KILL TONY - #595 - TOM PAPA

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Tom Papa, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Hans Kim, David Lucas, William Montgomery, John Deas, Jules Durel, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 01/23/2023

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquad.tv. There you have video portions to all the shows and you can click on tour dates and come see us live. Not only do we do Kill Tony, but we have also a lot of comedy shows, including The Weekly Secret Show at Vulcan Gas Company every Thursday. You can also go to ShopSquad.tv for Desquad merchandise and go to RyanJeBelt.com, he's the house artist, he draws every episode, he sells prints, he sells posters and Tony

is on tour right now so go to TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony and now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band, coming to you live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony H. Plays. The fuck is up, Austin, Texas? You ready to do this shit or what? Yippee! Make some noise for Brian Red Band, everybody.

Hey, everybody. Kill Tony live, brought to you by the Red Rose, the Yellow Rose, Deep Eddie Vodka, Gel Blaster and the best security guard service in all of Austin. They're called the Austin Security Guard Service, believe it or not. How about a hand for the goddamn band? Brought to you by Screwball Peanut Butter Whiskey, the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums, John Dees on the keys, D-Madness on the bass guitar, Matt Mueling on the electric and Paul Deemer on the horns, everybody.

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Every single week, we have one or two of the greatest comedians on planet earth. There's only enough room for one tonight with one of the most brand spanking new Netflix specials out now called what a day makes the noise. The return of one of our favorites, the great Tom Papa. Tom Papa, one of the best in the world, he's been here before folks. We're going to do the goddamn dance again, Tom Papa, fresh off of Netflix's what a day. Still out there on the front page of your Netflix and here he is joining us in beautiful Austin Texas.

Good to see you, good folks. Tom, nice to be back. Tom made me a loaf of bread just as I was talking about how hard it is to not be fat in this town. He literally at that moment walked in with a eight pound single loaf of bread for me. So it's good. My bread won't make you fat. Is that true?

It's true. How do you do that? It's real bread, so it breaks down with its own sugars. You'll be all right. Oh shit. All right. I was going to fucking give it to Red Band, but now he doesn't give a fuck. One more loaf of bread ain't going to leave a dent in this fucking Rolls Royce.

Tom, you've been on the show before. You know how it works. I actually want to announce we have a record. You guys are here on a record setting night. 159 human beings signed up for the opportunity to get pulled out of this bucket. That is the most ever in Austin, Texas. Wow. We've been here for over two years, so that's pretty fucking crazy.

It's getting bigger. There's literally not enough room to hold the comedians, so some are literally standing out on the sidewalk right now hoping that their name gets called. If it does, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which is a loud noise which just interrupts their set and gives me a chance to take over after their minute.

After that, I interview them. We find out more about them, what's special about them, and it's all improvised. There's nothing fucking written down anywhere. Look, it's all blank. It says William David Hans, Jared, Tom Papa, Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Deep Eddie, Gelblaster, Austin Security Guard Service, Screwball, Peanut Butter Whiskey. This starts blank. You guys ready to get through tonight's episode?

Here we go. There's only one way to start it, ladies and gentlemen. The same guy every week. We have three regulars on the show that write and perform a brand new minute every single week. A ridiculously hard job. This is a brand new minute from Hans Kipp. What is up, Austin?

It's good to be here. My name is Hans Kim. I'm a skinny boy. Skinny boys unite and huddle together for warmth. I'm so skinny that when I'm spooning a black chick, I can only cover one cheek at a time. I love dating black women because I know there's at least one black man in her life that doesn't want to be any part of her life. But yeah, I love how liberals are so dumb nowadays.

What a bunch of idiots they are. I love how liberals will be like, I'm not homophobic. I don't even care what goes on in the privacy of your own home. Why is that a requirement to not be homophobic? I can't be curious. Like does the bottom wear a condom just in case he doesn't want to get the sheets dirty? Does the bottom stay hard during the whole relationship or is it like an orca's fin in captivity?

All right, thank you. All right, there it is. There was a long pause there. I didn't know if it was over or not. I feel like there was another one in the chamber. There might be. Was there any more to that? Not really.

Any more of your gay fantasies you want to talk about? He's like, I wonder if the bottom wears the condom because I would not know at all. Is it like doggy style, like missionary sex for gay people? That's actually a really good question. That is. I think that is missionary and their other way would be, I guess, like froggy style. They really have to, they have to really arch their back a little bit backwards, right? Get the stuff out of the way.

There's a lot going on down there. A missionary could be dangerous, I'd imagine, for gay guys that you run into the balls. You run right in there, just ow, ow, ow. Wow. If you were going to have sex with a man, how would you do it, Hans? I would do the old flip over and pin him to the mattress. Wow. Look at you.

My goodness. Get on your stomach and let me pound away on the rear. That old chestnut. So you want the guy just laying flat, no arch, no elevation whatsoever, and you're just going to sort of like just up and down it. Yes. The old vertical press, the old George Foreman grill, if you will. Very interesting, Hans.

Very anti-liberal set. Do you really hate liberals or are you just performing in Texas on a Monday night? I hate liberals. I mean, half your sets, you say you are a liberal, though. Well, I'm like a communist, so. What do you mean by that? I feel like the workers should kill the masters in violent uprising. The masters?

I don't think you know what a communist is. My goodness. So what else has been going on this week, Hans? I've been headlining in Las Vegas and Salt Lake City. I actually did really great, pretty much sold out. 99%. Thank you. I also went to a strip club.

I spent about $380. Wow, about $380 and 57 cents. You mean exactly $380, or else you would have said about $400. So was this in Salt Lake City? Yeah, no, it was in Vegas. Oh, you went to a Vegas strip club. Yeah. Very interesting.

I've never been to a Vegas strip club, but what can you tell us about it? How is it different than other strip clubs that you've been to? Well, it's bigger. It's like a lot of neon lights. Oh, okay, that's everyone. I mean, I honestly like the yellow rose and the red rose a lot better. That's true. That's true.

I like how you said yellow rose first on that one, Hans. Okay. So about $380, how do you spend $380? Is that all in ones? Did you go to a private room or something? I got a private room treatment. Got the touch treatment. Like a spa, like a sauna, and a spa retreat.

That's why it was so spacious, it had waterfalls, and it was a spa. I got the $380 spa package. What happened in this special room, Hans? I got to touch some nipples. Oh, okay. What did this girl look like? She was like skinny and Latina, and I was there with my boy, Eddie. Wait a second, wait a second, hold on, this is fresh.

One week after Tom, we found out last week that he had his first ever threesome, and it was, there was him, a girl, and another guy, and here we are, one week later, finding out right now, fresh to all of our ears, that there was another guy in the room with you? Yes. Wow. He was a nice guy. He was a nice guy.

Was it his nipples you were touching? Who the fuck was this guy? Who's Eddie? It's my boy Eddie. Oh. I didn't realize you were Italian. It's my boy Eddie. What's with all the questions?

Eddie the nipple, Eddie sweet nips. Eddie is a sweet Mexican man. He is really in tune with the strip club culture there. Ah, did you meet Eddie in Vegas? Yes. How soon before you went to the strip club did you meet Eddie? About 30 minutes before. Where did you meet Eddie?

My boy. Yeah, one of my besties, and a man that I can trust, old Eddie on the streets of Las Vegas, old Eddie that just drags the into strip club and makes you spend more money than any of your friends have ever heard of you spending before. He's a good friend of mine now. He works at the comedy club, which I probably shouldn't have said. Very good. It's okay.

It's okay. Wise guys. Yes. And then next thing you know, he's like, let's go to a fucking strip club. Did he spend any of his money? Yeah, he bought me two beers. Wow. Your set is starting to make a lot more sense.

A lot of questions, a lot of feelings. So did you wear a condom while on bottom with us? No, we kept a platonic. He was a nice guy. We had some good talks about, I don't know what we talked about. You know. You know. Do you have AIDS?

Hans, somehow you're able to do it every single week. A new minute yet another very, very interesting interview. You are a fascinating man. It's so amazing to watch you grow every single week. Make some noise for the great Hans. Thank you. And like that, we have begun now and only now does my hand go into the bucket of destiny. These are people that we don't know, but maybe we've met before.

Maybe it's somebody's first time. Maybe it's a 20 year veteran that's coming here to showcase one minute right now. It could be anybody, any shape, any size, any mental health. Your first comedian tonight out of the bucket goes by the name of Jaden Sharp. Jaden Sharp. And like that, we shall meet a human being, Jaden Sharp. Here he is everybody, Jaden Sharp, everyone. Growing up, I think my pastor was a racist because he only molested the white kids.

Do you guys ever get high and then have like those, like the really good high thoughts like, what if dudes synced up like women did on their periods? But like instead of bleeding, we got boners. Like if one dude got hard, we all got hard. There's no way in fuck men could work with kids. That's not happening. Combat sports, that's a different angle, my guys. There would be not a, actually that's just porn at that point.

Or so I think, or maybe not. Other high thought I had. Why is it that when you say, don't you dare, that makes sense. But do not you dare? Zero. Right? Right? That's going to fuck with you for a good week now.

Like I have yet to figure out what it is with this, but that's my time guys. Thank you. All right. There you go. Jayden Sharp. Yes sir. All right. Welcome.

You've been on this show before, correct? I have, I have. You work here at Vulcan Gas Company. I do. Right. Are you working tonight? I am working right now. What exactly do you do here?

