KILL TONY - #548 - JOE ROGAN + FREDDIE GIBBS + BRIAN MOSES

Episode Date: March 12, 2022

Joe Rogan, Freddie Gibbs, Brian Moses, William Montgomery, Ellis Aych, Hans Kim, Matthew Muehling, John Deas, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jules Durel, Yoni, Joe White, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 02/28/2022–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:BOX OF AWESOME! – From style and grooming goods, tobarware, cooking tools, and outdoor gear, Box of Awesome hascollections for every part of your life. – Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign upat BOXOFAWESOME.COM and enter the code “KILLTONY” at checkout.—EXPRESSVPN.COM – GET 3 FREE MONTHS BY GOING TO: EXPRESSVPN.COM/KILLTONY—Created by and starring Jak Knight, Langston Kerman, Sam Jay and Chris Redd, Bust Down isinspired by the crew’s real-life chemistry, conversations, and friendship. The result is anirreverent, offbeat, unpredictable swirl of hijinks and absurdity. Bust Down is streaming now, only on Peacock.

Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, Death Squad dot TV. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Every Monday we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas, but we're always on the road and we always have comedy shows also. So go to Death Squad dot TV and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is shopsquad.tv.

There you have the Kill Tony shirt, Death Squad shirts, hats, everything at shopsquad.tv. Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist, he draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, TonyHinchCliff.com for everything, Golden Pony. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Austin, are you guys ready for a crazy fucking night tonight or what? Hey, Brian Redband's here.

Hey everybody, what's up? I want to make some noise for Brian Redband. You guys with me, are we comfortable? How about a hand for the band, everybody? The Kill Tony band, brought to you by Screwball, peanut butter, whiskey. Delicious, that's the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, everybody. John Dees on the keyboard tonight. And of course, on the bass guitar, the great D-Madness, everybody. He's here, live in the flesh, took a week off for D-Madness Day last week.

It's a real holiday. It's an actual holiday in the city of Austin. This man has his own fucking day. And it's February 14th. In the city of Austin, it is D-Madness Day. And by the way, Saturday, he's celebrating his 50th birthday. So how about a big hand for D-Madness? One of the backbones of the show.

This is Kill Tony, brought to you by the Red Rose and the Yellow Rose, the two best strip clubs in the entire world. Just so happened to be here in Austin, Texas. Shows also brought to you by White Claw and the W Hotel, where now you could get 25% off on a Sunday or Monday night at the W by using the promo code Kill Tony. How cool is that? So if people are coming in to visit the show, stay at the W.

Eat delicious, see them smokehouse. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight. Before we start the show, here's a little bit more about the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey, y'all, it's time to upgrade your daily routine with Beespoke Post, and their new seasonal lineup of must have box of awesome collection. Beespoke Post partners with small businesses and emerging brands to bring you the most unique goods every month.

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You can take the kid out of Gary, Indiana, but why would you? In Bus Down, Peacock's new original comedy series, four friends working at a Midwestern casino are aspiring to be mostly where they are, created by and starring Jack Knight, Langston Kerman, Sam Jay and Chris Red. Bus Down is inspired by the crew's real-life chemistry,

conversations and friendship. The result is in a reverent, offbeat, unpredictable swirl of hijinks and absurdity. I know these guys. We've worked with them for ever in Los Angeles, California. I'm so glad all four of them have a show together. Red Band, you know more about it, right? Oh, God, I love these people.

And you might know Chris Red from SNL. This is all about the friends who navigate obstacles and opportunities in and out of the workplace, including, but not limited, climbing a very short career ladder, fending off horny church ladies and hiding from your best friend during a fist fight at the fondue factory.

In a moment where everyone has something to say, the four friends relish saying not much of anything or alternatively, the dumbest thing possible. Bus Down is streaming now only on Peacock. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show tonight? All right. I mean, if you insist, it's one of those nights, people. Every single episode, I have one of the funniest comedians

in the world on the show. This week, we have three of the funniest comedians in the world as guests on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Freddie Gibbs, Brian Moses and Joe Rogan. Yeah, they're coming. Fresh out of fucking some Italian restaurant. Freddie Gibbs, Brian Moses.

We got Brian Moses, everybody. Joe Rogan. And one of the great rappers and comedians of the world, Freddie Gibbs. We are here. Chaos. Chaos is amongst us. I tried to warn you.

This guy's scared for his life. Yoni, get this guy's face. I tried to warn you, motherfuckers. This. Hell, yes. This is Overload, a Kill Tony episode on steroids. Always fun, but we have amped it up a little bit. The man himself.

This is so dangerous. I'm Joe's designated to get tonight, so it's all good. Freddie Gibbs already sounds like a Joe Rogan compilation video. This is pretty exciting. Bro, he said it 75 times today on the podcast. No, no, no, Joe, we said it 100. Yeah, but 75 is conservative.

Well, we're going to have fun. You don't want to get accused of misinformation. 75 is the right number. Misnigamation, yeah, misnigamation or whatever. It is. It's a night. Whatever they want. We kidnapped Joe.

We're going to make him say the end word at least 79 times. I'm willing to donate money to Parks. Parks is the nigga we just met. A bunch of people signed up to be on the show. They get 60 seconds of stand-up comedy time uninterrupted, and then we talk to them afterwards. I interview them about their lives. They have the opportunity of a lifetime up here.

Freddie, Brian Moses, and I have been high since 12.30 p.m. Yes. This show is a real problem. Hey, how come white people like to drink white claw? Oh, shit. Because it's so delicious, sir. What the fuck is this shit, babe? You've never had one before?

Hell, no, I'm black. Hell, no, you should have some. It's flavored. Joe Rogan smoking blunts. Allegedly. It could be anything. It's birth control. Niggas don't drink hard seltzer,

but we're going to get into it tonight. I love it. Can we get a light skin claw for my friend Freddie up here? So we're going to watch comedians do 60-second sets. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood Bear. You guys ready to start this fucking thing, or what?

Listen. Huh? Well, listen. Listen. We need a bottle of Buffalo Trace for three of these gentlemen. Yeah. Bottle of Buffalo Trace. Three glasses.

Going up first tonight, instead of reaching into this bucket, I'm going to have one of the regulars go up. He performs a brand new 60 seconds every week to show you how it's done. Kill Tony Regular in Living Legend. Hans Kim, everybody. What's up, Vulcan? Live long and prosper.

I got a new iPhone, and people are always like, hey, Hans, get off your phone. Be in the moment. I'm like, I am on my phone away from you. This is on purpose. I wish people would get on their phones more. Who are these weirdos at bus stops making eye contact with everyone? Google something.

Learn. Educate yourself. I love these people. They're like, you know, these smartphones are ruining our generation, but all the worst genocides and war crimes happen before the smartphone. They're like, get off your phone, Timmy.

There's a Jew right in front of you. Pick up a pitchfork. It's pretty stressful nowadays. You have to have enough storage on your phone just in case you're the one that sees a cop murdering someone. Thank you. That's how it's done.

Hans Kim. Bottle of Buffalo Trace. Hans, you did it again. Another brand new 60 seconds. We have watched the shirt get smaller and smaller over the last few weeks. For those of you that follow the show closely, this started off as a full-length shirt

with strings attached to the bottom. He did last week, literally last week, same shirt with the strings not attached, and this week you've taken the arms off. Hans, what does it all mean? I'm just getting used to the Texas environment. I'm becoming one with the Texans. I think you're transitioning, nigga.

Freddie Gibbs is here, y'all. He is. He's transitioning into Margaret Cho, everybody. That's what's happening. Uh... Hans, what's going on in the world? What happened this week? Hans, you wear this on a normal occasion? This is the first time I've...

Joe, I don't know if you know this, but slamming a microphone against a table isn't exactly podcast gold. Perfect. Stop questioning me, bitch. Do we need to put it on a little arm for you so that it holds it up in the air like your show? No, give me a pillow.

Can we get a hand towel up here for Joe to slam the mic on, unless anyone does indeed? Something was... You look like that new swimmer, nigga, bitch. Swimmer, nigga, bitch is the greatest line I've ever heard in my life. You know the nigga to swim now, shit.

Hans, what's happening in your sex life this week? Just talk about it. I met a woman after the show, a Jewish woman, and I made out with her furiously. Can someone play Riders on the Storm? I don't know if you ought to do it, so it's good to do it. I got DJ Red Band on it, so just seven more minutes, and we're gonna have this loaded up here.

