Kill James Bond! - S3E9.5: Goldfinger with No Notes

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

It's Goldfinger! The movie is Goldfinger, the protagonist is Goldfinger, I think there's a british spy in there somewhere but I wasn't paying that much attention.   ------ FREE PALESTINE palestineaction.org/donate https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donate ----- Consider supporting us on our reasonably-priced patreon! https://www.patreon.com/killjamesbond ------ *WEB DESIGN ALERT*  Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/   Kill James Bond is hosted by Alice Caldwell-Kelly, Abigail Thorn, and Devon. You can find us at https://killjamesbond.com

Man has climbed Mount Everest, gone to the bottom of the ocean. His fired rockets to the moon. Split the atom, achieve miracles in every field of human endeavor. Except crime! Oh, you didn't see me get do it little like shadow boxing gesture and I nailed the timing on that one. Hello and welcome to the second episode of our brand new podcast, Kill James Bond.

I am Alaskar Dorkelli. I'm joined as always by my friends Abigail Thorne and Devon. Hey, how you doing? In the real like end of the year, right, between Christmas and New Year. The thing is, right, we've said this before, if you're unfamiliar with the deal, my original concept for our podcast was when we ran out of James Bond movies, we would keep doing them again without referring to the notes or rewatching them. And it would kind of degenerate and lose meaning over time. It was really like, I thought that was really cool. No, it was a really interesting heart piece, but it wouldn't make us enough money to live on. So now we do some of those as a treat at times like this.

And we're back to Goldfinger. And the thing about Goldfinger is you, listener, are so stuffed with nog and so anticipating the boogie-wugging of Jules Holland that knew you. Jesus, that's just the most priceless print vibe. Nobody is fucking. When we say something is in Gold gold finger, you will believe us. I'm talking directly to you now. There are a million listeners, but I'm speaking directly to you,

the person who's hearing this right now. No one else can hear it. I expect that you will be as well while you listen to this. And we are talking to each other on that level. That's the code to understand this. Yeah. I just I fucking hate Jules Holland. Hey, is it okay if I play Boogie Woogie Piano of your pop hit? How many times have you heard the the fucking Christmas songs that are all regrettable?

I'm doing my classic Christmas shit. I gotta be honest with you. I'm anticipating what will be happening at this point. I'm going to be walking around the place. I'm going to be going, the snowman be honest with you. I'm anticipating what will be happening at this point. I'm gonna be walking around the place. I'm gonna be going, the snowman doesn't bring snow. You fucking moron. That's not how that works. What do you mean every Santa there's one?

You're not allowed to sing all of Fairytale in New York. Only I'm allowed to sing that word. That's actually, I just, no, my favorite thing to do is be out of Christmas, finding out we can say it together. Come on, right now. Like, here it comes, like all of us. Come on, we can do this.

I'm giving you the pass you RIP Shane McGowan. Oh, yeah, it's it's it's Christmas. Are we Christmas? You may know it's Christmas time at all. What an embarrassing fucking song so they probably know this is definitely I love that thank you Thank you for listening to Coach James once a ear and your reward is an hour and change of Symbol shit because I truly I've kept up to my word right. I have not rewatched any Bond film since we killed the guy I've maintained virgin or purity of the mind like a free of James Bond. Mm-hmm. He's got my mind. That's

Consecrated He's got my mind. My palace consecrated. That's right. That's right. Oh, the consecrating here are some mind palaces to it. This is nothing. What is this? This is the third end of year reward episode we've done and I gotta tell you, it's gonna

be the worst one. Next week we'll be back with like OSS Sunday set or some shit. I can help us with this because Gold figure is one of the ones I had on VHS as a child and that I watched it again and again because it was one of the only tapes we had. I had them all on VHS. My dad helped me like make like print out and design paper like VHS tape. Oh that's such a nice. That's right. He's a sweet man. He's a lovely man. But we had every Bond movie plus a bunch of Simpsons episodes, those two things alone explain my psyche. Do you still have the covers that you made? Can we see them?

I don't still have them, no. I'll ask him, he might have some pictures. Anyway, my point is that I'm pretty sure I can remember a fair amount of this film. I know it starts with James Bond having a duck on his head. Or immediately, I'm like... It does, it does. Devon has recognised recognizes because he comes out from underwater with a duck on his head. Because he's blowing up the thing that he blows up.

He's just, Joe's one is just finishing his previous adventure, right? And the way that we... The one where he unzips the like, wetsuit, and he's got the tuxedo, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not yet. So he comes out of the scene and a wetsuit with a duck on his head.

And he sneaks into a place. And... Yeah, it's like an but not yet. So he comes out of the sea in a wet seat with a duck on his head. And he sneaks into a place. And it's like an oil refinery that they use to brew drugs. Plants some explosives. And then he unzips the wet suit. He's got his white tuxedo with red conation underneath and he goes, I don't know. But it walks off that down to the bar. This is the point where he walks into the bar,

stands back and speaks with the cheques his watch, a thing explodes across the street and then he totally ignores it and walks across the room. And it's like, hmm, suspicious. But those early Rolexes, not as accurate as people think. But there's something here that's conspicuously missing if you've been paying attention to our analysis of early Euros by, there is no 009 scene in this episode. It's true. It's not.

We start with bond. It breaks bond apart from the others. It has the confidence to have a double o 17 instead of a double o 19 scene. To be like, you know what? He's up to some shit. He's always up to some shit. He's doing shit in between the movies. And this would later be spun off into like, God knows what? Like comics and fuck knows what else. This pre-fickers a lot of terrible MCU shit because

as soon as someone realized, hey, we can not only tell you this, this character is doing shit in between the movies you see, but you can catch up with that in other places. You can buy the little die cast car or whatever. And, you know, you're kind of off to the races. A very dark thing begins. So the bar, the bar has a dancer and Bond goes backstage because I guess he's been chagging her on this mission. And as he's kissing her, he sees a reflection in her eyes of a henchman

coming to hit him with some thing. I wanna say a lamp. Yeah. And then he has a fight. Yeah, I also remember, no, I remember the eye thing as well. Yeah. So he has a fight with a henchman

and he throws him into the bath and then throws a toaster on him and says. Shock, shocking. Shock yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm wondering that actually do you always have to wish before you don't First of all like either because it's still plugged in so either she has Exploked into like the shaving got look. Yeah, she either has a bathroom toaster for when you have some toast when you're in the bath Or she has the toaster at the world's longest extension cord to carry it around like a corded phone Why is there a toaster why is there a socket in the bathroom? Why is there a bathroom? In the green room. You're seeing gun, your bathroom toast to these

essential food from the Bond character, oh, that girl. It's not even a home, it's a green room in a bar. Like why is there a bathtub anyway? What? You're just going to the bath in the back of this fuck just being in the bar I'm like I boss can I have a shit cover back? I can fucking red dead redemption to This is like when I found out that the the trash future studio has a shower in it downstairs

When you're podcasting and creature makeup That's fair Would podcast in a costume? At this point, I think we get the gold thing goes on. Well, this ruins everything forever because this is the first Bond theme. And it's a perfect banger. They nail it right out the gate. It's no from Russia with love where it plays at the fucking end over the credits. No, start on the movie.

Gold fucking finger. Fassy. We know three things about gold finger. He loves gold. He loves gold and he loves gold. He loves only gold. He's got a spider's touch. Are you kidding me?

Golden worlds. He will pour in a rim, but as long as he's not disguised what you fear. Yeah, Shirley Bassie really being kind of a gold fingers hype man. He'll fuck you up. Yeah, gold fingers gonna fuck you up. Those are the lyrics. There's a bunch of like naked women covered in gold and you're like, man, I bet that's gonna be a movie.

Ain't nothing to me. Yeah. That's right, gold finger flung. I'm crushing gold balls. I'm flipping ingots. Gold figures. Last guy you tried to roll up an ounce of cotton. Got chucked out with the gold gloves. Last thing he saw was the price tag on it.

