KILL TONY - #590 - ADAM EGET

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

Adam Eget, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Hans Kim, William Montgomery, Jules Durel, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 12/12/2022–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:LIQUID-IV.COM – GET 25% OFF ANY ORDER WITH PROMO CODE: “TONY” AT: LIQUID-IV.COM

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquad.tv. There you have video portions to all the shows and you can click on tour dates and come see us live. Not only do we do Kill Tony, but we have also a lot of comedy shows, including The Weekly Secret Show at Vulcan Gas Company every Thursday. You can also go to shopsquad.tv for Desquad merchandise and go to RyanJeBelt.com, he's the house artist, he draws every episode, he sells prints, he sells posters and Tony

is on tour right now so go to TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band, coming to you live from Vulcan Gas Company, here for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, here's Tony X-Clip. Are you guys ready for the best goddamn night of your lives or what? Hell yeah, make some noise for Red Band everybody. Hey everybody. This is Little Beauty Pie, this sweet, sweet little baked potato fucking podcasting.

How about a hand for this goddamn band, huh? That's the screwball peanut butter whiskey Kill Tony band. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by the Red Rose and the Yellow Rose, Deep Eddie Vodka and Gel Blaster, the most amazing product for the Christmas time. Go buy Gel Blaster, available in stores everywhere. Guys, that's the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, right there. That's John Dees on the keys with a Gel Blaster firing. Thank you, thank you so much John, it's now raining gel on the stage, perfect.

Thank you, we really planned that out perfectly, we had hours to talk about it. Now it's raining gel. That's the great D-Madness right down the middle. Get mulling on the electric guitar and the great Paul Deemer on the horns. We also have this fucking lady halfway on stage, I don't know what's going on. Can we get her, can we position you somewhere else other than on fucking Michael's drums set? I love it, I know you're the fucking new transgender general or whatever.

I'm just kidding, I'm kidding, welcome to the show you fucking wild lady. You could tell that's going to be problems later on. This bitch is trying to get her phone out of her bag to yelp already, I can feel it. It's going to be a fun show, the energy is here. Before we get it started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey y'all, you might not know this, but when I'm not being the host of the number one live podcast in the world, what I've been doing for the last 16 years is being a professional

stand-up comedian and I'm excited to say that I'm back out on tour again. January 13th and 14th of 2023, I'm in Dallas, Texas. And February 9th and 10th of 2023, I'm in Houston, Texas. Tickets available at TonyHinchCliff.com. All these shows sell out, so don't be a doofus. Go to the website now, get tickets while you still can. Hey y'all, the new year is here and there's no better way to kick off 2023 than by making sure you're feeling like your best self.

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That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code TONY at liquidIV.com. You guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? You guys have to do better than that. Are you ready to start tonight's fucking episode? Every single week we have one or two of the best comedians on planet earth on this show. You guys are here for such a fucking special one because the stakes are completely raised on tonight's episode.

The guy that's going to be watching comedians with us tonight has famously been the talent coordinator at the comedy store during its highest most powerful time ever and is the new booker at Rogan's brand new comedy club opening soon. So this guy literally decides who goes up when they go up and on top of all that he's literally one of my funniest friends. You know him as of course the sidekick from Norm McDonald's show. Ladies and gentlemen this is Adam Egett everybody multiple time guest legend in the game comedy store icon the norm show available everywhere.

We're fucking back at it again the great Adam Egett hello my friend it's good to be here thank you. We're going to have fun tonight and you know you're going to get to see some of this fucking talent crop. This is what you have to deal with whatever we see tonight. It's it's going to be a true testament to the youth of comedy who knows anything can happen though. Who dropped out.

Why am I here. Roseanne dropped out. She'll probably be here next week or the week after but it was Roseanne bar. That's how close you guys were to having Roseanne crazy right. What a fun city that you live into. You have such good taste it went to a show in which it was almost. You should give yourselves a round of applause for coming to a show. Instead it's going to be Adam luckily he knows the fucking format of the show which is probably

a lot more than Roseanne would have done you know research wise but a bunch of people signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds on this stage. If I pull one of their names out that means they get 60 seconds uninterrupted their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the anger with Hollywood bear which just interrupts their set and then I interview them and we talk to them for a few minutes we find out more about them. Can't wait. You guys ready to start this motherfucker or what.

There's only one way to get it started nowadays. We made this guy a regular of course we have a few regulars on the show these people it's incredible they're all out there fucking working and headlining it's a legendary position in which they have a very very very ridiculously hard job of trying to write and perform a brand new minute of material every week. Let's get this thing started here tonight if you know the words sing along this is Hans Kim everybody. Hey what's up steers and queers good to be here my new favorite thing I recently found is watching a fake service dog meet another fake service dog look that's just the cutest

thing ever the only thing fake service dogs are good for is sniffing out other fake service dogs they're very good at that but yeah good to be here I I drive a moped around which I think is very fun watching Texans have to not kill me like wait a minute there's something weaker and smaller than me but I can't attack and then take its oil but the good thing about driving a moped is I don't have to worry about getting t-boned because a moped isn't long enough to make the top part of a tea just have to worry about getting exclamation marked all right thank you hell yeah charismatic super likable really leaning on those laurels here tonight yeah well you know what they say close open week close week middle week

no you you're you're a legend you're always good I think it's the first time I've ever seen you where I was like just not thrilled yeah it's true Hans losing work here at it all by the balls was probably gonna be on opening night at Rogan's club I think probably it was Chris Rock Dave Chappelle and now look at you you're finding out here you are doing your weekly work and you just got told that that was the worst performance he's ever seen a normal weekly spell W.E.A.K. this fake service dog thing what happened Hans well some girl with a fake service dog break your heart this week what happened explain explain what was going through your head when he said this is funny to fake service dogs meeting in the for the first

time I mean it's just funny because like they're not supposed to be service dogs and they're like they have a vest on they have it like an official job but like they don't know that and then they see each other and they're like oh look another dog and they just all the pretenses is washed away you want me over did you see this happen somewhere I saw a woman with a dog that was probably a fake service dog and I was like this is getting out of control let me try to stop this you don't even know if it was a fake service dog yeah but you can tell like just with the vibes because it was a little bit jumpy it was a little bit active it was too much of a dog and not enough service ah there you go you should add that to the premise that you came up here

with I love it okay and then the moped thing how is driving a moped around here you chose gay yeah yeah this probably wasn't a good decision it's not really designed for the moped in mind it's I actually took it on the highway recently brilliant maneuver nothing we love more than a guy like you how fast does that thing go what's its max speed 40 50 50 miles per hour great and but my guess living in Texas for two years is that you were probably in the far left lane driving what is wrong with you people get over the fuck out of the way really reinforcing stereotypes it is incredible in Asian on a moped let's just let's lose the walls and the barriers of a vehicle and fucking just raw dogged or in your case it's like being a not

