KILL TONY - #635 - DUNCAN TRUSSELL + LIL' HOBO

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, this is RedBan and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode and every episode of Killtony can be found at Desquad.tv. All are merch can be found for Killtony at Killmerch.com. Tony's on a brand new Tories going all over the place to check out TonyHinchcliff.com for everything GoldenPony. And last but not least, don't forget I have a new comedy club called the Sunset Strip. We have a bi-weekly show with the Killtony Band and the Secret Show is every single Thursday Get Tickets at SunsetStrip ATX.com.

Starting point is 00:00:38 And now a brand new episode of Killtony. Hey everybody, Killtony live from the H.E.B. Center in Austin, Texas. Saturday, December 30th at 7 p.m. Just went on sale and you have to trust me. Tickets are going lightning fast. It's absolutely unbelievable. These will be the first podcasts of Kiltzone ever in an arena. This is two and a half three times times as big as the ACL live theater that we did for the 10 year anniversary. We've become an arena act. So check it out. It's going to be crazy. A lot of surprises, a lot of fun, unbelievable guests. It's a big production. This is our version of WrestleMania. Go to ticketmaster.com. Look up Kiltoni. It's the one with tickets available. We're going back to back nights nights the 30th and the 31st

Starting point is 00:01:26 HEV center live Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kale Tony, get up for Tony Hitchclair! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee! Mix them like some red band everybody. Yeah, you're here. Kiltoni, the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Gel Blaster, the Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Connect Mobile Health, Get an get an IV drip use the code kill Tony for 10% off hauled off from the best

Starting point is 00:02:48 DUI lawyer in the city Austin security guard service ninja buses dot com cm smokehouse bonesi in zippx nicotine toothpicks and I've got one more time you just saw him live the best damn band in the land the Killtony band everybody that is indeed Michael Gonzalez on the drums Paul Deemer on the horns joining the band tonight Carter Arrington here on the electric guitar and this here is indeed the great de-madness on the bass everybody a lot of fun stuff in store before we start tonight's action-packed episode. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey y'all, for the first time ever, all 30 basketball teams will be going head-to-head for an in-season tournament.

Starting point is 00:04:03 To make it even more exciting, we have teamed up with Draft King Sportsbook for an exciting offer. That's right, new customers who sign up using promo code Kiltzone and bet just $5 will receive $200 in bonus bets instantly. Redban. Plus everyone can score a no-sweat same-game parlay. Just open the Draft King Sportsbook app, opt-in, and place a same same game parlay. Just open the draft King Sports Book app, opt in and place a same game parlay on any game. If it doesn't hit, you'll get a bonus bet max reward, limits apply.

Starting point is 00:04:34 Download the draft King Sports Book app now. New customers use promo code kill Tony. That's all one word K I L L T O N Y and-T-O-N-Y. And bet just $5 on any wager and get $200 in bonus bets instantly. That's promo code Kiltoni only at DraftKings. Hey everybody, you hate coughing attacks, the cum of getting high, you've gotta try the freeze pipe.

Starting point is 00:05:00 Their gear cools down smoke by over 300 degrees so you can take icy cool hits all night long. Just pop the glycerin chamber into the freezer for an hour to get started. As smoke passes through the chamber, it's instantly cooled off. No afterburn, no coughing, or red dance. They got bongs, bubblers, dabs, even joint and blunt tips. So no matter how you like to smoke, the freeze pipe has you covered.

Starting point is 00:05:25 I love these guys. I mean, when we were younger, we used to always took snow and pack our pipes and bongs with and do snow hits, but you would have grass and dog pee in it, not anymore. You can check out their newest pieces, the mini-bong and the tornado-bong,

Starting point is 00:05:38 for an awesome way to get an icy cold hit every time. America owned for over seven years and affordably priced, shopped the smoothest pipes, bubblers, bongs, and more at thefreespipe.com and use code Tony for 10% off your entire order. That's thefreespipe.com code Tony for 10% off your entire order.