I'm on that mint jewel up. I'm on that top. Hey, it is in shambles. They sing pickin' the gold out of my shit. I'm breakin' into, I'm breakin' into fort knocks to get that slush. Okay, so yeah. After the time we go to Miami, because Bond is on holiday, and this is where, I think this is where we see him in the famous

blue baby blue romper. This is the blue romper. I've been to this hotel, I've been in this for a while. Incredible, the Devon is wearing the blue romper. Of course, I'm wearing the blue romper. Custom made blue romper. I went to Miami as the blue romper. The custom made blue romper. I went to Miami as a child and my dad, because my dad and I always used to watch this film,

and dad was like, this is the thing that James Bond was at. This is this movie, Paul James Bond was in. I wouldn't take off my shirt, because I didn't want to do that as a child for reasons that it doesn't make sense. So he runs into Felix Lyte, because Felix Lyte is just around. There's a woman, because he's chatting to a woman,

and then he goes, man talk, slap, slap, slap, man talk. Yes. That did, that you're, you're finest 1960s, gender roles, please, waiter. Yeah, no, he fully just like claps are on the ass. Felix is like, uh, uh, yeah. Hi, how's it going?

Felix is straight in this one. Yeah, Felix is not gay in this one. Felix is gay in. He's gay in for the ball. He's white now and straight and he says, have you ever heard of Goldfinger? He's the man with the man. Did you remember the theme song from just a minute ago?

He's like, he's here. He's got a spider touch. Such a cold finger. He's actually coming downstairs right now. There he is now and we are introduced to this podcast or MF Yeah and it's smash cut, which is the first instance of whatever happening This podcast or MF, he's a gambler, right? And he's wearing a gold lamey bathing on some I definitely remember we made an immense amount of hate about Godfingers outfits because they are fucks.

Always, like this is gold finger, baby. Like this is the body of the first experiment with having like the movie be basically about the villain, right? We've got a cool idea for a villain and that's the entire movie. I can't, this is the thing, right? I can't imagine committing my entire wardrobe to a theme, right? I get too scared to wear skirts all the thing, right? I can't imagine committing my entire wardrobe to a theme, right?

I can't, I get too scared to wear skirts all the time, right? I can't imagine being like every outfit in my wardrobe, but none. Like I'm on some like force, femme shit, but for gold. Like, are we throughout all your non-gold clothes? You have to wear the gold lame bathing suit. No, it we throughout all your non gold clothes? You have to wear the gold lamei bathing suit. No, it's true, your wardrobe. Hold every item, ask, is this gold? If not, throw it out. I can't imagine committing my entire wardrobe to just one thing.

I mean, this is also the thing, right? Like, gold finger, you've got to feel like, what if you want to day off? What if you want to, does he have like a primark jumper in there as well? Like, does he have like a primark jumper in there as well? Like, does he have some slip? He can't sleep. He's always bronze. Never silver. Yeah.

Anyway, he's playing cards against someone. Not at all. What is, he like beats some guy. And lighter tells him, he's like the best gambler in the world. He's like kick everybody's asses. Yeah. Why don't you go lose some money to him. You stupid asshole. Get out of my country. Lighter tells him, oh, he's like the best gambler in the world. He's like kicking everybody's asses. Why don't you go lose some money to him? You stupid asshole. Get out of my country. Fuck you. Bond goes to lose some money to this stupid asshole. No, he doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't talk to this guy. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't.

No, he doesn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't say that to the host because he thinks he thinks he's the gold finger looking at someone at a balcony. So he goes to gold fingers room and lets himself in using a key on a lady's waist. Oh, yeah, he also sexually harasses the maid to get this. And this is where we meet Jill Masterson. Fucking yeah, no, I think so. I think fucking so. By the hair or her sister, one of them incredibly.

Tilly might have been Tilly. Tilly is the other master. This is the thing. I podcast with a woman with a 3000 IQ. Like how the fuck did you call Finger Facts? I laughed so hard I started coughing. I said, I sounded like an old C cat. She is wearing a black bikini and she is on a radio.

She's looking at this guy's cards through binoculars and she's telling a radio. She's looking at this guy's cards through binoculars and she's telling gold finger Yo, he's got the ace of Gold or whatever like he's winning Gold No, no, no, yeah name a card suit drop clock So so bikini on it remember what cards are no clue So bond bond non-s towards her and he's like,

Hey, we should fuck with Orrick Goldfinger a little bit. And also, we should have that now. Yeah, he also very fond of his name's Orrick. Cool name. This is where he said, like the 92nd Pussy Clock record. Yes, this is the ages. Unbelievable. He walks in and he asserts to this last

some sort of non-spour shit. I think he does the Bond James Bond. Well, he's got to do it quite early in the movie, I guess. He's been walking around the entire audience. He's been like, the fuck is this guy? What's this guy? He's a weird strange duck-based secret agent. You know, if you only come in watching this and you're expecting to put the duck back on at some point.

Yeah, weirdly, the trailer only used the duck scene. I don't know. I thought it was going to be a lot more duck centric. There's some mighty ducks here. But he's walking around. He's wearing the baby blue rump. He looks like my dad. It looks fantastic in that rump.

It's got a lot of chest hair. He gets on the radio at Oracle and he's like, what up, if see boy, is playing drops down the radio to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we Christians? You make him loose. You got to lose or question mark? I'll kill you.

And also I'm gonna fuck your girl now and he does. This is an incredible way of making an enemy of someone in a way that, generally speaking, you don't see Bondu laser. Like the high watermark of Bond fucking with the guy is probably still tomorrow and ever dies, Elliot Carver, where he's like, what up, but I know you've been crashing Royal Navy ships

and the Pacific also, I've been fucking your wife. Yeah, because this guy's mission isn't even like, look at Goldman, but yeah, fingers, shit. Look at this, yeah, it's tough. His mission isn't even about this fucking guy. He's literally just fucking with him because. It's on vacation. Yeah, he's on vacation.

He's seen a guy and decided to bully him. We're missing a bit in the novel where Bond spends a couple of pages speculating about gold fingers ethnicity by the way. Yes. Yeah. At this point, so he's shagged, Jill Masson, he's going for the champagne. They're in gold fingers room, but he's going for the champagne before round two. I think it has a key card for that. He's going to come back in. Yeah, right. Where did he go? But anyway, this is where he does the line. He's sitting in the culture. They're right. Where did he go? But anyway, this is where he does the line.

He's sitting in the culture. That they're going to put the champagne back in the fridge because it's not the right temperature, right? Which, okay. Oh, yeah. Don't worry. He's something about like Don Perronio 53. He can't be drunk over a temperature of like a thousand degrees Fahrenheit or something

because it's bad for him. Whatever. That's right. Wait, what? Why not, champagne? Definitely. It's definitely Don Perronio Fiction. Tilly has been like, she's been like eating it up from the hob.

For yelling the chat face. So we got an upper spurt. She's mulling it, it's fine, it's Christmas. Yeah, yeah. The mulling Don Perronio, somewhere my father is like a psychic attack at the thought of mulling Don Perronio Fiction. No. They're mulling your ass on Muld wine to us.

But as he goes to put the Muld wine in the fridge to cool it back down again, he gets knocked out from behind by a shadowy figure. I'm called chopped in the back of that head. Yeah, Uncle Chopped. Yes, Uncle Chopped. By Harold Secarta, Uncle Chopped. And we hadn't developed the theory of the Uncle Chop, yeah.

We didn't call it that. Yeah, we just had some gay shit like he gets karate chopped in the back. Yeah, but he gets Uncle Chopped and he famously did get hit for real because Harold Sakado was a professional wrestler and just fucking hit him. Trained for eight months to Uncle Chopped, Sean Connery, and frankly, when you think about some of the shit that Sean Connery has said and done, he could have hit him a bit harder. Mm-hmm.

So, boy, Sean Connery, 007, wakes up. Why don't I talk like this? You wake up. I'm having a lot recently as well, don't worry. What am I doing? Not about you, but about me, too. I'm also like, what the fuck are you talking about? No, no, no. It's like podcasting. Podcasting is permanently altered by bright. I just, I hear the things that come out of my mouth in that formulation and I'm like, I went to law school, what a fuss. Yeah, he wakes up and tilly masterson, I think.

She's been completely fucking golded. She's been killed, she's killed it. She's been completely fucking golded. She's been killed. She's been killed to bottom. They killed it this woman. To kill the tilly. Ah, there we go. There we fucking go.

