Kill James Bond! - S3E20: Deadlier than the Male

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

This movie, based (loosely) on the Bulldog Drummond series of pulp novels, posits the question "What if women?". The answer, dear listeners, may surprise you. ------ FREE PALESTINE Hey, Devon here. Give money to people crowdfunding for passage out of Rafah first and foremost. While the crossing might be closed, the situation is changing by the day and being able to afford passage out when the crossing reopens is an immense comfort. then purchase ESIMs, then donate to this link if you feel you need a big name attached to the fund to trust it. Please don't only donate money. You have to do other things now. https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

He was a particularly careful man, especially about guns. This was a harpoon gun. He was skin diving. The harpoon gun. Hello and welcome to another episode of Harpoon James Bond. I am November Kelly and I'm joined as always by my friends Abigail, Thorne, and Devon. Harpoon James Bond. It's another good one? We did it! Yeah.

I'm scared. I don't know, I'm getting re-feeding syndrome. You gotta space these out a little. Yeah. ALICE Yeah. We've got Podcaster's prion disease. ALICE Don't even start with that shit. Seven lean years, seven fat years, and so we found another good Euro Spy movie, and

this time it is called Deadlier Than the Male. You know, the female of the species is deadlier than the male. I want to compare this immediately to Modesty Blaze, right, which was another good time. Where it's like, anytime the movies sit down and go women, I immediately go, no matter how toxic it is, I'm like, now you've got a point there, because women really do, yeah, wow, I mean... It's a good start. Mm-hmm, absolutely. We're all about women. point there, because women really do, yeah, wow, I mean... LARISSA It's a good start. ALICE Mmhm.

Absolutely. RILEY We're all about women. LARISSA What if women, and then I'm like, okay, I'm in? And then they, what you say next determines a great deal of my reaction, but I'm already at a positive. ALICE Mmhm. And then if your answer to this is, as in, what is it you play, is women be killing? Then I'm like, this is something, we're cooking here.

RILEY Women be killing. LARISSA Yeah. ALICE This film really do be cooking. This is loosely an adaptation of a pulp hero called Bulldog Drummond, who was in a bunch of comics in the like, 20s. Kind of the pulpier, nastier, more overtly fascist James Bond, like, really big early influence on James Bond, but like, he wasn't like a secret agent or a cop or anything, he was just like a bored, like, World War

I veteran, who was like looking for trouble and was like also insanely anti-Semitic. ALICE & RILEY Wow! ALICE That really would've like, put a different spin on the Bond franchise, if it was just like, the secret villain is the Jews, like... ALICE Apparently, the old comics are borderline unreadable now because of how, in the time that they were made, no one would have raised an eyebrow, but now they're like, you cannot be saying that shit. RILEY It relies on a lot of assumed knowledge as

well, it's saying really esoteric, antisemitic stuff, like it's... ALICE Oh, fully. ZOE Well, so were the Bond novels! RILEY That's true, that is true. ZOE True. RILEY Yeah, shit, about Goldfinger. The shape of Goldfinger's head. My god.

Ian Fleming described James Bond as being Bulldog Drummond from the, like, neck down or something. The guy who invented him, H.C. McNeil, I've read some of his First World War fiction, it's not bad, it's kind of like a fascist O. Henry. Oh, nice. This is what we're adapting here, and pleasingly, almost no relation to the source material. Yeah, fantastic. Yes, 100%.

We're gonna ignore that, the guy is technically called Bulldog Drummond, I guess, but we're just gonna make a straight Euro Spy movie that's like a kind of non-union James Bond. They were like, 1960s kill James Bond, they did the exact same thing, they were like, give us the rights to this and let us make a movie about it, that has nothing to do with the source material, and is about women. ALICE It also happens that the guy that they got to play Bulldog Drum and Richard Johnson looks like a kind of Sean Connery impersonator in this. NARESH He really does, yeah.

ALICE He looks so much like Sean Connery impersonator in this? He really does, yeah. He looks so much like Sean Connery. Like, listen, go and look this man up. He looks more like he could be Sean Connery's brother than Sean Connery's actual brother does. For real? He has the same haircut, they style it the same way, and he wears the same suit in this. It's so clear what they're doing. He's like Bond, but he has an insanely English accent.

Yeah, he's actually a better actor than Connery, especially early Bond Connery. CLEO Yeah, this guy does a really good job, like what the fuck ever happened to, what did you say his name was, Rian Johnson? RIAN Richard Johnson. CLEO Richard Johnson. Rian Johnson's dad. RIAN Yeah, Dick Johnson.

CLEO His name is Dick Johnson. Oh my god. RIAN It's crazy to have a guy whose name is Dick Johnson and he's like British. That's obviously an American name. CLEO That's so good. ALICE The answer to what this guy did otherwise is actually go some way to explaining why he's a better actor, which is mostly Shakespeare. Like, he'd spent a long time in the RSC, also

bizarre Wikipedia photo on this guy's Wikipedia page. Lovely. He didn't do many movies, but he did a lot of Shakespeare on stage. Hell yeah. lot of like Shakespeare on stage. HELL YEAH. He has kind of more range than Connery, who is like a model and like, like a jobbing actor they got off the street, more or less. But enough about this guy, we gotta talk about women, right? Because we begin aboard a kind of airliner office, like a flying office, where your standard issue oil baron is like making deals, doing

oil stuff. RG Mr. Keller is his name. ALICE Yes. And a very beautiful woman, a very beautiful stewardess, brings him a drink and a cigar. And... RG Where does she get this cigar? ALICE Out of her garter. RG She pulls her fucking dress up, yeah, and she's got it slipped into her garter, and I've got this set up at all times, just in case you need it.

He doesn't know this, by the way, he's not involved in this. Like, that was my initial thought, I was like, oh damn, okay, okay, okay. But then, no. He's like, why is this warm? But no, he's... Yeah, he likes that little cigar. He does? Takes a little smoke on that.

And then, what happens instantly to this man? I would say instantly, this man is killed. It's more instantly than usual even, actually, because it's not poisonous, it's a fucking like, it's got a bullet in it and he's just lit the powder, and it blows out the back of his fucking head! It kills you instantly. We're ticking off boxes. We've got the cigarette that kills you instantly, we had that in The Man From Uncorked.

Now we've got the cigar that kills you instantly. We had the pipe, remember? The firing pipe, yeah. Do you remember when Mr. Pipe from the movie Jamiroquai Hat Lady and Mr. Pipe take Manhattan or whatever the fuck that? Yes. Or was it like Eurospy 28? Like...

100% Sure thing grandpa, let's get you to bed. Uh huh, yeah. I could not, like, I could not tell you the name of that thing for my fucking life. You could put thumb clamps on me, honestly. Wide-legged head injury bond and like, Mr. Pipe, that's all I remember. We're collecting these off, we now need to see stuff like the shisha that kills you instantly, the joint that kills you instantly, the vape that kills you instantly.

I'm so surprised we haven't had the shisha that kills you instantly. Like, it seems like the kind of mix of Orientalism that one of these would have knocked on. Okay, couple of things here. That was nowhere near as appreciative as I made it sound by the way. Brackets bad. The vape that kills you instantly is in the Kevin Hart movie Lift. Oh for fuck's sake. Which we did on Trash-Eature. The Shisha that kills you instantly, I may be going completely insane, but I vaguely remember, you won't. It's a heist. I vaguely remember in one of the like, Q has like a secret base It's a heist. I vaguely remember, in one of the like, uh, Q has like a secret base in this, like, on location, I vaguely remember one of Q's boys in the background, one of the mid-tier, like,

more Bond films, deploying the Shisha that kills you instantly. In the deep, like, moon pussy years, you know? I wanna say, octopus-y, yeah. Yeah. Could be. Could, I can't, yeah, it's all a blur now. There's more Roger Filt, more movies every time I check. Before it kills him, she takes out this cigar, she clips it for him, she puts it in his mouth and lights it for him.

And Mino would say, hot. Yeah. And then it kills him. This woman is insanely hot, by the way. This is Elke Sommer. Mm! She's like, German, very blonde. She's so good in this. She's like, German, very blonde. She's so good in this. She's fucking great, yeah. Yeah. So she changes into a Kunti parachute outfit, and then she plants a Kunti time bomb

and jumps out into the Kunti ocean. Yeah, genuinely. This is really funny because, like, the way she does this is she has smuggled this cigar on board, this cigar that contains a gun, presumably to go like, get through security or whatever. But then, having killed him with it, she takes out a very obvious like, time bomb, like it's got sticks of dynamite and a clock in there, and just like, props it on her shelf, and I'm like, you didn't have like a fun disguise for that. I mean, I know airport security in the 70s being what it was, you could just like, take your bomb on

board, but still. Yeah. The soundtrack to this bit is so good, cause they got a sexy saxophone as she's changing into the parachute outfit, like, it's so like, yeah! It's like, women! Let's go! You know? 1960s, baby!

Yeah. Women can do anything. On a functional level, this is very close to the opening of Charlie's Angels as well, because she parachutes out of the plane to be picked up by her also insanely hot friend who is driving a speedboat, and the plane blows up above them. RILEY Yeah, LL Cool J. ALICE Yeah, I was gonna say LL Cool J? RILEY I have just enough time to note that Mr.

Keller's second command is pure spits Tom Nicholas before he's absolutely fucking vaporized, so RIP Tom, sorry. Yeah, no, he's gone. I was gonna say he looks like a young Keir Starmer, but sure. Hohoho, apologies Tom. Why are it will? We do get a very mid-theme song. It's fine.

I wrote Banger, but to be honest with you, I was just excited about Women, I think. Yeah, the song is like, women, they'll kill you. DOROTHY Women are bitches, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically it. ALICE Yeah. DOROTHY I was like, yes, nice! That was like the feminist anthem of the fucking year, though, to be honest with you.

ALICE Misogynist Banger, yeah. DOROTHY These two ladies are our, well, I guess now unemployed stewardess, and the lady in the bikini driving the speedboat are... the lady driving it is N? And then is it Ekman? Is the bomber Penelope and Ekman? Yeah. Penelope and Ekman. It doesn't roll off the tongue, they need a combo name. No. The relationship that these two have, though, and I don't know on what level this is intentional and what level this is me being the person that I am watching this movie. Key thing in film studies, you and the film,

like, you construct a meaning together. The thing that you bring to it too is also valuable, and so me being a gigantic lesbian, I detect vibes off these two. Like... LH- Obviously. Oh my god. Yeah. yeah. ALICE I wrote down, because then, we immediately go into another assassination by them, and I wrote down, if the idea here is to just make Mr. Wint and Mr. Kid women, movie of the year, movie of the century... LORENZO They're cooking.

