Kill James Bond! - S2E24: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me [Live]

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

There was a hint of a good movie in the first one. There were some solid jokes that landed reasonably well. Not so to the sequel,  Recorded live at the Streatham Space Project on the 14th of April 2023, It's.... Austin Powers! ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com and https://twitter.com/killjamesbond

Stratum Space Projects, please welcome to the stage kill James Bond Oh! Hello, Stressome. Welcome to another live show of Code James Bond. I am Alaskar Duacalli, joined, as always, by my friend Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hey. I made another one of these movies. LAUGHTER It's day two of the kill James Bond, Russian sleep experiment. LAUGHTER

It's Austin's Fours, the spy who shagged me. What did we learn last night? Nothing. LAUGHTER I remember... I remember Mike Meyers' Canadian. That's true. Yeah, we learned that. I know. LAUGHTER I remember Mike Meyers' Canadian. That's true. Yeah, I was surprised. I know.

I learned this live on stage. I was like, what do you call make fun of British people like this? I thought he was one of us. Live Abigail Thorn reaction. But that was about it. I don't really remember anything else. Well, the thing is, we had a problem with the first one, which is it's a half-decent comedy.

Like, there are some jokes in it that land, not a problem tonight. It's simply, simply is not. Oh, I've been reminded that whenever you laugh, I have to stick the microphone out to you like, it's... LAUGHTER This is hack.

We're all doing the Timothy Dolphin Live. LAUGHTER This is hack. You're all doing the Timothy Donnelly. Yes, that's a nerving. I'm all crowded people doing the Timothy Donnelly. I think we may have done this exact bit of a bass, I don't recall. Again, every time we finish a podcast, someone hits me really hard on the head. Yes, we do. Anything we said is gone. So this movie came out around the same time as the new Star Wars,

which means it was required by law to begin with a Star Wars opening cruel parody, explaining what we learned in the past movie. So it's a long sort of Star Wars call that just says Mike Myers is Canadian. And that's it. That's it. Then they do a kind of bond-ish theme, and really, who would just parody something that kind of sounds a bit like a bond theme. I always think that the opening crawl narration is read by Guy I Love to Hear, Tony J.

The American voice actor who's been in all kinds of fucking tiny little things like this. I was like, interesting. I was lead-oriented to copyright appointing, but with my ears. Both of you are pointing fully forwards. But so, what happened in the last one was Austin Powers got married. He went like steady. He gave up polyamory to marry Liz Hurley, which is one of the acceptable reasons to do that. And we pick up pretty much straight where we left off on their honeymoon.

And first things first, you know how some of you who are here for the previous night might remember that I said that Mike Myers has a real problem with India specifically? Oh, Christ. It's going to keep cropping up, believe me. The sort of like that you can graph the number of Indian jokes that he does per movie leading to the apotheosis of this series, which is a movie called The Love Guru, which we'll get to. It's not what we fucking want to.

Not the other end. Oh! Just a name. Take a look at the number. It's just for us. Yeah. We're going to go back here and do it live, but this is going to be an empty room.

For the purposes of containment, that's the only way you can talk about the love guru. You can't infect other people with it. The love guru is not over. You're anything that's acceptable to hold a live show at the time of the love guru. But yeah, so the Indian joke in this one is that they're working their

way through the Karma Sutra, complete with Austin Powers face on the Karma Sutra cover instead of, I guess, as I don't even know, in Indian garb, let's say, and it's not great way to start, but... Oh, don't worry. Yeah, it gets worse. That's the high point. Yeah, so I'll still win this earlier, fucking. And something starts to go wrong with her. And at this point, my note says,

Liz Hurley and lingerie shattering a champagne glass in one hand and then effortlessly choking a man with the other. Hello. Yeah, yeah, because she appears to like rewind like a robot might. Sure. And he's like, you're right, and she's holding a champagne glass, and she just like crushes it, and goes, yeah, that's so hot.

And it's like, hmm. Yeah. I mean, we need to clean up the blood, but also, hmm. I get literally been there, but... Oh, we just don't remember that story. So... Sing that story. So... Singular story.

Wow. So, so, the, like, she's a robot, it turns out, right? A fanbot, not just any robot, but a fanbot. I, I didn't mean to misgender, misterly, back its robot. Because I, I'm just, I'm sick of these narratives that women won't disclose that we're fanbots before we have sex. But the fanbots are not trying to trap you, we're fem bots before we have sex. With the fem bots and not trying to trap you, we're just trying to live our lives. A lot of fem bots date other fem bots.

That's true. That's what FRF is. Not really bothered about dating Austin Powers, but also there's this scene where he deduces that she's a fem bot by using the hotel's TV remote to remote. And I'm like, okay, this is just like a male fantasy of having a remote control woman that you've kind of like smuck in there. That's right. And then the second half of the male fantasy, she tries to kill him.

You're like, okay, no, I'm getting somewhere. How dare you call me male? That's the one- That's the one part of like male socialpo-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po-po But yeah, so she, like, reveals a message from Dr. Evil that she's a kamikaze bride, right? She's been sent to assassinate him and then explodes. She's actually come with the guns that come out of the turts from the last movie.

It's, it's not the end of that, but she blows up. Mike Myers is sort of like, as the sheaveled, I know. We could spend like a good 10 to 15 minutes doing hack bits about, you know. Oh, she was the robot the whole time and put somebody doctor over. What does that mean for all the previous stuff? But that would be awful.

Yes. That would just be audio suicide for us to try that. Yes, I don't, the thing is I don't care. Yeah, neither is the film. I do feel a bit bad that they've just gone, well, Liz, her, you can be in one scene. And then we need to reset the clock so that we can have another woman in this.

Maybe that was her idea. Maybe she was really keen on this. Maybe she was like, I will be in the second one at the cost of I get to try and kill him. Yeah. Like, sick of this fucker. I want the ability to try and kill him with my tits. This movie is quite like Man in Black too,

and that it's just the first one again. Yes, and also it's worse. My men in black too. Yeah, but so his wife gets blown up and he goes, Oh cool, I'm single again, which is a joke that I like, that he's just like that much of a piece of shit. He's like, okay, cool, back to swinging. And we get our sort of like dance opening sequence where he like dances naked through a hotel,

which is a series of like... It's the same joke from the last one where like he's dancing naked but then there's always an object that looks a bit like a penis. Yes. However, it does contain one shot where a naked Austin powers stalks towards a baby's pram. He does it. I just...

In a way I would describe as you tree-ish. Beloved cultural institution, Austin Powers. Has been arrested on a subject of historical allegations. To the surprise of absolutely no one. Like, it's one of the ones where they get caught out and everyone's like, yeah, obviously, yeah.

No one's in the paper like, my god, I never would have known like, yes. When you Pido John, obviously. No. Recurring character in the kill James Bond, Cinematic Universe, Pido John. And also in a funny little joke, the casino of the hotel is called the Casino Royale.

Nice. That's the name of James Bond mode. James Bond mode. James Bond. I just like to imagine this sequence with, yeah, exactly. We killed him. He's gone.

In memoriam. Actually, I will say there's this movie kind of killed him or this franchise because, and I wasn't sure when to bring this in. Daniel Craig claimed that the thing that made them soft reboot the bond franchise and make it all gritty and realistic was that they were terrified of getting made fun of by Austin Powers. Oh yeah, yeah, we quaked, don't we, when we think about the the theoretical power of Austin fucking. Well, someone did, and it was the bond people. It was like Dan Jack L. O. C. Or whatever.

They were fully like, no, okay, we're too much into self-parity with this PS Bros. And then we got to do something different. We got to do, like, gritty and realistic. Albert Broccoli of the Broccoli family. Broccoli, by the way, like, that's true. I just want to, this blew my fucking mind when I found out about it. The producer of James Bond was Albert Broccoli. Like, that's true. I just want to... This blew my fucking mind when I found out about it.

The producer of James Bond was Albert Broccoli. And he was not named after the fucking vegetable. The vegetable was named after his family. Yeah, he's true. The invented broccoli. And it's confirmed real. This has been fact-checked by real British Patriots. Wait, sorry.

Is he from like planet Vegeta? Like what? It's called Italy for fuck's sake. LAUGHTER I think it's the little people in the area just a little. Just a little. Let's do it then. So, if you remember the Bob's big boy, fucking Missile, from the first movie, it lays an egg into orbit, and I know. Look, if you missed the first night, you didn't miss much in the sense of the movie, right?

You missed it insane amount of our bits, though. So, if you weren't here yesterday, I'm sorry. I'm not going to explain the concepts of Bob's big boy to you. It's a Canadian thing. If you weren't here yesterday and you won't be here tomorrow, I'm sorry you didn't get your first choice. No, you ended up in the Confucian zone. But the rocket sort of lays an egg

with a cryogenically frozen doctor Evil inside. Doctor Evil if is like a blow--filled type, like 5% more European. They put it up to like 10% this movie. Oh shit, they do, they treat that's true because they reintroduce him with a segment of Jerry Springer, which was relevant at the time. I do quite live this soon. It was like one of the guards at nature was watching Jerry Spinger on TV. And it's like, oh, we're reuniting, like, sons and dysfunctional fathers. And so Scott is Dr. Evil's son from the first one is on there.

And then as a surprise, Jerry brings out Dr. Evil, which I do. I do quite a good one. And also, the theme of the episode is, like, my father is evil in trying to take over the world. And then there's a Nazi on the couch and like a Klansman on the couch. I did write. Jerry Springer.

Somebody thought about this. I thought this was funny. And like Dr. Evil ends up like one of the Klansman like insults Scott. And like I think calls him insufficiently evil. And Dr. Evil fights the Klansman. But he's evil, but he's not like that evil. Yeah. That's right.

I do also appreciate that Scott has gone from grunge to emo over the course of these two movies. Scott, Scott's look at the end of this film is like... With the eyeliner and the lipstick. Yeah, I'm just like, congrats to her. Like, I'm gonna be saying that. She looks great at the end of this. This joke goes on slightly too long, and also, I think...

The story of the fucking movie. No, yeah. I think also the joke starts to drift, because we start with like, oh, he's evil, but he's not that evil, he's still has standards. And then we get into this is kind of just like poking fun at the kind of people who run Jerry Springer. It feels like a little bit sort of classic.

Yeah. Yeah, Jerry Springer is in a way that's sort of the American Jeremy Kyle. So yeah, imagine having Jeremy Kyle on a fuck us. I love to want to have that. We love him, but it's so fucking. You mean we both have the same fucking. But there's the real Jerry Springer, that was it. Yeah, it was.

