KILL TONY - #553 - JESSIE JOHNSON

Episode Date: April 16, 2022

Jessie Johnson, David Lucas, William Montgomery, Hans Kim, Matthew Muehling, John Deas, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jules Durel, Yoni, Joe White, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 03/16/2022–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:BOX OF AWESOME! – From style and grooming goods, tobarware, cooking tools, and outdoor gear, Box of Awesome hascollections for every part of your life. – Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign upat BOXOFAWESOME.COM and enter the code “KILLTONY” at checkout.—ZIPRECRUITER.COM – TRY IT FOR FREE AT ZIPRECRUITER.COM/KILLTONY—SKYLIGHTFRAME.COM – GET $10 OFF YOUR PURCHASE OF A SKY LIGHT FRAME BY USING THE PROMO CODE: “TONY” AT SKYLIGHTFRAME.COM

Hey this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony including video portions of the show and if you click on tour dates you can come see us live. Every Monday we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas but we're always on the road and we always have comedy shows also so go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is ShopSquad.tv. There you have the Kill Tony shirt, DeathSquad shirts, hats, everything at ShopSquad.tv. Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist. He draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to

RyanJEbelt.com and last but not least TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey this is Red Band Company live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up on TonyHinchCliff. Austin, Texas it's like two in the afternoon. Are you guys ready to have the greatest night of your lives? Yeah! Guys how about a big hand for Brian Red Band everybody who's here. We've been doing this together for almost nine years. Good morning. You're at the number one live podcast in the world Kill Tony brought to you by the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. Ladies and gentlemen how about a hand for this band that you were just listening to as you sit there lucky in the greatest city in

the world Austin, Texas. South by Southwest is happening so there's a bunch of people that flew in from other cities that are out here nerding around fucking dorking it up feeling important with their badges. I'm sick of it. I hate it. This is my first time seeing South by Southwest from the viewpoint of an Austin citizen and it is hell. It's the worst. These daytime shows were a bad idea. Everything's a bad idea. I regret everything. The sun is out. I see the sun peeking through the cracks of doors and holes in the walls that I didn't know existed at Valking Gas Company. It's like being in some weird like Indiana Jones style cave or something. You see that there's just literally holes. Guys that's Michael Gonzalez on the drums. It's the screwball

peanut butter whiskey Kill Tony band. The great Matt Mueling on guitar and that's our friend D Madness on the bass there. Some beautiful vocals. Beautiful vocals here tonight. We're also sponsored by the great W Hotel where now if you stay on a Sunday or Monday night you can use the promo code Kill Tony and get 25% off and Red Bull and White Claw and the yellow rose and the red rose. You guys ready to start tonight's episode? I know you are but before we do here's more about the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey y'all this spring revamp your daily routine with Bespoke Post and their new seasonal lineup of must have box of awesome collections. Bespoke Post partners with small businesses and emerging brands to bring you the

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digital frame that has pictures of me and my life and my new cars and guns and things like that I get to send her these pictures via my own email and it's super close nowadays staying in touch with those we love is more important than ever in the skylight digital photo frame makes it easy you can either email photos or upload them straight to the app anytime from anywhere red band you know about this yeah I think I think my mom's in the same boat as your mom like she doesn't know how to use her phone she doesn't know how to like computers scare her and you know this is a great way to feel close to the ones you love even when you're far away it sets up effortlessly in 60 seconds and you could even tell your mom like hey mom I want to send you something now and she can like

just do nothing just look at it and it appears it's magic to her she thinks that there's a little there's a magician in there or something and has a gorgeous 10 inch touch screen so her old eyes can see it you can swipe through the photos with your finger or my mom probably just uses a walking stick and even tap to thank the person who sent the photo there's also a hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed if you don't when your moms don't love that skylight you get a full refund wow preload it with your favorite photos for a special mother's day gift surprise them with photos they didn't even know you had you can tap the heart button and it will let the center know you love the photo this makes the frame interactive and fun to use my mom loves all the photos

because she's so lonely and now as a special holiday offer you can get ten dollars off your purchase of a skylight frame when you go to skylightframe.com and enter the code Tony that's right to get ten dollars off your purchase of a skylight frame just go to skylightframe.com and enter code Tony that's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E.com and use code Tony hey y'all the show's about to begin now's a good time to remind you the kill Tony is brought to you by freeze pipe smoking that good stuff doesn't have to hurt your lungs with freeze pipe you can get an ice cold hit every time here's how it works the pipe comes with a detachable chamber you freeze beforehand when you're ready to rip the smoke passes through the frozen part and cools down the smoke as you

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freeze pipe makes it so go to freezepipe.com and press in the code Tony to save 10% wow that took fucking forever worth it though because it's going to help pay for the hotel stay of tonight's amazing guest everybody uh ladies and gentlemen tonight's guest a uh a young woman who I truly believe in my heart not only one of the funniest characters in the history of Kill Tony former band member but truly I watched her set last night on a stand-up show and I truly believe this woman is on her way to being or possibly could already be literally the funniest female stand-up comedian in the world makes the noise for her she's a legend on this show it's Jesse Jetski Johnson everybody comedy store royalty current employee

former full-time Kill Tony band member this is the Jetski Jesse Johnson hi Jesse welcome back thanks for having me these last three days I literally went from the bucket to the band to a guest you did it all that is that is the trifecta here on um Kill Tony that's pretty not in three days yeah no good question Matt asked if yeah people who don't know me are gonna be like damn she worked up that ladder fast yeah exactly people think there's no equality for women meanwhile you don't you get hired you only want last one day at each job yeah just shattering that that's it absolutely you're doing everything that Hillary Clinton didn't Jetski you know the show well we're gonna have fun here we're gonna watch a bunch of comedians

