KILL TONY - #603 - SHANE GILLIS

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Shane Gillis, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Hans Kim, David Lucas, William Montgomery, John Deas, Jules Durel, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 03/19/2023–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:ZIPRECRUITER.COM – TRY IT FOR FREE AT ZIPRECRUITER.COM/KILLTONY—FACTOR! – Head to FACTORMEALS.COM/KILLTONY50 and use code “killtony50” to get 50% off your first box.—GAMETIME! – Download the Gametime app at GAMETIME.CO, create an account, and use code KILLTONY for $20 off your first purchase.

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Desquad.tv. There you have video portions to all the shows and you can click on tour dates and come see us live. Not only do we do Kill Tony, but we have also a lot of comedy shows including The Weekly Secret Show at Vulcan Gas Company every Thursday. You can also go to shopsquad.tv for Desquad merchandise and go to ryanjebelt.com, he's the house artist, he draws every episode, he sells prints, he sells posters and Tony

is on tour right now so go to TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band Company, you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for TonyHinchCliff. Fucking son of a bitch. Who's ready for the best goddamn night of your lives tonight, huh? Yippee, make some noise for Brian Red Band, everybody, look at him, it's really him, live in the flesh.

It's me. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by the Red Rows, the Yellow Rows, Gel Blaster, Austin Security Guard Service, Deep, Eddie, Vodka, and Screwball Peanut Butter Whiskey, how about a hand for the best damn band in the land, everybody. That's the great Paul Deemer on the horns, taking a phone call real quick, Michael Gonzalez on the drums, the great John Dees right here on the keys, Eli Manezes on the bass guitar, and that's the golden boy himself, Matt Mueling on the electric guitar. We are going to have fun tonight, a very exciting show ahead of us before we start tonight's

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We had the fucking band on the other side of the room. We're all fucking united together at once. We're all finally in full effect. We've made the tweaks, and now it's time to have one of our favorite guests in the history of the show. One of my favorite human beings to work with on all of planet Earth. Your guests tonight, Shane Gillis, everybody. Let's go.

Let's fucking go. The man, the myth, the bull. Shane mother fucking Gillis. My dear, dear brother, my big, beautiful brother. How are you, Shane? I'm all right. Oh, thanks. There's a bucket of Bud Lights.

Nice. And like that, the party has begun. Yeah. Shane's been here all week. We've been fucking goofing around, doing shows continuously, getting fucked up at night. You've been having fun. It's been a good week, dude. We're about to have a ton of fun.

You've been on this show before. You know how it works. There are literally hundreds of people in the back alleyway of this venue right now. Literally over 200 people all waiting. There's a person with a megaphone at the back door that hears me pull a name out. They go out the door and everybody cheers, and that person starts running to the door They come up a stairway and through this curtain and they get an uninterrupted 60 seconds of stand-up comedy.

You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just interrupts them and then, because it's loud and aggressive. And then I interview them afterwards. We find out more about them. Our esteemed, of course, hilarious guest Shane Gillis is joining in on the chaos tonight. It's always completely improvised. Nothing is planned.

Everything is fucking random. Sometimes they're going to be nice. Sometimes they're going to be mean. It's the flow of the show. You guys ready to start tonight's episode? Well, instead of going to this bucket, we're going to make the peasants in the alley wait a little bit longer because we're going to get the show started with a regular. This guy, really, we've seen it all from him.

He started off living in his van, no gigs, nothing but open mics, out there struggling. No one knew who he was. Now he sells out all around the world any time he wants. He wears a Rolex. He has scooters, cars, vans, multiple apartments. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hans Kim. Hey. It's great to be here at the Comedy Mothership, the capital of stand-up comedy, right here

on 6th Street, where you can see homeless people playing music by scratching scabs on their face, and child prostitutes are yelling the N-word at each other. I feel sorry for those losers in LA and New York, too busy being like, how will I know if I'm successful if the MBC Peacock isn't molesting me? Their holes are perfectly sized for corporate cock. Yep, killing it here in Texas. I'm an Asian in Texas. I don't give a fuck about the LGBT.

The only LGBT I care about is the Bluetooth on my LG TV. I'm having sex with this woman who has an IUD and she stopped getting her period. Thank you. It's amazing. It's like fucking a dude. I don't even have to worry about the moon anymore. It's like, oh, it's a waxing gibb. It's like, I got three more days.

All right, that's my time. Thank you. All right. Hans Kim with a full minute stand-up comedy. How do you feel, Hans? I feel amazing. This is a two a week. This is kind of a lot for me, but I'm happy to be here and not in the alley.

Right. Of course, you're talking about the fact that we are doing a special taping here. There's another one tomorrow night, so you have to write two minutes this week. We know that you have a new girlfriend who's been distracting you a lot from the actual art form of writing and performing. You are not used to having a white girl giving you pussy any time that you want. He brought her, she was in the green room this week and I don't like it. I don't, she's pretty attractive and I don't like it.

I'm sorry, Shane. I was mad when I saw it. Yeah. He has a fucking Rolex and a hot white girlfriend. I was here a month ago and it wasn't going this well. It's starting to fucking bother me. It is true. Hans made his way into the green room one of these nights.

I specifically remember because he was wearing a weird brown Indiana Jones cowboy hat and I said, how do you look like both of the heroes from Indiana Jones at the same time? And he was moving around. He didn't sit down and he kept taking his hands in and out of his pockets. And I said, Hans, what the fuck are you on? And you said, two bumps of cocaine. So let's talk about this. Yeah.

That did actually help. I liked you more. You wear that Rolex around town? Yeah. Ooh. You're a target, bro. Anyway, let's, yeah. Yeah.

So how often are you doing little bumps of cocaine? As often as my girlfriend makes me. Oh, so you're getting it from her. Yeah. She's a bad influence. Oh boy. Now the plot thickens. This is interesting.

I didn't know this about this girl. Has this been like this the whole time? Yeah. She's looking at the Whippets. Oh my God. Wow. Okay. Sounds like a keeper.

How often is she doing these type of illicit drugs? Every day. Every day? She does cocaine every day? She's on ketamine right now. Wow. She's a fucking wolf of Sixth Street. Come on, guys.

Yeah. Let's go. So give us some examples of how her drug use has affected your life. Give us something. If you ever ended up in a shady situation because of her, what's it been like a month or two you've been with her? Yeah. We just usually sit on her couch and she does Whippets, and then she's like, uh-huh.

And then I try to rub her feet or something, but mostly she's been really passing out a lot. Yeah. How old is she? She's legal. Oh my God. What kind of answer is that, huh? What does that mean?

How old is she? She's 24. Oh, okay. All right. Whippets though. I mean, that's like a high school thing. Yeah. Yeah, she's-

Red Band wants to know what you're doing with all the unused whipped cream part. What a waste, am I right? Just using all the gas, none of the ass, you know what I'm saying? Cracker. What? Who said cracker? Yeah. You said that?

Yeah. To me? Yeah. You're calling me a cracker? That's what you use to make Whippets. Oh. Oh, you know that shit. Yeah.

You've also- I used to do it in high school whores. Okay. We got both of our jokes in. That was great. At the same time. It was like twice the power of both jokes. Okay, Hans.

So let's talk about it. Are you happy in this relationship? I'm very happy. She's a very happy girl. Sometimes I catch her singing, doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot. That's just going on inside her head constantly. Holy shit. And why do you think she likes fucking you?

I got a good jawline. I'm pretty skinny. Also I'm like fun to be around sometimes. I try to make her be happy. You know, sometimes I'm like sad, but sometimes I'm not. So maybe she likes it when I'm not sad. I honestly don't. Yo, is this actually how you talk?

Is this a character or is this for real? Yeah, no, he's like this all the time. Sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I'm not. Is this a Drake song? Is the IUD thing real? Yeah, she doesn't get periods. So how long has that been for? Her whole time she's known me.

Wow. It's amazing. Are you just dumping your fucking... Loads and loads. Wow. Incredible. Incredible. You never pull out at all.

I used to, but then I was like, why? Right. Now you like it. Yeah. It feels better. It's like if your penis is just coming without anything touching it, it just like... It hurts. What?

You really are something else, Hans. You are a giant 11-year-old boy. It is incredible. Are you concerned at all about her doing this much drugs though and whippets? Have you talked to her about it at all? No, I think she's doing a great job. She's really having a lot of fun. And that's what it's all about.

What does she do for work? She's in supply chain management. Does she contribute to anything that you guys do? Does she ever pick up the tab or anything like that? Yeah, she's independently wealthy. Really? Yeah. Damn, welcome.

Where's your supply chain? Yeah. Where does she work? Norfolk, Southern? Come on, guys. Hans, Kim. Remember that? Remember what happened?

Hans, you got the show started again. Congratulations. You're the man. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Hans Kim, everybody. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim.

And now my hand goes into the bucket. The brand new process of a megaphone and a dirty alleyway. In this, a multi-multi-million dollar state-of-the-art facility, 200-plus people wait in the alley. Your first comedian out of the bucket, we're going to meet them all together, goes by the name of Frank Ramos. Frank Ramos is going to be first. How exciting. Could be somebody from the audience.

How many of you signed up out there by round of applause? Only a few. A few fearless souls out there. We are listening to the music from the inside of Hans's girlfriend's head right now. Frank Ramos. Thumbs up. That means he's coming. It's a little bit of a hike.

