, you know, it's really interesting because

you spoke a word over me on my birthday that I've seen sort of manifests itself throughout the year. So for my birthday you called me and it was crazy because it, like, if, do you remember when I was like, Chris, what was that? And you were like, I don't know what that was. It was not me. It just came out of nowhere. But, um, what was that? And you were like, I don't know what that was. It was not me, it just came out of nowhere. Yeah. But it was to me a happy birthday and all of these things. She's like, you know, dinner, I just see you on stages and on platforms, like speaking to people.

And you were just going and going. And I'm like, listening. And then you finish and I go, Chris, what was that? And you're like, I don't know what that was. And I was like, God, northern but God. Holy Spirit telling you to tell me what I needed to hear. And I've seen that manifest itself this year, as far as, I said yes to another podcast

that I also was super nervous about. And I did that podcast interview, which came out recently, and then I've just been finding more and more courage to share what God imparts on me on social media. And, yeah, so we're literally having this conversation in the list of a very uncomfortable season for me. It's very, very, very uncomfortable season.

Like, I'm still actually shaking right now. And don't even know what you're talking about. I'm so comfortable. I'm really looking at it. The Arabian smile face. Truly, truly. Like, I just, I am shaking right now. Listen, I feel like in what we've learned and I walk

and I faith walk, it's in moments like that where you have to have the faith to just go for it. And I do, I see, I don't know what, I watch you on your social media. I see how you run all of our lives because you have so many clients. And you literally, I'm like, DeNor, you could do this for yourself too.

And I always, I say to that conversation to make space for yourself. You know what I'm saying? Finetime for DeNora, because you sow and sow and sow and water, everybody else is guarded, and that you had to make time to water your own. But I think it's in seasons where you're scared to take that next step or you're shaking on the couch,

that God is really saying, just trust me. Yes. I had that thing too, like, I have to speak in public. I literally, like, I get so nervous, I'm like, Lord, just give me the word, speak through me, because I don't know what to say, like, to speak through me, speak through me God. And literally, as soon as I hit the stage,

and we start talking, it's like, it's gone. But like, little before, I'm like, OK, what if I start still doing what if I don't find the words? Because sometimes I'm looking for the word, and I know the word, I'm like, what's the word? And I'm like, okay, what if I start stuttering? What if I don't find the words? Because sometimes I'm looking for the word and I know the word. I'm like, what's the word? And I'm like, please don't let me get up here and not be able to speak. You know, and like just speak clearly and articulate myself and it gets very nerve wracking. Yeah.

So a lot of people think like, because I do this all the time, that's how those nerves. I'm saying that to say that this is normal. What you're feeling is normal. Yeah. And it's always when God puts you in this is normal. What you're feeling is normal. And it's always been guy pushing a little uncomfortable season that you're about to propel. Yes. Absolutely.

Buckle up. I've seen that. I've seen that my entire life. Like my entire life is a display of what happens when you allow yourself to sit in the discomfort. You know, you think about when I quit my job, I had a six figure salary, I had a good position, at that time I had a dream and a vision of becoming a CMO for a beauty brand. And you know, I have always been very ambitious, incredibly driven, and I was just on that path and on that track,

and got us like, you remember when you were younger and you always knew that you were gonna be a businesswoman entrepreneur, I'm gonna need you to lean in on that. And then little by little starts revealing exactly what he wants me to do and how he wants me to do it. And then I start obeying, but I start obeying and what feels safe for me, which is okay.

I'll do this on the side while I still keep my safety, which is my full-time job, with my salary and my benefits, and my bi-weekly check. Yes. And he continued, like, fast forward to me doing it safe, and then he continues to tell me, my heart, like, I need to do this,

I need to do this, I need to do this, but I'm uncomfortable, and I'm feeling like, what do you mean? How do I just quit? I've worked my way up to get to this moment. And what I recognized started happening in my life was that God was literally warning me, like, if you do not do this, I'm going to cause havoc in your life

and you're not going to like it. Now you're making me force you to obey. And he will shake things up. Listen, let me tell you, there was nothing, there were two experiences that I had. The first one being, I'll never forget, I was negotiating a deal for two of my other clients. And the deal came through from an agency that we had at Shameoyster. So I was head of influencer marketing and brand partnerships at Shea Moisture. Our agency that we had hired as a social media agency

reached out to me separately as these folks manager about this deal. And I'm like nervous as I'm negotiating this because I'm like, don't sign as Denora, this is when I would only sign as D. Don't sign as Denora, don't this, delete your number and that panic and I'm like don't sign as dinner. This is when like I would only sign as D. Don't sign as dinner. Don't this. Delete your number and that panic and I was like okay got I hear you. And then the second time was I was negotiating another deal and that person at that time she had already been acquired by Unilever and so that deal was, came in from someone that was at PNG.

So it was direct competitors. And I don't know what research that person did. And in an email goes, also, did you leave Shea Moisture? And I was like, what? And I was like, okay, God. I hear you. I hear you because my biggest thing was that I didn't want Richeloo who was the founder of Shameoy sure and who recruited me, created this opportunity for me, believed in me.

I don't want him to find out. I wanted to honor him and what he saw in me. And I didn't want him to find out like because somebody exposed me. Right. And I was like, God, you know, I hear that you're clearly calling me to do this, but I'm scared. So I'm going to commit to a fast. And at whatever point during that fast, you give me peace about this decision. I promise that I will obey.

And my fast was I got off social and I was only drinking water until like six or seven p.m. To have dinner. Wow. Day through, I woke up, and I thought, because up until that moment, every time that I would think about quitting, I had a nod in my stomach. And I was scared. Day three, I woke up, and the idea of going, of quitting did not terrify me anymore. And I said, I heard you got it,

and I called Richard right away. And Richard was in exact words word. Denore you're gonna fucking crush it. Yes. It was like, I hired you and recruited you and poached you because you are entrepreneurial. Yes. Because you work so hard. Yes.

Because you're a jack of many trades. Because of all of this, I knew you would eventually leave me. I just didn't want it to be so sore. But I knew you would eventually leave me. Yes, yes, that's what happens. And that's exactly what happened. Wow. I love it.

I love that I too had to take a leap of faith when I worked on Capitol Hill, similar story where I just realized that I was not living my dream. I feel like I had something about when you know that guy has something else for you. He starts tugging at your heart. And you're restless. It's like, why can't I shake this thing?

