KILL TONY - #541 - BENJI AFLALO

Episode Date: January 22, 2022

Benji Aflalo, Hans Kim, Matthew Muehling, David Lucas, John Deas, William Montgomery, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jules Durel, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 01/10/2022–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:FITBOD! – Kick the new year off right, and get started on your customized fitness plan from Fitbod!-Get 25% off a membership when you sign up now at Fitbod.me/KILL—DRAFT KINGS! – Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now, use promo code KILLTONY, andget FIFTY SIX TO ONE ODDS on any NFL team. Bet just FIVE DOLLARS and winTWO HUNDRED EIGHTY IN FREE BETS if your team wins. That’s promo codeKILLTONY at DraftKings Sportsbook — an Official Sports Betting Partner of theNFL.—LIQUID-IV.COM – GET 25% OFF ANY ORDER WITH PROMO CODE: “TONY” AT: LIQUID-IV.COM

Hey this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony including video portions of the show and if you click on tour dates you can come see us live. Every Monday we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas but we're always on the road and we always have comedy shows also. So go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is ShopSquad.tv. There you have the Kill Tony shirt, DeathSquad shirts, hats, everything at ShopSquad.tv. Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist. He

draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to RyanJEbelt.com and last but not least TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony. And now here's a brand-new episode of Kill Tony. Hey this is Red Band coming to you live from Austin, Texas here at the Vulcan Gas Company for a brand-new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony H-Cliff. Austin, are we gonna do this shit tonight or what? Fuck yeah, Monday night Kill Tony. Brian, Red Band's here. What's up? You guys ready for a

great fucking night or what, huh? It's Kill Tony brought to you by the Yellow Rose, the Red Rose. How about I hand for the band the screwball peanut butter whiskey Kill Tony band everybody. The great Michael Gonzalez on the drums. John Dees on the keys. Matt Mueling on guitar and the great D Madness right here behind me on the bass. Hitting those low notes for us tonight. Very, very exciting stuff. Other sponsors, Blue North or Hard Seltzer and a shout out to the great CM Smokehouse. Celebrated one year at Bolden Acres just yesterday. Really cool stuff. Screwball peanut butter whiskey and there's other sponsors too and here's

a little bit more from them right now here for you. The 2022 tour starts now. I'm doing stand-up comedy by myself in Las Vegas and Nevada at the end of January, Buffalo February 4th and 5th, Holland, Michigan the 25th of February, Grand Rapids the 26th, Raleigh, North Carolina, March 11th and 12th, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I'm back with you again. It's been a while. April 8th and 9th Miami, Florida, April 21st to the 23rd, Phoenix May 5th to the 7th, Salt Lake City, Wise Guys, one of the best clubs in the world May 20th and 21st and more dates are being added regularly. Get tickets at TonyHinchCliff.com. Here we are. The New Year is

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sign up now at fitbod.me slash kill. That's 25% off your membership at fitbod.me slash kill. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash K-I-L-L. We've hit the divisional round of the NFL playoffs and DraftKings. The official daily fantasy partner of the NFL has huge cash prizes up for grabs. This week new customers can get in the game and play free for millions with their first deposit. There are only a few weeks of football left so draft your squad now. I know I'm doing it. There's they have so many betting options at DraftKings and opportunities for me to win cash prizes. I love it. I also use it for UFC. Playing daily

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the comedy central rose, a biting, one of my true favorite comedians in the world. Comedy store regular. Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend, Benji Aflalo everybody. Here we go. Here he is. One of the dark lords of the comedy store. Him and I were the host of the comedy store. It was just me and him. 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010. If you wanted to open Mike at the store, you had to go through us. You did. We were not nice to people. We were not. We were doing our best. Yeah. So we're gonna have fun tonight. You're always fun on this show. You live for this shit. Just watching people fucking suck. I'm gonna do my best to be nice though. I love it.

Shout out to the great. We lost a big one last night. How about a hand for the great Bob Saget, everybody? Am I right? Another one. I guess it's not a full house anymore. You know what I'm saying? Oh, okay. Okay. I'm just testing you guys out. See where you stand on it. Oh, ruckus. I love it. Let's face it. The saddest part about Bob's death is that Dave Coulier is still alive. Am I right? That one's a little more jolly. You guys ready to do this shit? We have a bucket filled with comedians names a bunch of people signed up for the chance to do 60 seconds on this stage. If I pull their name out, that means they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, the time's up and

you're the son of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they're gonna bring out the angry West Hollywood bear legend of the show. And that's that. You guys ready to start this thing or what? I'm telling you, I get it. We went through New Year's. We went through Christmas. I'm gonna ask you guys one more time because I think this is a special Monday night. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking episode? Hell yeah. Even the lady with the mask is having fun out there. Look at this. There's a lady with a mask and she's enjoying herself. She's about to write a blog about what she saw here tonight. I was surrounded by filthy animals. Before I go to this bucket, let's start the show with

a regular. There are three regulars on this show and every single week they have the tough job of writing and performing a brand new minute every single week. This guy who's made a regular on this show just a few months ago. Ladies and gentlemen, the great and powerful Hans Kemp, everyone. Here we go. It has begun. This is Kill Tony live in Austin, Texas. Hey, what's up guys? I think it's kind of fucked up that somebody killed OJ Simpson's wife and nobody's helping him find the killer. Won't someone help this poor grieving man? He's a widower. I really love Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. That's like normal Jiu-Jitsu except you try to shave your opponent's pubic hairs off. You can only play once a month. There's a

regrowing phase. I was at a bar and I was like, it's getting pretty cold this winter, huh? And this guy was like, this is nothing. I'm from Chicago. It gets so much colder there. I was like, oh yeah, I guess it is pretty warm now that you mentioned you're from Chicago. You should have said something earlier. I was freezing my ass off. Let's go talk to that guy from Alaska. All right, thank you. There it is. Signing off with his trademark peace sign to the audience. You did it again, Hans. More good jokes. Congratulations. How do you feel? I feel amazing. Thank you for giving me this. Hans, one of the top young rising autistic comedians in the world. Brutally honest, always giving out all of the information about everything. What happened

in your life this week, Hans? It's been a pretty good week for me. I've been very sexually active. Oh, shit. Holy shit. Handjob Jenkins over here. Let's go. What type of sexually active are we talking about? I've been getting handjobs. You really have been getting handjobs. Yeah. Are they called Hans jobs when you get them? Stupid, stupid, stupid. What are we talking about? How many handjobs have you gotten? Three this week. Wow. Jesus Christ. Three different girls? No, the same woman. What's up with this? Is she said anything about why she exclusively uses only her hand? I don't know. I think the first time I was touching her vagina and she was like, oh, we're moving faster than I'm used to. Wait, what? I'm removing faster? Wait, what? We're

moving faster than I'm used to. Oh, we're moving. I think he said, all right. Okay. So you're moving faster than what she's used to and were you doing anything to her? Yeah, I was touching her vagina. Oh, you say it like, was it an actual finger or something? Yeah. Like, how long did it of the night? Was it till you start doing that? Like, did you have like a whole night? You guys watched movies? Or did you just like she came inside your van and you just start touching her vagina? Like, that's a good question. How long do you try to romance somebody in your creepy van that you I we were here for New Year's and we were just furiously making out and then we I went to a more private back alley behind the Vulcan and Wow. Wow. Very private indeed. No where better to make love

to a woman than alley behind Vulcan. Oh, yes, I see it now. The elusive Vulcan fucking dirt ball there's puddles everywhere and it doesn't rain in two weeks. Makes you really wonder what are those puddles doing there in the alleyways of Sixth Street? What exactly is there somebody perhaps hosing it down? It's not even you know, that's not possible with these syringes everywhere. It's not even Sixth Street either. It's like six and a half street, which is even worse than there's already enough needles in that alleyway. We don't need you pulling your dick out, Hans. Oh, Bob Saget's calling everybody. He liked that one. Hello, Bob. Thank you. Hans. So what else? You're getting hand jobs from this girl. Did you ask her for anything when you when she said

that things are moving too fast? What did you say? I said, you say this is just 10 miles per hour actually, where? Yeah, this is how I drive. This is how I do it. But what did you really say? I said, oh, come on. Oh, shit. You see what I'm talking about about the honesty? Like you can't write that. Oh, come on. Damn. Look at you. If you've now gotten three hand jobs, how is it not escalated from hand job to then something else? It's you're staying you're plateauing at anything. Is she adding perhaps some spit to the hand job? Or is she using any type of lubricant whatsoever? We've actually gone down. We've we went with Luba Derm on the second hand job and then nothing on the third. Wait a second. What was the first hand job? It was in the Vulcan. Not

where? What? Well, actually, go ahead. Now that I've heard the part of your answer, I would like to hear more. Exactly what part of Vulcan point to the table where this hand job. Someone's going to find underneath your chair. You're going to find a Ziploc bag filled with Asian come has a little fortune in it. It's a little bit wet. You have to sort it. Oh, 314 2562. So the second hand job was with some Luba Derm. Where did this Luba Derm come from? Is this your pocket her purse? What's going on here? It was in the van. Wow. Oh, so it was your own Luba Derm. Did you suggest it or did she find it like, and then just you just knew what to do. I was the one that was looking for the Luba Derm, right? Probably easy to find in a van. Yeah. It was, you know, I had to

look around a little bit, but I eventually found it completed. Okay, how long did it take you to complete the time without the Luba Derm? I never actually completed the first time. You know what, we have a surprise for you. We have a girl to give you a hand job right now on stage, everybody. How many you want to see Hans come tonight? All right, not that many people. A lot of people laughing. I thought it was a genuinely good idea. Wow. How long did it take you with the Luba Derm? I mean, she started and then I kind of took over. Wait, what? What? It's a hand job, not hand charity. Like, what do you mean you took over? That's her job. I think I'm better. Was she watching you the whole time or was she looking at like the wall or something like? She was moaning. Wait, what? I don't know. Maybe

she was just a bit just crazy. I love it. Yeah, I love it. She wasn't touching herself. She was just moaning at the sight of you jerking. Oh, fuck. I must pass it out there for a second. The thought of that. I really had the picture painted. Again, it's in a van. So you have to picture. He's either on his knees, perhaps. Perhaps he's Indian style. This is not a standing, this is not a standing masturbation. Are you laying on your back? We're laying on the bed. Oh, okay. I thought it might be weirder than that. Does your bed have a little hole that you put your head into, like at a massage table type? That's a good idea. Yeah, that's how Asian people sleep. Oh, wait, let's edit that part out. Sorry, y'all. He did it again.