That was Hans Kim. Imagine passing out from a whip and then waking up and Hans Kim is mounting you or licking your feet. Here he is, everybody, Frank Ramos. So I just moved to Austin about like two years ago where there's this pandemic that happened. And I'm trying to figure out how to do dating here in Austin. The only problem is I tried Tinder and I was like, I think this fucking shit's broken. I keep swiping, so I've been nothing happens.

So I tried this other dating app and I was like, I put my profile thing, I put where I work, all this fucking awesome shit, and then I was like, hey Frank, how's it going? I have an opportunity for you. My name is Stacy and I'm a recruiter. I was like, oh my God, this is fucking amazing. So that's actually how I'm doing dating now. I'm going on coffee dates with recruiters. That's the only way I get laid here.

That's all I have. That's it, huh? 42 seconds of thunder and lightning from Frank Ramos. Wow, just coming up, talking about your dating life. Incredible. Have you tried Grindr yet? That might work. Huh?

That might work. I don't know. Well, what are you into? What kind of girl are you looking for, Frank Ramos? You have a little bit of a twang to you. Shane, what do you think about this? What kind of guy? What kind of guy?

Don't make me be homophobic. Give me an alley-oop. I don't think you're gay. Unless you want to be. I'm not gay. I'm not gay at all. Unless you want to be, which is fine. I'm only white presenting.

I'm not actually. You're only what? White presenting. White presenting. No, I said gay. Oh, my goodness. What a specimen you are, Frank. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy?

About, omitted in 42 seconds. That makes sense. Okay. There you go. Very good. That's an old reference to an old thing that we don't really do anymore. Frank Ramos. So this is your first time doing stand-up.

Yes. Explain to us what made you want to do this. How old are you? I am 41. 41. And you're starting today because... I've been watching Joe and you guys for a really long time, and I was like, why not throw my hat in the ring?

Yeah. Really long time. Why not me? Yeah. You want to know why? Right. Ah. What do you do for work, Frank Ramos?

Software engineer. Software engineer. Absolutely. And how long have you lived in Austin? Two years. Okay. Where were you before that? Los Angeles.

Los Angeles, California. Why did you leave Los Angeles? During the pandemic? Way too expensive, yeah. Oh, okay. So I made it more expensive here. I just switched everything over. Okay.

What do you like to do for fun? What are some hobbies? What do you have on your dating profile? I like drone racing, actually. It's really fun. Oh. Yeah. How about that, babes?

I'm an FAA certified pilot. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, actually. I did some of the films. Fuck me, right? Yeah. Yeah. In that case.

So you do the small first person ones? The small drones? Yeah, yeah. The ones with the... Wow. That's cool. Yeah. Nice.

It's fun. Very, very cool. What else other than drones? What else is on your dating profile? Probably not long hikes along the beach. You know what? You know what? It's nice to see a brown guy on the other end of one of those fucking drones.

It's a nice pleasant surprise. Oh, my God. Another thing I do, it's like I'm trying to do a startup. So just working in the web three space, all that fun stuff. What's your startup idea? I call movieplex. So basically it's a... It's Netflix.

It's fucking Netflix. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's like an uncensored Netflix. Ah, okay. How's that going? It's going well. Yeah, we just raised some money for it.

You have investors and stuff and you go and you pitch to them and you're like, so here's what it's going to be. So check it out. We have this idea. It's like Netflix, but uncensored and there's cocks everywhere. Hey, look at that. You got a little trademark. Did you guys see that?

Look at you. Look who made a funny up here accidentally real quick. Not even thinking about it. Frank. You're so happy. It feels good, right? It's really nice, right? You look genuinely happy right now.

You're not? Yeah, I am. Yeah, okay. You are. All right. Frank, let's talk about this. You talked about dating for 41 seconds straight. What was your last date like?

Yeah. So like I said, in Austin, everyone here is a little bit different than LA. So most people of my age are like married multiple times, have kids. Right. They're straight. Yeah. It's this way different vibe. I'm not used to that in LA.

It was very different. Right. So the last date that you went on, like where do you go? Give us an example of how a Frank Ramos, you know, fucking rolls. It's usually just like coffee dates, just to see if they're not catfishing first. And then after that is just like dates and see what goes. But what do you think they think? What is your profile?

What is your profile? It's really honest. Like they already know what they're getting, but you never know. I never know what I'm getting. So. Okay. Do you get catfished a lot? I think half the people on Tinder are catfished.

Like, so I don't think. Wow. Yeah. It's the bots and all this bullshit. Now with this chat, GBT bullshit. We're all fucked. Wow. Okay.

I don't break into a def jam set. This chat, GBT bullshit. Yeah. There you go. Fire it up. What's your best date in Austin, your most successful, most pleasing, pleasurable date been like you have a one night stand with any of these fucking bots or anything. Oh, they're they're all fucking terrible.

Like I said, the second give us an example of how you've blown it during a date. Okay. I blew it because I said I don't date women that have kids and that's just not. I should have said it a lot better. I guess. Yeah. At like after you came is when you should have said that I have to go to the family. It's not really saying it differently.

It's when you say it. It's like, by the way, peace. I don't like kids. Thank you. Here's the towel. That's it's really a timing thing, Frank. So you think it's harder to date out here than it is in LA? It absolutely is.

Really? That's crazy. That is wild. That is unheard of. I've never heard of such a thing. That is incredible. Have you tried meeting people in real life? So I'm here, ladies.

Like, what's up? Is there a lady? Is there a lady? Raise your hand out there. If you're a single lady that's willing to go on a date this week with Frank Ramos. Anybody out there? Let's do it. See, it's hard out here.

Is that a real one? Why don't you come up here, lady? Come on up here. Let's see. Let's see what we're dealing with here. She's got the balls to raise her hand. Let's see what goes on here. This is kill Tony.

Anything can happen. She's almost stripped. She almost got a real Spotify deal after falling at the mothership. Here she is, everybody. Wow. Look at this. What a gentleman. Step on up to that microphone, sweetheart.

What's your name? My name's Mary. Hi, Mary. Oh, my God. You're so charismatic. You're much better looking than I thought you would be. Thank you. Coming from the back, willing to go on a date with Frank Ramos.

Well, let me... Seems like a real sweet guy, though, right? Yeah. And you have a start-up. Andy has a start-up. She's interested in the start-up. Very, very good. Yeah, Frank.

No, no, no, no, no. But the goddamn one-yard line, Frank. Fucking play it cool. He's about to take her back to his place for whippets. So, you're close with Frank. You're right next to him. He's a good-looking guy. He's got a start-up.

Don't ever do that with your head again, Frank. That was literally the gayest thing you've done since you got on stage, which says a lot because at one point you went like this. Incredible. So, did you say Mary? Yeah. Mary, did you sign up tonight? No.

So, you just came with some friends? Have you seen the show before? I've never seen the show. This is amazing. Me and my friend waited in line and we got in because we said we were a group of four and here we are. I love it. You paid for tickets, right?

Yeah. Goddamn right. Okay, perfect. Scared me there for a second. I thought we were going to have our first fire door guy here tonight. That was close. Well, Mary, I'm going to tell you something. We've been doing this show for almost 10 years and there's a lot of magic that happens

on this show. Sometimes it's somebody's first time and it goes good. Sometimes, you know, somebody got their US citizenship here a few weeks ago. One thing that we also have been famous for doing in the last 10 years is having magical moments happen and I was wondering if maybe to close out his time on the stage if you'd be willing to give Frank Ramos a real Austin, Texas kiss. She thinks you're gay too, faggot. Make some noise for Mary, everybody.

Have a good sport. I'm going to buy Mary a drink. That was pretty good. So she doesn't want to go on a date with him? I thought the whole thing was like he can go on a date with her. I don't know. She took off running. I know.

She did. She got out of here. I think she smelled come on his breath and fucking started jetting. Frank, you got pulled out of the bucket first tonight. It takes a lot of balls to do that and we know you love balls. You had your first time on stage. You rolled with the punches. You're actually, you know, you have a very good on stage presence.

You're ridiculously likable and if you write and do this more often, who knows what the fucking happened? Ladies and gentlemen, there he goes, Frank Ramos. Here's a little joke book. Take a little joke book with you. Bones Eye. Real Kill Tony little joke books. Real Texas leather.

Check out Bones Eye on Instagram. B-O-N-E-Z-E-Y-E. Alex Olinger. Alex Olinger is next. Or Olinger, perhaps. You guys still having fun out there? A fun fact for you while we're waiting for Alex. These little joke books say Kill Tony on the front and you suck on the back.

Or it has a bomb on it if they bomb really bad. And the big ones are just cool. Alex Olinger is next. And here we go. Alex Olinger, hopefully any second for the love of fucking God. This is a new venue. We're working out some of the kinks as we go. How many of you like-o-ing comedians do good on this show?

How many of you like-o-ing comedians do bad on this show? All right, here he is, everybody. Alex Olinger. What a great thing to hear, right, when I walk in. How many of you like when people do bad? Yeah! This is what we're here for. Fuck, I, uh...

I saw a hat the other day that said, Make America gay again. I don't think America was never gay, was it? Not enough to be gay again. I mean, that's like really gay and then it stopped, I just... I just like the idea of like the gay founding fathers. Just sit at the back like, Quincy! Quincy!

