Kill James Bond! - S3E8: Agent 3S3: Passport to Hell

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

This week we're inexplicably back in Vienna, to watch a movie that spends more time humanising it's villains than the protagonist. And joining us is none other than Josh Boerman from the Worst of all Possible Worlds podcast! ------ FREE PALESTINE Well, we're all witnessing a genocide on our phones, and our elected leaders are running cover for a rogue fascist state thats picking fights with Doctors Without Borders and the Red Cross. So history has charged us with this duty: Do anything and everything within your reasonable power to slow this machine. March, call your representatives, purchase eSims to restore Gazans' access to the internet, protest, disrupt, sabotage. If you only have the dirt beneath your fingernails, scrape it out and throw it in the cogs. There are enough of us to make a difference. palestineaction.org/donate https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Before we begin, fuck off. I'm moving myself. Before we begin, this week's episode, a great loss is again struck. The Kill James Bond podcast universe. This is someone who was a mentor to all of us coming up. A lover. A friend.

Yeah. And pursued by many for his countless war crimes, not least in Cambodia, but really across the globe. I'm referring of course here to Geraronimo, the alpaca. Still dead. Still in our hearts. I'm the ground. It was a three verse double fake out.

Henry Kissinger is dead. Enjoy the episode. Yeah. Woo! We got him. Okay. Okay. Henry Kissinger.

Yeah. Welcome back to Kill Henry Kissinger. Thank glad to cut off one of my arms. episode of Kill James Bond. I am Alex Kordor Kelly. I'm joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hey! How you doing? And we have a guest. We have Josh Bowman from the worst of all possible worlds joining us. Josh, how you doing? Hey, I'm doing good. Thanks for having me. It's exciting. I'm up at 8 in the morning to do some podcasting and I'm so excited. So you have like morning recording energy. We have like an afternoon recording energy. It's you know, real, real transatlantic hours.

Absolutely. Well, and I've, I've consumed, I think, hopefully enough coffee that I'm awake in alert. We'll find out, but, you know, I think I think we're doing pretty good stuff. Yeah. And we have made you watch a little bit here. We've watched you by making you watch a film called Agent 3S3 Passport to Hell. It does not live up to the title. This is an aggressively mediocre fit.

Why would you need a passport instead? Are you leaving hell? Are you like what's the sort of transit itinerary? I don't let you in if you don't have one. Yeah, hell's border control measures. We're surely you would want like a ticket to hell rather than a passport, right? Like I realize this is kind of a fine distinction to make, but who is who is issuing the passport? Who has visa-free travel agreements with hell, you know?

Hell is actually in the shankin zone, yeah. So you know who has visa-free passport? Yeah, who does. All the time. I do what I'm trying to get into hell and the e-gates don't work because after my visa's changed. So I've got like fucksets. I do what I'm trying to get into hell and the e-gates don't work because that's right. My thesis changed. I can't play fucks sake. He is detected at an all-pass walk control.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So, Agent 3S3, we're in the drags. We're really in the drags here. This is, I'm struggling. This is another German movie. I have some stances about Germany that I've gendered from this. First of all, they shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore.

They're expected better from Germany. We've had, this is't be allowed to make movies anymore. And expected better from Germany. We've had, this is the second German one in a row. It's not German. They just, they distributed these in every different country and they gave them a different title. The one that we watched was an English dub of the German release, which is called agent dryass dry Kent kind umarmman. No, not Kent kind in. Passport out. Because he can't, he can't kind our barman. He knows no mercy. He knows no mercy. That's probably why it's going to hell. Yeah, but it's Spanish Italian in terms of the production of it, which if you thought that like either Spaniards

or Italians are good at making movies, this movie will disabuse you. Hey, Italian's a good at making movies. I was a jango. It was good. Yeah, we just watched a really good Italian movie, but they make it a movie. I'm having a when prophecy fails thing here. I still think German shouldn't be allowed to make movies, even though I've been disproven. That's, yeah, maybe. But so we begin with some footage of me going to Tesco Express at 6am for Hot D'Arisos. We have a beautiful woman sort of running down the side of the road in her nightgown, making maybe the most pornographic noises.

I did notice that this was such a strong, strong opening, not image exactly. But the image it was painting in your mind audio wise was very different from what we were actually seeing. It's clear that like the actress who dubbed this, whether she's the actress on screen or not, I don't know, had I think mostly worked in films of a less family nature, let's say. Is that true or is it just that's what women sound like when we're out of breath? I mean, I don't know, I have to do some experiments and get some women out of breath if I find out. But all of the ways I can think of doing that are kind of confounding variables.

Anyway, this beautiful woman, this beautiful woman, she's like running and she's like fleeing in terror in the night. And I'm like, oh, this is this is potentially like a compelling start to the thing. This is maybe interesting. And they're not doing a double-on-line scene. Of course, I'm doing a double-on-line. I'm a fool. I'm a fool in what? Female double-on-lines. Yeah, they're no women's double-on-line. This is feminist now. Because of woke. Because of woke, she gets to be the spy who is just like instantly domed off in the first scene, as we like to call it, the 009. She, like, a dude comes to her rescue

and she's like, oh, thank you, some men broke into my house. And, you know, they're probably chasing me and he just kills her. And she's a microfilm from her body. You never see a microfilm these days. And you go, what are you talking about? We've seen a million films, where the never see a microfilm these days. And you go, what are you talking about? We've seen a million films where the thing is a microfilm. Nowadays, I guess, microphones are fallen off.

Yeah, yeah, I think microphones are fallen off of that. I've fallen off in favor of the USB drive, right? Yeah. Well, now we just text it on WhatsApp. It's bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked the sort of middle ground when it was like a mini disk, you know, like sort of mission impossible one sort of here

When everybody was killing everybody for like a floppy driver Yeah, I know like a fucking PSP you Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm storing all my like secret data on the PSP you MD. I store it all on a laser desk So nobody can run away with it. Oh yeah Just like a vinyl record full of secret documents. If you see somebody dressed as a clown, if 009 dressed as a clown,

try to sneak out of your building with a laser disc, you could have spotted. Yeah, it's true. So he picks up this microfilm, and you're like, oh man, this microfilm's gonna be important. That's what they in the business call a McGuffin, right? Is that everything's gonna... Just sit back actually, does it ever? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's what they in the business call a megafa, right? Is there everything's going to- Just a comeback, actually, does it ever- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the 009 in the style of the movie, for insure sort of a safe career. He's gonna kill us by and take his fucking microfilm

in order for the film to be good. Yeah. This trench coat lady, because that's the only thing that she's wearing in this scene is a trench coat, right? It's heavily implied that there's nothing underneath. She doesn't serve any purpose to the plot, either. I don't think, right?

Unless I missed something. She's the inciting incident we find out. Whatever she is. But so take the microfilm and we get into some very cheap, but surprisingly not bad titles and an actual song for the first time. Swinging. Yeah, Banger, immediately.

Sort of. For me, Diel Banger, it's a shifting average to be honest with you. Yeah. Yeah, if you grade on a curve It's like a an attempt at an early storyboard for a James Bond opening sequence, right? Like it lacks any of the motion it lacks any of the at angles or real camera work It's just like oh, yeah, this is a this is a first draft 65 they don't he seem like three official bond openings. I guess they hadn't cemented the form enough. I think they were working on a title's budget of like $5. So yeah, this is dead. She everything about this movie is dead. She. But so the title's end and we play some hard cut. Yeah. Yeah.

Hard hard cut. Lots of hard cuts in this. No one knows how to do fades. No one even knows how to do wipes, only cuts. And we hard cut to the placard of a Soviet embassy in the US. And some sort of like alarmingly cool background music that never occurs, causing me to write maybe the least comprehensible note to anyone else I've ever written in this notebook, which is simply play that funky Soviet Embassy music white one. Honestly though, right? Yeah, my favorite genre is Soviet Embassy Wave.

It's interesting because we get two M scenes in a row. So M is turning up to the Soviet agency, Major Taylor, who's just M. I know it's said he has a cool burgundy suit and he meets the Soviet ambassador, Major Taylor, he's just M. I know it's said he has a cool burgundy suit and he meets the Soviet ambassador, they're all friends. There's something hilarious happens whether Soviet embassy, Soviet ambassador offers him a whiskey and he pulls him like half a pint glass of whiskey and just next it.

Yeah. It's cool. So the other thing is he talks like this the whole time. Excuse the ingenu, of my question. Please exercise forbearance with my perspiracity, both of them talk like this. And because I didn't realize this was Emma first, I was like, is this chubby guy with the moustache, our James by the way? That's so good. I wish. He talks like that, Branigan, but with us like a Thysaurus.

It's really good. I would have watched the movie if he was Agent 3S3. No. But no, he talks to Agent, he talks to Soviet M. And Soviet M is like, listen, we know that your trench coat woman has been killed. Her name, by the way, is, and this is like if I was trying to make up a name for like an attractive Dutch woman, Elise van Sloot.

Yeah, baby. Oh, really? That's her name, Elise van Sloot. Yeah, baby. Really? That's her name, Elise van Sloot. Fucking drag artist name, come on. Elise van Sloot has been killed. She was CIA. Yeah, she was CIA. And the KGB was very-

You can't see it, it's very- It's very self-licensational scene. It's keen to say, this wasn't us. This was a shadowy organization known as the organization. Specter. It's Specter. Yeah, Specter did it. And therefore, you got to go get them and we promise that, you know, we'll help the Soviets do not help at all. They never show up again. I was slightly taken aback at like how close they were. I mean, you, you mentioned this,

but like, they were just buds. They were just hanging out. It's American, American and Soviet in in 1960 what for and it's chill. Necking half points of whiskey together in the US Embassy and then DC, I guess. So so we also learn that Spectre is being run by a guy. His name is Mr. A. Right. Yes. And yes. But like, but I felt, um, you know, also a good song by the Husians.

