Keep it Positive, Sweetie - No One Is Too Far From God: A Roundtable Discussion

Episode Date: December 22, 2024

No one is perfect. But the beauty in having a relationship with God, is even in our imperfections, He desires to be our Father and our foundation. The faith walk can have its share of challenges, and sometimes we can feel far from God, because of mistakes we’ve made, or because we simply don’t feel worthy to be loved by Him or anyone else. This episode is crafted to assure viewers that their feelings are valid, and that although being human is hard, they can be certain there’s nothing too hard for God and nothing too far from Him either. Crystal will have an open and honest discussion with a special group of friends and influencers, who like her, understand their humanness, and also their need for faith, forgiveness and a strong foundation in God.

Coming up on Keep It Positive, sweetie. I just said, if I go out with a full ball gown on and lashes from here to Peachtree, can't nobody tell me that God ain't still with me. That's right. And when you get to that point, not to cut you off, when you get to that point, that is like the point where you know that in church they say, you know that you know that you know You know and when you able to get to that point it's nothing that anybody could tell even if you're wrong and even if you fall from grace you still know that you have your father. This episode is sponsored by Better Health. Hey, sweeties. There is so much stigma centered around therapy,

whether it's stress, sadness, worries, or relationship issues. There's shame that is attached to it when it really shouldn't be. I initially started therapy during the pandemic because this is the first time I actually got to sit with myself. With a hustle and bustle of life, we all tend to suppress some things and neglect it when we need help. When I first tried therapy, I didn't feel any mental clarity or that it was working, but that's because I was not being honest with my therapist. Once I found the right licensed therapist for me and I was honest, my world changed. If you're like me and you need to talk to someone but don't know where to start, I have something for you. Better help.

It's a convenient and easily accessible on your phone. All you have to do is download the app, sign up, and fill out a questionnaire. Within a few days it pairs you with a licensed therapist. So what are you waiting for? Go to www.betterhelp.com forward slash crystal. Let's all get better together with BetterHelp. Hello, I'm Chris Renee Haislett and this is Keep It Positive, sweetie. A safe space to heal, laugh, grow and love. Guys, I am so excited to be kicking off season six

and as you can tell, we are on a new set. And as I reflect on everything that's been accomplished with this show so far, it has been an incredible journey. And I'm so grateful we get to continue this ride together. Now I've got some incredible guests lined up for you guys and a lot of fun things as well. Today I'm spending time with a few people who like me understand their humanness and also their need for faith, forgiveness, and a strong foundation in God. Joining me is pastor, producer, host of Life in Perspective podcast Brenda Palmer, author, advocate, motivational speaker, and host of a life and perspective podcast, Brenda Palmer, author, advocate,

motivational speaker and host of Break Free podcast, Angela Wright, actor, singer, songwriter, and social activist, Miss Lawrence, entertainment manager, entrepreneur, and the big fella himself, Wes Lawrence, and my brother from Another Mother, actor, author, my co-host on our hit show, Sisters, as Tima DeVal Ellis. Guys, thank y'all so much for being here today. I really appreciate it. I'm excited about this conversation. Today we are talking about, No One Is Too Far From God. And this conversation actually came from Brendan and I

having brunch with some girls in LA, and nobody knew that Brendan was a pastor. So everybody was speaking freely at the table. And as the conversation went on, Brenda started speaking to everyone. And it was funny, one of my friends was like very against going to church because God was within her. And she was like, I don't need to go to church. And now she's actually texting Brenda saying, hey, I found this new church. You want to pull up? So I was like, this is like extra dope concept to have a conversation of people in different walks of life in different phases of their relationship with God and their

walk with God. And just to like get some clarity on things and be open about what we're going through. Cause so many people are struggling in this area. And I think it's so dope because there's so many things we deal with, whether it's church hurt or confusion and trying to figure out why are certain things happening? Does God really exist? I know there's so many times where we actually question God, you know? So I'm just wanting to have, I love all of you guys and we've all had separate conversations. Y'all have super dope stories.

So I wanted to have y'all on so we could talk about it. Okay. Yeah. So to break the ice, just tell everybody a little bit about yourselves, just so everybody can kind of know your backstories. I really want to, y'all have so, like your backstories are so dope.

So I want to kind of touch on, I'm sorry to do that. So I grew up Southern Baptist, went to church six days a week. Monday was like youth council, Tuesday was choir rehearsal, Wednesday's Bible study, Thursday was Boy Scouts, Friday was, like I'm dead serious, Friday was youth council again, Saturday was the

Junior Layman and Sunday I went to church. So I grew up always thinking that the church was everything and my uncle was a deacon, my father's a deacon, grandfather's a deacon, my aunt's a pastor. So I was always a part of like the quote-unquote clergy but I just always felt like when I asked questions I got shunned. And it was always like, listen to what I say. If you ask questions, then you don't believe the way you're supposed to believe. So you're going to hell.

And that scared me because I was like, I don't want to go to hell, but I also just don't believe. So then it made me afraid of believing anything because I was kind of like, well, if I don't believe the way y'all believe, then I'm going to hell. So then I just don't believe. So after years of trying to ask questions and getting shun well, if I don't believe the way y'all believe that I'm going to hell. So then I just don't believe, you know, so after years of trying to ask questions and getting shunned, when I turned 18, I said I'm going to college and I'm never going to church and I haven't turned back. Wow. That's crazy.

That was 22 years ago. Okay, awesome. That's my story, long and short of it. Yeah, thanks for sharing that. Angela? I grew up in church actually, just like you. I went to church for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My father was a pastor, so I'm a BK kid.

And going to church, that's what you did. If it wasn't choir rehearsal, junior missionary board, it was just everything. Saturday they sold dinners, it's a fundraiser. So I grew up in church, but for me it was different. The church was everything because that's all I knew. That's what my life was pattering around. I grew up in church, but for me, it was different. The church was everything because that's all I knew. That's what my life was patterning around.

And eventually I got older and came to Atlanta, went to Clark Atlanta University. I graduated, but I made a left turn. And I got caught up into a big drug conspiracy case. As a first time non-violent offender, I was sentenced to 30 years. And it's just like, wait a minute, Jesus. I was looking at this, I didn't kill anyone physically,

but what I realized is I killed a lot of people's dreams. I messed up generations to come from just one person using drugs. I didn't sell on the corner. I sold kilos. So you just think 1,000 grams is in one kilo of cocaine. That can ruin 1,000 lives, but you don't look at it thousand grams is in one kilo of cocaine. That can ruin a thousand lives, but you don't look at it when you in the thick of it. But I never lost my faith.

And I knew that once the word is embedded in you, people can take whatever they wanna take from you. But one thing they cannot take is that word. And I stood on it, and even though I was wrong, even though I had fell and hit rock bottom, I still was able to look to the hills when it came with my help. My help came from God.

So I'm sitting here, so obviously I didn't do the 30 years. Yeah, that's a blessing. That's a blessing. Yeah, so that's my story, that's my faith. I stick to it and I know I am a beacon of light when I walk into a room. I know the gift that's within me that God has trusted me with.

And before I used to say I was part of the problem, but now I'm the gift that's within me that God has trusted me with and before I used to say I was part of the problem But now I'm the solution and I tell anybody on the mountaintop that it was God that did it for me Yeah, I'll just third that I grew up in church I grew up with PK to even if my parents weren't pastors. They served at some level of leadership So street ministry, youth ministry, church was all the time. When I was 18, I was like, I'm done with this. Cause my parents ran a smaller church.

So I had to do everything. I was the oldest kid in the church. I had to run the audio. I had to run the sound. I'm tired. I don't want nothing else to do with this. And so when I was 18, I was like, I'm finna go, you know, like live life.