He's all over it. Why is this song popping into your head right now, by the way? Does this have anything to do with Hans? What? Your name? Your shit, Hans. Lee Hans alone, man. Hans. Where's your sleeves, bitch? Hans, it is cold in the buffer.

You the only nigga with no sleeves. Hans, I love you, but it's 47 degrees outside. You the only nigga with no sleeves. No, Hans is wearing an AIDS quilt. That's what that is right there. It is. It is sad. It's something else. Normally, I don't think I've ever seen a Korean

with their arms exposed like that before. He's a lumberjack, just in case. Honestly, I'm gonna keep it real. It's Black History Month. Why y'all got Asian niggas up here? Let's just say Black History Month. That nigga Joe Rogan put the mic down. We have three and a half-warm hours from Black History Month.

We should have had an all-black lineup. Everybody got quiet, because it was there. That's a little presumptuous, Freddie Gibbs. It's not enough Black people in Austin to have an all-black lineup on Kill Tony. It's Black History Month, nigga. They feel like, yeah, if we're like, you're not in February yet, got them.

Hans, what do you think about Black people? I think they're amazing. Yeah, what do you? They're the most talented people ever. They deserve reparations. Oh, wow. Yeah, right. Wow, look at this.

Hans really opening up. I love it. What else is going on in your life, Hans? I did a sold-out show at the domain. I headlined it, so I'm... Oh, look at that. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's headlining now.

At the mall? Yeah. Damn, nigga. Did a sold-out show? I sold, like, three fucking... Just shit on his whole dream. You ate shit. Keep fucking with them, nigga.

Keep fucking them up, Hans. You could do keep-door shows at the mall. What the fuck, man? Yep. I go to the mall a lot. Hell, yeah. I might see your ass in there, both of them. You could just take over malls, Hans.

You could just exclusively perform across from Orange Julius, or something like that. You could be the mall guy. I would love that. White people have a lot of money. What? Joe Rogan's right here. Yeah, D-Madness is here.

All right, Hans. Well, you performed a sold-out show. You met a Jewish girl. Do you have sex with a Jewish girl? No. She left in the middle of making out. Wow. Damn.

She's trying to save time. She was like, I'm really good at sex, and I don't want our first time to have sex be bad, so I'm just gonna leave. Why would it have been bad? She said she was drunk and tired, and she didn't...

That's a perfectionist. I think I was just moving too slow. I was just making out with her way too long. I should have made a move. I don't think that's right. Would you do any... I think it was the right amount of time. Why didn't you do anything with your hands?

I was... What kind of guy hooks up with a chick with no sleeves and doesn't fucking close? You know what I mean? I think... The type of girl meets a girl who wants to love him? Goddamn, huh? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Goddamn, huh? Can I have another glass with ice in it up here? I fucked up and only got three. I need one more. Huh? Damn, man. The bitch left her? Yeah.

Damn. Have you talked to her since then? She texted me today. She's not here, though, right? No. Oh, God. Call her up! Right now.

Oh, shit. Should we call her right now? Call her up! Call her up! Call her up! Call her up! Call her up! Call her up!

Face time, son! Yeah, Face time that hole. Face time! Face time! Face time that hole. I'm Face timing her. Yeah. Ask her, do she like niggas?

Hold on, bitch. You ask her. Don't ask that right away. Ask her how she feels about pancakes. Pick up the phone, bitch. Ah. Horseback, hiking. Damn.

You can't even get her fucking hook up on Face time with this girl. Damn. Give me your phone, bro. Your dick must be little as hell. She's like, normally I'm really good at Face time calls, but I'm just not feeling it right now. I Face time my bitch for you, do you want me to do that? Get in there, Yoni. Get in there.

Get the angle. Face time, yeah. Face time yours. Get in there. Who's yours? And Joe, you Face time yours. I don't have one, sir. Right, right, right.

Spot, spot, spot, spot, spot. Why do you think she's not picking up? Why don't none of your holes pick up? Right, because I made out with her too long. Damn. Nothing's happening. She's not picking up. Hold on, hold on.

My bitch picked up. Time out. Time out. Cut the music. My bitch picked up the phone. Hold on. Oh, shit. Hey, baby, this nigga need to get him some pussy.

Can you bring him a bitch, please? My bitch bad, y'all. I keep a bad bitch at all times. He did, you know what I'm saying? Hey, where you at? You outside? You outside? Yeah, bring your ass in here.

This nigga need some pussy. He's on the stone. He's very attractive. Hey, hold on. Get him some ass. My girl gets you. She got you. Look at this nigga.

You think you... Hello. You're very attractive. All right. Bring... Come in. Come in. Bring him some pussy.

Call some hoes for this nigga. He needs... Thank you, friend. All right, do your thing. I got you, baby. I told you, nigga. Thank you so much. I'm a pimp, not a sim, nigga.

Hans, how do you feel? Looks like you're getting guaranteed action tonight. I feel better than if I got laid two nights ago. Absolutely. It's the kill Tony bump once again. How about I hand another hand for the great Hans Kim, everybody? Thank you. Let's keep it moving.

I'm going to get my hand in this bucket. It could be a brand new person. It could be somebody's first time. It could be a local legend. Anything can happen. Here we begin. First up tonight out of the bucket goes by the name of Nikolai Roscoe. Here we go.

The show has begun. You guys having fun yet? Huh? Here we go. Nikolai Roscoe should be making his way to the stage. We got movement. Is anybody moving? That's wrong.

No? Yeah, where the fuck is Nikolai at? Oh, no. Poor Nikolai. Either going to the bathroom or doing cocaine or something. He fucked up. Okay. I've got a hand for Katie Felton, everyone.

Here we go. Katie Felton is going to start tonight's show. Straight out of the bucket. Any moment. Here she is. Hey. Are y'all familiar with the term spinner? Like a petite lady where if you just sit her on a dick,

she can spin around real easy. Yeah. I have the height of a spinner, but my body type is more of a lazy Susan at a Chinese restaurant. You're going to be surprised how much effort it takes to get me going. I'm a millennial, and I feel like being part of your generation is like a spectrum. Like in some ways I feel very millennial.

And in other ways I feel like I didn't get the memo. Yeah. Like in the ways that I am millennial, I don't own property. I work for a large tech company, and I think socialism is pretty cool. So we're on board there. Yeah.

On the ways that I don't relate, I'm a female and I'm not bisexual. I'm not into ass eating of any kind. And I've never diagnosed myself as autistic. All right. Katie Felton. Welcome. You've been on this show before, correct, Katie?

Yes. Okay. Well, welcome back. How's life been going for you? What's shaking? Everything good? Everything is good, yes. I love it.

Absolutely. You're one of the funniest cabbage patch dolls I've ever seen in my entire life. Let me start right there by telling you that. It's that you could be Amy Schumer's stunt double if you weren't already funnier than her. Good. You dirty motherfucker. I love it.

You dirty motherfucker. Yeah. We're going there tonight. Katie, welcome back. Thank you. So you covered a lot of ground there. How old are you? I'm 33.

How long have you been on stand up? It's coming up on three years. Three years. I love it. How's it been going for you? All of it here in Texas? Yes. All of it here.

You started in Austin? Yes. Very cool. All right. So you perform a lot? Yeah. Try to. How do you make money?

I have a job. What's your job? I work for a coupon company. A coupon company? Yeah. Those still exist? Yeah, they do. Wow.

I bet you know the Jewish girl that Hans has been hooking up. We're having fun here tonight. It's a comedy show, not to be taken out of context at any point. Okay. So the coupon company and what else? That's like just a regular nine to five job. That's how I get my money. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. It's fun. We chatted about this a little last time. I am an offshore manager, so I was telling you we hire people from India to help us do everything. Oh. Yeah.

You like niggas? Wow. Look at that little head shake. She really does. We could do some with that little to the lazy Susie body booty. Yeah. You guys like me on hinge a lot. If you like niggas.

Oh my God. Katie. Katie. I just thought she didn't, she didn't hesitate. He's like, you like niggas? She's like, I like niggas. Yes. Yes, sir.

I like niggas. Yes. Joe Rogan's here. I like niggas. Yeah. Is that, is that your preferred type of guy? Is a black guy? She's like, no niggas.