Um, and the Soviets have a photo of his daughter Jasmine in Vienna so The six by nine glossy of this beautiful woman who is Ineversively related to him. Oh, it's not a six by nine glossy of people but it's a it's a six by nine glossy of a child I'll try to support Yeah, yeah I forgot this bit in the next scene. Yeah, yeah, so having so is very important. I forgot this bit in the next scene. Yeah, yeah.

So having, so since Soviet M has now explained to us what's the deal with this movie, to M, M now has to explain to Bond what the deal is with this movie. So we get our second brief exceed. Yeah, we have to go meet Bond. And I forget that like, karate was, I guess, the coolest thing in the world in 1965, because it's like the third movie we've seen where they introduced their bond, doing Karate,

doing like the worst Karate you've ever seen. Hey, can you break a board with your bare hands? I don't think so. That's what Agent 3 is here for. I mean, that was in the last one with like, as the Malaysian Fireball was the like, motivational the like motivational like a karate board. Yeah, why let it know what were they cooking with the karate shit in the 60s. I don't know. They love that shit. They were all about it. Yeah, but so so we we realized that M is like a false bond you know, it's like kick. The thing now contains a seed of the true bond. And this was like an M on M meeting in the Soviet Embassy. And so he hands bond this photo of this child, right? And he goes, all right, this is the like the daughter we think of Mr. A. And you got to you got to do what you can make love to her, blackmail her,

torture her, even marry her if you want to. Which is interesting. Gan, not great. No, that's by cop shit, we will. And Bond says this is a fight over the child. I have the lie, he says. But isn't she pretty young? That snapshot was taken years ago.

Right now she must be 19 or 20. Still not quite old enough. No, still not comfortable. So this is now you're beginning to arouse my interest. And my nose just say all caps nonce. My note also say all caps nonce, yes. Yeah, me too. At this point, he's also presented

with a special bullet. This is presumably going to pay off later on. This is your one gadget. It's a one bullet. It's great for the letter A. For Mr. A, you can decide whether or not to kill him. We don't really give a shit. If not, and this is I'm barely exaggerating, you could like use it as a keychain or something. He's like, yeah, you can shoot him with it or it's a good luck charm. I don't know.

Just whatever. Here's here's your one bullet. I don't give him a gun. So he's probably going to have to throw that at him really hard. But anyway, giving your secret agent exactly one bullet on a mission is the kind of shit that like you they think goes really hard, but you get made fun of it on in the forums. Like people talking about it in War Thunder, check out these guys insane. Let's go one bullet. One bullet, all they can afford. Also, there's two M's.

It's the fucking thing from Barry, right? With the bullet where he gives him the bullet, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, I'm so sorry, I haven't seen Barry. Oh, okay, got it, nevermind, fuck it. It's quite similar to the man with the golden gun, though. Yeah. You guess given a bullet.

There's two M's, right? And one of them has a moustache. He's the one who was like necking half-pints on the Soviet M's, and one of them doesn't, and they switch between them in the briefing. And for a second, I thought M had like neck half pint of whiskey shaved his mustache and then gone to find Bond and every line that this second M. says sounds like an MF Doom sample. I can't what you notice this it you can't stop I notice this with Rambo and now any older American actor saying a line about like how hard someone is sounds like a do some will say he just says

Yeah, it's my lone owns a mobile home like just good stuff Here I am hearing the Dean BeeB beats in my mind right now. Right. This is like a fabric live drop. Has been directly or indirectly responsible for a series of atrocious crimes and has become a most dangerous minister for security of half the world.

So, so you got to go find this woman. She's in Vienna. Vienna. Next to the dish is Vienna. She's in a Vienna Vienna next to the Kishn. This is this is another thing, right? After the last movie we saw what kind of secret depraved via knees agreement was there to use that city as like a hub of cheap spy movie filmmaking. I don't know. It's romantic. Oh, it's a baby. It's pretty. It's, yeah, but like the Viennese city hall was like funding shitty movies.

This goes all the way to the top, you know? Any Roger Moore was fucking the mayor of Vienna, I don't know, I don't know, I was fucking Diane Fancy. Yeah, fucking like it sort of elderly, like Austrian social Democrat. So we cut then to a beautiful woman in a bikini. And this is impressive actually,

because the single least flattering pan over a beautiful woman in a bikini I've ever seen, it looks like it was taken with the front facing camera. You've never seen me by the pool side then. Oh, fuck up. Here's the thing though, there's a thing though. She's still pulls it off somehow. It all, yeah, but it's a weird angle.

So like you can see like her neck rolls and everything. It's like really, like that was the take that they used, you know. But these, these women are props to them. And a guy walks over to them. He's called the professor. He's holding two cold drinks and he like puts them on the girls sunbathing to kind of like shock them. He flew to them.

And then he goes to his yacht because it's time to do villain shit. By the way, yeah. It goes crazy. Provat sunglasses and sweater. It's like, he looks like a some kind of like Chad Mr. Rogers, it's wild. We've had an evil yacht. We've had like an evil spy group on a yacht before here

and every time it has come. It's, this is the thing because it looks like such a fun like work environment. Yeah, genuinely. They try and make him look evil by giving him a racially diverse crew. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like, check this shit out. He's got, he's got an Asian woman. He's got a black guy. He's got like a guy who speaks sign language, I guess. You know, I'm afraid yet, isn't this sinister? Like, I I not know? I think I do really like about this movie is we've actually spent a lot of time with the henchmen

getting to know them. We get to know some of these henchmen way better than we do with 3S3. Yeah, yeah. And so he briefs them and he's like, yo, 3S3 is on his way to Vienna. We know he must know something about Spectre. Go fuck a get him.

Yeah, fuck him up. But what he says is because the drop has this recurring problem, as you heard at the start, right, where everything has the strangest diction. And so the professor, he picks two of his guys, who is a guy who more probably should be called the professor. He looks quite professor. Very beauty. Yeah. And terminator X, the guy who speaks with his hands. And he goes,

is a job that will be taken care of by you. Thanks. Mm. And he says that we got our orders from Mr. A. So go to Vienna, fuck this boy up. So we go to Vienna and fuck this boy. So we go to Vienna and we meet Jasmine who has all grown up. She is impetuous and independent.

She is. She's leaving her like, you know, her layshall house to go and get on a bike with a guy who I suspect is meant to convey tough. Oh my God. Yeah. She was like, Tom of Finland. My note here is just in all caps leather, biker boyfriend. We love.

I just, yeah. This reached, reached right down and touched my very heart. She's, she's extremely Tory coded She has like really really really yeah, she does have hot Tory vibes and afraid she has a very cute red Mercedes She like smokes a cigarette as she driving along She's got like doesn't know her boyfriend is gay No, she doesn't know that and she has a cape and like like a like a like a Holland Cooper cape and like one of those like Stupid Tory house the only insane posh women can wear. She looks like she's going to like

strangle feson or something. It's it's it's insanely hot. And so her gay boyfriend takes her to a beerkeller right where some first way. First of all, Agent 3S3 is there, right. He is he is haunting, but also so are all of, all of his boys who are also all dressed like Tom of Finland vices. Yes. And they are doing the most intimate homosexual things. You get, there's like 40 things that are gaiier than having sex with another man, if you're a man, and they're doing about 30 of them. The thing that was so exciting about this scene for me was that when we did the stream, I think it was last week, we saw this particular scene. For me, this was the moment where I was like,

oh, I need to see what is going on with this movie because you have these two guys who are arm wrestling, but they are arm wrestling with a full pint glass between the two of them. They're both holding said glass. Yeah, they're trying to like drink from the glass, or the other one like restrains them by the glass. It's so perfectly dangerous. It's like bank account chicken. It's like chicken.

Yeah. And then they actually end up breaking the glass and like it cuts one of their hands and there's something very like primal and dominant about this. So intimate. It's so so intimate, like gazing deeply into you like beer wrestling partners eyes. And like he bleeds and then what, then what like, do you drink that shit?

Like what happens there? I be hopeful. I feel like you can't, it's be rude not to it. That's what you're saying. Yeah, right. Like you're about far hopeful, you know, it's be rude not to it. That's what I mean. Right. Yeah, right. You offer someone a drink, they're supposed to drink. That's how this works.

Yeah. Three of the three said there in his suit and time. Yeah. He is confronted by, you know, the Tom of England. First of all, very deliberately and quite fairly, like, flips his tie out of his jacket, which is, yeah, sort of, he, agent 3 or 3 tries to put them like the moves on Jasmine, right, gets confronted by this guy. And what 3 or 3 does is he, like, perfectly, languidly, like lovingly pours an entire pint of beer over this guy's head and the guy looks up, like I have seen less gay things,

like involving actual gay sex. It is wonderful. So these two men are just gazing into each other's eyes, right? Like eye contact perfectly locked one on the other. The beer is cascading down over his man. He's got a sexy stream. Dripping down over his cheeks. Well, three S3 stares him in the eye,

asserting his dominance over him in this profoundly masculine way. Well, simultaneously. Hold on, that's so long. It's so good, dude. It's so good. I love it. I love it.

I mean, they fight and again, it's so good. I love it. I love it. I mean they fight and again It's like this whole time. I'm like you can try elaborate rituals to touch other man. Yeah, yeah Also the worst song in the world is playing This this fight scene was scored by the guys who did surfing bird right scored by the guys who did Surfing Bird. Right. Unlicensed. Oh my god, yeah. You're gonna stop being a copy of Surfing Bird.

Because just in the background, there's a guy going, dab and dab and dab and dab and dab and dab. You're like, okay. This person died right on the show in here. Yeah. Just hanging out with your boys in like 1960s Vienna, you've got to know like, let her up. So many bandages on my hand. You're like, there in each of your eyes, you're holding hands in the background, it's

just like, I love this bar, man. This is our spot. It's also a big piece of it. This is not just like, this music is actually going to make Tom Cuyne a bit of this, actually. I'll probably do it. This music is happening in the world of the movie. It is time to have Jack's talk. It's completely.

And the thing is, he's going to the jukebox to do this is someone has selected this. It's not all radio. Someone has pushed a combination of buttons to be like, oh fuck yeah, that's my favorite song. The one that goes, it's breaking out. Shit, the one that trash man's greatest hits boys is a fucking fight. So, and then he wins the fight. So, where the baby? And then he wins the fight.

