Keep it Positive, Sweetie - Survivor's Remorse with Isaac Carree

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

Season 1 Episode 1 | Survivor's remorse is when a person has feelings of guilt because they survived a life-threatening situation when others did not. The truth is, that same type of guilt can bleed into our day to day lives as we experience our own ascension and those we love perhaps are still figuring things out -- and sometimes even making us feel bad for how much we have accomplished. How do we navigate those seasons in our lives and the ever-changing dynamics with friends and loved ones as a result of our success? Come sit on my couch for a conversation with my dear friend, Isaac Carree, about experiencing survivor's remorse. Follow Isaac: https://www.instagram.com/ikenice/ Follow KIPS: https://www.instagram.com/keepitpositivesweetie/ KIPS is produced and executive produced by Dinorah Peña, co-produced by Chanel Gross. Audio and visual by Kvle.

What's up, y'all? Welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, sweetie. Today, we are talking about survivor's remorse. And when I think about survivor's remorse, the quote that comes to mind is heavy is the head that wears the crown. And I have with me my dear friend, my brother from another mother, the Isaac Curry. Oh my God, first of all, I'm so happy to have you. You are one of my favorite people in the world. You are so talented, so funny.

I don't know if y'all know I, but I guess a comedian like he is so funny. But we've known each other since 2007 or eight. Yes. When I was still living in DC, and I ended up moving to Atlanta in 2009. And I remember we had lunch. It was all of garden. I was like, bro, I don't know what to do.

I don't know when Atlanta, he's like, can I sit down and have a talk? Have a talk. And the first thing you told me is because you need to find a church home. So you gave me a list of churches, and I was like, OK.'m gonna have a talk. Have a talk. And the first thing you told me is because you need to find a church home. So you gave me a list of churches and I was like, okay, and I found a church. But that was the type of guidance I needed.

And you still help me find church home. What the heck are you gonna do with making church? Make sure you're church. Shout out Dr. Darius Daniels. It was a nice, me good change church. You got me in there and I'm super happy. But let's talk about your journey. And a lot of people know you from the gospel world.

But I want to kind of know like how you got there or what it was like. Because a lot of people feel like they see the outcome but they don't see the work and things that went through it and what you went through together. But first of all, I want to say thank you for having me. I'm sitting here like in awe of like what God has done in your life,

your journey, your heartwork, your dedication, your persistence, your consistency, like success hasn't changed you. And you just got it on you, it's on you. And it's funny because when I look at you, it's like your trajectory is still going up. It's like eyes having seen ears ever heard that things just come in and they, yeah.

It's like, I literally had a front row seat to see where you started and where you are. And I'm just so proud of you. So thank you, I just had to get that out of the way. I had to give you a flowers, because you deserve it. Thank you. Oh man, my journey crystal is interesting. I started, first of all, you probably wouldn't notice.

I dropped out of high school to start singing. Wow. I dropped out of high school my 11th grade year. So you knew this is what I wanted to do. Yeah, I knew, or I was guessing. It was one or two, but I was going to figure something out. And from Greensboro, North Carolina, small city, North Carolina, and I just had an opportunity,

and I was like, music traveling the world or school. And I loved school because I played sports, played basketball, played football. When I realized I was good, but I wasn't good enough. I had to fall back on what I knew I was good at, which was singing, right? So I got an opportunity to travel the world with John P. Key at the age of 17.

Wow. And I took off, man. I just went. And my mother was like, absolutely not. And I literally ran away. She went out of town for a church convention. I knew ran away from home. out of town for a church convention. I get you ran away from home.

Yeah, because we'll take what happens. That's so stupid, right? So what happened was my mother told me, you can sing with him, because we travel on the weekends. We would travel like Friday's, Saturday's Sunday, come home Sunday night. She said, you can go as long as on Monday you get up for school.

I'm like, oh, that's fair. Easy long as on Monday, you get up for school. Okay. I'm like, oh, that's fair. Easy, that's right. That's cool. Yeah. And I would go, but we get home like two, three, four o'clock in the morning for my trip. Yeah.

And then, he lived in Charlotte, so the bus with drop us off in Charlotte, then I have to drop out of the Greensboro. Oh, man, yeah. So I'm getting up in school. I could be a school, y'all get up seven o'clock. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, I want to go.

And she was like, okay, we don't want to travel anymore. Yeah. And she literally just drew a hard line of saying, you're not going the most done until you finish. And she went a time for a church conference and I moved to Charlotte and never came back. This is gold. Oh my goodness.

Wow. And I didn't talk to my mama for a month. I was scared to take her calls. I was going to sell phones back then and all that. One of those beepers even. Wow. And I didn't talk to my mama for a month. I was scared to take her calls. I was going to sell phones back then and all that. One of those beepers even. Right. But I went calling home. And I think behind my back, John had called her

and told her, I got her. Because my mom knew John. Okay. Years. Oh wow. So she let him know. He let her know I got him. He good.

But I was afraid to call. So I knew if I hurt my mama's voice, I was going home. Yep. I knew it. I knew it. I was like, I'm going home. Yep, yep. I knew it was like I'm going home. And I went to Charlotte and I figured it out. And I started traveling the world and I fell in love with what I was just doing at church on Sundays. Seeing the world, seeing how people responded to it, growing, seeing my gift evolved.

I was like, oh, I think I can do this. Yeah. I'm young and I'm excited. And from that, it's been all gas, no break every since then. No, literally. Yeah, that was in 1990. So I've been doing music professionally for 33 years. That's incredible.

Yeah, so it's just, it's been a journey, it's been a blessing. And I still scratch my head. Now, I guess we're getting to the late on in a conversation. Like, why God still chooses me, I've all these years. Because I've seen people come and go. I've seen people hit a mountain peak, and then they fall off in a season.