If we had episode titles, that would be. Yeah, and she's dead of gold. She is dead of gold. She died of gold. The song I want to go. And gold finger left this guy unconscious in his room. Yeah, this is the most, like, first of all, this is insane shit from Jem Bond to, like,

make this guy lose and then be like, or so I'm gonna fuck whoever this woman is. Just be like, by the end, then I'm gonna hang out in the location for like 15 to 20 minutes. If you want to plan anything against me, I'll send it. Like, you can't antagonize a guy when he knows the location that you are hiding in. But Goldfinger has left him with his hotel bill.

So. A stamp shop, yeah. Take one of the diet coax out of the fridge and... Oh jeez, that's your fuck. I cannot remember what happened. So Bond calls Felix and he's like, yo, she's dead of gold. Yeah, she's dead of gold. Which is a thing they thought could happen.

Yeah. Yeah, I think we have to go back to MI6 for this one, because I think it's M who has to tell him, oh, yeah, she died because they didn't leave the little spot of the spine that you have. Your skin needs to breathe, right? And she's skin needs to breathe. Yeah. And then I think what M does is he goes,

we have vitally concerned with unauthorized leakages. Yeah, because they have dinner with the Bank of England guy. Yeah, it's only a man in his office. It's just at a dinner with a guy. And this guy is listening into like, oh, this woman, or whatever. And this Bank of England guy goes, yeah, listen, the fucking doing some shit with gold ingots. And we think gold finger is smuggling them out of the country.

We don't know how, taking them to Switzerland. We don't know how, melting them down and then reusing them for, I don't know. Christian Mark. Or arbitrage. There's even this interesting bit where he says gold finger poses as, actually that's not true, gold finger is a, there's just a bit of jeweler and business guy, but we think he's also doing a little bit of smuggling

on the side. And, you know, it's the 1960s, we don't have anything more pressing to be concerned about. So bond, go and protect banking. Yes, absolutely. And they give him a gold hingance. Have you ever heard of the gold standard? They like dump a gold finger on this green based table and they're like, here is what gold is.

And James is like, oh! It's Nazi gold! Yeah, why don't you use this Nazi gold? We were covered from a lake in Austria to like go and invagle yourself into gold fingers operation. And this is like, it's the only time I think that Bond is tasked with an undercover mission. Yeah. Which he immediately fucks by giving him his real name, because he goes golfing with the guy. So you get the awesome art in first. Oh, the fucking Aston Martin.

Yeah, he does. So I, uh, the consequences of gold thing that asked him. Yeah, this is the first like proper Q scene where Q gives him the DB five, which has the right hand, the machine guns. And the one that he do don't touch it, it's got an ejector seat on the wrong side. It's got an ejector seat for the passenger only. It's got the least useful gadget there.

It's got like the shield that comes up for the back window. It's got the machine guns. It's got the tire rippy things out the side. Oh yeah. But it also has the revolving number plates. Yeah. So that anyway. You can revolve your number plate if you want.

Only for. Yeah. It's like a sort of number cube. I need you to have one. That one has faces. Yeah. I would get a digital one and then I could go anywhere. It individuate the digits and numbers, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

But so he gets this stuff and he goes to this golf club in England where fucking golf thing is there with the gold Rolls Royce and Harold Zakata, his bodyguard, odd job, odd job, odd job and Bond goes, Will you play golf with me? And golfing is like, no, stop following me around the world and bullying me at sports. Who doesn't know who he is at this point? Because, because, gold fingers normal golf partners,

like, has been arranged to be early. You think he'd recognize his voice? Doesn't recognize him, no. Not what, at least he pretends not to at this stage. And then Bond drops the endgit of gold at his feet. Whilst they're playing, because they bet on it, and gold fingers like, you know, losing, and Bond said, let's make it interesting, he drops the gold endgit at it. And he's just like, shit, that's gold, that's my, I'm all about that. And I'm like, fuck it, that gold hell yeah. I love that shit. It's like immediately like on all fours like sniffing at us.

Don't get the gold ingot next to him and he misses the putt because he's so like, it's a very nice moment. And this is also where the authenticity caddy appears. Yes, no, because Bond has a caddy and his caddy is northern. Yeah, and his northern caddy goes, I know that gold fingers probably cheating, because he's been moving his, he's got like identical balls. And so he just knocks them into the rough, goes down to the fairway, drops his identical ball on the thing and goes, yeah, it was here, fantastic, found it.

Which is a stupid way of cheating at golf, but whatever. And the way that Bond defeats this. See, he has a special golf ball. It's like a slashinger, seven. Gold finger only plays a slashinger, seven or eight or whatever. And at some point Bond switches the golf balls. So when they get to the final hole, Bond is like, Oh, I thought you had to play a slashinger, seven. This is an eight. Like, you must have picked up the wrong ball

at some point, sorry, disqualified, strict rules of golf, gold finger, the gold finger's like really upset, and then, because he lost. It's a lot of stuff. It's a lot of stuff. He runs him his money and then Harold's a carcer by way of threatening him, crushes a golf ball

in front of him, and then, what? What? And theninger's like, God job, do the thing. And he does the thing, he throws the hat. He does the thing. He's a statue. He steals Brim top.

He throws the hat. Fucking sick. I'm sorry. This is where Goldfinger reveals that he does know he is because he's signing the check and he goes, this is the second time you've involved yourself and my affairs, Mr Bond. It will not be a third.

It gives him the check. Cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking sick. And then, Bond's like, what the owner of the club be upset? You fuck with a stash and he goes, oh, no, Mr Bond.

I own the club. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but the guy. He's getting the biggie smalls hypnotized like, boom. Oh, he's driving away. The thing's on fucking hydraulics. He's on the... She's seeing like, sanitary as well. Despite the fact that he has technically won this,

Bond is like, fucked with at this point. So then he just follows Goldfinger. He follows the extremely easy to follow Gold Rolls-Rice. He's just bought Aston Martin D.M. Fight. I think he actually puts a little device in it so that he can follow it with a tracker. Oh yes, the shoe tracking device. Oh yes. Because one of his fucking gadgets he got

was a shoe-based tracking device that will never come up again. It was Christ. And he followed him to Switzerland, right? And he was driving along these mountain passes, and he runs into a woman. Who has a rifle? There's a different man. So he observes a lady trying to shoot Goldfinger and missing.

And then he, I think he follows her and uses the tire shredding device to shred her tires. He does, and then sort of gas lights her about it. And he's like, oh, you must have had Blur. Let me take you to the next town and sort of like try to put the moves on you on the way. And he establishes that she is the sister of Tilly Masterson who got painted gold. Yeah, I think she's Jill Masterson. She is. Yeah. Yeah. And then later on at night, she's trying to sneak into Goldfingers place. Factory Foundry. Factory Foundry. Foundry. Yeah, he's got a little, he's got a Foundry.

They're in Switzerland for this one. He's got a foundry. It's beautiful. I think he comes upon her in the woods and he's like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And James Bond, my ship, and you fucking do in this movie. And she's like, I try to kill,

he killed my sister with a gold in the other scene. And he's like, oh, I was down for that, actually. I remember that one. I remember the precip, I wanna hear Sean Connery say the word precipitated. So bad. A ship, a ship. I'm to hear Sean Connery say the word precipitated so bad. I'm really shocked about that. But then as they're doing this, they accidentally set the alarm off and the henchmen are like,

you know, they've all got the jumpsuits. The henchmen are all choices. The henchmen are all choices. Yes. The Chinese. The Chinese. It gets a chance to like look around the place first before he gets the alarm set off on them. gets a chance to look around the place first before he gets the alarm set off on him.

He finds out that one of the main ways that Goldfinger is getting gold into the Alps is that he's coating his car with it. And then, he's only working on Rolls Royce out of gold, driving it, melting it down and doing it again. Incredible, shit. Everyone's like, wow, that's a really distinctive gold Rolls Royce. And he's like, yes, it's gold. I'm smuggling it.

Again, biggie, like, bumping from the inside. So, so. So, they get in there. Sunnies, you know. Oh, car chase, car chase. Yeah, car chase happens. They go through some boxes. The Chinese brackets and explicable goons are following them in a Mercedes like an old like boxing Mercedes yellow headlights and they drive off the cliff and

It's a perfect gun car. It's like a fucking lack car. It's full ideal. And Bond uses the gadgets in order. Yeah, he uses all of them in order. And then how the fuck does the guy get in the car? No, because I think they force Bond to stop. On odd job, odd jobs here. And then another guy gets in the car with Bond at gunpoint. Because he gets odd jobs. Because he only with a machine gun.