ALICE They were so cooking. So we're in like a lakeside villa in Italy, a guy's dictating into a tape machine, he's like, this is the expedition that's gonna drive the plot forward, be very careful with it. Come in, come in, I'm 009. I feel good about my mental health right now. My high-eye bone. Fine.

I'm feeling great. Feeling like an Italian 009 right now, yeah. These two women in swimsuits come out of the water with spear guns, and he goes for his gun, they shoot it away with the harpoon gun. Yeah, very cool. But one of their two shots that they have is spent just shooting the gun away from him. On the trick shot! Yeah!

So that they can deliver a line, and then kill him. So that they can lightly make fun of him in a way that's very hot, where they're like, you know, silly boy, or whatever, what a forward young man you are. And then they go, R U 009, he says, yeah, and they fuckin' harpoon him in the gut. And take the reel to reel tape out of the machine and make good their escape. He got the point. Uhhh. Actually, this is the thing, whenever, like, one of them does a one-liner after an assassination,

you can see the other one is usually Penelope is like, visibly done with her shit. Like there's another one they kill, where she like, rolls her eyes at her, and I'm like, I love their relationship. This is very cute to me. How many times have they done this, that she she's like this sick of it, you know? Oh, she always makes a line. It's great. It really implies a lot. What if Wint and Kid were smoking hot broads? Mmm, should it, yeah.

Incredible. Yeah. And obviously as he's dying, his servant who we'll meet later comes by, and he's like, oh, you have to go to James Bond! And then we cut to Bond Drummond, who is, in this version, is doing judo, which is an intro we've seen before. ALICE Yeah, obligatory at this point. Like, OSS only says it like dozens of times, all the Euro Spy movies are like, this guy knows martial arts, we're gonna have him introduced by doing martial arts. I'm briefly possessed by the

spirit of health and safety, because they're doing a bunch of judo throws on a balcony next to like a drop. The whole time I'm watching it I'm just like a bit nervous even though there's a railing so I'm like that's not a safe place to be doing that. Don't do that. He gets the call to come in and see M, and at this point we get a reveal that made me be like what? Because he's not a secret agent.

He doesn't work for the military. He's fucking insurance. RILEY He is an insurance agent. He's the disguise that they all use in the Bond films. SONIA Yeah, I'm an agent, brackets, insurance. RILEY Yeah. ALICE I love this whole scene, to be honest, because M goes, do you know 009? And he goes, yeah, he's cool, right? No, he's not, he's fucking dead.

Which is immediately a beautiful gambit to take, to just really hurt the guy's feelings. It's so good, it's like, you knew 009, right? And he's like, I still know him, and he's like, no you don't? Yep. He is dead, actually. Yeah. Piece of news number one, he's fucking dead. He's gone.

Piece of news number two, he was shot, and then as we heard in the opening, he goes, but wait a second, that doesn't make any sense, he wouldn't have been shot, he was very careful around guns. Jokes on you, dipshit, he got harpoons. Yeah, he was skin diving, and then he replies, now I know there's something fishy. He can't swim. Perfect scene. Incredible.

Tight dialogue. And then, meanwhile, M's like, god, we're going to have to pay out so much. The odds of being fucking actuarial tables didn't even have a column for harpoon. You've got to prove this was murder, otherwise we're all fucked, right? I think it's pretty easy to prove this was murder. He was shot perpendicular to him with a harpoon. With a harpoon, yeah. It's pretty clear that can't be self-inflicted.

All of M's lines are delivered like this. It may sound ghoulish. Ghoulish. Which I really just, I really appreciate. M is wearing glasses like all the way down his nose. Mmhmm. His deal is like, right, you gotta investigate this shit, because we ensured the life of the oil baron who got exploded, and shot, which, why would you

even need to shoot him? You had a bomb! RILEY They're testing out the cigarrette. You tell me you have access to that cigar, you're not using it at every possible opportunity. ALICE They're doing like, fucking Hitman challenge runs. RILEY They are, yes. SONIA Emma's like, do you know how much it's gonna cost us because a guy ensured with us was killed with a cigar gun and then blown

up? Like, you have to find something, otherwise we are entirely fucking bankrupt here, man. But at love of God, you have to prove this was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to investigate the guy who got cigar gunned, you have to investigate the guy who got harpoon gunned, cause he was your mate, and our 009. And by the way, here's my insanely hot secretary. And the thing is, right, for a long time, Madman explores this. Having a secretary was one of the last, like, it was

one of the first, actually, it was one of the first socially acceptable bastions of femdom in, like, a kind of, public setting. Because you could just be, like, fucking owned relentlessly by your secretary. His secretary is named Peggy, and I go, fuck, I sure hope she is. ALICE & TANNER Hey-o! ALICE & TANNER Oh. ALICE & TANNER Peggy is like, very tall, very blonde, very beautiful, and also very domineering, and it's like, take your fucking medicine, M. ALICE & TANNER Mmhm.

ALICE & TANNER And fucking drum and hits on her. And M's like, ah, nah, don't, I wouldn't worry about it, she's not, she's too morally upright. The next scene, he has already fucked her. Which is nice. Very early Bond kind of character building. She's like, in his bed. It's fun, yeah. Before that though, we cut across town, and there's a meeting of some, like, the heads

of oil companies, right? Fuck, I love this song. These guys, Phoenician Oil, like, own up to this, and they're like, so, a while ago, somebody came to us and offered to, uh, take Mr. Keller off the board, if we gave them a million dollars, and like, we maybe said yes, but like, we didn't mean kill him, uh, and everyone else was like, well, so who offered you this deal? At which point, Ekman walks in. And she's like, hey, I'm here to fucking collect.

ALICE Wearing an incredible turban. RILEY She's like, we took him off the board? He's not gonna get in the way of you expanding your royal rights in his region? I'm not gonna say how I did it, but you owe me a million dollars, and maybe you wanna pay that, actually. RILEY They're like, we're a consultancy board, right? We promised that we could remove this guy's no vote within one year, give or take, for a million bucks.

His no vote has been fucking removed, and they're all like, this was clearly an accident, and she's just like, her position is, no it wasn't. You know it fucking wasn't. You're gonna pay me the money. Pay your hitmen, or women. Like, you have to do it. Pay your hitwomen. So M, who's on the board, wants to do it, this guy, Weston, who's on the board with

him, wants to do it, and the holdout is a guy called Bridge North. Incredible guy. Love this guy. Leonard Rossider. Is it really? I wondered where I recognized him from. Very distinctive face, very distinctive voice. If you think Bridge North is a kind

of awkward name, don't worry, they mention it several hundred times per scene he's in. In 2001, that's where you may know him from. I mean, he also looks like, in, like, original trilogy Death Star offices, he has that kind of energy, where he's just like, mm, Lord Vader, yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are now the ultimate power in the universe, like, he's got- A British character actor. We've lost this face in the arts, unfortunately. Yeah, for real.

No, I was thinking Reginald Perrin, but yeah, also in profile he looks a bit like Tony Abbott, which is very, like, jarring. Like a more squashed Tony Abbott. Tony's quite tall. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so this one guy, Bridgenorth, is like, no, the guy died by accident, we don't need to pay you fuck off.

And Ackman's like, that's fine, I'll be back tomorrow, maybe we can take another vote. That very evening, Bridgenorth goes back to his penthouse. I do like the detail that all of the arse on his walls is nudes, so you know, this motherfucker is like... Slimey. Horny. Yeah, for sure. Wettest lips in the world.

Also, I like the detail that Bridgenhoff gets through the door and immediately goes for his drinks card. Doesn't, like, take his shoes off and he's just like, immediately, I get through the door and like, pounding once he's straight away. I'm drinking, I'm slamming. Yeah. Yeah. And Ekman is already there, having broken in, she's wearing fuzz, and she's like, can

I persuade you to change your vote? By having sex with you. And he goes, yeah, go on then. He goes, yeah I persuade you to change your vote? By having sex with you. And he goes, yeah, go on then. He goes, yeah, probably you can. Yeah. If I'm being honest with you, yes. I like that there's a little cat and mouse there, he's like, uh, nice try, but out you go.

And then she's like, okay, fine. And he's like, uh, wait, uh, uh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Fuckin' hell. They kiss of it, and she deploys a poison ring. It has a little needle in it, and when used, when jabbed into the back of your neck, it's the ring that makes you make this noise. Ehhhh.

I don't know why. The sound of a British man being paralyzed. Ehhhh. And she, like, jabs him with it and goes, have you seen the film Audition? RILEY You have suddenly become involved in an audition scenario I'm afraid. ALICE Penelope is also here, she appears and they- RILEY Penelope would do the audition scenario.

ALICE Well they lie him on the couch and they say, uh, you're paralyzed, you can still see, hear, and feel, but you can't move. And at this point I'm like, oh my god this is fucking hot, and then she's like, we're gonna stage your suicide by throwing you off a balcony, and I'm like, oh no! Oh no! Oh wait a minute, that's way worse! He's still thinking like, oh my god, this is gonna be fucking great, wait what?

I'm getting fucking bowinged? Oh no! Oh shit! Yeah. I'm bowing to die! Listen, if bowing's assassins look and act like this, I have information that will lead to die! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO!

ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO!

ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO!

ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! ALICE & TARAN NO! They kind of, like, vaguely sexually menace him while he's paralyzed, and then they throw him off his own balcony. Russian dissident style. ALICE It's an amazing dummy shot. I love dummy shots. NICHOLAS I always love a falling dummy, it's so good every time.

ALICE The dummy shot makes a bit more sense given that he's meant to be paralyzed, but it is extremely obviously a dummy, like, it's T-posing on the way down, it's really good. ALICE And Ekman says, I've had men fall for me before, but never like this. BADUH BADUH! BADUH! DA DA DA DA! And Penelope just looks at her, like, with the fuckin' like, polycule-y stare of life,

for fuck's sake. Like, it's just... It's perfect, man. It's fantastic. Yeah. It's fantastic. On Cloud 9. Unsurprisingly, next day when they have them meet you again, she's like, uh, Mr. Bridge North

won't be joining us on account of his fucking dead. For the rest of his life. On account of I killed him. You gonna fucking give me my money now? And the rest of them are just like, yep. Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep

yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yep I actually took it out on the way over, if I'm being honest. So meanwhile, Bulldog Drummond's annoying twink American nephew is in town. Dewey, Louie, and Dewey arrive. They always have an athletic nephew show up, right? This is the classic like turn of the century, well it's not a turn, it's the 60s, but like this is your male relation, he's not too close for you to have to worry

that much about him, he's not like, your kid, but he is your brother's kid, so you will take care of him. It's just nice. I love nephew-uncle representation. ALICE He's like your, he's your ward. DRAC Yeah, he's Robin. ALICE Yeah, it's like Eleanor Feyo, you know? It's good to see.