I love it. Hans, you're a fucking legend. We love you so much. You're the fucking man. Another new minute for Hans Kim. There he goes, everybody. All right, so the bucket we go, this is where shit fucking gets a little bit weirder. Hans makes it look easy, believe it or not. But I reach into this bucket. It could be someone's very first time, could be a local legend that hasn't gotten up yet. So let's see what happens here. Ben Push is going to be tonight's first bucket poll. Coming from that deep section of comedians. Here we go. Come on, one more time. It's Ben Push, everybody. What's up, everybody? So my girlfriend told me that period cramps can actually be just as painful as a heart attack. So I'm not afraid of heart attacks anymore.

I mean, if she can handle that level of pain every month, I'm going to keep doing coke. But you know, I'm not trying to shit on women too much. You know, they've been through a lot lately, all the abortion stuff going on in the South. I actually, I read about a senator from Mississippi that said, it's now the safest state in the country for the unborn. Yeah, pretty shitty brag. Like, yeah, man, Mississippi is the greatest state in the country, just as long as you don't exist. All right. Fuck yeah, Ben Push. Welcome, Ben. This is your first time on the show, right? It is. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Welcome. How long have you been on stand up? About three and a half years. Three and a half years. All of it here, somewhere up in the Midwest you're from?

In Little Rock, Arkansas. Little Rock, Arkansas. That's how long have you been here? Today, all of today. Yes. Actually, a few hours only. How long are you in town for? Until Friday. Okay. Yeah. That's fun. And you've been doing stand up three years in Little Rock. What's that like? What exactly is Little Rock like? It's not much going on, but the comedy scene's good. You don't really have any of that Arkansas, like Billy Goat. Yeah, I've been told that. I don't seem like the youngest brother on succession or something like that. Yeah. Seemed like royalty. Like, perhaps you live in the royal land of the alleys of Sixth Street or something like that. I've tried hard to suppress all of my... What do you do for work? I work for

Amazon, a drive. Whoa. An Amazon driver. Wow. This is what the Amazon drivers in Little Rock, Arkansas look like, everybody. If you're wondering what ethnicity they are, still white as hell. I work with mostly black people. Well, okay. I mean, I didn't really expect you to chime in like that there. I thought we were just going to move on to the next thing, but you make it seem like that's a bad thing or something. No, I didn't want anyone to assume... I don't know if you've seen my band, but clearly I work with some black people too. They're right behind you. That's deep madness. I just wanted you to know that I'm comfortable up here with them. You don't want to make D madness mad. He will take that guitar and he will hit the mic stand with

it as hard as he can. Good to know. Do you really do cocaine? I mean, I have. I don't do it. Jesus. I would do it more if I could afford it. Hell yeah. When you said you were from Little Rock, I didn't know that's what you meant. How's the cocaine in Arkansas? It's not great, but it's about as good as you'd expect it to be. It's like 99% fentanyl. It's meth. It's definitely meth. You just dip your fingertip in and that's good for the night. It's just baking soda. I love it. Ben, how long you been driving for Amazon? Like three months. What were you doing before that? I was unemployed living off savings. 23. Oh, okay. You're a young buck. What do you do for fun? Tell us what 23-year-olds in Little Rock, Arkansas are up to. I imagine it's a lot of day

dreaming in the backyard. Oh yeah, it is. Very ADD. What do you do for fun? I practice guitar every now and then. I do drugs. I get drunk a lot. Kind of have a problem. Right. And just do comedy mostly. Okay. How long you been playing guitar for? Like a year and a half. What do you do to try to get girls? Yeah, hopefully. It's not working out so far. Really? How many hand jobs did you get this week? What's your luber-dermed dry ratio? What's your love life like? I have a girlfriend. I do have a girlfriend. How long you been with her? Two and a half years. Wow. Look at that. Damn, she's stuck by you through a long time of unemployment and she's stuck with you when you became an Amazon delivery driver. She's all pretty cool. She's in there for the long haul. What does

she do? She is a dance teacher and a yoga teacher. Stripper. We could get her an audition at the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. I'm positive of it. It's official sponsors of Kill Tony. Loyal, loyal, loyal sponsors. I love that sweatshirt. I haven't seen anything like that in a really long time. I don't even know how to put it. I mean, that is just straight up like Coles 2002. Is that structure? Yeah, that's Sears structure. It's fucking old school, man. You've had that a while or is that a hand me down from a big brother, perhaps? I've had it for about a month. Had it for a month? Yeah. Rift store purchase? No, I got it from Target, actually. Wow. Hell yeah, brand new fucking Target. I thought it looked good. I was like, I'm gonna, I'm stepping up my

fashion game. He's doing norm core. It's a look. It is. It's got a crosshair on him. Are you a hip guy? Oh shit. Fucking. Somebody just shot his microphone. All right. Well, I mean, this is just depressing at this point. Oh, I was going okay. God damn. That's gonna be the part everybody remembers. Hey, yeah. Hey, are you been pushed from Kill Tony, the guy with the fucking cord dropped out? I love it. Ben, what's something crazy about your life we should know about? You ever commit a crime or anything fun, anything interesting? Oh yeah. I used to shoplift all the time. Wow. You shoplift and you leave with shirts like that? Yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. Yeah. Security guys notice. They're like, let him go. Maybe he's gonna wear it.

The bad shoplifter. That's a funny character. What types of things have you shoplifted? I stole the entire series of a song of Ice and Fire, which is the book series that a game of Thrones is based on. Wow. I stole all of the books. What a fucking dork you are. That's incredible. Of all the things that steal. I did drugs while I was reading them. I mean, it's kind of cool. I don't know. You say you do drugs a lot, but I don't know. I don't really get that vibe. How often do you do drugs? I mean, I don't know. Like, you seem like you would three times a month if you saw them doing drugs. Okay. I'm calling the police right now. No, no. You got to get to know me. Are we talking like no-dos? Like, what kind of drugs are you doing? Well, well, well,

well, Red Band, I've been sipping on some susser. Hey, I did Molly on New Year's. What'd you do when you did Molly on New Year's and then what you the girl did it to? Yeah. Yeah. And then what you guys do? Tell us about an evening of plain boring Arkansas white sex. We had sex on Molly in the missionary position. Yeah. That's it, right? Yeah. That's how I picture it. And then did two seconds of doggy style. Oh, two seconds. And then you. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. All right. All right, Ben. Well, congratulations. You're 23 years old. You're out here fucking doing it. Taking trips to the big city. Have a joke book. There he goes. Ben, push everybody. One more time for Ben. Boring ass young white man. But he's got jokes. That's all that matters,

I guess. He's got jokes. Let's see what happens now. Your next comedian goes by the name of Frank Oh, was he got Frank a was he got Frank a was he got. Here he comes. Come on, make some noise for Frank, everybody. Nope. Okay. Yeah. I'm not actually a comedian. I just like to get on stage and pull my dick out sometimes. That's how I market. That's how I do marketing for my Oli fans. Yeah. Yeah. Now, when I was younger, I used to eat Oreos to keep my complexion. You know that saying you are what you eat? That's why white people love mayonnaise. No, that's what the bullet. Yeah, I used to think that saying was a bunch of bullshit, you know, and then I got older and then people started calling me an asshole and I was like, Oh, it makes sense. It makes sense. Damn, this minute is longer than I thought it'd be. There you go. You did it. That's it. Frank, I was sick. Am I saying that right? Hey, was it.

Awosaka. Awosaka. Awosaka. Frank Awosaka. Hell yeah. Much better style than the last comedian. Just coming up. Fresh from the gym. I love it. What's the deal? How long have you been on stand up? What's going on? What is this? I've been doing it for a little bit. I mean, I haven't done it like maybe around ten times. Ten times. What made you want to start doing it? Uh, I'm funny. Oh, okay. Alright. I couldn't really tell from your set, but okay. I mean, I get it. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You did good, Frank. It's good. It's good.

