KILL TONY - #521 - JOE ROGAN + ELEANOR KERRIGAN

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

Joe Rogan, Eleanor Kerrigan, William Montgomery, Hans Kim, Matthew Muehling, Michael Lehrer, Michael A. Gonzales, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 08/23/2021–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:Visit GETROMAN.COM/TONY and if approved, you’ll get fifteen dollars off your first order of ED treatment.—ZIPRECRUITER.COM – TRY IT FOR FREE AT ZIPRECRUITER.COM/KILLTONY

Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Every Monday we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas. But we're always on the road and we always have comedy shows also. So go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is shopsquad.tv. There you have the Kill Tony shirt, DeathSquad shirts, hats, everything at shopsquad.tv.

Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist. He draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, TonyHinchCliff.com for everything, Golden Pony. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Austin, Texas. It's Monday. We're here. Make some fucking noise. We're doing it. All red bands here, everybody. Hey, everybody.

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It'll last you a lifetime. Go to ridge.com slash kill Tony and use the code kill Tony at checkout. Hey y'all, big Texas welcome. One of our favorite sponsors is back and that's infinite CBT. As you guys know, Infinite CBD has the cleanest, purest CBD available. If you've never heard of CBD, it's derived from hemp plants and packs all the benefits of marijuana without getting you high. And Infinite CBD has a ton of different products that we've all used.

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so you're sure to find the exact product that fits your personal needs. And if you use promo code kill Tony, you will get 20% off. Once more, that's infinitecbd.com and promo code kill Tony for 20% off. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? We are here. You are here in Austin, Texas. Every single week, I have a couple of the best comedians in the world on this show. This show started at the comedy store over eight years ago. There is no other podcast that is taped as many live episodes as we have.

And we're now here in Austin. And for that, you get rewarded tonight by two comedy store icons and two of my favorite comedians in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, Eleanor Kerrigan and Joe Rogan, everybody. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Wow. Look at you. Look at your faces. Come on. Get in here. Eleanor Kerrigan and Joe Rogan are here.

This is Kill Tony. Live in Austin, Texas. Absolutely incredible. You guys have been guests multiple times. Eleanor Kerrigan just released her first special, everybody. Ladylike available now, absolutely everywhere. So such an exciting thing. Go to eleanorjkerrigan.com and listen to it.

Support her. She helped me get my job at the comedy store fucking over 14 years ago. She was a waitress at the comedy store for 16 years before starting 12 years before starting stand-up comedy, basically with me, right? In 2007. Yeah, 14 years I'm doing it. So look at us, brothers and sisters. Can you just show everybody that you have the American flag printed on your notes?

It is true. These are my notes. I figure if you're going to write on paper, why not do it? Right. My favorite part about this American paper is that it was made in China. They do it good. You shouldn't write on the flag. So I'm pretty excited. This is new paper.

Thanks for noticing, Joe. Joe Rogan of the JRE, the podcast. Welcome back, Joe. We've had a lot of fun episodes here. Thanks, buddy. Good to be here. Good to be here. You were with us on episode 500 at the Paramount Theater here in Austin.

We've been having fun. What number are you at now? This is 5... 21? 521? 521, I guess. Yeah. No, I think it's close, probably.

Yeah. We've done it every week, every Monday, except for two in May for some weird reason. I don't even remember what happened. We don't need to talk about that. That was also... Those problems were also made in China. You know what I mean, everybody? Yikes!

And we have begun. Everybody, over 100 people signed up for the opportunity to get 60 seconds on this stage tonight. If you know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they did 60 seconds of stand-up comedy and their time is up. They have to wrap it up then or they're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. So that's how it works. You're going to see people do comedy tonight. Is that exciting, everyone?

And then we talk to them afterwards. We find out more about them, about their lives, and figure out what's exciting about them. Insanity will ensue. So let's start the show. But before we go to the bucket, why don't we bring one of our regulars up here? We have three people in town that do a brand new minute every single week. It's a very, very hard thing to do in stand-up comedy. Sounds easy, but it's not.

These guys make it look easy. Your first comedian, your first regular tonight, originally from New York, moved to Chicago, took over the entire improv scene there. It was one of the highest-ranked members of Second City of all time. And got diagnosed with ALS and decided to chase his lifelong dream of being a stand-up comedian. Ladies and gentlemen, this, kicking off tonight, a brand new minute from the great Michael Lehrer, everybody. Fucking fly over here. You're out of these flies.

Guys, this is Austin, Texas. This is Kill Tony. You gotta make more noise for Michael Lehrer, everybody. The world is changing, people. He used to be always bent on black. Now it's always been on Abdul Kaboom, the Mac and the Metals. Hey, to the people of Afghanistan, channel my inner spirit. Do not give up until you can no longer control your force. Hey, boys are back, but who gives a fuck?

We got school board meetings. Yeah, I want to see a bunch of angry dads take a caravan when they're beating a president inside. Yeah, she's trying to help her kids. The only thing good about the Delta variant is somehow, someway, tongue-nourishing skinning residuals. Michael Lehrer, everybody. Very rarely does he dig his shirt off. This is exciting. This is exciting.

He's basically, for those of you just listening to the podcast, he's pretty much naked right now. Oh, this is like Hurt Kreischer. Hey, he's doing Rainy Street, motherfuckers. Wow, repping Rainy Street. We've seen this before. That is indeed where he lives. Rainy Street is a street made of bars, and Michael Lehrer lives there. As if he didn't have enough temptations in life to worry about.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm going through some shit, and once in a while, I'd like to take the edge off. I love it. Michael, that was it. Hey, I'm Tony Sordi in a rough, but I really wanted to come here today to expose Hans Kim. Oh, wow. Wow, there's already been a few ladies that have exposed Hans Kim. Wow, confidential.

And I'm telling you, you could tell that it's serious because the letters start big and they get smaller as they get closer to the bottom. He really, I could tell he did this himself. The end looks like a drawing of the United States of America. You could tell that is indeed Michael Lehrer's handwriting or foot writing. I'm not sure how he does it really. Oh, there's another one. Confidential, oh my goodness. This is, we are perhaps, confidential, spelled like King Kong, I do believe that's a reference too.

I'm so sick. Oh, shit, he dropped it. That's it. Thank you. I'm cold. They named my, no, I'm kidding. Yo, Hans Kim is a fraud and he's fooling all of you and I moved here to get pussy and he's sending all the pussy. Hans Kim is indeed.

This is a fact. Hans is getting all the pussy. It's bullshit. I've been, look at me. It's bullshit. Hans Kim is not his real name. His government name is Kamo Samyangai. Oh, Michael, come on.

Why would you do that to poor Hans? That is his name. Hey, oh shit. That's so stupid. I'm done. Hello there, ladies and gentlemen, in and out. Very silly one tonight for Michael. Extra silly.

It's barely got any clothes on. All right. How about one more time for the great Michael Lair, everybody? He's doing it. You gotta love a guy. The closer he gets to dying, the more clothes he takes off every week. I don't know what's gonna happen next week. There's much left.

You guys ready for your first bucket pool of the night? Anything can happen here. These are people. They're scattered in the back, back there. Make some noise for your first comedian tonight. She goes by the name of Audrey Scott, everyone. This is a new minute from Audrey Scott. Thank you so much.

I've tried to watch my diet. And one thing I always say away from our breadcrumbs, because that's just for the birds. I wasn't sure if that'd be funny or not, but duck it. Quack. I have a girlfriend who keeps getting back together with the same guy. She only gets back together when I complain about him. So she called me the other day and said,

oh my God, he's gaslighting me. And I think she should be more grateful, because if I had a man to light his farts on fire in front of my face, I would marry him the same night. Sadly, I'm still single. No one's done that for me yet. And as much as I love being respected by a man, a woman-hater always knows how to massage a knee.

I'm pro-choice. I believe that women should have the right to choose to have a life or choose to take care of one. But if you choose to take care of one, don't leave it in the back seat of your car with the windows rolled up. Every time I see this, I'll walk up to the window, break it in, pull out my gun and shoot the baby in the face. I think someone has to put this baby out as misery.

Thank you. All right, Audrey Scott, everybody. Hell yeah. She's dressed like the comedy store, like she's from the comedy store. Welcome. How are you, Audrey? You've been on the show before.

I have, yes. How long have you been on stand-up? Two years counting COVID this month. Okay. Yeah. All right. Two years. All of it here in Texas?

No, I moved from Virginia a little less than two months ago. All right. Yeah. Okay. Is there a big scene in Virginia? I was the only one running a mic in my city for a year. There was more going on before COVID, after COVID.

My town was so small. It was kind of rough for the people that were doing comedy beforehand to come back out. What do you guys think about Audrey Scott here? She's been on the show. I'm not asking you guys the audience. I'm asking Joe and Eleanor what they think about Audrey. What did you guys think of that performance?

Eleanor, Joe. The audience is saying, well done. That's fine. Well, I guess the guests are just going to let the audience decide on this one. I think that's their way of being nice. I'm not being nice. She said that it was well done.

That's nice. That must be one of your friends. Where? Oh, thank you so much. Whoever said that. You ever do any of those jokes before? Yeah. You do.

You like those jokes. The gas letting one, I wrote that last week. So I'm working that one out. The misogyny, I just love staring at people and rubbing my knee. In the breadcrumbs? That was last week too. Less than a week ago. A lot of high old jokes.

