Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Still I Rise with Gocha Hawkins-Haynes

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Season 2 Episode 8 | This week I sat down with my longtime friend Gocha, who has been through a lot and has turned her life around. Gocha is a walking testimony with a story to tell and spreads positivity wherever she goes. She's turned her trials into triumph, becoming a successful entrepreneur, opening a few restaurants and now even franchising them. God has had his hand on her and will continue to keep blessing her. I hope you enjoy meeting her!

Trigger warning, this episode discusses sexual abuse. Viewer discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, please call the National Sexual Salt Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. Hello and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive Sweetie. Today I have with me one of my really, really, really, really, really, really, really good friends. Go Shae. You guys may know her from Go Shae's breakfast bar, Go Shae's tapest bar, or even when she did hair back in the day.

But she is here today. We're going to have some girl talk. I the day, but she is here today. We're gonna have some girl talk. I'm so excited to have you here today. Oh, thank you. You'll have to stay back in the day like I'm 59 years old. But you are a restaurant tourer now, honey. Yes, indeed. Thank you.

Thank you. You're so cute. Thank you for having me. Of course. No, I'm excited. Because you really have a story to tell. I'm glad to. You do. And I like to of course, no, I'm excited. Because you really have a story to tell. I'm caught, too.

You do. And I like to highlight women, especially successful women who have made a name for themselves, doing it the right way. But to show, because a lot of people see us, and they only see the light. And like, oh my gosh, she's a boss. She's doing this, she's doing that.

But they don't see everything that it took to get to where you are today. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? I say that all the time when it comes to social media, you know, people only show the positive, you know, things that they're doing. They don't, you don't get to see the grind and how, you know, all the hardships that they had to get, you know, you just see the glorified part.

Exactly. That is so real. So, I like to give them, which makes us more relatable. People can see us, I'm like, oh my God, I'm just like her. And I can do it too. That's most important part. Seeing that they see themselves in us, but also know that they can do it as well.

Whatever that is that you want to do. So yeah, so let me see. We met, I want to say, probably around 2000. And I want to say, 14, 13 to want to say 14, 13 to 14. I think it was more 2012. With a 12, maybe 2012. Wow, that's great. That was been flying.

Oh, for sure. Time is flying. I used to wear my hair short like I was saying. Oh, God. She would cut my hair for me. You would cut my hair up until the first restaurant. Yeah, it was so cool. I would live to go to her office and get my hair for me, you were cutting my hair up until the first restaurant. I would let it go to her office and get my hair. I was like, go say, I know you're not doing hair, but I need my hair done.

You were my poster child, you just didn't know it. I post Chris Thubby like, bam, bam, bam, bam, it's after hits like yes. Come on Chris, I need my hair done. Okay, cool, come on. I love it. I love it. No, we used to rock that short hair, my goodness. No, but old clothes, everything.

That was my favorite. Oh, my goodness, my favorite. I ain't got to cut my hair after y'all, but if I had the itch sometimes to cut it off. But yeah. Well, you know, you wear a little wig and... Sure, sure. Oh, yeah, I could do that. I actually you wear a little wig and... Sure. Oh, yeah, I could do that.

I actually do have a short way. You just reminded me. Okay, I couldn't do that when I'm feeling a little feisty. Yeah. I like it. I like it. So when I met you, you were doing hair at the time. You had your own salon.

Yeah. And at that time, it was... Did I midtown? Which one of the... Irish Glen Iris? Oh yes, that was Glen Iris work. Yeah, oh yeah, that was back in the day. Yeah, see?

Yeah, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Glen Iris was the first one and you were doing the Hawks Steelers here and then you were also styled Liberty's here. You were doing a lot of things. And that's where I first met Malaysia. Yes, yes. Yep.

Mm-hmm. Yep. And then you got another salon, beautiful, bigger space in the heart of Midtown, right of a West Beach street. Yeah. Yeah. And then what made you want to say, okay, I want to do here. What was it that was like, did you just love doing as a kid or what was it?

Well, the funny part is, when I was a kid, I never wanted to do hair, never thought about it or anything. It was simply, I got on the wrong side of the road, I went to prison, and I got out of prison and I was like, what am I going to do with my life? And a young lady who was doing my hair at the time, once I got out, I saw how quickly she, you know, she would take like the first 18 people you come sign a book early in the morning. Oh wow.

And, you know, if you didn't get on the list, she was not doing your hair. And so every person that came, it was a minimum of $18. So it was like a shampoo and said at that time, $18. So a minimum, you were getting $18. So I was like, wow, this looks like the next best thing to sell in drugs.

So I wanna try this out, you know? So I decided to go to her school. I met a girl named Cynthia and she was in my class and she taught me everything I needed to know by weave. And I tell people all the time, she had to be my guardian angel because she got out of school. She became a paralegal. She did not even do hair.

It was so crazy. I was like, wow. But I built up my clientele before I even got out of school. So I went straight into a salon with a clientele. That's amazing. She had taught me a lot. That's amazing. Wow, that's amazing.

That's amazing. They say you went to prison. What was it? I went to prison. I did two years and Oh, my God. I know this. Yeah, I went to prison. I did two years. I had just had my son and The crazy thing is I went to prison. I got set up Twice One was from a girl that I thought was my friend. The first time it was my husband.

That's the worst. Which was the worst. It was unbelievable. But when I went to court, they said, they sent his name, blah, blah, blah, blah, to buy crack cocaine from me. What? That was what was on my after date. Oh my goodness.

And you got caught up in that. So I did two years and I always felt like he was a type. He didn't want me to be out in the streets because he was like really jealous. You know, that type of guy and did not want me to be out in the streets because he was like really jealous, you know, that type of guy and did not want me to be in the streets. So I'm going to assume that's why he, you know, did that. But yeah, that was crazy. But he really didn't want you in the street.