Anybody that likes me, I'm into that. Anybody that likes you, you're into that. So the answer is yes. Very good. Hans Kim, you're on deck. Hans Kim. No. I don't think Hans could close with this one at all.

Okay. So you have a current boyfriend or anything like that? Talking to somebody, but nothing official. Talking. So you, you're like. If you talk to a niggas though. Not this time, no. Damn.

This is just a plain white guy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing sadder than being stuck with a plain white man in the year 2022. You guys know where this music is from?

This is Bill Bixby, the Hulk when he's walking away. Yeah, it is. I did know that and I'm surprised you nailed that. I thought you were going to say writers on the storm or flashbacks or something like that. Oh my God. This is real nixby. That's who this is.

Niggity Cricket. Katie, what do you like to do for fun when you're not with black men? Do you have any hobbies or anything like that? Yeah, I have a dog, so I like that. I like doing karaoke. What's your song on karaoke? I ain't gonna compare a nigga to a doll. Oh my God.

Michael Bick, my art. I'm outraged. What's your go-to karaoke song? I like 90s songs, so pretty much anything from there. But I mean like that's a very wide range. I know. What's a song that you sang recently? You like EPMD or like White Snake?

That's 80s, Joe. That's 80s. What happened to that hand? No, no, White Snake was like 90s, right? The fuck is a White Snake? 91. That's for you to slam the microphone on. I'm so confused.

I've had so many confusing thoughts. It shows out of control already. 90s? Yeah. What do you prefer? Like Aisa Bass, Shia Twain, Paul, Brooks and Dunn. Yeah, brother. Brooks and Dunn.

Bands and not songs. Oh, that don't impress me much by Shia Twain. Okay, why don't you try, why don't we get a little, would you guys like to hear a little sample? She's a comedian, but don't you guys want to hear what it might happen? Yeah. Can I request one?

Yes. Can you do DMX's My Nigger? Wait a second. That's not Shia Twain whatsoever. Stop, drop, shut him down, open up shop. Wow. DMX meets KSC. Oh, yeah, I'm at it's a nigger.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Yeah, white girl, I'm at it's a nigger jam. Turn that motherfucker up, yeah. Hey, turn that motherfucker up, yeah. Yeah, turn that motherfucker up. We're not going to live forever, ladies and gentlemen. We're not going to live forever. We got to enjoy this moment.

It's not normal. H&R would not approve of this. H&R. It's okay. Humans and reciever. That's a man that hasn't ever had a real boss in a long time. We can all love each other without corporate control. We need to talk about Bill.

H&R is going to be pissed about this. Oh, I love this shit. You can't really control a rocket ship like this. You just shoot it up and let the fucking axis and shit. Just like gravity do its job at some point. One second, I'm saying what Shania Twain's song you're going to sing. Next thing you know, Freddie's dry humping this girl into fucking Planet Jupiter. I could have helped it. I could have helped it.

It was the right thing to do. I asked if she liked niggers. I gave her this. We did it. We solved problems. We solved problems. We solved problems. Okay.

Katie, I don't even think we're going to get to your Shania Twain. That's fine. I think the window is closed. Another great performance. Congratulations. Thanks for having the balls to sign up and stand up here. Here, have a big chipbook from the Great Bonesons. This is a legit real leather.

Jokebook. Good job. Back to the bucket we go. Your next comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds goes by the name of Yasha Kuzmin, everybody. Yasha. What? A neck?

What? Yeah. What's up, everybody? Fuck, yeah. I'm a little upset. My girlfriend broke up with me because I peed the bed. That's a bit harsh, don't you think? You pee the bed one time and you get dumped.

I mean, in her defense, I was standing over top of her when I was doing it. I shouldn't have been aiming for her mouth either. That was too far. That was too far. Sometimes I go on dates. Recently, I went on a date and I just knew right away it wasn't going to work out because I was a Scorpio

and she was a bitch. I like this guy. You guys heard the new COVID joke? You probably won't get it. All right, last one for you. I'm really bad at relaying messages. My mom will tell me, Yasha, tell your brother,

you're not paying me back the $20, right? So then I will tell my brother, mom said, you're a mistake. And you owe me $20, motherfucker. Yasha Kuzmin. You're Yasha Kuzmin? You do not look like a Yasha Kuzmin. I'm sorry.

You look like a Cooper Spencer or something like that. What's Yasha Kuzmin? No, it's Russian. Oh, shit! Wow. I think they finally launched their bombs on us, everybody. God damn it! Well, first of all, I think you should go to jail right now,

not just because you're Russian, but because you peed on your bitch like R. Kelly, and if he in jail, you should be in jail, too. Yeah. No doubt about it. I'm not gonna argue with that. That's fair. Is that a true story? You really pee the bed? No, I didn't pee the bed.

No, no, no, fuck the bed. He said he peed on the bitch. He already admitted guilt. Why do Robert Kelly gotta be in jail and this white nigga could be here? I don't believe him. He's Russian now. We need some fucking justice. This nigga peed on his bitch, too.

I didn't hit the bed once. Was she of age? Was she of age? All right, Yasmin. Yasha. Yeah, R. Kelly. Russian Kelly, shit. Russian Kelly. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

All together, like, four or five months. Four or five months. That's not enough time for this experience. Yeah. This... First, this experience, it requires experience. Oh!

You're not ready, sir. This experience requires experience. You're not ready for Freddie Gips. Me, Joe, alone. That's what she said when she tried to slap this dick. I fucked you two up, too, bitch. No, no, we... Yes! Roll together.

Blunts, Hennessy, it was... Everything! It was nigger day for him today. Not nigga. It's Joe Rogan. And I'm the designated nigga. I don't know what to do right now. Yasha, you're so boring that another podcast started

while you were up here. A totally different podcast. Yasha, if I was four months in, I'd be fucking it up just like you. Welcome to the brand-new podcast, The Experience is the Experience. Tell me, that's the nicest thing I was ever told that I was falling.

It's true, it's true. Four months in, I was likely to bomb historically. Yasha, no, don't listen to these niggers. Yasha, no. What do you do for work, Yasha? I go to school using VA benefits. Quit your job!

I quit my job, I did. You go to school via what? With VA stuff. VA, you in the Army, nigga? I was in the Army. What branch were you in? This nigga in the Russian Army. This told you he's Russian in Army, man.

Don't fuck around with you, bitch. Hell, yeah. This nigga get benefits from Vladimir Putin. Have you ever met a Ukrainian person? Yeah, yeah. Do you naturally not get along with them? Yeah. I mean, I keep invading their house.

Oh, there you go. There you go, you little cheeseball you. I like your style. You know how to roll with it. It used to be my house. I'm just reclaiming it. I love it. Very good, very good.

Yes. Yes. Taking the ball and running with it, I love it. So, Yasha, what else about you? What's interesting about your real life? Do you like niggas? Whoa, whoa, no. No, no, no.

Do you like niggas? Love them. You little what? I'm from Portland, Oregon. So, it's not really... I feel you, baby. You for rushing, nigga. Plain-ass guy I've ever seen in my life.

What did you do in the army? I was an interrogator. Really? You don't like niggas? So, you interrogated, like, what, terrorists and whatnot or whatever? What do you mean? A little bit, yeah.

Why are you so sensitive? You're like the softest army veteran I've ever seen in my entire life. Were you the little spoon or something like that? Joe Rogan said I shouldn't be doing comedy. No, he really didn't. If that's what you're taking from this, it's not exactly, he's just saying...

I might have said that. Oh, shit. We're gonna edit that part out of the podcast so that no one ever sees it. Yeah. I said a lot of questionable shit. First of all, this is black history, boy. Let's get that out the way.

By the time this comes out, it's not... No! But... By the time this comes out... I did a 23 a minute. I'm 1.6% African. It's not a lot. But it's not zero.

We're good, dog. It's not a lot. It's not a lot. But it's not zero. Oh, my God. We are in our hometown of Austin, Texas. It's not a lot, but Freddie Gibbs loves me. Dude, I'm more than 1.6%.

So does Brian Moses, this fucking Portland white bitch. He's angry about a lot of preposterous shit. Where's Dave Grohl? Let's start a niggacham. No, no, no. It's only you two.