Yeah. A lot of cheese. It was like Red Band's refrigerator. I enjoyed dairy products thoroughly. Tons of cheese. What do you do for work, Audrey? Nothing, still. How do you make money?

How do you survive? Every now and then I do shows for $10. And it's great. If you do two shows in a week, that means you make $20. Wow. No, I just... Are you okay? You're not going to save this one.

I'm great. I think I will. There's no saving this one. Is that what you're trying to do? Did you say only fans? Audrey, up here. I'm sorry. I'm taking questions from the audience.

What's your living situation that you can survive off of $20 a week? So I just moved in with my friend Kristi Nova, a cared lady. Rent is very affordable and it's a very nice house. Very happy to be there. Is it $60 a month? Look at you, math wizard. Is that what your rent is?

That's not even the right math. If you multiply that by 10, then yes. What? It's $600 a month. Okay. So how do you get that money? Oh, I'm going to save this one. She lets guys practice tattoos on her.

Girls do. Girls do. Look at the bong one. She's an equal opportunity. You have a bong on your bicep. If I was your dad, I'd be so upset. It's a lava loop. Even if you get a fucking bong, don't tattoo it on your money.

It's a lava lamp. That's a lava lamp, Joe. That's not a bong? No. Might as well be a bong. I'm not that bad. I'm not that bad. The only people that have lava lamps have bongs, so.

Yeah, I might have. I had a bong lava lamp. Yeah, it's all the same thing. Then the Gonzo fist. Thank you for recognizing that. He was my biggest writing influence. Wait, who was your biggest writing influence? I'm not saying I'm as cool as him or talented,

but Hunter S. Thompson is the reason I write. Oh. Jokes? Well. I might not be doing, and not just jokes, but writing in general. I've had the public speak a lot of my life, so he got me into writing differently. Wait a minute.

You public-speaked outside of stand-up? Yeah, I was raised Mormon, so I used to have to give talks when I was eight years old. Oh, that's what's up. Okay. Yeah. One of those. I knew something was just like, there's some wires.

One of those killer Mormon Canadians. They're not in the right spot. So do your parents help you with your rent? Absolutely. No, no. I saved up a lot of money before I moved here. I worked at Chili's. Wow.

Yeah! Bottomless tortilla chips. Do you still talk to your parents? Yeah, we have a good relationship now. Fascinating. Yes, it was rough. It was on the rocks for a little while, but now we're pretty good.

Yeah. Wow. Have they ever seen your show? I showed them one of my sets, and I have a joke about... A video? I'm not going to tell the joke. A video or a live?

I showed them a video right before I moved, and my mom was like, I'm never going to listen to a set again until it's appropriate. So I don't know if they're going to be listening to one. I might just try to be cleaner because it's a good challenge as well. So maybe my parents are proud somehow.

Everybody that... Yeah. It seems like you're leaning that way. Those jokes that you wrote last week about massaging a knee and breadcrumbs, it seems like you're... Thank you so much. Trying to impress your Mormon parents.

Thank you. I'm glad someone finally recognizes it. Maybe my parents will see this. All right, Audrey. Well, you're a lot crazier than you look. Thank you so much. Thank you. Have you gotten a Kill Tony joke book before?

I have. A big one or a small one? Big one. Well, guess what, my friend? It's perfect. You got a small one this time from our friend Bonesi. That's Audrey Scott. She's at AluminAudrey underscore on Instagram.

Yeah, that sounds great. Let's order a drink. I'll have a delicious Crown Royal and Coca-Cola if you guys have a chance. Me, too. Red Band wants one, too. And D-Madness wants one, also. All right, this is very exciting.

This young lady was just up recently. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Brittany Ladesma. Look at that. Two ladies to start the night with Eleanor Kerrigan here. Ladylike. Available now. Way in the back. That entire back area is filled.

One more time for Brittany Ladesma. Not to brag. I have a transgender sister. Yes, I am more interesting than you. When she first came out, I wasn't shocked because she's always been a bitch. My mom overreacted, though. You would have thought Costco had stopped selling

whole rotisserie chicken or that Rod Stewart had died. It's like your kids just transgender, not a Holocaust denier. She was like, I can't look at a single penis without thinking about the son I lost. Calm down. There's no need to cry about another dick of the past. I do think it's just because she was afraid,

because people tend to be transphobic. For example, men thinks it makes them gay to have sex with a transgender woman. But personally, I think that's the straightest thing you can do. Because that's a medical grade pussy. That's the tightest it's ever going to get. It's like hitting medical weed for the first time. It's never going to be the same.

You're going to say no to a medically tight pussy. Okay, faggot. There you go. There's a minute from Brittany Ledespa. Indeed. Welcome back. You were on last week. Yeah.

Awesome. Congratulations. Good luck with two weeks in a row. That's very, very lucky of you. Transgender sister. Yeah. This is all true? I do have a transgender sister.

Right. And how long ago did that happen? Last year. Okay. What have you noticed? Any significant changes since then? They're also a heroin addict, so it's all crazy. Yikes.

I guess they have one less thing to inject into now, huh? You ever fuck around with her as a kid? Yeah. Do you feel bad? I used to dress her up like a girl, and now I feel like I cost it. Oh, shit. That might be worth mentioning during that whole thing. That's got to be interesting.

Were there signs early on? I thought she was gay. Right. Growing up. She kind of is. Yeah. It's a pretty close guess. It's like, you know, it was very close.

Yeah, exactly. Something like that. I love it. Eleanor, you're from South Philly. Do you know what transgender means? We don't have those around here. We don't pay any attention to that shit. I'm not fully transitioned yet, but your jokes are excellent.

Thank you. I'm just saying. I'm going to give you a compliment. I'm not going to be mean. Indeed. Absolutely. How long have you been on stand-up, Brittany? Two years.

And you work here at Vulcan? Is that right? Yes. What else do you do? What do you do for fun? I've been taking a lot of shrooms recently. Okay. People just hand them to you, and I'm not going to say no to shrooms.

How does that go? Any highlights from that or lowlights? I saw a dog run away the other day from its owner on it. He was tied to a stool, and they couldn't catch him. Oh, shit. Did the dog take the stool with him? Yeah. Wow.

He was at a coffee shop. He left him outside. Is this where? He was at a coffee shop, and he left him outside, tied to the stool, and then he just ran off. Was this like in the city? Yeah, this was over off of like 4th Street. Wow. Okay.

I was wondering what that thing was that I hit that was attached to a stool by a rope the other day. I just kept on driving. I don't have enough time for that. You thought it was Michael Laird. Yeah. I love it. Brittany, what's something crazy that we don't know about you? Oh, God.

I don't know. Shut the fuck up, you fucking idiot. What are you thinking right now? Did you sign up, you fucking normal-ass, plain-ass white guy? Shut up. Shut up. This guy- You fucking idiot.

You thought something was going to happen right there? Some type of dream situation? You shut your fucking mouth. Oh, never in a million years. Welcome. This has to be your first time here. So welcome. I'm mad at your friend that brought you here.

Brittany, you had a great set. Two weeks in a row. Absolutely incredible. You got a big joke book last week, right? Yeah. It's a small one, just to have. It's a little souvenir. There goes Brittany Ledesma, everybody.

She's on social media at BrittanyLED. We're going to keep it moving here. That's unheard of to have two ladies pulled out first here. I know. Very, very interesting show so far. Make some noise for Tom Murphy coming out from the back. How many of you guys like it when comedians do good on the show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show?

Okay. Pretty even. Wow. Make some noise for Tom Murphy, everyone. One more time for Tom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You guys like sex? Yeah. Hey. That's a better reaction I got at the Dollar Tree, Christ. Yeah. I like sex. I don't have it a lot, you know. Yeah.

My girlfriend actually dumped me about a year and a half ago during the quarantine. It's a little clue you might be the problem in the relationship, you know. Yeah. She's allowed to see two people on earth, right? Me and her female roommate. She's like, yeah, let's cut that pie in half. Yeah. Yeah.

She hates pussy. She hates it. I've tried to show her the video. She's not into it, you know. Yeah. And after, I was kind of just hoping the quarantine would continue because at least then I know she's not fucking anybody. You know, unless she suddenly gets a thing for Uber Eats drivers, you know.

Which I knew was not the case because I am an Uber Eats driver. Yeah. And then after the quarantine ended, I was just kind of hoping she'd get COVID. It's nothing to concern. She's a lovely lady, you know. I'd rather have a respirator down her throat than, you know, Jeremy, you know. Yeah. Tom Murphy, everybody.

Tom Murphy. Fuck yeah. Look at you. This is very exciting. You've never been on this show before. I would remember you. Yeah. You are an unforgettable face.

Welcome. I wish I could forget. I can't believe you sound as weird as you look. Yeah. Wow. What's up? It's me. This is what I talk like.

Yeah. See. It's me. Hello there. Dean Delray. Fuck the penguin. This is incredible. I've always wanted to see what William Montgomery's grandfather stand up was like.

Absolutely incredible. My God, you look like both the wizard and his student at the same time. You could be 114 or 14. I'm not sure which one. This is incredible. Are you an M80? Like what are you? Are you literally a firecracker?

Yeah. Irish German. Can I have some of those? Irish German. So am I. Weird. Yeah. Look at that.