And it's like, you know, deep down in your heart that you have something more to offer the world in a bigger capacity. And sometimes in those moments, it's taking that leap of faith, being scared, jumping blindly, not knowing if you're gonna land on your feet or on your face. It's insane.

You have no idea. Where do you think that stems from just the doubt? Or the, because I know Rich, he saw something in you. Did you ever see that in yourself? Or were you always kind of like, what did he see it? Why me? So I've always recognized, Denore, you are insanely ambitious and you are very driven.

I've always recognized that about myself. Like I earned most likely to succeed in high school, like in high school, in all the same thing. Yeah, I've always been very ambitious. And so that I recognized, the irony is that growing up, I never thought of myself as a person with any skills, or any talent, because we have a different idea of what skills and talent looks like.

Can you sing? Can you dance? Do you play an instrument? Are you, you know, my brother was like all American and every single sport he ever played. And that was not my story. And so I didn't necessarily, I always recognize the ambition and the driving me,

but never the talent and the gift. And so it was in high school actually my English teacher, shout out to Miss McAvoy, who I wonder what she is in the world, but my English teacher, I became the head of the prom committee. And she was like, at that time I wanted to do journalism. And she was like, what did you say? I wanted to tell her, she was like, I feel like you should look into a career in PR marketing. Like, you just have, there's just something that you have. I had never even heard of the word marketing. So I had no idea what it was.

And so she had connected me to one of her college friends that worked at Mac, and she told me a little bit about what she did. And then I became intrigued with that. And I was like, OK, yeah, I want to do that. And then that was my initial major. And then they told me I little bit about what she did, and then I became intrigued with that. And I was like, okay, yeah, I wanna do that. And then that was my initial major, and then they told me I had to take statistics, and I was like, well, the way my math is said, I don't know.

So what's the alternative? Right. And so then, and I was like, oh, you know what? I'll do PR in journalism. And so that was what all of my career was. I had a stint in music. I managed. I'll remember Leah Sunshine.

I don't know how old they all are, but Leah Sunshine from the Lo Flip record. So 50 signs are to G unit. Wow. And I, one of the A&Rs from G unit who I knew, because I had a brief stint in music. I worked at BMI. He was like, didn't know where I feel like you'd

be a really great manager. So he was the one that planted the manager seed first, wherever. He's like, I feel like you'd be a really great manager. We just signed the Asun Shine and she needs a manager. Like, you guys should meet and we met and I did that for a while and then I went, you know, back into PR. That's a long-winded way for me to answer your question though.

Did I? We want the day's end. Yes, it's, no, back into PR. That's a long-winded way for me to answer your question though. Did I? We want the day's end. It's no, this is good. She's a long-winded mommy, but I, no, I recognize my own ambition and my own drive, but I never recognize my own actual talent in scale. And I think that that also has a lot to do. I think your environment has a lot to do

with determining whether you recognize that. I didn't necessarily grow up in an environment where I have parents that affirmed me in that way. And to no fault of theirs, rather than just out of sheer ignorance of not understanding that, that's something that you should do for a child. That you should tell your children, you're so smart, you're so talented, you're so

disresolated, so that. So, yeah. That's real. Yeah. Wow. So, when you took that leap of faith, that I love telling people, I love people to understand that things don't happen overnight. What was your first gig as far as like, when you were like, okay, this is like, I'm doing

what I wanna do. I would say the first gig was, ooh, that's a really good question because I would say I have several. I did always love everything that I did. Okay. Out of college, I worked at BMI, now I was there for a couple of months and then one of the, the guy that was a president

at a PR agency that I interned for, then ended up hiring me, like he called me to recruit me. I say they got to recruit it. So that's because you're working in your character because they didn't see something in you, they wouldn't call you, but that's very true. Well, work out that you study yesterday that I have. Like, you have to have work at it like Beyonce.

You do, you're like a show. You remind me so much. If you watch me on say documentaries, you see that she is relentless with our work. And so are you. I just didn't want you to forget that. I just said that. Yes, she did.

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, but I loved. I have been very fortunate with that. I, again, right out of college, I wasn't the music business did that for a while. Was recruited by this guy who was the president of an agency that I interned for. He launched his own agency. He recruited me.

I worked there. And then actually at that point, then I was there for a couple of months. And then I had my first thing at trying to be an entrepreneur. OK. Now it's only 22 and it was like, going back on my dinner, what were you thinking?

But again, it was an experience that really helped me even understand what it takes to be an entrepreneur. And so I did that for maybe a year and a half and two years and I was like, okay, you broke. You still live in your mom's basement. And for the first time ever, my mom actually had to start helping. I have paid my own self on those of those 14.

So the first time ever, my mom had to start helping me with my bills because I was out there like grinding and it was hard and she and I ended up going back and I went back to an agency and actually that was a job that I didn't really like much because I was in like medical PR and I was like this is so boring but I was desperate and I needed a job. But then I ended up at the agency where she moisture became my client and that absolutely changed my life and definitely my time at she moisture was my most like my best memories my favorite time the the season of my life that I was

Stretch the most You know having access and being in the proximity of someone like original Dennis is incredible. I mean he owns essence now and he's an investor in slutty vegan and in honey pod and in all these other companies and just being in proximity to that and being someone that to this day like he calls for you know projects or whatever that is that was changing. And I would say that was definitely my favorite experience as an employee. I love that. Yeah. So let's get into something that you've had a big impact on my life.

And I'll go back to how we originally met. We originally met through DeVal and Kading, L.S. and you managed them as well. And I was just getting started trying to find some, just trying to find my footing in this industry. And at the time when I contacted you, you didn't have the bandwidth to really help me. And then you called me and he's like, hey, I built my team.

We can take you on if you're still interested. And I was like, yes. So when you sign on to a management team, I'm thinking like, okay, this is some a person that helps me get deals. She manages my career, my contracts, all those things. Not knowing that you would be someone who also came into my life to help me to even bond over God.

You know, we bond through God through our faith, through healing. And you knew I was going to do some things because as we talk now, it's not just like a business. It's like we're actually friends and family. And you were like, so you need to go therapy. And I was like, I do. And it's my thing, I had been going, I tried somebody, but I wasn't being honest with the person. So it wasn't working for me.

And I had to be real myself. You're not telling this person everything so they can really help you. So I got somebody. And you introduced me to Dr. Delayna Zimmerman. And when I say completely changed my wife, shout out to Delayna. That is a delayna.