I didn't think Tyron Woodley would hit a new low this soon, but... Just kidding, Frank. It's all jokes. I could tell you're getting a little bit pissed off at me right now. I read body language. What do you do for work, Frank? What do I do for work? Uh, we're making a lot of assumptions here. Work. Hell yeah. That's true. You clocked out before sixty seconds. I should have known that. That you're not employed. Yeah, uh, work Amazon. Yeah, no. I used to work there. Are you one of those Amazon drivers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

They had me like a slave in the warehouse. Yeah. All we heard was slave. I'm sure. I'm sure you do. I love it. Alright. What's the last time you had a job? A few months ago. A few months ago. What was that? Amazon. I just quit. Oh, you really did work at Amazon. Holy shit. That's absolutely hilarious.

I love it. What do you do for fun? You live here in Austin? San Marquis. Okay. Alright. You made the drive down here specifically to do this tonight? Yeah, I just drove here to do this tonight. I actually just, I didn't even know about it. And I just saw last week's show. And then like you were talking, I was like, Ben, this guy needs to stop talking. And then it was me. You want me to stop talking? The host of the show? This guy should stop talking. Just let fucking anything happen up there. Just let anyone up and talk about anything.

Yeah, no. I just turned it off and I hoped you'd stop talking by the time I got here. Okay. That is how you, that is how you get internet shows to stop talking. You turn it off. Yes, indeed. Really can't change what happened during the taping, but I love it. So San Marquis, what do you do for fun, Frank? Uh, play basketball, work out, video games. Basketball, work out, video games. Alright. Huh. You ever go out?

I ever go out? Sometimes. What do you do when you go out? Yeah, sure. That's what I'm asking you. Go out. Where specifically do you go out? Like, uh, maybe to the club? Still basketball. Alright, we're still just playing basketball. I'm kind of boring, you know. Nah, it's alright. It's okay.

You make the, I mean, compared to the last guy, you're not that boring. That's what she said. Alright. Keeping an eye on exactly who laughed at that. That's what she said, jokes, just so that you know. I love it. Frank, tell us something interesting about you. You're a guest on a podcast right now.

Yeah, your whole life has been behind you. Say something other than basketball. Okay, so, uh... When I was a little baby, my parents found me in a crater. I'm, uh, I just landed from... Do you have brain damage? Do you, like, play a lot of sports? Where you, like, take some hits on the football field when you were younger?

I'm getting real Antonio Brown vibes up here right now. I feel like at any moment he could just take his shirt off and walk right off the stage. Should we be like, that's... I think that was him? I've actually gotten that before. I'm not even joking. You have done that? Yeah, I've gotten that before. I've gotten that, uh, insult. Oh, you've gotten that insult?

Wow, okay, that's pretty interesting. It's been four days since that happened, but, uh... It's pretty cool. You must be hanging around a lot of people with brilliant senses of humor. I mean, I'm a professional writer, so that's incredible, Frank. But out in San Marcos, people are making fun of you that perfectly. What? What?

Benji, what do you think about Frank? Anything on Frank here? Benji's from a little city called Los Angeles, so... Why'd you quit your Amazon job? Uh, because they had me working like a slave. Like what? Like, long hours? No, no, no, I'm just joking. I actually did like working at Amazon as cool.

I just, you know, just wanted to go do my own thing. I was just done with it. It was the next chapter. Do you have an OnlyFans? No, not really. I mean, if we could get a petition, you know, we'll sign it around. I might start it up, you know? What would it take, like, a month, monetary-wise, to get you to go on OnlyFans?

2,000 a month? Pay me a month? Yeah, yeah. What would you need a month to... I'd do it for free. You do it for free. Oh, shit. I'll do it for the people. I'll do it for the people. I just need the people's support. That's it.

Oh, yeah. It's just him shooting free throws on OnlyFans. Literally, just a camera, like, hey, hope you like basketball. Frank, I love it. You've done it 10 times. There's fucking, there's, you know, something making you want to do this. There's, like, see a fucking star under there somewhere. How old are you? You tell me. I'm 24.

24 years old. Yeah. But, yeah, you just have to keep doing it. You have to do it more than 10 times. You just have to keep trying again and again and again. Yeah, that's my goal. There you go. Frank Awashika.

What did he do? What did we go? Small one? Frank. Frank, you want a joke book? Here, catch. I love everybody cheers for the catches here on Kill Tony. Competitive spirit out there.

Well, look at this Shane Gillis look alike and the Nike hoodie right there. Look at that fucking, look at that fat Irish head. This is a red fucking tinge of a long weekend of drinking. It's the only way. When you see someone sunburnt like that. Drew Blues. Drew Blues is next.

That's a new name. Oh, wow. What is up? Make some noise. How you doing, ladies and gentlemen? My name is Drew Blues and I do come from San Antonio, Texas. Where they, yeah, meets the Allah Chinga. Drew Blues is not a character name.

His name my grandpa gave me when I was about five years old, man. He came from the great city of Chicago. Round of applause. There's some Chicago. Yeah. I grew up a BB King and a BB King fans of the building. Yeah. Ray Charles, Elvis Presley, Robert Johnson, man.

That's good, man. Because my grandpa taught me two things in life. The first blues comes from love, comes from sadness, comes from hate. And the second blues unfortunately comes from being lonely during the pandemic like fellas. Have you ever heard of Blues Balls? That's how single I was so blue, my balls learned harmonica. I was like, what the hell? Lately chilling on my couch.

Now you heard what? Hey bro, you're single. We need a date. It's getting late. There's nothing to do, bro. But masturbate. I got the blue ball blues. Thank you.

Keep blazing. All right. Drew Blues, everybody. Yes, sir. Fuck yeah. Holy shit, you suck. Hell yeah. God damn it.

You make the brain damage basketball player look like Kevin Hart. It's incredible. Holy fucking shit. I could not figure out what the... I didn't realize we had fucking rodeo clowns signing up for the show. I like that shit. That's a good job. Oh my God.

Look at you. Thank you so much, sir. Look at you clowny son of a bitch. Thank you. Where are you from? Where did you drive from tonight? I'm from San Antonio, Texas, sir. San Antonio.

Hell yeah. Yes, sir. Absolutely. Actually opened up for you, man. San Antonio. You opened up for me in San Antonio? Is this true? This happened in the past?

Well, I was a door guy. I kind of held up the door open for you as I walk in, sir. Oh, okay. I was going to say... I was going to say, I think I'd remember if I had the worst opener I've had in my life ever on a show, on a show, I'd be like, oh, I fucking know this guy. Yes, sir. I can't imagine how many people would have to get sick for you to be the opener.

I mean, all my friends are dead. We would take a... Holy shit. So you really are your door guy at what? LOL? I used to be a door guy at LOL, not anymore, sir. What are you now? I'm a security guard, actually.

Okay, yeah. Yeah. You gained the weight needed to be a security guard. That's what I said, because I was so scared, because I was like, damn, the interview process is going to be fucking horrendous. I thought I was going to have to do an obstacle course, but no. I relaxed, and the guy looked just like me. It was amazing.

I was like, all right. I can relax now. Wow. You look like if blues traveler traveled across the Mexican border. Does that make sense? He looks like he's dressed up with a fake ID to buy alcohol. Doesn't he? Or there's like two kids, two people on each other's shoulders.

This is actually just two eight year olds performing right now, really putting it all together. Yes, sir. It seems like if you pull on your tie, like water shoots out of your hat or something like that. I love it. What do you look like underneath those sunglasses? What's going on? Oh shit.

Okay. Hell yeah. Absolutely. A little bit down Z. All right. Very cool. It's good. You're good.

You're good. What ethnicity are you, Drew Blues? Am I right? I'm Hispanic, sir. Yes, sir. My grandpa came from Chicago. My grandma came from Mexico. Okay.

Yes, sir. Okay. What's up with all the sirs you keep on saying? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. He's good. He has fucking respect. Oh, Jesus.

Unlike these other punks up here tonight. He's got respect, but he doesn't have a tailor. That is true. I mean, what a mess. Where do you get a jacket from that? Honestly, I got this one from Goodwill, actually. Hell yeah. No, I mean.

Yeah, I love Goodwill. We're not surprised. Yeah. I love it. Drew, what do you do for work? I do, I'm a security guard, sir. That's right. Where at?

I don't want to say the company name. Oh, okay. I do a lot, man. I'm the job. Okay. What do you do for fun? You seem like a wacky guy. I do open mics.

I do comedy. I try to get as much shows as I can't possible. I'm still learning stand-up, man. I'm still on the climb. Yeah, man. So I like going to this bar called Bar 414. What do you do at that bar? Just hang out, man.

I want to try to play there. You want to do comedy there? Yes, sir. But what do you do? You sit there and you have beers? Yeah, a little bit of whiskey hang out. A little whiskey. I like it because my grandpa said back in the day that Gunther Hotel where Bar 414 is,

where Robert Johnson used to write some of his songs at. Robert Johnson. Yes, sir. It's one of my favorite hotels. Yes. He was hitting on it. It's awesome. He guys sold the soul to the devil.

He wrote some songs in San Antonio. The guy's a legend. I don't know. D-Madness, can you confirm this? He's my chief music correspondent. If D-Madness doesn't know the person. Hey, man, I'm a big fan of D-Madness. You're the shit, dog.

Wait, wait, wait. Hell yeah. Okay, there you go. Robert Johnson, he qualifies. That's not like real ambition. You can't just get drunk somewhere a genius did. And you're like, I'm on my way. Right.