It's one of like many quite real celebrity cameos in this. Oh, this only gets worse. Yeah. But so, now Austin escapes from the hotel, you know, pursued by the police. And you get a fun visual gag, which is a British red phone box on the Pacific Coast Highway in California. And that really makes me miss the man from Uncle.

I just have Stockholm Syndrome now. I miss stuff that was set in Southern California, had no budget, because they couldn't drive very far from the studio. And we're just like, yeah, this is London, England. And clearly so does the movie. So we're just like, yeah, this is London, England. And clearly so just a movie. So we have some common ground there. But at this point, Baselite's position Austin's boss shows up and goes, right, we've remembered you're supposed to be a fashion

photographer. And no fashion photographer could be an evil man. So we're going to need you to be, you know, not creepy towards two models. One of whom is there to kill you on behalf of Dr. Reefall. So we go to Austin's part in London, which is conveniently located opposite a large Virgin Atlantic billboard. Nice. How much did they ship in for that, you may ask? Probably not as much as you'd think. And one of the models is girl I love to see, Rebecca Romaine.

Actual model. The other is another girl I like to see. Actually, mystique from the X-Men series. Kristen Johnson, too. Yeah, just before Jennifer Lawrence played it, before I played it. Yeah, we're announcing that now. But yeah, I wish. So Kristen Johnson is playing sort of a Zenyah on a top type. Ivana Humphalot, I think the name is, that's about the right.

That's right. For this movie takes. And the problem is that politely, right, I say this with affection, I say this with great love in my heart. The Zenyah on a top type is 1% clockier than Rebecca Remain, who you're supposed to be like, damn, that's an actual model. If you weren't clocking in, you weren't working. I love the fact we've been asked.

This makes you like 90% cuntier. Is every time you know you've got a good line you like. Yeah, I just do the. Like, don't be fucking. Is that? Not encourage us. Is it meant to be like a Russian shop put women's team jerk where we have Rebecca Remain Like, don't fucking... Is that... They're not encouraged yet. Is it meant to be like a Russian shop put women's team joke

where we have Rebecca remain and then we cut to Ivana? And is she meant to be... Is she meant to be break down? No, she's not a job. She's meant to be hot, but in like a Zenia honor's hop way where you're like, ooh, dang, clocky. Like... Wait, what?

He's using like a mamiya, like, six, four, five here. He's shooting a shelf, there's 15 in a row. I'm not talking about that. He does a good bit though, where he's like doing this, his like fashion photographer bit. He's like, I'm not even shooting, he's pointing the camera completely in like the opposite direction.

It still works. It's like, that's cool. But so... I mean, you can set up a remote, so it goes off with it. Yeah. And then he gets shooting, he's like that's cool. But so you can set up remote to this, so it goes off with it. Shooting me is like, yeah, baby, I'm done. And it hands it over. And I think that's quite funny. It's to just be like going from like a hundred to nothing immediately. I think that is somewhat funny. Now at this point, we have to go to Dr. Aval's headquarters, which is in Seattle, in a big Starbucks tower, because Starbucks is evil and ubiquitous

and that's a joke I assume has now also hopelessly dated. This is like an audience approval meter this microphone. I can be a bit tentative there. I'm like, do you like this? I'm like, no, no, please, I'm trying. You're doing great. I'm like, do you like this? Do you like this? Please, I'm trying. You're doing great. I'm just sat here. I keep forgetting I'm on stage and watching you. You had to get in really early to reserve this seat specifically. Really early. You have been a group chat in 2020. Really early, you have to be in a group chat in 2020. Yeah.

Yeah. But so once again, Dr. E was number two. Number two has both up Starbucks because Starbucks is more evil than just doing an evil plan. And OK, we like this joke. Fine. Whatever. I think it's good that number two is just like here still.

Yeah. He's not trying to show you Dr. E even that's on him. Yeah, they killed him. They killed him, but then they forgot that they killed him. So they just brought him up. He knew. He has like slight burns or one thing they like don't worry about. He's fine.

Cancer culture just doesn't real. It just doesn't stop. No, you can just come back and hear any of the villain. But yes, we also reintroduce Fraufa Bissner, who is the Rosa Club of these movies, except they're making explicit the thing that Rosa Club was not, which is that she's a lesbian. She says.

Which, okay, mood, right? But she's... Yeah, it's great. I kind of like this. I also like the Dr. Evil is not homophobic. Because she says this and he just goes right on. Yeah, you get a bit of like a look off of number two. And also her girlfriend is kind of like a Dr. Rivas not homophobic with the movie is because then it goes, this is my partner and it's like a very bunch woman named Unabrow with a Unabrow.

We met at the WPGA tour. And it's like, okay. Yeah. Okay. We're making like homophobic jokes about lesbians. I mean, also this idea that anyone who's sort of like, anyone who's like evil and sadistic and German is necessarily a lesbian, if you want to prove that to me,

you can meet me after the show. Oh, no! You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. But that's, I tried to do one of those, one of those meet me after the show jokes and each one of these. The third one is so dog shit, I couldn't think of one.

So you got two nights to do this, and at this point, they introduce, they're also they've cloned Dr. Evil. Fuck me. Again. Okay. We all know about Mini Me. I hope so. Evil. Fuck me. Again. Okay. We all know about Mini Me. I hope so. Yeah, this is, this is Vern Troyer, right?

A dude who was like three feet tall, now dead, RIP, rest in powers. And the role is they've cloned Dr. Evil, but it's gone wrong and he's one-eighth the size. And this role is, I would say, controversial, problematic. You want to think of some more words for this. Well, like, so he never speaks. No. They treat him like a dog. Literally at some points in these series that I put him on a lead, like he behaves like a dog and then he like snows and like, humps things. Well, a dog or a baby, those are the two things he has compared to

and he's compared to them constantly. A dog at one point they call him. Yeah. And I don't know. I mean, did I think Vintroy actually, they're really impressed, my, my, as with his audition and they like worked together on this. So I don't want to say like this was definitely exploitation because almost like her, they're the villagers who insisted on certain things that we wouldn't normally do now. But yeah, I don't think it was well paid. No, I mean, I read one sort of Guardian article

which essentially cast this as like, no, this is the... This is full of transphobia, but yeah. This was a few years also, is before they had got onto that, and when they were trying to be on the right side of things, they're on the right side of things now. When they're trying to be on the left side of things, and they had this right,

so it was like, no, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to our community. And yeah, all right, you know, I believe it. I believe it. I believe it. I believe it. But yes, so we introduced Mini-Me and the plan, which this time, we're

going to do some time travel. We're going to go back to the 60s and we're going to steal the quintessence of Austin Powers, the thing that makes him Austin Powers. Thank you to the one person who was impressed that I knew the word quintessence. It wasn't like a laugh, it was just like a... Just like, that's how I do it all for, right? The one person who was impressed by someone knowing the word quintessence, it's his mojo, right? His like... The Steelers test a gel.

Yeah, we're gonna go back in time. We're gonna change the name on his boots prescription so he can't get it anymore. Yes, yeah. Fucked up. We're gonna change it so his dick doesn't work right anymore? That's the plot of this movie. It really is, I promise. I think the best thing you can do with a man out of time is put him back in time. Because what that takes is the essence of a character and is like, we're done with that.

So the plan is that Austin was frozen in 1967, so Dr. Evil will go back to 1969 when he's frozen, so he won't be able to do anything to stop him. He's the vibe. Yeah. It's actually... It's kind of embracing the just-tudent thing. But like, you know, you get him while he's frozen into an ice cube.

You don't kill him. You just, like, demascularize him. You force femin kill him, you just like demascularise him. You force feminise him. Woo! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER One person wooing, force feminising him? Oh, it was someone! Someone is he! Someone is hurrying home to write the Austin Powers forced femfic. LAUGHTER

Wow, fuck, I hadn't even thought of a Austin Powers fan for a catch. I might take a look at like A.O. 3 later one. I think so. We'll read the best of those or the worst of those we find tomorrow. Was it a phase? I was just practicing my writing. That's about it. Slow burn, coffee shop A.U. That's what the Starbucks comes from. Fuck's sake. LAUGHTER So, we go, Dr. Evil and Mini Me, go back to 1969,

and we meet young number two. Roblo again, a guy I see. LAUGHTER A guy here. Hearing a misfilm. Yeah, a guy who is on the West Wing and some other things. I see what, though, he does a good Robert Wagner impression. Yeah, he does, I'd really like his performance in that. And the reason why is because he dated one of his daughters.

Oh, God. I don't... When we say that Hollywood is incestuous. Yeah. Truly. Yeah, but like, dating someone specifically to like broaden your impressions is... That's such a weird, like, a very, very,

very good impersonation of your dad. Yeah, and then the last set up, the set up, top-on-shine, of you walking out of the room, which is... LAUGHTER That's got some really dark implications. I could do that in a way. That would be like,

did you do the my dad voice tonight? Oh! Oh! Yeah, there's a whole thing. I can do a really great impression like Becker's mum. That's... LAUGHTER I love Lila. But so Roblo is...

No, not on stage though. And I'm running through everyone I've ever dated going, of all their parents, who could I impersonate? LAUGHTER It's just a weird novel thing to imagine. LAUGHTER Yeah, it's how do you realise? How do you realise?

How do you realise that you have that power to just like impersonate your girlfriend's dad? You just add dinner together and you just start talking like him? I can impersonate my ex-fiance dad by just wearing a misfit shirt. Like, that was 80% of his personality. LAUGHTER

And by sitting in my barn as dad, they just been like, I did a proof of your transition. LAUGHTER Very disappointed, Abigail. Well, I think he told us to remember. LAUGHTER Uh. There was a joke I was too mean to make there, which was impersonating my ex's dad by not showing up. Which is a little part of the third movie. Yeah, I have a bit based around that,

but I want to do on the third one. Yeah, so they set up the going to steal Austin Powers' Mojo thing, and at this point, we have to do one of those fucking interstitial cuts. Yeah, right. Oh, good. They're back. Those are back. It's a bit less jarring, but it's still fucked. There's more of them. It's like, it keeps

cutting to Mike Myers' 60s-themed novelty tribute band and some girls' and body paint dancing. And you're like, oh isn't this cool? And I'm like, no, stop, please. I got up to one of my university girlfriends in my head and realized I never met her dad. No, no, no. I was still in it. I was still in it. You're in the blanket. I was telling you. I was looking up. I get another visual joke for those listening at home. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can they did with Blackjack and the first one. Yes, although it did get one laugh out of me, which is when he'd seductively put the chess piece in his mouth, and I tried to imagine how a chess piece tastes. Much as you'd expect it to, I have to imagine.