That is a disciple of God. She is. She is. What was it that made you realize the North, you need counseling? And like what helped you get those steps? Because a lot of times I know even our viewers, they're saying just from watching it, they're going through a healing process now. We've opened them up to the idea therapy, even though I feel like we're now in a space

culturally where mental health awareness is so big. People are actually taking it more serious than they did in the past but just even this podcast alone is inspiring women and men of light to go get help. What was it that made Denora feel like okay this I need to go talk to somebody. I can't do this on my own. I was aware for a while that I needed therapy because I had already recognized that I had daddy issues which I had addressed in 2018. God spoke a word over my life that changed my life and the first thing that God called me to do was heal the relationship

with my father. And so I think I want to touch on that real quick because it's related but not related to your question but I want to touch on that because many from our community experience, I hate the word daddy issues but for lack of a better term daddy issues. And my father though, I, you know, he's present, he's, you know, still lives at home with my mom and all of that stuff. My father was and still is to this day an emotionally absent father. And also was not a physically present father because he was gambling until 2, 3, 4 o'clock in the morning when he should have been at home with his kids. And so I had reached an age, maybe around like 15, where that really, I think

in me and my own development as a young adult and all of that, where I recognized his absence and it started to hurt me. And so I became very judgmental over my father. I started like rejecting him. I didn't necessarily care to have a relationship with him. And but there's always consequences of things like that, like you picked the wrong men because you end up wanting to find or you end up turning the men that you dated to your father or wanting them to fill the role of your father and that's not what they're there for.

This is another job, yeah. But you don't recognize that because you don't have the self-awareness to even know that. And after, in 2018, when God called me to heal my relationship with my father, he literally said to me, I need you, oh Lord, we're not going to cry. He said, I need you to see your father through my eyes.

That is still my child. Wow. That was the word that the Lord gave me. gave me. You know what I'm doing. So because long enough, I got my canvas, I got my canvas, uh, napkin though. But that wasn't the word that God gave me. That set me free. And allowed me to create space for the relationship to heal. Because I think that what's very easy for us to do

as Christians that are in our word and that do go to church and that do read the devotional and that can recite scripture is that we become self-righteous. And we think, oh well, we know God, so... Oh, he's gonna have his day with God, so are you. Yeah, hello. So are you. What she said, he's going to have his day with God. So are you? Yeah. Hello. So are you? What she said. That's it right there. And so when God said that to me, when God basically said,

y'all are the same before my eyes. Yes. So I'm going to need you to see him through my eyes. Yes. Set me free. And so that, that in 2018, that sort of, that, that was the beginning of my healing journey. What led me to say, baby, you need therapy though. And therapy is a gift from God, because a lot of people think you just pray about it

and read scripture. No, therapy is a gift from God. Yes. And it's meant to be a resource to help you. It's not meant to be the source, but it's meant to be a resource. Is that any of them? It's not meant to be a source. It is a resource. A resource. And so the thing that led me to finally

say, I need to go to therapy was that I was in a relationship, non-relationship. We know it. We know it. I was in a situation with someone. I was in a situation with someone, and it's funny because I had set to him one day. I was like, he reminded me so much of my dad. And he was offended by that. Because he knew my story with my dad. And he has two children. And he's very present in their lives and all of that.

But I couldn't, I didn't understand why. And it was because he is also, or was, because he has the right to have changed. He was so emotionally unavailable as well. And I was like, that is why he reminds me so much of my father because he's emotional. I found myself doing what I did with my father as a child. Look, I'm a good child.

I get good grades. I come home on time when I have curfew. Love me. Choose me over your friends in the streets. I found myself, listen, doing the same thing with him, wanting, wanting to be chosen by him. Wow. And it never happened. And I used to take that as a reflection of me and who I was as a woman, not understanding that I had nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with me. Nothing.

I now know that, but then I didn't. And so that was, it was when I recognized I had gotten out of the, the, the situation ship. And I said, do you need therapy because your picker is still all the way off. Because you continue to pick the wrong men. I did that too. I went through a phase of that. Just picking the wrong and not just a never ending cycle. Yeah.

Wonder why I'm hanging with the same as those. I'm like, hey, sweetie. We're going to get back to this week's episode after an ad from our sponsors. Tough is in your DNA. It drives your resilience. Even when they told you that you couldn't, you did what no one else could. And that's because you're different from the rest.

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It's a trauma traction. It is. It's a trauma traction. It's trauma bonding. It's trauma bonding and you don't even recognize that that's what it is until you're on the other side of that. And the funny thing is that, because I always talk about the one man

that I've ever been in love with in my life, because I've only been in love with the ones. And the funny thing is that that man was actually the complete opposite of my father. He was present. He was emotionally available. In fact, he was who would say, no, dinner, it's not OK for you to shut down.

So we're just going to both sit here until we talk about it. Well, I like that. You know, like he was that, but I was so immature and did not have the awareness to even recognize what I had in front of me. And so, and regardless, he wasn't meant to be with me. He's married with three children now. He's with who he was supposed to be. He's with who he was supposed to be. Clearly, he actually left me for her. Were he, when he was at your age, we're going to pull up on you.

You know. Wow, this is crazy. He's lost. Listen, no, no, no, no, no, but listen, it's so funny because all jokes aside, he made the right decision. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, he's with who he was supposed to do it. We had to be in each other's lives because he needed to experience me to be able to recognize her and I needed to experience that to grow. Yes, that's good.

You know what I'm saying? It all worked for a good. It all worked for a good. You know what I'm saying? So he's with who he was supposed to be with. I don't look at that experience and hate him. In fact, I have, when I've seen because you know, as girls, we do the check-ins randomly, you know, and when I've done my check-ins,

I actually smile looking at his family clothes. Oh, that's good. Yeah, and I'm like, he's, who he was supposed to be. That's beautiful. Maturity. Healing. We love it. She loved it. And that's what is true. He's what he was supposed to be with. I love it. She love it. And that's true. He's really what supposed to be what? I love it. So through that, let's talk about dating. Okay, because you and I are both driven, powerful women. We've talked about dating women, women of our caliber, the type of man we attract, the type of men,

what men that we need in our lives, and that we want. How have you been able to balance your career? the type of man that we need in our lives and that we want. How have you been able to balance your career? Because it's you. I have it. That's real. That's real. I'll cut you a question story.

