Upstream - S3E4:The Tiger Likes Fresh Blood

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

Look, I know what you're thinking, this is just another bad eurospy movie- but this movie was made by Claude Chabrol, one of the directors of the French New Wave, during his middle period. He may have made this movie entirely to keep the lights on, but he clearly used the opportunity to try some things out. French secret Agent 'The Tiger' is tasked with bodyguarding a Turkish minister's wife and daughter during an arms trade. ------ URGENT APPEAL FOR AID FOR PALESTINE SAG-AFTRA are still on strike and their donation links can be found in the description of the previous episode. However, right now there's only one link to provide. https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate What needs to happen in occupied Palestine cannot be accomplished with donations alone. The UN and entire international community must step in and hold Israel accountable for its ongoing genocide and relentless war crimes against the Palestinian people. Join a solidarity protest as soon as you can ------ Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Hello and welcome to another episode of Kill James Bond. I am Alex Cawdor-Kelly, I am joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devin. Hey! How you doing? Sort of giggling in the back of this recording because immediately before we started we were doing a bit about how Wales and Mexico are the same country. That's right, yeah. That's right, yeah. I'm not sure how we came to this, but I look forward to this sort of like accord being signed and henceforth everything being set in Wales is like color graded Very yellow, you know, because I can remember we got onto it

But I was talking about how in in Zorro all of the Mexican characters are played by Welsh actors Yeah, and then we're saying it should be the other way around to the every BBC show that's like filled in swans every episode of Doctor Who Everyone in it is just fucking Mexican, but they're meant to be Welsh and it's never commented on? Yeah, you sort of pan across the humble Welsh borough

and you get the text on screen like Spanish guitar, and you get a thing on screen that says Merthyr Tydfil Dev said that they should cut to Cardiff and it should just be like yellow Colour-created yellow. The thing is, we're ostensibly here to talk about

a movie called The Tiger Likes Fresh Blood. Le tigre aime la chair fraiche. That's right. Tiger likes creme fraiche. Tiger likes creme fraiche. It's for tiger likes fresh meat in Italian as well. Yeah, la chair is flesh. Tiger likes creme fraiche. It's for Tiger Likes Fresh Meat in Italian as well. Yeah.

They don't know. La chair is flesh. So it's the Tiger Likes Fresh Flesh. But yeah, you can't really, it's not, what's the word? It's not pleasant to say. You know, it's like crumb crisp coating. I see. So the Tiger Likes Fresh Blood is a Claude Chabron movie.

If you're not familiar, one of the sort of like preeminent directors of the French New Wave. And yeah, he did some great movies, Les Biches, Les Beaux-Arches. And we are here in the dregs of his career. He had this sort of like middle period from like 64 to 68, I think. Yeah, I embark on on watching this movie thinking i was going to be watching like another bad euro spy movie and i quickly found myself watching actual cinema and i had to like sit up and be like oh fuck god damn it well i mean i look forward to hearing about it because listeners peek behind the curtain i watched this two weeks ago i've taken notes i i assume they were taken by an alien hand because I can barely remember this film.

I know that you two enjoyed it, but it didn't seem to leave much of a lasting impression on my brain. I mean, this is the thing. What you're doing is the Tiger Likes Fresh Blood and No Notes. Tiger Likes No Notes. Yeah. I will say this. I'm just reading from his Wikipedia page here

because I'm the kind of podcaster who does that. From 1964 to 1967, Chabrol made six films and one short that were critically and commercially disastrous, and this period is considered the low point of his career. Four of these films were in the then-popular genre of Euro-spy films, including Le Tigre et M'Lachaire Fraiche and Le Tigre se Parfume à la Dynamite. including Le Tigre et M'Lachère Fraîche and Le Tigre se Parfum à la Dynamite. Chevron said, I like to get to the absolute limit of principles. In drivel like the Tiger series, I really

wanted to get the full extent of the drivel. They were drivel, so let's get into it up to our necks. I don't know. I wouldn't say it was... I mean, it's less drivel-ish than some things we've had on the podcast before. It's better than FX18. It's like a competently done spy movie. enjoyed bits of it i assume based on these notes yeah this this is like other abigail probably enjoyed herself past abby yeah someone enjoyed this we

feel yeah um but so yeah it's it's kind of like this was the thing that he was doing to keep the lights on to pay the bills in between sort of like seminal bits of the french new wave yeah it's pretty like the thing is about this movie like before i get into synopsizing it i was expecting this to be another kind of like as as abby's reaction to it is where it's like okay we get this done we clock out and we go on to something else right it's kind of like whatever and there's bits of filmmaking in here that actually i think this deserves a reappraisal you know this is not something that's much heralded it's not like where people even bother to review it people are like yeah it's like workman like it was fine i i think there's something there that sort of benefits from from a second look it's a

thank god someone here likes movies like cinema like movies because i don't know fucking shit you mentioned the director's name like it was something i was supposed to know and i was like oh fuck i see you think it would be the person who's in them but no actually i just like i like being in them i don't really want you don't actually know what a movie is yeah you like being in front of the camera that's fine yeah it's just like the camera's on you like it's stealing my soul you know it is it is i still haven't seen like most of the shit that i'm in so so so the tiger movies they made two of these and the reason why is that initially they had done four with this

same actor the same protagonist roger anna uh called the gorilla and then they lost the rights to the gorilla and so their actor had to like write up a sort of like non-ip blocked gorilla substitute and what he came up with he gets like an assistant writing credit on this is the tiger a french secret agent so they've reshot those scenes or the whole thing oh no no they made the gorilla movies those were done and then they wanted to make another one and they had lost the rights to the name of the gorilla so really by rights this should be the gorilla likes fresh oh i see i don't think it does that's so funny can you imagine like ryan johnson making another star wars movie after he lost the, like, lost the...

Space conflict! He's just like, fuck it, I wanted to make another one of these, I'm gonna do it, I don't care. Yeah, yeah. And to me, I would be more scared of a spy called the Gorilla than one called the Tiger. It's very threatened. Gorilla, not a very, like, sneaky, ambushy animal, as far as I'm aware. I've never met one. Well, we've had the Chimp.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. And he had a PhD as well. Yeah, the Chimp, the Chimp. As far as I'm aware, I've never met one. Well, we've had the chimp. Yeah, exactly. And he had a PhD as well. Yeah, the chimp. Professor Chimp, yeah. So, as you may recall from a previous OSS movie, France was really, really proud in the 60s of having fighter jets. This was like a big deal to it. And so, this movie begins with a solid 10 minutes of have you seen this

mirage 4 how cool does this look it's the best plane in the world i mean yeah all of this like french aviation is like very very like retro futuristic but we get into the first of a few problems with this movie one of which is that there is no sound design yes i understand now why there is an oscar for that because not having that in an otherwise competently made movie absolutely fucks the thing into a cock yeah you would think that like making a movie sound good is just like making the thing sound like they would sound but no that's so wrong you cannot do that yeah they just sound normal it's awful yeah it's really bad actually this this whole opening sequence you've said it's 10 minutes of it's 10 minutes of b-roll of fighter jets going by and it

sounds like a fighter jet going by if you're like outside in a field which sucks to hear there's no music either you don't get like a dum dum dum dum, you get something cool, like dramatic, like, instead we just get like, the Mirage 4 is the greatest jet in the world, I'm like, great, okay, cool, like. I have like tinnitus off of this. Also they've de-invented colour, it's 1964, they un-invented colour. It's cheap! It's cheaper to get black and white film stock.

So and they don't really use the black and white film stock to their advantage here in the way that our very first one, The Nail of Witch, I've immediately- the first OSS on the set one. In the same way that the film doesn't have music, it doesn't have colour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But so, we find out that this Mirage stuff is part of a presentation being given in Turkey.

Not identified, we have to find that out later. Oh shit, this was Turkey? Okay. Yeah, this was Turkey. Not identified, we have to find that out later. Oh shit, this was Turkey? Okay. Yeah, this was Turkey. And there's a bunch of dignitaries watching a very thoughtful presentation about how cool the Mirage is. One of them is wearing an honest-to-God fucking monocle? Yes, he is! I was like, yes! Yes! Sick! And they do the funniest possible thing with that monocle because a guy sort of crouch walks into the

back of the thing for stealth. He presses R3 at the back of the room. He appears at the back like our first shot of Napoleon Solo. It's just a long shot of all these guys watching and he just walks around sneaking up behind this fucking guy.

He puts a grenade in this guy's inventory. No, what he does is he very lightly presses a prop knife to the guy's shoulder and we get a close-up shot of the monocle popping out of his face. So good. That's Kino. Cinema.