I bartend here. Okay. I bartend Thursday through Sunday. All right. And you're up on the second floor. Yes sir. Okay. How do you like that job?

Oh, all the same as anyone else likes a job, I guess. Uh, Nix? Okay. Uh, I'm going to cut you up there. We've never actually watched somebody get fired before, so I'm going to stop you there. The economy's tough, so I'm going to save you. I shouldn't have asked you that in the first place. I took a chance.

My bad. All right, Jayden. Tell us something interesting about your life that we don't know. Uh, recently, I started playing bass. Oh, wow. Yeah, I get bored as hell, getting high shit wondering about people and boners and whatnot, so I figured, why not do something else with... What about boners?

What did you just say? Thinking about people's boners from my set. What? You think about what? Yeah. You talk about boners. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Boners syncing up. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. Very good. So how long have you been playing bass for altogether?

Probably about six months now. Six months. How often do you practice? Like two to three hours a day. Wow. Two to three hours a day. You're like, see madness. I got you.

Uh-uh. Okay. You going to let him play? Yeah. Oh, shit. D-Madness wants to hear you play. Yeah. I wasn't even going to ask.

I don't fuck with D-Madness. Yeah. But since he's suggesting it, ladies and gentlemen, get your little ass over there, Jayden. You're good, D. What's the song? What do you go with? What are you going to play for us tonight?

When the pressure's on. Oh, D-Madness is whispering something. He's like, just press that one button. It'll play itself. D-Madness is trying to help his homie here. You're good, D. You're good. Oh, shit. He's sitting down.

You want to sit? I got a chair. Cool. No? He's cool. All right. A lot of pressure. A lot of pressure on Jayden right now.

The best bass player in town is literally hovering over him right now. One of the best bass players on planet Earth, almost on his leg. This is not easy, folks. What's a good bass song? I don't know. Barney Miller. I don't know. What do you got, Jayden?

You practice in two to three hours a day. He's officially sweating now, ladies and gentlemen. Physical wet sweat has all of a sudden appeared on Jayden's forehead. I'd imagine his fingertips are sweaty too. The pressure is on. Ladies and gentlemen, playing a little bass for you, make some noise for Jayden Sharp every once in a while. Maybe I should suggest four to five hours a day of practice, Jayden.

But he's a really good bartender. He does about it. He likes playing bass about as much as anybody else likes playing bass, I guess. Wow. I never thought I would say this, but give that instrument back to the superior blind man. Close your goddamn eyes, motherfucker. This is the prescription that Dr. D Madness has written here today.

Jayden, Jayden did just OK at two art forms in five minutes for those of you paying attention. This is incredible. Jayden, what else have you been doing other than have kind of playing bass? So I just recently started working on a comic book series with one of my friends. A what series? A comic book series. OK, comic books. We're basing it off of events that happened off of Sixth Street.

Oh, wow. So we figure, why not? I mean, with just the things that have happened here during South Byte last season, it was... We had a twerking competition here. Exactly. So can you give us just a... Can you give us just a taste of what some of the, like is there like Fentanyl Man or something like that?

Oh, there is. Sixth Street comic book kind of sounds like fun. Like, oh, oh, it's the Petty Cab Killer. Oh, no, we have the Austin Chicken Man, a homeless dude that runs around here with a chicken. He's featured in this. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Oh, he's the consulate. He's the guy they go to when they need advice.

Wow, like a Yoda. Exactly. The Austin Yoda. Exactly. He also gives them really good acid. That's the other half of it. Because that's one of the more fun parts on like when you go to the other bars on Sixth Street.

The bartenders are just loaded on everything. Right. And it's a good time. Right. It's the best people watching. Right. Wow. You just got closer to getting fired.

You literally just plugged every other bar on Sixth Street just then. For a really fun time, go to any other bar on this street. They're loaded. They'll give you anything. The only person sweating harder than you right now is Nick, the owner of this club. I love it. Wow, Jaden. This is incredible.

I absolutely love it. How's your love life going? What's that like? You're out there creating comic book series, so I'm guessing... Well, last night I got blackout drunk and woke up in some girls' house, so that was pretty cool. Whoa. Yeah.

Okay. It was a girls' house? It was. Okay. And what did she look like when you woke up next to a girl that you don't even remember? I did. Oh. Okay.

I don't know. I was wildly close. Was not the best. I would not recommend it again. Right. So you don't remember anything? No. I remember getting home and then waking you up this morning, and then my roommate told

me, you called me, and I was like, all right, and he's like, you went out like four times last night. What was going on? Wow. Yeah. This is your recollection. My goodness. Is it still called blacked out if you're light-skinned?

No, it's just lights out. Lights out? Hey, I like that. When you say all the other bartenders are always wasted. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Then his roommate, Stella, and me went out four times last night, came back, went out again.

I love it. All right. Jayden Sharp. Very fun times. Congratulations. Fun performance. Thank you so much. Yeah, good set.

All right. Thank you guys. Do you have one of these yet? You do. There he goes. Jayden Sharp, everybody. All right. We have a special guest here, ladies and gentlemen.

There's only been one man to ever be, to ever win the prestigious golden ticket in the city of Austin, Texas. He's visiting from Canada. He's what they call, what is it, globally, mentally challenged or something like that. He's a legend on this show. Here with a new minute, this is Jared Dathan, everybody. If I joined a military, I would not be put into the special forces, but I would only be handed a super soaker because I already have an article weapon that my rounds shoots

bit. I read an article that terrorist organizations are now recruiting people with national needs or terrorist attacks. We call it backpack boom, boom, boom day. I don't think the 71 versions are ready for me. Okay, Jared Nathan, there was a lot there. Did you say 71 versions? 72.

I don't know. I think it's 72. You're like Hans Kemp. Your number is 10. I love it. I love it. Absolutely. There's got to be one virgin that's like, I ain't fucking that guy.

All right, Jared, that was a great set, very military themed. Why do you think that happened this week? Did you watch a movie or something like that? Did you watch fucking ramps? I was hanging out with people who were in the military this week and I just looked up some things. Okay, very, very cool. That's amazing.

Doing some fucking service, entertaining the troops. You know, every day is service, something, yeah. Hell yeah. Okay. Very good. You guys have a push up competition? Because I got all my money on you. Very, very strong.

We got that straight when nobody could fucking talk about you, you know? Jared, what else happened this week? Tell us more about your life. I had a bad luck today this week. You bought a lawsuit this week? No. Okay. I had some bad luck, Tony.

Oh, you had some bad luck? Yeah. Okay, tell us about it. I kicked out of a restaurant for being intoxicated. You got kicked out of a restaurant for being intoxicated? Yeah. Oh. Oh, it's, it's a...

Ba-ba-ba-ba bad. What's Tony. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba bad. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba bad. You're a motherfucker, bone. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No, none of them. You're goddamn mother fucking right. That is what it's all about. This guy rolls with it, like fucking nobody else. I love it.

So, bad luck, you got intoxicated and kicked out of a restaurant. No, I just was ordering some... Ba-ba-ba-ba-behind野 regenerating hands. I can't believe it took us this long to figure out the bad to the bone is the secret missing element to Jared Nathan. Woo! That's the name of your first special, everybody. Jared Nathan.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-behind. Ba-ba-ba-ba-behind. Oh, my God. I could do this all night. To the other 158 comedians that signed up, I apologize. We're just gonna talk to Jared and play bad to the bone for the next two hours. No, no, no, no.

What? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Is that what you're doing? No. No, no, no, no. All right. Okay.

Tell us. I can't believe you ordered buffalo wings. Two stories. Two fucking stories. I believe it. Can you make me some... Oh, my God. Holy shit.

All right. Maybe it's an eight-minute special that I was pitching. Maybe it's not an hour. So you ordered chicken wings. Buffalo wings. Buffalo wings. Total different thing. The wings of a buffalo, Red Band.

They're not chicken. We know this. Right, Jared? We're blue cheese, motherfucker. That's right. Ba-ba-ba-ba-blue. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bone in. Oh!

Absolutely fucking Lutely. So you order buffalo wings. You get your blue cheese. Then what happens? I tried to order buffalo wings, but... I started like a mother fucker. And the person behind the counter couldn't understand me. So I did my roll bar voice.

Hi, I would like some buffalo wings, please. And they're like, holy shit, this guy is fucked up. Oh, my God. We've never had a guy this drunk. What time of the day was this? 10 o'clock at night. Oh, wow. Yep.

Yep. That's a bad time. So you order your wings. You order them like a robot, and then what happens? They told me stop yelling. Oh, my God. And I said, I wouldn't have to do it if you understood me the first four times I tried to order a mother fucker.

Good point. Very interesting. So how did they tell you to leave? When did you know you were getting kicked out? When it kind of pointed to the fucking door. I couldn't understand the guy because I can't speak Spanish. Oh, you guys were having a... But I got a fucking point thing, so I took a hint.

Guys, we're having a little Mexican standoff there. He's... No, no, no, no. Buh, buh, buh, buh, bye. Buh, buh, buh, buh, bye. Yeah. Should we give this place a shout out so we can... Yes, should we give buh, buh, buh, boycott it?

It's a mother fucking wing stop. Oh, boo. On the count of three. On the count of three, everybody say fuck you wing stop. One, two, three. Fuck you wing stop. There you go. All their locations all around America, I curse you wing stop.