Yeah, she gets odd jobs. Congratulations, James Bond, you've wiped out that entire bloodline, nice stuff. Yep, yep, yep. And the guy, and the guy's like, okay, we'll let him drive himself, but we'll hold him at gun drive. Drive himself, I'll get in,

and I put my lips against a mic when I say this, I'll get in the passenger side of the car. And I don't know what this drop is. I have two drops left from Goldfinger. One is except crime, and the other one is just Goldfinger ejector.wav. I don't know what is the That was a wonderful sounding joke. He had a voice work. I worked. I worked. I worked.

I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked.

I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. I worked. Like one strong spring gets released and he owes boil in the air and then they fool him with a mirror like he's like a like a catch

They make him run into his own reflection like he's like he's a kid. I forget that. Yeah They just have the big mirror that they put across the thing. Why did they do this? Why is that? He's like a vampire. Mirrors are his weakness They make a crash and then Harold Scott gets on his like, ha ha, mirrors sick. Bitch. Got you. And then we get the laser. The laser scene.

This is the best scene in James Bond. Everyone's been trying to recapture it since they never will. What a shame. That's gets a little bit gangus can. He like puts him on the table and he's like, I'm gonna bisect you nutsack first, Mr. Bond. Mr. Bond, Mr. Batsum, Mr. Batsum. This laser can protect a spot on the moon or cut through solid metal.

I will show you, because in the chin on the laser and it's like slowly moving up. You're about to get the spiciest electrolysis of all times. And then Bond is like, oh, you think it made your point. Why did they restrain him so horny? And how is like, what else are you gonna do? There's no entertainment. I direct threat to the masculine.

Well, think it's not even gonna watch. He's gonna, he's gonna leave with the two Chinese guys. Do you expect me to talk no Mr Bond? I expect you to get fucking gots. And he leaves. No, Mr Bond, I expect you to deconsor create this fire. Yeah, and then born site well if I die Double or wait. Well, this is a fucking great life. It says if I die double or wait will replace me and gold figure goes I trust he will be more successful

Goal I can't I'm sorry and then he like the thing is Heading this motherfucker off at every pass. He's like I don't care about double away and then he goes But there's there's one more thing. What about Operation Grange? The thing, he goes, listen, do you want, do you expect me to talk? And he goes, no, Mr Bond, I expect you to die. One full-grade stuff. Would have been good if you got Froome, got to say it instead of just whoever it was who was dubbing him. And then last minute, Hail Mary, James Bond throws a word he's heard out and he goes, what about Operation Grand Shlam? And he goes, two words you may have ever heard, which have no meaning to you or anyone

in your organization. And he's on his way out. If he trusted his instinct on that one, you know, James Bond would have died after what, three movies. He could have saved us so much time. Yeah. James Bond would have died after what, three movies. He could have saved us so much time. Yeah. But he doubted himself is the thing

because he operation is ran, shlam is too sensitive. It's too important. And again, James doesn't know this at this point. Like Goldfinger is completely accurate when he says, you've just overheard those words and you don't know what they mean. He's attached to a post it on a monitor or whatever. For all you know, it's someone's like Wi-Fi password, but he goes, all right, fine. What will do?

James Bond on the fucking thing, like, what about Pushword one? Pushword is eight. Goldfinger Wi-Fi, public. It's a dreading on the back of the router. I have a guest Wi-Fi, Mr Bond. All right. Yeah. So, we was like, well, let's see how you enjoy experiencing the guest Wi-Fi in Kentucky,

United States of America. They shoot him with the gun that tranquilizes you instantly. Sick. And then he wakes up on a plane and we get the lady go, my name is Pussy Glaw and he goes, I must be dreaming. Oh no. Pussy Glaw. Black man.

Pussy Glaw. Oh, he's still my beating heart. Yeah, she's gold fingers private pilot, which is funny because she isn't piloting the plane. One of her polycules doing that. Or in any scene ever. No, no, she has a molecule that and I remain obsessed with pussy laws all girl polycure the way all black body suits all the time and all blonde. I appreciateussycola does not at any point fly a plane, but I think that if you are the prime arc of a molecule, all of whom are airline pilots, you get to call yourself one.

I mean, on the TK max of a molecule. No, like, I'm fucking frightened. And the next of a molecule. No, it's not at the aliens. Like, Polyamory, you don't have to have a queen. Like, what do you not? I'm not fucking frightened. I'm the next to the policule. It's not at the aliens. Like, Polyamory, you don't have to have a queen. Like, what do you not? I really know.

I realize this, but like, we're trying to explain this to the monogamous person. Who's the polyarch? Like, what? It's a peer-to-peer transaction. Yeah. The whole point in many ways is that there isn't somebody who's in charge.

Monogamous guy trying to figure out what polyamory is like, alright, but who's in charge of it? Who's the man? Can you hear me? Which one of you wears the all black body suit? Take me to your leader. And Pussygloss, like, yo, I'm Pussygloss. Sit down and show. She's a top and they're all bottom. So that's a case of a molecule where it is very like

one person focused. But then there's also the lady, I can't remember her name, but she is the stewardess and bond shaves in the bathroom and like spray shaving from over the eyes. Aja. There's an even stewardess who like confounds variously. Just to like fuck with. She's got like three the eyes. Asia. There's an Asian stewardess who confounds variously. Just to fuck with.

She's got three, okay, I think the thing is, and again, I'm fucking like Professor X in this, I think the thing is, there's like three different ways for her to keep an eye on him while he's getting changed, and he like covers each one. Yeah, and it's horny also. She's like watching him under us. Yeah.

And what the other thing here is he's got another tracking device because I guess he's got two shoes, right? It makes sense. And so he's like, I gotta activate this tracking device and keep it on me so that my boys can find me. They get him off the plane in Kentucky. Gold fingers like, what up bitch, welcome to Kentucky. I have a stud farm. Yeah, I'm gonna stud farm bitch, welcome to Kentucky. Have a stud farm.

Yeah. Yeah, as as they're driving him to the stud farm, Felix lighter and one of his boys is just in a car and they're like, well, we'll follow him for a bit. But that's James Bond. He's it looks like he's doing good. Seems fine. He's around some beautiful way to have control of the situation. I think he has control of the situation. Meanwhile, bond is like, I do not have control of the situation.

Help me, shoot. Help me, shoot. We feel completely fine, yeah. Also, I think, doesn't at some point, Pussy galore, like says, I'm a lesbian, Mr Bond. She says, I'm the outdoor type. That might be later on, but like, we get this idea that she's gay.

The name is Pussy galore, the job Pussy galore. That's right. My job is just Pussy. Hobbies Pussy galore. And so they take him to this stud farm. And Goldfinger is like, can I interest you in a monster energy? Not yet.

They lock him in the, they lock him in the cell first. They do lock him in the cell. And then he breaks out of the cell by deceiving the guard by pulling a series of stupid faces at him. Yes, I believe that to be the case. And he gets underneath. Goldfinger's giving them the briefing about Grants like, yes. Oh, it's the stimulus response gangsters.

Goldfinger has elect. He has got together all of the criminals of America. And if you live in America, you know, that everyone who does crimes in America is a Italian American and B, stupid. So he's got all of them in a room and they go, what the hell's going on? Goal finger, why won't you tell me anything that's going on? And he goes, all right, I got a plan, he's got a plan.

And he like brings up the fucking floorboards and there's like a model of Fort Knox. Beautiful scale model. Yeah, it's really good, I choose. Painter these war hammers go. It goes, motherfucker. Fort Knox. Yeah, it's really good at shoes. Painter these warham make us. It's a good smotherfucker. Fought nox. It's like I hired an autistic trans woman to make this model.

So is that Fought nox? It's gold, isn't it, baby? It's a full gold, full gold, baby. We're not gonna steal it. What we're actually gonna do is we're gonna pussy go lose. No, he doesn't tell them this yet, does he? He leads them to believe that they're gonna steal it.