That's when I got the first whispers I might be witnessing a masterpiece. Yes, and then like like me playing assassin's creed having done this in broad daylight his plan is to just leave the scene he leaves he doesn't sneak out he walks he runs straight out the middle of the front steps through the center of the road away as well yeah yeah legitimately dangerous to film in the 60imately dangerous to film. In the 60s, you could just walk into government buildings and kill people. That was the thing that happened. As long as you crouch-walked

when you were in the actual room. I'll see you on days. Absolutely. So he runs from a couple of Turkish cops, makes good his escape, and sort of lands in... He hits the gym. He's like, you know what, I've warmed up now.

I've warmed up my thighs by crouch walking. Now it's time to go to the gym. Absolutely. There's a couple of guys wrestling and a sinister man waiting for him. Just a big wrestling thing outside. There's not big wrestling pitches, courts, whatever

the... Rings? Yeah, rings. I don't know. Whatever the fuck they're called. There aren't any of those in the street anymore. I liked ports, though. Ports was nice. They should be called ports. Wrestling port. So there's this guy, a classic spy movie archetype here,

guy in the all-white suit. I love a guy in an all-white suit. Mr. White rules. Imagine the self-confidence you would have to have to go out and go about your day, down, all white, down to the shoes, even, in white shoes, you know? I think I went to Pride once in an all-white suit and white shoes. It was good, I remember this one. I mean, Pride, that's, like, at least an event.

If you're going about your daily life... He's just going to Tesco. You're going to work? Like, I mean, if I went to Tesco in an all-white suit, and I stepped in some dirt or something, I would have to kill myself. Well, that's what this guy does! He doesn't kill himself, but he does ruin the suit. That's true, because he doesn't say a word to this guy.

This is all filmed quite well, to be honest. He gets him in his equally sinister Mercedes. Oh, beautiful 60s Mercedes. Oh, it's gorgeous. And he drives this guy out to a location I have described here as Sloshy Road. I called it a swamp castle. So they get out of

the Mercedes, it's already like half deep water. And they have to walk their way into a flooded house, and I swear to god this is unedited audio. It's just that for, like, two minutes. Solid. That's foley.

That's real. That's what it would sound like. That's what it would sound like. They take him to a Legend of Zelda fucking water temple. Yeah. Yeah. He has to find a shadow version of himself. We've all done it

what they do is they take him to an even more sinister guy and this guy is so sinister he's just a hand this is Blofeld, my notes just called this guy Blofeld yeah this guy gets the Blofeld situation where he's like, it's good Mr White here was like Blofeld's PA I guess

which is, it serves insane it was like Largo yeah yeah he's Largo vibes so so Blofeld is just like a hand with a special ring on it and he pays the the kid who did the assassination of Mr Monocle at the start um and then uh the kid goes outside to kind of I guess like count the money or whatever and then Mr White stabs him um and this kid makes an incredible face yeah it's again hard in a sort like, audio medium to describe how bad much of the, like, stage combat in this is. Oh, it's atrocious.

Nobody knows what being stabbed is like in this movie. It's 1960s France, just ask your dad. Like, you are just out of it! Yeah. Yeah, no, but instead of what he does is it looks very much like the kid hugs him and then gets like a tummy ache and he goes, Ooh, the kid makes a face like he's nothing. Well, you don't make that face when you have a tummy ache. I certainly don't make that face when I get stabbed. Hmm.

So that happened to you off anyway, he, he like pushes the kid in the like, uh, like water and, and that's the sort of like, they could have afforded alligators. That's that's where they would have had the alligators come and in the water. If they could have afforded alligators, that's where they would have had the alligators come and eat the body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the flooded castle. Do we ever come back here? What is this place? Yes, later on we do revisit the flooded castle. Do we? Yeah. I don't remember. According to my notes, I mean, hey.

Is it flooded there, or is it just dry? Because I don't remember it being flooded the second time, so maybe this is just like a plumbing error that they're like fuck it roll with it roll with it yeah they just couldn't get it they couldn't get the sound another day it was just like a mistake and they rolled it i i ask if the layer is creepy or what it's both they're always both this is never explained either so like as far as the layers go we've had like volcano bases we've had like underground shit and now we've just like this guy's house is flooded it's like

half a foot of water they're like listen no one comes here they call it the weird wet house no one wants to fucking come to the front door why did you wear a white suit when you knew you were coming here if you're gonna like blow felt it... She's been wearing white waders. I think he could have talked for that scene, but he had to sort of like, you know, just do the creepy hand thing, because if you get up and try a monologue, and the whole time in the background there's... No, this doesn't work, you know? Like, there's a reason why in, um, No Time to Die, when Safin's talking about his like, toxic treasure or whatever, he's not just

wading through the goop, right? It's because it kind of is undignified. It's weird to be wading in the goop. It's not a powerful position. No. No. To be fair, Blofeld's room, not flooded. Yeah, true. He's wisely

on the first floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kind of like shaking out your trouser cuffs before you go in blofeld's office you don't want to track mud into blofeld's office oh you don't want to track fucking mud see this is a movie that really rewards a lot of tangential bits is the main thing you don't want to touch the fucking metal plate in that room either because blofeld did that the first time that's why he's like right we need to move this room to this first floor we can't do this in the wet room the entire leadership stuff so so this is this is a sort of example of what we in the business would call and

i'm proposing this term here now the 009 scene right but the way that it's filmed that's like you have like no conception that it's the monocle guy that they were supposed to care about instead of the kid because the kid's been the protagonist and you see the kid get killed at the end but then they cut to the next scene and it's like bond uh mr monocle man has been killed and it's like like he like takes the fucking cigarette out of his mouth and he goes, not monocle guy. Fuck. I really liked him. Did you? I loved all the scenes we shared together

in the gorilla. Go back and watch those. He died doing what he loved, popping his monocle out of his face for comic effect. It's all he ever did when he was alive. That's why he fucking started wearing it. He and I really saw eye to eye. Just the one eye.

Just his good one. Atrocious. So this is Louis Rapierre, the tiger. Meanwhile, Karate. Yeah, who is introduced doing Karate, and the general, M, walks up and is like, hey, we need your permission, immediately gets, like, judo thrown.

Yeah. I think this is funny. I think this is a good bit. Like, it's it's good yeah yeah i mean we're behind and immediately gets around okay how do we introduce our bond is he like oss on the set is he on the firing range like shooting is he like james bond where he's like immediately in the action no we've got to give him something new to do is he just standing normal he's doing some like karate judo shit He's doing karate, he's doing martial arts

This is smart And yeah, it's interesting also If Sean Connery had thrown Bernard Lee over his shoulder That man's hips would have exploded He just throws all of them when it's like In the fucking Dalton years and everyone's ancient

Yeah them when it's like in the fucking Dalton years and everyone's ancient Judy Dent just like body slams by Peter Frost we are gonna be connoisseurs of the Bond introductory scene by the end of this shit because we're gonna have one fucking movie this is pretty good it's like cover albums

playing the hits it's like a bunch of takes it's putting a spin on james bond you see the refraction yeah maybe coming to know james bond better through seeing him like through attempts to imitate the first time we met james bond he was introduced gambling on a game of chance which just made him look like a dipshit That is true, yes. You can talk to Noah. So, of course, he also has a cue, do they? Yeah! Yeah! Who is introduced, and this movie comes to the comic Q-Bits before Bond does. Yes! It does. Like, genuinely, if anything, Bond ripped these off from this, where he's sort of like, introduced covered in soot because he was just blown up a

lab behind him yeah he's just like oh yeah i'm working on the dead thing don't worry about it nice touch i like is the general doesn't flinch as the explosion goes off he's just explaining how it's fine that he got thrown he's like i've got strong bones this guy runs out and he's like i've done it i've done it he's having a full-on eureka moment. So the tiger gets his briefing, just standing in a field, too. They don't even know. Why did he brief him in the middle of a field? It's just like, can we have intelligence outside today, sir?

Yeah, it was just a nice day. MI6 has got rack. We've got to do it in the port of Cabin's Park. Oh, fuck. So he gives them this briefing, which is, Turkey is gonna buy these Mirage fighter jets from France, and in the course of trying to do this deal, 009, Mr Monocle Man, was killed. And now this Turkish Secretary of Commerce is gonna come to France, and if he is, the

same people who are gonna try and throw off the deal are gonna kill him too, so you have to protect him. But the whole time, you know how even though it's sort of a Connery Bond, it's sort of minimally sarcastic towards M? Yeah. The thing I like about this is that the tiger is actively sardonic. He describes his friend as having been killed on the field of honor of international combat, very, like, ironically. Yeah, there's something I do quite like about this, which is, like, you know, the tiger's

job in this film is to secure an arms deal, and they do engage a little bit with, like, I'm like, well, should we really be selling them these jets? Like, I guess it's gotta happen, like, but, eh. Yeah, there's a line too when in uh the when m tells him like this this minister basqueen is going to be assassinated in what is genuinely very subversive for 1964 france he says oh i thought you knew general there are no political attacks in france which is like no not not so much i would really love to see and i i noted this many times apparently um i would really love to see, and I noted this many times, apparently,

I would really love to see a remake of this film with Daniel Craig's Bond, and it's like, Bond, we're selling these jets to the Saudis. That would be a genuinely interesting setup, and Bond would be like, oh yeah, they need them to take out all those dangerous Yemeni civilians.