And it's like, what is it about me that you see in me, that you want people to still call my phone? You want people to still, you want people still interested in me? I can't put my finger on it, other than it's the grace of God. The grace of God in the next two bars or more. Yeah, it's like being from North Carolina, I was just telling my friend the other day.

I was like, yo, I think sometimes good people have a hard time connecting with other good people. So I was like the bad people build the relationships with good people and then they abuse it. Oh. But when you find a good person, you never really find that good person that you connect with and grow with.

It's really hard. And I was like being from North Carolina. I've always been a person who supported other people, push people, and I'm always on the back burner. And I don't say that from a guilt perspective. I genuinely support my friend. You do. Yeah, I'm.

You will scream to them out and talk for your friends. I have no jealous bone in my body. I don't cover what anybody else has. I really support. All right, I kiss. It's early. Don't give me the. You know, because I believe that God rewards those who support others.

And you see, I'm saying- Thank you for being there for the people. God rewards those who support others. Okay. You know, not necessarily- I mean, that's a good one. But then you just scroll down on the screen. Not trying to be jealous of you, not being idiots of you, not hitting you with the guilt

up, oh, you changing. Well, I am changing because I'm growing, but there isn't necessarily means negative. Exactly. So going through that thing, that's the things that go through my mind every day. Like, why did God still choosing me and using me and creating opportunities? Like, I'm here with you.

Anybody with a dye to be on this sofa talking to you. And the fact that you called me, it wasn't just because we cool, it was because you saw something in me. Absolutely. That you felt like added value to what you're doing, right? Absolutely. And I'm like, why God? So that's that survivor's remorse that I battle with every day.

Bro, me too. Oh, God. Me too. It keeps me up at night. It keeps me tossing and turning because I just cannot put my finger on it. And I think that's a sign of our humility. You know, feeling like understanding that God wants sign of our humility. Mm-hmm. You know, feeling like understanding that God wants us

but he doesn't need us. Yes. Y'all want you to be. I'll be all taken know. Yeah, I want you. I gave you the gift, I gave you the ability, but I can use somebody else. Yes, but I chose you.

But I chose you. And I think for me, it's an immense sense of gratitude, but also knowing that I'm not perfect. And he contains you like, no, it's still you. Go, go, go, go, go, I got you. And I'm like, there's times where I said, like, Lord, the things I've done and you are still

so grateful. You feel that? Now you on my street. Yeah. You on my street now. Because crystal, I know I've done so much that I should be disqualified I know I've done so much that completely disqualified me from the race. Yes And yet and still he's like my greatest my greatest sufficient for you. Yes, keep going

And here's the thing that started bothering me, probably like a year and a half ago. As I saw myself evolving and changing, not professionally, but spiritually, emotionally, healing from the inside out. Yes. I saw that people never see you for where you are. They only see you for where you were.

That's it. So they never really give you, we talk and preach and hear about second chances and give them people another chance for giving, but people can bring your name up and be like, oh, hell, oh yeah, now he is. And he that based off what he used to be. What?

Oh, man. Because they never give themselves an opportunity to sit down and say, wait, he's changed. He has changed. Yeah. He has evolved. Yes. You know? And if they looked give themselves an opportunity to sit down and say, Wait, he's changed. He has changed. Yeah. He has evolved. Yes.

And they looked at themselves. They were, they are perfect. They're not the same as they were. Right. People are so whole, you're the vow that they can't even see. And they hold your past against you. 100%. And the greatest deliverance I ever got in my life has been delivered from people.

The opinions of people, how they felt about me, what they thought about me, you know, it's like when I stopped caring about what they said because I knew who I was. And Pastor Deere says, it's all the time. And when he said it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. He said, you can never be happy with yourself until you see yourself the way God sees you.

Wow. Now out of the lenses of people. Yes. But if you see yourself the way God sees you. Wow. Now out of the lenses of people. Yes. But if you see yourself the way God sees you, it changes everything exponentially. Yes. Everything changes in your life. Everything. And it's like, yo, so you mean to tell me, it's really about what God says about me and how He sees me versus trying to please people on social media,

trying to get likes, trying to be like. Yes. Yes. Because who you've been called to, that's your tribe. It is. And your tribe knows your vibe. Yes. They do. Like the people that say you're like crystal. Yeah.

They know who you are, how you are, and they rock with you. They do. They push you, they support you. So it's like, you find yourself being cool with like, I don't need no new friends. Yeah, I love everybody. I'm with you. I'm straight. And cause those are the people

that's gonna push you to your next. Exactly. So that's been my thing. So I'm just grateful, you know? I love that. Was there ever a time as you were on this journey that you felt like stressed from like family or friends and adjusting to your fame.

Yeah. Whether it was like people expecting things from you or like you mentioned earlier, like, oh, you didn't change. Did you ever deal with it? Absolutely. That's been the one for me. More so, some family, more so friends and colleagues, people that you kind of came up in the ranks with.

Yeah. And then when you see yourself kind of, and I said this humbly, distancing yourself because maybe they took a different road or route. Yeah, my business. Because you said you'd get out my business. And when you see yourself distancing yourself from that person, not because you said anything

or didn't been wrong, just because you, your trajectory is just at a different space and speed. And they hit you with the, oh, you're different. Yeah, you change it. Yeah. You know, put some put me on and it's like, or actually, where you are like, why? Yeah, it's like, yo, I literally had a person that used to be my friend. He told me one time, when I was successful, you supported me. When you became successful, I got jealous.

