Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Keep On Survivin' with MarQuis Parson

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

This week I invited my longtime friend and brother from another mother, MarQuis, to join me on the couch. MarQuis has been riding with me since college and we've seen each other through so many ups and downs. We talked about everything from coming out, heartbreak, his heart condition and so much more. Make sure you check out his non-profit www.thebeatitfoundation.

Hello and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. Today I have with me my brother from another mother, the man behind car chronicles, Mark Keith-Parson. I'm so happy you're here today. Thank you for having me. I had to because so many people don't know your story. You know, I've known you since college. Yeah, since 2004.

Yeah, double time. Almost a year. A lot of time ago. Yeah. No, they know how long I am. Yeah, like 2004. Yeah. Through a mutual friend.

Yes. In Kiva. Hi, Kiva. Hi, Kiva. Kiva, hi Kiva. We met then, you're from Memphis, from Martin, and we met, and then when we moved to Atlanta, Kiva again reintroduced. He says, hey, you guys need to hang out, and we're closer than brother and sister, literally. You're like one of my closest, closest friends. A friend that's a little closer than a closer. Hey, brother. Hey, hey sister

Yes So I wanted to ring you on because you have been through so much And when I think of everything you've been I think of our favorite song What we say look? Look at God. It does a little something like this. Sitting here counting my blessings. Mmm. Ain't no need for stressing in my life.

My enemies, they may form weapons. Yeah. But I know I'm protected by the blood. Protected by the love of God Grace and mercy, all this favor Keeps taking me higher Just like skyscrapers And every time I turn over You got the rest You keep blessing me, blessing me Look at God

No, seriously though, it was a time in your life, I've known you for a long time, where I literally felt like you were going through so much. If I had to compare you to somebody in the Bible, it was Job. And I was like, my goodness, this kid cannot catch a break. It was one thing after another. So I wanted to bring you on because you've been open about your heart attack. Can you just like, cause that's one thing you're super passionate about.

And that was one of the, I guess the beginning of the Job phase. I feel like that was the beginning where I was just like. Yeah. Yeah. 2017. My joints were inflamed. I could barely walk. I couldn't sit down.

Everything just was hurting. I spent the week in the hospital, and they couldn't tell me what was wrong. They sent all these different type of doctors doing all types of tests. And at the time, I was in Memphis visiting I was like just give me back to Atlanta I know they gonna figure it out yes just give me back to Atlanta and so get back to Atlanta my primary doctor sent me to a

rheumatologist and that was the start of my heart situation, but I didn't know that I had issues. They just put me on steroids for like nine weeks. And so the inflammation went down. I got fresh new layer of skin and all of that stuff. So that was in October of 2017. And then I had my heart attack in December of 2019. I just kept saying that my chest was hurting. And I went to the doctor because I was at a funeral

and that's when I first had my cardiac episode, but didn't know that it was a cardiac episode because they said that there was no blockage in my heart. Right. And the week of Christmas, so that was the week of Christmas. So not even a week later, I had the massive heart attack. You were how old then? I was 36.

I had just turned 36. 36 in general. I wasn't even 36 for a good month yet. Wow. And so 36, you know, every year I have a theme for my birthday. So 36 was, I just kept saying rebirth, rebirth. I did a whole photo shoot of me like literally in the ground covered in mush and everything.

And I just felt like I didn't know what God was gonna do, but I knew that he was birthing some out of me because of everything that I had went through in the real estate world. It's like a roller coaster, you know? Mm-hmm. The government controls the rates. It's been layoffs.

I've had to quit jobs, you know, with no job. You know, so I just was like, I know that God is gonna do a new thing, but I just don't know what that is. So I titled that rebirth, and I literally did have a rebirth because once I arrived to the hospital I was already gone. So they worked and worked and worked on me and I woke up and the first thing I explored was a ginger ale.

You like give me a ginger ale. I needed to burp. I was confused. I didn't know what was going on. And I was like, I need a ginger ale. I need a ginger ale. But yeah, that was the start of it. My grandfather passed away at 36 with a heart attack. I was 36 when I had mine. His was an open heart surgery. And yeah, it changed my life. You know, I tell people all the time,

me having a heart attack was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Because prior to that, I was like a little firecracker, you know? Still is. I've calmed down, you know? Look at God. No, you have.

You have calmed down a lot. But it really has helped me value life, value my friendships. I'm big on showing up. You are. You know, if my friends need me to do something, I'm there to do it. I'm going to execute it. I execute their stuff better than I execute my own stuff. So, you know, because I don't want to let y'all down.

So that's, yeah. You're an amazing friend. I appreciate't want to let y'all down. So that's, yeah. You're an amazing friend. I appreciate you. Thank you. Like I do. I can depend on you so much. I've made you like the executive of the house.

Yes. Everything that deals with the house, Marquis is over there because I'm like, I know I can trust you with my whole life. Yes. And it's hard to come by people like that. It really is. After you spend a lot of transition,

just even like from health and you working out more. Yes. At such a young age, having a massive heart attack. I'm so glad that we can even use this platform to share it with people because a lot of people think heart attacks happen to older people, but statistics have proven that it's happening to younger and younger and younger people every day.