Yeah, it would just be a really interesting geopolitical bit of spice. Nice. So he hands him a photo of Baskin Robbins, and is like, check out this old, fat Turkish man. He looks a lot like Wayne Knight. In some of the later scenes, he looks crazy like Wayne Knight. And he goes, who's this handsome young man? of jokingly i'm like this is a good it's a good script there's good dialogue in it but yeah so he he's gonna have to like protect this

minister and his family yeah you have to go to the next location and next location is orly airport yeah uh because they haven't built charles de gaulle yet i don't know i didn't brush up on my french airports before this one i'm really sorry i was just i was just turning my face it was an interesting historical note to me i guess you were turning your page i'm sorry i i thought you were giving me space to really like come out hard for the airport when when in the course of this podcast have i ever given either of you two space to come out about anything you guys gave me space to come out and i very much appreciate that oh thank you i'm still gonna talk over you i

interrupt every third thing you say i think you can talk over me a bit as well there was a very funny moment that alice said this thing about the the french airports if both dev and i just went on the way so it's sort of like back of the classroom like Okay Sorry no nothing to do with that Bro stims hard on the railing As he's running down I wrote he stims on that railing So he's like late for work

I guess he's got like a piece of toast In his mouth or something And he's like as he's running into work There's a railing there and he's like running his hand along it In a very very stimmy way Yeah he's running his two fingers along it Like there's a guy running he's like tapping it as he's running into work there's a railing there and he's like running his hand along it in a very very stimmy way yeah he's running his two fingers along it like there's a guy running he's like tapping it as he goes like yeah i'm not sure what this is like meant to convey i'm not sure the movie thinks this is conveying other than like this the tiger is like a restless man who's full of energy or something the tiger is very particular about fresh blood. Yeah, the tiger really needs it to be fresh blood.

The tiger doesn't like the fresh blood to touch anything else on the plane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, the tiger just has a thing, okay? It's kind of annoying sometimes, but it's all part of the rich tapestry of human experience. The tiger has ADHD. Well, the tiger just has autism. Well, the tiger. I am the only neurotypical spy in the world i do not understand

these jokes yeah believe i yelled something so he meets up with his boys his other like spy boys including duvet q again yeah who is just sort of like suggesting gadgets he's like yo man what about a gun that shoots backwards wouldn't that be fucking crazy what about a camera in your eye pointing at the screen like fucking fx18 fucking fx18 catching strays that's cleb g where uh he's just like just doing bits it's really good he's so excited about it too like then we get a little bit of we get a little bit of uncle moment a little bit of man for moment because uh minister baskeen arrives and of course who does he have with him his wife and daughter who are both 10 out of 10 smoke shows also do not look in the least bit turkish

not even fucking close now do you recognize however his daughter i do hello for the third time to Daniela Bianchi from Russia With Love and OK Connery. Tatiana Romanova. I'm so, I didn't recognize her with her clothes on. Yeah, genuinely. She, I mean, without the big like velvet choker, you know, it's kind of like less, you know, dramatic. But yeah, no, this is her. She did a bunch of these Euro spy movies, because her English wasn't really good, she always got dubbed for stuff, and so after From Russia With Love she did a bunch more

Euro Spy stuff. We will see her again. Yes. And then she retired in 1968, because she got married to a shipping magnate. Fair enough. Yeah, she did a lot of shots of various people in various, like, weird situations assembling the plot in the airport. Including a guy in a full scout outfit. Just kind of, like, leaving a knapsack.

Because it was the only way in 1960s France you were legally allowed to be wearing a like a backpack as an adult man instead of a briefcase you know like were you gay yeah so so various of goons are setting something up like briefcases are changing hands and there's a little person in a suit who picks up a suitcase from from blofeld we only see blofeld's hand what is blofeld doing he's browsing airport books including james bond from russia although i will note that he james bond from russia with love i will note that he he passes over from russia with love to read sartre instead which is kind of like statement of the podcast actually yeah it's like claudia roll banging on the windows of this movie from the inside like get me out of this shit. Yeah, I guess.

It's like, ahhh! There are some really interesting shots in this bit. There's a really good, like, wobbly overhead shot of a thug getting on an escalator. Totally quotidian piece of action, right? It's one line, if that. And it's like, no, this is filmed really, like, disconcertingly. This is like, oh, there's some new wave shit going on here.

There's a shot later where Goon sort of, like, is caught in a doorway for a second through, like, a bunch of, like, circle decals painted on all the windows. And he's just, like, lined up perfectly through all of them. It's like, this is really stylish you can you can really see knowing that this guy did a bunch of

like new wave shit afterwards you can really see him sort of trying shit out while he's doing these movies that he kind of has to do to keep the lights on it's an interesting sort of test bed yeah you know um and a lot of it misses but some of it it hits. Some of it does hit. So Baskin gets off the plane, his wife, his insanely hot wife has to translate for him, because he doesn't speak French. And his insanely hot wife is like, yeah, listen, nobody's gonna assassinate us here, I'm pretty certain, and we're gonna do the deal, and everything's gonna be chill. Outside, two goons are assembling a sniper rifle. They're assembling a

telescope right yeah yeah this isn't even a sniper it's a sniper pistol it's it's like literally it's a luger like with a massive telescope assemble the telescope and then they just like strap a luger to it and i'm like yes yes that's the gadget it's just a fucking gun with a long scope and a short barrel um and yeah it's the tiger sees this and has to like sprint down some stairs and the fight scene that ensues okay this movie is not good at fight scenes well weirdly there's one fight scene in it that is really good but this is not that yeah rule of three don't worry first one bad second one bad third one i'm fucking believable yes yeah killer yeah unfortunately not there's the fight choreography in this is not good um

they visibly miss a bunch of the blows like it's like the again the sound design lets it down because you don't have any what what happens is he chases one of these guys into the airport, in order that, you know, the wife and daughter can see him punch out a guy and be heroic. Yeah, that's funny. But the sound effect that happens when this guy, like, skids into the airport and gets punched is, honest to god, this is the punch effect. What was that? Yeah, it's not great.'s not like a mouse farting

although to be fair i mean as as somebody who recently filmed her like first action fight scene and i have not watched it back i am and yet because it's not come out yet i'm maybe a little bit reluctant to like criticize just on the off chance that my fight scene comes out and I'm shit I'm like oh shit it's really hard fight scenes are very very difficult to do I can't wait to see my

big action debut come out and we'll see whether or not I'm any good there's two guys orchestrating this aside from so there's a guy with a white suit, who we saw earlier. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about the white suit guy for a second, because this is the point where I've written it down,

so it must have occurred. He's got a woman with him with such a strange affect to her. Yeah. Just a bizarre vibe from this lass that's with him. Yeah, she's like comic relief in a way that is now unacceptable yes where it's like yeah this guy just has like a and we later find out she's an alcoholic yes right she's drunk 100 of the shots she's in completely like insensate like out of it yeah and you it gets revealed later but all you get

is her acting that to begin with and you're like what the fuck is like what is her what's going on with her but also she's not acting like a real alcoholic she's just constantly does anyone want to drink like it's just it's really she's acting like oblivious yeah it's pretty odd. Yeah. They didn't ratchet that up later, I think. Yeah. Um, but so that's one, sort of, one of the two guys. The other is, you have this little person, Jimmy Karubi, and then you have his brother, I don't know if he's actually his brother or not, but like, uh, you know, within the text of the thing, Benitez, who is like this sort of hitman.

And having the thing interdicted by the tiger, having had their guys punched out and a bunch of them captured, you see them in the car afterwards. And there's a really funny bit where like, there's like, the line is, they're about as deadly as the Salvation Army. He also is like, no one wants to work anymore. Yeah.

