KILL TONY - #533 - ARIELLE ISAAC NORMAN

Episode Date: November 26, 2021

Arielle Isaac Norman, William Montgomery, Matthew Muehling, David Lucas, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jules Durel, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 11/15/2021–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:Visit GETROMAN.COM/TONY and if approved, you’ll get fifteen dollars off your first order of ED treatment.

Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, Death Squad dot TV. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Every Monday we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas, but we're always on the road and we always have comedy shows also. So go to Death Squad dot TV and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is shopsquad.tv.

There you have the Kill Tony shirt, Death Squad shirts, hats, everything at shopsquad.tv. Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist, he draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, TonyHinchCliff.com for everything, Golden Pony. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band, coming to you live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas. Brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Get it out for TonyHinchCliff. Austin, it's Monday night, you have to make more fucking noise than that. Let's do this shit. Yeah, everybody. Red Band's here, the whole fucking family. How about a hand for the goddamn best band in the world, the Kill Tony band. Screwball, peanut butter whiskey brings us the amazing Matt Mueling on guitar. Michael Gonzalez on the drums.

And the incomparable D-Madness on the bass guitar, everybody. Little bit of those sweet, sweet vocals from him tonight as well. Life is good. We are here at our home in Austin, Texas for another episode of the best goddamn live podcast in the world, Kill Tony. Very excited to be here. You guys are very excited to be here. Brought to you by the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. The best strip clubs in the world happen to be here in Austin, Texas.

Does that excite you guys? We got fucking... Those guys like pussy. Got fucking Jorge Masvidal right here in the front row tonight. You look like your strip club type of guy. This episode also brought to you by BlueNorther, amazing Vodka Seltzer and the great CM Smokehouse, our favorite barbecue joint here in town. Thanks to our friend Yoni, best barbecue show.

He's right over there with that camera. He's a barbecue guy, he's a videographer, a producer. He does it all, Yoni. He was a little worked up before today's show. Yeah. Why'd you go camping, Yoni? Come on, do it. Anyway, we're going to have a lot of fun tonight. We have amazing handmade joke books by taxidermist turned joke book designer,

the great Bones Eye, everybody. This is real Texas leather kiltoni joke books going to people that impress us tonight and little tiny joke books for people that just did less than mediocre. And for the holidays, you can get him to make a custom one. Yeah, just go to Instagram, Bones Eye, B-O-N-E-Z-E-Y-E. It's that easy. Get your holiday kiltoni joke book. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight. Tonight's episode, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors

that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey, y'all, when the moment for intimacy arrives, you need to be ready. Roman ready. Whether you've been in a relationship for years or just getting started, having the confidence that comes from preparation means you're free to enjoy the moment when the moment comes. If that moment comes for you, podcast fan. Even though you are far from ordinary, the truth is that ED is really common. In fact, 52% of the guys aged 40 to 70 experienced some form of erectile dysfunction.

Stand-up comedy is hard, and you should be too. Go to GetRoman.com slash Tony now to speak to a U.S. licensed healthcare professional about erectile dysfunction and get $15 off your first month of treatment. ED is more common than most people think. In fact, 52% of the men between 40 and 70 look forward to saying, hey, you're between the ages of 40 and 70. Red Band, why don't you tell us more about this? I'd love to.

The benefits of ED treatment can help you reconnect with your partner and rediscover the joy of sex. Roman's system is completely confidential and totally discreet. No big logos or labels on the packages. With Roman, you can get a free online evaluation and ongoing care for erectile dysfunction. With Roman, you can get a free online evaluation and ongoing care for erectile dysfunction, all from the comfort and privacy of your home. A U.S. licensed healthcare professional will work with you to find the best treatment plan.

If medication is appropriate, it ships to you. Free two-day shipping. The whole process is straightforward and convenient and discreet. Yeah, that's right. Don't kill your bounty. Kill Tony. Getting started is simple. Just go to GetRoman.com slash Tony, complete an online visit,

and take care of your ED without leaving your home. Complete an online visit today to connect with the U.S. licensed healthcare professional and take care of it. Go to GetRoman.com slash Tony today. And if you're prescribed, get $15 off your first month of ED treatment. Make sure you're ready to have the confidence and control this fall. Roman ready. Yeah, my pubes are looking amazing because support for Kill Tony is brought to you by Manscaped,

who is the best in men's below the bell grooming. Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for your family jewels. They obsessed over their technology and developments to provide you the best tools for your grooming experience. I absolutely love this stuff. It's classy. It's made for men and I love it. My favorite thing is the new and improved lawnmower 3.0. Their third generation trimmer features a cutting edge ceramic blade to reduce manscaping accidents.

Millions of balls are about to be nick-free thanks to Manscaped's advanced skin-safe technology. Red Band? Manscaping accidents are finally a thing of the past. When I tell you this is premium, I mean premium. The battery will last up to 90 minutes so you can take a longer shave. That's a long time. The water-resistant technology allows you to groom in the shower, which is really cool. One of the coolest features is the LED light, which illuminates your grooming area for a closer and more precise trimming.

Wow. Do you use that LED light? Do you look under your belly at what you're doing down there? I can't see anything. They've also upgraded the 7000 RPM motor with quiet stroke technology. And let's not forget about the charging stand. That's right. Show your mower off loud and proud because this intelligently designed stand is a convenient charging dock powered by a USB.

If you were listening to me speak right now. I want you to experience it firsthand for yourself. Trim that junk of yours. Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code killtony at manscape.com. Your balls will thank you. Get 20% off and free shipping with the code killtony at manscape.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com. Use the code killtony.

Your balls will thank you. That's right. They will wake you up in the middle of the night and they will thank you for purchasing. Manscape.com. Use the code killtony. Don't be an idiot. Trim your junk. Do it now.

If you're over the age of 21, I want to tell you about Yo Kratom, the home of the $60 kilo. If you like Kratom, then this is for you. If you don't like Kratom, then just ignore what we're talking about. But Yo Kratom is the home of the $60 kilo. How much? $60 for what? A full kilo. That's right.

If you're currently a fan of Kratom, you can be getting it from our newest sponsor Yo Kratom for just $60 a kilo. If you aren't a fan of Kratom, well then ignore this ad. The fact that Yo Kratom has a high quality Kratom for just $60 a kilo has no relevance to your life. But if you are a fan of Kratom, then it's time to stop overpaying or having to go to corner stores or creepy gas stations to get it. One more time, thank you to Yo Kratom for supporting the show and if you're into Kratom, Yo Kratom is the one place where you can find $60 kilos. These guys are one of the biggest Kratom wholesalers and they created YoKratom.com so that you can buy directly at incredible prices. So go get those incredible prices if you're into Kratom. It's YoKratom.com, home of the $60 kilo. Alright, you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what?

Alright, anything can happen here. I'm really excited about tonight's guest everybody. I met this comedian here in Austin. She is an amazing, amazing talent. Ladies and gentlemen, making her debut as a guest on Kill Tony. Local talent, amazing comedian. Make some noise for Ariel Isaac Norman everybody. Here we go.

We're doing this shit tonight. Absolutely. Ariel has made it. I love this. You are the first of a ton of amazing local comedians that I have chosen to sit in on the panel here. Normally it's been filled historically with comedy store comics and different shapes and sizes from New York so this is exciting. That's great. I thought you were going to say I'm the first woman you've had since you got here but actually just a local comic at all. You know what? A feminist. He didn't even mention it.

Thank you. Hello. I stand for women, Asians, everybody. For any of you that have questioned anything ever, I treat comedians like they're comedians. Ariel has the amazing podcast, Wrong Questions Only, follower on Instagram at Ellen DeGenderless. Oh. Hell yeah. I like that.

I'm happier here. I also used to have shorter hair. I think it would have hit even harder. I love it. It's good to have a, it's good to be joined by yet another lesbian here on Kill Tony. That's, I'm calling myself a lesbian there. I don't know if that came across clearly. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I thought you were going to hit that old car horn again. There's a jaguar. All right. We're going to have fun tonight over a ton of people signed up for the chance to get pulled out of this bucket.

You guys know how it works. I pull a name out. They get 60 seconds of stage time to do stand-up comedy. A lot of people break into big shows. You get booked on shows. You can eventually become an opener for Joe Rogan as we've seen some of the regulars who were all pulled out of this bucket originally. Anything can happen here. Sometimes it's a completely crazy person. Sometimes it's somebody that thinks they're going to do really, really good and they didn't do any of the work to do that. Anything can happen here. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what?

Awesome. But before we go to this bucket, let's start with a regular. Oh yeah. You guys know how it works. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That's 60 seconds and then they wrap it up. Then I'll bring it up. Anyway, we're going to bring up a regular to start tonight's show. Not out of the bucket. This young man writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. He's taken the show over by storm.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great Hans Kim, everybody. Here we fucking go. Here we go. Hello. Good to be here. So Kyle Rittenhouse is in the news. Kyle Rittenhouse says he was in Kenosha to provide first aid, which makes sense because I always like to include an assault rifle in my first aid kit. That way I can provide first aid indefinitely.

Do you need first aid? Well, you do now. I can provide you first aid and your last aid. I saw during the protest last year, I saw a library get looted. I was like, why don't you just get a library card? They're free. Could have had all the books you wanted. Sometimes when I'm sad about how little money I have, I go to a building with a revolving door and I make rich people spin me around. Remember the bailout? I paid for this.

