KILL TONY - #594 - ADAM RAY + JOE DEROSA

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Adam Ray, Joe Derosa, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Hans Kim, David Lucas, William Montgomery, John Deas, Jules Durel, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 01/16/2023–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:BOX OF AWESOME! – From style and grooming goods, tobarware, cooking tools, and outdoor gear, Box of Awesome hascollections for every part of your life. – Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign upat BOXOFAWESOME.COM and enter the code “KILLTONY” at checkout.—MANSCAPED.COM – USE COUPON CODE “TONY” – GET 20% OFF + FREE SHIPPING – VISIT MANSCAPED.COM.—FACTOR! – Head to FACTOR75.COM/KILLTONY60 and use code“killtony60” to get 60% off your first box.

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquad.tv. There you have video portions to all the shows and you can click on tour dates and come see us live. Not only do we do Kill Tony, but we have also a lot of comedy shows, including The Weekly Secret Show at Vulcan Gas Company every Thursday. You can also go to shopsquad.tv for Desquad merchandise and go to RyanJeBelt.com, he's the house artist, he draws every episode, he sells prints, he sells posters and Tony

is on tour right now so go to TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is the Red Band Company live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, get up for TonyHinchCliff. Who's ready to have the best goddamn night of their lives, huh? Yeah, hello everybody, how about a hand for Brian Red Band, everyone? Whoo! This is Kill Tony, brought to you by the Red Rose, the Yellow Rose, Deep Eddie Vodka,

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All right, let's do it. You guys are in for a treat this week. We got fucking jokesters here. People, really funny people that I've worked with for over a decade and a half in the stand up comedy business. If you guys listen to podcasts and love comedy, you're going to love our guests. Make some noise for the great Joe DeRosa and Adam Ray. Fuck yeah.

Guys, make some fucking noise. Joe DeRosa, Adam Ray. Fuck yeah. Here they are. Boom. Boo yah. Great Joe DeRosa, the great Adam Ray. You guys have been here before.

We've done this before. I absolutely love it. Welcome back, gentlemen. Hope to be back. Thanks for having us, Tom. Thank you for having me back. Indeed. We're going to have a lot of fun tonight.

Austin, how we feeling tonight? I don't know. I felt like the move. It feels good, doesn't it? Yeah, it feels great. We're going to have a lot of fun. You guys have done this before, so you know that a bunch of comedians have signed up to get 60 seconds uninterrupted on this very stage.

They're all smashed into the corner back there. Comedians, make some noise. See? They're real people. You hear the sadness? You hear all the true lack. You hear how different your woos are from their woos. They've been eating fast food.

They're hungover. They've been on a bender. Can you even see them? It's just darkness back there. I know. It literally looks like there's nobody back. I know. It's scary.

It's somehow darker than dark. It's blacker than black. It is. It's de-madness vision right down there. But you guys know how it works. If I pull one of these names out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up in here, the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood

bear. There you go. It's a noise that cuts everything off. And then I interview them. We find out more about them. We all meet them together at the same time. Anything can happen. Everything is improvised.

You guys ready to start this shit or what? Your first comedian getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds tonight is one of our three esteemed regulars that have the unbelievably tough position of writing and performing a brand new minute every single week to the internet. This guy is rich now, and he wasn't always that way. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. Sing it if you know it. This is Hans Kemp.

This is Hans Kemp, this is Hans Kemp. This is Hans Kemp, this is Hans Kemp. This is Hans Kemp, this is Hans Kemp. This is Hans Kemp, this is Hans Kemp. Hey, it's good to be here in Texas, because I can say retard here. Can't abort one. Pop out that retard, you faggot. I want to berate it accurately.

Love Texas, you know, I love Austin, because this is the only place I appreciate liberals. I think Austin is the only place that liberals should be at, surrounded and scared. I love being in Texas during the pandemic, because every time I coughed, I could watch Texans be afraid of the virus for the first time. They're like, I know it's a hoax, but he might have the original variant. Love Texas, Texas is where I learned that mopping is just Mexican calligraphy. All right, thank you guys. Hans Kemp, the one and the only, coming in, Guns of Blazin, another new minute for the

world. How did that feel for you? It felt a little racial today. It did. It did. Yeah. It did. Good accent, though.

Thank you. The accent work with the guy who was finding COVID for the first time, that was fun. Yeah, it tapped into my inner American retard. There you go. I think you can say that word. I think you're allowed to say it. So let's talk about it, Hans. That said, at one point, it felt like something missed, and then you had another joke behind

it, the cough on a Texan thing, right? So what do you think? How do you evaluate? What moves forward? You have a set like that. What stays in and gets added to your usual set, and how do you decide this? I guess the coughing on the Texans one, maybe I could add more elements to make it more visceral.

Like maybe I'm coughing on an actual cowboy hat, or like a Bucky's. You just say Bucky's when you don't have anything else funny to say. You guys know what Bucky's is, right? Is that your little Texas fucking comedy save word? Bucky's. H.E.B. So much to do there. So much you can buy.

Joe DeRosa, what do you think of this guy? This is your first time seeing Hans on the show, right? Yeah, you're really funny. Thank you, Joe. Yeah, yeah. You had a nice... This makes me nervous, like the idea of doing a minute of comedy, but you did really well. I thought the Texan coughing thing worked pretty well, but I don't really have high

standards. But if I got that level of laugh, I'd be like, it's in the act. Thank you. Done. Joe DeRosa approved. Yeah. You don't like it? Go to New York.

Yeah. There you go. No, man, I really enjoyed your stuff. It's edgy and, you know, I don't know. It's funny seeing edgy comedy again. It was kind of gone for a minute. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no.

We've been doing it the whole time here. I know New York's gotten a little soft, a lot of masks and whatnot up there, but down here, you know what I mean? We've been spitting in each other's mouths and shit, you know? Man, you really steered into that Texas curve, didn't you? Goddamn right. Hell yeah. It flows.

I've seen Hans many times. First time in Seattle, we were both from that part of the woods, and your pace and your timing and your writing only gets better, and I want to compliment your wardrobe, too. Like, you know, you're dressed like a school shooter that wants to coach softball, and I'm a big fan. Yeah. I'm a big fan. Yeah.

But you look comfy, and I love it. Thank you, Adam. I do love you. Amazing to be with you. That is accurate. You're so funny. What is that that you're wearing? This is a new thing.

Yeah. This is another collection from Amazon's Cool Clothes collection. Oh. Is that a real category? Yeah. Yeah. Just Google Cool Clothes. Yeah.

You know what I like about him? He looks like Tony Hawk. Like, that's... Yeah. You got the Jordans on, right? Those are classic... Yes. Yeah.

David Lucas helped me out with that. What did he do exactly? Exactly. He was like, damn, you ugly. Right. Dude, these impressions... Yeah, the accents are just amazing tonight. And then you're like, I have to go home and Google Cool Clothes.

You know what I like about him? Hans, I like that you're like sort of monotone and without inflection, but it's not like a character you're doing. A lot of comics... I mean, that is a cover. A lot of comics will do that, but like offstage, so like, yeah, man, so we went to the game and then they go on stage like, I was at the car show the other day. Car show.

That was my reference. I couldn't think of a location fast enough. Car show is what I came up with. Anyway, but my point is, is like, you're really who you are. Like I think it's actually refreshing and you're very funny and you're Asian. If it wasn't for the type of material you do, you'd have a big shot in this business. No, it's fine. Netflix is going to start letting people do retard-faggots of any second now.

Just around the corner, dude, 2025. That's your year. A lot of execs are looking for these. The RFs, we call them. Can you find me a good Asian RF? There's got to be one network or streaming service, though, that's willing to just, you know, that needs a boost that would roll the dice and be like, Hans, we saw that. One of them is going to break soon enough.

Yeah. Yeah. Rumble. Hans, we love you. You got the show started. You do it every week. You're unbelievable. A great weekend to work on the road in Dallas.

One of the most dangerous, opener features in the world right now. The kid's a cold-blooded murder. Here we go. Into the bucket. You guys ready for this shit? This is where it begins to sometimes get a little odd. Anything could happen. It could be the next great talent in the world.

Could be an insane person. Anything can happen. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Johnny Statue is first tonight. Johnny Statue seems like a new name. Should be fun. So fresh and so clean. I feel so fresh and where the fuck is Johnny Statue out?

Here he comes. Everybody make some noise for Johnny Statue, everyone. This is crazy, it's crazy. So Austin's weird. I had this homeless guy come up to me the other day and he asked me if I was ticklish. Yeah, he really read me the wrong way. I'm really, lately I've been really into this new online video game, Pornhub.com. The goal of it is to get to the end of the homepage without clicking on the video.

Talk about win-win. Yeah, yeah, I have fun playing that game. You know you're on thin ice at your company when they ask you to fire the transgendered person? Yeah, that's like telling a midget at a restaurant that he's not qualified to work that busser position. Yeah, that's a joke where we imagine a busser that's a midget. I guess what I'm trying to say is we're all not built to work certain professions.

For example, I'm not built to work sober. Yeah, all right, sweet. Maybe for you, Johnny Statue, not so sweet for us. If there's a Johnny Statue plush doll with a pull string, all right, sweet is definitely the first and only catchphrase. I have, I'm closing every one of my sets with all right, sweet. It's not bad. Good old hour long set.

You don't even need to say, I think I'm done here. That's my time. All right, sweet. I don't even think you need the wave. I think the wave that you just did might be too much. Yeah, it's too much. It might be too good. It might be too professional.