No one wants to do a job unless they get like health benefits now yeah the big brother and the little brother they argue about like you've hired inept goons and we've failed and then later on like mr white calls them and we establish that like the goons in blofeld's forces are not all working together they're kind of like independent contractors they're like competing against each other it's like an app thing you know then there's like a really awful moment where like when mr white is on the phone calling them and like making fun of them um the girl comes up behind him and offers him a drink and he just like turns around and just like beats her really hard across the face for no reason oh you can you can make this slap look like it lands

you know yeah the way it's edited i think this is meant to be like the button on the end of the scene it's meant to be funny but instead it's comic relief yeah think this is meant to be the button on the end of the scene. It's meant to be funny, but instead it's just... It's comic relief! Yeah, no, it is comic relief. Yeah, but instead we end the scene on a note of absolute fucking horror. It's like, what? It does establish this guy, white suit guy, Dabrowski, as a bad

dude, but it's absolutely intended comically. Yeah. Oh, I should also say, because this is going to be important later, with the party, the Turkish party is gonna be important later, uh, with the party, the party, the Turkish party is, Baskin, this minister, uh, missed to get assassinated, right? Um, generally, I, I do, like, being, being, like, a larger man wearing a suit is sort of, like, very getting assassinated coded in spy movies. This man is wearing a target on his back. Yeah, you, you seldom see a sort of like fat assassin

and so it's always like, no, you're the one getting assassinated. You will get 50 points for this man. And the dick game must be outrageous because again, insanely hot wife. Also insanely hot daughter. And the most suspicious man in the world.

Yeah. This grand vizier motherfucker this this far-ass dude kubasi walking in on her like when she's half naked things like this like that's how they sell it to us that he's creepy uh yeah uh and it's like wait a second could this guy be evil oh i won't think about it but yeah so so the two brothers the benitez brothers are like at this junkyard uh and we get like they pad it with like 15 minutes of car crushing footage yes what was that about i mean i don't know i guess it's really expensive to crush a car like you gotta buy a car your money's worth maybe it was just short in the edit room

i don't know but like i do think it was well filmed it was interestingly filmed but at the same time like genuinely i'm like in a different movie this might be good but what it does is it just like kills the pacing in the same way that the camera operators in thunderball kept getting distracted by underwater animals this french new wave artist is just distracted like oh that's a really like interesting footage of like yeah it's like man machinery says a lot about society and he's gotten really caught up on it

and everyone's like alright let's get the plot going what's going on here well my next note just says umbrella knife yeah he's got a knife in his umbrella does he use it let me ask this question to you does he use it let me ask this question to you does he use it in the movie answer no he does not but he has

a knife in his umbrella and he gets it out like fucking five times I mean to be fair if you had a knife in your umbrella you would spend most of your time just like showing off your umbrella I would I would and that's why it's good that we don't have open carry in the UK because I would just be like constantly fucking with my gun

there's a shop near me that sells sword canes. Those are so illegal. Like, genuinely. Hey, I mean. Yeah, the shop that sells the illegal goods. It's advertising. Anyway, so next day, Mrs. Baskin smokes her wife. She's getting a massage, naked, of course.

Yeah, she's hanging out in the all-girl, all-naked massage room. In the hotel. Take me there. How do I check into that? Yes. When I have been to that.

These Turkish women, very modern. It's what the T in LGBT stands for. Turkish. Keir Starmer's like, Turkish women are not women. Yeah, lesbian, gay, bisexual Turk, you know. so the tiger comes to see her and and she's like oh show him in and they're like do you want to get dressed

she's like nah no pussy out like yeah so she says when when the tiger walks in she's like thank you so much for saving our life yesterday you know you're gonna be our personal bodyguard like an umbrella knife if you have the pussy you probably want to spend a lot of your time like brandishing it you know yeah um yeah and she says oh you must come shopping with us because we are women and women be shopping yeah much like an oss sandy set right the thing that you can do as a man with a woman is to like take her out shopping and awkwardly carry all of her bags but she spends all of the money in the world yeah i mean would you not oh certainly i mean again i would love to see daniel craig's bond go on this girl's day out and have to carry like some i want to see rich ladies like

handbag that would just be really funny because it kind of sells the idea that the tiger is this is kind of a boring mission for him yeah and i like that as a build-up because you know if we if we know straight from the start like bond the russians have stolen a nuke then we know the stakes but it's kind of nice actually when it's like bond this is bullshit but somebody's made you do it anyway and then we uncover the plot like that's fun bond yeah you seem to have forgotten they actually work here instead of just kind of like fucking around yeah you have to do the like yeah but so what's happening in this is that Benitez is following them around, and there's some fascinating cinematography in what is otherwise quite

a boring scene. What did you see? The shot with the Eiffel Tower. Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes! So, they're in front of the Eiffel Tower, they're like, chatting, it's not really important, but the way that they have, like benitez introduced as like following them is he looms into this long shot right close up so like he looks massive to light his cigarette in

front of the camera it's fantastic yeah it's like you get the eiffel tower you've got them like in the palm of his hand you've got his face in profile lighting a cigarette and it's like you they don't film movies like this in this genre anymore it's like i don't know oh it's i don't know i just really enjoyed that um there's also a great line um to to this uh this man's wife where the the tiger is like your mother has good taste in daughters to daniella bianchi yeah yeah because there's this weird dynamic of like which one is he gonna fuck or both like who knows it's it's for it's for daughter come on yeah it is the door you don't pass down this is the movie she made immediately after um from russia by the way yeah so so having

been shopping what else do women love? Women love miniature trains. Yep. They take them on a tiny train. It's tiny train world. And the tiger loves miniature trains, naturally. Yeah, of course. That was one of the alternate titles of this movie, In Certain Markets.

The tiger is very particular about it. The tiger knows a lot about certain narrow gauge. Knows a lot about it. The tiger knows a lot about certain narrow gauge. Knows a lot about trains. The tiger knows a remarkable amount of them. See, this is the thing with this podcast. Sometimes you labour for hours trying to find a bit where Jason Bourne acts a bit like a fisherman. Right? And it doesn't really work. And sometimes

minute two of a movie, you're like, that guy's autistic and it's always funny that motherfucker is stimming you forget we did this with jason bourne when he was like i know all the license plates of all the cars in the car park outside but we did this same bit sometimes in the course of doing a podcast you have one good joke and that's what if the main character of this movie was autistic yeah yeah you know god damn it if we're not gonna keep going so so behind a couple of carriages behind them is the smaller benita's brother and he is dressed as a cowboy bro is dressed as mike tv yes i should say he is also fully armed, and a woman next to him who does not know him,

decides to learn the lesson that you can always go for a cowboy's service weapon. You can. You can just do it. And she just grabs his gun out of his holster, like, hey, cool toy gun, and he's like, yeah, totally, and puts the bullets back in it. You could, with cowboys. They hadn't invented the kind of holster that you have to do the weird shit to to get it out.

You could just take it out of any. Yeah, you could just grab a cowboy's gun. I said service weapon there, which is very funny. A cowboy's service weapon. Oh, wow. That's such a Freudian. All cowboys are cops a cop

so later on Q is laughing at Tiger because they've obviously been like secretly following him around and filming the day out so they're laughing at these images of like him like carrying all these bags and also of him uh taking Mrs. Baskin to the swimming pool and kissing her deranged swimming

cap situation yeah yeah thank you it pans up her legs and you're supposed to be like oh mama look at these and then it gets to her head and i'm like what the fuck are you wearing she does she's the outback Steakhouse strip, you know? But yeah, so he's, like, kissed her, his boys are, like, fucking razzing him in the group chat, which, back in the day, took the form of they bring in a projector and, like, show you some film of you fumbling

a bunch of packages and be like, If anyone ever was, like, this you and, like, put a slide of acetate on an overhead projector, I would be fucked. Oh, fuck. The roast of Devin? No.

And then Mr. Well, sorry, Mrs. Baskin and her daughter have this conversation like, yo, are you gonna fuck the tiger? And they're both like, yeah, maybe. And then there's this great bit where her husband comes in and is like, well, I was yo are you gonna fuck the tiger and they're both like yeah maybe like yeah um and then this is great bit where her husband comes in is like well i was gonna take you to the opera tonight but like there's been a death threat against me so i should probably stay in the hotel if only someone could

take you to the opera or somebody i trust and who isn't like sexually fair and interested in fucking you both tiger would you like to go to the opera with my wife and her daughter the thing is we're assuming that baskeen is a cuck, as opposed to doing, like, ethical non-monogamy here. Maybe he's feeling compulsion. Maybe he's like, please, fuck my wife. Like, you don't know. It's possible.

I mean, he doesn't seem particularly uncomfortable about any of this. No. Again, Turks, very modern on this. I'm really pushing this, like, new national stereotype that Turks are, like, very modern. I'm really pushing this new national stereotype that Turks are extremely sexually progressive. It doesn't seem to have impacted the podcast either. No, it's... How fucking hot do you have to be to fuck two-thirds of us?

Like, genuinely. Extremely. You're not going to get that fucking last third either. For now. to like fuck two thirds of us like genuinely extremely you're not gonna get that fucking last third for now you're not getting that last third I'm locked up tired of them fucking Immortan Joe's wives dude I'm out of here

this is a joke for one person can I talk about this shot that's in the scene for no fucking reason alright okay I'll do this they put a shot in here that's in this scene for no fucking reason? All right, okay, I'll do this. They put a shot in here that's unbelievably hard to do, just kind of for no fucking reason.