I guess one's a little more German than... Wow. Look at you. Holy shit. So you look like this all the time. You go through... Yeah. You go like grocery shopping with that head.

Yeah. You get a card or do you have one of those carry hand things? It depends on how long they let me out of the toilet bowl for you. Who bought his shot tonight, guys? Who? All right. Who bought the William... Never mind.

There you go. Stick with me. Is that natural? Yes. There's a shot, the William Montgomery shot, which has nothing to do with the moment that we're talking about right now. But yes, again, he looks like William Montgomery. We mentioned that a little bit ago.

Can I answer my question? Yep. Is that a natural hair color? Yeah. No, I wouldn't do this to myself. I'm not going to self-harm publicly like that daily, you know? Yeah. I don't like that I'm doing this to all of you.

I don't want you to... It's incredible. It really is. If you look at the coloring, I mean, it changes. You look... You were built for that. D-Madness said, I'll live without seeing what's going on here. I bet he can even see this.

Yeah. It is so white that perhaps it pops through D-Madness's vision. That's the reddest red hair I've ever seen. Right? And it's like an orange in there. It's like an off-duty Ronald McDonald or something like that. It's like a lumberjack that got kicked out of his family because he couldn't run on the log.

He didn't have the body. Too many words. Too many words. Too many words. So Tom... I'm just in shock. I'm a little in shock. What do you do for a living with a head like that?

It's like that dude from Two Years. You're going to make it. I'm just going to try to keep milking that. I'm just going to... That's good. I was serious about the Uber each thing. That's what I do now. Wow.

Really? Holy shit. How old are you? 29. I love it. 29 years old. What's your love life like? You out there just leaving bright pubic hairs in people's sheets somewhere?

Nia. I fucking know you've been seeing Tom Murphy again. I found a nine-inch long pube in my fucking... All right. What's your love life like, Tom? It's not... I wouldn't recommend it. Wow.

Like you go on dates and stuff? I turn it. Go ahead. Tell us. The question was, do you go on dates and stuff? No. I sit. No, I swipe and I keep swiping and I swipe for a while.

Have you ever thought about using someone else's avatar? Is he your avatar and just literally being the king of catfish? I turned down sex like two weeks ago. Yeah? Tell us more about that. Who did you turn down? It was... She was 18 and I'm 29, so I felt like that was weird.

Wow. That's hot as fuck. What are you doing, dude? I know. Jesus. Red Band's thoughts are not the thoughts of Kill Tony or Vulcan Gas Company. It's the thoughts that I had five seconds after it happened. I was like, yeah.

What were you doing? I mean, my internet browser's already filled with them. Like, why am I... Hold on, Tom. Just relax. What were you doing hanging out with an 18-year-old? Were you like letting her on an amusement park ride or something like that? She was illegally at a bar.

What? She was illegally at a bar and then she told me she was 18 after we've been talking for a while. And if she was illegally at a bar, blatantly lying about being 21, you believed her saying that she's 18? I didn't fuck her. I don't know, Tom. I'm a clever man. I'm a clever man. I'm a clever man.

I mean, if you were a pedophile, it would just be two on the nose. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't even make sense. You look too much like a pedophile to be a pedophile. It's like when someone asks a very tall black guy if they play basketball. It's like, we know. Something like that. What's something we'd be surprised to know about you, Tom?

You seem like you have some fucking tricks up your sleeve. I have fucked a couple times. You have? What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Cantilopes, watermelon? What are we talking about here? I didn't fuck a jar of peanut butter once.

Do you have any special moves you do in the bedroom? Are there any Tom Murphy patented moves? Is that what you do? I would describe it as rickety if I had to describe my fucking stuff. Tom, let me ask you this. When you come, do you just go... It feels so good. Rickety.

I love it. Tom, look at the way it works. And the short answer will be yes. Wow. What kind of car do you drive? Camry. There's no car I hate more. It's just play it safe, bitch.

It's really the worst. Drive slow, play it safe. Tom, you have any special skills or talents other than stand-up comedy? Is there something else you're good at? I feel like you must have an old trophy or something up on a wall somewhere. Is he coming or answering? Yeah, the... Play any instruments?

You do anything? Any type of art? Any athletic events? Perhaps like a corn hole or something you're good at? Mushroom hunting. A little bit of that. I take drugs? I don't know.

You do? What kind of drugs do you take? You got real excited during that part. The ones that are around... Does anyone have any drugs for Tom? Yeah, good question. I bet someone will give you drugs after this. Oh, I wouldn't do his drugs.

They make you retarded. Tom, I find you to be completely compelling and charismatic. And I hope you come back and sign up again for this show. I want to hang out with you again. Tom Murphy, take a big joke book from Bones Eye, the great leather maker here in Texas. And then go back to the bucket one more time and then do another regular? Yeah, let's do that.

Whoa, oh shit, okay. Make some noise for Sean Riley, everybody. Sean Riley. Sean Riley. Here he is, everybody. One more time for Sean. Hey, guys. So, like a lot of guys out there,

I watch a lot of porn. You guys ever just watch porn on your phone and then the phone screen locks and you just see the reflection of your face in the phone and you just think to yourself, I'm fucking crushing it. I've been watching so much porn,

I started paying attention to the other aspects of porn, like the ads. They just seem redundant to me. You know, like they should just put the ads in the porn. How'd that go? Gotta be like this. He'd be like, oh, babe, you're so good. You're so good.

Not as good as Spotify Premium. Yeah, I'm not great with women. Not great, like when women cry around me, I just freeze up and turn into like a Vulcan from Star Trek. I just state the facts. Like a woman will be crying. I'll be like, hey, you're crying.

You're crying. You're still crying. Thank you, guys. All right, Sean Riley. They're not laughing, laughing. They're still not laughing. Sean, how long even would stand up? Four and a half, five years?

Four and a half, five years. Holy shit. That's four and a half, five years longer than I hope you would have said. How's it been going for you? All of it here in Austin, Texas? No, I started in a South Bay Area, San Francisco, did about two years there, a little bit in Central California,

and then I spent COVID in LA. I moved here two months ago. Oh, nice. What do you love about Austin? You've been here two months. I mean, I think it's just the community. You know, I found LA, like I like LA, but I found it to be like, you know,

just people trying to chase clout and shit, and I just really like the community of Austin more. Okay. I love that. There you go. You got the, there. That's a good answer. That's a good answer.

What do you even do with your life? How do you make money? I work in finance. Really? Yep. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Fuck you. Dude, you absolutely. Dude, you absolutely have to sell it. Fuck up. Well, somebody tell this guy is that he understands in human life that he needs to shut the fuck up. All right. Back to the live show.

Sorry. That was the fourth time doing that. It's absolutely unacceptable behavior. Long drive from Round Rock to be here tonight. Anyway, and we're back with Sean Riley. How exciting. So Sean, what else you've been doing other than stand up to keep yourself busy all these years?

Outside of the show. Keep yourself busy all these years outside of that. I like to run big runner run like. I don't know. A few miles a day. Wow. Run Austin. Isn't that fucking exciting?

What do you? What do you like to? What do you like to do when you run? Like was there? I love just jamming out to slipknot, dude. Are you serious? Slipknot Slayer Pantera. I love Pantera.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't seem this extreme. I'm not an extreme guy. I hope I'm not coming off extreme. I'm a nice guy. Okay. What's the nicest thing you've done recently?

Perhaps to someone in your community. Oh, no. I actually, I do have something for this. Outside, one of the homeless people out there asked me for some money. So I said, no, thank you politely. Oh, okay. I thought I was a nice.

You have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah. I could tell. Yeah. You're as funny as a guy with that as a good relationship with his parents. They're still together. 20, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone knows if your parents are still together. It's much, much harder to be a stand-up comedian with together parents. Yeah. Is there anything about your life that's a little bit disadvantaged or anything like that? Parents are together. They're fucking making pancakes every morning, talking about how proud they are.

Riley goes out. Um, I did ask it a few times. Whoa. Yeah. Which was, I guess, does that count as a disadvantage? I don't know. Not really. That's sort of the opposite, actually, Sean.

All right. Well, you are, if you like the flavor of water, then you must love Sean Riley. It's his kill Tony debut. Just really, I mean, just like a young. It's alkaline water. Sean, here you go. Here's a joke book for you. Take a joke book.

Sean Riley, everybody. Sean Riley comedy on Instagram. Well, there you go. I'm glad. Okay. I'm glad we have this up our sleeve. You guys ready for another kill Tony regular? Let's turn this shit up right now.

My goodness gracious. You know, no control over the bucket pools, but your next regular has taken over this show by absolute storm. He was made a regular here in Austin, Texas just a couple months ago. He debuts a brand new minute every single week of absolute destruction. This is Hans Kim, everybody. Hey, my name is Hans Kim. That's my real name, Michael Lair.

My name is Hans Kim. Okay. My parents named me Hans because they didn't want kids at school to make fun of me for having an Asian name. So they gave me a German one instead. And if we're right under the radar, they had no idea I was Asian. I thought Asians were smart. My name is Hans Kim.

It's a German Korean name. It means I like to eat bratwurst, but only if they're made out of golden retrievers. It means I hate Japanese people, but only if they're Jewish. And it means I'm a really good K-pop dancer, but I mostly use it to goose step. Whoa, Hans Kim. Love it. Another one. God damn it.