You wing stop are bad to the bone. Jared, we love you. You're a fucking killer. Somehow with all of your disabilities or whatever they call it, you seem to be one of the most able fucking comedians regularly on the show. No, Jared. As I say, able...

Hey, I'd love to have you at the Secret Show Thursday. He's on the Secret Show Thursday. Oh my goodness. Back to the bucket we go. You guys having fun out there? Your next comedian goes by the name of Jovan Afzali. Jovan Afzali. Jovan.

Here they go. Here's Jovan. One more time for Jovan, everybody. Hello. This fuckface looking at me like you've never seen someone speak in cursive. What's wrong with you? I'm sorry.

I like that voice. I feel like you can get away with saying horrible shit. I hate gay people. There's only two genders. Okay. I say that because I might be gay. I don't know if it's happening. I was taking a little bit of a poop the other day.

I started getting an erection. I don't know if it's ever happened to the gentleman. It was a confusing moment for a young man. I'm just thinking they're like, Jesus, why am I the hardest at the same point of the day that my ass is the widest? What the fuck is going on with me? I'm not scared, so I went and I watched a little gay porn

and I saw this video. It was cool. It was a video. It was a dude who was having sex with a dude who was having sex with a girl. I liked it. It didn't turn me on or nothing, but it was cool. Have you ever been on the highway?

You see a tow truck that's toned a tow truck that's toned a Civic or some shit? Artistically, it was pleasing. That's all I thought. Bringing it together at the end there, Jevon Afzal. An NFL playoff game. We thought that was over halfway through

and then all this big comeback for you, Jevon. You saved all your punchlines for the 57 and the 59th second. Oh, and then you step on jokes. Very good. Great talent. It's good to be here with the grandson of Professor Snape. Awesome.

It's awesome to be here with fucking Edward Normal Hands. Very good. I like your style, Jevon. Let's talk about it. How old are you? I'm 21. 21 years old. Are you really 21?

Yeah. I'm 21. Okay. What do you do? What's up with your life? I don't know. Lately, I've just been living in a bus trying to find some girls to have in there,

but not a lot of girls like that stuff. I don't know why. Really? I've just been doing that. I sell popsicles on the black market and besides that, I just live it up. Okay. That was another attempt at a joke.

No, it wasn't a joke. I sell popsicles with dirty jokes on the stick. You might see me around. It's not warm enough yet, but once it's warmer. You really do that? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Once I went to a gay festival, I sold like $400

in like four hours. It was crazy. Some dude with Molly came and touched my ass, gave me $20 to even buy a popsicle, but it was nice. All right. That's pretty cool. Do you make these popsicles?

Yeah. Yeah, I make the popsicles. I used to try to get a fancy with recipes and make these Indian creamy popsicles, but no one gives a fuck what they taste like. So I just took a minute and made it. Do you write the jokes for the sticks? I write the jokes if someone has an awesome one-liner,

I'll be like, yo, I'll give you five bucks to use it, and I'll put your like Instagram tag on the stick. How big are your popsicle sticks? Big enough to make $400 at a gay festival. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Wow.

I love it. Jovan, 21, slinging popsicles. What's this bus that you say you're living in? It's like a school bus. I don't know. You guys know it. So you live in it? Yeah, I live in it.

You own it? You live by yourself? Yeah, just me and myself. No, there's no victims in there, if that's what you're wondering about. Kind of. I was kind of asking about it. Although I did do some stupid shit,

because I was like... I love that that's what you call roommates. What were you going to say there? Well, because I was living in Denver before I came to Austin for like a little bit, and I was like, I had like a bunch of chicken in there, and it stays fresh, and then I forgot that it's warmer down here,

so it got moldy. It was a wing stop, wasn't it? It smelled like... No, it wasn't myself. Good. Just regular thighs, yeah. Regular chicken. All right.

Chavon, you're 21 years old. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Two years. Two years. All of it here in Austin, or were you doing it in... I lived in Albany, New York for a little bit, and then I moved, yeah,

and then I moved to Denver, and I don't know what it was about that place. Maybe I just didn't fit in or whatever. It was like too much weed, not enough oxygen. I didn't really like that place, so I moved down here. Right, right.

What do you do for fun in Austin, Texas? I mean, I just got here on Thursday. I've been trying to find some... I used to play chess around here. I like chess. I don't have a lot of... I'm not good at really having fun, honestly, yeah. Did you have the bus in Albany?

No, I lived there. I was building it in Albany. When did you get the bus? I think I got it around... I don't know, probably a year ago, yeah. And then built it for a while, and then I left on, like, November. Is it nice?

No, it's ghetto as fuck. You don't want to be there. But it runs. It runs, yeah, yeah, it runs. I mean, it broke down once and tear hair Indiana, and Jesus Christ, I didn't think I knew about methods, and then I fucking... I went there, and so, dude, some dude with no legs,

he asked me if I could, like, hang out with him for, like, a day, and honestly, I did because there was just no one to really... This dude, this homeless dude, Kenny. I related to him, yeah, I don't know. Did you play chess? No, we didn't play chess. I did ask him, though, because...

Did you play checkers? Easy to jump. Sometimes I like to... I don't know, sometimes I play checkers to, like, classical music and think I'm fancy, but besides that, no. Okay. All right. Let me ask you this.

Where do you have this bus parked in beautiful Austin, Texas? Right now, it's... Where did I put it? It's... It's on 7th Street by some taco truck. I don't know. Okay. But where do you normally park it?

Where do you sleep? Wherever the homeless people aren't. Just anywhere. They look safe, I don't know. It's kind of easy to find places around here. As long as it's like, I'll pay $12 for a parking sometimes. My friend has an apartment. I'll park in his complex.

I try to move around so I don't seem, like, sketchy, you know? Okay. All right. The old nonsense. Is there a kitchen in there? There's an Instapot, but... How do you make the popsicles? Oh, I have this big-ass popsicle machine.

It can make, like, probably, like, 80 popsicles in an hour, which is way too much volume for me. But I'm not a good investor. 80 popsicles in an hour. Yeah. Red Band is hard as a rock right now. So you're making popsicles in this fucking... Yes, yes.

What you describe as a ghetto bus. Yeah. Especially from the inside. It's a lot that ghetto from the outside, but you get in there and you're like, wow, holy shit. Are these all dirty jokes that you write that are on the sticks? I already fucking told you this, dude.

It's like... Dude. Some of all my... This guy. Some of all my... This guy is so used to talking to legless homeless people that he fucking comes into the king's court. Oh, my bad.

I didn't even realize you have legs. My bad. Yeah, they are... Oh, god. They're good popsicles. Yeah, so stupid. Do you have solar and battery? Yeah, I got four solar panels on there, yeah.

But I don't know what they're doing. Okay. Very interesting. Jovan Afzali, what ethnicity are you? It's an interesting name. I'm half white, half Afghani. Don't worry. We didn't do it.

Calm down. All right. Half white, half Afghani. So your dad's Afghani, mom's white? Yeah. Okay. Where did they meet? They were like hippies for a while.

I think they met at Rainbow Gathering. Yeah. Right. I was probably conceived in a tent, honestly, but whatever. A couple of whippets. Right. So the bus is an upgrade.

Yeah. Not for like... For like the first six years of my life, I lived on a bus because they did the same shit. Yeah, fucking... I know all about a fucking little shower McDonald's or... I just did a little bit of math here, Jovan. Yeah.

And I realized that your white mother hooked up with your Afghani father about a year after 9-Eleven. Yeah. So let me ask you, do you think your mom hates America? I think she probably hated her parents more, but yeah.

Right. Probably hated her parents more. Right. But yeah, no, I was born 10 days after 9-Eleven. I have this joke. I don't... I was born like... Yeah, 9-Eleven was like my gender reveal party or whatever.

Oh, look, there's twins. Yeah, I like that. You have some great jokes for a 21-year-old. I love finding a new talent out of this fucking bucket. You want a joke book? I love one. Do that. There you go.

You got one of those. Jovan Evzali. On to the next one we go. Another bucket pool coming at you. Oh, and a gel blaster. Look at that from the lovely people over at Gel Blaster. Jovan's gonna fucking... It's gonna be a school bus shooting happening.

How old do you feel, though? Two days after 9-Eleven, he was born. Yeah, my goodness. All right, your next comedian goes by the name of Danny Guerrero, everybody. Danny Guerrero is next. On Kill Tony. Here he comes. Oh, oh.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for him. It's Danny Guerrero, everybody. Hey, I'm fucking crazy, bro. You're getting to fight with me, man. You'll fuck around and leave with 12 hickeys on your neck. Yeah, you may have whooped my ass, but I just ruined your marriage of 10 years. Try explaining that to your girl when you get home.

I don't know, babe. I started swinging. This guy just latched onto my neck. I'm fucking lonely, guys. Just earlier today, bro. I picked up a scam-likely call. It's like, hey, man, I'll give you the last word of my soul if you just ask me how my day was.

Pretend you care a little bit and you can have it all. Been doing a bunch of gay shit, bro. A lot of gay shit. I just started wearing my seatbelt last week. I just want to be held, please. Somebody. Wow. That is how you do it.

Danny Guerrero. Nice to meet you, sir. Welcome. Hi, Toddy. Hell yeah. That was fucking fantastic, dude. Great job. How long have you been doing stand-up?