Oh, yes, very true. And also they're gonna do it by spraying everyone in the surrounding area with gas from Pussy-Gallois planes. Sleeping gas. He says, yes. Sleeping gas. And at this point, there's one mafia guy who's like,

I, it's too crazy, man, I won out. And he's like, no problem. Yeah, assassinating the president was too much for me, you know, after that, you know. He's like, no problem. Just go with Mr. Oddjob, he will give you your gold now, off you go. At this point, Bond is caught by Pussy-Gallois. And I think, I'd Bond's like, oh, you're. So no problem, just go with Mr. Oddjob, he will give you your gold now, off you go. At this point Bond is caught by pussy galore,

and I think, I'd bronze like, oh, you're very spry, like, she like, dude, over something, and she's like, I am a lesbian. And he gets taken prisoner again. I'm not an introducing myself to people this way. As the mafia guy is being driven away, like, Oddjob drives him away, and then like, they crush him in a car? Yeah, they put him in a car crush. Yeah. They just shoot away and then they crush him in the car.

Yeah, they put him in a car crusher. They just shoot him and then put the car for a crusher. Yeah, that's it. I think Felix follows them and sees this. And it's like, man, seems like some shit's going on in there. This and then Goldfinger's like, do you want a monster energy, Miss Spond? Yeah.

Goldfinger's like, hey, is the mint jewel up to tart for you? And the answer is, why would a mint ju-lip be tart? How are you making this thing? I enjoy mint ju-lip, but I only want to serve at the correct temperature of a thousand. You mold it. It's mint ju-lip, can you fucking... I forgot to say. Guess who gets hit?

I don't know, everything. Exactly mint ju-lips. It's Christmas, Mr. Potter. Dude, do not try and invent it. I don't know anything, excite me to this! It's Christmas Mr. Potter. I'm not trying to invent this at home. Do not try to invent the mold. No, you didn't mold anything if you dedicated it to the mold. You can't mold. Any liquid can be molded if you believe in yourself.

Your scientists were so concerned about whether or not they could, that they forgot to consider whether or not they should. You can mull some egg nog if you want, don't. No, Jesus Christ. So you hand him this crucible of molten mint jelly. I guess. And he's like, you're nuts up, big man. I'm not going to steal.

Look, so Bond is like, oh, did you know that the special gas you're going to use is actually toxic and girlfriend is like, nah, I don't give a shit about that. And then Bond those like, what is that? Listen, listen here, you dumb,

Dutch motherfucker. There's so much gold in Fort Knox. How, you're gonna need so many fucking trucks to carry it all out of that. And girlfriend is like, dip shit, I'm not fucking carrying it out of there. I'm not ca- I'm not gonna steal a single fucking thing. Yeah, you like, let's bond, put it together himself. He's like, I'm not gonna steal a single fucking thing. Yeah, he's like, let's Bond put it together himself.

He's like, I'm not stealing shit. He's brought this guy along just to like clown on him, which I really respect. The thing is, that was our thesis when we watched this the first time, is that James Bond doesn't actually do anything in this movie. No. He's primarily a passenger. And Goldfinger is just clowning on him the whole time, but it's cool.

I'm gonna put a fucking A-bomb, small one, just a little one, I'm gonna put that inside four knocks, I'm gonna blow that shit up, I'm gonna irradiate the entire fucking gold supplier of the United States. I'm not gonna steal any of it, but all the gold that I've already got in my Rolls Royce, is gonna be fucking worth a shit ton. He's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Bond, Bond goes, my god, that's brilliant, you know? Uh, for the first time I've been. Oh shit, all fingers like, shit, it's big man.

Enjoy your molten, it's like, shh, holding up this like white hot mint julape. By the way, it's in down on the, and it's just like it burns straight through it. He's like, by the way, you're also coming along on this. I guess to like clown on you some more because it's the funniest way I can think of killing you. So the plan is he's gonna strap him to the abom, but first, but first.

All right, now this is a comedy podcast and we're all having fun. We're all having fun. However, we cannot possibly like skip past this without talking about it. Again, so this is the scene where Bond rapes Pussy-Gallon. Yes, he does. He finds her in the stables. And he not only rapes, so he rapes her heterosexual. Which is, it is a corrective rape. He holds her down.

He does it. Yes. Bad times. Bad, real bad times. This is played for romance. It's played as like, the romantic music swells. And she does not, there's something we see later in the, in the Bonn franchise is we see him do something which is also very bad. We're like,

kiss a woman who's unwilling, but then she kind of melts into it. And we get the, oh, was she really wanted to really? She's not. No. She does not do that. Pussy girl does not do that. Melt into it. No, no, no. Yeah. She's resisting the entire time. We see her on camera, which is fucking disgusting. It's for it. Yeah. Yeah. So then we cut to Operation Grand Schlam. And they... Wait, there's a bit that we've missed here, though, I think, because...

Yeah, because I think this is through Felix, and I don't remember how it happened, but the Americans have to be aware of the thing, because then... It's one right and and note round his tracking device and lob it over offense or something. Some some shit like that. No, no. Why he does is he attaches a note to a tracking device to the fucking stimulus response

gangster who's trying to get out of this. And then Felix is following that shit and it gets crushed. So Felix doesn't get tipped off. I bought. Um, so then we cut to Operation Grand Slam and Pussy Laws I kill the youngsters by the way Yeah, he gets all of them. Yeah, just no reason to do this by the way other than just flex on them

Just not to pay them clear why he does He's not a long-streaming room and a gasses them for no conceivable Gold finger gold finger believes in two things right loves gold He just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he gives them the one million today and buy that one meal and it means I'm gonna kill you and then that too many tomorrow I'm gonna kill you Fortunately The mafia are not vengeful at all and will not mind me killing all of that guys all over country Whatever, yeah, I'm in Switzerland to my goal watching like a decapitation strike on like cause a nostril is a very funny bit Just that sort of as a matter of course

Follow this part of the operation Grand Slam, and we see the flying pussy's gas everybody. They do. The babies in the cradle in a horny way. They all like for unconscious or dead, because this gas we're told, gold finger lies about it being sleeping gas to the stimulus response gangsters. We know it's actually nerve gas,

and bond is like you're're gonna kill thousands of Americans and gold fingers like, yeah, tough shit. Mint, gelip tart, enough for you. It's like, yeah. For some reason or another, I don't remember how this happens. The boys have been tipped off. And so when they see the planes go over, they know to fake. Well, falling unconscious because pussy galore has...

You're supposed to not know at this point. It's pussy galore. Yeah. Yeah. She switched the fucking gas. She switched a lot of things. She just like non-consensually vapes, fort knocks. And, yeah, the vape descends on them and they all fall unconscious. At this point... Gold finger in the boys roll up with the bomb. Gold fingers dressed as an army general. He...el. Oh, he is gold. He's got a gold gun. He's the man. Gold vulver. Yeah, it's fucking sick And they get they get into Fort Knox and it looks cool as fucking side and then they activate the a bomb And they handcuffed bond to the bomb and gold figures like well

See you later big man Thanks for coming. I say it's so it was a pleasure, but it wasn't. Yeah. And the bomb has a big, like, numerical, timer countdown thing in seconds. But the boys were fake. You know, for the people who are going to be near it when it explodes.

Yeah, James Bond. Yeah. To make it like more torturous for him. But the boys attack. And then they have to do- Yeah, because the boys will get back up. Yeah. And I'll let my Felix. Yeah.

So there has to be like a gunfight. Gold finger gets away in a helicopter. And then Bond manages to get out of his handcuffs, but he has to fight Oddjob, because the vault gets sealed with Oddjob inside. And this is where Oddjob earns the crime scene, because he's like, he could have just gone, well, we're both gonna die.

Let's just, you know, shake hands and admire all this gold. because he's like, he could have just gone, well, we're both gonna die. Let's just shake hands and admire all this gold. But he's like, we're both gonna die. But I'm still gonna kill you before the bomb goes off. Like kill you first. Yeah. He is racing an atomic bomb to kill James Bond. And he throws the hat a bunch. And one time he throws the hat in a way that severs

a couple of big electrical cables that power that one lady's bathroom toaster. And those fall on the floor and they're like sparking and shit. And Bond like duck rolls out of the way of all of his attacks. Yes. Until I'll jump twice to grapple him,

misses, grabs some like steel. He's trying to get the hat out from where the hat is stuck. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah, because the thing's closing and he has to grab it. Yeah, and Bond like hits those bars with the electric cables, electrocuting and killing Harold Sikata in real life.