Yes, and especially with COVID, Emory is currently doing, well, they've been doing a study of my heart younger and younger and younger people every day. Yes, and especially with COVID, Emery is currently doing, well, they've been doing a study of my heart for the last four years. But, but triggered the heart attack was COVID. We didn't even, they didn't even know. 19, yes.

And so COVID was the triggering. And a lot of people have had heart attacks post COVID and didn't even know that they had underlying conditions or it was hereditary. In my case, mine was hereditary. It skipped my dad and his siblings and went immediately to my brothers and I. And so, yeah's that's why it's important to you know get physicals ask doctors hey can I get can you check my calcium levels or can you give me a coronary calcium scan and they consider that like a calcium score and it'll tell you like the plaque build up and if you're on the verge of having a heart attack or if there's something that they can stop prior to

you having it. And that test runs like a hundred to four hundred dollars and most insurance companies don't even cover it. So a lot of the women are not getting that. How and why when it's the number one killer amongst African Americans, you know, like $100. And that's when my Beaded Foundation kicks in and we offer that test. Like we provide the funds for them to have the test, but mainly knowing what questions to ask

when you're getting a physical, hey, can you just check my calcium level levels? Let's talk about your Beaded Foundation. You started the foundation because, just give me like the backstory and the meaning behind Beaded. Okay, so initially Beaded started after I had my heart attack in 2019, but I just sat on it.

Guy gave it to me, but I didn't know what to do. Like how to file a 501C3 and all of that stuff. I'm like, I know this is what I'm supposed to do, but at that time, beat it for me was, no matter what you go through, you can beat it. Say for instance, you lose a job. Say for instance, you lose a loved one. You know I hadn't experienced, I've experienced enough but I hadn't experienced a lot at that time.

I just knew that yes I just knew that God had told me that I needed to start this foundation. Didn't know what to do and how it would how to get it the ball rolling. And so, um, sat on it, had the name, and then my brother had his heart attack and passed. That's when a fire just was lit under me. My niece asked the question, why didn't my dad just go to the doctor? And that's when I was like, I'm going to start this foundation. So I started the foundation earlier this year in February, which was the same month as heart disease. So I was like, I just wanted like some meaning behind it.

So yeah. That's amazing. I'm going to talk about. I started with a logo. Once I got the logo, they gave me like the inspiration to just go on and do everything else. Yeah. I want to talk about the things that you have beat and why I look at you as a modern

day Joe. You had the heart attack right at 36. You got engaged. And this was, I guess, the first time you really experienced like true love and a loss. And a real loss. And then right after that, not long after that, like six months later, your brother passed away from a heart attack. And I feel like even before that,

you were every other week, it was a funeral. A funeral, a friend passing away tragically on vacation. Life is good, snorkeling, it just seemed like it was something. After one thing, after another. And with Wendara pass, I, my fear was, oh, I had someone that like really loved me. I don't think I'm ever gonna experience this type of love. Again, I love, I had someone that loved me

more than I love them for a change. It's like I'm always giving and pouring out my heart and was never receiving it on the other end. And so, but he prepared me for so much, like with the conversations that him and I had, it was comforting during my grieving process because all I could hear is his voice talking about certain things.

I knew how he felt about death and all of that. And then he lived his life every day like it was his last. Like he was just so full of life. And that relationship taught me so much about myself and what true love, unconditionally love was. So. When you talk about Darryl, I see the range of emotions that come over you. I was there when he proposed to you. It was a surprise. And it

was so beautiful. Did I sing to you that year? I think I sang it. Yes, you sang it. I sang it. It was a beautiful moment, but you mentioned that Darryl loved you fully. And also that the first time you felt like someone loves you more than you love them. And that's something my mom used to always tell me, like, how somebody loves you more than them, you want that, cause we already love hard anyway.

Tell me what was so special about Daryl. When I first met Daryl, I was, I think, 24. Wow. Yeah, we met and we, I was I think 24. Wow. Yeah, we met and we dated, but I was young. I was trying to be in a relationship and stuff like that. So when we finally reconnected, like it was so crazy because I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about like,

who was our best kiss and all of that stuff. And I brought Darrell up and I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about like who was our best kiss and all of that stuff and I brought Darrell up and I was like oh my god I haven't talked to him in so many years and out of the blue he found me on Instagram he had saw a video of me singing in the car and he hit me up and it was like we didn't skip a beat. I was just so excited to have him back in my life. I was still trying to heal and at that time I was on so much medication post the heart attack. Yes.

Um, and I just opened up to him like even more, like he had already opened up to me with his stories and all of that stuff. even more, like he had already opened up to me with his stories and all of that stuff. And that's how I love story, like just like really blossom. He would do things that I didn't understand. He did things his way. And I was like, I just want to be,

I want to have that courage. Because at that time, a lot of people knew about my sexuality, but I had verbally, not just announced to the world that I'm in a relationship with a guy. Like a lot of people didn't know any of that into the engagement. And I was skeptical about that. He didn't care, but every day he posted and honored me

and I didn't do that initially. Like he beg, like we got into a little spat because he wanted to release the engagement video. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna do this. Because at that time I was worried about what others would say and all of that stuff. But going into my next relationship, I don't care who knows, like because he helped me get through that. And you'll know real when you get it. It'll say eBay authenticity guarantee and you'll feel it.