I just like, all right, sweet. Leave the mic and the mic stand and walk away. Just ghost. Can you do it again? I never ask anybody to do anything again. Can you just do your famous line? All right, sweet. Yeah, pretty consistent.

Yeah. It was the best part of your set. The closing line was the best part of your set. Were you, Adam was asking me before you, is that your real name or stage name? It's a state. It's a state. My Instagram handle. Oh, right.

Don't look it up. Are you Mexican? No, no, no, no. I got it wrong. Jesus, Joe, you can't say that. No, I had a good Mexican joke. I was going to say, oh please. You should just, you should just do the joke.

I'll do the bit, right? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? Just sell Salvadorian over here.

Just say yes when I say are you Mexican. Yes. No, wait. Ready? He's like, all right. I'm good. All right. Sweet.

Here we go. And action. So, Johnny, are you Mexican? C. In true Mexican fashion. Oh, that was good. This is the worst gay porn ever. It's true.

That's a good audition right there, Johnny. That's very good. That's very good. That's going to go. Wait, wait, wait. I want to do it right. I want you to say yes. Take it from the top.

And action. Johnny, what are you Mexican? C. No. Johnny, take fucking direction. God damn it, dude. You say yes. You have one job, one word.

There is so much pressure on my joke right now. I know. I know. I know. I can't believe it. I can't wait. I can't believe it. You're going to do it.

That's why. This is going to be great no matter what. This is what we call the, oh, win-win right here. Win-win. This is. All right. Here we go. No way you could fuck it up this time.

And action. Johnny, are you Mexican? C. Johnny, Johnny, what the fuck is wrong with you? Your line is yes, not yes in Mexican. Spanish or whatever the fuck you guys call it. Are we on Johnny's hidden camera show right now? Just say the word yes.

Here we go. Last chance, Johnny. And action. Johnny, are you Mexican? C. I respect it. Stupid. Okay, do your joke, even though Johnny's literally, Johnny, you're taking comedy out

of other people now. You're so unfunny that you literally can't do what's simply fucking told to you. Not only did you suck during your minute, you're blowing the impossible. What I thought was a win-win is turning into a loose. This is like watching the bills versus the bangles. You're like, somebody's got to win. Oh, one guy's having a fucking heart attack right now. Nobody's going to win this game.

We never got to finish the game. Because we never got to play the fucking game. Because Johnny's statue said C. Doesn't Johnny's statue sound like the guy who would buy Pornhub in like 15 years? Yeah. C. No, it was a... Crypto...

It was a... Johnny H. Glick, ladies and gentlemen. That was Red Band. That was Red Band. Sorry, sorry. You got to give Red Band credit when he gets one. You know what I mean? It's actually a nickname.

Shut the fuck up. No one cares, Johnny. Don't start talking now. Nobody's talking to you right now. Now's not your time. Now's not your time. Nickname for Johnny's statutory. Oh, no.

Oh, boy. Wait, is that the system now? Oh, that sucks. You guys suck at your jobs. Okay. Johnny's just got a live fucking mic. I love it. Good stuff, guys.

Way to have control of the show. I love it. Do you want to hear the joke? Only if he says yes. Johnny, what do we got to do to get you to say... You know what? Yes. You know what?

You know what? Put the mic in the mic stand real quick. Is there a Mexican out there? Come on out. They can play Johnny. Is he going to play Johnny's statue? Yeah, we're going to have somebody play Johnny. I'm looking to book a role for a Mexican in the comedy business.

Tonight's performance of... Hell, yeah. Let me do that. Johnny. Johnny, stay up here. You have to listen to whatever I tell you to do now. Tonight's performance of Joe DeRosa's joke will be played by another Mexican dude. What's your name, my friend?

Joey. Joey. I love it. Joey and Johnny's statue. Joey's statue, everybody. You can't script this. All right. No Mexican has ever worn a smashing pumpkin suit.

Unless it was part of his sneaking in kit. You want to blend in out there? Yeah. Put on a smashing pumpkin shirt. Usually, they're planting pumpkins. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

I like that. This was the joke. Because they kept calling Johnny and nobody knew where he was. So, I guess it was so long ago now I got to reset it up. It's perfect. Johnny, what are you? Mexican? Yeah, man.

I like how in true Mexican fashion, you were late even to your set. Joey DeRosa. Joey DeRosa. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Holy shit. Do you ever sign up for this show? I did, yeah.

You signed up tonight? Yeah. You have a minute you want to do? Yeah, I do. All right. Let's do it. Johnny, take that. There goes Johnny's statue, everyone.

I'm done with him. I didn't like his attitude. Couldn't take direction. All right. All right. Joey, what's your last name? Bueno. Ladies and gentlemen, with an uninterrupted 60 seconds of stand-up comedy, make some

noise for Joey Bueno, everybody. Yeah. So, I am Mexican and I live with my fiance. She's like, we should get a place. I go, yeah, we should get a place. She goes, we should get a tiny home. And I'm like, what the fuck? She goes, a tiny home.

I'm like, bitch, I'm Mexican. You know my whole family's going to move in? Where are we going to put abuelita, my tios, my primos and primas? Tiny home. White people shit. My mom's really into Ace of Base. They just got into Mexico like last year. She's always singing that song, all that she wants is five other babies.

I saw the sign. Hey, see. Yeah. And just so you all know, my pronouns are they and them. Because I weigh as much as two people. Thank you. I think that's it. Joey Bueno with exactly a minute.

Wow. That's how you do it. A great kill, Tony said. Yeah. He was so perfect. He was so perfect that he should have been. He started with so I'm Mexican, which would have just set my joke up, right? But also, Joey, given your girth, you could tell your wife any home is a tiny home with you.

You know, folks. I kind of mentioned that in the joke. I just kind of cut it. You have the weirdest Mexican family. Your mom's into Abba and you're into smashing. Ace of Base. Sorry. Even weirder.

Even weirder. Don't correct Abba with Ace of Base. Like, that's more. Sorry. Is your dad like a huge bear naked ladies fan? I saw the sign of the Mexicans. By the way, that one's. That's the highway.

What the fuck is going on over there? That went so well. It almost made me think that you and Johnny Statue are in cahoots. Yeah. And Johnny was like, look, I'm going to bomb and then you take it. I've watched hundreds of episodes of this show. I think that if I just don't do what Tony wants me to do enough time, so he's going to he's going to try to replace me with

somebody in the middle of the fucking room. Should I wear my pumpkin shirt? Are you Joey Bueno or not? I don't want to wear the fucking shirt. I regret it. Should I wear my smashing pumpkin shirt and talk about Ace of Base or 90s in the room? Shit would work anytime in the last 30 years, all this shit would

kill Joey Bueno. You've been on this show before. Dude, second Austin episode with a homeless guy. OK. The second one ever in Austin. OK. There's been more homeless guys on the show. You got to be more specific.

Remember, he was the first one. He was like, yeah. It was the second one in Austin. Okie dokie. Okie dokie. I love it, Joey. So it's been a couple of years basically. Couple of years, yeah.

So what's been going on in your life? Catch us up. Yeah, man. I kept doing comedy. I got engaged. I'm still a speech therapist. Kind of the same. You're a speech therapist?

Yeah. OK. Yeah, no. Don't. Yeah. 20 years. Can you get a guy that doesn't know how to say yes to say yes? See.

I love it. That was so cringy. He was making me fucking. Is that your real name, Joey Bueno? Jose, but I've been Joey my whole life. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was, they just started calling me that when I was young and they just, I kind of respond to that, yeah.

But it is Jose, Jose Bueno. Next time you're about to fill in for a Mexican guy because they need a Mexican and I ask what your name is, you should, you should say Jose. Yeah. It's weird because I responded to Joey, but my actual name is Jose. All right.

How long have you been a speech therapist? 20 years, man. Whoa. Do you love it? No, I hate it. How come? Ah, man. It's just repetitive.

You need a lot of patience. Just working with kids all day. Sorry. I know. I mean, but asshole. Yeah, dude, it's just a lot of repetitive and it's kind of, you know, kind of it's all about money. And I, it's very,

Yeah, I've heard that. I've heard about the lucrative speech therapy. We used to, we used to, and then not anymore. So it's okay. I'm glad I've worked. Joey, what do you do for fun? Dude, I know everybody says this, but I do sing. I like to sing.

I like to DJ. What kind of singing do you do? I like to AD stuff. Can I tell you my special talent? Yes. Have you ever heard that song? It's the end of the world as we know it by OEM. Sure.

I can do it. I promise you. You can do that? Yeah, I can do that song. Definitely not what I thought he was going to do after he said, you want to see my special talent. See! I've heard that before and it doesn't-

You know what, Tom, you're talking about that real fast one? I believe you. I know, I can't believe that after talking about Ace of Bass and wearing smash and pumpkins, you think that we don't believe that you know OEM's fucking end of the world as we know it. Hey, do you know another white guy band? By the way, by the way,

Michael Stipe himself could be standing there saying that he would do it and I wouldn't want to fucking hear that. I know. Oh my God, I don't want to hear that at all. I know. Sorry, sorry. What's up, dude? Put the microphone stand behind you if you're going to sing.

Okey-dokey. That doesn't matter. At all. Love it. Fuck yeah. Nope, doesn't matter. Stop, stop. I know.

I don't know why Red Band would give a fucking regular person- I was trying to be like behind the scenes going, put the microphone behind you. Don't be behind the scenes. Just chill. Let's find a sound effect or something like that. Yeah, man. Jesus fucking Christ.

But I love music. I like to sing. I DJ. I like to go on a show. Give us one line. I'm not going to have this whole fucking diet tribe of REMs. Sing the chorus with your heart, with no background music whatsoever.

