KILL TONY - #577 - DUNCAN TRUSSELL

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Duncan Trussell, William Montgomery, David Lucas, Hans Kim, Matthew Muehling, John Deas, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jules Durel, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 09/19/2022–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:LIQUID-IV.COM – GET 25% OFF ANY ORDER WITH PROMO CODE: “TONY” AT: LIQUID-IV.COM

Hey, this is Red Band and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live. Every Monday we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas, but we're always on the road and we always have comedy shows also. So go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is shopsquad.tv.

There you have the Kill Tony shirt, DeathSquad shirts, hats, everything at shopsquad.tv. Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist. He draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, TonyHinchCliff.com for everything, Golden Pony. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Ryan Bank, coming live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony, get it up for Tony H.Cliff. You guys ready to have the best goddamn motherfucking night of your lives or what? Make some noise for Red Band, everybody. Hey! Welcome to Kill Tony, brought to you by the Red Rose and the Yellow Rose. The two best goddamn strip clubs on planet Earth happen to be here in Austin, Texas. And how about a hand for the band, huh?

Is that incredible or what? That's the screwball peanut butter whiskey presents Kill Tony band. That's the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, Paul Deemer on the horns, Matt Mueling on the electric guitar, and that's our good friend Dee Madness here on the bass. Kill Tony, brought to you by Deep Eddie Vodka, another Austin company, absolutely killing it, our favorite Vodka on planet Earth. And the Hotel Van Sam, where now you can save 30% by using the promo code Kill Tony on a Sunday or Monday night if you come and visit.

How many of you are visiting from another place? That's what's happening here. People said, why would you move the show to Austin? You're going to lose all the tourism that you got in Los Angeles and hey, the tourism follows us, right? Isn't that exciting? Who would have possibly ever would have guessed that people will fly into a live show that they enjoy?

Absolutely incredible. So the Hotel Van Sam is where you can stay. Here's a few more of the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey, y'all. You might not know this, but when I'm not being the host of the number one live podcast in the world, what I've been doing for the last 16 years is being a professional stand-up comedian.

And I'm excited to say that I'm back out on tour again, October 11th and 12th, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, October 14th and 15th. I am in Boston, Massachusetts, November 4th and 5th, New York, New York, December 9th and 10th. I'll be performing in Arlington, Texas, January 13th and 14th of 2023. I'm in Dallas, Texas and February 9th and 10th of 2023. I'm in Houston, Texas. Tickets available at TonyHinchCliff.com.

All these shows sell out, so don't be a doofus. Go to the website now. Get tickets while you still can. You know, a lot of people have asked me about the big move to Texas. Am I happy with it? Am I thrilled about it? The answer, of course, is yes. You know, California on fire, absolutely silly tax situation over there.

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TONY at liquidIV.com. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? You guys are going to have to do better than that Austin, Texas. So you ready to start the number one live podcast in the motherfucking world right now? One guest tonight because it's more than enough. He is truly, when I got to the comedy store in 2007, this guy was my first ever favorite fucking comedian. I saw him and I knew I was at the right place and that I was going to do this for the rest

of my life. One of my favorites. You know him as the star and creator of Midnight Gospel, Duncan Trussell's Family Hour. This is Duncan Trussell. Wow. Unbelievable. Respect. Yeah.

The one, the only comedy store icon, Midnight Gospel, Duncan Trussell's Family Hour. This is Duncan Trussell. Hi. Hi. And resident of Austin, Texas. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen. Yes.

Thank you. Very excited to have you. You brought some, are those, is that what I think it is in that box? Yeah. These are, I just brought some tarot cards. These are actually really interesting. One of my satanists, like an actual satanist, gave me this particular deck. You know, I don't really buy into this bullshit, but he told me they've done a lot of rituals

over it or whatever and it's got some kind of satanic power. Honestly, I just, I don't buy it, but I thought it'd be fun to have a nice deck of satanic tarot cards here for the show. I love it. Well, if there's cards in there, I want to play with them. We'll see how it works throughout the episode. Duncan, you've been on this show before at the comedy store and other places as well here in Austin, Texas.

And you know how it works. There's a bucket filled with comedians' names. I pull a name out of the bucket. That means they get 60 seconds. People that might be new here. You can tell when their 60 seconds of uninterrupted stand-up comedy time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood

bear. Which is just a really loud noise that happens 10 or 15 seconds after they go over their time. And that's it. Then I interview them and we talk to them afterwards. The whole thing's improvised. Nothing is planned. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show?

This first comedian of the night is a regular on this show. We have three regulars. They're absolutely taking over the world. This is the first show ever which is shown through time, the growth of actual comedians. These three regulars each write and perform a brand new minute every single week. This guy was living in his van a year ago. And this past weekend he performed in an arena with me, Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle. We've seen his life change in front of our very eyes so much so that he has his own theme

song called This is Hans Kim. Feel free to sing it along with us. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hans Kim. This is Hans Kim. This is Hans Kim. H-A-N-S-K-I-M. This is Hans Kim. Hey.

It's good to be here. I think it's so funny that the new little mermaid is going to be black because it's the one place I'm not afraid of black people is the water. It's not their strong suit. If it was an alley maid or a parking lot maid, that'd be a lot more threatening. But it's great because she's going to be the first black little mermaid. She's also going to be the first Disney princess to come with her own shower cap. But yeah, I love having sex.

I don't know what to say during sex. My idea of dirty talking is apologizing. I just think it's so hot to fuck someone like a bitch. But that's my time, thank you. Okay. This is Hans Kim. You did it again. Another great minute of stand-up comedy.

Got the show started, making it look easy. This is simply what you do. I happen to have spent a lot of this past weekend with you doing what normally would be a normal weekend of work turned into a wild weekend, Hans. You performed in an arena in Columbus, Ohio. Ohio being the home of both Dave Chappelle and where I was born and raised. So extra special. How did it feel?

It felt great to bring you up. You're from there. You had a lot of local references. You called everyone's grandma fat or something. It's true. They're ants. I called everybody as a fat ant in Ohio. Yeah, it was kind of rude.

You have a fat ant in Ohio? Actually, the opposite. She's skinner than you. Oh, wow. Well, right now she's probably out there talking about her fat nephew in Ohio. So Hans, let's talk about it. You got to hang out and work with what many consider to be the greatest in the world. Dave Chappelle, how did that go for you?

It was amazing. He was so nice. You know, we talked about lots of different things. I hope I didn't fuck any of it up. I was just trying to be, you know, not weird around Dave Chappelle. Tony, did he do anything? He was a little bit weird. What was the thing?

I can't remember right now. There was something you, like, disagreed with him about in the hallway. Do you remember what that was? Oh, yeah. I said that Andrew Tate is great, but he's unsustainable. Right. That's right. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't talk about what we talked about in the hallway.

D-badness in the motherfucking house. So Hans, how's the rest of your life going? Unbelievable weekend. It's great. I met a new woman that I'm dating. Oh, you have a girlfriend. Yeah. Wow.

Look at that. Thank you. Tell us about her. What's this store? Where'd you meet this one at? I met this one in San Antonio at one of your shows, which I didn't mean for that to be, like, a disrespectful thing, I hope. How would it be disrespectful?

Like, I'm fucking one of your fans or something. It's okay. It's okay. Hans. Hans, I got bad news for you. The whole past year, you've been fucking one of my fans. Yeah. What do you think?

You're doing it on your own? Fucking delusional idiot. So, San Antonio, you meet this girl, then what happens? Then we have sex four times in one night. Whoa. Damn. Eight minutes worth of sex from Hans Kemp. Four times, eight minutes, three inches, do the math.

Wow. Four times. How long is each one of these sessions lasting? Probably around with four play about 15 minutes. Whoa. Look at you. That's a four play. Holy shit.

That's incredible. This motherfucker eats pussy with chopsticks. Unbelievable. Hans, it seems like you have a new girlfriend every week. What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? Probably like six months. Okay. Who is that with?

Probably my ex. Oh. Yep. Wow. Very good. Very good. Also, his mom is his mother. Everybody.

Those of you keeping track of the... Hans, why do you usually break up? Do you have a repeating pattern? What's going on? I just love having sex a lot and it's like, I want to do it with more people. Is that what you say to them when you're breaking up with them? What do you say? Have you ever thought about doing porn or starting like an only Hans or something like that?

No, not really. I'd like to keep it private. What about POV porn? Have you ever thought about that? Like having it be like a wide screen but not tall vision and just POV. How are your feet? Like three people got that. Okay, good.

I like sex. I don't want to bring a camera into it unless it's for ourselves. You know, you sound like somebody talking to you from your closet who is clammed into your fucking house and is about to do something horrible. I like sex. I don't have a camera. What the heck? How's your living situation?

Have you brought a girlfriend back to your house with all your new roommates? Yeah, we had period sex on my bed. Whoa, look at that. Wow. Look at that. Look at you. What was that like for you? It was great.

The laundry wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. You know what Hans? I had no idea how romantic you are. The laundry wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Wow, that is incredible. My goodness gracious. Hans, what else is going on in life? Have you been a healthy sex life in an unbelievably flourishing career?