raw dog but a fake service dog almost free ball in it on the fucking streets trying to be safe that helmet's not gonna cut it dude what else is going on Hans something else that's going on is I recently made a buttload of money doing stand-up comedy yeah thank you so much Tony these shows have been amazing and I'm lucrative your headlining yes yes people are coming out to see me and I'm getting those door deals selling real tickets getting it fucking done almost unheard of for someone that's how long you've been one stand up pretty long time turns out he's 75 years old he's been doing this 49 years he's coming out of service dogs fake service dogs what's up with fake service dogs anyway good to be here good to be here 25 seconds after my opening joke it's so

good to be here hey hey what is the deal with fake service dogs have you ever seen fake service dog meet a fake service dog come on hey thank you it's the Hans Kim show thanks service dog big service dog what is that okay okay thank you thank you oh my goodness Hans we love you what else anything else there was a dead raccoon in my crawl space okay all right I recently put it there no hey I put a service vest on it tell them to hit the streets oh my goodness I got a little service raccoon Hansie my sweet sweet Hans it's it was very stinky I do remember you saying something about this yeah yeah you said your house stunk was that last week's show or yes yeah and so now you found out that up in the was it the ventilation system it's in the underneath the

house it crawled in and then it couldn't get out oh and it took two garbage bags to get out of there so what do you mean it took two garbage bags how did you cook it oh red man how did you how did you cook it haha wow red man you're really fat whoa hey I thought I thought that I tasted like your girlfriend's pussy whoa holy shit look at this battle of the Titans over here uh-oh red man's loading up I see the wheels turn it but you fucking regret asking that now red man oh how's your girlfriend going with your girlfriend she's doing great we're actually broken up oh yeah we're gonna find her underneath your house next week I'll tell you Tony it took four trash bags to get her out of there oh that's a lot of work that's a lot of work on oh my goodness

Hans we fucking love you every week with your fucking silly energy you come out you get the party started we absolutely adore you I'm so happy that you're out there fucking killing it on the road brings me so much joy thank you Tony these audiences they fucking anybody try to fucking sing your theme or anything when you go out there yeah all the time really yeah bunch of tone-deaf white dudes I love it I love it you goddamn right this is the world that we build especially in Appleton Wisconsin yeah incredible Hans we love you there he goes getting the show started Hans Kim that was Hans Kim that was Hans Kim that was all right so the bucket we go this is where shit gets crazy could be anybody maybe you signed up for the chance to do 60 seconds

might be somebody's first time might be a local legend your first comedian tonight goes by the name of Chandler Valencia straight out of the bucket probably his first time on the show here comes Chandler Valencia our first bucket pull of the night make some noise for Chandler everybody I'll tell you all about myself I'm ugly don't want to disagree at once all your shit I know I'm ugly you can't convince me otherwise because every single time I post a picture online it's like a 50-50 chance someone comments how brave I am despite that I actually have a girlfriend despite that I actually have a girlfriend and dude she can talk like the other day she talked for six hours about c-sections finally I was just like cut it out growing up growing up my

mom was a stripper people always ask me did you get bullied cuz your mom was a stripper I'm like hell yeah I got bullied not cuz my mom was a stripper but they always asked me that I always had a killer comeback line every single time I was getting bullied you know I was like listen dude your dad should be saving for your college fund but instead he's in from my college fund boom exactly a minute in and out Chandler Valencia this is your first time on the show right yes welcome welcome how long you've been doing stand-up comedy September September wow brand spanking new how old are you 23 what made you want to start stand-up is this something you've I did it as a like a joke for a talent show in high school and then I used to be a professional

video game player and whenever that career was done I was like fuck it stand up wow look at you going from the other easiest job in the world to sit down stand up yeah sit down stand up fucking lay around what video game red band wants to know what video games your fellow nerd here's h1z1 h1z1 wow that sounds like a new coronavirus or something that's very exciting you made the virus very good I love it has anyone ever told you that you look like a smush down Rick Moranis before no that's a first I always get told I look like the sloth off of Zootopia okay young Peter Griffin maybe yes oh my goodness I do see it I'll take that one yeah yeah better than the slot yeah yeah young Peter Griffin's better than just Peter Griffin exactly absolutely you got that

you're 23 and you only look 41 that's incredible absolutely amazing what do you do for work I'm an IT guy IT okay that makes sense that checks out completely I could see that do you even have to have a badge or something or you just show up and you're like look at my face they just let me in right he's got glasses he knows what he's done I love it what do you do for fun what's the party side of a IT nerd like Chandler Valencia I'm pretty much just do open mics with my friends like every night up in Dallas okay oh you're from Dallas yeah okay very good I love it I know an open miker up in Dallas that's been open miking for a long time anyway Chandler Valencia very very interesting what's a fun fact about your life that we'd be interested to know about you what

makes you different than other humans any fun facts was your mom really a stripper she actually was yeah wow isn't that interesting how far the apple fell from this tree I mean what's worse what's worse is my dad was a bodybuilder as well get the fuck out of here I don't know how this god well you are one million percent adopted yeah definitely definitely so what did they do they these these cool ass parents here's what did they do just instead of a crib they just put you in a locker I had a drawer apparently my mom had too many kids so I had a drawer are you fucking around I'm serious how many kids did your mom have my mom had eight and my dad had three other than me oh shit oh my god I didn't realize your mom was Puerto Rican that's incredible eight kids Mexican

is she really yeah she's Mexican oh my goodness okay I try to be creative and did Puerto Rican so that I didn't lose the heavily Mexican crowd here fuck yeah represent what's up West Coast Nate Diaz for life anyway so you are Mexican yeah absolutely uh-huh and you're that's white yet the white bodybuilder father does he ever believe I wish he was never around I'll take anything at this point you know oh my goodness you sure he wasn't black your boss so your bodybuilder father you've never met him I've met him a couple times right was there any of them recent all of them recent wow I met him the first time last year what do you what does he do he just gives you a big hug and starts lifting you like this over and over again or what's the deal what's it like having a bodybuilder

father well I haven't seen him obviously until like last year and so they kind of treat me like I'm like a deer or something like they're scared to scare me off now yeah so like the whole family's like you'll be careful don't don't uh don't say nothing else scare him off you know right no I get that I understand that I know what that's like trying to impress your father um very very cool does he know that you do stand up yes how did he find this out I told him be a text phone call in person in person so this you've seen him yeah go ahead did you see the disappointment in his eyes immediately or was there like a couple seconds after pretty much immediately yeah is he still a bodybuilder he's a lawyer now wow the old bodybuilder turned lawyer holy shit sounds like a great

guy Tony oh my god fucking oh my god that is incredible did he go to college for this you just fucking off fucking lifted just the right amount fucking I figured it out dude I bought the law and fucking I won interesting would you hire your father as a lawyer he's a lawyer in Colorado he can't do Texas for some reason oh okay I wish I needed one in Colorado yeah you trust him yeah I do wow I'll break all of you think you'd show up yeah 100% okay he's got some time to make up for you Chandler you have any special skills or talents you know any fucking magic tricks or anything like that no one magic trick with the cards no okay anything else unless you have fucking cards on you that's not really gonna get us anywhere anything else nope nope nothing very unathletic I