There's more things here. First of all, this guy can't fucking fight. No, just simply can't do it. What a shame. We'll get to that later on. There's one right here on the right. I have not seen any of my fight scenes in redacted yet. I am not gonna comment.

I was told the other night that they look great. I feel like you did more than one take of it though. Like, that's gonna be, that's true. Yeah. So he impresses Jasmine and then he negs her like a total hit of ours is by dancing with a hotter friend. Oh, it's lying.

It's so clean. It's so clean. All right, you win. You can dance with our girls if you want, including yours. Yeah, sure. Oh, it's, it. What I wouldn't get. Wasn't even that interested in her.

She was mostly there to be a wrestle man. I'm fascinated by the internal law implications of this too, in terms of the rules of this bar. I'm so obsessed with this bar. We're just going to, the bar, like dynamites in the right of the episode. The rule is thought of this bar. The ruling started his bar. Yeah, genuinely. The rules of his bar seem to be that, yeah, if you're a newcomer, you can show up, you can hang out.

You're not allowed to put a song in the jukebox, which we saw in when he tried to in three aspects. You're not allowed to dance. You're not allowed to dance with any of the women, everyone's ignoring. Until, until you go in there and you clean a guy's clock, once you have done that, then only then will you be. Yeah, if it's your first night at this vehicle, you have to find it.

If it's your first night, you are bottoming. You can go to one of the more chill, kind of like a bunch things prior to, and then get an invite, but like membership, you get that you have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, a single woman into the barbell, and then, why are the girls even there? I don't know. Just, I don't know. Maybe they're like, I feel safer here, because no one's hitting on me.

I mean, that was the, yeah. So. So he dances with a girl for about 15 seconds. Yes. And then she just says, come and takes him into the back. And I'm like, right? Did he fuck that girl? Is that what I'm up? In the dark rooms.

Yeah. I mean, it's a little perverse to like have heterosexual sex in the dark rooms in a cake. You did in the bathrooms out of respect, usually. It feels a bit like, it's like sort of colonizing. Yeah, but like it is legal. I don't know. I don't know either.

We now, let me just cut to a casino and I'm like, who was she? What happened? Did we, what? The text is the text. We all saw it. Yeah, Jasmine gets her feelings hurt. She leaves to go to a casino, which is a great sort of hot Tory move, where she is cheating at Roulette, which I don't see. She is. Yeah, she is. How

does she cheat? Roulette, I miss that. I don't know. She just takes the right number down, I guess. Like, I think that's what it says is she's just waiting to put a bet down to a last possible second. Oh, yeah. I thought that she went too long and three or three puts the bet down instead. Oh, incredible. That's what happened to that scene. Correct. Yeah, that's what happened. Don't worry, I'm going to need you to do this for me in a few seconds.

So they have like a kind of not very interesting romance, right? Well, you say that, but actually what happens is he wins a roulette, and then they just cut to them making out in the car. True. Yeah, she talks about her family and he goes, oh, you're like descended from the crusaders or whatever I can tell. Yeah. Your blood is fully blue and her line is, actually, my blood's only half blue, it's half

black from the pirates. Mm-hmm. It's like, what's that? Like, interesting. Three or three says something like, wow, I love pirate blood. Yeah, I mixed race in bread and pirate. Do pirates, pirates orcs?

I don't know. I've no idea. What is pirate? Per thing pit. You have to run a guy through the cutler. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore.

He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore.

He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore.

He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. He's piling anymore. So she's like, I do it, but like, I probably can't see you again for a bit, because you know, I got hot Tory stuff to do. So he leaves, puts on a peaky blinders hat, and then- They arrange a date for a weekend. They do, yeah. And the blowjob brother shot, the two guys who the professor has told to go and kill him,

try and like squish his car between two trucks. And this is like, I guess, maybe it's okay. You don't have to work hard to make a Nazi truck look evil. It's like an old truck in Vienna in the 60s. It's a Nazi truck. And the truck brothers try and squish his car together. This is Beardy and the sign language guy. Yes, yeah, I'm gonna write that down.

He just gets out of that by like ducking and rolling. He just opens the car door and rolls down the hillside. So this was another thing that I was not clear on. Is the implication here that both the car in front of him and the car behind him that they're both controlled by the bad guys? Yes, there's one in each. Got it, very good. My other note about this section is just everything to do with the music.

The music comes in time and time again here. They're very heavy on the electronic organs, which is always a delight. And by a delight, I mean, it's really, really hard to listen to. So he successfully escapes as do the blowjob brothers. And this is where I start to like the movie because what? Well, because instead of cutting to what the whatever the

phone bond thinks within his like fucked up non-spray. We have a scene between the two henchmen, Bede and the silent which guy. Yes, yes. They ride a Ferris wheel and they discuss, like, HQ are pissed off because we failed to kill Bond. Now Mr. A has ordered us to kill both Bond and his daughter, and they're like morally conflicted about this,

and they're like, I don't know if this is right, but I guess we're gonna have to do it. Where are your orders, yeah? Yeah, they, it's a really nice scene. It's a good lie, I like it, I've got the line here. What can a man think of? What stuff is he made? When to defend his safety,

you orders the death of his own daughter. That is the plot. That is the plot of... Yeah, I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I But for word, that is the plot. I quite like the sort of like professorial character. He's named noble, noble, like Nobel. Or that one thing I am going to say though, is that I am sick of this fucking background. Like the V&E's conspiracy to make Euros by movies.

I'm sick of looking at this fucking virus wheel. It's the fairground in the town hall, and it's those are the key locations. It's like, yeah, we all saw the third man. Like, I don't need to see anybody sort of like plotting archery on the big wheel ever again. Thank you. It is nice though. I agree that like this isn't just a plotting,

that they are not just plotting, right? They are really wrestling with this order and what it means to be a good human. It is the closest that this movie gets to any sort of like introspection from any of its characters. Yeah. And the way that they, the way that he delivers it has a very like what a piece of work is a man, how noble and recent, have been in fact, of these right? It's a habit. Yeah. So, so he goes to meet with, um, Jasper Dorta. Jas daughter Jasmine his final line by the way we aren't we find out what the mute guys special skill is and it's that he's capable of Imitating anyone's handwriting

His thing So he goes to Jasmine with this perfectly handwritten note saying Trust this guy do whatever he wants, I'm your dad's love, your dad's. That's right. Oh. And she says, what, he says, yo, bond works for CIA, he doesn't really love you at all. And we.

He's followed you for three days trying to do the perfect, the perfect introduction, which, first of all, is like good get us ass on the spike ups thing. But second of all, that means he decided that the perfect place to make that play was the the gay beer killer which is a facet makes a decision. I look like Tommy was very odd.

That's a deep cool back to the same. But he said, okay, we've got to stop bond and she said you're you're not going to kill her, but he's like, no, no, nothing too dramatic. So I want you to like tell us when you're going to meet him next. You're just, all right, we're going to date this weekend. At my art studio, um, to our art studio, it turns out is where you have a bunch of people write random bullshit on your walls. Um, it's cool. It kind of, it kind of do me that way, sometimes. Yeah, I've literally done this. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. If you invite me to write on your walls, I'm going to write on your walls. But I'm my walls.

Yeah, I can't write on my walls. Yeah, I just got to screw up fucking this. They're not mine. They're in to it. So at this point, she's in the art studio waiting for him and the two operative show up. I'm trying to not keep saying the blowjob brothers, but that's what they are in my head, right? Yeah. And the handwriting guy. The handwriting guy.

The handwriting guy. Unfortunately, looks a lot like Eddie Marston. That's true. He's gonna like wait hidden in her apartment for the guy. And then she's gonna be provided with a sleeping potion. And she's just going to have a drink. She's going to like knock herself out and knock him out. And they're going to like take him away and tell him, it's over. You know, go. Yeah, he's like, this is a sleeping thing. Just have a sip so he knows it's safe to drink

from. You'll be fine. And you'll get knocked out. It's definitely not the only. Yeah, it's not poison. She's completely on she's she's completely on board I appreciate making the like you know hot daughter or whatever slightly evil. I appreciate you know, it's yeah You don't generally do that. Yeah, she has something more agency than a lot of women in films like this that we've seen So it's agent three or three shows up late Not so first move a lot of women in films like this that we've seen. So, it's Asian 3 or 3 shows up late. Mm-hmm. Not so much for a move. Not so much for a move.

She opens the door. She opens the door. And he uncalled shops her in the face. Oh, it's so good. It's like just fully shops her out. And it's gone, man. And it can't do that. It's the street.

You can't. Wow. It hits the ground right away. It's open to the door. Noxavid't. Wow, hits the ground right away. Knocks avidate. Oh, it's so good. It's like, we're not shown anything that would lead us to believe that he knows this is a trap or anything.

He watches BD and the sign language guy leave from the window. Yeah, that's it. But still, I feel like you should say I'm very sorry or do something charming. Not just a couple of women in the face. Yeah. It's the main thing. I feel like you should say I'm very sorry or do something charming. I'm just talking about it. I'm just talking about women in the face. It's the main thing. You can't do that. First and foremost, it's gonna be the back of the neck.

That's right. It's against the Geneva Convention or something. It was, it was, it honestly, this was a genuinely shocking moment for me. I could not believe what was happening in front of me and particularly the fact that this was then accented once again musically, because so many of my notes are music notes. We have this three instruments composing

this particular bed of sound. We have electronic organ, guitar, and muted trumpet, underscore. Yeah. Yeah, it's incredible. Perfect. So he goes in and he finds the second blowjob brother in there. And what he does is we do two of my favorite things

that you can do in this type of thing. One, the guy is so big that he shrugs off the uncle chop. Always love that. The second thing that he does, and this is in close combination, is immediately spinning and throwing a knife at our boy. I respect anyone who just has a throwing knife on deck. That's, to me, incredibly powerful. I'd love to have a throwing knife.