ALICE Yeah, sure. DRAC Their nephew and uncle! ALICE Clearly Drummond, like, hates this kid this kid, and is very annoyed by his existence. But he's like, yeah, fine, whatever. Like, whatever. He's a chip off the old block though, cause he's shagging, he tries to pick up the secretary and she's on her way out from fucking Drummond's room and she's not interested in him. Yes.

Not at all. Ugh. This woman, man. Peggy him. Yes. Not at all. Ugh. This woman, man. Peggy, Peggy, fucking Ashland, ugh. Don't get attached. No, no, doesn't come back, I didn't think. No, Justine Lorde, apparently. I have no other, no other, she was in like, a bunch of episodes of The Saint.

Justine of Lorde. Uh, The Avengers. Oh yeah, there's pictures of her with Roger Moore. Wow, that's a young ass ro- fuck Christ, we did awful things to the youth in Roger Moore's day. I'm looking at the haircut that he spent his childhood and early adolescence with, devastating. I thought you were going in a slightly different direction with that, and I was gonna say I saw Monkey Man pretty recently, and I had the thought that like, I'm really really glad

that Dev Patel doesn't want to be James Bond, because like- It's so much better that he's not James Bond. That he gets to do that instead of being locked in time prison for ten years, like Daniel Craig was? Daniel Craig honestly should have been doing Monkey Man shit instead. It's such a shame. Yes! For real.

Go see Monkey Man, chat! For the record, I would love to still play James Bond if anyone's going, I'd love to. I'll kill someone in a Bond film, please. Hit me up. But so, this nephew is like, are you going out tonight with Peggy because I am going to fuck in your apartment? Yes. And Drummond's line to this is, um...

No large young men panting hotly all over the furniture. Which, huh? Yeah, I also went back and re-heard that, I was like, interesting. And to which the nephew responds, only me. You're like, oh, okay, alright. God damn. Bisexual king. So, at this point, Hugh drives a convertible Rolls-Royce, which is...

Yes, he does. Gorgeous. It's so nice. And he's also wearing the Sean Connery Bond suit, which and a dude comes to see him. It's 009's servant. And he's like, oh, I've got a little piece of the tape from before, but you'll have that. This is going to be your clues. It's going to be born later. I need to now go and immediately be killed. Yeah. I'm about to go get Wint and kidded. Not immediately killed, immediately kidnapped by two women who tranquilize him and bundle

him into the front of a car, and then ruffle his hair while his unconscious is... I don't think we see him again, do we? No we don't, but we find out how he gets killed and he's like, it's not now. They're gonna capture him and interrogate him and then they're gonna kill him later for plot reasons. I know, I also made that noise. Don't worry, this guy got tortured. He gets deadlier than the mailed, it's fine. You can write fanfiction about this, it's fine, it's legal. Whatever happens in between that, he dies at the end of it, that's all we know.

Yes. Can you imagine someone writing fanfiction about deadlier than the mail? The AO3 for 1967's Deadlier Than The Mail can't be that big. I'm gonna find out about it. ALICE I mean, bigger now, I hope. Like Peggy Ashenden EX Irma Ekman EX Penelope whatever her surname is. But yeah, so Drummond goes out on another date with Peggy, where they're playing chess together, and she says the insanely hotline, my boldness

is a refinement all my own. When he asks if M has been teaching her to play chess so well. And then Weston, the kind of dipshit from some of the boards, rocks up, and misogynistically takes over without asking her side of the board and starts playing the game. He, like, makes one move which is not a very good one, and goes, oh, my ride's actually here, so like, I guess we can finish this game another time? Absolute dickhead move! Crazy thing to say. Also, his ride is fucking the blonde, the German.

It's Ekman. We see, she's just in the background, but he's with Ekman. ALICE I didn't- I didn't clock this. NICE. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES.

NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES.

NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. NICES. Meanwhile, his nephew, Robert, his nephew is like with an alarmingly young looking woman. I'm so glad you picked up on that as well, because I'm like, this girl looks about like 15. I checked, she was 21 when they made the movie. Okay. She looks way younger, right, because she has like a kind of like baby face,

and she's wearing a really high ponytail that looks quite childish. They're making her look more youthful actively, like by costume choices though. Yeah, and it's an intentional thing, even though all of her lines are like, I like to fuck nasty, which is really uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, it actually is like slightly disturbing. Um, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, at one point we get a very- So listeners, you may not know this, but there is an old- Did you get the drop of this, Fem? Uh, which one? There's a very- so, listeners, you may not know this, but there is an old- did you get the drop of this, Fem? Uh, which one? There's an old fashioned word for drunk. Oh, yes, tight.

Yeah, I don't have a drop of it. I have a drop of the cigar thing. So she asks for a drink and then says the line, I do all sorts of things when I'm tight, which I was like, wait, what? Oh, yeah, that's an old fashioned word. Okay, yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stoned can be drunk as well. Her name is Brenda, by the way, and the 60s are so funny because, like, an old fashioned- okay, yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stoned can be drunk as well.

Her name is Brenda, by the way, and the 60s are so funny, because like, you will be fucking with like, canonically the hottest girl in the world, and her name is either Brenda or Peggy. Which is just... They didn't know it wasn't hot yet, you have to like- Fun fact, my grandpa's name was Peggy. Peggy? No one knows what's going- well mine was Agnes, and you got it like, these things come around,

they'll go around. If you're a lesbian named Peggy now, I think that implies maybe some different things. You can just change your name if you want, it's literally, it's legal. You can be Peggy at any time. I don't think I can be, but yeah. Not you, like you actually have to wait a bit. I think it's time, we can bring Peggy back. We can bring Peggy back through concerted effort.

I've been trying. So... They get a package delivered. Yeah, I bet she does. We can bring back Peggy. Brenda spends this entire interaction becoming steadily more and more determined to fuck Drummond. Like, she is going to fuck Dick Johnson.

Yeah. Yeah. Because the nephew is just like, oh yeah, no, he's very suave Dick Johnson. ALICE Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. RILEY Because the nephew is just like, oh yeah, no, he's very suave and he's just like me, and then she's like, really interesting, and he's a little older, is he? That's what's going on. And he starts going like, oh, but no, no, but he's too old, actually.

He's like, way too old. ALICE Mmhm. ALICE He's like, crazy old. He's like, yeah, no, it's really... RILEY Yeah. And you can see her being like, hmm, okay. ALICE Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then, Penelope shows up with a gift, with a package of cigars, and in a moment

that I drop I have labeled AGP, Brenda looks at these cigars and goes... Why shouldn't women smoke cigars? It's not ladylike. They make me feel sexy. And he of course immediately scrambles to like... Instantly he's just like, grabbing at it, yeah. To like light her cigar. Really good.

Unfortunately, as we know, this is the cigar that kills you instantly. Yeah. They get this really nice line in, the tensions are actually, cause we know this, and he says you look like a fallen woman, and she says I haven't fallen yet, and he says let me give you a push, and kisses her, and I'm, damn, that would work on me, that's good! ALICE It's a really great, there's a couple of really great noir lines, there's another one she has where he says, like, stop playing hard to get, and she goes, I am hard to get, but it's worth the effort.

And I'm like, why does she look like she's in, like, sixth form? Like, that makes me uncomfortable. RILEY I'm wearing out the 007 logo on the Bada Bada button! ALICE This is real bond shit, it's great! ALICE For real! It's well written. RILEY Then of course, the bullet goes off, but she's

not got it in her mouth at the time, shoots the mirror right by our Bond as he comes back in the room. ALICE Yeah, Drummond comes in and he's like, we didn't have to shoot at me, which is like a quite suave line. RILEY He's like, I know I said I wouldn't be here, but y'know. ALICE Brenda being a quite suave line. He's like, I know I said I wouldn't be here, but you know. Branda being a woman immediately faints. And so Drummond is like, we'll fucking, like, put her in bed or something.

The writers are like, let's get her out of this scene. Yeah, she needs to be out of this scene now, so she just faints. And he's like, we'll put her in bed. I am gonna, like, call my contact about these cigars. Yeah, cause Drummond has a boy. Drummond has a boy. Drummond has a, has a dude. This is one of the boys of all time, but so, he drives across town to a weirdly lovingly shot multi-story car park.

I was fascinated by this, right, and I looked into this, and it's, I think the reason why this is shot so, like, lovingly in so much detail is because the multi-story car park was a kind of new phenomenon. It was fresh. Yeah. They were like, check this shit out. This movie was made in 1967. This movie has a shot of him getting the little ticket from the machine at the Multi Story

Car Park. Wow. This is like when Bond uses, like, when they went to Japan, and they're like, ooh, fuck, it's Japan! But it's like, ooh, the exotic English multi-story car park! Wow! It's that way they're like, whoa, a cell phone for the first couple of years, really really good.

That's so cool. It's really charming, it really made me feel this wave of affection to this movie to be like... Lost heart. They were so excited about the multi-story car park. Yeah, and they should be. They're so much better than fucking land parking. Yeah, so he goes to get in the back of a blacked out Rolls Royce, and there's a guy waiting for him, with a kind of bulged out eyes, and also looking quite effeminate, and I go, oh,

that's the guy he's there to meet, this is your like, classic, fucked up, gay little man, the kind of Peter Laurie vibe, right? No, classic. That's cool. That's interesting, I like to see that. Red herring. That's not his boy, that's his boy's like... Henchman.

Secretary Henchman? Like, yeah, he just drives him to his boy, Mr. Boxer. Yeah. How is this man introduced? Misogyny. Misogyny. He is getting a massage. Oh, fuck's sake, yeah, I remember. On like a proj- in front of a projected beach, from a black woman in a bikini who is the

only non-white per- no, she's not, but she's like one of three non-white people in this movie. Oh, of course. All of whom are beautiful women, none of whom have any lines. And this is Mr. Boxer, Drummond's underworld contact. And I suddenly, the pendulum swings back again, because I'm suddenly fond again, because this guy's deal is Cockney Geezer? Yeah.

Yeah. Really? Yeah, Cockney Geezer! He's like, aw, I don't get out much, I've been officially dead for three years, oi oi. And you're like... Oi oi, do a bit of crime. I love him, immediately.

