KILL TONY - #608 - ADAM RAY

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Adam Ray, Paul Deemer, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Hans Kim, David Lucas, William Montgomery, John Deas, Matthew Muehling, Jules Durel, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – 04/13/2023–THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:HELLOFRESH.COM – Go to HELLOFRESH.COM/TONY16 and use code “tony16” for 16 free meals plus free shipping!—SKYLIGHTFRAME.COM – GET $15 OFF YOUR PURCHASE OF A SKY LIGHT FRAME BY USING THE PROMO CODE: “TONY” AT SKYLIGHTFRAME.COM

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv, that has every past episode of Kill Tony. You can also click on tour dates and come see a live show. I now own a brand new comedy club here in Austin, Texas, called The Sunset Strip Comedy Club, and go to that website at sunsetstripatx.com. Come check out the show and say hi.

Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. He's always on the road. He's going on tour. Check out Everything Golden Pony at TonyHinchcliffe.com. Also, KillMerch.com. That's the new official merchandise of the Kill Tony show. You got shirts, hoodies, hats, bandanas, posters, stickers.

Go to KillMerch.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. MUSIC Hey, this is Red Band Company Live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. CHEERING

Are you guys ready for the best mother-fucking night of your lives tonight or what, huh? CHEERING Yeah, it's Red Band, everybody. Hey, everybody. Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Austin Security Guard Service, and Gel Blaster present the number one live podcast in the world.

You guys are at it. Screwball Peanut Butter Whiskey pays for the band, everybody. Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Matt Mueling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. That's Paul Deemer on the trombone over there. You heard him earlier.

Sang a little bit for us. Absolute Stone Cold assassin on the saxophone. Make some noise for Terrell Shahid, everybody. CHEERING We at the full band tonight. Oh, yeah, and this guy right here on the bass, his name's D-Madness, everybody. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. This is going down. Before we start tonight's episode, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here, right now. The biggest theater tour of my life goes on sale tomorrow, May 9, Toronto, Canada,

Detroit, Michigan, San Antonio, Texas, Chicago, Illinois, Charlotte, North Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, Columbus, Ohio, Kansas City, Missouri, Indianapolis, Indiana, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Tysons, Virginia, just outside of Washington, DC, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Youngstown, Ohio, Cincinnati, Ohio, San Francisco, Sacramento, San Diego, Phoenix, New York, New York, Tampa, and Jacksonville.

Tickets at TonyHinchCliff.com tomorrow morning. Get them. Hey, y'all, you know it. I know it. Mother's Day is right around the corner. And why not give her the best gift ever? And perhaps you were raised by a single father. It's rare, but it happens.

Why don't you give him a Great Mother's Day gift? The best gift ever, Skylight Digital Photo Frame. It brings joy on a daily basis. Watching the photos cycle and seeing new ones come in is a thrill. Not able to visit your mom, dad, grandparents, et cetera much, even more reason. They will love the gift of a Skylight Frame.

It's a touchscreen photo frame. You can email photos to. And they appear in seconds. So mom and dad can see your favorite moments. They will love it. Red Bam. Yes, we got a couple of these, man. They are amazing.

And if it's Mother's Day or Father's Day, this Skylight Digital Photo Frame is a wonderful, meaningful gift that will give you a great way to stay in touch with those you love. It's a perfect gift for Mother's or Father's Day. It's simple and fun to use. Even if you're not tech savvy, no app or subscription is required to send photos any time from anywhere.

Give a gift that's a great way to feel close to the ones you love far, far away. You pretty much can send a photo from an email address. And it pops up right on their photo frame. And it's a gorgeous frame. It looks just like a normal frame. And it has 100% satisfaction guaranteed. That is right.

So now is a special offering time for Mother's Day and Father's Day. Get 10% off. That's up to $30 off your frame when you go to skylightframe.com slash Tony. That's right to get 10% off. Up to $30 off your purchase of a Skylight Frame. Just go to skylightframe.com slash Tony.

That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E.com slash Tony. You can barely tell by looking at me, but I love to eat food. And with Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit.

I'm telling you, when the spring sunshine is calling your name, don't call for takeout. Get Hello Fresh instead. They're quick and easy meals. Make feeding the family a cinch. And without the high price tag, their new fast and fresh options are ready in just 15 minutes or less. Look, I'm going to be honest with you.

I'm not a big family, man. I live alone in an unbelievable high-rise apartment that overlooks the entire city of Austin, Texas. When I get hungry, sometimes I just want it quick, easy, and to taste fresh. This is that place. It's literally done so quickly that if I were to order and spend a ton of money on delivery,

it's faster than that. Red Band, you know all about food. You know all about delivery. You know all about cooking late at night. Tell these people what we're talking about. It's great, but you know when you go to the grocery store, you buy all this extra stuff, and half of it goes to waste. Well, this gives you the portions

you need to make an amazing meal. And less than 30 minutes, 25 minutes, they have different meals that satisfy your different cravings. HelloFresh makes dinnertime a snap with delicious, easy options that will please everyone at your table, from fit and wholesome to vegetarian to whatever you want.

They have a meal plan that suits your lifestyle. Plus, you can swap out proteins and sides to your liking. That's right. I made myself some gluten-free spaghetti bolognese the other day. And man, gave me the power I needed for an unbelievable day and night. Go to hellofresh.com slash tony16,

and use the code tony16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping. Are you listening, people? So I'll say it again. Go to hellofresh.com slash tony16, and use code tony16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Hey, y'all, $60 kilos. That's right, the unattainable number

that no one in the world of Kratom was able to accomplish until Yo Kratom came along. For years, entrepreneurs, scientists, academics, all tried to solve the $60 kilo problem. And yokratom.com figured it out. And now thanks to their sheer brilliance, you can get a kilo of Kratom for just $60. How did they solve the legendary $60 kilo problem?

Will anyone else solve the $60 Yo Kratom kilo problem? Find out on season three of Yo Kratom. That's right. It's Yo Kratom's third year of being a loyal sponsor of the show. That is right. And while we personally don't partake in the Kratom creativity, if you will, a lot of our friends do.

And if you're into it and you love it, then you might as well get your $60 kilo from YoKratom.com. That's right. Let's go. YoKratom.com, home of the $60 kilo. Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? Guys, this is a veteran guest of the show, a guy that I've been doing stand-up comedy

with for over 16 years. He has at least over five appearances as a guest on the show. Truly one of the funniest comedians in the world. He's on NBC's Young Rock. His new special, Read the Room, just dropped the host of the podcast about last night. One of the greats, Adam Ray, everybody.

One of the best. If you don't know, you're about to fucking know. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy gets it.

This guy wanted me to punch him. He's like, dude, you didn't do it. Do it. Take it easy. That was beautiful. I love it. The energy in this room. You could cut it with a knife.

Adam Ray, welcome back, my friend. Glad to be back. Kill Tony fans, baby. Got the band. We got the new set up. Got a spiritual counselor. Where is he? Yeah, the first guy you said hi to.

Namaskade. You said, oh, hi to him as soon as you came out. Yeah, dude. Did I buy cigarettes from you in Grand Theft Auto two weeks ago? I love the look, yeah, you're killing it, dude, is incredible. Adam, you've been on the show many, many times before. This is one of those guys, you know,

I'm a little bit dark, a little bit strategic. He's a little bit silly and fun, but for some reason, 16 years, we've been doing this together. And when we get around each other, we have such a fun synergy. We have so much fun. Totally positive it's going to go that way tonight. I hope Tim is a solo guest for a reason.

We're all going to find out why over the next two hours. Sound like fun. Let's do it. Let's do it, baby. 173 souls stand in the alleyway right now. This is names on names. They are behind the building, right behind us. We're going to start with a regular, but after that,

we are going to go with Joey Bueno after that. Oh my god, he's still alive. All the names so that we can get their phones and security fucking things so that it's not that long of a wait. But when I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted to do stand-up comedy. Sometimes it's their first time ever trying it. Sometimes they're a local legend that

has put so much work into this minute and this appearance that they're literally trying to make it tonight on this show. I just found out that the great Aaron Belial up in Canada with cerebral palsy just hit 5 million views on YouTube, posting his own clip of his appearance on this show. I mean, it is unbelievable what's going on. They get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you have the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which is loud and interrupts them. We're going to go with this bucket pool in just a second, but we should start it with someone that we all know and love very well. You know the story every minute is new. Here we go.

Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kemp. Thank you. It's good to be here in Austin, Texas, my favorite city in Travis County. I was recently in Canada. I never know if Canadians are nice or just stupid. I feel like I could take over their country just

by saying, fuck you. But yes, love it here in America. A lot of people are complaining that our military budget is too high, which is just proof that our military budget is not high enough. Everyone's comparing it to what it costs to have a military, but not what it can get us, like Guatemala and Costa Rica and Nicaragua.

I am dating a very beautiful woman. I think she's only with me because I'm a comedian. I'd hate to be there when she finds out that attractive comedians exist too. I already went on her Instagram and blocked Matt Reif and Pete Davidson, Adam Ray. All right, thank you. Hans Kemp.

Welcome, Hans. What was that last joke supposed to mean? That I'm not attractive. Oh, you should just say that next time. Really hit it right on the head. It looks like you've been hit on the head, so you might as well do it. I love it.

How about a hand for the amazing staff here at the mothership filling that table? Look at the mustache on this motherfucker. Wow. You can tell Rogan injects testosterone into all the employees here. It's incredible. With that mustache, he can fix a truck or find a clit.

Either way. Absolutely. Either way, he's doing something with his life. I'll tell you, you can't do either one of those things. Hans Kemp is the truth. Transition. My sweet, sweet Hans, let's talk about it. A lot of military budget talk tonight.

Yeah, I've been really interested in our budget. Why? What's going on? Was that your pickup line to your girlfriend? I would just like to know about politics and just have a say in what goes on and be a civic. You weren't always this way. Did you change when you sucked on the Dolly Lamas

tongue this week? Wow. Funny. Funny. I've been waiting five days to do that joke. By the way, that video is so fucking gross. It makes two girls one cup look like airbud three. Do you know what I'm saying?

It's fucking so disgusting. But what did it taste like? Holy. Totally. Hell yeah. I love it. What's going on in your real life, Hans? Let's talk about it.