Yeah, you know, if that's your move, fantastic. The throwing knife is just one of those things that you need to keep in your inventory at all times. Yeah. Just in case you run out of ammunition, you know. 100%. If you get good enough at it, you just throw that one knife

and then the problem's basically taking care of itself. You know, all you need to do is put more points into low tech. Anybody who's played Deus X knows this. So, so he tricks one of the like lesser tier thugs who's with noble into shooting dead, the other guy, the sign language guy, by sticking his dead body, or his unconscious body from being uncle chopped in the elevator

and sending it down so that they think that it's him. And then as they escape, he tries to climb onto the back of their tiny shitty van and slow it by pulling it back. But noble manageses get away. Yeah, he doesn't really, they could have made something more of this, but he doesn't really fully pursue it. You know, he doesn't motor. He needs to motor, he doesn't.

Yeah, well, we know what he really wants. Yeah. And then when she wakes up, threatens to torture her for information. Yes, he does. Does drop this line, which. When I have a date with a girl, I always like to make sure she left her hood behind. It's cool. I don't. Um, and don't worry about it. But, but this, this, like, torture scene, or the rough of this interrogation scene is like,

Hey, tell me everything I want. No, I'll go on then. Okay. Oh, no, I really like this because she then says she wakes up alone with this guy who she's been told is like CIA and to knocked her out and she's like, Sure. Do you want a drink maybe? And like tries to give in the poison. I'm like, yeah, like immediately she's like still an active person trying to get what

she wants in this scene. Good counter play too because she goes, do you want whiskey or cognac? And he asks for vodka, obviously harder to slip something into a clear drink. It's not stuff, her. Right. So she is under the belief at this point that this special fluid that she's been given to mix with the drink is something that will knock them out. Yes, will knock him out and she'll be fine with just a course in truth.

It is the, the, the, the's those concautions that kills you instantly. Yeah, he has a little gadget that he has a little testy strip. He holds over the thing that like glows pink in the presence of the liquid that kills you instantly. Yeah, yeah. And so as she's about to drink it, he like smacks it out of her. He goes, he goes, Hey, how long have you been around?

What's that line all about? This is such a classic evil dad move. She was completely on board, he's just also trying to kill her just for drama. He just loves spilling people's drinks actually. He's all about that. The second time he's done it. Yeah, he just like pours it on her head. She sees the like pink test strip and she's like,

okay, I like trust you implicitly now. My dad is in Beirut. And once again, I go, what can I theorize? I'm getting closer to the truth here of the existence in the mid 1960s of some kind of fucked Viennese Bayrouti conspiracy to allow Euros by films to film in their cities. It's the Paris of the Middle East. It's like Vienna, Paris Bayrout forms some kind of bond triangle.

Or a triangle, yeah. I think I just have to fill a pillow if it has that on. Yeah, Margella, you know, Paris Viennabé root. I actually, you know, and like in every other movie says that, I'd say that's true. Oh, God, that's really. Paris Viennabé root. Yeah, that's really good. I see. I would like the three cities where you can be. The only other thing that I wanted to point up real quick about that scene before we go to

Bayroot is that there is a point at which they rip off the bond cord progression wholesale the the underneath it goes Don't worry about that. It's great E legally they can't do anything about that But so we got a Beirut and like in every one other one of these movies where we go to Beirut The DP just gets bored and goes off to do some street photography. Yeah, yeah. Again, always does.

I know it's a Beirut, sitting of people who didn't consent to being family. Bell, yeah. Street photography in Beirut of the 60s, not an easy or like rewarding profession, but I tell you what, I mean, Beirut, it looks like a beautiful city then, you know. It's nice to get these shots. But so our boy noble goes back to Bayroot, goes by Cessar, knowing he knows about his- He knows about his-

This organization does not tolerate failure. Yeah, it doesn't. And so he goes, I think that this organization should tolerate failure. And that's the kind of- I have this new idea. I think maybe organization should tolerate failure. And the message, yeah, I have this new idea. I think maybe we should tolerate failure. Interesting. I actually have a different view on that.

Yeah, but we, we, we, doesn't kill him immediately. I was fully expecting him to like touch his hand to the metal plate and like get a like, recruited, get dumped over the side of the, the yard or whatever. Instead, he's like, no, no, just don't worry about it. You're fine. the yacht or whatever. Instead, he's like, no, no, just don't worry about your find. I've taken command of the sell off of you. I've given it to Jackie Yen, always referred to by full name. I love Jackie Yen. We'll get to Jackie Yen. Just chill for a bit. Just relax. This organization doesn't tolerate failure to the extent of you and I on paid vacation. Yeah. And so again, we get like a nice little

really interesting character thing. Yeah, yeah. He's got like an incredibly hot Lebanese girlfriend just on the side. This guy has the only actual inner life of any character in the street. They should have tried doing this with the other characters, but that's fine.

Oh, well, the rest of the film to be about right. Same. He goes to this club and he gets his girlfriend and he's like, listen, I'm about to get fucking cronstein work. We talked about this. We're going to have to grab the passports and just go. And she's the only place his passport is taking him. Is to hell. There we go. There and just go. And she, she's, but the only place his passport is taking him. Is to hell.

There we go. There we fucking go. Very good. Really loud. So because he gets fucking cronstein. He does get cronstein. He does get cronstein.

What happens is she's like, oh, you fucking old piece of shit. Like genuinely, her life is like, what are we supposed to be like, you know, am I going to be your wife or your daughter? We cut to the saddest, flattest belly dancer in the world doing like the Fortnite default dance. That's not nice. Come on. Come on. She's fine. Oh, genuinely. And then we cut immediately back to him, lying stone cold dead on the ground. Well, she takes his glasses as she leaves. And he's like, he does the Velma line.

Everything is like, oh, you know, I can't see without my glasses. I can't read without my subtitles. Yeah. Yeah. And then we see like a guy walking a shot with a gun. I, my theory is, I think this was shot a lot wider than our cut is because quite frequently there are people just off the side of the framing. Well, here we're. I noticed at the very end that the titles went over the edge of the screen.

So I think this got crap down from its original presentation somehow. Fucking hell and scoundrel, some shit. Regardless, yeah, so a guy steps in and then we cut to the belly dancer and that makes one to loud noises and you're supposed to be like, my man's been shot. Then we have to meet the only character that we care about. But then we have to meet the henchman B team. Because now they've got like a new team of henchmen that we're gonna enjoy.

So we've got Jackie Yen, who's in charge. We've got Mongo. And then we've got a guy who I just called number three. He's just a normal guy. Why would you do this? Like this is the famous movie thing to do, which is that you kill off the characters that are interesting halfway through the film

and replace them with other characters who are set up to do the exact same thing. We love it when that happens. Like, what is it? So number three, number three goes to report. He gets given the glasses by his girlfriend. And he goes to report to Jackie Yen, who is sitting bisexual style on a couch

like with her feet on it, first of all. And we find out that number three is a shaggot that having like an office romance. Well, I think they want to and Jackie Yen doesn't seem desperately interested in this. I don't know. The way I read this was they were all ready for. How did we feel about Jackie Yen? I feel positively about you. I don't know. The way I read this was there already for how,

how did we feel about Jackie and I feel positively I do too. Yeah, I mean, could have been a lot worse. Yeah, she doesn't listen. Maybe the dub is hiding a series of races. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it could be.

I just mean in terms of like as a character, you know, her inner life, her motivation. There's not a lot, but like she has a plan and she acts on it. She is in charge. People don't sort of question that. To be honest, we're just seeing her like at work. We don't know what else she's up to. Maybe she's like, you know, on a pub quiz team

or something in her own time. Wanna see her on a fairs wheel? I'm saying. Yeah, I miss Hamlet Hedgeman already. And also they have Mongo and Mongo's like, we don't need a plan, I'll just kill him myself. I'm just like, what if I hit him and then like, fuck it. You're trying to get him really hard.

Yeah. It's just my first time like, fuck it. All right, yeah, that sounds good. So, so three of three and Yasmin go to Berlin. Berlin? Fuck. So three of three. Three of three of three of three of three of three of three.

Go to. Go to. In Lebanon. Also, three, three, three, two, in Lebanon. Also, I made a Yasmin. So it's three, three and Jasmine goes to Bay of Roots where they meet Ahmed, the Ali Karim Bay of this movie. Yes, they're all out of order. What's happening? I don't want to meet this guy now. Like, you should be at the start. I didn't immediately clock in the scenario, Calenbeek, so I was like, who the fuck is this guy, all of a sudden? Some random, like, and again, because of the dub, he speaks in the exact same, like, American voice.

So it, maybe this is also hiding a horrifically racist accent, I don't know. That's not true. Yeah, he is also a CIA agent. He's our man in Beirut. And we learn that Jasmine is going to visit her father without 3S3 and give him a fake offer of collaboration to Mr. A and they're gonna like secretly follow her

to find out where Mr. A is saying. Oh fuck, then some shit happened that I love and then some shit happened that I hate. So they're in the hotel and we discover that that 3S3 and Jasmine have separate hotel rooms and I'm making a other like, wow, that's really good. Cause like obviously in a Bond film, they'd be in the same hotel room

and they'd like immediately shack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. But the next scene, three S3 is just saying up late smoking, Jasmine comes in and is like, oh, hey, I couldn't sleep. Can I have a cigarette with you?

And then they kiss and then it's just like, why? I don't know. They have this really perfunctory sexy. I think that honestly, the why is checking the box, right? That's all it is. Like everything is gonna be. This movie's kind of lack self-confidence. No, I think she'll go poor if you don't see tits

every single thing. But in this case, she's explicitly been told this man doesn't care about you who works for CIA and is pretending to, and she fucks him anyway. Right, right. Strangely, it's probably a kill your dad. Like, but yeah, and she fucks him anyway. Right, right. Strangely, it's probably a kill your dad. Like, but yeah, so they fuck, and then it hard cuts to a staring Lebanese man, like a close-up as well.