Thank you guys. Hans Kim makes it look so easy. Super likable. Look at that fucking smile on his face. Just a happy guy doing jokes, living the dream. I especially loved your act out of the shooting. I believe the words were... Is that what you think guns sound like? Yeah, it's the Texas thing I've tried.

It's my new catchphrase. Have you ever shot a gun before? Yeah. Where at? I actually met a fan from Kill Tony and he took me shooting. Oh, that's always trustworthy. I love it. Nobody I'd rather go shoot guns with than a fan of the podcast. Nothing better than shooting with someone that thinks they know you.

How did that go? It went well. It was a bromance. We didn't talk to each other. It was like a bro date. It was kind of cool, man. What do you mean? Did you go to a range? Yeah, we went like 45 minutes out of town, shot some guns, got to know each other. What did you find out about this guy?

He's very quiet and strong and... Wow, this guy sounds autistic too. You guys must have gotten along just fine. Where did his strength come into play? Like, how did you learn that he was strong? Oh, just physically, he just looked very beefy. Oh, he just looked muscular is what you're saying. He didn't have to use his strength at any point.

Hans, no, don't shoot that! I love it. Did you guys eat lunch or anything like that? 45 minutes out, it's a long way to just shoot guns. We didn't eat lunch. We had little cups and he poured beers in the cups and we were drinking and driving. Oh, you were drinking while shooting guns.

Great, Hans. Yeah, great stuff, Hans. Nothing better than mixing those two things. Did you drive or did he drive? He drove. What kind of car? A big old pickup truck. Ooh, he picked you up in the pickup truck,

took you 45 minutes out to go shooting, cracked open some beers. At any point were you worried at all? You don't really feel emotions, do you, Hans? Yeah, fear is for the weak. What about concern? What is the concern for the weak, too? Honestly, I'm not that, you know, attractive,

so it's like I got carte blanche to go anywhere, meet anyone, like I go down dark alleys. Wow. You think because you're not attractive, nobody will rape your corpse? Right. This is incredible, Hans. I mean, Hans, you have really good lips.

I don't know if you know that. Thank you. Yeah, dude. I don't know. And when you're dead, everybody's butthole's the same. Yours is cleaner, it probably has no hair. Why do you assume that it doesn't have hair? All right.

I just think that he probably shaves it. No. Or that he's Asian. He's better when you said nothing and then that laugh happened. Wow. Then you have to, I think he shaves it. No, he doesn't fucking shave his ass. This guy lives in a van.

There's no asshole shaving in van life. He plucks it. I don't shave my ass. I have a pretty clean asshole. What's your wiping method? You do seem like a very clean guy. I do have a very unique wiping method. Standing or sitting?

Just let him answer. The first wipe, I do a little claw and get any chunks out. Okay. Okay. Like an upside down grab machine. I like that. And then the last wipe, the last wipe, I take some toilet paper and put it under the faucet, get it wet.

Whoa, wait a second. Hold on. Time out. Flag on the play. All right. There's your one fart noise. Okay. I guess there's two.

So hold on. You do the claw grab for the chunks. Yeah. And then you stand up before doing another clean wipe. You stand up and walk, waddle over to the sink. Yeah. Do you do this at public restrooms too? Yeah.

You do? Hans, this is incredible. You are a comedy machine, sir. This is one of the most interesting ways of wiping that I've ever heard of. Well, everyone was using those moist towelettes, and that actually clogs up the sewage. So I just improvised. You make your own moist towelette. So there's just a ton of little tiny toilet paper balls on your asshole all the time.

Things decorated like a Christmas tree, just little tiny paper balls down there. Wow. Hans, this is incredible. So you wet the toilet paper, then do you do one more coating with a dry piece of toilet paper? No. It's usually if I get the correct moisture level, I don't need a wipe again. But if it's...

Do you keep checking the wet toilet paper to see if there's remnants on it, or do you just like, do you de-madness it and just fucking, just hope for the best and throw it in? He didn't hear. He didn't... De-madness, I thought you were plugging your fucking ears. Don't plug your ears and still listen. You can't have your cake and eat it too, dude. That's the sound when de-madness owns me, everybody.

That's it. I love it. Hans, your wiping method is absolutely hysterical. So sometimes you waddle in public restrooms to the sink to wet toilet paper and you waddle back to that original toilet, and sometimes I'd imagine in your history of doing this that people have seen you with your pants around your ankles waddling around. Is this happened? No.

Really? Yeah. Why don't you just use spit? Oh. Red band. Red band. No. No red band.

No suggestions from you. Wait. Is that worse? Uh, actually, you know what? That's a good point. I don't think it is worse. It's way better. It's way better.

It just seems dirty. The audience are yelling no right now. This is what it's come to. Hans, would you ever do that? Will you spit on toilet paper next time and report back to us? Sure, yeah. For the bit, I'd totally do it. Honk went up.

Spit for the bit. That's what we do here at Keltoni. Hans, no one gets the fucking show started like you. You are an instant classic, an instant legend. We love you. Can't wait to see your next minute next week. That's Hans Kim, everybody. Thank you.

Getting tonight's episode started for us. And let the chaos begin as my hand reaches into this bucket. Perhaps you yourself signed up. Sometimes we get, this guy thinks he already got picked. Look at this guy coming to this stage. He's going to try that wiping technique right now. Yeah. We got some waddlers out here today.

And the first name that I pulled out is Pedro Valenzuela, everybody. Here we go. It could be a local legend. It could be somebody's first time. Anything can happen here. Keltoni live, Austin, Texas. We know this guy. One more time for Pedro, everybody.

What's going on, Vulcan? Hey, so I'm Dominican. And if you don't know any Dominicans, we're a lot like Puerto Ricans. Except we don't do tacky shit like we're Puerto Rican flags on our shoes. We just wear Dominican ones. You know? Dominicans are very multicultural people. And I'm not saying that's a brag.

It just means we had the island with the most rapable native population. A lot of people don't like when I say that, but I just want to remind you I didn't rape anyone. All right? My people were raped. Then again, I wasn't there, right? Maybe one indigenous lady was like, hey, he's got a boat. This is my impression of Matthew McConaughey getting a blow job.

Then he busts a nut, but like the girl keeps on going. All right, all right, all right. All right, Pedro Valenzuela getting the show kick started here out of the bucket. Pedro, you've been on the show a couple of times before. How's it going? Going good? Going good? Has your life changed at all since you started getting pulled out of the bucket here on

Kill Tony? No, not really. Okie-dokie. My, okay. My interview always goes horrible. My interview always goes horrible. My interview always goes horrible. Real improv guru Pedro is here.

Go ahead. Well, all right. Just talk. All right. Okay, Tony. I feel like there's a weird energy between us. I don't know what it is. Okay.

I'm not sure. Okay. But like I just come up here. I try to tell jokes. I try to be myself. Do you think I'm different? And like... Pedro.

Let's just take turns talking here. Pedro, do you think that like, are you saying that I treat you maybe differently than I treat other people? No, I just feel like you got the wrong impression of me maybe. What do you think? What do you think my impression of you is? You literally said you hate me last time. Like, what else am I supposed to think?

I say that all the time. I'm starting to remember why I fucking hate you, dude. It's all coming back to me now. Tony, we have a weird energy. All right, people's court. That's enough. I love it. Okay.

I don't think that at all, Pedro. I like you. All right, well, that's good. Ariel. It's news to me. What do you think about this guy? Pedro? Well, no, I think we have met before, but I didn't recognize your name.

I listened to your episode from last week on the way over here and your jokes were horrible last week. Yeah. So it's like, these were actually good tonight. Like, mostly the Dominican thing a little predictable, you know, but the rest of it was actually good. So it's like, what happened? But of course he hated you last week.

Okay. That's why your jokes, like, I don't know what happened if you wrote these. These are new or you just don't know which of your jokes are good. See, even the nicer version of me kind of hates you, dude. Come on. Legit. I actually listening to the episode last week, he was the one I told you about where I thought it was this other insane comic in town who was going under a pen name because he didn't

want people to like hear him get roasted by his real name on the show. I thought you had made this name up because you were this other insane person, but you didn't sound insane this time. It was actually funny. It was good. Pedro, you're one of the few people that I think does better and better every time you're on the show. Thanks.

That's a good thing. That's a very, very good thing. Because of your performance tonight, I learned that rapable is a word. I didn't even know that was an actual thing. Rapable. You said that you have a rapable population. I mean, is there an E in that? I don't.

At the end? Is it rap? Is it spelled like rapable? Yeah. Okay. All right. Lunchable. It's starting.

It's like lunchable. Yeah. Except with rape. Everybody, your favorite, instead of lunch meats and crackers, it's your worst nightmare. Alleyways. All right. So rapable population. Is that true?

A lot of Dominicans got raped. I was trying to keep up there. I mean that. Because like, I was talking about like indigenous people and how like the Spanish came over. Gotcha. Raped everyone. Those are my ancestors too. I don't blame anyone.

Right. I have to. Half of your ancestors were getting raped in that scenario. Yeah. You understand that? The other half. I like how he identifies with the other half. The other half where the rape is.

Right. No, I know. But you don't have to identify just with that half. Yeah. Paige, your reminder. What do you do for work? You're a food delivery driver? Yeah.

Well, I deliver for H-E-B, but for the pharmacy. So. Oh. Okay. That's right. Now it's all coming back to me now. I love it. So you deal with like a lot of old people.

