KILL TONY - #632 - SUGA SEAN O'MALLEY + JOE LIST

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, this is RedBan and you are listening to Kill Tony. If you want to check out any past episode, check out Desquad.tv. There you have all the links to all the video and audio of all the past episodes at deathsquad.tv. If you want to check out Tony and his new Tories all over the road right now, go to TonyHinchcliff.com to check out his tour schedule and everything golden pony. And Kill Merch.com is everything Kill Tony for merchandise, get all the new hats, shirts and everything else at Kill Merch.com. And don't forget if you're in Austin, Texas, check out a new comedy club, The Sunset Strip.

Starting point is 00:00:41 It's at SunsetStripATX.com. The secret shows every single Thursday. Check us out, SunsetStripATX.com. The secret shows every single Thursday. Check us out SunsetStripATX.com. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony. right to your door. Get 50% off plus 15% off for the next two months with code 5-0 KT show at hellofresh.com slash 5-0 KT show. Hey everybody, Kiltzone live from the H.E.B. Center in Austin, Texas. Saturday, December 30th at 7 p.m. just went on sale and you have to trust me. Tickets are going lightning fast. It's absolutely unbelievable. These will be the first podcasts of Kiltoni ever in an arena.

Starting point is 00:01:33 This is two and a half, three times as big as the ACL Live Theater that we did for the 10-year anniversary. We've become an arena act. So check it out. It's going to be crazy. A lot of surprises, a lot of fun, unbelievable guests. It's a big production. This is our version of WrestleMania. Go to ticketmaster.com. Look up Keltoni. It's the one with tickets available. We're going back to back nights, the 30th and the 31st, HEB Center live. I'm sorry. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kale Tony.

Starting point is 00:02:50 Give it up for Tony H.Claire! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? That's Red Man, everybody. Look at him. This is the number one live podcast in the world. Kilt Tony brought to you by Gel Blaster, the Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Connect Mobile Health, which is an IV drip company. They'll come to you.

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Starting point is 00:04:03 The executioner meant muleing on the horns, everyone. The executioner met Mewling on the electric guitar. And the backbone of the band, the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar, everybody. John Bees is on tour doing arenas with the great Gary Clark Jr. However, we do have a very special treat for you all, a return of a legendary band member, one of the funniest comedians in the history of the show. Mixed noise for standing in on the horns tonight. Mixed noise for the great Jetsky Jesse Johnson, everybody.

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Starting point is 00:11:56 Check out that's boxofawesome.com. Code Kiltoni for 20% off your first box. Boxofawesome.com code Kiltoni. You guys ready to start tonight's episode. You know somehow some way during all this chaos of the last few years moving to Texas and this and that we truly believe that we have become one of the biggest best comedy shows in the world and we are debuting to first time guests

Starting point is 00:12:27 here tonight. Both of these gentlemen, this is their first time ever being on the panel of this show. One of them is one of the greatest comedians alive today with a brand new special. The other one is the reigning defending UFC Banta Mway champion of the world. Ladies and gentlemen, Sugar Sean O'Malley and Show This! Show motherfucking lists, everybody. This is Kill Tony. Woo! Holy shit.

Starting point is 00:13:12 Show list. Enough for everybody on YouTube. Right now, truly, one of the greatest comedians out there today. Fucking, don't it renegade style on YouTube. Fucking, showing off he's the man one of the guys that we've been meaning to get on the show absolutely forever just haven't had the right scheduling and cross paths correctly and here we are Joe welcome thank you thanks for having me I'm excited absolutely and what do you know huge fan of the show and one of the greatest fighters of life today

Starting point is 00:13:47 Sugar Sean O'Malley, sir. What a life we live. SugarShop.com for Sugar Sean merch and the Timbo Sugar Show. It's been going on for about five years. I love it. I watched the episode with you in Theoo, where you kept bullying Theo to talk more about Kiltowni. I love that. Came out during Fight Week.

Starting point is 00:14:11 It was fucking hilarious. Shikashan, welcome to the show. Fuck yeah, thank you guys. It's unbelievable. He posts about it every week. It's so cool to be a fan of somebody that's a fan of us. So Welcome sugar. I was more nervous to make this walk out than when I knocked out Aljo. I'm like Fuck yeah, we're gonna have Bunts tonight. You guys know how it works over

Starting point is 00:14:38 140 people signed up for a tonight show bunch of names in this bucket We're going to get through some of them. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you have the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts them. After their time is up, I interview them

Starting point is 00:14:58 and they talk to our esteemed panel and we find out more about them and what makes them different. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Well, I'm going to pre-pull a name so we can get one of these people from the bar next store which contains the hundreds of sign-ups while the show takes place. And while we get them, we're going to get one of our regulars up here. I think you know who everybody he started on the show two and a half years ago was living in his van. Now he literally sells out all over the world every single weekend. He has been getting challenged for his

Starting point is 00:15:35 spots a lot. He is going unchallenged tonight. He is up against Golden Tickle winner Rick Diaz on the New Year's Eve show in which one will be a full-time regular and the other will not be allowed to perform on the show anymore. It's what they wanted, it's the fight that was created last week, I can't believe it. Going unchallenged tonight with a brand new 60 seconds, not easy to write a new minute every week. The kid is an autistic Asian prodigy. You guys know the words to his theme song, get it started. You guys start it. Thank you. I have been applying for a job as a makeup artist on BET

Starting point is 00:16:26 because I want to get better at drawing blackface. I love Mexicans. Mexico is such a thin skinny little country that when Mexicans come to America, they're like, ooh, am I going to be an East Coast Mexican or a West Coast Mexican? And then a coyote decides. It's like a Mexican sorting hat.

Starting point is 00:16:57 Congratulations, you're in House El Paso. I am dating a beautiful white woman as a lot of you guys know and thank you. She recently went on a cruise and I was kind of worried about it but she showed me this app that shows exactly where in the ocean she's getting fucked by a Jamaican dude. Thank you. Wow. Look at them. Professional Hans Kim doing exactly 60 seconds.

Starting point is 00:17:31 Not a second more. That's right. Saving it. Absolutely. How's it going, Hans? It's going great. I didn't know that if I lost a challenge, I couldn't perform on Killtony.

Starting point is 00:17:42 Wow. Well, that must have been fun to find out seconds before I brought you on stage. That seems to be what the challenge felt like to me. I mean, it was originally him challenging you for regular shit, but it seemed like you had nothing to lose if you lost. So it seems like a fun thing.

Starting point is 00:17:58 Are you more nervous now? No, I'm pretty confident. Wow. All right. I guess I believe you you know, it's interesting if he gets a beep like before then that person's gonna have to battle Rick deas What are you talking like like if if he gets challenged next week like if he gets challenged next week He's not he's not he's not he's not thank you red band. Thank you so much. Let's get back to the show So did your girl really go on a cruise? Yeah, okay. Was it really did Jamaica? Yes

Starting point is 00:18:33 She's so far unmoleasted. I don't think she's had sex She's she's back from the cruise, right? Yes, she just came back We tried a little fun little game that I like to call anal. Combine it with my other favorite game, Rape. And have you combined the two games yet? Yes. Red band, all right. There goes the far port for the episode.

Starting point is 00:19:04 Our relationship has been great. You know, we recently went to a strip club with the great Sean O'Malley. Wow. She is not. I love it. How was that? She was mostly in the car.

Starting point is 00:19:19 You left your girlfriend in the car while you went into a strip club with the current UFC champion of the world? Yeah, I left the windows rolled down. Oh my God. How long do you think you were in this strip club with your girl in the car? Probably like an hour. Wow. And then she came out? Yeah, she let her go pee in the bushes.

Starting point is 00:19:46 Now, what really happened? Oh, she went in and she drank some water and stared at the strippers and criticized some of them. And then she went right back in the car. Incredible. Hans, now, you're famously cheap. Did you spend any money at this strip club whatsoever? I did spend some money, but it was Nick's money. Uh, the owner of the Vulcan.

Starting point is 00:20:11 Okay, wow. Look at that. Hell yeah, there he is. Absolutely. How much of Nick's money did you spend? Probably like 50 bucks. Oh, wow. Still cheap, even with other people's money.

Starting point is 00:20:24 Incredible. 50 bucks, an unbelievably still cheap even with other people's money Incredible 50 bucks an unbelievably low amount of money to spend this was at the Red Rose yellow rose Okay, perfect absolutely the rose preferred by Asians the yellow rose Let's go back to this anal thing for a second because this is brand new let's switch from yellow to brown here and What's going on you've been doing that is that's going on? You've been doing that? Is that nice? Do you like that? Does she like that? She doesn't sound like she likes it.

Starting point is 00:20:51 Oh, wow. This is pretty much a sexual assault on a podcast right now. What's the sound that she makes that makes you think she doesn't like it? She's like, no, stop. Oh my god. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:21:11 No, Hans. Really? Yeah, we cuddle afterwards and talk it out and debrief. Debrief. Wow. Okay. How does it feel for you? Do you enjoy it?

Starting point is 00:21:37 Yeah, it's really tight at the, you know, where you go in. You know, where, where you go in? Yeah, I bet her fucking virgin asshole is really tight. And then it, once you get in, it's like a empty cavern in there. Oh my God. In empty cavern, I'm sure she just loves you talking about the inside of her asshole like this You guys ever seen Hans before. What do you think about Hans? I have seen Hans I'm a fan of I mean now I'm a little off put by Hans but I Do enjoy his comedy, but it's nice of you to snuggle post rape. I think I

Starting point is 00:22:22 Think rape victims like that from what I've heard No, I'm kidding. I know you're kidding. I'm getting haunts. You're a fantastic comedian. It's great to see you Thank you, Jolette. Absolutely. Sugar shot. I fucking love haunts. Are those glasses prescription? Yes. Are they? I'm really autistic. I feel I'll test it off your eyes get like when you put on they just like open up a little bit more is that right? Look at that That how they work open your eyes up more it's sort of magnifies it Fucking love you Hans thank you Sean it was it was like when you took the glasses off It was like the rom took the glasses off,

Starting point is 00:23:05 it was like the rom-com where the girl takes the glasses off. You become a better-looking guy when you take them off. It's actually incredible. And if Redban was able to do his job properly, I would be able to show you exactly. Why don't you try it again for the audience? Well done. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:23:23 It's different. It's a different dream weaver. He did not spell it properly, so again, Red Band just absolutely bad at his job. It's incredible. 10 years and four months never gets any better. This song doesn't exist on here. Yeah, I can't find any. It's got a dream weaver on the internet the internet everybody it doesn't exist on the internet

Starting point is 00:23:47 It could not be red-band. It must be the internet everybody Oh my god, we went from sugar shonda soy sauce Holy shit, he looks like sugar shono-marry Holy shit. He looks like sugar-shot-o-marry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh my God. Absolutely amazing. I feel like I can knock out El Joe right now. Wow. Wow. Maybe you can...

Starting point is 00:24:40 Come on out, El Joe. Yeah. Incredible. Maybe you could play a game of anal rape with him or something like that. Oh, you ready? Take him off now. Let's see what happens. There we go. Eight minutes later, we figured it out. Yeah, I know it's two words. That's what happens when the fucking thing doesn't pop up. Hans, another exact minute for you. You are so fun.

Starting point is 00:25:08 Way to get the show started every single week. Amazing stuff. We love you. Hans Kim, everybody there he goes. Thank you, Danny. We pulled a name out to get it started. I'm gonna pull another one while we get through this one. And here we go.

Starting point is 00:25:21 This is the part of the show where obviously, if you don't know, things get a little bit wild. We've never met a lot of these people before, so it could be a crazy person. It could be the future. This is where we met Hans and Cam and David and the stars of the show. This could be one of those.