He admitted it now. I gave him kudos for it, and it didn't pivot. But after you admitted it, you didn't pivot. Oh! You stole! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Who's more of a crazy little mom? Shabba! Oh! Oh! Okay, over. Okay, over. Crystal. You better stop.

Pritch get out of my business. It's one thing to own it. But you didn't pivot. You stayed in that space. That can't be your home. That can't be your resting place. You gotta be like, once I admit it, and once I acknowledge that this is the feeling that I felt,

how do I move from that space? So I can be free from it. Yes. But it's almost like you wanted me to join you. And I don't have the capacity to do. I don't drive my car and look at it in my review mirror. Yeah. I look out the windshield. Exactly.

Because about only stare at the review mirror, I'm going to hit something. Because I'm only looking at what's behind me. Yeah. I move forward. You know, so it just didn't work. So that's when I started understanding that relationships are for a season.

I'm gonna tell you the book that changed my life and I'm not a big reader, but I read this book and it changed everything for me. Immediately it was Pastor Darius Denny's book shout out about Pastor. It was a book called Relational Intelligence. Wow, okay, got it. Oh, this book is everything.

It breaks up relationships from friendships, associates, assignments, it has all these different categories. And it shows you that some people that you are really on assignment with has the potential to be a friend, but not necessarily will be a friend. You're on assignment. That means I'm here to do a job.

And when my job is done, we can be cordial, we can be cool, we can share a couple of labs. But when I'm done to do a job. And when my job is done, we can be cool. We can be cool. We can share a couple of labs. But when I'm done, I'm done. I'm done. If you see me as a friend, and I don't feel the same, wait until they make me wrong. Yeah.

I'm on assignment. I understand my assignment. And associate, we can work together. We can be in close proximity, being business partners, or whatever. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we're friends. And then you have your friendship. So all those relationships can turn into something, but when they don't, is when it gets weird.

Yes. When somebody wants something from you that you don't have the capacity to give to them. Yeah. So it really helps you understand that every relationship is not equal. It's not. And our heart and our compassion and our guilt, our survivor's remorse makes us feel like you have to overextend yourself to somebody

that you don't really want to. Because you don't want to feel like you being arrogant, you being funny, you know, they call, you look at the phone like, what's up bro? Right, right. And you like, oh, it's too much energy. It's too much, it's like, that's not your right. And you like, oh, it's too much energy. It's too much.

It's like, that's not your friend. And it's OK. And they may not understand that. But as long as you do, you can move forward without guilt, without saying what I anything. So those are the things I dealt with. And it was hard because people want what you have, but they don't want to go through

what you go through to get what you have. No, seriously, I deal with it, I deal with people like coveting or wanting what I have with, have not done the years of work that it took to get here. It sacrificed. So much sacrifice. Because before that was the work after it. It was the sacrifices that you had to make to get,

even in the mind frame to say, okay, buckle down, do this. Like, yes. They don't understand when you were just, when you were styling, and you were doing fashion. Yeah. But you had to go to do something else. Yes. And Tyler didn't even know.

He didn't even know. But you didn't, you didn't try to force that on him. No. You played your role. And you waited on the right time. Yes. And then God exalted you. People don't understand that God exalted me. Yeah. That's why nobody can pull you down. Period. Because nobody put you up. How can somebody take something from you that they didn't give to you?

It only makes sense like like it doesn't make sense how you can take something from me. Yeah, that you did not give to me. You did. Yeah, and then like he looking like, damn like she's the art. Like, it doesn't make sense how you can take something for me that you did not give to me. And then he looked like, damn, like she's the art, Lord. No, but- She still going higher and higher. Absolutely. They can't, they can't fathom that. But they don't understand that it was a process that you had to go through.

Because you're the type of person. I'm a type of person. Several people have this ability to understand that when I get it, I'm gonna make sure that I don't lose it. I'm a cherished, I'm an honorate, I'm a treated correctly. Some people take it for granted, because they think, oh, another gig I can do this, another opportunity. No, and that's what I told Tyler when he's like, he's like, he's gonna give you for ten months,

he's gonna be a small role. What you do with it is up to you. It's up to you. And then I was like, I looked at him and the eyes, I said, I will not let you down, because I knew if I had one shot of somebody, because it was so many nose and so many doors shut in my face, I knew that if one person bleeding me,

everybody's gonna be like, wait, we've been looking over this girl this whole time. I'm about to show everybody, just give me his life. Yes. Nobody gave him a shot. Nobody gave me a shot. That's why I can't nobody take it from him. Exactly. Like, I tried it. Nobody gave him a shot. That's why I can't nobody take it from him. Exactly.

Like, I tried it, y'all's way. And y'all told me one good enough. Yeah. So I didn't, I didn't play, I didn't play by y'all rules. No. God gave me another road. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And I'm on my street. He's on his street, he's bringing, he got thousands of people behind him. So it's, it's, it's, it's, the people he's brought up. It can be done. Mm-hmm. But it's like, think the people he's brought up. It can be done. But it's like, what will you do with what God gave you? Yeah. How will you maximize that?

And I've tried to do it over these last 33 years. You're doing it now. And it don't stop. It don't stop. You said something earlier, and this is something I've been struggling with that I've talked to DeNor about, and my therapist. I had an anxiety check.

My first real anxiety check, I didn't know what was going on. I was having a hard attack. And she's like, what are you afraid of? And I literally said, I'm afraid of losing it all. I'm afraid that I've worked for all this and that I'm not gonna be able to keep it up. I don't bought this big house,

like all the roads don't keep coming. And when I bought that, and then Denora, even when we were gonna do this podcast, originally she wanted to call it the Abundant, Abundant Life with Chris Renee. And in that meeting, in my thoughts, I was like, whoever's not always like this. I said, whoever's not always abundant.