But yeah, but this is the thing, right? There are a lot of extra loisties. I think a chess piece in your mouth is like a weird crossover that this movie has with like part eight of JoJo. Like a really weird, it's strange to me, fuck you, I see that you- That's not funny. Devon. Now, now because that's sonically unintelligible, what that is, is Desmond Lohelner's Q saying,

that's not funny, and then Alice flatly saying the word Devon, and it on top about twice as loud. So... Yes, thank you for that. Thank you, Tom. The chess scene reminded me of the fact, this is unconnected, but it reminded me of the fact that I have recently been banned from the chest.com app for trying to make my screen name mate me,

mommy. I have been raised to learn that Brennan's speaker's here. Maybe only one need. I keep getting banned from us. The reason I've been reduced to chest.com is because I've been banned from OKCupid and field for impersonating Abigail Ford. What are you trying to meet women on chess.com? I'm looking for queens.

Yes! Thank you. We're here tomorrow night. That was gorgeous, yeah. I'm very taken by the idea of you logging into chess.com, being like, how do I play heel sluts? What in the meaner are you doing the crouching e-mode? I'm going to be a fan of that saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying to just like, you know, be like, oh, tits. And like, not really. Like, it's a bit uncomfortable for me, I found. She says, oh, I'm an assassin, I was sent to kill you, but you made me so horny, I want to fuck you, and I've written, oh, like, Fidel Castro. I think we all have that joke down.

Yep. Yeah, he fit El Castro, so 100%. Well, tries to. Yes. We cut away from that. Because now it's time. Oh, Christ. Yeah.

Well, yeah, this was my only note was in full caps. Mm-hmm. So, what's just a previous note? Having someone reply yes to the like, do I make you horny baby, but it just collapses it. Like it's not like the irony's gone at that point. Do I have that? I have a drop here that's just horny.wav,

but I'm not sure what it is. Let's find out. Do I make you horny baby? Yes. Well done. Nice. It's not funny. No, but what, what, what, you know what else isn't funny?

What if a guy was fat? Right? Let me, let me stop you right there. Whoa! Now you might think that that's the funniest thing in the world. But check this out, what if he was also Scottish? Oh! Oh!

Fat Bastard. So fat bastard. Bastard. This is a Canadian aggression against the peoples of Scotland. First Minister, you saw, please, institute sanctions. Immediately targeted airstrikes. I just, I think it's necessary to do a targeted, moderate regime change in Canada. Just in order to prevent these kinds of breaches of international norms, because every Canadian thinks they can

do a Scottish accent. Because of... I really think so, you can do that. And he can't. He just fully cannot. And I don't know. I'm not sure if it's because of like historical Scottish immigration to Canada, but it's just, it's embedded in their culture now. And we have to get over there with tanks

and an Air Force and rip it back out. Because if these are the consequences, you know, this can't, this aggression cannot stand, man. So you may remember Dr. Evil's chief henchman in the last film was Random Task, who was an odd job parody. The actor playing random task? Like a play. It seems to us to 30 years in prison for crimes we spoke about last night, between, I think, does that happen between these two movies?

Yes. So Dr. Evil now has a new henchman, which thank God is not Mike Myers looking like a Korean man. But instead, he's Mike Myers again. A third Mike Myers has struck the movie, dressed in an enormous fat suit and like ginger hair and eyebrows. Drawling on himself most of the time. Yeah, very, very repulsive physically.

Yeah, this is fat bastard and he's the new. He's meant to be like a Scottish soldier, I guess. And he like incapacitates the guards. Drills into the ice., like, incapacitates the guards. Drills into the ice. How does he incapacitate the guards? Oh, with the drugged bagpipes. With the bagpipes. With the drugged bagpipes.

Sigh. Yeah, he just starts playing the bagpipes and, like, some gas comes out. He's a man from the other guys or something. And you know, I love to see a gas. Yeah, we're not. We're not big fans of gas here. Of course.

But this one, no, no, it's it's it's not appropriate. This one's a racist gas. And it's fat phobic as well, which is also exceedingly bad, just in case we didn't make that very clear. That's true. It's not funny. Yeah, so so fat bastard steals Austin's mojo. And as he is about to have sex with Ivana Humplett,

he finds that he cannot perform. He has a rectile dysfunction because they've taken his mojo. And he makes a noise. And this is... I hate it when you say that. That's not the idea. Is the equivalent of Liam giving the date on Willis? Yeah, you've never recovered from the time in Cassino R.I. Hour, I went.

Yeah, he makes a noise like, will. I'm not a ghost from the room. I'm a phobic noise in diamonds on the far the moon of the pussy of whatever the phobic. This noise isn't homophobic, but it's very strange, and I'm just going to put the mic up to the crowd preemptively. Oh! Oh! Oh!

No, he doesn't make that noise at that moment. He makes that noise during the chest scene because this is genuinely funny to me. This is the one like solid laughing. He's because one of the shots in the chest is just mic-mice. No expression on his face going, Oh! Oh!

And then it cuts away from it. Like that was the entire length of the shot. Yeah, we need one shot, Netsford. Oh! Okay. So they steal his mojo, they kind of, it's like goo, they take it out of him with a syringe in the past. And then that changes the future so that he can't have sex anymore.

And so, so Baselite's position is like, okay, we're going to send you back to 1969 in a car, which we'll get to in a moment. I just, when they do this, he's still wearing his Alander Shoston powers clothes. And I think they kind of missed a trick. It would have been funnier if after they stole his merger in the past, he just became normal. He's just wearing like a normal suit. And he's been the most of the rest of the movie is just like quite a normal man.

That would have been much better, actually. Yeah. But they didn't have you to like script doctor this movie. So they don't do that instead. What they do is they go to a hanger where the time machine is parked and the time machine is a new VW Beetle marked up in like hippie colors.

And man, you're the new beetle, like the cynical cash grab, disguised as the symbol of a new generation of like youth and optimism to hide the fact that the boomers were not just pulling up the ladder after them, but actively destroying the entire fucking planet. That car? Yeah, time travel is fucking right. That entire generation's politics have been a fantasy of going back to the 60s,

and they tried to force us all into it, and we're all gonna drown in boiling seawater. Woo! Big cheer for boiling seawater. Yeah, it's into liquids on this hot gas as well. Sorry, it's just, it's sometimes I, I, I realize what the next 20 years are going to look like and I just think like... LAUGHTER But... Mike, we need your back on stage. We need to do some more...

Oh, pick up. Yeah, how many takes have that, did they do that? How many re-shoots? How many months have re-shoots come back in? It was like a weak slate of like, we they do it? How many mumps of reshirts in the back in? It was like weeks later, like, we were not. Fiji, I ain't gonna miss that short, because he was doing another thing. But so, as I'm thinking about coastal ice shelves and stuff, Basil owns me by looking straight down the camera and going,

I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing and just enjoy yourself. That goes for you all, too. Podcast defeated were fucked. It's over. As soon as you're like, uh, you just don't worry about some movie. Where the whole thing is, the whole out of this falls apart. No, refuse, no, refuse. It's, obviously, this film sucks and is shit.

But it's funny, if we treat it like it's a movie that has something to say, like it was made as like an auto piece by fucking night noise. The first one I kind of tried to with a very end. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and the 90s meant. This one is just like eight-hawston-fine. It's not meant to say it says do you remember Austin Powers' one? Yeah.

How about a bit more money for me? Yeah. I mean, the third one, you better fucking believe. LAUGHTER The third one tries to say something, and it's worse! It's no, it's so... I preferred it when he wasn't trying. Anyway.

Yeah, this was a couple of years apart. Watching them back-to-back-to-back worst possible experience, you can have a horrible thing to do to yourself. General. Well, that too. But like, if you give yourself a couple of years in between, you're forgotten enough of the jokes that you won't be like, that's the exact same joke, and you're robbing me.

That's what we do. In many ways, we remember it so you don't have to. Let's not, Danny. Devon. LAUGHTER You think that the audience too young to get that reference, all right? Fuck. LAUGHTER You think the audience too young to get that reference, alright? Fuck.

But so Austin goes back to the 60s. There's a little bit about how he can't drive the car well because he's lost his mojo, which is fun. But how is what kind of beer is he drinking? He's drinking a Heineken. Oh, okay. A Glossier. A Heineken that you can purchase at any bar.

This is made very much funnier by the fact that I think, is it Skyfall? Has a lot of very prominent light effects? Yes. I'm so in trying to avoid Austin Powers' hit on the same thing. And where did it bring you back to me? Back to me. Yeah. The true power brokers of this world, Heineken.

But so there's a rave. There's a party going on at Austin's pad in the 60s. Again, he can still dance and he can still party. They missed an opportunity to have him not be able to dance. His teeth are bad again, but that's not a function of his mojo. His teeth were always bad. In fact, they kind of were a bit cow'd about this, by giving him better teeth at the start of this movie. They're like... Oh, but this was because he went back in time. Yeah, but like... He just has the bad teeth from the first movie, the whole way through.

I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing, and... I Podcast defeated I don't like that I'm just being bullied on like both sides Yeah, it's like a bullet which is not pushing you back What do you do? Yes I Well very perceived

Holy amres when you're bullied by both of your co-workers. That's right. And by sexuality is when we're different genders. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But so he meets this girl, Robyn Swallows, which sets you up for my maiden name is Spitz, joke. To be fair, right.

OK. I'm going to do something. I hate doing it and defend this very slightly. Oh, God. In that she tees him up too hard, and you can see that it like affects him, because she's like, my name was Robin Swallows, made in name, Spitz, and he goes,

well, what is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows? And then just like sits there for a bit and goes, he's like, I choose to believe they're left that in. And then he's like, who's in like, that's my best. Yeah. That's the take. Yeah.

All the best, all the best lines of the ones where you can hear him like cringe internally afterwards. Yeah, it's really good. Where he's like Spitzer's follows, baby. Oh! Again, it would have been funny if she teed him up for that. And because he doesn't have his merger, he's just like, nice to me.

Yeah. Hi. Austin. But at this point, we have to introduce another character. A character who is blonde and American. A character who is wearing a mini skirt. A character who is wearing a day collar with a female symbol on it that serves. Frankly, it serves can't.

And she's here tonight! You know? In my dreams. Also, later on, she arrives on a scene in a big convertible that's patent to look like the American flag, and my notes just say in caps, yes please. LAUGHTER Oh, they really do.