I'm like, alright, go on. He's Ray Winston in Sexy Beast, he's fucking great. He does crimes, but he says he never touches anything that's insured by Lloyd's, cause that's Drummond's company, I'm like, ha ha! Nice. Yeah, cause again, this guy is just an insurance agent! Yeah. Yeah, he does a bit of train robbery every now and then, he does a bit of wages vans.

I never touched anything insured by Lloyds, which unfortunately means I am morally implicated in slave trade, as your company did insure a lot of those slave ships and still haven't paid any reparations on that, which you really ought to get around to, actually, Drummond. The Lavender Hill Mob's DEI statement has benefited for a long time from this. Unfortunately, Drummond, I do have to boycott the LGBT Pride Awards, because of your sponsorship of them. It's nothing personal. I use that as an example. Big Daw has been teaching me all sorts of that.

That. Woke. They were in Korea, in the Korean War together. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know we were in that. Were they escaped a, like, a North Korean prisoner of war camp together? And that's how they know each other. Yeah. Remember when we were in the Pussy Mine Palace?

Oh wow, yeah, shit, we were in the Korean War. I'm still there! We were absolutely in Korea, yeah. Oh, this is me learning this in real time. My grandfather was in Korea, yeah, shit, we were in the Korean War. I'm still there! You're absolutely in Korea, yeah. Oh, this is me learning this in real time. My grandfather was in Korea, like fucking- The fuck was he doing in Korea? Escaping from a North Korean prison, pussy-asshole. Running out of ammunition and throwing mess tins at Chinese volunteers, mostly.

Being tortured with scorpions. I don't know if my grandfather was ever tortured with scorpions, or in a North Korean pussy mind palace. But we can save it maybe. It's more likely than my grandfather who didn't do that. Like, I was here the whole time. ALICE Number of times your grandfather has been in Korea, yeah. NARESH He's been nowhere near a scorpion at any point, I gotta be honest. SONIA Don't know exactly where my grandfather

went, not sure, I really wanna find out. ALICE Yeah, it's sort of the Cara Delevingne problem of British actresses, y'know. RILEY Don't worry about it. ALICE You don't wanna turn over that stone. RILEY Let's talk about the other one. Oh, he was a cop? Ah, fuck. Uh...

ALICE But so, Boxer goes, uh, we simply consult my geezer archives. RILEY Really good, yeah. ALICE Yeah! ALICE This is a fantastic bit, right, because he just has a kind of like, he has like a... rim Google? RILEE Yeah. ALICE So he just like asks a guy, do we have any

records on the guy who got killed, the other guy who got killed, exploding like, gun cigars? RILEE It's harder nowadays, cause of AI. It keeps telling me about a Golden Gate bridge. RILEE Yeah. ALICE Yeah. RILE. We found the bird who sold the cigars, also, have you ever tried mixing glue into cheese sauce? Give it that extra tackiness. Oh. It's like, Blaggers Ciri comes back at him with like, oh yeah, don't worry, the cigars were bought at Aldgate Bomb Specialists, I know down.

Yeah, they manufacture these cigars, don't even worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but by like, a fit bird. Adjusted company. Oh yeah? Nice. This is information you could equally have gotten by like, waiting for the alarmingly young woman to wake up and asking her who she answered the door to. Yeah. No. Yeah, maybe.

That's fine. Oh god, that makes so much more sense, shit, I didn't even think about that. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah, then he's immediately gone, I'm like, I wanted more of this guy, I wanted him to, you know, help me with the bag. Bring it to you. Storm the whatever at the end with his like, goons, but instead of just like, oh, I'll be

in the sequel even more deadlier than the man. Maintaining male pattern deadliness, even after transition, Trappard. Statistically. ALICE There is a sequel, and we're gonna watch it. NICOLAS Yes! Looking forward to seeing this guy again. ALICE It's called Some Girls Do. NICOLAS I can't wait.

NICOLAS I can't wait. Hell yes. ALICE At this point in this movie, and for the rest of it, I'm really enjoying this. I'm having a great time. NICOLAS Yeah, I love this fucking movie. NICOLAS Yeah, I'm starting to get that, like, itch in the back of my head. It's like I need to show an entire theater full of queer people this movie.

You know, I'm just like, oi-oi-oi. Aw, this and Modesty Blaze? Zardoz too. It's on the screener list. I gotta message Ben and ask him how the fuck to do that. We need to own and operate a small independent cinema is the main thing about us. I'd like that. It's only gonna be shit like this. We need to own and operate a small independent cinema, is the main thing about us. It's only gonna be shit like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Modesty blazing and deadlier than the male. So he gets back to the multi-story car park, and the movie's like, whoa, check out this multi-story car park. Whoa! You know what else it's got in it? Goons. Six or seven goons try to, like, jump him. And this is a real artifact of the 60s, they're all wearing suits and ties.

Yeah. Like... Nobody dresses up to go through a gooning anymore, no, I don't wanna say it like that. Nobody... Shit. No. I'm not sure that that's true. Yeah, I think they do.

Extremely loud and incorrect buzzer. And yeah, these guys try to beat him up, we get some like, judo. Yeah, judo throws a guy onto a hay cart. He does torture a man. He does. Little bit of unprovoked violence. With a Rolls Royce, which has some real, like, class. Especially since this guy's also cockney geezer.

This is a quite, like, well-spoken man, threatening to break his legs by running him into a wall with a Rolls Royce. Yeah, not great. And you're like, duh, see the violence inherent in the system. RILEY I will say, I do love any fight where you can see all the henchmen collectively decide, ah, fuck this. I really love that moment.

It's always great. ALICE Yeah. It's not worth this. RILEY But he doesn't really know anything, he says, oh, a fit bird told me to do this. ALICE Oh, it was fit birds, innit? RILEY Yeah. ALICE I don't know, yeah.

ALICE I was waylaid by a lesbian polycule. RILEY Happens to the best of us, my man. Fit bird told me to do this. ALICE Oh, it was Fit Bird, didn't it? RILEY Yeah. ALICE I know, yeah. ALICE I was waylaid by a lesbian polycule. RILEY Happens to the best of us, my man. RILEY Fit Bird told me to goon you, goon this geezer. RILEY Also, I just learned you gotta eat one small rock a day! ALICE We should never have automated our geezers, we should never have done it. RILEY You'll have to excuse me, I've got so many dogs

in these hot cars. I hear it's fine, I hear it's fine. This is hyper-topical, we can't do this. It's gonna be impenetrable in like, two weeks. Okay, so he like, comes back to his apartment, and the alarmingly young woman, and the alarmingly young woman wakes up. Yeah, she does. Takes a bottle of champagne, and then just goes back to bed.

Girls rock. RILEY Girls rock. SONIA Well, she's like, target fucking acquired, she wants the old man penis. RILEY She is a Dilf cock seeking missile, and she is launched the second she regained consciousness. SONIA This is like, co-written by Jeffrey Epstein this scene. ALICE The missile knows exactly where it is.

It knows this by knowing where it is. ZACH Genuinely. This scene is so funny. ALICE So, they have adjacent rooms, like her and Drummond, and so she keeps making excuses to come into his room, being like, can I have a glass of water? Can you open the champagne? Can I have a glass of water? ZACH She's locked the nephew out of the room at this point as well.

He's on the sofa. Yeah. It is quite charmingly acted. She does this well. At one point she said, oh, this door doesn't lock. And he's like, tried putting a chair against it and she's still trying. She's like, oh, I can't make the chair work. Could you do it for me?

He closes the door and puts it against his side. It's so funny because like he keeps sending her away and she'll close the door and then there'll be like two to three beats and then it'll open back up again. She gets the chair and comes in with him and is like, can you show me how to do it? And they go in, they both go in and you're like, she's done it, she's nailed it. And then you see him come in and close the door and put it against his side. It's a really good bit. It's really good because I identify with her as opposed to him.

I'm like, come out of me at it! I like that he doesn't fuck her, I like that she's too young for him. He does the old man Connery thing but without being an old man himself. It took the James Bond series genuinely another couple of decades to get away with a guy being like no you are too young for me to have sex with and even then it was only because he was fucking geriatric. Like this is an actual prime of his life guy going, no, you are too young. Yeah. Yeah, he's just middle-aged, it's just that she's shot to be younger, like a teenager

or something, and it's like, yeah, this would be gross. To be fair, the next morning his nephew does act like he has been cucked by his uncle. Which is kind of funny. Yeah, cucked by my uncle. He's fuming at him. It's so good. Yeah. Yeah.

And then he's like, can I have £100? Cause my friend- Which, back in the day, was like £15 trillion, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can I have the GDP of, like, Austria, please? Because my friend from Princeton, Pogo, is gonna go on a Mediterranean cruise, I wanna buy some new clothes, and I like that Drummond gives him literal, a blank check, and it's just like, yeah, fuck off.

Get out of my house now. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, because he's like, you mean you're not gonna be in my apartment, stopping me from fucking? Fine, absolutely, here is a literal blank check. Also, please, like, date older women. I'm so often saying this, and thinking this. Mm-hmm.

That's the tagline for the podcast, actually. Yeah, Kill James Bond, date older women. It's really good. We just do the Kill James Bond Dates Older Women Tour. This is our, like, pet project, this is our charity we set up in us in essence. The dating older women project. We are encouraging the dating of older women. That's, yeah, I know I am.

Older women. We're giving something back. Are we the older women or are we the... I'm confused. I'm not the older woman in this scenario. I'm looking for women older than me, so older women in their like, I guess mid-30s up. So yeah, if you're in your 40s, like, fuckin' get at me. There was that time recently I hit on that supermodel who I didn't realize was 20 until

I googled. Oh yeah! It's like, holy shit. I could tell this story on the podcast, or like, a version of it. So this was a while ago, I was was on a plane and I complimented this girl in the airport on her outfit. She complimented my mind. Turns out we're on the same plane. Turns out we're sitting next to each other. Turns out we really fucking hit it off. Turns out she's trans. She's a model. She's coming to London to be the first trans woman on the

cover of like whatever. And you know, I'm, I just said, well fuck it, you know, right? I've got a shot right when we get to the other end. And at some point during the flight, she says, I wish my like TV screen could do split with subway surfers. And I'm in, well, fuck it, you know, right? I'm shot, right? When we get to the other end. And at some point during the flight, she says, I wish my like TV screen could do split with subway surfers. And I'm in my head, I'm like, okay, so you must be a little bit younger than me. Oh no. Alarms immediately. I'm like, I don't know, you could be like 25, like 26.