About to be, like, probably two years in April. Okay. All of it here in Austin, Texas? Houston. Okay. Yeah. Very cool. We know Houston very well.

That's where you live? Yeah. That's where you work? I used to work at my job like a month ago. Oh, cool. What job was that? I was working at a gym. I was working at Blink Fitness.

What fitness? Blink Fitness. Blink? Yeah. Blink? BLINK? That's a thing? There's, like, foreign Houston, probably.

It's good. Yeah. What? It's cheap as fuck. It's cheap as fuck. What are you talking about? There was the only gym I ever went to. In Burbank, yeah.

You went to that gym? Yeah. I was like, oh, there's something like that? It's brand new. It's awesome. I was only in there at Blink of a Time where I was like, I was like, signed up, canceled. What? He signed up.

He's like, I'm exhausted. I got to get out of here. Oh my goodness. The before and the before. Blink Fitness. That doesn't even sound real. That is amazing to me. How long did you work there?

Long time, dude. Probably like a month. Sounds about right. What did you do there? I just told people hi. Oh. Just hello, welcome in. You're a greeter.

Yeah. Okay. And what's your plan? Did you save a lot of money? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you save a lot of money? No, dude. I was getting like $200 every two weeks. I couldn't buy shit.

Right. Just pay my phone bill and that's about it. Right. Right. Okay. Do you live by yourself? No, I live with my parents. Okay.

How old are you? 27. 27 years old. That got him. Hell yeah. Yeah. But you're Latino, so that's good for another 30 years or so. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I'm all right. As long as I cut the grass at home, I'm fine. Yeah. The Lord knows you guys are fighting for that job. No, I want to. All right. So you're cutting the grass at home, earning your keep.

Mom's cooking is good. Yeah, very good. You ever hear your mom and your dad hook up still? Tell the truth. The house echoes. So, yeah, I just turned up the music a little bit. Yeah. But it all sounds the same.

I know it's a good Mexican joke with Michael Gonzalez's live thing. So I'm doing good. Doing good. All right. Danny, that was an amazing performance. Yeah. How often do you perform? Pretty often.

I mean, I don't have a job, so I just go out every night pretty much. Amazing. Yeah. Funny segues, funny setups, funny the whole way through. Good presence. Oh, thank you. Yeah, great. Even without the wolf shirt.

What is that a wolf? He would still have presence. You got a wolf and then under your undershirts, another wolf? Or what's going on underneath? No, blood and blood out, dude. Oh, okay. That's my sweater. All right.

You wear a lot of wolf clothing? Yeah. I sleep in a wolf blanket. Really? Wow. My goodness. Does it scare your mom when she tucks you in at night? That's my favorite part of the day, honestly.

I get it. I get it. Oh, my goodness. Danny Guerrero. What's something that we would be surprised to know about you? Any special skills or talents other than being a very funny comedian? Man, I just do jiu-jitsu and that's about it. Oh, shit.

What are you, a brown belt? Purple. Purple? Oh, my goodness. That's good, right? What do you have? Just a couple of few levels left, right? Yeah, yeah, but I haven't been going that much, so might take a while.

All right. Okay. Why haven't you been going? Probably just staying out and like drinking at shows and stuff. So how often do you do jiu-jitsu? Probably like twice a week, maybe. Okay, so let me ask you a question that we've all been wondering since the beginning of the episode.

Does the guy on the bottom wear a condom? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. All right. Other than jiu-jitsu, what's your love life like? Anything going on there? You seem like a really good looking, charismatic guy other than your clothes. Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool. I've been with this girl for a while, like probably about maybe three years, pretty soon. Oh, wow. Oh, my, you ever get her under the wolf blanket? Oh, yeah, all the time. Really? That's the only move I have.

Your parents let you do that? Yeah. When they're gone. They just turn up the music? Hell, yeah. That's it. This guy just cuts grass and eats ass, you know what I'm saying? Oh, oh, oh.

Howlin' like a wolf, baby. I love that. Yeah. My goodness. You've been with the same girl for three years. What does she do? She's a hip hop dancer, so she's like choreographed. Wow, that is so cool.

Did you bring her along tonight? No, I don't know. No, she's back home dancing, I think. Okay. How do you get paid as a hip hop dancer? Good question. I don't know. I don't really ask how her day usually goes.

Oh. We all just found out that she's a stripper, ladies and gentlemen. Danny is the last person to find out that his girl's a stripper. I don't know, Tom. She just comes back with fucking $381 bills every time. Half of them are roses. Invite this young man to the Thursday show. Yeah, I would love to have you open up the secret show if you're in town.

If you're in town. You gonna be here Thursday? Take one of those. Danny Guerrero, welcome. Come back. That's the Kill Tony debut of Danny Guerrero. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have another special treat for you. Another one of the elite regulars of Kill Tony.

This guy has been smashing on this show for years. He gets a little bit fucking better, a little bit stronger every week. A monster. Ladies and gentlemen, roast genius comedy lord David Lucas. Yeah. White women think it's fucking down, man. That's shit crazy. They got ass and titties.

I'm glad y'all weren't built like that in the 50s. Or that would have been way more Emmett Till's. Every nigga would have went to and got hung for whistling at a white woman. Look at all that ass on that bitch. I'm tired of white girls being woke pretending that they're black. I went to this BLM march and I was the only nigga there. It was a whole bunch of white girls saying, they feel my pain. It's like, bitch, really?

Do you know what it feels like to go in the store and have somebody follow you thinking that you're stealing? Oh yeah, you do. If that was the case, you wouldn't have called the cops when I followed your ass home. All right, thank you. That's my time. David lights out Lucas. Wow.

Yeah. Did it again. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Hey, all your facial hair on top of that nigga head. Oh, don't make, how do you make fun of both of us at the same time like that? That's not nice.

You need to take that. You need to take that fucking Bosni hair yarmulke. He got to put it on your chin. Oh my God. You son of a bitch. I don't know if you know this guy. This is Tom Papa and this is Tom Popeyes. You son of a bitch.

This is a chicken heavy episode. Speaking of chicken heavy, David Lucas is here. Of course I know Tom Papa. He take the east audio pussy and make bread. You haven't lived until you've tried our pussy alone. That would hurt because it was the first one I understood what he was saying. Man, if you don't shut your quitting Tarantino head ass up. That nigga got nigga in his head 75 times right now.

David Lucas coming in rocking the camo. You look like the woods right now. I saw Danny Guerrero try to find his lawnmower back there a second ago when he saw you. Tony, you look like a gay ninja. Shut the fuck up, boy. You'll catch a ninja star with your booty cheeks, nigga. That motherfucker ass like a pincushion. What else, man?

This nigga with a football helmet. I don't want to say something. Oh, you stop it. He does this to everybody, Tom. I'm sorry. Look at that motherfucker. That motherfucker look like Rayman. No, you stop it, David.

You stop it. You're not allowed to make fun of the guests unless they make fun of you. That motherfucker draw you a map he ain't never seen before. What is that even? I don't even know what that means, but it's hilarious. Look at it. Boy, you look like he'll try off a touch of kids. Oh, come on.

David, you stop it. You stop it. I know that nigga was on the Jeffrey Epstein flight. Okay. All right. You stop. Right now. Is she 16 or 15?

Okay, David. David, this is our guest. You can't do this to our guest. That motherfucker got a Martha Stewart sweater on. Oh, my God. That motherfucker has owned a divorce like he's going through a divorce hearing. You stop it. We're going to be able to put Seinfeld if you keep doing that.

He can't even say that. What? He looks like he just seen a nigga sneak in his house. Still don't understand a word he's saying. Well, maybe you should put them thick-ass glasses on your ears. Oh, my God. Oh, you better stop it. Hey, put them glasses to the light.

Let me see you burn a hole through that table. Oh, my God. This is a battle of thick glasses and thick-asses lying on Hill Tony. This is absolutely incredible. David Lucas. That's the sweater you get when you bake 100 loaves of bread. Okay. David.

That motherfucker got an oven milk built in. This is what happens. That's the stomach you get when you eat 100 loaves of bread. If you don't get your quasi-modo looking at him. All right, David. Look at this motherfucker. Boy, you look like you collect vintage Beatles, nigga. Jesus.

Fuck. Well, you stop. What is wrong with you? I swear to God. David, what the fuck is wrong with you? I feel like I'm at the zoo being attacked by a giant sea lion. You look like you'll get put out of the zoo for fun in the kangaroos, nigga. Is this a male or a female?

Hold up. I'll tell you. He's a sea lion. All right. You can see him lying every time he's at a doctor's appointment. No, yeah, I don't eat before bed anymore. We know you lie because you check mail on the application, nigga, when you go to the doctor. Sir, you have a pussy.

How are you a man? You are on fire. What do you think is going on with you? You eat a specific... What happened before? What did you do before this? You come in guns ablaze and furious... I ain't gonna tell you because all you're gonna do is make a joke.

Well, you're goddamn right. I went to the gym before guilt. By the looks of things, I'm guessing it was blink gym. You and Red Band over here. We got Red Band. We got Black Band. And gay man. Get your ass out of here.

He's so funny roasting. I forgot all about his set. Yeah, he was amazing. You fake brand, nigga. You can't say shit. That is not true. Don't make me a cinema role, mother fucker. Oh, my God, David, you are out of control.

I've never seen him like this before. I swear to God, Tom brought me a loaf of bread and I saw David... And then you sat on it. I gotta put some peanut butter on this. You son of a bitch. All right. I'm fucking around, man. I'm fucking around.