Is that right? Yeah. Pretty much. Just delivering to older people. A lot of times they're happy to see me. Sometimes they're not. Like, if I'm late, then they're kind of mad at me because they're like, I'm waiting on my Xanax or whatever.

But if they're, if I'm early, they're like, I love, someone told me they loved me the other day. Oh, well that makes up for my, I hate you. Look at that. You're broke even. Hey Paige. I love that. I'm not sure.

What's your love life like? It's dating. It's going. You have a girlfriend? A boyfriend? What's going on? No, not right now. No?

Nothing? Yeah. You dating? Uh, no, not really. Last date you went on. What was that like? How did that happen? Last date was like right at the beginning of the pandemic.

Okay. That's not a time that a lot of people went out. But look at you. Just not there. Well, I was busy. I was busy trying to save the world, Tony. What do you mean? I just, I have an undercover life and I do fucking crazy shit.

Like what? Tell us more about this. This is exactly what I want to know about. Okay. This sounds a lot, this sounds a lot more interesting than delivering pharmaceuticals for HGV. Let's just say I started this podcast. Okay.

Move to LA, beginning of the pandemic, started this podcast. I was searching. I was trying to fight the powers that be. Okay. What powers are you talking about? Corporations? I'm not sure. Corporations could be reptiles.

I'm not going to get into it. Okay. All I'm saying. This is a Q&A. All I'm saying. Fuck. I mean, obviously not seriously, but kind of. Have you guys.

All right. All right. No Alex Jones fans. Keep going. Keep going. Stick with it here. So. You're double-eyed.

Fight the powers that be. Okay. But you don't know what powers you're talking about. I wasn't sure. I just knew I fucking didn't like them. Wow. This podcast sounds terrible. Keep going.

It was horrible. Uh-huh. But so I was doing that. You know what I'm saying? And then they got mad and I got sabotaged. Wait. Who's they? You don't.

We all know who they are. No. We literally don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Okay. Okay. So who's they? Don't let D-Madness distract you, Pedro. Stick with the show.

You're on a live podcast right now. All right. They. They is none other than the Republican party. No. I'm sorry. This is. I knew that was going to happen.

I knew that was going to happen. Work taxes. Pedro, you panicked up here like a motherfucker. I love it. You are. You are like you have those Kyle Rittenhouse energies. You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't trust you.

Yeah. With a weapon. Jesus, Pedro. You ever shoot a gun? Yeah, actually I did. Me and my. You seem like not only do you do shooting practice, you seem like you do stabbing practice every once in a while.

You ever just stab a pillow with a kitchen knife just to practice? Leather coats. Why? I practice on leather coats. Okay. I just read that that's a thing serial killers do. Not a serial killer. Why do they always yes and you?

It's like they think that's going to work. I don't think it was the moving to LA and podcast even real or are you just making all of this up? What is real? Okay. What was the podcast call? I'm in communication with psychic fairies that may have. I hate you again.

I hate you again. The works. Congratulations. You did another minute and I hate you. There goes Pedro Valenzuela. I'm going to pull another name out of this bucket. We're going to keep it moving along here. I warned you.

That was horrible. I warned you people. He gets weird during those interview parts. Rachel Lamb is your next comedian until Tony. Could be her first time. Could be a local veteran. Here she is. One more time everybody for Rachel Lamb.

My husband and I got a vasectomy. I like to include myself in this because when he went in for the consultation, they told him that he needed either a letter of consent from his wife or that I needed to come in on the day of the procedure so that way they could get my permission. That was his face too. He was like my body, my choice. We went to the procedure, our vasectomy, and he comes out after looking really guilty, high as a kite, and he takes both my hands and his hands and looks me in the eyes and

he says, Rachel, I need to tell you something that happened. And I'm like, okay. And apparently the beautiful new nurse whose first day of work it was was cleaning the surgical area with iodine and something happened that prompted her to say in order to continue that needs to relax. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't think this guy's ever going to cheat on me. I'm like, babe, babe, babe, it's okay.

I get it. A penis gets touched, it gets hard. That's just what it does. It's like if the housework gets done without me asking. Okay. That's the bear. That happens on this show so that people don't go over their time, but I'm genuinely interested in where you're going with us.

So I'm going to let you continue now. Maybe she'll just give you the blog post. You can just read it. It's like if the housework gets done without me asking, a vagina gets wet. It's just science. That was my punchline. Oh shit. Play the bear again.

Give me the bear again. Oh my goodness. All right. So let's talk about it. Rachel, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Like on and off for six months. On and off for six months. Okay.

Good. And that is, is that a true story? Yes. Wow. How long have you been married for? In August, it's been 10 years. Wow. That's such a long time.

Congratulations. What is your husband do for a living? He's a carpenter. Oh, a carpenter. Oh my goodness. Look at that. A carpenter with, did he end up getting the vasectomy? Yes.

Okay. All right. Now, what do you do for work? He mostly supports me. Oh shit. Hell yeah. Peer, peer, peer, peer. So he's, he's supporting your ability to do comedy on and off for six months or?

I'm also an actor. Okay. Oh, you're an actor too. Hell yeah. All right. I love it. You live here in Austin? No, actually I'm just in town from Atlanta.

Okay. No better place for an actor to be than Atlanta, Georgia. Have you ever, are you do forensic files like a type of acting, like reenacting? No, just, just like commercials and there's television shows out there. Awesome. That makes sense. And your husband's vasectomy. So he got erect during the iodine part of everything?

Yes. Really? Apparently this is common though because he's had friends do it and they're like, oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that part. They're like, went up like a flagpole. Really? Is that just what the nurse says? Like, oh, this happens all the time with me.

Sorry. Did you see what she was doing? Was she iodining the shaft or something like that? Is she spitted in there? Oh my God. I can't believe you got hard. It's so embarrassing for you. No, she was actually new because another nurse walked by and she was like, okay.

And like kept walking. Yeah. Maybe she was just trying to get that one last valuable load out of him. You know what I mean? Before he tied his little pistachios up into a whatever. So now, now you can't get pregnant from him. Is that correct? Yeah, it's amazing.

And he just, and he gets to, sorry for asking such a vicious question, but he gets to just blast away anytime he wants. Right? You were really careful before this, but it's been like really awesome. Right. You were careful before this and now it's party time. This is what it's going to be like when California reopens. It's like getting a vasectomy.

Why are men so hesitant to get these vasectomies? When it could mean that you get to come inside women. I know. Men are such pussies about your stupid balls. I agree. I just do it anyways. I think it's a good move. I was at a show the other day and there was a man who didn't get a vasectomy and his wife

wound up having to get a hysterectomy because he put it in his diary that he was going to get a vasectomy for 18 years and never did it. And then they had a COVID baby last year. Oh, shit. And now she had a hysterectomy because he couldn't just remember to tie his balls up. You can undo a vasectomy too. That's true. I don't think it's ever been done before in the history of vasectomies, but you can.

They do tell you that you can undo it. Yeah. There's nobody out there. Yeah, they can't. I think I made a bad decision. I want to... Can you open up my balls again, please? It is an interesting thing that they say that you can undo it.

It's an interesting... I think you would think more people would get the vasectomy. It seems like a good idea. It's like 800 bucks with no insurance. Really? 600. Whoa, 600. This guy went to the fucking...

Build a whip for 600. This guy got his vasectomy at a fucking Costco. This guy's fucking chinsing out on the vasectomy. This guy's getting fucking Groupon for his fucking nuts, dude. 600 bucks. What city was that in? Here in Austin. Whoa!

Damn, I didn't realize you could get a fucking vasectomy at a Bucky's. That's incredible. I love it. They film it also. You can upload it to your Instagram. It's like two minutes long. I didn't know of Santa. Really?

Yeah. That's it? Did you get video years? It was like seven minutes long. Wow, seven minutes long. You had more... It's thicker. It's on bellies.

Yeah. And with your type of junk, they probably used to... What? All right, forget it. Forget it. Little fucking GoPro on those little nutsies of yours, huh? Yeah, wide angle. This fucking guy...

You could tell. It was seven minutes like something went wrong down there. These tiny little baby nuts. Did your husband as a generous size, does that affect anything? The size of the nuts? The size of the sack, perhaps? In the vasectomy? Yeah.

Well, the doctor in the middle of the vasectomy took out his tubes and was like, look how healthy they are. Oh, fuck, dude. Like when he was getting it done. Dude, I would punch that doctor in the face. Like that is not part... You're not supposed to do that. It's not what I signed up.

I did not pay $600 for you to pull out my tubes. So apparently he would have been very fertile or something like that. Oh my goodness. I don't know if it's like all completely related, but he had very healthy tubes. Wow. Wow. And you didn't want to get your tubes tied? You didn't...

It's more invasive and it's more expensive. It probably feels better. What are you talking about? You just saying like random words in succession like the language. What would feel better about that? Getting it done? What? What again?

A doctor's hands in your vagina, tie your tubes? Oh, okay. That's how you think that happens. All right. Red band pictures everything going in the sexual way. There's no chance that that operation would not go through the main vaginal canal with fingers, everybody. It's tight.

Also things that he... It's just two tubes. That he ties it like balloon animals. A good doctor can use his... Yeah. A good doctor can use his dick, I'm sure. What? Fuck Red Band Jesus Christ, dude.

What my mom told me? Got you. Got you. Well, your mom's a kid. Your mom's a kid. No, that's what she told me when I was a kid. All right. Like to give a shout out, the woman from Rocky Four is here, everybody.