What if I can't keep this up? And like with everything going on, like the top of the year is just being crazy. And I literally had to LA, Oscar's weekend, and it was like somebody was taking my heart, just squeezing it, and it was just trying to beat through the squeezing, and I was like, what is happening?

Vision was going blurred, and I was like, am I having a heart attack? Like, what is happening? And it was an anxiety attack. And I've gotten so good at suppressing what I'm feeling that I don't just let it go. And my friend of mine saw me that night and he said, I just want to make sure you're okay,

because he had just given a speech for Gina Prince Blackwood, the director of Woman King, and he literally be lined off the stage and came straight to me. It was as a guy, I was like, she needs to hear this. And he was like, I'm Chris Lee, he said, what does he said? Thank you for your sacrifices. Thank you for smiling even when you're going through things.

He said, in this industry, we're always like, yeah, everything's good. And we're breaking down inside. And all that resonated with me. And he came right to me and I was like, bro, I had my first anxiety attack today. And he said, what I'm learning to do is, when it comes, don't try to stop it.

Just let it come and let it go. Because when you try to stop it, you're stopping the emotions that you need to get out, just go through it. And I was like, that's so real, but I was so afraid of losing it. You know, and she got, I never said this to her. And like a few days later,

she got Denora got on her Instagram, and she goes, it just came to me. She was like, why when God does something for us, and he shows us what he can do, do we feel like that he won't continue to do it? And I was like, Denora it just came to me. She was like, why when God does something for us, and he shows us what he can do, do we feel like that he won't continue to do it? And I was like, did Lord that spoke to me? Because he said abundant, living with Christ. I was like, it may not always be like this.

And we go out the chains and they would have said. Yeah, but I'm gonna tell you something. It's amazing that you said that the reason that we feel that way is because the way we were raised. Yeah, why? We were raised. This goes back from, you know, whether it's a church upbringing, ethnicity,

we've always been at the bottom of the barrel, trying to claw our way out to the top to just get some light, to get to the top, right? Yes. And when you've been fighting so long to get opportunity, because we're not necessarily known for actually helping one another. We're not.

Because we're always competing with one another. Yes. You know, because it's like, if I help Crystal, then Crystal's gonna take my shot. Yeah. So then everybody's gonna start, all the light is gonna start illuminating off Crystal

and then my light's gonna get dim. And I'm gonna fade up. That's not how it works. That's not where it's going to work. But that's how it's be trained. It is. That's how we solve. And so what happens is, when we have these attacks

and we have these moments, it's almost like, we don't realize that the work has already been done. What's happening in your life has already been written. Yeah. Like God already knows like this is done.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. The problem is his ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. They're not. So we think of God and how he manifests things in our life the way we think of each other. Yes. Wow.

Like I can look at Chris like, oh Chris, okay, spending that money. Yeah, he's gonna be broken in here. Yeah. I can, oh, oh, oh, so he's trying to, he wanna do that. He know he can afford that car. How would you do that?

We see each other the way we see each other. We don't see each other out of the lenses of the way God sees us. So his ways are not ways. So we can't understand his ways. So it's natural for us to be like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, because we've seen so many other people doing dual away opportunities and resources. Yes. But when you're in God and you're with God,

and he's put the breadth of life on your career, on your life, on your ministry, can't nothing stop that. So it's literally being transformed by the renewing of our minds. We have to, like, that moment was God reminding you, you don't fight me. Don't fight me.

And I don't need your help. Yes. I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. I got it. I got it. Yeah. And when we calm down, it's something, I have anxiety attacks.

I, one of my biggest things that I struggle with in life is fear. Fear of dying. Fear, you know, that, it's just like I could have an anxiety attack. Like, at the drop of a die. I'm like, yo, and what happens is, when I want to counsel it for my counsel, after what do you do to stop it? How do you get from where you are in that moment to the next phase? And I say, I put, I start thinking about something else.

I literally take my mind and I don't have all the scientific neurologist sayings that she said, but she said something. One part of your brain is, it does this. But when you trigger the other side, it actually washes away that fear that anxiety that you have. So she said, you didn't even know what you were doing, but you were doing exactly as a counsel while I would tell you to do.

You have to think on these other things. And when you're in God, we can quote a scripture. We can take our minds back to something that we heard, that will give us that peace that surpasses all understanding. So it's not abnormal, but the more we keep reminding ourselves, that's why people have these affirmations on their mirrors, you know, pictures in their homes because they need to be reminded of what God said about them. Daily.

So that, because we can't take this with us, you know, I've never seen a hers school or you all. You know, you, you, Kate, when we go, when we go. But you can enjoy the life you have. Yeah. And sometimes survivors, remorse, makes us feel guilty for being able to enjoy. What other people can enjoy. Yeah. So we try to dumb down.

Oh, I got a nice watch. I'm a, I got a necklace. I'm a, I'm a, this too much. It's too much. Huh? Yes. I felt that sometimes. I said, Crystal, you've worked hard for this. This is what you like, this is what you like.

Because you only have, if people take the time to know you, you don't even have a spirit that says, look at me, I'm flouting. No. People are looking too, because you're beautiful. People are looking too, because you're smile. People are looking too, because you're a lumen-date, good energy, and good vibes.

But somebody who's a hater, somebody who's jealous of though, oh, she just wants to see, she got on me. Is it? That's your mind. Don't project that on me. So we internalize how people feel about us. So I'm glad that you experienced that, even though I know it was uncomfortable,

because the next time you'll know exactly what to do, how, you know, the fact that the young man came to you and said what he said, it's just that reminder that crystal you earned this. You deserve this. And I have to remember that. You did. And girl, it's about to get crazy.