Besides that, I don't know. I've been playing a lot of Catan, Settlers of Catan. Have you done anything else big or breakthrough in your life lately? Perhaps today, maybe? Anything at all? I did a podcast with my two daddies. You want to be more specific and get the... Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry. What did you do today Hans? I did a podcast with Tony Hinchcliffe and Joe Rogan. Okay, there you go. Real easy opportunity for you to say I had my first ever appearance on the Joe Rogan experience. But you had to really slosh it up a bit. But you're right. We are your two daddies.

That is correct. I like it. I love the little mermaid stuff. Very funny. You do it every single week. You make it look easy. You work so hard and you are proof that hard work and plus natural talent equals a wild success. We've all watched it.

Congratulations. Thank you. Hans Kim getting the party started tonight with a minute of stand-up comedy and a very revealing... A very revealing interview. We have a new girlfriend, arenas with Chappelle and his first appearance on Joe Rogan. Very exciting. All right, we're going to the bucket. You guys ready for this shit?

Anything can happen. Could be somebody's first time ever doing stand-up. Could be a local veteran here to make it. Could be somebody that traveled from around the world for this moment. Your first comedian doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds out of the bucket goes by the name of Danny Tierney, everybody. Danny Tierney. Or Tierney, perhaps.

Danny. Hey. Here he comes, everybody. Danny Tierney, your first comedian out of the bucket tonight. Make some noise for Danny, everyone. Hello, everyone. Danny Tierney, my first time up here. Thank you, jury.

Yeah, so I have a minute. I don't want to burn it up too much. I had seven minutes. Now I got 30 seconds. Yeah, Tony said that a lot of people were from coming tourism and I'm looking around. And I see a lot of tourists, actually. I don't see a lot of people from Austin, really. Am I wrong about that?

If you're from Austin, make some noise, really. This area right here, a lot of people from Austin, right? That's who I want to be friends with. Everyone is quiet. I don't want to be your friend. I'm sorry. I just got here from LA and I want the authentic Austin people. The people who know where the good briskets at.

You know, let's jump in a hole. Let's take off our clothes and jump in one of these holes. I feel holes. Where are we at? I can go until I hear a cat. If I don't hear a cat, it's going to get worse. Wow. Danny Tierney.

Thank you, guys. Oh my goodness. I told you Hans Kim makes it look easy, everybody. I tried to warn you. Wow. What's going on, buddy? Oh my God. Came up, opened up with 15 seconds of excuses about how you did seven minutes somewhere else

and blah, blah, blah, blah, a bunch of numbers. And then you had nothing after that whatsoever. Brisket and jumping into water holes. You sound like somebody who still hasn't been to Austin, Texas. You sound like somebody that was drunk and somebody told you one time, like, ah, Austin, brisket water holes. Are you here? You said you're from LA, so exactly what injectable drug are you on right now?

I'm on nothing. Nothing at all? Nothing at all. Nothing at all? Just high on life. You have paint all over your shirt and pants. Is there any chance you've been sniffing that? Okay, hipster handyman.

Very good. You also could have just said that into the microphone. Very good. I'd rather have you say it because it just sounds so much better coming from your lips. That's true. That's true. Do you have underwear that says bad comedian? I have underwear that says new comedian.

It's okay. I know you're going to be bombing. Danny, how long have you been on stand-up comedy? This is my fourth time up. Fourth time ever. And where were the other three at here in Austin? They were in LA. In LA.

And how long did you live in LA? I lived in LA for 10 years. Okay, and now you're back where you were born and raised, Austin, Texas. Chicago. From Chicago, now you live here. I'm back here to meet Austin and get the experience. How long have you been here? About six weeks.

About six weeks. And you came straight from LA. Did you drive or fly? I drove. You drove. I drove to Chicago and then I came out here. Yep, didn't ask about that. Well, you asked about the driving.

What kind of car? What kind of car do you have exactly? A white work van with letters on top. A white work van. Yeah, of course. It's so weird because they just announced that van on an Amber alert. Hey, what a weirdo, isn't it? You could rape in it.

I mean, I haven't, but you could. Yeah. All right, the van is rape-accessible. This clip is going on Dateline, guaranteed. It'll be our second appearance on Dateline. That's interesting to find another Dateline worthy comedian. So, Danny, you are a handy man, right? That's correct.

And how long have you been doing that for? I've been doing that for about 35 years. 35 years. So, how old are you? I'm 47. 47. So, you started about 12 years old. I started at 10.

Okay. You were a handy kid. I was a handy kid. Yeah. Little handy boy. I was a handy person. Right. As I like to say now.

Right. A lot of people think you're a handy cat. It is dated. What do you like to do for fun? For fun, I like to get up on stage. Okay. All four times. That's my new thing.

Yeah. I have two daughters, so I like to do whatever they like to do. Okay. Very good. Which involves going and swimming holes. How old are your daughters? They're five and eight. You still with the baby mama?

Yeah. I mean, pretty much. Okay. Last night was rough, but you know, she's a little spicy. She's a Latina. Oh. Okay. Hell yeah.

He doesn't mean that. He means he made her into a brisket. She's an Afro Latina. Her nickname is Lanagra. Wow. Can I say that? I mean, I guess I, that's her nickname, but... Venezuela.

Gotcha. Gotcha. Where'd you meet her? Martha's Vineyard? I met her in Chicago. So Danny, give us one interesting fun fact about your life other than the fact that you have... I was recently united with a son that I didn't know I had. It was 24.

We met during the pandemic. You have a son that you made? You didn't know about it? I didn't know about it. How'd you find out about this? Typical handyman problems, by the way. You know what I mean? A handyman.

You've seen all the videos. They come in to fix something and they're getting fucking Latina's pregnant. My dad did a 23. It's interesting, by the way, that a Venezuelan woman found a white handyman. That is interesting, right? Yeah. Let me ask you this. You have two kids with a Venezuelan.

Is it true that to make a baby an egg comes out and then you have to keep the egg warm like a Targaryen egg or something like that? We take turns sitting on it. What? We take turns sitting on it. It's not all. It's just me there. I get off.

She gets on. I don't understand anything you're saying. I don't speak mediocrity. I'm sorry. It was working with the egg thing. Correct. And then the egg opens and there's Wavos Rancheros inside. Hey, a rapa.

A rapa, huh? Is there any South Americans here? Shut up. Shut the fuck up, Danny. That's Mexican. Shut up. We're drinking a rapa. Stop trying to take the ball and run away.

All right. Danny. Yeah, buddy. Very, very interesting stuff. The longest set you've done is seven minutes. Is that correct? No, I said I had seven minutes. I'm just guessing.

Over there. In a different place. I was in the corral with the other animals. Okay. I had seven minutes. You had seven minutes. And then I got up here and I was like, well. Nothing that you say makes any sense.

Do you know that? Were you ever electrocuted or something? You were? Yeah, I'm in the 240 club. Yeah. The 240 club. It comes with a full life review. All right, Danny.

Is that really what it's called? There's a club for people who've been electrocuted? I mean, it's unofficial. You can, we're looking, we are looking for new members. Let me, let's pull one of these tarot cards out and see what happens. Let's see what it has for our friend. Danny Tierney. Okay.

So, so the idea with this is I'll just fan him out. Yeah. You kind of like sense. Right. And you pull a card. Okay. Let's just feel it out and we'll see what happens here. This is Danny Tierney.

Okay. Let's see how it goes. Danny, get out of here. Get your fucking, get back to your microphone. Get you and your fucking track marks back over there. You creep. All right. Wow.

Ruin. That's, that doesn't seem like a good one at all. Ruin. Yeah. What does that mean, Duncan? It means that you're probably going to get in the 240 club. That's good luck. That's it.

Fuck. Here, here, that's good luck. It's like a pigeon shitting on you. That's good luck here. Yeah. You can sleep at night, man. According to your shirt, pigeons shitting on you is a good thing. So Danny, you are, that you're very, very green.

Congratulations on your first kill Tony appearance. Here's a little joke book for you. There you go. Danny Tierney, everybody. Back to the bucket we go. You get it. Now you've seen both sides. You've seen Hans do good and Danny try his best.

Let's see what happens next. Matthew Olso. Matthew Olson. Yes. Matthew Olson. Little pop from the comedian section. This should be interesting. That's usually very promising.

Here he comes, everyone. You guys having fun yet? Huh? Very good. One more time for your next comedian. It's Matthew Olson, everybody. All right. Have you ever asked somebody for directions and halfway through your answer, they're like,

why the fuck didn't I just YouTube this shit? I know that racism exists because as a white guy, I accidentally get jobs. The other day I was at a grocery store and I picked up a piece of fruit and the general manager came from the back and was like, would you like the salary position from the produce department? I think that the secret behind Tiger Woods is that he actually has very small feet. And that while he's seemingly standing still, he's actually inching closer inside his shoes. While we're watching this, Michael Rappaport is realizing he has an illegitimate child. I also might be the son of Larry Bird.

Thank you very much. Wow. Look at this. I didn't even realize tonight was special retarded person only in the bucket night. This is very exciting. Welcome to retarded white guy night at Piltoni. This is very exciting. Only mentally retarded white men are in the bucket.

Hi, how are you doing? Very, very exciting. Matthew. Yes, sir. What the fuck was that? I'm still trying to figure it out, Tony. Wow. Holy shit.