They really do. This is all I've ever wanted. LAUGHTER This is, this is delicious. He arrives to the song, American Woman. Is that? Just denail at home. LAUGHTER

This is just a lie. Yeah, this is your mom? Yeah, this is your mom to go to Abby's house, watch you. Watch you. Yeah, your Apple Watch is like, we've just had some elevated heart rate. Are you... Are you okay?

I mean, like, no. Just like all of a sudden, she looked like the person, like the iMacs advert, she was like... LAUGHTER So, this woman, bornz Austin, that Robyn Swallows, made in namespets, works for Doctor Evil on its attract. And he does the thing that's like a straight lift from, I don't remember which bond movie.

Oh, it's Thunderball, it's Domino. Not a Stomino, is it Domino? He sees the reflection in the... The kiis? Yeah, the ball pay, ball pay. Yeah, he sees the reflection of the assassin. Oh, the reflection in the ice is from you, and you live twice, try to understand. That's goal figure. No.

This is great content. It's you only live twice. You're loving this. No, you are only live twice, hold on. He doesn't even get it out there. Do you want to go in the back and get your phone and check? He does the thing that James Bond does in Moon pussy where he sees a reflection in her eyes of an assassin with a throwing knife and then he turns around and she takes it.

But then, and I do quite like this, they keep doing that, so he then throws her body away and is fine, the assassin, the assassin pulls a gun, he picks her up again puts her in front and then like the guy has a bigger gun and they keep they keep doing it I kind of have mixed feelings about this because the persistent joke is funny, but on the other hand They like they make this uncomfortably violent. Yeah. Yeah, like the makeup and the special effects of her being shot are like too good Yeah, it's just like it's like that bit in Seeld, where Jerry Seinfeld got shot a bunch of times, or it's like, no, you got the like... Yeah, the right way of the bit is... Spoilers for the final episode of Seinfeld!

Spoilers for the final episode of Mood! In a Jerry Seinfeld, yeah. Jerry Seinfeld can be suicide by cop. No, they got like... Actually, the final episode of Seinfalt takes place on 9-11. Yeah. I'm so excited, I'm excited. Look at you, I'm so excited.

And he's just like, what's the deal with airline? Yeah. So. So. Folks. Folks. Yeah, but I don't really like this bit. But the thing is, in the original script,

it was going to go on longer. He was going to like put her in the thing is, in the original script, it was gonna go on longer. He was gonna put her in the car, and when the next guy shoots at them, he was gonna haul her dead ass corpse up as a human shield. I think that's funnier, but the movie has lost itself confidence, much like Austin Powers. Where the last movie would have been

is the same joke five times. This one's like, is the same joke three times. Do you like it? Are you offended? I'm sorry? Please Please don't leave It's like I don't know it's also it's the same joke the brown face will Farrell did in the first one And it's about to do again. Yes. Yes. Yeah, it's not his character's name Should have been. Totally unrelated, not played by Will Farrell,

who's just named... Not even in draft, but I see that, just... LAUGHTER But, so, in sort of like a pressy of my problem with this movie, they do the joke about the red phone box on, like, the California Highway, again, where they drive past, like, a sign that says, English countryside, but then they acknowledge it in the text of the movie. I fucking have the drop here somewhere. Oh god. Oh god.

I don't know. You know, I don't. No, I don't. I'm like, shit. All right, fine. Well, I guess I'll just give you the baffling line from the the photoshoot where he says Which I was wondering what powers on school Vietcong was Given Given that this is 1969 that's alarmingly too soon Like, yeah. Oh, yeah, fuck, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, pong are all like, what the fuck is this guy doing? This guy makes us look bad.

Yeah. But yeah, he goes like, the English countryside looks remarkably like Southern California. And it's like, this is MCU-writing. This is the, they fly now, they fly now thing. And I fucking hate it in this one too. It's like, it's a lack of self-confidence in your own bits, which again, it's like the themes of the movie, you know? I'm seeing you as a good series of movies.

Yeah, yeah. I think they make good content. Like that's looking at Disney as well. I was talking about it. Yeah, Disney made great content. That's true. I mean, they're a great, Disney made content. Great company.

We get a Disney plus description, maybe. We love the mouse here with all our hearts. So we'll find this soldier. We'll feral brown face. Yeah. If you remember the first movie where you were here for the first night, there's a character called Mustafa.

Now, Mustafa is sort of the archetype that you find in 60 spy movies where it's like a North African guy in a fuzz with sunglasses, right? But because Mike Myers' friends with Will Ferrell, they cast Will Ferrell in Brownface. Like, they fully did. And a couple of years later, they were like, hey, remember when we did that and got no pushback? Because, you know, there were no politics along these lines yet, no one could cancel us. When was the mighty bush doing Blackface? That was like 2000 and there's a thousand

altys, wasn't it? Yeah, there was definitely the naughties, yeah. I mean, no, still doing it in Australia up until like 20 town, I think. Jesus. Yeah, so they just decide, hey, let's bring it back. Let's put Will Ferrell in the brown face makeup and like, you know, bring him on for the next scene, which they do. And he does, he makes karate noises.

He does? They play some like, that's a rubbish music. He has a cookery. Yeah. Which is like a beautiful melding part of martial arts styles. Just a whole fucking series of things that have no relation to it. Yeah, all the phases that sell very well in the pool.

And yeah, they do a bit, which I only realized was racist last night, where they captured him at gunpoint and they go, who do you work for? And he says, I'm not meant to worry, who do you work for? I'm not meant to worry. Who do you work for? When I'm asked the same question three times,

I have to answer you. And I'm like, that's just the bit about like, oh, it's good hospitality to like turn something down three times in reverse, isn't it? That's just you're just being racist, okay? I see, I thought you were being upset. We had like orthogonal racism. Yeah.

Like we had 5D chess racism. Yeah. For a series that has been like quite on the nose with the racism thus far When you're watching like a kids movie and it has like a few jokes for the adults They've got all the like normal racism and just for the real racism The kids aren't gonna get it So one old dude in a tweed jacket, and the other guy's like, yo! No!

Whoa! He's doing the point, but he's got all fingers out. No! Nice, very good. So, very good. So, they then repeat another joke, which is in the first movie they kill Mustafa, and he like, the way too long.

He's like, I'm a been horrible pain. Please help me. They just do that again. Yeah, because for our father, so many of you come by and they kill him before he can reveal his phone information. And you get some more welfare all bits, which is like, I'm in pain, which is like, no, fine. I don't like to hear it.

Uh-huh. And then we go to the evil la air and fast-busted arrives. My notes say he needs to shit. That's the joke. Oh, don't worry. This is a movie. Most of the joke. This is a movie that is obsessed with shitting. Like, in that respect, it's obsessed with fucking toilets.

I'm English. And it... You know what? He did his research well for a Canadian. Yeah, yeah. That's why I was fooled. Yeah. It finds, it finds, Perds, very funny.

And so Fat Bastard, he has to ship, he delivers the mojo, and you get the jokes to position of two hysterical jokes. What if a guy was fat and what if a guy was short? And you're like, yeah, what if that? And the movie expects you to be rolling in your seat at this point. It is really dope, please.

It's so cute. That looks so bad on like two axes. Yeah. Yeah. It like looks you're, it feels like you're watching like an episode of Friends Without the Laft Track. Because it's like, they just do the joke

and then there's just a long pause, but we'll just wait for the audience to finish laughing. At that joke. Yeah, you really need an audience laughing to complete the thing. Imagine this show without a laugh track. We'd be fucked. If you just decided stone cold to stone wall us, nothing.

I don't know. I don't know. No, I don't know. I just don't know how to do it. I just don't know how to do it. I'm just a brilliant student. What rating was the first Austin Powers film? No, we go 28. No, no, no, no, what rating like MPAA?

Oh! I don't remember that kind of shit. I remember them facts that matter, which is really the 15. It was the 15. I remember when I was a kid, I remember a lot of people in the playground quoting Austin Powers. I think it had a big fan base of people

who were officially too young to see it, but I think it was quite popular with children. And I think the second one gets noticeably more pure oil. And I think the third one really leans into the fact that, oh, we've got kids in high school who really love this like series And so I wonder if maybe like the recurring like turd jokes is a sign that they're aware that the series has so many followers among my bullies Yeah, maybe so maybe so

But so he delivers the mojo and. Eiffel drinks some, which makes him sexier. And Mike Myers gets to act like another Mike Myers character while a third Mike Myers character is like, he's like, he's straight. Cause obviously this predates Shrek, right? And he's doing the Shrek voice because he just is doing like a bad Scottish accent. And at one point he goes,

I ate a donkey and hearing him say donkey just like that's a half a... Yeah. Like tell me a point of damage, man. I feel like the sexy doctor evil having drunk the mojo, again, would have been funny, I had Austin just been normal. Yeah, but then now he becomes like that would have been good. Yeah. Instead, what we get is he seduces for our farbiciner, a woman we have previously established

to be a lesbian because of you can do that, if you're sexy enough, you can make lesbians be attracted to men. Doing the bond bit from the 60s again. Yes. At least she consents to this. She does later. She enthusiastically. Yes, yeah. At least she consents to this. She does live. She enthusiastically.

Yes, yeah. I mean, the joke here is kind of like, older women having sex or being sexual is funny. Yeah. Because older women can't be sexy. If anyone wants to disprove that with me, you can make me... LAUGHTER And like, this is...

After the show. This is for our father and I in the past. And I think they would... Yeah, time-nouncing. Yeah. It would have been... This is frow far better in the past and I think they would I'm not saying Yeah It would have been I wish they'd made more of the joke that like Dr. Evil doesn't know whether or not to tell her she's a lesbian because in like present day 1999 she knows she's a lesbian

I think it would have been funnier if it's like doing like a when I tell you like he can't tell Would have been like a genuinely funny and touching joke? Yeah. I mean, she goes, you know, I'll never love another man and he goes, and it's like a good of this. Yeah, yeah. So, it's nuggets of an okay joke

somewhere in this movie. There's like 10 minutes of it. We do get some slightly, we get some more casual homophobia in the next thing because Austin and the American blonde too, by the way, her name is Felicity Shagwell. Shagwell by name, Shagvery well by nature, baby. Indeed, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they go out, they have a nice stay in London, because we're doing the same thing from the first one, and they like try to distract a guard at Buckingham Palace, and like, let's see, Kirsten Semen, he doesn't react, then Austin kisses him, and he's like, oh, and it's like, oh, yeah. But again, same joke from the first one, like. They do sort of a hard day's night joke, where he's in lingerie as well, and it's like, oh. Yeah, it's again, same joke from the first one, like. They do a sort of a hard day's night joke

where he's in lingerie as well. And it's like, whatever. The other thing to note about Felicity Shankwa, right, is Austin has like met his match because she responds to, do I make you horny, baby? So much harder than he says it. This is the woman who has wanted to fuck most

since the girl playing in the movie planes too. She... You are not on an episode. She wants it so bad. That was a double-dragging, I think. She will fully just be like, he will try to do an Austin Powers bit. She'll be like, cock, cock plays, cock. This is like, where?