I just did a great, amazing run of shows in Toronto, Canada, sold out most of them. That's cool. OK, good. You're built, baby. You didn't have to say that. I like being honest. Jared Nathan opened for me.

He was great. So funny. Yes. That's great. We love Jared Nathan. What else would you do for fun? I always like to know about your social life, Hans. You're a real interesting creature.

We know you do good on stage. You have spreadsheets with jokes. He studies them all day. But then after the show, things tend to get a little wild. Why don't you tell us about some of your Toronto nightlife? Let's just say I go a little off the spreadsheet. I'm sorry.

Hans, is that code for domestic abuse? What does that mean? Break that down. Yeah. It just means that I go all the way off the Excel. Yeah. Just living an uncharted life. What's the craziest thing Hans Kim could do

that someone in his family that knows him well would go, holy shit, Hans? I recently flew a drone without a drone. I recently flew a drone without a license. Whoa. There we go. There we go. Did you crash it?

No, not this time. Wow. All right. Very fun. OK. I ate poke in Toronto, which is a sushi for poor people. Yeah. How was it?

Amazing. A little too much cucumber, but I did. That's kind of my fault. Shaving for Yelp. Not exactly the party-filled adventure that I thought it would be. Honestly, I fell asleep on the lift to a comedy club, another comedy club, The Royal. And I met a couple of comedians, just shook some hands

and then went home and slept. I really didn't do much this time. I met some Koreans who were going to a nightclub and then I didn't go with them. Smart. Smart. North Koreans or South Koreans? They looked like a little South Korean.

OK. Very good. Now, what we know about you, a lot of the updates as of the last few weeks is that you've had a little cocaine addiction as of late. It feels like a new cocaine. But did you, have you been still dabbling in that? No, not at all. I have been clean and sober.

I am a good boy. Nobody believes you, by the way. Do you hear that silence? Everyone's like, prove it. Yeah, almost went to a nightclub with some Koreans and totally did not. But I slept a lot the entire weekend. There were some kids in my hotel room who were just making a ruckus.

I don't like the way this story is starting. Please get to the ending quickly. Did you complain? What'd you do? Did you molest them a little bit? What'd you do? I just stuck my head out and I was like, shut up. Oh, wow.

Close the door. And they're like, oh my god, that ugly guy was so mean. I do believe Chris Rogers art over in the corner might be working on a little Hans piece over there. Oh my god. At least it's either Hans or the guy from Mad Magazine. I'm not sure about it. Alfred E. Newman.

Looks like a little handsy llama. Yeah, it's happening over there. It's good. Well, Hans, way to get the show started. Thank you so much. Congratulations. Hans Kim, everybody. There he goes.

Yeah. So up next is going to be Genevieve. But right now, the first name I pulled out makes some noise for Joey Bueno, everybody. Here we go. 60 seconds uninterrupted. I have a little weight problem, guys. Yeah.

But recently I lost weight. I started doing this good exercise, guys. It's called Adderall. You just kind of, you just do it like that, snorted. The legal blow. Yeah, it sucks. I'm addicted to sugar, guys. That's my big thing.

I went to my doctor and they're like, I don't know if you know this, but sugar is more addictive than cocaine. I don't believe them because I've never blown a guy for some Skittles. You know what I mean? I've never given a guy a handjob on Pleasant Valley for some Laffy Taffy.

You know what I mean? I've never. Guys, if sugar was more addictive than cocaine, we would all have a sugar dealer. And we would call them, you know, after a couple drinks, you know what I'm talking about, right? Hey, man, call your guy. No, you fucking call the guy.

Fuck. What's his name? What? Wonka. All right. Hello. Hello, Mr. Wonka. Can you bring over some Laffy Taffy, please?

I'll blow you. And yeah, I think that's it. Thank you. All right. 51 seconds from Joey Bueno. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, Joey.

Thank you. You've been on this show before. When Adam was here last time. Amazing. Yeah. Somehow you get less and less funny every time you're on the show. Shit. Quite incredible.

Have you been doing a lot of standup? Dude, I haven't. I haven't been getting up. Felt a little rusty today. Why? Why haven't you been? Because I work late. I'm a speech therapist.

I don't even remember. That's right. Right. Yeah. So it's hard to get on a mic. Okay. And it's getting hard and I work late. Have you ever thought about trying a different art form?

Yeah. I DJ. I sing. I've tried them all. You sing? I try to. What do you sing? I sing 80s.

The Doors. What's a song that you sing? I can do Road House Blues by the Doors. Do you know that one? You guys know Road House Blues? Yeah. One, two, one, two, three, four. Hey.

I keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel. I keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel. All right. All right. Stop, stop, stop. Joey, I got good news for you. You're a singer, dude. Okay.

Really? Stop doing comedy, dude. By the way, he was two beats away from me like, I suck a dick for some Laffy Taffy. Exactly. That is, it seems to be the theme of things. Yeah, man. Joey, give us something real about your personal life. We hear you talking about sugar and blow and all this shit, but to give us something

in your personal life, something true to you, like a real fun fest, something that maybe isn't funny on the surface, but is a part of your real life. I pee a lot. I swear. Ask the table. I'm always peeing. You look like a guy that wipes his butt after he pees. Okay.

You do. Does that make sense? Okay. I think that's a compliment. I don't know, but it just, I don't know. Dude, I'm always peeing. It sucks. Because I used to sit in the front of the Vulcan and I would have to do a fucking, so you wouldn't

interrupt the show. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, that's not the most interesting thing. Fuck. Yeah. I'm a speech therapist too. I was, I, you were here last time.

We know, we know all the things that we've already talked about, Joey. Right, right. I'm asking about anything else in the world. Peeing a lot, really, I mean. Man, I like to sing. I like to DJ. I have anxiety. I pee a lot.

I hate working. There he goes. Joey Boy, you know everybody. Don't sign up again, Joey. Don't, you're a sweet man, but I don't think the show's built for you. All right. All right. Your next comedian is, has been on the show before.

One of the great door people here at the comedy mothership up next is going to be Billy Ray Griffin. But right now you get the comedy stylings of Genevieve, everybody. Make some noise for Genevieve. One second, I'm interrupted. What up, though? How y'all doing? What up?

Hell yeah. I couldn't work for Trump. I couldn't work for Trump and not for reasons why you think. I actually like it, my pussy grab. You know what I mean? Never get shit done. Come here, tiny hands. Not the sharpest cray on the box, but I heard not too long ago that white claw came out

with a new drink called lemonade, strawberry. Now it's not alarming to y'all right now, but in all 34 years of my life, lemonade has never came before strawberry. I think it's cool that they got dyslexic people working in marketing now, you know what I mean? I bet you they happy hours be lit as fuck. Like, hey bartender, let me get a colada pina. Take a Mary bloody in a dry Canada.

I'm going to get out of here on this. I think about life a little bit differently. Sometimes you got to have a different perspective. One day I was sitting outside on my balcony, depressed as hell, thinking about ending it all. And then a cousin from the hood called and was like, damn nigga, you got a balcony. I bet Genevieve, y'all, thank you. Wow.

Wow. Genevieve, Genevieve, Genevieve. That is what the fuck I'm talking about. I found you on the show a few years, a couple of few years ago when we first got here to Austin, and it is incredible to watch you grow. You are literally the opposite of Joey Bueno. It is unbelievable. I was watching you the whole time, full connection with the crowd, not looking down, showing no

weakness, not trying to remember anything or recall anything. You're doing your shit. It's a minute we've never heard before. How do you feel? Pretty fucking good. Happy birthday big titties. Oh, shit. Oh, wow.

Those are indeed big titties. I can confirm. That's why I didn't look down. That is incredible. Indeed. Trump, lemonade, strawberry, all hilarious, all the way through. You work here now at the mother ship. Yes, I do.

What's up, y'all? There's a whole new swagger to you. Oh, man. I can feel it. You worked at Vulcan the whole time that we were there. You were on the show when we were at that other place that's filled with roaches and death before that. Tony.

What is that? Yeah. Anyway, that place is basically closed permanently, so no need to look into them anymore. Anyway, they got good water. Yeah. But here you are absolutely smashing. Tell us how your life has changed since working here underneath the Joe Rogan umbrella. Man, from the Kill Tony bump to this, I couldn't ask for a better starting comedy in Austin.

This has been fucking amazing. I'm happy that y'all are enjoying this with us. It's a process we love, man. It's a good time. Absolutely. Smashing. You've been here a couple of years. You moved from Detroit, Michigan, right?

I sure did. Is there anything you miss about Detroit? You know, random crime. Thank you. You know, that sounds like home. Nobody sells me weed at gas stations. We just want you to feel at home here. Yes, there's a helicopter.

I could take a nap right now. Oh my God. I could take a nap right now. Amazing, Genevieve. You're absolutely smashing. What's going on when you're not here, when you're not working? I've been picking up racquetball, playing with different comedians, whooping a little ass, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, shit. Yes, racquetball, a country club sport. Yeah. Normally when black people are making racquet, it's at a movie theater. I always like to check in with John Dees after I do black people jokes. I just see his stone cold face looking back at me. Racquetball, huh? You playing with white people?

Yeah, white, black people, all types of people, trans people, all types of people. Oh, shit. Racquetballs. I slipped on my scrotum. Grab me a Bud Light. All right. Topical, topical. Can't help it.

I have a problem. Genevieve, it is incredible to watch your growth. So funny. I fucking love y'all, man. Amazing. It is incredible. You have anything cool in your fanny pack? That is a legit fanny pack.

Oh, yeah. You know, a little philanthropy for after work. Oh, shit. Philanthropy. Was that one of your cousins or something? Yeah. That's fine. Old philanthropy Jenkins, everybody.

Next to my cousin Epiphany. Oh, shit. Yeah. I'd love to have you on the secret show at Vulcan Thursday. Boom. A paying comedy gig. No, that's good. I'm good.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Yeah, thank y'all. Genevieve, everybody, make some noise for Genevieve. We're keeping things moving today, everybody. Make some noise for your next comedian, Billy Ray Griffin, everybody. So, uh, grown up as a teenager, I wasn't really into jerking off.