How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is my very first time on stand-up comedy. Oh, that's great. Thank God. Thank you very much. Thank God. So let's just go back and start where you started. Yes, sir.

First of all, what do you do for a living? How old are you? I'm a general contractor, so I build homes for a living. Okay. Do you need a hipster handyman? I would love one. Okay. So you build homes for a living, and so let's just talk about, you started with, have you

ever given anybody directions? What the fuck were you, what are you saying? And then YouTube it? Yeah. Do you know what you said? I'm a graduate of YouTube University, so. YouTube University. Yes, sir.

Do you, will you say that joke one more time? Which one? The one you, your opener. Yeah, your opening joke of your career. What was that again? I really don't remember at this point. Let me help you out, because it was so bad, I literally remember it. Okay.

So have you ever had anyone ask you for directions and you give it to them, and then afterwards you're like, why didn't I just YouTube this shit? Motherfucker. Is that what you said? Yes. What does it mean? That, those words, those English words in that order, don't make any fucking sense at all. And they certainly, it's like the opposite of funny, because you're like, wait, what,

why would you get directions off YouTube? It's actually confusing. Yeah. Wait, let's act it out. Maybe it don't make sense. Okay, right. Hey, do you know how to get to Whole Foods on Lamar? Yeah, you, no I don't, I think you should YouTube it, actually.

But you know that. Makes no sense. You know that you can't, YouTube directions, right? I know you can't, but when you're, when you YouTube enough as like me, like, you'll find directions through YouTube. No, you won't. No, you won't. No, you won't.

No, you won't. Michael is shaking his head, no, he's the most honest man in all of show business. He roots for people like you at times like this. Tony, and then his second joke was saying that he was racist because he could get a job for picking up an orange or something off the ground. Yeah. What did you say there? Let's go over all your jokes, nice and slow.

So I said, I believe racism exists because as a white man, I accidentally get jobs. So, as I picked up a piece of fruit from the store, the general manager came up and said, would you like to be the head of the salary department? What's that have to, oh my God, it got worse that time. Did you guys notice that? Holy shit. Oh my God. So are you like funny at work or with your family or something like that?

Like, where are you funny? What made you want to do this? I've never been funny. This is the first time I'm trying. No, this isn't the first time. You're still not funny. No, no, no, no, no. This is the first time you tried specifically single all laser focus into being funny and

you're still not funny. Well, let me say this. Actually, when you came on stage, I looked at you and thought, oh, he's going to be funny. But my instincts are clearly fucked up. I know. And mine too. I saw it too. I swear to God, I saw you and I'm like, this guy looks like a fucking comedian.

And then it all went downhill from there. Maybe there's a YouTube video you could watch that could teach you how to do it. Wait, it's your first set. Here's what I would say. Even though Tony is right, your jokes, they make no sense. They're impossible to understand. They don't even make sense in normal talking to a person. But you have to admit the form is kind of there.

A little bit. If you filled them in with jokes. I'd be on point. That's where I'd make it. I actually came up here to find that out. Right. Well, you found it. Thank you.

What do you do for fun when you're not doing whatever the stupid house thing you do? I like to learn languages. I like to play hockey. You know different languages? Yes, sir. And that's your performance in English? Si. Si, señor.

Yeah, get directions on YouTube. That sounds like somebody that just learned the language would say that. And it's like, you don't mean directions. English first language. What languages do you speak? About three. Which one? Spanish and a little bit of Chinese.

Chinese? Can you do your first joke in Chinese? Please. I can't. What can you say in Chinese? My friend from Taiwan, come up here real quick. Come on up. Wait, where'd the Taiwanese girl go?

Oh, here she is. Oh, shit. She's fucking tripping. She's fleeing from presidency right now. Come on up here. Come up here. Taiwanese girl. Taiwanese girl.

Come on stage. Make some noise for my friend. I don't know what. You're okay. No, no, don't sit down. Duncan, sit back down. I don't sit next to people like this. I'm just kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I spent all weekend with Hans. I'm kidding. You were in the restroom, right? Okay, say it again. I want to see if she knows if she can tell.

Hello? My name is Matthew. Your name is Matthew. Is that for me? Wait, what did he just say to you? Get up to the microphone and say into the microphone. What did he just say to you? He said, uh...

I'm sorry. This is perfect. I know. You're still only doing karaoke with a microphone. I can't live if living is without you. You want to do karaoke? I can do karaoke. I know you can.

Wow. Fucking nail that. What did he say to you? Can you translate to us what he said to you? He said, my name is Matthew. What is your name? But the way he said it was... I had to, like, really pay attention.

That's good. Okay, that's my theory. That's how he speaks English, too. It's all very confusing. Very, very confusing. What is your name, by the way? Lucy. Lucy.

Make some noise for my friend, Lucy. Thank you, Lucy. Give the microphone back to him. There he goes. Can you catch? This is a little joke book by the great Bones Eye. There he goes. Matthew Olsen, everybody.

This bucket is a rough start today. Should we try again, huh? Let's see what happens here. I could bring in a ringer right now, but instead I'm taking a massive risk. We're going to see what happens. Your next comedian is Drew Crump, everybody. That's a funny name.

Drew Crump sounds like a comedian. Drew Crump. Here he comes. A very confident walk. High-fiving people as he walks up. One more time. Put your hands together for him. Drew Crump, everybody.

What up? What up? It's my birthday. Legitimately. I come from a crazy little town in South Chicago. The other week, my dad bit a guy's fingers off in a bar brawl. No bullshit. And I was like, dad, how drunk do you have to be to eat a fucking knuckle sandwich?

You know what I mean? And he was like, you know what? It tasted finger-licking good. And you guys are probably like, he probably beat you at home. Maybe. But Child of the Beast is cool if you deserve it. You know what I mean? I probably deserved it.

I was a little retarded as a kid. Yikes. Drew Crump, everybody, making his Kill Tony debut. These people, this is the best they can do, by the way, what you're seeing. It's like, how long did you prepare for this? This is my first time on stage. We know that. We know that, Drew.

That's not what I asked you at all. I know it literally has to be your first time on stage. D-Madness is about to go kill himself after that performance. He probably should. Just jump off. Drew, Drew, stop talking. Jump left. Drew, stop talking into the microphone.

Thank you. You're answering questions only, my friend. I got you. I love it. Welcome. Okay. So your first time ever doing stand-up, how long did you prepare for this? Did you write stuff down?

No, this is actual just... I know you're going to say it's your first time again. I hear you. But what I'm asking you is what thought did you put into what you said up here during that minute tonight? How long of a length of time did you think about what you were going to say? Did I mention it's Returned White Guy Night here? Very special episode.

Thank you. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Thank you. A lot of nights, the show's very diverse and some people are good and some people are bad. Yeah, this is strictly very special to you. Thank you. Yes, you're very, very welcome. Okay, so how about an answer to that question that I asked?

Six different ways. I haven't. Oh, Matt Neoling jumping in. Matt Neoling speaks once every nine episodes and he has certain pet peeves that bother him and the way you were holding the microphone you've now fixed it. You need to hold the mic closer to your mouth. Do I? Yeah.

Thank you, Duncan. No. Drew, literally don't do it. It's unprofessional and it doesn't work for you. My bad. Very good. You're bad indeed. You are bad.

Very good. You are correct. I was just about to get to that actually. Thank you. Drew, so your first time doing it, how old are you? 29. 29 years old. You live in Chicago?

I just moved here. You moved here? Why? Because I cook and I got a good job. Right. You got a good job here in Austin? Yes, sir. What are you doing here in Austin?

I'm a chef. You're a chef? Actually. Okay. Yes, sir. Fuck yeah. All right. And how long have you been a chef for?

12 years. 12 years. And you work in like a steakhouse or something like that? McDonald's. Red Band knows everything about McDonald's, so he just identifies. He sees a chef in it. He sees a chef. Okay.

You're a good chef at a fancy restaurant? Yes. I don't want to say where, but yeah. Okay. Good enough. Good enough. That's an acceptable answer. You served up some real shit here tonight.

Thank you. Is that joke about your dad? Is that something you just came up with? No. He actually bit a guy's fingers off. Okay. So your dad bit a guy's fingers off? Yeah.

All right. What was the guy doing? Old school. No. No, I want my son to bomb. All right. Thank you. All right.

Okay. Drew, what's your love life like? Just work. That's it. You just work. What do you do for fun when you're not chefing it up? Drink. You drink.

Okay. A little bit. Okay. Ride motorcycles. You ride motorcycles after you drink. Obviously. Wow. Okay.

All right. I took you as more of a unicycle kind of guy. Thank you. So this is all very revealing. You have your own motorcycle? Not right now. Not right now. What happened?

We can't talk about that. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. It would make the interview interesting. Drew, I know that's not your goal at all here on tonight's appearance. Okay. Yeah. What happened to your motorcycle?

I can tell. It was stolen. Okay. Why? Yeah. Go ahead. I can't get into all that. Why?

Why? Yeah. Why? It's real. Why? Why can't you get into it? Can you tell us why you can't get into it? Because we're patched.

You're patched in. What does that mean to you? One percent are bikers. Oh, you're in a biker gang? I am not. You're in a biker gang? Oh, my God. Are you the one that rides in the sidecar of the tough guy?