I went to college. I knew how to go to college and be at college and come home and act like I was 18, I was like, I'm finna go, you know, like live life. I went to college. I knew how to go to college and be at college and come home and act like I was good. Yeah, I did that very well. And then probably like my sophomore year of college, I had, I like, what I was reading in scripture became applicable to my life. And I feel like I found, like I met Jesus beyond religion

and I developed a personal relationship with him. And then from there, I mean, I still, you know, teetered back and forth, but I think when I was 28, I experienced church hurt, like a betrayal from my pastor that was, I don't think I could have ever imagined it. And it almost took my life. Like I ain't wanna live anymore. And in that moment, I felt like I came face to face

with Jesus because I knew nobody outside of him could get me out of it. And so because of that, I moved to LA. I started working in the entertainment industry, but I committed my life to creating spaces for people who would experience that church hurt from people, but still wanted a relationship with Jesus. So how can I create spaces for people to encounter Jesus,

build a relationship with him, and figure out the church stuff, figure out where I want to go, figure out where I want to have a relationship with Jesus. So how can I create spaces for people to encounter Jesus, build a relationship with him, and figure out the church stuff. Figure out where I wanna go, figure out where I wanna land. But like experiencing like, no, Jesus loves you. And even if you experience it a way that doesn't feel that way from people who represent him,

I still want you to have a relationship with Jesus because that's what I needed to survive. And so that's kind of what I do. I travel around the country, hosting pop-up Bible studies to ensure like to create spaces for people to do this, like talk about God so they can encounter him on their own and not be detoured by all the other stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, that's so cute. And that's what I love about you, Brenda, is that I'm on this journey and I can be very transparent with you. You don't judge me, but you hold me accountable. You always push me to see things in a different perspective that I don't normally see.

I appreciate that. But like everybody else, I grew up in the church. My mother didn't become a pastor. She's an associate pastor. She didn't become a pastor until I was like ending high school, going into college. So I didn't grow up like as a PK, but I was in the church every time the door was open. I was there from kids choir all the way through.

And once I got to college, I was like, I don't have to do this anymore. Same way, like we had to make our bed up every morning. I wasn't doing none of that when I was out. I was not going to church. It was like I'm done. And it was one of those things where I was in the streets promiscuous, partying, drinking, doing all the things

because I lived in a very structured household. I won't say strict, like they were strict, but they also gave us freedoms within the home so that we were protected. But a lot of times it was like I couldn't party, I couldn't stay out too late, all those things. So when I got out of the house, I was outside. Outside. Outside. Outside. Outside. And it wasn't until freshman semester, I was on academic promation from clearly partying and doing all the things, yeah, and I had to spend my whole summer to get my GPA back up, and it was in that moment that I realized

I've gotta get back to what I know. And I was raised Methodist, and for me, I love my church, but it was boring to me. Very structured, very structured. We sang hymnals and I wanted to sing Kirk Franklin. And we ended up starting to do that. Like our church like changed and we like started singing really songs that spoke to us as a younger generation. But I ended up going to a Baptist church when I was in college. And that's where I really encountered God

because I found him through praise and worship. Some people like, I just need to hear him preach. But for me, it was like, I need to hear this music because the music speaks to me. So that was the pivot in the shift where I was like, okay, my mom and dad taught me, but that wasn't my own relationship with God. This is where I can build my own and learn how and dad taught me, but that wasn't my own relationship with God.

This is where I can build my own and learn how to talk to him in my own way, like, all right, Lord, what we doing now? Cause this is ghetto, you know, versus heavenly father, I just want to thank you for, you know, you have to find your own way. What do you say? That's how I grew up.

You had to speak in a certain way, dress a certain way. It was just like, man, I can't be myself. Dress a certain way, but then, yeah, I can't be myself. Dress certainly, but then, yeah. Women couldn't wear pants. Oh, no. Or a red thing you left off the chair. It was super straight.

You had to wear tights under your skirt. You had to have bare legs out. Oh, yeah. Slips. Slips? Oh, my goodness. I'm about to sit with a slip. You better have more than slip.

Pantyhose on a slip. Penny holes in a slip. Everything, you better cover, up to the neck. Cover it. And if it's too short, the mother's coming out with the claw. Baby, you alright? Right over that laugh. Miss Lawrence, what about you? You've been on my podcast before, we had a good conversation. We had a good conversation.

I grew up here in Atlanta. I'm not related to pastors or anything like that. I went to church, I went to church, I went to church, I went to church, we had a good conversation. We had a good conversation. I grew up here in Atlanta. I'm not related to pastors or anything like that. I went to church every Sunday with my mama, but my mama was one of those parents that's like, okay, we gotta go to church, and then she going in and go to sleep.

Y'all going to church. And we nodding off, we'd be sitting there. And I learned a lot of scripture by way of repetition from hearing it all the time. I didn't learn to apply it until later. I've come to a meeting of the mind and spiritual understanding of what it all meant. My battles with church came when I started singing in church and everybody was, you know, stood at attention when I sang. But then when I didn't sing, I was frowned upon because of who I was and what I looked like,

how I presented myself. Because as a gender nonconforming or disflaming gay queen, I always put on a little powder or something like that. Now I will put my little suits on for church, you know, all that kind of stuff. But it was gonna be something that was extracted from women's culture. And so the only time they would see me as human

was when I was singing and using my voice. But after that, it was nothing for me, right? And so I stopped going to church for a very long time and then I picked it back up later. But I get through that time, I understood, okay, I need to go to church to be taught. And I worship in spirit and in truth anywhere that I go. And to a lot of you all's points, what I learned is forcing people to go to church because that's what they say you're supposed to do and you're supposed to dress this way and dress that way.

What I learned from my own journey is that it is true when scripture says that the traditions of man has caused my word to have no effect. And in order to be able to meet people where they are, you have to be in worship in spirit and in truth. You'll never learn who I am if I'm not operating in truth. And so I learned that along my journey and so I learned who God was and who he was to me and what the Spirit meant to me and it's been incredible since I came to know him on my own. Let's go.

That's beautiful. Big fella! Well see I grew up in the D.C. area so church wasn't, we wasn't pushed into church, but you know, family, we had a family church that we would always go, you know, Easter and stuff like that. I had a church in my neighborhood that me and my friends would, we took the pun ourselves to go to as we were younger, we were younger. So singing the choir then and stuff like that. But as I got older I'm singing the choir then and stuff like that. But as I got older and I moved to Atlanta, I think it was like 2005, so like around 2005, 2006,

I got baptized again as an adult. So it was a great experience. I started learning more, you know, getting back into it. But you know, I'm in the entertainment business and I'm in the thick of it. Like I'm on tour, I'm on the road, I'm traveling, drinking, smoking, you know. So I kind of like lost myself. I got to a point where I needed to center. I felt like the only place I can do that is with God in church. And as I started to do that,

things started disappearing on my life. Things started getting better. The problems I was having was gone. So as a kid, I never saw it like that. I just saw, you know, we was growing up, we didn't have a lot, but we had what we needed, you know, wasn't like, you know, other families or whatnot. But I felt like, well, I'm going to church and praying for what I didn't have faith. So like now as an adult and, you know, me exploring the Word on my own, I feel better.

I feel like I understand it more. So I'm just, I feel like I'm just in a better place overall with that. I love that. De'Fella, I'm proud of you. I remember we were at the house having wine one night and we were just having a conversation and you were like, I'm gonna get in my Bible more. And then I remember you calling me asking,

what time does church start? And then he goes to the service before me and everyone is like, yo, you gonna love church today. I was like, wow, they're gonna really be going to church. We check them out, man. One thing you said, Wes, that resonated to me was getting older and understanding church, right? And then Lawrence, you said the same thing about being taught.

I know this being a father now, right? My children are not mature enough to understand certain things, right? It's like you take a kid and you like, here's calculus, right? Pythagorean theorem, cosine, tangent, they're going to be like, what is this? I felt like that in church. When they were trying to teach me the Bible, it sounded like Pythagorean theorem. And then because I couldn't understand it, I felt less than. I felt like something's wrong with my spirit. Like people getting up and running around and they crying and I'm just sitting there like.

What is happening? I don't know, I feel like. You know what I'm saying? I don't know, I feel like. I can speak the same way. What does, like at what age do you really think you're gonna understand the word? Like really, like.

It just happens. No, you right, no you right. It happens on its own. And I'm going to tell you, as a child, what my mother did give me was principles. In that there is a source

that you go to in a time of trouble when you need clarity. To be patient while you're waiting on clarity. And to know that that source, which is God, to be patient while you're waiting on clarity and to know that that source, which is God, loves you unconditionally more than anything and anybody in this world.