Yeah, I feel that. I want you. His mom got my kids. Yeah, I was trying to get my family to keep my kids temporarily and he wanted his mom to keep them And so she ended up keeping them so I didn't get a chance to see them while I was locked up So it was hard, you know, but you know it taught me it taught me a lesson Yeah, you know get out of the streets But the whole thing was I was looking for love in all the wrong places my husband husband was 11 years older than I was, and so I was just trying to find love.

Yes. And just got caught up doing the wrong things. So, wow. Where do you feel like that getting caught up? Because I know a lot of women have been that girl where they've gotten caught up looking for love in all the wrong places. Where do you think that's stem from? You feel like there was a childhood thing,

or do you feel like, I think, you know, as a kid, I was abused from different family members. And, you know, just trying to find love, you know, I felt like I was hurt by all the people who are supposed to love you. And then, you know, once I And then once I got out, I went to foster care. I was shuffled from home to home. Like it was a really rough childhood,

and I ended up being on my own at 14. And I was just looking for love. In all the wrong places, just trying to be accepted, trying to find somebody. And that's how I found my husband. I ended up getting pregnant at 16. I had my first baby at 17. Got married at 18.

I had my next baby with the prison at 19. Like, wow. It was a lot. And even though I went to prison and did all that, I'm not mad. I'm not even though my husband set me up. I'm not mad at him. All these things that I did experience

with the abuse from childhood and so forth. I feel like these were stepping stones in my life. They built character. They made me who I am today. And I'm pretty happy with who I am today. You know. So I'm gonna say you turned out amazing. You know, people never see the scars.

You know what I'm saying? People carry. I don't even think I knew that. Yeah. I mean, you know, because I tell people, don't let your past dictate your future. I don't ever want people to feel sorry for me and be like, oh my god, you went through all this stuff. And I feel sorry for you.

And I don't feel sorry for me because it is what it is. And had I not went through some of the things that I went through, I probably would not be who I am today. So I don't regret anything. I still deal with it mentally because of sometimes I still feel like I'm not accepted in certain areas or I don't hang with the, you know, all the popular people I don't. And I feel like, so those are some things that I still deal with, you know, just being

accepted, even though I am super successful. I try to take my success and just make it bigger in my mind to feel like, oh, you'll be accepted now that you're successful even more, you know. So those are things that I still battle with today. You know, I haven't, I tried to go to counseling. That was gonna be my next question. I tried. And when I went to counseling, I didn't feel a connection.

I didn't feel like they were there for me. That's important. I felt like it was a job for them. So it just didn't connect. I still feel like I could use counseling but it has to be the right chemistry that right person. I'm with you because I struggle with that. I had started doing counseling last year and same thing. It just wasn't a good fit. I was like, I didn't feel right.

I didn't feel comfortable to tell the person the truth because in order to get help, you have to be honest. And you have to put that mirror up to your face and be like, ooh, this is what a, oh wow. And it causes you to really see a lot of things and unpack things that we as adults have literally suppressed for years and that little girl or that little boy inside of us never heals.

And I have so many stipulations, I didn't want to go to a man. Uh huh. You know, and even like, if I go to a gynecologist, I don't want to go to a man. And like, it's so weird. Like, it's like, it has to be a woman and they have to be able to connect, you know, like mentally, spiritually, physically, just absolutely the whole total thing. And I just didn't get that.

It's hard to find. It really is. It really is. I've been blessed. I've had my therapist on a few times, Dr. Delayna Zimmerman. And she is like the auntie slash a young Levan Zant who's gonna give it to you real and real. And she is like the auntie slash a young Levan Zant

who's gonna give it to you real and raw. And sometimes just like, did you just say that to me? What? But it's so real. Do you feel like if they didn't actually go through what you went through or some cylinder that they can really tell you how to deal with it?

Right, no. Colossus was just clinical definition, our answers were see Dr. Zlena, she's been a prison, she's been a jail. Oh, Colossus is just clinical definition, our answers, but see, Dr. Zlena, she's been in prison, she's been a drug addict. Oh, yeah. All the things, you know, and she's relapsed and cleaned herself back. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's recovered completely, so she's lived a life of pain and suffering and knows how to overcome all those things. Yeah. So she's someone who's been through some things that can be like, hey, I can help you get this. She's been married, been divorced. Oh, she's lived all the things. So then I

might care relate to her. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, she is amazing. She really is. Do you feel like, because I hear a lot of the young girl in Gosset that still, we never lose that little girl inside of us. Oh, yeah. We never do. And I've learned that in therapy, I'm like, oh, I didn't realize how broken this little girl was inside of us. We never do. And I learned that in therapy, I'm like, ooh, I didn't realize how broken this little girl was inside of me. And we continue to try to mask, I know, for me, masking success, men, clothes, jewelry, whatever, whatever things may be that make me happy

to just keep that little girl kind of pushed in the corner because I don't want to deal with that. You know what I'm saying? Do you feel like that has also had an impact on relationships? Oh, absolutely. Like moving forward even after your husband. Absolutely. I feel like, you know, a lot of relationships that I were in, I maybe was not mature enough

to even deal with the relationships. And I pretty much dealt with it or felt like my way, no way, or the highway, fuck it up, I'm out, you know what I'm saying. And that was all because I wasn't really mature enough to handle the relationships. I've been quite a few relationships. And I feel like all of that stems from just the past, you know. So, you recently got married. Now you are married to a woman.

What was it that made me go and say to me like, I'm sick of you. I'll say all the time, I tell all my friends, I feel so sorry for you. I'm like, yeah, I might as well just switch on them to the other side. You always say that. You always say that. You always say that.

I think number one, I never really liked guys. You know, I think that stemmed from just the sexual molestation that I went through as a kid. I think really that was it. And then when I did experience guys, it wasn't like fulfilling. I felt like the sex hurt, it hurt and... Can I say that? What?