Like, the wife and the daughter, I don't remember, go over to this fucking... They open the medicine cabinet up, and they just sweep the whole room with the mirror, including where the camera obviously has to fucking be. How the fuck did they do that? And I was like you cunt you piece of shit you you just did that because you were like but i could you did that to show off he was just bored and he was like yeah i'll just do this in the middle of it um

appreciate like getting a work a day like doing it for the money job and deliberately making it harder for yourself so it's like a challenge like he's directing with weights on like Goku or something it's just really funny I know he decides to direct it blindfolded for a challenge and fucking Kubasi

is there as well looking sinister we see the daughter is using the opera glasses to like gather data on Lat Tigre. She's watching him. She's like, man, he's fucking hot. Extremely cunt to not watch an opera, but to watch a hot person with opera glasses. Very cool.

On the way out, by the way, of the Turkish embassy, they're like, oh, and this bird cage came for you. And it's like, yeah, we'll just put it in the thing. This is exactly what I wanted to do that time I got thrown out of the Metropolitan Opera. But yeah, I never got to do it. I still never been. What, get smuggled back in the bird. This is exactly what I wanted to do that time I got thrown out of the Metropolitan Opera but like, yeah, I never got to do it. I've still never been. What, get smuggled back in the birdcage? No, no, like use the opera glasses to check out the hot people. Oh, of course. I was supposed to go, so I've...

You're like swiveling around 180 degrees in your seat looking for like horny milfs in your area. Yeah, well, so I mean, this is a complete fucking aside, but like, so I think it was for my like 20 something birthday I was in New York with a girlfriend at the time who's who's very lovely and very bougie and she bought us tickets for the Metropolitan Opera and so we obviously were like dressed to

the nines like she was in like a ball gown and I was you know in the closet at the time so I was you know black tie and when we were we were two minutes late because she was making her hair look absolutely perfect um and we walked up to the metropolitan opera and we didn't realize this but when you go to the met opera if you are two minutes late they will not let you in because the doors are closed and they said i'm very sorry you cannot come in i don't care how much you fucking paid for the tickets absolutely not goodbye um and so we were like well i guess we'll just like go out to a bar dressed like this and we just had a fucking great time we just want to really highlight she was in a ball gown and i was in the closet is a crazy sentence and i'm really really like just just like artisan at the

end of the night she was out of the ball gown but i was still in the closet so the other thing is god i'm just too distracted thinking about the concept of horny milfs at the opera because the opera is like the ideal that's where they're at that's where they i gotta i gotta start going to the opera listen it's the opera or cruises that's where the horny milfs are yeah but like in particular there's a real sort of class characters of the horny opera milf yeah but like in particular there's a real sort of class characters of the horny opera milf that suggest that like this is a woman who operates like a foundation and i'm like adopt me adopt me take me home yeah yeah i need to go to the other i've still never been i should go ah i mean we gotta go to the opera yeah right works out into the opera so

close to going to the opera one time and just never did again. That's so fucking good. So, of course what happens is legitimately the Ocean's Eleven move of, like, there's no way a small man could be small enough to fit in that thing, where, like, just the guy gets out of the birdcage. And what he does is he tries to garrote Baskin with his bowtie.

Sorry, I just want to point out that the assassin cuts his way out of the birdcage with a knife, puts the knife away, and then tries to assassinate this man with a bow tie. It's very, very particular about, you know... It's cunt, I think because like they hold the shot the entire time he's undoing the bow tie i think he just wanted to i think yeah and he he does him luca brazi style like what is the opposite of a cronstein rosette because this guy just completely fucks up he loses the bag hard on this one yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in the course of doing him Luca Brasi style, Baskin manages to, like, hit his, like, panic button thing,

forcing his assassin to flee and hide himself in a tiny cupboard where every guard is then like, oh, there's no way a man could be tiny enough to hide in there. Real blind spots on these guys. Yeah. Yeah. One of them tries to, like like slap his dead boss awake which is very funny he's not even dead no he survived i think he's out yeah yeah but he tries to like slap him awake which is uh you know not great for your career security

meanwhile that's what they used to train you as cpr meanwhile at the opera this woman on stage by the way a couple of shots of her by the way, a couple of shots of her pure Abby, like a couple of genuinely, like, absolute spits. Yeah. And, I mean, it's... That's not good because it doesn't end well for her. Well, yeah. I don't

recognize the opera because it's in French and, you know, what kind of barbarian goes to the opera in French? But, yeah. Terrible. There's... you know what kind of barbarian goes to the opera in french um but yeah terrible there's ever german fuck off german or italian please uh but yeah i think there is genuinely an entire essay to be written about some of the fucking cinematography and really good like yeah Really good. Yeah. So, how to describe this? A guy tries to, like, disguise himself in a wig, gets on stage, and murders the singer in order to provide a distraction. But throughout, you're, like, holding on her reaction, which is sort of confused and ambiguous about whether or not this is, like, part of the performance. Yeah, there's real, there's,'s like there's philosophy happening you know like this being a french movie

yeah oh shit the tension is ratcheting up this whole time because like mr white is there clapping like a gunshot at multiple points during it just yeah ah oh and he does the same thing he does at the start where like you have the shot Of this opera singer And then you see a guy in the distance Like far back from set Appear and start walking forwards It's really good

The singer gets stabbed And in the ensuing distraction Makila who's the Smokeshow daughter gets kidnapped Yeah I would hate for this to happen. And the tiger runs after them, but gets knocked out and fails. This is like my ideal opera date. Yeah, so he gets owned.

He gets ambushed, he gets hit in the head. And his boys wake him up with a beer and a ham sandwich. Nice. Which, fantastic, you know. And what he does is he engages in sandwich reasoning. Yeah, I didn't really follow this, but whatever. He's like, I need some tools to help me understand what's happening to me. What is immediately in front of me?

Ham sandwich. And using the teaching tool of the ham sandwich, he learns that there's not one gang involved but there's two yeah because he says well why why kidnap the daughter if your goal is to kill the dad what is the point of that and he realizes oh there's like two gangs here competing against each other they didn't know that these two attacks were happening on the same night the opera in the hotel room yeah and this is this is the benitez brothers and dombrowski as we've seen the bloodshot brothers and the brofsky the bloodshot brothers and and mr white the thing is is like what i

really like is that the assassination attempt is the thing with the telescope at the airport and all of the rest of this is just like the two groups involved in planning it scrabbling to come out on top yeah after this failed attempt i really really like that because they know that whoever fails is going in the fucking piranha tank yeah they're getting both held it like they know that they're gonna have to touch a metal plate if they don't to drink the water brown water and die so we get one very short scene of like the insanely hot wife yelling at m who who says that, like, you know, fuck all this progressive Turkish feminism shit, this is France, and he says, my line is, my cap stays on my head, which is a great little line.

Le Tigre remembers that they just captured, like, five guys at the airport. Yeah. Goes into weather interrogating one. Five guys. Insanely louche angle of Lee across the airport. Yeah. Goes into weather interrogating one. Insanely loose angle of me across the desk. He just like lies on the desk like fucking paint me like one of your French girls.

He's twirling a phone cord around his fingers. So tell me Bessie, like, you know, did you assassinate anybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do something really clever which is that they've got these two guys who they arrested who aren't talking to them. And so Tiger says, right, we're going to torture you.

So he drags them both into a prison area. And then he takes one of them into a cell and like gags him. And then they like fake torture him. They make like torture noises. So the guy in the other cell can like hear them. And they even like rip their clothes and like the tiger gets gets fake blood painted on him

whilst all his boys are making the noise from the last movie we did. It's like, Ah! Goo! Ugh! Eww! They're all playing a series of guard reaction noises.