You better get on the outro system now. Yeah. Shoot. Thank you so much. Absolutely. It is, I know for me when it comes to like family and friends and success, I've had friends, other people will ask them,

well why Crystal hasn't put you on? I've had those, how'd you handle that though? And I said, well, what did you say? And she was like, well, I just don't think that's our friendship. I feel like you support me in other ways. And I was like, yeah, I said,

and for me it's like, you never asked me to put you on, but do you feel like that? Because even my brother, my brother was like, yeah, my friend was like, yeah, I said, and for me, it's like, you never asked me to put you on, but do you feel like that? Because even my brother, my brother was like, yeah, my friend was like, you mean your sister hasn't bought you a house? Because if my sister's making that money, she would have, and I brought my brother house.

But like, this is before, and I was like, I said, and what did you say? And he was like, I told him I was like, I don't expect nothing from my sister. And he was like, and if she does it, then that's what she does. He was like, but I don't look at it as like, well, if you're obligated to do it.

Then I was like, so why'd you tell me that? Because I feel like you tell me that this is how you really feel too, you know? You're projected at me. Yeah, you're projected at me. It's almost like I say it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like people are saying,

which makes you feel guilty to do something. What dog, should I do this for my brother? Should I do it? Yeah. And I don't have to do enough, you know. Because people, we just live in a society and this sad to say, but we live in society where people don't want to work for anything.

They don't. Like, I mean, people are still using the pandemic as an excuse not to go back to work. Yes. We moved on. We don't want to work. Yes. We moved on. We don't want to work. Yeah. And I believe that you, what you put into a thing is what you get out of a thing. So crystal, I cannot expect anything from you. If I didn't put anything in it to help you get what you got. Yeah, exactly. And then I can't project it on you. I have to genuinely be like, yo, he's happy.

See what happens is you get more when you do less. Mm-hmm. Like, I used to say all the time, like, the way to get anything from me is always for nothing. Let me tell you something right now. Tyler Perry is the most giving person. And I see people coming in all the time. I need this or this or whatever.

I don't want nothing from that man. Yeah. But he's just, that's just who he is. He's done more for me than anybody in this world has ever done. And this is just not always monetary. Right, right. He's talking about even like the right technology.

The wisdom knowledge, yeah. He gives me. But the only thing I ever asked him or told him is like, this is what I want to do. And it wasn't until after five years of styling him. Shoo! But that's a prime told him, like, this is what I want to do. And it wasn't until after five years of styling him. Shoo. But that's a prime example of, like, you get more, and I don't concede, I want to call it as something

for nothing, because I want to get something, or I just never wanted him to feel like this is another point. But you know what probably pricked us out, I can't speak on his behalf, but people like him who are successful, who are rich, who are just highly sought after. Everybody wants something. Everybody wants something.

So when you run across a fresh person, a fresh spirit, a fresh soul, that can handle being around it, but not making you feel like I need something from you, they never forget Christel. Yeah, no, they never forget. Yeah. It may not be when you think, when you least expect it, they never forget Christel. Yeah, no, they never forget. Yeah. It may not be when you think.

Yeah. When you least expect it. Yes. They never forget. And I believe that's the way you, the way up is down. Ah! That's the way up. Yes.

Oh my God. The more you are, the more humble you are, the more you'll be exalted. And, and it's like I told somebody other day, I said, yo, I don't chase money. No. I chase opportunity and I chase relationships. Like when I'm in a room with somebody great, I don't have to be seeing her.

I just want to be there. Because I'm going to get something out of this room that I can use to help me. Like when you build relationships with people, relationships are way more valuable than money. Money expires a good relationship when honored, when respected, can live a lifetime. Yes.

That will produce money. That will produce opportunity. So when you're money, Is it you need to get the tools that you need for that person to go get it by yourself, you know? Like, I'm gonna place it in my life where I'm not, I'm not, well, I'm not gonna say this because I am rich in faith.

But I'm not a person who's like, oh, I got this, I got this, I got this, I'm not that guy. But I know I'm blessed for your measure. And I do things now based on how I feel, not based on my bills. Yes, yes, yes. Like, will it kill me if I lend it my gift, my talent, to my friend?

And not charge you a dime. Yeah. Because I know that when people forget you, God always remembers. So we are products of God. Like, like people are your resource. God is your source. Oh!

So when you get people the power and that, you feel like I need you for this, I need you for that, I need you for this. Yeah. Then that's when manipulation, no, over you, using you, over working you, underpaying you, all that comes into play. But when you understand, I want this opportunity,

but God is my source. Yeah. So I'll never go without, I'll never lack, because he got me. Yep. You know, so, those are the things. So I love the fact that you were able to be around the success.

Yeah. See other people smile, push them. Yes. And all along, you got this dream on the inside of you that you kept to yourself. Yeah. One of those times, God created the opportunity. Yes. And all along, you got this dream on the inside of you that you kept to yourself. Yeah. On a lifetime. God created the opportunity.

Yes. You maximized it. And here's the key. When it came, you was already. You didn't get ready. You was already ready. I was already ready. Now, I wouldn't have been ready if it had come before.

Let me keep you prey. Yeah. I want this, I want this, I want that, I want this. And when if somebody dropped you on your lap, you wouldn't know what to do with it. No, it was like, right. But everything that God put me through in that journey, when it came, even those years with Tyler,

I was learning how to manage business. Come on now. I was learning, no, like literally, I'm hearing the conversation, like, okay, this is how you do, I learned how to move in these crowds. He's like, Chrissy, you can't move like this. You need to get your home in a trust. You need to have security.