Yes, Benjamin? I have a question. Do these slaves make me look fat? I think this is a targeted ad. Has anybody seen these shoes that like add like two and a half inches to men's height to get them pussy? Dude, who's five-four like me and then gets to five-six

and is like, I can fuck her now. I think I got it. Hey. Oh! Alex Polinger. A great set. Thank you. You've been on this show before, I remember you.

Yeah, like two times. Two times. It always goes good for you, doesn't it? It's been, yeah, it's been pretty fun. Is that your favorite set so far? Yeah, it was. Indeed. Because I was out in the alley,

and then I didn't know what was going on, so I just had to do the material. And that was fun, kind of. Yeah. I was not expecting Shane Gillis. Well, you know what I mean? And like, that was kind of cool, too. I guarantee you, he wasn't expecting you, Alex Polinger.

You got a little Rogan in you. Oh, god damn it! Dude, the fucking Reddit comments have been saying that. I gotta get skinny or something. Rogan wears jackets that fit him properly. I don't know what that is. Did someone shrink you earlier? Yeah.

What is going on? It's like someone put a curse on Joe. Joe, are you in there? Joe. That's crazy. I was left out in the sun too long. Uh-huh. Yep.

Alex, what do you do for work? I work construction. What? Yeah, I've been doing like... It doesn't look like it does. You like one of the little... What, fucking Legos? All right.

Okay. No, we're good. Do it now. It's cool. Thank you, Shane, for that. That's what I needed tonight. People are gonna see this. My dad's gonna see me later and be like,

Fucking Legos, dude? But it is something like that. Isn't it like tiny homes or something that you do? Like... What the fuck, dude? What the... God damn it, dude. What exactly do you do in construction?

You work in like... We make custom shit for people's house. You guys make cookies in trees. Dude. I don't know how that is. Can you let me have a minute? Can you let me have 30 seconds? My bad, my bad, my bad.

Try my best. So what exactly... Make me nervous. What is it exactly that you do? It's at the North Pole. Yeah. I'm just trying to figure it out here. You make toys for little kids?

That's what you're constructing? I make a lot of shoes... for the orphans. I may have... No, what exactly do you do? Ah, fuck. There must be... I see a lot of construction.

Everybody specializes in something. There must be... Are you the guy... No, it's like rich people who are moving to Austin ask us to make things for their houses. Like what? Like, oh dude, there's one guy is making a sex dungeon. And we get to make that.

Wow. No, I'm serious. Look at that. I thought Tim was... I was leaving. It's a gay sex dungeon. So what are you putting in this sex dungeon? Can you describe your method of approach here?

There's some rings, like metal rings. And chains. Oh my goodness. For the dude to be like this, I think. In the whole stairway down is brass. Everything is brass going down there. Oh my god. Wow.

A lot of brass. And you can grab these rings at your height? I think if I jumped or like got a running start, I could be up there like a gymnast while someone fucks me in my little ass. How tall are you exactly for the podcast listeners? Uh, five... Five.

Hold on a minute. I hear you, brother. Hold on. Gotta give them a good number, you know. What did you say? Five five. Five five. Okay, but how about with the insoles taken out of the shoes?

A hot five one. You have a girlfriend? Yes, I do. How tall is she? Six four. That'd be fucking sick, wouldn't it? I bet. How it's fucking a six four girl?

None of you would be laughing right now. Yeah. No, no, no. No, we would be because I'd be doing jokes about how you can't 69 with her. She's sucking your dick and you're just tossing her belly button salad. The old fucking...

The old iceberg wedge, you know what I mean? The old fucking... The old fucking... All right. Toes in her pussy. How tall is your girlfriend? She's about like five one. Okay.

Oh, nice. Yeah. I got a shorter one. So it makes you feel normal. That one gambles. It does. It makes me feel good. Aw, you guys blew it.

What was that? I was gonna say he lived in the shire. Because they're both tiny. Yeah. Yeah, we have a beautiful home. It's a wooden door in the side of a hill. Yeah. Every night, dude, wizards and people come over

and we go on adventures to find the ring. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. We gotta stop with this. He had a really good set. Yeah. No, it was amazing. It was incredible.

Tell us how comedy's been going for you, Alex. It's actually been going better than it has previously. Uh-huh. Why do you think... What do you think the adjustment that you've made recently? Again, how long you've been on it again? About six years. Six years.

So what has been your most recent adjustment or whatever that makes you think it's going better? Is there something in particular that you've been doing? I would just, like, forget about people's bullshit. No, like, I just go up and do my thing. Don't fucking pfft me. I had a good set. Clearly, it works.

Yeah. Fucking trombone player, whatever the fuck he's doing. Oh! Oh! Oh! I can do it, too! That was the Mike Lincoln style. I can do it, too!

Hey, that's all right. It was a funny one. Don't ruin it. Well, then be on my fucking friend, dude. What the fuck? Yeah. Turning against each other. You know what's funny?

I knew he was going to be good when he walked out. Like, right when you guys were saying, like, you want to see comics do bad, he walked out and was like... He just looked over and was like, what the fuck? And I was like, nice. It's a really scary thing to hear, almost immediately. Yeah, I bet.

Yeah. I've never been in here. This is fucking cool. Yeah. Right. It's like Indiana Jones. It's like alien shit. Yeah, you're going to be back in the alleyway in 30 seconds, so...

Yeah. You better soak it in, my friend. I would like to. Alex, I would love to have you back on The Secret Show. Yes! You just got booked on a show. Thank you. Alex Olinger.

There he goes, everybody. On to the next one. Hans Hilton. Hans Hilton is next. Let's see if we can get this moving a little bit faster. You get... Let's play some music or something. What's going on?

How's everybody doing? I call the name. Hans Hilton is in the mix. This is definitely a new name. I would know if I have seen a Hans Hilton before. Incredible that two out of the four comedians so far tonight are Hans's. This is very exciting. Perhaps this is a cross between Hans Kim and Paris Hilton.

Here he is, Hans Hilton, everybody. What's up, Boston? I got three kids, so last year for my birthday, I got a vasectomy. The number one question guys asked me is, did it hurt? Did it hurt? Less than a fourth kid would hurt. But I was really nervous going into it, so I was trying to find ways to get rid of the nerves. In one clinic, recommended nitrous oxide.

You guys remember the laughing gas from the dentist's office? Their motto was, come laugh your balls off with us. And it was a great start, but I was so nervous, I kept researching. Another clinic recommends a brosectomy. That's where three of your friends come with you. You guys all get snipped together. That's when I found out I don't have three good friends because I went alone. But the biggest thing I was worried about was that it wasn't going to work

because they say it's supposed to keep you from having kids. And when you know I went home, those three fuckers were still there. It didn't keep me from having anything. I called my wife while I was waiting out in the alley and told her I was waiting hoping to perform for one minute. She said I should be really good at that because I've got lots of experience. Alright, Hans Hilton. Is that your real name, Hans Hilton? What the fuck? I've been asked my whole life if it was my stage name and that's my real name, but now it's also my stage name.

Wow, what other stages were you on? No, I'm serious. Is it just common? It's just common. Alright. You got like a Christian vibe? Yeah. I've been told I've got youth pastor vibes, yeah.

Oh yeah. Big time, dude. Big time. A smile? While someone's insulting you, just like, oh yeah, yeah. Sure. I am way too nice, yeah. Nice.

You are? Yes. Where are you from? California. Okay. What part? I was born in Limwood, California and currently live in Downey, California. Oh wow.

A bunch of places I've never heard of, that's incredible. Hey, Limwood's better known by our neighbors, Compton and Watts, so you could probably fill in the blanks. Wow. How often do you say the N word? Oh sure, yeah, we say it a lot. Not ever anymore. Oh yeah. Hans Hilton, what do you do for work?

I sell knives. No. To who? To old ladies. To old ladies. Yeah, exactly. Great location for that. Kitchen knives, kitchen knives.

Really, kitchen knives? Cutco? Cutco, yeah. Wow. So like you're like up there on the pyramid, huh? Not up there, no. I've been selling them for 21 years. 21 years?

You've been a Cutco guy? I have, yeah. Holy shit. So three and a half million dollars worth of kitchen knives. Oh my goodness. Wow. What's 3.5 million divided by 21 years? I want to know if he's actually successful or not.

I did start off slow. You son of a bitch. So Hans, you have three kids, you now have a vasectomy, so you're pulling another Hans, you're just blowing loads inside of your lady ruthlessly as well, right? My friends asked me if I'm just spraying my seed freely, and I was like, I don't think you call it seed anymore because we're not plantin' humans, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go, Hans.

Okay, Hans. What do you do for fun? How do you stay excited with three kids and a lady that you've been bangin' forever? She's way hotter than me for starters, so that's lots of fun. Oh, wow. This is another Hans situation. A guy that comes inside of a woman that he shouldn't be with should just be called pulling a Hans from now on.

This is incredible. How'd you get her? What's your secret? I met her selling knives. Oh, and you're like, let me fuck you. That's pretty good. I was like, you can say yes or... God damn right, Hans.

I love it. My secret is to keep it fresh in the bedroom. Three kids in. You have any special moves that you do or anything? Is there anything that you think you specialize in in the bedroom? You have a move or something? Something you do with your finger or your butthole or something, perhaps? I don't know.