What the fuck? This nigga from Russia, man. He's from Russia. Yasha, tell us the most interesting thing about your entire history of your entire life. Go right ahead. Answer right into the tip of that microphone. That's a lot of question.

It's okay. He's got this. I can karaoke the fuck out of Forgot About J. Really? Forgot About Drake? Yeah, it's the best I got. If I had more experience than four or five months, maybe.

You guys don't Forgot About Drake? I don't want to repeat it, because I don't want to repeat it. You said you could rap Forgot About Drake. That's some typical white boy shit. That's what we ever do. Rap some nigga shit. It is, I know you could rap. What's another song you know?

Yeah, YG's My Nigger. Yeah, rap My Nigger, My Nigger. My Nigger, My Nigger. Rap that, that'll fuck you up. I'm so glad. I don't have to say any of these things. But I agree. I will get killed once I go back to Portland. Come on, freestyle or rap, you homo.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Do it in Russian. Do it that shit in Russian. Do it in Russian. Do you speak Russian? Do you speak Russian? Boris and Sasha. Go ahead, go ahead.

Y'all know me, still the same old G with a bent low key, hated on by most of these. What? With no G's, no keys, no skis. Stop, stop, stop. I can karaoke the shit out of that. Stop this shit. Cut this shit out. The shit out of that. Hey, look, white boy. First of all, white boy.

Y'all know me, still the same old G. Right. Shut the fuck up, dude. First of all. That is not karaokeing the shit out of it. First of all, white boy, why you were talking about Dr. Dre part? What the fuck? You supposed to wrap the white boy part. It's black history.

Fuck wrong with you, boy. Honoring Dr. J. No, no, no, no, no. As best as I can. No, no, no, don't do that. You're super Russian, though. Hi, Yasha. That's the story. Super Russian. Okay, Vladimir. Do some other shit.

You ever play Russian roulette? You should. Or you could play Ukrainian roulette, which is a new game where you put a gun to your head, but there's no bullets inside. Because you don't have... Oh, shit. I wrote that this week. It'll be old by the time...

That's a hell of a joke. Hey, honestly, hey, that's a hell of a joke. Killed in Michigan all weekend. It's fucked up. Black History Month got drowned out by the war. Fuck y'all, niggas. What? Y'all talking about us. Y'all talking about us Russian niggas. How you think we gonna feel if y'all talking about Russia

in the fucking butt? The fuck is going on in this bitch? I agree. I've been saying that all day. Ah. How about another hand for Yasha Kuzmin, everybody? There goes the great Yasha Kuzmin. Yasha, take one of these.

That's a joke book from the great Bonsai. It's a small one. Not a jibberish, but they move the lips, and they motherfuckers up, they motherfuckers up, and they forgot they was gay. All right. Wait a second, wait a second.

Freddie Gibbs, is this true? Oh, shit. Freddie signed up. No way. 60 seconds uninterrupted. How about one more time for Freddie Gibbs, everybody? Freddie Gibbs gay. Talk with them booty lips.

Fuckin' talk with them booty lips. Fuckin' talk with them. Fuckin' talk with them. Fuckin' talk with them. White niggas, y'all better make some noise in this motherfucker. What the fuck? Shit, nigga. I need to pass a hat around this motherfucker.

I got child support papers, dude. Why come this... I don't know no white niggas that got baby mommas. You got a baby momma? You got a baby momma? Y'all just... y'all married a bitch. We just fucked a bitch. Niggas fucked a bitch.

Then get divorced and have a whole other family. That's why white niggas... White niggas don't ever have any... Yeah, that's my baby momma. I never seen a white niggas with a baby momma. You got a baby momma? Oh, shit. So you have a...

Let me let these niggas know what a baby momma is. So you have a woman that you fucked and had a baby with that you're not married to. You're not married to her. But y'all got a baby. That's your baby momma. We done struck gold in this motherfucker, man. What the fuck is going on in this bitch?

They got damn niggas. I know it was COVID-19 and shit, but the world is changing. Shit. Joe Rogan saying niggas and shit. It's been years. Nah, nigga, that wasn't years. That was days. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

Every niggas feeling like a monkey. A lot of days. A lot of days. A lot of days, but years were the days. Listen, nigga, hey, hey, Joe, Joe, Joe, let me tell you something, nigga. You lucky I got family in Philadelphia because they was coming here just to fuck you up, man.

I said, listen, I held all niggas back on behalf of Joe. Y'all give me a round of applause, nigga. Thank you. Thank you, and please tell all your friends I told all niggas, I said, hey, Joe's my nigga. I know he got Dave Chappelle and shit, but, you know,

Dave Chappelle did the motherfucker's streets, nigga. His wife, Asia, this shit, nigga. Oh, my God! Dave Chappelle ain't no gangster like me, nigga. I love Dave. I appreciate that. I know, white boy, you better appreciate it. I appreciate it.

We got to talk. We got to work something out for that, nigga. You got the nigga approval from the realest nigga ever, nigga. We talked about that today. We got that. Listen, this is gonna be on Patreon on Joe Rogan's podcast. Joe Rogan is about to give niggas reparations. Oh, my...

Freddie, get back over here. Get back over here. You just don't know it. Freddie, you did much more than your minute. How about a hand for Freddie Gibbs, everybody? Absolutely shredding. I like that. Play some music, nigga. Hell, yeah!

Get your hands up. Fuck these niggas. Hey, hey, the nigga right here. Oh, there's a nigga right here. Hey, the nigga right here. Hey, we about to get shit clear. Yeah. I love y'all.

Make some noise for my nigga, Tony. We're having fun here tonight. Freddie Gibbs, ladies and gentlemen. Freddie Gibbs. Come on, the great Freddie Gibbs. You boring white people will have to spotify Freddie Gibbs on your drive's home to

Round Rock in Flugerville here tonight. Who was that guy? He had a lot of charisma. He had a lot of charisma. A lot of energy on that, Freddie Gibbs. Is he a country music star? You fucking dorks have to do your research.

You'll realize. I don't fuck with Freddie Gibbs. Niggas telling fibs. You guys think we should get another regular up here, huh? This young man is the brand spanking newest regular on Kill Tony. It's been an interesting adventure so far.

Ladies and gentlemen, here with a brand new minute, LSH, everybody. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. About time y'all put a nigga up here. Austin, where you at? Make some noise! Whoo!

Okay, y'all might be a little too loud. There might be a Russian drone ready to blow this bitch up. I'm not. I'm a little nervous. I hate when people keep saying, we might be going to war. We might be going to war. I'm like, bitch, you might be going to war. I didn't even get the invite or nothing, you know what I'm saying?

I know some of you, I ain't going to the draft. Fuck all that shit, bro. I'm not doing it. I don't know. My thing is, people are probably thinking, you a pussy. You a patriotic. You need to fight for your country. Fight for my country. I don't like fighting for my fucking self. I'm a stand-up comic.

I'm about to say, my first line of defense is jokes in this bitch. I don't think a punchline is going to stop a bullet, though. You know what I'm saying? But I know there's some veterans in the house and I just want to say thank you for your service. Whoo! Because I cannot do that shit.

I get nervous playing Call of Duty in this mother fucker. I'm just like, cut the game off. But the people who are really excited to want to go to war, just ready, you know what I'm saying? They don't need to do that shit. I have a cousin who's on a medley of medication. Yeah, and he goes,

man, I can't wait to beat the Russians. I'm like, my boy, you need to beat your depression first. Aw. Hell yeah. LSH. Coming in, working beats, having fun. How's your life going, Ellis?

It's good, man. I just came back from a three-week vacation. Okay. Where'd you vacation at? I was in Miami at first, then Orlando. Oh, wow. Look at you. I know, man. Happiest place on earth? Yeah, it was cool.

How'd you end up going to Miami to Orlando? Tell us. Well, shit, man, my girl's mama was like, hey, I got tickets. You want to come with us? And I said, okay, bet. Pretty simple, you know. So you, the girl, and her, did you say her mom? No, my girl's mama.

My girlfriend's mama. Okay, that translates correctly. I thought, mom, you said mama. Pretty much the same thing, except Chad, and guessing that she's African-American. Hell yeah. Hey, this nigga acting like a nigga can't afford a vacation.