Where's stuff to do on the river walk, too? My girlfriend's actually a ghost tour guide. What kind of tour guide? She's a ghost tour guide. Oh, wow. Okay. I love it. You guys are perfect because you look haunted.

That's incredible. What a match made in the back of a fucking hearse. I love it. You're pretty, yeah. So she does ghost tours. How long have you two been together? Actually, since October, my birthday. Wow.

Where'd you meet her at? In my hometown when I was doing the ghost tour guide stuff. You were doing ghost tour stuff? No, no, no. I was actually at the ghost tour. I saw her and we just started talking. Okay. Now she comes to the open mics regularly with me.

She's cool. She's trying to dabble into comedy. It's pretty dope. Right. Yeah. Wow. So she's dabbling in it. Yes, sir.

Okay. How's that going? It's really, really good, man. She's cool. If you're dumb enough to believe in ghosts, you're dumb enough to date this guy. Amen. He's like, I found my lady. Well, no, when I started dating her, I really didn't know how interesting San Antonio was

until she started telling me. Apparently it was like the Wild West back in the day. Yeah. Yeah, man. Wow. Yeah. There was brothels all over. It was nuts.

We were at the nerve center of San Antonio. Do you know that all of Texas was like that back in the day? Have you, did you skip all history classes? Hey, apparently there's some shit there went down, man. Something. No, I don't really remember San Antonio. Something happened. Yes, sir.

I mean, I forgot. They would have taught me some of the stuff that she taught me. I was like, all right, cool. I would have paid attention more in high school. You ever put your harmonica in your girlfriend's pussy? Oh, just hit a weird note. No, but I make her wear the hat. It's awesome.

Really? You make her wear the hat? Yes, sir. Wow. You're gay. Hey, babe, put on this hat. Put your hair up. Put it up.

Hell yeah. You just hit it from behind. Pretend like you're fucking... A jive turkey? Yes, a giant turkey. No, jive. Jive turkey. Oh, okay.

Jive turkey. That's just as stupid. Yeah, man. I love it, man. I love doing comedy, man. I'm so glad to be here. This is awesome. Yeah.

Did you also fail at the blues and then you decided? Or did you try to do music? I'm trying to. I'm dabbling a little bit too. My grandpa was a blues player in Chicago, man. I tried to learn harmonica for him, but he passed away before he could teach me a lot more. We get it. You love blues.

You need to eat your greens is what you need to do. True blues. Yes, sir. You seem like a genuinely unhealthy guy. You are what I would describe as a San Antonio meatball. Yeah. What is the guy like you eat? What's like a daily meal for you?

What do you like? Oh, man, I'm unhealthy. So I work over nights. So it's usually hot pockets every day. Wow. You still eat hot pockets. Yeah. But I mean, it kind of works out because I travel up like eight flights of stairs.

So I'm still losing weight, you know? It's taking me a little bit. Yeah. That's like a commercial for hot pockets right there, everybody. Hot pockets. It's just go up eight flights of stairs for the rest of your life. You'll be just fine. Wow.

So you put the little sleeve on the thing and you put it in the microwave. What's your favorite kind of hot pocket? You know what? Pizza. Pizza just standard. Wow. Pizza flavor. Wow.

You are human garbage. Incredible. It is an insult to both pizza and hot pockets. I mean, I'm trying. I'm kidding. We all know pizza hot pockets are good. I like it. True.

It's a great style even though you're really, truly horrible. But your energy, you have so much fun. You roll with everything. I get it. You seem comfortable up here. I don't know where it comes from. He's intoxicated. Are you?

Are you a little bit tipsy? No, I'm good. Oh, okay. I'm just like legit nervous. This is awesome. I always want to be up here. This is cool. Yeah.

Well, you did it. There he goes. True blues, everybody. True. Take one of those. That's a great bonsai. B-O-N-E-Z-E-Y-E. The great Adrian Cavazos.

Should we get another regular up here? Huh? Your next comedian, another regular on the show. This guy is a monster from Los Angeles, California. Comes here, visits a couple of weeks out of every month. Traveling all around the world with me and Rogan and Schultz and Shob. Ladies and gentlemen, the great David Lucas, everybody.

Writer, roaster, comedian. And it's all around cool guy. How about one more time for my friend, David Lucas, huh? Yeah. Black single women are solely responsible for voting Joe Biden in. But we can't be mad at them to pick the right president because they couldn't even pick the right baby daddy. The lady I fuck with is 20 years older than me.

And I made a mistake and gave her COVID. And her family is trying to sue me for elderly abuse. I think in the next 20 years that the NFL and the UFC will be done. Because do you think that these assume, did you assume my gender as kids want to take a hit or a punch to the face? It's like they will change genders on the field once they take a real hit. I identify as a woman now. All right, that's it. Yeah, David Lucas.

Absolutely. Yeah. Back in town. Yeah. Welcome, sir. Yeah. How are you? Everything good?

What are you laughing at? That stupid ass shirt. Oh, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. At least I can fit into my stupid ass shirt. I don't know if you see what's going on there, but that's a fucking tight squeeze. There's no way you could close the buttons on that fucking thing. Your t-shirts trying to escape the tragedy that is your outfit right now.

It's trying to kill itself. It's hanging itself, literally. You look like a bubblegum-scented butt plug. A gay flamingo. If bubblegum sat on a butt plug? You look like a bubblegum-scented butt plug. God, I am mishearing some shit. Scratch and smell butt plug.

All right. You look like a fucking butt plug. How about that? You look like a big, giant, used butt plug. How about that? No, I'm kidding. Those shirts are for cowboys that ride unicorns. Oh, you son of a bitch.

You son of a bitch. You're like a cowboy that rides candy corn. Stupid. God damn it. The unicorns will come out and bullet that gay cowboy shoe. Unbelievable. I can't believe I'm getting made fun of by somebody with the world's shortest legs. This man is all potty.

No legs, everyone. I mean, it's literally, it's like one of those, it's like a statue from Beetlejuice or something. Like the one that they try to stack, the lady that owns the new house. And you're the man with the deepest asshole. Oh, I heard you. That's true. You could fit both of your legs in my asshole. I know it for a fact.

I heard you can hide a pool stick. What? I heard you can hide a pool stick. You can sit on a pool stick with no problems. Oh my god. How do you, how do you jack off? Do you sit on the legs of chairs? What?

What the fuck? What the fuck? You just flip a chair upside down and sit on it. Okay. David. David. How dare you, David? I love it.

What's been going on this week? You're back in Austin. Yeah, man. What are you doing in town? They cancel my shows in Raleigh because of the snowstorm. Oh, all right. Snowstorm in Raleigh. That'll do it.

What else? What have you been doing since you got here? I got my antibodies tested. I had Omicron and didn't know it. Really? Yeah. Okay. Oh, you already had it?

Yeah, yeah. At some point. Hell yeah. When you always breathe that heavy, there's no way of knowing that you're sick. Motherfucker. I sweat my sleep all night last night. You're the only person who had Omicron symptoms of a booty sweat. The way you say booty is just, I don't care what anybody says.

It never gets old to me. Everything ends with me having fucking shit up my butt. I love it. So you had the Omicron. You got the antibodies. You also have an uncle body. I've done that before, but it's worth doing it for you. And you got a girly body.

Oh, come on. Tony got on a training bra right now. A what? Training bra. Training bra? Yes. For my massive tits. You're right.

You really got me there, David. You fucking fat boy. You got the body of an albino spider monkey. Okay. Well, I actually, I did a 23 in me the other day and I actually am part albino spider monkey. I love it. So what else? What else do you do?

How long you in town for? Should I fly out tomorrow? Fly out tomorrow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What else? Comedy store Friday.

Yeah. Comedy store Friday. How's that lay right now? Tell us about Los Angeles. We lived there. It's a fucking war zone, bro. Y'all ever played Grand Theft Auto? Yeah.

Yeah, I think I got two wanted stars in LA right now, bro. Wow. Now, it's really a free for all right now, bro. Like you better have a gun if you walking around LA right now, not living a good neighborhood. And they still be snatching shit over there. Right. How about you? You ever steal?

You ever just raid a Carl's Jr. or something like that? No, I stole, I stole out of a vape shop the other day because they wouldn't, they were only taking cash and I had car and I was like, I'm about to steal this. It's not a felony. Wow. So I walked out with it. I was like, it's $20, bitch. You ain't gonna.

Wow. You ain't gonna put my face on the news for this? I said, I'm trying to pay you, but I don't have no cash. Man steals vape. We're looking for a man standing six foot tall, all body. They put a bolo out for Tony and said, look out for a 14 year old girl with a mustache. God damn it. I think I make it too easy for you.

Jesus Christ. Be able to look out a manly looking teenage chick. Wow. How dare you? With a lesbian haircut. Oh, okay. All right. Okay.

Fucking whoopee fat bird. Jesus Christ, dude. What the fuck? Yeah, man. I love it. So really though, that shirt that you're wearing, can you button it? Like can you? I think so.

Let's see. What? I think so. Let's see. Make some noise if you think you can button the. Okay. Try the top button. Let's try the top one because it's going to get creepy up there.

I can feel it. Holy shit. Look at this. I've never seen that. I've never seen a Kleenex box build itself before. This is exciting. Yeah. We got it.