I'm like, yeah, okay. That's doable. Like half a year, that's allowed. And then we get to the other end and she says, oh, can I get your details? She's wearing a ring. And I say, is that an engagement ring? And she says, oh, can I get your details? She's wearing a ring. And I say, is that a, oh, can I gauge my ring? And she says, no, it's a family thing. And I go, well, I'm so glad because I think you're really gorgeous and pretty

cool. So if you want a tour guide while you're in London, let me know. And she's like, ah, cool. I'll message you. I walk away and I'm like, don't be that many trans models who are going to be the first on the cover of whatever. So we just Google her. Turns out she's a massive fucking supermodel, like huge trans model, like major, major big fucking deal. And I did not know. And B, she is 20 years old. And I'm like, Oh, okay.

Whoa, holy shit. The thing is like transnessness throws these things off. Ripcord. We can't talk at all, alright? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't be seen. You can't even drink in your country, like, no. I've hit on trans people before, I'm like, you're like, what, like, thirsty, right?

And then they go like, oh, I'm like 24, and I'm like, cool. I don't even know the Queen of Soul. I'd be handing myself into the police immediately. I'm getting off this plane and I'm walking to Scotland Yard, I'm gonna put me away. 24's in my zone, like... ALICE It's in mine, but it's in mine in a kind of like uncomfortable way, where it's like...

RILEY Yeah, it's at the bottom end. ALICE Yeah, like, I don't like myself very much for it being in the range, I guess. You know? RILEY I dunno, I think if you'd introduce them at a party and be like, on the edge of killing yourself, if anyone asked one follow-up question, that's probably too young, just like, holy shit. Where did you meet, Gates of the fucking school?

If you can plausibly be in like, graduate school or like doing a masters or something, then I think it's probably okay? I don't know. Let's move on from this. Yeah, and stand off in the comments how young you think is okay. KILCHAMPSBOND DATE YOUNGER WOMEN? No. No! No! So the nephew, the nephew is coming out of the store, and he's wearing a big I date older women t-shirt, and runs headlong into Penelope, who is like, shit, nice shirt, it

would look great on my bedroom floor. Mhmm. Mmhmm. My god, yeah, no, she's also a missile. It's crazy. Penelope is, like, incredible in this, because, like, whenever she's going for it, she is going for it. You are in no illusions as to... she is coming at these men, like, pussy first.

It's like, remarkable. It's like an Austin Allegro, goes faster in reverse, you know? It's aerodynamic. Um, so she basically, like, grabs this kid off the street, like, with the pretext of like... F**kin' idiot. Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.

She he picks her up! Cause they bump into each other and their packages all get jumbled up and he says, I've got an idea, why don't we go somewhere private and then we'll decide who's is who's and she's like, great. Nice. Now, across town, Ekman is doing the same fucking shtick on a different group of oil tycoons, including Weston. She's like, oh, there's this king who's getting in your way, the king of...

Akmata. Maybe a fictional country. Drummond realizes that the little like clip of the, of the tape is like, assinate the app. He's like, Oh, assassinate the king of, Oh, right. Like this is what Weston was onto. This was what like 009 was onto. Weston, their buddy, the guy from earlier is on the board. Um, yeah.

The dumb chess guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they bring him in and they're like, Oh yeah, stay away from her, she's trouble, we're investigating her, and Weston's like, ooh. Yeah, we'll do more.

Yeah, I'm in the movie, don't think too hard about it. I'm still here. Yeah, don't worry about it. Do you think I did not suspect him at this point? No me, though. No, I did not crisp into those potato snacks. Oh my god, they were uncrispened? I was too busy thinking about this next scene.

We're approaching the fucking nexus of the thing. So Drummond follows, follows Ekman, right, and like, and I kind of follow that cab thing. And in a fuckin' really pretty nice, like, house in central London. Yeah. Which now no one could afford. I just have a propercy brain. Penelope is torturing the nephew. I will stop calling him the nephew at some point if his name ever becomes apparent to

me. And she's like... D&E- Robert. ALICE- Robert. Right. And she's like, menacing him, and she's like, oh, you know, if Ekman comes back and you haven't told me anything, she's gonna be really mad at me, with all the fucking, like, psychosexual implications of that.

D&E- Well, he's tied down shirtless on a table. Yes. But she kisses him, actually. She does. Mm-hmm. And then she like, burns him with a cigarette. She puts a cigarette out on him. I wouldn't have minded if she had just asked, and this is why, right?

Because this is kind of hot. I'm sorry. No strong comment from my end. To be honest, I think I might have missed this scene. And why? Right, because this is kind of hot. I'm sorry. But... No strong comment from my end, to be honest I think I might've missed this scene. It's reasonable, but uh, yeah, I mean, it helps that she sells it very well. She, like, burns him a bit, and like, he still doesn't tell her anything. Which, ehh. Mmhm.

Ekman comes back. Ekman comes back and is kind of weirdly jealous that she's been torturing him without her, which, again, Poliqial vibes. Yeah, she says, you've done a very untidy job. Yes. Fucking Duke of Burgundy ass, and, and she says, and you're wearing my negligee. So they're fucking, she's fucking stealing her underwear, like I don't... They're catty, this is great.

How much like, less subtle can this movie get about these two? I do think it's weird that Penelope's like trying to have a career again after this scene, I think that's, uh, I don't think that's gonna work. I got as far as like, clit and trib, but then I decided that that was probably too lesbophobic for me to say. Yeah, I don't know if you could be saying that shit. For Winton Kidd, but... Yeah.

Ekman comes in and is like, you've done a terrible job of, like, torturing this guy. Just googling one of those. Were you having a psychotic episode? Genuinely unbelievable. Two Bs. This is, like, dogshit work. I just googled trib and got the Transport Research and Innovation Board, I don't think that's right. Trib, two Bs. This is like dogshit work. I just googled tribb and got the transport research and innovation board, I don't think that's right.

Tribbing, two Bs. So she like gags him with some sticking plaster, which is a very like 60s like kind of pulp vibe. Fucking entry level lesbian over here. And... Oh! Pussy frotting. Just found out about this.

Pussy frotting. It's pussy frotting, 100%. I must be dreaming. I love Nova. Diligently attempt you to get through this scene. Yeah, and then you took me out with pussy frotting and I had to do the fucking cornering. Pussy frotting. I sure hope that no. So they then set up another one of these time bombs.

And the whole time they're fucking like rustling his hair, and like, fucking like, making faces at him, and I'm like, again, none of this is like, not hot, you just have to do it with a degree of responsibility. ALICE Mm. Consent. ALICE Like, I don't object to being blown up with a time bomb, providing you like, fucking check in every now and then. Like, this is basic, basic stuff.

And for you then to go like, oh, I've recently detonated some things that I've since been informed were time bombs, is just like a kind of obvious dodge. Anyway, they leave... RILEY They always manage to say the safe word at 0.01, it's crazy. ALICE Saying the safe word on 0.007 seconds. Ta-da, ta-da. So, so...

So, the two of them leave. Penelope is like, stealing bits of jewelry off of Ekman and stuff. She's like, I think this is probably a problematic term now, but like, Penelope is defined constantly as being a nymphomaniac kleptomaniac, and it's a beautiful combination of personality traits. She loves stealing and fucking. And honestly honestly I think that makes her an icon. So they leave, Drummond shows up to rescue his nephew, and first of all sees him tied shirtless to the chair and goes, I didn't know you went in for this sort of thing.

Which is funny. And surprisingly, like, you know, open-minded, I guess, for the 60s. Yeah, no remarkably so. And then we have the line that causes me to lie face down on a cold marble floor, because he's like, his nephew's like, hey, there's a time bomb, but he's like screaming through the gag, and he goes... That's a nasty band. You really ought to learn how to control your girlfriends, yeah?

Fucking tell me about it. Come on on man. You don't know. Yeah. Everyone's fighting battles you know nothing about, alright? Bulldog Drummond. Yeah, Drummond, you do not need to make a fucking drama video out of this, you fucking scum.

Absolute scum. Bottom feeders. But so Drummond sees the time clock just in time. Does turn it off at 0.0 second or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turns it off at 0.0 Drummond. There's a beautiful moment where they're like, they're in the car, and his nephew's like, he's got a towel wrapped around him, he's got a visible cigarette burn on the tit, he's

like looking completely traumatized, like thousand yard stare, and I'm like, just... Mm. Mm, yeah. But the detail that takes me out of this is, Drummond goes to him, I'll drop you off at A&E, I'll pick you up in half an hour, and I just think about 1967, you could not only get seen, but get treated at a London A&E within 30 minutes. Yeah, man, you might even get in a fucking number after half an hour.

You're not gonna get in the door. No. But to be fair, this was 1960 whatever, where the population of planet Earth was like, ten people. Yeah, that's true. And most of the injuries that happened in the 60s were like, this, you know, like, sexual misadventures, right, rather than... Cause all the stuff that was happening in the 60s that was killing people hadn't kicked

in yet. All these people were like, going to get mesothelioma and like, every different cancer and all that shit, but they were gonna get it in like, you know, 20 years time. So, you know, back in the day they were fine. It's like microplastics, these motherfuckers had no idea what was gonna get them in their old age. It's like prions. Yeah. It's like microplastics, these motherfuckers had no idea what was gonna get them in their old age. It's like pre-ons. Yeah.

It's not like pre-ons. During the car conversation, it emerges that Robert's friend Pogo, who he was gonna go to the Mediterranean with, is the king of Ackmada. Yeah. Pogo is just what we called him at uni, cause we're like, we're lads, right? And so I was like, wow, I was gonna go and see him in Castellomale, Italy, and then Drummers like, holy shit that's where 009 was at the start of the film, this has actually been quite nicely written, now we've got a good...

It's not just Next Location for the sake of it, we've got a good reason to go there, like... ALICE Right? So they go to Next Location, and they check out 009's house. RILEY Oh, there's a bit where they try to... Is the bombing just prior to this, before they go? Oh yeah, you're right, they try to go and see Weston, and Weston's office gets fucking blowed up.

He's in with Ekman at the time, and he's just like, you gotta let me in, and it just BOOP, the whole thing fucking explodes. They 9-11 Weston's office! Yeah! There's like a pair of legs sticking out from under the desk. Yeah, it's like, oh, okay. So R.I.P. to that guy, he was a dick. NICOLAS Yeah, R.I.P.