Oh, listen, listen. No, Ellis can't afford a vacation. I know Ellis personally. I have white poor friends, too. But no, this is exciting because it's interesting when you don't have money to go to Florida and all of a sudden you're chilling in Florida, right? Yeah.

So I was on vacation in a hard mode. You're goddamn right. You're not picking up the bed for anything. I fuck with you, my nigga. You look like a ghetto nigga that came up on motherfucking Grits and Spam. Shit, my ass looking like Fleece Johnson in this bitch. What?

Fleece Johnson? What the fuck was that reference? Nobody, literally nobody in the room is... Nobody, no boondocks? Oh, you talking about the booty warrior? So you like ass? No, listen, I look like the nigga. I'm not him. Oh, you said I feel like Fleece Johnson.

No, I said I look like him, Freddie. Damn, that nigga said he feel like the booty. I never... It's recorded. He making shit up. That's not true. I said I look like him. I'm with Joe Rogan. I'm doing misinformation right now. It's a good business.

You just gotta be honest. You gotta say like it might be a lie. I don't know. I just say it. Oh, my goodness. CNN lies. As long as I'm honest. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. It might be a lie. The pillow is working overtime here tonight. Wow. That is incredible. I love it. Ellis, what's going on in your personal life this week? You're on the show all the time,

so I mean, did you hook up with the girl and the mom at the same time or anything? No, I'm just with the daughter, man. Just with the daughter? Hell yeah. The mom ever flirt with you? I don't want her to flirt with me. I know, but that sounds like a fucking yes to me.

Shit, man. I love that girl though, man. This is your new girlfriend? This is the Jamaican sturdy bitch from a couple episodes ago. Okay, the Jamaican sturdy bitch. Damn. She out here with a thick ass bitch. Hey, don't worry about it, Freddie.

Damn. I'm trying to take your bitch, man. I'm like, damn. Do she strip what she strip? Yellow, red, rose? Just for me. Ellis Island. That's it.

When you say she's sturdy, what exactly does that mean? That means she's thick as hell. Have you ever hit a thick ass black bitch? Hey, no, she's just comfortable. She's real comfortable. You ever see Meg the Stallion? That's a sturdy bitch. Yeah, she's sturdy.

Is that what she's like? Yes, just half the size because I can't handle that bitch. Let me see a picture. Megan the Stallion make me look like a pipsqueak. You have Megan the Mini at your pony. I can handle the pony. Meg the pony. All right.

All right, Ellis. I love it, man. How do you feel up here right now? Everything good? I fucking love it, man. We over here in Austin, Texas with Freddie Gibbs, Joe Rogan, Tony Hinchcliffe, Red Band. You know, we chillin', man.

You know, God is great. Man, my man Freddie didn't say enough inwards up here. I'm uncomfortable. I knew the king in heaven like, I didn't die for this shit. That motherfucker and Freddie didn't say 175 niggas. If this was a drinking game,

we all be dead. Shit. Shit. Niggas. Just one more. You know, why not? Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah, man.

Doing the damn thing, Ellis. I love it. A brand new minute from you. Another killer set. Thank you so much. You did your work here tonight. LSH. Live in the dream. Freddie Gibbs, Joe Rogan, Brian Moses,

Austin, Texas. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Your next comedian. This looks like a brand new name. Make some noise for JT Millington, everybody. 60 seconds. Uninterrupted. Going to JT Millington. This has to be a first time.

I would remember that name if I saw it before. Here he comes. Come on, everybody. Make some noise for JT, everyone. Howdy, howdy, howdy. Y'all know it's Black History Month? Oh, shit. Thank God it's not a leap year. I'm going to tell you right now that's as good as it gets.

So fucking... Crypto is just a astrology for tech bros. You know? You get cornered in a bathroom. Start talking about it. Really hate yourself. I told you that's as good as it gets. I don't really know what else I got for you. Two of my exes are lesbians.

Which, yeah. Which makes me above average in the sack. I've had more lesbians sex than every dude in this room. Which, I mean, it makes sense. I got solid eight cups, you know, and I dressed like Ella on a camping trip. So... Just give me that fucking meow right now.

That's all I got. It's not really how it works, but that was 54 seconds. Thank you. Thank you. JT Millington. Welcome to the show, JT. This is your first time on the show, right? Yes, sir. I love it.

I loved you as the bad guy from the movie Ghost. Weird reference, but you look like that scary motherfucker, for sure. You also look like both of the bad guys from the movie Home Alone. You look like a mush together. Fricka, fricka, fricka, fricka.

He looks like Steve Ranizizi if he actually went through that 9-11 tragedy. Thank you. You're welcome, Joe. JT, welcome to the show. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing it consistently about six months. Sorry, Joe.

Sorry, Joe. Sorry, Joe. You probably out of the Joe bitch that black history but shit was racist. Fuck you. I'm with Freddie on this one. There you go. Joe taking the correct side on this.

I leave here, motherfucker. I leave here every year, motherfucker. We need 39 days. You guys should totally get the leap year. You guys jump the highest so you should have a leap year. You know what I mean?

That should be automatic. Every year is a leap year when you're black. A 40-inch leap year, 40-inch 50-inch leap year. 40-inch vertical leap year. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

JT, what do you do for work? How do you make money? I answer emails for a pizza company. I mean, you look like you have zero vitamin D running through your blood right now. I sit inside, like, all day. I haven't left my house in two years. I tell you what, motherfucker, that pizza better be

Papa John's, you racist bitch. Uh-uh. I'm with Freddie. Yeah, mother of God, I'm here trying to sell me a Chacaroni. I know Papa John's race. Chacaroni? You ever seen the Chacaroni, Joe? Chacaroni.

Papa John's gonna go race and they gonna get the biggest nigga they can. The biggest nigga in America. Chacaroni. Don't know a nigga want a Chacaroni. What did they do? Papa John's was racist? Yeah. Oh, you bastard. You still, you got a Papa John's

free room. Yeah, I had no idea. I've been a full supporter the whole time. I love racist pizzas. What did Papa John's do that was racist? What'd they do? I'll say it. You better not say it.

What the fuck? Trust me, don't say it. Listen. You might have good intentions, but it will be misinterpreted. Oh my goodness. There's context to Niggeroni, there really is. You can be a good person, but with the wrong

noise, it's not gonna work out. Don't say it. Don't listen to this nigga. Trust me, he's incorrect. JT Miller. Don't say N. What's your living situation, JT? You look like you came here today holding on the back of a train.

Oh. You always look like this. You always look wind beaten and battered. Back of a train. No color in your face whatsoever. Yeah, oh my God. I'm telling you, I don't leave the house.

When's the last time you ate like a fresh meal? I told you I work for a pizza company. I literally eat pizza every day. I think you got what it was. I'm losing weight. I've lost 60 pounds as I moved to Austin. 60 pounds? You're losing weight?

Staying indoors, eating pizza? What the fuck were you doing before? Before I had a job that paid me well. And so I ate. And now I don't get paid well, so I eat one meal a day, which is like poor people talk. So you eat pizza every day and that's the one meal that you eat.

You lost weight off pizza? I think you smoke a crack, personally. But it's all good. It's my first good pizza. Hey, I'm white. I smoke meth. That's true. Total different thing. And crack, mother.

Everybody knows that. So that's what it takes to look like that. Only eat pizza. Very interesting. One time a day. Right. And then I drink like eight cups of coffee and then like, don't tell my mom but I smoke weed.

Don't tell her. What's your love life like JT? You have one? You don't? I moved down here after a breakup because I'm from Kansas and there's not fucking shit in Kansas. Or jobs in Kansas, so I moved down here

because there's nothing. It has nothing to do with your love life. I mean, we broke up and I was like, fuck you. You were in love with this girl, huh? That's the vibe I'm getting from you. You guys were together for years? Well, I mean, a couple years, but like,

I'm 30 and she was 24, so it was like a good thing going, you know what I mean? So I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio. So you came down here to get a job. That's what it's like in Kansas, by the way. No, there's a view wondering how sad of it. Dude, I had it fucking frozen heaven, dude. Six years older than this girl.

Can you believe that? Fucking six years. I'm like, Leo DiCaprio, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? Holy shit. What does that even mean? 2430, who gives a fuck, dude? You should be happy with fucking anything.