David, unbelievable. I'm convinced that him giving me a loaf of bread and you getting none made you mad tonight. That is the only thing that I can put this to. The fuck are you... How to bake bread? What are you Googling right now? Yeah, I'm gonna bake some bread tonight.

Oh, my goodness. All right. David, another unbelievable performance. I mean, just an absolute fucking wrecking ball. What's going on? Anything you want to plug or anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. February 24th and 25th.

I'm in Detroit at the House of Comedy. Pull up on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Detroit, Michigan. There he goes. David Lucas, everybody. Unbelievable. Comes in fucking.

That was great. One more time for David Lucas, everybody. He was amped. Okay. This looks like a very interesting name. Make some noise for Beester McGillicuddy. All right. Wow, here she is, everybody.

Beester McGillicuddy. Try saying that name in bed, huh? Anyways, nothing gives you a boner like having the name of a small orphan boy, right? Recently, every guy on a dating app tells me that I look like a crystal girl. They never really specify what type of crystal. We talk in rosecourts or straight rock, dude. There's only a small difference, you know? The men I date are usually really disappointed when they find out that I do have a relationship with my father.

They're like, damn, this bitch just doesn't fuck. Right. My friends keep telling me that I am starting to sound like an ableist. I'm not really sure how I can sound like an ableist if I don't even know what the fuck that means. Fucking retards. It's been hard doing stand-up comedian as a woman. You hand a white lady a microphone and people flee like cockroaches when you turn the lights on. I swear I'm not here to explain the proper use of pronouns, right?

Ma'am, sir, get the fuck out of here. Beaster McGillicuddy. Welcome, Beaster. Thank you. How's it going? It's good. How long have you been doing stand-up for? Loosely, two years or so.

Enough about your pussy. Like a wizard's leave, you know? There you go. So two years, where at? Phoenix. I just moved here about four months ago. Okay, what made you move to Austin, Texas? I just wanted to change, yeah.

Get out of Phoenix. So what made you pick Austin and not LA or New York or something like that? I wanted to do a little more edgy comedy. Right, that makes a lot of sense. So how's that been going for you? It's been going okay. I just only recently got a morning job, so I've been able to do more comedy. What's the morning job?

I'm a barista. Okay, the few, the proud. Fucking up Americanos. Okay. Yep. And you like it? Yeah, it's okay. Is that what you were doing in Phoenix?

No, I was bartending. Okay. Yeah. A little bit of a downgrade. Yeah. But at least you have nights free. Yes. Okay, so you've been doing a lot of mics and things like that.

Yeah. How's that going for you? It's going good, yeah. You get hit on by a lot of male comedians at this thing? I can't make any friends with male comedians. They all want to fuck me. That's right. That's right.

You are an open mic eight. Yep. Nothing but trouble. It doesn't get much higher than an eight at an open mic, by the way. So she's basically an open mic 10 on the streets. She's a six, but at the open mic. No, I'm kidding. Beaster.

Can I call you? Is that your real name? Beaster? That's my childhood name. I've been called that my entire life. Okay. Yeah. Everybody calls you beaster.

Yeah. All right. How did that start? I come from a family of comedians and my dad just picked the most ridiculous name in the world. Uh-huh. And it just kind of stuck. I'm not sure.

Was he a real comedian? He owned a comedy club, so a wannabe. What comedy club? It was called Anderson Smith Estate and ended up getting bought out by the Laugh Factory. Okay. And that's in Phoenix? It was in Scottsdale. He doesn't own it anymore.

Very cool. How long did he own it for? 30 years. Wow. That's incredible. So your family really is a bunch of comedians. Yeah. And did other people in your family do it?

Yeah. Wow. Yep. Are they all still doing it? No. They have regular jobs. Ah. The old curse of the McKinney Cuts.

Yep. Wow. Yeah. Incredible. It ain't easy out here on these streets. It takes a special kind of fucked up person. Um, so here you are trying it. Are your brothers older than you?

Yeah. How long did they do it for each if you had to guess? Ballpark. Um, probably two, three years or so. Well, you're right on schedule then, aren't you? Mm-hmm. Ready to quit. Ready to go back to school.

Okay. And what have you been doing for fun here in Austin, Texas? I've been going out, getting hammered. Um, going to the park and hiking. The park, hiking. Yeah, I don't know. I don't really know a lot of people, so. Right.

Yeah. Okay. Very fun. So you go out by yourself a lot? To Mike's, yes. Right. How about the other things? To the bars?

I go out with my one friend. You have one friend? Yeah. Okay. And you knew this person? You met him here? Mm-hmm. Okay.

We matched with the same guy on Tinder. Oh. Yeah. And he's a dude. He's a dude. Yeah. The friend is a dude. The friend is a dude.

Bisexual dude. He's a gay man. He's completely gay. Yeah. Gotcha. Doesn't make any sense. That's what he's telling you, at least. That's right.

He's gay. Yeah. You think he's gay? I do think he's gay. Positive? Yes. Okay. Mm-hmm.

The old Keester McGillicuddy, if you will. Yeah. All right. Beester, what do you think is the most interesting thing about you? If you could span your entire life, perhaps a special skill or a talent or something like that other than stand-up comedy? Is there something else that you're really good at? Maybe you once got a trophy for or some hobby that you do or something like that?

Not necessarily known for anything super specific. I can do voices. Oh, what kind of voices can you do? Some family guy voices. All right. Let's hear some family guy voices. Yeah. So everyone on TikTok tells me that I look like Lois Griffin.

I can see that. You do. You have the cheeks. The high cheeks. I do. The cheeks and the massive nose. The side. Okay.

I wasn't going to say that part, but you said it. Oh, Pena. That's really good. That's really good. That's really good. I can do a pretty good Herbert the pervert, too. The old guy. Okay.

Yeah. The whistle. Hi, Chris. Chris, you want some popsicles? Wow. That is uncanny. Yeah. It should have opened with that.

Yeah. I know. I chose the wrong set. Fuck. Yeah. Okay. Is there anything else? Do you have any non-family guy people or is it just straight up?

I can do Elmo. Okay. Let's hear Elmo. Elmo. Wow. Wow. That is incredible. You have a real gift.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right, Beester. Well, anything else for Beester, Tom Papa? What do you think about this? First female comedian of the night. She gave it a shot two years in the game.

Yeah. Four. It's an Austin. Yeah. I think you're funny. I think you just got a little nervous. You probably should have opened with the voice thing. Uh-huh.

Made them comfortable. You seemed a little, you seemed like a funny person. Thank you. Yeah. I was very nervous. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You seemed like a funny person. Thank you. Yeah, I was very nervous. This is my fifth time signing up. I did not think I was going to get called. Were you outside? Did you have to? No.

I was right here at the bar. Right there. Like a real normal person. Not nervous. Not in the bins. How much do you drink? On average. Um.

Like the day or what? Anything. Anything. Any of it. Are you drunk right now? No. I have one drink tonight. I wish whiskey.

Jameson and ginger ale. There it is. Jameson. Ouch. With the last name like McGillicuddy. There really isn't. There aren't many options. Right.

Right. Yeah. Um, I don't know. Maybe two, three nights a week. I'll go out. Oh, okay. That's not that bad at all. Yeah.

I'm not an alcoholic. Don't worry. Okay. Any cool comedy stories from any comedians that went to your dad's club? Yeah. Is there something that sticks out? Yeah. So David Spade actually started at my dad's club when he was in college at Scottsdale

Community College. Oh, that's that place. Yeah. I've read about that because I was always wondering where the fuck David Spade did stand up comedy. Exactly. I'm not even kidding. I'm dead serious. Like I literally read about your dad's place.

Yeah. Because I'm like, what the fuck is that place? Exactly. I'm like, I know every comedy club in Arizona and I've never heard of this place. Yeah. My dad said that he gave him time because every time he came in he brought about 10 or so women. And uh, yeah. Yeah.

That sounds about right. Brought him the bitches. David Spade, but he ain't neutered. You know what I mean? All right. Beester McGillicuddy, fun times. Here's a little joke book. The party started for you.

Beester McGillicuddy, her Kill Tony debut. Yeah, I got it. A record setting amount of sign ups. We're going to try to get through it. See what we got here. Make some noise for Jacobi Warlick, everybody. Jacobi Warlick. Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

Here he is, everyone. Make some noise for Jacobi Warlick. These people wait all night for this moment. Give him a round of applause. Jacobi. Well, I've only lived in Austin for a couple years. You end up fucking too many girls with long armpit hairs. God damn bull ring.

You end up waking up, you end up waking up looking like this. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Got this shirt at a, at a Bucky's. It was Pride Month. You know, I work at bars around here. You know, a couple bars around town. And it was Christmas day. I was hanging out, got off work.

Regular. He's a little guy. Joined him. He has to pee a bunch. The beer is in his hands. They're real big. But he got back from the fucking bathroom. And he fucking came back, sat back down.

And the girl next to us said, Oh, were you busy during the Christmas season? I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. He said, he was like, yeah. He played it off. And then the next time he came back down, I was like, did you really fucking say that to you? She was like, yeah.

I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. I was like, that's fucking quite rude. Wow, Jacobi Warwick coming in. A lot of setup. A lot of setup. No payoff. I guess so. Well, he worked at the mall.