Gang gang. Wow. Look at that. The part you waited for me to undress. No. Yeah. That's that's my favorite part. I love it.

David, you're a fucking legend. Yeah, man. You did it again. Thank you, buddy. Comedy store. Everything. See him in Austin. He's doing everything.

One more time for David Lucas. Everybody. There he goes. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. David Lucas. Back to the bucket. We go.

Some interesting characters so far tonight. Let's see what happens next with these stylings of John Abraham. Oh, big pop from the corner over here. Might be from San Antonio. All right. Here we go. Make some noise for John Abraham, everybody. What's up, Vulcan?

How's it going? I just got a new dog, guys. Got him at one of those animal kill shelter places, you know. They go out and they kidnap a dog and hold a for ransom. You ask them, hey, can I get a new dog? They're like, sure. For 200 bucks. Oh, we'll kill it.

So now I'm invested, right? So I'm like, all right, then give me the next dog you're going to kill. Okay. Give me the dog that's walking the green mile. That's the dog I want. So they go out and they get it. They're like, well, tell me something about this dog. Like, well, this dog is a cop dog.

Holy shit. I locked up a cop dog. Like, what the hell? What did he do? Was it on the take or something? Like, no, John. It was on the take. Well, what did he do?

Did he bite like a black kid or something? Like, no, we want to lock it up for that. It bit a white kid, so we had to lock it up. There's frozen cons to having a cop dog. Like, it's really good at finding my weed. But I can't ever smoke around it because I get too paranoid, you know? I'm like, fuck cop dog, you're going to narc on me and shit. All right, thank you.

All right, John Abraham. Hell yeah, welcome back. You took off your cowboy hat, put your harmonica away, and here you are. No, it's Drew Blue. Sneaky little devil. I think you're just jealous Drew Blue stole your outfit. Wait, what? Are you trying to be like David Lucas up here?

Your legs are way too long for that. Stop it. Stop it. I love you. I like your style. I mean, you look like this whole episode just smashed together in one human being. See all star night. You look like the Asian guys' van.

What? The Asian guys' van? You do. What is this style? What do we call this? Depression? Monday. A little bit of that.

A little bit of that. That is. I love the American bandana. One of the most Mexican things you could do is wear an American bandana around your neck. That'll stop the fucking border patrol on the tracks for sure. I'm actually from the border in a little town called Carisa Springs. You ever heard about it? Okay, no.

No, it's a terrible place. Never go there. Never go there. I love it. As soon as you drive through, it smells like a barbeque oil filled in depression. It's awful. Sure. Okay.

What do you do for work? Sell fireworks. Whoa. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Hell yeah. Who doesn't love good old fucking Mexican dud fireworks?

Nothing more American than blowing up Mexican fireworks. Nothing better than just bad bottle rockets going sideways at your party, right? Can you do an impression of a bad bottle rocket? What do you think that sounds like to you? You work in the fireworks. Wow. That is indeed the most Mexican bottle rocket I've ever seen. Made to jump over walls or something like that.

I do believe. Your bottle rockets go ay, ay, ay. Yeah, ay, ay, ay. Wow. I love it. How long you been slinging fireworks for? About 20 years. 20 years in the fireworks industry.

I get it. Wow. I get it. Started when I was like 12. I love it. I love it. Does your barber also work in the fireworks industry? Does he just take a mortar and put it on your head and light it and just whatever happens,

happens? It's nice. It's a nice haircut. Don't judge. My sister did my haircut. Okay. Do you still live down by the border? No, no, no.

Now I'm out in San Antonio. Wow. All right. That's why I've been doing a comedy out there for four years. Okay. A lot of people coming from San Antonio today. Yeah, San Antonio night. San Antonio, what's up?

Yeah, it's really just this table over here. Is it all them? Hey, those are my friends. Hey. All right. Relax. Tell us something we'd be surprised to know about you, John Abraham. I'm a veteran and a felon and a fireworks salesman.

Okay. Okay. All right. You're a veteran of which branch? Army. Army. The Army. Okay.

Mexican or American? Yeah. What'd you do in the army? I was a medic, believe it or not. Wow. Oh, God. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the world where you sacrifice for the country and you fucking step on a fucking

landmine and this guy comes to save you? So you're going to be okay. Let me tie, tie off your open thigh with this American bandana. Holy shit. That's wild. You saved people's lives or anything like that? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, then you're a hero. That's incredible. You said that you're a felon. Yeah. What'd you do there? Oh, I, I was, I, weed, it was weed. It was weed. I got caught with a lot of weed.

Bring it from the border. What? Weed. Weed. Yeah. It's not legal here in Texas. You were bringing weed from Mexico? Yes.

Wow. How much? About four pounds. Wow. It was fun. It was fun. Hell yeah. Those are indeed Mexican fireworks.

I love it. That is incredible. So what did you, how did they punish you for that? Well, they kicked me out of the army. You're supposed to do that? You're still on the army doing fucking special ops missions for yourself. Yes. No.

Even the marijuana is medical. I'm a medic. It's really good for your back. It was me. Don't I look, don't I look like a medic? It was medicinal. They, they didn't believe it. So.

Okay. So what, did you serve any jail time or anything? Yeah. I did a couple of months. Okay. What was that like to describe that to us? You seem like a guy that does. It was like, it was like, it was like being in Iraq, you know, just long and boring and

really scary, you know? Yeah. No, totally. I've been to Iraq. I know what that's like. I had Joe Rogan fly his jet there just a couple of months ago. We just flew over. No big deal.

I just dropped in Iraq. I mean, Jesus. Just kept going. With a shirt like this. Are you kidding me? I love it. What else about jail? You know, you don't have to worry about dropping the soap if you don't pick it up.

No, no. Do I look like, like they'd be interested in me? No. Right. No. You seem like you're the more of the rapist than I may be. Did you ever butt fuck anybody in jail? I know two months isn't really the longest sentence.

Pretty much makes you just totally gay if you fuck someone in two months. Like, I can't wait any longer. You have a month and a half left, John. Yeah. It was nice. It was fun. And then so after prison, you were like, time to get my life together and sell fireworks? No, I was selling fireworks the entire day.

There's no rules against selling fireworks. Anyone could do it. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. You ever make a kid go blind? I blew off some fingers though. No. Somebody did?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was nice. Did they come back and they're like, hey. No, they bought more. They came back and bought more. Wow. Do you got any more of these? Yeah.

Hell yeah. Did you at least give them a discount or something like that? No, a five finger discount. Yay. John. By one, get five free, right? Yeah, there we go. American fireworks.

What's up? Fuck yeah, I love this. Do they still make black cats? Is black cats still in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, now I think it's like neutral colored cats. How could people get this, you know? How could people find your fireworks?

How could people buy fireworks from you? What do they do? They just go to Mexicanbeetlejuice.com. Just look for the drunk Uncle Sam and you'll see him. See me fireworks stand. I love it. American fireworks. What's up?

I love it. You look like if Ron White fell asleep in his tanning bed. All right, John. Well, fun times. Thanks for coming on the show. Thank you very much. Another wild character out of this bucket. What do you want?

What do you want? A Jack and Coke for my friend Benji, please, whenever you get a chance. How about a hand for the amazing staff here at Vulcan Gas Company, huh? Out here hustling for everybody, getting Jack and Cokes for Benji. All right, pulled another name out. Here we go. Stephen Hairston. Stephen Hairston.

A lot of these people drove a long way. Some of them flew for the chance to be here tonight. One more time for Stephen Hairston, everybody. Yeah, Elon. Yeah, I gotta go. What's up, y'all? So, um, sorry. If you fly privately like me around the world, you get to know the cultures pretty well.

So, in the Middle East, you can get your hand cut off for stealing something. Here in the U.S., dudes get their dicks cut off for sex. Over in Australia, it's pretty crazy over there. Now, I know they're upside down, but backward too. Come on. As of 45 minutes ago, I am the new owner of Dunkin' Donuts. And as my first act as owner, I'll be renaming donut holes. So, every donut comes with a hole, okay?

So, a hole is the absence of something. So, you can't buy a donut hole because it's just a part of the donut. A hole is what makes a donut. So, we'll be naming donut holes to donut centers because that's what they actually represent. Thank you. Fuck yeah, Steven Hairston. Absolutely. One of the best performances by a completely mentally retarded person that we've ever seen on the show.

Really incredible that you're able to do both, be completely retarded, and try comedy at the same time. You know. It is pretty wild. Here you go, Benji. Here's a jacket. You put sentences together like you put outfits together. It is incredible. You look like every character in Dallas Buyers Club smushed together right now.

Hey, hey, Tony, you look like the villain in a La Crosse movie. Very good. Do you hear what you just did with that joke? Did you hear that? Unbelievable silence. People, they think it's easy. They see David Lucas up here smashing. They think they can fucking do it.

There's a fucking cowboy max headroom we have up here. What, what, what, what? Steven, you've been on the show a couple times. You're always fucking crazy and completely unfunny. What's going on? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You know. Do you do it anywhere else?

Do you go to other open mics and just fucking eat it? No, not quite. I don't really live in, I live like an hour from here, so we don't have open mics. Wow. But it's crazy. You live an hour getting here, but it's always a much longer drive home, I bet. Yeah. After a performance like tonight's two hours on the way home.