You did it again, Hans. Thank you, Tony. I'm showing everybody exactly how it's done. Just be Asian, guys. What I really loved about that set and Red Band pointed it out to me as well is that you took that whole part was from an interview here on Kiltoni, that German name thing. Got a big pop. You're taking the stuff from the interviews and you're able to generate it straight into

material. When it gets a laugh here, you keep it, you work on it, and then boom. Yeah, I'm working on a bit about how the future of manhood is Asian men, so invest early. Hell yeah. Get in on the stock while it's rising. What else has been going on, Hans? I recently was verbally threatened by a McDonald employee. Verbally threatened?

Yeah. Gang violence. Oh my goodness. What exactly sounds like fun? What is gay violence? Gang violence? Gang violence. That's why my gay violence thing didn't get a laugh.

Oh. I'm like, gay violence. Oh my. You got threatened by a McDonald's employee? Yes. The gang violence? Yeah. What are they, a Mick Crip?

You never get to do a McDonald's gang joke, people. Just because you're not loving it doesn't mean people on the Internet are going to love my Mick Crip joke. Yeah, haters. Yeah, gang violence at a McDonald's. I've never heard of such a thing. It was preposterous. This is a society, you know?

It's a place of business. Oh my God. What started it off? Yeah. I was just waiting in the drive-thru for 30 minutes to be told it was closed. Next thing you know, there's a hamburger at your window, like, hey. So what happened? They tell you that it's closed, and then why?

You're like, I've been waiting here 30 fucking minutes, man. And then I just asked him where he works, and then he got all mad at me for no reason at all. Wait, you asked somebody he's wearing a McDonald's uniform? Yeah. I was like, where do you work? He's like, what? I was like, where do you work? He's like, here.

I was like, yeah, that's right. Oh. It's funny when you find out the full story, right? Oh, that's right. Wait, is it different thing? Look at Hans taking his Kill Tony energies to the McDonald's drive-thru. Jesus. Do you know who the fuck I am?

I'll take a number three with a small fry. Tony, that's called the curse of Kill Tony, then. It really is. The egos grow fast here. I mean, I live in a van, so I don't really, I'm not really, you know. That's right. The only thing sadder than getting turned down into a drive-thru and a McDonald's is getting turned down into a drive-thru and a McDonald's in your house.

The guy's like, take your life and get the fuck out of here. Take your everything. What do you park your van? Oh, my friend's house. He lets me plug in and I have an AC in there, so. That's not bad. Yeah, it's like an extra room in the house. How long you plan on living like this?

I mean, indefinitely, you know, I don't really mind it as long as, you know, I don't. Yeah, I'm fine with it. Does it become a problem when you want to fuck? I can tell you, we've asked him that. It is not a problem. Turns out a lot of ladies like making their way back to that van. If they even make it there, you know, Hans famously had sex with a girl in a broom closet here at Vulcan Gas Company just a few weeks ago.

He's on a streak right now. Every single week, a beautiful woman has come out of the audience. No one knows where or who it's going to be. They randomly just do it and they come up and they make out with innocent old Hans, who before becoming a full-time cast member of the show had a pretty slow-moving sex life. Yes. How much has it changed? Permanence.

I mean, yeah, I mean, it's changed a lot, you know. Yeah, before it was hard. Are you getting pussy just from this show? You don't have to answer that. I don't like the way you phrased that. Shut up. We have these new shirts that have been made. They're dragging.

There's a beautiful girl out there in the audience that wants to come up and you have to really make out with Hans though. He's a serious kisser. No pecs allowed. This is hilarious. It's cool, right? Hold on a second. Lower the music for a second.

And if that doesn't work, if there's a male that brought his girlfriend, the brand new My Girl Kissed Hans Kim shirts are now for sale. That did happen, right? That did happen. Oh, yeah. So if there's a girl out there, is there a girl that wants to come up and make out with Hans Kim? Everybody, oh, here comes someone I do believe.

They're making a hand signal. There's lighting. I see professional lighting for some reason. Oh, well, well, well. Hans looks like you got another heavy workload in Brenio. Come on, guys, make some noise. Hans Kim living his dreams. Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ. Come on. All right. That's two. Oh, wow. Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't feel good. This is out of control.

Tony, you only have one shirt. I know. I don't have enough shirts for all of this. You guys know there's a pandemic? And guess who started it? It was Hans. It was Hans. Absolutely incredible.

My guess is that these are the ladies of the yellow rose and the red rose. Am I right? Wow. Look at this. Look what it's become. Hans, you get the most beautiful girls to come down here and kiss you every single week. It's absolutely incredible. Yes, please.

This can happen outside kill Tony too. You know, if you see me on the street, say hello. Oh, my God. You created a monster. Oh, it really is. If you see me out on the street, say hello. What the fuck? Hans, you have no limit to your fucking existence.

Did you girls know about this before you got here? Do they pay you to do this? You got a free house for a week to do this? Yeah, we have a big budget here. Kill Tony. What did you say? A house fee. Stripper talk.

Stripper talk. No house fee for a week. No house fee for a week. No house fee for a week. No house fee for a week. No house fee for a week. Thanks to our friend Cody up there, the general manager, the yellow rose and the red rose.

House fees. I love it. That is so cool. Well, your girls are lovely and he's very happy. Turn. Look at him. I've never seen a man so happy. Look at this.

Anybody who says that is lying. You did a wonderful thing. Look at him. Hans does this very special thing, Joe, where we've seen this before. He's got his pants. Where he... Because that's what I'm saying. Look at him.

He's embarrassed. He looks lighter. He does a very special thing where he tries to sneak more kisses in when the girls look at him. If you look closely any time one of the girls look at him, he starts slowly moving in for another kiss. Hans, who was your favorite out of the three kisses? Oh, my God.

You son of a bitch. You first cock-blocked a man. First you cock-block him and then you put him up against the wall. Look at him smiling. Oh, my God. Look at that smile. I feel like Stormi and I have a relationship now. Yeah.

Just in terms of... I've kissed her three times now on the show. Wow. Wow. Yeah. It's really... It used to be random audience members. Stormi keeps coming down.

I think Stormi likes the tsunami. You know what I'm saying? I love him. I did that joke a couple of weeks ago, but it's worth doing it again. 100%. How about this little Khaleesi-looking character if... Khaleesi's hot. Yeah, that's a compliment.

Don't get mad. She's the queen of dragons with her. That's her dragon right there. Yeah. That's your dragon. It was an honor to kiss the mother of dragons. She's very expert with the tongue. I've yet to learn about that technique.

I hope we can have some private sessions. Oh, my God. I love it. Hans, you're legitimately nervous. This is adorable. Look at him. I'm nervous, Joe. Look at this shit.

It is the absolute best. The yellow rose and the red rose has the most amazing... Beautiful. And charismatic strippers in the world. Very nice, ladies. And it is incredible. House fees for everyone. For everyone house fees.

When they first said house fees, I thought they had to live in his house in his van. I got nervous. He has van fees, so they all have the same thing going on. Very good. Hans, what do you think? Where does the night go after this? I mean, we still have the after party, so maybe we should hang out more. I could tell you some of the jokes I was going to do, but I didn't do here, so...

Look at that. Look at the girl next to you, Hans. Her chest is like your report card. Always. Still got it. Oh, come on. I just got the middle finger on that one. Jesus Christ.

We're having fun. I'm just goofing around. You make a living off those fucking things. Hell, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Very good. You and Hans can compare all night long.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Welcome to the show. Hans, did you have fun tonight? Yes, I did. Are you living your... Are you...

Are you living your dreams here on Kill Tony? Yes, I am. A brand new minute, absolutely destroyed, and then made out with three women after that. This was your weekly appearance by Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen. Just a guy doing stand-up comedy. Absolutely. Look how happy he is. Hans...

Wait, look at Hans. Wait, Hans is kissing the head. Hans kissing the head of the girl. Let's see. We never know when this ends here. Wait, wait a second. That... Yeah.

She's just a little shocked for a second because I... Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. How about a round of applause for the band with the appropriate music? Yeah. All right, there they go.

Little bit of Prince. The yellow rose and the red rose, the great Hans Kim. Very fun. Hans Kim. We all live vicariously through Hans, I think. Someone sent me an article. Someone sent me a thread from Reddit or something like that. You should see how the incels on the internet hate Hans Kim.

They absolutely despise that saying, now why do we have to see you making out with girls? Who cares about that? What a bunch of jealous haters. You do a live show and you'll hear the crowd go fucking wild. You can feel it. You guys having fun out there? All right.

Your next comedian goes by the name of Jaden Sharp. Out of the bucket. Anything can happen here. Jaden Sharp. We're having fun. What's up, everybody? How are you guys doing tonight? We're doing good?

Yeah? So I don't know if you guys can tell or not, but you guys shouldn't be surprised that I do not get profiled ever by police. You know what's never been said over a police scanner? Breaker19, we were looking for an African-American male wearing Patagonia right now. They're not looking for dudes wearing Uggs right now, all right?

Like, I'm safe. But there's pros and cons to that, all right? Like, one of the pros, during the Black Lives Matter protests, I crushed it with white women. So much so that I thought the word reparations meant blowjobs and chokes sex for like eight months. Like, it was intense. Con, I had to go to a white church growing up.

Pro, my youth pastor was a racist so he only molested the white kids. If that's not the best pro, like, let's be honest. No, that's true. I grew up, no one here is surprised that I grew up listening to nothing but Fallout Boy. Jaden Sharp, welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show, right? This is.