He worked at the Apple store. Yep. I know. All right. Okay. Who did? I botched. I guess the guy in the joke or something like that.

I'm not exactly sure. Oh boy. You have a very calming voice. You're like Hank Hillbilly. Appreciate that. You look like a guy that would rape Jeffrey Dahmer. Hey, come on. Get in my car.

I mean truck. I'm sorry. It's a truck. I love it. Jacobi, you seem like a true Texan. Where are you from? Arkansas, actually. Where?

Arkansas. Arkansas. Hell yeah. That's one of my favorite parts of Texas. Very good. It's East Texas. I love it. I love it.

And you live here now? Yeah, I do. How long have you lived here? Just a couple of years. I mean, making my way down from Seattle. You sound like a country singer in between songs. Well, you know, here's a little something else coming up. Wrote this one about a couple of years ago.

I think you're going to like it. I know I like playing. That's so I hope you'll join along. And you know, I moved here just about three months ago. And this one's for you. If you were in the mood to dance, perhaps you can grab a lovely lady and have a dance if you'd like to. But I mean, at this point, we just have a few songs left in the set.

So I hope you enjoy it. I've been playing with these boys for a long time now. And well, you know, I figure we'll do the dance. And you know what I mean? Listen, tequila sunrise. Come on. Come on. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Chacoby. Chacoby getting me to use some of my fucking local music references. I've seen Tony at the White Horse. You have? Yeah. You see me at the White? Oh, yeah.

You're wearing those little plaid pants. You're goddamn right. I fit in well over there. I know. I know. He was there with a fucking hot woman. Okay, Chacoby. Will you fucking relax?

Jesus Christ. What the hell is wrong with you, bro? This fucking guy. What's wrong with this guy? Saw him finger banging a ten. There's another one right down the barrel. We wrote this one last week. Neil Moon.

I don't know. I don't know what to do. Okay. Do you play music? No. I thought this was a karaoke sign-up, actually. Right. Okay.

Very good, Chacoby. I love it. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? That's a... No, I've just been funny as fuck all my life. I mean, I watch you a lot. Okay. I just want to meet my hero.

They tell you not to meet heroes. You fucking shouldn't. Okay. Very good. Chacoby, maybe you're forgetting you're the one bombing up here tonight. I've been smashing for exactly an hour, so... No, he's fucking saving me right now. Thank God.

Alright. Chacoby. The karaoke joke was good. Yeah. It was good. Do you know how to sing? No. No.

I've been nervous fuck all day long. I've taken three nervous poops. I fucking called my old man. I was like, I fucking signed up for a kill, Tony. Yeah. He was like, just imagine all your friends naked. I said, they usually fucking are. Is that true?

Your friends are naked? I mean, goddamn, hang out with all women. You hang out with what? What? A lot of women. You do? Yeah. You're a womanizer.

No, none of them like me. So you just... Even... D-Madness knows a little bitch when he sees one. Yeah, I mean... I like it. I like it. Or when he hears one or smells one or something like that.

Something like that. He knows it's around. Alright. So, Chacoby, give us one little fun fact about your life that we would find interesting. You know this show. You listen to it. You've heard interviews. You've said to yourself, goddamn, I would do better than that.

We found out so far you haven't. But now is one of those chances. You're in it right now. This is the moment where we were going to find out what makes Chacoby Warwick different than everybody else that's ever been on this show. I wouldn't talk about myself. I'd talk about my hat. I was at Sagebrush.

You guys know the place down on South Congress. Okay. I was out there seeing some music. And you know, some girl was selling fucking clothes and hats and stuff. And she's selling this Garth Brooks hat. And I was like, I have to have this fucking hat. She sold it to me. And then my mom actually sent me this fucking article about this woman that got arrested

for stabbing her boyfriend 36 times, blaming it on a big black man. And that was the fucking woman that sold me the hat at Sagebrush. The woman that sold? Yeah. I feel like I'm listening to a sleep app. It's unbelievable. Well, I'm serious. You can make a lot of money.

Hey, knocking people out. Hey, rain sounds in my voice. Tell me what. So the lady that sold you a hat did what? She fucking killed her boyfriend in L.A. Like three years after I was born, she fucking stabbed him 36 times. Told me that goddamn Garth Brooks hat. That's the hat that she sold you?

No, no, different hat. Okay. I went, okay. This is a dark sleep app. It really is. Hey, I'm gonna have nightmares. It's me and Ron White putting you all to sleep. We're gonna have a nap.

No, we do not clump yourself with the King Ron White. Chacoby, you sound nothing like Ron. He's got a little bit of, he's got some push to his ears. He does. God damn, you know, I got one last thing to play for you. Oh, I know. I know I said I only had one more song, but I just appreciate y'all coming out tonight. And, you know, I'm very grateful that, you know, I can play here in a musical city.

Chacoby, I decide when it's your fucking time. You stand there and you take the impression that I'm doing it. I'm gonna go get a shot from the bar. Stop stepping on my fucking lines. No, you're not gonna have it. I'm gonna have them stop serving you if you fucking... What are you doing at? No, what do you want to drink?

You name it. What's that? What do you want to drink? Oh, Jim Beam Pigleback. Damn. God damn, I didn't know they had gay guys in Arkansas. I do believe you like a pickle on your backside. So there he goes.

I got this man a fucking whiskey pickleback. Whatever he wants. Get him out of here. Jacoby Warwick, everybody. There you go. Now you can leave. Now you can go. There he goes.

Jacoby Warwick. You guys think we should do one more Bucket Pull, huh? A record-setting amount of people. Let's see what we got here. You want to pick one, Tom? Let's see what happens. My pleasure. Let's see if Tom has better luck.

Kurt Wills or Willie? Kurt Willie. Kurt Willie. Oh, my goodness. That looks like a new name to me. Kurt Willie the comic. That free Willie comic. They all have bad handwriting, these new comedians.

You can tell the ones that started after phones were invented because their handwriting is dog shit. How about a hand for local artist Chris Rogers drawing Michael Lair over there? The late, great Michael Lair, who we lost this week. How loud can this place get for Michael Lair, huh? He's listening. He's listening.

Oh, yeah. I like that. Standing ove for Michael fucking Lair. We got any movement? Wow. Still not enough time for fat Willie to get to the stage. It appears as though much like Michael Lair, Kurt Willie is no longer with us.

I'm pulling another name out of the bucket. We're going to get someone else up here. Make some noise for Danny Martinello, everybody. Danny Martinello. Here he is, everybody. What appears to be what very well could be your final bucket bowl tonight? One more time for Danny Martinello, everyone.

What's going on, Austin? You guys good or what? Sick. No, this is my first time here. I like Austin, but like everybody thinks I'm on drugs because apparently I don't blink enough for you guys. They don't. They're like, yo, you haven't blinked for a while.

What are you on? I'm like, I don't know. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Like, what do you mean, right? And then, but like, I feel like I don't need to blink though. You know what I mean? Like, I don't feel the need because the only reason you blink is to like refresh your eyes and like, mind just stay fresh.

You know what I'm saying? Right? But I'd rather people think I'm on drugs for not blinking than like blinking and think I need drugs. If that makes sense. Because like this says like something's going on, but like this says something needs to be dealt with. You know?

And they say, yo, the lights are on, but nobody's home. But with me, you know, there's a fucking dinner party going on in there. Yeah. Oh yeah. My brother's about to have a kid and he's worried, right? Because he's like, oh, I don't know what I'm going to get. What happens if it's transgender, right?

And I'm like, well, you're going to love it regardless. You know what I mean? It's your kid. And then he says, what would you do? You know what I mean? Like what would bug you? And I was like, fuck, if my kid was allergic to peanuts, that would really ruin my day.

You know? Because I just think it's funny that it not brings a kid in the world, but now it not takes them out. You know? Yeah. Danny Martinello. Very good. Welcome, Danny.

First time on the show? Yeah, first time. Welcome. How long have you been on stand-up? 13 years, come Feb. 13 years. Where at? In Canada.

Oh, look at you. The old Canadian Wahlberg over here. Yeah, yeah, dude. Interesting. What part of Canada? I'm originally from Edmonton, but I do my time in Toronto now. All right. You're there in the big city of Toronto.

Yeah, yeah, dude. Hell yeah. So what are you at? Like eight vaccinations right now? No, no, no, no. You just plug into a little IV drip when you go to sleep. Yeah, no, I just got my six, you know? Yeah.

No, I'm just kidding. I got two because I had two. Right. Yeah. I know. I know. Any side effects for you? No, not really.

When you say not really, like I would know what no side effects is. What does not really mean? Well, sometimes like I have heart palpitations, but I don't know if it's just because life or like... Hey, let me ask you this. Let me ask you. I'm curious. I don't usually talk about it.

And I know a fucking 40% of the internet's just furious right now because they had to get vaccinated to be a fucking mailman or whatever the fuck. Yeah. But I'm always so interested in it. And I know Canadians got the fucking, the real test one. You know what I mean? Yeah. Did you have heart palpitations before the vaccine?

See, that's the thing I don't even really know, dude. You didn't. Yeah. You didn't, by the way. No. If you don't know, the answer is no. I don't know. You notice when your heart goes...

Yeah. Right? But you notice it happens now. Yeah. Okay. That's all. I don't really have a dog in the fight. Save me.

Save me. Take me. Okay, sorry. I'm sorry. You can't. You're not in Canada. You can't just play along with Texans like that. Well, you are straight up.