And it is your best friend. Now, I kept that with me and to never lie. I always tell people, I'm always, don't you tell no lie, don't you lie. That's me and my boys, that's me and my boys. Don't you tell a lie about nothing. Now in that, me understanding that is, you should never be a liar.

I never did that, which is why I get to sit here as my whole self, because I would never lie about who I was. So in that, I learned, I learned because of that, I know who I am. So. But wasn't that conflicting in the church because you can't be a liar.

But here's the piece. It was conflicting at first until I got older. And this is what I mean when I say it all, it just kind of happens. But because I had those fundamental principles when I was little. Because you was there. I kept it with me and then it made sense later.

It was conflicting, but that is why we are to study on our own and show our own selves. Because the Holy Spirit will show you things that your teacher or your pastor may not be able to convey to you. They can give you the word, but until you sit and you sit in and reflect on it and you ask God and the Holy Spirit to show you what that means, that sit and you sit in it and reflect on it and you ask God and

the Holy Spirit to show you what that means, that's when you'll get it. And only life experience will lead you to that. Unfortunately, we get put in situations where we have nobody else and nothing else to turn to. And that's when it clicks. And that's where that word comes from try for yourself yeah try for yourself can't nobody nobody can change my mind about god didn't we didn't i just if i go out with a full ball gown on and lashes from here to to p street can't nobody tell me

that god ain't still with that's right and when you get to that point, not to cut you off, when you get to that point, that is like the point where you know that in church they say, you know that you know that you know. And when you able to get to that point, it's nothing that anybody could tell. Even if you're wrong, even if you fall from grace, you still know that you have your Father and that he has you. Yeah, I think what I'll piggyback on is like the reality is like you can't pursue Jesus without him. And so I think that like to the love thing it's like I think about Jesus picked his disciples they were the worst people ever. Like the absolute worst people ever. And when Jesus goes to them he doesn't say like hey you're

doing this thing wrong you're doing this thing wrong, you're doing this thing wrong. He just says, hey, come follow me. So much so his first disciples he picked, he gave them a bag, like set them for life. They walked away from the bag and said, actually, I'm gonna go with dude. And there is this learning and this knowledge that you come into through relationship. I think the issue with growing up in church

is that we grow up in church. So we get into like this performance-based things I got to look a certain way I got to act a certain way with no root or foundation and why we're doing it The reality is Jesus loves us and once I experience and embrace and accept that love I want to reciprocate it with how I live my life Right, so my reason to follow Jesus isn't because I'm trying to make him. I can't earn his love. He gave it to me freely. So whenever

I see somebody fall short or do something that's off-centered, I know they haven't fully embraced how much God loves them. And the issue is when we were in church, they're like, don't do this because you don't want to go to hell. Well, of course I'm gonna make a decision because I don't want to die and go to hell. But then most people think, well that's after I die die so why does it matter? So that's not even a rooted foundation but if I told you that somebody chose you even if you decide not to choose them they still made a decision about you and nothing you could do would ever change their mind. That's the kind of person you want to get to know because you like dang I could be raggedy and messed up and make the wrong decisions and this person never changes their mind Yeah, and when I come face to face with that person, then I go, okay now

How does my life reflect the love that they've given me? I want to live up to the person that you saw fit to save that way So can I ask this is a question and I hate asking this question to people because I don't like to challenge people's religion No, let's go. My biggest issue with religion is someone saying you have to, you only go through heaven through like believing in Jesus Christ. To me, that creates division amongst people, right? Because what if I don't live in a place where they don't present Jesus Christ to me? Say I grew up in a Muslim place where there's like, there's no Jesus.

You can only, for example, say you live in the Gaza right now and there's a holy war and you were never presented Jesus. You telling me that those people who are Muslim are going to hell, that was a question I always had to my pastor. And no one could ever give me an answer. Like someone who grew up Buddhist, who never was introduced to Jesus.

You telling me that that person is gonna go to hell, that just never sat right with me. And it just feels like religion became so divisive for so many people because that was a way you can control masses that it just scared me. You know, not that I judge other people, it just scares me like, so if I got to only believe this one thing, what if I die and then that one thing was wrong? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I think, well first of all you asked five questions. No, no, no, no. This is why I guess people used to show it.

Girl, and you're not the only person who thinks that. First, the Bible says that until the gospel has reached the ends of the earth, he won't return. So everybody will have an opportunity to hear the gospel. That doesn't necessarily mean that they'll make the decision to follow it. And so I think about when you talk about different religions, our faith and religion is built on Jesus. So the only way you have access to the

things that are offered in Christianity is through faith in Jesus. It is a divisive world because this is a fallen world. The world we live in is not the world the Lord intended for us to live in. We live here now because we have sin. Shout out to Adam and Eve. Wasn't our fault. But that's the word we live in. And so I think that like we have to, we have to think of it like we all have a choice. Like God didn't just say like, here's what he's saying. Like you get to heaven through Jesus. That's the only way you get there. But I'm gonna give you a choice that you don't have to choose Jesus, even though he chose you. And what happens at the end of your life is based off your decision. And because of that, like you have free will,

you wanna choose it. And so I think it's like not a sense of dividing, it is a sense of like God wants to be chosen for his sake. And if you choose to follow something else, as believers, I don't shun a Muslim, but I disagree with their choice of faith. And they believe as hard as we believe, Probably harder. You know what I'm saying? They ten toes down.

There are other Jehovah's Witnesses that they're only a certain... So here's the question. Who's right and who's wrong? And the fact that you have to choose one to me is what's problematic with religion, not spirituality. Growing up, especially in Brooklyn, I lived between Hasidic Jews, I lived between Muslims. There was a church on every corner. Those three were like the big three. And I would between Muslims. There was a church on every corner. Those three were like the big three.

And I would ask questions. And when I would come across people ask questions, and me asking too many questions would get people upset. And they all at certain times felt like I was trying to tear down their religion. And I'm like, I'm not trying to tear down. I'm trying to understand. But the more questions I asked, people thought I was just being divisive or playing devil's advocate.

And I was like, okay, so I'll seek it on my own I went to college and study and when I went to college and study religion that's when I really started to gain my faith because like you both said when you know that you know you know and they were visions and things I got in my mind when I was young and my parents would be like like who made you believe that and I said somebody gave me the vision and it wasn't y'all. So there has to be a guy because there's someone is giving me the things that I know in order to be successful in life and putting me in front of people. For example, I met a Jewish dude. He had his knot underneath

his beard, right? He had a knot from trying to tie it and he was just like, hey, can you get this for me? So I'm tied it for him and all my friends was like, why are you talking to this Hasidic Jewish dude? I'm like, he said he need help. Then he prayed, he said, let me say something. He prayed for me and I said, thanks. I didn't know Jewish people. I was a young kid, a freshman.

I didn't know Jewish people prayed for black people. And I was about 15. I said, you know, I know you're the chosen people. And he said, who told you that? And I said, you don't call yourselves the chosen people? And he literally said to me and he said who told you that? And I said, y'all don't call yourselves the chosen people and he literally said to me, he said you don't have to be born Jewish to walk through the kingdom of heaven and that was a Jewish guy said that to me and I was like that was strange because I've never heard that before. Ran into a Muslim guy on Atlantic Avenue, never forget,

once a guy asked for help so I stopped, like what's up? Give him some help, and he prayed for me. And I was just like, what is that? And he's like, you have a great spirit. Don't ever let anything else darken your spirit. And I'm like, here's a Muslim person that prayed for me. Here's a Jewish person that prayed for me. And I was just like, who am I to condemn their religion because I don't believe it. So it's hard for me to believe one thing. So I've just been very receptive and open to different type of people and walks of life. And that's just been my journey. God has been, except everybody, bro.