How long have you been on stand-up? Like a year and some change. Okay, all of it here in Austin, Texas? All of it here in Austin. Is this where you're from? No, I'm originally from a small town in Indiana. Okay, how long ago did you move here? Originally, I moved here when I was 17.

All right. And then I joined the military after being in California for six years, I moved back. What branch of the military? I'm getting Navy vibes from you. Close, Marine Corps. Oh, okay, absolutely, hell yeah. Don't clap for that, I didn't do shit.

I stayed in a chow hall the whole time. Did you serve overseas at all or anything like that? No, I stayed in a chow hall. Chow hall? Yeah, I was a cook. Oh, okay. All right, so you literally served in the military? Yes, exactly.

Incredible. Your life never really on the line when you're dealing with a giant pot of chili. You know what I'm saying? Interesting stuff, Jayden. And how do you make a living now? I work here. Okay, here at Vulcan Gas Company?

Yes, sir. That's right, one of the many amazing staff members here. Getting to see a lot of comedy. You think working here is this place gotten to the point yet where you feel like working here. You learn a lot about stand-up and booking shows and the art form. Does it have that vibe yet?

It does. It's helped me enough. It's more so not just in watching you guys perform. It's more so just the after effects of how you guys communicate with each other to create stuff. That's what has been helping me the most. It's just being an outside observer to it.

I love it. Jayden, what else do you do? What else do you do for fun? I was a cook because I wanted to be a chef getting out. I was cooking forever until I decided to do comedy. I don't like working for people. I don't like cooking for people. That's a better way of putting it.

So you cook? Yes. You continue to cook? Yes. Where do you cook at? Just at my house at this point. I don't cook for a restaurant. No, no, no.

I'm just surprised you have a house. You don't live in a van, incredible. What's your meal? If you had one meal to impress somebody, what is your meal? I do grilled cheese, actually. Whoa, that's crazy. That's what I had for lunch today.

I had a grilled cheese and tomato soup. My doctor said I wasn't getting enough grilled cheese in my diet, so I decided to... So you got to up that game off, though. You got to do a partner, John Creston, grilled cheese. Mozzarella, you make a marinara with it. Oh, shit.

Keep it stupid simple. I just heard Red Band come in his pants. That's incredible. Oh, it's on my boots now. It's okay. Jaden, what's your love life like? You seem like a good-looking young man. It's all right.

Yeah? Yeah. I do okay for myself. What do you do? What do I do specifically? Yeah, what do you do? Well, usually what it is is I use, like, dumb luck and being light-skinned.

I just kind of ride that wave. Right. Like, if I wanted to, I could probably fuck Mike Pence's daughter. Like, I'm going to be honest with you. Mike Pence is... I didn't even know he had a daughter. Yeah, it's a seven-year-old daughter.

That's fucked up, dude. Whoa, Red Band keeping track of the ages of former vice president's daughters. First off, the only reason Red Band knows is... Counting down that there's only 11 more years till I get my direct message ignored by this girl. I mean, Red Band knows this because he has the pictures on his phone already, so...

Yeah. Jaden, what's something that we'd be surprised to know about your life? Anything interesting about you or your family or... Do you have another pair of shoes? I do. Yeah. I do.

They're Tom's. Good question. I hate those shoes. You keep those shoes... Just for the joke, you keep those shoes? It has to be. No. No, unfortunately not.

I wish. Those shoes are the worst material that you have. White mom, black dad? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. How'd they meet? Do you know the story or anything like that? My mom's family is from where my dad's family is

in Elkhart, Indiana, so... Eleanor? Yeah, that's me. Did you say Eleanor, Indiana? Elkhart. Oh, yeah. Elkhart. Yes.

Up by South Bend, Chicago. I just heard Joe Rogan coming his pants. We heard Elkhart real quick. Seven hunting flashbacks over here. I thought you were outing me for fucking his dad. I was like, well... Hey, could've been. You've done the road in Indiana, Eleanor.

Dad's hot. Mom and dad's still together? No. I love it. Jayden, what's your favorite thing about Austin, Texas? My favorite thing... It's not Indiana. No, yeah, she nailed it right on that.

It's not Indiana. It's not California, so... Right. I like the art mostly, to be honest. There you go. Like, dudes like Chris up there painting that, like, I love that. Like, just seeing it throughout the city, it's dope.

You're a sweet boy, Jayden. There he goes. Jayden Sharp, everybody, a good young man. Out here doing it, writing, performing. Here, here's a joke book. Jayden, come here. Jayden. Jayden, take one of those.

Jayden Sharp, everybody. All right. Let's see what happens now. Make some noise for Heather Keith, everybody. Three ladies on this episode. Yeah, a lot of females. Again, lady-like available everywhere now. If you like stand-up, why not support one of my favorite people

and laugh at the same time? Go get lady-like. One more time, everybody, for Heather Keith. I found out I'm horrible at phone sex. That's not fun. I was on the phone with this guy, and I was like, oh, what are you gonna do to me? And he said, I'll give you a clue.

So I said, brr, brr, brr, brr. I said, did you just, did you just do a blues clues impression? And then he hung up. I didn't really hear from him much after that, but he did send me a letter in the mail a couple weeks later, you know? Which reminded me of that song from blues clues, you know? The one that's like, here's the mail and never fails. Makes me wanna wag my tail.

And when it comes, I wanna wag my tail. It was a restraining order. Wow. Heather Keith, look out. Damn. Hell yeah, welcome, welcome. Right out of the bucket. Who would have thought someone would kill with blues clues?

I know. I'm getting fucking old, man. I don't know any of these references. You young bucks. That's incredible. Heather, welcome. How long have you been on stand up? This is your first time on the show?

I've been doing it two and a half years, but I took a whole year off for COVID. Okay. What made you take the whole year off? I had to move back in with my parents in Colorado, and I didn't really know the scene, so I didn't really look at it. Right, right. That makes sense.

Was that a tough year for you? Had to have been, right? Yeah. Whooped up with the parents again? Yeah, I lost my job in my apartment. I was living in New England, so. Okay. Living in New England.

Which part? And then I had to move to Colorado. New Hampshire, Claremont. Okay, big New Hampshire fans. What are the odds? Literally, absolutely incredible. I lived in a shit hole. I loved it.

That's what New Hampshire people say they're from. I'm from New England. I lived in it. Sounds a lot better than New Hampshire. Wow. I love it. How long have you lived here? About six months now.

Okay. You came here for the big comedy boom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I followed all my friends here. Nice. They all came from Colorado as well? They all came from New England. Oh, gotcha.

Yeah. They're all from, they're all like Massachusetts boys. That's absolutely awesome. I love it. So how you making a living out here? I am unemployed right now. Okay. Yeah.

How are you surviving? I was living off my savings for a while. And then right now I'm begging my parents for money. Ah, gotcha. Or not a fan of that. Gotcha. That makes sense. Okay.

And how old are you? I'm 24. I just turned 24. You can beg for one more year. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're a mean dad. Daddy Rogan. What a mean dad.

I'm an actual dad. Whatever. I'm the only one here. It's a fucking dad. Yeah. She's gonna be a superstar. We gotta go, hey, what the fuck? Absolutely.

And if they don't answer, just literally ask Joe sometime. Just ask him. You'll be surprised at the magic that can happen. Heather, so I love that. You're here. What's your living situation? You have a bunch of roommates? I just moved in with like a random girl off of Facebook.

Whoa. Yeah. Just like two days ago, yeah. Yikes. Any fans? No. I think she's straight. Okay.

We got that one in. Yeah. No, she didn't know me like at all. Like she just left a fucking key under the mat and was like moving. I was like, Jesus. Wow. Damn. People are...

I thought I was gonna get raped, but... That's a wild bitch. I didn't. Yeah. That's a wild bitch. White girl? Is it a white girl? Yeah, yeah.

I think. Oh, you haven't even... She looks white. Yeah. Okay. No, I don't. You guys haven't hung out at all? We've had like two conversations.

All right. Yeah. What have they been about? Blues clues. Kind of nothing. Yeah. Just telling her perverted jokes. No.

She was talking about how she came to Vulcan once and met that Canadian roast guy. Did she kiss Hans Kim? No, I've kissed Hans Kim. You have? What? Is that true? Yeah. Where's Hans Kim?

Somebody get Hans Kim up here. The kid is a fucking savage. Where did you kiss Hans Kim? It was his birthday party. I got very drunk. Are you the lady? This guy's giving him a little... Wow.

Are you from the broom closet? What? No, she's not. No, no, no. That's not me. No. She seems nice though. See, if you weren't really drunk, you wouldn't kiss the amazing, hilarious, fastest rising

local comedic talent, Hans Kim? I've already gotten the sample. Hans, get back up here. Where the fuck is Hans? Hans. Hans is swimming in the stripper pussy right now, so he can't be here. He went from 10 to like a 5. He's in the back like, I already ate.

He's swimming in house fees. Hans, get up here. God damn it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a little... Hans. Hans, is it true that you've made out with Heather Keith before? We didn't make out.

I just gave him... On my birthday. Wow. We didn't make out. I don't want to do no tongues. And that's the night... I'm a lady. That's the night you puke four times, right, Hans?

Okay, Radbin. Very good. Yeah. There we go. All right. We were here that night. Yeah. I also kissed Audrey Scott.