I was more of a humper. Like, uh, you name that shit, Billy Ray's on it. Bathroom sinks, couches. Maybe that's something you've been to the love seat. I don't know. I just know this though. Um, one time I was at the laundry mat, and an old lady walked into me in the bathroom, while I was bare-ass trying to fuck the bathroom sink.

Just like my laundry, I was trying to put a loot in. Yeah, shit got so bad, if my parents took me to Ashley furniture, I ain't there to fuck Ashley, I'm there to fuck the furniture. Wow. He's very confident, ending at a strong 42 seconds. Direct eye contact. Mike and the mic stand, he clapped for himself a couple times. Still the minute is not over.

I'm watching at 59 and 60. Incredible. That's not long at last, but... Billy Ray Griffin. That was everything that I tried to get out of Joey Bueno earlier. I'm like, give me something about yourself that you would be embarrassed to say. You just come out guns a blazin right with the most. Yeah, you got to go.

You got to go. Adam Ray, what do you think about this? I mean, are you my dad? I mean, Miley Cyrus can call me that. It depends. Is your mother a lazy boy? Tony. Tony.

Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony.

Tony. Tony. Tony. Tony. You could man some bearing. All day. I've got stuff, dude. Just wait for the questions then.

Yes. Yes. Here. A little bit interruptive. You're very excited right now, right? How long you been doing stand up for? About on and off three years. I've done about 20 open mics.

Ah. I never head lined it, or like open for anybody. We know. No one was wondering if you've headlined somewhere. Yeah. I don't know how many... I don't know how many hours of I fuck shit, material, people can handle them. I had imagined 45 minutes in we're really hitting a wall.

Okay, so Billy Ray Griffin, where do you do stand up comedy? Austin, Texas? No, I just drove here from Florida today. From Florida? From Florida! Today? Yeah, today. I quit my job yesterday and said I got a career I want to do.

Fuck it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, slow down. One thing at a time. Holy shit. I got all these tattoos on the drive over. Hold on.

Yeah. So wait. I got them at your mom's house. Okay. You could have done it. Okay. My mom died two weeks ago, so that's fucked up. Oh, damn.

No, she's alive, but you guys, thanks for being on my side. It's all good. No, it's all good. If she was dead, he'd probably be most likely to fuck her then, I mean. His love for inanimate objects is unbelievable. Billy Ray Griffin, let me ask you this, this is all moving so fast. You said that you drove here from Florida today and you quit your job yesterday. Why would you quit your job to come here to sign up for the show?

I got an interview Wednesday at a job here in Austin, and I just... What job did you quit? It was a seafood restaurant. Oh, shit. Why are you saying that with a question mark? What place? Where was it? What was it really?

I mean, it's pretty smelly. Yeah. Oh, shit. What? Why was that? Are you talking about a strip club? Was that... Or a real seafood place?

I mean... Why are you saying it like that? It was a buffet next to a strip club, so... All you can do. Very good. Is Billy Ray Griffin your real... A real stretch, trying to add a strip club to that. That's your real name, Billy Ray Griffin?

Yeah, Billy Ray. I've got Billy Ray Cyrus, like, growing up as a kid. We know that. Okay. Stick with Billy. You're a real rambler. Stick with me here. It's more of the interview part of the show.

Your uninterrupted time is over. Miley can call me daddy, though. Very good. Okay, there you go. Does that work? And Tallahassee? Thank you. Let's go.

You ready for it? Are you ready? What's your job interview on Wednesday? It's at a breakfast restaurant. Nice. Okay. Now, what is it? Like a waiter job that you're looking for?

No, cook. I'm a line cook. Okay. All right. Can we do a fake interview to prep them for the job Wednesday? Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. So this is the boss. Great. All right. This is Billy Ray Griffin? Billy Ray Griffin. Yeah.

People probably... I should probably warn you that I saw him fucking a chair in the look. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Who hadn't done that? All right, so... Good job.

All right. No tongue-sucking here. But first of all, Billy Ray Cyrus. Anybody ever call you that? All right. No. For real, though. Hey, we're going to have to get rid of those tattoos.

Probably get some better pants. But first question is, you know how to make eggs? I scramble a few on a girl's vagina. Okay. I don't think this is going to work out. Billy Ray. HR again. Damn it.

Fuck. Billy Ray. HR's my best friend. Billy. Okay. Billy. All right. You a little bit nervous?

Your face is shaking. Is that normal? Is that a normal thing? Are you a little bit excited? I'm a little nervous. Be nervous. It's okay. I'd love this show, dude.

I know. I know. I get it. I get it. Okay. So Wednesday, you have a job at the breakfast place. You have a job yesterday. You drove here today.

We want to know, where are you sleeping tonight? Great question. Probably at Walmart. Billy Ray, stop trying to be funny. You're not that good at it. Just answer the questions honestly, Billy Ray. At Walmart. What is your plan?

I mean, if I get the job interview, it goes Wednesday. That's not what I'm asking you. Let's try it again. Ready? Where are you sleeping tonight? My car. My car. Okay.

Okay. And do you know where you're going to park your car? Wherever I can find a spot. I guess. Okay. What kind of car is it? It's a 2008 Hyundai Santa Fe. Okay.

2008. What's your license plate? I'm awesome. Tony, you didn't tell me about my love life. What? My love life. Okay. I'm not going to.

Okay. Fine. Dang it. I'm sure it has something to do with a fucking kitchen stool or something like that. What is it? Tell me about your love life, Billy Ray. It's really bad. You want me to set you up?

I'm going to help for it. I'm going to help for what? For my, I'm hooking up with my ex and like when we broke up, she had like, she's 300 pounds and she got like gastric bypass surgery and she's pretty hot now, but hello Pixar. I forgot the next rom-com. Oh my God. But um, there's a problem there though. You said that very sincerely and I love that.

No, no, no. But um, when she- Billy Ray, let some of the laughter happen. Do you not, are you, are you not present at, are you, are you- I'm bipolar. I don't have internet. So I can watch whatever the fuck I want. Those are two-

It's like different channels and shit in my head. Like I got horror, I got fucking comedy, well, some comedy, but like, you know, sci-fi stuff like that. Shut up. By the way, keep, keep, I don't keep, I'm bipolar and don't have internet out of the job interview on Wednesday. Yeah. Damn it.

Yeah. I have a lot of jobs. Yeah. That's good. You're hustling. You're grinding. Yeah. Well, I mean, I got fired a lot of jobs.

That's okay. What was the craziest thing you got fired for? Um. Oh. This is going to be good. This is going to be so good. Did you hear that grunt? That was a hard.

Oh, I worked at Cracker Barrel one time. It was on time today. Were you the barrel? This chick? Yeah. No, I could have been. I mean, that's the fucking joke. Billy Ray, just answer the questions.

Go ahead. So is that Cracker Barrel? And, and it was busy and I'm working with this one chick and she's like, oh, you need to get fired on your ass, Billy. I'm, I'm getting my fucking ass kicked. Somebody called out and she, um, she bought cookies for everybody and there was another on the table. I'm like, you know, fuck this.

I threw my apron down and fucking kicked her cookies. I'm like, boom, bitch, that's how the cookie crumbles. And I walked out. I'm not mad about that kind of like, I think that's how everybody quits the Cracker Barrel. I don't think that's that shock. So Billy Ray, is that story about your ex, Trill? Yeah. Where did she live?

Near Florida. Maybe near Florida. Maybe. Is she dead now? No. Um, the thing is, by the way, that's how every murder starts. The thing is, I'm going to, going to hell, going to hell for it. Like, uh, she's married, but she hasn't had Dick in like two years because her marriage

is going through like a crippling spiral. Right. Because her husband has cerebral palsy. Oh. So. Yeah. Is that why you said crippling spiral? Maybe.

Probably. But like, I think it's why he's, I'm going to give you that one. That's for you, Billy Ray. Yeah. You said that. I just said it again. The thing is, though, if he gets pissed off and finds out, once throw like a hand, like my sister's autistic, she'll beat his ass for a chicken nugget.

Wow. Okay. And, um, the tattoos on your, it's Spiderweb on an elbow. What does that mean again? I like Spider-Man. Okie-dokie. Uh. I'd open with that on Wednesday.

Everyone likes Spider-Man, I'm serious, right? Any other tattoos that are weird that we can't see? I have a pink camel tattoo on my toe, so I have a camel toe. You have a what? A camel toe? Yeah. I'm like, yeah. It's like great.

And like, you know, first date starter. Okay. All right, Billy Ray Griffin. Well, congratulations on getting pulled out of the bucket. Here is a, here's a little joke book. It was nice to meet you. Can I, can I say something too? Yeah.

Adam Rang. Can I, I want to say one more thing. Uh, as being raised by a sweet Jewish single mom, I can't let you sleep in your fucking car at night, I'm going to get you a hotel for three nights here in Austin, all right? Oh, look at that. Yeah. Oh my God. Wow.

Just keep grinding, man. I can't do that. Okay. Okay. Go on. But hey, but just keep hustle, man. And crush that job interview on Wednesday. And don't you fucking jerk off in the La Quinta lobby.

All right. We're having fun here. I can't believe it. Adam's getting in the hotel room. How do I get his info? Is he going to stick around? Yeah. Yoni, Yoni will get it.

Yoni. Get his info for me. Get his Venmo. Billy, how about one more time for Billy Ray Griffin, everybody? All right. Pulled another name out of the bucket, makes some noise for Brett O'Brien, everybody. Brett O'Brien. And just a little heads up.

If you guys want to add some excitement to watching sports, then download our favorite app, PrizePix. On PrizePix, you can choose any player from any sport. And I guarantee they got what you are looking for. Right, Red Band? Yeah. Pick two or more of your favorite players, select more or less on their projected stat, then lock your entry in for a chance to 25 times your money. It's that simple.

PrizePix is available in over 30 states like Texas, California, Florida, and more. So what are you waiting for? Download the PrizePix app right now and use the Go Tony for a 100% deposit match. Put in 100 and PrizePix will give you 100. Put in 20 and they will give you 20. Cook up a winner at PrizePix, the new app. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Brett O'Brien, everybody. The kid who beat me up in high school is now in jail for rape.