Hans, do you love eating pussy or not? What gets my wife goin' is reading bedtime stories to the kids. Yeah. Wow. That is some Jerry Sandusky shit I've ever heard of before. What the fuck? Dude, what the fuck are you talkin' about? I should clarify to our kids.

That's still... So, while you're reading, you're like, I'm getting my wife so wet. Yeah. Do you know what's comin'? When you're reading, you're like, I'm gonna fuck after this? You're like, get the fuck to bed. Yeah. Finally hard.

Go to bed. For real. Do you get hard when you read to your fuckin' kids? Answer the fuckin' question. Do you? The answer's yes, dude. If he could answer it, it'd be no. I've never been posed a question in such a way.

Hans is great. These are likeable people, man. It's incredible. It is a likeable bunch here tonight. This guy gets hard while his wife gets wet while they're reading to their kids. The couch. Seventeen-year-old kids. Ah, look who's still awake.

Son, we're gonna read 50 Shades of Grey. Dad, please. Not again, Dad. I need this, son. Holy shit. Hans, congratulations, man. You had your first set of your life. You got some laughs.

I don't think that was the first set of his life. Oh, it wasn't? No, I've been doing this for one year. Oh, wow. It seemed like the first set of your life. Damn, sorry, Hans. I guess, uh... Where you been doing it the whole time in Austin?

Or in Cali? L.A., yeah. So where do you go up in L.A.? Comedy store in Hollywood, La Jolla. Damn, this is the kind of talent the comedy store in Hollywood's pulling nowadays. You're wondering of going where you should plan your next vacation. I'm just kidding. You're talking about the open mic, right?

No, no. You're getting booked at shows at the fucking comedy store? Wait, what? Who? Wait, what? Shut up out there, you jealous fucks. Good job, dudes. I'm very likable.

Oh, don't say it. There's a door guy with a trunk full of knives right now. Here's a little joke book. Can you catch Hans? It's your moment of truth. Very good. Yes. Hans.

You suck. Make some noise for him. There he goes. Hans Hilton, everybody. Thank you guys. We're gonna get one of our regulars up here right now. This guy famous for his unbelievable roasting skills, his unbelievable writing, his unbelievable performances,

headlining all around the world, baby. This is the one and only David motherfucking Lucas, everyone. With a brand new minute. Yeah. Thank you. My eight year old, she goes to private school, and I went to career day. And when every other kid got up with their parents,

they said some noble shit, like I want to be a doctor like my dad, a lawyer like my mom, an accountant. This bitch got up there and said, I want to be a rapper. I'm like, you ain't got to go to private school for that. You can go to regular school for that, bitch. If you want to be like Cardi B, what the fuck are you doing? If you want to pop your pussy, you need to catch the bus, bitch. Her mom's boyfriend recently got COVID.

And I was scared because, you know, I'm out here and they're in LA and he takes up my slack. I sent flowers and a car to the hospital. I'm like, nigga, we need you. Like, how dare you try to tap out now, motherfucker? All right, thank y'all, man. Hell yeah, love it. Strong, on point, all real shit.

Your real life, David Lucas with another fucking stellar minute. How's it going, my friend? Shit, what? What you got, a jacket? Oh, come on. What's going on? You're already trying. You're just going to rush right into it?

What are you wearing? A fucking heated blanket for a sweater right now? What the fuck is that, dude? Why are you in a baby... You look like a pastor of penis, nigga. Get your money. Coming to you out of the book to scrotum. Oh, you son of a bitch.

The fuck you got that jacket on for? What do you mean? Like, how do you... Is it because Shane is here? I'm just wondering. No, not all of us show up to work in fucking sweatpants wearing our fucking daughter's shoes. What the hell are those?

Oh, my God. Tony, you got your man's shoes on, nigga. You wear six in women, for real. I guess every pants are sweatpants when you're you. You have short legs for your body. Yeah, right. And you got a big asshole for your body. That's true, actually.

I do have a gaping asshole. I don't know how you know that. I know them cartel members like to stuff shit up your ass, nigga. You was a valuable asset to chop on, nigga, your ass. He can get 12 pounds over the border. Yeah. No Vaseline?

Yeah. They can sneak humans up your ass, David Lucas. Full-sized illegal immigrants just coming in, being shot out like baby zebras on the other side of the border. Unbelievable. The great David Lucas.

Very sweaty today, huh? Nigga, have you... What's going on? Well, y'all don't know. Y'all ain't never walked the 30 million steps in this club to get back here, boys. It is. There's a whole bunch of steps.

It is quite the trip. It is. It is. It is. There's a whole bunch of steps. It is quite the trip. David Lucas is gonna be fucking 100 pounds thinner in a year.

Right, I would be thin as a bitch. And Tony, you ain't gonna be no straighter. That's crazy. That's... Well, we'll... You hang around all these masculine men and you still act like a bitch. Well...

Well, that's true. Fat guy. I'll just play. No, I love it. You are soaking wet. I love it. I'll keep you up here for as long as I can. I got a shacket on, nigga.

What you expect? What is it? A shacket. A shacket? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a shirt jacket. Oh, my... Kind of rhymes with faggot.

You know what I'm saying? No. Oh, my God. You don't know shit about fashion. You got a fucking gay dead man's jacket on, nigga. This is... He's not... He's not gonna need this anymore.

I took it off and when he was in the coffin, he died from AIDS. He was an old friend. Jesus. I love it. Well, you were walking 100,000 miles for AIDS, right? Where do you even get something like that? Shit, I think...

You're dressed like a Kleenex box right now. It is incredible. He liked that one. Shane, shut your ass up. I know, don't do it. You look like you play wheelchair basketball, nigga. Come on. Yeah, boy, fuck it.

Oh, shit. Fuck it. Melancholy face. That nigga's showing his face like a screen mask, nigga. Hey, I knew you were gonna do this. You've been on my dick all week, dude. I knew these cameras had come out. Last night, you should have heard how he entered me.

He'd be like, this next guy's my best friend. He's my favorite comic in the world. You soft bitch, fuck you. I didn't get nasty when the lights came off. That's what we do, man. You know, I love retarded people, man. I got a retarded uncle, nigga. I've been fucked with him a little time, bro.

Special Olympics, all that. Three gold medals in the Special Olympics. Yeah, hell yeah. Fucking beer drinking, fucking... Yeah, that's about it. I'd probably lose the rest, yeah. David, you've been working out lately. How's that been going for you?

Great, man. You have a trainer now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going good, boy. I'm getting better. You post about it. You post on Instagram every time you work out, I noticed. And I never see any differences,

but I always see the pictures of you. We'll never see your differences, nigga. You do Pilates. We don't know how... We don't know how fucking flexible you is. This is where a fucking jumping air hit a split, nigga. I do Pilates and you eat a lot. Oh, shit.

I wish I had one to run with that, fuck. I do hot yoga and you do hot yogurt. I live weights and you bake cakes, nigga. Hey! Fucking weak motherfucker. That is true. I have a delicious German chocolate in the back. You probably got the strength of a toddler, nigga, your ass.

I will arm wrestle you right now. Tony, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I mean... How would we even do it? Oh, my God. Wait.

Let's go. We're on table lap. I will arm wrestle you tomorrow night. No, nigga, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. We'll set it up. It's gonna... Okay.

A table. We need a table. Grab a table. We need a table. It's on. You can't just do it at an angle. We have to be across from each other. Hey, I put $10,000 on myself right now.

$10, whoa. $10,000. $10,000. Shane, what do you think? Who do you think is gonna win out of these two? No, it's all Tony. Tony's secretly jacked. I know.

I never bet against Tony, man. Tony. Oh, shit. Son of a bitch. Holy shit, guys. All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go, bro. We gotta go down here. Let's give it a big round of applause. Let's give it a big round of applause. That was great. Yeah! Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. Oh, shit.

David, David, David. David, David, David, David, David. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. No, shit. Don't make me feel happy. Oh, shit. He lifted up his elbow because he's a cheater. No, I give it to him. David Lucas, sure, whatever.

With a 300-pound weight advantage and the sweatiest palm in Texas right now. You are very close. His elbow off the table and pulling towards himself. He got the victory, everybody. David, you're a legend. You do it every week. We love you. I appreciate your job, man. Check out the tour dates. I'll be in Ontario, Irvine, and Oxnard in private, California.

David Lucas, everybody. There he goes. That was shockingly hard. I thought it was going to be an easy win for me. Having ridiculous confidence sometimes can be overwhelming. I thought you did good. Callin' Glaw, everybody. Callin' Glaw. I'm out of breath. How do you guys feel? What other podcast has arm wrestling matches

between 400-pound men and 75-pound lesbians? And the lesbian almost won, by the way. A lot of shady shit going on in there. Here he is. Callin' Glaw, everyone. Holy shit. Callin' Glaw. So, sometimes I wish I was blind, like when I go to Hooters. Because the golden rule at Hooters is you can look, but you can't touch. Unless you're blind, then you can touch where the fuck you want. I gotta think about it, right?

If a seeing guy cops a feel on a waitress, he's like a sicko pervert. But, like, if a blind guy cops a feel, he's just looking for the bathroom, you know? Another time I wish I was blind is I was watching this western movie about two broke cowboys. So, in the movie Heath Ledger bangs Jake Gyllenhaal. I used to think the scariest thing Heath Ledger had ever done is blow up the hospitals with Joker. Little did I know that would be his second scariest blowin'. I don't know if you all saw on the Super Bowl, but the flyover was piloted by all females. It was also the first time the flyover was 15 minutes late.