Look at you. Look at this fucking piece of sauerkraut up here. I mean, Jesus. What a fucking bag of biscuits you are, dude. Look at you. I mean, you look like the guy that sleeps on the bottom below the couch, like under the couch,

not on somebody's couch, like that you have made your own permanent settlement inside of under the couch, like under the cushions, you have your own entry and exit, and you sleep under somebody's couch. They don't know that you're there. It's very like parasite.

You live like this weird parasite life. What's your living situation? He's like, I make my tenants tell three riddles. I live by myself in a shithole studio that pays all the bills, so. You what? I live by myself. I don't have anybody. How do you pay your bills?

They pay all the bills. I just pay them 800 bucks a month, and they pay all my bills. They put the lotion on the skin. It puts the lotion on the skin. All you gotta do is kill the cockroaches, and you'll be all right. Well, JT, anything for JT?

How old are you, man? What's that? How old are you? A 30. This could be the moment that changes your life right now. Joe is thinking about what he's gonna do. You could be the brand new man

in charge of the tannin' dude. Are you okay? I think I'm okay. You can call my mom. I'm not gonna call your mom. Call her up. Call your mom, bro. Ride is on the storm.

All right, all right. I'll call your mom. Wow, let's call the mom. We need the phone unlocker. Let's go. Is it unlocked? Is that cricket? What was this?

Okay, we need the phone unlocker. One of the... Oh, here he is. What the fuck are the phones there? Here's the door guide, Nick, everybody. How about a hand for the door guide, Nick? It's our boy, Nick. He's got no power pull whatsoever.

He's just a door guy. Oh, that's some real shit right there. Some phone lock. I turned it off and as an android, it'll be like 30 minutes. I'm poor! Android. Hey, bro, call your moms up.

Call your moms on my phone, bro. Girls are like, oh, my God, a fucking android. No guys are like, what the fuck, bro? That's why his girlfriend in Kansas broke up with him. Because of the android. Yeah, don't go to context. I know she's in there, but... There you go, here.

Call your mom. Calling his mother, who's obviously real girlfriend. Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake. You're calling to Freddie. All right, we're on speaker. All right. I know why. It's your rug.

No, we gotta put it... No, wait, here. Give me that. Give me that. What the fuck? Your phone gotta load up. This is the phone? Give me that.

Call her. Give me that fucking thing. You have to put your... Here, Freddie. It's on speaker. Hold on. I'm calling. We calling her.

It's gotta be to the bottom of it. There you go. Yeah, she's like... Damn, nigga. She doesn't answer until after two when I call. What's her name? Hello? JT.

Turn it off. JT, what's up? I'm leaving a message. Get the phone back. Yeah. Let's just get the phone back. Hold on, I'm leaving a message. Okay.

Yeah, leave a message. You'll be the first to have a black eye long message on my mom's phone. Oh, my God. Hey, sexy. If you're looking for that BBC. Oh, that OPP. Well, you know he. Sorry, bro.

JT Millington, your mom just got a dirty voice mail from Freddie Gibbs. Here's a big joke book. We're going to keep it moving along. Yo, hold on. God damn it. Oh, he's here, right? Great. You guys want another special treat, huh?

Hey. There's a special... Oh, my God. You're the fucking me. Yeah. Oh, no. You want to be fucking me. Yeah.

Oh, God. You blow my mind. You'll always be my freak. Beat that pussy up. Let's make Swila. Hold change these sheets. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm the nigga, nigga.

I'm with Joe Rogan. I'm fucking these hoes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. All right, all right, all right. Thank you, guys. Thank you, dude. Fucking Christ. Damn.

My own band is betraying me here tonight. It's hilarious. You guys just don't fucking stop playing. Even D-Madness is like, I don't think the crowd's digging this. It's a unique time, Tony Hinsmith. Oh, yes, indeed. You got to take advantage of the confusion of the moment.

Speaking of unique confusion, that's exactly how I would describe your next comedian. This young man did the, what is nearly impossible, just a couple months ago, winning a golden ticket on this show, which has only happened with eight, nine, 10 people ever of all time.

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Jared Nathan. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. People think I'm a... ...hersey hound.

I'm just trying to find the bitch responsible for this. I... ...did... ...tina always... ...look like... ...Barty Rubble. I was... ...hooked on...

...Princess Stone's... ...righton man's... ...for a whole summer! I don't do... ...legal drugs. I don't... ...proc with organized crime. I don't need...

...disorganized crime. Yeah, my dad would do it, mother fuckers! Wow! Wow! Ladies and gentlemen, Golden Ticket winner Jared Nathan has cashed in four or five times on this. For those of you that don't know,

he is... ...Canadian. That's a big deal. This is what Canadians are like now. Thank you, Justin Trudeau. This is how they all are now. But this young man, this is all real and true.

He literally has been escaping Canada for the last couple months to enjoy himself here in Austin, Texas. And how much fun exactly... ...how much fun have you been having, Jared? I'm more than fucking... Yeah. Yup.

100%. He's been smashing with a brand new minute every single week. He literally makes it look easy. I'm taking this motherfucker out to get so pussy with me today. Because he's a human cannonball. Oh, absolutely. Wait, wait, you said a new minute? It's like a new 25 seconds every week.

Let's be honest. I think he's fucking... I think he's doing just fine. I love it. Jared, so tell us about this week in the life of Jared Nathan. What's been happening? You've been doing spots in Texas. What else?

Spots are... You've been listening to live music? Live music. Okay. Who have you seen? What have you been doing? I saw... Trace of Lime on Thursday. Okay.

There you go. We know Trace of Lime. We love Trace of Lime music. Nether Hour. Okay, yes. These are the people that we love. It's amazing. The music scene here in Austin.

It's just absolutely unbelievable. So many talented people. And back tonight, I heard one of the best versions of Forgot About Dre that I've ever heard in my entire life. It's incredible. It just comes out of nowhere or something. We remixed it. It was Forgot About Gay. It was.

Jared's a good rapper. Jared actually knows how to freestyle rap. I swear to God. He's the real deal, this fucking guy. Oh, damn. Go, Jared. Yo, you know me? Fuck, motherfucker, you know me?

I killed Tony. Motherfucker, rapper, he's my homie. Here we go, this. Focus. Hold this. You know this. Here we got to go get blues again. Like Eminem.

Here we go. I'm doing this. I'm not a trombone. Austin. I'm motherfucker Austin. Yeah, yeah, nigga. Yeah, nigga. That was really good.

Hell yeah. But it also might have been Russian. I don't know what the fuck he said. He might have been committing us to the New World Order. That was you crazy, nigga. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, bro.

That was you crazy, nigga. Jared, what happened to your stutter when you started rapping? What the fuck did you say? He does it stutter when he raps. What did you say? Or if he whispers or does a girl's voice, he doesn't stutter. Interesting.

How's it going? Pretty good. Thanks for asking. It's funny. I think you guys are meeting on the same wavelength. I think Joe drank about a bottle of tequila tonight. So I'm pretty sure you guys are. Hi.

How are you? You guys are both retarded right now. No. Come on. I'm retarded. He's okay. He's just trying to communicate on my level. No, no, no.

Joe is alcohol syndrome. That's fetal alcohol syndrome. He's seen it. Absolutely. He's being a good guy. He's trying to meet me on my level. What exactly do they call your condition, Jared? What are you diagnosed as?

I'm globally... delayed. You're globally delayed? So I'm pretty much... into... and actually... retarded. Whoa.

How is he so much funnier than the non-retarded people? None of this makes any sense. That side is him. Either he's the luckiest guy in the world, or he's one of the most talented, retarded people of all time. I am so happy I moved to Austin. I'm so fucking happy.

I gotta be honest. I think you were holding on to that N-word. He was like... Oh, Tony. Oh, dear you. How dare you, Freddie? Brian talked to him. He said...

Okay. Globally... Hey, chill out, nigga. Chill out, nigga. The niggas said he's globally delayed. That's what they tell us at the airport. Yeah. Calm down.

You do anything... You do anything else fun in Texas this week? Anything else going on in your life that's exciting, Jared, before we let you go? You fucking killed it up here. When is your last day here? I'm here until the end of March. Well, I'd love to have you on The Secret Show Thursday.

There you go. Another guaranteed spot. Real stand-up comedy. It's sold out show every Thursday here at Vulcan. You can see Jared Nathan on it. There he goes, Jared Nathan, everybody. We'll keep it moving along here. Hell of a rose battling.