can't do shit really if you couldn't tell on yeah yeah no I could tell I could tell I could see it what's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator you live by yourself I do what's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator I got pickles that I bought when I first moved out when I was 17 and they're still there oh my god what are you waiting to eat them with your father oh yeah people ask they go Tony why we're refrigerator why would you ask that sometimes it's where you got to go to find the gold Chandler Valencia very fun times not only am I going to give you a big joke book just a few months into your comedy career but we're also gonna give you a brand new fucking gel blaster there you go have one of these catch this is one of the big tests on the show yeah unathletic my

ass where those gel blasters the only what's going on somebody gonna hand into them we got to figure this out it's got to be better than this hand them over there over there they would hand it off over there there he goes you're about to get a gel blaster coming oh there you go you got it very good little elf we got working over here all right you guys having fun you get it let's do it again back to the bucket we go very exciting stuff going on your next comedian goes by the name of Bruce Horner Bruce Horner huh here he is here he is yep one more time for Bruce Horner everybody whoa they don't they don't prepare you for this maybe they do shit well I guess let's start with what's probably most recent you know I'm at that point at 31 where everybody

wants to talk about like what they're planning that they you know they're gonna be a real estate investor they're gonna pull out their equity they're gonna put that into another property you don't know fucking planning until you're about to shit your pants in the middle of a bar alright that's where the real test comes in I know you shit your pants I know you've done that in the middle of bar but you know that because then you're going through your progressions right you're almost like a Monday night quarterback all right Subway's not open can't do that Jimmy John's tried and true I don't want to do that alley that's all I got fuck Bruce Horner has arrived are you the last comedian's bodybuilder father that one was my cross the bear yes alright

0 for 11 Bruce Horner has arrived Adam what do you think new paid regular Rogan's club or what dude let's put him up right between fucking Chappelle and fucking Bob Saget or something like that away where this handle named the big brubowski I don't know I thought you'd be funnier no I mean the premises were alright you know how long have you been doing this I've never done what oh so it's your first time yeah okay that makes you deep madness is seen enough actually didn't know the context of the show before off and on incredible so how old are you 31 what made you want to start here today buddy brought up kill Tony it was like you ever been I was like no if you watch it it was like no well good news you got to shit your pants in a bar yeah but

incredible shit all over the state it's like I got a bit that'll work on this hell yeah incredible so what do you do for work tell us about your life I am in the tech sales like everybody in okay uh-huh what do you do for fun 31 year old Bruce Horner yeah since I got married things changed a bit so you know okay slow down all right jujitsu jujitsu okay so you're married to a man no I'm kidding I'm kidding another cross the barrier right okay you say cross the barrel how often do you go to church not enough right okay how long you've been married six months six months brand new what does she do she is in property management okay how long have you known her about three years three years okay and you guys have a house together that's right okay thank you

that's one way of saying yes that's right that's right just drops the microphone that's right you've been Bruce Horner so Bruce tell us something interesting about you you randomly signed up your buddy's like want to come to the show and talk at all and now here you are you're at a random ass fucking show you didn't know anything about how do you answer that there's about 80 people that signed up that have been dying to get on this show for months that'll answer it for you Jimmy John's bathrooms close I guess I got nothing yeah it was either here Shakespeare's and I didn't fucking know this was gonna happen dude I'm just a tech sales guy just fucking you trying to get your wife pregnant is that a thing you're planning on doing man I hope not not yet oh my goodness

gracious so what do you do you're still pulling out yeah pull out game still strong is it that's probably good for society that you're pull out game it's wrong you don't mean there's Mexican strippers have any babies out there somewhere right now alright Bruce anything else that fucking we could work with here a little fun fact you ever save anybody's life or fucking you ever almost die yourself no I mean I did a stint in West Virginia and by stint I mean I moved there so what's Virginia oh you're doing crowd work look at you doing crowd work right now connecting with the audience incredible to watch you found somebody from West Virginia is oh my god save me Jesus Bruce your first time doing stand-up you walked into a big crazy bar and you got pulled out of

the bucket that's how that goes there goes Bruce Horner everybody I'm gonna go to this bucket again we're gonna get a fucking one of these hungry monsters up here there's a gel blaster Bruce go kill yourself with it please alright your next comedian goes by the name of Iona or Ilona Norman can't tell whether that's a second eye or an L but I'm gonna say Ilona or no Flora could that be Flora you see the shit that I deal with it's unbelievable here they come to Iona here they come Fiona here she is everybody we're about to find out hi I'm an electrician and I have a work around a bunch of guys and I'm sitting there at work one day and I'm sitting on the other side the cubicle there's like six of them and they were talking about women and the one guy

he's his name's Dan and he says and he goes oh I have a hard time talking to beautiful women because they get nervous and all that you know I just can't talk to him and I stand up with the fuck you said I'm ugly motherfucker and he's like you're good you're good and then one day I'm on the way we're getting the golf cart and we're heading to the chow hall to get some breakfast to my buddy Kyle he says I said well we start talking about sex and he says well I said Kyle honestly I haven't had sex in like a year and a half and he goes he goes you know what I got me some dick last night I go you gotta be fucking kidding me I'm looking like what the fuck get back to the office I go in there I gotta tell him Kyle got him some dick last night y'all they were like

oh my god so and and then Dan and then another day Dan he's sitting in the office and he says he's talking about jacking off in the tub he says you cannot jack off in the tub because it'll get all of your chest hair oh my goodness I never thought I would say this but can we get Bruce Horner back up here holy shit oh my god what the fuck is going on who the fuck let this fucking cat out the bag oh my god you made the drive from fucking dripping springs to be here tonight this is incredible I have always wondered what dog the bounty hunter looked like without the sunglasses on this is amazing holy shit I can't believe we got Uncle Lazer's grandmother here tonight this is what an unbelievable honor absolutely incredible I love you and I thought Roseanne canceled on me tonight

then alright alright alright okay don't don't dance don't dance don't dance don't dance I love this set was horrible but this interview is gonna be golden I can just tell it reminded me of every relationship I've been in whenever they get home from work oh my goodness this party is banging alright first of all what is your name you have the handwriting of someone like you I didn't have my readers on I couldn't see so what's your do you remember your name without your readers on I loan a Norman I loan a okay so I kind of had it yeah alright alright I loaned me some jokes the next time you try to do stand-up comedy well it's only old for people that fucking know you you understand that right there's not many I loan is walking around town because they end up like this

now I'm kidding I like your fucking energy you have cool mom energy how long you've been doing stand-up wow no way I love it that makes sense thank fucking God for that absolutely incredible so what have you been doing your whole life I loan you've been raising kids yes I have three you have three kids and they're all grown up now yes 31 29 27 31 39 20 oh hell yeah you had some active years back then okay and they are they're all good hell yeah I love it now what about you what do you do what you work for the postal service I'm an electrical project manager electrical wow okay so what exactly does that mean what do you do you drive to work and then what get the mic right up to your mouth when you talk all I can hear is fucking D madness the app in the map meowing back here