Who would have thought I was a lucky one? Really dodged a bullet there. You could say I was a gateway pounding. I'm bad with women. I don't have any pickup lines, but I have drop off lines. Like, bitch, don't tell anybody about this. Get the fuck out of my van. You should get tested.

Brett O'Brien with an unbelievable 60 seconds. Rock solid, well written, well executed. That's how you do it. That's stand-up comedy. How long have you been doing this for? Coming up on four. Four years. All of it here in Austin?

No, I started in Dallas for like two, moved here about a year and a half ago. That's good. I've been a lot of great comedians that come out of Dallas, Texas. Also, one of the worst human beings of all time that tried to assassinate my career two years ago. But I mean, who's paying attention, you know what I mean? So you've been doing it a while. Very good. Very fun.

What's the most fun you've ever had on stage? Tell us a highlight of your career. Secret show here, like a couple of months ago. Right. You did this show and you got booked on that from here. What did we find out about you last time you were on this show? I mean, different ways, did I call you Jeffrey Dahmer last time you were here? I had to.

Countless. I bet. I can't even imagine. Well, good thing you didn't eat it here tonight. But you did kill. So you're still kind of like Jeffrey. No, you asked me what my parents did for work and I didn't know what my mom did. Did you find out since then?

Yeah, we found out. We called her on the show. Did she watch the episode? What did we find out? What did she do? She's an office manager. Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

How come we didn't know what she did? I guess a bad son. Selfish. She doesn't care about other people. You lived with her for how long? 18 years. It just never came up. She would come back from somewhere and you would just go, what's up?

She wouldn't say, oh man, today was crazy. Yeah, it was always like, how was your day? And I was never like, yeah, how was yours? Wow. Wow. Oh man. Are you close with her now? Yeah, we got closer after the episode.

Really? That's amazing. That's amazing, Tony. In every single way. Good for you. This is what we do. Wait, so can I ask a follow up? What have you learned since the reconnect?

What additional facts about mom do you not take an interest in? She's Jewish. First of all, you looked right at me when you said that, which I am, but you shook your head like, I didn't think she looked Jewish, which, yeah. Okay, so is that good or bad? Well, it should be helping my career. You do have the timing of a Jewish comedian. Jews are famously funny and you performed like a Jew tonight.

Yeah. How about your dad? What's your dad? Because you have some light hair, so maybe he's Jewish. He's Irish. Oh, okay. That's good. Better than German.

Germans and Jews don't really... Son. Yeah, your mom's Jewish, yet you look like you turned on the chambers. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. No? Yeah. Maybe it's the light German hair.

Yeah. Anyway, we can move on. No, 100%. 100%. What do you do for work, Brad O'Brien? Tech sales. Okay, what do you do for fun? How does a guy like you get loose?

Yeah, that's a good question. You know, I try to not eat people. Sorry, though? Sorry. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry, go ahead. Drink and go out with some friends, play golf. Very classic.

When you go out with friends, what do you tend to do? You know, go to a bar and drink and go to comedy shows, concerts, things like that. Okay. All right. Any good concerts recently? I'm going to widespread panic tomorrow. Nice. Hello.

Oh, shit. I bet Ohai's going to that, too, huh? No, fuck them, dude. Somin' 87, fuck them. Brett? Unless Oasis is there, count me out. Brett O'Brien, what's your love life like? I have a girlfriend.

Okay. Oh, my goodness. This is amazing. How long have you been with her? About a year. Okay. What does she do? She just graduated high school.

No, she works at a country club. Okay. Get benefits. Yeah. Play golf. Which one? No. Austin Country Club.

Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. It's like my third favorite course in the city. It's glad that we became friends here today. Okay. Can I ask a question?

Yeah, go ahead. I really like the... I don't have pickup lines. I have drop-off lines. That's a really funny take. Are there other alts to that that you thought of? Or are there other real-life drop-off lines you've said in your past that you're like, oh, that'll make its way into the joke rotation at some point?

No, I did have some other ones, but I don't remember. Let's go back to your... All right, cool. Tony? Let's go back to your relationship for a second with this country club. Yes. And here's the story. Is she a cart girl?

No, she works in the tennis pro shop. Oh, okay. All right, she's out there kicking Genevieve off the racquetball courts right now. Sorry, man. This isn't exactly your day, but please, man. Okay. So, let me ask you this, because I find myself intrigued by your kind of stiff, proper style. What are you like in the bedroom?

How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? You seem like you are strictly missionary. Yeah, pretty vanilla. Yeah? What's the wildest thing you've ever done to your girlfriend? It's okay. You can say it. You're in a safe space here.

What? No one makes a safe space better than Joe Rogan. Come on. You're safe here. Everything is okay. I mean, we've 69. I don't think that's... Fucking yeah, dude.

Wow, listen to widespread panic, dude. We 69, which is the square root of 1,192, so that's pretty exciting. Holy shit. You only did it once. You say that you 69, like it was a singular time. It's not that sick, really. 69ing. It's what?

It's not that cool 69. Why isn't it that cool? Describe to us what your expectations were and what the results were on why it wasn't cool. Because if you like pussy on your face and looking at an asshole while getting your dick sucked, I promise you, it's pretty fucking cool. I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm the weird one. But I mean, looking at an asshole is fun.

It's fun looking at an asshole. Can you imagine if a Joy Bueno speech therapy class, as a guest speaker to the kids, you know 69ing ain't that cool. I'll be honest with you. Whatever you've heard. We're going to find out though, she's like five feet tall, so he doesn't even get to the ass or the pussy. There you go, Red Band, thank you.

All right, back to... Very good. I mean, unbelievable. So tell us the expectations of the 69 and the results of 69. What were you expecting it to be like? What was different? Take your time. Answer honestly.

I mean, just to be honest, the smell of an asshole directly in your nose. Dirty bitch. She's sick. Don't you dare say that. She's sweet. Wow. You say too sweet? Is that what you just said?

She's sweet. She's a sweet woman. I thought you said the asshole was too sweet for me. I swear to God, that's what I just heard. Oh man, thank goodness. She's sweet, but her asshole ain't. Okay. What does she do?

Confirm. Did you already say that? She works at a country club. That's right. And was this like right after a shift or right after... What was this, Taco Tuesday or something like that? It wasn't like... I don't know.

I guess we should do prep for things like that. Okay, all right. Okay, we get it. It's a fly, Red Band. Good job. You completely redeemed yourself from the five foot tall 69 joke at the plug. So, you... Her butt smelled?

Her butt smelled. Yes. That is tremendously disappointing. I wasn't thrilled either. You guys have a bidet or anything like that at your place? No bidet. I'm working for it. Just some single ply toilet paper right now.

Just some fucking napkins from Whataburger or something like that. God damn. I've been there. God damn. That's a good question. Matt Mueling only speaks once every six months and he just spoke right now. His question was, say it again. Y'all didn't start with a shout.

There you go. Matt Mueling at guitar and ass eating specialist. This guy loves munching on that sweet, sweet pumpernickel. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna have a little fucking... He just shreds and fucking gives heads. You know what I'm saying? Just fucking plays the sixth string and eats the ding-a-ling.

Yeah. That's how it goes. Just get a bunch of hand sanitizer, like a whole handful and just put it on it. Right before you... There you go. Little medical advice from Red Band. Very good. That is so interesting and that was your first time eating ass.

I mean, being near an ass. Well, you didn't even eat the ass, did you? You just smelled it. I didn't eat it. Oh, my God. That's correct. Incredible. Incredible.

Shocking. Shocking. I'm disappointing a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah. I get the feeling you're gonna get a lot of feedback from this episode. A lot of people telling you. Get in there.

All right. Dive in. Give it a second shot. How many do you think he should... Yeah. Brett, very, very good set. I'd love to have you open the secret show for us. Yeah, man.

You have one of these already? I do. There you go. Brett O'Brien, everybody. All right. I pulled a name out, showed it to my producer earlier. He says that no one was in the back with this name, which is very exciting because that means that it might be one of you that signed up.

Is Seth Action here? Seth Action? Oh, well, here he is. We got him. Look at this. All the way to the back he goes. It's always good. You guys have your own representative here tonight.

Seth Action coming from the audience. I think we should give it up one time for the man who's managed to keep this ship afloat the turbulent yellow seas of cancel culture, Mr. Tony Inchcliff. Like Tony, I also grew up without knowing my father most of my early childhood even though he lived a few blocks away. But he finally come around when I was about six years old and in and out. And when I turned 12, my mom wanted child support. So he was like, hell no, just give the little bastard to me.

I'm paying you money. So I went to live with him. And when I turned 13, he asked a profound question. He said, you got any pussy yet, boy? Which I knew what he was talking about because I knew my grandpa was peddling VHS porn and I had learned how to tug it with three fingers to friend dresser. So, but I answered him honestly and I said, no. And he said, were you going to be a faggot all your life?

No. He said, well, I was fucking my aunt when I was 12. Okay, Seth action. One of the coolest names that I've heard in a while. It's been with me for a while. Is that your real last name? Action. No, Rourke is my real last name.

Oh, okay. All right. I've just met you, but I would read your autobiography. Yeah. That was five stories in one minute. That was incredible. That's just a little piece. Wow.

This is some mashup of like the first two thirds of Joe Dirt, Forest Gump and Big Fish so far. Wow. Okie dokie. Seth, let's talk about it. So, this is your first time doing standup comedy? It is. How about a hand for Seth, everybody?

I was inspired by you. Really? Yeah. So, not even knowing the show, I actually just watched your Theo Vaughn interview and I was like, I fucking love that guy that led me to the show and then I watched a bunch of people come up here and I was like, shit, I can talk about real shit. Wow. Cool.

And you fucking did, by the way. Yeah. Three-finger jerk-off and friend-dressure cum stories and your dad's fucking your family. Yeah. You're my nanny, you're my nanny. Yeah. I don't know what you just said, but yeah. Wow.

Incredible. So, Seth, what do you do for work? Well, up until Friday, well, I did restaurant management most of my life and then had been recently doing home inspections for a pest control company for like people needing clearance letters for houses, finding termites and shit like that. I live in the country, but I mostly would drive to the urban areas of Atlanta. Wow. I could listen to you talk forever.