Have you ever tried to study Muslim? Yeah, I took for two years. I studied, I studied. And to me, it was the same thing. The traditions of the Muslim religion There were certain things that about it. That was kind of like, you know, like they were very um Salacious when it came to women and I also got a vision from God that like God was just like well I'm not a man now. This is another thing too. I don't want to ever say something that people feel like

God was like I can't be a gender. I'm a creator of all things this is what this is the message I got from God. And this is also what I've heard. He was just like, women create everything. Women come from life. Women are life. They are the vessel of life. Why would God be a man? And I was like, there's no religion in the world, not Christianity, Muslim or Jewish religion, that puts women on the pedestal they're supposed to. So for me, it's always been an issue for me to just kind of go in there and go to these churches and it's all men up there. But the people we go to for nourishment and nurture is women. And going back to this King James thing. Oh, that's right. We were talking about that. We were talking about that. I told him not to start. I told him not to start. We were not there. I told him not to start. Not going there.

We were not there. I mean, no, but when you talk about the Quran, talk about the King James version of the Bible, if you look through, I've never read the Quran, but I understand, I have friends that are Muslim. All of it is extremely misogynistic. The King James was, from what I understand in my interpretation, was very anti-women, which is why everything is thy man and thy brother.

A lot of things were. And to your point, I'm like, well, from my own experience, it was women that gave me what I needed and I will never forget I remember hearing Debbie Alice say one time at an award show she said every person living and breathing should pledge allegiance to the birth canal. We all came through that we all came through the legs of a woman. That is a fact. You know, so what I believe is that you will see them pearly gates or whatever that really looks like based on how you serve. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, what I long to hear, and I think everybody should long

to hear, is job well done. My good and perfect servant. No, you can tell we all grew up with that. We all know that. We all know that. long to hear is job well done. My good and faithful servant. You can tell we all grew up together. We all know that. We know that. And when I hear, accept Lord and Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, it's the way of what he was.

Yes. And how he operated, which was served. That is what we're supposed to do. And so I tell people all the time, at the end of the day, did you give somebody water when they were thirsty? Did you give them clothes when they were naked? Did you give them food when they were hungry? Don't forget visiting them while they was in prison.

Don't forget that, while they was in prison. Don't forget that too. Don't forget that part. I'm gonna be honest, I really feel like when you check all those boxes and you know from where your help comes and you acknowledge the source as such, there's no God won't forsake you. And I would say to you too, like have your, get your, you just have to have your own relationship. And once you have your relationship, ask God for clarity. God will give you clarity whether he sent it through Wes,

if he sent it through Miss Lawrence, if he sent it through the pastor, it might be a child or one of your kids. Through the pastor. Through the pastor, it's great. Through the pastor. Through the pastor. Through the pastor. Through the pastor. Through the pastor. Through the pastor. Through the pastor.

Through the pastor. Brother said, what? I said, whoa, whoa, whoa. Really, really? Yeah, right. I think the thing I will add to that is I agree with personal relationships. And I think it starts at, I can tell you're a seeker. And so it's almost like God has to reveal himself to you in ways that we didn't all

encounter him because of the way that you think. But it really starts with faith and it really starts with having an honest conversation. Like I talked to God, like I'm sitting here talking to y'all and it literally starts with God, show me who you are. Like in the most naturalist way and he'll start to reveal himself.

You already mentioned like I have visions and God talks to me this way. The issue is that when we grow up with those gifts, if people don't know how to foster them, they will shun them and not dig into that. Somebody should have been cultivating that for you because that's the way God speaks to you. And so I feel like it has to happen that way.

I think the other thing is that like, Jesus only gave us two commandments. It was to love him with all our heart, soul and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Which you touched on. And that is what it is. But when we talk about loving Jesus with our heart, soul, and mind, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Which you touched on. And that is what it is. But when we talk about loving Jesus with our heart, soul, and mind,

that means, it is hard to say it, it's like, cause I know God is expressed in so many ways, but Jesus in the bounds of Christianity is the only way. And it's hard to understand that, but it's also a journey we take with him. Cause I think I brought the disciples cause I'm like, they didn't even know dude. He's just walking up on the scene

as a random guy saying things. But my first experience with Jesus came from experiencing healing. I had asthma at seven and I was, I wanted to be an athlete. I used to have to take the machine every night and I would go to bed at seven and be like, God, I don't want to do this.

And at seven, I got healed from it. I've never had asthma again. So I'm like, oh at 7 and be like God I don't want to do this and at 7 I got healed from it I've never had asthma again. So I'm like And then I've seen that over and over again in life like Asking for something and watching him show up like last year. I quit my job Just following the Lord that ain't I live in LA, it cost a brief. It's just not a thing I could just be out here doing but I trust God so much I'm like cool I'll do that. I ended the year with a six-figure book deal. I get to travel the world. And those are not the blessing. The blessing is I met Jesus along the way and I know he's a provider.

You couldn't sit here arguing with me back and forth and be like, no, no, God doesn't provide. Oh, he does. Yeah. No, I agree. I can show you. Yeah. We just talked about that the other day.

We talk about living in abundance because God knows that we will provide for other people. For sure. One thing I've learned that has been clear to me over the past five years is that me opening my heart to understanding people relieved me from certain things, right? I grew up in Brooklyn in the 90s. Homophobia, misogyny, and having an elitist attitude was normal. You know what I'm saying? Like if you a dude and you're gonna survive, you've got

to think you're better than everybody else. You got to think women ain't s- you know I'm trying not to curse past, sorry. But then you know- Y'all call her Brenda. It's Brenda. You even call me things. It's Brenda. It's Brenda. It's Brenda, right? Yeah, it's Brenda, yeah.

When, like going on my journey to try to understand what God wanted for me, it really was just acceptance and accepting all things, right? Every walk of life should be accepted, even if you don't agree with it, because that's that person's walk. Just like you said, my cousin did eight years, right? Grew up Southern Baptist. When he came out, he was Muslim. When he came out, he was Muslim, because Muslim got him through doing that. You know what I'm saying? You can't tell me that there wasn't something that they needed in that moment from the Muslim religion that got them through that.

So for me, it's hard for me to cast anything against anybody. I don't care what you are, who you look like. The first thing I'm gonna do is just ask questions to get to know. But I realized when I ask questions, especially in the church community, because that's what we're talking about,

that's when I get my most pushback. Like not because they don't understand. They don't know the answer. Some of it is fear. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, and there are things that scripture says, right? That we don't necessarily agree with,

but it doesn't mean that I dehumanize you. Like I still love you. Even if that's the same thing. Like if she liked the falcons and I liked the bears, it's like, okay, that's cool. You know what I'm saying? Like I can still love Angela. We gonna kick it. We gonna hang out. We gonna talk. You know what I'm saying? Like I can still love Angela. We're going to kick it.

We're going to hang out. We're going to talk. You know what I'm saying? And I think that what we are missing sometimes in the body of Christ is the relational factor. Like I can sit and I could talk. I can engage. I've been doing that more.

Like, I'm just going to ask questions. Like most times people will say things to me and they be like, I know you're not going to, you don't know what I'm going to say. You know what I'm saying? Like just say it. And then we can have a conversation because I also wanna understand

what you're saying and where you're coming from. I also can't show you your need for Jesus if I don't know your need. So I can't even say like, oh, this is what he will do for you if I ain't never took the time to sit and hear you out and listen and learn about you as a person. And so I do think that we're missing that,

but please keep asking questions. You've probably just been asking the wrong people. Yeah, I have, but it's also a fear. You don't want to offend people because religion, people take that very personal. And I never want to knock someone off of their spiritual journey by asking a question that may get them thinking something.

So for me, it's kind of like, let me not even ask this question openly. Only reason why I feel comfortable is because Crystal made it up. This is a place where we can be positive. But I don't have, like, how many times we've all been in a room and I've never talked to Wes about this.

I don't because I don't ever wanna hurt somebody. But these are questions I really be sitting back like, I wonder if other people got these questions. They do. Do you feel like it's a blocking of a blessing because you don't ask the question or you don't get the answer Or do you feel because at at some point you really don't know what you Know I I get what you're saying. My first thing is I'm always gonna ask God God for my entire life has provided me with answers Like you said there's been times in my life when I haven't had shit

Yeah, and I was like God I just need a way and then wow he won't give me the money that's provided me with answers. Like you said, there's been times in my life when I haven't had shit. And I was like, God, I just need a way. And then, wow, he won't give me the money, he gonna give me a way. And I gotta walk through that door to get it done. Like God has done that to me so many times that nobody can tell me God doesn't. I wanna know about that.