Starting point is 00:05:57 Shop today and start fighting fire with ice. Hey y'all, use ExpressVPN to unlock movies and shows that are only available in other countries. This whole week you could have been using ExpressVPN to binge Fargo on Canadian Netflix. It's so simple to do. Just fire up the ExpressVPN app, change your location to Canada, refresh, and that's it. ExpressVPN lets you control where you want sites to think you're located You can choose from almost 100 different countries on this. I go to our technological wizard

Starting point is 00:06:31 Err, Edman. You know, I've used a few VPNs, but there's always problems They're usually too slow and they affect my performance, but not express VPN There are hundreds of VPNs out there, and ExpressVPN is ridiculously fast. There's never any buffering or lag, and you can stream an HD, no problem. ExpressVPN works with any streaming service too. Hulu, BBC, iPlayer, you name it. ExpressVPN also works on all your devices,

Starting point is 00:06:58 phones, smart TVs, and more. So if you wanna get access to hundreds of new shows, use our link right now, expressv ExpressVPN.com slash Killtony, and you can get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. That's EXPR, ESSVPN.com slash Killtony, expressVPN.com slash Killtony to learn more. Hey, all. I want to take a second to shout out the team here at Kiltoni that puts up the greatest live comedy podcast every Monday night It takes a team of people to make this show successful just like it takes a solid team to make any business successful So if you're hiring how do you find the best people for your team? Zipper Cruder right now you can try it for free at zippercuder.com slash Kiltoni red band

Starting point is 00:07:44 Let's zipper Cruder do the work for youippercutor sends your post to over a hundred job sites so you reach more of the right people instead of digging through a stack of resumes on your desk zippercutor's powerful technology scans thousands of resumes for you to find the perfect match for your job see why so many business owners and hiring managers are thankful for Zipper Cruder, four out of five employers who post on Zipper Cruder, get a quality candidate within the first day. Go to this exclusive web address to try Zipper Cruder

Starting point is 00:08:13 for free, that's zipperruder.com slash keltony. That's zippercruder.com slash k-i-l-l-t-l-n. Why? Because Zipper Cruder, the smartest way to hire. Hey, you've got a lot going on this holiday season. It's important to save time where you can. With Factor, America's number one ready to eat meal kit, saving time in the kitchen is a total breeze. Factor delivers chef-prepared dietitian approved meals straight to your door. They're always fresh, never frozen, just heat them up for two minutes, and dinner is served. Choose from over 35 weekly meal options with breakfast favorites like Apple

Starting point is 00:08:50 Cinnamon pancakes and bacon and cheddar egg bites with so many options. There's something everyone in the family will love. Red bad. It has saved me a lot. You know, I love their jalapeno lime cheddar chicken. It has a spicy cilantro, cauliflower rice. It's so amazing and it's so fast. Instead of getting fast food, just pop this in and go. With vegan, vegetarian, keto, calorie, smart, and protein plus meal options, no matter what your goals are,

Starting point is 00:09:17 factor can help you get there. Head to factormeals.com slash killtony50. And use code killtony50 to get 50% off. That's killtony50 atactorMills.com slash KillTone5-0 to get 50% off. Now, buying last minute show seats used to mean taking a chance and ending up sitting behind the speakers. Stop the stress with game time. It's the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports, music, theater and comedy near you. They have killer deals on last minute

Starting point is 00:09:50 tickets and their best price guarantee so you can stop stressing and start getting excited for all the fun you'll have. Oh, I love it right now. I just saw that there are new kids on the blocker coming in town. Woohoo! Their app is amazing. It's great when you just need to find a concert ticket that doesn't suck. They even have a game time guarantee. So you know, you're always getting the best price. If you find tickets in the same section and row for less, game time will credit you 110%

Starting point is 00:10:20 of the difference. Talk about a good deal. That's a great deal. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, use code KILTZONE for $20 off for your first purchase. Terms apply.

Starting point is 00:10:32 Again, create an account and redeem code KILTZONE for $20 off. Download Game Time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? An extra spooky episode as we celebrate Halloween here in Austin, Texas. And who better to be our guest than one of my favorite comedians on planet earth and his trusty sidekick. I mean these two have been cracking me up for literally

Starting point is 00:11:10 16 almost 17 years comedy store legend comedy store icon and one of my favorite comedians on planet earth Austin's own ladies and gentlemen makes some noise for the great, the powerful, Duncan Trussell and Lil Hogo. Come on people, it's fucking Duncan Trussell. Yeah, it's on baby. Yes, indeed. Yeah, it's on baby. Yes, in the feed. Thank you. This is a historical, historical moment in the history of the show.