Very rarely is she out. Independence day. Ivan Drago's lovely wife, Rachel. So you're being supported. When's the last time you did have a job? I was a photographer for five years up until... When's the last time you had a real job, Rachel? When's the last time you got a check of any kind?

I worked at a bank, I think, was my last job out of college. Wow. Yeah. At a credit union, a credit union. Okay. They were like real specific about that being different. Let me ask you this. Ten years of marriage, you guys are getting vasectomies, blasting away, having fun.

How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? How do you keep ten years? How do you do that? You just do it every day. Oh, wow. Or try to. Try to. Okay.

I just heard Red Band get hard. That's incredible. Very rarely. It's a very low-pitched sound. It's like a whistle. D-Madness is trying to hit that note over there. D-Madness, give me the sound that Red Band's boner makes. What is it?

Yeah. He's got that little thickum over there. Red Band's got a little fucking thick thumb down there. That's what he's got. All right. Have you ever had a threesome before? Red Band, that's enough. Rachel, what's something that you're good at other than comedy and acting?

Like, do you have any fun hobbies? You seem like you used to ice skate or something like that. I did do fire baton when I was in high school and I did overhand baseball with boys until I was 17. Oh, wow. Overhand baseball with the boys. Look at that. I feel like you have to say that because everyone just hears baseball and they're like softball. I'm like, no, everyone was a boy.

Fuck yeah. Wow. Overhand baseball with the boys. I just heard Ariel get hard. That's incredible, huh? That is amazing. Crazy that I'm just in between. You guys are so erect right now.

What's the sound of that? Yeah, D-Madness, what's the sound that it makes when Ariel gets a boner? There you go. That sounds like mine. Overhand baseball with the boys. I love it. You're like my kind of feminist. You're getting your playing baseball.

You've got your husband to get a vasectomy, but you're also smart enough to just be like, look, if I fuck this guy every day, I don't have to get a job. Yeah, absolutely. 100%. You're doing it right. That is the life. And he probably, you know, he's probably out there working hard as a carpet. Carpet.

In the big box. Jesus. The OG job of the universe. It is crazy that he's a carpenter and fucking... That's wild, man. He's got his wood working for him. I love it. Rachel, very fun times.

You know, there's ways to get through that story fast and quick. I try to trim every little unnecessary thing, but it seems like there's something there. Sign up again sometime. We'll see more of you. Heck yeah. Rachel Lamb. Rachel, have a joke book. There you go.

Rachel. Rachel. A real joke book from the great Bones Eye. How cool is that? I mean, she was really just okay, but after Pedro Valenzuela's unlikable ass, she seems like a superstar. And he was right. You do hate that guy. You talk about him all the time.

How much you hate him? God, you are just off the mark tonight. I love it. What do you eat today? Chicken salad. Oh, chicken salad. Okay. Nothing better than red man on a diet, everybody.

Really gets his sense of humor worked up. I love it. That guy might kill me now because you said that for no reason. I know. For a non comedic reason. You said that. Ladies and gentlemen, your next name pulled out of the bucket is Jason Brendle, everybody. Jason Brendle.

We're doing this shit. Here he comes, everybody. Jason Brendle making his way to the stage for what I do believe is his Kill Tony debut, everybody. One more time for Jason. Thank you. It's good to be here. I just finished jacking off in my car to a Westlake Dermatology billboard. Jesus Christ.

I've been feeling really good though. I actually lasted an hour in bed last night. Yeah, it was great. She talked for 57 minutes and then we had sex. Hey, don't you guys think Kobe Bryant took helicopter parentsing a little too far? If I was a hip-hop artist, I would name myself The Week and I would fucking suck. I would open for The Weeknd, but my act would be two and a half times as long. Everyone's going to be like, Jesus Christ, The Week sucks.

It's going to be The Weeknd already. All right, thank you guys. Jason Brendle, an amazing performance. Wow. Welcome. Thank you. Indeed. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

Almost a year. Almost a year? That's it. Wow, very impressive. Are you from here in Austin? No, I'm from Northern California. Northern California? Okay.

What are we talking about? Stockton? Sonoma County. What? Sonoma County. Sonoma County. Oh, very, very fancy. Jesus, look at you.

You're like one of the fucking kids from Succession or something like that. I love it. Sonoma County, Tony. I'm so glad to be here. I was jerking off to a billboard before this. Sipping hot tea. All right. I love it.

So, Jason, you're just visiting Austin? No, I moved here about six months ago. Oh, moved here six months ago. I love it. What made you move to Austin, Texas specifically? Be honest. We want to know. Us real Texans want to know.

What would make someone move from California to our great state that we live in here? I just want to go somewhere where I can get on stage every night and have more creative opportunities. Yeah. What about the taxes and shit? That too. Yeah. What about fucking H-E-B?

You know what I'm talking about, man? Stupid. Have you been to an H-E-B yet? Yes. And greatest thing ever or best thing ever? Oh, best thing ever. What do you love about H-E-B? Tell these people that a lot of people listening to this live around the world so they don't

know anything about H-E-B. Give them your story about it. Oh, man. I got my vaccine shot there. I got keto ice cream there. $570 vasectomy. Yeah. I love it.

Jason, what do you do for work? I drive for Uber. You drive for Uber? Yeah. Okay. Wow. You seem like you would be a lovely driver. I have a five star rating, so I'm doing pretty good.

I bet you fucking do. Wow. Look at this. Where's that fucking Sonoma music when you need it? Welcome to my five star ride. What kind of car are you driving? Subaru Crosstrek. Oh, whoa.

Jesus. Wow. Oh, boy. Yikes. Wow. It was actually Ariel's before I had it. Yeah. There you go.

I was going to, very good. Ariel, you don't have a Subaru, do you? I was trying to decide if I could tell what a Crosstrek was. I don't know anything about cars. I have a Honda Civic. It's just pragmatic. Okay. All right.

Honda Civic. All right. You like that? That's a good one. Durable. Durable. You have a Subaru Crosstrek. Now, is that like a SUV?

It is a Crossover. What does that mean? It's an SUV. What? It's like a little bit smaller SUV. It could go both ways, either like a car or a Crossover. Okay. More in between.

All right. It depends on the type of mood you're in that day, huh? Yeah. All right. So how long you been driving for Uber for? Off and on for like four or five years. So you were driving in Northern California. Now you're driving in Texas.

What do you notice is the main difference driving in Texas? People are just nicer here. Right. That's a pretty big deal. That's a pretty big deal. Here from Northern California, people get nicer the more north in California you go, which says a lot that you notice that this place is even nicer than there. Yeah.

Westlake Dermatology got a huge laugh. That is indeed a funny reference. A lot of people would say, well, that's just a local reference, but I think absolutely go for it. I made a reference to Thomas J. Henry a couple weeks ago and it fucking destroyed the room. What is that? Wow, that's crazy. Because I thought I was just trying to make like a couple of my buddies laugh.

Meanwhile, the whole fucking room went crazy. What is it? Thomas J. Henry is this, he's this lawyer that has a bunch of billboards, but in all the billboards, he's like looking over his own shoulder like that. And I'm like, why the fuck would he, why would he be looking like that? Like, why wouldn't he turn his body and be like, hey, I'm Thomas J. Henry. But instead, he's always like, what are you doing over there? See what I mean?

You see how hard that kills? Why would I not do that? Have you seen the other lawyer that's like a white guy that has dreads and who's that guy? Yeah. Fuck that guy, dude. Fuck that guy. That's this guy's lawyer right here.

This fucking guy. All right. D-Madness is out of control tonight, everybody. Jason, Jason, you seem like such a good, good boy. What have you ever done that is like naughty or against the law or something like that? Um, I actually got kicked out of a comedy club the other night for telling a joke. Whoa, you got kicked out of a comedy club? What was the joke?

Uh, it was like a whole minute bit about grocery stores. What, why, why, why did they get offended? What was the, like I, I compare grocery stores to countries. And like I said, you know, like Costco is the United States because it's like too much of everything. And the other thing that I'm trying is Walmart is Mexico because it has a lot of Mexicans. And that's hilarious. Some, some guy, Michael Gonzalez is laughing and he's our chief Mexican correspondent.

If anybody should get offended, it's him. He loves it. He says home run. Oh shit. Oh yeah. He's playing fucking Selena over there. So excited. Where did you get kicked out at though?

Like what, who would kick you out for that? It wasn't the club's fault cause it's a club that's inside of a bar. And so the guy went complain to the bar staff, bar staff came and kicked me out and told me I had to leave. Wow. Yeah. Oh my goodness. The guy broke some dudes nose like an hour after that.

So. Oh wow. That's crazy. Yeah. The bar staff, not even the kitchen staff wanted you out. The bar staff was the one that was offended. Incredible. Yeah.

Yeah, I did it. All right. Jason, you have any special skills or talents that we should know about? Yeah. I've published a book of poetry. I'm a scratch. Really? A book of poetry?

Yeah. Wow. Where's the ode to joy again when you need it here, Red Band? Well, I've been writing poetry in Sonoma County. I'm also a scratch golfer and I can rap. Wow. A scratch golfer? Yeah.

Are you serious? Wow. How you been playing your whole life? Your dad plays? Yeah, mostly. You're close with your father? Yeah. Seems like it.