Don't do it. I don't even feel like this is Texas, man. We lock up phones, but the guns are out, my friend. I haven't seen one since and I'm kind of disappointed because I'm from Alberta, so I was really hoping someone had an open carry, but like you guys are kind of letting me down. Relax, Danny. Okay.

Danny, just relax a little bit. Okay. So you've been doing it 13 years all up in Canada. Yeah. What do you do for a living? Stand up and... Are you like on the Yuck Yuck Steel? I do Yuck Yucks.

I just tape an album with JFL. I did some CVC stuff and then I played the... CVC, the center of disease control? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. That's what happens. Yeah, yeah.

The World Economic Forum tomorrow, so that's pretty sweet. I love it. I love it. I love it. So you just do stand up and that's going good for you. Yeah, it's been pretty sick. I'm trying to get my visa and shit, so it's been nice. Canada has some weird things.

You know, there was a lawsuit against a comedian, right? You know about this? Yeah, they don't really let you say what you want. Right. That's a pretty big deal. An entire country that doesn't let you say what you want. Now you're here in Texas, which literally completely invites crazy shit. Yeah.

I mean... It's pretty cool. I ain't gonna lie. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to move to the States? Yeah, eventually. I don't know.

I'd like to work here. I just love my country, you know what I mean? Like, I like having like healthcare and shit and enjoying life and like... Yeah. Yeah, so... You should come to America, get a job and you can pay for healthcare. Yeah. Instead of waiting in line for eight hours like a fucking bigoots.

No, it's okay. I actually wanted to go apply for my social security number and shit. So I got like a visa. So it's going. It's a slow process, but shit we're doing it. I love it. I love it. Let me ask you this.

Yeah, what's up? I'm interested in this. Can you give us an example of a joke that you wrote in Canada but you couldn't do in Canada? Can you sort of like give us an example? 13 years in the game. I'd imagine there's one that you had to change a little bit, right? A little bit, but you wanted to say it a different way.

Yeah, like I got kind of in trouble because like there's like, I don't know, like we got like this huge like, it was kind of a battle for like gender neutral bathrooms and shit. And then, but I like, I did this one joke where I saw this guy that was really upset for being like in the lineup and like having girls go to the washroom and like, I kind of asked him what's up and then he was like, oh, I don't like know why girls are using the washroom and we are. I'm like, well, it's the same thing. You know what I mean?

Like we're just going piss and he said, yeah, but what happens if you got a piss and someone shows you up and I was like, it's a completely separate sport though. You know what I mean? Like they're sitting down or standing up and shit, but then I laughed because the mental image of a woman showing me up in the washroom came in and like the only way you girls could show me up is if I'm cute in line going to the urinal, but then all of a sudden you came in, hit, check me all the way, grab me by the back of the collar, threw me out of the way of the urinal, walked up, hiked your skirt to the side, threw a thumb over it like a garden

hose and just fucking hit the back of the porcelain. Like a good power piss, chasseries, glutes and gauge, shooting a golden arch. Right? Just feed me that quarter pound of Brittany. No cheese. You know? All while she's finishing a tall boy though, right? So she's guzzling it, guzzling it, guzzling it, crushes it on her forehead, aces into

the bin, looks at me and goes, get fucked and then walks out. My friend, that is exactly why I asked that question. Thanks, dude. I was really hoping. I'm like 13 years. I bet this guy's got something in the fucking chamber right now. Yeah. We got a couple of combos, you know what I'm saying?

Okay, Danny. All right. I worked with you actually, Red Band at the Corner Comedy Club and I worked with you at the Rivley. You came down with Joe, right? Yeah, man. I hosted your week. How long you guys in town for?

Joe, I don't know, Joe. I'm leaving. I don't know when the fuck I want to leave, but like, I'm supposed to, yeah, I could be. Yeah, I'm doing town. There could be. You're going to change up flight from Canada. Yeah, whatever, man. Chasing that.

I would have to have you on the secret. Wow. And you get to take one of these bad mama jams. Yeah, hook me up on those leather bags. Bones I custom made. And I know you're not allowed these in Canada, but that's a gel blaster right there. Oh, yeah. Give me a gel.

A big one. I actually got like seven firearms, so I'm all good. I'll grab that though, too. I love it. I love it. They call hockey sticks firearms in Canada. It's very cute. It's very adorable.

Yeah. It's very sweet. Guys, make some noise for Danny Martinello, everybody. Come on. All the way from Canada, 13 years in the fucking game. That's what I'm talking about. Nice. A 13 year veteran, a fucking people that have been doing it a couple months.

We've got all shapes and sizes on tonight's episode. What do we see? We started a little bit late, right? We started a little bit late. Yoni, did we start a little bit late? You guys think we should do one more? We have to. It never works, but we do it anyway.

Your final bucket pull of the night goes by the name of Michael Ridley, everybody. Michael Ridley. What's good, dude? Papa, hold these, baby. What's up, guys? I know what you're thinking, man. My hair is not sewn into my hat. I promise, dude.

This isn't a wig sewn into a hat, all right? I got my hair cut from a Mexican in Flugerville, and now I look like a Mongolian warlord. My name is Michael Ridley, and I'm a comedian. It only makes sense because my parents are comedians. My dad is Theo Vaughn, and my mom is Bobby Lee. I recently joined a fraternity for uncircumcised men. It's called Alpha Sigma Schmegma, dude. It's a tight-knit brotherhood, heavy emphasis on the hood.

We go to intactivist rallies, we go to intactivist rallies, and DMX is playing in the background. We're the hood, we're the hood, we're the hood, and... Thank you. Wow, Michael Ridley. Now, right as I was just saying, we've had all different shapes and sizes and years. This is my favorite type of thing that happens on the show where someone who's done okay before or kind of good before all of a sudden really does good, and we get to see their growth. You've been on the show two or three times before, right?

Twice. Twice before. I remember you because of your face. So, Michael Ridley, a fucking fantastic set. Tell us about it. How hard have you been working? What's been going on? What's your regimen been? Because that's much better than we've ever seen before. You would agree, right? Yes, yeah. In the last week, I've been on stage ten times.

Nice. I moved here two months ago, and I was kind of struggling trying to figure out where the stages are and where the mics are, and I've just been putting in the work and getting booked on showcases from other local comics and really just dialing it in. That's beautiful. That is exactly the correct answer. Incredible. I'd imagine getting around to ten mics is pretty rough. What are you driving, Michael Ridley? I used to drive a Miata.

I used to have three Miatas. I sold all three of them to move here. Three Miatas? Yeah, I had three Miatas. This is like Mr. Miata meets Mr. Miyagi. Yeah, I was gay as fuck, cubed. Am I right? Yeah, all right. Michael Ridley, so let's talk about what else is going on. Dude, I got, well, Red Band said that I was moving here the last episode I was in,

but I didn't let anyone in my previous job know. So, when they checked it out, everybody knew that I was moving to Texas. I had it under wraps and Red Band. What was the previous job? I recently got it back. I quit. I was a purchaser at a body shop. So, you crash your car, I get the list, I make the phone calls to the dealerships, I make the money that way. Wow, normally it's your people crashing the car.

Look at that. Absolutely incredible. Or, you know, making them go sideways, Tony, with complete control. So, I mean, drifting, drifting. I love it. Oh, a drifting joke. Me and Tom went right over our heads. It's a whole drifting joke. I believe earlier you said your girlfriend didn't want to move here.

Did your girlfriend move with you, or did you drop her? Okay, no, I did not leave my wife. Oh, it's your wife. It's a white. Yeah, I'm married to a white woman. It's a major flex. You better love her long time. I do, I do. I do love her.

I'm going to get in trouble for that one. Okay, Red Band. Red Band. That was Red Band. That was Red Band. You hear me, Internet? So, go after him. Okay, stop that.

Turn that off. Where the fuck did you get that sound effect from? That is unacceptable behavior. Yeah, that was my mom, dude. Oh, shit. Bobby Lee. Okay. I love it, Michael.

Where were we? You were asking if he's really uncircumcised. Is that true? Yeah, dude, I got a convertible top. Yeah, dude. Wow. Okay. Yeah, son.

Dude, you lose 20,000 nerve endings when you get circumcised, guys. Yes, it's true. I think we're doing just fine without those 20,000. Yeah, are you coming too slow? What the fuck? No, you remember those infinite toys, the infinite tube toys that you had in the 90s? That's what my dick is like.

It's just jerking off infinite, dude. It's pretty dope. No one knows what you're referencing there. Red Band knows he had one as a kid. Red Band was a kid in the 50s. There were no tube toys or whatever the fuck. I don't know. They had sea creatures and shit in it.

They know what I'm talking about. Okay, so hold on a second. So, what do you think your dick is capable of? Like, what do you think you're capable of? I don't need lotion to jerk off. I just drop the top over and over and over and over and over and over again. Are you serious? And over and over.

All right, ladies. Who here is fucking a guy with an uncut dick? Make some noise. Don't be weird. You're in a safe space. That's being... I've never heard the room more quiet. Because they're all in the closet.

All night. It's been two hours. I've never in my life. She's like, don't worry, honey. I won't say it. I won't say it, honey. We know we're... We know you're embarrassed of your dog, dick.

We know. No, it's like super easy to... It's easier. I don't know. Easier to jerk off, dude. How do you know if you ever jerked off a circumcised penis? Uncircumcised penis? Yeah, I jerk off my own.