Starting point is 00:11:58 Duncan has been on before Duncan. Welcome back. Thank you so much. Roger, freeze up. Holy shit, I'm on kill Tony. Tony inch cliff. This is the honor of my life to be sitting next to the golden pony himself. This is my favorite podcast. And I just can't believe I'm here. Thank you little hobo. I'm a huge, huge fan of yours. I can't believe we were able to get you. I've always wanted you on this show.

Starting point is 00:12:28 Really? Yep. Oh my god, I'm fanboying out over here. This is wild, y'all. Holy shit, this is great. We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. You know how the show works, right, little hobo? Oh, I mean, yeah, of course. Yeah, are you kidding? I know how it works. You get comedians up here.

Starting point is 00:12:47 You let them do stand up. You humiliate the shit out of them. And you make money off of it. That's right, that's right, Lil Hobo. Absolutely. And that is exactly what we do. There is a bucket. Wait, wait, Tony, before your start, I'm sorry, I don't mean to hog this spotlight.

Starting point is 00:13:08 But I am a fan of the show and I've been working on a Tony Hinge Cliff impression. Would you like to hear it? I would love to hear your Tony Hinge Cliff impression. Okay, here we go. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about some of the things I've said and I now realize words can hurt, even kill. I want to apologize to all of the people I have offended over the course of Kill Tony, but an apology isn't enough.

Starting point is 00:13:34 Going forward, I intend to donate 50% of everything I make to Black Lives Matter. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're here! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Thank you. Thank you! You're here! Woohoo!

Starting point is 00:13:49 Oh, you are periable, little hobo. Oh, come on, just joking around. Wow, you are an amazing impressionist. Wow, great. That was spot on. It was okay. Fuck you, fuck you! You was the best, You can't do impressions!

Starting point is 00:14:06 I'm sorry, uh... Seems like you two don't get along at all. He's been... right now he's withdrawing from ketamine. He has a drug problem. I'm glad he's making you guys laugh, but you are kind of enabling a... a drug addict right now.

Starting point is 00:14:23 Really? Well, we'll go on the road with you! He's enabling a drug addict right now. Really, well, we'll go on the road with you, isn't enabling a hack. Ha-ha-ha. Speaking of hacks, over 175 human beings signed up for the possibility, for the chance of being on the show tonight. What the fuck is this? Oh, it's attached to the Undertaker.

Starting point is 00:14:46 And if I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds. You know their time is up in here, the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I interview them, we find out more about them.

Starting point is 00:15:00 And they talk with the great Duncan, Trussell and Lil Hobo. Duncan is on tour right now, Salt Lake City November 17th, the comedy zone in Charlotte December 14th through the 17th and the comedy works in Denver January 11th I'm positive you can catch him and of course the great Lil Hobo. I won't be there. You won't be? No actually you know I was kind of hoping that maybe I could become a Killtony regular and see what it's like to perform with an actual comedian! Yeah, these shows are always sold out, little hobo, have you ever done a sold out show before?

Starting point is 00:15:36 Oh, never have, I've never wanted what it's like, that'd be so cool! This is incredible to actually have an audience, it's amazing! Great, alright, let's bring the comic up. Is it credible to actually have an audience? It's amazing! Great. All right. Let's bring the comic out. So I have this bucket filled with names. I'm gonna pre-select a name. We're going to grab that person from the bar next door and they hustle off to the backstage

Starting point is 00:15:59 because to start tonight's show, everybody, we have one of our esteemed regulars. You guys definitely know this guy. You guys are fans of the show, right? Well, this guy's been kicking off every show for years now with a brand new 60 seconds fresh off of his first week on my theater tour, absolutely crushing in these theaters stronger than ever.

Starting point is 00:16:24 This is a brand new minute. Sing it if you know the words. Thank you. In support of Israel, I've been going to restaurants and not tipping. It also doubles in support for Black Lives Matter. Horrible to hear what's happening over there in Israel. Palestinians are being murdered. They're being bombed. It's a real holocaust over there.