That's every vibe that I get. This is how I would have been if I would have had a father in my life. I would have been like Jason Brendle getting kicked out for making. All right. Jason, you are one of the whitest, white, straight white males we've ever had on the show. And when you said that you can rap, you know that I'm going to make you rap right now. So what do you get a beat from the band?

Tell the band what you want. Oh, shit. They're just going with it. Wow. Yeah. I just turned 23. I still live with my parents. I'm going to stay at home.

Gee, I got nothing to do and no one to see. And I got things to avoid like sex and STDs. Yeah. I get less ass than a golf magazine. Only time I got that first base was on a suicide squeeze. I don't get any sleep, but I still have wet dreams and I got fat legs, but I wear skinny jeans. Yeah.

I'm going to stay at home. Gee, and it's as bad as it seems. I ain't got no job. I got no money. Ain't got nothing to ride while you fancy fools in the city eating kebabs. I'm just sitting at home with a bowl full of corn that my mom took out of the cupboard. I'm going to give it right back because I don't do dishes. I'm going to stay at home slob.

Wow. Yeah, you see me now. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh my goodness. I bet you have got to be one of the best rappers in all of Sonoma County. I mean, that is incredible.

Out of all the people rapping in wine country, he's got to be the best. I can't believe I made this succession reference earlier. I don't know how many of you watch that show, but there's literally a scene in it where the character that you would play, Logan Roy, or I mean, Kendall Roy actually raps to his father, and that's exactly what that was like. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? You are a character. That's what he does, and it's embarrassing, and it's super white and weird.

And you just did it. Hell yeah. He writes poetry. I mean, you know, it's like, was that in your book of poetry too? Do you have raps just spaced weird? No, it's like, so I wrote a book of sonnets, like really formal poetry. Ooh, sonnets, everybody. Sonnets.

Yes. I've been writing sonnets while I'm not rapping. Should we recite one of those too? Okay. I love it. I mean, Jason, I could spend all day up here just milking your straight white male fucking... What are your political thoughts? Are you a staunch Republican?

No, I just don't really give a shit. What does your father do for work? He owns a gas station. He owns a gas station? Oh my God. You got kicked out of a place to make him fun of Mexicans? That's crazy, dude. I know.

That just goes to show you what Sonoma County is like. The white people own gas stations there. Just to let you know how weird Sonoma County is. That's just real talk right there. You have a... Jason, very, very great performance. So much fun up here. You gave it everything.

It was absolutely great. A great fucking set. Take a big joke book. Come back again, Jason, will you? Sign up. I want to hear more of this guy. I love it. That was great.

You guys want to do something special right now? All right. Ladies and gentlemen, it turns out that one of our regulars is in town from Los Angeles, California. He's on and off again here, between here and LA. Unbelievable comedian. Great roaster. This is David Lucas, everybody. Live in the flesh here on Kill Tony.

Woo! Yeah. So glad to see a lot of white people here. When I say a lot of white people, I just know everything's going to be all right. Y'all know those... Like, would y'all go to a place just fucking Lucas and Mexicans? Hell no. I wouldn't get on an airplane full of Mexicans.

I'm like, this plane ain't going to have a lot of gas in it. I don't think scary movies are scary anymore. Like, we're adults. We get it. That shit's fake. Like, if they want to make a scary movie to scare adults, I think they should make a scary movie and call it Bills. It's about three bills that total $368.

And they're all on auto pay. And you only got $290 in your account. And you don't get paid for nine days. That's a scary movie. Thank y'all. This is it. This is how it's done, people. Sorry, y'all, but that's just simply a goddamn real professional right there.

It's so good to have you back, sir. Yeah, man. I'm so glad you brought your brother. Oh, come on. David, she didn't even make fun of you. Why are you taking shots at my guests? She didn't even say anything to you. Why are you...

I mean, I... You have to know, I take that as a compliment. I've grown my hair out, and you can still see it. I love that. Yeah, y'all wear the ace bandage on your titties. Okay. David, come on. Stop making fun of my guests like that.

Not all of us wrap the ace bandage around our diabetic feet like you do. Son of a bitch. Hey, Tony, you look like a busted banana condom. What the fuck, man? You look like if somebody put all the Wayans brothers in the microwave at the same time. Goddamn, we back to the bullshit, huh? Oh, my God. I love it.

You're ripping through those jeans down there. What's going on? Your thighs are like the audience members at Astro World right now trying to escape. Your thighs are trying to squeeze out of it. You guys can't see. Square up to the camera a little bit so that people can see your fucking... Look at those rips, dude. What happened?

You eat a fucking hot lunch today on your lap? Fuck, Tony. Your collar loose because your boyfriend was trying to make you stable when you was going out. Oh, come on. That's not even true. He grabs me by the back of my head. Not my collar. You even turned Rick Flair gay on your shirt.

He ready to suck a dick. Oh, come on. Not everything. How dare you insult the nature boy, Rick Flair, like that? You're the gator boy. Oh, you son of a bitch. You're the motherfucker. What made you put on yellow today?

I'll try to fuck. Well, that is a good question. That should look dumb as fuck, bro. Oh, come on. Your ass look like a loose Allen Iverson sleeve. I don't get that. It's an urban reference. You might not get it right, man.

Right. Yeah, he doesn't know who Allen Iverson is. He's a former point guard for the Detroit Pistons. No, the Philadelphia 76ers. Tony doesn't know who that is. I thought you didn't play in Philly. No, he played for Denver and he played for the 70s. I thought you were blacker than that.

I was never an Iverson guy. Next time your boyfriend, fuck you. Tell them to turn sports center on. Oh, come on. Come on. Next time you're done fucking change the food network. Look at those pants. David, this is a real situation here.

I mean the incredible. I don't know. I've never seen ashy thighs before, but this is incredible. You look you look like you just went swimming at ground zero. No shirt need lotion. That shit looked like Ashy Larry Hand. No shirt need lotion, bro. Oh my God.

What's up, Sean? David, what do you tell your hairdresser to like make it look like cocktail weenies? Why do we need that? Look how mad he gets when the guest makes fun of him. If I make fun of him, he laughs. If the guest makes fun of him, he looks like he's about to cry up here. It's like you do rose shows. It's all right.

It's all right. You drove here in the Subaru. You weren't here. We already made a Subaru joke. Oh, shit. 20 minutes ago. Hang on. Hang on that one.

You got a Me Too case against Ellen DeGeneres. It's funny you mentioned that. Twitter handle is Ellen DeGeneres. Next thing you know, he's going to make a joke about how she looks like she wants to play overhand baseball with the boys. I miss that one. I know. I know.

There's been a hole. You're doing good. You're doing good. And all the jokes you are making did kill earlier in the show. So you're right. You are right. I know. You're doing good.

You're doing good. Her tubes tied themselves. No, stop it. All right, David. I'm sorry. Normally he's not like this to the guest. I'm trying to make people comfortable here. Meanwhile, you got the fucking look at what is that hairdo exactly?

It's all good. I respect the HDTV community, bro. I love it. Is your barber Tim Burton? No, man. I got a female that do my hair. What? I got a female that do my hair.

Oh, I bet you do. Look at that. Wow. What are you asking for? Who do your comb over? I do it myself. You go to the barber shop and ask for the offended. Oh.

Asked to get offended? I didn't really get that one. David, you're on fire. You don't have to look like he's about to ask for a manager. David, what's been going on? Tell us about what you've been doing in the world. You weren't at Skankfest. What's going on?

We've been missing you. You haven't been in town? Yeah. I had to take care of my mama during Skankfest, though. But shit, traveling, you know what I'm saying? My daughter turned seven today. Oh my goodness. Wow.

Look at that. Wow. That is so incredible. And she's bigger than you, Tony. Oh, she is? More testosterone, too, right? I bet. And she could actually pee standing up, bro.

That's great. Oh. Wow. Next time she comes to town, I want her to teach me how to pee standing up. I'm really interested in learning that. I love it. That is so incredibly David Lucas of you to be here during her birthday. I love it.

Yo. What up? What up? Yo. Yo. What up, Shoddy? This is your birthday FaceTime. Come on.

Come on. FaceTime, daddy. Blow out your candles, baby. Blow out your candles. FaceTime and your fucking seven-year-old daughter. Mommy, why is daddy only inside the telephone? I love it. You made the man.

I love it. You made D-Madness stand up. Oh, shit. D, D, what's going on? Grab that microphone. Hold up, bro. Tell everybody. It's a blind man.

You walk right into a tree. Hell, yeah. I was thinking the same thing. D-Madness is a badass motherfucker. It doesn't always have to make sense, people. Look, he doesn't always make sense, but he can play the bass like a motherfucking super sonar, dude. I'm telling you.

Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues. When D-Madness talks shit to me, nothing brings me more joy. I swear to God, I beat the shit out of you. There's nothing fun here. He's challenging me to a game of dominoes right now. For those of you that aren't listening. Tony, you play dominoes? I just got D-Madness actually bought me a set of dominoes for that place.

You going to teach him the hood way? You going to teach him bones, D-Madness? Well, he kind of made a mistake in me. He didn't know what bones was, and I told him dominoes, he asked me what the hell was dominoes around now. And I said, how do you play dominoes? You're blind. And he goes, you could feel the dots, you motherfucker.

That's legit. That's legit. You know, he bought me dominoes also. The pizza. I know. Yeah, look at that. There you go. Red band.

I love you. We love you, too. You're a fucking star. And so are you, David Lucas. Appreciate it, bro. Such a fucking pleasure to have you in town. Welcome back to your future home of Austin, Texas. There goes David Lucas, everybody.