That's that hillbilly. Hillbilly. Wow. You are about as funny as cancer, but I gotta tell you, you have such swagger to you. It is unbelievable. I don't even know what the answer was. I don't even know what I asked you. You're like a fucking hillbilly hypnotist or something like that.

Yeah. There's a soothing quality to your voice, for sure. Appreciate it. Yeah. So, what do I do for work? Well, I'll tell you. Up until Friday, I was in the restaurant business. Well, I was doing home inspections, like home.

You can't go to the bathroom in here. I feel like it's something you might have said at some point in your life, no? Yeah. We'll leave the light on for you here. We'll leave the light on for you. All right, Seth. Let's talk about it. So, what else in your life?

Have you ever tried anything like this before? No, I don't know. Have you ever been on a stage before? No. You seem so comfortable. Well, if you fucking, you better eight mile the shit if you're going to put your name in the bucket. What the fuck did you just say, dude?

I mean, but I was inspired. I tried. You were like, you better put your eight mile in the bucket. And if you can fly here, you can walk back. I was like, wait, what? And everybody understood what the fuck I was saying. Yeah, they did. They did.

Oh, man. Wow. A natural entertainer discovered here tonight. Incredible. What's the closest thing to like a speech or show or anything that you've ever done before? You ever have to give like a wedding speech? Oh, I'm ordained.

I've done actually officiated weddings. I could see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could see how that would be. Composed. Yeah. My brother took me into it and I've done several sets. Wow.

What's your love? Even a lesbian wedding. Wow. Oh shit. I knew we were going to get a statement like that sooner or later. We were like moments away from me, even a couple of scissor gals. I even helped them fucking make it official, you know, but I didn't look. I just said it.

I closed my eyes, but I was there. I mean, fuck, we were so close. Rewriting those vowels were fun. Yeah. You are something else. What's your love life like? Oh, that's why. I guess I could give the audience some advice on this one.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Apps to fuck with you. Never have one too many. And I don't mean drinks or psychedelics or dicks or whatever it is. I mean kids, because eventually one of you is not going to meet the other's expectations. Oh my God. Hey, so, so for most of y'all, one is probably too many.

For me, it was three. You had three women at the same time. No kids. Oh, see, I don't, I get so, I get like dizzy when you start talking and I can't really pay attention. Well, I got to tell you, Tony, there's a lesson to be learned here and that's when sometimes you only get one shot, you know what I mean? When your mama makes the spaghetti.

All right. Seth, what do you do for fun? What are you into? What are some like hobbies of Seth? Well, I mean, fuck, choice would be take some acid and go to fucking see Roger Waters or Sturgill Simpson or something like that. What great taste you have. Tony Hinchcliffe, Roger Waters, Sturgill Simpson, Theo Vaughn.

These are all some of my favorite people on planet Earth. Incredible. You're a cool guy. Yeah, you are too. That's why I fucking want to show. What? What? Wait, what?

That felt a little threatening. What kind of car do you have? I feel like you have a wagon with horses or something. No, a mini van full of kids. Wow. I'm not an homage. Oh my goodness. Full of kids and how old are your three kids?

Uh, nine, five and two. Wow. And I'm 42. All boys? No, a girl in the middle. Okay. Girl in the middle. Do they know you do that you're trying to stand up tonight?

Yeah, they know I come to Austin. I mean, to me, you know, my relationship had gotten turbulent and things needed to change, you know. Your relationship with your kids? My wife. Oh, you're not with her anymore? Well, I mean, this is all just happened. Recently.

How recently? Well, I mean, fucking, I just got here yesterday. But things were okay. So wait, wait, wait, where did you leave your wife and kids exactly? Where are they right now? They're in Georgia with family. Do I gotta, do I gotta get a hotel for you too? Oh fuck.

What have I done? I was, I was, I was thinking about this. It is crazy to think that you and fucking Billy Ray Griffin were driving here from two different states at the same time. Probably passed each other on the freeway. No, no, no. I was on the dam. I got a fucking greyhound.

My wife, I said, so she drops me off in Atlanta. Fucking, you talk about crazy. That place is crazy. That pussy's crazy is the name of your special. Don't look back. Did you say that pussy's crazy? No, but the greyhound station in Atlanta. Right.

Get out of the, get out of the van. Lady comes up in the fake security jackets. You know, this is paid parking. I said, we're going to find another stupid white boy. I ain't paying your ass. I'm getting my shit. And then a dude's got a freebase pipe right there. You need someone to come see me, you know, and then fucking next guy's wanting to help

me with your bag. Let's go back for just a second here. Okay. When you say you're going to have to find another stupid ass white boy, is that insinuating that the woman that told you that you have to pay for parking is a black woman? No. Well, yeah. Well, that's how it's going to go.

But listen, here's Pip Cheep. So, so her role. I love watching people that have never been on a stage before like learn timing. Like he wanted to talk so bad right then, but the drums and the horns are still gone. It was your face. They really told me. So, but I don't blame her at all. It's the dumbasses that give her money.

You know, right? Yeah. She's working her hustle. That's right. I get it. Absolutely. Absolutely. I just need to want.

Did your kids say anything encouraging when you told them you were going to come do standup? No, my little boy just tried to make a text to Saxon. I thought that was funny. So cute. Hell yeah. Absolutely. Okay. Seth.

So what do you think is going to happen? What's your plan on going back to your family, your three kids, which you abandoned in Georgia just yesterday? I'm very excited to find out what's next. After this amazing performance, you're rock solid on stage. You know, you have so much charisma. Smoothest fucking sound of the night. There is. There really isn't a look in the fucking mirror and talk to God, man.

You know, and figure this shit out. Oh, you're on acid right now. No, no. I'm sober as hell. No, I'm just saying that's what I got to do. I mean, that's what I got to damn visit and see and try to create something and make it where I do not want to lose my relationship, but I'm not going to have a toxic relationship. Right. And maybe my wife can learn to fucking appreciate things that I do do, you know, if I'm not there.

Wow. Wow. Because I don't bitch, you know what I mean? Right. I mean, I go to work fucking 60 hours, worked fucking two jobs. I don't fucking bitch, you know what I mean? Right. No, 100%.

What did she, what was the last thing she said to you before you walked out that door? She dropped me off at the fucking grave. Yeah. And what if- Seth, I'm leaving you right here. She wrote a note. I wrote you a note. No, you give that black bitch any of our money.

Wait, can I, can I read that? Can I read the note you mind? She did not write you a note. I think I left it at home. You left it at home? I don't know. I'm sorry. I think I flushed it down the toilet.

I forgot. And then she grabbed me and fucking kissed me and I was like, what the hell? Oh yeah. Why didn't you fuck me in that last night, you know? You go meet Hans Kim. And you show him what- So yeah, just, but in all honesty, I mean, my goal today was to fucking relax and come here and I wasn't going to be the bitch in the audience that didn't sign up.

And then, but tomorrow I'm going to hit the ground running and see if there's something that I can create here. Let's fucking go, dude. Good for you. What a magical story. Awesome. Your odds. Awesome.

I don't know how many people in the audience signed up, but I know 173 are in the alleyway. So that means your odds of getting pulled tonight were literally more than 100 in 173. And meanwhile, you got pulled out tonight. Kind of makes sense. I think believing in God and doing a lot of assets really helped you. Congratulations on your first appearance. Even though your set was blatantly a first time set, I found your interview and everything to be so intriguing.

Take a big Kill Tony jokebook with you. Pulled another name out of the bucket already. Already have them loaded up in the back. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian goes by the name of a Margo, everyone. Margo. Hi, everyone. I just celebrated three years of continuous sobriety. You're welcome.

I'm doing your all favor by not drinking right now. I was never like my friends. We used to go out and they'd be like, well, let's get shots. And I'm like, let's get a bottle. Right? And like, do you want a bump? I'm like, no, I want to fuck your dealer. It's different.

I recently went on a date with this guy and he was basically like, if a dick pic was a person, he was totally trashed. The whole time we're eating dinner, he's talking about how he hates Mexicans, like he's a racist. And I'm like, but you're Puerto Rican. The fuck? I thought that was basically the same thing. We go back to his place. I'm going to get real with you guys.

He's stealthed me. And if you don't know what that is, it's when they take the condom off without your permission. Right? I fucking caught him red handed and I leave and I get in my car and I think, you know, I got one more thing to say to this dude. So I sent him a message like this. I was like, hey dude, that's really fucked up what you did. And good luck with the herpes.

Jokes on you, bro. Boom. Margot. Very fun. Awesome. Welcome to the show, Margot. Thank you. How long have you been in stand-up comedy?

Three months. Three months. Awesome. All of it here in Austin? Yep. Wow. Is this where you're from? Born and raised?

No, I'm from San Diego, but I've been here like 10 years. Okay. What made you move from San Diego 10 years ago? My parents. Oh, they all, everybody moved here. Yeah. My parents moved out here to retire and I'm a single mom and they were like, free day care. And I was like, okay.

Okay. And you talked about Mexicans and Puerto Ricans. What ethnicity are you? My mom's Creole and my dad's white. Wow. Thanks. Okay. And you came out basically Mexican.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Basically. Incredible. Yeah. My Spanish sucks though. Okay.

That makes sense. Margot, what do you do for work? I'm in SaaS sales. I sell technology. Software as a service. All right. Software as a service. SaaS.

I've never heard of that before. I shouldn't have used that word, but yeah, it's tech sales. Okay. And you haven't had a drink in over three years, but by the color of your hair. I'm guessing you love Bud Light. No. No. You consider yourself a hip person.

I'd like to think so. I'm a hip mom. How old's your kid? He's 10. Whoa. 10 years old. How old were you when you had this kid? 25.

Oh, okay. Wow. You've taken good care of yourself. Thank you. Fantastic. Oh, okay. That happens. Like it's almost like worth doing a lot of drugs and then getting sober.

Yeah. Out of vanity, I got sober for sure. Incredible. What was your bottom that you hit that made you realize that you have to be sober? Oh, okay. That's rough. Well, your kid was seven at the time. So I'm guessing that had something to do with it.

Well, I was sober for seven years. I got sober when I got pregnant with him and I had a five month sabbatical. Okay. What happened in that five months? I did all the drugs. There were so many drugs that came out. Let's go slow. What started it?