He's living his dreams. Look how happy the guy is. Hell of a rose battling. Good job. You guys want to go to this bucket one more time, huh? All right. Wow. Now, this is very, very exciting. This young lady came on and took the show over

by storm a couple weeks ago. I have really been hoping to pull her name out of the bucket again and see another new minute. I think this might be one of the great future comedy stars of Austin, Texas. I could be wrong, but I really believe this.

Make some noise. This is the second ever brand new minute from Liz Splatt, everybody. Here she comes. I'm serious. This is a special kind of monster. Come on, everybody. Make some noise.

Liz Splatt. What the fuck is up, Kill Trony? I just got out of a relationship. I was dating a black guy. What's up? I always like to clarify. I always like to clarify I was a black guy because I know looking at me, you're thinking, okay,

you're probably either a black guy or a Hispanic woman. And I get that. Dating's hard, though. You know, dating's hard. You guys ever, like, been talking like a fine-ass dude and he talks his way out of being attractive? You know, like, one second, you're like, damn, you got good height, good jawline. I don't know what you bitches are into.

And then he starts talking about his fantasy football league and you're like, whoa, you kind of got bad skin, you know? The more you talk about why your car's in the shop for a year, I'm starting to realize you got real little hands, bro. The deeper you dive into that flat earth theory,

I'm starting to realize your hairline go back just little by little, son. That's horrible. Sweet, thanks. Liz Splatt. Another new minute. Cold-blooded assassin. Welcome back to the show, Liz. How are you?

Good. How are you? I think you got Freddie Gibb's attention. Oh, I know. You like Nick? You like niggas? Do you like niggas? Hell, yeah. Look at her, Freddie. This is the final boss at the end of the Black Eye video game. Are you kidding me?

That's the final one. You have to fuck the other ones to get to this one. Come bend over me, Freddie. Some white girl twerked on you. You come twerk on this white girl. Oh, shit. Let's give us something for once in the goddamn night

when you should play some music. I don't twerk. Bend that shit over real quick. Oh, shit. What is happening? We might watch a baby get made here tonight, everybody. We might watch a little Steph Kearney get made here tonight. I'm gonna impregnate Freddie. Oh, shit.

Liz is the dominant. Oh, yeah. Give me some money. I'm gonna put your ass on child support, too, bitch. Hell, yeah. Welcome to the first-ever episode of Black is the New Black. Where this fresh-out-of-prison young female comedian

meets Freddie Gibbs. No, no. This is the opposite of black. I love it. This is fat. What the fuck? Jesus Moses. Body shame, but you niggas into race jokes? All right, whatever. Goddamn, Moses. Moses, you made it with me. I mean, how many N-words

have you had on your show before this one? How many what? N-words. No, no, no. There you go, Joe. There you go. There you go. I want to be involved in records. I'm here for new numbers.

This is definitely way up there. We'll have to compare it. Off the charts, bitch. Joe, I don't know if you know this, but we've had Danny Brown on the show three times. Close. We're gonna have to censor it so much, Joe. There's gonna be so much beeps.

We're gonna have to say that R2-D2 is one of the guests. It's the whole thing. We had Danny Brown on, but Freddie Gibbs is literally like Danny Browner. Like Danny Black. Danny Black. He's upgraded. This shit looks like my Twitter in high school.

What, all niggas? Yeah. So you mostly exclusively hook up with Black men. Is that correct? Yes. And do you currently have a Black man that you're with? Tony, I might be getting some dangling tonight, bro. Hey. Dangling.

Dangling. Dangling. I'm pretty sure dangling tried to cancel me back in May. Well, yes. We like their white meat. We ain't driven. What do you know this is better about Black men than White men? Why do you prefer Black men?

Tony, I said it last time, man. It just comes down to the length and the girth. Wow. That's it. But also, I would have to say the overall swag for lack of a better word, dude. I see a white nigga with a baby mama. He got swag. No, he doesn't. No, no, no. Swag means singles.

He got swag. You got a cowboy hat and swag. You got to be a good baby mama. That's the first white nigga I've been with a baby mama. It's just white niggas with some swag. Swag means single white-ass girl. That's what that shit means right there. It wasn't dangling the first time.

I love seeing swag, bro. You're all swag, shit. Liz, tell us about it. Damn, Moses, shit. I mean, I guess we're flirting right now. We're kind of falling in love. If I was back in jail and used my CO, you wouldn't have watched it.

No doubt about it. It's an honor and a duty. Hell yeah. I think that's a compliment. It is. Liz, what else is going on in life? Tell us about what's been happening. Dude, I've been rock climbing.

What? I rock climb. Oh my goodness. I'm the only fat bitch there. I've never seen anyone like you rock climb before. And I've been ain't no but preferable. Are we talking about Rocky Road? What are we talking about exactly? What kind of rocks? Pop rocks?

First, she's talking about Charles S. Dutton. That was rock in the 90s on Fox. No, she's talking about rock climbing. When they climbed the rocks. Yes. Okay. I've been ain't no but fucking standing under you. Absolutely not.

How often do you go rock climbing? I go rock climbing? I go rock climbing every time. It's just too bad. Damn. Don't fall, baby. I'm falling in love right now, Freddie. You think...

Bullshit. Bullshit. He's moving towards it. Oh, he's stumbling. He's hurt. Don't tip me. He's hurt. Bullshit.

Hey. Space rabbit. Space rabbit. Space rabbit. Space rabbit. Oh, my God. That's all it took. We just got word.

She's pregnant, everybody. Let's get it on. It's a trap star. It's a trap star. It's Rich Paul and fucking Adele's. I think we need Marvin Gaye. Let's get it on. Marvin Gaye.

I know what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. A lot of dark meat. I know it's some good pussy under there, FooBoo. Marvin Gaye. I know it. Wow. This is like a merger between... FooBoo gang?

Where's my FooBoo gang at? Come on, FooBoo gang. Hey, where are you fat bitches at right now? This is like FooBoo meets FooBoo. This is very exciting. Very exciting stuff. What a merger. FooBoo and FooBoo.

FooBoo and FooBoo together at once. That deserves more. They don't know what FooBoo is. They don't know what's going on. These fucking cheese balls out here. Spoon-fed bullshit. I don't want to be apart of anything where people are upset.

Joe! I'm just gonna lay it back. Joe, this is a good experience. It's the time to go. Ha ha ha ha! Sometimes there we go. Hey, by the way, Niggas, shout out big white girls for breaking the color barrier,

bringing niggas over to white people. You know what I mean? Shout out white girls one time. Big white girls. Come on, man. White girls for sure. Yeah, fuck a stereotype. Shit. I know some good pussy under that Gucci pouch. It's fake Gucci, but it's real pussy. You know what I'm saying, ladies and gentlemen?

Yeah! Pushing pink. Pushing pink. Pushing pink. If you had to pitch to Freddie Gibbs why he should be with you or be with you even if just for tonight? Exactly what would your pitch be?

All the bitches gotta say she got somebody. Even though we're in public right now, I'm interested to see what you're... What I would pitch? Okay, Freddie, I can roll the shit out of a blunt. Oh, my God. Shit, I can roll my own blunt.

Okay, Freddie. I can suck the fuck out of a dick. Okay, you got it. Look at the hat. Goodbye. There they go, folks. That's a very good recovery. You got me, bitch. Like, he had an opening.

Blunt sand dick. Blunt sand dick. We don't do chance here, Mr. Rose. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Once it looked like dicks. Once it looked like dicks. Liz, I'd love to have you on the show Thursday also. You know. Come on, baby.

Don't eat shrimp. Chill out, chill out. She said she can suck a dick. I'm gonna have a suck my dick on my only fans tonight. You're not. I'm with Sean tonight. Okay, we can't do that on only fans. No, he's gonna come with. We're all gonna hang out.

I'm gonna get my dream threesome. We gotta do it on only fans. Well, looks like it might be a foursome, man. Let's walk away from this and talk about it in a couple hours. Joe Rogan. Liz Spratting. Were we gonna say there?

I was just gonna say, could you narrate my porn if I ever have one, too? He's her. We're not gonna fail. He is in big trouble, folks. Sorry, Brian. I think this is a complete mismatch. I'm gonna narrate it.