While you were saying about being more personal, I feel like that's why we're having a hard time right now reaching this generation. For sure. more person like I feel like that's why we having a hard time right now reaching this generation for sure because churches be rooted in tradition and we cannot be in order to reach this new generation like that's what I do I devote my time to children now especially at risk children the only way we going we can't reach them my grandma we have to reach them where they are let's just get a little love. Yeah. It's the love.

I love that you said that I ask God for something, and then it happens. And the next step in that is he ain't giving you the plan or the thing. So you be like, all right, God, I got you. I'll let you next time. No, no, no. That is now your invitation to find out who he is.

It's a continual process. So the reason he keeps showing up for you that way is because he's like, at some point, my son's gonna come and sit with me. And I think sometimes the reason you can't find answers externally is because God wants to meet you. Where you are. And so I think sometimes, some things we can learn

from other people, they can build on it, but by the way you think, I mean, God's gonna have to literally sit on your bed and tell you something you ain't never told nobody. And you'll encounter him in a mean God's gonna have to literally sit on your bed and tell you something You ain't never told nobody and you'll encounter him in a way that's gonna be like I know this is real Yeah, like I was gonna happen You know, it's gonna continue to happen that way and then to miss Lawrence's point earlier Then he'll show you okay. Where can I go to church because I mean I I grew up in church

It's not like what is going on here? But we need the church. It's how we raise families, it's how we are discipled. Because for the most part, we're having our own personal encounters. We open up the Bible going, what the heck does this mean? And so we need to be in a church that is discipling us and saying, this is what it looks like to live this out.

Because most of the time we grew up learning scriptures and had no idea what they meant. And it's like, oh, okay, right. But what does that mean for Monday through Saturday? And so I think like, this is a safe space. Like you have people that are like, no, please ask me all the questions. You know, and if I don't know, I'm going to be like, you know what, I don't know. I would appreciate that.

Because when you ask questions and people don't know when they shun you, or they just tell you some bullshit, you be like, man, why are you like this? You say, you could have been like and people don't know when they shun you or they just tell you some bullshit, you be like, man, why? You said, you could have been like, you don't know. I know I would be very, I'm going to be like, nah, bro, I don't know that one, but I'm going to find out. Like I'm going to go, you going to help me become a seeker as well. I'm going to make sure I have an answer for you. Like I'm in seminary right now.

Not because I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Like I don't even like school, but I want to learn from people like you so I can be like, nah, like I do know that King James version is the most tampered with version of the Bible. They don't even acknowledge it on the scholar side. We learned that in college. Eugene Wyclef took so many words out and changed so many things because he wanted it to be a certain way, which is also what scared me.

When I was like, how many generations have tampered with this word? Yeah, you said how many people did what he did? That's crazy. You can't be doing that. But the NIV is really, really accurate, and it's like Lame's turn. But the NIV was written by multiple people? Yeah.

You need something. That's my thing. Hell, no. But it's God inspired. No. It's not. It's God. Because here's the thing, bro.

Like in older times, before there was a Bible, that's why I keep telling you you need to have an experience first, which will then filter how you experience the Bible. You need the Holy Spirit to read the Bible, because if not, it's just words on a page. Well, that's what I was going to say is you take from it and then you go to... Because you can't listen to people to tell you who God is. You will learn him for yourself. And once that happens, then when you go back to those,

whichever book it is, and then you seek him, it will then make sense. The words, all of it will come together and it'll make sense. I tell people, my to me the original was written in Hebrew and Greek and most of the words don't translate. So not of the words don't translate so nobody can tell me anything based on what they have. I do believe in in prophets and I believe in anointing. I agree I agree.

Right I will listen to those people because that doesn't come from a book. That doesn't come from a Bible. That comes from God. And he says, touch not my anointing. I'm going to sit and listen to them. Not based on the book, because that means God has given them something to give to us. And I'm going to pay attention to them, which is why that goes back to what I said. I asked God to point me in the direction of the teacher that he needs me to hear from.

I always ask for this one. That's a good one. Well, I'm here. I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I live by the Bible. But because the same way you just said, like, God would speak to a prophet

and they will tell you what he said. Same way the Bible was written. God spoke, I mean, God spoke, but those people experienced. Because in Bible times, there was not an actual scripture. They were orally testifying what happened and then it was being put on paper. So my thing is yes it is it all they they lend and teach and everything from the Bible however I think because there there is a special anointing when it comes to prophets. For sure but how do you

know what their sins come from God? I can tell you. I can't say that. Yes, please. I'm sorry. I'm telling you. So just last week, was it last week? Two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. About two weeks ago, I was somewhere and there was a prophet there. And a friend of mine was like, hey, this is the prophet that's been praying over me for 17 years. Everything he has said has come to pass.

And I was like, oh wow, well he need to speak over me. So he ends up calling and said, hey, probably wants to talk to you. There were things that I had literally just texted my lawyer the day before that this man was saying that he had no idea like that I, so many things are happening right now that he didn't know me from Adam in my personal life

that was happening. I'm like, I know this is God. I know this is God telling me to move. I know this is God telling me to start. It was something so simple as just start. And I hit my lawyer about just those two words. And he was like, God is telling me to tell you just start, just start, just start.

I was like, what? I was like, I just sent this email to my lawyer yesterday. You didn't know nothing about this. She's not lying. She called me about this too. Yeah. This is not a made up story. She was like, D, I got an idea.

It's called just start. Then she spoke to the prophet. And then she called me back. I was like, I got an idea called Just Start. Then she spoke to the prophet and she called me back and was like, D, you ain't gonna never believe what the prophet just said. It happened just like that. It was so many different things that he was saying. You said God gives you visions and then you start wondering is this just me or did God really put this in my heart? The man was like, God has like five things he wants you to do at once because we start thinking we're crazy if we're doing too much. He's like, no, all these things

he's planning you, he's just waiting on you to do them. And I was like, oh my goodness. But I think it's when he touches on things that you had personal conversations with God. That's how I know that this is real. When he finished, what did he say? Like how did he finish? Like after he wrapped it up, what did he say? Like... Something in Jesus' name. Something in Jesus' name. I just got the jump. Something in Jesus' name. I just got the jump.

Something in Jesus' name. You got the word. Amen. Amen. Amen. Something in Jesus' name. Something in Jesus' name. But it was like, it was, yeah, I have a recording.

Yeah, yeah, so the reason I asked ask it is not that I doubt that. I'm here for the prophetic. We had a holy encounter at Womany Ball together. So it's not that. It's just that we also have to be aware that sources can have access to you the same way the Holy Spirit can. And so what I would say will also be a determining a determining factor even for people watching this cuz I'm like I'm gonna find me a prophet. That's right

And how they could not be from the Lord Yeah, so I think that we prophesy in part But the goal of that is that it always pushes you back to the Lord So I think like if a person makes it about them like yeah Because I knew I did that right like you got to be careful cuz it's a line And so I say I would say like a telltale sign for people watching who encounter like Jesus that way. It's like, did this person exalt and push me back to Jesus?

Cause that should be the source. And when it's not, that will be a determined answer. Cause Kirk Franklin did that last night. He stood up there and smiled and everybody started cheering. And he said, no, no, no, no, no, not me. God. Which to me, I was like, no, no, no, not me. God. Him. Which to me, I was like, that was wild, powerful,

and deliberate. And then the thing is they started cheering louder because he was like, no, don't cheer for God. I was like, dang, that was powerful. Seeing that last night was like, he was like, don't give it to me. Give it to him. Because we are vessels.

So it's like, I couldn't sit here and talk to y'all. It's the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. Like, I don't know nothing. Like, it's like, I couldn't sit here and talk to y'all. It's the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. Like, I don't know nothing. Like, it's him. And so I think like, when someone wants to minister to you, that should be their heart posture. Is that without God, I couldn't do this. Like, it's the Holy Spirit that's empowering me

to be able to live it out. That's so good. Something I want to ask all of you, because you all have such amazing journeys. Pinpoint a point in your life where your faith was tested, where you really had to question God or even wonder if he existed. I know I've had those moments where I'm like, alright, let's just... Well, I'm like, I can't got no doubt.