Weston. ALICE Yeah. So now we like- NICOLAS Rest in peace, Weston. ALICE Yeah. West in peace. NICOLAS Then we go and see, we see the Italian guy who's renting out 009's villa, who says, one of the great things about this villa is you can see opposite, there's a castle across the bay, and he says there's lots of beautiful

ladies in there, and he goes, MAMMA MIA, THE LADIES! And I'm like, yes, me too! ALICE & TROY MUMBLING, MAMMA MIA. ALICE Let's also have a tagline of the podcast. ALICE Yeah, he's like, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen live in this castle. Which to be fair, he's not wrong about. RILEY Yeah, true. women I've ever seen live in this castle. Which to be fair, he's not wrong about. ALICE Yeah. Yeah, true.

ALICE The house has been trashed, right? And Drummond surmises that the reason why is because the two lesbians have been looking for the bit of reel-to-reel tape that they weren't able to find, and which the Italian guy dropped off to him before getting immediately kidnapped. JUSTIN Yes. ALICE Also, they realise that it's probably those two ladies who trash the place because they find the butt of a distinctive cigarette.

Yeah, and he goes, hey, recognize this, and just effortlessly re-traumatizes the kid. The kid goes, whoo! Ironically, having a unique cigarette design was a Bond thing, in the books, they just never did anything interesting with it. This is already better than Bond again. In a different way. ALICE It's a nice, like, luxury cigarette, it's got like a gold filter and it's like purple paper... It's really nice, again, this is the thing, if you're gonna do these things, do them with a bit of style rather than like Marlborough lights, like, for fuck's sake. But yeah, so they also notice a bit of like, scope glint, enemy at the gates style, from the big castle

full of beautiful women. And Drummond immediately goes, someone's fucking watching us through a telescope. And indeed we see that someone is watching them through a telescope. SONIA We get a little bit of racism because they go onto the King of Akhmara Pogo's yacht. ALICE Yes. Incredible goon fit, by the way. The yacht is called Mabruk, and all of the guys are wearing like Mabruk embroidered shirts

and t-shirts. They've dressed up for the gooning. They dress up! It's a goon outfit, it's a good gooning outfit. What's your goon fit? Post it off in the comments. Yeah, Robert says, where's the harem? Which I'm like, I don't know, manna, you can say that.

Yeah. No, you can't say that shit at all. Problematic. I mean, Pogo kind of laughs it off. Well he says, we never needed a harem at Princeton, which I was like, ohhhh yay. That's a funny way to brush it off, I guess. Again. No large young men pounding hotly all over furniture.

Yeah. Couple of different ways you could read not needing the harem. Yeah, that's true. Didn't need the harem at Princeton, cause you jacked me off! Yeah. We were fucking and sucking each other. Yeah, we were cock tripping. Yeah. Oh damn, I was just about to fucking- you beat me too in my second-

Cock frotting. This is a Northern line train for cock frotting. Alright, okay, there we go. The next station will be dogging. So... Forgot to inform you, this train is cancelled. Dogging and slugging them, I dunno. Um, we, right. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

We're pulling our way through this one. What is happening here? Oh! Robert goes to party on the boat. Yeah. But a sexy lady arrives and says, "'Drummond, could you please come up to the castle? You've been summoned by the master of the castle.'" So he's welcomed to the door by a geisha, and he greets her in Japanese, which is a

nice little touch. ALICE The worst Japanese I have ever heard in my life, this man says, "'Domo arigato.'" RILEY Yeah. First, in Oriental languages, in Cambridge. ALICE We didn't need Oriental languages at Princeton, I don't know. And she leads him to meet the villain. Yeah, he's in like the classic chair, spins it around, and-

And it's fucking Western! You piece of shit! Obviously at this point finding out that it was a man all along I was like, ah boo, eh. I know, I know, it's a real show. But yeah, no. Seriously. At least he's misogynistic, right? It's called Deadlier Than The Male, no. At least he's misogynistic, right? It's called Deadlier Than the Male, and this guy is the male. Like, anyway.

His real name is Peterson? Yeah, Carl Peterson, which is the name of the antagonist from the like, old pulp comics, and which was like, a deliberately like, insanely anti-Semitic thing, because this guy was meant to be like, Moriarty or whatever, but like, he owes allegiance to no nation. He's like a kind of cosmopolitan international criminal, if you follow me. The movie doesn't bother adapting any of that, thank god. RILEY I can hear these brackets! Holy shit.

RILEY Yeah. This name is Conold Petersen. RILEY Real bad. ALICE It's like so badly done and so antiquated that in some ways it escapes notice, because like, the name Carl Peterson does not set off the big echo detector. But like... Yeah, they were so steeped in antisemitism, but they're like little dog whistles now at this point genuinely do not pass muster.

No one at this point is gonna go, Carl Peterson, I see what you're putting down here. Yeah, this is very odd. The car is called Fedsmoker, the guy is called Peterson. So Carl Fedsmoker says... RIP. RIP to a real one. For real though. Speaking of anti-Semitism.

A real day one, heads. Real fuckin' day one. Welcome Mr. Bond, I have assembled the United Nations of like ten out of ten smoke show baddies. Yeah. Genuinely, he's like, I have a beautiful Japanese woman, I have a beautiful Indian woman, it is important that you know you can fuck any of them at any time, so long as I can watch, and you know, so that you know that my dick's not racist.

It's genuinely like, remarkable. He fully just like, shoves the Indian woman in front of her, he's like, hey you're a fucker, can I watch? Like from the cock chair. And Drummond has this line where he says, I prefer to roll my own. Still pretty good lines. Some great fucking lines in this. For example, when it's revealed that it's Peterson, Drummond says, I stayed in London

for your cremation. And Peterson goes, I'll make a point of going to yours. It's so good! It's so da- yeah! Yes! ALICE The character of Weston is kind of like, feckless and posh, whereas once he's Peterson he becomes gayer and smarter. In the same way as the guy from Modesty Blaze! This was the only way you could be a villain in one of these movies, was to be the world's gayest, heterosexual cuck.

RILEY At least in Modestyades he's gay the whole time. But his plan is, he uses his, like, sexy ladies in every country to short stocks by assassinating CEOs and making it look like suicide. Mm. Yeah. He fully just goes, like, you know, no one ever thought of this. Like, everybody's been trading on the stock market, no one thought of just killing him. Genuinely!

They're talking about it, they're like, it's this well-contrived accident, and it's like, not really that well-contrived. Largely, it just looks like explosions. I don't know, like, it's mostly bombs. Think about the free market drumming days, it turns out you can manipulate it using violence, no one's ever tried this before. This guy's Ricky Gervais in The Invention of Lying, except he's just invented killing people. And he's like, this actually solves so many problems, you will not believe.

The only innovation he's brought to this is, what if they were all hot women? What if a hot broad did it? They didn't even invent the cigar gun, because they bought those! They bought those wholesale! They got that out of a magazine! I mean, this is kind of, I no means say, based, question mark? It could be worse. Anything that involves the United Nations of Hot Women is gonna be based to me.

The United Nations of Hot Women have not done enough to stop any of the, like, crimes happening internationally, but like... The United States of Hot Women are fucking impotent, quite frankly, but like, whatever, man. Yeah, the estrogen does that. I should text my CEO friends and warn them off, as I see. But yeah, so he's like, check out my, what I like to call my operations room, which is a bizarre line, cause it just is an operations room.

Yeah. I like to call this the bathroom. He's like, okay. Yeah. I like to call this my hallway. And then he goes, check out my, what I like to call my dojo, and then he goes, check out what I like to call my dojo. There's a guy in there called Chang, and Chang is gonna be... He is your mongo.

Yeah, Chang, big guy, very big guy. Big guy. Uh, martial arts. I like to call this guy Chang, because that's his name. He's this guy! Just doing this with fucking everything, yeah, I like to call- guy Chang, because that's his name. Just doing this with fucking everything. Hello and welcome to what I like to call Kill James Bond. You should do that.

Date older women. I do feel slightly strange asking this question, but what is this man's race? Well, he's a white guy. It's Milton Reed who... Yeah. Yeah, no. Is it a white guy? Sorry.

Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. I just, I, alright, what happened there was I opened up Milton Reed's IMDB and I read the first line and it waylaid me very heavily and that line is, although he liked to sign his autographs, perhaps jokingly, Milton Gaylord Reed, his real name was Milton Rutherford Reed. Yeah, I like to do that too. If you have a signed poster from the live shows, you'll note that my...

A little bit of a bit, I like to call myself Gaylord when I'm doing signatures. ALICE November Gaylord Kelly. KLEE I just opened this up and was like, huh? Oh shit, this guy played Sandor! In the Spy Who Loved Me! He was the short one who was there with Jaws, the tall one. ALICE Oh shit!

KLEE Yeah, he was the wide one. It appears to be his father was Scottish and his mother was Indian, I believe. This guy got dropped off a building in Egypt by the Thai. ALICE Okay, nudging up the racism score. ALICE And his name's Chang. RILEY Yeah, worth noting neither of those would... Changism, yeah. ALICE Yeah, I simply think of the show Community

any time I hear the name Chang. RILEY It strikes off several uncle chocks. ALICE He does. But like, Drummond out-judo's him, which is how you know that Drummond's cool. To make an example of him, Peterson's like, Chang, why don't you fucking Chang this guy up? And Chang does not successfully Chang this guy up and instead gets thrown and then uncle chopped a bunch of times.

Disgraceful. Several British sex films, additionally non-sexual roles in a couple of hardcore porn films. Which actor was that? Milton Reed! Right, sorry, you gotta keep me updated. The Gaylord? Oh wow, okay. Yeah, Gaylord, interesting.

Milton Gaylord Reed accepted non-sexual roles in hardcore porn, so uh. Yeah, fair enough man, if they're payin'. He was in the cock chair then, right? Fair enough. Kind of the Dave Courtney of his time. Get your money, honestly. They have this dinner scene, like Mr Bond come and enjoy dinner with my lovely ladies, Drummond tries to wind Peterson up, and he says, uh, oh, Mr Drummond is trying to provoke

me, to which Penelope says, he can provoke me anytime. Penelope is again a missile. Pussy first. Yeah. There's so many good lines in this, like, they offer him a cigar, he says, I hear they're not good for your health, like it's so good. It's a really good script. It is very tightly written.

I really like that he goes for the best possible gambit in this case, which is Bond's just there going like, this whole thing's just funny, you know? It's really campy, isn't it? Like, you've got the girls, you've got this guy over there, like, what is this, man? This is funny. And the guy's like, no it's not! This is my criminal enterprise! ALICE There is nothing gay about this, and he calls it theatrical, and Peterson's like, no, no it's not.