about fucking C chords and D chords and shit what just caught got me got me got me got me that is so good he does this every week he's got fucking jokes this guy does it all it's a fucking shirt so he's got a he's got a shirt with Santa pointing to his eyes that says I'm watching best dressed on the show most talented on the show makes us all look stupid one more time for D madness alright let's get back to this alright from D madness to she madness let's talk about I I Lona alright so what do you do for fun you seem like you know every dive bar 45 minutes out of town I want to know if I'm right about this while we're adding my Ducati you're Mike you have a Ducati oh my goodness incredible you ever fucking see Hans Kim out there on his moped I love it wow so you're on a Ducati yes incredible is

that your only way of traveling look at you so you did pretty well for yourself you have a guy that you live with no you're single all alone all alone I've been hearing that my whole life oh my I Lona that you've heard that god damn it I bet you've heard it all that's what happens all right what was my last question I was going somewhere with it I can't fuck several modes of transportation several modes of transportation oh you're single right why do you think that is it's not me it's not you right okay like your last relationship when was that how long ago was that about a year and a half ago it ended but right that's how that goes when it did yeah you were together for seven years okay so what made it end it wasn't you but what what what he broke up with

you is that what you're saying no I left you left morning yeah it was you just disappeared you just packed up and went you don't want to a final straw was there something that happened it took about a year and a half and I finally called him and and he answered the phone I said thank you for answering the phone he said well he said I'm trying to pick my job off the floor for you called me because he thought he'd never hear from me again but we talk about once every couple months you know okay when's the last time you got dicked down just answered my question and then we'll figure out more later I know you want to know what that's uncomfortable it's okay this is the show that you signed up for I know I know hell yeah

yeah last night no no no too bad right too bad but I got to dance last night at a friend's party you got to dance at a friend's party it was really it was a lot of fun what type of anti-depressants are you on exactly absolutely you dance a certain kind of way I'm guessing zoloft thank you nothing at all no you're just out there riding a ducati at 90 miles an hour just being yourself just weathering the storm okay what type of guy are you into before I let you go I want to know what's your type because we could go a couple different ways with this I think that uh like just somebody to be honest and not you know just oh that's why you're gonna be single forever okay now I got it my expectations stop it he's playing dirty dancing theme right now because

you dance and you seem kind of dirty you're so fun I love your energy you take these jokes fucking well and head on you seem like a cool ass lady I'd like to drink a fucking Miller high life with you sometime and fucking talk about it all right I'm sure you have some war stories that you're not telling us right now I can fucking see it I love your style there she goes here you go can you hey catch this here it comes boom you got it go that way you're gonna get a gel blaster go this way go this way alone and go that way get a gel blaster over there nobody open your gel blasters until you leave the venue by the way I feel like that's I don't yeah honest what do you think the last time she was gel blaster I think she was probably yeah she's definitely gonna get it

tonight oh you know what let's do something special how many of you have been fans of the show for years it's a weird question but I was hoping for that I was hoping for that David Lucas is out of town shooting a really big thing this week that's gonna be coming out soon that you guys are all gonna be amazed by it's super fucking cool but we do have a very special treat for you this young lady had her very first time ever doing stand-up comedy on the Kill Tony show years and years ago I think four or five years ago or something like that since then we've always tried to squeeze her up whenever we get a chance we have not seen her perform in years a legend of Kill Tony fucking folklore make some noise for the great afro deity a kill Tony baby she started when she was like 63

or something cool like that we love her all right she moves a little bit slower than she used to come on make some noise for afro deity everybody hell yeah what's up motherfuckers what's up you harry potter looking motherfucking wane kasey looking motherfuckers i miss you i want you to know i've been doing good i do not have the kuchi lorona of the grabbing of the kuchi virus with the juices flying out the back of my asshole i do not have it but the doctors say i do have asthma see all that asthma

i got asthma now i know it's a holiday season for you motherfuckers but i gotta spoil it tell you Santa Claus got shot the fuck up in the hood last night and we did tell them about bringing his ass down there wearing all that goddamn red and then walking up to sister's talking about ho ho ho we don't play that shit motherfucking you don't call us no ho in the hood so we fucked Santa Claus up and we would barbecue the motherfucking reindeer's that shit was delicious you know ladies if you want a big ass stop eating healthy eating healthy food makes your ass shrink just so you know motherfucking ass

the return of Aphrodite she started with us her very first minute of stand-up ever was in the belly room of the comedy store we've been having her on for years how you been fantastic still getting that doing hey oh shit see she kisses and tells this one right here i love it welcome back wow you is good to be home with all these other things incredible command of the stage from the hello all the way through adam can you believe the charisma on this one no i can't how long have you been doing this wait the first time was on your show yeah when was that after i think it was uh uh august wow second 2016 i loved it yeah i got picked the first time i came i got picked the second

time i came i got picked the third time again god damn right yeah you're just bright enough to stage you're fantastic i love you're like a throwback to lawanda page or something like that i love i love that she what you're trying to say oh shit look out uh afro deity so i love it you came out you called everybody harry potter looking ass motherfuckers now is that just that's just a blanket statement for everybody here is that just you think all white people white people are way in kasey looking motherfuckers you know some of y'all might be serious that's cool right okay i love it what a little bundle of joy you are thank you sweet little thing she's like if one of those mario toad stools we're in we're in fucking harlem or something like that like it's like i kind of

just want to jump on your head i forgot to say something i'm so glad to be back on the keel tiny show hey oh shit bling bling bling bling bling tiny my tiny motherfucking nephew i love him i am not tiny joe rogan has me on testosterone i've been stronger than i've ever been i'm gonna look like this fucking timbuktu motherfucker here in a couple months oh you look like that brawny towel commercially that's true he does look like the brawny guy very good brawny guy need anchemiama here you go this is incredible it's like everybody's kitchen cabinet coming to life right now okay so afro you made it through fucking coven i was worried about you you were on my fucking uh death pole right up at the top i'm gonna be on but you've lost a lot of weight

how much weight have you lost i don't know okay perfect hell yeah perfect it is went out to my ass when i got six years ago i had to have double hip replacement surgery everything down titties flatline everything but that ass thing go nowhere oh my goodness oh my goodness why do you think that is why do you think god moves the weight to your ass i don't know you know my grandmother had ass today she had no titties she was flatlined on the chair she had no titties right right so that's a shame yeah the titties is for my mother so did you get covid you've been on i'm too goddamn hungry for that shit right you don't know you're too what for that shit honoree honoree yeah i don't give a fuckness how does that affect i didn't i didn't i didn't know this is one of the vitamins