I have it. Okay. Is that something that you are ready for or that you're open to? Oh my god, yes. Yes. ready for that you're open to? Oh my God, yes. Yes, I am desiring and ready to share my life with someone and to start a family. I have, especially now that I am born and raised in New York, be extended. And I now live in California, and I've been California for three years, and I've had to navigate life on my own. As a woman that has been family-oriented her entire life who the idea of a weekend is we go

to my mom's house and we have parties and all 23 of my cousins are there with my 45 aunts and uncles, right? And so that's the life that I grew up in to then make such a drastic change to California where I had, you know, people that I know want to community of friends, but not family. You know, and now I'm like, I want my own family. And I've done the work. You know, again, my healing journey started in 2018. And I've been in therapy for the past three plus years, so I've done the work and I want

it. But dating is hard and dating as a ambitious successful woman is even harder. It is. You know, because I think that unfortunately a lot of men I think have rested in. Well, I provide and so I bring money and I bring stability and I bring this and I bring that. But how do you show up for a woman that already provides that for herself? It requires for you to step into parts of yourself that you perhaps have not exercised before or that you had no awareness of like, wait, she can take care of her own ability. So what she needs for me to do is provide her an emotionally safe space.

Yes, yes, and they're not used to that. And they're not used to that. They're literally used to buying love and just paying, okay, you taking care of your, right, exactly. I'm gonna go get this next deal done. Exactly. Yeah, they're so used to that.

Some women are okay with it. Yes. You know, but there are women like you and I who need more than that. We need more than that. I don't need you. I don't listen. We all want an eight, nine, 10, whatever figure this

and a man that looks like this and that has us. We all want that. But what I need more than, I can get those things for myself. I can do that thing for myself. What I need to be able to do is, I need to be able to do is I need to be able to rest somewhere. I need I need someone that's going to be able to create an environment for me to flourish. I need somewhere that where I can be just soft and where I can

exercise. All of my femininity with. Yes. As a business woman, I am in my masculine 24, 7, because I'm often the only woman in the room. I'm often the only person of color in the room. Right? And so I, you, you kind of walk into and step into environments where you're kind of like automatically, like on the defense almost. Absolutely. Right? I need to just walk in and be able to rest and to be able to chill. And you know something that I recently had is that I really want to be with someone who can create a safe space for my inner child. I didn't even know that until recently. Wow, that's good. Because it's so funny because I told you this yesterday, but Katri is who's, you know, she's my client,

but she's also one of my very close friends. I'm like very close with all of my clients' children and her son, Ash, and he calls me Dity Dimora. It's the cutest thing ever. And we're on the phone one day and he's like, Dity Dimora, who's your favorite character, a smurf character? And Katri is being funny.

She's like, Asha, she didn't watch the smurs going up. She watched Judge Judy. That's almost hilarious, but it was also true. I've been working since I was 13 years old. I didn't have a high school experience of cutting school to go to hooky parties or going to games. I wasn't on a sports team.

I was on like, I've been working since I was 13. All I know and all I recognize is work. And it was the same thing for me and college. I was in school full time. I was interning full time at a point. I pledged, we won't even talk about that. And then I was also working full time. I was interning full time at a point. I pledged, we won't even talk about that. And then I was also working full time. I was a retail manager for BB.

Oh wow, he's a lovely, oh my God. BB and pardon me. Remember when we used to pull up in the club with that? Ma'am, every Friday. I was going to give you a new little dress, a little BB dress and some, what was the shoe store? Out of them? No, the other one, where you can get like,

by one, you can get one by one you want half off leave Maddie knows another one makers oh my god maker makers you say has some you define Q shoot that make it the meals girl yeah I was an outgirl but I like out on two I love it some baby I love Steve man too yes Steve man was the one maybe those strappies are still legit. But yeah, I mean, my entire life has been work.

And so I recently recognized, and I've had friends, like devalfference has told me a thousand times over the years, like, didn't really do your two-ridger, your two-ridger, your two-ridger, your two-ridger. And so I want to be with someone who can create a safe space for me to experience some of that stuff that I didn't experience as a child. Absolutely. Do you find it hard to have transitioned from work and having to

be that masculine person and the boss that you are and Take no shit for anybody to like if you are dating someone and becoming soft. It's like a light switch You're are you able to I'm easily able to transition. Oh good. I know that they can't like really No, I am easily able to transition I think one thing that if you were to ask the men that I've dated What's one thing that you loved about the North? I feel like every single one of them would say the men that I've dated, what's one thing that you loved about the North? I feel like every single one of them would say the way that she took care of me. I'm very very very nurturing and so I love to serve and

to take care of people where that has been an issue in previous relationships and I'm just gonna be real. I was a realist man in the room. Truly! That's great. I was, I was, I was like, I was the realest like, my brother made a joke before. He was like, he was like, there's three men here and my sister's the realest one. Like, I'm gonna need you to be a man. Like, and one thing

Ooh, I feel my triggers going off Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that be calm. Smile, that be calm. You're so late, you can get it. Listen. I listen. Please do not, let me, please do not be the man talking about I'm the man and batting your chest and wanting to split bills with a woman. OK. Into that, this is big.

That's all folks like I was once upon a time I did it a man who was like chest out prideful like yeah you know I'm this and I work here and I got this title and I this and I that and I'm like, but we split in bills and I still got a reminder to the Venmo me my hat. You're half. Like, what are we talking about? Oh no. And so it would hurt me. Yeah, you triggered me. It would hurt me.

When we would be sitting like, I would hang out with him and his boys. And he's like talking all that man shit. No one here doing shit. And I'm like, but you still say what you said in your half of the read. And we just had a fight over who's gonna get this over. So what are we talking about? What is it?

What? Oh my goodness. Like, what are we talking about? I can't stand that either. You know what I'm saying? And so that's where my masculine has been an issue in relationships where I'm just like, bro, if you're going to be a man,

I'm going to need you to be a man though. Wow. You know what I'm saying? Like, down to simple things, but that might mean, and I will admit I'm the woman that subscribes to gender roles, so this may or may not relate to some of you, but why am I taking out the trash? So if you create, if you are creating an environment where my masculine has to be present, then don't be mad at me when I have to be the man in the house.

Hello. That's real. That's real. That's real. I think as a single woman, or I'm not saying we're like, in that phase. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah. But it was absolutely.

She said, maybe there's a distinction. I can't relate. No, you know what I'm saying? I relate. No, you know what I'm saying? I'm still like, you know what I'm saying? We're not married, so I can't. I still have to do a lot of things I said to take the trash out when he's not here. But it's like when I didn't have anybody, it's like, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do everything.