I think this is one of the jokes that's almost funny, is Austin Powers desperately trying not to shag someone. Because he's like, he can't get it up because his mojo has been nicked. So she's like so horny and he's like, she's not, she's a professional, she's an agent, she's not gonna walks out, she's in lingerie and he's like,

oh, she, oh. Oh. Yeah, Austin walks out of his bathroom and there's like a blonde American woman in Loss Ray in his bed and I'm just like, mm, you son of a bitch. But he's for Gondas T-Jail, you know? I really don't care if something good happened to you. It should have happened to me.

So at this point, we get this montage, but Bacarac shows up again. I still don't know or care who Bacarac is. He's not alone. No, he's got Elvis Costello there. Elvis Costello looking visibly uncomfortable. Yeah. He's looking like he's like just seen off. Elvis Costello.

Elvis Costello. Elvis Costello. Elvis Costello! Elvis Costello looks like he's just seen it. He was born when this movie came out. No, around. Elvis Costello looks like he's just seen a race horse be put down. It's so specific. He's like, he's seen, he's suddenly aware that this is a cold, hard, cruel world. And then he's been pushed onto a set with, do I make you horny, mate?

I mean, when you see a race or ska put down, I'm really like, that's super seeded in the other idea and you might have. Yeah. So, oh god, what happened? So, if it's a more office comedy, because Dr. Evelyn, for our farthest and have fucked its awkward, yeah, this film has realized that Dr.

Evil is funny than Austin Powers. And that's what most of this film is just bits with Dr. Evil. Like at home with Dr. Evil. He has a chair that doesn't quite work. Yeah, Scott comes back from the future and then Minimi is there and Scott calls him a chihuahua.

He calls him a dog. A vicious little chihuahua thing, which is, yeah, you better believe Seth Greens in this movie, as well. It was the dynamic. The dynamic is that like Minimi has replaced Scott in Doctorie Liza Faction, and there's like replace him as a son, right?

Whatever. At which point, Felicity really does try and fuck Austin. He's replaced Scott in Doctorie Liza Faction, and he's like, replaced him as a son, right, whatever. At which point, Felicity really does try and fuck Austin. She asks him for a massage. We get the funny joke. The one? The one funny joke, which is he's massaging her back, and she's like, lower, and he does his same line, but in a lower voice.

It's good. I'm not going to do it. I did it last night if you weren't here, you missed it. No, I'm on your performing monkey, no? I don't want to tell you, but we're on stage in front of the right now. I hate to be the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're literally at this moment.

These people pay our rent. I'm afraid. Yeah, to be pay our rent. I'm a phrase. Yeah, to be fair, you're right about that. Let's go! All three of my rents. Daddy's back. Oh, no! Cool, you got my ex-girlfriend

and doing it in a fraction of her dad, Justin. Well, in many ways, big boy never less. LAUGHTER Oh! Oh! If you laugh too hard, you will be taken out back in trouble. It's just to be like a race horse. Like a...

Elvis Costello's gonna be there. You're gonna be like... He's in to nothing. It's genuinely hard to do that in this shape where, because it keeps my diaphragm up quite high. Oh, this belt is holding on for dear life. Yeah, it's quite hard, huh? But so, yeah, she wants him to fucking, he's like, no, I can't, and also refuses to explain.

I feel like it would have been easier if you just talked to your partner, Zostin, but. Yeah, I know, it just says, you could, you could feasibly explain. Yeah. There are perhaps other ways of having sex than just in, you know, PIV, you know, maybe just a thought, but, you know, not for Austin Pell. Shout out to the audience member.

I won't point you in, Shemi, but shout out to the audience member in the front row who just went, So that's a true bestie. You're kidding her. Yes. I mean, that's reference to the start when Vanessa turns out to be a fanboy. That's a true bestie. You're kidding her out. Yes. I mean, that's rough. The start, when Vanessa turns out to be a fanboy,

where they're like, can you... Yeah. And he's like, what was it, when you were in Freudian's? Yeah. And she's like... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And she's like, why didn't I notice that before? And she said, you know, you could have tried four-play.

Yeah. You know, playing balls doesn't look like, yeah, for enough. But so she tries to fuck him and he's like, no. And it's like history. It doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Now that she doesn't have sex with someone who doesn't want to, she gets reverse consolation pussy in the same way that Austin did in the first movie, except this time it's Basil calling

her up and going, you need to do some spy cop shit on the fattest man in the world. That's right. It's real bad, folks. And like, here's the thing, the previous scene, you can pinpoint the date, 90s feminism embraced the idea of women being horny to between the first two of these movies. Like, first one of these movies, it's like, you know, women these days too modern don't even like sex.

Now it's like, women like sex too much, I'm scared. I'm scared. It's, it's, if you've, if we've been off more, we could do a hitbox. No, we fucked up badly. If you have the We've been off more, we could do it, boys. No, we fucked up badly. If you have the facilities for that, if you've read a now very dated feminist book called Female Shovonist Pigs,

this is the kind of like Lads Mag feminism, quasi-feminism, that felicity sort of occupies the space of it's like, shagging. Women can do it too now. Men of the 90s, I wish women were more horny than me, Batman was like, then you're gonna love me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha right, which is, Felicity has to have sex with fat bastard in order to plant a listening device on him, which she puts in his asshole.

And of course, like, he's eating in bed and his whole bed is surrounded by food. Yeah, and again, like, there are sort of two approaches I can take to this. One is the quiet serious thing around like, no, this is legitimately repulsive. The other, which is like, yeah, the joke here is, what if a beautiful woman had sex with a repulsive fan-gloves? I'm going to see. If you'd like to find out, meet me after the show. I'm going to meet you out back with Elvis Costello.

Fucking shit. You cannot stop me from making self-deprecasing jokes. It makes us a lot of money. That's true. I've been trying to stop you for about two years at this point. Yay capitalism. William. But so, she puts the fucking missing device up his ass and he's like,

ooh, frisky. It's terrible. I gotta be honest. Like, anywhere else, the listening device would be good, like in its clothes, I don't know. He's got, he's got like, fat folds. Like, that's the dead, legitimately a thing, because it's the giant fat soup. No, no, it's gotta be up his ass. They increased the budget on this and they spent half of the budget on like,

thick glycerin to just like coat fat pasting Yeah, and the other half of the budget on The most efficient use of budget in the world which is only two thousand CGI But that's true isn't it costs an arm and a leg and it looks like shit Yeah, it's a volcano based in the shape of Dr. Evil's head. Looks terrible. Looks like it's from an FMV game. Yeah.

But Dr. Evil's plan is he's going to put a laser cannon on the moon to destroy Washington, DC. I must say, there is a recurring shush joke. It's not funny. Yeah, they do this about 50 fucking times. And then, crucially, none of this is funny. Yep, yep. One thing that I think is funny is the joke

that the laser is taken from a Cambridge physicist called Dr. Parsons, so he calls it the Alan Parsons project, which is a... It's funny. I can explain this to you, because the movie does, too. Because again, it doesn't have the confidence of its own bit. And so he goes, you know,

allowing to demonstrate the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons project, which is a funny line if you get it, if you don't, you just gloss over it. That's what a comedy is. And then Scott goes, the Alan Parsons project is a progressive rock band in 1982. But you don't-

Looking directly at the camera by the way, just that was funny. Yeah, you don't go back and laugh at it. Now you know that. You're just like, okay, thanks. Cool. And that's why they do the same punchline 50 times is because they do punchline, explain the punchline five times more of the punchline.

So you're laugh at it this time. And it just, it doesn't work. It doesn't, it's not structured well as a comedy. And that's my objection to it aside from all the ways in which it's horrible. And then Austin does just explain to Felicity, is like, I can't have sex with you because I've lost my mojo. And she's like, oh, okay, cool, no worries. Yeah, I guess.

She's a really cool person. Yeah, cool. So, and she tries to tell him, by the way, I shagged Fat Bastard, but then they get caught off. And then, By the turd lot, which is gonna track down the turds. Yeah, this is the poo bit.

Where they find the tracking device, which he has shit back out into a toilet, and they find they like retrieve this turd for the lab, which is not as... Not even as funny as I'm making it sound. Like... Goes on too long this bit. And the other thing is like, okay, we're all agreeing. This movie is bad. I don't appreciate doing a bit to. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. Well, first of all, let's find out. What's what's up? The fact that if you make it is just gross. I'm always being told- I know why you would have fucking- No, you're not. I'm not gonna use that. Why are you fucking out? No, you're not. You're a stone-cold smoked show. You're gonna get to make these jokes.

You're so... Just really bit- Do I make you horny, man? It's like, partial appropriation for you to make these jokes. So they find the turds, they take the turds and they put them in like a, fucking a beaker in a lab and you know as soon as you see it that the bit is going to be Austin Powers is going to drink some shit. And they- Closeout humor, baby. They tease you with this one for a good five minutes

and then he just does it and that's the joke. It's not, yeah. It would have been funny if he didn't. That's true. Yeah. And then they didn't comment it. I was like, oh, thank God. I didn't drink it if he was just like,

I was like, no, I wasn't. He's like, it's a coffee, I'm not an idiot. Because the thing about humor is that it's about meeting expectations. Oh. First day of comedy school, lesson one. Set up an expectation and then, baby, you wanna meet that bad boy?

You wanna take a few minutes together as well, really cement the expectation and then just do it. Again, I'm writing a better movie in my head. This would have been funny if you'd lost his merger, was a normal dude and people were trying to set up bits for him to do. So I try and do something funny. And he's just like, oh, nearly drank that,

I'm just gonna drink this coffee normally instead of a normal person. I can. So the plot point of this is that they've identified in the turds a like vegetable that's only found on the volcano island, so they know what the base is, right? This movie is just sketch. It's just sketches.

It's a series of sketches, and you can tell the ones they inserted to like create a plot because nothing funny happens. Like a scene will open with like an idea for what they want the scene to be, and then occasionally a scene will open and it'll be like, you have all your like,

basil fucking expedition, be like, all right, Austin, here's what we need to do next to set up an expert, and he goes, all right. And then it cuts to cuts to like doctor evil doing a song and dance twice. Yes It really does because it likes to rival more likes to tree will so much It they do the like one million dollars bit again when he tries to blackmail the president He's like one hundred billion dollars, but it's president who is Tim Robbins. Yeah, yep You don't remember when he was elected after Canada got killed?