Starting point is 00:25:38 And it could be one of the worst humans ever on the show. Anything can happen. 60 seconds uninterrupted. The opportunity of a lifetime goes to Eric Galegos. Everybody, our Galegos. Eric Galegos. Here's Eric everyone. Make some noise for Eric everybody. No, what's up you guys? Holy shit! We made it. Fuck yeah you guys. Dude, did y'all hear about that, that alien that Mexico tried to reveal a couple days ago? Do you all see this shit?

Starting point is 00:26:06 Yeah, nobody gave a fuck about it. Isn't that crazy? Especially around here, everybody was just like, yeah, everybody just knows that's one of one of those uh, six street crackhead looks like whenever it reaches its final form, you know what I mean? Everybody's like, no, that's not an alien, that's one of those final boss crackheads. Uh, not do those though, because like the guy that they got to reveal it, he, apparently he's been accused of revealing fake shit before.

Starting point is 00:26:30 John on this? Yeah, and Bruce has he stole it. So, you know, regular Indiana Jones, this guy, you know, probably stole it was useless fake shit. Anyway, I don't know the man, it's crazy. Apparently they said that he, they got X-rays of these aliens and one of the two of them had eggs inside of it. Yeah it's crazy. Apparently, they said that they got X-rays of these aliens, and one of the two of them had eggs inside of it.

Starting point is 00:26:47 Yeah, pretty crazy. Just like a Mexican scientist, though, to be like, hmm, interesting. Is it fertile? Okay, I think that's my time, or I probably rush that, Jesus Christ. Wow. Eric Gallagos. Thank you, guys. Oh, boy, Eric.

Starting point is 00:27:03 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh Gallagos. Oh boy, Eric. Oh my goodness. Wow. Yikes. How long have you been? How long have you been to in stand-up, Eric? Seven months. I started in February. Wow. Disagree. Wow. Disagree. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:27:25 Fuck dude. Wow. Makes sense you're wearing a NASA shirt because in space no one can hear laughter. Wow. Where have you been doing stand-up comedy exactly? I'm from North Texas. I'm from a town called Emerillo. I just moved here two weeks ago.

Starting point is 00:27:45 Emerilow. Yes, sir. OK. Wow, that's where Matt Mewlings from. He never talks. Yeah. What a man. That's where I'm from.

Starting point is 00:27:52 Hell yeah. I like your solo album, bro. That was good shit. Wow, look at that. Look who's trying to make up for not being funny. Oh my goodness. Wow. You like all of our solo stuff, don't you?

Starting point is 00:28:05 Uh-huh, yeah. It's wild, man. I actually came in February to see Joe List and Joe. Yeah. And kill Tony. No, terrible. That's cool, man. It's cool.

Starting point is 00:28:18 Good to see you all. It was a good time. Yeah. Very funny. Fuck. Eric, so you've been doing it seven months up in North Texas. What do you do for a living? What exactly type of delivery driving service do you do for a living?

Starting point is 00:28:35 I was fixing phones in Amarillo. I haven't been working since I moved here. I've just been doing mics. Fixing phones in Amarillo. Is that a country song? I'm pretty sure. And now you do nothing. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I've just been putting all my time to stand up.

Starting point is 00:28:52 I saved a lot before I came here and I've just been trying to live off of that. You saved a lot fixing phones. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. OK. I've just been trying to live off of it, though.

Starting point is 00:29:02 I always like to ask, because people are different with money in this and that It's an intrusive question, but I love to ask how much money did you save exactly? I saved like 4,500 So 4,500 dollars you're like, okay, I got this. I'm going to Austin Texas So tell us what it what explain to these people so that they understand what it's like for an artist how are you again? 29 29 years old 45 hundred dollars. How long ago did you come to Austin? It was like at the very end of January so January like 29 Wow, so how much of the 45 hundred do you have left? Like 38 hundred. Oh my god. Wow. You're like Hans Kim at a strip club I'm very frugal.

Starting point is 00:29:48 Yeah, I'm very frugal. I've been doing my best. It's easy to survive when you're only spending Nick's money. So how have you been so frugal? Explain to us how you have only spent $700 since the end of January. No, no, no, that's since I moved here two weeks ago. Oh, two weeks ago. Okay, so what's your living situation like?

Starting point is 00:30:12 I have a roommate. Okay. And I live in Southeast, Austin, Southeast. So rent's pretty good. Okay, what is rent? 500. Oh, okay. Split.

Starting point is 00:30:24 I mean, that's my, that's what I pay. 500 in the hand job? 500. Oh, okay. Split. I mean, that's my, that's what I pay. 500 in the hand job? Yeah, yeah, I have to blow him every now and then. Incredible. What else do you do? What else are you into? I like to play a lot of video.

Starting point is 00:30:39 I write a lot of music. Sorry, I'm starved stroke right now. You write music? Yeah, yeah. I like to play video games and... What kind of music do you write? Uh... Is it like... A lot of different kinds, like rock.

Starting point is 00:30:54 Is your music unfunny as well? Fuck, yeah. Fuck, yeah. Yeah. Joe Liss, what do you think about this guy? I think we learned that it's not Hans' glasses that make him funny. Ha-ha-ha. It is true, both, after the comedians, so far, of clear frames.

Starting point is 00:31:18 Only one has jokes. Fuck's. So, Eric, do you perform music at all? I haven't since I've been here, but I do. What type of music do you do? Like primarily like rock music. You sing or what? Yeah, I sing.

Starting point is 00:31:32 How many do you think we should hear? Eric's singing. What type of song do you want the band can play anything? Can I, oh, I need to just sing. What did you think was about to happen here? I thought I was gonna sing one of my songs, my bad. Okay, yeah, you wanna sing one of your songs and the band will follow along? Is that cool?

Starting point is 00:31:55 That's what I just said that. It's my thing. Probably not. I control everything. Matt, would that be cool, brother? That's not Matt. Stop asking permission for this. Just sing your fucking song. Start singing. One, two, one, two, three, four. I'll be really quick, I promise. Oh, he wants to play guitar. Oh, you want to

Starting point is 00:32:19 play guitar? Okay, all right, okay, okay, now I it all right cool don't clap for that don't All right, here he goes making a real thing about it Just to play guitar. I don't know what to just sing to my bad man Okay, here he is ladies and gentlemen is Killtony music debut absolutely terrible. Let's stand up. Seven months, I really good. Try. Mm. Mm. Mm. Ha, ha, ha. What you know is all that you are.

Starting point is 00:33:04 Don't tell me it's different You got a trust in how to live love I think you just like you Brow and I lost it all too I felt like nothing Was a fight that I'd had to Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, no, no you're wrong, no, no, that was not good, you're wrong, the band is good. Yeah, it's a good band, I'll give you credit. The band is great, what you guys think you liked was the fucking demonness in James Ackon's covering up his shit. I've lived in Austin long enough to know what the fuck just happened there.

Starting point is 00:33:51 Anybody could do that. Sean could have gone up there with the guitar and just literally done exactly that good. That's just the band, a bunch of professional musicians, the fuck you're filling in. I heard what you sent. What the... Yeah. Yeah. Get me.

Starting point is 00:34:09 I've only spent $700. I heard you, dude. I saw what the fuck was going on there. Fuck. Yeah. You ever get any pussy playing music like that? Dude, fuck no, man. Come on, man. I bet. I think you just get butt-playing music like that? Dude, fuck no, man. Come on, man.

Starting point is 00:34:26 I bet. I think you just get butt raped after playing like that, dude. I get a whole lot of drugs. Just drunk guys at a bar in Amarillo. I'm gonna fuck this one. This chick's got to go tea, but I don't mind it. No. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:40 Now that you're old for two, do you want to try paint it? Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, now that you're old for two. Do you want to try paint? This is I like the song honest. I'm gonna push back. I thought that was I thought that was great. That was fun Eric Galagos. It might sing that right Galagos Galagos, sir Okay, both of them are right. Okay, both you're leaving with a little kiltony joke book Made by the great bones. I Congratulations welcome to Austin Texas. Oh, yeah, thank you guys. There he goes Eric Galagos

Starting point is 00:35:21 Very good, but this is exciting. I pull the name out of the bucket and it's one of the inside people. So this means one of you signed up for the show, representing the interior of the comedy mothership of very interesting name. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Bobby Brown Jr. Everybody. Bobby Brown Jr. Here he comes. Look at this. everybody Bobby Brown Jr. Here he comes look at this

Starting point is 00:35:57 Yeah All right, I'll get right to it man. My name is Bobby Brown Jr. I know it's a weird fucking name. All right no relation All right, I hate sharing names with celebrities. I think it's fucking trash. People try to blame you for what the last celebrity did, you know? They'd be like, Bobby, why you killed what you with that crack cocaine? I just have to play along with the shit. I'd be like, obviously I did it because it's my prerogative. Nika, how about that? Well, no. Share names with celebrities fucking sucks, man, Because someone that be fucking their reputation's up over time.

Starting point is 00:36:26 And that's why I'm happy that my name aged better than my little brothers, Arkelly Jr. I said I gotta fix my fucking family, man. Black people have been naming eight kids after the worst fucking celebrities, ruining their lives. It's why I decided, five kids, I'm giving them the widest names I can find.

Starting point is 00:36:45 If I have a son, I'm naming that nigga, Joel Osteen Brown. Yeah. That's the name of the beat the allegations, you know? And past applications. You can't not hire a nigga whose initials is J-O-B. It's right there on the name, man. Get my nigga a job.

Starting point is 00:37:01 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Brown, Jr. a good job. Yeah. Hi, man. That'd be brown junior. Thank you. Thank you. Kilt Tony debut. Yeah, what's up, Tony?

Starting point is 00:37:11 How's it going, my friend? Man, that's going fucking great, man. That's going fucking great. How are you? I'm great. You look fucking great. Thank you. I'm, oh, I'll host from here on out.

Starting point is 00:37:21 So welcome to the show. This is your first time on. How long have you been doing stand-up? Um, five years now. Five years. Where are at? I'm from Jacksonville, Florida, man. Duval! Oh, shit. There is. There's a panic gang sign in nobody knows about. Incredible. Five years in the game, Jacksonville, Florida. How long have you been in Austin? I moved out here like Thursday, so like 12 days, like two weeks ago, man. I'm fucking with it.

Starting point is 00:37:47 Look at that. Yeah. Out of these people, fresh. Fresh. Here in Austin, Texas. Yeah, man. Everybody's coming here to make it. Everybody's signing up for the show.

Starting point is 00:37:56 It's incredible what's happening. So Bobby Brown, Jr. What is your take on Austin so far? Two weeks in. I fuck with it. This shit hot as hell though. You know what I mean? Like I got the plane and I was trying to call Uber but that shit was like phone is too hot.

Starting point is 00:38:10 You gotta wait 10 minutes for this shit to come out. Oh man, it's fucked man. I finally got my shit turned back on but my car declined so yeah I walked. I love it. That's it. So Jacksonville's pretty hot right? Yeah, nah man. It's cool in than this shit.

Starting point is 00:38:25 Yeah. Yeah. This was like 99 degrees last night. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. LAUGHTER Bobby, what do you do for work? How do you make a living?

Starting point is 00:38:37 I don't right now, man. I quit my, I used to be a server. I quit to come out here right now. I'm looking around for work. How much money did you save before you moved here? I probably have about negative $32. Oh shit. Yeah. I owe a lot of people back in Jacksonville so money, so.

Starting point is 00:38:53 OK. All right. Negative $32. What else about you? What else? What do you do for fun? Well, I do for fun, man, well I do for fun man. I like smoking weed and shit, you know I watch TV.

Starting point is 00:39:08 Okay, I don't know, fucking smoking weed and watching TV. Yeah, I don't know, I try to escape my problems man. Yeah, I know you should like them. That's probably why you have negative $32. Yeah. Sean dressed like an Iranian rapper right now. What the fuck? That was the goal.