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Go Easy on Me Baby. Yes, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, why am I crying? Why am I crying? And I woke up and to the day, they, one of his close friends called me and told me, be lost there on those like, what do you mean?

Is he missing or something? You know? But that's when I experienced like heartbreak. In that moment, I was like, everything that I was scared of I've endured and that's where my resilience come from because I've experienced all of my fears already every last one of them. What was it that actually happened to Darrell? He initially had a heart attack, but I honestly believe that, um, he knew that he, time was

running out for him and he was trying to protect me and more so because I was like I just feel like you're pushing me away so I had to make the decision to call my engagement off and like calling the engagement off we didn't we didn't have another conversation after that. Wow. And you remember when I was moving I was like the week before he passed I was moving, I was like, the week before he passed, I kept telling you, I was like, I just want a fresh start. I was like, I like, when I'm in this apartment, I think about him, I see him.

I want to get rid of everything. Yep. And that was the week before he passed. Yeah, so in my my mind I was like, oh, he'll move to Atlanta, because again, this was a long distance relationship. So I was like, he's gonna move to Atlanta and then we'll get back together.

And then when I found out that he was moving on, that's when I started to deal with the breakup. Because I wasn't seeing anybody or anything. I just was like, it'll work itself out, but we weren't communicating. And so that's the part that hurts the most. But he came back, you know, to say goodbye. Because I was talking to Tony and he was like, oh, just put in some summer walker, you'll be okay.

But no, I wasn't. I had no idea like that, yeah, that changed my life forever. And I'm gonna be a better partner for someone whoever that person is. What will you take away from him like what are some of the traits that you would take away from Darryl? Were you like this is how I want I want to carry this into my next relationship? It goes back to me saying that I'm gonna be unapologetically me. That's what he was.

He was kind and patient with me. And he listened, but he also, I never had to question how he felt. You know? He always made sure that I knew how much he loved me. Yeah. Yeah, to the point, yeah, like that was his love language. Just letting me know that, hey, whatever I wanted, you know he, whatever I wanted, he made sure that I had it.

Like that was just, I had never experienced anything like that. And I could just be randomly talking about something that I wanted and like he would take notes. It's like he was taking notes and before you know it, I had it. I find you doing that now. Yeah, I find, yeah. Yeah, collecting, collecting the data,

listening to people, like even with your, you was like, oh, I want this suitcase. I was like, okay. Yes, yes. You know that. Yes, yes. Get it, like gifts, like, oh, I want this too. I was like, okay. Yes, yes. You know that? Yes, yes. Get it. Like gifts, like, yeah.

That's amazing. But, yeah, he changed my life. This one person that like really, that's really, yeah. Okay. It's okay, yeah. Okay. It's okay.

Yes. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. It's been, it was so crazy because I went to Michaels with Zach the other week and this past weekend actually and I get rid of my tree. The tree, we had a black Christmas tree

and it was really nice, decorated, and I ended up giving it to Bernard. And so I was in Michaels this past weekend, and I got the tree, and all these emotions just starred, flashbacks are triggering, because that was his favorite holiday. So it's been two Christmases so I'll be I'm going to celebrate this year. I'm going to put the tree up and it's part of my healing. Yeah. Yeah. And so

When Brandon and my brother passed, it was like, I had a dream three weeks prior to my brother passing away. And I woke up out of that dream crying and everything. I was in a dark room. All I knew was that my brother had passed away. I didn't have any details or specifics and all I could do was pray like Lord keep my brother Please protect him. I'd say my brother. I called him my brother doesn't answer So I text him unless he wants some money. That's what he would if he needs some money

So I Text him and I was like bro. I need to see you. I had this I just had this horrible dream I just need to lay eyes on you and then I called and I told my dad about the dream And I was like pops it felt so real it felt so real and three weeks later He passed I was like we need to get up my one of my friends passed away I went to DC for that then I received an award in Memphis the following week for this breast cancer foundation. And so our time in conflict didn't allow us to connect. And so I think about that a lot. Like what if I was able to talk to him because his girlfriend said that for three days he had kept

saying that something wasn't right and that his chest was hurting and so losing my brother, that's when I went, I was at my lowest because I was like, God, my brother had kids. Why didn't you just take me versus my brother? And so even after he passed, it goes through my head every day. Like, I know that I'm here for a purpose, but part of it. And what does it say? You were born for the error that you were needed. Yes, yes.

And I so needed that in that moment too yesterday because I was like, well, I know I have purpose. And then I think about my dad. I'm like, my dad could have, he would have lost it if I would have left. And then my brother, like I just think about that too. But I know that I'm here for something way bigger than me. It's not even about me.

The heart attack wasn't about me. You know, everything that I've gone through has not been about me. It's been, I'm not what has happened to me, but I'm here to help somebody else. Someone else may not be able to go or endure what I've had to go through. And I'm probably, it could be that,

oh, I'm here to help you get through whatever it is that you're going through. Yeah, absolutely. I've learned in life that it always doesn't look reciprocal relationships. And sometimes you are put. And we're back on Dealing Together, where we help good people who fell for bad deals. First caller?