Thank you, I appreciate it. Callin' Glaw. Hell yes. What's up, guys? Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. One of the best looking Lego men we've ever had up here. This is incredible. One minute's tough for him. Takes about 40 seconds to get adjusted to your fucking face.

When you walked out this whole crowd was like, wait, is he hot or... No, he's not. But he is hot. Wait, what is he? Something. You are something, Callin', you do have quite the fucking face on you. How's life going with that face? Life's going alright, man.

Someone said I look like Johnny Bravo, apparently. That is what I was trying to... I think that's what I was thinking of. I said to Red Band, this fucking guy looks like something and I don't know what it is. What else do you get a lot of? Like the Chad. The Chad? Wasn't that like the Chad meme or whatever that...

Oh, Giga Chad. I get that sometimes too. Giga Chad, yeah, yeah. Also, who's the guy that fought Rocky the Russian dude? Yeah. Yeah. Or like a hot Conan O'Brien or something. Yeah, hey, alright, dude.

Yeah. That's pretty good, though. I get fucking wheelchair basketball. Yeah. Alright, someone told me Chris Hemsworth, if you had AIDS, apparently. Ah, yeah, I can see that. Or like when he first wakes up in the morning or something like that. Yeah.

So Callin', what do you do for work? I'm in tech sales. Sell co-location if anyone's interested in buying. Nope. Nope, yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half now. And what made you want to start doing it?

So actually, Norm MacDonald listened to him and I always had thought about it. And listen, I was like, oh, this guy's freaking awesome. And kind of got some inspiration from that. And jumped on into it and Des Moines on it. Yeah. So, yeah. Is that where you're from? Yeah, from Iowa, yep.

Ah, that explains it. Yeah, yep, yep. Now the face makes sense. Your grandmother got raped by your great-grandfather. Yeah, well, the meth too, but yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he haunts her. That means he came inside of her.

I miss that part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were in the alleyway. So, Callan, how long have you lived in Austin? You visiting or what's going on? Yes, I moved down here. I don't know why I put this in the stand. That's kind of stupid, dude.

I moved down here in July, yeah. You moved here in July? In July, yeah, mid-July. Okay. And what do you love about Austin? The Latin women, Tony. Oh, wow. You have a type.

Yeah, you're out there in the fucking cornfields in Iowa. You haven't seen anything like that, huh? No, what in Iowa, dude? I don't know what's up with that. The farmers in Iowa are all white people, so. Yeah, I didn't mean a black guy until I was 18 years old, dude. You did? No, I meant a guy, well, I was like 12 years old, yeah.

What was he, the help? No. It's in Iowa, John. Don't grow in like that. Iowa's different. Very racist people in Iowa. Am I correct? Mostly nice, but a little bit racist, yeah, I would say so.

Absolutely. What's the most racist thing you've ever seen happen in Iowa? Look right at John in his face when you... Yeah, well, honestly, so I was up here before, about a couple months ago, and... You were on Kill Tony? Yeah, I was. How do I not remember this face? I never forget a face.

Holy shit, look at that face. Yes, yeah, who said that? Yeah, yeah. Whoa, Paul Deemer on the horns. He tried to get me to say the N-word last time I was here. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, we like role-played it. You have the kind of face that makes people want you to say the N-word.

Yeah, dude, I don't... So we talked about last time I was here, but I did acting in college, and the role I played was a racist cop, so... It plays, yeah. Wow, did I view or cite one of your lines? We did, and that's when I said N-word, but as the N-word, yeah. Okay. You did it. You said the N-word in a...

Yeah, I said it like multiple times, and I also... Like, there was a scene where I had to like rape a woman. You said the N-word and then raped a lady? Literally exactly what happened. For a fucking college film? Yeah, dude. And it was a gay college one. Tell you what, dude.

And it was gay? Yeah, super gay. Stonewall. Wait, what? Yeah. This was like a school project, like you had to do this for your grades? Yeah, so in college, I was an acting major, and one of the shows I had was about Stonewall, and I played a racist cop that stuck his hands down a woman's pants and beat her up and

called her the N-word a couple times. Wow, did you play Donald Trump? It's incredible. Hand in the pants. Drop the N-word, grab the pussy. That's incredible. We were like, while you were doing it, we were like, this is good. This is good.

I can put myself on camera doing this, because this is gonna be good. It felt kind of right. And then he saw it, and you were like, fuck. I'm ruined. Forever. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah, bro.

Amazing. So these, how did you describe them? Latina women? Yeah, Latin women. Yeah. Good Latin woman. Yeah, they're great, dude. Okay, so do you have a girlfriend now?

No, I do not have a girlfriend currently. Right, but that's your type. You find a Latina, you ask her out? Basically, yeah. So since I moved down here again, not a lot of Latin women in Iowa, but dude, the fucking hips, dude. Holy shit. The hips?

They hit with the ass, dude. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You got a little fire, too, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. No. What?

What's the last part? They got a little fire. A little personality behind them. Yeah, yeah. Little fucking tap it to you. You know what I mean? Little chalula, dude. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. So the last time that you've been with Latina, was that in Iowa or here? No, here. I was never with a Latina in Iowa. Oh. Right. So yeah.

This is a new thing for you. It's a new thing, yeah. You're trying to take over. A thousand percent. Are you aware of how easily they get pregnant? I very much am. You have a very heavy condom user. You seem like a condom.

What? Yeah. He's fucked up. He's in condoms. What do the Latina girls say when you pull out the condoms? Like, what is that? What the fuck is that? What are you doing?

I can't even see it no more. You make it disappear. Now I look like a ghost. What was that? Is that Latina condom music? John has an instrument for this. Hey. No, take something in my instinct.

Make me want to tell you to take that off. All right. All right. All right. We got a little out of control there. So everything always go good with the condoms? What kind of condom do you use? You seem like you use like one of the like hot and cold ones or something like that.

Yeah. Big Trojan ribbed guy. Oh. Yeah. You're worried about her pleasure. 100 percent. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a giver, dude. Yeah. Right. You got a big old, you got a big dick. I'd say slightly above average, so I'll describe it. Yeah. Yeah. With that head, I was going to say to you.

Like a gigantism. Like a normal dude with gigantism. Gigantic head with like a big smile. Yeah. You do. You have a fucking jawline on you, Callan. Incredible. You have a good relationship with your parents?

Actually a very good relationship, man. No, you don't say. I don't. What do you mean actually? Yeah, dude. Let me ask you this, Callan. Let's say you went back home for the holidays to celebrate in Iowa with your parents that are still together.

They'd eat dinner together every night to probably go to church on Sundays. Not anymore, but yeah. Not anymore, right? Yeah. Nobody believes in God anymore. It's been a rough few years for that guy. But let me ask you this. Let's say you go back for Christmas and you don't warn them and you bring a little fucking

Maria home with you or something like that. What do you think their honest, true, truthful reaction would be? Yeah. Honestly, I think they'd be pretty chill about it. Pretty open people. Yeah. Yeah. It's really great.

Yeah. I hear your answer. I know that you know that they're going to probably watch this at some point like, hey, Mom, Dad, got on again. I have a good relationship with you, so I tell you things like this. Yeah, it'll be on YouTube in a couple of weeks. Yeah. But let me ask you this.

Yeah. You bring the Latina girl home. They present it like they don't care. They go up to their bedroom. Yeah. What do you think they say then? I think they say, hey, Callan, I hope that guy's wearing those Trojan rib condoms. You know what I'm saying, dude?

Yeah. Yeah. Probably true. Does your mom or your dad have a head like you? Probably on my mom's side, I would say. Your mom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit.

Goddamn, I was hoping your dad had that head. You got a blockhead mom? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. Your mom's a blockhead. Yeah. Shout out, Kelly, dude. Your mom's a blockhead.

Shout outs to the moms. All right, Callan. Congratulations. Very fun times. Yeah, man. Thank you, Oz. Yeah. There he goes.

Callan Glaw. He's going home with a gel blaster. You got a jokebook last time, right? Yeah. Who gives a fuck? There he goes. How about a hand for Wario going back to his seat right here? Hips for Wario just making his way back.

This fucking table pisses a lot. Nick James. Nick James is next. Hell yeah. That was fun. Still slightly out of breath from arm wrestling, David Lucas. For any of you keeping track out there. That was hard.

I'm going to take him on again soon. I'm not going to. I don't take defeat lightly. Maybe two months. Maybe one. I'll train for it. Here he is, everybody. Nick James.

Make some noise for Nick, everybody. These guys wait all night in the patio. One more time for Nick James. What's up? So comedy is hard, right? But not for the reasons you think. You all probably think, oh, bombing has to be the worst part about doing stand up, right? Wrong.

Worst part about doing stand up is bombing in front of someone you're trying to have sex with. Any aspiring comedies in this audience, here's some advice. Never bring a date to a comedy show you're performing on. I did that once and I bombed so hard I could hear the pussy dry up from across the room. I don't know if you guys have ever heard the sound of a vacuum seal before. Sounds a little bit like. God damn it, dude.

That happened to me. I'm like, all right, I got to talk to this date. I got to preserve the possibility of getting late later. So after the show, I corner her. Well, I don't corner her. But you know what I mean? I talked to her. I'm like, baby, look, I promise I'm funny.