Starting point is 00:39:29 Yeah. So Bobby Brown Jr. what's your love life like? You seem like a good looking version of Steve Erkhol or something like that. Yeah, you're on family matters or anything like that. Nah, I wish if you got some holes for me, I'll take them, no, you know what I I mean I'm a great Eskimo brother. I don't have I am no extra hose to get rid of I'd be a good Eskimo brother to you Tony. I do not dispense of the extra

Starting point is 00:39:57 No, I will not share I do not share us. I definitely don't share with people like Bobby Brown Jr Last thing I need is what Hans Kim would describe as a cavernous hole. Oh my God. No, no. I like to keep everything, keep everything compact. You have any special moves in the bedroom, Bobby Brown Jr. How much pussy do you get solely based on the fact that they think they're fucking Bobby Brown's son? Tell the truth, be honest.

Starting point is 00:40:28 You know, great. I'm a, I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm do they mostly find out? I mean, when I told him I couldn't pay for the date that we was on, then it was like, yeah. Hell yeah. Um, Joe List. I'm not confident Bobby Brown's son has a lot of money. I don't think that's that crazy. Yeah, that is a good point. Yeah, I mean, he don't.

Starting point is 00:41:00 He died like three years ago, so. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I'm the last living Bobby Brown junior at least right now, man. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate that. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:11 It was weird. I got like, like, people when he died, people thought it was me. Yeah. I got like 700 followers on Instagram that day. And I was like, wow. Yeah, it was fucking crazy. Fucking crazy. Oh.

Starting point is 00:41:24 Real. That's where that's real shit. I'm not lying. Do you do that in your act? That's killed. Yeah, I'll make sure I throw that in there. Yeah, you should. Yeah. That's a big deal.

Starting point is 00:41:35 It feels real. It feels honest. People want to know what really being like Bobby Brown Jr. is like. Yeah, I got plenty of moment. So, you know, you know what? I got plenty of moment. Most stories about this weird ass fucking name.

Starting point is 00:41:46 So I'll be around. I live out here now. So plenty of mo. He said plenty of mo. You have plenty of mo. I still don't know. For those of you, by the way, I hear a lot that Tony's hearing's bad. But what you don't see is that in the cleaned up edited version,

Starting point is 00:42:04 like Redban turns shit up and clears up the sound that you guys hear on the podcast, I still, after nine times, I've known it, I still think it's plenty of mouth. I think he's using it in the context like, Mo money, Mo problems. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Erpens stuff. I have several black friends, so I know.

Starting point is 00:42:27 I know. I hear you, bro. Oh, man. Several means more than one, am I correct? Well, Bobby Brown, Jr., congratulations. You popped your Kiltoni cherry. Yeah, I love that. You're on the secret show. Wow, Red Band. Red Band still thinks he's Bobby Brown's son, booking him.

Starting point is 00:42:53 Here's a big joke, but welcome to Kiltoni. That goes Bobby Brown Jr. All right, let's do something fun. Oh, shit, he touched me. That was amazing, that was incredible. All right, let's do something fun. We have a golden ticket winner that is ready to do a new minute for us, everybody. This guy has made it, he started what, four weeks ago and has killed every week. He has a very defined style that is different

Starting point is 00:43:24 than everybody else. Not the most confident guy. He literally seems like he doesn't want to be here. He's afraid to do stand-up comedy, but his execution is incredible. Make some noise for one of our new favorites. Rick Diaz, okay. This chick told me I have a big, dick energy. Just the energy though. Oh my God, my love language is nope. Every time I make

Starting point is 00:44:14 love, I prefer to turn the lights off. This way I can pretend that I'm with someone. I have an embarrassing sex story. Have an embarrassing sex story. Well, she has an embarrassing sex story. I had sex. When my ex left me, she told me, I know who you are. I know who you really are. And then she left me without telling me who I was.

Starting point is 00:44:50 I'll wrap it up there. Rick Diaz. Oh my goodness. The more you see him, the funnier he gets. Well, I'll tell you that. Redban and I pissed our pants, just him walking out. Just a look on it. Once you know what you're in for, that's what I've learned about you grow on people. Literally. A special character, Joe. This is your first time seeing Rick Diaz. It is. He's like me if my father finger fucked me as a kid.

Starting point is 00:45:29 I mean... My friends call me the cheaper Joe list. There you go. All right. How do you make that noise when jokes don't hit? That's incredible. That is an incredible trick you have. So Rick, you did it again. Big Dick Energy, embarrassing sex story. Is it true you don't have a big dick? I feel like you would have a fucking absolute goddamn full-size hog.

Starting point is 00:45:58 I'm pretty sure you've thought about it a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I have. I have. The answer is I have no complaint so far. Ooh, Allah, I'm so happy. Oh my goodness, gracious. Only because no one's seen it. I can show you later. Oh shit, Rick Diaz. Not to show his little Brussels griffin over there. His little Brussels bruh. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:31 If he is from Brussels and you have to go back there next week. Yes sir. What are you looking forward to or what are you dreading? My mom. I'm just joking. It's my job to joke. No, I'm interested in seeing how I'm going to be received by the French clubs that have been ignoring me. Oh, so the word's gotten out. Rick Diaz is going to suck my nuts when I get back.

Starting point is 00:47:02 Wow! And they're gonna suck my nuts when I get back. Whoa! Whoa! Rick is such a sensitive, like soft appearing guy. And then everyone's gonna, which fucking the animal comes out. There it is, there's an example. Big nut energy, Rick Diaz. We've seen this before. Now, let me remind you that the last two weeks in a row,

Starting point is 00:47:25 he's come out and he's literally said, fuck Hans Kim, I want his entire everything. I want to take Hans Kim's livelihood from him. He's spent two weeks saying until we finally came to the conclusion last week that we will have a main event fucking showdown at New Year's Eve in an arena, the HEP Center already sold out, impossible to get tickets, and we have made your dreams come true. You're going to fly back from Brussels, and one of you

Starting point is 00:47:52 is going to lose your livelihood. How do you feel? It's been a week since you made the challenge and received what you wanted. How does it feel to get what you want? It feels like I'm doing you guys a favor. Yeah. You're right. I put you in position and you do that. Honestly, honestly, I'm a little afraid of a Korean restaurant at this moment. I think Hans has a contract out on me.

Starting point is 00:48:21 He was pissed. Oh no, he blocked me on Instagram today. Oh my god, he did. Yeah, it's okay. At HB Arena, I'm gonna eat Korean barbecue. Oh my god. For the longest time, there was Hulk Hogan. On one day, there was a music, and a guy came out running, and that was the ultimate warrior. And the ultimate warrior picked up Hulk Hogan and throw him into oblivion. And that's going to happen on 31st of December.

Starting point is 00:49:00 That literally isn't what happened. Actually, that's not the history of the thing. It is as I remember it. It's not. You just like wrote that yourself. That's not what happened. I like manifesting things, you know. The ultimate warriors dead and that never happened.

Starting point is 00:49:19 Yeah, and he also got fired from WWE. Yeah, for saying that he should be paid as much as Hulk Hogan. Before going on stage. I won't do that. Right. Potentially. Sugar Shano Malley, what do you think about this guy? Funny fucking dude.

Starting point is 00:49:36 I've always been insecure about my neck, but I feel like... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But I'm feeling pretty confident tonight. Fuck yeah. I love it. At least I'm not even secure about my hair. I don't think he's insecure about his hair gets me pussy. Yeah. My dick gets me pussy. Does it really though?

Starting point is 00:50:03 Rick, does your dick get you pussy? It's the only thing that gets me? Rick, does your dick get you pussy? It's the only thing that gets me pussy. How does your dick get you pussy? Tell us, explain to this room how your dick gets you pussy. I don't need the women though. Women, make some noise if you want to fuck Rick Diaz. Yeah. It's because they're on a date. Ah!

Starting point is 00:50:29 It's a fucking gangster right here. Rick, we love you. You come out every week. We're going to miss you and when you're in Brussels, are we not going to see you until New Year's Eve? You're not going to see me until New Year's Eve unless something, you're not gonna see me until New Year's Eve unless something happens in the meantime and you wanna bring me back, I'll be happy to come back.

Starting point is 00:50:50 And in the meantime, if nothing happens, hands came, will have to dodge me the way that my dear Sean O'Malley was dodging Cheeto era for so long. Oh my God, Oh my God. Why do you do this? Why do you cause problems, Rick? You're supposed to be an innocent sweet little nerdy boy.

Starting point is 00:51:13 You come out, you challenge haunts. You talk shit to the champion of the world. Well, people were asking me, aren't you afraid of roasting Sean on Ali? He could kill you and I was like, I want to die, aren't you afraid of roasting Sean on Ali? He could kill you and I was like, I want to die, so who gives a fuck? I love it.

Starting point is 00:51:34 Now I want to fuck him. Yeah. You're the second person on this panel that has said this. That is true. Wait, did I say that I wanted a fuck you? No, King Kong, the last time. King Kong, the da da da da da. Then she didn't fuck me, just for, of course, you know.

Starting point is 00:51:53 But Joelist is gonna fuck me, I think. Sure. You will be missed. Rick Diaz, your impact here the past month has been absolutely incredible You're so different than every other golden ticket winner and regular in the history of the show very very Borderline suicidal character that these are incredibly kind words you only I gave a fuck I mean, okay All right again in an asshole for no reason, but I like it. Personally, I like it.

Starting point is 00:52:26 I like it. Joe, we're gonna miss you, Rick. Have fun over in Europe. Guys, come on, his last set. I'm gonna miss you too, guys. His last set in America. I'm gonna miss you, it's Rick Diaz, everybody. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:38 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, there he goes. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Here we go. 60 seconds uninterrupted to the Killtoni Alright, there he goes. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Here we go. 60 seconds uninterrupted to the Killtony debut of Drew Santana, everybody.

Starting point is 00:52:53 Drew Santana. You guys having fun out there, huh? Alright, here he is. 60 seconds uninterrupted for true Santana. I, uh, I don't know why people think I'm gay. It doesn't matter what I wear. I could be wearing a woman right now. And some of you would still have doubts. I know it's just that right there. So nice. Dress like a fucking space cowboy in a gay porn or something,

Starting point is 00:53:27 I know, and I'm just trying to keep up here. When I was just a, we lads, my stepfather told me, son, every other woman I had been with before, your mother had really big tits. I think he was trying to teach me about sacrifices. I don't know, I can compromise this for the ones you love. Um, I've seen a couple of open mic comics square up to fight at open mics, and I gotta say watching these open mic comics square up to fight is like watching a women's basketball.

Starting point is 00:53:59 It was disappointing and overall and eventful. Um, disappointing and overall uneventful. Um... I can't do it. Disappointing and uneventful. You're Santa. Now you've been on this show before, right? I kind of recognized. This is my second time on yet. Second time.

Starting point is 00:54:24 And what is that that you're wearing around your shoulders? What the fuck is going on here? It's a posture brace. I have chifosis in my back. It's not. What? It's a posture brace. Yeah, it looks like a gay thing, but it's,

Starting point is 00:54:37 I got bad posture. You have bad posture, so you have to wear that. You could also hold onto it if you wanted to. There's one issue. Why don't you put it under your shirt? I remember you. You don't answer questions. Oh shit.

Starting point is 00:54:49 I hated you the first time, right? I think I'm doing good. Yeah, I kind of do now again. Yeah, I remember now. I remember immediately. Yeah. OK, Jill list. It doesn't look gay to me.

Starting point is 00:55:03 It looks like you work at Home Depot to me. Yeah. More like Home Depot. Am I right? Is there anything you wish you did differently last time you were on the show? I didn't make note of a couple of things. Like being on truums, I've been microdose in a little bit, and usually before Kyoto and he'll take a little bit more than a microdose, and I'm pretty, uh, did you do that again?