She was on me. Whoa. I gave her COVID. This party's out of control. Did you get it from Hans? No. Oh, my God. Three people making out their total net worth, $74.

That's incredible. Absolutely incredible. Hans, how many girls are you making out with a week, dude? What's going on out here? Probably around three on average. That's good. All right. All right.

Give the microphone back to Joe. There goes Hans Kim again. Hans Kim, ladies and gentlemen. Heather, what else about you? What would we be surprised to know about you? Any special skills or talents? Nothing really. I'm very boring.

I like to antique. I like to roller skate. Wow. Roller skating. I'm not good at it. I can do the moonwalk and I can spin. Really? Yeah.

Can we see you do the moonwalk real quick? Come on. How many of you want to see her do the moonwalk, everybody? Just do the moonwalk real quick. Just try your best. I can only. Come on. You can do it.

Believe in yourself. I hate this. I can do it. I can literally only do it in skates. It's like a different technique. I see. It's like the toe stops. Oh, I got you.

Now I see. What a disappointment. Yeah, that really was. What a buildup. Fun fact, moonwalk is the name of Hans Kim's parents restaurant, by the way. Come on. Moonwalk.

W-O-K. It's not a face joke. Heather, you had an unbelievable set. I love it when we find people like you out of the bucket. Have a big joke book. Incredible set. That's Heather Keith, everybody. Her first time on Kill Tony.

She's on Instagram at adult kiddo. All one word. Maybe like the first time anybody's ever killed with Blue's Clues. Yeah, that was incredible. Maybe ever, right? That was incredible. I've never seen a Blue's Clues reference do that good. All right.

This young man's been on the show before. Here he comes again. Another employee at Vulcan Gas Company. This is Nick Reese, everyone. Nick Reese. Here he comes. So I just moved out to Texas. Notice that all the buildings are kind of named the same way.

Basically, the formula is you take the street that you're on, and then the service that you offer. And that's it. That's the whole name of your business. So the other day I saw First Street Dentistry. That's pretty cool. Then I saw Slaughter Lane Animal Hospital. Not as good of a ring to it.

And then the other one that I saw was Convict Hill Daycare Center. I don't really know what the deal is. I also noticed that everyone's here giving away mushrooms. That's a thing. And I noticed that mushroom dealers have the same dosages as video game settings. So it's like, do you want the hardcore? Do you want the insane, the heroic? Or do you want the legendary dude?

I'm aware I look like I sell used Coke. Used Coke. I've never heard of that before. Wow, used Coke is good. It's a good reference there. You really do look like that. You look like you'd be a horrible rapper. I was.

I was. I was an awful rapper. Really? You've done that before? I did it with you guys. Really? You rapped? Oh, you got to rap again.

Michael, give this guy a beat. I got to listen to this guy be a bad rapper. I love bad rap. I like bad rap as much as I like good rap. All right. All right. Killing shit up on 6th Street. We won't stop busting these lines to pank six feet.

We going to keep it going off the stop. That's right. We straight kill Tony throwing this reloaded shit. That's right. Take the clip and reload it quick. And everyone knows the way I go is exploding it. So if you would just listen quick, the way that Nick's been kicking straight, terrificness is licking this, hitting this shit.

Whoa. All right. All right. Okay. That was actually quite impressive. That was like Cyprus Hills have eyes. Whoo. Yeah.

I'm proud of that one. Nick. So it's been months since you've been on this show. You were on the show back at, I can't even remember the name of that club on Applebee Street. Yeah. It was Applebee's. We used to do it here in Austin.

I didn't even get on there. Last time I was with it was at the store. Really? The comedy store in Los Angeles. Yeah. The last episode I was on was Jeremiah as the guest. Wow. Feels like forever ago.

My goodness. So welcome back. That's incredible. You made it all the way here to Austin. You were chasing the dream in LA. You fled at a good time, invested in the right stock. And you're here in Austin. At least getting to perform in front of fucking normal human beings.

Animals. And the one guy that was here earlier. Yeah. It's very exciting stuff. So what do you love about Austin? You live here now. What's going on? Clearly you're taking advantage of the incredible restaurants.

Yeah. I was going to say, Yoni hasn't steered me to a bad restaurant, man. Like I've been at CM Smokehouse daily. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, I've just been fucking eating a shit load of food and drinking way more than anybody should.

Yeah. The city's fucking amazing. The city's amazing. It really is. It's so much fun. It is crazy. It's alive. I mean, there's just things that you have the option

to do whatever you want here. It's pretty wild. Yeah. And the weed's not half bad, actually. Well, I mean. Everyone has UPS, you know. Yeah, exactly. The weed's not necessarily grown around the corner.

You know what I mean? We have that shit smuggled in. What, where'd you win that necklace from? I actually, I actually... Was it like a claw machine? Was it a... That's David Lucas' choker chain from like two weeks ago. Yeah, it's the same chain.

I actually caught somebody essentially trying to break into my house and I ran their pockets for it and this was in the pockets. When you say essentially trying to break into your house, what does that mean, exact? There was a dude at my house and I didn't make any reservations for dudes to be at my house. Oh. And so I was like, nice backpack, drop it.

And then this was in the backpack. So... You robbed him? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a twist in this story. Yeah, yeah. Someone tried to rob me and I robbed him, yeah, yeah.

I don't think you need to make reservations for a guy to... How did the guy end up at your house? A friend brought him or...? Yeah, I had known him for a while and he just kind of was like a dude I did drugs with a handful of times. And then... And then one day you're like, what's in the backpack? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, he was... He wasn't like a friend, it was like... The story keeps getting gayer. Yeah, it really is. He was just some dude that I knew and I caught him trying to break into my house. When he said backpack, I didn't know this is what he meant. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Because it's gay. Nick, what have we not talked about that would be interesting? What? I'm not buying it. The story? Yeah, it's a very weird story. The guys at his house, all of a sudden he says, drop the backpack.

Yeah, like the guy's with you and he's not. But he is, you know him, but you don't. You got to... I barely know him. I knew him. He wasn't supposed to be at my house. Like, I just happened to know who he was. And he just gave up the gold chain, that's it?

Well, it was that or fight me and he didn't want to fight me. So, like, yeah, yeah. Damn. And by house, are you underneath that bridge right down the street? This is back in California. This was like a couple years ago. Right. Okay.

Nick, what's something we don't know about you that's interesting? He robs his friends. Yeah, I guess that's a fucking guy. It's been months since you've been on this show. Yeah, I mean, I got a show here with William on the fifth. Hey! There you go. All right.

So you're doing stand-up. What a nightmare. You're out here doing it. I love it. You work here. You're here all the time. You're in the scene. You're taking care of business.

Nick Reese, ladies and gentlemen. This is him here on Kilt Tony. Awesome, Nick. Take one of those. Let's keep it moving here. Yeah, there is. Ben Moffitt, M-A-F-F-I-T-T. Ben Moffitt may fit, perhaps.

Here we go. It's all happening. We're waiting for Ben. Yeah. Come on, one more time for Ben Moffitt, everybody. Thank you, thank you. Good to be here. Just moved down.

You know, let me properly introduce myself. Hi, I'm Ben. I'm 25. It takes two people to suck my dick. One to hold up my gut, and another one to suffer. It takes two people to suck my dick. Someone has told the flashlight while they're looking for it. It takes two people to suck my dick.

It takes more than one person to pitch a tent, people. All right, all right. It takes two people to suck my dick. Because if you find Bigfoot, you're going to want to witness. Well, yeah, Ben Moffitt, everybody. Hell, yeah. Very impressive. It only took one of you to suck dick on stage tonight.

Yeah, I guess so. Don't hang yourself. The ceiling cannot support that here, Ben. I've noticed. I don't know what you're planning on doing. Guy like you, it's hard work to kill yourself. Either a lot of pills, a few gunshots, whatever. It's going to take multiples for you.

Dedication. You are a big boy. A little bit, yeah. Hell, yeah. You look like Hank Williams, Carl's Jr. I like it. I like it. Ben, welcome.

How long have you been to stand up or wobbly wobble or whatever it is that you're doing up here? About two years. Two years. Awesome. Awesome. Very cool. All of it here in Austin?

No, just moved down about two weeks ago. From where? Grand Rapids. Okay. All the way from Michigan. Hell, yeah. I love it. Yeah, I can tell.

Very cool. I'm going to be in a crash. Yeah, yeah. Have you tried some of the local places? You've been to Whataburger? I tried that, yeah. I had a feeling. Not great.

Not great, right? I know, these people, they're so weird. I can take all your assets. You guys are communists. Hey, In-N-Out's great though. I'll give you that. Yeah, absolutely. In-N-Out's not that great either.

Yeah. He tears. All right, I'm taking Demadness's advice on that. He has stronger senses of taste than all of us, I do believe. Yeah, I guess so, sure. He's like, Whataburger? More like, Whereaburger, am I right? All right.

If he's laughing, you should be, you assholes. He's cracking up back there. All right, so let's talk about it, Ben. You've been doing stand-up for two years. You're here two weeks. Yeah, I actually came down once to visit. I was hoping to do Kill Tony, but, you know, I was in May, so. Look at you, here you are.

This is the first time I've been here for this. And your second time ever at the show is what you're saying. And you're already up here. That defies the odds. That's very cool. Lucky guy. Congratulations. I love your shirt.