Yeah, at least I got the courage to come up here. That is true. There's a lot of people who don't want to do it. That is the one thing that you have is courage. Absolutely. Yeah, big fat nuts. You are, if this was the Wizard of Oz, we know what character you would be. Oh, please give me a brain, sir.

You look like a failed child pimp. Like you try and then the toddler sticks up to you and you back off. It really is. It's like fucking, I can't figure out what's going on here. What do you do for work, Steven? What do you do in normal human life? Well, I was working for the great H-E-B. Uh-huh.

What happened? So they got these mask mandates coming back out and I said, no, I'm not going to wear a mask after that. So, yeah, I'm not working there anymore. Wow. Look at you taking a stand against masks. Bullshit. For a guy that loves wearing accessories.

I'm surprised that you don't want to wear a mask. I love it. But you seem less H-E-B and more H-I-V anyways. Yeah, well, everybody else who had bad groceries. Blah, blah, blah, blah. What do you do for fun, Steven? I like playing basketball. Basketball?

Volleyball. How many do you think we should have in play one-on-one against Frank Awash? Yeah, we fucking do it. Yeah. Oh. Oh, what I would give to see video of Frank just balling all over you. Yeah, you've just layups right in your fucking face. You're flopping backwards.

I can picture it. I can dunk pretty easily, actually. Yeah. Okay. You can? Yeah. Really? Can you jump up for us right now?

Let's see how high you can jump, everybody. Drum roll, please. Here we go. Okay. All right. Hell yeah. Absolutely. I haven't felt the stage shake like that since David Lucas walked up here.

Yeah, jump. Not a moment too soon on the jump song. You've got to give me a little couple seconds. Hell yeah. No, I love it. Hell yeah. John's got to talk to that. When you came out here, you had your little AirPods in you were acting like you were talking,

like making a phone call. Was that supposed to be a part of the act? Yeah. Yeah. I was talking to Elon Musk. He's a close personal friend of mine. You know, we make investments together. God, I hate you.

It's unbelievable. The whole character-y thing. I always hate that. I like it when people are themselves and honest up here. How many of you think this guy should take off his sunglasses and his hat and expose who he really is? Oh, shit. We know this guy.

It's Gary Faust, everybody. We've been having so many Gary Faust references. Worth it. Worth it for the joke on this one, just for that big pop. Listen to the chaos happening. What's going on over here? What the fuck are you saying, lady? Blop.

I got blossom trying to give me jokes over here. What the fuck are you talking about? What's going on? What does Walker Texas Rangers say about this? Why is she pointing at you, sir? Oh, my God. Fuck yeah. Everybody fucking is roofing the lone stars over here.

Yeah. I got haircut yesterday and got me the Hitler youth look. Oh, God. You just bomb regularly. Look at you. I'm going to have to get that medic back up here to fucking figure this out. Yeah, whatever. You look like an olive oil tycoon.

Believe it or not, didn't get the biggest response, but that might be the best joke of the episode here tonight. It doesn't seem like it, but the people on the internet will like that one. All right, Steven, you're sort of fucking completely crazy, but that's what this show's about. Anybody can sign up any shape or size or fucking weirdness. Have you been performing other places? No, not really. I just got banned from TikTok, so I can't perform there anymore.

So this is your big outlet? I'm just going to drive an hour, stop talking. I'm just going to let you go. There goes Steven Hairston, everybody. There he goes. Steven Hairston. Jesus. It doesn't get any worse than that, so this is going to be exciting.

Cody Green. Cody Green is next on Kill Tony. All right, here he comes. One more time for your next comedian, Cody Green, everyone. Hello, everybody. How are we doing? Nice. I've been dating a girl for a while now.

The other day she said to me, she was like, Cody, I don't think you're autistic. I think you just need to stop telling fun facts about killer whales. Kind of annoyed me because she knows they're called orcas. Fun fact? Nah, she's fucking with me. There was one night right before sex. Yeah, she put a starburst in her mouth and she unwrapped it with her tongue. And she pulled out the wrapper.

She was like, pretty sexy, huh? I was like, fuck yeah. I love when you pull trash out of your mouth. Wow, there it is. My God, I almost forgot what it's like when someone out of the bucket comes up here and does fucking comedy. It's shocking, shocking performance. We had punchlines, setups, the whole thing that you would have expected from everybody else

all night tonight, but here we are. Really, really, really is incredible. You wore your best bus driver pants to be here tonight. The fuck are those, dude? What's going on over there? They're my work pants. What do you do for work? I can't say.

You're a postman, right? No, he said no, he's totally not a postman, everybody. That makes sense. You had great delivery here today. Very crisp and stupid. I love it. All right. You're a young postman, not for the U.S. Postal Service, but obviously for another company

altogether. Yep. Right, totally. And how long have you been doing that? About a month. Yeah, a month. Wow, congratulations. That's a pretty cool job, right?

It is. It's fucking awesome. People love... God, I can't... People love you, yeah. I'll say that. People love you. People are so nice.

They're very nice. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, absolutely. How about dogs? Do dogs love you too? No. What's the deal with dogs and postmen? I don't know.

You don't have a fun fact about that? I do. It's the sound of the truck. I swear to God. They don't like that. Yeah. Right. That's weird.

Sliding door you guys have is weird. Huh, interesting. Okay. Was that your girlfriend that you said about the Starburst thing? You really have a girlfriend? I do, yeah. Yeah. How far did you drive to be here tonight?

I'm originally from Boston. Boston? Wow, okay. So about 14-hour drive. All right, cool. Where do you live now? Flugerville. Flugerville!

Flugerville. Flugerville. Flugerville. Flugerville. All right. I love it. For those of you just listening to the podcast that don't know, Flugerville is like if South Park was in Austin.

It's a bunch of people shaped like Red Band and this guy all wearing hats out there. Oh, how are you? How's it going today? Oh, a little bit of that ice on the bridge today. It's wild living out here. All the postman's like, we got a new young white boy. It's called Germans. Do you do role play stuff with your girlfriend when you deliver packages and stuff?

Not yet. It's a new job. What do you ask them? Like if he does like a post office role play with his lady. Oh, yeah. Do you ever do that where it's like you got a fucking heavy load coming your way? I'm going to have to weigh your envelopes. Your zip codes got a lot of prime numbers.

I'm autistic. I know that stuff. No, no, you should make it a priority mail. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. All right. Tell us what you do for fun.

Cody, you seem like a sort of not that exciting of a guy. I'm a drummer. I've been playing drums for years. Really? Yeah. Are you fucking serious? Fuck yeah. Well, I don't know if you know this, Cody, but every once in a while we have an extreme

challenge on the show where you could become a permanent castmate on the show if you win a drum solo competition. Oh shit. How long you been playing drums for, Cody? Uh, like, I don't know, like 13 years. 13 years! Well, then I guess we are going to have to do a Mexican drum off, everybody, here, live tonight.

This is one of those moments where maybe you don't know, but if you don't know, you're about to fucking know. History of this show is one filled with rich, rich moments of people trying their hardest to win a drum solo competition against the resident drummer, formerly living legend, Mexican, Joel Jimenez, current reigning defending champion, Mexican, Michael Gonzalez. But here he is, getting in position, Cody Green, 13 years of drumming experience. Now, let me remind all of you that you get to decide who wins at the end of this. Whoever before has a visitor won this competition.

It's probably 35 and 0, always in favor of the resident drummer. But if he does win, Cody becomes the new, every week, full-time drummer here on the show, which it seems like a job a young comedian would like. And if Michael Gonzalez loses, he has to become a postman in Flugerville. So they have to switch positions, which actually, I think, he sort of looks like you could be a Flugerville postman. You might be built for this shit. He's been running away from Chihuahuas his whole life, this guy, so.

Ladies and gentlemen, one of the highlights segments of the history of the show. This is a Mexican drum off. This is Cody Green, everybody. Here we go. Wow. Incredible. Absolutely incredible. Wow.

Wow. 13 years of drumming experience, all flexed in one moment. That was incredible. That was that Flugerville water, right? He picked up the speed. He picked up the speed the whole time. Michael Gonzalez making adjustments. The resident drummer all time undefeated on this show, including episode 500 of Kill Tony.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the reigning defending drummer, Michael Gonzalez. Wow, I mean, wow. Every once in a while, I love it. It's incredible. The way these guys are able to summon the fucking dark lords of music when their job is on the line. I mean, it is incredible. All right, this is that moment. You're part of history now.

How many of you got Cody Green winning that? How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? Wow. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. It almost seems like no matter what, the resident drummer can't lose at this. No, it's a real rock and roll. Cody, you had a fucking great set tonight.

You came up. You brought the crowd to a frenzy challenging for the drum off. Thank you so much for signing up. Sign up again. Come back again, will you? Here, take one of those. Hell yeah. There he goes, Cody Green.

Fuck yeah. That's fun. Well, you know, we haven't had a female comedian here tonight, have we? Should I pull till we get a girl out of here, huh? All right, let's see what happens here. Sorry to Eric. Sorry to Will. Okay, here's one.

We know this young lady. She's been on the show a couple of times. Very funny. Make some noise for Molly Vivint, everyone. A local favorite coming up the ranks. Yeah. What the fuck is up, guys? Hell yeah.