Yeah. Okay. And off those condoms, drive, car, because they didn't. Yeah, because it does off those, you need condoms, drugs, I can't say that. Well, yeah, because it does, condoms affect women do for the women. Yeah, okay. This is a real thing. Okay.

So, you know, I felt like the sex hurt, I felt like, and then when you had to have sex with dudes, you had to use a condom. The condoms would dry me out, mess up my pH, I would, you know, you need a lamp here. Yeah, I mean, I tried those two, but still, they still just, I still would, it would throw off my pH.

So I still would have to go to the doctor, like, I just, me, I just wasn't in for me. Like, I tried. And then I felt like, guys, it was too much, like the cheating, like, it was just too much. It is. You know, and I always found myself attracted to women. I always thought they were so beautiful

and I felt like connected. And I just gave up. I was just like, I don't want a man anymore. I'm just going to stay with a woman now. You know, I tried it a few times and I finally found someone that I felt like I really connected with. My wife, I'm really happy with her.

You are. Yeah, she's super sweet. So supportive. She's got my nurse on time. I have this t-shirt that says, my wife makes me want to square up on her. So yeah, but I love her. Oh, yeah.

Oh my goodness. I love, I went to your wedding in Vegas. Yeah, so much fun. We had a good time. But I guess your wife was just so in love like that she couldn't even stand up that she passed out. That was the crazy thing. I thought if she was scared, you know,

this was her first relationship with a woman. So I guess maybe in her mind she was like oh my god what am I done. That's probably why she passed out. And you were making a picture. Yes and you remember I said I was too late now. You know what I said I knew. The wedding was over y'all. Go share your wife and always taking our solo pictures together. And I feel her wife get a little heavy on my shoulder. I was like, come on, we almost done. I was like, yeah, I just can't.

I was just scared. I was like, oh my God. I was like, she's mad. That was a mess. Like, I think she was nervous. I think, I don't know. I don't know. No, she was definitely nervous. It was a beautiful waiting room. So beautiful. Into me, I think. I don't know. I don't know. No, she was definitely nervous.

It was a beautiful wedding, man. So beautiful. Intimate. I love how you guys did it. I definitely, if I get married, I definitely want to be something intimate like that. It was just my close friends. People I really talk to, they all know what I mean.

And even at most of the time, you have weddings, and you have all these people, have them. You haven't talked to in years, blah, blah, blah. And then you just have this big thing, and it's just for, that's really for them. It is, and I'm not sitting on the way for them. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't, yeah.

I want to do some key for my people. We don't have fun. Probably get out of Atlanta somewhere pretty, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That would be nice. I'll be excited when it happens. Me too.

It's coming. It's coming. It's coming. I'll be patient. I'm good. I'm being patient. Yeah, he said a little bit longer. How much longer, Lord? He said, don't ask me no question.

He showed it. Listen, he will make you laugh when you try to make plans. I'll be like, Lord, so when we doing this, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's talk about what the switch was. When you, because you career wise, you decide, OK, I won't do it anymore. I'm going to open up a restaurant.

Of course, of all, go shake and cook. Listen, you can cook. Like, I remember we would come to your condo before you moved into your other house, before you moved to the other house. This is it. Then, it'll be, OK. But I before you moved to the other house. This is it, then 11 a.m. Okay, but I remember used to cook for us. I'm like, gosh, you can really cook.

What was it that wasn't just like everybody told you you could cook or you knew, like, I could do this? So my mom has, were had nice sisters and brothers and they all cooked. Wow. And then my dad's mom, she cooked. The crazy part is, I never picked up on any of it. Really?

I did not learn how to cook until I got married the first time. And my husband, I remember cooking, and I made jiffy mix. Now, he was like a only child, and his mom used to always cook for him. So when I came in the picture, I did not know how to cook. So I remember when we got married, I cooked, and I made jiffy mix.

I love jiffy. Okay, well, I do. I'm from the country. He didn't like jiffy mix. He took that pan of cornbread, and he threw it across the room. He said, I wanted a fucking cake, I would ask for a cake. That's why I like it, because it's so sweet.

So, girl, from that day, I learned how to cook. Like, for realery, I learned how to cook. I read out to my grandmother's house, and she started showing me how to cook. And I just started trying, trying. And at that time, I was 18, and I just started trying, trying. And at that time I was 18 so I just started experimenting, experimenting. Oh my goodness.

And my grandmother worked at the country club and I used to go to work with her and learn a little stuff here and there and I just started cooking at home. I just started in cook rating, you know, little things and learning and learning. Till I finally got it right. I love that. Well you got it right. But I tell people, I'm time. If you can read, you can cook.

Hey, sweetie. We're going to get back to this week's episode after an ad from our sponsors. Tough is in your DNA. It drives your resilience. Even when they told you that you couldn't, you did what no one else could. And that's because you're different from the rest.

Every day, you work hard to conquer challenges, making the impossible happen. And tomorrow, you'll do it all over again with a truck that's just as tough as you. Explore the best Ford truck for you today at Ford.com. Built Ford Tough. We'll be out for tough. Got me. You got to figure out what works for you a little bit of this, a little less. I don't think that means. Easy. I love that. And all your recipes are your original recipes.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. So good. My go to a gochés breakfast bar are the salmon croquettes, the honey biscuit, cheese grits with breakfast potatoes, and some orange juice. That's my favorite. I even get it Uber eats to my house. I know, girl. I love it.

It's so good. And then at your tapas bar, I love the salmon chips. The lollipop little chow. With a jam. So good. Everything is, everything you do is amazing. Thank you. I work really hard on these things.