REMs. I have a hurricane. Listen to yourself. Turn worlds into some leads. Don't be something wrong leads me. Knocking that street. Crying those streetfire letters. That's a cry to win.

They are five town town. Why aren't the fires? The numbers they were gains. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I just want to say thank God the mic stand was behind you during

that because it would have been totally different if it was anywhere else. It's so weird when there's no music and it just sounds odd. That's how I like it. Hell yeah. By the way, can you imagine him at speech therapy in front of those kids being like, you guys want to see my hidden talent?

And then doing that in front of nine year olds are like. Listen to your heartbeat. I want to go home. It's the end of the world as we know it. Just sing the chorus, Joseph. Honey. Honey, Timmy hasn't spoken since he started taking speech therapy class.

This is my class. I'll sing if I want to. Learn how to talk on your own time. Timmy hasn't spoken since I started teaching. Joey Bueno. Thank you so much. Thank you, man. Thank you.

You got it, dude. Do you have one of these? I bet you don't. We weren't even given those away two years ago. That's a legit big bonsai right there. Real special handmade Texas leather bonsai, B-O-N-E-Z-E-Y-E. You know what? That's a great idea.

Let's go to somebody that might actually enjoy the company of a speech therapist. A golden ticket winner from last year who has taken over the world by storm. He's from Canada. He's mentally disabled, some people say. I think he's a fucking rock star. This is a brand new minute from Canadian Jared Nathan. Artificial intelligence really scared me. Like sex robot.

Has a special need. Like sex in one of the bodily drinks. Fuck me, Jared. Fuck me, Jared. There you go. The one, the only. Nothing else like him on Planet Earth, I promise. That's Jared Nathan right there, everybody.

One more time for Jared, everyone. This guy loves Austin, Texas. Comes here all the time. Lives for this type of rock and roll fucking comedy. I have no idea what you said tonight. And meanwhile, I loved every goddamn second of it. I don't know how you do it. It's incredible.

Was he talking about Jared from Subway? Is that what he was talking about? I don't know. Were you talking about Jared from Subway? Nope. Okie dokie. Fuck that guy. Yeah.

He's one of the bad guys. I don't eat fresh. Goddamn right. Absolutely. So Jared, fun times. How do you feel like that went? Okie dokie. What's up?

It's ok. It's ok. It went ok. It went alright. Ok. What did you guys think of Jared and Nathan? This is your first time seeing him, Joe DeRosa. So it's a little bit of a tough position for you.

You know what? I'm not kidding. I saw you yesterday at the creek in the cave. Didn't I? Weren't you on stage? Was he in an actual creek in a cave? You talk about the club. The club, over there.

I saw you on stage and you were doing well. And your punchline hit really hard tonight. And you know, I think it's great. Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Out there? Yes.

Wait, where? Wait, creek in the cave you mean? Yeah, creek in the cave. Ok. Yeah. Sorry, I got confused. Are you ok? No.

Are you ok? Are you ok? Are you ok? Oh my god. Yo. That is the hardest burn I've ever seen somehow. Just a fucking. Jared, you might have Down syndrome, but you got an up beat attitude, man.

That was unbelievable. That was really funny, man. Yes, that was excellent. That was excellent. Yeah. Jared looked Joe DeRosa right in the eyes and goes, are you retarded? The fuck is wrong with you? He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Jared, how's life been going? A fun set. What's been going on in your world? Tell us about it. Fucking amazing. You love Austin, Texas. I love fucking Austin. What have you been up to here?

Update us. What does a guy like Jared Nathan do for fun in Austin, Texas? Today, I was at Hans's place. Hans's place? Yeah, what's the Hans's place today? Ok, alright. We recorded some things, it's hung out. Okie dokie.

Anything more interesting than that this past weekend? I met this chick. You what? I met this girl. You met a girl? Oh shit. Hell yeah, Jared. Oh my god.

Online? Started online, yeah. Sort of online? Sort of online, Instagram? It was at a playground. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. On a twin set, yeah.

Funny. Sort of online, what does that mean to you? She hit me up on Instagram and we started talking and we moved that up a few times. She slid into your d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-ms? I think you're great, dude. Yeah, unbelievable. I think you're great. And I think, honestly, I think with a little bit of assistance, you've got a big future

in this and I know a guy that teaches speech there. You know what? I was just about to get to that. How about a hand? Let's bring Joey Bueno back up here right now. Yeah. We have some Mexican music for Joey. Great idea.

Here he is. This is, very rarely do we have anybody up twice in one show. I'm about to lose my license. I want to see if we could do a little experiment here. If you could help Jared in front of us, if you could show him a trick or something like that, how would you do this? What's your biggest problem when you stutter? Getting out of it?

I block on g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g. Not to work with here, Joey Bueno. Wait, the better business bureau. Yeah, sorry. Jared, do you know any ace of bass? I saw the sign. I saw the sign. I saw the sign.

I think he's fixed. I saw the sign. I saw the sign. He's better. Can we give a tip to people instead of him? Yeah. If any of you ever see a stutterer, come on, you could do it. That is the worst thing you could do.

Relaxation, basically. I know it sounds general and stuff, and every case is different, but don't try to help. People never help. If that makes any sense to you. Tony, we have noticed that if he sings it, he doesn't stutter. It's the thing. Every case is different. I know that rule, and I never try to help a stutterer.

I'm too busy laughing hysterically. Right. Yeah. How does he fix that? Yeah. Have you had therapy, though? Yeah. Okay.

Did it help? No? No, it didn't help. Yeah. I'm a little hard at techniques. Tony, there's no cure. Every case is different. Right.

And I'm going to be general again, just relaxing and extending the vowels. If you're going to be like, we teach how to get out of it. Not to stop it, because you're never going to stop it. You're never going to stop it. No. You hear that? You're fucked for the rest of your life, Jared Nathan. Yeah.

Joey, I love it. Who knows? You might be back up here later. Give Joe that microphone back. We might see more Joey Bueno later. Who knows? It's been a very Bueno episode so far. Jared Nathan, so you met a girl.

What did you do with this girl? Did you go out on a date? Yeah. Where'd you go? Chucky cheese. Chili's. Where'd you go? Went to the best coffee shop in Austin.

Okay. Yep. Absolutely. Yep. There's many, many great coffee shops here. So what did you guys do? What did you talk about? What is a date with Jared Nathan like?

Quartered. Did you say anything sexual? Did you make a move? Like, did you say anything like I want to do something to you or something like that? Want to smother you with my pillow or something? What's your big pickup line? You want to come back to my place? Damn.

If you said it like that, I would go with you, bro. Damn. The build-up, I was... Yeah, that's milk and the sexual attention for sure. Did it work? Did she go back to your place? Yeah. Oh my goodness.

All right. Oh shit. Oh my goodness. I think... Jared, you're... I mean this sincerely. Like, it's like when you relaxed... I mean, you did shit on me without fucking missing a beat.

You sang the song fine. If you could figure out how to... This is nerve-wracking stand-up comedy, dude. You know, it's fucking nerve-wracking. She's very pleased. Relax. It'll help. And I think you could...

Yeah, man. I think you're gold, dude. You think so? Yeah. And this rivalry between Joe DeRosa and Jared Nathan is my everything. I know, it's incredible. Yeah. I want you two to start a fucking podcast together.

That's what I want. Where he just abuses me the whole time. Yes. It's beautiful. Okay. I gotta know. I don't know how we got off track here, but I gotta know. You get this girl back to your place.

What is the order of events? Because I don't know what down syndrome third base is. I don't know what first base. I don't think you know which direction to run after hitting the ball. You know what I mean? So I want to know, who makes the move? How does it work? Is it reverse caliber?

I want everything. We started making... Making out? Yeah. Yeah. And then... Did you... You're sitting on a couch next to each other?

Are you on a bed? Where'd you start making out at the kitchen? Bath tub. In my room? I'm not that freaky. You immediately... You got this girl. You just met her...

Hold on. Hold on. You had coffee. You say you want to go back to my place. Yes. You go to your place. You walk straight into your bedroom. We started on the couch and then...

So what happened on the couch? You started making out. We started making out. Did you go in for a kiss? Was it the same time or did she jump on top of you? I kind of leaned in and we just... Things happened. It just happened at the same time.

Magical. Do you take your glasses off at any point? I had my glasses on. Okay. Okay. You ought to see what I'm doing. So then you... Yeah.

Set the scene. Yep. So then you go to the bedroom and then what happens? Hold on. Hold on. There you go. Love, love, love. Things happen?

What do you mean things happen? Here, I'll play the girl in the scene, right? Yeah. Keep that music going. So, Jared. Jared, you have a lot of Ninja Turtles posters. That's hot. I like your room.

How... I don't know. No, no, yeah. That was... I thought you were going to say that at some point. Did you have sexual intercourse with the girls? Did you put your wiener in her vagina? They...

I did not have sex with the girls. I just got a blowjob. Oh! Wow. Wow. Wow. All right, sweet. All right, sweet.

All right, sweet. Now, final question. We know you're a spitter. But did she spit or swallow? The billion-dollar question. Right now, there are people gagging all around the world, listening to this moment on the interdome. What do you think, Tony?

Well, I think any girl crazy enough to suck your dick. Probably swallowed it down with a big smile and fucking took a sip of that room temperature coffee from a couple hours earlier. Calabunga. Oh, my God. Jared, we love you so much. You're a fucking icon.

I would love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday night. He does a longer stand-up set. He's paid to do stand-up comedy. Pulled out of the bucket here. Golden ticket winner, universally known comedian. One more time for Jared Nathan, everybody. Yeah. Back to the bucket we go.