They're all just pretend beating this guy up. Meanwhile, he's just sat there. He's got sellotape over his mouth or something, just looking confused as fuck the entire time. And it keeps cutting back to this guy up meanwhile he's like just sat there he's like got sellotape over his mouth or something just looking confused as fuck the entire time and it keeps cutting back to this guy outside who's sweating yeah his buddy's really scared and then the tiger they even say really loud

like oh we've broken his jaw oh it's like oh he's like really suffering now and then they go back in to see the second guy and he's like no no don't I'll tell you everything it's really really good so he says we work for Mr. White

he's a dude he's an alcoholic girlfriend and also there's like a little person who's involved and so the tiger has this line where he says go and pick up all the dwarves in Paris yeah canonically by the way this works canonically and the order is just like go and pick up all the dwarves in Paris. Yeah. Canonically,

by the way, this works canonically. Yeah. And the order is just like, round up all the dwarves in Paris. And then someone says, all of them? All of them.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so he, he like fakes some torture, they do some foliar, and then he decides to, as you say,

do a kind of, like, little person genocide. This is the direct line, yeah, is round up all the dwarves in Paris. Yeah, like, excuse me. First of all, that's gotta be a high number, right? Second of all, like, at the very least, not a low number, not a kind of, like, round up immediately kind of number, but second of all, like, I mean mean i know he's kind of like a french cop and therefore to a french cop in 1964 like round up all the x in paris is a sentence that comes

from relatively naturally they say like roughly once a day yeah but like oh okay so and and then i i don't know if i think this is meant to be a joke, but then they just kind of go, yeah, okay. It doesn't show up later. There isn't, like, a scene of, like, you know, every interrogation room stuffed full of, like, small men. No, later they just, like, actually get the real guy

and I'm just, like, canonically... Canonically they did this because they just issued a fucking order. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no drag operations to kill this guy. Canonically they did this because they just issued a fucking order. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There was no dragnet operation to secure this guy back. Like, put it on the radio, like, if you are under, like, 5'1", report yourself

to the nearest police station, sort of thing. Short kings, report in. Yeah, yeah. Like, do you do a murder? And they're like, what? Alright, you can go. You fucking do it. But so, having tortured information out of the guy, they learn that they have

to go to next location and next is the wrestling match the wrestling match uh and man french wrestling of the 60s is is wild you see so yeah man fuck it's all safety equipment none absolutely zero just two big dudes slapping meat like like crazy shit. Just throwing each other all over the shot. They have a shot of a lady in the crowd who is enjoying herself so much. Oh, yeah. Morven is really necessary.

But the tiger. She's looking like Alice at the opera. That's right. I mean, the thing is, right, again, we're back to philosophy. If you've read Roland Barthes' mythologies, he has a long, long segment in there about wrestling, and about wrestling as like this sort of spectacle, and as with the opera, we get a scene of like a spectacle of violence collapsing into real violence, because your boy the tiger goes backstage and is like, you know, picks the meanest looking wrestler goes backstage and is like you know picks the meanest looking wrestler in there and it's like where's this guy dobrovsky where's mr white a fight breaks out and they

intercut the fight on stage which is you know faked with the fight on uh you know backstage which isn't except they're both fake because it's a film you know there's layers to this shit and maybe i'm seeing shit that isn't there and the wrestling looks more real than the fight choreography again yeah the fight not great i i really liked this fight scene genuinely like i i for me there's sort of like uh a sort of element of comedy in it that sort of prefigures a lot of hong kong stuff that we've seen yes you know i think i think there's stuff that like you know jackie chan does that like he slaps a guy for answers and he gives him a partial answer he slaps the next guy for like yeah yeah i'll give you the full breakdown of this one that's very very good um he he hits one guy and

he's like where does the brofsky live and the guy's like says some french street shame he's like ruse in there and then fucking collapses he hits a second guy and he's like what building number and the guy's like eight he hits a third guy and he's like, what building number? And the guy's like, eight! He hits the third guy. Third guy gets brought up to him. These are huge fucking guys. These guys are massive. And he's like, what floor? The guy's like, fifth. And then he kicks one

other guy in the ass and he grabs both cheeks and goes, who's first on the left when you get out of the elevator? It's really good. Pitch out of the elevator it's really good pitch perfect what's his postcode just a small sort of detail that I noted which is as they're kicking the shit

out of each other there is a robe in the background which you know like a wrestling robe you come out in which has the name on the back and the name on the back is just stains like it's just like the grossest wrestler on the back and the name on the back is just Stains. Like... Oh. It's like the grossest wrestler.

I would fucking hate. I sure hope it doesn't. Yeah, what's your gimmick? I just kind of mostly turn stuff a different, worse colour. Yeah. Stains comes out. What is this? Vanish? Oxyaction?

So, next in the movie. Mr. White's house. The big brother arrives just before Tiger. And this is where we learn that Mr. White's girlfriend is an alcoholic and he's keeping her out of the asylum? Yes. Yeah. So anyway, White says, yo, I've got the smoke show daughter, Michaela. I want a million dollars.

And then, like, also I don't want Turkey to get the Jets. We kind of forgot about that. We lost sight of it, but whatever. Point, like, bottom line is, Mr. White is out for himself in this. And the big brother is like, look, you don't want to fuck with Blofeld, okay? You will, you, have you ever seen a piranha? Have you ever, oh, you know what I mean? Have you ever touched your hand to a metal plate?

You ever seen that shit? And the thing is, it's a really interesting sort of little ransom scheme. Yeah. Which is, you know, he has the daughter. If he kills her, then not only do you lose all your leverage, but like then Baskin has to be like, oh, you know, as a sort of stalwart survivor of terrorism, I think it's now more important than ever to do the jets, and the deal stays on.

So if you pay him off, he gives the daughter back, and you can go on with murdering him to prevent the thing. So Dubrovsky is just trying to do crime like normal style? Yeah, he's doing crime on criminal. He's doing crime too, baby. Yeah, well, he's doing crime one, normal crime, not like Blofeld piranha shit crime. He's doing crime classic whereas like

these guys are trying to do like new new like hot and spicy crime where you do shit with like blowfeld and international blackmail and he's like no just give me fucking money or i'll kill a girl like he's like i've got a girl i'll kill her if you don't give me money and they're like watch me mistreat my girlfriend i'll slap her on the ass she's too drunk to notice like that's right the tiger infiltrates this flat by climbing up the drain pipe and because the girlfriend is too drunk she like sees him in the kitchen with a gun and just like gives him a little wave because you know she's not really like a compost mentis which again sucks yes like this is its big like comic relief sort of moment here it's just like bad so this point, the big brother goes to meet Blofeld

and is like, look, we're being blackmailed. And the tiger tails them and listens in. And Blofeld, do we see his face at this point? We do. Yeah, we do. Surprise, surprise.

It's the fucking most evil looking man in the world. Amazing. What were the odds? And they're like, okay, we're going to pay him the one million and then we'll kill him later. Whatever, fine. Send your little brother to pick up a briefcase from the airport locker that we planted at the start it's it's like got all the fucking cash in it um but

of course the tiger intercepts the little brother because they're like oh you you're a little person in paris round up this guy and they are because he yeah yeah it did not need to because he was already following him they didn't need to do the kind of ethnic cleansing thing you know like not only have they like rounded up every little person in paris but like it has not helped them at all it's just kind of been completely irrelevant and this guy has been able to like just like walk around unimpeded yeah yeah they arguably they got every little person in paris except the one they needed yes yeah i mean they're like fuck yeah anyway it's not even in a movie they've just got them all in like a big room somewhere

yeah yeah at no point does the tiger go hey we should really let all those other guys go so presumably they're still like in prison to this day. But the little brother, he cooperates for a pardon deal immediately. He's like, so what, I'll get a pardon? They're like, yeah, it's like, cool, yeah, whatever. Okay, I'll work for you now. No problem. And then he goes to see Mr. White with the money.

And Mr. White takes him to where Michaela's being held. Yes, which is the wet mansion mansion except it's not wet anymore. Is this the same mansion? Oh, he's only got one mansion. It might be the same set? This guy's like small time enough I think he's got one mansion. No, because the original mansion

was in Turkey, is the thing. And this isn't. Yeah, because he was still in Turkey. Oh, was it not? Maybe it's the same set. It just looks so fucking similar, like all of the interiors. He ran from the Turkish cops and then was driven within Turkey to the Turkish wet mansion. To wet Turkey, based in Turkey, yeah. Jesus, I need a fucking, like,

every scene needs to start telling me where the location is. I'm losing my mind. You need that thing where it's like Paris, it's the Eiffel Tower, yeah. But at the start of every scene. Okay. At this point, Dubrovsky slaps Michaela for no good reason. He just loves to hit a woman. He's a bad dude.

But the tiger and the boys, they break into the compound through the expedience of an uncle shop, which we love to see. That's right. And the thing is, right, so first of all, shout out to the two henchmen on the lawn of the mansion who are just like clay pigeon-shooting tin cans. Yeah. Dudes rock. Pickups.