There's palm trees on your shirt. I counted 2,400 palm trees on that fucking. You literally have more palm trees on your shirt than the entire state of California. It's very, very impressive. I love it, Ben. Yeah, it stood out in Michigan, so I had to go somewhere where it fit a little bit. Hell yeah. I like your style, man.

You're laughing at all these jokes. You're staying in the pie. I like the way that you hold the microphone up to your mouth. I love it. I love it. I love it. Red Band mentioned, I'm like, I just like it. He's got the mic near his mouth.

Other people I have to tell to pull the mic. You're fundamentally sound for coming out of Grand Rapids. Are you from Dr. Grins? I've done that a few times. Yeah. It's a good spot. I remember that place. Very cool.

What do you do for work? Unemployed right now. Yeah, what did you do before? Got that sugar daddy, Uncle Sam. Sugar daddy. I think you have enough sugar, my friend. Splendid daddy. Whatever.

You need a sugar doctor instead of a sugar daddy. What do you mean sugar daddy? What are you talking about? Uncle Sam. Get that unemployment money. Oh, Uncle Sam. Absolutely. He's living off us.

That's right. Woo! That's right. That paid some taxes. Living off the government teeth. Some taxes. I love it. Ben, what job did you have before being unemployed?

I was a bank teller. Oh, wow. What kind of food bank? Got to do it. You ever get robbed? We could be here all night. I mean. You ever get robbed?

No. Guy tried to with a check, but he was a moron, so we got the cops involved. What was so moronic about his robbery attempt? We took 20 minutes to validate his check. He was still standing there waiting. What an idiot. That's hilarious. I love it.

Ben, what do you do for fun? You seem like a guy that's into something. You have some hobbies, right? Like sugar, you know. Yeah. What else? What else? Like the drink.

Have a good time. Used to play football. That was a big thing for me. Yeah. You play football in Michigan? I was actually a preferred walk-on at Ohio State. Whoa! Look at that.

Yeah. I figured you liked that. Yeah. We do like that. You walked on and then what happened? You were in and out? Injuries. Injuries.

Yeah. Got you. Got you. Hold up. Tell me. Okay. How about now? What do you do for fun now when you're not doing stand-up?

There must be something. I like to drink. But I came to the right place. What's your drink of choice? Whiskey. Oh, okay. Yeah. Love a good bottle of juice.

Do you like Crown Royal? Yeah. Well, there you go. Okay. We like Crown Royal as well. I do. Absolutely. I love it.

What's your love life like? You got a girlfriend? You going steady? No. I mean, I've only been here two weeks. Right. And long terms a bitch. So I'm not trying that.

But I'm single ladies. Uh-oh. He's looking out there. Takes two people. He's looking. How many house fees those yellow rose girls really want? Yeah. Yeah.

Hans Kim's having all the fun, you know? I mean, fuck. Let's see how many house fees. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's so funny. Ben, when's the last time you had sex with a girl? About three months ago.

Three months ago. Who was this? This was someone. This was a regular out up in Grand Rapids. This is one of those Michigan fucking. It was actually a girl in Chicago. Oh. Okay.

You're just there. You're just in town for the deep dish. In the park. Next thing you know. Oh yeah. That's something you probably didn't want to see. What's your family like, Ben? What are you?

What ethnicity are you? Pretty white. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I know that. I didn't think you were like a light. I didn't think you were Kate Griffin up here. You know what I mean?

I thought it's a Blake Griffin. I'm Polish. I'm Swedish and I'm Irish. Thank you. What's that? Polish, Swedish and Irish. Okay. Yeah.

All right. That's awful. Anything else? Yeah. Pretty much. What about your childhood? Were you always a big boy? Yeah.

Really? Your parents do that? You have brothers and sisters that are big too? Yeah. Two brothers. My older brother's six, seven. And my brother's six, two. Damn.

Everybody's just huge sitting around Thanksgiving. Oh man. Yeah. My dad makes two turkeys every year. Two turkeys. Oh my God. That's the extended family too. It's extended family too.

Extended family. So like seven people. Yeah. Seven? I love it, dude. You're up here sweating bullets. I've seen you lose two physical pounds since you've been up here. So I moved to Austin, baby.

That's it. Sweated it all out. That's a good way to do it. How do you handle the heat up here in Austin? Your conditioning mostly. Right. And just short walks. Yeah.

I bet. I bet. I bet. My guess is from the bedroom to the kitchen. Yep. Yep. Just about. Ben, a fantastic set, man.

I had fun with you up here. Very cool stuff, dude. Keep coming back. Here you go. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. Here, take one of these. There you go. For those of you just listening to the podcast, he caught it right between his tits.

You guys think we should go to this bucket one more time, huh? All right. Let's see what happens here. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Danny McGock. Danny McGough. Danny McGough. Could be any of those things.

M-C-G-O-U-G-H. Here we go. Here comes Danny fixing his ponytail before coming onto the show. Here he is. One more time for Danny, everybody. Awesome. How we doing? Okay.

Before we get started, I'd like to dedicate this set to my friend Brooklyn. She's in the hospital with cancer. I'd better round of applause for her. Yeah. I texted her. I told her I was going to dedicate my set to her. She texted me back, hey, you know, you could just visit me. I texted her back, that tumor must be in your head because it's, I mean, it's getting pretty big.

Okay. All right. But that joke doesn't work anymore. That joke doesn't work anymore because she's out of the hospital. She did it. She did it. But can you, yeah, but can you believe her parents won't let me tell that joke at her funeral? I just don't understand it.

I just don't understand it. My uncle's in a wheelchair. His legs don't work. I don't think he should be allowed to get married or anybody like him. Nobody like that should be allowed to get married because he already has a better half, you know? If he went to a wedding, he'd just get cold feet. I don't know what you want from that, you know? I just don't understand it.

Don't understand it. A little bit about me. I was anorexic and bulimic in high school. Anorexic and bulimic. Got the courage to say that for the first time on stage. No woman in the front yelled, but you're fat. I don't know if you've ever seen three years of therapy just leave somebody's body before, but it hurts. Makes you want to puke.

There you go. There it is, Danny McGough, everybody. Danny McGough? How do you say that? It's McGough. McGough. You and every teacher. Everybody sort of looks the same that came up here tonight.

They're all like, it's like the big Lebowski, the medium Lebowski, and this is the small Lebowski. This is incredible. I didn't know you guys came in Russian nesting dolls. I saw Tom Murphy and I was like getting less and less ginger. This is what ugly guys do now. They just let it go. Let the face and the hair go. Get a Hawaiian shirt and some wacky shorts.

This is it. They just lean into the ugly. I love it. Danny, you are definitely in between the fucking William's grandfather and the guy that tried to rap. You're right in between there. I wish we could line all you guys up. You know what we will? Danny, come back up here after William comes up tonight.

We're going to line all you guys up. We're going to have a fucking before and after her. It's like Eric stole stunt double from a mask. Yeah. Or from Pulp Fiction. You're the guy that sold cocaine and heroin to Oomah and Trebolta. Everything. Yeah, everything.

Yeah. Absolutely. Look at you. What do you do for work? I work for Amazon, man. Oh, you work for Amazon? Yeah. All right.

I helped him build that rocket, man. Oh, okay. I love the sniff after you say that. I bet you really helped him build a rocket. How long have you been on stand-up, Danny? About a year and change, not counting COVID. Okay. All right.

What do you do for fun? What's your story? You live here in Austin, born and raised? No, I live in a town called Weatherford right outside Fort Worth. Okay. Wow. Okay. What are you doing with your left hand?

What do you got on? I feel like that's what cowboys do. I just, I don't know. It's always ready to draw a weapon or something like that. That's what it feels like. You look like you are too, man. I love it. I guess so.

I love it. Michael Lair has better use of his left hand than you do. Just watching it all happen here. Danny, what do you do for fun? What are you into? You're into some crazy shit, dude. I know it. I like the roller blade.

It's one of my favorite things to do. Rollerblading? Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah, man. You really do that a lot? Oh, I do it all the time, man. How often?

About every other day, man. Really? Yeah. Okay. You go backwards? Oh, I can go backwards. You go into the city and just do it like on the streets? Yeah, I try to go around Fort Worth a lot.

It's really fun. Oh, okay. All right. Me and Tony used to rollerblade like a lot, right? You used to rollerblade. A long time ago, yeah. We never did it together. You say it like we did it together at some point.

I know. We never did it together. We did it separate. But imagine if we rollerbladed together. That would be good. Yeah. All right. I've never really practiced about it before.

Imagine if we did. I love it. Danny, what else about you? Any interesting fun facts about Danny McGo? I'm a virgin. Really? Yeah, man. Wow.

Is there a girl in the audience? Hans Kim, get over here. It's time for Hans to pick. Hans Kim, it's time to switch teams and fuck this man. Show that you're not a bigot. Danny, when's your virgin? That's for real? What's the farthest you've gotten with a girl?

About second base, and that's it, man. How old are you? 21. What do you think second base is? I don't know. Just feeling up. Second base is just feeling up? Yeah.

So what you've done, you've used a finger on a girl's lower parts? Close. Close? Yeah. How close are we talking about? The boobies? I mean, not an inches, man. Inches?

I said not an inches. Why? Why? Yeah, why did you stop there? Danny? I don't know, man. Fear. I feel like he's lying.