Why are you walking out, that's a noir, too. Like, you can't be going everywhere by yourself now. You know what I'm saying? Everything, he's like, why are you doing that? No, this is what you need to do. I'm like, okay, even getting this house, I was like looking at like houses and teapots. I don't give you no.

You know what I'm saying? Stop being neat, you're privileged. Yeah, and he was like, it was still like expensive, but it was like Tyler was like, what are you doing? He was like, I know you feel like you just got in, like just got one foot in the door, but you're already through the door. And he was like, go get the house you want.

And he was like, because what's gonna happen? You're gonna be just like me. He said, I want to get this house. Okay, this is what I can afford. I'm not gonna go broke if I get this house. He stayed in three years later. I was like, why am I in this house? And then I got to go sell this

and then get the one I really want. I mean, you're the already got the one you want because guys have to keep providing. He's gonna keep providing. It's gonna keep coming, Crystal. He was like, look at your trajectory. Yes. And I look at it since I started working at the studio

every year since 2012. My life has gotten better and better. And better tripling, doubling, quadrupling. Time's over. And even to piggyback off what you said about that going down to come up. Yeah. When the team that came about,

someone went up to town and was like, you really gonna give Chris our own show? He said that girl sacrificed five years of her life for me and never said a word. You think I'm not gonna bless her? Come on, man. Like, and that's the real thing. And that's the thing, though.

So, you're blessed. But then people wonder, why is he still blessed? Because he's blessed people. Because he's blessed people. Yes. Like. And that's another thing I learned. You got to bless people.

You got to, like, we are blessed to be a blessing. Then it doesn't mean I have to give everything I have away. Right. That means I create opportunities for you to come up. So it's not like what Chris should do this for me. No, whatever you've done for yourself, God even helps those who help themselves. He does, He does.

You know, you make one step, I make two. That's God waits on you to do something. Faith about works is dead. You have to do something for before I get behind it. You know, it's just, it's life. A label, you gotta give me a product before I push your soul. It's always you have to do something, but when it comes to people wanting something from you,

it's like, I don't have to do nothing. You should give it to me. Yeah, no, I worked hard for this. It's not easy to do the same. You're not gonna appreciate it if I just give it to you. You won't. You won't. Because I wouldn't appreciate it if somebody just give it to you. You won't. You won't. You will not. Because I wouldn't appreciate it if somebody just gave it to me.

Yeah. So I'm so happy that through this journey of learning and growing and becoming successful that you're still a student. Yes. Oh, yeah. We never get to a place where we stop learning. I learned that from Beyonce. Antiler.

Like I watch this man. He's a billionaire and still goes and sits for 17 hours behind some cameras and make directing movies and television shows. Because most people look like I'll pay you to do it. Yeah, find someone else to do it. Right. For someone else with your questions. I'm gonna be in my Buckingham Palace. Yes.

And it's like, but when you're hungry, yeah. And you remember, I say this baby, a Thai says, I'll say this thing all the time, but we laugh, but it's so true. When I think, I think. Wow. When I think, I think. When I think about where I came from.

When I think about, I'm not qualified to be here. When I think about, I was in my own way. When I think about I was in my own way. I've done things, I've hurt people, people have hurt me. I've done so much that should, I should even be here. But when I think about that, I think that's what keeps Tyler behind the camera. That's what keeps you grinding. That's what keeps me going.

Because when we think, we think. So it's always about, if you can just remember, you'll never get comfortable. Yeah, I don't. You'll never get comfortable. I'm constantly wanting to learn, constantly wanting to hone in on new skills. Oh my God. When I look at LeBron James from afar, it's like 20 years he's still playing. You don't have to? No.

He has businesses, he has everything, but he remembers where he came from. And when you remember, you never stop going. Wow. Because now it's like, now it's not just about you, Crystal. No, it's not. You have people, and you have a team that depend on you. That eat because of you.

That have, that take care of that family's because of you. And you have business partners that deal with you. It's like, man, come on, man, we can't stop. We can't get comfortable. We don't have time to be dealing. Mm-hmm. No. I can't be low when guys calling me to be higher.

Yes. Yes. That's why, that's why I just, I'm just so grateful. I'm so thankful because I never forget what I be higher. Yes. Yes. That's why, I'm just so grateful and so thankful because I never forget why I came from. Yeah. I love that. I think, when I think, I'm definitely thankful. Yes, simple.

I love that. That's why, how do you stay so, when I think, I think, I just remember where I came from and I'm so grateful. Yeah. And that's all you need. Come on, man, somebody show you, Crystal, this is where you grew grateful. Yeah. And that's all you need. Come on, man, somebody show you, Crystal, this is where you grew up. Yeah.

This is what you should have. This is where other people in your family have. This is what they settled for. God gave you an opportunity. Yeah. Do you think I'm, I don't wanna go back? Right. I'm not, I'm not hating.

I don't wanna go back. I do not. I love it here. I love it here. And so that's, that's I do not know. I love it here. I love it here. And so that's, that's, it's simple. I love it. Yeah, man. This is so good.

This is so good. You're amazing, man. We're going to get to one of my favorite parts of the show and it's called Positive Outcomes. Okay. For one of our listeners writing and asking something. So we're going to give them advice. Let's go.

All right. We probably already gave it to him. Right, right. And that's what happens a lot of times. Like, we actually touched something. This one says, hey, Crystal, first, I'd like to say that I'm extremely proud of you. And everything you're doing out here, you are truly a queen.

I always say that you inspire how I carry myself. I'm a professional singer. And I've done a lot of background singing for likes of John Legend, Jennifer Hudson, Paila Bell, just to name a few. Okay. Okay. Yeah. They're great.

Mm-hmm. I love it. Good. Yeah. Just because I work with some really big names, my family thinks that I'm famous and I have a lot of money, I know what you mean. Yes. Therefore, they ask me for money and expect tickets to all the shows.