I pulled names out of a bucket we watch them do 60 seconds or times up with a kitten wrap it up or was Hollywood bear and then I interview them and ask them questions and we talk about it we find out more about them we have a few regulars you guys ready to start tonight's show sweet we'll do it with a regular one of the best out there starting up tonight show with a brand new minute ladies and gentlemen the one and only Hans Kim hey what's up Texas good to be here in the freedom capital of the world um I'm a liberal I uh I believe in uh universal basic income I think everyone should get $1,000 every month because I think poor people

are disgusting and I want to exterminate them um I uh I'm a huge feminist I uh love ugly bitches I love fat bitches I love annoying bitches they're just all bitches to me um pretty big liberal um you think uh Mexican people before they come to America their friends are like oh you're going to America you know you can drink the shower water over there um it's tough being Asian you know every race can kill us you know white people can kill us black people can definitely kill us even sometimes Mexican people um you know that's why I'm not worried about mental illness you know I'm not worried about panic attacks I'm worried about Hispanic attacks I'm not worried about depression I'm worried about Deshaun's son

all right that's my time thank you the best clothes in the game laughs at himself and excitedly says thank you that's what I love it there you go just attacking poor people in Hispanics tonight huh and women oh yeah and women or as you call them bitches Hans how are you what's going on I'm doing pretty good south by southwest it's pretty fun I've been hanging out with a lot of couples yeah um okay third wheeling it up like a rickshaw over here is that what's going on yeah I'm carrying the relationship um socially enriching but sexually frustrating I uh I also um I'm a proficient slinger I'm really good at slinging

what are we talking about it's a little sling that I have right here um I use it to slay giants and destroy my enemies wait a second what the fuck is that what do you do with that this is like a little fling and I use it to um you know fling rocks really fast are you serious how do you do it um Hans is autistic for those of you that didn't know so he always has like little toys and gadgets oh shit are you loading that up what is that a mushroom it's a little paper towel it's just so that I don't want to hurt the audience but you really whoa holy shit this is like uh when his little helper got into indiana jones's bag or something like that you call him dr jones i indiana now wow wow wow how cool your life is

incredible you can do that anytime you want with little paper towels yeah wow I think we're finding out why you get to hang out with a lot of couples I'm not a threat you really aren't absolutely now is there a game or a sport to it or are you just like throwing rocks around I'm throwing rocks really hard at things and it just makes me feel like a man man really yeah wow that's what you okay what's the most dangerous thing that you've slung probably like a rock that's like that big yeah where would you where do you do that at I used to camp in the middle of the desert during the pandemic and I was just slinging rocks all over the place

I hope you do find the girl Han say you you just gotta get out there and shoot your slingshot yeah you ever skipping stones did it start off with that or I mean no I don't know I mean skipping stones is like uh you know not really the same thing but it's a whole other art red van come on yeah yeah plus you have to keep it dry like the women's pussies that are around you at all times from carrying a sling around Hans what else is going on what else have you been doing for fun when you're not out there slinging rocks literally living the life of a caveman um I am um what am I doing I'm playing basketball with the comedians um I'm a longboarding I longboarded here tonight

um I what do you mean oh this the type of skateboard yeah okay um where'd you longboard from from under the bridge where I parked from under the bridge where you parked down the street I-35 oh wow oh you parked under I-35 bridge yeah wow yeah are you gonna sing this or something I don't know what's happening here exactly but the band's just taking it and running with it we don't we don't have that much momentum so I don't want to be a song when I go outside singing my fucking rocks because I get no pussy I tried really hard but it's just couples why doesn't anyone want to suck my little cock Hans camp thank you and not easy to do a new minute every episode of this show especially

when we record three in one week ladies and gentlemen make some noise for him one more time that's Hans camp everybody that was impressive it was impressive he brought it together in the end he didn't really rhyme that well but the lyrics were funny he did try to rhyme couples with little cock there at the end for those of you that were paying attention I like to consider myself a bit of a lyricist since I've been in the writers field for over a decade anyway your next comedian first comedian out of the bucket tonight goes by the name of Rachel Oaks everyone we're gonna meet Rachel together all at once how cool is that here she is everybody clap your hands one more time Rachel this is amazing thank you so much for being here guys I absolutely love this my name

is Rachel I come from a big family I am one of seven sisters yes my mom gave birth seven times she's super mom and you know people like to talk about how difficult childbirth is on women but think about how hard it is on a baby's head have you guys ever seen a baby after it's just been born all cone shaped any new moms here any moms at all your your pussy is so strong to do that to a human skull is impressive I mean I'm sure I'm sure it took a beating but at one point your pussy said no and a human head said okay I didn't mean to have things in my hand when I did that or the microphone but I wanted to commit so anyway that's my time thanks guys okay Rachel Oaks absolutely there it is that was a minute hi Rachel welcome you were here you were on the show a

couple days ago Monday night there you go and how did it how did that go I liked it I had fun I got some good laughs I felt really frozen during the interview okay so it was totally different than tonight yes way different than tonight much better awesome uh where do you think you went wrong um I'm gonna tell you where I think I think it was the beginning okay I think you came out and you said hey I just want to thank y'all for being here but nobody is here to see you no no no and I I didn't mean to imply that I were I thank the people for being here okay you think I'm telling me and then you said I apologize I love this right yeah I love I love being here what do you what was your exact words uh I I just love that I get to be up here that I get to try yeah and you say that

but it takes all the excitement out you know what I mean and now everybody thinks you're nice you're human you know what I mean you can come out and just guns a blazing with your library and energy that you have this fucking come out and dominate uh you're so human Rachel uh so remind us what did I learn about you in the interview from Monday oh I totally uh I didn't give you anything to work with you have cats I do have a cat there you go how would you know that I mean there's there's just special there's just a special type of energy you could tell when somebody has a cat it's sort of like you know they they're a little bit you know a little bit a little bit rattier than a dog owner you know what I mean not to say that you're a ratty I'm talking about cat

owners how I how I identify a cat owner I feel like you might have some other small animal like a fish or something like that no just a cat just a cat how long have you had the cat for uh just a couple months okay new cat oh new cat you but you've had old cats too no no no just just my first cat wow yeah that seems interesting to me okay uh what's the uh what's the cat's name uh his name is don't hate me his name is cat what the what the fuck serial killer what's wrong with you we gave him a lot of names but me and my husband just call him cat oh okay husband yeah how long you've been married for uh I got married uh last year just a couple months same time I got the cat actually geez look at you making big moves oh yeah was it your right here pussy closes another one opens you know what I

mean was it your idea to get the cat or was it no no no no oh your husband yeah yeah because he wants you to shut up after every minute or so red be nice he's saying that the cat meowing with somehow stopped her from doing that came out wrong I see what you did I see what you know but your husband likes cats is uh yeah I mean we just uh wanted to hang out with another creature is pandemic so it's great that you're in a gay marriage that's so cool uh how did you know that I love it so it was his plan what does the husband do for work he's going to school to become a doctor oh what kind of doctor he doesn't know yet but you guys made a gynecologist joke last time gotcha and what do you do again uh I uh I'm traveling right now I'm helping my friend Amrelia

open up her uh not open up but we're just working on her sushi restaurant oh cool okay what do you do for the sushi restaurant uh I'm more of her business manager so I try to make sure she looks good you try to make what make sure she looks good I mean she already looks good but I just uh try to help out I've been working with her for a couple years now so um just okay it's not that interesting sorry I'll try better okay what else you want to know okie dokie uh talked about having you said you have seven sisters or I have seven sisters yep or six sisters any brothers one of seven a one brother yep right okay seven siblings yeah so your mom's pussy is wrecked indeed no doubt about it have you ever seen it as an adult nope no no sir I can't I can't talk about my mom