He's, I guess, watching the hotel from the outside, but it looks very much like, at first, he's just like in the carcature, in the hotel room. Oh, I have sex without a smoke machine, like a series of animals is an Lebanese man. I'm getting really confused as to what a lesbian is. I think the point though, about like when the movie has or lacks self confidence.

Cosby was just like, see, I just fucking a guy can say root. I think that's just push through. He does. I think that's what you have to. Thank you. I just think that's a really interesting point that like the movie is at its most interesting

and strangest when it is being weird, right? Like the memorable scenes are the scene. I mean, it's fucking dying. I'm just going to go and end this dead. Josh is making a really contemporary finishing this sentence. Let me lemme just fucking cut. and he's making a really good attempt to finish it. Let's just let me lemon a joke. She's fucking cawing.

She's so cut. I'm so sick. What are my favourite jokes we do with the room ones? I don't know if anyone else will find this funny, but I have no idea. I'm just curious about it. All of you in this moment. I'm calm. That's the one I want no idea. I'm just proud of you in this moment. I'm proud of you in this moment.

I'm still one I want to hear. I want to bring you on the fuck. I said, be like, well, I had fun. Oh, yes, three, brother. Yeah, listen, there's a reason we asked for help on the song. No, but so it's different at the very beginning too. Like, you were like, how is your like, this is, we so it is at the very beginning too. Like you were like, Alice, you're like,

this is, we're so sorry we made you watch this. I had fun throughout this frequently and it was the times when weird shit was going on, whether it was the strange musical choices or the scenes that didn't seem like they were supposed to be there or the really weird dubs, the fact that three has three sounds like this,

the whole time. He's such a cute, he's got a really, a really cool secret agent voice. And all of these different things combined to make this movie that is just such a bizarre watching experience, but then as in this scene, the, I guess, seduction scene, it falls back on a trope without really knowing

what it is that that trope is for. It doesn't understand what narrative it's trying to construct. It's just following what it sees as the signposts of a quote unquote spy movie. And I thought that was fascinating, honestly, because, and I know you have watched many more of these bad spy movies than I have. So like, for me, I was seeing this sort of with fresh eyes. But in this scene, in particular, to the point of like, well, why the fuck is this happening?

It's like, well, because it has to happen, right? Yeah. I get to be like, take the box, take the AI bond. Yeah, basically. I mean, so the plan is, she's gonna go and like see her dad. They're gonna follow her. He has deliberately siphoned half the petrol out of her car, which sort of implies that like post sex, he just like creeps down with a hose into the parking lot.

That's when he nuts, not until, right? Yeah, yeah, right. Just like holds it in, you know. He fucking does is he takes the hose, right? Drams it into the gas, the gas can, sucks on it. You know, the gas starts coming out. He uses the gas as lube while he's jacking off. And that's how he finishes.

Horrifying, thanks so much. Okay. So my next, my next note, I don't even, I don't even know how we get here. My next note is bartender pause worst, be it ever, ask the leave Lebanon. Is this the bartender where the shot at the first is just her boobs?

Yes, yes. Oh, yes. My shot, my note here is, love the shot of just the bartender's boobs. This is a good movie. We've skipped ahead a bit. Yeah. So just been, just been drives off to see Mr. A being followed by Ahmed with a tracking device.

And Bond is being followed by the Goon from the Cuck chair. So he leads him on a bit of a wild goose chase. He's confronted by him. Cuck Goon pulls a knife and Bond kills him. Every criminal organisation got the Cuck Goon. And then Bond goes to rent a Boat because Armored thinks there's an island nearby they can use as a base. And the boat rental place has a bar with a titty bartender

who he just blatantly looks down her top. Yeah, and half a pint's worth of head on this beer. Like, repra, horrible, horrible, horrible, you're far from the head you want from that woman. No, he like drinks his bit at which point Mongo shows up. Yes. Mongo enters the scene. Mongo's here. We got a Mongo everybody.

Um, hell yeah, baby. First of all, the reference to the character Mongo from Blazing Saddles. Look it up. It's not a sentiment. Maria, it's nothing to do. Jazz musician, yeah, with what you're thinking. Um, weak joke from Blazing Saddles that we have chosen to die on the Hill of Music. It's not a Santa Maria. It's nothing to do. Jazz musician, yeah, with what you're thinking. A week joke from Blazing Saddles that we have chosen to die on the Hill of Music.

Sadly. I thought maybe you were talking about Mongo Jerry, the Rump of Disney. It's the big, like big, strong kind of like taciturn guy in Blazing Saddles. Yes, to make the, the counterpoint with Mr. Sir Name, which is the other kind of henchman that monitors Mr. Sir Name and Mongo. Got it. How much language that we have developed over the course of this podcast is getting very bad.

The first scene I could see Josh's brow-ferring trying to work out what the fuck we meant by a 009, but I't not think of it in those terms. Yeah, we just we've just become so troped out. So they have a fight, which three or three managers to win through the power of editing. He just kind of beats him more. Yeah, I'm not saying. It is literally not clear to me how he's winning this fight. Yeah, because every shot is of him getting his ass kicked and then it like destroyed Yes, yes, yes, I like taking damage. I love to like Slowly advance on my enemy grinning. That's like his favorite move to do while like three S3 like throws chairs

I don't know And then after some like nonsensical Classic waffle house shit. He's catching the chairs out of the air, just redirecting them, no problem. There's like one cut and after that, the guy is like dead on the ground in the perfect yamcha death pose. Like it's perfectly charming. I don't know how he won.

It's similar to the main character. I don't know, did a good man. What does he do to it? I like that the way, too, that they telegraphed that a fight has happened was that they basically just had him like rump up his shirt and unbutton a couple buttons, you know? It's like this is how you know that action has occurred. Because if it weren't for that, and the fact that like, you know, it's telegraphing that there's this guy on the ground, we would have no way of knowing what actually happened here.

You could've just sort of breathing heavy, like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it Who is number three shows up with some good? Well number three is in bed with a beautiful woman. This woman is a prop. I just want to make notes. She's having a futuristic moment. The fucking like the command cell molecule, you know. So yeah, he leaves. He ends metamorphosis. And there are some special tactical units. Shit, I don't know what to tell you.

And he goes with the goons to try and like lock down this area of Bayroot. Like searching house to house. It's interesting. It's nice to see minions put in the legwork. Yeah, it is. You sell them this. Yeah, unfortunately, they're so small and they're so yellow.

Yeah, that's so safe. Unfortunately for them, this quarter of Bayroot contains the horneest woman in the world. Milf's in your area. Yeah. If there are any Lebanese Milf's out there, hello. Sorry, just checking my notes, I meant to say lesbian Milf's. That's not nice at least one.

If there's, yeah, getting some very confused here. So they search her house. So a Jordanian Milf Do not get in contact. Lebanese Malfs in Beirut. Well, yeah, that's where they'd be. My French teacher growing up was a Syrian milk, which, yeah, it felt very normal about it. Anyway, so they searched this woman's house,

and she's like, oh, yeah, I don't know anything apart from the fact that I hate my bitch husband, which is her sexuality as a prison. And number three gets her number essentially. It's like, listen, I'll come back and like search some more later, maybe. Search your pussy. I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all right.

Yeah. And she's like, she's into it. And as soon as they leave, we find out that 3S3 has been hiding in the most non-spossible way. She's been washing a bunch of her underwear in her bathtub and he's been hiding amongst the system. This was so, so, so fucking good. Oh, this is ride or die, by the way.

This woman, never seen before, never seen again, however, in the opening, like when these goons come to her door, and one of them spots her there's like blood on the floor, she cuts the part hand behind her back and goes, yeah, there's blood, I've cut myself. Mmm, like for just some stranger, she hates her husband that much. So some guy who is cute, like, just like like nonsing her underwear in her own bar. Well, in the wild thing too, about that shot of him in the tub and in sort of arriving through a sea of panties, is that it is played,

it's not going to be a fuck. It'd be arriving at the live show. It is played more or less completely straight. Like, this is not played for laughs, which I thought was really something. Like, they seemed to think that this was an impressive dramatic moment that we were all gonna be like, you get a good job agent three S3,

you with your quick wit and your incredible thinking and your love of underwear. You're just like me. He does float with her on bit on the way out. And there's some gender roles here because she's like, she's like, first of all, I hate my bitch husband. Second of all, you're so handsome and muscular. And she, and he goes, you're so pretty and unmistakable.

I have that too. All of my lines from 3S3 in my notes, I wrote out in all caps, so as to remember to say them in the Agent 3S3 voice, so you're so pretty and unmuscular. Sounds like the riddler. Yeah. It's quite a revealing line there too. To be like, listen, if you're afraid of a muscular woman, you you're a coward and a fool and you're listening to the wrong fucking podcast That is right right right I did arm day today feeling huge

What fucking happens that my next notice deals our husbands boat Oh, yeah, and then he steals our husbands boat. To go to the island base that they have. Meanwhile, Jasmine has been driving to meet Mr. A. And oh yeah, three of us, we've fired some goons and then he stabs number three, but when it's just to get away. Yeah, this is good. He does fight some goons.

He can't wait. But when he's about to stab three of us, oh, he's about to stab number three. He gets the knife off of a goon. And this goon is the slowest moving motherfucker in the world. He's like doing the thing when he's like coming up on him is tossing the knife from hand to hand.

And it takes like an hour to get across from one hand to the other. This is, I also appreciated that this whole fight was taking place in the lighthouse area from Sapienza in Hitman. Yeah. There's something quite fun here, which is that this guy has to win these fights

because of the way that it works, but he can't fight at all. So he's in this, like, there's a bunch of guys coming out of him and it genuinely reads like a Steven Segal like keto demonstration. It's just guys like standing perfectly still and like getting shit punched out of their hands and fucking approaching.

Oh, a joints first. So we go back to Jasmine who has predictably like run out of petrol thanks to him sucking off the car earlier. And of course, I've met run like runs into her in his car. And he's like, hey, where are you going? Where's the secret base that you had it's like, oh, yeah, it's just over there. Can you give me a lift? He goes sure gets around the car and then chloroforms it instantly and bundles her into a Jeep. I would hate for this. This is the classic situation. This is like every other Thursday for me. It's not a big deal.