But I really have a passion. I realize that after doing hair, that this is really my passion. This is the first business I've ever had. I've had several businesses from close-estores, hair salons. You know, I feel like this is truly my passion, and I feel really fulfilled with this. This is the first time I've ever felt fulfilled

when I opened the restaurant. At what age were you, because sometimes people, especially younger generations, think everything has happened right now, but they don't realize life is a journey, and you're gonna have things you fall in out of love with. And what point, what age were you when you decided

this is the shift and then you saw, oh my God, I'm finally fulfilled. Oh, that was five years ago. Oh wow. And yeah, so five years ago, like this didn't happen. And I see this happen all the time. You don't have a lot of people, I mean, it's becoming a little bit more common now

that success is coming younger. But a lot of times, people don't find success until they're 40s, 50s. It was late 30s for me. Yeah. When everything hit. Yeah. to their 40s, 50s. It was late 30s for me. When everything hit. Yeah. So yeah, it's just five years ago

that I realized that, oh wow, this is it. Wow, and yeah. I remember you didn't have a clothing line. I remember you would go to Miami, you were shopping for clothes at the fashion. I do remember I forgot all about that. Yeah, so guys just understand like like there's gonna be different journeys, you're gonna fall in and out of love with things.

One year, one passion, maybe your thing. The next year may not, but don't lose hope, because eventually you will find your niche in what you love to do. I love that, go share it. Yeah, and I like to tell people that you should have more than one iron in the fire. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

That's it, because this may not work. So continuously making this work, this work, this work, you know. Right. Because, you know, like even when I had my hair salon in Alabama, I had a clothing store. Yeah. You know, I let that go because it was it became too much. It was next door. Now if I would have the clothes in the store. Right. It was so hard. But it was so crazy girl. I would have had the clothes in the store. Right. It was so crazy here. I would be doing hair. Somebody would come on a bus up.

I would have to stop on the hair. Go next door. That's how the show people, you know, what they needed or what they wanted or whatever. It was crazy. Oh my gosh. You was husband. Yeah, I was.

And it was crazy. I wanted to say this, I don't know if I can't enough. Anyway, I tell people that, you know, like sometimes you go to people for knowledge, you ask them to help you. And I remember, I was this lady who lived in Atlanta. I lived in Alabama at the time. And I went to her and I asked her if she could help me with my clothing store because I did not know, you know, what to do, where to buy the clothes or whatever. And this lady told me that she could not help me

with a conflict of interest. Now I remind you, I'm in Alabama, and she was in Atlanta. I'm never gonna forget this lady, and she had this boutique over here, like close to Linux mom. Love you ever heard of signature boutique back in the days. This is late-night windy. I was so shocked, so I just shot with that lady Like close to Linux mom. Love you ever heard of a signature blue teak back in the days.

This is Layney Wendy. I was so shocked. I said, shout with that lady all the time from Alabama. And I came up here at Turn of Yelp. And she was like, yeah, that's a conflict of interest for me. I was so shocked. But I just say that to say that, you know, sometimes you can seek help from you, ask people for help.

And they don't want to help you because they feel like you're a competition to them. You might do better than them or something. And I'm just happy that I'm not that type of person. And I feel like you can, I feel like God blesses you more when you're helping people. You know what I'm saying? And not having a close fist. Get people in the eye.

No, I can't. I can't help you. You might get a hit. Yeah, you know, but there's enough room for everybody to eat. And when people understand that, they won't be like, they've got people like, you ain't got that. I don't want to be in competition with you.

Because you know how you help me with that video? Yes, yes. Yes, exactly. Yes! Exactly! Sure, I stopped by the game. What was the video? Because I know that's a big part of your branding. Yeah. You know, that's important to know how to do that.

Yeah. And, um, yeah, I'm like, I'm going to show you how to do it. Like, it's not a problem. I do, I feel like a lot of people do that. And I've always been that type of person. Like, if I can teach you something, I'm going to teach you. If I can help you, I'ma help you. And what you do with it is on you.

You know what I'm saying? I gotta keep doing mine. But once I spread your wings and I want you to soar, you know, do your thing. But that is so good. And that's why people are so blessed for sure. I always say your living is in your giving. And people look at me and like, oh my God, why hurt?

And I'm like, it's not me. You know what I'm saying? Like, what God has like bestowed upon me, but also the fact that I'm not stingy with it. Right. You're bad. Yeah, you gotta be able to be a giver. It's always gonna come back.

Yeah. In the ways you don't even expect it, may not come back in the way you gave it, but it's gonna come back and be like, oh, wow, I didn't even expect that. You know? I'm even thinking about that. You know? You're thinking about it.

Yeah, yeah. So that's a great gift for you too. Thank you. You are too though. You give all the time. Even when you're not even thinking about it. It's just amazing. It's just amazing.

Thank you. But like literally, I think I've been like that since I was a kid. I think I got it from my dad because my dad is always like, whatever new, need, come on. Got you with anybody, like just the nicest person I ever knew. So I gravitated to the kindness and like, generosity. Let me just do this. And when I was growing up, my parents instilled in me, um, tithing. You started with giving to God. And then I really, like, I was like, okay, I'm gonna just do it because they told me to

do it. And I would do it. And I'm like, daddy, I did it. And it till they tell me and do it. And I would do it. And I'm like, daddy, I did it. And then I got this, this came just like that. I'm like, this type of thing really works. And I was like, what if I tried that with other things? And it's like literally, it always comes back. Whatever you sow is gonna come back to you.

But good a bad. Yeah. Right, whatever you sow and it's gonna come back on you. That's so good. I need to be happy in church, passing around a little plate and two dollar dollar in there, and back in the bay without the kids. Yeah, I used to be so happy.

I remember when I was broke broke, I had moved to Atlanta, and I was so embarrassed. I was making $600 every two weeks. And when I got paid, I was used to making more money when I was at NDC. And I came in, I wasn't making a lot of money. And I was like, all I'm $60. I just felt embarrassed giving God $60.