I wish I could hear jokes about it but I'll just let you say what you're going to and I'll block it out wow that makes it really depressing when you say that uh I love it did you know that I was born laughing is that true yeah my mother has a hilarious vagina I wrote that for her oh it's very very does have the tones of your voice in it okay Rachel I love it um so this where'd you meet your husband at I met him at a bar really you go to bars yeah wow what kind of bar was it was it trivia night or something like that apple bees yeah we were at the club you know uh what kind of bar was it regular bar backyard San Diego okay all right what part of San Diego uh mission beach Pacific

Beach I know exactly that area very well yeah I live there for five years wow yeah I love that okay very cool um and uh what was how'd you know well how'd you when you guys met when you met this guy when you two nerds fucking locked when you guys locked lenses uh what was his like opening line oh uh I uh I pointed to his shirt just like I did on Monday night and I flipped him on the nose wow and I've done it to a lot of people uh he is the only one that had a response he just pointed to a neon sign and gave me a little kiss on the cheek yeah wow rapy the fuck rapy wow I liked it I liked it no one had any response everybody gets pissed or they just

are really drunk right because it's an annoying thing to do to people yes yes I'm very annoying yeah I mean it's incredible meanwhile this guy's straight to kiss on the cheek your opening line was hey is something on your shirt dank and he goes what's that over there and you're so stupid you're like what and then he kisses you on the cheek and since you're a dork I'm guessing at that point you're just gushing everywhere because because a kiss on the cheek when you have a cat yeah right of course all right yeah yes the wedding bells were ringing in that moment once these nerds start pecking one another all right Rachel congratulations thank you I mean the set really lackluster how long you've been on stand up again since February

since February so that's perfect that's a rough minute but uh it happens did you get a joke book the other day a small one I did get a small joke book yesterday well then there you go appreciate it there you go Rachel looks everybody thank you Rachel sometimes people come up here they say they love it and then they get their medicine makes some noise for your next comedian this seems like a first time name to Wabi everybody or perhaps to wasi to Wabi here he is everybody makes some noise for to Wabi everyone oh Jesus uh so this is my first time in Texas uh my mom was was really nervous when I said I

was coming out here she was like but um what about the abortion thing and I just I told her mom we talked about this before um I'm keeping it okay um so the only other one I got uh so a pirate walks into a bar right he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants so he's got a pushback tables and you know moves shit around he walks up to the bar sits down the bartender goes uh uh my man is you know you got a uh got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants to which of course the pirate goes uh or and it's driving me nuts that's all I got thank y'all very much you guys fucking clap at that what kind of audience is here tonight exactly are you guys all right

four o'clock yeah what a hacky audience we have here appreciate you how's it how's it going one more time for to wobe to wobe everybody here he is the first time of to wobe looking like if ludacris was a public defender you're like reservoir doggy dog that's hard I never get to do that joke reservoir doggy dog I've been waiting for someone like you today was the day that I appreciated it I love it to wobe where you from I'm from Philly Philly born and raised on the playground is where you spent most of your days I've only been to bell era once but yeah yeah was it west philadelphia yeah god damn right uh absolutely so what brings you

to austin texas uh I make music I rap and produce on it I'm getting a little um little show out here so we've been trying to do this since I was a kid so we said let's hop the plane and go do this john go do what this john john is like a philly super noun to mean any person in place and or thing okay and what but what are you saying that you first you came over south by southwest or yeah I got a little I got a little show actually like down the street at tellers at eight really what are you doing on your show I'll rap sing produce uh yeah really yeah well you can we hear a little bit of your rap right now yeah all right sweet let's get a bug and tell these guys what you want they're geniuses they can literally in absolute seconds I want me to start all right here he is

making his uh musical killtoni debut this is to woe everybody uh one more time for to woe be one day y'all be popping like seals on bottles are active it's y'all rapping like the anthem real niggas is not gonna stand for this on the map let atlas is where go get your glasses is I used to bobbin had some water bottles for my classes I used to throw two at a roll bring a 10 back two years later pop them same drew pills or write 10 raps bitches from my college they so text them about callbacks because the parking can so mean you can't get your ass clad my bitch like bitches and I don't like your rats if they don't leave me in stitches niggas on their room sticks looking out for snitches and gold it's like some hairy body niggas playing

quidditch I don't want to hear it if you ain't never did it never been around it ain't that that experience bussard gang solicitors y'all need to put a tax okay a dollar from every product you might live off rent I mean unbelievable wow holy shit ones out of every 20 or 30 of those there's an actual somebody with any talent whatsoever and it boggles our minds the people that are here every week I'm looking at some of the regulars in the audience they're like holy shit he's doing it bless your heart man for hell yeah dude uh so how long you've been doing music for awesome sounds like they're telling you like okay absolutely uh both parents in your life growing yeah like separating the shit but around right okay cool uh you have a lot of siblings uh like

technically like three just people you grow up with like step settlements and stuff but I got like one real brother but I get the feeling you have a lot of cousins technically yes Tony you're not wrong you're not wrong what do you do for work how do you make money to woby uh lots of different ways I actually like screen print uh so I used to sell oh I used to make other artists merch I sell my own merch like screen print and make it I used to sell Adderall dead-end jobs wow you used to sell Adderall you opened with I do lots of different things Tony and the second thing you said was Adderall we got the Adderall real quick there I'd be real interested to know what other things you have I get the feeling that if you opened one side of your jacket we would know

oh fake Rolex is very good I got everything you know hell yeah I love it to woby what do you like to do for fun was uh guy like you so much charisma man smoke drink uh I really just do that and make music and fuck around man I really do like have any hobbies like daytime bullshit I mean honestly I love stand-up like I've been watching your show for like the past year and some change um one of my favorite jobs to turn on now uh I've been watching stand-up since a young bull and that's like yeah man that's one of my favorite calling it a jaunt jaunt J-A-W-M J-A-W-N a jaunt yeah kill Tony's a jaunt no yeah but you don't want to call like yourself a jaunt because you only call jaunts jaunts like bitches you call bitches jaunts dudes as bulls it's it's weird man bulls