Your next comedian, 60 Seconds Uninterrupted, goes to Charlie Trace, everyone. Charlie Trace. Charlie Trace, Charlie Trace. Here comes Charlie. Where the fuck is this guy? Where the fuck is this guy? Ladies and gentlemen.

One more time for Charlie Trace, everybody. So, I'm not from Austin, but I moved here from New Jersey. One of the main reasons is recently, New Jersey legalized marijuana for recreational use. And I want no part of that, to be honest. When I learned that Texas is still illegal to smoke weed, I thought, perfect. Nice weather, no legal weed, smoking barbecue.

Now, I love to smoke weed, right? But I'm not a violent person. I do like to commit certain petty crimes. I'm from New York, and we like to smoke weed outside everywhere we go. The anxiety I get on 6th Street to take a hit of the joint and look at the cops as they walk past me is incredible. I love that feeling. And not to pick on the police, you know.

Anybody heard of the group NWA? We know them, right? The song Fuck the Police coming straight from the underground. I think if NWA was from Austin, they would remake the song and say, fuck the police and the horses that they're riding on. Oh, yeah, took us a long time to get there, but we got there. Charlie Trace. I had to hold the bear back on you.

I knew you were, oh, bear back. Wow, look at that. Charlie Trace, you've been on this show before. I remember you. Welcome. How are you? I'm doing good. How do you feel?

Winded, but great. Remind us all, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? My first time was here on the show. I was here on Labor Day. Labor Day, okay. September. September, right. I did about 15 mics since then, like in September and October.

How are those going? What do you feel? If you had to explain to these people what going to 15 open mics is like, how would you describe it? It was fun. It was real fun. I did them here in Austin. Right.

I live here now, so it was fun. It was fun. Okay. It was fun. It was fun. I have written down it was fun. It was fun. It was fun.

It was fun. It was fun. It was fun. Incredible. Don't make me bring up Joey Bueno here, all right? Oh boy. You look like the kid who sold Jared Nathan his Ninja Turtles posters. That's a good thing.

Yeah, I like the hat. I was going to ask, did you also dress like an asshole in New Jersey? I tried. I tried. Okay. Hell yeah. I'm glad you laughed at that, because you do have a real blank look in your eyes. Oh yeah.

He might hit me if I make fun of him. I love Joey, so it's good. We know you do. Joe DeRosa, fellow New Yorker. That's a real New Yorker right there that, I mean, he's got a fucking sandwich shop on the Lower East Side. You know that? You know about that?

Have you ever had a sandwich from there? I haven't had the pleasure to go there, but I do know about the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I've heard about it. Joey Roses on the Lower East Side. Triple Decker with peanut. Let me take up some of your time. I own a bar.

Yeah. Joey Roses, Lower East Side, 174 Riveted. Open seven days a week, 11.30 a.m. every day. Wow. Full bar and sandwich. There was a lot of people wondering if at 11.35 they could get a good sandwich. I'm glad that you were so specific. What do you do for work, Charlie Trace?

Well, Tony, when I was here the last time you asked me and I had said that nobody's paying me to do anything at that time, and that's still the same. Oh, wow. I'm actually surprised there's a booming Texas economy here. And meanwhile, there you are unemployed. How do you have money to spend? Do you have two phones? Yeah.

There's two locked up phones. My girlfriend's phone is in my pocket. Oh, okay. Your girlfriend's here. Is she a comedian as well? She's, so I met her doing comedy at the open mics. Actually, Labor Day Night after this show, I met her. Look at that.

Look at that. You didn't fight. She also does comedy. She does. Did she sign up tonight? She signed up, yeah. What's her name? Mia Chen.

Mia Chen. You guys think we should see a minute for Mia Chen? What's there? You stay up here, Charlie. Put the mic back in the mic stand. Is it Mia Chen? Yes. Make some noise for Mia Chen, everybody.

Let's do this. Let's see what's going on out here. We're going to figure this out. Make some noise for Mia, everybody. I'm a legal immigrant. But last year, on June, I was arrested for evading arrest, which is not true. I was just going home in my car and stuff. And then in court, the judge was like, now you're a felon now.

So you can't get out of the border until she gets cleared and stuff. So technically, I'm legal now. Yeah. I did it. Okay. 48 seconds. What? I still have time?

Yeah, 12 seconds. Okay, go, go. I'll do it fast. I'm a Gen Z. Gen Z. I'm 23 years old. I'm going to be turning 24 on Thursday. But yeah, it's a weird generation to grow up.

I grow up watching porn. And, you know, I already watched everything. And I got nothing more to watch. That's the whole joke. Oh my God, you have everything set up. Was there something else? Was that it? I watched so much porn that I watched all the porn.

Yeah, but it's like 60 seconds. And I'm so nervous right now. I know, I know. I'm not supposed to dispose my immigration status. You need a place to live? Wow, not only do you have a place to live, you have a spot on that secret show Thursday night. And $100,000 of red bands money.

All you have to do is laundry every day for the rest of your life. All right, let's talk about it, Mia Chan. So how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? So, like, since I was 17, but until now. So it's like seven years, I don't know, about math. Holy shit. But like the first six and a half months, I'm learning English. Oh, shit.

Were those your favorite jokes that you did? Like, you got called spontaneously, obviously. So you had to quickly decide what you wanted to say. Were those kind of in the bag of your faves? Charlie, when you were 10. Your best joke. Your best joke? Best joke?

Was that your best joke? The one that you did? I'm an illegal immigrant. Because I got court tomorrow. Like for real. At what time? Wait a minute. Hold on a second.

I don't think she's an immigrant. I just don't think she speaks well. Yeah. I think that too. This is Joey Bueno. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Who is teaching you how to speak English?

A Latino man? Or like, there's some of that good red band hugging this right there. Clip it. Have you learned from a Latina? I can do one real quick. What time do you have court tomorrow? 1.30 p.m. Junction.

So let's talk about this. You got arrested for what was the original offense? What did they say that he was originally pulling you over for? Before you evaded arrest. I have written down here, on June, I was arrested. I wrote down exactly what you said. On June, I was arrested. She was talking about a roast beef sandwich that she had.

And she said, ah, June. Oh. Ah, June. I was arrested. A sweet, sweet side sauce. What kind of Asian are you, I should ask? Taiwanese. I'm Taiwanese.

Okay. That's a good answer. Yeah. It's the, like, we stop eating dogs. Right. Since, like, they're 50. There you go. Prove it.

That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's like a bit. There's a bit there. Yeah. There's a bit there. There's a lot.

Joe, are you retarded? Everybody, there's going to be. I don't know how it's happening, because Joe's killing. Joe, you couldn't be killing any harder. You're doing a great fucking job. Yeah. Dream guest. Perfect.

Everything is perfect, but somehow there's going to be a highlight reel of you getting slammed by newbies. Oh, I love it. Okay. Back to my new favorite comedian, Kim Hans, everybody. Here we are. Kim Hans. I love it.

Okay. So let's talk about this fucking bag of donuts you got behind you right here. This fucking New Yorker back here. How did you meet this guy? From the creek. Okay. All right. Met him at the creek and he went right near cave.

Look at that. You know what I mean? Yeah. This is your show. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway. Okay.

So did you go up to him or did he come up to you? How did this start? So I was doing, that's my first open mic too. Wow. Look at you two. Incredible. What are the odds? And then I did it.

I thought I'd kill it, but that wasn't very confident and stuff. And then, so he was like, you know, start telling nice things. Does that music always play behind everything that you say? Yeah. Powerful. I don't know how you do it, but it's very powerful. Whoa. Look at that.

Okay. All right. Enough. Enough. Do you guys write together? What? Do you guys write together? Write?

Great response. Let's move on. Great response. You are waiting. No further questions, your honor. You are waiting together. That was perfect. On June, on July, on August.

Do you guys have any special moves that you do in the bedroom? Do you guys do some like hidden tiger crouching dragon or something like that? We like doing the kitchen. Oh, you do it in the kitchen. Cool. Oh my goodness. Very incredible. Oh God.

When you guys come together, what happens? Is it like a Philly roll comes out or something like that? Wow. That's a good one. I like food too. I was telling you earlier, I love food. It's a food joke. You might have the best food punters here.

He has, Joe DeRosa also has an unbelievable podcast taste buds with the great Sal Volcano, another friend of the Kiltoni universe. So good. Many time guest. Thank you, bro. And hilarious comedian. What's the wildest thing you guys have done together? You have a memory or something like that that you want to share before I let you go?

You're a very, very cute couple. I like how this comes together. Yep. So as I said, we met Labor Day and we did like 15 mics together. And then we road tripped around the country ever since then. This is our first night back out since November 11th. That's insane. You just got back from a road trip.

Where'd you guys go? Hopefully you did most of the driving. Yikes. I would not. I did every bit of the driving, the whole driving. You've been doing the driving. All the driving. Very good.

You never let her drive at all? No. Not personally. We drove a lot, like really far. Have you ever seen her drive? Yeah. So once or twice I was in her car while she drove. Where'd you guys go to?

So we flew to LA where her car was. And then we road tripped from LA back here. Went to like Grand Canyon and whatnot, like Vegas. But where specifically were you when she drove the car? In Vegas. Or excuse me, LA. In LA. Okay.

And where did she drive to and from? Like was it like up a mountain? Or is it Santa Monica to Venice? What was the? Like LAX to the crib, stuff like that. Oh, okay. So then there was an airplane and a... I forget it.