Oh, shit. Come on, Drew, get in. We need to go. Let's go. I love it. Red Band. Hey, let me just say this. I have friends who are in biker gangs.

Yeah. Clubs. And I just want to say this. Clubs. I had an amazing set. It was very funny. Please don't hurt me. You're incredible.

You're very, very funny. You should keep doing stand-up. I might have drank a little too much on my birthday before this. I love it. It is your birthday. How old are you again? 100 percent. 29.

29 years old. And how are you celebrating your birthday? With this. Yeah. Okay. Just bombing. Right. You are correct.

Firebomb. Instead of blowing out candles, you're just blowing on stage. That's very good. Hey, why don't we sing happy... As dudes are blowing loads on your forehead, Tony? Should we sing fucking sad birthday? Sad birthday? I was thinking happy bomb day to you.

You guys think we should pull a tarot card before... Let's do it. Let's see what happens here. I'm going to pull a card and then Duncan is going to... Hail Satan. All right. Let's see what happens here. Oh, the devil.

Wow. That is high. That's a good one. That is high. Duncan, what do you think? How do you translate that? The devil to our friend and the dangerous biker gang. It's a club.

Oh, it's a great club. And just like the club that the devil represents is also the leader of a very powerful club. And yeah, really funny stuff tonight. And I hope you keep doing it. Thank you. Can you catch? Here's something for your birthday. I know you can.

Happy birthday, Drew. There he goes. Drew Crump, everybody. Sorry. Wow. Well, we have a special treat on a special needs white guy day. We have a regular here tonight, ladies and gentlemen, who is one of the most prolific joke writers and unbelievably undeniable roasters on planet earth here with a new minute of

stand up. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for David Lucas, everybody. There he is. Austin's own Austin resident, David motherfucking Lucas. Yeah. I think being a trans woman should be for men five, eight and under only. For real, man. I'm tired of seeing niggas six, five and high heels.

Like what the fuck is you doing, man? I don't like it. It's trickery. You know what I'm saying? I think that all trans people, you know, them little warning labels that come next to electric boxes, they should have to get that tatted above that fake pussy. You know what I'm saying? Like warning, this pussy ain't real.

You know what I'm saying? But then I think about it, man. This is your opportunity to make a vagina. That shit can be amazing. Like, I would like cut up a memory foam pillow and make the lips and then put some of that Nickelodeon slime in the bottom. Fucking got an amazing pussy. I would never pull out a trans pussy.

It's like, you can't get pregnant. I'm going to let your chromosomes do their job, bitch. All right, y'all. Thank you. This is a minute and 20 seconds of brand spanking new material. David Lucas, again, just like Hans, making it look easy. Yeah, man. Welcome back, my friend.

What's up, dawg? You talking to me? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't say what's up, gay. Oh, that's how you want to start. You coming up wearing skinny jeans and a fucking 8X shirt, whatever that is. Hey, Tony, we know you was a nigga driving that other dude in the motorcycle.

Tony looked like he wore goggles when he drove a motorcycle. I do. I wear booty goggles. Yeah, that motherfucker put goggles on in a scarf. Oh, my God. This is fucking Charlie Brown character. I've never been roasted this hard by a guy shaped like an ice cream cone. This is very exciting.

How do you have such small legs and a giant body? How is it holding all of that up? It doesn't make any sense. Tony, you can shoot a cord out of your ass at the speed of sound. You should see what I can do with a dime. That motherfucker, you were shooting through a brick wall, man. They sent you to assassinate presidents. Why is this man bending over?

Oh, my God. He farted. Look what came out of that. You got a fucking gay grizzly bear on your shirt. Wait, what? A gay grizzly bear. That's not a gay. He's a straight grizzly bear on my shirt.

No, that motherfucker, a vegetarian. And he identifies as a tiger. This is incredible. You're getting me good today. I had to, man. He was killing them white boys. That shit was... You ain't lying.

BNLM had to step in. I'm BNLM. I'm coming to tesh it up. Fucking burned out some cities. He was cow-ridden housing them white boys. That's true. I was like, Tony out here with the fucking... You was out here with the AK.

Cow-ridden house style. He fucking... Yeah, well, then that goofy ass boy came up and told me he had a biker gay. You are on fire right now. Absolutely incredible. I was back there laughing so hard when he said that shit. Wait, what part? When he was talking about he was at a biker gay.

Oh, my God. I was like, bird scooters don't count, nigga. Oh, my God. I like that shirt. What do you keep in that pocket other than your breast? Oh, I got something in here for you, Tony. Oh, is it a quarter for my booty hole? No, it's a micro strap on.

Oh, my God. David, what's been going on in your life? You've been doing the road. You have more tour dates coming up. What's going on? Yeah, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada in November, the week of Thanksgiving. Oh, wow. When you're there, they're going to call it Winnipeg.

Sorry. So stupid. That was actually funny. I liked that, bro. Thank you. Thank you. Hundreds of pounds of poutine missing this week. Winnipeg, Canada.

Tony, you seen that truck that spilled this week with dildos and lube? Yeah. It was on the way to your house. It was an 18-wheeler. I was like, look at Tony. I had disappointed in the mother fucker. Yeah. I had to shoot three quarters out of my booty hole to stop that truck.

You shoot a cord out your ass right into a gun ball machine. I forgot good aim. You got a fucking slingshot for a booty hole. I heard you could blow up a balloon with your ass. Oh, my goodness. Not only that, but if I put the balloon back up there, I can make little balloon animals and stuff just from it. If Tony bend over, he can whistle Dixie through his asshole.

Or the theme song, the Andy Griffith. It's true. That is true. Nothing goes in David's asshole. And very clearly, nothing comes out of David's asshole either. This guy looks like he hasn't taken a shit in years. Just holding onto it all. Absolute.

Even D-Madness is laughing at how fat you are right now. He doesn't even know. He just feels the vibrations when you come up the stairs. He's like, oh, shit. That's gotta be David Lucas. Tony, when you fart, a shadow of another man be next to you. Fucking out-of-body experience with Tony Poop. This place is-

Wait, what, D? Y'all have serious issues. Thank you. Tony be astro-projecting when he fart. That motherfucker. Oh, my God. Fuck it. Let's pull a tarot.

I can't do that shit. My mama black, man. No, we're going to pull a tarot card here. It's very, very, very exciting. This is going to be fun. It's going to make me lose my religion. Let's see what happens here. Oh, I don't get to pick my own card, ain't that a bitch?

Wait, do we get that one already? Yeah, it's weird. It's ruined again. I don't know what's going on. It's, I don't know, a bunch of swords pointing up in a sinister way. It's not always bad. That's for Tony, swords pointing up. Or maybe you're looking at it wrong.

I think that's a bar stool leg. All right, well. Ruins. David, what else is going on in your real life? Oh, I did a Sandman Enrichment this past weekend in Magoobies. It was great, man. A lot of people showed up. Dog is fun off this weekend.

Ain't that a bitch? They're back on the week after that. All right. Tell, wait real quick. Tell us about your podcast. It sounds like it's such a cool idea. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So a lot of people y'all watched my,

when I got a podcast, it's called Fake News. That's on my YouTube. But the other podcast that I do is like fishing with David Lucas. I've had Huns on it so far. We're going to get Duncan on it, Tony, Red Band, William and try to get Joe on that motherfucker, bro. He like to fish.

Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's doing a fishing podcast. I'm like, here's my opportunity to do a fishing podcast. Now, do you ever like cook the fish or do you always throw it back? Like you just eat it raw, like gullum. I rarely, I rarely keep them unless somebody said they want them. You know what I'm saying?

If I go fishing and somebody said they want the fish, then I'll take what they done. But I go to the, I go to the whole school to get fish, bro. The whole, the only thing that he catches and keeps is diabetes. What did you catch and keep? Monkey pox and HIV. You got me. You got me.

You know what they say, Tony? Herpes is like luggage for the rest of your life. David, you are absolutely unbelievable. We just added to our highlight reel. I do believe again. Oh yeah. You are a monster. Me and Tony have roasted each other more than anybody in the history of roaster.

That's true. Catch him on tour. Listen to his podcast. Go fishing with a mix of noise. Austin's own David Lucas, everybody. All right. Back to the bucket. We go here.

You guys remember what night it is, right? Let's see if we can break it. You guys think we can break it? I don't. Let's see what happens here. Zach Witt. Zach Witt. W-H-I-T-T is the next here on Kill Tony Live in Austin, Texas.

Ten-year anniversary sold out in an hour and a half. We sold 3,000 tickets in an hour and a half. How cool is that, huh? Oh, here's Zach Witt, everybody. Mix of noise for Zach, everyone. Hello, everyone. So me and my girlfriend, we got into a little bit of a fight. And I want to give you each reason for why.

For me, let's start with her. For her, she got tired of me asking her to go to the gym. But I was the one who was in the right because... I was the one who was in the right. I was the one who was in the right because she got so mad at me calling her fatty, she had to get an abortion. My mom wasn't too happy about that one. Well, that's it.

Go ahead, go ahead. I like you. I want to see more. Come on, take your time, Zach. Believe it or not, you're the funniest white guy on the show so far, so... Yeah, keep going. You suck. Yeah, you tell him, Zach.