I mean, this is've been chloroform. She's been knocked out this morning. She's finally finally finally. She's been knocked out this morning. She's been unconscious in this movie, then, conscious. Did you know I've less like, aster? No, no, you gotta have the chlorophy. The thing about the chloroformed handkerchief, right?

Or the chloroformed drag, is imagine if you forget that it's chloroformed and you just blow your nose into it and just like perfectly knock yourself out. I would find you unconscious and then they'd be like, what happened to you? Oh, there were ten of them. They gave a prize. It was a surprise. So at this point, I thought, why is it that she needed to get chloroformed? I didn't actually understand this.

Like, was it, she's completely on side. I was like, right, creation, no, I don't actually understand this. I'm saying. Like was it, she's completely on side. I don't know. I just went right to the creation. I don't know. I thought maybe the movie was going to do like a, you know, a double agent thing where it was like, oh, this guy's been working for Mr. A the whole time. So, you know, he's chloroforming her

because he's going to try to do a return back to Mr. A. and then three S3 is going to have to come through and save. Like that is the only way that that makes sense. Right. He just loves chloroforming whether or not. I think they wrote this film once and then didn't go back and check. Yeah. I mean, you know, they shot this back-to-back with the sequel, right?

Which was Agent 3S3 Massacre in the Sun. Oh, we'll get to it. I got, I hope not. So at this point, at this point, Alfred's, I've had this like watching the house that he's had pointed out to him through binoculars. And because the movie thinks that you're gonna get bored if you don't see tits,

you see like a woman bathing in a pond. What the hell was this scene? This scene is just like, this is great. There's no connective tissue. No, there's nothing, it hard cuts. Like, he sees this woman and she's like, oh no, and he goes, it's a hard day.

And then it hard cuts on the speaker. Like she's not there anymore. She's gone, she's on the baby. He doesn't solve in the next scene, but it was just like completely unnecessary. It's like, what do we do? You can practically see his eyes do the loony tunes cartoon thing of like popping out, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I don't think Mr. A would say that. And also like, he hasn't been here in six months. You sure Mr. A said this? Fuck you.

And then like, number three pulls a gun on him. The professor slaps it at his hand and he says, what makes you think Mr. A isn't here right now? And I was like, yeah. Damn, he was Mr. A. Well, I see he wasn't as we related to this guy. I was, but yeah. You believe maybe for a bit that he was Mr. A.

Mr. A, who I guessed right, would be a pirate because she says half of her blood. Yeah, because half of her blood. So that's her dad. He's a dad. Her dad is either the aristocrat and her mum was a pirate or he's just like a binner pirate and is like incredibly light-skinned.

Yeah, please. Mr. Pirate was my dad's name, just call me pirate. Yeah. This is strange too, right? Because we are supposed to at this point be so invested in the drama around Mr. A's true identity, right? And we're supposed to also like have this inherent sense of what Mr. A is and what he means and why it's so remarkable.

It's like Mr. A surely wouldn't do such a thing as this. And he's not been defined in any meaningful way up until this point. It is hanging so heavily on a characterization of a character who we have never seen. It's my film about. What did he do to that man? It's mystery secret porno tape My next my next note is that the next bits of film like basically in darkness. I just wrote I can't see yeah The reason I'm a perved on that girl was she's the caretakers daughter for the villa so

He arranged a date with her and like that allows three S3 to sneak into the villa, whatever. Some goons are out. You're coming. Sneaking into the villa. Oh boy. Here I go. Sneaking again. The goons are out. To burn the joint down. Some goons speaking pointedly untranslated Arabic. Again, as always, if you've provided translation every time you don't. Um, so Ahmed figures out with the burning of a ladown, there must be something in here that they don't want us to have. So they confront the goons and a gun fight breaks out

in the dark, hard to see what happens. It's not stylistic choice. They just didn't have, it's like night for night, and it's not good. They've got to, so now they've got a bunch of like goon bodies. And three or three is like, well, put them in a truck with some gas canisters and push them off a cliff. Okay, fuck it.

Meanwhile, we can search the villa for whatever it is they don't want us to find. And the figure out, well, if they're burning the place down, it can't be a document or an object because they would have just carried that away. It must be something they can't remove from the villa. And I was like, oh, that's quite clever, actually. But then it turns out it is something they could have removed from the villa and I was like, oh, that's quite clever, actually. But then it turns out it is something they could have removed from the villa.

It's true, because they find on sort of decoding a like, morse code for the letter A, fucking the press. Let me ask you. Why are you gonna fuck it up? I'm only gonna do this. I don't care what the reasoning is, you can't make the password for your base, the letter A. I don't care if you're... Wonderful, wonderful moment. We're three S3 after they're trying to, you know, the letter A. I don't care if you're... Wonderful, wonderful moment.

We're three S3 after they're trying to crack this code. He just says, try A for Mr. A. Yeah, he's like, maybe it's HD for Henry Devall or whatever his fucking name is. And like, that doesn't work. All right, maybe it's A for Mr. A. And they click in it opens and I'm like, that is not secure.

Literally a second guest, like, gets a two-shot or of notification, my fucking dude. I know. I could have got that by accident. The answer into Mr. A's Goon cave, where they find that he is not only a pirate, but a pirate skeleton. Yeah, he goon, he goon most pirate-dirt. To the kind of pirate.

True, he's got this tricon hat on, he's like, slumped over, he's like, just bones at this point. Yeah, which they could have carried out They could have removed Mr. A's corpse from this place. They didn't have to I couldn't know the password. Yeah, clearly what what the professor did was murder him take his identity And then in tune him in his own Goon Stinking up the walls as he decomposed He promised him a really really really nice cast of a Monteado.

So yeah, he's just like, at this point, three or three is going to have to break the news to Jasmine, who I can't stress enough is like on a chloroform hangover at this point. That her dad is also dead and has been for like years at this point. Yeah, he says at least six months. At this point, Ahmed being the only intelligent person with any kind of like spine knowledge says, well, look, we know what the fuck's going on here. Like this took us by surprise, but we do know because we've been in the villa the mystery had a lot of like rare art and archaeological stuff. So maybe we could speak to an art expert or a dealer who could help us figure out like who he is. Before they go, three or three, like, try

it's the comfort Jasmine, right? And he has two methods of comfort. Method one. You have a pretty little face and a cute buddy. Which... Thanks babe, cheers man. The cute buddy. What is the best fight movies in the abilities for an ounce body correctly? Like, damn, you've taken good care of your buddy. That is such a fucking Zapp Branigan ass line, isn't it? Yeah, and that doesn't work, so he doubles down on it.

And the weird addiction hits again and he goes, I'm sorry, Jasmine. I'd be glad to cut off one of my arms if it would keep you from being involved. So he's out on the next page of the script and cut off one of my arms if it would keep you from very mute. Very mute, my agent, the three arm.

So Arvand goes to see a couple of art dealers and the second one of these, fortuitously, is the evil professor who's like, you know, no, I haven't ever really spoken to hammering the button on the underside of the desk. And this button, what it does is it like sets off an alarm in the sort of goon. This is awesome. This is awesome. I activate a like a TV on the wall. That's right. Footage from a hidden camera. That's right. This guy, presumably to convey, follow this guy out and kill him. Because this seems to be the set that's the goon room that's like in the in this is like goon cave. It's's the goon room. That's like in the in this is That's like goon cave. It's the other goon cave. It's the one that those guys were getting debriefed in at the beginning of the TV on the wall.

Yeah, it's Jackie and it's goon cave. That's right. Girls can do it. The girls can do it too, y'all. The shame what they did to her husband. There will be some, man says you only see a journal, what a green cave is. And I advise you not to look it up. It's a cave with the, where the goons are from.

Obviously, that's where the goons are from. Yeah, yeah, a base would be a better word for it. Yeah, I love like a layer. I love to that like, they use this phrase in your day-to-day life. The camera that like shows what is going on, right? That is a secret surveillance camera of some sort

that what we see is this shot of not just the camera's perspective, but we repeatedly get this shot of a camera like coming out of the wall. And what I can only describe is a pretty phallic way. I just thought that was nice. That was a little bit of gender. I just noticed that. That's nice.

So we fucking, we follow three S3 for a bit doing nothing important because what he has to do is discover that Ahmed has been followed back to the thing. Jasmine, the most kidnapped woman in the world, has been kidnapped again. Ahmed is fucking dead. Yeah, everyone in the back of the good guy town is dead, right? Probably the same Lebanese Air Force helicopter from OSS Sondi set to like machine gun the island to make sure there's no survivors But three S3 surprises them and shoots them and then he like he does he takes the helicopter He takes the helicopter. Yeah, he torches a guy He torches the pilot and the pilots like they're on a yacht and it's like great

I can't be that many of them in Lebanon a yacht perfect. Thank you My next note and I have no idea how I got here is Jackie Yen is AGP coded. I don't know how you got there either, but they're in Jackie Yen's car and Jasmine's in the back. Jasmine attacks the driver of the car. We have Winston Cranstein, good constein reset. Is it above and beyond the cause of killing yourself? I guess, actually, yeah. Jackie Yen has a good line for this, where she's like,

a rich glitch for this where she's like immediately after this. She's fucking number three and she's like looking at herself in the mirror the whole time. What? That never happened? Why don't know. It's like after the fact. Like I don't. That never happened. You're making shit up. You're inventing like different movie, don't. Then we cut to Jackie Yen in the bath. Yes. You're inventing like different movie, don't that then we cut to Jackie Yen in the bath. Yes, and and fucking Like number three is there and he's like yo

This is like posts. It's post-coisal surely like it's coded that I don't know. I'm not sure I agree I think she's just in the bath Her in a moment of weakness, right? Like that's kind of what's gonna. I think he's still so, yeah, I'm looking at it now. Doesn't look. Anyway, I think he's just he's found her in a moment of weakness, right? Like that's kind of what's going on here. Maybe I'm just, maybe I'm just insane, I don't know. Quite insane. Number three threatens her and he's like, look, Mr. A is dead. We all know that now because of some bullshit that happened a minute ago, it's not important.