that uh you need a vitamin honoree yeah so what you were going out right were you doing this they say stay in ass they fuck all you motherfuckers out yeah yeah for real right the fuck out i remember one of the last things i did because they closed fucking the comedy store i remember very specifically because it was such a weird time right and i was the last person to perform at the only comedy club that was still open while basically like sirens are going off and shit was flappers they were the last one to close they had me do however long i wanted i was just talking about what was about to happen like i was it was like a covid set no one was there like 20 people and then after that i went and saw you and the top shelf brass band one of my favorite bands

in all of los angeles do a show on a vine street what was that place that's the frass saloon and that was literally the last show that i saw four months was you singing with the top shelf brass band are you guys still working together oh yeah we've been together almost five years from kill tony through jeremiah right on the show yep absolutely beautiful young men you know i'm old enough to be their great grandmother and you guys all work together you have a little song that you want to do or something you want to tell the band yeah can we pick that tip or that song y'all was rehearsing first you know yeah i hope y'all been doing fantastic i love you this is the great afro deity giving us a little bit of music let me tell you now listen up listen up and learn

why a girl like me has a right to ur to be a superstar rap master i'm so cold like a start of disaster baby oh it's gonna be all right listen i love you yeah listen i'm feeling you oh yeah i like that love making all night i like it baby we don't for sweet oh baby no one else can set me on fire so sweet hey hey we're gonna do it all night yeah i don't let nobody tell you about yourself you can do anything you ever ever want it wow thank you wow thank you how old are you afro deity october 10th this year i just made 67 67 years old started on kill tony made a road trip to come here tonight we absolutely love you

afro deity she has a new song coming out around christmas time time for love check it out the top shelf brass band featuring afro deity princess afro you told me before the show that you legally changed your name to princess afro deity yeah actually um my legal name is afro deity love johnson l i'm a motion okay i think that's one of my favorite football players uh what the hell is that wide receiver for the new york giants uh yeah i smashed my ass on all the motherfuckers oh hell yeah absolutely there will be no more football oh hell you're looking at the oh shit oh my goodness never gets old never gets old 67 but it never gets old well my thing is until the men stop hitting on me i'm not officially fucked up oh you know what i'm saying if somebody

wants to fuck you you're good oh shit someone's fucking pounding out afro deity tonight i can feel it be sure to drink your deep eddy vodka and screw ball peanut butter whiskey only seven shots until you fuck afro deity that's all it takes no i'm kidding i'm kidding shut up i don't drink i roll joints oh shit i roll drinks i roll drinks all right afro deity we love you you have the best post charismatic energy we've always loved you you're a legend so good to see you again great performance great jokes i love you and and we'll see i love you why don't you you're gonna hang out you're gonna be at the after party you might sing or something right goof around with the boys all right there you go oh yeah she's gonna get yeah

oh yeah catch it how about one more time for afro deity everybody unbelievable incredible incredible what a voice she's got that thing she can hit those notes i think some of that comes out of her ass yeah all right i pulled another name out of the bucket you guys ready for more of this shit huh make some noise for your next comedian john chaney everyone john chaney all right we got movement somebody coming here he comes down the stairs all right ladies and gentlemen fresh out of the bucket made a long walk to be here give it up for

john chaney everyone are we doing tonight all right my name is john chaney the obvious thing chaney the only thing i really can't stand about that is uh everybody thinks i'm i'm related to dick the old vice president but everybody says it and he is really fucking annoying after a while and it's the most obvious thing you could say but it's like at some point you have to say something back to him so for me it's been well no i'm not related but my dad's a dick my sons are both dicks and most of the time i'm a dick uh let's see they're trying to lose weight later recently uh came to austin for the weekend and this is not the right place for it so i think i've been trying to stick to my diet but i think it's gonna be a net gate of about 15 pounds

well i really do not do not prepare for this way more nervous than i thought it would be i guess that'll be it all right john chaney adorable adorable i fucking love it welcome to the show this is your first time here right yes i only recognize you from every waffle house in america normally if i want to see red band i have to look this direction so this is incredible it's like i'm surrounded by red bands feels good i love it i love it it's a fucking red band sandwich but i'm the i'm in between two pieces of bread for sure right now it's buttery well i mean it's either red band or burr cresher i love what yeah absolutely absolutely i could see a fucking bigger burr cresher shorter powder stronger oh no definitely not probably not he means he lives a

lot okay welcome to the show john so i love it okay where'd you park your 18 wheeler first of all i'm retired man is that what you used to do nope nope what you used to do military i was army oh shit you were in the army oh my goodness wow that was like a hundred pounds ago right what were you doing in the army what were you uh artillery okay absolutely incredible and you served overseas yes how about a hand for this guy an american hero this is what's happening the people that keep the whole goddamn thing together what did you see over there anything crazy uh guy fuck a goat okay hell yeah all right i've never wanted to sign up for the military till now but now i'm interested was it a service code was it a service goat or was it a fake service

goat could go either way okay so you saw a guy fucking a goat first question who came first oh yeah very good he's got it he's got it perfect answer that's that's the that's the moment you're gonna remember when you wake up tomorrow morning you're gonna be like god damn i got that coat lining i'm fucking doing it you're gonna treat yourself to extra steak and eggs tomorrow i can tell you're gonna rationalize it and i've earned this one i feel like john is if bucky's was a person yeah he is he's cool hard working likeable good to the military incredible i got court marshaled at the end what i got i got court marshaled at the end oh shit food court marshaled is that what happened because holy shit i could

see why that would be full of gas and fudge the fucking it's pretty interesting i i i i walked away unscathed but uh one of the charges was excessive cussing i was a drill sergeant wow oh my goodness and they got you for excessive cussing that was one of the charges jesus this is the american military you were fighting for or fucking france oh you'll cost her too much will you are ready for war it was fun it uh got to the court marshal in front of the judge um one of the charges was referring to the mouths of female soldiers as cock holsters come dumpsters another fun wow oh my goodness god damn hero yeah these are all things you can find in han's kim's journal as well incredible but i had to tell the judge i

said the charge was inaccurate because i wasn't just talking to the females i was talking to the males also right exactly there's a lot of trying to get yeah i've seen full metal jacket yeah absolutely right incredible so you're just riding off the fucking the military pension right you get paid from and so now what's your setup you live uh i live in uh tennessee and i got three kids i love it well how'd you end up here tonight this is just i came down for the weekend i love it what'd you do here this weekend tell us about the weekend got high went to the freaking cave came here went to freaking cave went to the strip club it's a good weekend which strip clubs absolutely with very good the red rose do you have a good time there absolutely absolutely indeed did you have one of the burgers

they're famous for their burgers actually i didn't eat wow you didn't eat oh my goodness did someone uh dance on the area that uh your stomach covers your head moving on the way but yeah i like it i like it they give you a little belly button dance incredible john what's a fun fact about your life that we'd be surprised to know about you anything crazy ever happened you have any special skills or talents ever win something or fucking anything crazy stupid military stuff yeah no big deal nope nope yeah okay who's that old air force buddy from when i was in there for oh shit and what's he what's he yelling at some in old war inside so okay that makes sense that makes sense he's my token black friend so oh he's black oh my goodness is he live in tennessee as well