There's like, every so often, it's very very Hitman level, there's just like gunshots every so often. But yeah, so the most insulting Uncle Chop is the way I've written this down because what they do is they they lure one guy out of the guardhouse and knock him out with the uncle chop and then his i guess like special needs brother yeah shows up what was this and like more comic relief i guess and is also then uncle chopped into so you've just like taken out like a vulnerable guy and his carer with two uncle chops which feels ablest feels is i think uh yeah sure yeah this like this like simple jack guy comes and it's like pretty insulting the way he's done and it just gets like you know uncle chopped anyway um dubrovsky's like Dubrovsky's like yo I'm doing

crime one uh to keep it simple so you've delivered me the money for the ransom uh fuck you actually I'm gonna tell you what smart I'm gonna burn the house down with you and Michaela inside and by the time anybody figures out what's happened I'm gonna have skipped town with a million dollars

in cash smart crime one crime one It's crime classic This is good crime This is smart, this is simple He's got no fucking good henchmen This guy's fucked it He's got nobody left He's moving with the confidence of a man who has like 20 competent goons

But every one of his goons Is fucking shit He's goonless They work their way through and take them out uh also the whole time duvet is there no goons ratio cope see no goons uh the whole duvet is there and he's like do you want to check out this backwards gun i really think you should take the backwards yeah he's like i did it i did the fucking backwards gun dude go on just take it with you proud of it he's so proud of backwards i don't want the

backwards gun he's like come on just have it on you but be careful yeah yeah but watch out she shoots backwards um yeah so this way we get the one good fight in the movie yeah i mean so versus mr white little detail is the tiger slams the door for the big confrontation part of this part of the door flies off and they get that shot in which i just really like he's like enters the thing and like the little hinge or whatever just like is flung across the room um hell yeah real yeah they have a fight how you want to enter any room it's really good and the way the tiger wins it Is he does a flying headbutt

Over the table To the crotch It's crazy Finishing move The whole fight, he's losing at the start Like, this is crazy This whole fight is so good It's just two white boys going at it

Like, slamming against each other They're going all over the shop He's losing, clovers are getting ripped fight is so it's just two two white boys going at it like slamming against each other it's great they're going all over the shop he's losing clovers are getting ripped there's fake blood coming from both of their faces like it this is not a james bond like suave fight these are just two dudes going just imagine seeing james bond win a fight by doing a flying headbutt to the crotch more fights should end this way. We need that shit back. Opening shot of the first New Bond movie. If you see that,

that's how you know they've headhunted us. They've got us all bored. Yeah, that will be like Newcastle Bond. You know, that's his introduction. More fights should end this way. Link should beat Ganondorf this way. Just like... He's got like a sort of a bandage on his head and the guy

is like made you feel it did he well the second one is quite considerably just obliterates that every opening move headbutt every closing move headbutt he's hammering triangle if you get good enough at headbutt, you don't fucking need a second move. Alright? I don't fear the guy that's practiced a thousand moves once. I fear the guy who's practiced

a headbutt a thousand times. He's had enough Botox in his forehead that it's just like, boom. It's armor-plated. My man is like an old dinosaur. It's like a leathery forehead. He's got a metal plate put in his forehead. Right. This is our new concept for a James Bond novelty henchman.

He's just called Forehead. Yeah, and as an extra joke, it's going to be played by me. Just nut him. But I have so much more forehead. Like, anyway. So, Dubrovsky gets arrested. They get rescued. It's not about the size of the forehead.

It's what you do with it. It's the girth. Yeah. Sidon, have you seen J.K. Rowling's fucking forehead? Woof. Benitez Sr., the The like bigger brother shows up And he does have goons Oh it's the bloodshot brothers

Yeah this guy's got goons He's got crazy goons I screen capped one guy I don't know how to describe him but he's perfect They have like Sten guns And like Matt 49s I like that he's here to defend his little brother He's like yeah I'm kidnapping everybody and we'll sort it out later yeah and

the whole time duvet is kind of visibly like use the backwards gun he's like use the backwards gun he's picking up the backwards gun so excited but he doesn't trick him into picking up the back it doesn't um instead they go to the car crushing, and there's a weird kilt guy, who I think we're supposed to know who it is, and I don't. I have no clue. Who sort of, like, follows them along with a bunch of goons. Yes.

This is the tiger's mate, uh... Yeah. The leopard. The serval. I don't know. Like, what the fuck is this guy? I don't know what his fursona is, but he is wearing Highland dress.

Probably a cow then. The tiger likes fresh haggis. I don't talk about fursonas because there is a line in passing in the briefing thing that M gives him, where he talks about how he was a commando in World War II, and he says all that time spent wearing the

leopard suit, and I was like, what? He's like, that's over now. It's in the past. It must have been insanely hot in there. They reassigned him to tiger from leopard, I guess. Can you imagine if you were a Nazi and you saw a furry coming at you

in a tiger suit? You're fucked. It's over for you. Basically over. You're basically done if the goose cooks you that's fucked oh shite

oh if a goose fursuit and you're like yeah looks like you just got cooked by the goose easy

with a flamethrower oh amazing easy mode alright so alright second second bond henchman

we've put together. He's a furry. Just a normal-ass furry. So Benitez is gonna throw them all in the car and crash it, and he's taking his time with it. He's leaning into the Blofeld thing. But Kubasi is getting nervous, and he drives over there. I like that he turns up.

He's like, what are you doing just shoot them just kill them you have a submachine gun easy he really does come over and he's like boys kill them no witnesses how difficult is that but yeah he's been being followed the Scottish

guy was following Kubasi which is how come the like French reinforcement show up The Scottish guy was following Kubasi, which is how come the, like, French reinforcements show up. Mm. And Kubasi tries to escape in his car, his car gets stuck, and the Scottish guy goes to shoot him, and the tiger goes, no, I have another plan. The tiger goes, holy shit, wait a minute.

The car is stationary, right? You could literally just walk up and pull him out of the car. No. No. stationary right you you could literally just walk up and pull them out of the car no the tiger does is very slowly turn the big crane electromagnet around pick up the car and they film this in like one constant shot with the actual guy half out of the car they basically crush a car with an actor in it yeah i like my all my notes are full caps i'm like holy shit are they gonna squeeze him are they gonna kill this guy you You've got to be fucking kidding me. He gets out. They don't kill this guy.

At a walking pace, he simply gets out of the car. He's like, that's crazy, and then climbs out of the car. And I wrote, boo, boo. He doesn't even have a line about my car. Oh, my car! My note is, back in the day, every film budget

like, every line item on a budget in a movie was like we bought a beautiful chrysler and crushed it and now every line i'm like computer yeah you paid a guy to use the computer disgusting they fully just like put an actor inside a car with like no safety glass not invented yet they're just like yeah we're just gonna like two-thirds crush this and we're gonna stop the thing before you get crushed probably gorgeous bro saying are you ready to die for the tiger likes fresh blood yeah when he said like i was i was going like all in on this shit he was not kidding oh yeah he meant there's body counts yeah real sort of like real jodpers and sort of like a newsboy cap kind of directing style right there it's like ring on

the empty horses you know um but at this point mr white is like i liked it better when i was the villain of the film he takes mikaela hostage but he takes a hostage using the gun that shoots you backwards and it cuts over the fucking duvet duvet is like get him fucking do it do it see in the shape of this he's like please you have to make him shoot yeah he's barely holding it together and you see you see the tiger like approaches him like yeah listen you're not gonna shoot me and he looks over at duvet and duvet's like giving him the double thumbs up like he's like you bet you bet and he's like oh i bet and a guy shoots himself yes what a faith in your boy's gadget i like that that's how you fucking end a movie fx18 had the guy shoot himself with the reverse gun as well it was shit it was

lame it wasn't set up this one of the first lines from this guy in the movie is like i ended up going back when i realized there was an actual director and i re-watched the opener um he goes he's like what if he just had a gun that shoots backwards you just like leave it in your pocket wait for the bad guy to grab it and you're like oh it's like foreshadowing foreshadowing right gorgeous there we go cinema this yeah this this was so that's the movie right like we end with a kind of like very french new wave show just all these guys just in a junkyard it's like well that just happened like a guy in highland dress is there like yeah uh and yeah this was sort of the big french attempt after ss only set to make a bond franchise and they only made two of them is the problem it was not successful and i think yeah it is a shame because i think it was like surprisingly

it had touches you know i like that the bad guy is arrested rather than like you know kill i mean one of them is killed with a gun that kills you backwards but the tiger is way more of a cop than james bond is uh he like does his own like interrogations and stuff and he like arrests people but it's nice to see him figuring things out as well yeah absolutely i film it if if not for the comic relief drunk abused woman which really does put a fucking downer on quite a lot of these scenes this would have been genuinely extremely funny yeah yeah like actively entertaining yeah like properly good yeah also i really like and we don't get a lot of this with bond either i really like that we go

from what seems to be quite an innocuous mission to a much bigger stakes deal that's quite interesting they're kind of like oh well you know this is kind of a bit work a day and maybe even a bit sort of morally gray to be selling these jets and protecting these two women who be shopping but then we go from that to oh there's actually a bigger thing going on here that's quite nice yeah and the end goal of all this is again to just like sell some fighter jets to turkey which you know comes off uh i yeah i think there's genuinely something to be said for re-examining this one i think smarter people who know about films more than me should watch the opera scene again and write something about it because i think there's like something

that i can't quite put my finger on that is absolutely worth sort of writing about, I think. There's, like, a Cahiers du Cinema thing in there. We can put our finger on a science-based system. That's true. We'll get to that in a second. I'm going to say, I'm going to make this film available somehow.