So now his daughter, Jasmine, is the aress and he points a gun at her and he's like, look, give me the girl and then I'm gonna use her and then I will question Mark Profit somehow. She has this great line where she says, have the, yeah? Well, I have this one, but. I hate violence when it's used against myself. Yeah, I believe that's what I mean.

I mean the same. The same, I. I. Wow, yeah, no, do you call it? Is the official position of me too, man? I would hate you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just bleep the identifying part.

I love violence, but not when it's used to going to sleep. You guys know, I hate that. I hate that. Sewing? Fantastic. Reeping? Hey, this is- So Jackie uses her sexuality as a weapon.

I think that another woman in the spy movie has ever done before. Because she's like, oh yeah, cool. I'll start with you. She puts on her underwear to kind of distract him. And he kisses her neck. And the fun moment where she's like, gonna reach for her back and he beats her to it.

It's like, ah, you put a gun on your back. I'm not going to fall for that one. What she doesn't do, however, is wipe the soap off of her body. Which, no, that just seems like, come on. You like, it feels bad just having suds on you. Like what are we doing? Yeah. Gotta put some moisture on it, don't go?

So 1960s suit getting wet. Like a wool suit. And he's still Jackie N smells of wet wool. It's quite old. Oh. But then she pretends that, oh, I was just getting my makeup compact out of my bag, but it turns out it's the makeup compact

that kills you. Yes, yes, yes. Finally a gadget like a fucking 19 minutes in. There was another one that we haven't mentioned, which is the fucking tracking device, which will come out in the sunglasses. Yeah, I was, oh God. Oh, that's what that was.

I was so thrilled for the reveal of the makeup compact that kills you instantly. I was just like, we had been wanting something like that this entire time. And the way that the makeup compact that kills you instantly works is somewhat unclear in that we never, we don't see the trajectory, like it'll shoot a dart out, I guess.

But the, much like the pipe that kills you instantly. But the way that they stage it, you don't actually see the trajectory of the dark itself. They do the thing where it's like, A, I'm pushing the button to shoot the thing and then it whips hands or cuts to the person holding the dark in their neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is classic. We love it. Yeah, she's out the front when you like slam it closed. I think, right. Right. Yeah, so was out the front when you like slam it closed. I think. Right.

Right. Yeah, that's what I'm looking at. So obviously now Jackie Yen is gonna like seize control. She's gonna be the new mystery. No, she's not. She said, what, what, what feather do you want? She's making out with the professor. They're in it together.

Professor Miss Albright. I'm not gonna say it. What it is, what it is is like, I am so bored at this point. I'm watching, I'm watching a shitty actor who couldn't make it in the US, tracking a kidnapped woman in a Lebanese military helicopter in an unusually specific repetition of a movie I've already seen and it feels absolutely purgatory. That's what I'm thinking. And so, of course,

I'm like... You, I think this is important to do like, no, literally, does it say something about masculinity? I think, I guess, probably the same thing as all of the other ones. And so like the sparse bits of my notes are just like, like Jackie N is a GP coded. I don't remember what inspired me to say that. I'm just trying to get shit together into some kind of an entity. Can I ask a question, which is what AGP coded means? No, you can't. How long have you got?

In any case, she's not AGP coded, because she's HSTS, because she's making out with the professor. They're in it together and they're taking over. And then that's what it is. She's trying to, she moves from like one guy one guy to the other guy. Yeah, okay. Fine. And so three S3 rocks up and he's like, yo, I'm a colleague of Armad that guy you killed and they were on a, we work for an insurance company. Can we, can we hammering the like,

kill this guy? But can we go down to the yacht? Can we just like, can we just you and me profess, I go down to the yacht and the professor's like, yes, the yacht where I will kill you. But then they get there and three and three is already killed the crew and he's like, aha, it's a trap, Mr B, which he says twice, because he thinks he's really clever. Yeah. And then what we get is sort of something I do appreciate, which is an old man boss fight, where it's the end of the movie, we've killed all the other goons. And so the old

guy whose thing is just like planning has to also be able to throw hands out of nowhere. I really like that before they fight the professor says, well, what have I done that's illegal? I haven't committed a crime. I didn't kill that guy. I don't know. This is a discussion. This was all drank. Yeah. Call for him. He's like, I'm a birthday boy. You wouldn't hurt me. Technically, I've only knowingly overseeing all of these crimes. Yeah, and he's also like, I have information about specter. I'm way more useful to you alive. And then they have a fight.

Yeah, kind of shit. So, okay. The fight is not good. Yeah, there's a guy. There's a guy named Steve. I don't know. I don't remember which guy's named Steve. He's the professor. It's this professor. Professor Steve. Professor Steve.

I love, I love a bad guy named Steve. Mm-hmm. So he's. That's named Steve and Jackie. Yeah, so I was like, get into my thinking. Steve and Jackie. Steve and Jackie. Steve and Jackie, I'm not gonna count his A.

And I'm not gonna count his A. And I'm not gonna count his A. The Steve and Jackie is the swier couple that you run into that you don't quite know what to do with right? It's like hey, I'm stealing this is my wife Jackie It's a really into the like pineapple motos, right? Yeah, so he has a fight He wins the fight And then he has to decide whether or not he's gonna kill

Professor Ray because he has the like good luck charm bullet, right? Yes. With the A on it. With the A on it. My God. It's like, am I gonna do it or not? You know, like have, this is a real like moral choice, you know, kill or spare Professor Ray.

Which does he do? Cause my notes don't really go. Yeah, I don't remember what he does. He does. He does. He does. Cause it's such a bad movie. It doesn't register. Which does he do because my notes don't really do remember either Because it's such a bad movie. It doesn't register. I think he kills the guy He doesn't use the bullet though because he still has it in the next scene. Oh Christ I what is he do what if he do to that guy I don't know I'm just watching it now. No, it's the villain of this film.

No, it's gonna remember. It's so fun. Oh my God, all right, it's fucking, it's seen to seen. Here, come here, come here, come here. It's seen to see transition again. He fucking judo throws the main bad guy onto the floor and then it hard cuts to the next scene. Okay, we don't know.

Like, it just isn't. Let's choose our own adventure here. What would be like to happen? Yeah, he judo throws him so hard he dies and now he has a key chain but he doesn't show up again. So, he's dead. Yeah. So, they love movie. I think movie is so good. He goes into rescue. Yeah. Two jasmine sat on her sofa, by the way. Just like no movement at all, just like the most static scene you could possibly hard cut to. Yeah, and he rescues, he rescues her from Jackie yet. And Jackie Yen is like, oh, you got me.

Let me just go into my purse real quick for my makeup. Hold on. I might possibly normal makeup compact. Don't worry about it. I'm gonna come to you in my I worry about it. I worry about it. I'm in my mug shot. That's right. And then there's a line, almost the like last line of the movie that independently destroys

both me and Abigail, where he like, he takes it off of her. He knows it's the makeup compact that kills you instantly. He doesn't like do anything. She's like, arrested, I guess. But he takes the makeup compacts and goes, What a pretty little drink. It's... I'm undidneed to destroy me at all, do anything to me.

Oh yeah, of course. No, don't understand why I would. What he does is he uses it to execute. What a guy we've never got before. This is the most cursory clubbing I've ever seen in my fucking life This is another one of those things they've just ticked off which is guy tries to kill you at the end right? Get it right what happens? This guy no he doesn't just like guys listen to me. He doesn't even kill him

Right guy this guy is literally I shit you not Steve's butler We've seen him in a couple of other scenes where Steve has like gone Hey, can you do some shit and this guy in a fizz has just gone? Yeah, you got This man is criminal He looks like a fucking NPC from Hitman is all like Not one of the targets just a random looks like He looks like specifically is it NPC from the Morocco level of no lives forever The deepest pull I have but like he's got the fuzz like you never see a guy in a fuzz

I want to be clear. Hmm. The kill is not intentional Because it's just three S3 fucking around with the makeup compact He just closes his head and it shoots the dad out and it kills this guy He's got a knife in the doorway and we just like look at him and he hits the head and it shoots the dart out and it kills this guy who's got a knife in the doorway And we just like look at him and he hits the ground and it cuts. Well, who is this guy to the guy? Just die hold on wait, but we don't go on the death of the Pailer's right now. So we do on the main line of the film

He gets like judo throwing like through the floor I guess So like in the scene I wonder what this bad. Oh no, I can't be a guy. Oh well, whatever. And then we have to put it all together by putting three or three in Jasmine on a plane. Plastic ending again. Another one. And back to Vienna, where he's got a week off

to have sex with them. And she's like very into it, but then he gets a telegram at the last second that's like, you've got to go be in the sequel. And the last shot of this is he leans over to kiss her and it pans up to the air hostess just sort of gently smiling at the camera and then it costs. And you go, someone made this, like a whole team of people spent quite some time making this movie. Learning that Lebanese people just love to watch other people get it on.

Just really beautifully just like. Not just Lebanese people, come on. We're learning so much about foreign culture. We've learned in that one movie that like Turks are very sexually liberated. No, that's pretty bad. Now we've learned that the Lebanese enjoy cooking. Mm-hmm. Um, she's's just five.

You definitely. Shh. This is, this is, it's not what we're supposed to do. It's not even the most mediocre, but it is by far the least memorable. Let me be absolutely clear about this. I watched this two days ago, right? That's how little time it has taken me to like,

it's gone, it's completely gone from my memory. I know what this is. You know how we've been going through these movies and learning what each person on a film set does by the absence? So like, we had that one film with a sound editing squad and then we've had a film by the moment to moment editing is bad and we're like, the scene to see the editing is bad. This is the one where the script writer didn't fucking turn up.

We've learned what writing a movie requires for watching this unwritten nonsense. Would you believe that this was the director's first movie? I would. I would. I would. That actually makes me think better of it. That's actually fine then. He did some, he did a couple of likes spaghetti Westons which are like remembered better than this in general but yeah Clint Eastwood Credited to search your Salema as he was born yeah so Noble first effort I hope on the next one you hire a script writer and a DP I'm agent 3 is 3 Oh we're gonna to see three S three again. Oh, I'm super hot. I really hope we aren't.