Some of you might know I work in pornography. I have for years now, right? Whenever I think about it for too long, I get a little sad. I get a little disappointed in myself. Mostly because I suck dick for money and I pay taxes on it. I don't know, it makes me feel like a real, uh, cocksucker. Yeah, that's it. Sucks.

It sucks. I think only fans. Oh, fuck. Okay. I used to be a whore for the love of the game. And now I've just gone corporate. Fucking sucks. Decent save.

I think only fans is the female version of joining the army. Because they enlist right out of high school when they have no other options. And dishonorable discharge. Wow. Molly Vivint doing it again. Absolutely killing. It doesn't make sense, people. This is our third time on the show, third time having a great set.

It's very rare in both the porn star world and the female comedy world to have three rock solid sets in a row. And none of the sets that I'm talking about are your tits. Those things are, look like little Benji heads over there. Look at those things. Look at that Benji. What is that? You under there? Not so little esters.

Doki. Yikes. I love it. What's that? Is that David Lucas that you're wearing there? Oh, yeah. Oh, because it's black. I love it.

Molly, what's going on? How do you feel? What's shaking out there? Was not expecting this because I just got up. I've gotten a lot of love from the last episode. I admitted that I love disabled guys. I've had a bunch of my DMs that are either disabled or begging if they should just like break their legs. Right.

For the chance to fuck me. Yeah. That's kind of cool. And what's it like out there, Molly? I don't know if I remember finding out. Like, what do you, do you have a boyfriend? Do you only have sex while working? Like, what's your story exactly?

I have a boyfriend, but he lives in New York, so we're open. Wow. Okay. All right. So what are we talking about? What type of slutting around are you doing out here? What's a girl like you do? I've been a good girl recently.

I had one. You've been a good little porn star lately? Yeah. Really minding your peas and queues? I've gotten really into scratch offs, so that has kind of taken up my time lately. Scratch off lottery tickets. Oh, shit. Hell yeah, dude.

Y'all play Loteria? Whoa. Loteria? Holy shit. Look at you blending in with the Mexican ladies in the room. No, it's like the most Texas scratch off you can play. It's really fun. What's so fun about it?

It's Texas themed, and it's an actual game. You're not just scratching, just a scratch. It's cool. You would like it. Wow. You embrace Texas culture, so you'd like it. Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to go play Loteria. What else, Molly? What else? You have a boyfriend. He's in New York. Mm-hmm. That's interesting, because you're shaped like a big apple. Thank you, Tony.

Okay. All right. Some people not laughing at that. One man crying in the middle of the room. I love it. Thank you, sir. Thank you. That is respect.

Indeed. And how often are you filming scenes? How often do you work as a porn star? How does that work exactly? Whenever I want to, because I sell a book, I'll just hit up the companies, and then they're like, okay, we'll fly you out. But I try not to do it too much, because it's good for people to get their eyes on me, but it doesn't make me any money in the long run.

It's better to make my own content. Right. Right. Right. Okay. And so that is on only fans? Is that where you're doing that? Yeah, I do that too, for sure.

Right. I've made decent money. What kind of money are you making? Can you tell us? Is that okay? Is that weird? I don't want to say, but I make, it pays all my bills. Like, I focus on stand-up.

Absolutely. Hell yeah. Listen to all those whores wooing at this in the corner of the room. Anybody who's looking to fuck a girl tonight, there's a couple over there that just gave a standing ovation to being able to pay your own bills. Wow, just incredible. Low-level hoes that come to this show. It's shocking.

Shout out. All right. Molly, how about like, when you're working, you sort of have to do, you know, I believe it or not, I do watch porn with women in it, everybody. And I see what they do, right? You hang out for a second, you start blowing him, standing, and then he lays you down, goes yo, and then shoves it in, and then missionary, and then doggy style, and then however the big finish is, and then like, Mexican fireworks.

Are you sure you watched porn before? I'm just trying to, I just replaced one of the guys with a woman in this story that I'm describing. No, I'm kidding. Let me ask you this, is there anything you do in real life in the bedroom that's different than something you would do in a porn scene? Is there something you specialize in, like perhaps a upside down 69 or something like that?

Like a standing 69, where you hold the boy up like that. Just suck his dick. Upside down, all the blood rushes to his head. Hans would let you do it to him. Hans would let you do it to him. We'll just have to squirt a little bit of luberderm in your mouth first. Because he can only come if there's luberderm involved now. You do anything weird in the bedroom?

Do you have any special finishing moves like your stone cold stunner or tombstone pile driver or anything like that? I feel like I don't, everything's more chill in my personal life than in work. But I like hooking up with guys for like the first time because they've never fucked tits that big. Right. So you always like give them a little bit of the stick between the boobs. Right, you have to.

Yeah. Now do most guys survive that? How long do guys last in that situation? I've had pros go early on that. Whoa, hell yeah. Those fucking nutcrackers up there, dude. You got those fucking dairy queens. Those fucking milk bags.

Those fucking honeycombs. Jesus, when you bounce them like that, it's really amazing. When you do that, it makes my back hurt. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Oh, Jesus Christ. Tis the season. Tis the season is what this lady just put together with her brain and words and mouth.

Tis the season bitch to be shaking your fucking triple Z tits that you have. Yeah. What is the size of those again? What do we call that? M for Molly. Wow, it really is an M. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

M for fucking. M. Everybody's hot. Oh my God. You're such an interesting person. Benji, have you ever seen the type of porn star like this? Benji lives in the Los Angeles, Beverly Hills area. I don't think he's ever dealt with anyone that plays la loteria.

No, I have. Well, I have a lot of questions. Go ahead, ask some questions. Okay. Well, the stuff you do on Onlyfans, is it just you or you recruit guys from Austin to be on camera with you? I can do that and I have done that, but I usually just, it's so much easier to just rely on myself.

I'm the only talent and I have like a built-in fan base, so no matter what I post, unedited or whatever, they just fucking buy it. It doesn't really matter. Right. Hell yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of guys out there that are into chicks that are shaped like a grape. So it's perfect.

Lots of food references. Yeah. Apple, grape. So you guys really left me hanging on that one. Thanks a lot, folks. It became more insulting when you didn't laugh like we're at a comedy show. They love me, Tony. All right, all right.

I love that. A lot of people don't know this, but they found Molly's porn on the iPad of Bob Sagan, that hotel room. That's the type of... It's an honor. See, tits like that. You know, Molly, I would love to have you on The Secret Show Thursday if you can again. Whoa.

Wow. Look at that. We found the way to get booked by Red Band, everybody. M-sized tits. Hell yeah. There was a girl last week with size K and it didn't quite make it. Right. She got booked on that.

Yeah. Do you ever do your scratchers on your OnlyFans and then like make $30 and... That's a really good idea. Do you ever do your scratchers on your tits? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, you have to like shake your tits so that you can dangle a little, I don't know. Yeah, no.

Yeah, that's a great idea. I don't know what work on it, all right? That's the first draft, fuck those. If you want a bunch of money on your OnlyFans, that'd be like pretty exciting. But they also might be like, well, fuck, we're not giving her money anymore. Oh, right. Oh. I'll just play like the $3 scratch offs.

Right. Do you want to plug your OnlyFans? What is it? It seems like it seems like people would want to know instead of having fucking 15 guys just like, oh, I got to find her. You could just do it. It's all my link tree on my Instagram. How did I get so sexy?

But my poor name's Millie Marks. Whoa. Millie Marks. I thought of a good roast for myself today. Yeah, what is it? I don't know if I should do this. It's going to be kind of mean to myself. Okay.

That sounds great. All right. Molly, I'll do it instead of you. It's not food related, but almost. What is it? All right. Molly's name for work is Millie Marks. It should be more like million stretch marks.

Yeah, that is a good roast joke for you. That is really good. That's good. That's how I do it too. I like to think of the best jokes for me first. Everything David Lucas has said, I wrote down in my diary this morning. Yeah, well, there's nothing. It's going to be a long day today as I'm looking like a unicorn gay boy.

Yeah, yeah. Good luck to your booty on this day. When you're doing your laundry, like three bras and the washers full and then you just got a Molly, the washers on fire again. Did you put more than two bras in there? It's like the sound of a million coins over and over. Sounds like a corn song. Yeah.

They're beautiful people. I love it. I mean, that is just incredible. Not a lot of people know this, but her bras are made out of. You know what? I didn't think of anything funny to say about it every once in a while. I'll do a exercise in my own brain where I'll do the setup and you'll get it and then nothing every once in a while.

Tom Brady throws a fucking interception. You know what I'm saying? All right. Do your fans ever buy you bras? Because that's something of faith. Because I know they get you a bra. Does it have to be like a specialty bra place or something? Sears.

Like a big and tall bra store. Big and tall bra. Like very special. Onlycans.com. That's my link, but yeah. Do you ever sell your bras or your panties or farts? I have. I have.

Well, someone's in the market. You ever sell your bras, your panties, your farts, your pussy juices, your spit, your saliva, some un-eaten food. Anything out of your garbage disposal, perhaps? Some old produce? Your bath water? Your bath grease? No.

She ships her bras, but shipping's like $200. Yeah, that poor post-boy's fucking dragging it on a row. What the fuck is this shit? I get paid more if there's stuff I've worn in scenes. So they want them like sweaty and oily and gross. Damn. That's hilarious. But I do get, I think even weirder than that is like the weird requests that I get.