Can you please touch me later? She's like, oh, dude, I'll fuck you. Just quit comedy, please. And that's my time. Thank you. I'm Nick James. Are we good? Unbelievable.

Fuck yeah. How about you guys just don't fucking touch anything the whole time? Why don't we try that state of the art sound guys? Fucking unbelievable. Hello. How about a hand for the sound guys back there? Literally. I can't imagine what the hell's going on.

But Nick, how do you feel? Pretty good, honestly. I hope you didn't bring a girl to this show tonight. I got to be honest with you. I hope you didn't bring a fucking gun. No, no, I'm... Oh, like, I haven't heard that one before, Shane. Oh, geez.

Well, you... Hi, we're cool. We're cool, bro. No, you're my favorite. Don't show up tomorrow, though. Jesus Christ. Yes, dude. Hell yeah, Nick.

You know what you look like. You prepared for this. Yeah, I look like the guy he shoots. Yeah. Yeah, probably. They kill Tony for a reason, you know? Yeah, kill that motherfucker. All right, Shane.

Yo, bring a gun. No, Shane, stop it. Please, for real, shoot Tony. No, stop it. I'm not going to be the guy that shoots Tony. I'm going to leave it for one of the fucking guys that are going to bomb outside. Thank you.

Thank you. I like your style, Nick. How long have you been raping corpses for? About one year. I love it. Hell yeah. What do you really do for work? Right now, I'm in town marketing.

I'm in a call center. Wow. So you're... Like, are you, like, selling things? Kind of. And you're in a place? Yeah. So technically, you're in cell?

Well, uh... Did you just give me the fucking finger... You want to arm wrestle right now, you piece of shit? Oh, no, no, all loose. Oh, shut up. Shut the fuck up. You guys know how that would go. I'm sorry, Tony.

I'm sorry. Please don't. No, I'm not going to arm wrestle you. It's okay. Shoot him with a fucking gun. Becoming the new theme of the show. You have to kill him now. No, that's just so good.

I like him. It's okay. Nick, how long have you been doing stand-up? About four years now. All of it here in Austin? Uh, now, about seven months in Austin. Most of it up in New England. Okay.

Where are you from? Sleepy Hollow? Not far, actually. Connecticut. Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah, you remember. It is Connecticut, right? Yeah.

Yeah, well, I've been... No, I don't remember. I just know what people from Connecticut are like. Ah. I studied humans. You ever heard of Slate of Texas? No. Then you don't know shit.

You see what I'm talking about? Like, I know all about it. I don't. Anyway, so, Nick, you're from Connecticut. You've been here for seven months. That must be quite a culture shock, because there's literally not a human having any fun in Connecticut anywhere at any time.

And now you're here in the live music and comedy capital of the world. So explain to us what the last seven months have been like for you. Let's see. I've been going to a lot of concerts. I've been not getting as much pussy as I thought. Well, I have not been getting quite as much...

I gotta be honest, Tony. My statistics on the vagina are at an all-time low. We've had higher amounts of fluids surrounding my penal regions, and this is not the best of times. I think you look good, dude. Thank you, Shane. You're like Timothy Chalamet.

You get Chalamet? Oh, yeah. Shut up, lady. That's Timothy Chalamet. Oh, thank you. That's honestly, like, the nicest celebrity I've ever been compared to. Who do people normally compare you to?

Sheldon. Let's see. Like, I guess Steve Buscemi a lot. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay, so when you say you're not getting as much pussy as you're used to, Nick,

what's like your move? Where do you normally find girls at? What do you normally do? It's honestly random. It's like a mix of online dating and just me not spurking out in public every now and then. Spurking? Yes.

Did you say spurking? Now, you're not aware of this term. It's short for ass burgers, shorthand for ass burgers. Basically, I'm not autistic, but sometimes salt, you know. Like, right now, you know. What a dork.

You know what? Like, ass burgers, you know, one thing, they're not good at lying. Like, you just did. Remember when you tried to lie? Oh, no, no. Like, I do get laid. I get laid sometimes.

So, like, the last time you got laid by anyone, make us through. How does that happen? How in the world does that happen? All right. So, the last time I got laid was a couple months ago. I, uh... 73 months ago.

So, there was this girl living downstairs for me. She was about 40 years old. And, uh, I was drunk. And she was very drunk. She had nice titties, though. She was a giant of her age, really. No condom, of course. Wow.

Beast. Ribbed for his pleasure. Very much a butter face. But good ass, I will say. Wow. What about her? Oh, her? Oh, no.

That's so stupid. I see what you did there. So, no condom. Butter face? Are you hitting it from behind? Are you going missionary? Just fucking scare-shocking-the-world-of-straight-eye-contact. This is good for me.

My statistics have been low lately. I pulled the horns. So, since you asked, unfortunately, it was missionary. So, she had this, like, weird sex phase, like, where she kept going like... Oh. Oh. God, that's horrible. I know.

Sucks. I bet it helped you last a little longer, though, right? No. Like, God, this is fucking horrible. Kind of, yeah. Like, it was... I was kind of proud of myself. I was going, like, 20 minutes, but, like, I really wish I had finished your...

Holy shit. You fucked it later for 20 fucking minutes? Yeah. I was also on, like, mushrooms, too. So, I was, like... So, like, I was, like, half softener and only, like, got hard towards the end, like, as the shrooms were wearing off. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Dude, you're a little fucked. Been there, brother. Yeah. That's how that goes. You're a little party machine just getting drunk at your apartment, eating mushrooms. What else are you into? Let's see.

Uh... I quit. Well, I make my own acid sometimes, I am. No, no. Like, I have been, like, trying to, like, find those, like, the microdosing of the mushrooms. Like, I've been trying to wait on a scale, trying to, like, do the whole jailcap capsule so I can get my exact dosage down so I don't accidentally, like, fuck up and trip in public. I did that once, and holy shit, like, never again.

Yeah. You don't want people to think you're creepy, are you? No. No. Yeah. It's bad enough as it is, but, like, when I'm tripping, like, it's actually, like... Craziest thing you've ever done while tripping. Oh, God.

So, do you want to hear about the time I got naked or the time I went to a movie theater? Why do I feel like it's the same story? What? What were they playing Batman in Colorado? Yeah. You dropped him. The little guest set. Uh, no, but...

No. All right, so I'll just go with the naked story, because that's clearly the more fun one. So, to be fair, this one was when I was on acid. This is the first time I ever tried doing acid, and for those of you who know, the best thing to do on the first time is just do one tap, you know, just start small. I'm a fucking retard, so I took four tabs on my first go. Yeah, you know. And then what happened?

Come on, get to the good shit. What is this, a fucking... 15 minutes later, I'm leaving the parking lot in my drug dealer's apartment. I come up all at once, and for some reason, I just... I don't know what... I don't know why I did this. I just dropped my pants, grabbed my dick, and I just yelled, Who are you? And I just...

I ran into the woods and I don't remember anything after that. Wait a second. That act out that you just did would lead us to believe that your cock is like 14 inches long. I can see it. What are you... I like it. What are you really... What are you really packing down there other than an AK-47?

It's like, I could, like, six and a half... Okay, how about when it gets hard? I'm kidding. I got seven and a half. This homophobe. Oh, disgusting. Six and a half laccids. Fine, but Tony, don't ask when it gets hard.

That would be gay. Man, I'll show it to you right now. No, no, no, no. Yes. How many of you want to see me arm wrestle this cock right now? Just fuck up. Nope. It's good.

There he goes, Nick James, everybody. You have a joke book already? You already have one of these? Okay, there you go. All right, we have not had a female comedian up tonight. You guys think we should pull till we get a lady up here, huh? Let's see what happens here. Sorry to Ike.

Sorry to... Is Yazin... Yazin Amra? Is that a human? Is that a guy? That's a real guy from the audience? Is he here? Where's he at?

He's back there? You kept him back there? You didn't buy him a ticket? You guys are assholes. It's not a girl, but we're... We have some time. We started a little late. All right, well, fuck your brother.

Emily Quarimi or Quarisi? Oh, Jesus Christ. You almost shouldn't even get to go on if your handwriting is this bad. Currishy? Emily with a Q? Emily Q something? Yeah, Emily Qarisi. That's what I think.

Qarisi. How do you know? This lady's fucking saying yes, like she knows anything. Yeah, it's Qarisi. You can't even see it. What are you, a palm reader? You're a fucking idiot. She's coming.

Emily Qarisi is on our way to the stage. We've been... We're getting word. This is wild. You guys still having fun out there? Who's that? Who's that? Isn't it nice knowing Nick and...

that blockhead that are hanging out? One more time for Emily, everybody. Come on. Have any of you ever heard of the paradox of choice? It's the concept where the more options you're given, the harder time you'll have making your decision, the less happy you'll be with the decision you do make in the end. I don't remember this phenomenon on Reddit,

but I didn't truly understand what it meant until I found myself halfway down the 14th page of Pornhub. Hey, if any of you ever find yourself on the 14th page of Pornhub, here's a tip. Start over. Lower your standards. Head back to square one. There's nothing for you here, okay?