Whoever that was, kick him out, by the way, if there's a door guy paying attention to the guy that said, you suck, you get to leave now, congratulations. Even if it's one of Nick's friends, kick him out. Go ahead, Zach, I'm sorry. Hopefully it wasn't Chinese. All right, we're going to edit that part out, Zach. Jesus Christ.

Go ahead, go ahead. Did you have any more jokes? So you want to end it there? You could do whatever you want. But my mom, she really has problems with her body, so when she goes out places, she'll be like, do I look like her? Do I look like her?

I'm like, I'm not going to answer that question, mom. And then one day she asked that, and I was like, finally time to answer it. No, mom, you don't look like her. You look worse. It's time to go grab the cake out of the fridge, and let's just fix the problem. Okay, there you go.

Hey, bring the guy back in that said you suck. Give him a year's worth of tickets to the show. I'm kidding, Zach, I'm kidding. Zach, I'm kidding. I love that you've squozen into the shirt that David Lucas was wearing just a moment ago. Zach, you are absolutely adorable. Can I tell you that?

I've never seen an Amish Oompa Loompa before. This is incredible. You are a likeable creature. I'm taller than you. I loved what you did. You're what? I'm taller than you. You might be.

How tall are you? 6'1". You're 6'1"? Are you sure you're 6'1"? I've been to a doctor too many times to be not 6'1". 6'1", indeed. Yeah, you're also fat too, you son of a bitch. Shut up.

Jesus Christ, I'm taller than you. Shut the fuck up. Also straighter than you. I love it. Zach, I absolutely believe it or not, I swear to God, I love your style. The fact that you were sort of clunky on your setup actually hid the fact that you were sitting

on a real punchline there about the fatty having to get an abortion. It was very, very good. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Day one. Day one, everybody. Wow, that's good. And it's surprising to me, I took you for a guy

that's been doing it longer and just got nervous because the show is a little bit of a pressure cooker and you do dress like an autistic kid, so I also thought maybe you were a little bit special too. So your first day ever doing stand-up, where are you from? Small little city outside Cincinnati, it's Blanchester, Ohio. Winchester?

Blanchester. Blanchester. Or some people like to call it Blantucky. Okay, yeah, now that makes sense. It's southern. Could you guess why? Because it's just south of Cincinnati, on the border of Kentucky.

No. Cousin, fuck him. Oh, okay. All right. True. You're a fuck your cousin? No. I feel like he's at a cousin fuck him though,

you know what I mean? He had a cousin that was his personal trainer and he fucked you. Earlier, you mentioned... No, that happened when I was eight, okay? Okay. Did that really, did you get molested when you were a kid? Yeah.

Wow, really? Who did it? Oh, my cousin. Wow. Oh, my God. What did they do to you? What did they do to a little eight-year-old? Wait, they sucked your dick?

They made you suck their dick? Oh, my God, I'm hard as a rock right now. I cannot, I'm sorry. I knew I can't... I know my limits, all right? I'm a great interviewer. I know I can ask what they did. I know I can make jokes when I go,

what did they do to you? And he goes, I know who can handle these jokes. You can handle it. It's something that... Does it bother you? Do you think that you're like... Oh, I didn't remember until I was about 18

that it actually happened. Oh, that's a weird flashback to have. It was. Jesus Christ, you're 18 years old, just being a new adult, you're all grown up, and you're like, fuck, man, I sucked it.

How did it happen to you? What are you doing? Are you going to therapy now, or are you working? Therapy is for pluses. Oh, hell yeah. You are from... That's Ohio shit right there.

Yeah. That's where fucking mass shooters come from right there. That's right. Welcome to another episode of Therapy is for Pussies. I love it. What do you do for a living?

You're like a real man. I drive parts at a dealership. You drive a what? I drive parts at a dealership. You drive at parts? Parts. Deliver parts? Parts in a delivery truck.

Yeah. That's what you're saying. Okay, what kind of parts? Body parts. I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. Duncan, you were supposed to say that. My goodness.

So you're visiting Austin. What brought you to Austin, Texas? This. Really? Yeah. Absolutely incredible. When did you get here? I got here Wednesday.

Wednesday? What did you do in Austin leading up to this performance here tonight? Well, the first two days, I was in LA. Right. I was in LA before that. Yeah.

You were in Los Angeles, California, and then what? I slept like the first two days. You slept the first few days? Yeah. I was tired. Yeah. No, you're totally fine.

You don't need therapy. Yeah. David Lucas is on the same sleep schedule as you. It's perfect. I'm like a sabbatical to find myself and explore because I've never left southwest Ohio. And look at you now. I love this.

So two days in LA, you decided to spend it sleeping. No, I spent a week in LA, and then the first two days here. Gotcha. So you got here on Wednesday from LA? Yes. Got it. Okay.

So what have you done since being here in Austin? I went to the Capitol building. I've ate in a couple of few spots that are indigenous to here. We can tell. We can tell. We know. Very, very good. Wait, what did you try?

D-Madness is just making noises into a microphone during a podcast. I tried the pizza place. It looks slice. Home slice. Home slice. Very good. These people almost killed you just then. I would give it 9 out of 10.

Right. Yes. Indeed. People from Texas love pizza like that. I tried Gus's chicken today right before I got here. What kind of chicken? Gus's chicken. Gus's chicken.

Okay. It's great. I love that band. I love it. It's edible. Absolutely. All right. Very good.

And when do you go back to southwestern Ohio? Yeah. When do you go back? Saturday. Saturday. Okay. So you still have some time here. And you literally planned this trip around this and hoping that your name got randomly

pulled out of a bucket. And you got that lucky. Random chance. Wow. And look at you now. What do you think your family would say if they knew what you were doing? My family thought I was going to die when I got out of here. Why?

Like they're that paranoid about like outside their place. You being a snitch and telling that how about your cousin sucking your dick and saying like that. I can't do that. Now whatever you do when you get out there Zachary, don't you go talking about all the dicks you've been sucking. All right. Well they don't know about that.

I haven't told them. They don't even have wifi. They'll never see this, right? We have one. Right. They've never told them. No. So this is the first time they're going to hear it is on a comedy show.

My dad just figured out how to do Facebook and that's the only thing he knows. So he has a bunch of Republican friends. So the only way he gets his information is from them. And he doesn't know how to use internet browser. So there's no way he can fact check. Oh yeah. No, he's never going to see this. Don't worry.

Right. No. It won't get to him. You really think it won't get to him? No. Fuck man. Oh, we have a phone call coming in. I do believe it's your cousin.

Oh my God. You guys hear that? It's my favorite sound in all of companies. I don't want to ask, but I have to. Was it too completion? The cousins suck off. I got it. Shut the fuck up.

It's my show. Shut the fuck up. I get to do whatever I want. Ha ha. Fuck you. Do you remember? I believe it was. You believe it was.

Very good. In that case, my friend, you get a big joke vote tonight. A very special Batman. You like Batman? You like Batman? What do you like more? Batman or Star Wars? Or cigarettes?

I can't smoke or something. Perfect. How about Mario? What? What's your favorite? Mario, Star Wars, or Batman? Batman. Batman.

It is. A new Bones Eye brand new for your first time ever. Large, first large joke book of the night. First timer because he had one good joke. Make some noise for Zach Whitt, everybody. His first time out of Ohio. Out of the small city. Make some noise for this guy, people.

He wants to suck my dick. Okay, right, man. Very good. Very good. So stupid. It's creepy when you do it. All right. Connor McMonsie.

Connor McMonsie. The name that was pulled. Here he comes. Make some noise for Connor, everyone. What's going on, everybody? My name is Connor. I'm adopted. Which, to this point in my life, is only marginally better than being an abortion.

It's funny, though. When people do find out I'm adopted, they almost always ask, oh, my God, Connor, have you thought of finding your biological parents? And generally, I give them an answer from something like this. Fuck no. Can you even imagine what it is like to find an absolute stranger on the internet and shoot them a DM and be like, hi, daddy. I'd like 29 years of emotional trauma to go, please.

Besides, my adopted mom now, she's Italian. Thanksgiving at my house slaps. And I ain't giving that up for emotional closure. I don't give a fuck what my therapist has to say about it either. Exhale. Connor McMonsie. 60 seconds of stand-up comedy. Welcome to the show.

How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? This is my fourth time doing stand-up comedy. Your fourth time ever. Wow. We had a lot of new people here tonight. Where did you do the other three performances? In New York. In New York City.

Is that where you live? Broadway, The Seller. Okay. And how old are you? I'm 29. What do you do for work? I work for a nonprofit that helps enlisted veterans get into higher education. Wow, look at that.

Look at that. You would have gotten an applause break if you said that during your set. So you work with veterans and you help them get jobs? No, I help them get into college. You help them get into college? Yeah. Okay. And that's a busy business?

Yeah. So we run academic boot camps during the summer. So if you get out of the military, we teach you how to be a college student and you go and apply to college from there. Okay. What do you do for fun? So I work on motorcycles. I'm taking the LSAT right now.

Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop. Wait, very fast, very fast. What the fuck did you just say about motorcycles? This is the weirdest motorcycle gang we have of all time. Well, Tony, I just love riding motorcycles. Taking the LSATs and riding choppers. Yeah, dude.