I desperately. I will say this though, the next movie we have to watch is OSS Sunday. Oh, thank God. It's unbelievable. It's not the same. It's not going Matthew's, but it is. He only did two. I'm so sorry. At least we got the like the next best thing to a bond, French bond. What do we think this movie says about masculinity? It really says a lot about society and masculinity

and things of that nature. It's interested in the masculinity of the full beer of wrestle. That's what I keep coming back to, right? That is the most interesting scene in the movie. Yeah, far easily. And not, I don't, what I think is interesting about it is that it's not trying to be anything.

It's just so clearly a sublimation of the, I don't know, latent desires of the people making the movie. Like, that they, they were like, oh yeah, this will be interesting. Let's communicate what it looks like to be a guy trying to dominate in a space that is like controlled by other guys for the sake of pursuit of women. But not in a way that has any resemblance

to what that actually looks like in reality. And so you end up with this very homoerotic, you know, gay-coded scene, where the women are incidental to the scene itself, which I mean, if you wanted to extend that further, you could, you know, you could go on for a while about that. I don't know if that is, again, it doesn't sail a lot about society, no, not really, but it is kind of interesting, I think.

Yeah, I mean, the women, the women in this are like completely perfunctory. Yeah. You know, they're like window dressing. And I think there is a distinction to the way in which women are used as window dressing in this movie as opposed to a lot of other movies we've seen. Including Bond movies. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's trying to do the thing of like, you know, check out these beautiful women and

bikinis. You know, please stay interested in our movie. Please continue to watch the movie. But it's because the script writer didn't show up, it's not doing anything. It's just kind of like wasted effort. It's like a flywheel. It's not connected to it. I also, at the same time, some of the female characters like have a bit more

agency than they do even in modern bodfels. Like, that's certainly seen more offensive for trails of female characters than Jasmine and Jackie. And I think that visually in terms of the camera angles and stuff like that, you don't, like, you get an attempt at replicating the male gaze with some of these shots of the women, but it doesn't feel like the heart is in it in the same way as when you get the shots of the dude's fighting, right? Like, in terms of the raw sensuality of it. Yeah.

To have a male gaze, you have to have a gaze. And this is just like, it's sort of badly that. You get a bit of it when those dudes are fighting though. Like that feels somewhat sensual and that somewhat central and that's interesting to me. Well, maybe what this film says about masculinity is that it's actually not really done for the sake of women or even in pursuit of women, but it's a kind of homo-social thing that men do to each other. Yeah, it's just like this mediocre spy movie that they cut in the fight scene from women and love

into the middle of its life. Are you telling me that you invent? No, yeah, just so down close to door, but like I've been wanting to talk to you a bit about these strange rituals that you've been inventing. You've been inventing rituals to touch the other man. These elaborate rituals, yeah. Can we talk about the elaborate rituals? They never want to talk about the elaborate rituals.

No. I mean, we don't have to we don't have to speculate about this movie. There's a masculinity because we have a science-based system. The core of the scum system stands for SMAM, cultural and sensitivity, unprovoked violence and misogyny. So on a scale from zero to seven, how SMarmy is agent three S3 passports to hell? That's a great question. So it's a defy the question. I don't know if I can score it on that axis.

Honestly, it does. I think it tries to be, but it's like it's like someone with like a recently chloroformed person trying to like, you have a pretty little face and a cute butt. And like, you're so pretty and unmuscular, is that? Yeah, it's, it's Smarmy. He sounds like Zap Bratnegan, but at the same time, like it just kind of doesn't laugh.

Yeah, less, less smarmy, more concussed, maybe. Do you give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Like does attempted Smarong get us any points? I think it does. We think we've had this session before. Yeah, definitely. Give it like a four. Maybe like a four-way-ass dress, by it.

Yeah, a four-but-a-word. Yeah. Like the four is in a strange font on the table. Yeah, actually that's okay here. It's synthesizer. Yeah, cultural insensitivity. I mean, it's not as bad as you would think. It's pretty fun. Like the only thing that would give me some trouble here

would be the belly dancing. Right, and that's like, even that's stuff that there is in Beirut. But there is also shown to be lots of other stuff in Beirut. There are characters in color with like names and agency. And there's like a variety of characters of color. Well, Beirut's a real city in this, like, you know. It's almost like a carat city. It is like that.

It really is like that. This relationship with Armer, it is better than like a fucking guy's relationship with Mr. Sansaik. It's true. I think this might be really low, actually. I'm struggling to think what we would give at a cultural incentive to point for. What would we like ding this on?

I don't know that slide. Did you just dab? I sneezed into my elbow. Yeah, no, but you did a dab. A sneeze dab. You sneezed. You sneezed all the time. It was so fast, too. I was so impressed. It was like, I have done that, but I have it. That was... I was so impressed it was like Fastest dabber in the west that's what they're calling out again It's so

Medical school you What yeah Alexa, no, I respect it so much. She's not identical, let's go, you die. Oh, yeah. You see. Um, what? Yeah. Where's that one even coming from? Just like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, she's like duplicitous. I. Unprovoked violence. I mean, six cool shops, a woman in the face. Yeah, opens the door. Seven, just for that scene alone, right? It's got a bit. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's it's it's

got to be up there. He like deliberately has his own boys shoot one of the other henchmen. Yeah, he does something to a number of men off screen that leaves them in the answer. What is it about? We don't know what he did to the boss. What is he doing? What does he do? We don't know what he did to the story.

We don't know what he did to the, the news had this. Maybe it's a prison. Maybe it's like it's too terrible to show up. They just cut that though, like we can't put this on. Yeah, this is the end. Or a devil, the shit. Yeah, they just cut that though, like we can't put this on. This is too bad. Fuck, devil, shit. Five, I think.

Okay, five. I think to, to like, Uncle Chopper woman in the face, as soon as she opens the door, gets you, it's pretty unprovoked. Yeah, that's true. That wasn't done. It also be kills that Anon Butler. It's totally unprovoked. It's completely unprovoked.

It's completely unprovoked. It's completely unprovoked. It's completely unprovoked. I think it might do. Not only are these unprov it up to a six, right? Like, because these are, they get mighty. Not only are these unprovoked, they're unnecessary, right? But he kills the unobotlant unintentionally. Well, he shouldn't have done that. He doesn't feel bad about it.

He doesn't, it's all. No. All right, no, he doesn't. Fine, six, six. Six, six, four, five. Misogyny. Pretty high. There's a lot of women who are props in this film. It's pretty high, but it's weirdly, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, some female characters with agency, I would say a fight for this, certainly.

In that case, that gives us a total score of 16, which is pretty run on the middle. It's like a Craig bond. Oh, sure, yeah. That's nicer than this deserves. I'll be clear. This is not a movie you should watch. No, no, no, no. But barely a movie at all.

Well, that's the story. It's not a movie you can watch. It, no, no, but barely a movie at all. Well, that's the story. You can watch it. I just watched the bar scene. Yeah, you can find the bar scene on YouTube. And I highly recommend that you do. Maybe we can make the episode art, the guy getting beer poured on his head. Very, very sensual. But yeah, no, that's that's agent three S three. Passports to hell.

God, I, I really, I really hope that we stop. No, that's agent 3S3, passport to hell. God, I really, I really hope that we stop. What's the next, what's the next, let me open up the document here and see. This one will, it's OSS-117 mission for together. The episode will have come out after Abby's bonus pick, which means the next one will be mine. And I haven't decided what that is yet. Yeah, because it won't be until the second from the sound.

Yeah, absolutely. Oh, shit, that's coming into like Christmas specials, like territory. So what is the, we have the Christmas special booked after? What is the date then that it'll be releasing? This will be, this will be released December 6th. Wonderful. Right.

Well, so Josh, where can the people find you? Sorry. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, what can the people find you? Sorry. Oh, my God. Oh my God, it's a question for me. Um, I was, I was so scared. I was, I was alarmed. Sorry. Uh, you, you snuck up on me.

They're just like Agent 3S3 and I didn't know what to do. Um, yeah, so I, uh, am available, uh, on the internet. You can find me at Bosch J on Twitter. Uh, I co-host a podcast called The Worst of All Possible Worlds. And in this podcast, we do case studies in the pop culture of a dying empire. And a couple of the case studies have included one illustrious, Alice called Bokali,

the co-host of the six actual films. Yeah, it's been a delight, it's been a pleasure. I highly recommend worst of all possible worlds. I think you should, you should, oh, you should listen, you should subscribe to their Patreon, subscribe to our Patreon. Yes, yes. It's a good one.

We love one. I've used it a lot of times when I'm in the studio and I need something to take me like a while. And I would say specifically, if you are interested in spy stuff, which you probably are given that you are listening to this show, we do have an episode of our sub-series called Witt's Endless Summer,

in which we recap a few really, really terrible episodes of a Christian children's radio drama, where they tried to do like a James Bond thing. So that episode is called You Only Whit Twice. It is episode 106. I would recommend checking that out because if you want to hear what it sounds like when an insane, evangelical American man

tries to write a Bond movie in Radio Play format, who boy, it's a doozy. Outstanding. I do wanna hear that. I'm gonna go check it out. When we're done. Yeah here to be honest with you. Josh, thanks so much for coming on. Thank you for coming.

Thanks for the listener. And we will see you next time. Bye everyone. Bye. a most dangerous minister to the security of half the world. Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. Next week, on the Free Feed, it's the winner of our 5 million downloads viewer invitational where you get to choose what the episode of Kill James Bond is about. Do you beautiful people have chosen Master and Commander?

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Now, can we make the show possible. Kyl James Bond is Alice Abigail and Devon. Our producers are the wonderful neighbor they and the stunning Mr. Tom O'Malley. Our website is by Tom Allen. Our art is by Maddie Luchansky and I am a sleepy little fella and I'll see you later. sleepy little fella, n'en sais-il à l'air là. Voila. you