Oh, yeah. But like award-winning actor, like the Shawshank Redemption, Tim Robbins, like he's just in this film. Mm-hmm. And yeah, they do the blackmail joke again. They call many me in Ong Palompa. This is beginning to feel like, again, like the Russian sleep experiment. I'm just on stage like... Oh, God.

And the thing is, it doesn't work. He's from the 60s. It doesn't work for him to be making out of time jokes from the future to a guy from the 60s. You're from the 60s, can't. You do a fucking joke two scenes ago, which hinges on you being from the 60s and not knowing about something and the fucking do you talk. about something and the fuck he's using!

Just decide what the bit is. I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing. I can't know how you got this much. We literally have to. You paid us to do this. It's your fault that we're up here doing this. You fuckers. It is to fault that we're up here doing this. You fuckers.

It is to me. Oh! Thank you for watching. Austin and Felicity infiltrate the island. We get the second of the two good jokes, which is that she walks out of the sea in the Oceola and there's white bikini, very, very sexy. And then we cut to him and he's also wearing the same bikini.

But they hang too much of a lampshade on her, because he looks down and is like, oh, you should have just not commented on it, you should have just been that. I also think it's like, I think it's having your cake and eating it again to be like, oh, you know, the Von Moovies, they'll just do an exploitative bikini shot like this. Would have been funny if she hadn't been. Yeah, she was just wearing a normal swimsuit.

Yeah, him first, you go up the legs and then it reveals what it's all still and then it hurt and he's just wearing like a Wet suit or some shit and it's first song and dance number Song and Dodge number. Ooh, what a phrase It's the implication that there's more. Oh, yeah, oh Next ones of musical Same set even they don't even change change. Oh yeah, this is Dr. Evelyn Minimidu, what if God was one of us?

And the joke here is Dr. Evelyn is like doing modern music, well modern at the time, and like claiming he's invented it, which is funny, apart from the fact that Verntroyer was a better comic actor than Mike Myers is. And Mike Myers has to carry the scene, and he can't because Verne Troyes they're doing like physical comedy better than him. Also it's one of two song and dance numbers in a spy comedy.

Because then they do rap. Yes, I have, he wraps and I have underlined wraps. Yeah, I, I, my nose is just like, Dr. Reveld truly just be doing shit. And it's just like another fucking song. Yeah, it's funny because he's, he's white. And he occasionally says things like someone who isn't white. Yeah, just the two of us. We will beat this joke in for the ground on the third one.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The scene starts and it's Dr. Reveld at the piano and you hear the music start to come and you go So so Austin and Felicity do some reconnaissance she's looking through binoculars which are like looped around his neck Uh, and she like pulls away and he gets like Shoked by them into her tits and immediately starts calling her mummy and talking about her spanking him He just like me. Not for the first time in this film, I have been perceived. You see him, Mr. Thorne, we're not so very different, you and I.

Yeah, she just like drags him by it and then slams his head into a pole and I was like, yeah, praxis good. Yeah. Son of a bitch. It's shoving me. When is it my turn to be happy? No, yeah, we've got another one of these fucking films. Oh my god.

Depends what happens at the after-party. So, at this point, we... So at this point, we have to consider that the funniest possible thing is a silhouette, and a bit of like silhouette comedy, because we're going to do about an hour and a half of this. The joke is, they're in the tent, she's like looking for some shit in the bag, and it looks to the guards who are creeping up on them like she is fisting him and it looks like Heather Graham is like elbow deep in his asshole. Again, when is it my turn to be happy?

And they pull it there's a bit when they pull a gerbil out and then the movie forgets like what a joke is They did just pull the gerbil out and I'm like how did this get in here and it hardcuts just Austin being like Well, like he looks like in here? And it hard cuts just Austin being like, well, that's... Well, he looks like a bit nervous about it as well. And it's like, it doesn't work. I can explain this to you. They understand the practice. Hmm.

This is like, like, my parents are fighting and also I might lose my job. Is this a pop-it? It's just, is there anything okay at home? It's all going swimmingly, thank you, thank you for hosting. Great, thank you. It's a self-buck bit, I don't know what to say. Is this my fault? Yes, look, we you, thank you. Great, thank you. It's a South Park bit. Is this my fault? Yes, look, we both still love you. No, this is, this is like, it's a topical...

You're going to have to split your time between Cardiff and Gloucester. Yeah, that's the worst part of the... The Omni Policule. But so... No, the Omni Policule? The Omni Policule. Transformers movie, like, best one ever. No, what the... The Omni-Fuller Cure! The Omni-Fuller Cure! The Omni-Fuller Cure! The Omni-Fuller Cure! Transformers movie, like, best whatever!

Like the Borg, but it's just all fucking... I don't know. You were a punter in the Omni-Fuller Cure. You were a punter in the Omni-Fuller Cure. You were a punter in the Omni-Fuller Cure. You were a punter in the Omni-Fuller Cure. Because it's like sucking your own dick. Like, you would if you could, especially if you were the Borg,

and they have like a million dicks, they're all fucking... Would you fuck your Gestalt Consciousness double? Yes. We are the greater Washington DC transgender molecule we will add, your distinctiveness to our own. LAUGHTER I've met those kinds of trans women, what distinctiveness. LAUGHTER

So I'm also men of an ice hockey team. I'm sorry, did I fend you by guessing which defense contract you worked for? It's easy. You're just in Alice's mentions. So no, the reason why there's a gerbil, why he's embarrassed about this, is because this was a homophobic slur that made the round about Richard gear. The idea was that like, yeah, Richard gear. I'm not. Okay. Richard gear. This idea was like, yeah. Richard gear. Oh no. Richard gear. This was like a chain. It was a chain email misinformation thing that Richard gear had been taken to the emergency room

with a live gerbil up his asshole. It was like newspaper headlines. Yeah, it was like because he secretly gay in the way that you would do like Lady Gaga's secretly trans now. It wasn't true though. It was like no foundation's not true. But that was the story and that's why it's in there is to be a bit of a like a homophobic joke. So why so so so gay? I suggest you don't worry about this. Okay, yeah, I found out. So does that know some gay people? I don't really need to have a jubble.

I don't just don't see that he's too half a gerbil. I don't understand, see that, I've got a gerbil in his ass, therefore gay. I'm like, no. What? I think he answers the other. This isn't even necessarily gay, it's just right. It could be part of a... But I'm an invented girl. Well, what was the sex of the gerbil?

Maybe that's the... Female-bodied gerbil. In a man's face. In a man's space. That is a funnier joke about having something up your asshole than this entire scene managers. And they make so many attempts at it, so many. Also by the way, these guards were meant to be he-him bots in the original script, and they took that out, which is again, a weak shit, weak shit. It should have been male sex bots, but what can you do? And yeah, they do like a million more fisting jokes, and

then they get captured. And that intercut, it's done. First of all. Like, it's in the mouth. He's, what the fuck was the song he does? It's just the two of us. Jesus. Rackets, rap, brackets, doctor evil brackets. Yeah, available on Spotify. Yeah, it's literally, you could literally get the soundtrack to this on CD. Like, it was, it was Doctor Evil mix.

You get the sound like to this on CD. It was Dr. Evil Mix. And I'm just imagining, I'm in my mind palace now trying to imagine Dr. Evil Mix of like any other song. You can imagine two more tomorrow night. I don't want to. If anybody in here is a DJ, you have the opportunity to drop like the deepest cart possible during your next set. Just see if anyone turns around in the club like,

so I fucking doctor me. Yeah, getting into Burgheim for the Doctor Evil night. You have to look very serious where a grey narrowjack at the whole time. And the queue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is a scene where Austin and Felicity are captured and Austin learns that she's shagged fat bastard and he's very jealous.

And I might not say, I just wanna note, there's no consideration of like fat bastard's feelings here. And he's just like, quite possibly been like, spy cops raped by an agent of the CIA. And there's no point, just he's like, oh shit, like that's really, that's the magic of espionage, right?

That's a scene that on the merits is two people both sexually assaulting each other. And the movie's response to this is for Dr. Evil to go, oh man, check out this guy, he's fucking ugly though. Like, I'm dead sexy! Look at my sexy body! That's not the right drop, the right drop.

It's appropriate. Yeah, where's my fucking drop actually? It's some fucking... The fat of you naked is just gross. The thought of you naked is just gross. And fat bastard looks genuinely hurt too, which is that is a cruel joke made by a Mike Myers character, Asa Mike Myers character.

Yeah, like what the fuck kind of internalized shit is going on? I don't know. I will say that the last line... It's also from the last of each of you, Shitty. He's making characters that are just his own insecurities. Just... I will say the last line of this movie is Paging Doctor Freud. And it earns it. Believe me.

I got two notes about this. Number one is when Doctor Evil says, Frick, I clap like a seal. I think it's freaking lasers. Yeah. Fucking sharks with freaking laser beams. Again, this is just quoted like so many times on the playground when I was a kid.

This is, it's a very quotable film. Yeah, if you're 14 and a bully, like, which is what this was aimed at, they were like, here's some ammunition boys. Yeah. Oh, what? Get those jewelry cells. You know, and you know, eventually a few years Hey, it's a man munition boys. Yeah. Oh, why? You just enjoy yourself. And eventually, a few years later,

you get a podcast out of it. I mean, Austin's so hurt by this. And I'm like, you did exactly this, like canonically three days ago. Yeah. You're a white. You remember your wife, Austin? She's dead.

Austin powers Whittler of mystery. But yeah, it's like an inversion of the same structure. It rhymes, you know, and that's a very advanced filmmaking structure for a movie that's mostly about turds. At this point, Minimi draws a picture of Scott dead and slides it across the table to Scott. Don't worry about that, that's not funny. What is funny is that the note paper it's drawn on has from the desk of Dr. Evil, monogrammed at the top. It's in a very quick blink and you're like,

that's a nice little detail, right? Any of the sort of like Dr. Evil offer stuff is reluctantly it's funny, I'm afraid. Dr. Evil goes to the moon in a rocket. Yeah, and at this point, before I saw the rocket, I wrote down, oh, the rocket's gonna look like a dick and balls Isn't it and it does it looks like it's balls? We get one of the only so this film invents a new joke for the franchise is invented one

You joke and not just repeating the old ones Which is that people keep looking at the rocket going that looks like an enormous and then we cut to another scene And was like dick come and take a look at this was like what do you think of it like and that cut Johnson I like we keep keep having synonyms, pianos. And it goes on slightly too long. My notes say, series of dick jokes that are almost funny. Yeah, it tries to do the thing where you tell a joke, a bunch of times and it stops being funny

and starts being funny again, except it just stops being funny. And I think at this point, I figured out that, like, okay, obviously, we know the movie's for teenage boys, right? And I think we're proving here that despite everyone's opinions at the time, including mine, I was never a Teenage Boy, because I never liked this shit. It's also for unusually stupid Teenage Boys.