We tried to stop it. Stop it. It's too late now. We've been trying to set up this perfect little. I was hoping you were going to say, like go back to your sound board for a second. I was, when I was asking you where she was driving, I hope you were going to say something like,

I don't know, past a firehouse or something. And then it was going to be like that. And then, and then, and then that, you see? Or maybe, maybe there was LA. Maybe there was a car alarm going off. Or a train, or a train perhaps. There you go. See, and then we put a little ribbon on it at the end.

All right. There's the police again. I am not resisting. I am not evading you. I'm just trying to go home. That must have been a mess, huh? What do you think is going to happen in court tomorrow? Wait, which thing are you going to court for tomorrow?

Which of all the things you mentioned? And is it a food court? Is it Panda Express? No, I'm sorry. That was... That was racist. So is it, am I going to be fine talking about this? Yes, you're fine at this.

Yeah. I don't know. It's been scary. Uh-huh. Right. So it's for the evading arrest. Right. So what is the sentence?

What is the worst thing that can happen? Have you talked to a public defender? Um, no. Don't tell me you have Charlie being your lawyer back there. So we were at the crib and the car was in LA, but we were in Vegas, right? And, uh, sorry. By the way, I'm a sucker for a white guy that says crib. You're already super affable.

I got nothing but love for you, Chuck. Your honor. Yo, yo. Your honor, might I play you my fuck the police joke that I do? Yo, yo, I got like an objection or something. Charlie Trace grabbing the mic. I'll tell you where I was Labor Day night. What would you say if you had to be her lawyer and take the stand in her defense?

You're looking right at a judge. What would you say? Look out there. Look at that camera right down the middle. Talk to the judge. Get your girl off. Whoa. Whoa.

You're a little troublemaker. Yeah. You don't give the judge that finger. Order in the court. I did suggest you wear a hoodie with the guy wearing the middle finger on the front. But got you. Nobody asked you that again. Your face to face with the judge.

You have to get her off. Here we go. Your honor, my client here is indefensible with the crime she's been charged with. I'm under the impression that the authority was a little bit rough during the evening of this arrest. My client has advised me that if this is not going to be taken care of here today in this courtroom, that we will have to figure out another way, obviously. I can't say that. That sounds like a threat.

Keep going. Keep going. Out. Keep going. And so if we can resolve this here today, it would make my life a lot easier. I have a two and a half hour drive back to Austin. And that would be great. Ladies and gentlemen, I think you're going to get off.

We're live outside the courthouse. Yeah. You've just got sentenced to 20 years in prison for evading police and then disrupting the court. No, I love it. You guys are absolutely adorable. Met after kill Tony. Fell in love. Have done a road trip together.

It's been since fucking, would you say Labor Day? So what's it been? Six months or so? Five months? I'm going off. I love it. You guys are absolutely sweet and adorable. Enjoy the rest of your night.

Thanks for playing along. You guys are fantastic. Did you have one of these yet, Charlie? You gave me a big one. I gave you a big one. Here's one for her. Can you catch? Very good.

There she goes. All right. This place is wild. How about one more time? One more time for them. Charlie Trace and Mia Chan. All right. We have another regular ready to go.

This guy, one of the best writers and performers in the history of the show. Outhead lining all around the world right now. Ladies and gentlemen, brilliant writer, brilliant roaster, brilliant comedian, kill Tony regular David Lucas. Yeah. Every time I netted a white girl, I could hear slaves singing. I love white girls, man. I love them white girls that wear them hoker shoes, thick ass boots,

and Lulu Lemon. I love Lulu Lemon, boy. But that Lulu Lemon is witchcraft. Lulu Lemon make every bitch look like she got a booty. You know what I'm saying? And then you take them pants off. It's like, bitch, your ass cheeks is touching your asshole. What the fuck did you have in them pants?

Dreams, bitch. What the fuck? I hate women with big ass feet. I do, man. It's like they be trying to wear cute shoes and shit. It's like put on some timblers like a real nigga. All right, man. That's it.

Thank you, bro. Hell yeah. David Lucas coming in, showing how it's done. That's it. Week after week, making it look easy. Look at Tony. What the fuck? Wait, what?

What you got on, bro? A homosexual homicide jacket? Oh my God. What the? It is a homosexual homicide. I got it from cold caves. I got it from Forever Homo. I love it.

His ass hole was splintered. This is great. What is that? Two sleeping bags, sewed in together? Something like that? What do you got on there? What do we got going on? Tony, why you got a lightning bolt on?

Are you like Zesty Gay? Like, I'm just... What's that lightning bolt, man? You like electric gang? Like, what the fuck? I love it. You been spicy tonight. You must have got your pussy eight hours ago.

You're Martin Luther King size. Out here fighting for... Out here fighting for... Malcolm extra large over here. Yeah, for Christ's sake. Motherfucker, you look like a grown ass Jimmy Neutron, nigga. Oh, man. You...

That nigga look like he'll be on the reboot of Full House. Get your bobsackin' hand ass. All right, calm down. Ain't nobody forgot about your retarded Aaron Rodgers looking ass, nigga. Hey, hey, easy Michael Clark Dunkin' Donuts. That's not fair. That's not fair.

Oh, shit. That's not fair. Look at that. And like that, all of a sudden, beads of sweat appear on David's forehead. Oh, shit. By the way, a happy belated Martin Luther Burger King Junior. And I want to say...

And I want to say, David, out of anyone fights for equal bites, and I appreciate that. That is... Man, shut your cool daddy-looking ass up. Yeah. Let's get him wrecks. Tackle him wrecks. Get your ass up out of here.

What's your extra large head ass? Shut the fuck up. I'm not saying anything. I'm just like, you put... You had your... Stop it. You had your microphone too close to your mouth, nigga. Hey, this is not a buffet.

You can stop eating. You put your head in Magnum Connors for fun, nigga. Look at his nigga head, boy. That nigga look like that nigga off of Ghostbusters, boy. Egon. Get your hippie-licking ass up out of here, boy. Your foot rolled his nigga, dog. Get off my friend Odell Beckham, Carl's Jr.

Oh, my God. Fucking Huey Fig Newtons over here. For Christ's sake. I'm doing Dennis Miller. All right. How fun. How fun. David, what else is there?

You got a superpower tonight, man. You got the three other... The Klu Klux Klan of gay niggas is up here. Fucking Klu Klux and Klan, man. My niggas ain't shit. Oh, my God. At a rate of like he'll let a black bitch trick him out of $20,000.

With you up here, that makes it a KKKFC. That was great. Great. Great. Guys. Bruce. And, Tony, you like DIC, nigga. You think that's how you spell dick?

I was gonna throw the K in there somewhere. I was just trying to figure it out. David, you look like a street fighter character that gave up. He's a... I have a dream. He's a... He's a meat fighter. I love it.

David Lucas also had a dream because his sleep apnea machine was working well last night. Tony, you the only man that had wet dreams, nigga. The spot by your ass be wet as a motherfucker when you wake up, nigga. The way you're sweating, I think you have some wet dreams too, dude. I'm on tequila. What's your excuse, nigga? Your face...

Your face is like a baboon ass right now, nigga. You need to stop going in the sun with all them niggas, boy. What? You're getting roasted by Hoody and the bloated fish. Adam Ray! Oh, my God. Random tidbit. Adam Ray, you can't prepare it, nigga.

What's your mother's fucking... I didn't care to prepare it this time. He's like, I got that fat nigga this time. He's like, I know what he did in the last two times. You roasted him last time. He did. Shut me down last time. Sandpaper face ass, nigga.

Just trying to go toe to toe with... Your face is like a starfish ass, nigga. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You look rough as a motherfucker. You look like a transgender caveman, nigga. Woo!

He is right. I have thought that about you for a long time. Thank you. You do look like that. And you built like you... Hold on, I was fucking back on you up! Fuck that shit, boy. Your ass teach Potteria Yale, nigga.

That's the farthest you've reached since there was a hot dog in front of you. Your face is like a reverse Jay Leno face, nigga. The top of the chin at the top of your head. You need a late night TV show, nigga. Chin, chin and forehead, bitch. Nigga Adam Ray, boy, dressed like he own three In-N-Out burgers, nigga.

Yeah, you're dressed like the co-founder of Black Lives Fatter, so... Either way. Either way. My God. Either way. I mean... So we're both doing shit.

Oh, my God. We both got our shit going on. Adam Ray, you look like the cop that watched that nigga kneel on George Floyd, nigga. Oh. All right, chill. Jesus. Your wife left you for a 21-year-old, nigga. We already know.

Oh, my goodness. So gracious. Incredible. So funny. You're unbelievable. David Lucas comes in. He gives it. He takes it.

He takes it. He finds it. You take it, nigga. I don't take shit. Oh, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. We know you take it, Tony. Our Cineo dining hall got you.

Whoa. If you don't shut your retired assistant principal licking ass up, nigga, the fuck wrong with you, boy? You look like a master bowler, nigga. Your ass... You can bowl a strike 20 times in a row, nigga. Your ass out here. Get this nigga.

What a fucking... That nigga looked like he invested in Prius 20 years ago, boy. Get your stupid ass up. The fuck you talking about, boy? Yeah. Sip that shit, nigga. Anything to put on the G jacket, thought it was going to take ten years off of that forehead,

nigga. Oh, my God. That forehead. Oh, nigga. Your ass... That forehead looked like Easter Island, bitch. Your ass... Oh, my God.

That motherfucker's face looked like Kevin Durant's foot, nigga. Shit. He's just going. He's still going. And this is all going to be on that reel that I mentioned of people just bossing around. Every comic is shit on me so far. Yeah, man.

Every shit on me. Every time, boy, it gets so easy, boom face ass up outta here. David Lucas, you are an absolute fucking monster. A beast. You're a beast. A monster. So good.