I do want my money, but I don't. I'll take care of that. Like you said, we don't subscribe to gender roles, but there's just some things that a woman shouldn't have to do. And I grew up in a household where my father built every home that we lived in. So I'm a handy woman. Like I have a toolbox. I know how to put some stuff together.

I can assemble anything. But I don't want to have to do that. I'll have to get a letter and change the lights and take the trash out. Fix the garbage disposal. Every day it's something else. And it all falls on you. Everything.

I just had that experience because I recently moved. And when I'm, I'm like, I don't want to do this by myself. It's the unpacking, it's the unpacking. I have to put everything up. when I'm like, I don't want to do this by myself. It's the unpacking, it's the unpacking, it's the, I have to put everything up, it's the, I have to make decisions. I was like, I do not want to do this by myself. It's a lot. You know, and let the record show that I'm not doing it.

I'm doing it by myself by choice from the standpoint of, if I was desperate to be in a situation, I would be in a situation. Easily could be in a situation. You know what I'm saying? But I'm not desperate because what I want is the right thing, not a thing. That's a good place to be in. You know? And so I am willing to wait for him versus finding fake substitutes of who he is. I'm not willing to, so again, if I wanted, if I just wanted to have someone around, I could.

I went through a phase like that of just choosing whoever. Yes, it was great. My own paper, everything was like perfect. Rich, fine, portfolio, just really smart vegan, just earned just work that. Not vegan, everything, girl, just everything. But he had a little situation and I was in a state in my life where I was like, okay, that's fine, whatever.

I honestly probably think about it, I was thinking, he ain't going to leave in here like once he was saying. Yeah, once's fine. Like whatever. I honestly probably thinking, now to think about it, I was thinking, you know, I ain't going to leave in her, like, when she was saying. Yeah, once it gets to know me, I realize it was not leaving this girl's like, okay, what is really going on? You know, and I found myself in a space where I just got comfortable, you know, because I was the type of person,

and still have I loved my space, you know, and I have to have someone that can respect that. And even if you're right here, and I'm here, I still feel like I have my space. And we can still be in the same household. And I not feel clashed in full week or like, oh my gosh, I just need a minute, you know. So with him, it was a great balance.

It was a good balance. Where he's like, okay, he lived on the south side, you know, far away. And I can see him when I wanted to see him, when I didn't want to see my unhappy scene. I was like, this is actually kind of cool. For where I was in my life that moment. And I remember the last day I went to his house, it's something about what I'm driving. God always liked to come and sit on that path to the side.

And I'm like, what you want? Right. What you got to tell me. And it was literally like, you know you ain't going back after this. And I said,'t. Right. Which you gotta tell me. And it was literally like, you know, you ain't going back after this. Mm. And I said, wow. Okay. And it was literally, the whole time I was there,

I was just like, it was like a light. It's almost like it left your body. It literally left my body. I was like, I'm good. I love those experiences. Yeah. Oh my God. I love what not happens.

The crazy thing is that it always happens after us being so disobedient, because I know that God was telling you the same thing, the same thing, the same thing, the same thing, the same thing, the same thing. So it ain't it, it ain't it, but you were enlisting. No, and I was in it for like two years. And you know, we stopped talking for a while

and then COVID happened. But I say, I'm not a devised playground. Look at that blessing. That was my relationship with Old Boy. I was a baddest test. That's when he came back. COVID, COVID came back. Oh, he came back, COVID.

Oh, I thought you were saying that COVID helped it finish. No, I had finished it the year before, and then we had maybe seven or eight months apart and COVID happened. COVID happened and just sitting in the house and you know how people start going through the phone. What you doing? Just checking, just checking.

Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking.

Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. Just checking. So how'd you get out? I got out with the last song. It was just like, I was like the same thing for you. I had better for you. And I need you to listen to me, because you're settling right now, because everything is just easy. Well, in my experience, what I recognized was that I was settling

because what I had was a south-worth issue. And that then that's also been something that I've had to battle with my entire life, again, up until 2018 when God really started propelling all of my healing forward. I had issues of self-worth, where I would also find myself dating men that are like, what are you doing? Like why are you here?

Why are you tolerating this treatment? Why are you tolerating this behavior? But when you don't see yourself good enough to get what you almost dream of. For you, it's like, but you're not good enough to get that. And so you end up settling. Yep. And so at least for me in my experience, I walked out of that last relationship

that I had recognizing, like, you know, you have a self-worth issue. Wow. I think, yeah, yeah, for sure. Because who, like, I feel like that too sometimes. Yeah. Like, that's what it comes out to. And that's what leads us to making the wrong choices

and being in situations that we shouldn't be in. Right. So. Yeah. That's real. Wow. That's good. So we talked about our dating.

We talked about our walk. we talked about our walk, we talked about our theory of need. I'm not interested in dating. At least for me. But for you, she's safe. She said I can't really. I can't. I can't.

Sorry. Yeah, no, I really. You know, but even dating, it still ups and downs, getting to know someone. I was just telling the other day, we got to make this work because I don't wanna get to know nobody else. Listen, it's like too much.

Listen. Letting someone else in. Yeah. So what do you like to eat? What's your favorite color? Tuxau. Tell me it's so exhausting. It's exciting in the beginning when you really

like the person, but thinking about doing that all over again with somebody else, it's like, I'm at the age where I don't wanna keep doing this. Yeah, and then the worst part is see I would care less about going through it again if it wasn't that in between period of like when you were with somebody until like so when am I going to be with somebody again. That season. That's hard. That's a hard season. That's a hard season. Let's talk about that. That season is hard.

I have been single. The last relationship that I had was five years ago, 2018, was when I was set free by the Lord. Yes, Lord. And then since then, I dated one guy on and off for like a year and some change, very on and off. Like very, we were probably off longer than we were on. And then I dated one other person for two and a half months.

Okay. In five years. In five years, yeah. So I, like, I have been in the five year waiting season. I'm like Lord. Where is it? I was like that too from after 2017 and a part of that my job just did not give me the time or the space and I said I probably I feel like sometimes with careers we sacrifice a lot as women. Oh yeah. Men I feel feel like they can kind of, it works in their favor when their career driven men.

But for women, when we're courage-driven and successful, it's hard for us to find that balance, especially if you're like, like, we're in, I was in a service-based industry where I'm styling and I'm literally at this person's back in college 24 or 7. They can wake up and be like, hey, we're going here tomorrow. I've got to be ready, you know? And it's like, I can't really be like, hey him up and say, hey, we're going to here tomorrow. I've got to be ready. And it's like, I can't really be like, hey babe.