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On certain platforms, there have been certain obstacles because God knows the testimony on the website. You can find the link to the website on the website. You can find the link to the website on the website. You can find the link to the website on the website. You can find the link to the website on the website. You can find the link to the website on the website. son that your dad actually is able to see. Physically, yeah. So I think about all that. I remember the trial and your dad going and not being able to see him. Yes, yes. Even the verdict, when it even came down to the verdict, the judge wouldn't even wait

for us to get back to the courtroom. They had told us that, oh, go on and leave and go to the hotel. The jury is going to deliberate for at least a good seven hours. So there's no need for you guys to hang and stay around. And so we followed their advice. And yeah, so we didn't get to see him, but I talked to him. And he's in good spirit, so yeah. Wow.

One thing that is remarkable about you to me is that through everything, and I've been with you through all these trials, you never let any of these situations waver your faith or your relationship with God. So many people would have cursed God, would have been like, I don't, there's no way God can let this much stuff

happen to one person. They would lose faith and they would say, you know what, I can't do this. But I feel like it just brought you closer and closer and closer to them. And it's so beautiful to see. I've seen you at your breaking point. I've seen you on your hands and knees,

just like crying your eyes out because the pain was so hard. But you've always, even as it's- Is somebody cutting onions? Geez. No, seriously, you have and you smile through it all. You find the strength to stay positive. That's my superpower.

It is just my superpower. Like, through no matter what, I just told myself that I will not be a poster child of my trauma. I didn't wanna worship that trauma. You know what I mean? Like, okay, yeah, this happened to me, but God, what do you want me to do? What is this, what is the lesson in all of this? And a lot of times we want to stay in that and waddle in it.

And I just was like, no, I am not feeding that. No, like we're gonna cut, we're gonna get some seed man and we're gonna patch that up and we gonna keep it moving. And so, yeah, that's all I know how to do because everything that I've asked God for, he has done. Even when I was, I said God, after my brother passed, I am completely broken. I said, you didn't shield and protect my brother. And he was like, I did. I gave him, he didn't suffer, you know, his kids are going to be okay. You know, I

was more so focused on the prayer of shield and protecting. But God had another plan and put him in his realm of things. He's not here earthly, but everything that has happened to me in 2023, I know it has a lot to do with my brother and Daryl, like completely. Like I do have two angels like sitting one on each side. Yeah. And yeah, like, yeah. That's amazing. Let's bring it up for a second. Speaking of 2023, this has been a redemption year for you.

Yes. Bought a new house. Yes. Randomly. Tell me this story because, yeah, this is the craziest thing ever. He, you were driving. I'm moving Dallas. You moved to story because this is the craziest thing ever. He was driving. I'm moving Dallas. I'm moving Dallas.

For two days. Two weeks. Okay. Eleven weeks. It was eleven weeks. You were probably in Atlanta. Yes. Seven or a little bit.

What happened was, yeah, out of those eleven weeks, I was here seven weekends. So it was like, don't you move. But I was making up excuses. Oh, I got to come back for Chris. Chris will get this going on and all that. So I knew, like, I moved. And then two weeks later, it was your 40th birthday party. And everyone just kept coming up to me

saying why did you leave? How are you gonna leave your girl like that? And then like watching you because I don't think I took that many photos. I was just in awe of the night and just watching you and seeing I was just so proud of you. And God was like, you need her just as much as she needs you. And that's when I was like, you know what? I'm gonna have to make a decision. And I don't care what anyone thinks.

This is an assignment that I have to come back for because God isn't through with me here in Atlanta. And I said, okay, God, if I'm going back to Atlanta, who do you want me to become? Who is the person that I'm gonna be? I'm gonna be unshakable, unstoppable if I, and so it's like when you always ask me, okay, what's the plan?

What's the plan, Marquis? I'm always gonna quit my job. Because when I quit my job, with no job, first thing you said, right? I said, listen, God will make a way. And he did make a way a week later. I had another job, but that's that crazy faith. But I wasn't looking for a house. I was just driving to Rocky's house and I said, oh, this is really nice houses out here. And I saw a house and I was on the phone with Tony. And I said, friend, this house is really nice. It's on a corner lot. I said, looks like they've

completely renovated the house. Whoever gets this house is going to be a lucky individual. And I kept it moving. Like, I didn't have no desire to even purchase house. One, my lease wasn't up until December. So I wasn't going to break the lease. Right. And so the next day, Keeva reached out on the slide. She was looking at condos. And she wanted me to she wanted to invest in the

Atlanta market and so I said okay so I started looking at condos for her sending her stuff and she was like oh I need a real estate agent I was like oh my homegirl or angel has her own brokerage she can be your agent so I sent them the information I'm almost overshadowed I still continued to look at houses just to see what's out there. I've always had a passion for real estate and just going to open houses and decor and getting ideas. And so I saw this house and I was like, oh my God, this house is beautiful. And I looked at the inside of it.

I was like, it has everything that I will want in a house. I want to see where this house is at. And so that's what I did. I went, I had never driven to a house that I saw online that I liked. And so as I'm driving there, I was like, oh, this is the same direction as Rocky's house. Still had completely forgot how the house looked. Get to the corner and looked over inside the house. and I was like, oh my god, this is the same house that I was looking at the day before. And so I got out the car with Jordy and my dog. My former dog.