This is the remedial Teenage Boy, because they do not trust you with a punchline. They simply don't. They would, they would like give you the dick joke five times and the last one will be racist. Like the last one is, just when you get any more of it, they like swing on any like, fuck, she just, yeah, for the racist guy in the back who's like, yeah. Yeah. So, so they're imprisoned above a pit of lava and Austin still jealous because Felicity shagged that bastard

She apologizes and like well she also quite rightly points out that he would and has done the same thing She's like I'm a spy like what I do. I do unethical sexual things. I work for the government like We expect like sorry hold on I'm English I didn't have the brawsen and I work for the British government. Yeah, they apologize she distracts the guards with her breasts because... Yes, and he sees her tits and immediately goes mummy. He just like...

Yeah, and then walks straight towards just into a lava. I don't know, I find that... He just like... Yeah, just like willing to die instantly upon seeing this. And you know what? Here's some credits movie. It doesn't show me that guy's fucking family or anything. Thank you for this.

Oh my God, you're right. It's true. It's a bit too much. It must have been cut from the script, but it's in 90 minutes, baby. They couldn't have cut a fucking word of that. They learned how to abandon a joke that didn't work. And you know what we call that? We call that growth.

It worked. What? One time. One time. So they then do a joke from the past movie again. Which is Austin Seas a guy who he's just horribly killed and he does way too many one-liners about it until his girlfriend is like, stop. That's... I remember this from the first. Yeah. I do like it when they get to the moon base because it's a very cool set. But if I'm noticing the set in a comedy, it's probably not. Yeah, looking at the frame, trying to see anything over the North Avenue.

It's like that's a nice plan. It's like saying here, being like, oh, Mattie really did a good job on that. It's really. It's like, it's like, it's like saying It's like, where did she get that table from? It's like saying of a hookup, oh, this ceiling was really well-plasted.

LAUGHTER So, it's a nice, like, design language in this room. I'm having a... Visually, very crazy. I don't know. So, so, go to the moon. They hit you right with Apollo 13, 11, whichever one doesn't pop up.

Apollo 13, that's a very different movie. It's a little movie. With trapped in space, we might die Austin Powers is here. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. The oxygen could run out at any time and just flossing past behind you. Do I make you horny, man? It's like, no.

Fuck. No. Situations are so dire. Randy. Yeah, so they go to the moon. And they think, I love doing this fucking fuck. Because I get it. You're saying in the most upset and bored

or whatever. I think I go to the moon. I mean that is the first time you've said it like in the history of this podcast. Well, they were saying the first time. I say it about the actual space program all the time. I don't worry, they won't do it again. There isn't shit up there. Leave it alone.

Go to fucking, I don't know, Mars or some shit and fuck around and find out there's nothing up there either. It's until we've like eliminated all the planets as possible, loci of anything interesting. We rise, we're all just down here with the boomers and the boiling seawater. No, just, I've said this a million times. The second space flight is shown to be viable.

They're all gonna start mining comets or some shit. And then capitalism just expands to a new frontier. Sh-BASE! And just set off Kessler syndrome. Let's just close the fucking sky for a couple generations. Sort some shit out. And I mean, the other thing is... I'll do it.

Now, I will do it. If you gave me a button, Jen, you know, it was just like, close the sky, but I... It wouldn't even be a second. If we don't set off the Castle of Syndrome, the future is we are going to be living in our golden penthouse, as getting ads from people that's like, hey, I really like your podcast.

It really gets me through my shift in the hell minds. You're a terra part. You don't make fucking Mars livable. We can't make Earth livable. We've got such a fucking head start on this planet being livable. We're gonna try to fucking Mars. We could even make England livable. England at least has a magnetosphere.

For now. Yeah. I'm sure they'll find a way to start off. England's a magnetosphere. I can't get rid of it. My magnesium, I can get rid of it. My knees fit, it's woke. Again, again rid of it. The first British author has returned from space

and declares it woke. I agree with Chatnour, I didn't need him to go up. You know, you're talking about their feet. Do you remember that in the fourth fucking Hitchhiker's guidebook, where there's that planet that's surrounded by a thick cloud, and then they think that the only planet in the universe... Sorry, sorry, sorry. Can you just say... Do you remember in the fourth?

LAUGHTER In the fourth Douglas Adams fucking Hitchhiker book. They did so much. No, no, no, no. Thank you. But there's that planet where they think that the only planet in the universe and then they found out that they're not, and they conspired to destroy all of the rest of the universe.

That's pranked me. LAUGHTER Alice Bounce rightired to destroy all of the rest of the universe. That's pranked me. LAUGHTER Alice Bounce right off the rest on at the end of the universe. It's like, this is too much for me. No. But the adventure of romance was so good, Naomi. I think it's fine.

I just like the hitch. It's great. We have fucked ourselves with the Voyager probe, right? Because the Voyager probe, we sent into space a big golden plaque of a naked man and woman being like, Hey, how's it going? First of all, they knew what a woman was back then as well. First of all, I'd send the same thing, but with the gendle swapped. But first of all, now they know what we look like naked, which is fucked.

Second of all. And then, like, unsolicited, weird for her. Yeah. We're in an alien, they're, oh, shit, what's this? Oh! The first big aliens are going to the wedding. That we do not respect consent. The thought of you naked is just gross.

But the other thing is, right, we have fucked ourselves. We should have, instead of a man and a woman naked, it should have been one dude, 200 feet tall, standing on a pile of alien skulls. Ingraved around the outside, our entire planet is a bomb. We mean fuck and then kill each and every single one of you. That is a threat and a promise. Should have done all of the same shit, but it just like pointed to Mars instead.

Like all of it was identical. Just went all the way in a month. They guys don't know like, oh fuck. Mars gets too light and we're like, oh fuck. Oh shit, don't shabble at that. But also now we've taught the aliens to be transphobic. I mean English. The first thing we did, we were like, Fred, we need to make sure these were hooked.

Oh, God. Hey, well, that was the Voyager golden record bit in the live show of the second Austin Powers movie. Uh-huh. It's like noticing the ceiling at the hook. We're just like, no. It's just a bit about the Voyager golden record to fill time. But so they get to the moon base.

They think they see Dr. Evil, Austin tries to shoot him, but it's many me. And this precipitates a fight scene with many me that may be counts as a haicron. Yeah. And the thing is, right, this is for the most part, it's Austin beating the shit out of a verendroyer dummy and verendroyer like kicking the shit out of Mike Myers,

which I do support. And the joke here is that the whole time Austin keeps like condescending him, even after he kills him, which he does by xenomorphing him out of the fucking airlock, which is a itself a funny joke. He's like, oh, he's so small, he's like a dog or something, it's like you fucker. But there is one point in which this works,

which is he attempts to like sympathize with many me and many me tries to bite his cock off. And I consider that to be an example of a reverse exploit disability. Exploit ableism. Mmm. Utilize disability, that's right. So many of me gets shot out into the cold vacuum of space.

We're just gonna get picked up by the aliens who are coming to fucking kill all of us because of the voyage of plaque, I know. So Austin goes to the moon, but it's, fuck me. And then it's gonna say the world, you're gonna say felicity. She's just got an off screen. Yeah. I'm really sorry, I're going to save full-asity. Yeah, she's just gone and stuff. I captured offscreen.

Yeah. I'm really sorry. I'm going to go back. We're sending a second voyage of the same plaque, which just says, like, I'm sorry, mate. Like, that wasn't my photo. So I'm taking my phone. I'm like, 10 minutes later.

Like, God, I'm so bitch. So do you want a golden record, please? Just not. So I mean, I're like updated ones, but like the character, the two people on it have transitioned. So like, hey, I couldn't help but we got some news. We got more laughs out of the voyages probe. I think which was not intended to be a comedy,

than Austin Powers, the spy who shagged it. That's why we get the big books. That's right. So Austin deflects the space laser, but Felicity is gassed to death in a chamber. Dr. Evil escapes. Again, sort of like average first day for me. You know, normal stuff. They're just darn, don't worry.

First day for me, I get captured off screen and then I get killed with the fucking like, Sissy Hippner gassed. So were you really attached to the well drawn character Felicity Shagwa. Was that yours, that your favourite character in the world? She was mine. So Austin, you're- I had come to embrace the love that they're not speaking its name. So Austin runs out to Dr. Evil and confronts him and then he does, I am your father because I will.

Yeah, because it came out that, yeah, I think episode two. And this is making fun of the same, like, what kind of weak shit would it be to do an I am your father joke? Do not watch the next movie. Yeah. So, Dr. Ria was like, why don't you just use the time portal and go back and save your girlfriend? And I was like, oh yeah, I'll do that. Runs away and Dr. Ria was like, I'm getting away now. It's cool.

Right. Rescues for Listerty, the base self-destructs. She's like... Listery said, by going back in time by 10 minutes, so there's now two Austin, but the four Mike Myers now, two Austin's power. Oh, can I? Yeah.

And at this point, she wants to go with them to the future to 1999. And he... Sorry, but first we need to resolve what happened to his mojo. It's in a vile thought we were frozen up. The two Austin's run, they collide. It smashes on the floor She's like, don't worry that mojo was inside you all along. I'm just like great just like you know me up to the arm earlier and

Mojo available in the lobby by the yeah, we set it up. It's like cranberry vodka, but you can order a mojo at the bar later We did it before me. Yeah, we did, I did. But rules are so good. It wasn't even my idea. Was there the manager at this place? We just made sure all of them to the bar. Oh, my content creator, Brian loves that. It's so good. I know, he suggested I was like, yes.

Oh, yeah. Groovy, baby. So, Ollie, so at this point, she's like, take me with you to the future. What's the future like? And he's like, I don't worry about it, right? Because how are you gonna explain any of the things? Like most notably,

sexual liberation, she wants to fuck, she really wants to fuck. He's gonna have to have a conversation with her about HIV. And imagine getting your sex education from Austin Powers. Yeah. But so the little V-Pillow prep. True Vater, baby. No, we have Freedom and Responsive Illusion.