Yeah, it's a shame, but he was a method actor from the start till the very end. I will be electrocuted in the course of making this. Well, if you remember, his hands really were quite badly burnt. Yeah, no, he didn't. Jesus, he did get hurt. He held on, and it didn't let go. Jesus. No one...

All right, the overwhelming thing is nobody told Harold Sikata what thing was before we started making this fucking movie. And they should have done that quite frankly. I should have thought you can pretend you don't actually have to do all this. We missed the bit as well when he's driving along the guy to be crushed. He's white for a moment. Yeah. He trained very much to do that.

He didn't know to Asian guys. They couldn't get a stunt guy in as well. He came white. Despite the fact that all of the goons were also Asian. They didn't use any of those guys again, you know? Yeah, anyway. And then some guy comes in and he stops the counter on like, I think it's like double at seven.

It is double at seven. Yeah. And Bond is like sick. I'm going to go after Goldfinger in his... Ah, no, because Bond is like sick. I'm gonna go after Goldfinger. In his... Ah, no, because Bond is, Felix is walking Bond to the plane. He's like, the president wants to meet you, James Bond.

He's like, cool. Check nasty. Oh, yeah, I forgot this was an ambush. Felix is like, how did you do this then? And he's like, I actually, I would ape to a lesbian or a screen, it's just like, it's actually quite dark. And I did one thing in the show movie,

and it was a sexual crime. I feel terrible about it actually. I should eat therapy. People always talk about the covert human intelligence sources act and the impact it has on the women who are assaulted, but also, I think it also dehumanizes our intelligence officers in the field at the same time. Anyway, regardless, I'm looking forward to me

and whoever the fuck's theraiser in it right now. And then Goldfinger comes out and says, Goldfinger, what? It's like, I'm a spawned, I am the pilot of the plane. Ha ha. Still wearing my cool clothes. And my gold gun. Nobody anticipated that this would happen.

What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna. Gonna club your ass. Gonna say your ass. He's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna cleavage ass, Clevstar, but I don't remember. He has the guy, I don't remember. Is he gonna shoot him? Or is he gonna just like parachute out that he has?

He's gonna shoot him and it's like, and this is set up earlier in the previous time they were in an aircraft because Bond threatens pussy galore with a gun and she goes, I know, other way around. She threatens him with a gun and she goes, I know, other way around. She threatens him with the gun and he goes, Oh, of course, because Bonn has to know everything. You shoot me with a fucking gun now, it will all be fucked.

And she's like, it's a tranquilizer gun, I'll fucking shoot you if I want. If you shoot, don't shoot an aircraft, you'll de-consecrate the whole thing. So, oh fuck, I'll shit, okay then. Really enjoying de-consecration, just becoming a thing for us. I'm still, I'm using it going forward to be honest with you Invest big and deconsecration is the new Consecration futures. Yeah, go finger. They struggle. I think golf fingers shoots the pilot clonstein reset But it's an accident so maybe not yeah, no sort of accidental doesn't count. Yeah, but he he he, he, he depressurizes the window.

Yes. And Goldfinger gets sucked off. He gets sucked off. He gets straight out of that. And then, and this is where we, we, I, I find, I perfect my, my art of a screenshot. Yeah, you did. For the, the art, I never hit this, this eye again is Gertroves face as he is sucked off the plane. You did four or five weeks ago while we were playing Dungeons of Dragons. You actually tried to talk about this. You were like trying to find a screenshot of this moment. I'm like, no, no, just search your James Bond. I would think so. That's the episode.

And then the crashing and then pussy galore's the pilot. She says where's gold finger and he goes playing his golden hop and they crash but they survive and then they fuck Yeah, why was there a desert island? They were in a turkey. I From Kentucky to somewhere they're in the woods that Anthony Hopkins is there with a bear And bonds like the inside of her banana peel will commit sexual crimes Fuck this lesbian I'm gonna kill about I couldn't what happened to pussy go lose pilot molecule are they in prison? Prison that that's what horny jail was invented for was the fact that you then had a bunch of like blonde families. There's the problem is double internally because you can't make a molecule testify against any other member of the polycules. Well, they changed that

with some of the family law. It's a molecule. You know not a public member as a competent and comparable witness. Um, but well, I wouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. I will, but I think your family court, let's get 10 minutes out of this, I think. But, but yeah, this is, this is how Goldfinngrens, and they hit you with the James Bond wall return in moon pussy. Mm-hmm. Thunderball is the next one.

Thunderball. I'm really so excited to get to that I plum for God we had to do Gold finger first. I feel like by volume, we could probably just say at this some scoop, but having happens at Thunderball, it would probably be right. Much like the earth is mostly water. I know Thunderball inside out, right? Because there's a bunch of Thunderball stuff we You know preview because God knows how long it's gonna be until we do Thunderball no notes

We got gay Felix lighter. We got the the tracking chip that's radioactive Cross dressing guy at the start you got cross dressing guy at the start you got Vargas You got the boat that turns into another boat. I don't remember the boat. The tour's turn of the boat. I remember the boat. The disco of Atlantic splits and half. You got the impersonating a dude's face with plastic surgery. No, I can't.

I can't. I can get. What does it do? You got the guy who fucking, you got the health spot, you got the bond wiggler, compared to that, right? This gold finger is a desert. Right, because I need that got bond wiggler, baby. We'll get there, we'll get there.

The bond, I swear the bond wiggler was thunderbolt. Well, that was never said once again. It was thunderbolt, no, it was definitely thunderbolt. No, okay. Now they rewigled, they never said anything. Yeah, because they do thunderbolt twice, because they do the plot of thunderbolt again. Oh, that's gonna get confused.

He was multiply wiggled. Oh, that's gonna get confused. He was mulsively wiggled. Well, that's Goldfinger. We fucking smashed that one. We did well on that. Yeah, that was fantastic. Actually, I'm really proud of this. Just imagine this, but on a loop, on a constant loop, like where a couple of years

into this podcast were onto like fifth gold finger. Here's my problem with that. I think I'd know it all. I think I'd be able to get that now. Gold finger would not deteriorate because I am what happens if you show a child gold finger many, many times. Well, I don't react to that. Gold is very active. I'm reactive.

Fuck you. Jesus Christ. Down that skirt. Well done. Literally have to get up and hook her out. Yeah, I'm a fuck. Yeah, okay. I love you.

It's a Christmas miracle. I see you know your periodic table well. I used to teach chemistry to GCSE. I used to have a real job. Yeah, now look what you've done to it. I used to tell kids that a fucking fundamental British value, it was rule of law. It's not funny. I used to, I used to not have a real job and now I have...

It's one, they didn't bring that in recently. Now I have this instead of that. So again, with the sincerity of... Do you, do you have a real half-to-tell children that? That's fantastic. Yeah, that's part of the fundamental British values. Like we had to, like, talk about it. Oh, yeah.

Fortunately, I didn't really have that much PSH lessons to do. I was only a science teacher, but yeah, we had to factor it in. We don't even have that thing where it's like, Caps in America where it's like, well, he's meant to be the ideal, but we don't always live up to it. We have the ideals and then we just pretend that we do.

And it's like, yeah. Increasing of a dice. Even bothered to pretend that we do not. The British values in many ways, the Vargas of our country. Just pass a law that's like, we can ignore the human rights act. Didn't we just do that? Yeah, we just try to do that.

Yeah. So, you know. Oh, well. Very Christmas. Living in Britain is good and it's fun. We love it. This is what James Bond does all of this shit for, right away. Yeah, very true. This is what James Bond does all of this shit for, by the way. It's through.

It's through. To maintain the sort of like economic activities of, in this case, the gold market and the British government and the British government's ability to like, you know, tax all of this stuff. And to do that in, like, sexual violence on queer women, which, yes, for real. For real, for real. One intervention he makes this movie, I'm really stressed enough, which yes for real. That's the real one intervention he makes this movie. I really can't stress enough that that's all he does.

Everything else is like spurred by a different character. Like, the thing is, right, gold finger is when you think about it, he's a perfect tweeting, right? Because the flex is on this guy instantly. He's a pretty good employer. He employs both a diverse in ethnicity and sexuality team. Very true. Who he up lifts.