Nah, man. I don't know. It's just, it's kind of my thing. I taught myself how to like tinker on YouTube. Wow. Okay. Call back. Putting it all together.

Yeah. Okay. So do you have your own motorcycle? Yes, I do. It was not stolen and I'm not in a biker gang. Right. Far too white. Yes, indeed.

Okay. What kind of motorcycle is it? It's a little Suzuki Supermoto. It's a dinky little piece of shit. Nobody here is going to understand it, but yeah, it's whatever. It's okay. Yeah. I do believe, what was it again?

Suzuki? It's a Suzuki DRZ 400 Supermoto. It's a big old mouthful. Yeah, I do believe we met Suzuki Supermoto earlier. She came up and translated motherfuckers. I love it. Fuck yeah, dude. Okay.

So you're adopted. Have you ever looked into your actual parents? No, dude. I find like there's comfort in the ambiguity of it. Right. Yeah. Okay. What if you find out your father is like Hartley Davidson or something?

I don't know, man. I'd thank him for inheriting the crippling depression then. Okay. All right. All right. So you're adopted. When were you adopted? How old were you?

I was like a week old tops. Oh, wow. That's good. Yeah. I love it. My warehouse baby. Yeah. A week old.

Yeah. How did that work? Did they drop you off somewhere? I don't really know. They just told me when I was like really young and I was like, all right, cool. This is life now and I've rolled with it since. Right. Did you have brothers and sisters that were actually Italian?

No, my family was though. So I grew up in the part of New Jersey where the Sopranos was filmed. So every asshole that has a vowel in their last name thinks that they're in the mafia. So it's like we have three kinds of Italians in New Jersey. Italians, Italians and Italians. Okay. I bet that kills in New Jersey. Yeah, it does.

Yeah. What's the most Italian thing about you? Jackshit, dude. I get sunburned in the fucking shade. So yeah, no. Okay. All right. Huh.

Okay, Connor. Give us another fun fact about your life. I became a college mascot after getting out of the military. Whoa. What college? Okay. Perfect. Perfect.

The Italian song on the college mascot transition. Not a moment too soon. Man, who's hot on that? I love it. What mascot? I was Rocky the Red Hot Red Hawk at Moncler State in Jersey. Yeah. And what is that?

What is the? It is a six foot tall chicken suit that you need somebody to literally handle you in order to walk. You can't see shit out of it. There's a legit mascot handler so you don't step on children. Wow. Yeah. Dude, it is so much fun.

I was in the branch of the military. I was in the Navy. Did you see any UFOs? Yeah, dude. Sick. I was stationed on Guam for a bit. I knew it. They're all seeing him now.

Yeah. Yeah. This guy's seen more UFOs than he's seen his actual parents. That's incredible. They're un... He calls his parents unidentified walking objects. What'd you see? What'd you see?

No, dude. I was stationed out on Guam and there was like, I worked night shifts in the harbor. So like you could see like the Milky Way and shit at night. It was like, you know, like stuff like just moving weird. I don't know how else to describe it, man. I'm not like a super big believer. I'd be like, that makes no fucking sense. I don't know what the hell it is.

And nobody else did either, right? No, exactly. It's a very common thing. Yeah. Very, very interesting. I want to go back to this mascot thing for a second. Yeah, go for it. How long did you do that for?

I did it for a year because I transferred out of that school to a different school. And you couldn't see... Yeah. And obviously... What was it? A chicken? Yeah, it was a red hawk. So like there's red-tailed hawks in New Jersey.

So like, you know, it's like the state thing. And they're like, fuck it. This is our mascot now. Did they tell you like this is how you're supposed to act? Like were there dances? Yeah, dude. So the first time that I actually put on the suit was during an orientation. And they entered me into a twerk competition with the dance team.

Can we see it do it? Yeah, we have to see it. You have to do it, by the way. You have to do it. You have to do it. Oh shit. It's building anticipation here, folks. Oh shit.

Whoa! Wow. You know what? Since you did it, we have a special treat. Bring them out. It's your parents, everybody! A kill Tony moment to never be forgotten. His actual...

Yeah, no, we don't have him. God damn, that was great. I fucking love it, dude. I love it. I love it. Nice work. Someone who can't see that loves chicken. That's basically where your mascot for D Madness.

That's incredible. I've been trying to set up that joke and I fucked it up for seven. I tried my best. I'm just... Thank you, D. Thank you. Even he saw that joke coming. It's incredible.

Thank you, D. Thank you. Connor, congratulations on your first kill Tony appearance. Thanks. Thanks, dude. Here's a little joke book for you. There he goes. Connor McMonsey, everybody.

Wow. You guys think we should go to this bucket one more time, huh? One more? One more? Hold on. The daughter from Succession has to get back to her seat. Hold on, everybody. Oh, shit.

There goes one of the guys to get a fucking military college degree. Should we pull until we get a girl out of here? We haven't had a female comedian yet tonight. Let's balance out the scales here. Sorry to Connor. Alan. Josh. Husko.

Okay, here's one. This is a very polarizing character in the history of the show. I think she is a huge part of the future of stand-up comedy around the world. Not only here in Austin, but she is a local Austin comedian originally from Dallas. Make some noise. A new minute from Liz Splatt, everybody. This is the future right here. A brand new minute of stand-up comedy from Liz Splatt.

Here she comes, everyone. Make some noise for Liz. Guys, make some fucking noise for Liz Splatt. I just got out of a relationship. I was dating a black guy. I always like to clarify it's a black guy because I don't look into me. You're thinking, okay, probably either black guy or Hispanic woman. I understand.

A lot of people think when you're a white girl dating a black guy that you say the n-word. And I don't. I don't say the n-word. I have found a lot of similarities between my desire to say the n-word and do cocaine. Here we go. Okay, number one, 2022, you shouldn't, right? Okay, we all know that. Number two, it is so fun.

It is problematically fun. I think we can all agree. Number three, you don't want to do the hard stuff. You're not crazy. You don't want to do that. And number four, let's just be honest. If you're one of those people that claims you never would, you never have, you never did. Probably because your dad did too much.

Did you, have you guys ever noticed, is that the mouth, you know? Okay, have you guys ever noticed how when you argue with dudes, they get introspective and shit? You know, they start, they start asking you questions they should be asking themselves. You know, this one dude was looking at me, he goes, why would I lie? I don't know, dude, you're dirty three. You don't have a car. Why are you lying? Yeah.

All right, I've been Liz Splat. Liz Splat with a new minute, 22 seconds. Strong as a bull, coming in, talking about real life stuff. How's it going, Liz? How are you? I'm awesome, Tony. I'm so happy to be here. It's great to, great to see you.

All of you. Yeah. All of you. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, Liz. So welcome back. Another rock solid minute. Is that, should you do cocaine or say the n-word?

Tony, I do not do cocaine. Me neither. Never have, never will. My dad's a rock star. Yeah. Yeah. But the n-word. Well, Tony, Tony, Tony.

I signed a waiver earlier today. A hard NDA. You know, you got to pick your audiences, Tony. I think you know that just as much as I do. Right. Yeah. And so, no, in front of these people, no, I do not say the n-word.

You could say it. The only black guy that I see is D-Madness. And if you say it and you just take a few steps, the other... Tony, I just saw David Lucas. Oh, okay. And David Lucas is the only black guy that I see is D-Madness. And if you say it and you just take a few steps,

oh, okay. And David Lucas would smack me. I can, you can tell. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, yeah. He would. He would hit that.

Yeah. Okay. I love it. So, Liz, tell us about your real life. What have we missed since the last time you were on this show? Duncan, this is your first time seeing Liz, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I have to ask, you said your dad's a rock star? No, he just did a lot of cocaine. Okay. He thought he was a rock star. I've never heard him say the n-word, but, you know, don't ask, don't tell. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

You don't want him to give you up for adoption, right? Exactly. Right. So, what's been going on in your life? Oh, I was just in Chicago for a week doing some shows. Okay. That was awesome. No shortage of those kinds of guys that you're into there.

I know. I know. It's kind of like Paris for me. Yeah. Because you usually end up on a tower. Nothing on the back lights. The lighting guy must be taking a fucking cigarette break. Jesus Christ.

It's an honor to be on a tower. I love it. Okay. So, you ended up in Chicago? Yeah. All right. That was dope. Chicago's dope.

Tell us what you had, what did you do for fun in Chicago? Ignore whatever that was. All right. I think it was a seizure, but um. Perfect. Let her die. No. Let her die.

Chicago. Triple boosted over there. Triple boosted. Another Chicago death. We don't have time for it. Um. All righty. Um.

No, Chicago. I mean, like, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, um, I, I, uh, it was awesome. I hung out with my bestie. We, uh, we walked around. Um. Your bestie is, uh. My bestie is my home girl, Joanna.

Shout out. Uh, nobody knows Joanna, but she's real cool. Right. Real cool. Um, no. Yeah. She works out there. And so I just crashed at her place and did as many shows as possible.

And then during the day, I just, uh, I don't know. I think I just smoked weed. I kind of don't remember. Right. Yeah. So how did you prepare the Chicago comedy scene to the Austin comedy scene? Well, great question, Duncan. So in Austin, and that's what I was saying to people in Chicago, it's a new scene.