Sorry, Brian. She gets on top of him. Oh, I can't believe we're gonna put it in her ass. This is you. It's gonna be like a UFC fight, bitch. I'm gonna macho, man, bring a headlock. I'm gonna have Freddie in a headlock. Put me in the headlock, please.

I'll put you in a headlock and swing you down on the pussy. Put that teddy in her mouth. Woo! That's a real race. She's gonna be here Thursday on The Secret Show. So much fun. Put a nigga in a headlock. That's one of the top young rising comedians.

That was pretty racist right there. UFC ultimate put a nigga in a headlock. That was more racist than Joe Rogan. I'm not sure that's true. All right, you guys ready for one last comedian? You ready to do this? One last one. This is it. And it's a position reserved for greatness.

Ladies and gentlemen, this young man and I just spent an entire weekend together in Michigan. That's just out of real sweet. We've been together for me doing 30-minute long sets. Absolutely crushing. He's headlining all over on his own. He's opening for Joe Rogan.

Make some noise for him. It's the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery. Live in the flesh. In Austin, Texas. On the number one live podcast in the world. Yolton. I love you, William. Shut the fuck up.

Keep your fucking mouth shut. Sad news today. Rick Moranis admitted defeating child actors cough syrup while on a set of a new movie he's working on. The movie's title, Honey, I DJ Screwed Up the Kids. I love how Russia's like,

hey, we used to own Ukraine. Okay, cool. I used to own Beanie Babies, but I'm not going back to my parents' house in Memphis to dig them out of the backyard. Yeah. My maid has pink eye again, which sucks because now she'll probably stop licking the toilet clean.

I have a new game show idea. It's where we immediately give the minority female the winning prize and dare the white contestants to question how the game works. That is how you do it.

I said it to Moses when you got up here, when you were a few seconds in, I go, this guy, every fucking week, like Mike Tyson in his prime just comes up and does a brand new thing. Just raping. Well, all right.

Thank you, Moses, for that momentum, that extra boost there. Yeah, why would you bring that up? Why would you bring that up? You know I'm dealing with something at the moment. Why the fuck would you bring that up? Black History Month.

That was black history that happened. Mike Tyson raped a girl. That was black history. Goddamn, Moses. All right, we'll get up on Mike Tyson's thing. William, another great set. How's it going? How do you feel? Feeling good. Fresh off of a long weekend together

in Michigan. We did four sold out theaters together. Well, y'all first said that long weekend in Michigan, I thought y'all had a gay relationship. Yep, that's true. We went to Michigan together, so we're basically gay. We're basically boyfriends.

You was like, we had a long weekend together. I was like, damn, I'm about to congratulate you niggas also. Shit being together, you know? That's that. That's sweet of you that you thought that that's what it was. I was honestly kind of hoping that's what it would end up being. On the flight back, I was like, this

seemed like a really good weekend. When is Tony gonna bring something up about how he had a really good time about how he wants to do this again? I don't know. It never fucking happened, but I really was. There were some times when we were eating dinner and our eyes would lock

and... I like eye contact. I know it was good. You had that bad French onion soup, though. I did. I had bad French onion soup for the very... That's what I said. I said, you can't fuck up.

I was literally telling William. I go, this is crazy. I eat French onion soup any chance I get. I've never had bad French onion soup before until now. Grand Rapids, Michigan. Congratulations. There you go. I can fuck up the unfuckable. I mean, it...

Literally, four of the worst meals that I've had in two years. I swear to God, I had this week. We had, right? Yeah, and I'm horribly embarrassed. He's saying that at the shows. And the audience was cracking up. They're like, we know our food

sucks. It was some most depressing shit ever. Wait, you think that's... At the restaurant at the hotel. And it should have been nice. You know what? Just like a motherfucker white man complaining about some bad food in Michigan. What about the water in Flint,

motherfucker? NIGGA! You tell about some bad food, bitch! Yeah, what's up with the water in Flint? What's up with the water in Flint? I'm with them. I'm with them and I'm on Twitter and my

pronouns are he, him. Free Joe Rogan! Free Joe Rogan! He's very serious. He's free. He's free. He's free. I'm already free. Just relax with that part.

Yeah. He's free. Just a lot of ads. I love it. So William. I'm free but there's a lot of ads. That deserved more shit. Yeah, that was great. So William, let's talk about it. Fresh off the weekend. What else is going on in life?

What was the fucking food, bitch? What? What kind of food? Everything sucked. I also had a bad flatbread, pepper and onion, sausage and pepper. We had more bad food.

At one point they told us they gave us the old come on down for breakfast thing and William's like, that sounds good. I'm excited about that. He was so excited about breakfast the night before. I'm like, sure dude. I'll wake up before 11 to fucking go

to the hotel lobby with you and we get down there and they fucked us on breakfast. There was no breakfast at all. It was literally order your own breakfast and pay for it. Yeah, you had to fucking pay for it. That wasn't what they basically told us

the fucking day before. It was so much bullshit. They tried to sell it. It was a fake breakfast that I don't care about. I have vast sums of Texas economical money. However, don't tell us there's breakfast if there's not breakfast.

I know I could come down to the restaurant and buy breakfast. That's what white people call a continental breakfast. You gotta pay for it but it's gonna be doughnuts and cheese. I am so confused. Hold on, hold on, hold on. But they want you to pay

for it. When you go to a hotel, it's William and then what happened? I don't pay for breakfast. I'm Tony fucking Hinchliffe. No, listen, listen, Joe, it gets better. Wait, wait, wait. You want me to come down for breakfast

and I come down for breakfast? Do you want money? What the fuck? That too, but it gets worse. What the fuck? Now it gets worse. William? I don't like whites. Are you waiting for me to say William

before you do something? I want a sausage biscuit for free, bitch. That's what they fucking said. I traveled to Wisconsin on Southwest. Wisconsin. Where the fuck is my food? I want free food. They're not all the same, Joe.

Would you A group or B group? They don't all look the same. Where's my Minnesota casserole? Whatever the fuck you're eating. Minnesota casserole? I want my Michigan fried eggs. Where's my free food, bitch? Oh, my God.

CNN was right about you. You know that? Listen, listen. They were mostly right. They were mostly right. They were mostly right. But let's be honest. Don't pretend you're 100% correct.

Thank God for that pillow. William, am I missing anything? What else? I remember it was just freezing cold. That first green room we were in, it was in a tiny concrete room. Yeah, I think it was just really describing a date. Why was that really frozen?

Is this guys we fought around? Yeah, this was really on a date. Can we hear riders on a storm while they describe this? We need a little bit of riders on the storm for this. Riders on the storm. There's only one way to slowly close out an episode like this. Riders on the storm. Just seven more minutes.

Red Band's going to have this. He's very good at that. He's a hero, man. He's a magician. Oh, shit, is that a thing? Like a dog without a boner. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What the fuck is this?

Like a dog without a boner. Red Band, just play the fucking song. Sing it, William. Sing it. What song is this? The Doors. Aw, man. Which is what everybody wants to head to right now.

Fuck that nigga. No, I'm kidding, I'm joking. We have the after party after this. Where is it? Where'd it go? Keep going. You could at least play, hold on, time out, cut, hold on, man. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Come on, come on.

Riders on the storm. Yeah, William, get it. Goddamn. Dog without a boner. Actor Adela. Riders on the storm. Okay. Riders on the storm.

Hell yeah. He only knows this one verse. Riders on the storm. Sing it. Look at that lady right there. Look at that lady. She's like, I'm not fucking buying this. At all.

Damn. Complete chaos. Did you guys have fun tonight? How about a hand for William Montgomery? Huh? The man, the myth, the legend. This guy's coming for everybody's job. The hilarious William Montgomery.

How loud can this place get for the best band in the land? The Kill Tony band, everybody. D-Madness. On the bass guitar. John Dees on the keys. And Michael Gonzalez on the drums. That's the official screwball.

Peanut butter whiskey. Kill Tony band. And come on. This is what it's all about. How loud can this place get for our amazing guests tonight? Brian Moses. Joe Rogan.

And Freddie motherfucking Gibbs, baby. Just another Monday in the comedy capital Austin, Texas, everyone. We love you. Another amazing drawing from Ryan J. E. Belts. Going to be available on his website.

We did it again to the live audience. Thank you all for coming out. The after party begins now. Have a good night. Thanks guys. We did it again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.