Well, we definitely know my faith was tested when I was in prison. Even though I knew I was wrong, like I broke the law like and not just a not just the law but I went against God and I knew better we all know to whom much is given much is required but I can say that my faith was really tested in the thick of it I knew I knew I wasn't not going to do 30 years I knew I wasn't going to do 30 years but it's like faith will make you look crazy People will begin to think you were crazy So when people were asking me when I was going home

I would say next year and make sure will come and I still be there Yeah, and then it got to the point where I woke up and I told him I said don't call me Angie anymore. Call me free Because I felt like every time somebody said free they were in agreement Because I felt like every time somebody said free, they were in agreement. We were speaking in text to the athlete. And so I wouldn't even answer to the officers, call me free. Call me free because that's what I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be free and I'm gonna go, I begin to write my book in prison. And people would say, what is she writing a book for?

She is crazy, her time is getting to her. I'm writing a book because guess what? It's not a New York Times bestseller yet, but it's published. Yeah. I came home and I did it. It's a seed, you know? And I begin to tell God, I said, now God, I'm helping everybody else get out of prison. I had started writing motions for people and they were leaving.

And the hardest time came when I watched my friendly. They they told me I was in it was doing COVID. And they called up, I was in confinement, they said, Corrine got immediate release. And I was like, wait a minute, Jesus, wait one minute. I'm helping everybody else go is working for them. And then it really was hard because this girl was not gonna file for clemency right and I encouraged I'm like no you gotta file you gotta file and I said well here she said I don't know how to do it I said take my application take my name off of it put your name just change the

information y'all she got out President Obama granted her clemency moms got denied. My paper that's's my, and I said, well I called my father boohoo crying, and I'm like daddy, what's up with your God? What's your homeboy saying? Because how is crystal free? And I'm still in prison, and that was my paperwork. But that was a time that I really had to be like, I cried, and for three days late there But then I had to get up and watch my favorite I had to continue to start back to throw gase a thought in his face, you know how people throw something your face

They did for you. Yeah, that's what I do with God work God you say Begin to say, you know greatest he that sent me then he does in the world I had to begin to speak that thing over my life and and you know January 13th I walked out of prison a free woman because faith ain't faith until you can't see it but you don't understand that when you go and do it. You don't understand it. What was her name? Crystal Reed? Crystal Reed. Had you not been there, Crystal would still be there.

Yeah. Woo! Yeah. Yeah. So it all worked together. So the good of those who love the Lord. You better know it. Yes!

That's it. Yes! Come on. You better follow it. But Lord, you know for yourself. When you're in the middle of it, you can't see. You'll be like, now now God what you up to Or it was times I'd be like, but I have to ask you this when there moments

Where he sent you signs that I still got you. Yes. Oh, yes. Yes for sure He got I'm in the middle of that now. Yeah, God sent that I call her my mother of another color She you know Caucasian woman and when I tell y'all, this lady fought for my freedom as if she had birthed me herself. She fought and she said, "'I'ma see you to the end of the door.'" And that's what she did.

So when she came into my life, it was like, okay, I'm still here. And then just then things that was not even directly tied to my freedom, like me asking God to keep my parents. Because there was a fear of mine. You know, I was older when I got in trouble. I was 30 years old.

My parents was already in their 50s. So I was saying, God, please don't allow my parents to lead this earth while I'm in this. So he covered me. Doing COVID and everything. Yeah, doing COVID and all of that. Yeah. He covered them.

He kept them. They're 73. They're alive and well and not on any blood pressure medication. Lord, keep my kid, you know? And he did it, so it was times that he always showed me like I got you, and even some of the officers were super nice to me when I was in confinement for 17 months y'all, 17 months confined in a room

because the government is just trying to get me to tell other people using me as an intimidation factor. It was still like, God still had me in that moment. He still kept me It was just like no you my daughter. I got you and I used to tell them to you know Some of the guards that sneak me, you know fool because they just felt bad And I would tell them y'all when I go home y'all gonna see me y'all gonna see me even you know Girls that thought I was crazy. They say oh don't pay attention she's just crazy she's crazy she's lost her mind her time has got to her but now they on my social media saying you said I continue to give God all the glory

because it is him who I live in I'm moving I have my being and I also know that I have a greater responsibility and And we have to carry that, but definitely times that my faith was tested and even now coming home, you know, you want things to happen the way that you want them to happen. And I look and I feel like I'm not where I wanna be, but I thank God that I'm not where I could be. You know, so yeah, even throughout this walk,

as I continue, I'm free in mind, body, and spirit. But it's still times that I have to be like, okay, Lord, where you at? You said you was gonna do such and such, and you haven't did it. And even being here in this moment, I have to say it, like the way that I met Ashana, right? Met her through somebody, a mutual friend.

And she said to me, she said, didn't you just get an award in church didn't even know we attended the same church yeah but just things that I told her you know share my deepest dreams with her and how she's been able I believe God put people in your life to aid you along to carry your dream you know through and then just just sitting here just sitting here amongst y'all you know what I mean just thankful in this space and in this time. It's just another that God saying, I got you. I got you. Yeah, I got you.

I love that. Big words. I want to know if you got anything. Yeah, I was at a point in my life where like everything was off. Everything. I'm talking about health, full blood pressure meds. I was over 430 pounds. I wasn't 40 yet. Like, shoot, relationships with fans. Watch that video, brother. Relationships like family, friends, and these women. Like, nothing was ever working. Investments worked, nothing worked. I went through like a two year period of that. And I was like, I had to sit down and check myself,

like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And when I really sat down and like locked myself in that room and had to face myself, it's all on me. You can't listen, nobody can help you but you. locked myself in that room and had to face myself. It's all on me. You can't listen, nobody can help you but you. So I had to dig deep. Like I'm still getting out of it, but you know, it's like I'm at a space where I'm all right.

I know what caused it. I know how to get out of it. And I know if I keep my faith, I'm gonna be all right. That's right. Several times. The first time where I really, really had a moment where he like sent somebody, I had never experienced this before.

I was in the process of, I had this idea to open up a chain of new salons when I was in the beauty industry and I wanted to open up a chain of new salons. At this time I was also on the show Star. We were in our, I think we were in our first season, maybe second season. I was like I want to do this, I want to do this. Now while thinking I'm about to do these salons, my body is getting extremely tired. My mind is getting really tired.

I'm starting to become sick because I'm juggling being an actor, becoming a better actor, which you know, takes practice, takes, you know, patience. But I was also a full-time hairstylist at the same time. So I literally was scheduling clients around what my film schedule would be. And then when I got off from the salon, I had to go home and study my lines and stuff to get to work and make sure I deliver properly. So I was becoming

sick. So I had this idea. I said, well, if I open up, start the first chain of these salons that could essentially just kind of run themselves, I don't really have to be there. That'll set me up where I can really walk away. So I went around and I kept looking for spaces. I'm like, this is a great space. I never had a problem. I could, I could open a salon with my eyes closed, but this time every new space I found, we will get there almost there where I'm about to, they about to send me a

lease and they're like, Oh, the developer said they don't wanna do a salon here, da da da da da. It'll be all kind of crazy stuff, back to back. I'm like, what is going on? And I'm still very tired, now I'm questioning. I'm like, well, God, what is going on? What is this? And I remember talking to one of my spiritual sisters one time and she said, and I told her, I said,

I don't know what to do. I said, I'm tired and my body is breaking down. Like literally, I was turning dark, losing weight. It was terrible. And she said, have you, you need to pray. Like you need, I said, I have. She said, no, no, you have to go have a moment. And I said, okay.

And I said, well, maybe I haven't done that because we get caught up in our partner selves sometimes and don't do what we know we're supposed to do and let this go to the source. So I went home that night, cut off everything and I got on my knees, I lit my candles and I just prayed. And I said, God, I need you to show me. I need you to tell me what it is that I need to be doing.

What is it that you want? What do you see for me? And I left it there. I left, I cried out, I left it there. Two months later, I was sitting in Houston's, at this time it was on Lennox Road. This woman stopped by my booth, I was with one of my closest friends.

This lady stopped by my booth, I'd never seen her there in my life. She lays her hand on my shoulder, and she says, stop stressing over that salon. Mm. What? I swear to you, just like that. She says, stop stressing over that salon.