No, I'm saying if you ever jerked off a circumcised penis. How do you know it's easier? What if... I don't know, Tony. You can whip it out right now, though, dude. I got you, dude. No, I don't... All right, that was dope.

I don't like guys that work with cars jerking me off. I mean, a little bit too rough of a hate for me. A little bit too rough. Yeah, I don't know, dude. All right. Are you on the secret show Thursday? No, sir. I would love to have you on the secret show.

Hell yeah, dude. Look at that. Yeah. The Lord works the mysterious ways. You already have one of these, right? Yeah, I do. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Michael Ridley, everybody. Yeah, dude.

Thank you guys so much. Walking out here with a gel blaster. Wait, wait, Michael. Don't forget your glasses. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. And like that, he's a white man, everybody. Look at that.

Around a Latino. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we did it. We got through everybody that we possibly could for a live taping of Kill Tony.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here with a brand new minute is the man who has written more brand new minutes than anybody else in the show's history. Currently, headlining, selling out everywhere he goes. One of the most dangerous features in the island of North America. Opening for Rogan, Hinchclips, Segura, Trussell, all around the country. He's going to Denver with me this weekend. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery.

And Prince Harry's new book, he described Elvis Presley's home Graceland as a dump. Prince Harry, I'm actually from Memphis. So don't be talking shit about Graceland. You ginger piece of shit. Ironically, Elvis started his life at the very bottom and worked his way to the very top. And Prince Harry worked, God damn it. This microphone smells like shit. I don't know whose mouth.

Ironically, Elvis started his life at the very bottom and worked his way to the very top. And Prince Harry started his life at the very top and worked his way to the very bottom. You fucking British piece of shit. Prince Harry literally describes Elvis Presley's house in Memphis as, and I quote, a Badger's Den. Newsflash, Prince Harry, but Badger Den's are nice. I actually use the Badger Den app every weekend. And I booked some Badger Den, so they're called a set.

Oh, what's that, Prince Harry? You didn't know a Badger's Den is actually called a set? Well, I learned that in Memphis, Tennessee, home of the king of rock and roll, something you'll never be. You want the good news or the bad news? Okay, the bad news. The bad news is Prince Harry called Elvis Presley's home in Memphis a dump. The bad news, Elvis is still banging his mom in heaven.

Fucking ginger piece of shit. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. Wow, William Montgomery. Unbelievable performance. All the jokes hit. Even your misreads went extremely well. Something about you fucking up a joke, which is so much funnier than anybody else fucking up a joke. I know, it gets horribly nerve wracking.

I was smoking dope back there again tonight. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I was smoking some blondes, and I was laughing so hard. David went so hard after you. Holy shit, that was funny. But yeah, I can't believe fucking the Duke of Sussex is talking shit about where I'm from. He needs to keep fucking Memphis out of his stupid fucking mouth. I think people are sick of the fucking Royals. He needs to stop talking about fucking Memphis.

Okay, all right. Really knows how to pick his battles here. Yeah, I mean, I'm coming after you, Prince Harry, you piece of shit. I'm not fucking around. That was the last fucking straw. I've always hated fucking Prince Harry's stupid fucking ass. Wearing his fucking Nazi costumes, he's literally a racist. And he better not catch me in a dark alleyway, because I'll fucking kill him.

I wish I was kidding. How would you kill Prince Harry if given the chance? Probably a gun. Yeah, just walk up to him and be like, oh, Prince Harry, hello, sir. And then I'd fucking shoot him right in the fucking food. Yeah, he talks like such a bitch as like I can't even take him seriously with that stupid fucking ass. You know what I'm talking about? Holy shit. Oh my goodness, you are something else.

What a riot. What is it about Prince Harry that makes you so mad? It was literally when I had so many trials and tribulations back in Memphis. When he fucking brought that up, I literally had so much rage just boil up inside of me. I mean, the fucking Duke of fucking Essex is talking Duke of Sussex, I think he's from. Alright, William, what else has been going on in your world? Any new hobbies or anything? You're always up to something. We've seen you eat soup. We've seen you get sponsorships. We've seen you eat raisin bread. There's so many different things that's always going on in your personal life.

I'm excited to find out what's happening this week. It is my birthday this week. So I've already been at the TCBY treats. I've already been fucking designing an ice cream cake for my birthday. So really excited about that. I was at TCBY three hours earlier. But yeah, excited about designing the cake. I'm really excited. We'll be in Denver together. I'm really excited about whatever present you're going to get me. I've been dreaming about it. I'm just wondering what Tony's going to get me for my birthday when we're in Denver.

Have you ever had 80 popsicles at once? I actually have not. I know a guy. And if you like dirty jokes, you're in for a treat. I love it. What else? There must be something. Yeah, that guy was kind of strange. Are you still cutting hair? You seem nice, but... Are you still cutting hair? We've found out...

Yes, I actually booked 15 clients last week. My place is literally filled with fucking hair. It looks like I have a carpet. I normally have arduate floors, but there's hair everywhere. I don't really know what to do with it. I don't have a broom. So my fucking... It literally is like a carpet. Oh my goodness. It's literally like a carpet in there. But yeah, I have a bunch of clients. I'm getting new ones. So yeah, if you need a haircut, just let me know and I'll be able to help you out. D-Madness will not let you cut his hair.

If you were going to cut D-Madness's hair, which literally is a work of art. I mean, it is beautiful. This guy somehow, some way, has the best style and swag out of anybody every night. Tony, there's no way I would ever cut the hair of a fucking blind person. Holy shit. Wait, why do you say it? Because he might complain afterwards, but I would know in my heart that he really doesn't know what it looks like because he's blind. But I have a horrible... I have a horrible just thought. He would bitch about it and it would end up turning into a big fucking thing. I would just start coming over to his house with my gut in my hand just standing in front of the kitchen fucking.

He's standing up just in his kitchen. He doesn't know I'm there. D-Madness. Especially if this is something like sprouting black spaghetti, you would not be able to do this. That is, he has called it black spaghetti. Black spaghetti. Black spaghetti. Old black spaghetti. Okay, okay. I was just picturing that being the color of the spaghetti he actually eats because he probably burns it all because he can't see.

Oh my god, William, William. It's all brown spaghetti. First of all, you boil spaghetti. What are you, out there pan-frying spaghetti, William? Yeah, it's been a new thing I've been doing. Literally, I'm gonna make you some. You guys fucking, you and D-Madness are fucking... Oh my...

Yeah, well, I wouldn't trust your fucking ass either, so... I'm glad it's finally coming out after this amount of time us being on the... Huh? Okay, well, I would never cut your fucking hair. My goodness. Don't worry, I would never cut your fucking hair. Oh my god. This is one of the wildest fake arguments I've ever seen. They should go for spaghetti together and make up.

What? What? No, they should go for spaghetti and make up, he said. Yeah, I fucking hurt you, D-Madness. Oh my god, William. I fucking hurt you, dumbass. What is up with my regulars attacking the guests lately? I'm so angry.

Yeah, I love seeing David come after your fucking ass. No, you stop it. I fucking loved it! I'm gonna kill Prince Harry! No, I'm not! No, I'm not! No better way to end an episode, we do it the same way we do it. William Montgomery.

Oh my god, I feel like we've been through so much together in just a couple of hours. How loud can this place get for one of the greats, Tom Papa, everybody? Watch his new special, what a day, on Netflix, streaming now. The drawing is in from the great Ryan J. E. Belt. Let's get a glance at that right there. He drew tonight's episode while we all sat here laughing around. He's out in LA. And let's check out Chris Rogers' homage to the late great Michael Lair, everybody.

There it is. Should we auction that fucking thing off right now? Who wants to place a bid on the Michael Lair thing? Fucking 50% goes to Collette and... I'll do $500 right now. Oh, $500. Is anybody gonna beat $500? I don't think any...

$800 from the great Frances Keeney! I'll do $1,000. Whoa! Kirk's an art collector. $1,200! Red Band's out! I love it! How about a hand for the great Frances Keeney?

Check out! We love him. He's the man. And like that, Chris Rogers makes some money. Little Colin Lair, who we love. Michael's son just made a little bit of money. He also has a Kickstarter right now. There's a Kickstarter for Michael Lair's son right now.

Yeah, there's a GoFundMe, a Kickstarter, something like that. So go check that out. Find that. And nothing but... Of course, I was smart enough to say it every time he was on stage. But of course, Michael is an absolute legend. We have nothing but love for him. And even though we all saw it coming, it was a rough week.

And so thank you to Collette and his nurse slash girlfriend. And his son, Colin, for everything through the whole time. If they get to hear this. Anyway, we love you guys. How about one more time for the band, huh? Michael Gonzalez. John Bees. D-Madness.

Matt Mueling. Paul Deemer. D-Madness has this new line of clothing available online for sale. And here at Vulcan, you guys need an extra shirt or a hoodie on your way out. But the official Kill Tony after party starts now. Check out Tour Life brand clothing. That is John Dees' company on top of being one of the best musicians in the world. And the leader of the band here.

A lot of you might not know John Dees, who came on first onto the band, has hand selected every single band member. I completely trust him with it. And he's brought us nothing but greatness. How about one more extra hand for John Dees this week? Alright, we did it. Love you guys. Let's go party together!

Come on! Come on! Come on!