Starting point is 00:55:31 Yeah. Wow. I'm unbelievable. People are cheering for the drug mushrooms, not for you, just to make that clear. Yet again, I like to make sure nobody leaves here with any extra confidence that they did not deserve. Yet again, I like to make sure nobody leaves here with any extra confidence that they did not deserve

Starting point is 00:55:49 Deed madness isn't going pee by the way, he just hates you There he goes a floating pair of sunglasses Flies by the side of the room Tony his his whole energy is like women's basketball. Yeah It's true WNB gay. You know what I'm in? All right. But at least you're standing up straight. That's nice.

Starting point is 00:56:11 That is true. I would hunch over to if I had everything about you. Is there ever a time where you're very confident and stand up straight like a man? I try not really. No. very confident and stand up straight like a man. I try not really know. I, oh, you're so annoying. I don't, I'm just gonna keep it moving. There he goes again, Drew Santana. Did you take a break from signing up for a while

Starting point is 00:56:36 and so you're ready to like talk and like, enunciate in a ship. I felt like his jaw was wired shut. Yeah, he was like that last time. I did my shrooms. No. Oh, I, and I forgot to write. Oh, I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh the show by storm, perhaps one of the strongest forces in the

Starting point is 00:57:05 show's history. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the newest regular on Killtony, crushing in theaters all around the world with me, make some noise for Cam Patterson, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I walked into our sixth street, and I seen the crack-cat lady, and I'm a good person. So I wanted to give her a minute, and she would just scratch her her pussy like real hard.

Starting point is 00:57:38 She would, uh, give me some money, nigga. And I would like, yeah, of course. So I gave her the minute. Now, soon as I gave it a minute, she would like, come and bitch, give me a hug. Now, listen, I am a good person. I'm not gonna do two things in this instance either I could not give for the money

Starting point is 00:57:53 and run away or much to forget this bitch, right? So I decided to give her the money, and then she went, come in, they could give me a hug. So I would like, okay, and I hugged her, and then she was rubbing her puts her hand on my back, and I could smell it. In her sense, like, thank you so much for the minute, baby.

Starting point is 00:58:13 I really appreciate the minute. And I wanted to put some of the hug, right? Before I could do that, she had a schizophrenic breakdown and forgot who I was. And she was like, thank you so much for the, who is you, Mieglet, and piss me off? Like, I was homeless. And that shit turned me on, so I fucked up.

Starting point is 00:58:31 That's how you do it. See? He does it every week. Oh, it will outside, yeah. These people run out of a minute with these stars. What's up, what's up, Killa? Hell yeah. Nick is fucking shining. What's up, what's up, Killa? Hell yeah. Nick is fucking shining, Nick is fucking fuck, man. Yeah. True gang violence.

Starting point is 00:58:50 Shiggered time, man. That's not a shit of that. He's Nick is a star, Nick are you on that? Absolutely, Joe Litz. My thoughts exactly. Talk to him, dude. If I love you, Joe, you're a mom, you're not like you. Nick, you're a good dude, man.

Starting point is 00:59:01 I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I'm a fan of you. Gang shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, well I saw a couple clips and I was like, Nicky. I like you, bro. I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. I'm a fan of you. Gang shit, you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I saw a couple clips and I was like, that's really funny. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:09 I don't bother your merch, right? Yeah, I get that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I understand how completely my nigga is doing. Why? I feel so relaxed. I feel so relaxed.

Starting point is 00:59:19 Yeah. I think Cam thinks you're a public defender, but I don't. Yeah. I think Cam thinks you're a public defender by the way. Oh, no. He's trying to keep you on his good side here. He's not? No, he's one of the best standups working today. I'm not for everybody on YouTube right now. Jaliss being special.

Starting point is 00:59:40 Cam, you did it again. Please, how fun. What's going on in life? Oh, shit old shit or black people taking piss with me now That's pretty cool not that out down a problem or not, but it's black people saying pissing me a pretty dope I really enjoy that shit. That's cool. Yeah, that's it. It is incredible. There was a there was an old black man in Chicago I said I talk about this last week. I think I know I think somebody told me about it I can't remember who I tell the stories to and not. But there was an old black guy in Chicago.

Starting point is 01:00:08 We were taking a picture in front of the Chicago theater, Marquis. We were across the street, big giant iconic Marquis. And he goes, hey man, you're the fucking rocks guy. Yeah. Yeah. He walked right by me, William, David Lucas. Just say, just wanted to say hi to the rocks guy.

Starting point is 01:00:26 That's okay. That was when we was in a, that was when we were at that, we was in Kansas City, a douchebag, he was like, Hey, I don't know who you is, but people know you, so I'm gonna take a picture with me for my son.

Starting point is 01:00:40 My son might know who you is, and my only thought is, what if his son has no idea who I am? And I just got a picture of the random nigga in his phone. You know that? That's pretty hilarious. Yeah. 100%.

Starting point is 01:00:53 I love it, Cam. You've been killing all of our town. We're going to, where are we going this week, Philly? Philly. Yeah, it's nice to have you. Yeah, thank you very much. How did you know that? Oh, it's your name. Oh, yeah. That's my tour manager. I thought it was an audience member telling me that I'm enticing

Starting point is 01:01:10 the game. Yeah, who the fuck is that exactly? That's my number one stalker Yoni I love it. So yeah, we're doing that Philly and DC ever been there before. Hey, oh no No, you've never been to any of these places. I'm going to go out, I stay home for a little minute, you know that? There was Bobby Brown Jr. who's from Jacksonville, you ever worked with him before? Living on my couch right now, man. Oh, he's on your couch.

Starting point is 01:01:36 Yeah, my brother, anyway, that. Okay. Yeah, I brought him here, I'm bringing everybody in, look. Okay. I'm bringing the whole state, man. I love it. All right. Come on, it got a feature, follow me, bitch, you the whole state man. I love it. All right. Yeah, come on I got a feed you follow me bitch. Yeah

Starting point is 01:01:49 Everybody come on Tony it is weird like there's a lot of people from Florida that are friends with them They're moving but every time you go to Florida you don't really see that funny comic. Yeah, you know when you're on the road Them niggas is hiding You feel me but yeah, everybody I know that I'm telling the comb. They coming, they be funny. But a lot of niggas coming on their own. I didn't tell them to be here. They just garbage, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:02:11 Right. That happens. Yeah, that happens a lot. I'm in town, I don't know you bitch, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Cam rocking the official cam Patterson T-shirt available at Killmerch.com. Yeah, yeah, I'm talking to him. Freshly restocked, you're making a Patterson T-shirt available at Killmerch.com. Freshly restocked, you're making a lot of T-shirt money through us right now.

Starting point is 01:02:31 That's the same. Actually quite incredible. It's a witty when I was selling drugs, negative, so we got that. Yeah. It's kind of beautiful. Selling a whole different kind of white. Yeah, rocks. Yeah, and rocks.

Starting point is 01:02:43 And rocks. Yeah. Every one of those T Ew, rocks, rocks. Yeah. Every one of those t-shirts comes with a free rock. And you can't make it up. They were selling hundreds a week. It's absolutely incredible. People want a plain white tee, and they're getting it from Kill Merch for, I do believe, $35.

Starting point is 01:02:58 That's a hot one. Do you have a new rock this week that we can see? Is there a special rock to get out of rock? I will rush now to the crew. I got black and my eyes in my packet. You know Oh shit black and my old school black and my eyes. Oh, I don't typically Okay, that's it for you. Wow chill this someone's gonna be vomiting tonight I'm black in my, I wanna black in my, oh shit. Don't get one, you hold onto those.

Starting point is 01:03:23 Yeah. Oh shit. We're sad, talk to him as old. Save your black in my, oh, save your black in my, oh, it's weird. I need that bit. Yeah. I think I'm a dude, dude, dude.

Starting point is 01:03:35 I just think, yeah. That one does smoke the hell out of those. You know what, I'm gonna bring up something kind of crazy. The other night, we were all drinking at Mitzies and I walked into the restroom at one point and I heard like, from one of the stalls and as I'm walking to the urinal

Starting point is 01:03:56 and I hear that, I like glance through the crack and I just see a bright white t-shirt. That's all I saw. And I go, Cam, is that you? And he goes, yeah, and I go, you are right. And you said, yeah, I do this all I saw. And I go, camp, is that you? And he goes, yeah, and I go, you are right. And you said, yeah, I do this all the time. When I drink, sometimes I be hit by stomach roll. I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go and say,

Starting point is 01:04:14 throw up if I throw up on you. You guys there. I gotta get out of the way you feel me. But then the black of my, sometimes the shit be getting in your hands, I swear, that's, you know, accident. Yeah. I gotta go, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:04:24 I evacuate the system, you feel me? Yep. You've been hanging out with white girls too much, man. Yeah, red band as you could tell never throw up. I never throw up. It holds on to everything that he eats and drinks like a bearer before hibernation. I love sodium. I believe morbid obesity is what it's called. But anyway Cam you did it again another amazing minute so much fun. There he goes camp Patterson everybody Okay Back to the bucket we go we're having fun tonight. We're getting through it

Starting point is 01:04:59 It's a fun one still more special treats to go We're gonna get one bucket pool and then we have another fun thing that's about to happen, but first, 60 seconds uninterrupted to our first female of the night. Make some noise for Helena and Charlotte, everybody. Helena and Charlotte. One more time for Helena, everybody, come on. Yeah!

Starting point is 01:05:23 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Hi. One more time for Haleena everybody come up. Hi. So, I'm gonna throw up. You know, these apps that you can get on your phone to help you manage your time and get more productive. I don't load it five of them and I'm still not doing anything with my life. I don't understand. Maybe it's because they were free. I've never received the and so I received the dick pick in my life and as a grown woman it kind of hurts. women it kind of hurts. It's not that I necessarily want one, but I would like to be able to complain about it.

Starting point is 01:06:15 Men have always been so respectful to me, how am I supposed to relate to the female condition. I find it a little bit transphobic when they put free tampons in the women's bathroom. It's like a reminder for trans women that there'll never be real women. Haleena and Charlotte. Welcome to the show Haleena. Thank you. Incredible performance. Thank you. You sound a lot like Rick Diaz. How long have you been doing stand-up? Like a month ago. It's my fourth time. Really? Wow. Very good for a month then. One of the better sets of the night, which is incredible for both being a month and being a female.

Starting point is 01:07:12 Thank you. Thank you. So what made you want to start a month ago? I'm... What inspired you to start stand-up comedy? Well, I always loved stand-up, but I'm really shy. And recently, I was realizing that to start stand-up comedy. I love, I love stand-up, but I'm really shy. And recently I was realizing that I'm getting old,

Starting point is 01:07:29 so I kicked myself in the butt. I was like, maybe I should start now, you know, before I die. Yeah, absolutely. No doubt about it. It is good to start before you die. And it's one of the main things you have to do. What is that accent? French.

Starting point is 01:07:44 Ah, French. Ah French. How long did you live in France? All my life But I've been living in Canada for 12 years now. Ah Canada. Yeah, the old gateway drug to France Where in Canada Montreal? Yeah, of course. Of course. Frenchy French land. Mini France. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:08:08 Mini France. Mini France, yeah. Yes. Do you have many friends? Sure. I feel like that's what you thought I said, so I'm just going to ask. OK.

Starting point is 01:08:17 OK. What do you do for a living up in Montreal? Not much. I do crappy jobs because on the side I like to do my stuff like creative things and stuff like that. What kind of creative things? You make like Easter baskets and things like that. No, like comics. You draw comics? Like comic strips. Okay.

Starting point is 01:08:44 Stuff like that. Very cool. You draw your shirt? Yes. Oh, like comic strips. Okay. Stuff like that. Very cool. You draw your shirt? Yes. Oh, that's you. You did that. Small font. It matches your tits.