The great David Lucas. Literally, one of the fucking best, an absolute murder. Hire him for your children's birthday parties. He won't go to his kids' birthdays, but he'll go to your kids' birthdays if you pay him enough money. Seven years old, dude. You'll never get this one back. She'll never forget this one, David.

Make some noise for your next comedian. Right out of the bucket. Anything can happen. Katie Felton, everybody. Here we go. Katie Felton. We're having fun here tonight. There she is, Katie Felton.

Hi. I'm 32, which means my biological clock has started to kick in. So, you know, I'm ready to settle down and have some kids, because I know I'm not going to be a baby-making machine forever. So I downloaded this app that just reminds me daily that my eggs are decaying by the second. It's called TikTok. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm a single lady, so to pass the time, I have a vibrator, and I got the most boyfriend-like vibrator on the market. Ladies, I suggest you spend the money. As soon as I'm about to climax, it just completely shuts off, so. People. Okay. That's it.

You want to do another one? Sure. Okay. People say I look young for my age, so to combat that, I got tattoos, but I just got a bunch of flowers and bugs, so now I just look like a cabbage patch kid that grew up on the wrong side of the bunny tracks. Yep. That's good.

Katie Felton. Very, very, very good. Very good. How long have you been to stand up, Katie? Like two and a half years, including the quarantine. Awesome. All of it here in Austin, Texas? Yeah.

This is where you're born and raised? No. I'm from Southern California originally, but I've been here for seven years now, so. Oh, wow. What made you move here seven years ago? I was living in New York, and I was not enjoying it, and I had friends that had moved out here before me, and they were like, you should come, you'll love it. Very cool, and you did, and you did.

Yeah. Wow. What did you not like about New York? I was poor all the time. Yeah. Pete, yeah. What do you do for a living here? I work for an online coupon company.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I'm their offshore manager. Offshore? I have people in India that make sure the coupons are going good. Wait a second. You specialize in Indian coupons?

No, they're American coupons, but since American people cost more to make sure our coupons are going good, we pay people in India much less. Okay. Okay. Do you have to talk with a lot of Indian people to do your job properly? Sorry, say that one more time. Do you have to talk to a lot of people in India? I do, but they all know English, and it's mostly like on the computer.

Look, we've all been stuck talking to somebody from India. You might think they know English, not the ones I get stuck on the phone with. Stupid. All right. I love it. And you're currently single? Yes, I am. When's the last time you went on a date?

How did that go for you? Last date? My last date was probably official date where it wasn't just a random hangout. I went to this coffee shop slash beer place, and he only bought me an iced tea. And then we chatted in parted ways. Wow. What do you think happened there? I don't know.

Was it on a dating site that you met this guy? Yeah. Okay. And he's like, meet me at, what is it, BuzzMill? No, it was Radio Coffee, but I do love BuzzMill. Okay. All right. And he just bought you a tea.

Now that's an interesting maneuver because he could have gotten you perhaps an alcoholic beverage. Correct. Yes. And do you think he did this because he was just being cheap or? Yeah. Because he didn't offer for, I finished my tea and he didn't offer me a refill. Oh, damn, dude.

Was it Red Band? No, no. I would have bought over alcohol. It would have helped. Stupid. Poor Katie. That's incredible. Do you at least give him like an angry hand job or anything like that?

No. A new fucking refill? What is your photo in this dating app? Was it a recent photo? Yeah. What are you trying to say? I mean, I think we've all been there. You get the dating app.

You get a picture. It's like their prom picture or something. Yeah. Normally Red Band's the catfish in the situation. I mean. My pictures were up to date. He had a quarantine beard, which I felt like he was the catfish in that situation. Right.

Right. Absolutely. Yes. Listen to the prostitute in the audience. Terrible. Terrible. She says terrible, terrible. Meanwhile, she's with a fucking Filipino bodybuilder.

Look at this guy over here. Look at fucking mannier Pacquiao over here. I love it. Manly Pacquiao is what I should have said. Manly Pacquiao. You're Filipino, am I correct, sir? Oh, okay. Why did you do that?

Yeah. The lighting's a little different in here tonight. I'm sorry, sir. It appears as though this might be an African American. Am I correct? Okie dokie. Yeah. It's all right.

That's what editing is for everybody. I don't even know how you spot that. That's what a good old edit point is right there. No, I'm kidding. What? Okay. Well, yeah. You listened to your African American boyfriend.

He is correct. You know what they'll do to you. All right. All right. We don't need the Migos. You're scaring this old white man in the audience, red man. Look at this guy. This is the only guy that's like iced tea.

Well, what's wrong with that? What a little lemonade in there. Seems like a proper date to me. I love it. Katie Felton. I love it. But you seem sexually active. Your jokes were about you got a vibrator joke.

Your eggs are decaying. You have any advice for the ladies? Any special moves you do in the bedroom or anything like that? No. Just have rhythm. I like that. A little bit of advice from you and Johnny Cash. I love that.

Have a rhythm if you get the blues. Right. Something like that. Am I close? No, I don't even, I didn't even fucking know what a whatever was. Football guy. I love it. What kind of vibrator is it?

Hitachi or? Perhaps a Toshiba. It's not. It's just a tiny baby one. It does the trick. Oh, OK. That's good. Red band's excited that tiny baby size things can do the trick.

That's exactly what he was asking for. I love it. Katie, you're so funny. You get booked on a lot of shows in town? I'm going to try to. My goal was to get on at least one show a week. And then the end of October was really crazy. And now it's kind of slowed down.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll book you on some of my shows. There you go. Boom. Thank you. This is what happens. One second, you're waiting in the corner, hoping that your name gets pulled.

The next, you're getting booked. Incredible. And it's, you know, it's especially not easy to follow David Lucas, which by the way, those are what his pants looked like when he put them on this morning. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. We're having fun here. Katie, an unbelievable performance.

You get a big joke book. You're super cool, super likable. Katie Felton, everybody. Damn. This episode is just flying by. What do you guys think? Should we go to this bucket again? Huh?

You guys having fun out there? Yeah. I had a fucking feeling. Sam Hunter, everybody. This is a really big deal. This guy's part of the weight loss challenge for the month of November. Sam Hunter, this is actually amazing. I'm so excited about this.

This is a new minute from Sam Hunter. We have a lot to talk with him about. I'm going to catch you up afterwards. Everybody make some noise for Sam Hunter, everyone. Hi. Hi. Hi. Big dudes have an advantage when it comes to sex than in-shape men.

It's almost like a fetish like a peel. I was at a bar recently doing my thing, being a fucking cool guy. That was insulting, I think. And this girl came up to me and she was trying to seduce me like right away. And I asked her what she was doing because she had so many other options. And she was like, honestly, Sam, you're so big, you look like you could bang me really hard. It's a little aggressive for me, but it showed me that the category of fetish that I fall under that I can provide for these women is just momentum.

Apparently my double average mass multiplied by my velocity equals enough momentum that with a single thrust I can send this bitch into a different dimension. And hopefully she'll end up in the dimension where her dad actually loved her. Fingers crossed. There you go. Wow. Sam Hunter getting a standing ovation from Michael Gonzalez, everybody. This is a man that in one week has turned his entire stage presence around.

This is incredible. Now, let me catch you guys up to the Sam Hunter situation here. We're going to rewind about five, six weeks ago on this show. I pulled Sam Hunter out of the bucket and I pulled a man named Trey Pack out of the bucket. That day they weighed 335 pounds, Sam did, and Trey Pack weighed 396 pounds. I brought them both on stage to join each other at the same time, that episode, just to see what it would be like to see if the stage could actually handle it. And then once they were up here, I came up with a great idea.

I said, why don't we do a thing where for the whole month of whatever, October, you guys try to lose weight, come back in four or five weeks, we'll weigh you guys in again, and for every pound that you lose, I'll give you $10, courtesy of Kill Tony. Now, I specifically, hold on, wait, I love it. There it is. The scale is back, everybody, for those of you just listening to the podcast. Fuck that. Okay.

So then they weighed in a month later. First, I asked Sam, what have you done to help lose weight? A couple of the people that were here last week are literally dying of laughter right now. And he named all these things that he did. He also said, Tony, I'm dizzy. I want to get this over with. I need to weigh in. Yes.

And when Sam weighed in, remember, his original weight was, and I mean, this is absolute comedy at its finest. Sam Hunter originally weighed in at 335 pounds. And then up here, Dizzy, a month later, he weighed in at 363 pounds. All right. And then, so he literally gained almost 30 pounds in a month. His opponent, Trey Pak, managed to lose almost 30 pounds. And again, one more time, just in case anybody missed it,

he gained almost 30 pounds in a month while claiming to be Dizzy up here. It's like, Tony, I got to get this over with. I think I'm going to die is what he said, to which I responded, you're not going to die from that. Not going to die from dehydration. I heard you had a rebuttal. And when I heard this rebuttal, it makes zero sense, by the way. You only tried to tell us something before the show,

because we were literally, just to let you know, we were literally cracking up in the green room before tonight's show talking about you last week, about how it just doesn't get any funnier than someone trying to lose weight, gaining 30 pounds. Yes. It is comedy brilliance. And your set tonight was amazing,

but now let's talk about it. What's going on with your weight? I gained all of that weight so I could fuck harder. Wow. Oh, a standing ovation from the guys that butt fuck each other. Very cool. Hell yeah, these guys love it. People that love gay sex love fucking hard.