But that was the 10th, just given what you got. And literally a friend of mine called me and he's like, hey, he's just told me to bless you. He gave me double what I was making. So I was like, okay, he's like, God, just told me to bless you. He's like, gave me like double what I had already, like what I was making. So I was like, okay, you can really be in faithful. Like, I see what you're doing, Lord. But I used to, like, I remember being so broke when I first moved to Atlanta.

I was like, I'm trying to stay in faithful, but I can really use this extra $60. That's true. And I know that some people feel like, you know, like when you're giving, you know, like they tell you to give your offers in church, but you don't have to always do it at church. You know, I get people money all the time. Same, like I hear stories of some of my employees struggling, I can't pay they rent or this

doesn't. Exactly. And I have blessed them with money all the time. Because it's a bit of a torture to do them. Yeah. Because they're doing the right thing. So I feel like, yeah, I don't have to be a church to give. You know, I could just give to people.

I had asked my dad that one day I was like, Dad, I was like, I got all this money. I was like, do I have to like give this to the church or what if there's like a foundation or if I want to like take needy families on the shopping street or if I want, can I allocate something that's money for different things? He's like, absolutely. So I still send money to the church, but I also take some of the extra money and be like, hey, I want to give to this foundation.

I want to help this person, same thing. Because sometimes people think that that's the only way to give. Because I look at what my churches do, and they do amazing things, but I was like, I can do that too. And I feel like it still serves the same purpose. I don't know, mom. She was like, she'd be calling me every now and then,

like, can you give a donate to the church? Yeah, but next time this show called me, can you give it? No. Like, I'll give, I'll give, like, from my heart when I want to, not because you want me to. Yeah. Like, I don't like that. I don't like to do stuff like that.

I like to do it when I want to do it. You know what I'm like? You guys put it on your head. Yeah, not because you feel like I should be giving my money to your church. Because it makes you look good. I mean, go to your church. Right.

That church is not hitting me. Yes. Oh, very good. Yeah, that's just crazy. But yeah, I love giving to people and being able to help. I love that. That's why you so blessed. I tell people all the time.

I've had friends and even family members that want to figure out why they know things really moving. I'm like, you see, you've got to help people, bless people, be nice. And they're like, okay, because I'm like, I'm just saying. I'm like, I'm trying to get you a blueprint here. I was trying to give you the blueprint. I am. Let's talk about your kids.

So you have a daughter, a son, that I know. Was it, does it? It's a daughter. Okay, how many kids do you all get me? I don't know. I don't think grandkids, I don't really. The grandkids, they got, they didn't got me. Yes, not in the sun.

What was the life, because I know you were taking, you were in prison when they were young. Yeah, really young. What was that like getting back with them after that, was it tough, and what's that relationship like? So, you know, once I got out of prison, I wanted to, the, his, my, ex-husband's mom was supposed to just give me the kids back when I got out, but of course that didn't happen. She wanted me to go to court and you know that once you get out of prison, you got to work, you got to show some history, you got to have a stable life.

Yeah. So I was really upset. So it took me probably three years after I got out to be able to show that I was stable, because of course, my mother told her to go to school, I had to find me a place. And it took me about three years to go to court, get the kids back. It was real challenging at that time.

And I was super depressed about it because I had already been taken away from them and then to get out and then have to show my life that I'm capable of worthy of being in their life. It was a challenging process for me. But I got them back, needless to say. And we've been through sometimes because even though he was in my life,

I still had to raise them by myself. And so the things that I thought was right, raising them was basically giving them everything, making sure we lived in the best places and making sure they had the best clothes, went to the best schools, all that. I didn't find out till now that they're older, that that wasn't important to them.

That's a real thing. And it was very hurtful and disheartening for them to tell me that because I felt like I was doing everything right. She's in the best, yeah. But they felt like, you weren't at my games. You weren't this and you weren't there, was it? Is it second rights?

How could I be there if I was the only breadwinner? You know what I mean? I was the one who was taking care of everybody. Right. So, you know, they still hold out against me, you know, still to this day. And it's very disheartening, you know. But I did the best that I knew how to do as a parent with what I have been dealt with.

You know? Yeah, so. Wow. Yeah. And they're growing up, so my hope is that they realized mom was doing the best she could with what she knew to do. Oh, absolutely. You know, because that was something that I finally can't agree with with my parents. They were just doing what, and I think

as adults we end up learning that, like, they ain't like, because we see like, they ain't they really just doing the best they could with what they knew. It's like a generational thing, you know. I mean, my parents didn't grow up saying, I love you and all that, you know, that nurturing and all that stuff, like, no.

So it's even hard to this day in relationships, you know, saying I love you, like, I'm actually not used to that. It's like, how do you say it? It feels weird. Right. It feels unhappiness. Even affection, there's affection, feel, it's you.

You know, it used to, I'm learning, I'm learning now. Yeah. To like it. But before, like before that was weird. I can imagine they didn't want to be touched. Right. Yeah. For most reasons, I can totally understand that.

You mentioned even with your children after getting out of prison, still having to prove yourself. I feel like that's been a thing that keeps coming up. I had to prove myself. I never felt worthy. I'm happy that you're in the final days of a place now where you feel that. You know what I'm saying? That fulfillment, that wordiness, to know they're like, I do deserve this. And I'm good.

You know. Tomorrow at 9 a.m. Central on B.T. Smash hit original drama Tyler Perry's sister's returns. Andy Sabrina and Daniel are all dating again and the competition is well... thick. Meanwhile Gary makes a return too. He just can't stay away. Karen confides in Andy that she's afraid, her reason why is not what you'd expect.