bulls yeah this is all too much for me I just said I get it I get it I didn't know I didn't I didn't it's it's deprived from the word joint I didn't realize black people are turning into transgender people with all their fucking with all their different words and everything that's a bull over there is uh Zajon she be a jaunt would be proper vernacular am I correct wait say that one time she be a jaunt you just say like that jaunt over there or I could say she is a jaunt yeah that's a good jaunt you can do that too okay that's a bad jaunt but there is no he is a jaunt he's a bull oh yeah he is a bull what the fuck wow I didn't make it up you know is there an I am a jaunt I am yeah you can say that I could but like could I say that you can do whatever you want dog I

support you you got it okay okay you're our new uh ghetto linguistics expert uh our chief linguistics correspondent from the great city of Philadelphia I'll help out whenever I can man I love it are there any other uh words that us uh white people uh wouldn't know about from filly I feel like I brought like two big secrets today from the city so I feel like you know I gotta I gotta sprinkle it out not everything at once you know right not everything at once so you're literally gonna keep some slang words secret from us just if I ever come back I gotta toss another one in you know he's a salesman other than other than cracker are there any words that black people used to make fun of white people honky is my favorite one oh wow I do a new thing now where it's like honky

or or or a cuck I just like calling white people cuck now see I'm so glad I asked this question there's a second where everybody's like where is he going with this and then all of a sudden you fucking catch a good one we're out here finding out that uh black people are just calling us cucks for no reason whatsoever now you know holy shit I love it to wobe you're so charismatic uh you tried to stand up next time you know go for it man instead of trying like a street joke I your there's a lot of amazing personality and definitely a natural entertainer down there talk about like real shit I think now that you've done it once you'll know like oh maybe I could do that maybe I could you know what I mean something and you'll mix it in with whatever amazing art you're doing

you don't want to show apm where at tellers man there you go so if you're bored at apm go see to wobe at tellers there you go there goes to wobe I'm going to give you a big joke book my friend from the great bones eye that's handmade leather absolutely there you go definitely seems like a nice guy those cornrows are the radius though I don't think I've ever really seen we need to get him some weave or something it's the only man I've ever ever wanted to buy weave for the black people are laughing at that that means you should all be laughing your next comedian goes by the name of Nat Rogachevsky everybody y'all having fun out there tonight huh here he is everybody one more time for Nat Rogachevsky

what's up how's it going everybody uh I just moved to Austin I recently saw an ad calling for volunteer meter maids that's true we're calling for because there's nothing worse than a professional snitch it's the hoe that does it for free god damn dude what's that fucking first date look like you're like yeah actually volunteer on the weekends oh no kidding like a soup kitchen yeah sort of yeah on Saturdays I volunteer as a meter maid on Sundays I break into people's houses and I hide their remote controls so that's good I got myself a little girlfriend uh it's got its downsides you can't really brag about sex when you have a girlfriend because when you're single you can be like oh you know that cute little Latino girl from the other night I took her home

but you can't be like hey man uh you remember Lisa I fucked her last night yeah it's pretty good but then you get the bragging rights back when you get married because everyone knows how tough that is you tell your buddy you fuck your wife he's like whoa you've been working on that for a while nice man all right thanks nat roger chevsky hi nat you've been on the show before right yes hello what have we done with you before what are some highlights what do we know about you oh we talked about heroin a lot you that's right you're a recovering heroin addict we talked a lot about yeah you love heroin yeah it really is your favorite thing and how long has it been since you've done it uh almost five years almost five years there you go there you go now you uh how

long have you done stand up uh it'll be a year or just turn to year okay all right okay so a year how do you like it that's the best thing ever yeah yeah what else do you do for fun nat uh I eat a lot what do you like to eat nat uh pussy no I like uh what do you really like to eat nat pussy dude no I uh I think I think you're mispronouncing pizza right now uh it's pretty good pizza man it's pizza yeah I I like some of that good old pepperoni pussy you know what I mean honey I love pizza you do don't you I love pizza you are you're a big special boy aren't you yeah yesterday was my birthday really happy birthday oh yeah how old are you I turned 30 turned what 30 red pan thinks you're a pig by the way which I mean really I mean this should be

this is bottom nat right right that's the pot calling the kettle fat that's what that is it is it is the pot calling the kettle corn yeah that's where it's like a writer's room in here right now all right uh so nat rogachevsky you're 30 yeah you said absolutely okay I see I see how the heroin added a little bit to that how long were you on heroin before uh like five also five years five years of heroin use holy shit wow uh what are some uh what are some lows or highs or whatever that we didn't talk about so I'll tell you so this was one time when we were really desperate my me and my buddy tried to stick up this meat truck yeah I think we're past the statue limitation but my buddy used to

my my buddy used to drive for this company that delivered meats and I guess it was a cash business so I was supposed to drive the car and he was going to stick up this meat truck driver and he wrapped a t-shirt around his head like a balaclava and he ran away and I was like so nervous it was like so high octane and he just ran back with no money no gun covered in blood and I was like did you get the stuff and he was like no he kicked the shit out of me and took the gun and I was like that sucks now we can't get heroin that's that's fucking blows what he was covered in the the the blood of meat of himself so I guess he tried to put the gun in into the driver's seat and the guy takes the gun down and then just punched him in the face really

hard and then did that a bunch more times he stepped down beat my friend up pretty bad wow that's pretty awesome fuck I was so sick that day it was horrible because you couldn't get your heroin yeah I was experiencing heroin withdrawals yeah that was a hair loss yeah yeah what's it uh what's in my my hair is thinning I wish it was my body anyway Nat yeah a little a little cheese ball here yeah that's true has anyone ever told you remind them of a human guinea pig oh you're like so like you're like you have like cute cheeks but but a but a big smile too I look like bucky yeah that's what up I knew that's dammit you know exactly what you look like Nat oh there he is

right there for those of you wondering yeah I'm selling merch Nat Rogacevsky all right Nat well what else anything else that has happened in your life since the last time you were on Kill Tony that you want to tell us yeah I got a puppy yeah a puppy I got a I got a three month old dog his name is Norm McDonald oh look at that wow that's awesome so it's the best it was pretty odd my dad was visiting for my birthday and uh my dad was like you know and like old men they'd be on the couch and those would be kind of falling asleep but trying to still hang out and like stay in the game and my dog was running around my dad hadn't spoke for like half an hour and they just pointed my dog and he goes ha hairy butt and then fell back

asleep it was awesome wow holy shit your dad's on heroin too yeah how exciting that's sweet well Nat fun stuff yeah congratulations you got pulled out Nat Rogacevsky everybody there he goes you know what let's do something fun here ladies and gentlemen your next comedian a regular on Kill Tony he is in town from Los Angeles California when he comes to town he just smashes everywhere he goes one of the great comedians in the world everybody and one of the great roasters as well make some noise for my friend with a brand new minute it's David Lucas everybody you guys should be very excited about this David Lucas is here everyone this is really him this