We know what's going on over here. They're married. That's beautiful. You guys are a magical couple. I love it. So Sam Hunter, this is absolutely incredible. So you also, another fun fact, the type of shit that you can't make up

is that after he weighed in, he grabbed something with his notes and stuff off the stage, and I looked at it, it was a bag of Swedish fish. Yes. Yes. Because he couldn't wait to weigh in, because that's what he was craving was literal fucking Swedish fish.

And you might be thinking, oh, that's hilarious, because he's a comedian. He brought the Swedish fish up here to be funny. He did not do that to be funny. No. He literally just needed his Swedish fish immediately next to him so that he could eat them to be happy, to bring himself joy.

Yes. Yes. Yes. It is absolutely incredible. Did you eat those Swedish fish, Sam? Dude, no. I was way too embarrassed. I gave it to another person.

Are you serious? Yeah. Dude, I took this. I took this. I'm not fucking with you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me just remind you that the more serious you say you take it, the funnier it becomes.

Yes. Perfect. So every time you're like, no, you don't even know. Like, I like sort of die inside every fucking time. But please, please, please scratch this itch that I have. Tell me how seriously you try the weight loss challenge. I'm sorry. I'd like to state an appeal to this challenge.

Right. What are you peeling? What are you peeling? Fruit by the foot? That's fine. That's fine. So I have eyewitness sources that said this very scale in front of me was taken out of the box and then placed

on the stage. All right. So what you're saying wasn't calibrated, right? Right. Listen, calibrated. Yeah. But is that the word you're looking for? Yeah.

Calibrated. Calibrated. No. Calibrated. So what you're saying is that it wasn't. So maybe the weight wasn't right. How many of you think red bitch should get on the scale right now?

But anyways, so what you're saying is it's not the right weight, but yet the guy went right after you and wait. So even if it wasn't the right weight, both of you would have been the wrong weight. And if he lost 30 pounds, you gained 30. Hold on. I think he has a defense here. This guy is good.

I weighed in first both times making me the calibrator. So his results after me would have been accurate. No, because we did it before you even got on stage. We were playing on it. The first time. You calibrated the scale? Both nights. Both times we were jumping on it.

Hold on. Hold on. Red band. Everybody else that got on the scale, both times said that that was their weight. Do you want to get on it right now? Should we see a one week update? Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Please. No. You have to. Sam, you literally, for the sake of all that is comedy, you have to. For my 335, 363. The only reason you wouldn't get on the scale is if you think

you weigh more than 360. You're sort of laughing. What did you eat this week? Tell us what you ate every day this week. Last time I got up here, the first time I weighed in, I was 360 something. The second time, I was like 353. So there's already a 10.

What do you mean? Both of those are wrong. I weighed in twice. Check the tapes. Check the tapes. Check the tapes. Did you check the tapes? Someone check.

Yoni's giving us the thumbs down. You're completely wrong. Yoni is. Yoni. Oh, he's giving a hard thumbs down, dude. Now you can redeem yourself and weigh in right now. Tony, you're a motherfucker, Tony. How many of you should do it?

No. Fuck all of you. Fuck all of you. There's no way. Look at those hot dog buns he has for middle fingers, everybody. Dude. Come on. No, no, no.

Come on. No, no, no. I mean, Tony, I will walk away. Dude, you have to. He had sweetest fish on him, obviously. Tony, stop it. Come on. Get on this fucking thing.

Tony, stop it. Come on. Get on it. There it is. Come on. Tony, I'm not stepping on the scale. Come on. 112.

160. The 160. And you're normally like 120, so this makes sense. The scale's not accurate. No, I'm not. I'm gaining weight. Joe Rogan has me on human growth hormone, bitch. Nice.

Yeah. Those are gang signs. And if you don't know what these mean, you're not a fucking gangster. Joe Rogan also has me on human growth hormone. I gained weight during the month. That's why I'm fucking jacked now. You are on inhuman growth hormone, my friend. Dude.

Sam, come on. What's the worst that could happen? I'm not weighing in. What's the worst that could happen? Why? Is I, shut up. I took the comedy beating of my life last week while I watched a speechless Ron White look at a fat, retarded guy and be like, holy shit, he gained 25 pounds in a month during

a weight loss contest. I swear to God, Sam, I'm not kidding. I went into a spiral, Tony. Sam, listen to me. I golfed with Ron White today. Okay. Listen to me. Listen to me at a fucking baller-ass country club.

And you want to know what Ron and I talked about? What's that? You. Hell yeah. Yeah. Swish. You want to know what other comedian we talked about from that entire fucking episode? None of them.

So now, with all that said. Oh, no. Get on the scale. Get on the scale. Get on the scale. Get on the scale. Come on. Here he goes.

Yeah. Yoni with the camera. What happened? It's 364. Oh, my God, he gained a pound. He gained a fucking pound since last week. Dude, human growth. This is unbelievable.

The train is off the tracks. Sam, take us through your day. Let's figure out what is going wrong with your weight loss plan. There must be something you're not mentioning. Take us through this fucking. We all want to know what is the world's worst diet plan ever. This is incredible. You're averaging about a pound a day, by the way.

Yes. This week, only one pound for the whole week. So what was it? I mean, that's progress. That is. Right? That is. I would go from gaining 25 to only gaining four.

That's pretty good. That is true. I'm steering the ship. That is true. That's right. We're good at this. This is how we rationalize the American economy and everything. I love it.

We can rationalize all day. Well, technically, there is growth. Yes. I'm about progress. I'm about progress. Sam, as the final level of this, we've spent way too much time with you, but it's just no goddamn amazing. Take us through, like, a day.

Like, you wake up. What's breakfast like for you? A pound of Swedish fish. Yeah. Come on. Start off. A pound of Swedish fish. Come on.

Dude, I'm telling you. You have cereal? I do. I have AGB of fiber cereal to make sure I poop. Does it work? Are you pooping? No. I guess it's all just hanging out.

What kind of milk are you using with this fiber cereal? Unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 35 calories per serving. Okay. Okay. That's good. All right. Let's move on to after breakfast snack. Today?

Today? Dude, so the last week, I was spiraling and I was just drinking. You're literally laughing right now. Because you're not going to believe me when I tell you the truth, motherfucker. I know. I'm probably not. So go ahead. So I took that beating last week and I immediately just, like, started drinking bourbon and chilling.

Because I worked my ass off last month and gained 25 pounds. I'm not going to do it again. So wait a second. So, but today, I ride at the ship. Uh-huh. So I had eggs and kale for breakfast. Wow. I drank about a gallon of water, proceeded to go to the gym.

Did you have egg yellows or whites? Yellows, bro. I'm not fucking. That's right. It's all right. It's all right. Go ahead. Go ahead.

You go to the gym, then what happens? Go to the gym. Go lift sauna. Yeah. Go back to the crib. Yeah. Smack one out. Okay.

There you go. There you go. That's a couple pounds. Yeah. That's at least, that's at least one hot ounce. Yeah. Okay. Everything counts.

Okay. And then this, this, this kind of fucks my day. I had gluten free mac and cheese before I came here. Oh, that's an interesting one. I'm not going to lie to you. That's what it does. Gluten isn't really what you need to avoid at this point. Right.

It's the mac and cheese. Yeah. It's mostly mac and cheese. I would have to agree. Yeah. I would have to agree. Wow. One box?

Yeah. One box. Have you ever tried keto? I feel like you would be good at keto. No. Do you do like butter with the mac and cheese? You put a little butter in there? No, that's like straight.

What do you do for flavor? You hot sauce, ketchup? Hot sauce and pepper. Because it's like the lowest calorie like season type shit. Uh huh. Okay. One box only? One box only today.

Today? Yeah. Family size? Family size. God damn it. Red band. It is. There's another worse than getting fat jokes by red band over here.

That's incredible. It really, it's really. Is that really all you ate? Today, yes. I'm telling you. Okay. I drank like. What's yesterday, then?

Yeah, what is it? I drank, I drank like a bottle of muscle. Thanks, lady. Uh, I drank like a bottle of bourbon and eight tacos. A bottle of bourbon? Yeah, dude. Oh, that's your problem, man. It's got all this sugar.

That's all sugar. That's all sugar. Yeah. I love it. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Wow. Sam, you are a living legend.

We need you to keep signing up. We need you to keep coming back. The weight loss challenge, by the way, is still on. We agreed at the end of that. Then in three or four weeks, you're going to weigh in again. And, uh, we're all very excited. All right. Pretty much anything you do at this point is going to be amazing.

You're on track to get big laughs, even if you gain weight. It's really a win-win for you. An unbelievable comedic set tonight. You already have a big joke book, right? Life is good. We'll see you again soon. Sam Hunter, everybody. There he goes.

I believe in you. We believe in you, Sam. I believe in you. Love that guy. I love it. What do you think? What's that? Should we do it?

Yeah, we should. You guys ready for your final comedian of the night? Huh? All right. That's it for the bucket pulls. Ladies and gentlemen, your final regular of the night is a legend and kill Tony folklore history. I mean, this fucking guy has set every single record.

He currently opens for Joe Rogan multiple times a week. Getting all these local Austin shows kick started. The crowd goes absolutely wild. He's coming off of a skank fest in which he got the pop bigger. A lot of people say he got bigger pops than Bob Saget at that festival. He is the longest standing regular in the history of kill Tony. This is the big red machine, William Montgomery. Oh, my goodness.