Danny, what's going on? What are we talking about? Why do you think you haven't gone all the way? Is it religious reasons? Rollerblading? Is it? It gets in the way. When you're over 14 and you're not gay, it becomes a problem.

Even if you're gay, it's a problem. I got a rollerblading show. That's an asset. You have any rationale other than rollerblading? Why? It would be? Manly religious reasons of Catholic. So why?

So your plan is to hold out until? Probably not. After I said no, I was like, I'm not a Catholic anymore. Okay. How Catholic are you? Very interesting. You say you're Catholic. You're a priest?

No, I'm just Catholic. We're not all priests. I know I'm Catholic and you're 21. You should have gotten your Johnson rubbed a couple of times. At least by a girl scout. Right. Catholic girls are easy. I was just not lying.

Danny, when's the last time you kissed a girl? About a couple of weeks ago. Oh, okay. So we're getting closer. Is that what you're saying? We're getting closer. Okay. Good luck.

I love it. I love it, Danny. Anything else interesting about your entire life that we should know about you? I can't think of anything, man. All right. Okay. I like your style, dude. Ladies and gentlemen, this was Danny McGough.

Thank you. Everybody, we're out of small joke books, but you would go on if you did. All right. This is it. It's time to bring out the main event version of every male that you saw on the show tonight. This guy, the undisputed, undefeated, longest standing regular in the show's history. This is a brand new minute from the Big Red Machine, the vanilla gorilla. This is William Montgomery, everybody.

Crazy. I was feeling. I hate it when I'm at the beauty salon and the girl asked me what I want. I'm sorry. I don't speak fucking haircut. Do you want me to give you a blueprint? Are there actual phrases I could use that mean something to you besides a little off the top?

What sort of parameters and dimensions would suffice? I didn't go to brain reading academy. I thought that was going to go so much better, but I fucking stumbled on my goddamn words. Generation Z is full of pussies. They don't even shoot up schools anymore, which is a good thing, which is a good thing. Oh, your child goes to a Montessori school. Congratulations on raising a socialist. I just hope the new Taliban sex slaves get to choose their own pronouns.

There it is. There he is. The monster of Kiltoni. This is another unbelievable brand new minute from William Montgomery. This is very interesting. Just to update you guys, Joe and Eleanor, about three weeks ago, we realized that William didn't have eyebrows anymore. Then he got new eyebrows drawn on.

No, he got him tattooed. Then last week, we noticed one single speck of glitter on his face. Now he has glitter all over his face. And for those of you just listening to the podcast, he's also wearing lipstick for the very first time. That's gloss. Yeah, I'm having to change up my set somehow. It's been bombing recently. I'm thinking about keeping this makeup on.

It's already been helping my sets. You're like some type of like Victorian doll or something like that. So Austin. He looks like a TikTok app. Yeah, you're going to fit in perfect with the nesting dolls tonight. This picture that we take at the end of the show. I need all the redheads that were on earlier to come up here. All the sloppy fucking bearded buffoons that we had up here tonight.

William, I think you're really starting a trend. Did you see all these guys sort of looking like you? I did. I loved it. What do you think about all this? You're a sensation here on this show. I don't know. I've always thought about it. If I'm in like a grocery store and I see another redheaded person,

a part of me is excited to see him at the other part of me wants him to fuck out of there. I want to be the only redheaded person at the goddamn grocery store. A part of me wants them fucking out of there. How mad does it make you when you see one? It makes me fucking pissed when I see another redheaded person at the grocery store. I want him out of there. I can be the only one. I'm the only redheaded person at the Cray Mart.

At the Cray Mart. Yeah, I messed up on that one. I was thinking grocery store and then I thought Kmart would be funny and it was sort of in my brain and I smoked some fucking weed earlier and then I was having second thoughts about this goddamn makeup and then I'm stumbling on my fucking words. Literally it was a horrible idea smoking weed before this. I'm horribly on fucking edge right now.

The makeup thing didn't fucking work. Now I'm stumbling on my goddamn words. This literally is a nightmare. I just fucking make up all over my goddamn face. I don't even know how to take it off. It's gonna be all over my fucking pillow tonight. How do you take this shit off, really? How do you do it?

It's gonna be all over my pillow. Ladies from the Yellow Rose, please show William Montgomery how to take the makeup off. It's all over my face. William, who put the makeup on your face? Brittany Ledezma. Oh, wow. We know her. Gotta give her a shout out. It was a good job. Hell yeah. Absolutely incredible.

What else has gone on this last week since we saw you last? I don't know. I made myself out of breath a little bit. That was a fucking mistake trying to yell like that. Now I'm fucking out of breath. The regulars of Kill Tony have been doing it, by the way. I don't mention this a lot on this show, but William, Hans, and David have all opened up shows for Joe Rogan here in town. Some really cool stuff that wasn't happening even in Los Angeles.

It's like a cool, you know, the people that have moved out here have been sort of rewarded greatly. I mean, your face is up on a mural at the top of this building. Yeah, nobody fucking told me about that. I need my 10%. Seriously, they just fucking put my face up there looking like a fucking clown. Like, I probably look right now. Nobody tells me about this shit. That's why I smoke weed now. William famously got sober. You've been off alcohol now.

What, three or four months? Three months. Three months. However, however, before you get too excited, he did fill that alcohol addiction with a raisin bread addiction. Yeah, he's been going through many loaves of raisin bread. This is our weekly update. How much raisin bread did you eat this week? Two and a half loaves.

With butter? With fucking butter all over it. Oh my God. Now I can't fucking breathe! You're on the keto, right? Yeah, it's called keto. Two and a half loaves of HEB raisin bread. That is incredible.

We love HEB here at Kill Tony. A huge, huge supporter. We support them. They support us. They got a great butcher shop. Yeah, they do. They really do. And Joe, by the way, literally, for those of you that don't believe in HEB, Joe shops there himself.

I do. We had this talk once on one of the episodes at Antones. I go, you don't do your own grocery shopping. He goes, hell, I don't. And then a few days later, sure enough, he sends me a picture of him pushing a cart in an HEB. Very, very impressive. You go to HEB?

I have before. I also go to Randalls. Oh. Whoa! Why would you do that? I've never seen the crowd. What's wrong? Yeah, what's the deal with Randalls? I fucking love it there.

Seriously, what's the deal with that? Randalls is a competitor. I do believe they started in Dallas or Houston, so the Austin people hate them here. Okay. Is HEB a sponsor? No, not an official sponsor, no. But sometimes when we really like a company,

we just mention them like they're a sponsor and somehow they become a sponsor. Like Samsung Mobile. That's right. It literally has happened before. Randalls is not an enemy. No, Randalls is not an enemy. What's happening with the Randalls reference?

I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, I don't get it either. I mean, I love Randalls. Seriously, I don't fucking, I don't understand what that reaction was. Perhaps a local, perhaps I'm going to ask. That's just it, it's just better? HEB is just better?

Is there a reason why people come on? That's a dumb fucking explanation. Shut up! You could have done better than that. Is there a reason? What's the reason? Go ahead. Randalls is expensive.

Oh, I like it! All right. The gold digger knows what's up here in the front. She knows what's up. Randalls is expensive. It's the pavilions of Austin. That's great. My goodness.

What'd you just fucking say? It's a reference. Seriously, I didn't hear you. What'd you just say? No, it's okay. Nothing. It makes you angry, huh? Yeah, it kind of does.

You should draw some hair on. I've never seen you. Shut the fuck up, Randall. It was supposed to be funny. Nobody laughed at that. All right. You're right. What the fuck are you thinking?

All right. William is absolutely smashing. I feel like it never really translates into the podcast, the type of insanity that happens here when these regulars are on stage. But William is such a star. It is absolutely incredible. So nice to be here.

I think the makeup was worth it tonight, my friend. You put on a hell of a show. William Montgomery, everybody. William. William. Stay up here. They're going to get a picture with you and all the redheaded guys that came up earlier.

All you guys get up here. That was tonight's episode of Kill Tony, ladies and gentlemen. How loud can this place get for the great Eleanor Carrigan, everybody? Her new special Ladylike available everywhere. Thank you. Eleanor, you have fun here tonight? Fun times, right?

How about a hand for the great Joe Rogan, everybody? Austin's own. Austin, Texas' own Joe Rogan. How about one more time for the band, everybody? Michael Gonzalez. D-Madness and Matt Mueling. Matt's playing every Tuesday at Sea Boys the month of October.

We're missing like three redheaded, bearded idiots for this picture. What else, red band? What are we missing here? Hey, guys. Thursday's secret show. Love you all. Thank you to the Yellow Rose, the Red Rose,

the Blue Ball, Peanut Butter Whiskey Band, Austin Reserve, Gin, and CM Smokehouse. And of course, Adrian Cavazos at Bonsai who custom-makes these leather joke books every week, an amazing local artist. An incredible drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt this week of Eleanor Carrigan and Joe Rogan. He drew that while in Los Angeles.

You can get the bingo cards that Ryan J. Ebelt drew tonight, if you want to. The local artist Chris Rogers drew Chucky, everybody. Look at that. That makes a lot. That's a real fucking Chucky doll, everyone. Austin, Texas. We'll be back next week with a couple more

crazy guests and another crazy show. We love you guys. Thank you so much for coming out. Stick around for the after-party, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, please. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go.