is the guy right there that's what he looks like yeah I've been drinking a lot of whiskey lately because I've been hanging out with white people like Rogan and Brendan Shaw and whiskey helps me understand how people be gay because I was drinking whiskey last night and my dick was so hard I didn't give a fuck who was in my hotel room right it's like nigga your hair too long you're getting fucked but like I understand like gay men but the people I don't understand are lesbians like I don't I do not understand lesbians like I think lesbians and vegans are the same shit

they both trying to find replacement for real me but what I don't understand about lesbians is that lesbians say they don't like men but they go and get a girl that looks just like me that's the weirdest shit it's like bitch what kind of voodoo is this I do be fucking a lot of gay bitches though man I really do because I got the best of both worlds I got titties and dick you know what I'm saying bitch this strap on don't come off all right thank y'all man the great David Lucas everybody with a brand new minute yeah we all cheer absolutely right I agree with you when I drink whiskey it

makes me want to be gay too I probably make you want to be straight you know you be soberly gay you know what I'm saying how many sleeping bags did you have to stitch together to make a jacket like that exactly that thing looks fireproof that thing is hideous look at that thick mask so nice of you to wear the diabetes quilt here today your boyfriend must be a bad boy you got your hat turned to the back today what the fuck going on your new boyfriend must drive a motorcycle your ass your ass out here acting manish niggas oh my god yeah well they can totally try to be a little bad boy I mean fucking be rabid

mom spaghetti strong palms are sweaty booty cheeks clenched I can't take another inch Jesus Christ the fucking seven punch combo was that absolutely incredible especially with a haircut like that I mean that is one of my favorite art pieces from Beetlejuice without a doubt I love that that you that you have the uh you have a pile of tarantulas on your fucking head totally you got a lesbian cowlick on your head what are you talking about you look like you've run the jewels walked everywhere

and Tony you look like a fourth grade bully wow I actually do like to bully fourth grade Tony smokes with cigarettes that's what the kids at school say I got you I got you did you go to a private school or uh for a few years yeah yeah it was all right uh-huh you prefer private or public public brother bitches batter okay yeah when you say batter you mean like cake hell yeah you used to want to go to a high school where y'all dress down for PE so you have locker time okay I don't know why you have to say it like that

we're not doing anything naughty near the locker as soon as y'all start stretching for PE Tony be like anybody want to hit the showers shower like we didn't even did shit who want to shower I can't wait to get in the showers and you can't get out of the shower tight squeeze in there Tony you if you if you drop the soap you just try to pick it up with your toes Tony you so skinny you could probably shower with a spray bottle what do I put in a spray bottle I say you so skinny you could probably shower with a spray bottle oh my god the same spray bottle that you spray butter on all of your dishes some of that fucking Jesus Christ we are here absolutely it's how I always bring out the

beast and everybody I guess so yeah we found out last episode that you got sick at the airport you drank too much I heard last night you got sick again this is true we're finding out you might have a stomach bug you cut me off there you knew where I was going stomach bug yeah okay that's one way to put it whatever bug is running in that stomach is a bug's life dude that's funny that thing I can't even imagine so what happened last night you got sick again tell us about it I weren't really sick last night I was more so tired right that's what people say right before they die unexpectedly I was tired I was tired though okay black people tired did you puke no you just felt sick yeah is there anything you don't always gotta throw up when you feel sick you always have to

throw up when you feel sick all right well yeah I was good what is that some other venue having more fun than us right well I thought I had big cocaine for a minute I thought that was my heart pounding what what is there it is now that's a heartbeat that's red band that is red band uh what are you vaping what flavor vape is that uh set of calories this is actually uh fried chicken and mac and cheese no it's not I set you up bro you're gonna go oh okay that's good that's good I would have believed you too though it just goes to show that I really believe that you would gotta uh vape you got latex flavor why would I want the flavor of latex in my mouth nobody uses a condom during a blow job David

now I do have a latex flavored one that I use I already know right I inhale with my butthole and I blow this smoke out of my bow Tony the only person that by his veins from Trojan oh shit all right how much longer you in town for to Friday I gotta fly uh I gotta I'm headline at the live factor San Diego okay yeah very good yeah and what night are you at the fondue factory hey I didn't find you in a minute bro that's a date night I gotta find me a little bitch fondue fondue with the chocolate and strawberries right fondue could be cheese or it can be chocolate oh yeah we're going we're going to go with our senior obesity correspondent here Brian red band depends there's dessert fondue and so fondue is the machine

fondue is just melted cheese and you're dipping shit into it but then dessert fondue is chocolate so you gotta can anybody confirm this does anybody have any culinary learnings over here no oh this guy red bands usually wrong about everything that he said hey buddy in the pink shirt said he know they're saying I'm right here all right he's bad it's good it's melted cheese yeah so what's the chocolate fountain called right but it's basically the art of melting shit on other shit yeah okay relax not all of us are fucking line cooks at applebees bro sorry double this asshole over here yeah you better find don't ask me about this again stupid David you're an absolute icon I mean you

you know you come here you smash and then you smash smash smash we love you the great David Lucas everybody follow him on instagram twitter go see him live all around the country he's headlining he's opening for everybody me rogan shaw fucking louis ck he's been opening for all around the country uh you know what you guys want another special treat back to back should we do that right now all right in the history of the show we've traveled all around the world and only eight or nine people ever have won a golden ticket which means that the person set an interview are so special that they get to do the show anytime they want for the rest of their lives in any city at any location this man is escaping Canada to be here it's the great Jared Nathan everybody with a brand

new minute here on kill sony people ask me if I can drive a car look at me nobody in their right mind would you give me a license I can't even drive a screw yeah okay 50 there you go 50 seconds from Jared Nathan absolutely adorable how cute are you so

this is true if you've never driven anything before no I can't do it no not at all bicycle how about a bicycle three-wheeler three-wheeler okay that's that's a cooler word than tricycle I get it I've been out three-wheeler with the boys you know what I mean it's a trike man yeah the old three-wheeled rocket huh I sort of know how it is uh I love it so uh three wheels what else you have a roller blade I actually used to roll but yes really I used to love rolling yes okay what happened what happened to your love for I had to have neck surgery so oh no why'd you have neck surgery there's you tried to suck your own dick I don't want to go like C4 and C5 okay I don't want to get sat on this shit but yeah yeah I had to get surgery absolutely all right yeah it's