Wow. How do I know you? Wait a minute. that's not. You on my street, you have lady. What? What? She's not. How do I make them understand that this success is not,

is not theirs, but it's mine. And that if I can help them, then I will. But they should remove their sense of entitlement. You. Oh. Baby girl. My goodness, I was, you know what? That happened to me when I started working closely with Tyler. Like I would get calls about play, and when he does the plays, they want to take it.

And like, I had connections. I could get like four tickets per show, but I would start getting those, and then people like, oh, you around Tyler, I know you getting this. Same thing with my brother. So I would tell you, definitely let them know that I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. but I would start getting those, and then people like, oh, you around, how I know you getting this, same thing with my brother.

So I would tell you definitely let them know, hey, because a lot of people have a misconception that just because you're on TV or on stage, that you have a lot of money. And that's not always the case. And be honest with them, say, hey, this is the real, because sometimes what they're seeing is not what it really is.

I would say being honest with them, say, hey, this is what I'm really making what they're seeing is not what it really is. I would say being honest with them and say, hey, this is what I'm really making. Like, I don't have all that money. And what I do have, I gotta take care of me. I'm not there yet where I can take care of everybody else. And I've been in that position where I like, I hope that one day I can, but there were seasons in my life where I wasn't there.

So I would just be honest with them and let them know exactly where you are. And when it comes to the entitlement, I've dealt with that too. And that's like one of my biggest pet peeves is when people are entitled to what I have going on. And I would tell people that makes me uncomfortable. I don't like when you do that.

I've had to have those conversations with family and my friends as I've continued to ascend. So I would just be honest, yeah, I would just say, keep it honest with everybody, sweetie. Yes. I love that. I love that. If I could add to that, I would just be honest, yeah, I would just say keep it honest with everybody, sweetie. Yes. I love that. I love that. If I could add to that, I would say people have to learn how to manage their expectations.

You know, people have these expectations of you and they're really unfair because the moment I don't meet your expectation, I'm already feeling. So where you set the bar on where your expectations are, no matter how high, I'm already feeling. So where you set the bar on what your expectations are no matter how high or low they are and the moment I do anything that doesn't line up what your expectations are I'm funny I'm different I'm changing. So people have to learn how to manage their expectations. The other thing I would say is if there's not a covenant relationship, then you're not entitled. Don't call me for no tickets

if we ain't talked in three weeks. If we ain't talked in three months. Hello. Like I have been on tour and people ask me if I can take a second talk to in years. I'm like, what gives you the unminigated goal to feel like you can pick up your phone and call me and ask me when we don't even talk.

Literally. And real friends, real family, people who love you. Support you. They support you. So they don't mind paying. They don't bite. They don't mind paying. Do you hear that?

When they really support you. Yes. Like, everything is like, nothing is given. Everything is earned. Yeah. So do not carry the weight of somebody else's expectations. Yes, that's good. Yeah, do not feel like you're obligated

to do anything for anybody. That's good. That you're not. You're not like again, like if they love you, girl, I'm coming to the concert. I have no money, I'm in the nose, believe it, but I'm that, then I might something I move on my heart and be like, oh,

I'm not somebody who moves you down. Yep, I'll get you back, say, John. Yeah, but because people want to be around people who support them, I have a friend who's on tour right now. Not only am I giving my time, I give it, but I bought tickets. That I didn't even use. Me too.

And bless somebody else. I bought tickets, I couldn't even go. I said, I'm still gonna get tickets, just so I support. Because that's what you do. That's what you do. That's what you do. The crystal started to close the line and started something, I'm gonna buy it.

I probably can't even wait. But I'm gonna buy it. I probably can't even wait. But I'm gonna buy it and bless my wife. I'm gonna bless my daughter, bless somebody else because friends support friends. So again, don't get caught up in that thing when you try to match the expectations. Ask them to adjust theirs. Yeah, ooh, that's good.

Ah, you got that, sweetie? All right, I love it. That was good. All right, we're gonna do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And for me, oh, Lord, this is a good one, especially when it comes to what we just talked about. I am going through accepting where I am in my life and honestly controlling my expectations of where I should be and try not to come

to me and get ahead of myself. And then I'm growing through understanding that I'm in a season where it's okay to be about me. You know, because you spend so many years your life just folks on everybody else giving, giving, giving, giving. And it's like, okay, this year, I gotta get my house in order. I gotta make sure Crystal's there. And not just the house, my house, my soul.

So knowing that I'm growing through that, knowing that it's okay to focus on you, and it's not selfish. No, it's not. It's not saying it's all about me. I'm still making sure people are good, but there are some areas in my life where I have to be like, no, I can't do this.

I need to do this for me right now. Absolutely. So that I can pour into you. Absolutely. So that's what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. I love that. I love that. Because you can't be good for anybody else

until you're good for yourself. Absolutely. You know, and you're in a weird season too, because you have to be very careful, careful, and watchful, because from relationships, whether it be friends, family, even me, because you're beautiful, you single, and everybody wanna be with Crystal.

Where the it though? Yeah, they ain't ready. That's what they hit. They ain't ready. Because if you ain't bringing more than what I already got, and you can't do for me what I've already done for myself, you had no value. Yeah.

So you have to understand it's just a weird space you're in. But I think, like you said, working on your house and your soul, it gives you that discernment and that foresight to see up the street and around the corner. For me, what I'm going through and growing through is I'm in a weird place. I don't know where this is going to air,

but I, you know, I'm turning 50, or am I already 50? Right, right, right. Right. But this year I'll be 50. And for me, the fear of getting older, grateful that I'm alive, but the fear of getting older and still being relevant, the enemy has tried to plague me with that.