He doesn't make any jokes or pussy galore's expense. Even if he's not like, he's fine with this, because he's a good boss. Trying to hit on her. Yeah, so he has a solid plan. He does more anti-crime work than Bond ever does because he takes out the entire mod. He true. And and then he's very close. He's very close.

Though his goal is to irradiate the gold stocks of the great Satan, the United States of America. Just try to kill thousands of people. Grant others also. Oh, yeah, but like troops. They're all American soldiers. Yeah, I guess. Which is more discriminating than any self-sequent bond, Finland. And I mean, he is doing it to enrich himself.

And I guess irradiating the US gold reserves would push the US further towards Bretton Woods and a fiat currency, which is bad, and it is partially like, you know, one of the, I'm not an anti-fiat person, it's not that, you know, the gold standard was any better, but it facilitates a lot of the terrible shit about the way we live now. But in general, like compared to, like Bond is by,

not a novel observation here, but Bond is by far the bad guy here. Yeah, though. Goldfinger, Goldfinger's reward is, he defeats this man at every turn and then gets unlucky twice. It's also really nice that we see, so there's a thing in screenwriting

which is that money is only as good as the thing that your character is going to spend it on. To have money as your character's goal is not enough. It has to be like money to afford like medicine for my kid or it has to be like money in order to get like not enough. It has to be like money to afford medicine for my kid or it has to be like money in order to get like this. Or it has to be like, Hans Gruber is like, I want the money, but actually what I want is to kind of,

you know, to the point of pride or whatever. Well, I like about Goldfingers that he wants the money and we also see he's a man who enjoys having the money. He spends it on sick gold rolls, roosters and nice clothes and like, he has for goes golfing and shit. Like, he's a guy who's like, yeah, I'm gonna be really rich and I'm gonna have a great time being rich and it's like he's

That's a kid. Yeah, I would say most villains Smokes more different than anyone his bitch too bad. Yeah, like what is Lucifer Safin's goal to kill Everyone and then what dude are you gonna be a joy that you're gonna be happy? No if Goldfinger wins He's gonna be so pleased. Yeah, that's something I would genuinely like pull the string of, is that like Bonfield and aren't having a good time, generally. Wet blow felt, for instance, miserable. He's just like, I want to see some more fish.

Dry blow felt. Renard got to have sex with electric king and like didn't have fun. Renard is a simp who is doing the same thing as Harold Tacasse, but in a way that sucks where he's trying to race himself to kill James Bond. Steversteading. I mean, this build to Lysheaf, this Sponfiller news, having the single least good time.

Super objective. Get through it. He's literally just trying to get through the weed. Jackative like whip this man's balls or the knotted rope. I mean, that's it. Scarimanga's loving it though. I mean, that's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

And you know who else is loving it is Hugo Drax. Yes. Repopulate the earth with 10 out of 10 chads. That's a solid plan and he's loving it. You know, and shares from license to kill also having a great time. God, when we get to the doldens, I'm going to be like, what the fuck happens here?

Robert D'Avi. Yeah, yeah we get to the doldens, I'm gonna be like, what the fuck happens here? Robert Darvie. Yeah, yeah, Robert fucking Darvie, baby. Yeah, the only James Bond film who's at January 6th. For real? He wasn't for real, but he's like close. He's in that like ecosystem. He's got the energy, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of it.

Yeah, Robert Darvie's on some like hard core right wing. You imagine seeing it in an insurrection and there's a the energy man. Yeah, a lot of it. Yeah, Robert Derby's on some like hardcore right wing. You imagine seeing it in an insurrection and there's a legit bond villain. We're all crying out. I don't know where this is. Bad guys. I got the skull on my hat and everything. Yeah.

So do we want to do a non-canon scum? We can try and do this as an experiment. We can't scum, yeah. A science-based racing system on this forecast. We can put the same brackets around the original thing as we know notes them to see how the scores change over time. I haven't started doing that, but I will now. Yeah, so the scum system sounds a smart, cultural,

and sensitivity of the unprovoked violence and misogynism. We're legislating from the bench here. So legislating from the bench here. Yeah, so legislating from the bench here. We are always legislating from the bench. I gotta get a gavel. All right, how smarmy is Goldfinger? I mean, it literally has the shocking bathroom. I'll tell you this.

Yeah. He doesn't do anything except lines in this movie. True. He basically does nothing, but like he doesn't push the plot forward, he just says bond type shit. Pretent he knows shit about champagne, pretent he knows shit about planes.

I don't wanna call this champagne down. It's just a bunch of hot, mid-Juleps. Yeah, it's just nonsense. Why would a mid-Julep be tart? Doesn't include any sort of lemon juice. Ha ha ha. It's, yeah, I think the thing is, right, when we started doing this, we had no point of comparison.

So the early bonds, we're trying to grade Shimposhur from Lysky. Absolutely, we don't really know. So I don't remember what we gave this. But off the top of my head, I would have loved to have a tab, I'll get to it. Like a six. Well, I've got him here too, but I wanna, yeah,

let's see what we give it this time in that fun. Yeah, I'd give it a six to. Six makes sense. Cultural insensitivity. Oh, wow. It's Asian henchmen, but again, they don't, and I hesitate to say no one of color gets to do anything in the movie as a point

towards it being not insensitive, but like, no one, like, there's no characters here that like, they're insensitive too. It's how old Sukhara isn't Korean. He doesn't, he also doesn't get to talk, he just makes noises. Yes, that's true. That is true. They have a try to excuse that, I don't know. I guess it's not omission, right? Because there are people of color in it. It's, they're not treating it. He's definitely orientalized. Like, yeah. And it's like, Don Finger is bad and weird because he employs Asians.

Yeah. It's a sign of our interest with him. Worth a few points, surely. For a ball. Yeah. Real for easily. Unprovoked violence. I mean, I think this is the problem is how we separated

out this and misogyny because otherwise we would have given it an eight for both. Yeah. We have to not into the honest. It's actual violence. Yeah. In that case, what other violence does Bond do? He like beats up one of the guards after making faces at him, but he's trying to get out of itself, so whatever. See, slap a woman at some point. I feel like he's slapped a woman. I mean, there's the man talk slap, which is unprovoked. I feel like he's slapped a woman in the face. Did he slap Julie or Tilly? Pretty jury does.

Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, it did during the course. That sounds right, man. Yeah. Yeah. Give me the movie about the third master's and the sister. I don't know, revenge. She's trans. That would have been a good Bond film again.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I honestly don't remember. Four or five. Four. Four. Four. I don't, I honestly don't remember four or five four four four four four And then mazzagni obviously is like an eight for a nine. Yeah, I think this is the first time we broke our seven because this is yeah Only so the three movies you think we were such as nine powerfully so yeah nine nine

So so so how does this thing compare to our original rating? Well, that gets us a total score of 23. Oh my word! 23 is the same score. Exactly what we gave it first, I mean. It's a science based system. We have repeatable results. Yes, we do. As a total we do, but as an individual, some of it.

We gave it, SMARM 7, Cultural Insensitivity 2, Unprovoked Violence 6, and Massage 8. We were more racist when we recorded that. I feel better about the ratings now. Yeah. It's good to be getting less racist over time, especially in the context of living in Britain. It's called growth.

Yeah. Sorry, I'm getting less racist. Ideally, you'd be like the same amount of racist zero, but if you have to pick another option, less racist is good. As a totality, though, the scum system delivers a repeatable result. So long as you don't break it down, that's a scientific answer. That's a scientific answer. It's a scientific answer.

We've solved movie criticism. We've got a science teacher justifying that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know the difference between voltage and amperes. It's a science-based system. Don't touch me anything. Thank you. And that's, that's gold finger again.

And this is the last kill James Bond of 2023. Oh, the finger. We will see you unless anyone paints this entirely gold in the meantime. The third of January 2024 for OSS Sondi set, again, back at it for more Euros by. Just for a little bit until we... Tell us some things. Colossus. Yes.

Until we're ready to produce Operation Grand Slam. In the meantime, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks. For a year of listening, a year of another year of me not having to get a real job. And another year where I can hang out with my friends and get paid for it, which is remarkable. It's a good time.