Starting point is 01:08:55 Come on. Come on. Oh, well. Hell yeah. So what's your love like? Love life like up in Montreal. You seem like a Montreal 8 or 9 or something like that. Thank you. Austin 4 but a Montreal 9. I think she's hot. Oh, sugar shine thinks she's hot. Look at that. Look at that. I came with my boyfriend actually. Boo, boo this woman. Is it Bobby Brown Jr.? What does your boyfriend do?

Starting point is 01:09:46 He's in crypto, he's a nerd. Wow. Okay. Um, and, uh, okay, Joeless, what do you think about this lady? I thought it was great. I mean, it took a little while and then there was some great jokes. I can't figure out your shirt, though. Is it a joke?

Starting point is 01:10:03 I'm not. Super's to be funny. Yeah. Well, a joke? I'm not. It's supposed to be funny. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm struggling with, I think. Yeah, it's OK. It says, where did you get this shirt cool? And then the person with a shirt that says, very cool, says, I can't tell you.

Starting point is 01:10:18 Can you explain why that's funny to us? Oh, good. See, there's a problem. It's like, you know those hipster people who don't want to tell you where they go. Ah. I don't know. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:10:30 That was funny. Right. I got that kills in France. Yeah. It does. It does. Wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawaw Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Grand Bann! So, let me ask you this. Your boyfriend, he's also French Canadian.

Starting point is 01:10:54 He's from Morocco, but he moved in Montreal when he was like three or four. Okay, how long have you two been together? Almost five years now. Five years, wow. How do you keep things spicy in the bedroom? What do you guys do? What's the trick for a muff? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:11:13 I don't know if he's going to want me to talk about what we're doing in the bed. Oh, he beats you. He beats you. It's a secret, but it's working. Yeah. What do you guys do for fun? We have a lot of friends. We hang out and we drink and you know normal people stuff.

Starting point is 01:11:36 Normal people stuff. Is there anything wild about you that we would be surprised to know? Any special skills or talents or anything that you've done or... Nothing wild about me. What... Nothing wild about me. What? Nothing wild about me. Nothing wild about you. I don't think so. I box, I do boxing.

Starting point is 01:11:53 Oh, you do boxing. Why don't you put the mic in the mic stands? Show us a little shadow boxing. I know. Here we go. There we go. Show us a little form. Come on, put the mic in the mic stand. I look very good at it. It's okay, just show us a little for Come on put the mic put the mic in the mic

Starting point is 01:12:07 It's very good at it. It's okay just show us Whoa, oh wow, oh my goodness. Oh wow. Okay. Yeah, that was terrible. I was I was hoping to see her box. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa is my guess. No doubt about it. I mean, it looks like a fucking. Is that true? No, you don't have to answer that. Red band, I made a joke. You made it frightening. Yeah, is there? When you ask it, scary. French, Canadian. Yeah, there you go. You're just saying words at this point. What would be something, well, before I let you go, what would be something that would surprise us about you? You seem so shy, so unassuming,

Starting point is 01:13:09 but I mean, boxing's one thing, but what else? There must be something. French Canadian, from Montreal, the home of the former biggest comedy festival, Montreal Comedy Fest, which is now an absolute corporate hack of fest. You know this, right? Yeah, good.

Starting point is 01:13:32 Oki-doki. Uh, nothing better than shy people on Keltoni. Somehow, for the first time ever, Bones Eye made like a rainbow-colored, uh, Keltoni, big joke book, and I feel like you're just liberal enough to appreciate that No, but thank you. There you go. Oh Almost had a French Canadian's not good at much There she goes Helena and Charlotte everybody All right. Deal?

Starting point is 01:14:09 Ready? Yeah. Great. You guys are in for a special treat, the young man that you're about to see famously one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show retired at the 10-year anniversary. Now when we get to see him, it's a special treat when he wants to show off a brand new minute. One of the greatest roasters in the history of Kiltoni.

Starting point is 01:14:31 This is a special appearance by Kiltoni Legend, the great powerful David Lucas everybody. Yeah. Having sex with skinny white women's like eating plain Greek yogurt. It's like I don't want to eat this shit, but I'm hungry as fuck. It's like you ain't got no honey or no granola nigga. I hate with Rogan, but I don't believe in aliens, because why no niggas ain't ever seen them. Why aliens don't come to the hood, you know what I'm saying? Because they know, niggas were still day spaceship, you know? The niggas would be all at the moon like, what's the blue tube dog? All right, that's what time, man, take it.

Starting point is 01:16:00 Unbelievable. You see that, it really stands out on this episode. Because you just put on a little bit of a clinic. You took your time which not many people did tonight. You were non-seated which not many people did tonight. You wrote which almost nobody did tonight and you had a great premise. Aliens don't go to the hood. A forepronged attack, which we have rarely seen this episode, that's what stand-up comedy's all about. David Lucas.

Starting point is 01:16:30 Fresh off of taping his debut special this week on Here at the Mother's Shirt. I walked in the back of the room on Saturday night, and he was absolutely smashing, riffing on his toes, which is not easy to do for a guy like you. Tony, shut up. Sure, your feet are holding on by threads down there. I mean, I cannot even imagine what those fucking hoves

Starting point is 01:16:55 must look like that you're dealing with. You have the jacket of J. Leno in your shape, like one of his cars. David, what's going on? You're breathing heavy over there. Oh, shit, he's low-nub. Tony look like he get the Heimlich maneuver for fun. That is true. I actually did.

Starting point is 01:17:21 Sugar Shaw, you look like you sell camels with no hump nigga David Lucas one of the roast gods of the history of Kiltoni, dearly messed. Thank you, man. Thank you, I ain't going. Absolutely. So what else is going on? Take this fish. That's it. I just started this new fucking medicine. I got an infection. That's it. Fucking me up.

Starting point is 01:17:51 What kind of an infection do you have? Don't worry about it. Oh, shit. Is it yeast? Is it yeast? Do you get a yeast infection from meeting so much bread? Is it yeast? Is it yeast? Do you get a yeast infection from meeting so much bread?

Starting point is 01:18:04 What's crazy for the last, I stopped when I felt my special condition was giving me so much anxiety. Like when we said to Marina something, like what is wrong with me, I'm like, oh it's that medicine. Uh huh. Oh yeah. Yeah, I can't tell you what it is.

Starting point is 01:18:22 I can tell you're acting different right now for sure. Yeah. No, bro, so look, I can't tell you what it is. I can tell you're acting different right now for sure. Yeah, no bro I so look I'm on antibiotics. I'm gonna forget allergy medicine and tequila nigga. That's a fucking shit Dude, this is that's some UFC shit nigga. I feel like I should die my hair like this nigga. Oh My goodness you are following in Patrizoniels for the best of sudden incredible rate You following in Andy Diggs footsteps, right? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 01:18:47 Why'd you laugh? I'm my own security guy, laugh. You just covered up his mouth like that. I saw that you son of a bitch. I just caught him covering his mouth so that I didn't see him laughing. Look at a tough guy over here. God, you're supposed to be keeping me safe? Joe Liz look like a healthy Nick Diaz.

Starting point is 01:19:13 Oh, Rick Diaz. Oh, Rick Diaz, yeah. He looks nothing like a healthy Nick Diaz. Who is Nick Diaz? Nick Diaz is a fighter. Nate Diaz is a little bit brother. Oh, yeah, yeah. Rick Diaz, yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:25 Why are you putting that white shit on? You and Tony matching? Y'all look like y'all by the baptized some fags. What? What? What? What? What?

Starting point is 01:19:36 What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

Starting point is 01:19:43 What? What? What? What? What? What? Sugar shine, you look like Post Malone therapist nigga, y'all. Yeah. I'm still me even on medicine nigga. This isn't credible to see, you still have it. Over here, roasting sugar, like you're making s'mores or something like that. Absolutely incredible. It's weird to see you in this kind of, I mean, I almost said shape, but you've always been the same shape. I'm actually 18 pounds down, bitch.

Starting point is 01:20:19 18 pounds down. That is incredible. He said that's .05 of your body weight. It's incredible. Red Band actually with a good roast joke over there. This is incredible. Fat people roasting fat people here on this show. That's funny. Unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:20:41 David checking his caloric intake on his phone. Nah, man, I got a text message from RuPaul, and they could say, you got a film in five minutes. They filming drag race at Anton's. Whatever that should come. You're so funny. Thank you, Doc. We miss you dearly on this show. You're a show, man. Appreciate it, Doc. We miss you dearly on this show. Let me show, man, appreciate it, John.

Starting point is 01:21:07 Get back in good health. Come back again. Plug some shit. To come October 12 through the 15th, 10 pay, October 20 through the 21st, I'm bringing Cam. Gonzales Louisiana, October 26 through the 27th. New Orleans, October 29th.

Starting point is 01:21:25 I'll see y'all, I love y'all, peace. Yeah. Yeah. The great, powerful David Lucas, everybody. We love him. He is in weird form tonight. He better not die. That's how it happens.

Starting point is 01:21:39 Stand up comedy. We watch people die all the time. You guys having fun out there? Hold another name out of the bucket. Here we go. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Ben Williams. Everybody. Ben Williams. Do you believe this is a new...

Starting point is 01:21:56 Oh no, we know Ben. So return to Ben Williams. We've seen him before. 60 seconds from Ben Williams. How's everybody doing? Woo! At this point, I think it's somebody looking in the mirror and saying my name three times. Beetle juice, Beetle juice, Beetle juice. Yeah, I know him ugly, you know.

Starting point is 01:22:17 Yeah. Like, I knew I was... I knew him. Like, I knew I was ugly. I knew I was ugly when I went to the haunted house and they thought I worked there. I jumped out, hey. Why are you not at your post, man?

Starting point is 01:22:32 Why are you at it's not a clock? Yeah, man. So dating is tough. So if any women in the audience want to donate me some pussy, I would greatly appreciate it. It's been so long. I don't know what one looks like anymore. But I'm bad at one night stands.

Starting point is 01:22:50 It always ends badly for me. The last one night stand I had, it didn't end well because I ended up catching feelings as she ended up catching the STD. Don't worry, two weeks it went away. I recently had a loss, my grandma died, so I've been taking it hard. Like I really been taking it hard. So now I'm sad in my ass hurts. But yeah, man, um...

Starting point is 01:23:18 Yeah, life's been rough, man. There you go, Ben Williams, doing more than a minute. Yeah, more than a minute. You're a lucky guy. I do believe this is your third bucket pull in four weeks. Yeah, I'm very grateful. Thank you. That isn't good.

Starting point is 01:23:34 It's not as nothing to do with me. Literally, there's a bunch of pieces of paper and I pull a name out. You're very, very lucky, is my point. Why do you think you're so lucky? Why do you think when I pull a piece of paper out, why do you think Destiny keeps calling your name? Do you think it's over-commensating for the face

Starting point is 01:23:49 that it gave you? Yes. We've roasted you every which would fucking direction the last four weeks. It is incredible. It looks like you're wearing fake Halloween teeth. It seems like it gets a little bit worse every week. You're like,

Starting point is 01:24:06 I know, all right. It is incredible. He really are. You said that you're ugly, but let me tell you, I could not agree more. James, Jamesackens,

Starting point is 01:24:16 Jamesackens on the drums has been laughing since you got on stage. Not at anything that you said, but he caught a glimpse of your face. That's my goal. It's just a walk-on stage. Everybody lay off with like 30 minutes at my face, and I still get paid and just go off this walk-out to sunset. It is incredible. He's gonna go far, Tony. He's got a lot of teeth in the game.

Starting point is 01:24:40 I mean, it is wild. Are you, do your parents look like you? I mean, it is wild. Do your parents look like you? No. It is amazing. I mean, it is incredible. It is unbelievable. Yeah, they're gonna put my own, they're gonna add my pictures

Starting point is 01:24:57 to the definition of ugly and the West edition there. You look like if Tyler Perry made an ET film. Ha-ha-ha-ha. No. No. No. No. It would look like if Tyler Perry made an ET film. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I guess we would call it BET. That's awesome. Make it so rough.