he lives down in san antonio san antonio that's right that we that's that's why he sounds like that exactly i love it okay um and john you you have a you have a wife what's your situation ex wife i got the full military experience so you know std's deployment well okay what std's did you get for her herbie wow jeez this guy has hpb and wmd's this is incredible oh absolutely amazing what were your symptoms what would happen luckily you can't see your dick so poor bastard got warped i look like i ate a former version of myself so you got court marshaled and warped marshal oh wow what's the jersey you're wearing is that a competitive hot dog eating team that you're on or something like that uh west point jersey from a couple years ago

okay from the army navy game i love it i like your style i like your style um john very fun times even though uh it was a fucking struggle up here i'm going to give you a big kill tony joke book and we're going to give you a gel blaster but let me tell you something when you get this gel blaster i don't want you to have any fucking ptsd symptoms and come fuck with us there goes john chaney everybody yeah super cool very likeable i love it so he's just like bird it's incredible how some of these people make it look easy all right you guys still having fun out there huh all right another name out of the bucket let's go this is keenan mckenna it's a good name keenan mckenna good handwriting rock solid keenan mckenna here he is everybody keenan mckenna

anybody else just absolutely love guns somebody thank you thank you well cowards um i don't only love guns i love gun violence and where i'm going to go with this might be a little bit uncomfortable but i just want to say it's the violence that keeps me on the table it's the violence that protects my family but it's the violence that keeps fucking up my niece's carpool rotation and that's not funny but there is a silver lining for example i don't have a niece anymore what i do have is a solution and we can fix this we can fix this

think about it why has there never been any shootings in a deaf school well actually there has you just never hear about it thank you holy shit uh keenan mckenna oh my god literally being booed from the audience without any fucking wow okay i don't know where to begin dude that sounded like a fucking manifesto i thought you were great i don't want to be on his list you're the only person i'm not giving a gel blaster too after this jesus christ i love this band so much all right johnny durp let's talk about it keenan mckenna that's your first time doing stand-up has to be right

okay where are you from i'm from seattle you're from seattle and you're just visiting austin right now not a move to here about a week ago i found out about kill tony about two weeks ago okay yep that sounds about right um found out about two weeks ago and you're like i'm gonna go there and fucking just bomb the fuck out of it yeah yeah right oh yeah let my bad choice will work yeah yeah exactly so do you think this is the last time you're gonna do stand up or you're gonna fuck all right wait what was your question i was asking if it was the last time he was gonna do you're gonna keep doing this did it feel it felt good for you up there no not at all right what do you normally do what do you tell us about the rest of your life you're from seattle a very sad

place this is what people like from seattle are like by the way so i actually quit my job in july i came down texas visiting people in august i saw a show here at the vulcan uh hams came open uh and you went home and killed this fucking raccoon in yeah i went shoved a raccoon under his house and fucking i found the one topic worse than service dogs beating each other apparently all right stop trying jokes it's not worked so far keen and mccann i just stick with truths at this point so something blah blah blah august september what are we getting at here uh basically i saw what i thought was the best stand-up show in my life goddamn right uh huh i'd never even heard of you before i was blown away absolutely that's what happens until you hear of me then you

hear of me and then you see it and then that happens okay we've all been there and then what uh well i come up with this well i love to write so i started writing and my life was really just a tragic fucking comedy i think it i think i think it's more of a tragic fucking tragedy now when you say now when you say you began writing do you mean on bathroom walls with your own shit yeah he saw the part of the joker movie where he just goes crazy he's like this is what i have to do this is like that version of this was like watching an origin story yeah it really is so what was the job that you were doing before you decided to do this i was doing loans and stuff for a bank okay i would not have expected that answer right so you lona okay doki um remember i

lona from earlier right now she's in the corner like i've heard that so many times anyway so you were doing loans and a bunch of people were telling you that you're funny at the loan office they're like you're hilarious keenin you should fucking go do that go good to get out of here go do something can i can i get that loan now the bar wasn't set high what the bar wasn't set high at the bank believe it or not what the fuck dude the bar the bar the bar the bar the bar the bar the bar the bank the is that kid rock lyrics bar the bar the bank bank diggy jesus christ almighty fucking and i'm trying to fucking make this work with you what's something cool what's a redeeming quality about you right now everybody hates you in this room

ah give us something you once fucking you want gone blind off hallucinogenic mushrooms temporarily i'm not okay don't fuck with d madness like that d madness was the only one rooting for you for a second there he's like you think that's blind okay so the the most redeeming thing you've ever done in your life is you ate mushrooms and i wasn't telling jokes then you're still not telling jokes keenin you're still not however you might still be tripping a little bit um okay keenin what do you do for fun before i let you go i like the fish camp anything outdoors really okay i'm checks out i think that's a good place for you i think outdoors is a good place for you and i think we should start that process right now here's a

little joke book for you there he goes no gel blaster for keenin mackenna my whole squad listens to me oh the fucking gold digger from west lake is sad about it this fucking lady you shut your fucking look should we go to this bucket one more time okay here we go dig in deep nico la palusa oh that that's a good comedy name nico la palusa nico this has got to be good i'm positive of this one i was way wrong about keenin mackenna but nico la palusa there he is make some noise for nico la palusa howdy y'all so i'm really uncomfortable meeting black people because it's like another person i have to love unconditionally it's like fuck i think i need to

update the terms and conditions of my love a little bit all right uh i was watching a youtube video recently a chimpanzee pooped in his hand through it it hit an elderly woman elderly woman directly in the face some of you guys might have seen this and i watched it it's been running my my mind for days and uh it's not because it's my brand of humor or whatever any particularly funny um it was how the chimpanzee threw the poop you think if you were gonna throw your poop at someone you poop in your hand wind up it's like three to five steps right maybe a follow through this chimpanzee in one motion almost graceful and fluid just like with accuracy through the poop it hit the woman directly in the face and i was just thinking i was like where am i hesitating in life you know

what all right thanks y'all nico la palusa okay the crowd loves you for some reason i don't know what's going on here i just think i'm an astro-manuscalco movement yeah i think going up after keenan mackenna is everybody's best friend everybody's like god damn bravo oh that was great it was barely funny but holy shit it wasn't keenan mackenna oh my goodness so nico welcome how long you've been doing stand up this is my first time wow incredible unbelievable okay where have you been the whole time what do you do where you've been what's going on okay from chicago i live in san diego right now uh was a chemist for a while and now i i do porn mostly that's serious yeah really uh in an yeah soft core mostly soft core oh my goodness so wait

is it like only fans that was only amazing yeah only fans so soft core porn this is incredible it's like this is like a different version of breaking bad like you were a chemist and then you got into yeah he's breaking bed wow unbelievable so you're a chemist you're out there with vials and you're like i should be just fucking for a living it's very lonely being a chemist you know no and next oh shit this isn't funny but i actually had cancer and then i'm like i gotta know this is this is the plot to breaking but this is incredible this is incredible hold on and then you take did you meet a young kid yeah also like a fucking druggy i knew it yeah that's who he's doing the soft core porn with okay so what kind of cancer testicular