Plus, can's the team of whether the storm is at its custody battle? Tyler Perry's sister is back tomorrow at 9 eight central only on BET. Post and share with Hashtag's sister's on BET. Yeah, let's get it. I hope that your kids, your kids, I love your kids. Two amazing individuals. I hope that they see even with their own kids. You know, I know your daughter has children. I hope that she sees that she's doing the best that she can and can at some point see herself in you. Right. You know what I'm saying?

Because that makes all the difference. You know, and that's all a mom really wants to hear. Like, I get it mom. Yeah. You did the best you could. But I do understand too, coming from a home where both my parents worked. One of them at least tried to be there for everything,

but my dad missed a lot. Because he was always working like one or two jobs, I think that's what my fans worked. One of them at least tried to be there for everything, but my dad missed a lot, because he was always working, like one or two jobs, at least two jobs at once. And as a kid, you do want that. You know, it's like that didn't matter. And I would look at my friends at Lid and the Hood, where all they had was family,

because they didn't have the other thing. That's so crazy you said that, Lid and the Hood, because I remember my son saying, I got friends who live in the projects and they're just as happy. You know what I'm saying? And he's like, they don't have nothing. They're happy. I'm like, who are you after?

It's my first time doing shit. It's shit. It's shit. It doesn't screw up a deal. I bet you be dead. Yeah. Shit. I mean, he used to make me feel guilty all the time.

Yeah. Like, it was so crazy. It's still to this day, he still makes me feel guilty. Oh, yeah. I hate that. Yeah, me too. I do, because you'd hope at some point they'd be like, I know, because they like it. You grown.

And you still have it. We still have these conversations. Yeah. He might be good. When you go let me live. Right. Mama got to have a like, too. When you all say, OK, I? Mama gotta have a like too. When you gonna say, okay, I'ma let you have that.

You did what you could. So we gonna move forward. Right. I don't know. Yeah, no, I get it as a child who was on the opposite end. Like the same with the same thing. I always look at my friends in the hood and be like, or I would go hang with them.

And I'm like, then I would go hang with them. And I'd be like, dang, it's like a lot of love here. You know? But it was love in my household too. But it was so in a different way, making sure we had a nice roof over our head, making sure we had a car, making sure we had clothes, all the things, vacations, you know what I'm saying?

Making sure we got a new wardrobe every season. Like things that my friends in the hoop probably didn't even know what that was like, you know? But it was something about just the love and the fun. They have families that have fun in the hood. That's crazy, he said, good, I used to say the same thing. Make me sick with that conversation, right? Oh my gosh.

So I love it, I love it. So what is next, we're going to say, like I know you have the restaurants. You just started fran chasin. Yes. That's crazy. Yeah. So.

Girl, yeah. Prattier. How much is a woody cost, you can get a small part figure. If somebody's watching and wants to fran chas. So if they wanted to fran ch sell our franchises for 35,000. Okay. Okay, so kind of like Chick-fil-A isn't that expensive either, but you guys do. You got to have this net worth and all this money.

So I'm going to get you to have an applicator that's Chick-fil-A because, you know, Chick-fil-A, you have to be, you know, Christian and all this stuff. You have to, like, have some stipulations. We love you, Chick-fil-A, you have to be, you know, Christian and all this stuff. You have to look at some stipulations. We love you, Chick-fil-A. We just want you to be passionate about it, okay? I know that's right. But my thing, like, even with my franchise,

I want you to be on an operator, not just someone who can buy the franchise and get it open. Right. We want you to actually care an operator, not just someone who can buy the franchise and get open. We want you to actually care about the product, the brand and care about the people. Yeah. Now do your recipes go along with every franchise that they had their own menu? So we are going to make the recipes for them and batch them. Yeah, we're going to have a co- packer so they have to buy it from us. You smart. Yeah. Big boss energy.

And y'all and I give these recipes okay. At all because we want to make sure that it's consistent all the way through every brand. And that's what I love about your restaurants. Every time I go, everything tastes like it tasted the last time or the first time I fell in love with it. It's like, ooh I can't wait to get back and eat that. And then it's like, because you know, you go to some restaurants, you're like, ooh, I can't wait to go get them lots of bites. And you go and this is not a hit.

Or sometimes you can order, I can order something at a restaurant today. And then I turn around and say, ooh, I'm gonna get that again. Like another appetite, the same seeding, right? Yeah. And it come out and it don't even taste same. I feel like, what happened? Right.

Yeah, it's weird. So I'm real big on consistency, for sure. That's good. So if you were to give any young woman or young man advice on entrepreneurship, because this is what you are, a serial entrepreneur, a woman who has literally figured it out, I know you did a book, what was your first book called? 10 Steps to Be in a Boss.

OK, 10 Steps to Be in a Boss, OK, 10 Steps to Be in a Boss. Make sure you guys check that out. It'll probably give you everything you have to save. In depth, though. So make sure you go check that out. But if you could tell them something, what would you tell them so that they can know, OK, these are things I need to do to even get started.

Number one, I would say be knowledgeable about whatever it is that you would like to do. Be consistent, persistent, and make sure that you are pushing out a quality product. The product is very important and just making sure that you understand that you're gonna get some nose. You're not gonna always get a yes, might not be the first, second, third, fourth, but don't give up because it's not easy

and you just have to continue to go. You gotta have drive, gotta have passion. And because you get up early. My work never stops. It don't. Never stops. No matter how big I get, it never stops. Look at me on location and he's like,

you're gonna say turn the phone up. I can't, I know. I can't. Well, I put the phone up and I can't. I'm like, oh my god. I try to have a work life balance, but I really don't know what that means. Yeah. I feel like when you are a entrepreneur,

it's just get it when I can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Hopefully you can find that balance soon. I hope so. I mean, I'm not really looking for it, but I hope so.