Starting point is 01:25:17 So you probably don't have a home that you could phone to. LAUGHTER And if ET wrote a stolen bicycle. My goodness gracious. So remind us, tell us about your life a little bit. What's been going on? Oh, yeah, man. I just been doing a lot of stand up.

Starting point is 01:25:37 I've been actually doing this for six months, guys. And I've just been just grinding hard doing this and just trying to perfect my craft and stuff like that. I'm from Galveston. And if you guys don't know what that's it, I say it's a mission between Gilligan's Island and walking dead. But it's an awesome place and-

Starting point is 01:25:54 What is your dentist? Stu for a living. He actually retired. So he was like, oh, I quit. He's saying me like, I can't do nothing with this. Like, fuck it. My goodness. Well, it's really good you moved out't do nothing with this. I fuck it. My goodness. Well, it's really good.

Starting point is 01:26:06 You moved out here. You're really going to cut your teeth out here. Jill, listen. What do you think about this guy? I actually think his teeth are better than mine, honestly. I guess you guys haven't seen my teeth, but if you had his teeth are much, much worse than yours. No, I know, I just, you know,

Starting point is 01:26:28 it's trying to, I felt sad for him. Yeah. Do you really ever, what's your love life really like? Like the last time you were with a girl, what happened? Oh man, it's been like over a year. And that's like, that wasn't a bit. She's actually was 60 years old. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:47 Hold on. I was trying to be nice when I was just walking across the street. And she was like, oh, you're so nice. I ain't had none in a while. And I was like, OK, so I'll walk her to the door. And she says again, she's like, I ain't had none in a while. And I still wasn't going to do it. And she's like, hey, you drink. I was like, I do. Say you smoke weed, I ain't had none in the wow. And I still wasn't gonna do it. And she's like, hey, you drink.

Starting point is 01:27:06 I was like, I do. Say you smoke weed, I do. She's like, you pop zeniths. I was like, oh, I love this bitch. So I was like, that's all I do. I love it. Oh my goodness. Wow.

Starting point is 01:27:22 With teeth like that, I'm not surprised you caught a cougar, you know what I mean? I mean, those things are absolutely aggressive. It is incredible. Is there something that can you do like tricks? Can you eat foods really fast or something like that? I mean, I don't know. I'm probably bite real hard.

Starting point is 01:27:41 It's not go to moving a fight. Yeah. All right. All right. You've been on move in a fight. Yeah. All right. All right. You've been on the show a lot. We've interviewed you a lot. You got up again. Congratulations.

Starting point is 01:27:52 We're going to keep moving forward. There he goes. Ben Williams, everybody. Appreciate you all. Thank you. Okay. I pulled another name out of the bucket. But before we get to that, we have yet another special treat for you.

Starting point is 01:28:04 I have been promising this guy a spot at redemption for a while. He has been asking for it. The last time we saw him, he challenged Hans and Hans bobbed him. 15 punchlines to zero. The guy prides himself formally at least on being a storyteller that tries to squeeze a story into a minute. But I'm telling you, he's always been much funnier offstage. He doesn't show it a lot on his social media, but the guy is funny in real life. He swears that he's ready to kill for a minute on this show.

Starting point is 01:28:44 You've seen him many times. Another shot at redemption. This is a brand new minute from Uncle Laser, everybody. Here we go. The new underdog, it sounds like Uncle Laser. First off, fuck Christian Mangle, OK? All right. It should just call it catfish by the Catholic, okay?

Starting point is 01:29:07 It's a crocus shit, all right? Right? Then women aren't there aren't Christians, they're horrors. Absolute horrors, you know what I'm saying? Look, I get on there to fund a nice young lady with some structure, give me a little balance, a little accountability, right? Someone to get mad at me when I'm doing cocaine in the garage at 7.30 in the morning on a Tuesday building a go-car, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 01:29:29 But instead, I get a bitch that's got eight kids and nine baby daddies, you know what I'm saying? Listen, I went to public school, that math don't add up, you know what I'm talking about. And she was just had a baby three weeks prior to the date, okay? Y'all have been inside a pussy that just gave birth? Incredible.

Starting point is 01:29:51 That pussy was wallered out, right? It looked like a fucking mud flap on the back of an 18-wheeler, just blowing around in the breeze, right? It looked like fucking chewed up bubble gum, but fucking under the park bench pussy. It ain't quite got the flavor, but it fucking chewed up bubble gum but fucking under the park bench pussy. It ain't quite got the flavor, but it's chewed up just nice. You know what I'm talking about? Chewed up just nice. Because I'ma be honest with y'all real quick.

Starting point is 01:30:14 I'ma be honest with y'all. Tight pussy. Go ahead, go ahead, finish it. Tight pussy makes me claustrophobic. Uncle Laser, look at that. Wow, wow, wow. I didn't get the fuck in me out. You talked over it, it's good.

Starting point is 01:30:31 I didn't hear it either. I was questioning it as well. I'm with you, but you're a loud projecting guy. And that was, by the way, without a doubt, the best set you've ever had on the show. Thank you, Ray. Ray, Ray. Ray. It is part of your storyline.

Starting point is 01:30:49 It was incredible. You came out guns ablaze and early on on the show and you would get drunk before the show. Coked out. And then you would start doing fast amounts of cocaine before your sets and then you would drink more and then do more cocaine. Your answer to everything was cocaine. Was cocaine. And now tell the people, what's your cocaine situation now?

Starting point is 01:31:10 Three days sober of it. Right, three days. That's right. Until tonight, you know, it's my birthday. It is his birthday, everybody. It's a coke night. It's a coke night. I still have David Lucas ahead of you on my death pole

Starting point is 01:31:27 as of tonight. He is sluggish seeming. You might want to give him a little bump of something. Wait, he needs a couple of little bits. I find it, you know, my goodness. Can I say something real quick? Oh, shit, here we go.

Starting point is 01:31:39 A heartfelt moment with Uncle Laser. Sean O'Malley. Listen, I got a good head of lettuce, right? Look at me, you know what I'm saying? We look at you. Look, I fuck. But you fuck on the first date. You fuck on the car ride to Chili's.

Starting point is 01:31:53 You know what I'm talking about? I like that kind of shit. All right, Uncle Lazer wants to fuck sugar Sean O'Malley. Sugar, what do you want to say about that? I would love to do cocaine with you, brother. Yeah, look at that. Happy birthday to you. Hey, it's a nice day for a white wedding, you know, to talk to him.

Starting point is 01:32:19 Sugar Sean, meet Bugga Sugar Sean. This is some blazer. Jo Liss, what do you think about this? I think neither of you should do cocaine together. Wait, wait till I'm off the premise if you could. Yeah. Joe Liss is the fentanyl test strip of this panel here tonight. LAUGHTER

Starting point is 01:32:41 Uncle Lisser's birthday, how old are you? 33 years young, baby. 33 years young. What a baby. And your stand up is sharp. Tell us what's your regimen been. How have you been working this out? How did were you able to finally summon a bunch of punchlines in 60 seconds? Well, I've been doing the hookdown phonics, right? So I learned how to write. Just a tab.

Starting point is 01:33:02 It turns out writing makes world of a difference. You just can't come up here and wing it. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm a piece of shit. That's on me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I just took a bunch of mushrooms, like a hero dose, like eight grounds, went and talked to Jesus, and we had us a time.

Starting point is 01:33:19 And really what it was, my daddy called me and goes, you're fucking up, boy, that little Asian boy, Barry Jarass. You know what I'm saying? They say, you went up on that man's show with that goofy haircut and you grow drunk, he spilled your bag of cocaine on the ground and he said, that's not the boy I raised, so you need to get better.

Starting point is 01:33:35 Or you gotta go back to them more fields and I was like, well, let me learn how to read and write, you know what I'm saying? Right, right, that makes sense. And so you've been practicing, you've actually been headlining your own shows. You're taking a very, very interestingly, 2023 approach.

Starting point is 01:33:53 You're taking your internet fame to sell tickets and you're kind of rushing to headline, but that's learning quick, right? Yeah, I mean, because on that bullshit, I skipped open my stage, which I really wish I wouldn't, because instead of, I mean, look, because on that bullshit, I skipped open mic stage, which I really wish I wouldn't, because instead of bombing in front of 10 people, I'm bombing in front of 200 people at the secret show, you know what I'm saying? So you kind of have to learn. So it's all adjustments, like, now I'm starting to understand the format and the

Starting point is 01:34:16 art and the foundation and structure and shit, and like actually getting a laugh instead of being a fucking maniac for a laugh, you know what I'm saying? So like, and look, look, I'm nowhere where I want to be. You know what I'm saying? I don't think I'm the best by any means, but I'm starting to learn and start to have appreciation for the actual art form of what's going on. You know what I'm saying? Right, yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:36 And it's very interesting because you have a different path. Everybody has a very different path. Nothing is a straight line. And if it was a straight line, you would snort it. I already did. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. Well, my friend, this is a fairy tale fucking story joe list. Anything else, Ronkel laser?

Starting point is 01:34:56 No, that was touching. Even when you're being genuine, it sounds like a wrestling promo, and I appreciate that. Yeah. I love what happened here tonight. I've always thought you were this funny and every time before this, you've come out and completely disappointed me. And so, for this to happen tonight, it's the fucking start of a new era. Keep your goddamn, we'll have fun tonight, but after that, get back to fucking what you're doing.

Starting point is 01:35:15 I appreciate you giving me opportunity, man. You don't go on one day. It's not easy and the internet will hate me for it. But I can't read it. I can't read it. I can't read it. I can't read it. is not easy and the internet will hate me for it. But I read it, I continue to believe that you're going to show these people, the spirit that's inside. Roseanne said it best when she first saw you.

Starting point is 01:35:34 She said that there's a fucking... Dammit. A little boy, no, she said the opposite. She said that she sees a fucking, a little country boy underneath all those tattoos and the fucking, the fucking distraction haircut and all this shit that you have, all this charactery stuff. There's a real guy in there and you showed it tonight. Thank you. There's Uncle Laser.

Starting point is 01:35:54 Thank you, birthday, buddy. Yeah. Here, here's some Zippex toothpicks, Uncle Laser. Happy birthday from zip it's zip more smoke less from zip it's All right, pull another name out of the bucket. We still haven't fun out there, huh? It's a good crowd. I like you guys. I like this audience I like this audience tonight. Very rarely do I love an audience. I like you guys. Alright, we're gonna meet this person all together.

Starting point is 01:36:30 It's ZEEK HULET. ZEEK HULET, perhaps. ZEEK HULET. Here's ZEEK, everybody. Come on, one more time for ZEEK, everyone. Let's go. How y'all doing? Stuff, uh, I watched a decent amount of anime, y'all watch anime. Yeah, yeah. I also grew up in a small white town, so I got called gay a lot.

Starting point is 01:36:57 For watching, jokes on them, I got to college, that's the only thing I had in common with my back friends. It's true. It's true. It's true fact. Like, if you guys didn't know this anime is like the I Write Sins, not tragedies, by panic at the disco of television, thoroughly enjoyed by weird white dudes and black guys.

Starting point is 01:37:17 Right? Like, you might not believe me about the anime thing, but I tested it on my cousin for the song. Like,, like I started him off easy, started him off with some green day. He was like, turn this whack shit off dude. I was like, what you don't like green day? What's going on? He was like, not my girlfriend listens to this shit all the time. I do know one song though.

Starting point is 01:37:41 I already had that shit cute. Okay. Like, you ever seen celebrity glypsing battle? Remember when Snoop Dogg does don't stop believing all the right lyrics for on choreography? Oh, Jesus Christy, go boy, oh, but find it. Nope, too late now.

Starting point is 01:38:00 I know it. Relax, here we go, we're gonna get into it. Have you been on this show before? Uh huh. About. Here we go. Have you been on the show before? Uh-huh. About month or two ago? Right. Okay.