RILEY Fuck off, fuck off! You've gotta take it seriously, alright? ALICE Just like, earnestly, like, seriously hurt, emotionally, as far as... You can fuck yourself. RILEY Yeah, genuinely, he does seem to be quite upset about it. ALICE So he shifts a bit, because there's, y'know, a non-white person in the room, so he shifts to provoking Chang, by being like, oh, this

guy's a terrible butler, and also, like, his sword sucks, or whatever. Which prompts Chang to try and attack him with the sword. And Peterson stops him, and Ekman goes, well hold on a second, this could be based? This could be funny to watch? TANNER What if this is cool? ALICE Yeah, what if this is- let's see where he's going with this. Where he's going with this is, like, easily knocking Chang unconscious, taking his sword,

and like, threatening Peterson with it. But he has forgotten the existence of two of these women who have machine guns, and so he's just like, held at gunpoint. ALICE He's marched back to his room, in fact. At which point, Ekman says, I want to shag you so you die happy. We get this exchange, which is also just my inner monologue at most times, where she says, do you like my body? And he says, not bad. A little bit muscular, perhaps.

RILEY But then he's like, but then again, I guess you've gotta, and he says, not bad. A little bit muscular, perhaps. RILEY But then he's like, but then again, I guess you gotta expect that in your line of work. He's like, not to my taste, but I understand it, I get it. ALICE Like, doing her a favour. Like, she looks incredible. RILEY She looks unbelievable. ALICE And also, not like, hugely muscular, like, she's

got nice back muscles and stuff, but like, even for the standards of the time, he's clearly just like, provoking her. This scene might not say better than Bowen ever did it. The kinda mutual seduction in the one line, I was like, it's pretty good. Yeah, a little bit. When he refuses her, she calls him unnatural. Which is like, the best possible reaction is to be like, do you like my body? No.

You are gay. What the fuck? You must be gay. Yeah. This guy's gay as hell. Hard F-slur, immediately. Yeah. Definitionally, if you do not like this, you are not attracted to women. Meanwhile, Peterson is watching through the kind of cuck television set. I was joking when I said the cuck chair initially, but like, he fully is,

he's just like watching them. And presumably would be watching them fuck as well. CCTV close cucking television... oh, well, what should I... That's pretty good. Close cucking television. Ekman is so pissed off that he wouldn't shag her, that she wants to fucking kill him. Genuinely, she just walks back into her room like, let me do it, let me do it, let me do it, let me fucking kill him. He called me mid, let me do it, let me do it, let me fucking kill him. ALICE He called me mid, let me kill him, let me kill him.

RILEY Genuinely let me kill him, please. ALICE He's like, no, because one of the other girls, the one who was introduced in the dojo, Grace, who seemed a bit uncertain, is gonna try and betray us by going in there. And so she does. And on close-cut television they all see her be like, I can help you escape, or whatever. Yeah. She's like, I wanna go insurance witness, or whatever. Let me out. Do you work for like, some kind of law enforcement agency? Ah!

Secret service, right? Police? One of them? He's the only other insurance guy who's showing up being like, I'm a secret agent, actually. He's reverse bonding. ALICE So Chang grabs her on the way out, and Peterson goes, okay, well fine, Penelope, you have fun with him. And what Penelope does is she gasses him unconscious like an old boy. RILEY Penelope is ready to fuck. Like, she's ready to- she just enjoys doing shit, honestly. Like, just turns on the thing.

Mmhmm. I think she just actually assaults him. Like she knocks him unconscious. It's pretty clear that she does, yeah. Yeah, I think this is the first time we've ever seen it that way around. With the sissy hypnogas. And then just goes in and like, fucks him while he's like, semi-conscious. Which is not acceptable.

RILEY Penelope is not great about consent. She's not good about consent. ALICE Yeah, no. I mean, maybe she was having a psychotic episode at the time, y'know. You don't know. RILEY That's bad in a way that, like, the scum system can't account for. ALICE That's true.

The scum system only accounts for misogyny. RILEY Bit of self-directed DBT'll fuckin' fix that right up. ALICE We fully built the flawless system, apart from when women- RILEY We didn't expect that women could do something bad. ALICE No, neither did I! YARO We didn't think they could be!

Deadlier than the male! ALICE I don't know what to tell you. Maybe we tag another M on the end for mis- for misandry, I don't know. RILEY Mm. We we tag another M on the end for Misan-dry, I don't know. Mm. We'll have to talk about this at the end. So, he comes down to breakfast in the morning. Would you like to play giant silly chess, Mr. Bourne?

Yeah. Fucking straight out of the Man From Uncle movies! I love a fucked up chess scene! You're bluffing. There is no easier way of showing that someone is a megalomaniac than big chess sets. ZACH It's so funny that the only chess we've seen him do so far is like step in on someone else's game and fuck it up. And then he raises the chess out of the ground, it's like alright man, okay.

ALICE Yeah, big fucking chess. ZACH Voice controlled chess. ZACH Yeah, Vaughn the computer will use AI to interpret your natural speaking instructions. And he has a kind of like, big, Dalek chess set, yes. Yes he does, yeah. They move around like in Harry Potter where you say it out loud and they move to the right... It's like Wizard chess, except it's not, it's normal guy chess.

But big. Yeah. And they play the Four Nights game, which is like dogshit chess! Once again, that's like, beginner shit! LIAM Dogshit, yeah, I don't know what's happening here, man. SON So Penelope and Ekman go down to the boat with Grace, who doesn't know that she's being set up here. They say, right, we're gonna go and get the bomb, Grace, you wait here. They're counting on her to run aboard the yacht and

try and betray them. Which she does, right. And they're like, where's the bomb? And Peterson's like, Grace is the bomb. Grace is the bomb. Again, insane thing to say to the guy that, like, that you're doing this plan to kill. Like, you've got him in there and you're just telling him everything. I love that this villain cannot, for the life of him, not tell someone when he's got a good plan. Like, it's so good.

Well, playing like, beginner's chess. Like, it's so good. ALICE Well playing, like, beginner's chess. Like, ah, ah, Mr. Bond. RILEY He's got chess for dummies open up here and he's like, Mr. Bond, I fucking outsmarted you once again. ALICE Mr. Bond, which way does the fucking horsey go? RILEY Holding it upside down, you know, fucking idiot.

DOROTHY You're bluffing. ALICE Makes four illegal moves in succession, Mr. Bond. I believe that's Yahtzee. DOROTHY Three strikes and you're out of chess, Mr. Drummond. So Drummond tries to do a run for it, basically, and then they have this weird thing where Peterson is stalking him through the chessboard. Cause the pieces are huge, they're like nine feet tall, he's stalking him through the chessboard and they're like moving chess pieces around to have cover or to box each other in.

RILEY Really creative setup for like the final gunfight of the movie. Yeah, I like this. Genuinely loved it. Peterson starts panicking, he shoots all like the round, or he shoots six of his rounds, and Drummond says, you only get seven with a Beretta Peterson. My notes say, I never got any with a Beretta. But something else I also love, he immediately shoots off the seventh round, like straight away. Like, fuck you actually!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he gets scared again. Like he gets rattled by his big chessboard. Your big chessboard, dude! My brother in Christ, you built the big chessboard. You have engineered every single possible part of this situation, and now you'll get scared. Ch'ang gets ch'anged to a permanent end.

Yep. Ch'ang gets ch'anged to a permanent end. RILEY- Yep. RILEY- Chang gets changed, yeah, whatever. RILEY- Yep. ALICE- Back on the yacht, the nephew is like, okay, well you stay here with this woman we don't know as the bomb, and I'll go with a couple of your boys up to the castle to help Drummond. Which is a lucky break because together they defeat like, throwing him into a chess hole? RILEY They box him in with the fuckin' four knights

on each side, and he drops into, like, a hole in the ground and it immediately sets off a leap of fuckin' smoke, like in Robot Wars. Like, he just falls into the hole and a chhhhhh. SONIA Yeah, I think one of the knights falls on his head, I think that's the idea. RILEY They push an extra one over top, yeah. SONIA They could not ignore the opportunity to have the line checkmate. Of course.

Perfect. This rules. So Drummond like throws Peterson into the chess hole, and then the two women with machine guns show up, and it cuts to the nephew outside and the sound of machine gun fire, so for all the world it seems like they have just fucking executed Drummond. Oh well. Movie ends there, yeah. Fair enough, have us at the best of us.

They also, in the chess hall, get in the chess hall. Genuinely, if you get done in like this you don't see heaven, like, I'm sorry. No matter if you haven't done any crimes. They specifically established that Peterson has what he likes to call a dojo, and a guy who he likes to call Chang, in order to teach these women what he likes to call martial arts. And yet, the second he is, like, chess-holed, the big switch of, like, women can fight good is turned to off. Because Drummond and his nephew just fully, like, pick up these women, and they're like,

oh, they're kicking their legs and making girl noises. They get fucking chess-holed as well. The misogyny just goes to yes. It's crazy, yeah. They have guns! Like, it's not even a fight! They don't, I guess they didn't feel confident staging one of those, they just have them pick them up by the midriff, y'know?

They're deadlier than the male. Apparently not. Chest-hole for these two. Chest-hole, million years, chest-hole. They get put in the chest-hole. One thousand years, chest-hole. Doesn't explode though. I write down here, women love to get easily overpowered.

They're like, alright, you're going in the hole, get out of here. Oh no! So they have to race back to the yacht, where they realize that the bomb is on the fucking Grace. Must be on Grace somewhere. Yeah, on her person. She's wearing a very prominent necklace as well. Yeah, which it turns out it isn't, which I like.

Yeah! I was thinking when I saw it, I was like, oh yeah, and a fucking prominent necklace as well. Yeah. Which it turns out it isn't, which I like. Yeah! I really like that. I was thinking when I saw it, I was like, oh yeah, and a fucking prominently placed necklace, obvious place for it. Not so. They take Ekman and Penelope at Gunpoint hostage, and then they're like, on the boat, they're stripping Grace off, to try and find the bomb. There's a big fat guy, who's like really greasy and wearing a like, themed gooning t-shirt as well. And a couple

of things here, first of all Penelope takes one look at him and is kind of biting her lip, and Ekman is the one who has to slap her hand away, which is really funny. RILEY So for fuck's sake! Can you please! ALICE Can you keep your mind on your fucking work? RILEY I really like, cause when the two of them are being catty about Grace, cause they've been arguing every time we've seen them on screen for like half the movie, and then the second they're being catty about a third party they're getting on again, it's like, this is the way to maintain relationships in your thirties.