His former dog. That's another story. Get the book. The book will be out soon. Listen, he is not a dog dad. Yes. And so I prayed, I was like, Lord, if it's your will, you will make the, I don't know why I'm drawn to this house, but if it's your will, you will make this process as seamless as possible. My friends that met me at the house and he was like friend let's pray. The same favor that God gave me, I'm praying that he would give

you the same favor. And so he was like let's look and see if there's some literature on the sign. The sign said coming soon. So I never paid attention to agents, nothing like that. never paid attention to agents, nothing like that. Got to the sign, saw that it was my friend Angel's brokerage. It was her, wow. Yes, so I sent her a text and within not even 10 seconds, she was calling me and she was like, I know you lying. I was like, no, she was like the agent that has this property listed as part investor.

When do you want to see the house? I said, well, I'm here in the house now. She was like, well, I'm flying to DC in the morning, but I can switch my flight and I can show you the house. It was the same exact day of my brother's, his deaf anniversary that I got. They agreed to the contract, and immediately, they accepted the offer. Oh, wow.

And I was so emotional, and I walked in the house, I knew immediately that this was my house. And yeah. Wow, that is amazing. Yeah, so that's what happened. I got the house and home ownership. Bought a new car. Bought a new, yeah Bought a new car.

Yeah, got a new car. Yeah, it's got us really short. God is good, you know? He is good, yeah. So yeah. And your health is good. Your doses are lessening like your health is doing. Oh, so as far as my heart, it functions at 35 to 40 percent, it's what they call a ejection fraction, which is the pumping

or squeezing of the heart. Someone that doesn't have cardiovascular disease, there's like safe instance your heart, your heart would pump, blood would pump out 55 to 70%. So mine is at a 30 to, well, 35 to 40%. My cardiologist doesn't get into those numbers like that. He's more so focused on how I feel. Yeah, and you feel good, you're working out. Yes, and so my body lets me know. That's why I can't afford, that's why I said me having a heart attack was the best thing that ever happened because I can't allow myself to get worked up or get upset.

You know, it's people right now that owe me money. We can't get upset about it, since the T. We're not going to get upset about I'm gonna say that since the T. We not gonna get us into that though, because we gotta handle it. Gotta handle it, you know, I just count that deadass loss. All you can give me, as Pastor said, it's my money. It's all you can give me. You can't give me no explanation.

You can't even say I'm sorry. Why would I waste my energy to literally fuss at you, cuss you out? I mean, you still don't have the money, right? It still ain't in the cap. It's not gonna change anything. That's right. So, yeah, so I try not, like, I don't go back and forth.

I'm not going back and forth with you. Yeah, that's good. Like, I can't afford to go back and forth. Right. But in my healing process, now I'm very intentional about my spaces, creating safe spaces, environments amongst my friends. We don't really have no issues.

And that's what I love too. And that has helped me navigate on this road of healing. Because healing never stops. It doesn't. And I'm learning that as an adult. You think you can go to therapy for a couple of months. And like Pee Dee talked about yesterday as well, just because you don't feel the pain doesn't mean you've healed from it. And a lot of people were like, we're moving on with life. And you're like, oh, I'm good. I'm a lady talked about yesterday as well. Just because you don't feel the pain doesn't mean you've healed from it.

And a lot of people were like, we're moving on with life thinking, oh, yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Not realizing to your trigger that, oh, I have not healed from this. That's the real thing. So it's a constant evolution of just growing and moving past things and healing. Speaking of healing, I want to go back to your childhood. You've been very open about the

strained relationship between you and your mother. Basically an absentee mom. Right. You know. From the age of, was it two? How were you when she? Three-ish. Three-ish? Like yeah, from three to like 14-ish, but then... 14-ish, but then, yeah, I don't even know where to start with that. Yeah, I remember we were talking last night and you said that your dad had remarried or married another woman. Yeah, so. And that's who you looked at as your mom. Yeah, I called her my mom.

She's the one that I have to thank for me being on this spiritual walk because she kept me in church. She would pray. I learned how to pray, all of that. I knew who I found out who God was as a child, you know. And I would even as a kid I would always pray certain things and God would give them to me. Like I was like, God, I just want a family, you know, because my dad worked so much. He was taking care of four kids, one that wasn't even his child,

but he made a promise to my grandmother that he would take care of us. And as she was on her deathbed. But he never bad-mouthed her. That's one thing that I'm thankful and glad that he never did. He let us see who she was on our own or have our own view of her.

And so I'm not knocking her not being there for so long. I was bitter, angry for her not being there. But she did what was she thought was best for us. I'm thankful because where I am now, I look back and I'm just like, no, I couldn't have, I wouldn't have wanted to live in that environment, you know. And so this isn't not to, you know, bad math or anything like that, but she did the best that she knew how to do. And for us to have a relationship like currently, there's work that she has to do on her end first

before we can even have a relationship. You gotta love yourself first. And once you can love yourself first, then you can give love to other people. And so- I love how as adults we're learning that to give our parents grace. Grace, yes.

