Upstream - S3E13.5: Spy Kids 4 [PREVIEW]

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

This is a preview of a bonus episode! find the rest at our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ This week, our Spy Kids Correspondents Tom Walker and Demi Lardner rejoin us to crack into 2011's Spy Kids 4: All The Time In The World, a genuinely good kid's movie. Nate, our perfect and beautiful producer, referred to this 90 minutes of five people yelling at once as 'great and really really funny but also the hardest thing i’ve ever edited in my entire career" Check out Tom and Demi's podcast BigSoftTitty.PNG! ------ FREE PALESTINE palestineaction.org/donate https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/

Did you also get that TikTok was also Jeremy Piven? Because the whole time I was watching, I was like, That's also Jeremy Piven, right? I did not. To be fair, I thought it was Matthew Lillard and I'm... I thought it was Matthew Lillard. I can't believe that it isn't. Really?

And it is sometimes. It is not. He's not in this movie. Is it? It is sometimes? No. Are you fucking shitting me? He's not in this fucking movie. It's all Peven.

It's all Peven, baby. The authority that you said it is sometimes. Hell, why would it be him sometimes? For long shots. For exactly this reason to confuse the audience and try and reveal it. Just to freak you out. To several years in the future, Baffle a leftist podcast. You tell me that's not Matthew Lillard anywhere?

No, that's all Pivens. That is Jeremy Piven. That's pure uncut Piven. Holy shit! It's Piven Top Tobolig. Goddamn, I can see why you won those Emmys! Oh, fuck me! Give him another. They're putting in ARG and Spy Kids 4, Abby.

I've been in the fucking Mandela Effect. One of the scratch and sniff with Matthew Lillard. I didn't smell Matthew Lillard once. Wow, fuck me, that's a good piece. Abby, that's so funny. Apologies to Matthew Lillard once. Wow, fuck me. That's a good point. Abby, that's so funny. Apologies to Matthew Lillard. That's not. That's not.

So danger fucking calls Jessica Albert and he's like, listen, we need the fucking necklace thing. You just gave your shitty stepdaughter to stop the clock guy. Yeah, it's the chrono sapphire. It's the only thing that can stop the Armageddon device. Yeah, it's the chrono sapphire. I wouldn't have given that to a child.

You gave your stepdaughter the chrono sapphire? Get that shit back. Yeah, and lied about it being a family heirloom, you know? Yeah, I would have just kept it in the, I would have given her a fucking another necklace. Normal necklace from like Clairs. I would have gone down to like, LaVisa. Oh, but you'd have to leave the house.

I've got some shitty little. Whereas this is in the basement. I suppose, yeah. Yeah. I already, yeah. Yeah. I already had this. Yeah, you're right. There's no explanation as to why you would give your step daughter that.

There's no explanation for how TikTok escaped OSS custody. I believe the closest they get to it is that someone in the movie says, oh, I guess TikTok got out. Presumably danger released him. Like that's the closest you get to an explanation is, oh, have an off-screen address. He literally walks by in the background as well. And she's like he's running in a circle

So having dumped like blue cheese on her stepmom's head when asked to like give back this big emotional necklace She doesn't like assume. She's like being punished or anything. We're back. It's just like shitty about it because she's a full-time hater Yeah, I absolutely admire her. She like, she hates 24 seven, which I really like. And she does another prank. She like switches the the chrono sapphire for, I don't even like another kind of like gunge landmine. Spring loaded baby food, I believe.

Baby food, I believe. And so when Jessica Albert turns this into danger, danger gets spattered with baby food. It's like, oh, shit. Well. I'm sorry, my daughter's big into pranks right now. And with that, the movie deftly sidesteps the accusations that someone has a beautiful woman spattered with food fetish by being able to point out

that it happened to Jeremy Piven once. Yeah. Listen. Awesome. Meanwhile, some of the goons of all time Wonderful. have followed a fucking GPS tracker or whatever to the Spy Kids house.

And they fucking go in like swat. Like they bust the door down. Yeah, the house alarm begins going off. It goes, danger. Spy Kids 4 is happening. And both of the kids are like, this is clearly just a prank that Jessica Alba has set up to fuck with us. No, it's not, come on, yeah.

Which is an intense prank, you know? Just like her appears on the big TV screen and goes, children, I am a spy, you have to get in this hole. And then a little hole opens up. Got a panic room, yeah. Yeah, get in the panic hole. Get in the panic hole. The panic hole.

You need to be spiky all the time in the world. And at this point, my notes say, no, no, no. The dog leads them into the panic hole. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because the dog, the dog can speak. And would you like to know who the dog is? Yeah, we fucking know. We fucking know the fucking dog is. dog can speak. And would you like to know who the dog is? Yeah, we fucking know. We fucking know the fucking dog is.

We fucking know that. It's not even the most annoying his life has ever sounded. No, he pulled it back to be the dog. He did. He did. He it's Ricky. This entire the entire rest of this movie, like I was having a good time up until this point There were a lot of pregnancy jokes. There were women getting splattered with goo. I'm on cloud nine here Jessica

Okay At this point the entire rest of the movie is like the bit from Akira where I'm trying to walk around and just every so often It's like and then there's a big picture of Ricky Gervais in front of me. Every every 30 seconds this movie reminds me of the existence of a man who at every opportunity he gets mocks and denigrates us and campaigns for us to have our rights taken away. And just like someone blow up this fucking dog. I was waiting for the dog to be killed. Come on, establish a threat to a dog. Kill the fucking hound. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. He's a robot dog voiced by Ricky Gervais.

And the reason... I mean, I understand why Ricky Gervais is on this, like, fucking far right shit now, because if this was the alternative for the rest of his career, was to be the talking dog in, like, Spy Kids 8? I think as someone who would love to be the talking dog in Spy Spy Kids 8? I think as someone who would love to be the talking dog in Spy Kids 8, I'll also say terrible fucking performance.

Absolutely no energy put into the lines. Phones are then, yeah. The only thing that like, genuine, I got to the point where I was kind of trying to, I've never done this before. I was trying to consciously apply a post-processing effect in my brain so I could just alter his voice a little so I could think it was Steven Merchant voicing the dog.

Yes, exactly, I did the exact same thing. Abby, yes! Yeah, you're trying to think it's Steven Merchant. Steven Merchant got a nice big payday. It's all right, he's phoning it in a little. I like him a lot. Entering the British guy mind palace and being like, no, no, it's the other one.

Not this one. Trying to like rewire it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go back on the shelf. Definitely switching the statues. Yeah. They have a chase scene in some jets. The boy one throws up a lot and like hits them.

It's fine. Throws vomit at the bird goes. My notes say Ricky Gervais never shuts up and is never funny. He won't. This is what makes me laugh. He never, ever, ever shuts up. He's always doing little fucking quips

in the background of every scene from now on. It's fucking like, ah. They're so shitty.