some bad vertebrae but you don't know not from a particular injury or anything like that I used to play hockey as a goal goalie yeah exactly yeah I know what position starts with the G yeah 100 percent yeah you were a goalie I want the goalie and hockey hell yeah it's out of were you the start were you the starting goalie or the backup goalie a little bit of there's always two goalies on a team and we took turns right but yeah oh okay so you would take turns yeah and is this like a special league or are you just uh competing against hold on let me let me finish Jared let me finish the question when I ask you a question yeah it's not going to work now but I'm gonna try it again anyway is is this like a league with uh you know special people red bands stop it

stop doing the seal sound effect all right is it is it a league with special people or is it just a league with uh like normal healthy out oh but again you didn't let me finish the question Jared sometimes I forget you're a little bit retarded uh it's okay we're gonna get through this um all right you know what I'm gonna skip it actually I can't possibly national special hockey international special hockey international yes hell yeah team over the world so you're on a special hockey international team or as I call it a shit so stupid it's not don't do it no don't do it everybody shut up red band edit that out um okay so uh would people just ball all over you in hockey like were you good

yeah I was helping absolutely I believe you Jared you're goddamn right um okay would you skate ice skate yeah it's all ice skate yes okay could you can you ice skate backwards I can holy shit wow and cross opens and what oh okay all right absolutely yeah would you think about the rapper that was here earlier did you like his style yeah amazing yeah all right good what else is going on with it funny story okay for you okay I can't call 911 oh it is you can't call 911 they think I'm can't call with them right true story yeah no I believe that why did you why did you for what reason did you call 911 in the first place so our homer's got in Toronto to take a shit are you serious wow

yep of America Jared calling red band too slow is like when red band played the pig sound effect for the fat guy I think you might be the one that's too slow no I'm kidding Jared's a good friend of mine last night we played a game last night we played a game that brought him so much joy I had a friend in town Nick Kecker is the waiter from the comedy store that's lived in Oklahoma for a year he took a year off of doing stand-up comedy and he asked or actually his friend punky Johnson asked if he could do a five-minute guest spot on my

show and he's drunk so he's drunk and he hasn't done it in a year and I go sure he could do a spot on my show we're gonna play a game called are you funny or then a retard and so I gave him a five-minute I told the audience that they're gonna decide it's the first ever are you funnier than a retard look how excited Jared is over here look how much joy I bring this man sure enough I bring out Nick Kakaris he does five minutes he actually did better than I much better than I thought he was gonna do and then of course Jared comes up and when I walked offstage when I brought the first guy up Jared was literally

jumping up and down the opportunity to smash always right and then sure enough of course you come up you fucking crush retard strength and and you went out with a big victory it is what you do Jared we absolutely love you here you're in town for a little while longer right yep all right then we'll see him around Jared Nathan everybody let's get back to this bucket let's get back to the bucket all right ladies and gentlemen this young lady we've seen her before she works here at Vulcan Gas Company this is another young lady that's been opening for Joe Rogan and doing shows here and everywhere make some noise for Genevieve

everyone the great Genevieve is back yeah what up though yeah make some noise if you're religious exactly I know if y'all know this about black folks but it's a compliment on the holidays when they say you put your foot in something I know you look like what the fuck yes it's like who made these greens will you put your foot in these greens who made the macaroni of cheese will you put your foot in the macaroni of cheese well that got me to thinking you know God make Jesus through Mary without sex save your humanity God put his foot in that pussy you know praise them so the other day I

went to masturbate but I was reluctant due to some Christian hang-ups from my childhood push through and went to watch porn on my phone and my battery was on 69% I was like God wants me to come I don't know why but lately my YouTube algorithm been showing me flamingo dancing thank you was there more than we're gonna try something new okay all right the great Genevieve Genevieve absolutely always smashing Genevieve is a beast one of the real players around here at Vulcan gas company out here working all the time how's life going Genevieve man we coordinated today man I got my grip nation on you know without

fool okay I have no idea what you just said all right very good 100% pretty sure that was shout-outs to Jesus Almighty or something like that I agree Genevieve welcome back you have a very cool fanny pack on yeah man Joe Rogan hit me with this fanny pack I was scared as fuck cuz I thought I broke it one day but then I zipped it up and it healed itself that's that's what everything that Rogan is connected with that's how it operates did he give that to you before or after the compilation video of him saying the Edward came up some really curious if you just went around giving it to all the black employees around here yeah I he's

been telling me he's gonna give me one of these fanny packs for over a decade I swear to God meanwhile Genevieve not to brag but he actually gave me two I was too fat to fit the first one whoa yeah that's gotta be the truth no one would ever lie about that damn too much fanny for that fanny pack huh so you really did he got you a second bigger one yeah that's the bigger one you know I'm saying holds all of my philanthropy that code for weed and think it's a bunch of undercover cops from the audience tonight I love it Genevieve what's been going on in your in your life tell us about it man working at the

hottest comedy club in the fucking nation right now no doubt about that never played sports before I did I sucked you know I've made a very disappointed I can't play basketball I'm sorry I know y'all looking like damn yeah I didn't do it but I never been a part of a team like this before man is it's dope and sports very cool I see what I see what you're saying absolutely so you're working a lot here how about for fun what do you like to do for fun anything interesting or cool or something that relaxes you or brings you joy I need to figure that shit out yeah maybe that would help a little bit you know what I

mean I need to really figure that shit out nobody will go racket balling with me you know what I mean oh you racket ball wow I thought the only time your people made racket was during a movie black people are laughing they're laughing I think only one of them's laughing actually I'm sorry sir I'm getting chicken all right do you really have a racket I don't have one I was back in Michigan okay all right Genevieve and we know that you have a white boyfriend who works here as well we've talked with him before Monford these are you've been coming wait not Monford oh shit it's not that funny

red band what's his name again Marcus Marcus Marcus works with Monford it's really not that fun there's alcoholics that work here that are laughing way too hard at that how's your relationship it's pretty good we hear man we got a dream and we just dreaming together no one are making it work absolutely he won't play racket ball with you he won't play racket ball yeah he he plays FIFA oh wow damn you said that like it was a racial incredible all right Genevieve I mean what else what else about your life what do we not know about you what's a fun fact that we haven't talked about Genevieve

has been on this show a few times before so I once cleaned a toilet for a pretty cool celebrity once oh really what celebrity dr. Joy whoa shit it was crazy I was working in my aunt's salon and my uncle does security and you know you know the scary toilet to clean by the way it's red everywhere because of all the beats and everything he drops is hot hey is that you so funny no D madness you're not leaving you stop it he's reaching for his cane he wants to get out of here he doesn't he doesn't like