Decisions they made that affect us still as adults. I remember in conversation you were saying that you had set up a dinner with your siblings and invited her to come see you and show up. That was like the last straw. Yeah, that was actually the last straw. I was reading PD's book, Relational Intelligence. And so I was like, I'm gonna give this one more chance.

And so I went to Memphis and I was like, I want to have a dinner and all of my siblings, they came and she was on no show. And I told them in their very moment that I am officially done. Like there's, I'm done. I like, I've tried my whole life to make this and all the only thing I've ever wanted her to do was just to show up. Like you didn't have to have it all, but that's why I think I love the movie Antoine Fisher so much because he was like,

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at a McDonald's near you. I would have dreams about you and I would I would run to the corner and think that you would be there and you would would be there, you know? Like, that was literally me. Like, I wanted this. I wanted this ideal mom. And so, me living in LA and getting into therapy, my first therapist was a woman, and she kept asking me stuff about my childhood. And I was like, well, anything that would refer

to my childhood, I didn't wanna answer. Because I was like, it, anything they'll refer to my childhood, I didn't want to answer because I was like, I ain't got nothing to do with me now. I'm 27. What you talking about? I don't know. But it does. This does not affect me now. Like, and I did not know that like I associated pain, everything that anyone did to me wrong,

I associated with the pain of my mom. Like I associated pain with her. And so in that moment, I got a chair. I wrote a letter, I read the letter out loud, and then I sent it to her. What was that technique called? The empty chair. The empty chair.

Yeah, yeah. And so I did that and I think that just made things even worse but I remember turning 30 and she, well out of that she was like what do you want from me and I was like just be a mother you know call me on my birthday or tell me happy birthday I can't even count on you know both hands how many times you said that. So on my birthday, my 30th birthday, she sent me a text message and she said, happy birthday, wooda, wooda, wooda. And I replied and I was like, oh, thank you.

My prayers that God would heal our broken relationship. Then she responded back and said, look, I don't have time for this. I think it's just best that you go on with your life. What? So from 30 to now, it's been, yeah, silence, like I don't call. I tried, you know, the whole thing, on Mother's Day two Mother's

Days two Mother's Days ago I did fell led to like I mean at the end of the day she's still my mother yeah so I want to honor that like I thank you for not having me, you know. And again, it goes back like I'm not a mistake. I am here for a purpose, you know. And especially now. So it's like, I don't have any, I'm not mad at her. But for so long, I said that I had forgiven this woman because it was the Christian thing to do. Like I was like, oh, I'm a Christian.

I gotta forgive her. So there was a lie. The whole time I did, I had all this anger towards this woman. And so God told me, just think about it. If you're able to truly forgive her, how many doors will open up to you? And that just happened two years ago.

Like literally releasing her, you know. And if she could call me right to this day, if she needs something, I will be there. But as far as us having a relationship, that would take some time. And some healing on her part, she would have to be in therapy. Yeah, and then we could be in therapy together, but yeah.

But my dad on the other hand. Your dad is amazing. Shout out Doc, we love your dad. Your dad is everything. Yes, I love my pops. He is cool. He is supportive of you and everything. You just bought your dad his dream car.

Yes, so my dad retired last year. And so he actually retired on my birthday, 1130. And I wanted to do something because my brother's birthday was coming up and I didn't want him to be just in a funk, you know. So I was like, okay, well, I always said that I would give him his dream car. I said, Lord, I wanna give my dad his dream car. I don't know how I'm gonna do it,

but when I do do it, I'm gonna pay it off. That was like 13 years ago. Again, praying, saying this. Your words have power. And so, yeah, I did it. And normally my dad, like if you give my dad something, he's like, oh, I don't need that. Like if you give him money, he'll give it back.

Yeah, he ain't giving that car back. Maybe he did not give that car back. Listen. He did not, I love it. Yeah, so. That's amazing. not. I love it. Yeah. It's amazing. I love that. I want to talk about your childhood a little bit.

You have, we talk about your sexuality and we talk about how you don't subscribe to being labeled as a gay man. Right. What, I can't remember how you explain it to me, but how do you describe who Marquise is? And when did you even realize that something is different about me? I'm not really into girls like that. What was that process like?

As far as the gay part, I don't subscribe to it because it's so much that I don't understand about the LGBT community. And I get the negative connotation too, that comes with being a black gay man in Atlanta. In Atlanta. Like, oh, you can move anywhere in the country. Just don't go to Atlanta,

because there's a lot of gay folks there Like that's immediately. What what happens and I think a lot of it has to do with What TV puts out there of what the typical gay person is in Atlanta I mean, and I'm like that's not me I don't identify with that and I'm not knocking anybody that know, wear heels and do all of that stuff. Live you, be true to who you are because there's healing when your healing comes through you being true. The truth just will set you free. So being real. Yeah. And so I appreciate people like that. But as for me, even when I told my dad, I told my dad, I said, I like dudes. That's what I said. I was 27. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

But you have been, you knew this license was a high school or yeah, I knew. Well, I wouldn't say high school because in high school, I had a girlfriend and everything. So I was trying to figure out my life. Like I'm attracted to women, you know? I, oh, like, can I say this? Am I ever say? Like I like straight porn. So like, I like straight porn. You said, can I say this?