Starting point is 00:17:10 A lot of Israelis were killed at a music festival, which is horrible, but why are you having a music festival right next to Gaza? With these people like, man, the vibes of this open air prison are bumpin', man. Call me a pussy, but I refused a party, a paraglade away from a bunch of hungry, thirsty Arabs. LAUGHTER All right, thank you! Hans, Pam, ladies and gentlemen, using his Asian race to be able to offend many other

Starting point is 00:17:54 races. You're very racist. Thank you, Tom. You can get away with it. You got the Jews, the blacks, and the Arabs. All in 55 seconds there. How do you feel, Hans? I feel great.

Starting point is 00:18:09 I have offended some of the most dangerous people in the world. Yeah. I just have to rely on my skills from the LA riots that I learned. You did offend some of the most dangerous people in the world. Also, the Arabs and the Jews. You also offended during that 60 seconds. I love it, Hans. What else is going on? I had an amazing time in Ohio and Youngstown, the birthplace of Kiltoni in some ways. Absolutely. I met your brother, he tried to put his balls in my drink.

Starting point is 00:18:45 Really? I didn't even know about this. Yeah, it was a hilarious moment. Everyone got to laugh at me. Which probably pulled his balls out. This was Donnie. Yeah, Donnie. In California.

Starting point is 00:18:58 He was pretending to do it. He was pretending to do it. I was freaking out a little bit. He didn't pull his actual balls out. No, he wouldn't do that. He's a gentleman. He is. And you got to meet my elusive father. We went to his house and he cooked us a gigantic Italian meal. Oh, it was so good. I... Anything stand out to you from that?

Starting point is 00:19:18 It was like the an episode of The Sopranos. episode of The Sopranos. He did have books on Italian cooking and only organized crime. Those were the two things. I was surprised to see. What else, Hans? Liz Blatt. She's a good friend of mine. And we just were up to no good.

Starting point is 00:19:40 Just fucking ribbon each other. And she's calling me Asian. I'm calling her fat. Yep. You Liz Splatt and Cam Patterson, young, rabble rousers of the comedy scene and we had a lot of fun together. Three sold out theaters packed to the gills since Sinati, Philadelphia and Youngstown. What stood out to you, anything else?

Starting point is 00:20:03 Since Sinati was great, I took a shower in Cincinnati and my hair has never been the same since. What happened? It is voluminous. I don't know man. It's great. Thank you little hobo. Yeah. Yeah little hobo would you think a huns is set? I don't know what really paying attention. What were you thinking about? The apocalypse. What were you thinking about? The apocalypse! Hey! Little hobos. Well it is the end of the world.

Starting point is 00:20:28 I mean we all kind of know that inside our hearts, right, Johnny? I do agree. Yeah, it's true. Huh? Love it. Hans, not even getting little hobo's attention all the way. Little hobo, what are your thoughts on the Jews and the Arabs and the Blacks? On the Jews and the Arabs and the Blacks?

Starting point is 00:20:50 Well, I mean, I think we're all just the same thing, essentially. You know, I don't see color, race, or religion. I just see souls. I see souls that will all be consumed by my father, Lucifer, at the end of day. Yeah, I understand. Wow. Jesus Christ. Little hobo, really flexing.

Starting point is 00:21:15 Really flexing. Demandist also, if you guys missed it, said he also doesn't see color, everybody. Or race, or anything at all for that matter. A Hans, I love it, you're a fucking stud, you came out again, topical material, covered it, being extra racist because you can be, but you got the show started, you do it every week, it's fucking unbelievable, great, great, great shows

Starting point is 00:21:39 on the theater tour this week, fucking amazing, you're so consistent, If anybody doesn't, hasn't before and you see Hans Kim on the road near you, trust me. Go watch him headlines. He's a fucking rock solid for me. And I know these guys watch you do a minute every week and they've watched you do it for years. And it is so hard to do that. If anybody doesn't think it's hard, I challenge you to fucking try it once a week and run it

Starting point is 00:22:04 by a friend and watch yourself bomb in front of one person. And, but we love you, Hans. Thank you Tony. There you go. I'm in Tacoma Spokane. Tacoma Spokane, Hans Kim.com. Hey, regular show.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Cheers. Cheers. Hans Kim.com, everybody, for tickets. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. that was Hans Kim. I pull another name out of the bucket. We get that comedian and the comedian that I pulled first is now behind the curtain and ready.