Like what? You get weird? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what? Like sure. A few times I get the, will you make me a custom video of me just saying the N word, calling them the N word a lot?

I'm sorry about that. That was me, everybody. I didn't realize she was going to pretend like it was, oh, I don't know who did that. How much extra do you charge for that? Like a setup. I feel like I'm being set up by someone I know. No, this is great. How much, Brian has a good question.

How much did you charge for this N word video? That's hilarious. Talk about blackmail. Yeah. And every once in a while Tom Brady does that. Not Tom Brady. It's so stupid to compare myself with one of the best at what he does. Anyway, Molly, you are really, really, really, really, really something fucking special.

How incredible you are, your sets, you take your time, you look at the audience, you spread it around, you answer questions honestly and interestingly. And I just think you're an unstoppable force. Molly Vivint, everybody, follower on social media and how did I get so sexy? Keep signing up, Molly. We'll see you Thursday here at the Secret Show, a standup comedy show featuring a ton of different comedians and some new talent and some veterans working out brand new stuff. Your final comedian of the night can often, like myself, be seen on those shows here on

Thursdays. And when he's not doing that, he's opening for Joe Rogan. He's opening for me, Tony Hinchcliffe on my up and coming tour, which starts in a couple weeks. He is a monster, the longest standing regular in the history of the show, the big red machine, William Montgomery, everybody. Come on, people, make some noise for William. The first time I heard Molly did porn, I looked her up on Pornhub that evening and

can confirm she does do porn. I wrote this set for my grandfather to perform, but he couldn't be here tonight, so here it goes. Back in my day, you had to go to the woods to find a switch. Nowadays, all you got to do is call Nintendo. If y'all could laugh really hard as if my grandfather was saying these jokes, I'd really appreciate it. My wife is so hot, Viagra takes me instead.

Okay, guys, keep laughing. I need this. Grandpa needs this. Hey, kids, what's scarier than a Japanese guy in a plane, a Japanese pilot with his eyes open? Whoa, Grandpa, no, the war's over. Nintendo's a Japanese company, for God's sake. Okay, that's all I got today.

Wow, I love it. That's a new fucking delivery method right there. What a set for your grandfather. Yeah, I thought I'd change it up a little bit tonight. Do you even have a real grandfather? Yeah, I have one down in Vicksburg, Mississippi. My dad and uncle have to give him money every month. Wow.

Why is that? What did he do? He retired without? Yeah, I think he retired in like his 40s. Oh, wow. Yep, and my parents have to give him money every month, and it's a constant thing of contention. In the Montgomery household. Wow.

What did they say? Like, do an impression of your father having to realize that he has to give grandpa Vicksburg some money? Francis, I am sick and fucking tired of giving your fucking dad money every month. Yeah, that's pretty good of a passion. That's about what it is every time. It seems pretty spot on. That's about what it is every time.

Wow. William, you look more chiseled. You've been losing weight. He stopped drinking six months ago. He went home for the holidays and came back with a well-trimmed beard and haircut. Your parents forced you to do that, am I correct? Yes, my mom did. Right.

What did she say? She said, William, you have to get it together. She said, Francis, I am sick. I'm kidding. I was about to say what I had already said. I have been gaming a whole bunch this week. I literally can't stop playing PlayStation 4. I beat the last of us and the last of us two, and now I'm on to the ghost of Shushiba.

Oh, wow. I can't stop fucking playing. I'm going to leave here and immediately start playing a gun. It is true. He literally does this all the time. He plays video games now and eats soup and walks around with an unregistered gun. I do. I have fucking an extra one tonight in my trunk.

I have three fucking guns in my truck tonight. Yeah. I got an extra one for you, Red Band, you piece of shit. Also, for the record, good luck starting your fucking car tonight, Red Band. What'd you do to his car? You put a bomb in it? Yeah, let's just say don't be near the Tesla outback when he fucking gets in it, because there's going to be some fireworks tonight.

Now this rivalry with Red Band, we've seen it now for weeks to months. Always a little, always a little energy. Last week, William tried to make amends with Red Band. He said that he wants to bury the hatchet and put out his hand to shake it. And William had one of those shocker things in his hand, and Red Band flinched so hard, that his hips, that he literally broke the iron of the chair that he's sitting on, right off its hinges, so then he sort of fell and was all floppy. You guys know those shockers, right?

Like the ones you wind up there, you're like, how is this ever going to work on somebody? It fucking works. That's what I was thinking. For like an hour afterwards, I had this like ghost pain or something in my hand. I'm just like, what's wrong with my hand? William, it was one of the most well-executed pranks I've seen in my entire life. For real. Real old school, nobody saw it coming.

And you really took the rivalry to a new level. I thought that it was going to be the end. I thought you truly wanted to bury the hatchet, and instead you hit him with that hatchet. Yeah, it's just the beginning of the shit, and I'm not fucking kidding. It's just the beginning of the shit, man. Before you interrupt, what is it about Red Band that you don't like? It's so interesting. He gives you opportunities.

He books you on his shows regularly. Two years ago, he made a pass at me. And I haven't fucking forgotten that. What kind of pass did he make it? I was over at his house, and I was changing clothes in his closet, and he comes in there and asks if he can help put my boxers on. And I say, get out, Red Band. He's like, no, come here.

And I did, and he tried to kiss me. I didn't try to kiss you. Yeah, you did kiss me. Yeah, I know. Wow. I was embarrassed to fucking say you actually did it. Yeah, you actually made out with me in the closet. You put his tongue in your mouth?

Yeah, and I kind of reciprocated. I honestly kind of liked it, and I started texting him a bunch and calling him a bunch, and he basically said, quit contacting me romantically, and that's honestly what hurts Red Band. That's where all this fucking started. He wanted to be your lover, dude. I got a girlfriend. You got to be cool.

You can't just be fucking texting me and calling me all day, right? We got to hide this shit. All right. Well, now I know, Red Band. Now I fucking know, dude. I told you to download Signal, man. Well, I didn't fucking download Signal. You know I'm not going to download Signal.

William, if you had a chance to make slow love to Red Band, what would be the first thing that you would do to him? How would you take him? I would lay him on his back on my bed. I would slowly take his pants off. I would kiss him a little bit in his belly button. He would piss in his belly button. Yeah, kiss him in his belly button a little bit.

I would go down to his toes, kiss his toes a little bit. Oh, shit. Because he likes that. I don't know if y'all liked that, but he likes toes, shit. He's fucking weird as shit. He likes foot stuff. It's fucking weird to me out, but I'd be willing to kiss his toes and slowly do my hands up underneath his armpits, tickle him a little bit.

He's real ticklish. He kissed on his nipple a little bit. Whoa. You say his nipple like he only has one. He only actually does have one nipple. I don't know if y'all know that. It's like a birth defect. A lot of foreplay here with you in Red Band.

Yeah, it's a lot of foreplay. I don't know exactly what else to say. I've ducked myself into a hole. This is a mistake getting in the ass. This is a bad mistake. I don't think it was. I think it was hilarious. Yeah.

I was wondering how far to take that. I was wondering about talking about his penis or my penis, but then it scared me and I thought maybe it wouldn't be funny and yeah, it's a mistake. Right. Right. I never should have started. All right. William, anything else crazy happened this week that we should know about?

When it got real cold the other night, I have a fern out on the patio and I brought the fern in and out of my periphery, I saw this black object. It turned out it was a bird, but it scared me to death when it flew out and I'm glad I have my crocs on or I would have broken my fucking toes on the side of my bed when I ran out of the fucking bedroom. Wait. Wait. There was.

Wait a second. Wow. Red Band. Who did that fucking noise? What do y'all remember? What did that fucking noise? That was Red Band that did that to you. God.

God. Listen to the noise he makes when he gets mad at Red Band. God. All right. Wait. So there was, hold on a second. There's a black bird in your house? Yeah.

It was in the house for a couple of hours. I had my towels out trying to get it out of the balcony, try to get it out of the room. How did it get, how did it get in there? It was in the fern. It was living in the fern. It was a sweet little finch. You brought a tree in that had a black bird in it. Yeah.

A little fern. Okay. Where the fuck is she going? I'm having the set of my fucking life right now and some bitch is getting up to fucking walk off. The fuck is going on. Don't come back. Seriously.

Fucking come back. I'm sick of people getting up and leaving when I'm on the stage. I'm going to have a fucking orn attack. The last part was true. I have to be really careful. William, you're a fucking icon. We love you so much. How about one more time for the great William Montgomery, everybody?

How about another hand for my good friend and tonight's guest? The great Benji Aflalo, everybody. Follow him on social media at Benji Aflalo, B-E-N-J-I-A-F-L-A-L-O. All one word. One of my best favorite funny friends. We're trying to get Benji to move out here. We got the drawing from Ryan Jebel who draws every single episode, a really cool drawing tonight of Benji and us.

All those prints of every episode including the tour posters are available at RyanJebel.com. How about one more time for the screwball peanut butter whiskey kill Tony Bann? Matt Mueling on guitar, D-Madness on the bass, John Dees on the keys and coming off a fresh win tonight. The great Michael Gonzalez on drum. La Loteria. We did it again. Fun times here in Austin, Texas.

All these shows are sold out for the visible future which is super exciting and red band, anything else? William, I love you. So weird. All right. Thanks guys. We'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.