Starting point is 01:38:09 How did that go? Better? No. No. The bit went better. Like my bit got a decent amount more of laughs. It was a different bit though. Yes.

Starting point is 01:38:19 Right. And then the interview, uh, the end of it got, I got shit on a little bit. Why? What happened? I went after Cam's uncle, so you asked me what the craziest thing that I've ever done is. Was in a great story. And it took a while. Have you thought of a better one since then?

Starting point is 01:38:39 Yeah. Okay, go ahead. I mean, just a decent amount of great, Like I've gotten multiple guns pointed on me on the road because I think I'm better than everyone in Austin at driving. You do. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Starting point is 01:38:53 Because like I'm pretty sure that people in Austin forget two things when they're on the road, when the next exit is and what a turn signal even is. Oh, you sucked, dude. That's the worst day of my life it let's talk about it how long have you been doing stand up just like little over a year right now little over a year what made you want to start this I got kicked off the wrestling team you got kicked off the wrestling team an adult wrestling team college An adult wrestling team? College? College? Yeah. Okay, why they kick you off.

Starting point is 01:39:27 I missed a COVID test. Okay. All right. Wow. I didn't want to say. It gets a less and less interesting. The more questions I ask. Every time. Okay. Sugar shum. What do you think about it? How is this going to ask? How are your eyes smaller than Hans Kim? It is incredible. It is incredible. And you have a smaller forehead than Uncle laser. It's wild. You look like a baby gay werewolf of some kind. That's fair.

Starting point is 01:39:53 It's incredible. So what are your parents? I'm trying to figure out more about you so that you have anything funny to talk about in the universe. My parents, my dad used to race downhill mountain biking professionally, and my mom was just with him that entire time. Wow, your career is going downhill as well. This is incredible.

Starting point is 01:40:12 Jill, listen, what do you think about this? I thought it was fascinating. First of all, why did the chicken cross the road? To get on the worst shirt of all time? Oh, yeah. There it is. What I thought was fascinating was you're wearing chickens on your shirt

Starting point is 01:40:28 and then you also kind of flapped your elbows during your set. Is that on purpose? It is. Are you in your late-and-egg up here? I used to wrestle, I keep my elbows in and then they come out sometimes. Oh, okay. Okay.

Starting point is 01:40:41 All right. No, I thought it was good. I thought the was good. I thought the crowd sucked. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha.

Starting point is 01:40:50 Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha.

Starting point is 01:40:58 Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha much personality. I don't even know what to do with it all. That's about it. What's your love life like, Zeke? I've been single for about three years. Wow.

Starting point is 01:41:13 When's the last time you kissed a girl? Last time I kissed a girl? Last time I had sex was like a year ago. That's a total different, total different question. I don't remember every time I kissed a girl. I don't remember every time I kissed a girl. I don't remember every time I kissed a girl. How about can you take a guess when the last time you kissed a girl is Z.

Starting point is 01:41:28 I'd probably say about three or four months ago. Okay, where was that? What was that situation? Just like at a bar, drunk. Okay. All right, Zeeck, any special skills or talents? I can do a backflip right now. I know you can't. No, no, no you can't.

Starting point is 01:41:48 There's stuff behind you. So you definitely can't. You definitely do not have room to do it, Z. You do not. Are you telling me no? Are you saying that you can do a backflip literally in this space? You're the one that knows your capability. I'm saying I'll do a backflip or I'll fail it and it'll be pretty funny probably. No, no, no, no, no, no, it won't be funny. It won't be funny. Part of my job is to protect Joe Rogan and keeping hundreds of millions of dollars.

Starting point is 01:42:20 That's fair. He also said he could do a minute of stand-up comedy. I'll tell you what, you could do a back flip in the alleyway and hit the road, Jack. They're gonna go ZEEK HULAY, everybody. They're gonna ZEEK. I don't know. I don't know. I just don't know. Who lay everybody there goes Zig I don't know I don't know just don't know what time did we start I Feel like I should pull but everybody's at the bar Everybody's at the bar next door, so maybe I'll do something I never have done before Maybe I'll pull until I get someone from the inside. How does that sound?

Starting point is 01:43:05 All right, let's see what happens to let's see if we got anybody. It's very wait a second Wait, I bet this guy's here Let's this would be a fun thing to go to Make some noise. He's got to be around somewhere if not we'll find him He's got to be here make some noise for David Jolly everybody Killtony Gledge of the game famously Cam Patterson's uncle Very very fun very fucking funny guy we got to get him up here See what happens here how many of you like going comedians do good on this show?

Starting point is 01:43:48 How many of you like going comedians do bad on this show? We got them. Ladies and gentlemen, the creator of the term gang violence, Camp Patterson's uncle, the man that brought Camp Patterson to uncle the man that brought camp Patterson Austin, Texas. This is Piltoni instant legend David Jolly everybody How y'all doing white people in Puerto Rico? Since I've been living here all this, like we got homeless people in Orlando,

Starting point is 01:44:28 but in Austin, they got homeless people. Like these motherfuckers professionals, you know what I mean? It's like every time you see the homeless people, you're always seeing with a dog. And I don't like it, they get what the fuck they get and all these homeless dogs from. It's like as soon as you become a professional homeless person they assign you a dog or something. Like this

Starting point is 01:44:49 is Tyler. He is 45 years old. Not in dog years. This bitch is 45 years old. It's crazy, man, because I'm an empathetic person. You see him, you know what I mean? The guy has his sign. His sign says, Hey man, me and Todd like streamed it hungry. If you could, anything helps. That's when I'm looking in his eyes. And I say, I know you fucking lie. You ain't that hungry?

Starting point is 01:45:17 You ain't that dog yet. Tell me you fucking hungry, you got this protein you all grabbed here with. I ain't never worried about that because Hans came on my friend. He wanted, all right. David, mother fucking jolly. TAC, what up? Hell yeah. Game by the Spirits!

Starting point is 01:45:38 Yeah! Hey, we here now. Legend of the game, David jo Orlando Florida all the way to Austin, Texas Famous I'm an Austin night now for to get me some boots in a boot in a belt book hell yeah, yeah Absolutely we'll do a we'll do a Richard prior gene wilder type of a hey, yeah, you win it? Yes, you to be beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it'd be beautiful? What'd you say, white man? Hey, I don't know what the fuck going on.

Starting point is 01:46:09 You don't get me. Yeah, I see it right now. These little Texas kids are scared to death at David Jolley. They've never seen anything like that. Oh, no, what the fuck I'm saying, right? They just see that gold tooth. They just get hypnotized, huh? Ha, ha, ha.

Starting point is 01:46:23 Incredible. Have you always had that? Is that new? What, the gold team? Yeah. The bitch has been there, man. The bitch ragged his hair. Hell yeah. You know what the fuck going on? Hey, yeah. Now that nigga on ketamine.

Starting point is 01:46:36 He's definitely on ketamine. Yeah. Hey, yeah. What up, bruh? How are you doing, buddy? What up, Kien-Foat? Hey, yeah, that my partner there, man. I read, man. You're fair, man. What's up with you, K How you doing, buddy? What up, Kim Fult? Hey, yeah, that my partner there, man, I read, man. You're fair, man.

Starting point is 01:46:46 What's up with you, Kim Fult? Hey, yeah, what's up, Joe? Hey, it's a dude named Gourron, look, just like you, but he's a bomb all the time. He a comment from Orlando. He sounds hot. Yeah. Whatever you into, ain't you like Russian, listen shit?

Starting point is 01:47:01 Am I Russian? Oh, no, my bad. That's racist as fuck. I'm sorry. Russian. Gourron, like Russian, my bad. That's racist as fuck. I'm sorry. Russian. Go around like Russian. Or he like a viking of some of that crazy. You're a pain shit, you know what I mean? Me?

Starting point is 01:47:12 No, go around, I'm sorry. Oh, I think so me. No, no, my bad, I'm sorry. No, I'm not offended. Let me relax, my bad. You're good, you're doing just fine. I had to run all the way from upstairs. This is fucking crazy.

Starting point is 01:47:22 Yeah, I know. We had one of the police officers chase you so that you felt at home. No, that just happened. It just happened. He was like, wait, what the fuck going on? He was like, exactly. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:47:34 It's like, get on the fucking ground. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Miss somebody yelled, hey, he's wanted a good one. Yeah. So I was all right, and he said that. I had to stamp over the proof of your films. Absolutely. David Jolly is absolutely beloved here at the mothership.

Starting point is 01:47:49 You get a lot of spots. You're in the little boy working it out all the time. Guess what haven't? Yeah, I'm a mother fucking do a god night. Are you got higher? Oh my god. Let it live. Oh, hi.

Starting point is 01:48:01 Hi. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to Joe Rogan's comedy club. Oh, holy shit, there are no background checks here. What's so happened? No. Oh, no. Oh, my god.

Starting point is 01:48:17 I was like, you sure motherfuckin' heard you psychin' me out? I thought it was a psych. No psych. You're like, okay, no take backs. I thought it was a fucking psych. I'm like, you bitch, you psychin' me out. I know what's goin' on. You know, they're like, okay, no take backs. I thought it was a fucking psych. I'm like, you bitch, you psych in the yard. I know what's going on. You're a door guy now.

Starting point is 01:48:29 Don't let people in that look like this and they show a picture of you. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm gonna motherfuck a pat in them down and she, that's crazy, man. I love it. God is good. That's incredible.

Starting point is 01:48:39 How long have you been working here? This sounds like a show. I cannot picture you working here. Why? You're the oldest door guy by 20 years at least. Well you bought right you know. I didn't realize we had a new rehabilitation system here at the mother's shop. I'm a 20 inch clip fucking asshole. Uh oh he's getting mad. He's turning up. I'm gonna fuck with fucking wincey, you know you're my brother, man. Shit, you're about to lose your job, homie.

Starting point is 01:49:08 Damn, you gonna get me back? I'm kidding, I love you. God damn, Tony! I love you being the dork guy here, that is absolutely hilarious. What a diversity program we have. It was, it was stood like my probation officer, like, Joe got to meet a quarter, so you know, that's why I'm, no time, I- No No timeout? No.

Starting point is 01:49:26 Oh, shit, this is beautiful, man. What's your living situation, David Jolly? Well, I live, I ain't gonna tell you how I live it. I mean, I wasn't asking for... Fucking weirdos, you know, man. I'd dress or anything. Well, yeah, now I gotta... I gotta um, some roommates, some other cats from Orlando came.

Starting point is 01:49:44 Yeah. And like, we are in a room. I got some roommates, some other cats from Orlando came. And we are in a room. I was staying way out there on the east side with valleys and shit. I was like, this shit too far, you know what I mean? Right. But now I stay too far from here, you know what I mean? Like I just got a light.

Starting point is 01:49:58 We moving and grove, we are feeling the TAC, yeah. Absolutely, moving on up. Yeah, yeah. OK, what's your love life like, David Jolly? When we first met, you were talking about how you were getting your dicks up from behind. Say, hey, I'm with the same girl. You're with the same girl?

Starting point is 01:50:16 Yeah, yeah. Oh, my goodness. Hey, but if you're single, you're a white one with good credit, she don't live here, so you know She got she understand you know we got to eat out here on these streets Absolutely absolutely David jolly my goodness Joe have you ever seen anyone quite like this before? No, this is really something. I also feel you. And, uh...

Starting point is 01:50:46 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like magnanimous. It's really, it's like... It feels like good in the gym. Yeah, it's good in the gym, right? Yeah, really. I feel lifted up. That's why I mean, it's only best for you in the gym. Yeah. And now your friends with Joe, I do believe is a...