A king of your own art form. And God damn it. We don't take a fucking single night of it for granted. You're out here. You're killing. You're making a bunch of fucking money. Doing shows. Getting better.

Working at it. And you're fucking living the goddamn dream. Make some goddamn noise for David Lucas. David Lucas, funny for tickets. Follow him on everything. The respect from his peers. This is the real deal. You're in the fucking eye of the storm right now.

Ooh, a one word name. I love one word names. Great handwriting. Make some noise for Mickey, everybody. Oh, wow. So, I'm the product of a mixed marriage. Yep, my dad was a Southern Baptist from Tennessee. And my mom, well, she was that hussy from Connecticut.

That Catholic girl. Now, let me tell you, my mom was the original Karen. And I'm not kidding you. Like, I was raised by a Karen named Karen. But what's been lost to history is before there were Karen's, there were Doris's. And Doris's are the ones who drilled little Karen with flashcards to make sure that they knew the names of all the managers in town. Doris is the one that also went up to her and said,

you know what, when that hostess tries to seat you next to the kitchen, you are going to be personally pissed because that's an upfront to us. But it was Doris who told her four-year-old granddaughter that, look, honey, one of your three imaginary friends, imaginary friends, wasn't allowed in her house because he was black. Okay, Mickey, welcome to the show. Hello, how are you? I'm great.

Fuck yeah. How long have you been in stand-up comedy? This is my very first time. That's your first time. Wow. I love that. So let's talk about it. Are you willing to tell us how old you are?

Sure. Okay. 58. 58 years old. Wouldn't have guessed it. I love it. Wouldn't have guessed it. It's never too late, folks.

And how did that feel? You're up here. You're looking around. You seem like you've done this before. It was amazing. It was awesome. Right. What made you want to start here today?

58 years old in the middle of the storm. I mean, you're in Austin, Texas. A bunch of comedians that go up every night and work hard and fucking stay broke chasing their dreams. What made you want to come up here tonight? I lost a bet. Oh, is that true? Oh, yeah.

They were just like, you know, would you do this? And life's too short not to give it a shot. So, you know. So when did you write? How long have you been preparing for this? Probably about six months. Six months. For that minute.

Yeah. Okay. Now, tell us this. What was different? What is the, how did it feel compared to how you pictured this going for the last six months? It actually was, I thought I would just fumble all over the place and be sweating and be a total mess, but I felt okay.

Right. No, David Lucas did all that for you just a minute ago. It helped out. For sure. I love it. Can I ask this? Because it is, and you're right. You were way more calm than I think most people for the first

time because there's so many, you're trying to like remember everything, not be, look nervous or feel nervous. What was the most, the biggest thing you were most concerned about not doing when you came up? Right. Um, just freezing and not remembering the order of stuff because I kind of wanted it to kind of, you know, go together. Right.

Okay. So let's talk about it. What have you been doing your entire life? I haven't been doing my entire life. You have kids. What do you do for work? I have a kiddo. Yeah.

You have one kid. I have one kiddo. How old is the kid? 27. Boom. So you're done. Yeah, I'm done. Right.

One and done. One and done. Got it right the first time. And you're still with the baby daddy? Yeah. Okay. Sure. Where do you guys live?

Dallas. And what do you do for a living? Um, I manage a company that does property research. Okay. How long have you been doing that for? Almost 20 years. What does your man do? He's the IT, uh, systems architect.

Oh, shit. This fucking guy, this little fucking E walk over here. Look at this guy. Did you sign up tonight? Oh, you're fucking lucky, dude. You're fucking lucky, bro. Okay. And you told him that you were signing up.

Did you guys come here specifically for this? Well, yeah, we got tickets tonight. You know, I was like, well, yeah, I'm. Let's go for it. Let's go for it. Okay. Now, is this something that you see yourself doing again or just something that you wanted to try tonight?

I don't know. Um, there's a couple more. Yeah. I might try it again for sure. Okay. Might like do it, you know, the normal route show, but open mics and things like that. But then I wouldn't have the shot of saying, you know, yeah, this is my first time. I wanted to.

What do you like to do for fun? What's a wild thing about you? You seem put together. You seem like you're very stable. You seem like, uh, you're not that wild of a person. So tell us, give us some insight on the wild side of Mickey. Oh my goodness. Do you know Johnny statue by chance?

Okay. Sweet. I don't know. Um, well, this year I learned that the name that's on my birth certificate is the name of a playboy playmate of the year. I had no idea. What year? Well, you have to do the math, but, um, 64.

Okay. But that's not a wild. Oh no. That's a coincidence. Also, when somebody goes, what wild things do you do? You never want to answer with, I learned. Right. You know what I mean?

Like give us an example of something that you've done over that you do for fun or that you do, you've done over the years. Um, I do adoption locates and I do genealogy research. I'm adopted. Really? Yeah. Cool. Want to help me find?

I would love to. Love to do that. Hold on. Let's do this again. Let's take this one from the top. Go. Oh, you work in adoption. I was adopted.

Will you help me find? And then you go. No faggot. And then we're going to add it to the real. Okay. That's it. Okay. Here we go.

Here we go. Oh, you do adoption. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's a bit. I'm adopted. Okay. Biological parents.

No faggot. Got him. Got it on the. Got it on the first take. Didn't even need Joey Bueno to step in. God damn right. I knew she had it. Mickey's got it.

Mickey, Mickey, Mickey. People in Texas don't give a fuck. I know. Yeah. I've been running office. I've got a staff under me. I've been doing it for 40 years. Faggot.

I know. On camera. Yep. Yep. And we're all, and we're all rich and don't pay taxes too. Remember that when you go back to New York about how much fun we're having. We're rich. I had to buy a safe when I moved here.

I never had a safe in LA. Now I have a safe filled with cash and guns. It's exciting. I'm trying to convince all of my funny friends to move here. Have a question. Adam Wright. You said your son's 27, right? Yeah.

Do you ever write jokes about him? He's got to be living a pretty promiscuous life, right? No, no. He is like, I'm the crazy one and he's pretty like buttoned up, put together, straight kid. Whoa. So are you trying to always like press his buttons and he's like, mom, stop. Yeah, I told him. Stop saying the F word.

It's subway. I told him I wouldn't embarrass him. He's like, you embarrass me all the time. By doing what? Perfect. By doing what? Um, so I make it really hard for him anytime he has like somebody that he's dating or seeing. I like, I research all about them.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Is that you? Holy shit. That's crazy. Wow. So what's like an example of a time that he was with somebody and you found out something and you're like, I don't like that slut.

Wait, that's the son? Yeah. I just found out right now. Look how much he's not enjoying this right now. He does not think this is funny at all. Yeah. This fucking cock block mother is this bitch with her secret Instagram accounts out there just rolling around at 58 years old digging up dirt on these hoes and you're a good looking

kid too. You should be doing good at 27. What do you do for a living? He's in the army folks. Incredible. You're hurting him. He's good enough to fight for this country, but he can't fucking find his own hose mom. What the hell?

Oh no, man. He's an officer. He's in charge of shit. Oh shit. I don't even know what's going on anymore. Mickey, very, very fun. I love that on this show we have different shapes and sizes and ages and veterans and newbies and everything.

I love that you had the courage to sign up tonight. I loved your interview. A lot of confidence. We're going to keep it moving along. There goes Mickey everybody. I know you can catch. There she goes. Mickey everyone.

Back to this bucket we go. Jamisha Albo. Jamisha. Woo. That's a cool name. She left you hanging. Oh my god. Joe tried to go in for a high five.

Added to the reel. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Jamisha Albo everybody. My name is Jamisha. I was adopted when I was six years old. Fun fact about me, I'm actually the only black person in my family. So growing up I thought segregation was a good idea. I could have used my own bathroom growing up in that fucking household. That didn't sound too shabby.

And because I didn't grow up with black people I use words like shabby. Growing up with white people. White people are fun. White people are a lot of fun. I met this white homeless man at a stoplight recently. He had a sign that said can you help an old white cracker out with some cash. And I started thinking about why we call white people crackers. Like I know for a fact that white cracks.

But if we're going to refer to white people as crackers I feel like I need to know what kind of cracker I'm dealing with in certain situations. Like if I meet a white man at the Ritz Carlton is that my Ritz cracker? If my white drug dealer sells me weed is that my graham cracker? And if I let a white man come in my pussy is that my nutcracker? That's how you do it folks. A star is born. This is one of those moments that fans of this show will remember forever. This is our first time seeing Jamisha Albo.

Here on Pale Tony. A standing ovation from the band, from the guests, and from Red Band and myself. You are a monster. I was watching you the whole time just looking at how casually you do this. It is incredible. I want to know everything about you. Let's start with how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I celebrated one year last Saturday.

Amazing. Thank you. Amazing. Amazing. All of it here in Austin, Texas? All of it here in Austin, Texas. I moved here from Maryland to pursue stand-up comedy. Incredible.

Thank you. Incredible. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. And you have an all-white family. So my mother, so it's a combination of a few different things. White, Mexican, and Italian. Okay.

I love it. What a little party. Right. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Very cool. You're so nice. Oh.

Have you always just been like this sweet and like... There's a lot of deep-rooted anger. For sure. Oh, yeah. For sure. Oh, yeah. We don't do this much trauma, right? That's where the funny comes from.

For sure, yeah. I love it. So what do you do for work to survive? So I just left Facebook in December, so I'm unemployed right now. You left them? Yeah, I left them. Okay. So you worked...

How long did you work at Facebook? Uh, not more than five months. Whoa. What happened? Downward spiral. Right. What happened? You got to suck out of there.