I'm thinking, maybe she's a client of my salon. Oh, my God. I told you I told you. I said, maybe she's a client of my salon. Maybe she's gonna one of my stylists, and she's maybe had heard me going off in a, I said, I said, do you, are you, do you call to my side? She said, no.

She said, God told me to tell you to let it go. Ooh. So I got in the car, I turned on Donnie McClurkin and Dorinda Clonko, let it go. Come on. And you better let it go. And on. And you be like, let it go. And I hollered all the way home. Then I began to write my letter to my clients

and then a letter to my staff. And I mean, baby, when I tell you, I had to keep turning it because it was wet. And fast forward, got bumped to series regular. Got bumped to series regular right after that. I got offered a Billie Holiday movie and things were great. Now let me also add,

every pinnacle moment of my career thus far, I've not had an agent. I've not been able to secure an agent. I've not been able to have proper management because I was always told that I was unusual talent and they don't know what the pitch would be. However, everything I've done has been top tier. So right there he showed me, I'm your agent.

That's right. But even at that, I still was like, well, God, why? Can you say that to me? I'm like, this person got an agent, this person got not, what's the, I don't like, well, God, why? Can you say that to me? I'm like, this person got an agent? This person got an agent? I said, what's the difference? But I left it alone. I said, OK, God, I know, obviously you got me.

Again, you keep showing me signs. I get a new job or whatever the case might be. Fast forward, now here we are. We go into a pandemic. Then we go into a strike. The coins have run completely out. I don't have anybody in human form working on my behalf to secure me new deals and new jobs and stuff. And so for the last two, three years, I don't know, I have literally been operating on my

spiritual savings account. You talked about it, my spiritual savings account. You talked about it, my spiritual savings account. And that God has placed a village that is so strong and so rich in my life that I have not, there are a lot of things that I want for. But what you need. But everything that I need is provided. And I mean everything from mortgage payment,

everything from water, everything from making sure, everything from water, everything from making sure my mother is taken care of because I lost my father last year. And that was a whole new thing I had to take on. And so because I learned from my first experience to not question him and just trust him, while I get uncomfortable a lot.

I don't like how it feels. I don't like how it feels. I get uncomfortable a lot. I get it, I don't like how it feels. I get very uncomfortable from not having a car to a friend of mine, like take my car and keep it till you get another one. Like all of that, as uncomfortable as it's been, I can't explain why I still have a sense of comfort. Yes, there is a piece that I cannot explain.

Yes. I have no lack. No lack. There is a piece that I cannot explain. I have no lack. No lack. I have no lack, but also no money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so what God showed me was, I am the richest.

I am the resource. I provide the abundance. I'm the supplier. I'm the supplier of all your needs. Yeah. Not a job. My gosh. Not a job. No, for sure. And so to answer the question, God has shown up and showed me who he was so many times. And through every hard or hurdle or tribulation, you name it.

He has kept my peace. He's given me a sense, miracle signs and wonder for me to stay sane and just trust him and it works. That's amazing. Now, Deval, you and Ms. Lawrence, and I mean, well, she work in the entertainment industry as well, but Hollywood and God do not mix you know they always try to say hey you don't say God or Jesus just or say God don't say Jesus. I thank you God like no like they tell us to like not do those things I haven't really been told that but we

know it it's like an unspoken thing. Has there been anything that projects or boundaries that you set within your career because of your faith or things Has there been anything that projects or boundaries that you set within your career because of your faith or things, or just your personal beliefs or things that you like, I'm not doing that? Yeah, I've had one role where it was a rape scene. Wow. And I just refused to do it.

I just was like, there's something about that. And they were like, well, that's a thespian. And I said, I get it. But I can use my tool for what I want to perpetuate and the person that I was raped was not a woman of color and I'm like you expect me as a black man to do this I'm not doing that I'm just I'm not doing it and it was a small short film that you know was supposed to give me some opportunities to go and I was like I'm not doing that my kids gonna have to watch that. And the thing is, the things you put out in the world,

people see, and how people get introduced to you, sometimes they can never get that back. And I never wanted someone to see me in that position. And I didn't care if the story, because the story was actually a really good story, but I said, I cannot play that role. I just, I refuse to do it. I'm the same way.

I have boundaries, like when I show my body. And you know, cause we had those intimate scenes together and you always make sure I'm safe and that I'm protected and covered where I don't want to be shown. Yeah. And there was a, it was, I had a scene where it wasn't showing the rape

but it was the after math of the rape. It just eluded that she had gotten raped, but it just happened. And even in that, I was like, ah. But it was telling a true story. So I was like, OK, as an artist, yeah, this is a story. And that needs to be told. So I had to audition for it, but someone else ended up getting it. It was between me and this other person.

But I even had to call my dad. I was like, Dad, is it bad to do this? And he was like, what's the story? And he was like, and what me and this other person, but I even had to call my dad I was like dad like is it yeah had to do this and he was like What's the story? You know? Yeah, he was like and what are you having to show? I was like what's not showing that part. He was like, okay, so it's just the aftermath and the affected. Yeah, but There's like certain I've always said I'll never do like any like demonic movies or movies that like will torture my soul afterwards Yeah certain things like I'm scary anyway, so that like will torture my soul afterwards. There's certain things like, I'm scary anyway. So I'll be in the bed like, huh?

Still seeing it. Still seeing it, yeah. So I'm always like, there's certain things I just want to do in horror. I'm not really into that anyway. So there are certain things I want to do, but because of my faith, I do have boundaries that I set. What about you, Ms. Lawrence?

Not yet. I've not come across anything yet where I'm just like no that does not align with you know my spirit. I am there I'm good about taking myself out of the equation when I'm offered a role or but I take my time and get to know who this person is that I'm about to take on yeah and if I feel like like how you go to your father and ask him, like, is this someone whose story definitely needs to be told and am I the person to do it? And if so, I want to fully, fully commit. If that person, whatever insecurities that person might have had, give them to me in that moment, you know, because I want to do them justice.

And the only role, the role that I felt that the most was when I played Miss Freddie in the United States versus Billie Holiday, because he was a person whose name was never spoken because of who he was during the 40s and 50s era, because he chose to live honest and out loud. And so I wanted to give him everything that I could and that the director would allow me to give. We did. Amazing. Thank you.

I know you were just in Deliverance and there was a movie that, it was a lot of different conversations around that movie, but I found out that you all had a pastor on set that prayed and you guys were actually telling a true story. And that's what people kind of missed. It was like, at first I was like, I'm scared to watch it. They're like, no, it's a true story. And I was like, okay. I was like, that can get into it.

Cause sometimes when you just feel like they're like making up this stuff, but like that was a real true story. And when I found you guys had a pastor there, I was like, wow, that's dope to just really pray over you all. He was on set the whole time and he came by to everybody's trailer. Well of course you had to say it was okay. He came, he prayed and told us why he was doing this, why he was called and all this kind of stuff and it was that was quite an experience. And one of the directors, Jackson, he was an

atheist when y'all started filming that movie. I just found this out He was an atheist and now he saved his kids are at Christian school and everything He said he came from he told me this like just last week and he was saying it came from y'all prayed every day Before y'all got started and everything and I just was was like, you were, I said, you was, he's like, no, I was an atheist. I just did not believe anything. And he's safe now. No one is too far back.

No one is too far back. No one is too far back. No, because I will meet you wherever. Yeah, that's so good. It's cruising. I watched my dad, bro. Like my dad, you never met my pops. I met him in New York.

Oh, you didn't? You just met him in New York, yeah. You see how he just be jolly? Yeah, it's really, yeah. I'll never forget this. My father came home working from Chase Manhattan Bank. He said, bro, I got laid off today. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm, you told me you, I'm walking on to college. You said you had me the first semester. I got you, bro. Got to provide. And walked away. Little kid you not. He had I think he had a three-month contract left. The last day of the contract. Scoop you can tell the story because I'm not lying. The last day of the contract he's there. You know he's getting ready to leave. No one else is there. This is his last day. He's like

let me make sure everything is cool. While he's walking out a guy says hey Troy I'm glad I saw you. I'm doing a contract over at Sundial. I wonder if you're interested. The next day they hired my father as a, what is it called, not a contractor. When you help people build their business. A consultant. A consultant.