uh hodgkins lymphoma oh fun that's not you're you're right that's not funny at all blood cancer is like not funny i'm sorry i like a good body part to be able to make fun of like your ass or your balls or something like that okay um all right nico la pelusa so you're originally when did you move to san diego uh recently like three months ago what made you choose san diego in the year 2022 what was it i could be mobile because i'm not because of my income stream and i've been meaning it's just because i wanted to you mean your stream that gets you income yeah i could work from anywhere so you can work from anywhere so what is coming in streams yeah i got it it's like fucking i mean this is just incredible so it's you and your girlfriend

i'm guessing are you finding are they booking you you work with different people okay okay so i made some videos uh that were pornographic and what were you doing in the videos uh just talking to them to the screen trying to be funny a few of them hit though a few of them what like actually hit and like made us viral weren't viral thank you very much right absolutely thank you and you're like i like viral things i'm gonna get into porn and well no and as a result of that people kept sending me dick pics and i'm like how much money am i leaving on the table here because i don't there's only so much i can you guys probably know exactly you guys probably get dick pics all the time is this your profile god yes sir wow you got you pulled up my goodness

i'm not paying nine dollars for the joke nine dollars oh my god we don't even charge nine dollars wow by the way we're hardcore you know me and tony take a shower every day on our only fans five bucks a month it's really cheap oh shit you guys okay dokey red band doing some of that wacky wacky improv of his uh all right nico la pelusa so do your parents know that you're doing this i'm a man yeah i'm 33 i'm grown they don't care about oh shit oh no they're mad about it i could tell i'm 33 i'm like do your parents know about this he's like i can do what i want you never taught me the right way dad that whoa whoa dude is that true you are psychic as fuck yeah i should show all the time you're

you're always you're in my fucking dojo dude you walked into my fucking this is like being a tenth planet with any bravo right now hell yeah i fucking love it okay so you and your dad don't get along that with great i love my yeah i i love my i know you love him but does he love you well well no i mean he did yeah when's the last time when's the last time you talked to this guy because i'm guessing your name is nico la pelusa i'm guessing he's in chicago yeah he's old school italian what's his name antonio la pelusa alfonso i'm guessing the right bowels antonio and alfonso if this was wordle we would have it in like one more gas yep somebody get the phone on locker we're calling alfonso la pelusa right now we have

got to call this man's father are you serious we have a phone on locker right here here it is pass it down can my girl bring my phone up yes yes bring my phone up my bags my phones in my bag oh shit this is the girl he does porn with we're gonna get to see okay okay red man nobody cares about the fucking captions what did you mean when you updated your only fans on december 2nd to say embarking on a whole new world a dazzling place i never knew but whole is spelled h-o-l-e yeah yeah what exactly i'm glad you asked and i this is not a promo this is true is it gay do you do gay stuff something no but i was thinking of selling my virginity what your gay virginity oh d-man is just play your if you're plugging the wrong hole d madness i'm sorry bro i love i love you i'm i'm

sorry bro adam he get unlocking the phone uh this is absolutely incredible now your old school father now he's the real deal right no i mean what it he's tough no yeah it's soft no he's i don't want to disappoint he's just a nice dude i think this sounds perfect call him put him on speaker put the end of the microphone up to the bottom of the phone that part's really important because i want to pick up the sound all you people need to shut up i'm talking to alfonso it is late hello hello alfonso uh hello

that's my role model tony hinchcliffe dad it's uh okay you know what i'm not funny hey dad uh yeah we're on the live podcast kill tony right now it's that show i watch all the time and oh yeah you know yeah oh is right you're on it right now how's it going how are you how's chicago right now it is well i would answer i mean late it is good how much do i have to pay to get full service on your phone call to your dad what is that 11 bucks a month yeah yeah uh how how you doing dad you doing okay i'm you sleeping i'm doing this picture this is not oh this fucking outside this calls choppier than fucking italian beef

alfonso yes i have one question for you the crowd is dying to know are you proud of your son nico la palusa oh okay that's right maybe maybe that's right we will never know we will never know what he said we love you alfonso all right nico la palusa you did it your first time ever on stage i'm gonna give you a big joke book you're gonna get a gel blaster to use while you're out there blasting your gel for a living there he goes nico la palusa you're his only fans that he's ever had in stand-up comedy you guys ready to put a ribbon on this fucking thing or what huh

there's only one way to end a show like this the longest standing regular in the history of the show more new minutes than anyone has ever done a goddamn star the memphis strangler the vanilla gorilla the big red machine lights out william Montgomery everybody here he comes wow it really is him oh just to get it out of the way yes i am going for frosty uh the snowman for christmas this year

no i'm i'm going as frosty okay let's people ask me william why do you like frosty so much how do you know him so well and i just have to say that after you double team a man's wife with someone a very strong bond is formed we actually got michael indell's wife the my pillow guy it was it was actually freezing in the room by the way i mean frosty is literally made out of snow and the room has to be so cold say what you will about frosty the snowman but he's not dominican we have some de men a dominican guy right there uh billy crystals wife actually got walking pneumonia one time if we because we got to forget god damn it we fucked billy crystals wife okay

and it was 20 fucking degrees in the fucking room she got walking pneumonia frosty the snowman's pronouns are he him unless he's in the dominican republic then they are l l hey shit it's hot as hell down here i wrote that one 15 minutes before i got here horrified about how this was gonna go okay why did frosty the snowman melt the day after christmas santa claus brought him an apex twin mixtape and he finally got around listening to it what god yeah the the pronoun when i was real proud of that one tonight that was i felt good about that one hell yeah an amazing performance i'm at a hand for william on gumry coming in

like a fucking wrecking ball you are an example of everything that everybody else could have done tonight we know what happened tonight we saw a glimpse of it with afro deity she came up she had everybody she shook her ass a little bit but god damn it you come out here with just silly ass fucking super energies yeah i was watching the whole show uh just back there tonight i'm genuinely kind of afraid about the guy that just fucking moved here talking about guns and shit tony we have to be really careful i'm not even fucking around i was just getting visions of him meeting us outside and shooting us all i swear to god i'm high right now a little bit i was literally getting visions

of him murdering us it's gonna be needs to not be allowed in here anymore i'm kidding man i'm kidding we're gonna let him in we're gonna let him in and we're really gonna hope next time goes better for him yeah yeah if they get a little bit better the odds of them shooting us go down tremendously um i love it william let's talk about it how what inspired you to go so frosty the snowman heavy this week well this was one of my cyber monday deals i got the three colors of turtlenecks from lands in shout out to lands in um and i was looking at myself in the mirror for a couple of hours and i was thinking who is this who am i today and i was just thinking okay i think frosty the snowman today so went with frosty uh yeah eat some spaghettios earlier i've been making cakes i'm