I'm going to find, like, a link to put this out. Because I just genuinely think this is yeah look underneath the tweet where I announced this movie we literally just have a drive where people have found every one of these movies beautiful hogs have found these movies

where can I watch you know FX18 or whatever if I want to watch along don't watch FX18 don't watch FX18 that's the only one so far where i've been like don't waste your time let us get on this grenade for you to the scene where like jimmy olsen the zoomer guy gets like shadow of evil tiger likes fresh blood great spy chase i think it's also going to be good yes really looking forward to that one

absolutely um but we do have a science yes it's called scum system it stands for smum cultural insensitivity unprovoked violence and misogyny how smummy is the tiger likes fresh blood hard to know i don't have a good i feel like french people can get away with it there's a higher baseline i think it's it's quite sardonic in places um and but the thing is i really like it is the problem um like even the sort of like comic wrestler thing that's smarmy but it's also to me funny yeah i i've wanted i want to take a point off for sincerity because i do like that they they don't really super engage with it but they do at least like mention the moral ambiguity

of the mission about selling the jets. It's like, oh, well, yeah, that's what we're doing, I guess. So, I don't know, I could go see my way to three. Yeah, I would say three. Cultural insensitivity. Round up every dwarf in Paris. It's pretty fucking insensitive, I would

say. It's pretty neutral insensitive, I would say. It's pretty neutral on Turkey, I would say. Yeah. It's just like, yeah, this is a country. They are, guys, unusually sexually licentious women. Who aren't Turkish? Yeah. Yeah.

Italian. Kind of Turkish? It's basically the same. Yeah. Italy is basically Greece, and Greece is basically Turkey, so that's fine. That's the real stance of the podcast. Kill James Bond. Inheritors of the Phoenician Empire.

Main cast is pretty white. There is. That's true. Yeah. As far as I can tell, the only black person in the movie is the projectionist of the Mirage fighter thing. Yes, I also wrote that down. That's the one black person in the movie is like the projectionist yes i also wrote that down fighter thing that's the one black person in the movie yeah but in terms of sort of like active uh

like snobbery or there is one line that that duvet has where he says oh i see the turks have surprisingly good taste in women which i'm like what i mean yeah i think pretty i think this is low like it's pretty low i would say three again yeah you know that kind of like 60s omission stuff yeah um i mean it was pretty low went up like a rocket when we decided to like crush a guy in a car crusher yeah that would have been an extrajudicial. Yeah that would have been. An extrajudicial murder. That would have been. I like how they didn't do the torture though. That's true.

That was clever. And I was like oh god here's the torture scene. And then they were like ah no of course we wouldn't torture a guy. That's bad. It's low again. Like it's low again. But fortunately. This whole movie will be.

Buoyed up by the last score, I'm almost sure. So knowingly handing, like, knowingly making a guy shoot himself is, I suppose, violent. Yeah, but he was so excited about it. Yeah, it's really kind of like you're trying to help the boys. Yeah. I think it's probably like four? Maybe? This movie does a better job of the comedy queue than 90% of the actual Bond movies.

I could give it a three. I think the tiger definitely tries to commit some unprovoked violence, but is stopped by circumstances. Which is, I guess, kind of lucky. You did the filmmakers decide the circumstances. I think you're right. Do three.

Three's across the board. Well, we're about to break that trend with misogyny! Yes. Um, okay, so women are, women exist to be fucked. Yep. Or beaten. Or exist for the sort of, like, pleasure of men. Dubrovsky is, like, a bad dude, but, like, and yes, that is part of the reason why he has this mistress, I suspect.

But it is also just because it's supposed to be funny to an audience. Alcoholism is a kind of, like, disease of weak-willed stupidity and is therefore, like, inherently female. Yeah. Reprehensible. A swing you don't want to be making if you're French. Yeah. Yeah. Reprehensible. A swing you don't want to be making if you're French. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, and the sort of like romance feels perfunctory, but at the same time it's, you know. Yeah, I basically ignored it and had a fine movie. She just kind of kisses him at the end and you go like, okay. Okay. Again, like I think I would really like to see this remade with Daniel Craig's Bond where like, you know, okay, you've got to take this like Saudi diplomat's wife shopping. Don't fuck her, James Bond, or like legit, legit.

I know we always say this every time, bro, but like seriously, this could cause an international incident. You will get bone sword. Do not do this. Like that would be a really good, like, but she's like, you know, horny and coming on to him because she's an opera milf. Yeah, that would be a working great film. W's horny and coming on to him because she's an opera milf. Yeah, that would be a great film. Writers of James Bond. Amazon, hire me.

Hire me to write James Bond. Hire all of us. Look at that fucking Paul Poppy shit. Dropped us the second there was a chance to get hired by Amazon. They're going to give it to Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Fuck. You're going to abandon

me and my great forehead goons idea. I was going to put all that in. Oh, wow. Okay. Jesus. I was going to get you guys in the rise room. We're going to have a discussion about this later, but for the rest of the podcast,

what do we think about misogyny? I mean, it's bad bad that's what we reckon folks i would say like a five for this it's not good like no it's it's it's not good but in a lot of ways it's not good in a way that's kind of mediocre yeah but it's not good in a way that they thought was funny at the time which i don't know if that makes it better or much much worse i can't tell either yeah like the beating the woman as the punchline is pretty punchline yeah not great so that gives us a total score of 14 which is pretty right in the middle as far as bonds go it's the exact same score we gave to uh bankua bangkok which is quite fun um same

as die hard weirdly if anyone's uh interested in the Die Hard Christmas series. It's coming up on the next one. I will say this is not... It's a flawed movie. It drags a bit. The pacing is kind of... No, it's a flawed movie. Yeah. But, yeah, it's worth a look, to be honest.

Like, it wasn't bad. And it was better than I was expecting, certainly. I was expecting this to be a kind of, like, filler thing, where we just do a lot of bits. Instead, there was, like, stuff I ended up actually wanting to sort of talk about. You know what's quite interesting is that the Bond franchise doesn't consistently get down into these sorts of numbers until we get to Daniel Craig.

Oh, yeah. It's sort of more representative of a more advanced Bond. This is like late 60s Bond in 64 when they were still doing Goldfinger. Goldfinger he doesn't

have like fucking anything like this. The French were years ahead in the Bond technology in the 60s. But the world wasn't ready for it

you know and that's what prevented us from getting like instead of doing like Kill the Tiger you know. Which is a way cooler title.

Yeah, that's pretty good. Greenpeace keeps messaging us about it, though. They're like, we need to change that name, man. Not every last one. Yeah, that is The Tiger Likes Fresh Blood. And do we have any, like, closing thoughts? I think I've expressed myself fully check this one out like really yeah we'll sort of make that available

if we can our next mainline episode is going to be the great spy chase that's right our next bonus episode I don't remember is that that's mine? I think it's Devin's it's mine I've completely

forgot up until like earlier in recording that i needed to pick the next bonus don't even worry about it we'll pick something cool and it will be on the patreon uh so please consider subscribing to that thank you if you already do and we will see you next time bye bye bye thank you for listening to yet another episode of kill james bond um that was fun that was a good that was a really good one um as stated i will try to find a way to make this movie watchable to you if you're in the discord simply post around it in the kill James Bond channel, someone will give that to you. The Discord, by the way, is the Trash Future Podcast Discord. We just made a channel in that. There is no Kill James Bond Discord. In two weeks time, on the free feed, it's The Great Spy Chase.

And next week, the bonus episode. If you can't wait for two weeks, you better head on over to patreon.com slash killjamesbond. And there'll be a bonus episode out next week. Again, I haven't picked what that is. And speaking, of course, of our beautiful patrons, thank you to our £15 and above patrons. And those are Hell, Jack Drummond, Callum Burney, Kit Devine, J. Martin, Del Topo, Mothman, Trip, Emry, Steve Widdershins, Forrest L. Norvell, what the hell of a name, Commissar Ozymandias, a trans robot, Mae Victoria Roth, just the worst, J.R. Roloff, Rosie Can't Fail, Sky

Leighton, it looks like Junior Dude, it's got the lowercase r and everything. You cannot possibly blame me for this. David Alexander who is Sky Leighton. Alright, behind the curtain on this. I tend to record these when I'm done recording episodes.

And usually we record two at a time. And I drink for the whole time we're recording because I have a thing where my brain thinks I'm not funny, which means that when it comes to record these jazz outros, I'm usually pretty far gone. And a lot of these names are just sort of like muscle memory to me at this point. Anyway, J.R. Roloff, Rosie Can't Fail, Sky Leighton,

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