And had to get paid time and a half. So he got paid more money consulting than he was working at the job and he was at that job for the next four years. And when I watched that, I'm like, my father, the time was coming down and he jollied every day going to work. And I'm like, you're not stressed? He said, no, I've got faith. And I never seen the righteous forsaken. He's begging for bread. You know what scared me though? That's it. Y'all can tell me if this scared you.

I was afraid that if I don't have faith like that, I was going to hell. And I was like, whatever type of faith my father got, I want that, I don't know how to get it. And that's what I'm spending the rest of my life trying to get, because the way you talk about God, the way you talk about God, I just, I I'm like y'all have gone through things and I'm like okay maybe it hasn't been my time yet but I will say listening to you speak you speak you

speak as a woman of great knowledge and wisdom but also very genuine You know what I'm saying? It's easy. Right! Now you're enjoying the trip! You're not trying to accept it! Now you're trying to accept it! Sister Brenda, Pastor Brenda, don't go to prison after getting it! Let's read that part out! Look at all those steps! Like damn, I need you to come school me at a...alright. I appreciate all of you.

Thank you for your questions. Thank you for feeling safe enough. Well, that's Chris. When Chris told me this, I was like, all right, well, I'm going to come here and ask. Because I knew she would protect me with people that's not going to look at me like, what is wrong with this guy? No, not at all. Thank you. It's okay, man.

Seriously, that's what I wanted. I wanted to create a safe space that we all could be free to ask the questions that we want to ask, talk about our truths, and really just get some knowledge. Because Brenda is a wealth of knowledge. I ask her questions about everything. We'll be going through a whole dinner, and she's like inside, I'm waiting for it. And I'm like, so Brenda. I said, wow, you waited an hour. I didn't think you'd come ask yourself. Yeah. So seriously, thank you guys.

I just recently went through a time where I was questioning if this whole being out loud about God and Jesus was even worth it. Because as we say that Christians can be so judgmental, they can be some of the, I'm talking about just cruel people, especially like on the internet, what we see all the time. And as I was being more and more out loud and just transparent about me not being perfect,

then it's like people come at you even harder. And even got to the podcast, I was like, I feel like my podcast becoming too churchy, like I'm not there, I don't wanna talk about God, I feel like my podcast becoming too churchy. Like I'm not there. I don't want to talk about God. Like let's just keep it cool, fun. I want them to see who I am. Like let's have different people on.

And here we are, first episode talking about God. In all our ways of knowledge. Yes. For sure. I think it's like something I feel like I always work through is how do I hold truth and what I believe, but also make space for your journey. And the internet doesn't allow that. They just see the one moment and they don't consider, oh, she's journeying through this the same way I am.

Absolutely. And that's what I want Christians to really do more of, like, understand that we're all on different paths, all in different parts of the like understand that we're all on different paths, all in different parts of the journey, but we're all on a journey together. And if we give each other like, okay, where are you? Okay, I see where you are. Let me help you go on the way versus like literally being like, oh, you ain't see, you over here doing that way.

You know who I am. You know? And I'm finna go do more. Of course, you see doing that like that. Yeah. And I think it's our, we have a responsibility as believers I'm gonna go do more. And I do I think it's a risk. We have a responsibility as believers to see like, okay, dang Chris needs help. So the first thing I do is like, okay, I'm here to serve you

like let me know and that's what it's about. Like I'm gonna get on the journey with you. You know, we're gonna go together. Yeah, I appreciate that all together. All right. So I know everyone has amazing things going on and things on horizon. I want our audience to support you because the Kips and the sweeties family when I tell you they are rat-a-daised

And if we say go support it, I know you Have started with you. I know you got some dope things going on. Yeah First and foremost, make sure you watch sisters. Yes every Wednesday BT make sure you streams a team on every Thursday on BET+. Make sure you tune in to Netflix November 6th, Meet Me Next Christmas starring me and Christina Milian. Make sure you tune in to Deadass Podcasts every Wednesday on I Heart Radio wherever you get your podcasts.

And in March, make sure you go check out Otello on Broadway. I'm a co-producer alongside Brian Moorland, so go check those things out. Yes, love it, love it, love it. Lord, give me something sad. Give me something real. Give me something that little friend. No, everybody I have a book out, Pit to Palace Mentality and it's 10 Key Principles to See Your Way Through Your Worst Situation. There's some good principles in there. It's available on Amazon. Also my nonprofit is almost tax time.

Y'all need a write off. Chance to Change. And it's geared towards children who parents are incarcerated. And right now we have a heavy focus on fighting crime. We know the gun violence is super high in Atlanta amongst the ages of 12 to 16 years old. So we're trying to stop that trajectory or whatever.

And the podcast is on all platforms. Break Free, free as spelled P-H-R-E-E I still go by that. Break free so it's available wherever audio is it comes on YouTube every Tuesday make sure y'all tune in make sure y'all support your girl and Crystal I want to thank you for allowing me to be on your platform thank you for giving me a space to speak and you didn't even know me. Thank you for taking a chance on me and to the viewers I want to tell y'all that nothing is impossible with God. Amen. Luke 137 nothing. That's so good. No Angela thank you. Your story is so dynamic and I just love what you're doing so I'm honored to have you here. Thank you. He said I know all those words.

I have a podcast called Life in Perspective with Brenda Palmer. It comes out every Monday. Y'all, I just really be on the gram, like dropping gems every day, hanging out with people, going live. It's just what I do. So you can follow me at I am Brenda Palmer everywhere, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube. And I have my first book coming out. But it comes out next June but you gotta follow me to hear all the details. It's called The Journey of Yes, The Everyday Adventure of

Radical Obedience. That one was more accurate. So it comes out June of 2025. I'm super duper excited. And thank you for creating this space for us. Of course. Thank you Brenda. You inspired this. I appreciate you. Thanks for coming all the way from Los Angeles. Come on in.

Ms. Lawrence. I think this is my camera here. Yep, you got it. Follow me on social media, Ms. Lawrence Um, I think this is my camera here. Yep, you got it. Follow me on social media, Ms. Lawrence and my SS Lawrence. I am going into a new journey of real estate while I'm waiting on my next project, which is scheduled to begin in 2025. There is still a working title. I don't know if they're set on the title yet, but I can tell y'all this, because he put it out there.

I'm gonna be a detective. I'm gonna be your next detective. Oh, is that right? I'm gonna be your next detective on your TV screens. Just stay tuned. That's fine. And also, I started a movement, I'm calling it, Play the Purpose, which I created to bridge the gap,

or to aid in bridging the gap between the black LGBTQ community and the black straight community. It's something that I'm very passionate about, something that I think is very necessary, only because we are so disconnected and only because we don't fully really understand each other and know each other.

So Crystal, thank you for moments like this, because this is what it is. And this is very reflective actually of what Play the Purpose is. So follow me and stay tuned because there's a lot more coming with Play the Purpose. Talking about it, that's amazing. Talking about it.

Thanks for the stories. So. Big fella. Big words. Well you can first catch everything, well all things Crystal Renee. You can have love, you can have love. But I also have a big and tall men's clothing line.

Okay, one the big feather. Hey, you call me big smooth. Don't you worry. See you. I q one. Well, guys, thank you so much. Seriously, I feel like conversations like this are what people need who are seeking that knowledge,

who are seeking wisdom and just trying to get close to the God and really don't know how. I appreciate you guys. We were just at Woman Evolved and they were saying that the unlikely ones are gonna be the ones that are rising up, touching people. And I feel like this conversation is definitely going to do that. So thank you guys so much.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. One of the reasons I love the conversations that we have on this show is because they leave me so full and I learn so much. One of my biggest takeaways from this talk is, guys, we are so much more alike than not

on this faith journey so give each other grace don't be so judgmental and be there for one another. Thank you guys so much for spending some time with me today you can follow me on all platforms at Love Chris Rene and you can also follow our show at Keep It Positive Sweetie. If you want to write into our positive outcomes listener letter, you can send us an email at keepitpositivesweetie at gmail.com. In the meantime, in between time, y'all already know what to do. Keep it positive, Sweetie. I'll see you guys next time. Thank you.