So yeah, I know we had a weekend plan, but I got to go when there was no things would happen. And I was like, at the time, he was like super supportive of the guy I was dating. But I realized acting, I was like, I don't, it just didn't feel fair. So I went through years where I just didn't, I would meet people.

And it just was like, you can't really go anywhere because I don't know what's gonna happen. I mean, I'm all for a while. And tomorrow the whole thing changes and it's like, well, I thought we had time. Do you look at those years with regret? From the standpoint that you're like, damn, I should have chosen myself and my love life. But I've struggled with it. Yes.

Even with kids, like the latter part of your 30s, you know, I spent the last five, six years literally literally committing myself to another person's life. You know, and the only thing that I regret, that's the only thing where I have my struggle like, dang, like, I probably could have married or I may have missed out on something, but then I also go back to whatever's where you want to miss you.

And everything that I've gained, the knowledge, the life that I've earned, and everything that I've learned in these moments, the places I've seen, they make up for all that. And I know if God has it in the car for me to have children or to get married, it's going to happen. And it'll be more amazing than what I thought it would have been those past few years or what I thought maybe I was missing. But I do, I thought about like, I think, I really sacrifice a lot. And sometimes I even think about,

there was a time where I was like, well maybe, and I would joke, like, I'm just gonna be Oprah, find me a stedman and never give me, just focus on my career and just have somebody that's supportive. And then I also was like, well maybe maybe that's not a car for me either. I got okay with being alone and being like, maybe this is just my life. Maybe that's the sacrifice of having it all.

Because they always say, you can't have it all. So I'm like, what is that? Maybe I'm sacrificing love to live the life I want to live. I mean, moment of truth, I struggle without a lot. And it scares me. I'm scared in advance of experiencing that, because even most recently, I had been on a vacation in four years. The last time that I took a vacation was July 2019. And, okay, yeah, the pandemic happened in 2020, so let's erase that but then I had all

of 2021 and all of 2022 to go and I did it and I literally just took a vacation for the first time and I hadn't taken a vacation because I can't be like I can't be away from my desk I can't be away from my desk I can't be away from my desk well oh well I can't take a vacation because I gotta go to Atlanta to be with this client or I gotta go to Atlanta to be with this client or I got to go to LA to be with this client or I got to go to New York to be with this client. Like it was always the work and whatever was happening in my client's life. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Exactly.

It was always that. And you would happily do it. It's not like that. Yeah. Oh, no. I've never wanted to. Yeah. But then it's also very hard. And this is the first time that I'm saying this out loud, but it's also very hard to be the person that consciously makes that decision, but then seeing everybody

also live their lives. In this? Because I didn't stop you from being on me choosing to sacrifice my vacate, because you didn't ask me, hey, don't go on vacation because I want to on your desk. That's the decision that I made. You know what I'm saying? But then, when I have employees that have no issue requesting their pay time off or seeing my clients live in their best lives, I'm like, DeNora.

That's a part of that phone call when I was like, take time for yourself. Yeah, that's a part of it because I know you got to recharge. You're doing too much for everybody. For everybody and I don't everybody, and still that's something that my delinear therapist is trying to get me through. The fact that... Because you do so much for everyone else, what do you do to take care of the Nora?

Do you do spa days? Exercise? What is it that you find time that this is the North time? Yeah, so I love to work out. And I do that, I do that usually at night. I do go to, there's this spot in West Hollywood called Paws, where I can go and get like float therapy and sauna and cold pledges and all that.

So I like to do that. What is your mind, Ryset? Because you have a million things going on. When do you take time? Just be like, phone on do not disturb. Like, I need this time. I don't. Are you serious?

The one thing that I do have boundaries around is that my phone goals are both of my phones go on to what I just said about 9pm. Oh, I did. But I'm still on my phone. Like I'm still checking emails, sending emails. Like I'm still active. You know,

I've been better about, you know, does this need a response now? Or can you respond to it in the morning? Yes. And so that I've gotten better at. Like't know, does this need a response now, or can you respond to it in the morning? Yes. And so that I've gotten better at. Like if I can respond to that tomorrow, then there's no reason for me to do it now. But that is something that I'm still working on

on like figuring out like, don't know, you need to see your identity outside of work. You know, you need to see yourself identity outside of work. You need to see yourself outside of this. So I've taken an interest in wanting to learn tennis, so I'm hoping to start tennis lessons. You're going to love it. So that I'd like to do, but yeah, I mean, that's still a space where I need to create more space for myself. What I will tell you though is, I really like myself.

That's good. Because everybody talks about all self-love. Self-love is important. But I like myself. Like I had this moment, today's my, no, so Saturday, where I, you know, again, so I recently moved in, so I'm still doing things, right? Like I still have to pick up this

and take this down and return the Wi-Fi from the old house. Like I'm still doing all of this. And I'm like doing all of this. And I'm like doing all of this, running all these errands. And I'm like, in the car literally laughing with myself, I'm turning on music, I'm acting out the music. And I had this moment, I was like,

I really enjoy my own company. Mm-hmm. Like I really enjoy myself. Yeah, same. You know, and I'm doing all those things, and I'm getting back at home, and I had to work for actually like an hour, so finishing up like all the support for this,

for the taping for this. And then I went back to run my errands, I did my pedigree, like I did all my things, and I'm like, wow, it's so important. And I almost got on the ground to talk about this, but it's so important to just like yourself, to enjoy your own company. It is.

To know yourself enough, to even know what music I'm craving, or should I actually sit in silence today and not listen to anything. Like that I love, that I have, through my healing got into a place where I like myself. I love it. I like you too. Thank you a lot. And you hear like you know sometimes you have guests and they'll be like oh it's like when they go leave. I can share my space with you. You're a guest. That's because we're both very similar. We're like, I'm gonna go to my space and isolate, and you're gonna go to yours.

We're like very similar. We are. I love that. I love it. I love it. So, in closing, I'm gonna challenge you to make time for yourself. I'm gonna do check-ins, but hey, DeNore, what have you done for yourself lately? And I want you to prioritize that because you prioritize everyone else in your life.

And I know that's a part of the gig, that's your job. But you can't pour for an empty cup. You know, and I really want you to find time to really take care of yourself because you can get burned out really fast in this industry. You're growing, it's not slowing down anytime soon. And also make space for yourself so that you can have room to create your own Okay, because I need you to platform to be ready Okay, yes, because that's a part of it Yes, that alone time to really Curate what it is that you want to do Find that time because if you're constantly like I make sure Chris right make sure Chris is right. I'm going to do that again. I'm going to make sure Chris is right.