It really is him. The real William Montgomery. I had to pay Tony $25 to say all that, so. I swear if Taylor Swift writes another breakup song about us, I'm going to fucking lose it. I'm serious. Two songs was the limit. Now three.

Taylor, get over me already. Look, I didn't want to say anything, but Taylor used to do blackface in the bedroom. Granted, it was my fetish, but she was into it. My dad is a hell of a lawyer. He actually successfully sued Dr. Mario for malpractice. If Redden House was black, he'd already have a mural painted in his honor. All right, that's it. Thank you.

William Montgomery does it again. The big red machine, the vanilla gorilla, the Memphis madman. The Memphis madman. The Tennessee tickler. The Tennessee tickler. Many more nicknames you have. Am I correct? What are some more nicknames of yours, William? The strawberry twist.

Ooh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, the strawberry twist. People always used to call me that. It's actually very endearing. Yeah, the raisin bread kid. The raisin bread kid. People call me that. I'm still fully addicted to fucking raisin bread. I can't fucking stop eating it.

For those of you that might not know, he got sober a few months ago and became addicted instead of to raisin bread. Yeah, I can't get enough of it most of the fucking time. I fucking dream about it at night. These are the types of answers. This is what I was expecting Sam Hunter to say. I can't get enough of it. I can't get enough of it.

That was kind of a fun one. That one really hurt my voice though. You really got into that. Ooh, that one hurt my throat a little bit. That was interesting. It really hurts my throat. Wow. God, that is killing my throat.

Man, you know how to work the room, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Up here, just fucking murdering. You have the microphone pressed against your nose right now. Yeah, I got high as shit right before this. It was a horrible fucking mistake. I literally am horribly on edge right now. What happened? You had to go to the bathroom?

Had to go to the bathroom. Somebody had to join. I smoked some of the joint. I immediately started thinking about the unlicensed firearm. I'm still currently having my fucking trunk. I have an unlicensed firearm in my fucking truck and I might shoot someone tonight. Oh shit, dude.

I've had enough. Oh shit. I've had enough. Where'd you get the firearm from? I bought it from this man under a bridge for $1,500 fucking dollars. It seemed very expensive. That's a lot for a gun.

$1,500 fucking dollars for a little black pistol. Wow, where'd you get $1,500 from? God, I had to fucking take it from somebody. I've been going to the goddamn CVS recently. I swear to God, I've been losing it recently. I go in the fucking CVS and steal a bunch of shit. Then I sell it to some dude under a bridge. You sell another guy under the bridge?

Yeah, another guy under a fucking bridge. Is it the same bridge? No, it's a different fucking bridge. What do you mean it's the same bridge? What the fuck are you talking about? How could it be the same bridge? It could. You think I'm going to the same fucking bridge?

You think I'm going to the same fucking bridge every day? It seems like you would. I go to two bridges every fucking day, red band. I got a fucking two of them. I can't get enough of them. I hang out in them now. You ever get raisin bread under the bridge? Yes, sometimes.

And how does that make you feel? It's good. You actually can put it on the hot concrete for a while and it warms it up very nice. Normally there's a bunch of buddies down there. It's fun. It's nice. Do you love that shit at all?

Yeah, I love that shit. All right. I fucking love being under the bridge with my friends. Stealing a bunch of shit from CVS. Heating up raisin bread on the asphalt. It's been a really bad week. It's been a really bad week. Tell us about your week, William.

Why has it been a bad week? I can't get out of the fucking bed. Why not? I sleep till six, seven at night. Oh my God. Wow, are you a little bit depressed? Yeah, I mean it's really bad right now. I almost got caught at the CVS recently.

I had to call my dad. He's like, William, you're going to be looking at jail time. What's your Venmo so that people that don't want you to steal from CVS can donate money to you? Do you know what your Venmo is? I don't know what it is. You don't even know what your Venmo is. William, a marketing machine, William Montgomery.

Jesus Christ. What's wrong with you, dude? William Montgomery. Is that it? Is it William Montgomery 1, perhaps? No, I think it's like William dot Montgomery dot 16. Wow, perfect. Nothing better than having a password for your Venmo name.

What happened to your beautiful nails? You had really nice beautiful nails last week. You've been doing, you know, working on your nails. Yeah, I had to get them removed. Why? They were really expensive. How much were those? They were $1,500.

Wait, wait, wait. No. William, no. That's the number of the gun. No, they were $1,500. It seemed like they were super expensive. I mean, it was the fucking guy under the bridge. There's another guy.

Wait, you had a guy do press on nails? Yeah, third bridge. And it was not a press-on situation. It was a surgical. He put me under. I was fully under anesthesia. It scared me a little bit because we were literally, does somebody want to shut the fuck up?

I'm having the fucking shit of my life. There is a young lady yelling from the audience, one of these Austin girls with the Gary Clark Junior hat. Everyone trying to fit in. Everybody goes to the same hat shop on Congress and thinks they're original. I love it. Yeah, I mean, you're really going to have to shut the fuck up.

We're trying to have fun up here, and then you really fucking derail it with that. You really derailed it. It seemed like we were having a bunch of fun. What are you yelling, young lady? Come on, let us know. Yell it again. It's okay.

Don't be afraid. Do you have your organs? Do I have my organs? What the fuck does that mean, bitch? Because of the surgery. What the fuck do you think, bitch? Hold on. She's with a little Mexican boy

that's about to yell something right now. This guy's in way over his head. This woman is Russian, and she thought when you got put out, they stole your organs also. Just fucking someone get her out of here! Oh, okay. Someone get her out of here now!

I've had a bad week! We're not gonna kick her out. Seriously, if you could only see me throughout this past week, it was nightmarish. I couldn't get out of the bed until seven or eight... Don't scare the guest, William.

Don't look right in her eyes like that and tell her how deeply unhappy you are. I want these people to tell their friends good things about the show. I don't want her to go back to the Austin comedians and say there's a guy with an unlicensed gun that's having a bad week over at Kill Tony.

Ariel, have you seen William before? Do you know the type of monstrosity that we're dealing with here? This guy was built in a comedic laboratory. I know. I mean, I honestly, like, my favorite Austin pastime is talking to crazy homeless people anyway,

so this is fine. Yeah, there's a couple really good bridges here. What are your favorite bridges? Can you name some of the streets where the bridges are near? There's one on South Congress in 18th. Oh, okay. Okay, there's definitely not a bridge there.

There is one on... And that would, most likely, I do believe be North Congress if my local geography doesn't... There's a really good one on Arizona and Grant. Ooh. Can anybody confirm this one? There's a really good one on Magnolia in 32nd?

Magnolia in 32nd. There really go lower numbers, William. William, spoiler alert. You want to really go low on your numbers here. There is one on Anderson in 3rd. There is one on Michael in Grant. You're just naming former classmates at this point. 35.

How did you guess that? How did you guess that? Whoa. How did you guess that? Because I'm the man, dude. Yeah, I was thinking about old classmates. 35 and... 35 and Phillip.

Yes, good old Phillip Street, one of the busier streets here in Austin. Traffic barely moves on Phillip Street. I don't know if you've been around there. Lots of businesses and landmarks. Dillard and Magnolia. It's a really good one there. Magnolia again, famously a street in Burbank, California.

Not at all, I do believe in Austin. Dillard and Magnolia. Nope, nowhere. Literally not a street in the city. You could really almost say anything except for Magnolia, and we would have been like there's probably a bridge there. Yeah, the one at Dillard and Magnolia is... Do you get blowjobs underneath any of these bridges?

Shut the fuck up right now. You're a red band. Come on, dude. We're trying to have fun up here tonight. Are you fucking derailing with that shit? He likes blowjobs. You have to fucking stop. You have to stop doing that shit.

He's never been this close before. He's trying to give me a blowjob. He's been on the show for years. He's never been this close to physically assaulting Red Band. I got too close. Yeah, shut the fuck up, dude. You gotta shut up, Red Band. What are you gonna do? Suck my dick?

Red Band, that's so weird. Unbelievable. I love beating up Michael Gonzalez. He doesn't think you'll do it. Do you want to watch? Wow. Make some noise if you want to watch! Oh, my goodness.

God! Come over here, little William. Come on, Bill. Get over here, Bill. Shut the fuck up. Wow. Fuck up, Red Band. He's never had a blowjob from a Red Head before. However, he did once fuck a plate of spaghetti.

So, Red Band. It's a wild sex life. William, you are a fucking guru. A genius. You're just the best ever. He has a brand new podcast coming out soon called the William Montgomery Show. Follow him closely.

He's a star, everybody. Guys, how loud can this place get? For one of my newest comedy friends, Ariel Isaac Norman, everybody. Fuck yeah. Oh, awesome. The drawing from Ryan Jebelt is in. He draws every single episode

all the way from Los Angeles, California. All those prints are available at RyanJebelt.com. Get your favorite episode today at RyanJebelt.com. Guys, how about one more time for the Screwball Peanut Butter Whiskey Kill Tony Band, everyone? Michael Gonzalez on drums. Matt Mueling on guitar.

And the great D-Madness on the bass, everybody. Thank you again to the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. Incredible stuff. Thank you to everyone. Just a reminder that there will be a ton of merch for sale right in the corner of that room. You can unlock your phones and hang out

for the Kill Tony official after party with the great local band, The Nether Hour, about to play up here. Thank you, live audience, so much. Good night, everybody. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Thank you.