Like what was the spark? Like what was the first night where you're like, okay, I'm just going to have a joint or like whatever. It was like two years of depression, basically. But my plan was just to do it for the weekend. Like I got a sitter and a hotel. I'm like, I'm just going to get loaded for the weekend. That sounds like a plan.

Yeah. Did your sitter know what you were going to do? No, no, no. Yeah. You didn't say like, I'm just going to target for a couple of days. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

My mama's going to have a little weekend. So my bottom was my kid calling me and saying, you know, I'm worried about your mom and he sounded like a grown ass man. Right. Or did he sound like, did he sound like because you were so fucked up or did it sound like did he sound like Seth action? Was he like, I really hope that you find a way to find it in your heart. Just about back home to me.

I really, uh, you know, it's been a long time since I've, you know, you can drive anywhere with an opportunity like this and I need a mother and you need a son and we can really help each other out. We have one shot at this. Yeah. My dad was getting pussy at his age at 13. Granted it was my mom's sister, but it was still pussy, you know, but you can fly anywhere if you got a credit card.

I love it. So Margo, here you are. You have a 10 year old. You're living in Austin, Texas. You're doing sass for a living. What's your love life like? Oh, it's, it's complicated. Yeah.

Tell us more. I mean, I like to have fun. What does that mean? I'm on all the apps, you know, I like to hang out and have fun. So like, what's the last like hookup you had? What is it? How does that go down for a girl like you? Well, I have like one regular hookup.

Um, that like see like weekly and then other than that, it's just kind of like, what's that guy like? So like a white boy, black. He's Latino. Latino. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

What's your favorite thing about him? What does he do that makes him your regular? There must be something. Well, his dick is my favorite thing about him. Oh. Good answer. All right. Yeah.

Oh. There it is. We just got his dick just. Tonight's well-timed sound effect of the night is brought to you by Skirball. Indeed. Skirball, peanut butter whiskey available in bars everywhere. Okay. Margo.

Very, very interesting. So you live by yourself with the 10 year old? Yeah. Yeah. We live in Lakeway. Okay. That's nice. Right.

Out there by the water. Yeah. Did your Mexican boyfriend swim to you or something? No. So he's 27. Uh-huh. And he's Latino. So he lives with his parents.

Of course he does. Yes. Of course. So I sneak in through the back at night. Oh. Wow. You sneak into his parents' house. Yeah, I do.

Wow. Oh my God. It's kind of hot. Have they ever caught you? No. His uncle caught me one time because I left too late and they were coming up for work or whatever. Right.

I was like, oh, wow. He's like, he's some pink-haired chupacabras in the backyard right now. I saw you. I didn't know you did accents, Tony. You seem cool. What else are you into? What do you do for fun? So I'm into meditations, I'm sober, and I just recently took up ghost hunting.

Wow. Oh my goodness. Did you find anything? Not yet. No. I'm taking my kid, though. I thought it would be a good idea. Oh, yeah.

That's a great way to scare the shit out of a 10-year-old. Yeah. We didn't even find any ghosting. He was already scared. Right. Exactly. Who would have guessed that a 10-year-old would be frightened of his... By the way, I had a single mom, too, but she took me like fucking McDonald's or some

shit like that. Now, let's go find some spirits at 10 a.m. But that's cool. Is your son or daughter? Boy. Boy, yeah. Is he into it? Yeah, he's into it.

Yeah. We watched his ghost hunting show on YouTube together. Oh, cool. Wow. Where is the dad in the life at all? Have you thought about hunting for that ghost? Oh. Yeah.

He's in California. Okay. We just saw him for spring break. He was in prison for like 10 years. Oh, wow. Damn. For what? Yeah.

Exactly. Drugs. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. So he was in prison for 10 years. Yeah, he got out a year ago, and then we just saw him for the first time for spring

break. He's Mexican as well? No, he's white. Oh, white guy. How many, how much drugs do you have on him? 10 years old. A kilo. Of weed.

Oh, no. Yeah. A kilo of weed in California won't get you 10 years. No, a kilo of meth will, though. Oh, wow. Fuck. Look at you. Damn.

That is incredible. So did he go to jail when you were pregnant? When you just had? My son was five weeks old. Five weeks old. Oh, my God. Fuck. What an American hero you are.

Look at you. No, it's incredible. You fucking did it. You got your life together. You're out here having fun, taking chances. A real mom. Single moms make the world go round. We know this.

We goddamn American away. And you're out here fucking having fun, killing it. Congratulations. Thank you. Here's a big joke book. Why not? Thank you. I'm in the giving mood tonight.

A lot of these people might not all, we're going to keep going. You guys still having fun out there? David Lucas didn't make it tonight. He got stuck in Florida, unfortunately. Turns out they didn't have two airline seats to get him back here. Piece of shit. David Lucas was stuck on the airplane watching Cool Never Been Running. He came down with a big case of fudge sickle cell anemia.

But he is a movie buff. David is a movie buff. He thinks the movie Footloose is based on his diabetes. But I wish he was here. I wish he was here. I fucking miss him. I fucking miss him, dude. I haven't seen something that big and ashy since 9-11.

And I miss David. I miss David. It's what I'm trying to say is I miss David. I wish he was here. Is he on Only Fans or Only Yams? I don't know. But I miss David. Make some noise for Adam Ray.

Your next comedian goes by the name of James Fagan, everybody. James Fagan, F-A-G-A-N. Absolutely incredible. Here's some exciting information for those of you listening at home that might not know. But the new Kiltoni merch store is open and bumping. That is a brand new state-of-the-art merch store. Check that out at Kilmerch.com. Online streaming availability to the 10-year anniversary episode which sold out in one hour.

We sold 3,000 tickets in Austin, Texas in one hour. June 10th at ACL live. We'll be streaming. And the information on how to get that stream is coming soon. Here he is, everybody. James Fagan, everyone. Thank you, Tony. You got a good mic here, by the way.

I like this mic. Now, comedy mothership. Damn, Joe Rogan. You're about to get, like, spend the whole wad on this mic. Jesus. Better than the fucking sunset over there. Guys, guys, can I be real? I had a tough childhood, dude.

Tough childhood. You guys wouldn't believe it. More than anything in the entire world, me and my family, me and my siblings, we wanted a dog. I'm sure most of you wanted a dog. We were so surprised when we got a hamster on Christmas. But at that point, we could have eaten anything. I'll do one more. I did this.

I'll end it there. I want you to do it. Let's stop the bear. I want to hear this one more since you were able to do one joke in your minute. You want to hear this one more? All right. Well, it's not a great one, but I did go on a vacation, guys. I did go on a vacation to a little town called Paris, France.

Maybe you've heard of it. I got a blow job at a brothel for $200. I could get the whole Shaboon Boom here in Austin, Texas for half that. City love my ass. Oh, shit. I can get that. Also a side of crabs, Tony. Okay.

Very good. Very good, James. I'll do one more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You guys seem to really be enjoying this. You got two catchphrases in there. Two minutes.

I'll do one more. The whole Shaboon Boom on the back of the shirt. James Fagan, you spent 25 seconds talking about the microphone for no reason. Let's just jump right into it. James, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? About two months now. Two months. Where at?

Baltimore and also here in Maryland. Oh, true. Wow. Fuck my ass. Goddamn. Three catchphrases. Fuck my ass. Oh, man.

Did I just call this place Maryland? Oh, I really fucked up the whole Shaboon Boom. But I got one more for you. What is this microphone? Are these lights bright or what? Whoa, there's a band behind me. You're very likable. You are one of the most likable pedophiles we've ever had on this show, James.

Let's talk about it. Two months in the game. How old are you, James? 25 now. 25. You're a young buck. What do you do for work? I sell Adobe software.

Okay. Wow. I work with state and local agencies. Okay. Very good. All right. I wasn't even gonna ask. Not even a joke.

I love it, James. Okay. So what does a guy like you do for fun? You're a very, very interesting looking man. You seem like you wouldn't be on stage, but you would be in the YouTube comments. Well, you would be right about that. Yeah.

I do love YouTube. Okay. What's your best rabbit hole? Like, what do you like to venture down? Man, you know, I could go in as far as like, what? Politics? YouTube? Like, where are we going with?

Just based on this response, I'm not quite comfortable asking a follow-up question, but there is security here, but let's just, okay. So I guess, I don't know, like fails or like people getting hurt or like cute animal video, like, you know, sick shit. It's very unorthodox. This is gonna be weird if I say it. Go ahead, James. Just say it.

But I'll do one more. Give us the whole fucking shit. Dude, I watch like PewDiePie videos. Yeah. No, you don't. Dude, fuck off. I don't even know what that is. It's a guilty crutch.

Like, get the fuck out of here. All right. No one cares about that. James, what do you do socially? Like, what do you do to hang out with other humans when you're not in front of your computer? Oh, yeah. When I'm not gaming. I just picked up bowling.

I've been... Welcome back to no shit. I played tennis since I was a kid. Yeah. My dad used to force me to play tennis. Right, because you didn't want to leave the house, right? Yeah, because I wasn't white. I mean, like...

What? I wasn't that white. What do you mean you weren't that white? You seem literally white as fuck. Who wants to take a racket and throw it up against, like, another person? Throw these balls at other people? Oh, you never even found out how tennis works the entire time you've played it. Yeah, I've been playing tennis.

I mean, it's weird when you're beating the shit out of a person with a tennis racket. I'm like, how come the score isn't getting any higher? I need my shaboom boom. Dad, I can't do the shaboom boom, right? Wow. How do I throw this out to you? Who told you you were funny? Who did that?

Was it someone in Baltimore, Maryland, or was it in a little city called Paris, France? Fuck my ass. Fuck my ass. I'm sorry. Yeah. You close with your parents? Oh, yeah. I think I love them.

Do they know that you're doing this? Probably not. Do you make them laugh like when you guys are hanging out? Do they find you funny? My parents don't find me funny at all. Probably much like you as well. Oh, you're very funny. You are.

Well, you're the only one that's told me. I'll get you a hotel. Fuck my ass. James, you have the look that makes me want to ask, what's the creepiest thing you've ever jerked off to? Be honest here. Don't try to be funny. Be honest.