ALICE Find someone you both hate! RILEY It's so easy. ALICE As they're tearing Grace's clothes off, the guy covering them with the gun, who Penelope has been like, damn he's kinda nice with it though, turns to get distracted, because this is a woman having her clothes torn off. It's like, well, I guess you're gonna fucking die, cause we can't find the pump. So, can't find it, alright, best off. Yeah, genuinely!

The real, like, care and compassion for which the insurance agency is famed. Whatever. Needs of the many! This is the king of somewher. Like so many people before you, you need to now die for the good of Lloyd's insurance. Probably not even the first time Lloyd's insurance has thrown someone off a boat! Like... Your god.

Yeah, not even close to the first time. ALICE Who's your insurer? She goes, Barclays, he's like, nah, fuck off! RILEY Get out of it! ALICE Yeah, and as Ekman, and her first name is Irma, by the way, that's a joke that's played for love when she tried to fuck him earlier, he's like, what's your name, and she's like, Irma, and he's like, that's a very sexy name. RILEY I guess it's not sexy enough as Brenda, I guess, y'know?

Yeah, that's not the real shit, like, Peggy. Yeah. Bwah. Barking like a dog and a woman tells me her name is Peggy. You met my grandma. It's really hot. Date older women. As they're making good their escape, Penelope's like, so where was the bomb anyway?

And Ekman's like, oh, it was in her, like, chignon, in her, like, hairpiece, the kind of updo thing. And in a perfect, like, girl moment, now that misogyny is back on, Penelope does the whole slow react, but that's the thing that I stole from her, because it was cuter than mine, and the one that I'm wearing right now! And then waits a solid, like, two minutes. RIght, like, full ten seconds since the reveal. You can take that off, you can go whoop. You can take a chignon off pretty easily.

I gotta say, if I knew it was a bomb, I would lose this very fast. Pretty much the moment that they realized the bomb wasn't in any of her clothes and stripped her naked, I'd be like, oh it could be the headpiece actually. It could be the one thing that I've... Just covertly take this off and stash it on board the boat. But Penelope goes out like any of us would, looking gorgeous. She explodes, it just kills them both. That's the movie. Drummond says, I guess success went to her head.

And everyone goes, how did you know the bomb was in the... You weren't on the... You didn't see that scene because that happened over there. How would you possibly make that line? Can you read lips? How did you do that? Is that the script? Do you have the script, Javad? It like zooms, it does a little circle, you can hear them all saying that the whole time,

like, what are you talking about? And they all dive overboard to save a naked Grace who is like treading water, and that's the movie. RIght. And I guess by the rubric of how big was the boat they blew up at the end, this is a very low budget movie. Oh god, we're on a boat again! Yeah bitch, we're always on a boat! It's all we can afford!

I would like for us to do maybe even one movie where someone is not burned with cigarettes, but... I'm so sorry, dog. I'm genuinely, I don't know how I keep doing this to you. It's fine. In the getting burned with cigarettes sweepstakes, it's not as good as the card counter, but I still really enjoyed it. I really liked this movie!

I had a great time with it. I had a fantastic time. It's a great film, yeah. It was fine. It's not like, yeah, I mean, well, we don't have to speculate about this. We have a science-based system. Oh my god! It's called the SCUMM system. It's not like, yeah, I mean, well, we don't have to speculate about this. We have a science-based system. Oh my god. It's called the SCUMM system.

It stands for SMAM. Cultural insensitivity, unprovoked violence, and misogyny. How SMAMI is deadlier than the male. Unbelievably. Yeah. It's gotta be. Every scene has some kind of like, it's, it's good, but yeah. Yeah, we can't break the boundary because it's not a penalizing amount, but like, it

is smarmy. It's very very smarmy. It's well done, Saman. Seven. Yeah. Cultural insensitivity. I mean, the United Nations of Pussy. It's pretty bad.

Like in the last half it gets really quite considerable. Yellow face. Like at least four maybe. Maybe even five. Chang alone is worth like a bushel of points, yeah. Ch'ang alone brings it up to five, I think. Yeah. Ch'ang is five.

Unprovoked violence, uh, he just tortured that guy with the Rolls-Royce. Yeah, true. Oh, I forgot to mention that the guy, the legs poking out from under the desk when Weston gets killed were the Italian guys, so like, they tortured that guy and then set him up to get like, blown up. That is then set him up to get blown up. That is what happened. Just to mention. I'm for violence against fucking Italians.

NONWHITE. OH! What does he do to... I mean, torture's one guy. There's one torture and that's about it, really. Like, he keeps his hands as clean as possible. I mean, we can't say that like it's a minor thing to be like, it's one torture. RILEY It's one torture.

In the Grand S... yeah, I guess this is the way that these movies have broken my sense of what is normal or not, but it's just one torture. And they did kick the shit out of him just before he did it, but, y'know, still. ALICE Three? RILEY Successive, three, sure. ALICE Misogyny. Now this is awkward because again, we can't accommodate for women doing things wrong. We're just gonna have to add that in a separate bit, I think. Yeah, the misogyny of the movie, I guess, is both, y'know.

Pretty fuckin' high. It graphs as well, because it gets higher later on, as women become less competent. Yeah. It falls apart, cause the whole point of these two women managing to be this criminal enterprise here, our women and kid, is that you're supposed to be like, aw, we love to underestimate women, and that's how they can get in there. The movie wants you to be like, aw, it's terrible that we underestimate women. Or maybe more, it wants you to be like, obviously we all underestimate women.

But what if there were some that were good, they could use that to like get competently, and then it falls apart in the second half because they're just like, what if they were actually all fucking useless? What about that? Yeah, especially since they die because Penelope is kind of like a bimbo.

And it's like, ah, that's a shame. It reveals that the sexy, competent ladies have been for the enjoyment of the presumed straight men. A shame. I enjoy Penelope as a character, and I think that she's based. The movie does not think that she's based, the movie thinks that she's fun and hot, but is like, ah, women are a bit daft, right? Yes.

I like that Drummond doesn't shag at any point. Yeah. Well he fucks Peggy, but that's like a wholly consensual thing as far as we know. Yeah, that's nice too actually. They're playing chess together, like, that's, y'know. They go on a date? Yeah, they're like, yeah. Nice.

That's cool. I really appreciate that he doesn't fuck Brenda, like you say. I think that if they had just fucking made Peterson a woman it would be a solid point better. RILEY Yeah, several even. ALICE Yeah. RILEY Mmhm. RILEY Five, six? ALICE It makes women characters a bit when it feels like it, and then it gets scared

and goes back on it. And I think, I want to be forgiving to it, because again, I think, what if you had a fucking female Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, is like platinum shit to me. But they don't really follow that through. LORRAINE But they have to be sexy though. That's the unspoken rule. ALICE Yeah. Give me mid lesbian Winton Kidd, please, and thank you, any makers of films. For this movie I wanna say like, five or six?

LORRAINE Yeah, that's what I was gonna say too. ALICE For the sake of doing something unexpected, five is my answer. Okay. Well speaking of things that were unexpected, I guess we have to, like, for the first time ever add an extra thing for female on male sexual assault. Yeah, I mean, this is a thing. It's of a kind of misogyny that would be very familiar, like, it's something I remember Elna Janegar talking about, about middle-ages misogyny of, like, women as kind of, like, it's something I remember Elna Janager talking about, about middle-ages

misogyny of, like, women as kind of, like, nymphomaniac sexual beings who, like, can't control our urges, unlike the kind of, like, coldly rational men. Maybe we can bring this into misogyny then. Mm-hmm. Oh, it is, yeah. For the sake of argument. Ekman describes Penelope as having the morals of an alley cat, like, she's, like, inhumanly horny, right?

Unable to control herself. It's like, just, perverse that it's sadistic rather than masochistic, y'know? I think on that basis, yeah, you can fold it into misogyny, in which case, where the fuck did I say five? Seven! ALICE I feel like we need to go into the punitive zone here, because I feel uncomfortable saying that female on male sexual assault is only worth like two points or whatever.

Sure. I think so. Yeah, no, I fully agree. We've come down extremely hard on like, sexual assault in the past. Rightly so. I think Goldfinger ended up being like, nine? Goldfinger was a nine. Yeah, I think so.

It was nine, cause we hadn't set the hard cap of ten, which I believe it would have touched. That was a corrective rape. Yes. So I dunno, it's gonna be eight or nine, I think so. It was nine because we hadn't set the hard cap of ten, which I believe it would have touched. That was a corrective rape. Yes. So I dunno, it's gonna be eight or nine I think in my book. Yeah, put it at nine. This is always a problem when you put a number on it, but yeah, I'm happy with either of those.

Putting any number leads you to be like, oh, this is a worse kind of sexual assault than this one, and there is no such thing. Why did we do a numbered scale on this again? Well, science based. Science. Science. Eight? Yeah. It's engaging for the listeners this again? Well, science based. Science. Science. Eight? It's engaging for the listeners, they love numbers, it helps.

Yeah. Eight, sure. That gives us a total score of... Twenty-three. Which is a bad score for an enjoyable film, is the thing. I had a great time watching this objectively very bad movie! I want to show this to a room full of queer people. Very badly, in fact.

It is the same as Goldfinger. But I enjoyed it more. That's insane. Because, like, I... The science, baby. I know. I mean, I refuse to accept that this is Goldfinger's kind of, like, red grant. That this is its, like, dark mirror or whatever.

Because I don't think it's trying to do the same things, and I don't... Yeah, I dunno, the vibe is different on this one. As bad as Octopussy. Wow. Ooh. 1967 this one came out, so that would've been the Only Live Twice era. Yeah, back when James Bond was becoming Japanese.

Yeah. It's worse than You Only Live Twice. You Only Live Twice was 22. Jesus. Well, that's science for you, we give it, well, it's a problematic fave. Absolutely. That's science, baby! The next episode is another OSS 117, double agent. Yay!

New OSS actor. Let's see. Now he's OSS 234. Woo! Do I have to have seen the previous 116 OSSs? No, but we have. Yeah, I really feel that I have done. God. Okay.

The next bonus episode is a movie that I've been excited to show you too for a while. It's a film by Sebastien Lelio called The Wonder, with Florence Pugh. So look forward to that, subscribe to the Patreon if you haven't already. Thank you- WONDER. Come to see your wonder. Sorry, I derailed you, you were right there, you had it. You had the closer. It's fully like, I...

There we go. Thank you so much for listening, and we will see you next time. Bye everyone. Bye! That's a nice bit, man. You really ought to learn how to control your girlfriends, yeah? Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. I am Devon as always, and you know what the next

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