Yeah. Heterosexual porn, whatever you want to call it. Like that's what I like, you know? So same gender loving is what I like to use. Like it depends and now I'm still evolving because at one point I still wanted to have kids. Yeah, so I mean I've had sex with women and stuff like that. I've done that but I just don't like to put labels on me. You know, I don't even like clothes that have like the labels and all that stuff on it. So it's, that's my outlook on it, you know.

So thankfully my dad loves me unconditionally. Once I got his approval, because that's all that really mattered to me. I didn't care what nobody else thought. And he was like, son, longest you're good, we're good. And he said it twice. He was like, you hear me? Longest you good, I'm good. And he was like, I'm proud of you.

You know, because I was like, in the reason for me to even tell him, and telling him and my brother and my sister at that time was because I was like, I, the, and the reason for me to even telling them, telling him and my brother and my sister at that time was because I was like, I would hate if something happened to me, God forbid, or you guys and y'all not know the real me, you know. And there's so many people that live in, I wouldn't say in the closet, but they can't be their true authentic self or they try to present this character like so many do on social media. I was just talking to somebody and they were like, so many people are living up beyond what they really are

and faking that they really need to be living down so that people never really know where you really are. And I was like, that's smart because people do, they live up to this image that they are completely not. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's something. And so, yeah, that's literally how I look at it.

There's so much division when it comes to the community. Anyway, especially here with whites and blacks, like they don't mingle like in other cities, like, no. Wow. I thought that was interesting. It's very serigated, like, yeah. But I don't do, you know me, I'm like, my dad said, you are so anti-gay.

And I was like, no, I'm not. I just don't do the prize and all that stuff. Like I'm not gonna be rolling around with a flag and all that stuff because I just don't understand it all. I'm Marquis. When I die, you're gonna say Marquis. You're not gonna say, oh, the gay guy. Even with rolls and stuff,

I may be like tops and bottoms and all that stuff. Why can't you just love anatomy and just be done with it? Why you have to do all that? Because somebody else said to do it or why we put so much emphasis on that. Or if you see two feminine people together, okay, which one is the girl? that's just so dumb and stupid to me. You just love people. It's just like, it's love. I just, yeah. Love is the key. Love has got me, God's love, how I love my friends,

all those things bring me joy. Yeah, that's amazing. I love that. Marquis, this has been good. Yes, it has been good. This has been really good. We touch on so many topics. I wanted you guys to, you see him with me all the time.

You see us in the car singing, doing our car chronicles. But I really wanted you to get a closer look because his testimony is amazing. Everything that you embody is what anybody would hope for in a friend. So I'm just grateful to have you as my friend. Thank you. And I know just grateful to have you as my friend. Thank you.

And I know that people are going to take something from this episode, because your story is just so amazing. It really is. And it's still being written. It is? And like I told you, I'm proud of YouTube. Like I've always told you, like, our stories are going to be told one day.

I don't know how they're gonna be told, but I feel like we're living out our purpose. We are, we surely are. I love it. All right, so we're gonna do one of my favorite parts is where our listeners write into us. You know what this is. You watch it every Tuesday, positive outcomes.

So this week it says, hi, Crystal. This past year has been such a roller coaster for me. I lost my best friend on 8222, my mama. She was my rock and she passed away suddenly. I feel like at that time, my siblings and I got down to business with a range of all the family and friends came out of the woodworks. But I soon realized, began to realize,

my grieving didn't start until recently, which is common for a lot of people because you get so busy with everything else. Meaning I pretty much stepped into my mother's shoes and began keeping my family together. And the midst of it all, I realized I forgot about me and my own health. I don't feel it's pretty anymore.

I feel like everything is closing in on me. I battle with my thoughts with God. Sometimes I'm happy that he is in my life and then I get angry because he took my best friend and left me here to be alone. I don't have a boyfriend and often wonder, God, why did you take the only person who really had my back? I wish I could gain my confidence back again.

I hope to one day shine again so others can see Christ through me. Do you have any advice on how to live past your loss? I think this is a perfect question for you because you've had so much loss. Do you want to give her advice? She doesn't leave us her name but this is really good. Okay. The first thing I would tell her is to validate her feelings. During my grieving process, I would always say, well, I don't want to feel sad. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to cry.

But all that is doing is literally making the wound wider. The hurt is deeper. So I would tell her to acknowledge her feelings, validate them, but create a place where she can heal inwardly. And that's through creating safe environments amongst friends, family. Yeah, you're not gonna be your mom,

like stepping in your mom's shoes. That role could never be fulfilled. You need to create another set of shoes and be that person for your siblings and your family. But definitely get a therapist to help you too because had it not been for my therapist, then I got a psychiatrist because I was on medication. A lot of that sounds like what she's going through is spiritual, not mental, because we talk a lot about mental health.

Yes. But when I was in my, going through my grieving with my brother, it was more on a spiritual level that like festered in two. Mm-hmm, the mental. Or leaked into my mental. Yeah. Because I'm just like, God, this, this, this, this, this.