Like, get older. This is the young man's game. And it's like, well, I ain't not here trying to take on my clothes. I ain't trying to take on my shirt and say, you know? You know, I still can do what I do at a high level because I, I, I, I state, I work on my craft, I do at a high level because I I State I work on my craft recording and so on so forth. So that's one thing that I'm going through at the same time I have to owe the kids have a

29 year old daughter and a 25 year son and That relationship has always been strained for so many different reasons, whether it's, what we've been talking about pretty much all day, people can look at your life and think that you have more than what you have, or their perception of your success is bigger than what it actually is.

So that expectation of, if you did this for me, if you did this for me, then I could be here. I could be there. It's like, but you're grown now. And I've done my part as a father. And the guilt of the guilt that I allow people to put on me, because I didn't do it the way they felt

like I could do it, without understanding why I went through what I went through, that's a, it's been a strange place. Like my daughter just got married. Oh wow. And I was in a weird place. I was like, do I go? And I was like, okay, I'm going.

Because the relationship just been so weird. When I say, do I go, like I wanted to go, but I didn't know if I would be received and I didn't know what the expectation would be. But it was, I went and then I came home that's, I went that Saturday, I came home that Saturday night and then a Sunday I went to church and I was at the altar crying all day.

We both were. Right beside you. Yes. Because it was almost like God was saying, you won't carry that guilt anymore. You won't carry that shame anymore. You won't carry that shame anymore. You won't have to give it an explanation for what I know you did right. You know.

And so growing through that and releasing myself from the guilt, this shame has been a process. Because sometimes we hold on the things that God has already thrown away. Jesus. That's me. That's why I was on all these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, yeah. What you praying about again?

It's almost like this, like, oh, you praying about that? Yeah. I've got you. But this time, it's gone for good. Yes, we know. It's almost like my, that's my interpretation of how God sees as we come back to him stuff, and he's already forgotten about it. He hasn't recall it. Yes. Because he's already released us. We have a release that I say. Yes. And that's the that's what I'm growing through. And I feel so free.

I feel so liberated because it's like, yo, I thought like there was a one thing that I didn't release myself from. And now that I've released that, now I'm out of the way and God can do the other things that He wants to do in my life. So that's what I'm growing through and going through. I love it. That's so good. Thank you for sharing that. Absolutely.

That's so good. OK, so we do a keep it blank sweetie. Right. From what we talked about, one of the things, especially dealing with survivors' remorse more is for me, I would say keep it moving, sweetie. When you feel like this no longer serves you, just keep it moving.

So that's how I say, keep it moving, sweetie. I would say keep it humble, sweetie. Ooh, that's good. Keep it humble. Yes. You know, if you stay small enough long enough, gotta make you big enough soon enough. Just stay low.

Stay chillin', stay humble. Mm-hmm. And God will exalt you. You know, you don't have to tell everybody what you got. Yep. You gotta tell everybody all the moves you make in. Just chill. Just chill.

You know, stay humble, stay low. And because, like I told you, what's coming is better than what's been. Yeah. So if you just stay humble, easy. So stay humble, sweetie. Stay humble, sweetie. Oh my goodness, I... Oh, I've been blessed the way I've been blessed.

Goodness, this is so good. This is so good. This is so good. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to keep it positive, sweetie. If you want to write in to our positive outcomes, write in to keep it positive, sweetie, If you want to write into our positive outcomes, write into keep it positive, sweetie at gmail.com. You guys can follow me on all platforms at love, LUV, Crystal Renee.

I can tell them where they can find you. You can find me on Instagram at iKNICE, I-K-E, N-I-C-E. Yeah, you're muser than they're coming out. I'm actually in the studio working on some stuff now, so you're here about that. And I'm trying, you know, Chris got me this acting thing. We've been talking, she's gonna be some to play by play.

So I'm just trying. You booked something too. What was your first? I did a Christmas movie on lifetime. Yeah. Called, Kurt Frankus. Chris was a movie, whatever. I love you.

I got my movie. I can't forget your first. Right. It's okay. Anyway, yeah. I did a movie, it was exciting. And I love you. I got my movie. I can't forget your first. Right. It's okay. Anyway, yeah. I did a movie. Yeah, it was exciting. And I got beat.

Bit about, oh, here by the acting. Yeah, yeah. I called Chris like, can I really do this? Yes. Yes, you can. They keep going. Do this, do this, do this, and I start running the play. So, yeah, I'm here.

I'm flannong. Well, we can now. Turn it up. Yes. And first of all, you do not look 50. I was the same. Come on sis Yeah, I was the same way when I turned 40 last year. I mean, I didn't I turned 40 last year I didn't even want to put on the invitation how that was turning because you know how the industry is like crystal I probably like you like you know, you know, I might know you in your 20s But you look like it and I didn't think it was in your 40s. Yeah, I just heard 40

So like I feel the same I felt the same way. Yeah, I think it was a your 40s. Yeah, I just heard 40. Wow. So like, I feel the same way. Yeah. I think it was a thing where I was like, okay, you know what? Just be grateful because people aren't making it to 40 and be grateful that because people aren't making it to 50. You didn't give other, you like, I ain't more usual, I haven't looked at it.

You know, I thought I might have another good 30 on this earth. I'm telling you, I'm taking care of myself, my skin, everything. I'm just trying to stay right. And I'm gonna, let's'm taking care of myself, my skin, everything. I'm just trying to stay right. And I'm gonna, let's say I see my body going to be right right. Listen, okay, my body's going to be consistent. All right, thank you guys so much. Tune in next week, we're going to talk about so many great things.

In the meantime, keep it positive, see you. Bye. you