You know, we're creating something. Like it's been here for a while, but what's going on right now is a rebirth. So everybody's starting from ground zero and we're all like teaming up to try and build something. So that's awesome, but it can get chaotic. So in Chicago, it's like, you know, one of the oldest scenes of comedy. And so it's like really structured. You know, but, uh, I would have to say personally from what I saw, Austin could take

Chicago out every day with the comics. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's simply no doubt about that. Chicago's not even, I mean, not, not the guys tonight. Right. Well, today's been, right. When we talk about the comedy scene, we're not talking about the show where people

start sometimes. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They're not part of the scene. Okay. Yeah. Sure.

I guess it's to try to hopefully do their first minute of stand-up comedy, which in itself is pretty excited. It is. It is exciting for me. Right. Okay. 100%. So what else are you still working at the, what is it?

Dog walking or something? Whoa. Um, no, I'm not working at the dog walking, the at home dog walking. Um, no, I, uh, I started a new job actually. Okay. Um, I'm wearing a dress now at work. Oh wow. Yeah.

Okay. It's exciting for me people. Okay. Plus size woman in a dress. I'm wearing tennis shoes. It's a mo, it's a movement. You know, it's a statement. Do I have spanks underneath?

Of course. Of course. I'm human. You know, you can't have your thighs sweating between you in the middle of work day. Look down at your water broke. You don't know. You don't know. Smaller women than you have been pregnant and not known.

Anyway, you can't, all right. You can't risk. I love it. Uh, now you're a real comedian. You live with other comedians. Is that right? I do. Yeah.

Yeah. How many other comedians right now too? I moved out of the, the, the, you know, the team. Okay. Uh, yeah. I moved out of a other place where I had way more comics and now I just have two comics. How many bedrooms? How many bathrooms?

We have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Wow. That's pretty good. You guys share refrigerator, right? Yeah. I do share a fridge, Tony. Here's a question that I have for you. I don't think I'm going to like the question, Tony.

It's okay. You are, you are. If I wanted to be mean, I would say that you are the refrigerator, but that's not, I'm not even going to do that. Oh, okay. Well, at least you're not trying to be mean. My question is this, because we all have some weird things in our refrigerator, believe it or not, it's something that everybody has, right?

Um, what is weird that you have in your refrigerator that like you don't want anybody to touch or might just be, you know, whatever your own thing, maybe you keep it in the crisper drawer or perhaps where the butter sticks go on the door or something. Okay. Okay. A lot of things are coming to me. Um, the first thing that comes to me is I do have some weed edibles in my fridge. Ah.

It just feels like, thank you, it just feels like the professional place to put them, I guess. Yeah. Um, and then after that, I don't know, I like to put bread in the fridge. I feel like I'm not going to come up with anything really cool on spot. Wow. Bread in the fridge. Oh, yes.

You don't do that? You don't, you don't put the bread in the fridge? No, no, no. That's it. That's a thing mostly found in people that are morbidly obese. Really? Yeah. Now, skinny people, skinny people that the bread goes bad, we're like, ah, fuck up.

I guess I'll have to buy more or perhaps, uh, or perhaps not eat bread today. We're not like you guys where it's like, take half, put it in the freezer, the other half in the fridge. I will never run out of edible bread if I have to wait 10 minutes for it to thaw out. Edible bread. Babe, babe, take a couple slices of bread out, put it in the microwave. I'm hungry for my white bread. Oh my goodness.

Wow. I'm glad I asked you this. You, how, how often do you put bread in the fridge? I've always been taught to keep bread in the fridge. Oh, what? I don't know. How many of you by round of applause keep your bread in the fridge? Stop bitch.

Thank you. Go ahead, bitch. That's right, Tony. Shut your fucking mouth, Tony. Are you guys fucking with me? I'm sorry. This is a thing? Is it a poor people thing?

You got stuck, right, bitch? It's got to kind of be a poor people thing. That makes looking guys like it's kind of a poor people thing. Holy shit. Goddamn, Lucy, you ever put bread in the fridge? Lucy is having a malfunction. Lucy is my shy Taiwanese friend. I love it.

They don't let her talk very much over at the homeland, so she fucking comes here and gets to let her rip. Oh look, there's a white guy next to her offended for her. Very good. Welcome to Austin, y'all. Jesus. Amazing. I can't believe you would make a joke about anything that has anything to do with the truth.

I love it. Do you have problems with your roommates taking your food, or how do you decide? It's so crazy that you asked this, because my roommate just left a note on the fridge. Let's talk about it. Okay. So, first things, you know, I was apologizing.

Did you hear about that news, the punter that got in trouble for sexually assaulting all those masseuses? No? Didn't hear that. I don't know what that was. Yeah. Well, it's a thing that happened. The punter, hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait.

There was a guy with the masseuses that was a quarterback. The punter actually, what was it? Very good, a gang rape. I do believe this man was at the gang rape. Full of knowledge. 100%. It was a gang rape. It was my gang rape.

It was all of us. Very fun gang rape. We made an eight-year-old suck us off. It was incredible. What? Very good. Very good. Thank you.

You did your part. I think the gang rape was far enough. We didn't have to bring in kids. Wow. Anyway. Did you hook up with anybody when you were in Chicago? Any of those guys put it in your deep dish? I like...

I had to do it. I've been waiting 10 minutes to do that joke. It's amazing. I had to get back to it. It was well worth it. Chicago, big pussy joke right there, everybody. I had the note. I'm sorry.

I know, yeah. We had the note that we were addressing. Yeah. I'll answer that real quickly. No, I did not. I'll answer it right now, Tony. But we'll get to that if we have time. Duncan, what were you saying there?

I just want to know how your roommate... He doesn't want to hear it. ...your bread connects to the gang rape that the punter did. Right. Okay. So anyway, we had to talk about that. Obviously, me looking at me. Feminist, okay?

Obvious. Just in my face, but structurally. But anyway, I defended... Wait, you're a woman? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Liz is my friend. I'm friends with Liz.

Yeah. Sorry, Tony. I know me being a man is going to ruin our thing. Me not being a man. That is true. They still got it. They still got it. That is true.

I swear to God. I swear to God, the first three months I knew you, I thought you were Red Band's twin brother. Red Band? Red Band? You should smile. Anyway, so I stood up for the girl. I guess he wasn't a fan of that. And I guess then he scared our other roommate.

He scared him in the street. He ran up on him and was like, ah! But he was trying to do it to be mean. So he apologized for that. And then finally, he asked us to hook him up with a young woman. He said he fucked like a Protestant. What? What does this have to do with...

This is fucked up. This was the note. I wish I had my phone on me like it's so legit. Wait, what did the note say? It was a five point note. What do you mean? Oh, no. I know.

I actually feel really bad for talking about it. He's kind of a cool guy. He's really weird. It makes me laugh. But the note had to be discussed. We all know that. He's saying he ran up to some lady to scare her to be mean. No, no, no.

Not a lady. I live with two men. He ran up to the other roommate. He's a dude. And he scared him. And it really made him mad. You know, the other roommate. And he was like, sorry, I did that because you took Liz's side of things,

which isn't wrong, I admit. He did apologize for everything. You wanted to know about the note. You need to put your bread in a safe, not a refrigerator. He's going to poison that shit. Liz, we absolutely love you. You've been on the show numerous times. You've gotten booked on real, very legit shows here in Austin.

We're watching you grow in front of our very eyes. And I'm not just talking about how you eat cold bread. Liz, we love you. You're very, very naturally funny. I love you, Tony. There goes Liz Splatt, everybody. There she goes. All right.

We've been through a lot here tonight. There's only one way to end a show like this. It's with the guy that has performed more brand new minutes on the show than anybody ever in its near 10-year history. The show has been all around the world. Meanwhile, nobody has performed more sets than this man. He's been known as the Vanilla Gorilla, perhaps the Memphis Strangler. Many call him the Big Red Machine.

This is William Montgomery, everybody. William Montgomery. Hi. The COO of Beyond Meat bit of man's nose off after getting an offender bidder in Fayetteville, Arkansas, proving yet again, nose meat tastes better than Beyond Meat every time. That's on the new nose meat commercial. They say that line, nose meat tastes better.

Okay. Hurricane Fiona has created devastating flooding in Puerto Rico, knocking out power to the entire island. A similar blackout also took place in Puerto Rico in 1985 when Red Band's mom mixed vodka and diet pills for the first time. She was so fucked up. God, the vodka and diet pills. The Daily Beast recently referred to an old Alex Jones clip as unhinged.

Unhinged. You mean the guy that calls in a question the sexuality of frog seems a bit off to you? That's like calling Jada Fire a Squirt Woman 3 risqué. That's a porn movie. She's a firefighter in Jada One. She's Squirt Woman 3. She puts out the fire with her pussy juice. Sounds like Ricky Martin really has been living La Vida Loca.

He made his 12-year-old nephew take his clothes off and go dancing in the rain and then fucked him. Okay, that's my turn. William Montgomery. Some people call him the Michelangelo of the New Minute. Incredible work. You are a true artiste. How are you, William?

I am looking out for Red Band. Last week, I made a mistake. I put a cricket on Red Band's shirt when I walked past him and he made legitimate threats to me up in the green room after the show. I honestly thought he was kidding, but he made legitimate threats. In the green room after the show in Red Band, I don't know if you noticed, but you might want to shut the fuck up tonight. Oh, shit.