going back to memphis for christmas spaghettios is a dangerous thing to eat while eating while wearing a white turtleneck it is i've literally washed this shirt two times today i had to change it i was wearing it eating fucking my goodness you had to wash it twice what else did you get on it you had spaghettios spaghettios for dinner what happened earlier i didn't think you were actually gonna fucking ask me that tonight i was actually with that guy who was up here he was getting about we actually shot somebody earlier it got filled with blood yeah we were literally hunting homeless people earlier he is so good at it there are a lot of homeless people in seattle like he's so good at it we trapped three of them in these wooden traps we made in my apartment

last night we trapped three of them i think two of them are still there uh it's getting really cold in a couple days so i think we're just doing a little experiment we're gonna see how long they live you should see the wooden traps this guy fucking makes it's so cool can you explain to us common folk what a wooden trap uh that these people are trapped in that you it's like a crab trap it has like like you kind of you can walk into it it's filled with netting it's it's yeah you walk into it you it's it's life size it's human size you walk into it it's filled with netting uh and the trap they drop down no they get trapped in the netting there's just a whole bunch of netting i was literally cutting fucking netting for like four fucking hours last night i'm like dude i'm busy

it was weird as shit but yeah there's a couple of people we're gonna go so what do you think are gonna happen to the two innocent people that are trapped in nets right now at your house what do you think is gonna happen to them i don't know what uh red band what were we planning on doing i mean red band he's excited about it he you know i think i always do you really set up red band i said i don't know what i was thinking i don't know why you would uh i don't know what i was thinking when i was saying that oh my goodness gracious uh let me ask you this do you see the new trailer to the new barbie movie yeah i cannot believe kin is a dominican person in that i mean what are they fucking thinking nobody's gonna watch that shit

except maybe the dominican guy right there that's a mexican william that's a mexican we found out earlier he's mexican i know he looks like dj call it but he's mexican that's the thing about mexicans they sometimes look like dj call it that's a good that's a compliment so god what but yeah excited about christmas though tony christmas is soon christmas is coming you seem like you out you're a man with many traditions yeah gonna go back home uh to my parents house very excited about that i'm gonna help my mother frances make angel cookies i'm going to eat a bunch of food i'm gonna bring weed with me on to the airplane i'm gonna get very high in memphis i'm gonna maybe try to smoke with my parents this year for the first time we'll see

oh yeah we'll see if i can do a galarian frances do you have anything planned for when you smoke with them like what kind of activities you think i think i'm gonna bring up that guy that kind of cancer that guy had non-hodgekins lymphoma that's what my dad actually had and i was living at denver at the time and it was the night after my birthday i'd been on cocaine all night long and one of the people at the party gave me a hit of acid and i take the hit of acid in the lift the next day after not sleeping and i get a phone call for my father later that night oh my birthday that he has non-hodgekins lymphoma so i might bring that up i'm glad that he's alive then i'm glad that he's alive there's nothing more than a father i can bring that up i'm happy he's still

with us i would have been very sad so i'm glad he's still you're gonna you're gonna smoke with your father and then bring up his cancer yeah i need to get it off my chest it's all i've been thinking about since it happened so i gotta get it off my chest so i love that very interesting and how about your mom anything that you're gonna bring up with your mom oh i don't know i don't i don't know what i'll say to frances we've been in a big fight for the past couple weeks so i don't know if we're even gonna fucking talk what are you guys i pretty much hate that bitch right now i'm not fucking around it's fucking christmas time it's supposed to be having fun back home in memphis without bitch-ass mom has been really fucking with me what are you so mad at your mom i sent her

pictures earlier today and me wearing this thing and she was saying i looked like some sort of fucking lollipop some sort of weird it was just bullshitting the lollipop guild guy from wizard of odds i know what she's talking about that's hysterical your mom fucking roasted the shit out of you dude she's right bring look grab that real quick it wasn't that funny dumb ass no it really is dumb ass laugh no no no he really is the other night i very very recently no no no no look it up on the internet bring bring up the image of the lollipop guild mayor or whatever it is because i just the other night fucking drunk and high i put on wizard of odds with dark side of the moon and matched it up for people that i love that that's fine i've done that as well so i specifically know exactly

what he looks like you know you also look like what is it the fucking guy from root off the red nose reindeer he looks just like him oh my god hold that up yeah that is i wait now those are the kids those are the kids you have to just go to images it's this guy where is he at i don't look like that fucking person from root off the red nose reindeer i don't know why the yeah you definitely do yeah no i don't yeah you do no i don't yeah no i don't yes you do no i don't William oh my god prove it well what the it's uncanny oh please hold that that's pretty William you can agree that you look like this though right yeah

that's why i don't like my mom right now dude that's why it's not going to be a nice christmas this year fucking bitch can you and frosty have some plans at red bands house or something with you con cornelius holy shit there's some fucking crazy chick that knows the character's actual name you con cornelius oh my goodness blow that up blow that up ladies and gentlemen William Montgomery i don't look like yeah you do yeah you do yeah you do he's wearing a turtleneck too i don't fucking look like that you literally look exactly like that guy like when he brought it up i thought it was a headshot of yours for a second i thought it was one of those old hollywood headshots god that's bullshit i don't

fucking look like that guy dude oh you're mad at me are you mad yeah no shit i brought you a bunch of fucking presents up there you haven't brought me anything i got you fucking candles dude really yeah you like that one we got you didn't you yeah it Thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner yeah it's a good smelling candle it smells like food kind of it's unbelievable it smells like this shit what is it smelling Thanksgiving yeah it smells like what is it stuffing sage yeah vanilla vanilla i don't know it's got i don't know how to explain it okay red bandy fucking idiot what are you even doing he pulled up the main character from the movie the mask but red band went off of google for a summer no don't turn don't spin it around you don't

literally don't have a picture it's stole from the mask yeah your child porn is still up on there you fucking pedophile i saw the fucking link down there you fucking nasty ass creep William we know what you look at dumbass Montgomery fuck the perhaps the biggest legend and star in the show's history and find me on cameo if you want i have to do 60 right now fine it's been a wonder five months if you if you have someone that you love that's a kill tony fan get a cameo from William Montgomery he like you do it i'm kidding you don't have to all right thank you there he goes William Montgomery everybody hey we did it how about a big hand for my guest adam egan everybody

hey check out the norm show come see his amazing work obviously when rogan's club opens he's gonna be literally the the booker of the best comedy club on planet others can't fucking wait no question about it years all the best are already here all the time in austin coming in uh staying for weeks at a time going back to check in with their new york shit the drawing from ryan j ebelt is in oh look at that that's you dude that really is you and it's up there that's the drawing from ryan j ebelt look at that fucking shit with me and right band in the background those are all available ryan j ebelt dot com he draws every single episode thank you to the red rose the yellow rose deep eddie vodka gel blaster how about one more time for the screwball being a better whiskey

man michael gazelles john d's matt mulling paul demer in the great d madness check out afro dieties new song time for love top shell brass band featuring princess afro dietie you can't you can't mess that one up we love y'all thank you guys so much have a great night everybody love you so so so