What's something that's made you come that you've watched online? We want to know. It had to bring you to completion. You felt maybe you felt kind of guilty about it afterwards. It's your question. You're the only one that's been asked it all night. We want your answer specifically. You're shaking your head like it's something that you can't say.

What is the answer to the question? The creepiest thing that you've ever come to completion watching on your computer? Tony Hinchcliffe. Very good. Very good. Okay, now answer the real question. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Very good. Let me remind you, you're not funny. Bad joke. Go ahead though. Adam thinks you're funny. Bad joke. I know you're a joke. Answer the fucking question, you idiot.

Sorry. We're still on the podcast, James. Sorry. I know you enjoy big tit porn very much. That's not what I'm talking about. Fat guys that just have ginormous tits. I'm gay. Oh, you're gay.

Are you really gay? That makes you that much more interesting if you are. Are you? Does it? Fucking are you, James? Look at me in my eyes, James. James, are you gay? Well, well.

Hold that thought. We'll be right back. James Fagan, everybody. There he goes. Put the mic in the mic stand. You're a horrible interview. You're so annoying. Super annoying.

Don't shake these people's hands, Adam. Don't shake. No more handshaking for you. Trying to be supportive. What time did we start? Let's keep it moving here. So many catchphrases though. Hunter Carney is next.

Hunter Carney. Is somebody getting Hunter Carney? Hunter Carney. The show's going a little long. Red Band wants to end it. Should we keep going? There's also a good chance for me to tell you that I can't tell you why, but I will tell the fans watching around the world. All of you that complain about not being able to get a ticket to kill Tony.

We're not doing the road. So that's something to keep in mind. To see the show, you have to come to Austin, Texas. This is a business decision that I've made with my own brain. I'm going to do stand up. I'm announcing a huge tour the second half of this year. But kill Tony is here in Austin and some inside information that I will tell you is to clear your schedule for New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve, we might have enough space for you to buy a ticket and see a show.

Why not plan a little vacation after you deal with your family all Christmas that entire week? Why not treat yourself? You might want to be in Austin on New Year's Eve. Announcement coming in a month or two that you're not going to fucking believe. Hunter Carney is next on Kill Tony. You guys still having fun out there? How many of you like it when comedians do good on the show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show?

One more time for Hunter Carney, everybody. Yeah, how's everybody doing tonight? You guys good? So my name is Hunter Carney and I realized that my name is two redneck professions put back to back. The college wasn't going to be, you know what I mean? Like, for fuck's sake, my name should have just been Rat Tail. You know what I mean? Like, hey, y'all, my name's Rat Tail. That's my little brother, Ketchup. Ketchup here, he's never met a black person before. Like, if you put my name on a record player and you hit four, it goes Hunter Michael Carney.

Put it in reverse, it goes Billy Ray Cyrus. Hunter Michael, monster truck man. This Brigham Mountain Dew can get in for... Hunter Mike, sweet home. You get it, you get it, you get it. So I had three baby sitters growing up. I had a stepdad. I had WWF money and I had raw on a bottle and night quilt.

We'd be watching wrestling and we'd be watching wrestling and I'd be like, can we change a channel? My stepdad would be like, no, and I would say, why? And he would say, because stone cold said so. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Hunter Carney. Thank you guys so much. Hunter Carney, I like it. 45 seconds worth of jokes on your name. All went super smooth and a little bit more about your actual life. I also was partly raised by Monday Night Raw.

It was no joke. I grew up in a trailer park. Not the whole time, but it was a hefty amount. It was just a little kid with dirty feet and big dreams, I guess it'd be. Incredible. And look at you now. How old are you? I am 37 years old. 37 years old. How long have you been doing stand-up? Five years now. Five years. We're at.

I did four years in Denver at the Comedy Works in that area. That's a great place. And I believe the birthplace of the first club of William Montgomery. The great Sam Talent was just in town. Comedy Works legend. Me too. Sam Talent was my first ever open mic actually at the Squire there. And I signed up. He was the host.

He was the host. Yeah. And then he didn't put me up because he got too drunk. And he was literally like, yeah, I don't know. I didn't even know you were fucking comic. I just didn't even know because I didn't know what to do. Yeah. Okay. Then I spent two years in LA, which was a huge fucking mistake.

What two years was that? What was that window? June 2020. Oh yeah, that would be the worst. Yeah. That's funny. That's when me and Red Band planned our great escape. We're literally like, wow, we've been here for two decades. We have to get the fuck out of here.

Tell me exactly where you moved to in June of 2020 in LA. I live in the city very well. Yeah, I live basically in Little Armenia. Yeah. I was in the 101 in Vermont right there. Hollywood. Yeah. And it was me and the gang members there.

Right. Comedian. I don't have any money. Right. So yeah. Strangely enough, that was one of the safest places during that time in LA because all the nice places got fucking tantalized. Yeah.

Yeah. There was no cops. There was some shootings, but nothing too crazy. Nothing at me. Right. So June 2020, you spent two years there. Tell us about those two years in Los Angeles. Try to explain to these people who lived a perfect life during that time period.

Oh, there was a lot of Domino's Pizza and a lot of... That you were delivering or ordering? No, just ordering. Yeah. It was a steady diet. I basically, I got the... This is so fucking embarrassing. I got a little bit of the acting bug inside of the comedy.

So I went there and every single agent was like, fuck you. And I was like, okay, I guess I got to get the fuck out of here. What were you doing that prompted that response from them? Just sending emails with headshots and doing all this shit you're supposed to do. And they were like, fucking nope. You're 35 years old. It's interesting. Adam Ray is a professional actor.

Yeah. It's a grind. You got to keep at it. Was this the look that you were submitting? No. There's nothing wrong with this. The Purse House Collector. No, this is my food truck look.

No, I fucking... It's where I work now. No, I had all the makeup and all the shit that you're supposed to do. I had the leather... I don't put... Yeah. I mean, unless I get the job, I'm putting... It was so bad.

I had the fucking leather coat and then military fatigue headshot. Was that you or were you trying to be what you thought an actor was? That's the second one, for sure. So this... If we were buying... What was your name again? Hunter. That's right.

So we were buying the Hunter Carney action figure. This is what we would get. Yeah. For sure. But this wardrobe. Like the... Hey, like what was the guy who just was up? Who told us he was gay?

Kind of... What was his name? James Fagan. James Fagan. So like... So I feel like you would sell the porn to James Fagan. 100%. If I were casting a movie, you have like video store vibes right now, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So maybe you got to lean more into like what you are too. Because your vibe too. Again, like you got good energy. You're very comfortable. So like, you know, I could see you in a clerk's type remake, you know?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But not a leather jacket. You were trying to be Danny Zuko. But you're... Yeah. I had the worst headshots. The guy was like, these are fucking great.

And I looked at him afterwards and I was like, God damn it. Right. But yeah, I knew that that was not going to be a thing. Okay. So Hunter, let's talk about this. Okay. You're 37 years old. What do you do for work?

I work in a food truck. You are the cook. You take the orders, you cook the food. Yeah. Is it a specific food truck worth plugging or you... I work in all the... it's the Ziki food trucks. Oh, man. Wow.

You could have said anything else. I would have been excited. And I don't... Literally the only food truck in this city that I don't like. But I don't want to affect your job. Yeah. No way. Yeah.

Right now it's a survival job. Very inconsistent. It's... yeah. Yeah. There's... yeah. It's... yeah. There's nothing... I got nothing for that.

You work the late ship there? Yeah. You owe me a fucking Euro, by the way. Oh, well then... You literally do. I ordered a fucking... It was one of the only like 3 a.m., 4 a.m. food trucks out there, right? What time do you guys close?

Yeah, 3 a.m. Yeah. And so one time I put an order in there and then they... They said they were on their way and then they just said, yeah, they just closed the thing in my face even though the... I saw the order through the window. Was that you? Do you remember that?

No, I only work in the mornings. I don't let them... I don't let them steal my nights. I'm like, fuck that. Smart man. Okay. So Hunter, what do you do for fun? You're 37 years old.

How long ago did you move to Austin? I've been here for about eight months now. Just doing a lot of open mics, music. What kind of music do you do? What are we talking about here? I also own a music studio in Denver. Okay. I did a lot of...

Do you play music? Yeah, I do. I play drums. I don't need... Yeah, I play drums. Do you really play drums? How long have you played drums for? I play drums...

It's weird. I play on and off and I was also like kind of studio, like a studio musician. How long have you played drums for? Like five years, probably. Five years is a pretty long time. Yeah. Should we have a Mexican drummer? He's wiping his hands, folks.

He's a very humble drummer. Let's see what happens here. Now, Hunter, I don't know how well you know the show, but there is a chance right now. We've had this tradition forever. All time, the drummers are undefeated, the resident drummer. But if you beat him in a drum solo competition, which the audience decides, I don't even decide,

you would think it's an inside job. Every time we've done this, the crowd decides. If you win, you become the full-time drummer. Every episode of Kill Tony. That includes every Monday here at the mothership. The ACL live theater, June 10th, and other massive fun things coming up that I can't even talk about.

But you want to win this. The crowd decides. Okay. Also, not only do you get Michael's job, but a part of the catch of this is that if you win, he has to take your job working at a food truck. Oh, perfect. Yeah, okay. He's literally a professional drummer,

so it would be a huge step down for him. He travels the world with some of the best musicians on the planet. The last thing he wants to do is work in a food truck. Get back there, Hunter. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Mexican drummer. MUSIC Hunter Carney with his attempt at the drum off. Ladies and gentlemen, defending his throne.

Hunter, why don't you just stand next to Michael. Stand between Michael and D-Madness there so that the camera can see what the fuck's about to go down. MUSIC No, it's fine. Ladies and gentlemen, defending his throne, undefeated all time. The reigning, defending, Kill Tony drummer

in the backbone of the band with a little drum solo for you, hoping to come out with another win tonight. This is Michael Gonzalez. MUSIC MUSIC That was Michael Gonzalez. CHEERING Oh, wow, a standing ovation.