It's a goddamn no-man's land. You got to page 14, and you got even the algorithm confused. It's like Jesus Christ, you didn't like any of that? I am a big fan of pornography. I guess I do have a couple of qualms, though. A couple of boners to pick. And look, I know it's cliche to say,

I'm not trying to beat off a dead horse here. I just think it deserves to be said again. These bleached assholes have really gotten out of hand, people. I mean, I just want to know, who looks at a butthole and thinks, you know what that needs to be? It's prettier. I'm joking. We all think that every time we see one.

Thank you so much. Emily! That's one of my favorite sets of the night right there. Very, very interesting. This is your first time on the show, correct? Indeed, yeah. Absolutely. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up for about three years now.

Where at? I live in Canada, so I just came to Austin to do comedy for a month. Holy shit. You're funny for a woman and a Canadian. Damn. That's incredible. I'll take that. The Canadians have been funny lately. Yeah.

I don't know what they put in their vaccine, but fuck it. And you don't seem retarded at all. Our last two Golden Ticket winners on the show are special needs Canadians. I've got a hidden disability if that helps, so... You are on disability? I don't know. Oh.

You do have, like, Vietnam vet vibes or something like that. Incredible. Trauma. Are you from Vancouver or Toronto? I'm from a pretty small town, but two hours from Toronto. It's called Listual, Ontario. You're at the TV show LetterCanny, anybody? Wow.

It's based on my hometown, so... That's incredible. That must be a big deal there. It is. Shit rules. I love it. What do you do for work? I work full-time as a server, and I work part-time as a bouncer

slash bar back in another place. Wow. And you bounce people out of bars sometimes? I do indeed. The boots help. Holy shit. That's incredible. No, John.

I'm not going to arm wrestle her. You guys stop it. You stop it. Shut the fuck up. Shut up, John. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

All right. So, Emily, what do you like to do for fun? I'm a snowboarder. It's like one day off a week, I like to go up a mountain. Very cool. I live in Whistler BC now, so I... That's close to Vancouver. You fucking horny motherfuckers.

Not everything she says is great, you weirdo. Yeah. This Mexican guy's never snowboarded a day in his life. Twice. Twice, yeah, very good. Dirt ball. Yeah, a little candy. I love that.

I love it. So, Emily, how long are you visiting America for, the greatest country on planet Earth? I'm only here for 10 more days, unfortunately, but I'd like to come back in the summer. I have to go back home, save up enough money to come back for another stretch. Right.

It seems like an interesting place to be located out there in the middle of nowhere to be a stand-up comedian. It's kind of nice. I'm the only... There's a comedy power hour every once a week at this one bar, and I'm the only person who goes up. So, it's really... Wow.

It took power five minutes. You just do an hour. That is amazing. What else do you do? What else would make sure life or your story interesting? The set was fantastic. Thank you.

I'm pretty boring. I like to read if I'm not snowboarding. I like big fan of reading. I've got a pet bird at home, Myrtle. He's my sweetheart, and... Wait. What'd she say? Damn it.

My sweetheart, my bird. Your bird? You have a pet bird? Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Bring the serial killer boy back up here. Somehow... You don't need a bird?

What are you doing, birds? What kind of bird? Sorry? What kind of bird? A cockatiel. He's a... Yeah, he's lovely. He's cocky.

The only thing he says is, I'm a pretty bird. Cockatiel? How's four sound? Stupid. Susie said cockatiel. I know Tony's mind. I wasn't even thinking about it until you looked at me

like I should have had one. He just gives me this look like, where's it at? Cockatiel? Okay. How long have you been a bird lady? I've been a bird woman for 15 years now. Wow.

We're not looking like it's going to stop anytime. Oh my goodness. Cockatoos get old? They get old as fuck, right? Yeah, yeah. Myrtle's 15 now. And he's probably going to live to like 32. So probably outlive me, to be honest.

Wow, that's sad. Nick James has anything to do with it. You were back in that alley with Nick? Yeah. Is he a serial killer? God damn. Is he popular back there? How's he doing?

I hope the guys are treating him all right. Now? He's probably out there shooting everybody with a gel blaster right now. Incredible. So you have a bird. What's your love life like? You dress like a lesbian. Love life is pretty abysmal right now,

but it's kind of, I'd like to say it's by choice. I just kind of feel like I don't have the time for it with a job and comedy and all that reading and bird love that I get. Wow. Very interesting. So is it true, do you really watch a lot of porn like you said in your set?

I do. I wrote that joke three years ago and I've switched mostly to Reddit for my porn now. I don't really, I'm not a porn hub gal. You see, that's like the horniest dude shit. Yeah, explain to us what the advantage of Reddit over an actual porn site is. Teach us the ways of a lonely northerner.

Well, it's great because you can just subscribe to any category and then you can just be, you know, doing it just trying to read about the economy and all of a sudden you get... Yeah. Can I ask you an honest question? What subreddits, porn subreddits are you subscribed to? This is not going to get me very popular with feminists,

but I like free use. It's a concept. Please stop watching this, father. No, I promise you, literally nobody just turned it off. We don't... Hill Tony isn't exactly the feminist power base that you might think it is. You might be shocked to know that

not one in the world is listening right now. Explain to us what for use is. It's called free use, and it's basically just like somebody will be, you know, like playing their DS or reading or like on the computer, like gaming and then somebody else comes over and just starts going at it and they kind of like pretend they're not...

I didn't know that had a name. I've blacked off to that. Yeah. That's pretty awesome. So the other person just like stays reading? Yeah, they'll play video games or something. Like, come on. Wow.

You never saw this? No. It's the best. Yeah, it's just kind of cool. I like my porn like porn. Gay. Two guys, yeah. Yeah, just, you know, two guys going right at it.

The last thing I need is somebody that's continuing to play video games well. I mean, that sounds like Hans Kim would be a great porn star in that field. I've actually seen him on the reddit. Yeah, he's pretty popular on there. Wow. Are you serious?

No. Emily, do you have any other special skills or talents that we'd be surprised to know about you? Do you ever do anything crazy? Ever save anybody's life or almost die? I can lick my elbow, which apparently is impossible. You can lick your elbow? How many you want to see your liquor elbow right now?

This is incredible. Literally. Whoa. Yeah, that is hard. That's incredible. What a special talent. Can any of you guys lick your elbow? No.

No. Michael, Michael's a freak athlete. Wow. He can't do it either. It's unbelievable. Just practice. Just practice. You can go get it one day.

You'll get it one day. All right. I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday. The elbow, I did it. You just got booked on a real show. Yeah. And have a second spare bedroom also. Hell yeah.

Oh, my God. Red Band. Red Band, you're desperate, dude. Yeah. Pathetic. She likes birds, not pigs, Red Band. What's that supposed to mean? Wow.

Emily, you came in. Very fun set. Very entertaining interview. Congratulations. Here's a big, cool handmade leather Texas jokebook. Tell him how you spell your name so that... Hey, it already worked, Red Band. There you go, you fucking rapist.

Oh, my God. What the fuck does that look? You weirdo? She smells like baloney. Good one, Red Band. She smells like baloney. Yeah, he's trying to be all coy. He acts like he doesn't like her now.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm not even gonna hook her. Hold on. You like... What was your favorite joke? What? What was your favorite joke? I don't remember.

Yeah. I know. I know you don't. You fucking weirdo. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the great and powerful William Montgomery could not make it tonight, everybody. He got stranded in Las Vegas, Nevada.

He has a crippling Adderall and gambling addiction, and he's gonna be back tomorrow, unfortunately. But, you know, this place has been high enough but, you know, this place has been hiring much like its predecessor, the Comedy Store. They specifically showcased and hired all the funniest young talent from around the city, and because those types of people are available

any time we want, we decided to give you a real special treat in the place of William Montgomery. What you're about to see is truly a guy who, well, right now, working a door shift, right now, is truly going to continuously never stop moving up in the comedy game, and you're gonna remember that you were at this show

the night that you saw him, perhaps, for the very first time. You may know him already, a local legend. Ladies and gentlemen, Casey Rocket! Oh, I never made it as a wise man. Get real, real trap. Come on, the fastest guy in the room who gives a shit. Come on, you gotta keep moving, fellas.

Putin's trying to triangulate my position right now. Get lost, come on. Packin' a Parmesan? Okay, we're havin' fun. You're doin' me good, huh? Get real. I'm doin' an hour and a half. Who gives a fuck?

We're closin' it down. Fuckin' pranked your ass. Come on, man. Damn, a roast comic and a prop comic. What is this? The worst shit you've ever fuckin' seen? Come on, now. Goddamn, Putin hates this motherfucker.

He can't stand me, boys. I'll tell ya. Hey, Putin, I got five words for ya, sweetie. Never made it as a wise man. Get real. He's up here rippin' our hearts out, boys. Come on. I will lie to ya, folks.

I got six more harmonicas hidden around the room here tonight. In six minutes, the room will start filling with water. You have six minutes to find the remaining harmonicas. You didn't think the crab was bluffin', did ya? Big pranks daily. Yeah, I used to prank myself all the time in college. It was called what? Taking Xanax.

Who's it with me, boys? I was like, hey, Casey, hear me out. I know you got an 8 a.m., but what if you woke up in jail? Okay. Never made it as a wise man. I've had a lot of weird jobs in my life. I used to strip copper off Malaysian Flight 370 before it took off.