Special shout out to all of our trans listeners, because we have even more so this year, made James Bond a trans meme, which is extremely fucking funny. Yes. You want to do the little treat here? Shall we go through the end of year Spotify wrapped for podcasters? Let's do our Spotify wrapped. Let's do our Spotify wrapped. Let's do our Spotify wrapped. I can give you some highlights here.

I don't know what that is, because I don't know how Spotify, but okay. Well, I have to upload these episodes to Spotify, so I get it. I get it. And then they give us some analytics at the end of the year. Oh, yeah, I think it's, it's no.

Our top episode of 2023 was Austin Powers Live, which was streamed to 232% more than average episode. Wow. That was so much fun to do. You're genuinely free of them. Love to hear us on stage, I guess. More of this will be coming in 2024. Yes, it will.

We are already in the process of organizing some live shows for you. More live. More killjames online. Millionaire movies. Yes, stupid bullshit. That's right. 47% of our listeners discovered us in 2023. Oh wow. Oh, big yeah. Of which 25% of new listeners started by listening to episode one, Doctor No. This is the correct way to listen to it. This is right. And this is the thing, right? I was saying at the start that I'm so glad that we get to do this, right? We get to continue to do this.

And my bullshit like art project idea of doing this would have been entertaining, but like the fact that we're now doing every movie, the fact that we're now branching off, and next year we're going to branch off a bit more, I'm so proud of the work that you guys did on the first, on killing James Bond. That season, to me, it stands up. And if you go back and listen to our original Goldfinger, our original gold finger, our original dots and no, we might not have been as polished, we might not have been as like natural as podcasters. But kind of a slightly different voice. Before you got the best voice training in the world, yeah. Yeah, listen, if you listen to these episodes,

like episode four, Abby changes, like it's unbelievable. Yeah, I learned voice control, but even then, actually, you know, if we go back like a year, year and a half, I'm still using a bit too much learning control. My voice is definitely settled over the last year It's interesting. Well, I'll tell you this for free You did a bit on on your most recent episode of philosophy tube where you like go back to the old voice for a bit And it sounds so unnatural

I'm like who the fuck is this? Like it doesn't sound like you anymore. But so interesting because cis people are by and large fooled. It feels more like you putting on a voice than this one does. Yeah, genuinely. Yeah, well, this actually requires no effort to maintain. This one actually does. It requires quite a bit of work to actually get back into this now. I suppose it worked. If I warm up, if I had a proper warm up session, then I could probably see it. Yeah, it requires effort to stay down here now. Where is this easy?

Yeah, incredible. And the thing is, like, something to look for in 2024, I'm emailing the very same woman responsible. So, hey, maybe you're in a situation where two of our voices change and then we apply ultimate peer pressure to Gavin. You are not. Actually, that would be funny. That would be really good.

But all I wanted to say is, had we stopped after we killed him? Had we stopped after the no time to die thing and like left on that high? I'm glad we didn't, but had we decided to turn into a different podcast or do something else, I would have been so proud to do that because I think the body of work we left behind was like perfect.

Hundreds, I agree with you completely. Kill James Bond season one as far as I'm concerned stands up and I'm very, very pleased with give it a realist and give it a realist and add a special shout out to this YouTube account. Kill James Bond highlights has been going back through the archives, doing better trailers for us than we have tended to do. Right? And I have to fucking say that shit. I'm the only one who does trailers for us.

No, no, no, no. That's not graceful for you to say. Great, great. Now I have to apologize. No, it's okay. I agree. No, no, no, I don't mean that. What I mean is, what I mean is we put out a trailer

for a season, right, or we'll put out a preview, but they're like going through picking out the best bits as they listen and like on a different timeline from us. That's really fucking good. Sometimes I'm like, I don't remember doing that. I don't remember seeing that. It's all that's really fucking good. Sometimes I'm like I don't remember doing that I don't remember saying that it's all memory hole. Help me really listen to the alpaca bit from the start of It's actually useful to me because like as I have had more and more to do every week I've started not being able to dedicate the time to like making those

promo videos that I used to I used to make and I want to get back to them at some point. But like it's nice that they're still being created if not by me by someone else. It's very, very pleasant. I'm sorry, I called them better. I did not mean that. They're much worse, actually, as well. I got a little bit on for a year.

Actually, stick to just recreating my voice. Yeah. I'm going to look forward to next year, because like next year like a video shit actually. Stick to just recreating my voice. Yeah. I'm going to give it to next year because like next year's probably going to get a little bit weird for me like in my life because some things I did this year are going to get like some shows that I filmed this year are going to be announced at which point life might get a little strange. But I look forward to doing this podcast every week. And like sometimes, especially if I'm feeling down,

I wake up with a moment, oh yeah, it's called James Bond Day. And like I just really love doing this. So I wanted to say thank you to both you two and the listeners because I really like, it's one of my favorite things that I do. You're so well, man. I, it's incredible. And the thing is, like, now that every actor has a podcast, we are never letting our claws out of you.

You can get your Oscars and we will still be like Kill James Bond, record 9.2. Kill James Bond. I still want to. It's good, but. He's like on stage, you're like the parties and it's like, we still recording tomorrow, like we still want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, congratulations on the Oscars.

Genuinely, like, I mean, there have been some moments this year where things have gotten like weird in that sort of way. Or it's like, oh, wow, suddenly I'm on a different kind of level. And like, genuinely, I look forward to this because a lot of that stuff makes me more comfortable, but I love doing this. So. It's never feels like work. It always feels like a treat.

I absolutely love Kiel James Bond. Kiel James Bond, million years. Kiel James Bond, million years. A thousand, a thousand fuckers here. As long as you're a motherfucker, as I'm talking to the audience on this one, as long as you keep listening to this, we will keep creating it.

Yeah. As long as there is a demand. As long as there are bonds, as long as there are bonds we will be there kill James That's right and kill James Bond will return in 2024. Thank you for listening good night I fear the man who's killed one James The man who's James I'm a new year now. Happy new year.

Thank you for listening to yet another episode of Kill James Bond. As you can tell by me being high energy at the end, I'm not recording this directly after we finished recording the episode. I'm actually recording this directly after I finished recording for Jazz Outro last week. So next week, on the free feed, sorry patrons, it's the first episode of Kill James Bond in 2024. It's a brand new Euros by, it's actually pretty good. It's OSS-117 mission for a killer. I would actually recommend watching that one ahead of time if you have access to it. It's pretty good. But of course, as this whole podcast is funded entirely by you, the fans, we would literally

be nothing with that well Alice would have the other podcast and that would have philosophy tube. So I guess I would be nothing without you the fans. Thank you for your support over the course of this year. It's been a hell of a ride and we're going to make next year even better. But special thanks of course to our 15 pounds above patrons and those are Space North Paul, low-beyond starter candy fox freerowicious, Gustavo, Lira Jack Holmes, Mike Berg, Hannah, Oberhardnick Boris Powerdatt, Nate Humoria, Jason Harger, George Rohehart, Kentucky Fried, Kormi, Drone Lover, Yarrick, Melody, Morogan Sal, that's a cow named Mr. Pickle's Labour Dylenderest,

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now with more Dyke, Finn Ross, with the same amount of Dyke, you'd imagine, Robert Green Smith as well, not not choosing to let me know if any amounts change.

The Elector of the Cyberparpe, Abigail, Loz Pie, Cock, Megacombie, Emily, Queen of Stov, Sturves, Eachit, and loves Pycock mega-combe, Emily Greer-stops, Terpsi-chittin' Diolone, Josh Simmons, Zoe Sheppard, Vee-Victis, Orcative Tiger, Lauren Bassin, and Cheer-Up Love might never happen.

Ah, that one really tickles me, thank you so much, whoever's up love. Kill James Bond 2023 has been Alice, Abigail and Devon. Our producers have been the wonderful Mr. Napathay and the stunning Mr. Tom O'Marney. A website's by Tom Allen. Our podcast artist by Maddie LaChanseki and we do it all for you, the fans. And I hope you did start those arguments around the Christmas dinner table. Let me know if you did start those arguments around the Christmas dinner table. Uh, let me know if you did. Why? I'll see you next year for more, more, bigger, better.

Kill James Bond a thousand years. Love you all.