CHEERING All right, well, Hunter, I have good news at this part. You still have a chance. How many of you have Hunter Carney winning the Mexican drum off? They don't, yeah. Oh, wow. How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning that? CHEERING

The tradition stands still undefeated. Michael Gonzalez. But that was fun. Did you feel good about that, Hunter? I haven't touched a drum stand like a year, so that was a little bit rough, but fun, but fun. All right, that's fun. That's how it starts. Adam, what did you think about all this? Yeah, incredible. So, look, I want to say real quick,

I'm just, I'm still kind of ostricking at your acting attempt in LA, and then you moved out here. And, but I just want to tell you, you know, it's coming from someone who's done, you know, a handful of things, but still grinding, not exactly still where I want to, you know, end up, but it's always a continuous grind. It's all about opportunities, right? So I'd love to give you an opportunity right now

to audition for a film that I'm actually working on right now. If you guys would like to see Hunter's live audition. Wow! Yeah, a live audition. This sounds awesome. If we could dim the lights, put a spotlight on Hunter and Brian, could you give me some, like, Schindler's List and credits type suite? Oh, hell yeah.

Just some real suite. Hunter, the audition though, you have to improvise a monologue, okay? Uh-oh. And there's three things. The film, it's the James Pagan story, the comic who is just up here. And... Yeah, I just decided I'm going to write that movie tonight.

And you have to do a little monologue, right? You can pull from wherever you want. Hopefully you were hearing some of the tidbits James was sharing. And I want you to... I didn't hear a thing. That's fine, even better. Improvise the whole thing. Just think about struggle and strife,

and from rags to riches, that's what the story is, but you've got to include three phrases for me, okay? I'll do one more. Shaboom, boom. And fuck my ass. I'll do one more. Okay. I'll do one more, shaboom, boom, and fuck my ass.

And then whatever else you want to say about anything, dude, and you've got to do it to the audience, like they're the camera, and you've got to fucking mean it, Hunter. I want to see some real passion in you. You have to get into the headspace. Adam has done film. He's on NBC weekly.

How about this? Let me give you the intro. I'll be the movie trailer, and you can just come in in between, okay? This summer, find out what happens when a young man who isn't sure if he's gay or not moves to Austin, Texas.

Shaboom, boom, dad. I'll do one more. I'll do one more. He was a man of few words. He sweated too much, but he wore the same shirt every day. He was consistent. He loved to go bowling.

A hobby he just picked up. Duh. Dad, every time you win bowling, you scream, fuck my ass, and I don't like it. This film has not yet been rated. All right, not bad. I think you may have just booked a role.

Did he get it? I think he booked a part. Yeah, he got it, wow. Congrats, man. You got to stick with it. You got to stick with it, baby. Hunter Carney. Congratulations.

Okay. Very, very fun. I'm going to give you a big joke book, too. You did a lot up here tonight. Congratulations. There he goes, Hunter Carney, everybody. You guys ready to put a ribbon on this shit or what? Did you guys have fun here tonight or what?

Well, well, well, well, well. There's only one way to end an episode like this, ladies and gentlemen. This guy, I do believe, is, I mean, just flourishing right now. He's coming off of six sold out shows here on this main stage this weekend, opening for the great Harlan Williams. He works every single weekend with me,

with Duncan Tressel, Tom Segura, Joe Rogan, here in Austin, all over the road. When we met him five years ago, he was a sloppy, red, swollen, dilapidated, coca-dicted meatball. And now he is absolutely thriving. I do believe he might have one of the, might have the second or third most spots ever at this club,

the most spots ever in Kiltoni history. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Memphis Strangler, the big red machine, William Montgomery. Okay, shut it down. The other day, they added another letter to LGBTQ and added a mathematical sign. I'm sorry, are we talking about sexual orientations or my Wi-Fi password?

I was driving yesterday and noticed a flag at half-mast, so I did a little research to see what had happened and oh boy, did y'all realize Steve Irwin was dead? Y'all know I be missing Crocodile, don't you? So I'm coming out with a new television show. It's pretty much just like Shark Tank, but the sharks are actual sharks and the tank is filled with water.

Soon Narcan will be available over the counter and I just have to say I can't wait to overdose on that shit. Alrighty, that's my time. Wow, how powerful. Coming out to a standing ovation, an extremely electric response from the audience who knows you, who loves you so much so that you had to tell them to shut it down

so that you could start your set. Absolutely incredible. Jokes the whole way through that only William could write and read off of a note card. Absolutely incredible performance. The electricity is flowing. He's eyeballing the audience. We've seen this before, folks.

We've seen him. He is in his element. This is him in the zone. This is his house. He closes every episode. This is the spot that we are in right now. Oh, he just snapped out of it. Yeah, I snapped out of it.

I don't know what happened there. Wow, I mean, you were in it there for a second. How do you feel, William, an unbelievable set? I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing, for the first time tomorrow night, two shows in Nashville, a rare longer set. So, Tony, I have been super on edge this whole past week and the only thing getting me through it, honestly,

I mean, my stress level has been through the lube. Through the lube. Through the lube. Through the lube. Tony, can I... It's in a little city called Paris, France. But Tony, there's only been one thing getting me through. Can I play you a song?

I wrote a song that's really just helped me get through this past week, the anticipation leading up till tomorrow. I mean, amazing. For a guy that has done more sets on this show, brought to you by the Red Rose and the Yellow Rose and Joe Blaster, than anybody else. Be careful at the fucking Yellow Rose. I almost got stabbed there the other night.

Oh, wow. No, I can't hit it! You are a wild boy. Now, we have seen more sets out of you than any other human in the history of the show, and somehow you come out guns of blades than every week. This is special. You've literally never played music for us before.

This is unbelievable what's happening. Are you gonna sing as well or do you just play the keyboard? Well, no, Tony, again, I am just so horribly on edge about the coming shows tomorrow night, and the only thing allowed... Two sold-out shows in his hometown of Nashville at one of truly the best comedy clubs in the world. I should be... hold on.

Okay, y'all are gonna have to stop fucking playing! They can't hear the song. You don't want them to play along with you? No, I've spent a lot of fucking time on this song. I can't hear it when y'all are playing. He's actually playing this. It's actually not bad at all. Let's take it back to the 18th century, folks.

He's headlining, so he's doing this. This is what you have to do when you only have 25 minutes of material and you have to do an hour-long set in Nashville tomorrow night. Yeah, it's gonna be a whole lot of this. Fuck you, Nashville! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, Adam, can you do one of those movie things for me? Please.

Oh, that was so funny. I thought you never asked. Everybody wants a Kino. Can we get some of that cinematic lighting you had earlier? By the way, William fucking murdered all weekend with Harlan Williams. This guy's gonna be a future legend. Future legend right here. I'm so fun watching you, man. Here at Dilt Tony, you've literally gotten to watch a fucking absolute sloppy mess turn into a fucking cold-blooded assassin.

What do you want to do? Do you want me to just... No, I'm still a sloppy mess. I'm back on Viagra. Oh! Can we dim the lights on William again? Get a little spotlight action going. What are you back on? I'm back on Viagra, dude. I have a penis thing. This summer, this summer, one man was looking to fix his penis thing.

Y'all know I need help with my time. He needed help with his thing, and help was on the way. There's something really wrong down there with my time. Nobody could quite identify what was wrong with his thing, but he was determined to solve the mystery. Yeah, I mean, it's getting to be a real problem. There's wards. There's... TMI. His dog... Go ahead.

But I'm optimistic now that I'm back on Viagra. The glass was half full because Viagra had saved the day, and hopefully his relationship. But who knows? Laura Dern stars as William Montgomery in... My Thing. My friend. Wow.

I've been literally crying for like eight minutes up here. This is an incredible performance tonight, William. And I love Laura Dern. It's so fun you said Laura Dern. I love Duras in Jurassic Park. Was she in Jurassic Park? Yeah. Wow, what a well-rounded, unbelievable performance by the big red machine himself.

Is this keyboard thing something that you're thinking about doing more often? Well, it's something I did, I don't know, 15 years ago, probably. And then my old one broke, so I actually got this one on eBay, and then I was worried it wasn't going to come in by today pretty much since I'm leaving tomorrow, so I bought another one on eBay. So when I got back to my apartment earlier, I had two of these things on my door. And they're each fucking $700 a piece. I mean, this is a collector's... No, I'm kidding. But this one has a jingle inside,

but yeah, I have two of these fucking things now, so now I have three of these. So it's going to be a thing. I'm going to start maybe exclusively using that, so we'll see. Wow, that is very exciting. I'm sure a lot of the fans out there, oh, they're already covering your song. Oh, this is on his song. It's already not as good. Y'all don't even need to try. Do you know how to play the song that he played?

Hey, what? It was more than that. I can't even try. Come on, it's... William, you think they're ever going to stop? I don't think they're ever going to stop because they're not as good at it. Who's better than you? Man, nobody's better than me, especially now that I'm on Viagra. How much do you love Viagra? I actually hate it. It's a really...

It's a struggle in my life. I have a really big problem with it, so... It's my blood pressure, really, I... His blood pressure was out of control. But I love Viagra, so... But he was addicted to the game. Stuck in my head. How about one more time for one of the by-bar legends of Kill Tony, William Montgomery, crushing, healthy, touring, selling out.

How long can this place get? For my guest, I tried to warn you, Adam Ray! His new special, Read the Room, is on YouTube. His podcast about last night. Catch him on NBC's Young Rock. How about one more time for the goddamn best damn band in the land, the Kill Tony band. Terrell Shaheed!

Paul Deemer on the horns! Michael Gonzalez on the drums! D-Madness on the bass! John B's on the keys! And Matt Mueling on the electric guitar! The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in! The great Adam Ray this episode. And let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers Art,

Austin Zone, with an unbelievable picture of Hans Kim, with lines of cocaine, incredible, local legend, follow him at Chris Rogers Art. Thank you again to our newest sponsor, PrizePix. Get the app, PrizePix, and you can have a lot of fun. Go download it today and play with us. Make sure to use promo code Tony when you sign up for an instant deposit match. Thank you to the Red Rose, the Yellow Rose, Austin Security Guard Service,

Gel Blaster, and of course, screwball, peanut butter whiskey. Love you guys! We love you, thank you so much, goodnight everybody! Subs by www.zeoranger.co.uk You