Yeah. Right. I know that's right. I know that's right. That's good. I know, I'm not really looking for it, but I hope so. Yeah, right. I know that's right. I know that's right. I know people want to know that. I'm sure that's a question. All the views are asking. When it comes to everything that you've been through in your life, and we look at forgiveness, how have you been able to forgive the people that have done you wrong or have you not, well, that deep breath, she said.

I mean, have you been able to do that? Or do you just like, some things just need to be left unsaid? And you know, I did approach only one person that did me wrong as far as molestation. I did approach them. I did tell them that, hey, what you did to me affected me and it has affected me my entire life. Still to this day.

And they didn't say anything. Are you kidding me? How old were you? That was probably about... And they didn't say anything. Are you kidding me? They didn't say anything. How old were you? That was probably about, like when they were doing that to you. Oh yeah, I had to be about 12. See, at that age, you don't even really know what's happening to you. You know, just, you know what I'm saying?

You don't know. And I've had people open up and say that they were molested by cousins or uncles. Even women with, you know, saying vice versa, have done that. And as a child, you don't know what's happening to you. You know, say you don't know what's going on as your hormones and stuff start to kick in. And you can feel certain things.

You're like, I think I kind of like that. But you don't understand why this person is doing that to you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like a complete mind-fuck. I think I kind of like that, but you don't understand why this person is doing that to you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like a complete mind-fuck. It literally is. And he's probably thinking, oh yeah, she doesn't even say, she probably won't remember that or she's not gonna say that.

And even when I told other family members, they didn't believe me. No, they didn't believe me at all. So I always think about other kids who are going through that today and no one's listening. No one believes them. So it was hard. Even those people, I've had to, who didn't believe me, I've had to ask for forgiveness for me know, for me for being mad at them.

Yeah, because they could have thought of it. Yeah, if they had a belief in you, they didn't believe it. And so, I just asked the Lord to, you know, help me get through it and to forgive these people. But I definitely don't forget. No, it's hard to forget. Yeah, don't forget. Oh, I mean, and that affected me through my kids because it was like I didn't let my kids go to people's house. It's been the night who had me in at their houses.

And my kids they never understood it. My mom was the same way. Yeah, they didn't have to. Nobody else. Yeah, come here. Yeah, that's how I was. Like, my daughter used to be mad at me all the time because I would not let her go to people's house at the spend the night. Yeah, man. That doesn't get to but you were protecting them.

But I told her at some point, you know, when she got older, why I did that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So some of those people, she still hasn't forgiven, you know? But we were just talking about it the other day. She was like, oh, I'm still mad. And I was like, how can you still be mad when I'm,

you know, like, I've already forgiven them. So why are you still mad? You don't have anything to do with you. But it's just like, she's like still. Yeah, it's like a situation when like, safer in a relationship and that person does you wrong. Yeah. You can get over, but we can't, you know.

And that's why I tell people all the time, be careful what you tell your parents, about your relationships, and your friends, because certain things, they do not forget. And they don't. Yeah, they don't. So you have to be careful and the information that you share

when someone's not doing you right. Yeah, that is so true, that is so true. But for anyone out there who is feeling weird that you share with someone's mind when you write. Yeah, that is so true, that is so true. But for anyone out there who is feeling weird about anything or I don't know, there's any young girls that watch, I mean, I know there's young girls that watch this show, but that maybe going through something like that, please speak up, please say something

because those people need to be stopped. And I pray that you have someone in your family that listens to you, because I can't imagine growing up and like, and then get to the point where you confront the person. And they just say, nothing to say. Nothing. Ugh.

Yeah. I can't imagine. But you have like literally turned out to be such a, I mean, they probably watched her like, dang. God had his hand on her, because look at her. And I think about that all the time when I think about my journey here, and I look at and I be like, God, God, like he continuously blesses me.

And I said, I think he'd be like, I'm going to do this for you, because you've been through this. And you know, you had this rough life. I got you like, I really believe in that in my mind. Gosh, I mean, too like, no, I believe that when I hear people's stories and then I see how God has blessed him, I really do feel like he's, it's almost like a, you know, saying like, I got you, like, just know that I know what you went through. But I don't know why it had to happen.

I can't explain that part. But I've seen, when I hear people's stories, I'm like, oh my God, you went through that. And I see how God is, like, blessed and tremendously. Yeah, I've thought the same way. Yeah. I think that all the time, I'll be like, God, I'll be like, yeah, you had enough, baby.

Yeah, me help you out. Ooh, that's it, you had enough. Yeah, because I'll out. Ooh, that's it. You had enough. Yeah, because I'd be like, he say, if you tell somebody this happened to you, and this happened, they would not believe that you went through so much stuff. No.

And you're still here today. Still sending. And you're still positive. And you're still striving. Like, nobody would believe. Like, if I ever literally told every single thing that happened to me, nobody would believe, like if I ever like literally told every single thing that happened to me, nobody would believe it. Like this one person could not have experienced this much stuff. Yeah, period. Wow. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm just I want to say I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the one that you become.

I'm proud that you did not let all the odds that were stacked up against you prevail. For sure. And I'm just so proud of you. And thank you for coming. Because I know somebody's me blessed from this conversation. We touched on a lot of things. I just wanted to say thank you, and I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. I'm so happy to have been here. Thank you. Oh my gosh. I love it. I love gosh. I love it. I love it. I love it. So this is my favorite part.

This is where the listeners write in, ask us a question, tell us a little scenario, whatever they're going through, and we give them advice. All right. So it's positive outcomes. This letter is from Melody. She says, hi, Crystal. My name is Melody.

I'm from North Carolina. I absolutely love and adore you. I'm so proud of you and just know I'm a diehard for team of fans. But an even more Crystal fan, I can relate so much to you and the stories that you share on your podcast. I'm a single mother of four adult children. I was once married in high school to my high school sweetheart. We went our separate ways after 16 years of marriage. I'm educated, well-rounded, and I love God. After divorce, I started to learn to focus a lot on myself and rededicate my life to Christ.