They're going to come for me. We can talk after the show. Oh, shit. Turn the cameras off. Okay. All right. Really, the people that have jobs were saying all kinds of crazy shit on camera. You're unemployed.

You want to talk offstage. Yeah. So funny. She must know something we don't know about Facebook. Yeah. I love it. What do you like to do for fun? For fun.

So I really like cooking. Love cooking. It's one of my favorite things to do. I was actually on the culinary team at Facebook when I was there. Wow. Incredible. So you cook at home and... Yep.

I cook at home. Sometimes I host writing sessions with a few other comedians and I'll cook for them. Look at you. Awesome. What an all-star. This is incredible. Thank you. Thank you.

My goodness. I love that we are finding out about this. Now, what's like a dream job for you? What would be cool for you? Be a stand-up comedian. That's all I want to do. You're doing it. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Who's the guy in the orange? What are you about right now?

Oh, shit. She's fucking picking. I'm going to let her pick somebody out of the crowd. I don't know what's going on. What's happening? She's got her, she's asking questions and security. Oh, shit. Jamisha doing callbacks up here.

I don't know what the fuck's going on. This is incredible. It's a pleasure to meet all of you, by the way. Thank you so much for the opportunity. Oh, yeah. You seized it. Yeah. Have you been signing up for a while?

How long have you been trying to get on this show? So I've only signed up a few times, maybe three times prior to this. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Unbelievable. How many nights a week are you doing stand-up? Probably three or four right now.

That's great. That's the way to do it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. What's the longest set that you've ever done in the year that you've done stand-up comedy? So I actually, the longest set I did was on the anniversary of my one year. I opened for Genevieve at the Velvete Room across the street. And how long, how long was that set?

15 minutes. 15 minute long set. Right, Dan? I would love to have you on the secret show first. Wow. Wow. Thank you. Wow.

Yeah. Let's get her to insult me so we can add it to the reel. Yeah. We have to do something. So I'll say what kind of cracker would I be for you? And then you just fill in your own, some version of pussy-ass cracker. Okay, ready? Okay.

So I have to ask, what kind of cracker would I be for you? What kind of cracker would you be? What's in the drink? Whiskey. Firecracker. Wow. Damn. That's a compliment.

She's just still killing. No, that's a compliment. She's just still killing. So likable. So likable. You're too nice. No shit on me. Say what Lucas said.

I got a fucking ego. Okay. No shit on me. Say what Lucas said. I got a fucking ego ahead or whatever the fuck he was talking about. I couldn't follow it. But it was getting away. Jamisha, I think you have so much goddamn potential.

I'm excited that you're running. I have a question. I have a question. Wait real quick. Sorry. You said you're from Baltimore. Yeah. Have you performed there yet?

No. So I didn't start comedy until I moved here. I didn't want to start in my home state. Smart. Yeah. So you've been with your family and friends back there still that haven't seen you perform yet? Yes.

So I'm going to be there in two weekends. Are you? Wait. Hold up. What if I got your plane ticket and flew you out and you could host the whole weekend? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Adam. Adam. Adam. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No еще.

No. No. Not. Not. No. Not. No. Not.

Not. Yeah. No for real if you have a place to stay or I can get your hotel to it. But it would be great if you get stay somewhere. No. Whatever. If you don't, I'll take care of it. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. If you got no, hey we'll work it out if you got nowhere to stay I'll take care of it. I do. Hold on a second.

Every fucking comic comes out here and shits all over me tonight and then you get to swoop in. Oh, why don't I help your dreams come true? Go fuck yourself. Fuck him. I'll fuck him. Sorry man, I wasn't adopted. So you're on The Secret Show.

You're headed back home. You're getting flown and paid and taken care of to go back to your hometown of Baltimore, Maryland to perform in front of your family. Holy shit. And we're going to throw one more cherry on top. Oh no. In two weeks, there is a door guy showcase to work at Joe Rogan's new super comedy club here at Vulcan.

I don't even think that they're, I don't even know if they're hiring girls for that specific job, but no matter what, we are going to shoehorn you into that showcase as well. Why not? When it rains and pours, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. The Kill Tony debut of Jamisha Albo. This guy gets it. That's respect. That guy gets it.

Jamisha motherfucking Albo. And I, Joe DeRosa, and I want to add, and I want to add something else. If you're ever in New York City, I will offer you 20% off any hoagie you want. Oh my God, that might be the best part of the deal. The sad part of this, from my perspective, is that we are at the exact length of the show in which if we do one more bucket pull and it sucks, all the energy is going to crash. Wow. You guys think we should go to this bucket one more time?

There is no following that. An appearance on the show hasn't happened out of the bucket like that in months. Tens of episodes. You guys are sure we should pull one more out of here? All right. I'm telling you, you should read Red Band's body language. You guys are probably wrong. We sit at this poker table all around the world and every Monday, but you wanted it.

You got it. Your final bucket pull of the night is Weston Bennett. Is he coming from the audience? Is this him? The disruptor? Oh my God. Ladies and gentlemen, the man that has been a rabble rouser in the audience all night, you can't make it up.

Make some noise for him. 60 seconds uninterrupted going to Weston Bennett. One more time. Make noise for him. He's waited all night. He could be a genius. So I apologize up front. I'm not a very interesting guy, but I just started an online master's in business,

but that's basically me paying $30,000 a year to basically cheat on tests and talk to my friends like I know about finance, but not true at all by any means. But my other hobbies, I really like playing basketball. Again, I'm short. I'm white. It's not very good for me in general. But my one buddy says like, bro, like what are you pulling up your shoes in? I said, bro, I wear shoes that I think really recognize me as a person.

They're called betas. It's an off Chinese shoe brand and my boy says no, bro. I said, bro, I wear betas. No more to the core. I got something better for you. So we got this dude. This guy got canceled by Nike. He's great.

Kyrie Irvings. So really Kyrie Irvings. My boy was a genius. You know what it is? We were, we were canceled people's shoes. All right, Weston Bennett. That is as long as you can bomb for. There's so much going on right now.

First of all, his three buddies at his table literally are dying of laughter. They have been, they have been waiting and hoping for this moment. Like dude of Weston gets pulled. He's fucking. Oh man. And they have their dream. I mean, they are laughing like they eat all the mushrooms right now. It is incredible.

Sean White power. We got fucking. We got fucking Adam answers everything. Look at that guy. And we have, we have Hans Kim's better looking brother here. It's incredible. And meanwhile there's Weston fucking tiny head, big forearms. Like what's going on here, dude?

You are a physical and mental anomaly. You look like you look like if Macaulay Culkin never found his parents after they left them home alone. If you just stayed home alone forever, raised yourself, ate the mac and cheese every night, robbed from other people's houses to survive. You look like both Macaulay and the bad guys somehow. You sticky, sticky bandit. Weston Bennett.

That was as bad as it gets. You've been kind of disruptive the entire night. Security had to tell you to shut up 10 minutes ago. And meanwhile here we are. You got pulled out of the bucket. The odds are absolutely fucking insane. I'm looking at tons of pieces of paper. Meanwhile, the guy, not only that security had to tell to shut up, but also fun fact,

you are the one that Jamisha Albo asked what kind of cracker you would be from the audience. You can't make it up. I know the answer. An unfunny cracker. That's 20, that's 20% off at Joe's restaurant in New York City. Matt Mueling, who only speaks once every seven episodes just said he's not a joke cracker. Very good, Matt Mueling. Very good.

Oh shit. Very good. That was it. Everybody's smashing tonight. I love it. So Weston, what made you sign up for tonight's show? What time did you start drinking today? Early.

Very early. Very early. Very early. Okay. So what made you want to sign up for this? Is this something you always wanted to do or were you just loosened up from the day drinking? All three of my friends at the table, they told me to sign up. They all put my names in the hat.

Right, right, right. And you celebrated Martin Luther King Day like so many Americans do by putting on a surf club t-shirt, getting shit-faced. Incredible. Where are you and your three buddies visiting from? I live here now, but all three of us are from 100 Beach, California. Oh, I could fucking see that. That's fucking lit, dude.

No, I fucking dig it, dude, because when you first came up here, I was like, fuck yeah, dude. You know? But now you- Cut my life in two pieces, nymphed in my left resort, but left like a baby tent. No breeding, don't give up on freedom, but I'm not breeding. I don't know about that. Oh my God. Is this heaven or what?

Can you imagine playing with these guys all the time? I'm going to move here. Adam Ray's moving here. I'm going to move it. This is what we do. This is what we do. We're building the dream team here. Weston, you will be no part of it whatsoever.

Not only will you not get on the door guy showcase, we're going to have your picture to not let you into the club. It's going to really hurt when Janisha's like, sorry, fool. You gots to go. Weston, I do got to ask. Was this like a dream to do stent? You're hailed again? 23.

23. 23, like two days ago. Hell yeah. Happy belated birthday, bro. Wait, but for real. For real. Thank you, dude. Bug out.

Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. You're 23, but you wear the sunglasses of a 57-year-old man. Where does stand up rank in the like aspirations for you? For real?

Yeah. Professionally? Yeah. Not high. What do you do for a living? No shit, really? Weston, what do you do for a living? I'm actually a pilot in the military.

You're a pilot? Oh, Jesus Christ. What branch of the military? I'm a Apache helicopter pilot in the military. Yes. Wow. Do you ever drink before flying helicopters? Negative.

No. Not at all. Sorry. Okay. And how long have you lived in Austin? Nine months. Nine months. What made you want to move here from Huntington Beach?