I pray to you, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. When once I got in there word, give me my daily bread. Every day. I started to get stronger and stronger. It's like when you go to the gym, you go to the gym, the weights don't get heavier. You get stronger to lift the weights. And so I think if she exercised those, that advice,

I think she would be okay. I love that. That's really good. That's good. I would tell you to, yes, please get a therapist. A therapist is so important. We're only one person and it sounds like you're taking on a whole lot.

And I would say that, like Mark, he said as well, Echo, what he said is that you can't feel your mom's shoes. You're literally putting yourself in a position to honestly fail. That's like a lot to do because you'll never be that for your sisters and your brothers. So I would say get a therapist and just do what you can do. I would also take time to just be with yourself, get to know yourself again, because it also feels like you kinda lost yourself in all of this.

So I would also say take time to get to know yourself, meditate. I love doing yoga. That just gives me the opportunity to be grateful for every breath, be by myself, turn my phone off, because you can't have phones in there. It's just a moment to disconnect from everything. Walks, nature walks, get out and do other things that maybe you can find happiness in

and just learn to love yourself all over again because I will say after reading this it feels like with losing your mother you kind of lost yourself as well. Yes, and the man will come. Honey, you gotta work on you first boo. Yeah, because he ain't gonna, he's gonna feel all this. Yes, mm-hmm. Everything that you're saying, that man is gonna feel all this.

Yes. And it's gonna, either he's strong enough to hold you close or it's gonna make him run. So, your best bet is to be whole so that you can attract the type of man that you want. Yes. All right, all right, I hope you get better. I hope that, I mean, you know that this too shall pass

and just keep on keeping on, keep putting your best foot forward and everything's gonna be okay. Keep moving. That's right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right, so we're gonna do what I'm going through

and what I'm growing through. Okay. So let's see, in this season of my life, or let's say this week, I am going through knowing that God is going to make a way where I can't see a way. I'm growing through having the patience and understanding and even knowing okay you're getting a little anxious here because a lot of times I don't have the awareness and before I know it I'm in a whole frizzy like calm down it's okay. So being having that awareness is what I'm growing through to know that it's going to be okay. Okay. I am currently going through, am I ready to be in a relationship?

Yeah. This is good. I don't want to compare my previous relationship to any other relationship or be triggered by a person's actions of something that he did, you know? So I know it's time to move on because I've made that promise that my heart would go on. It is so hard trying to do that. You know, cause- You have to lose him a little bit.

Yeah, cause it's like, okay, I said that I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship. And it's hard dating here in Atlanta. So that's- Who you telling? You're raising to the choir. Listen, I'm about to be, I'm about to be 40, you telling? You're raising to the choir. Listen, I'm about to be 40, you know? Listen, if something don't shake real quick, we both going to be moving to Dallas. Right.

Take it, keep it by us, we need to Houston or Dallas. Listen. Or LA, because I know that's right. Yes. You know, it's like, no, you're coming to LA. Yeah, we're going to be definitely by Coastal pretty soon anyway. Absolutely, claiming that. Yeah, I'm going through that and then like career changes.

Like I'm going through, that's what I'm going through, like what's my next move in this new chapter of my life. So yeah, growing, what I'm growing through. I am growing through being unapologetically me. I love that. And you do a very good job. Yeah, like I'm only doing what I want to do. Amen. Yeah. All right. I'm going to be aligned, but yeah. If the friendships, if a new friendship arises, like what are your intentions? Like what are you know? That's my first question.

Yeah. Any guy approaches me and I'm like what are your intentions? Yes, because people will come. I've been getting people out of the blue that I haven't talked to in years coming. They see the glow up and. Now they want to be back. Yeah. Spin the black, no.

No. We're not doing it. Yeah, so that's what I'm growing through. That's good. Yeah, going and growing. I love it. I love it. So we're going to do our favorite part, keep it blank, sweetie, to end the show.

I'm going to say keep it authentic, sweetie. I was gonna say real. You be in my head and get out of my head. Okay, I'm going to say keep it going. That's right. Keep it going. That's right. Keep it going. Keep it going. Yeah, I like that.

Like, you know, you gotta keep it going, sweetie. Like, no matter what happens, whatever ball is throwing you, if you strike out, if the ball is a foul ball, like, you gotta keep going. Cause guess what? Time is ticking and it's not waiting. Amen, that's so good.

All right, Kees, thank you so much. Thank you, darling. Thank you, I love you. Oh my gosh, this is so good. Guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you want to write into our positive outcomes, listen to the letter, you can write into keepitpositsweetie at gmail.com

and that's sweetie with an IE. You can follow Kips at keepitpositsweetie on all platforms and you can follow me at LUV, Crystal Renee on Instagram and all platforms as well. Kies tell them they can find you. They can find me at Beaded Kies. That's Beaded like Michael Jackson. Beaded. And you can also follow my foundation page.

It's called the Beaded Foundation or thebeadedfoundation.org. It's the website. Absolutely. Please follow that so that you can stay tuned with all the amazing upcoming events and things that he has going on. And to get involved because cardiovascular disease is really a really big thing in our community that we need to get a handle on. So definitely wanna support that and get more people involved so we can get the awareness out. Donation, donations. Yeah, so we can help more people.

Yes, absolutely. Yeah, so definitely get the awareness out there. Guys, thank you so much. Have a blessed week. And in the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive sweetie. Bye guys.