It's a true decombination. But it does make you shit. I was a good way to detect all the people in the audience who were on prep. They might come on me either. Nick joke about the prep side effects and just all the people in the live, like, So the line, the line he gives her is the sevenies and the eighties. You're not missing anything. Now, the next movie is set in the seventies.

And they started working on that movie pretty much as they were rising this one. So that's about the level we're going to be pitched at. It's been like producing Austin Powerstue, despy Ashayami, like, yeah, banger, banger, perfect. Let's write a sequel now. Let's fucking do it. That kind of commission it. Yeah, and she says, I know the 90s of boring. And again, I hear the 9-11 sound effect in my head of like, it's the end of history, baby.

It's the end of history. I know like late 90s, good time, like, you know, and then what happened? Yeah, and then what happened after that is 9-11. Famously, the thing that happened after that there being no 9-11 was 9-11. In many ways. In the whole of human history is like number of 9-11s.

None, one. In many ways, the number of 9-11s culminated in 9-11. We hope. But yeah, now in 9-11s, where are the people dive COVID every week into US? We're done. 9-11. It's not a thing anymore. What are you going to do 9-11 to ridiculous? You can't do that. How do you

22? 9-12 you just do a 9-12 same thing They would never expect to come Yeah, you get them from like worrying on like every 9-11 to like incremental days. Like five days later you're like, oh fuck, what are they gonna do about, I'm not fucking 9-16. Sign fells already dead. He died in the first one. What happens to him as well? So we go to 1999 and Felicity's like, I love you Austin,

he's like, you're whatever. But credits roll, they do half the ending in the credits and this really is an MCU movie, start to finish. It's like a mid credits and then a post credits scene where they finish the movie. Am I ready? Yeah, the credits have already rolled at this point. Everything is after the credits now.

I feel like I watched it. I don't. Sure, you know what? Did you watch the same version? Because Fat Bastard comes back. Oh, you're right, that happens and then the credits now. I feel like I watched it. I don't. Sure. You know what? Did you watch the same version? Because Fat Bastard comes back. Oh, you're right. That happens and then the credits and then more scenes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I stopped it. Oh, I just watched this and stopped the second the credits showed up. No, no, no. I will get that. I was watching like everything everyone wants in a second. It said the end of it. Mr. You arrested them of them, baby. First, we have to do the bit where the henchman we forgot about comes back.

Sadly, we had not forgotten about him. The club situation, right? Yeah, and the bastard comes back and he's, yeah, he's had to kill them. And then again, baby. We do some like, like, try to cycle. Talk me running, yeah, I mean, the pieces. What they do is she goes, oh, are you happy? And he go he breaks down He's like no, I can't stop eating

I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat and it's you also says of course I'm not look at me Yes, it's like they go like I be saying Because they start that like are you happy and he goes course. I'm I'm dead, I be saying that myself. Because they start, they're like, are you happy? And he goes, of course I'm a dead sexy, you know? And I wanted to start with this. It's funny, yeah. It's like, this is a blessed sized man who loves his body. The funniest thing in the world to a hack cunt. He's just like someone embracing themselves.

And then like, no, we have to beat this cunt down. We have to. This man's character arc. Is he starts out being confident in himself and then he ends the movie not being confident in himself. Like the movie. It's like cool, thank you. But like, so he says, fuck you, I'm going to kill you anyway. And then she kicks him in the balls and calls him fatty.

Yeah. And my notes say, why did so many 90s children develop eating disorders will never know? First of all, your bullies were wrong. Yeah, and it's like the way they get out of the faux profound thing is a fart joke too. And it's just like you didn't have the confidence to hold that ship for even like a minute to be like, oh, this is a sad man. No, don't even have time to carry that off. And it's just bullying, it's just mean.

Grossout humor at best is the last readout of the creatively bankrupt, like comedically inept. And grossout humor at the expense of an entire group of real people at best should get you shot. At worst, should get you taken up with all of that. Oh, this could still work. Elvis Costello's stalking towards Mike Myers. at best to get you shot. At worst to get you taken up with all of this. Elvis Costello's stalking towards Mike Myers with the gun from God.

Is it there will be blood note, isn't? Anton Shugos thing in some bad, by the way. Thank you. Thank you, no country for old man. It's good to have the resource though, right? That's true. They have a dance party and then sadly Devon, they're our in fact more scenes. Yeah, for example. What happened to them?

Because I just wrote Carrie Fisher voice we're done. No, we're not. No, we're not. No, we're not. Because there's a scene, there's mid-credit scenes, one of which is Minimian, Doctor Evil, Survive, and we do the dick joke, Synonyms again, Woody Harrelson's here now. Yeah.

He's in it, for some reason. Remember that guy, time is a flat circle. Yeah. And then we get to see Scott fucking serving. For Scott, goes back on Jerry in like, black lip, red fur. She's looking fantastic. She's there with, she's there with her mum,

for our far best sonner, and they have like a bit of reconciliation. And then there's another one, Foulfobiss and they have a bit of reconciliation. And then there's another one I'm so sorry, Devon, which is a month later, Felicity is caught by Austin having sex with someone, and she pulls out the covers. And it's his time double. It's like past Austin. Yeah, he gets cucked by himself, but he responds

ostently by being like, oh, three-some with myself. Fantastic. Yeah, my notes say, please let it be done. There's a bit I want to pull, which is that after they've beaten this, this, this, the size of the king down, um, yes. Okay, he did eat a baby one time, right? I don't. I'm a little hesitant to go fat bastard serving king,

because he did eat that baby, but Anna Donkey. It's fine, but She presses a button in his thing and like all of the things turn around and like guys start coming out in the in 60s Where like the is not to see anyone's dancing and I wrote I love it when films do this like I'm the guy who's sexily dressed in the cage Just like waiting for it to get lowered from the ceiling I mean, I mean in full touch with England. Get up, I got my little reading glasses on, and I'm doth toy, I have skit. I hear the man present like, oh, shit.

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Like... CHEERING Yeah. That's my ideal job. LAUGHTER But yeah, so that's...

Meet me after the... The instant party about the... ...Basius Button is fun. And again, like the first movie, you have to believe in the institution of movies just doing dance sequences even though all of these ones suck. You have to like have trust that like they can be good

even though none of these are. And then, blessedly, Carrie Fisher appears on screen as a force ghost You have to have trust that they can be good, even though none of these are. And then, blessedly, Carrie Fisher appears on screen as a force ghost and tells us, go home. That was a joke from the first night, have you won here? But we have a science-based system on this podcast. We do. Oh, what a fan! fan to scum little scum chan going there. It's good. Can we?

I don't know if I hold it. Scum chan, scum chan, scum chan, scum chan. I don't know if I love getting scum chanted out there. No, no, no, no. Is this the first time for you? Of course. I mean, after all, God, where is it? I'm English.

So. Smaam, how pleased is this film? Do I even need to finish the question? One million. I don't know. I feel like it's worse than the first one and the first one we gave an eight, too, so... But it's not as confident in itself as we pointed out. Oh, that's true. That's true It's a small bean hoomsthaus anxiety. Yeah

Oh, the worst kind of the month. I mean that's kind of having it both right. I don't know like a Seven six. I was gonna go six I don't think it's as pleased with itself And I think it gets like last pleased with itself as a series goes on The next one tries to actually be quite serious at point. So this is worth stopping it. That's true, isn't it? Yeah, all right.

Six. Six. Perfect. Cultural insensitivity. Ha, first minister, please send Eurofighters from R.F. Lucas. Bond Canada now. Like, it's got a bunch of, like, just throwaway racist jokes. Like, it's got a joke about Chinese people's names and the dick thing.

Like, it just fully, like, throws them at you unexpectedly. There are quite a few of them. I, brown face will fare all. Yeah, let's not forget brown face. I don't think Mike Myers worth brown face this time. You see how my standards have changed. Yeah, yeah. It's like I can change him.

We've been institutionally captured by being brown face. I feel like let's put the stuff about Fat Bastard and the stuff about Minimi in with this as well. Yeah. OK. In which with this as well. Yeah. Okay. In which case? Winnie. 20.

Flat 20. It's got to make up for the umpivode violence. I think like... I mean, I'm happy to go to like... I could go to like nine or ten. I think it's like one of the most like sensitive... It's a broad range as well. Like, just targeting so many people.

I mean, thank God trans people had not yet been invented by, yeah, right. Not yet been invented by Russia to destabilize Britain. Yeah. And yeah, otherwise we'd be in it too. Like, oh, you know, I'm not sure. OK, yeah. 9. 9. 9.

Cool. Unprovoked of violence. This one, I mean, the one with the human shield, ladies, kind of a bit like, ooh. It's a bit much. It's low for sort of like our standards in general, but like of the franchise, it's gotta be the highest. I wanna say this is like a four.

Four? Is that the core? I believe we are quarate, yes. Okay, cool. Four it is. How did quarate get a laugh? You people laugh at fucking anything. They just like, words that begin with Q because you had Quintessence said.

Quintessence. Quarrate, Quintessence, Quantum. Woo! Quantum. Quantum. Quantum. Quantum. And your nose.

Oh god, I miss him. I don't know. Right, now Misogyny. He said it was bad as the last one. Um, well, it's given women more sexual agency in a way that men are scared of, which is... Yeah. I will make the argument both in this movie

and in broader feminist terms that this was an incremental improvement. Mm-hmm. The sort of lads-et thing did allow for some agency even as it was, broadly exploitative. That's my contention. The movies are almost like mesophobia. And also, I suppose, in a way, it's nice that her having sexual agency

isn't seen as a problem that has to be fixed over the course of the film. She's just become a housewife at the end. No, she's, yeah, I mean, it's still misogynistic, but I feel like it's misogynistic in a way that has adapted to the lad culture of the very early 2000s or the very late 90s, in a way that neither the first one or the third one are. So, I don't know, I want to give it like a five or a six. Six? Okay, let's go six. That gives us a total score of 25,

which is one more than last night, but still not the worst film we've ever seen. 28 is still the score to beat, which live in that diand atomic blonde are tied for. Do you want to look at my gold member drops at this point? Because I got so many of them. I think. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That is not funny.

That's going to get a lot of use. That's going to be tomorrow night. But that has been at long last Austin Powers, despite who shagged me, Elvis Costello, take us home. Thank you so much for coming out. Thank you to Stress and Space Project for the venue and the service that's been incredible. We have been Kill Jones Bond, and for those of you who are returning tomorrow, we will see you next time. For those of you who aren't. Good night. tonight. Thank you.