All you, in everybody else, it's like, wind is, I need to see, make sure the north is right. You know, so I want to challenge you to do that. Thank you. You're welcome. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Thank you so much, everyone. I love you. Of course. Is there anything else you want to touch on? Good. I thought I could do that. She's also also produces so it's like, she's on the way. Okay, let's also touch on. So thank you. Seriously, that was good. Yes, a lot of nuggets on this one. Alright, D'Norris.

So now it is time for my favorite part of the show, which is positive outcomes. We have a letter from a young lady named Meg. It says, good evening, Crystal. My name is Meg, sending love all the way from Kenya. Maybe. Kenya. Kenya. Africa.

Kenya, stand up. Africa, stand up. Listen, we got my motherland. Big love. We can listen. We gotta forget how we want to get to y'all, because the insights are insightful. You guys are up in there everywhere.

We love it. She says, I honestly love you and I'm your number one fan. I struggle with self-confidence. And with this, I kind of feel like I'm giving too much because of my insecurities. For instance, if a guy shows me a little bit of attention, I tend to give in much because of all I want is validation and to know that I am loved. I'm so insecure that when I sleep over to man's house, I wake up before him to apply my

makeup and fear of him seeing my face naked. Wow. It's really stressing me out. I pray that one day that I can look in the mirror and be grateful for what I see. How do you handle your fears and how can I begin to heal my insecurities? Well, I first make thank you so much for writing in. This is a big one because I know as women,

when we're not feeling our best selves, we do seek validation from in. And even our friends, we seek validation everywhere we can get it. So just know that this is not an isolated incident. A lot of women deal with this. I've dealt with this as well. But you have to understand that you are worth more,

that you don't need the validation of anyone, and it starts with yourself. So I would definitely start off by saying, just do some self-work, self-event, reflection on the things that you love about yourself. Say, okay, I love this. I love that and start pointing out things and even I have insecurities. And I would also look to my man to be like, baby, it's fine, you look great.

For me, be like, okay, it's okay. You know, because you want to make sure you look good for your person, or just even society, it can be a lot know, because you want to make sure you look good for your person or just even society. It can be a lot of stress from everything that you're seeing on social media that looks so perfect where you feel like you're not perfect. But I would say scratch all that and really just start talking to yourself and I love this about me. Like I hate my feet.

I just told the northerday I hate my feet because I didn't know that about you. I was like, yeah, I hate them. But I walk around barefoot, you know, I'm not afraid to show my feet anymore. Usually I would have on socks because I had bunions. So that's my insecurity. I hate my feet. But I'm learning to just love everything about me and be like, you know what? It's not bad. I've seen worse. Okay. You know, and I would just tell myself, I love this about me. Whatever those things are, even your face, I will say I was in a situation I was telling you about where the guy I need to get out of it.

The one thing he didn't like was a lot of makeup. So I love makeup, I still do love makeup, but he allowed me to see myself, everything I was trying to hide. That was one of the good things that came out of their relationship. So I would say, take it all off and look at yourself and learn to love what you see. Because I too was like that.

I feel like I needed to make up to feel pretty. And now I'm into a space where I can wipe it all off and go out the house and not feel like I have to be made up. And I feel beautiful just like that. So I want you to take the time to really tell yourself and really important to your own cup. You know, not look at it from a man or from your friends or mom and dad, start sewing into yourself and you'll see a

difference for sure. Good. That's so good. Thank you. What do you think? I would add to that that confidence is a revelation. And the transition for me, and I've shared this on my social before, that I used to suffer from severe insecurity.

Like, I use to literally look at myself in the mirror and not be in any way attracted to myself, or like, I couldn't, and again, I would look at myself and couldn't find anything beautiful, and then I also thought that I did, to the point that we were talking about earlier, I didn't have any skills or any talent or anything that made me stand out.

But confidence is a revelation, what I mean by that is that, at least for me, my journey was that I had to start with one thing, and so that was actually an exercise that I learned, which is just take it on a post and write it down. And so I wrote the first thing, I forgot, I wrote the first thing that came to mind, which is I love my integrity. And I put that on a mirror.

And then it took me a while, it took me weeks to find something else. But then when I found one thing, I found the other. And then when I found the other, I found another. And little by little, then I started becoming a confident woman. And so that's what I would say, at least from a practical standpoint of something that you can do, is start with that. And it is okay if the post it only has one thing, put that thing on the mirror, and allow God,

and be intentional about praying for God to reveal yourself to you so that you can see you through God's lens, right? That's good. And as you get each revelation, write it, put it on the mirror, write it, put on the mirror because you'll see it and read it to yourself. And then at some point, you know, you believe it

because you started to see it. And so that, for me, at least was the exercise that aided in my transition of going from an insecure woman to a very confident one. I love it. I love that. That's good. All right, so we're going to do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. Lord, you know what I'm going through, too,'m growing through. Oh, no, you know what I'm going through too, because we were all crying about it yesterday. You wanna go first?

No, you go first. Okay. So right now, I am going through a phase of, I don't wanna say reinventing, but tapping into new passions, going into a place of the unknown, we're on strike right now, and it's a scary place to be in. So I think this is quite like COVID and quarantine. It put me in a place where I was like, okay, what can I do to come out better in this situation

when this is all over. And I think just figuring those things out and keeping my faith strong and not getting anxious, because I caught myself the other day, I was like, oh gosh, I'm getting anxious here. Good little anxiety is hat coming on. And I was like, crystal, I like, I have everything I need, I like nothing. What the norway still says.

And when I said that a few times, I was like. What the norway stills is. And when I said that, I said that a few times, I was like, you're good. It's fine. Everything has worked out. It's always going to work out. And so I'm going through that and growing through just being still, and learning that things are going to have to do the work, but also sit and just allow God to speak and have that like things are going to have to do to work, but also sit and just allow

God to speak and have that clarity. So that's where I am right now. I am both going through and growing through. A season where God is calling me into bigger and higher and greater. And navigating both, what does that look like? Because I truly don't know. Right. Like the actual like, this is what it looks like and this is what I need you to do. And both seeing like understanding what that is and then the fear of how big it is. The one thing that I do have clarity on is that it does have to do with ministry. I'm very, very, very clear on that. God's tug on my heart to no longer sort of gatekeeper,

my experience with him and how he reveals himself to me and what he shares with me, which I've always done because I've been uncomfortable being in front of a camera or posting, you know, myself on social media. Like, if you followed me before 2023, I wouldn't even do stories like showing my face. You know what I'm saying?