All the Californians have moved here. They kind of convinced me a little bit, but I know. Who? Who? What Californians are like, you know what we're missing? You know what this place needs is a Weston Bennett. What Californians told you to move here? It's actually a really sick story.

My boy Trevor actually moved here in 98, and he runs a BD shop on Fifth Street, and I was like, that's super fucking chill, dude. I'll roll by and cruise by. Weston Bennett is the name of a man that died at the Alamo. There's no doubt about it. It's a cool name. It's very white. Except in there, except he's not worth remembering.

Weston, we got to keep it moving. You were the last bucket pool of the night. Congratulations for being so lucky. Here's a little joke book for you. This is going to be, no, I'm going to throw it to you because you're so drunk. Put the mic in the mic stand. You're so drunk. I want to see if you catch this fucking thing.

Fun fact, Huntington Beach people, good at surfing, good at walking around in their bare feet. Not so great at things like catching. It's more of an Ohio Midwest or Florida thing. Here we go. Oh, very good. He caught something other than monkeypox this weekend. Weston Bennett, there he goes, everybody. Wow.

What an episode. We did it. Doesn't get any better than that. But luckily for you, there's a big red cherry on top. The longest standing regular in the history of the show. The guy that's done more new minutes than any other human on planet earth. Headliner, cameo star, television star, movie star. Ladies and gentlemen, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, the banana dangler.

William lights out Montgomery. One more time. It's him. William Montgomery, everybody. He ain't fly my helicopter. Oh, no. This is one of those good news, bad news situations. A few days ago, a Yeti Airlines jet crashed in Nepal.

The bad news is when the first responders got to the crash site a couple days later, they found everyone dead. The good news, the beer was still ice cold. Let's give it up for Yeti Coolers, Austin. I had no idea they had gotten into avionics. They have a very diverse business portfolio. Okay. The thing with Biden and all the classified documents is getting really out of hand.

Today they found the nuclear launch codes in a bag of Bidens de pins. He's old as shit. In an effort to be more modern, the Masters Golf Tournament is changing its name from the racially insensitive name the Masters to the more inclusive, the human traffickers. Houston's We Have a Problem. That is a fat guy finding out his credit card just got declined at a Houston's restaurant. Okay, that's all I got. Unbelievable.

This guy has done that more than anybody. Always different, always a new minute. Unbelievable that you still have it in you. You are truly the Big Red Machine. How do you feel tonight? I feel good. My leg is really itching. Tony, I got tatted up on Thursday.

Whoa. I actually know about this. Yeah, I got a baby Tasmanian devil wearing a cowboy hat because I tried to keep it real Texas. Can you show us? Let's see it, baby. Show everybody the tattoo. And it's in a real gay position, I think. I'm starting to regret where it is.

A lot of people are. No. It's itchy as a motherfucker right now. How itchy is it, William? Explain to us how itchy. It's itchy as fuck. How many tattoos do you have? I have many.

Oh. I thought maybe you didn't have any or something. No, I have a bunch. Cool. Yeah. So here's a trick. When it itches, you slap it. You can't scratch it, so you slap it a few times.

It makes the itch go away. Okay, cool. Yeah, that's what I actually do with Red Band's mom. Never get a Tasmanian. What? That's actually what I do with Red Band's mom when her pussy's itching. I'll just kind of slap it with my hand. I'm sorry.

When that stinky ass egg be itching, I got to slap that then. I'm sorry I talked. I hate to talk over Red Band's mom's pussy joke. I'm sorry that I talked over that. No, yeah. What were you saying? It doesn't matter. It's like the fucking Mexican joke at the top of the show.

It's not going to be funny anymore. Red Band, I'm sorry. I said I would never mention your mom again, but I fucking had to. Why did you get that tattoo of all the tattoos? No one cares about these other tattoo options. I'm not saying. Why did you choose that tattoo? I did a lot of research.

It sounded like a lot of white trash types of people got Tasmanian devil tattoos in the 80s. So I thought, why not? I'm going to get a baby tass that'll change it up just enough. And I'm going to get the cowboy hat added because it'll be just enough Texas. So that's what I did. Okay. What else did you do this week?

Tell us more. The tattoo only goes so far. I got my penis pierced. Oh wow. I'm really going through this really weird time in my life right now. Yeah. It hurts so bad. It's itching so bad right now.

He thought about slapping the hell out of it. Yeah. And Red Band's mom's pussy. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Did you pay a visit to the irony mall this week? I don't get it. That was funny, wasn't it?

I just love that. That I don't get it is going to be in the real of the thing. Did you go to the irony mall? I don't get it. And it's going to move on right to the next thing. What's ironic? What's ironic? Why would it be?

The ironic tass tattoo, the penis piercing, the Kirkland signature t-shirt. It's all sort of ironic, no? I don't really get what you're getting at. Seriously, is that some sort of fucking attack on my fucking ass right now, dude? Wait, how long does the penis piercing take? It was like two hours. The guy couldn't find the hole. I have a really small hole down there.

Yeah, I don't want to admit that, but yeah, maybe Rebbe and Ed at that album. Yeah, my thing, my hole, my thing hole is real small. So it took him a while to find it. Oh my goodness. Stick it out. The big red machine. Sounds like you went to the irony mall this week. God, shut the fuck up, dude.

Shut the fuck up. I've been listening to your bullshit all fucking night, Joe. So you're not going to come at me with this shit? I have a fucking tattoo now, dude. I literally have three fucking guns. Am I drunk or what? I'm a felon, dude. I have nothing to lose.

That's evident. All right, sweetie. Unbelievable energies from the man playing on his home court home field advantage. William Montgomery. This is what he does. Now the Kirkland signature. It's been a while since we've seen this.

Are you back being sponsored by them again? Yeah, it's a multi-year. It's a seven year, $500,000 contract. That's incredible. I know I bought a house yesterday with the money. Did they already pay you? Yeah. And one lump sum.

I took it to, uh, what is his name? He has a commercials. No, he has a commercials on TV. Thomas. Jay G Wentworth. Yeah, I went to Jay G Wentworth. The Dallas couple is Mickey. Mickey figured it out.

Hard to do when she's looking up girls that are following her son on Instagram. Incredible stuff. So $500,000. Where's the house? What suburb is your $500,000 house in? It's in Plano. Okay. Yeah, it took me like five hours to fucking get here tonight.

It's a really bad idea. The realtor didn't tell me where Plano was. I assumed it was really close to her. Yeah, it's like this nightmarish commute. Holy shit. It sounds closer. Even without traffic. It's like four hours or something.

It's like, I don't know what I was thinking. Oh my God. Yeah, it's really bad. A five hour commute. Yeah. What did you do to pass the time during your five hour commute? Are you listening to anything? Are you watching anything?

I've started doing this thing where I can sort of trick my body into falling asleep while I'm driving. But I'm actually, so I'll fall, I'll trick myself into falling asleep for like 30 minutes at a time. So I'm actually getting these really long naps. And it's, yeah, I tricked my body into, do you know how to do that red band? You're sleeping all the time. Are you tricking your body? Yeah. How do you sleep all the fucking time?

You just sleep and you put the, you know, the Tesla on. Are you off of testosterone? No, I'm still on it. Get off of it! You're going to have a heart attack. I'm not kidding. Get off of it. What did you say to me?

You're going to have a fucking heart attack. They're going to fight. Janice is going to find your fucking rotting body. I like that you think testosterone is what's going to give red band a heart attack. Yeah. Exactly. His body's like getting line tester on. Yeah.

Yeah. Get behind the two vaccinations. I actually got the Kirkland brand vaccine. It's good. Yeah, it's pretty good. It tastes good. It's really good. It's good.

His eyeballs fall out of his head right before bed, but it's good. Who's vaccinated? I got vaccinated, but I don't believe in COVID. And I got vaccinated at the irony mall. All right. All right. Somebody get him out of this place. We're all going to get out of here, my friend William Montgomery.

You are the god of kill Tony. We absolutely adore you. Unbelievable performance. Unbelievable episode. This shit's all improvised. We got through it together. Did you guys have fun? Make some fucking noise for Adam Ray, everybody.

Watch the young rock on NBC. Listen to his podcast about last night and buy tickets. He's on tour for the rest of the year. AdamRayComedy.com. I love this guy. I've been working with him for a decade and a half. One more time for Adam, everybody. Joe DeRosa.

Come on, people. Make some fucking noise for Joe DeRosa. Joey Rosa's sandwich shop on the Lower East Side. He's going to be in Vancouver in February. He's got the hit podcast Taste Buds with Sal Volcano. And he's at New York City doing a residency at the Crane Theater. JoeDeRosaInfo.com. AdamRayComedy.com.

Thank you guys. Unbelievable performances from my guest tonight. Love you, Tony. Love you, Tony. Thanks, Tony. You were drawn tonight by the great Ryan J. Ebell while everyone sat here having fun. He drew tonight's episode.

Those prints are available at RyanJBell.com. How about one more time for the band? Everybody look behind you. Michael Gonzalez on the drums. John D. is on the keys. D. Madness on the bass. Matt Mueling on guitar. Paul Deemer on the horns.

Thank you to Red Rose, Yellow Rose, D. Betty Bacca, Joe Blaster, the Austin Security Guard Service, and screwball peanut butter whiskey. Thank you all so much. We love you. Good night, everybody. Love you. Thank you.

Thanks for coming. Everybody, do your best. We keep on being here. We keep on being here. We want you out here. We want you out here. Yo, let's go! Yo, let's go!

Yo, let's go! What are you doing here today? What are you doing here? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Yo, let's go! Yo, let's go! Yo, let's go! Yo, let's go!

Yo, let's go! Come on! Let's go!