Wow. You might want to shut the fuck up. You threatened me big time in the fucking green room, you dumbass. You thought I was going to fucking forget that? Wow. Do that again, bitch. Do that again. Oh, my God, William.

Is that a real gun that you have? It looks real. Oh, my God. Either that's a real gun or somebody's been keeping white bread in the refrigerator. Have you ever heard of that before? White bread in the refrigerator. Do you do that? No, no, I've never done that.

Have you ever heard of that? No, no. What was some dumbass up here talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I thought I heard some idiot. I thought I heard some idiot. You made me feel wrong for a second.

Seriously? I've never. That's not a fucking thing. Really, some dumbass was up here fucking talking about that. I have a fucking gun in my belt right now. Get him back up here. Are you fucking serious? I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Don't. I'm on fucking edge tonight. I literally, I'm packing heat tonight. I feel so powerful right now. He's not kidding. Just so you guys know, he's not kidding. I take him on the road with me and he bullies the shit out of me.

He bullies Red Band. He bullies. Duncan, I told you not to fucking bring that up. That's so awkward. Why would you bring that up, Duncan? I'm working on it. I'm tired of you hitting me, man. I'm tired of it.

And he hits you where people can't see it. He hits it. Yeah. Don't do your shirt. Yeah. Back of the head. Back of the head. Shut up, dude.

This is very interesting. Very rarely do headliners take feature acts on the road that bully them. Well, if I don't take him on the road now, he's going to kill me as a fucking gun. Yeah, I mean, it's no fucking joke up here tonight. I've been strangling a bunch of people. By the way, I need to never talk about strangling Venezuelans again. I got a bunch of Venezuelans messaging me after that. Oh, wow.

What a fucking nightmare. Yeah, that's why I have to have this gun now. This thing is so heavy. It's a very interesting t-shirt you're wearing. It is a raccoon appearing through a tree. And I noticed when you were performing that the back of the shirt, if you could turn around. Yep. Take a look at the back.

It is the back of the tree. A very, very interesting shirt. How did you end up getting that shirt? It took me fucking literally eight hours on eBay looking for it. Wow. Wow. What was it? It was like animal print, front and back, extra large.

If you all want to see it, yeah, they're all over eBay. Animal print, front and back. Front and back, extra large. They're all over eBay, but it took me eight hours to fucking find it. I swear to God, that's why I have to bring this gun around now. I've been forgetting everything. I can't... How does the gun help you remember things?

You're going to get it. Duncan, come on! I thought I told you before and not to ask me any fucking questions. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What is the worst thing you've ever done to Duncan when bullying him? We were at a mall in San Diego, and we were at the top of some escalators, and I told him to look at something on the edge of the escalator,

and I pushed him down the escalator. Oh my God. Oh, that's funny. Wow. That's so funny. I shouldn't have done it. Did you apologize for that? No, hell no.

Are you fucking kidding me? Now, you said that you've been strangling people. Is this with your bare hands, or have you been using what they call a ligature of some kind? Now, I've been using this belt that I still have on, the belt that you kind of make fun of me for. Wow. Can you show me the other side of the belt?

Uh-huh. Why? What? Yeah, show the other side. Why? Show us the other side. Show us the other side. Yeah, you sound like such a bitch.

I swear to God, why did you fucking come after me? Red Band literally fucking was giving me the stink eye in the green room after the fucking show last week, just because I put a fucking cricket on you. Why did that mess up your days? You actually put the cricket on Tony. Yeah, it ended up on my arm, because Red Band is so... I'm a good friend, and I'm trying to help Tony out,

because he's upset about it. Huh? Yeah. Yeah, totally. What'd you say? Why don't you open your fucking ears? Huh? Why don't you plug your...

I can hear you dumbass. I can hear what you're saying. Why don't you plug your little bitch down? I can hear you dumbass. Red Band, he's asking you a question. Are you buying gold with Rosalind Capital? That's something I just started doing. I've been finding gold with Rosalind Capital.

How much money have you invested in gold lately? Well, it's actually, you find it with Rosalind Capital. I got a metal detector. I've been out on the beach the past two weekends. I've found like 50 bucks. Wow. How many hours have you spent on the beach to find 50 bucks? I am sleeping out there.

I bring my tent. Oh. That's a lot of time. Yeah, there's tons of sand spiders at night. I don't know if you've ever seen a sand spider, but they are crawling up and down your fucking tent walls. I'm trying to get a good night's rest. I mean, you literally have to go out early in the morning

with your metal detector if you're going to fucking find anything. There's too many people out there with metal detectors. You have to go early in the morning. What kind of gun is it that you have there? This is a nine millimeter Glock. It's a Glock? Yup. Wow.

And what have you, how many people have you shot with that? With this one three. And what part of the body do you usually shoot people in? I've been shooting people in the right palm recently. Wow. It's kind of like a calling card. Seriously. What made you start the right palm?

I fucking strangle them and then I shoot them in the right palm. It's a calling card. Do you strangle them until they die and then you just shoot them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I shoot them in the hand. It's like a calling card. Do you, do you wear an outfit like some serial killers? Do you have any clothes that you wear on your?

God. Duggan, I'm horrified you brought that up. Like I swear to God, I've been working on the bullying thing. It's just we get in there, you start doing the tarot cards the entire time. You're doing fucking, you're doing classic bully shit. You're putting crickets on people. You're shooting people in the palm. You gotta stop.

Okay, well I'm fucking working on it. I swear to God, I'm working on it. I'm gonna stop. How come you never bully me? It seems like you're bullying everybody else. I'm just curious because I take you on the road a lot too. He doesn't bully gay dudes. Normally it's the opposite.

Guys from Tennessee tend to bully gay men. So it's interesting that I'm the exception. You're one of the few gay people who I don't bully. Thank you. You know, Tony, I did learn a real thing about William. He's addicted, you probably know this, he's addicted to this app, this game where he pops balloons and he's like one of the best in the world for popping balloons.

Yeah, I actually found out about this that he has popped over one billion balloons on in this game. It's true. It's a big deal. What's crazy is that when we joke around, we talk so much silly shit that you guys don't believe what we're saying right now. You're like, wow, this is sort of a stupid bit to make up. What's the name of that?

Balloons Tower Defense 6. And you've literally popped a billion balloons. How much time do you think you've spent playing this game? It would have to be over 60 days in all. Like literally, that 60 days I was gone, like a couple weeks ago, I was gone for 60 days, I was doing that. Wow. Literally, 60 fucking days.

I was looking up Rosalind Kemp. I'm sorry, I've just been trying to have a good time tonight and you have not laughed at anything and I'm having a real hard time. I have this gun. Yeah, I'm looking at you. Yeah, I'm looking at you. You've been throwing me off the entire fucking time.

I've been trying to have fun tonight. Don't shake your fucking head, come on. You've been such a downer all night. I've been trying to have fun. I had to bring up fucking Rosalind Capital. God. That guy is... He's pretty intense.

Yeah, he's very intense in the audience. Somehow I'm more... You have a gun on your hip and I'm more worried about what this guy might do. Don't put your hands up. Yeah, don't expose your palm like that. So William, you brought the gun up here but you didn't show it to anybody.

What was the plan exactly? Just to intimidate Red Band? Yeah, that was the general plan. I had no plans tonight because I literally have been looking up Rosalind Capital. Oh. Looking up buying gold from them. But yeah, I didn't have a plan

and then Red Band gave me this gun and then he really did offend me greatly last week. It does seem like Rebian and I are kidding around up here but we're not. He really threw me off in the green room so I thought I would be perfect to get a gun and then... Oh, you're coming over.

This is the closest that I think we've ever been to one another, William. No, it's not, Tony. Okie dokie. Do you have a concealed carry license for that? No, I don't. Do you have any kind of license at all? No. I lost my driver's license like seven years ago.

Wow. I've been riding dirty this all the past seven years. Real dirty. I literally ran into a group of people at this fucking truck stop. I lost my license and... Wow. Alright.

Very interesting. William, what do you do with all the gold you find? Wait, what? What just happened? What did you say? He's asking me questions again. And then what did you say? I said, dog good. I tried to yell dog good.

You didn't say it like that. Dog good. Wow. Alright. Thanks, Dad. My dad's here. Ladies and gentlemen, make some of this for our final comedian of the night, the great William Montgomery, everybody. There he goes.

Catch him on cameo. He makes a living on cameo now when he's not doing stand-up. Here's the amazing drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt of tonight's episode with the great Duncan Trussell. How cool is that? Love it. It's amazing. All those prints are available at ryanjeebelt.com.

Check out the family hour. Check out Midnight Gospel. It's available at duncantrussell.com. It makes some noise for my guests. Duncan Trussell, everybody. This is Kill Tony. Brought to you by the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose and Deep Eddie Vodka.

And how about one more time for the band? Everyone. Michael Gonzalez on drums. Paul Deemer on the horn. Dee Madness on the bass and Matt Mueling on the electric. They're brought to you by screwball of Hanna Butter Whiskey. Thank you guys so much for coming out. Love you guys.

Fun times, everybody. We'll see you next time. Goodnight. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.