Starting point is 01:51:00 A mound of black friends just doubled in front of our eyes. Oh, shit. Lot of serious. Oh, yeah. You have a lot of serious friends just doubled in front of our eyes. Oh shit, that's it. Oh yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Starting point is 01:51:10 Hey, you can go to any barbecue now. You just got to give your own ass shit there. They're gonna let you ride in that beer. Oh my goodness. I put out a vibe of someone that's never met black people, but I swear to God, I know many, many black people. I've been in black for years, you got. He said.

Starting point is 01:51:24 He said. He says. He says. He says. He says. He can count them up like this. You know what they're named? You know what they're named? Oh, Deonte. Several.

Starting point is 01:51:33 Several. I lived in Harlem for one year. Oh, here, yeah. It's a lot of colors over there. He's cool. He's cool. He's been smoking your index finger for about 10 minutes. That is about the same color. That's your thumb, David. That's your thumb. your index finger for about 10 minutes. That is about the saying,

Starting point is 01:51:46 that's your thumb, David. That's your thumb. Your index finger, your pointy finger. Man, it's not the same thing. It's literally not the same thing. It is the opposite of the same thing. That was so stupid. It is the different thing.

Starting point is 01:52:00 Pum and an index finger. I know he's been smoking your index finger. David's like let's see. I cannot believe I do. I don't know. National television television. Fucking crazy. Yeah. My mom did not raise me like this. It is worldwide web.

Starting point is 01:52:18 Same thing. National television. That's like saying the thumb is an index finger. It's the same thing. You're too old for this. Too old for this. National television that's like saying the thumb is an index finger. It's the same day of You're too old for this shit. He is too old for this shit. Hey, he's like I can't believe I did this I'm Johnny Carson Game by his big violence baby make some fucking noise for David Jolly, everybody. Hey. Hey. Can I do the Seeker Show? Can I do the Seeker Show? Of course you can, my friend.

Starting point is 01:52:47 There you go, David Jolly. He's in it. Absolutely. Making sure you get some work out of this. The great David Jolly. Absolutely. We love you, David Jolly. Follow him at Mr. D Jolly on Instagram and Twitter.

Starting point is 01:53:03 And now, ladies and gentlemen we have come to that hour of the night where there's only one move left to do. Who better to have here than two fresh panelists that have never been here for the force of nature that's about to take this stage. Kiltoni Hall of Famer, the only living member of the Killtony Hall of Fam, up there with the great Michael Late and great Michael Lair. A lot of people call him the vanilla gorilla, the Memphis Strangler, is a man of many names. This is indeed the big red machine, the one, the only, the great, the powerful, William Montgomery everybody. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Starting point is 01:54:06 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! First off, Red Band Happy Yom Kupur. I'd ask if you fasted today, but I think we all already know the answer to that, holy shit. Also, Sean, I just have to say, you've seen much nicer than Richard Pizzping when he was on the show. That's kind of a deep cut. Okay, let's keep going.

Starting point is 01:54:32 If you paid me 500,000 to claim Russell Brand raped me, he now be up to five accusers. I'm not saying those women were paid off. I'm just saying I can probably figure out a time the two of us were in remotely the same time zone Russell Brandon bouncy is taking time away from comedy and will reappear in two years as the starting quarterback of the Cleveland Browns Also, I just watched snakes on a plane, so I'd like to say, Enough is enough! I've had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane! Okay, that's my time, thank you. William Montgomery, wow! Look at this iconic moment.

Starting point is 01:55:21 This is basically, I mean, you're basically the same... How did you know he was wearing green shorts, by the way? Look at this. Sean, so nice. This is incredible. So nice. Yeah. Yes, Sean, I did this because I know you're getting very famous now. I was wondering if you needed a body double.

Starting point is 01:55:48 That's why I came out of here like this seriously if you need a body double stop. Yeah. I never go stop me, your body double. Cool, yeah. Oh's so much shit. Here we go! I'm down to these motherfuckin' states on this motherfuckin' planet! Wow. This is...

Starting point is 01:56:22 Quit looking at my dick, bitch! It is...it is very aggressive. I mean, there is a lot going on. We have so much to talk about right now. William Montgomery, famously the record holder for appearances and interviews on the show, and we are literally seeing more of him than we've ever seen before. For those of you that are just listening to the podcast, let me update you. He is indeed, basically shirtless and almost panless. He has an absolutely an ornament amount of dick on the front. I mean, there is something in there. And if y'all

Starting point is 01:56:59 are wondering, it is actually very cold backstage okay. Shut up bitch. Holy shit. And I think we finally found out why he doesn't wipe his ass. It turns out he doesn't have one. It is incredible. William, turn around, show these people. You're... That is, wow. If y'all don't think I'd be practicing my twerking, you'd be wrong, I mean check this out. All right. That is just loose underwear bouncing.

Starting point is 01:57:36 For those of you thinking you're seeing twerking right now, he is shaking the loose underwear where his ass should... Oh! Okay, okay, okay, okay, I don't know what I'm doing. This place is fucking wilder right now. And then William, let's talk about all that fucking... What is that in the front of your pants? Do you have something in there? Yeah. Please tell me that's like a sock or something.

Starting point is 01:58:05 Do you have two dicks? Yeah. It looks like there's like a stuff going on in there. I have to be honest with you, I have two dicks and three testicles. Wow, that is incredible. It's like a coconut shrimp or something. What is that?

Starting point is 01:58:21 Oh, right. Coconut shrimp or something? Holy shit! Oh! What is that? Oh, right? Coconut wrapper, shot, died. Holy shit! Mmm. Fucking bitch! What the fuck is that? You have his mouth watering at the thought of a coconut shrimp right now.

Starting point is 01:58:43 William Montgomery, showing off today a perfect body, next to Sugar Sean, you guys looked like a before and after for exercise. This is absolutely incredible. You, you, you, oh my god, what is that? There's something in my stomach. Oh my god, what is that? Oh my god, it's trying to get out This is incredible Wow My goodness you look like you look like the stepdad that turned sugar Sean into an elite athlete

Starting point is 01:59:27 This is absolutely amazing. Your stomach is doing something outrageous. What is that? How do you do that? It's got a front door. Choliss. Choliss, please explain to us what you think is going on over here. You look like never been to the gym the annual night heart. What?

Starting point is 01:59:43 I almost didn't know that. I was just going to be like. You look like never been to the gym, the Anvil Nightheart. What? I almost did a spintik, that was very, very good. Tony liked it. Those of you that know Jim, the Anvil Nightheart, will laugh very hard at that. It's, I guess, nobody knows who he is. He was a wrestler 48 years ago.

Starting point is 02:00:00 Yup, he had a beard. War sunglass is giant red beard. Yeah. Not quite as missh, giant red beard. Yeah. Not quite as misshapen as you. Yeah. This is incredible, William. Explain to us how you get a body like that. Uh, I do 75 sit-ups a day.

Starting point is 02:00:16 I do 200 push-ups a day. I'm doing 200 pull-ups a day. I'm doing 75 burpees outside. I mean, it's been so hot. I do a bunch of side straddle hops. I'm doing What else I'm doing bench press barbells What else I have a stairmaster. I have a What was that fucking noise? What the fuck is back there? But yeah, no, Tony, I've been working out super hard. Uh, but yes, John, I mean, if I sort of got me and if you need some sort of security or anything like that, I would be more than willing to help.

Starting point is 02:00:57 Just let me know maybe after the show we can talk about. Yeah, for sure. Cool. Can you perhaps put the mic in the mic stand and show us what you would do if someone tried to attack Sugar Shung? Can you give us a little of that fight? Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta I was like, you're a danger. You're getting the bomb down. I'm a danger. I'm a danger. Whoa. Oh, yeah. That was a...

Starting point is 02:01:31 Wow. Looks like someone may have found a new gig here tonight. Joe, how does it feel? Well, that was scary, because I could see Sean on the other side of me. So that's kind of terrifying. Now, for the folks at home though, your body is not that bad.

Starting point is 02:01:47 We're making jokes. That's a pretty, that's, you know, it's not horrible. Oh, man. Especially those knees. Look at those knees. Yeah. Red band taking shots. Yeah, Red band, well his mom also kind of likes my body

Starting point is 02:02:01 because I was in Ohio last week. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! Beat that shit up! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Starting point is 02:02:11 I don't give a fuck right back! Yeah, I don't know if y'all have seen Snakes on a plane. I saw it for the first time this past week, and that's crazy! They let loose a bunch of Snakes on a bubble-fucker pool. The big red machine showing us today exactly why he has that name After we found out here today that he has two dicks and three testicles It is a very expensive surgery.

Starting point is 02:02:46 I did. Oh, there you go. You do have hemorrhoids. How have your hemorrhoids been? It's looking. They're actually better. Some good Samaritan semi-a box here filled with preparation H-wipes. So whoever did that, I genuinely agree with you.

Starting point is 02:03:01 I wasn't mitsies when the package arrived. He literally got a giant box of preparation age wipes. Yeah, I think it maybe it was a big box of money or something. It was fucking asshole wipes, so but thank you whoever did that. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Oh wow you. It wasn't you. Who keeps on fucking doing that? You dumbass. What are you gonna do to that person who keeps yelling? I'm gonna fucking meet you Outside with Sean and we're gonna start cutting you from the ground Don't even know what that means cutting you from the ground up. What does that mean? But yeah, we'll probably kill you fucking dumbass

Starting point is 02:03:41 What does that mean? But yeah, we'll probably kill you fucking dumb ass. In absolute monster, he did it again, another new minute, repping Sugar Fashano, Mally. Makes some noise to the great powerful William Montgomery everybody. The drawing is in from Ryan J. Ebel. It's another fucking absolutely awesome one. Let's check out the local artist, Chris Rogers. Oh, yes, that's right. That is an homage of our number one loyal audience.

Starting point is 02:04:16 Remember the great chief turntable right over here? Comes every single week. Those are his pets. How cool is that? From fucking all the way back at that first club that we were at here, the Balkan to hear one of our favorite people. How about a hand for chief, everybody?

Starting point is 02:04:32 I do believe it's his birthday. Sharing a birthday with Uncle Laisley. Happy birthday. How loud can this place get for the reigning defending UFC Bantamway Champion of the world. Sugar, shock, oh man. And thanks to Noise for one of my favorite comedians, the great powerful Joe List, everyone.

Starting point is 02:04:57 A number everybody out on YouTube right now. Go watch her right after this. Go to shugashop.com, SUGA www.sugarshop.com. Or dot CO, I'm sorry, www.sugarshop.co And check out the Timbo Shugashow everywhere. Thank you to Joe Blasso Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Connect Mobile Health, Hall Law Firm, Austin Security Guard Service, CM Smokehouse,

Starting point is 02:05:19 Ways Too Well, Ways the Number Two, and Well. Not a damn chance burger, CM Smokehouse and screwball peanut better whiskey And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land the kiltony band Check out everything jet ski Johnson make sure you follow her on social media. We love her Legend of the game. That's the great James Aens on the drums. Paul Deamer on the horns. Demand is on the bass. Matt Muleling on the electric. One more time for Jetsky here on the horns. Paul Deamer also on the horns.

Starting point is 02:05:55 Exclusive Killtoni merch for sale on your way out. And don't forget, another hour is playing at Balkan tonight. Check out the secret show every single Thursday in the Killtony band twice a month at the SunsetStripATX.com. Very few tickets remaining for our first ever show in an arena. The newly added show to the sold-out show December 30th. A lot of fun things happening that night as well as the next night. Obviously, as Kiltoni makes history in its own hometown of Austin, Texas. We fucking love you guys. Thank you so much everybody. We did it. One more time for my guests, huh? Sugar, Shana, Malley, and Jonas. We love you guys. Thank you. Good night, everybody. Don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't drive, drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, yeah, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, don't drive, don't drive, don't use a new word, yeah, yeah, don't drive, don ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ‍ʻ� you you you

KILL TONY - #632 - SUGA SEAN O'MALLEY + JOE LIST

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