That's on me. Scientists can't stand me. I just got diagnosed with reverse Benjamin Button's disease last week. That's where I age normally, but I what? Still have the penis of a baby. Okay, here we go. Guys, the Stuart Little stuff's working. Come on.

Oh, it's not Stuart Little. Hey, I got some for you. It's a picture of Grimace during the fall of Berlin. We're having fun. You want to pass it around? Everybody gets a turn. Everybody gets a turn. I got something for you guys.

It's a second picture of Grimace at the fall of Berlin. Eyes up front. I come from old money. I got hundreds of these things. I got briefcases full of shit like that. You would not believe it. Fucking Biden's piss, trust me. I come from old money.

My dad was that paper clip on Microsoft Word. I don't even need to be here tonight. Talking about how can I help you? For starters, he could have drove me to football. Drunk bastard. But that was dad. That was dad. I'm going to Blair Witch this set.

Never what, never who what, wise man. Nights like these always think about my grandpa, folks. When I was a kid, my grandpa used to always sit down and he used to always give me the best advice. He used to always sit me down and go, You know, that was grandpa. He was almost completely non-verbal, you know. Just the way he was.

And when he did talk, it was always about industrial society and its future, you know. But that was grandpa. He was a unabomber, you know what I mean? It says the 90s, you could unabomb back then. Okay, come on now. Here's the thing about taking pills, folks. If you don't want me to take so many pills,

don't make them so small. If oxy-cotton was the size of cheeseburgers, nobody would overdose on it. Oh, no thanks, I couldn't possibly have another Perk 30. I've had three, dude, I'm stuffed. I could eat 200 Ambien. I could keep 200 Ambien right now. Fucking Pelosi couldn't do a thing to stop me either,

I'll tell you. I could eat 200 Ambien and still have enough room in me to eat a Philly cheesesteak while I'm checking all the car door handles in my apartment complex. Who what, wise man? Thank you guys, I'm Casey Rocket. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Casey Rocket. Holy shit, an absolute fucking firestorm, jokes, constant movement, extreme entertainment. You are such an original, such a force. Thank you. I gotta go back to the lobby. I'm on the clock. I'm on a rift based salary.

100 riffs an hour, it's like six coins or so. It's coin based. No riffs, no coins, eight coins, eight riffs. You know how it is, you guys get it. You are the shit. You are working right now. Shane, what do you think about the young buck, Casey Rocket? I love it.

I saw him, was it last night? Yeah. Two nights ago, yeah, it was hilarious, dude. Thank you. Thank you. It's great, yeah. It's great. You gotta stop complimenting people so hard on intros.

It seemed like it worked out. He survived, he survived that. It seemed like he just got a standing ovation. No, I know. No, it wasn't for your fucking intro. Well, I know it wasn't from the intro. No, I'm saying, that's tough. You can't, you bring someone out, you can't go,

this guy is the next big thing. You're gonna remember this forever. That's a huge amount of pressure. Yeah, but that's how good he is. We know that he's gonna fuck with you. Guys, you're doing exactly what I said not to do it. It's not getting through, is it? What I'm saying?

No, that's old New York rhetoric, what you're speaking right now. Dude, I've been in New York for two years. Oh, okay. In any matter. We knew Casey could follow. Anyway, yeah. Casey, you're great. Thank you.

Shane, you were at Creek and Cave like four months ago, and my buddy named Gareth Fisk had the picture of Grimace at the fall of Berlin, because I leave him all around like a breadcrumb trail. And Casey didn't take too many Ambien, if I can get lost. And he had it outside Creek, and he said he was all the way across Creek at Cave,

and you were like, hey man, is that a picture of Grimace at the fall of Berlin? Like you like, you like clocked it. Yo, man. Yeah, I remember that. Cool. Hell yeah. That's cool.

Casey, I'm interested to know. I don't know if you're going to, I don't know, I don't even know what the real you is like at all. But I'm going to ask it anyway. You talk a lot about prescription pills throughout your act. Do you really take a lot of pills? I used to take a lot of pills. Eat a lot of pills.

Yeah. What was that like? And how did you stop? What were you into? What was going on? Is that all like kind of based off of your former life? Yeah, yeah. I used to drink a lot of Robotussin,

and yeah, eat a lot of delicious stinky little pills, delicious devious pills, and for stinky little boys, and I don't like that part. But yeah, I didn't like the end. Yeah, take a lot of pills, eat a lot of pills. What was your question? Yeah, I used to eat a lot of pills, and then I just stopped.

Yeah, I had a bed. I'm sober. I've been sober for a while. I've been sober for two years probably. Wow. Yeah, you have that. You have that sober snap. Yeah.

Just brave, just really brave. Yeah. So other than stand-up comedy, which obviously you're getting a lot of validation and dopamine and serotonin from that, but other than stand-up, what else are you into every day? I was having some go on with the microphone.

This place is haunted. It is pretty creepy. After a shift, me and the door guys just go around and look for treasure. It's awesome. There's holes in all the drywall. Have you found... What have you found?

What kind of treasures have you found? Skellington. Skeleton. Skellington. Skellington. Dozens of Skellington. Possibly hundreds of Skellington. No better treasure than Skeleton.

Yeah, no, no treasure. I can't remember if they have part of the question. Yeah, it's fun. Everything's going great. Absolutely. You've been doing a lot of spots. This is your second spot tonight, probably, right? You already did the other room?

Yeah, did the little room. Taught him a lesson they'll probably never forget, honestly. Goddamn right. Goddamn right. Big fat laughs for cool dudes. It was a bad ass he thinks that too. And it's awesome. Yeah, this is second set for me.

I think, honestly, I have shin splints. You ever seen the wrestler of Mickey Rourke? Yeah, that's what I felt like when I was up here. This is my ram jam. This is my ram jam set. Doctors told me like six months ago, they were like, you've got to stop riffing like that. If you want to riff with your kids...

If you want to riff with your kids in six years, like the timetable's that low. They're like six years from now, you've got to think about your body. And I was like, what if weeners were haunted, pussy? And just a riff like fired off a riff like off the dome. And he was like, whoa, that was awesome. That's incredible. We are in unstoppable force.

There's nothing other than you relapsing on pills and overdosing that can possibly stop the trajectory of your career. My question's this, because we're all going to watch you continuously. I mean, you know, we watched what Hans has done over the past couple of years and you are just a freak. You could be the next Hans Kim. Keep working. But what I want to know is at this stage right now,

what's your living situation like? I think I lived in my car last time, right? Yeah, I got two cars. Top and bottom. I had a crane drop them off. You can't sleep in them, but they're fucking there. They're there and you go, this is me. We're all at the steps.

Are you still sleeping in the car for me? No, I got a home. I have a home and yeah, full couch, dresser, home stuff. Yeah, TV station and not that. Okay, I'm spiraling. Yeah, I got a TV. Let's take it down. Not the laughs.

Jesus Christ, I'm in the riff zone right now. Somebody stop me. This entire set is being fed to me through a pair of Bluetooth headphones right now. My homeless man in Boca Raton. You're the crap. 90s shit. Yeah, I used to have a home. It's awesome that I got all my DVDs and my things and my special posters.

Here's a question that I always ask people. How many roommates do you have? I just have one. I live with my girlfriend. Whoa, look at that. Oh, the crab. The crab got his claws on someone, huh? Okay, let me ask you this, Casey, because I've asked a lot of people this question and I want to know your answer.

The weirdest thing that you have in your refrigerator. You can take a second to think about it if you'd like. Picture the door, picture the drawers, picture the top, the bottom. Perhaps even the freezer if that qualifies for you, but... Oh, thank God. Okay. The weirdest thing in the fridge. Damn, probably a little Petri dish I've been doing an experiment on. Oh.

It's got to be. It's got to be. Yeah, I don't think Petri dish is second to anything. Yeah. Number one, Petri dish. Number two, lemon. Yeah. A guy like me, that's all you need.

You know, fat riffs, one lemon. Fucking fat ass Petri dish for all kinds of goo. Mystery shit. Can I have some of those gels out of the blaster? Actually, we have... You're going to get your own entire gel blaster right after this set. Very cool. Thank you. This is available in stores everywhere.

I'd love to have you on The Secret Show Thursday if you can. There you go. Booked on the show. He did two of my shows yesterday, two shows here tonight. This guy is going to continue. This is his Petri dish, the comedy mothership. Catch him here all the time. One of the newest, strongest employees.

How about one more time, good and loud, for the future? Casey Rocket. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, how loud can this place get for one of my best friends on planet Earth? That's a great Shane Gillis, everybody. Come on, come on, come on. Gillian Keves, Matt and Shane's secret podcast.

The Patreon, his special on YouTube. You know him. Go watch his past episodes. Look at the drawing from Ryan J. E. Bell. Oh, shit. This is a generous drawing. Thank you. Red Band's cash up just came in. Guys, how about one more time for the best stand band in the land,

the Kill Tony band? Paul Deemer on the horns. The great Michael Gonzalez on drums. John Dees on the keys. Eli Menezes on the bass guitar. And Matt Mueling on the electric. Thank you guys so much for coming out. The drawing from Ryan J. E. Bell is in.

That's available at RyanJBell.com. Thank you to the Red Rows, the Yellow Rows, Gelblaster, DeepityBot, Gostin, Security Guard, Service and Screwball, Peanut Butter Whiskey. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night everybody. Thank you guys. Thank you guys.

Thank you.