our dr. tray toilet jokes every time he goes back to the toilet he's like guess who's back his shits are probably really healthy though he is a doctor yeah no it's true you know man he's just trying to enjoy himself you know nowadays everybody want to talk so yeah you had a lot of trouble on his he was constipated for a while you know why all the M&Ms we're just gonna do a tray toilet jokes for about an hour and a half here and we're gonna let you guys go but we're gonna we block the doors just to let you know those bags that we put your phone in are permanent locked so there actually is no unlock they

lied to you there's no way to break into those bags and we're just gonna do a few more a tray toilet jokes jet ski yeah you have anything in the chamber for us yeah do you think when I like it's really hard and he's pushing he's like I need a dog yeah would you like to do it would you like to do another joke well you know what since I wasn't going to but since you asked I guess I will what actually no I won't was there anything interesting about dr. J's toilet where was this oh man it was at my ass line you know through some fabuloso in there you know I'm saying I feel like everything came out okay did my job you

know what I'm saying yeah exactly yeah all right well Genevieve fun times we got another interview with you we had another amazing set you're out here killing all the time how about a hand for Genevieve everybody follower on social media at see Genevieve all one word should we go to this bucket one more time you think huh these 4 p.m. shows are weird as fuck dude all these fucking bottles of sparkling water everywhere and shit this was a bad idea Nick but we learn now we know all right your final bucket sign up of the night goes by the name of Brad Thornton Brad Thornton here he comes come on make some

noise for Brad Thornton everybody how's everybody doing my name is Brad and being named Brad's kind of like being an off-brand Chad go to a restaurant you're like yeah I'll have a I'll have a Chad like oh we're all out we only have Brad in that case I'll have a Kevin been working on a couple characters in anticipation of the show been doing it for I don't know a couple months now the first one it's called promiscuous promiscuous Dracula I want to fuck your blood been working on another character for a few months now in anticipation of this

show and saw I call it Samurai Scooby-Doo a rothro raggy could you imagine all the damage that al-Qaeda could do if they hacked into the Roombas of America just think about it thank you okay there's a minute of whatever that was from Brad Thornton holy shit dude fuck yeah you look like you were gonna be a lot funnier than that you look sort of like starry but nope not at all just just all you can't judge a book by its cover yeah I really like your energy but I didn't your jokes I didn't like yeah yeah you have a good delivery my first time Tony oh wow your first time ever doing stand-up all very

cool congratulations give him a hand everybody it takes a lot of courage and it also takes a preparation and execution of jokes as well I did try I know it didn't land but I need how old are you Brad I'm 27 27 you live here in Austin nope I'm actually here visiting my good friend Peter over there no one asked you about that where do you live I live in Montana Montana hell yeah but that bit that shit kills in Montana yeah damn it's funny shit I ever saw my fucking life buddy I mean I've literally never seen anything else but that was the best what you said I want to suck your blood yeah when you did that

promiscuous drag you know I was like oh there's some high-level shit God damn you're like Montana Seinfeld all right Brad what do you do for work I work in sales now I used to be an EMT and a ski patroller and any skiers okay a ski that for a few years patroller what does that do exactly you're an EMT on a ski hill so if anybody hurts themselves and we do avalanche work and controlling that that's cool why don't you do that anymore I just doesn't pay very well it doesn't pay well but sales does better what are you selling I work for a professional services firm so we sell information basically we're supposed to

not like you wow I can't believe you guys are doing this now and not during his it's incredible hell yeah and what made you want to start stand-up comedy here today watching this show I've been a big fan for a couple years now and through the pandemic and I got an opportunity to come to Austin and I figured what was the opportunity to come to Austin I have a week off of work so okay very cool when did you get here I got here on Monday on Monday and when do you leave I live on Saturday okay and what are you doing for fun what else do you have planned during your trip here in Austin mostly eating I went to Franklin's

barbecue nice waited in line it was unbelievable best barbecue I've ever had red bands getting hungry yeah that's a good one red bands heart is a rock right now just this is throbbing cock down here I can just see his heart beat inside of it Franklin's a barbecue has been called on the field I love it Brad what's your love life like I'm a single man you're a single man just out there slaying fucking all that Montana put out there those giant bushes of pups everywhere nobody shaves in Montana am I correct you are correct yeah absolutely very correct hair everywhere around underneath so much hair so much

hair do you have a like a friend with benefits or a girlfriend or someone that you hook up with sometimes when's the last time you had a sexual relations or perhaps there's there's a boy perhaps no I'm straight a couple weeks ago I think just out of the bar just friend you think yeah I don't know yeah you think did you actually did you accidentally drink her drink what happened here how do you not remember if you had sex with a girl I know it was actually a co-worker it was a co-worker yeah okay hell yeah you sold her information huh interesting okay and was it awkward the next day at work after you guys banged it

out it seems like you would be like a goofy co-worker to have sex with seems like she would like not want people to know about that she'll start up her VPN every time you'll text he's like do you want this love my dick yeah I love it do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you do anything that you take pride in that you think works any like any tricks with your fingers or mouth or anything really at all impressions no I honestly yeah just the characters I'm working on no not at all I don't know right I don't have any

special moves is anything funny ever happened to you during your entire sex life anything funny yeah you ever fart while having sex I think I have probably again you know this is a yes that or you don't remember having sex ever yeah I have sex drunk a lot okay I always remember it all right what else about you have any special skills or talents at all in life I play music really what kind of music do you play bluegrass country music sing wow what instruments guitar and sing you play guitar and sing I do yeah really I do how long you've been doing this for I've been playing guitar for most of my life I was a

bassist growing up and recently just started singing a couple years ago you guys think we should have Brad play a little fucking riff on Matt's guitar here the great Matt Mueling nice enough to share his instrument with what appears to be the world's worst undercover police officer Brad Thornton here yeah Matt says that he's sensing guitar player energy from Brad the way Brad just looked in his eyes and thanked him I think it might be true that's might be very interesting folks doing you're gonna sing us a little something you're gonna play and sing us a little just a little little little sample sure yeah

all right well here with this bluegrass style making his kill Tony debut and his first night ever doing stand-up comedy this is a little diddly from Brad Thornton well figure out by me motorcycle wrap a pretty little frame around a telephone pole gonna drive off a man like a old R low well figure out by me motorcycle well figure I go to the liquor store Thunderbird two bottles three maybe four gone from my feet down music row poured on the pavement like you would a tombstone like you would a tombstone like you would a tombstone poured on the pavement like you would a tombstone hell yeah Brad Thornton everybody yep yeah yeah that's