I've always prided myself on trying to do the right things, set good examples, show people grace, but it seems as if I'm always overlooked. I felt that before, Melody. Since my ex-husband and I had one situation ship that led nowhere, simply loving a man who was not capable of loving me back, and most recently, I was overlooked for promotion that I know darn well

I deserved. My feelings has really hurt more so because my supervisor, who I loved dearly, rooted for another person, embrags me about it. How do I can see you to walk in grace when I literally feel like doing the right thing gets me nowhere but overlooked? Oh, the encouraging knees encouraging melody.

Ooh, the encouraging knees encouraging. Oh my God, I feel your pain, melody. I think we both have been here at some point in our lives. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more.

I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit more. I feel you're paying me a little bit but nobody believed in me except for me. And for those years, I literally continued to encourage myself and kept encouraged myself and said, hey, Crystal, this is what you really want to do. You just got to keep pushing, sweetie.

Let for you know that your fate is not in the hands of your supervisor. It is not in the hands of men who are overlooking you. Because I too, I felt that too, for the past few years, I felt like I was overlooked by men. Me and my girl would go out and I'm like, nobody approaches me. Like nobody says anything. I'm like, goodness, I just want to date.

It was hard to even find men that would approach me two days because I wasn't going up to no man, but I was up. You know what I'm saying? I wasn't doing that. But I definitely understand how hard it is. I would say that you need to continue to pour into melody. Pour into melody and don't look for that from anybody else. Because I feel like sometimes we're looking for everybody else to pour into this one. We have to take time to pour into ourselves.

We'll just talk about that. We up. Yeah, yeah. So that's what I would say. What would you tell our ghost, Shane? I would say pretty much did all the same thing. And I would say to not give up on yourself. And as far as the job part, I would not be upset because someone else got the promotion.

I would continue to work on bettering myself as far as my career. I would talk to my supervisor about it. And I would see if there's other opportunities on the table. And not only other opportunities, I would start seeking elsewhere for other opportunities that I know I'm worthy of. For sure.

I love that. That's good. That's good. Melody, I hope this advice hits you home and like you receive it and I hope it helps. Okay? Alright, go ahead, go ahead. We're going to do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. So you watch the podcast so you know how this goes. So as it pertains to this episode, I was like to tie it into what we talked about. I am going through, I'm going through trying to figure out when it's okay to let go and when you should hold

on, you know, and that's what relationships, that's what friendships, that's what family, all across the board, even in careers, trying a tie. Okay, is this still serving me? Working on that, because I have a heart, you know, like I always wanted to like, I just wanted, I don't want to, you know what I'm saying? I always want the best for people. I wanted to work out and sometimes I hold on too long but I'm working on that and then what I'm growing through, I am always growing through trying to not be in control of

everything. I feel like I say that all the time, but it is something I really am growing through. You took my words like that's it. That's it. Don't leave the accent in the question. Please. Twin in them. Okay, it's perfect. So I feel like I am going through a time in my life where I'm realizing people, things that are, you know, right for me,

the right people in my life, and I am growing through just trying to growing through just trying to be able to delegate, being able to sit back and let my team career-wise take the will. And so just being able to give up some of that control is very hard for me. Because it's your baby And I know that in order to go to the next level of where I want to be I cannot always Yeah, because me. I'm like, yes, I cannot be in control like that. So that's what I'm growing through Yeah, that's good. And just understanding myself better, my brands, my products, you know, I have retail products.

So just understanding how this is how I'm going to be making money in my sleep. Hey. And not just continuously running, running, running myself, you know. Yeah, you can use tell us what products I want people to know if you can tell. Oh, absolutely. So my products, I have grits, pancakes, hot sauce, seasonings. All of these are coming out.

Oh my goodness. Within the next. I feel like cooking with Chris and go shake him up. I'm gonna cook with two, you know. And she got a cookbook. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so we need to do another lifestyle episode. Cooking with Chris, have go shake,

come in the kitchen, use your products. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Use your products, because I love me some big cakes and I love me some greets. And I love, I like hot sauce on my fried cabbage. So yeah, we can do all the things. We gotta do that. That'd be amazing. So yeah, we can do all the things. We gotta do that.

That'll be amazing. So yeah, be on the lookout for that. Yeah. And then the last thing we do is keep it blank, sweetie. And I'm gonna tell the people this week to, keep it ambitious, sweetie. I think what I'm taking from you today is ambition and drive. So I will tell you all my entrepreneurs out there, everybody out there, keep it ambitious.

What about you? What do you guys want to keep it positive? I know that's why. Keep it positive. No negativity, baby. Period positive. We thrive on positivity. That's why. Get in the positive, that's it. No negativity, baby. Period positive. We thrive on positivity. That's why I love you.

Because you'd be like, you don't play that. You like positivity. I love it. I love it. I love it. Go say, thank you so much. Thank you. I appreciate you coming.

Guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you want to write into our positive outcomes, listen to a letter. You can write into keep it positive, sweetie at gmail.com and that's sweetie with an i.e. and you can follow me on all platforms at love.l.u.v. crystal Renee. Go Shades, tell them what they can find you. You can find me at gochaysbreakfastbar.com, gochaystoppastbar.com and all social media. GochaseHocans. Yes, that's it.

Make sure you guys check her restaurant out. She has two gochase breakfast bars, what an end of the top. And a toppots bar. So, and a food truck. So, you have no reason not to get it because she has you covered on all fronts. All right, make sure you check it out.

I promise you you will not be disappointed. Everything on the menu is good. Like, there's not one thing I'm y'all know I'm playing by my food, so make sure you guys are going to check it out. In the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive, so be it. Keep it going. That's right, vio. Thank you.