And so, and so, just understanding, like, I'm clear that it's ministry. I don't know what that ministry looks like. And I'm still battling the, what does anybody care what you have to say? They do. Why, why, who do you think you are? I'm still battling that in all of it.

All of this. In the uncovering of like, well, what's the, what does it actually look like? Because I refuse to believe that God wants me like taping myself on socials. I'm like, bro, you know I don't like this. So I refuse to believe that that's what it is. It's what you want for me.

I just know that it's in ministry. I don't know what it looks like. And so that is both what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And God has sent people to affirm that that's what it is and that God is calling me outside of my box. Shout out to Pastor Stephanie Ico gave me a word that to this day I played it for Crystal yesterday and I like bald. And I got this word what a month ago and I'm still bawling over it. I still listen to it every single day. So I am going through and growing through that season of trying to just navigate the

waters that he's calling me on. Yeah that's good. Yeah that's good. I like that. So we do the keep it blank sweetie. For this episode, I'm going to say keep it faithful, sweetie, because I'm in a very phased driven season of my life where it's a little, it's being tested. So I would say keep it faithful, sweetie. I'm going to say keep it obedient. You know, I will say that my life over the past five years is a testimony to the result of being obedient. That's not to say that I'm perfect because I'm not and that's also not to say that I have

not been disobedient because I have. But but in the things that I have been obedient in I have seen God's grace and mercy and favor all over it Wow, and so I will say keep it obedient sweet. I love it. I love it. Yeah The noirina I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. It's been beautiful to watch your evolution. I'm Sakai, don't you do it. I met Crystal as a very, very, very guarded woman. Oh, God. Yeah.

Very guarded. Very guarded. Yeah. And watching you fully step into the fullness of who you are. I don't know how to do my makeup. It looks so good! But watching you step into the fullness of who you are as a woman and seeing the actual transition of you being a woman who was so close up, I remember, I remember,

I would even say like that. Like, almost struggling in our relationship because I felt like, then I'm so close to everybody else, but I feel like I can't break through crystal, like I can't break through crystal. And again, if my business, if I ran my business differently, that wouldn't matter. But I don't run this business the way that Hollywood runs it.

No, you do not. I don't manage the way that people manage. No, that's not a love that you. And so, for me, having a degree of closeness with you and intimacy with you and everybody else is very important to me. And I remember just being like, I can't break through, I can't break through. And there was something about this year. I don't know what encounter you had. I mean, we've talked about, but I feel, there was a switch.

It was, yeah. There was a switch for you that it was literally almost as if you woke up and you decided, I no longer want to live like this. And I'll never forget when we recorded season one. You made a comment. You said it just feels so good to feel like myself.

Yes, yes. Because I was, oh my gosh, it's so hard to, like, when you're in the light all the time, you want to have something for yourself. You know, and it was hard trying to figure, okay, what can I let people in on? And so they can feel a part of this life with me in this journey. And then what can I keep to myself, you know? And I was un-imppressured debt, okay, for teammates for the world, crystals for me,

and my close people. And I did not know how to be like, no, you can be yourself. You allow people to fall in love with crystals. And even Debat had told me one day, he said, when I look at your social media, I don't know who you are. And I was like, well, you know I am.

Why is it matter if you don't know me? Like, he's like, it does matter. He was like, people need to have some type of relation. You'd be like, I can relate to this guy. What is it? And I think through me, I'm very guarded with people, especially like how we are now. Like, it takes a minute to like really,

and I think too, I didn't know like, okay, it's just business. Like does she just have relationship with her other clients because they've been together or can we have that too, you know? And as we sent more time together, I was like, I really, I feel safe with you. You know, and that's enough, like,

having no one that you can trust someone that you can talk to them about things other than business. I thought you had everything. Yeah, yeah, we do. Yeah, so it was one of those things where I just, I definitely, I feel so much free, freer than I did before because I can be myself. Yeah.

And people don't judge me for it. Yes. And who cares if they do? At. And who cares if they do. So I just wanted to leave you with that. I hadn't said that to you intentionally because I wanted to share that with you here. I wanted to just honor you with that. I hadn't said that to you intentionally because I wanted to share that with you here.

I wanted to just honor you in that journey because that's not an easy journey. It is not. It is not. But experiencing all of you has just inspired, like it personally inspires me on so many levels, even as in the season that I'm currently going through,

where if you remember, you said to me, like I didn't even know that I had a voice. Yes. I am navigating my unit as. Yes. So, thank you. Absolutely, no, thank you. We did it for each other.

I love you. I love you too. This is good, this is good. Thank you guys so much. I love you. I love you too. This is good. This is good. Thank you guys so much. I hope you were blessed by this episode. We touched on so many different topics. We sure did. We did.

And we have a lot in common. Yes. We do. I'm like, dang, I'm very similar. Yes. Yes. That's why we connected to. But thank you guys so much for tuning in.

If you guys want to be a part of our positive outcomes, listen to the letter. Please write in to keepypazasweetie at gmail.com. I'm looking at this. I'm not even looking at this. You look at, oh, you look at the monitor. I don't know what, yeah, I don't know why I'm looking

there and sitting here. Maybe because she's fine. And she saw that. She was like, fine, let me look at myself. Ah! It's positive, I can't believe it. So let me talk to me about me. About me.

About me. That's so point. The house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house,

the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, the house, This is amazing. I appreciate you for coming on. This is amazing. I was blessed by this and we have so much in common Yes, that I didn't I want well, we have a lot of similarities in parallels when it comes to

Our director. Yes, absolutely So thank you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Keep it positive sweetie Remember if you want to be featured on our positive outcome. Listen to letter write into keep it positive Sweetie at gmail.com and that's sweetie with an i-e. Not a white baby. That's right, because we need to not. Because why?

Because it's not sweetie bird. You don't play the answer. I-e. I-e. Make sure you follow kids on all platforms. And then you can also follow me on all platforms at Love, Kristor and it's LUV. Denora, tell them where the people can find you.

I am Denora. I am D-I-N-O-R-A-H. Because you are Denora. I am Denora. She is. All right, guys. That's all for today. We love you guys, and we will see you soon.

Bye. You know what to do with the meantime. Keep it positive, sweetie. you