cool that was great that's hell yeah you could tell by the way he plays this guy gets all the asshole all right all right Brad congratulations fun times welcome to the show thanks for coming up here it's good to very fun to watch people pop their cherries up here and since it's your first time even though you know what yeah you're getting a small one there he goes Brad Thornton welcome to stand-up comedy fill it up with good jokes congratulations thank you Tony all right from a guy who it's his first time ever we're gonna switch it here and go to the guy that has literally done the most ever brand new minutes anyone's ever

done in the history of the show he holds every single record for everything ever he's a wild man now opening for Rogan and me and everyone really headlining his own shows selling out all around the country it's the big red machine William Montgomery everybody so I have a character I'm working on he is the Samurai Scooby-Doo you know with global warming they're saying in ten years no more freeze tag I don't know who's fucking running this place but it's fucking freezing again hey red band you're out here adopting highways when there's plenty of children

to adopt he and Janice can't have kids that's why that one's oh man I thought that was gonna go so much better that was a disaster attacking red band during the minute that ended up really bad I don't know how I'm gonna follow kind of hard to tell y'all but I think I've got a gambling problem I recently went to a county fair and bet on the petting zoo that's all oh my god it's been a very long three days William Montgomery without a doubt another brand new minute making it look easy cold-blooded calculated coming out dressed like he's his own stepfather I mean what did you did they just let you out of prison this

morning or something like what happened how does this happen well it's been a it's been a really long three days have you not gone have you not gone home during the three days I have shorts look pretty fucking familiar William you know during the pandemic there was a period of time when William was wearing the same pair of shorts for a few episodes in a row and we asked him we go William what's up with those shorts and he goes they're my only pair of shorts or whatever he said you know it was my only pair yeah and so we had people send in shorts sure enough it was a massive mistake literally hundreds of

people sent in shorts to the comedy store address I literally for the first time in 15 years I got like in trouble they're like Tony you can never do this again there was boxes of shorts you should have seen my bedroom it was just only shorts everywhere they the fans sent so many pairs of shorts but now I keep noticing this exact pair of shorts keeps popping up I like this one Tony I'm wondering if we're falling into some old habits here what is it about this pair of shorts that you love so much just how it feels I will sleep in them at night I get in them after I get out of the shower I've I actually made a new

kind of stew I'm calling it it's I discovered if you put like four or five hot dogs and just some chicken broth no not chicken broths just beef raviolis you're making a stew in those shorts I guarantee it was that like a do-do joke something like that so you're taking beef ravioli it was behind me this is the first ever ghost sighting in Kiltoni history whatever just happened yeah it was behind me William and then Tony look what I was doing I was just stepping oh I thought perhaps you felt a spirit or something like that no not in here I'm looking out at this fucking bag of bones crowd I really was

thinking after that fucking red band joke it would go a lot better but I'm looking out at this bag of bones crowd I don't even fucking it's like we got a bunch of bag of bones in here I mean literally that was my fucking worst fucking set what the fuck are you pointing at you dumbass look at that bag of bones look at that bag of bones stand up dumbass stand up dumbass yeah look at that bag of bones look at that fucking bag of bones pointing at your fucking watch like that what the fuck are you doing man I've had a long three fucking days what do you want to do to that guy William I want to fucking meet

him in the bathroom I want to meet him in the stall very sweetly caresses back turn him around whoa maybe give him a little kiss it's so weird you actually just reached out to me right there I saw you from the moment you walked in here I literally have been watching you since you fucking walked in here it's so weird you just try to reach out to me like that what does that fucking mean this guy makes three of us the fuck up right mr. 99 cent Bob mr. 99 cent bag of bones yeah yeah yeah you bag of bones Bob's like a fucking bag of bones do y'all see this guy believe William had a stroke a minute and a half ago just keep saying

bag of bones I go bones William you do anything fancy with your unregistered guns I actually found them in the truck of my car last night I I did go hunting a little bit for homeless people I go hunting for homeless people sometimes I managed to trip one up in an alleyway I got these new things I throw at their legs it's like the string with these two balls on the end I tripped his ass up in the fucking alleyway got the fucking night stick out started beating his fucking ass with the night stick you should have seen his dumb ass on the ground tell us that you should have seen his dumb ass bleeding on the ground he couldn't fucking

go anywhere he had the shit tied around his fucking legs I had my fucking night stick at him he wouldn't go in anywhere he literally he wasn't going anywhere he wasn't going anywhere I love some of the fear in the eyes of some of the new people that I haven't never seen in the audience before I mean it was literally like what the fuck are where are we right he was fucking tied up where did you get this string with balls on it William a target they saw him at target you got it a target yeah yeah it's incredible absolutely incredible you're such a you're such an unbelievable talent William are those sunglasses in your

pocket yeah oh wow didn't realize that uh do you want to see him on yeah do you want to see him on I was wearing these fucking things when I was in the guy it's kind of hard to see at night though I shouldn't have been wearing them it's I'm in the concrete a bunch of man the fucking it's like when you hit a hit a baseball wrong with a bat just shakes weird in your hand that fucking happens a bunch when you're hitting the concrete pound in the concrete just pound in the concrete when you killed this guy hmm he was still breathing a little when I left a little

alright when I slowly fucking walked off he's still breathing a little bit what made what made you stop before uh real before confirming yeah I think he's like breathing a little I was I walked off pretty slow it's kind of easy to hear um but yeah he was breathing a little and I'm just gonna slowly walk it off and wondering if he's still I think William just poop my eyes are shut in the behind yeah a little I just took a little stick whoa that was crazy no I'm kidding William's so much fun he's an insane man everybody follow him on social media it's William I'm right catch him on tour is all over the world

the drawing from Ryan Jay E belt is in this episode with solo guests how long can this place get for the great Jetski Johnson everybody follow her at Jetski Johnson on the social media she's at the comedy store she is a current reigning employee of the comedy store a very very high power position that the likes of David Letterman and Jim Carrey and a lot of the best of all time Tony Hinchcliffe a lot of a lot of the greats how about a hand for the band everybody the screwball peanut butter whiskey kill Tony ban Michael Gonzalez on the drums Matt Mueling on guitar and the great D

madness on the base the lovely Avery and Bishop are in the corner over there with a little bit of exclusive kill Tony merch for sale here today different shapes and sizes a very very limited edition merchandise so if you want to swing by that on your way out and that's it thanks so much for coming out everybody we tonight everybody thank you you you