Starting point is 00:22:32 This is our first bucket pull tonight. You guys probably know this is a little off the wall and anything can happen. We're all going to meet them together all at one time. Could be an insane person. Could be the absolute future of comedy. I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, makes a noise for Vandat K, everybody, the Killtony debut of Vandat K.

Starting point is 00:22:54 Here he is. So, you guys like anal? Love it? Giving it a receive in it. Oh, baby! This man's an honest man. What about you, sir? You're good?

Starting point is 00:23:16 All the way good. Hell yeah, brother. Me too, man. That's fucking disgusting. Fuck you! You guys like anal or what? It's disgusting man, it's where poo comes from. Look, I don't care if you're gay, straight, whatever. Love his love, but poo is poo, okay? I tried anal once. This lady has with really, really wanted to do it.

Starting point is 00:23:37 We tried it. Don't bother. It's a pain in the ass. Not worth it, not worth it, no worth the stretch marks. Not worth the smell. Oh God, Tony doesn't like it. Tony doesn't like it. I'm from Canada, that liberal cock city. It's basically a city. It's basically an outpost of the British Empire. Fuck the British Empire, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:24:06 At least you guys did it right. You guys said fuck that shit, you're America. What do we got? We say God saved the king. Wow. Vandead K. Oh my goodness gracious. Oh buddy.

Starting point is 00:24:21 Wow. Vandead. Vandead, vandead, vandead. Wow Van dad Van dad Van dad Van dad Wow, this is the first time on the show correct correct Absolutely, okay, and how long have you been doing stand-up? Oh god 12 years 12 years You fucking serious man 12 years of stand-up and this one minute is hard No, it's harder than fuck. No

Starting point is 00:24:48 Hans has done it hundreds of times For me for me for me for you different stuff. I bet 10 minutes is hard for you. No Really you have 10 better minutes than that stories. Yeah, let me cook I can't do it like a one minute. I had to come up with a one-minute joke I just different on story teller. Okay, I got crazy life fucking, you know You're doing longer than a minute answering questions that nobody asked I give that set to thumb system of a down Thanks for having it. It's just a pleasure to be here. You do. You look like fat, Surge Tankian.

Starting point is 00:25:25 You look like if Surge was built like a tankian. So, there's a system of a down jokes that Texans don't understand. Armenia is right next door to your random Iranian. You're Iranian? Yeah, yeah. You look like you never Iranian a day in your life. Ah! Ah! Ah! I'm going to the gym!

Starting point is 00:25:47 My goodness, that was bad. I didn't realize Iranians could bomb it that hard. That is incredible. We blended, we blended. Well, Hoba, that was terrible. Yeah, you know what? I think a set like that could only be summed up in a song. You guys, what do you hear me see? You see it in the background here?

Starting point is 00:26:07 Yeah. OK, OK. Don't interrupt this with your unfunny shit. OK, let's. Here we go. Little hobo with a sissy. We're not easy to admit it, but I'm recovering sex addict.

Starting point is 00:26:18 I used to have a horrible porn addiction. I would do rail after a rail of cocaine, and jerk off until my cock was wrong. That wouldn't stop me. I just used antibiotic cream as lubricant. I heard myself, baby, I watch you before, has no what I saw I'm gonna get back into jerking off to porn You are incredible, you made me realize

Starting point is 00:26:58 Fucking horrible man Wow, that is absolutely incredible Little hobo calling it as he sees it Wow, that is absolutely incredible. Thank you. Little hobo, calling it as he sees it. Can I say one thing? Yes, absolutely. I get it, man. One minute is very hard. It is scary to get up here in front of people.

Starting point is 00:27:16 You don't know and work on stuff. Stop with your spiritual bullshit. He's so full of shit. He's not like that at all. He likes to get pissed on! Hey! I'm not true, that's a fucking lie. Okay, it's a lie!

Starting point is 00:27:34 Just like the fucking god you pray to! Another lie! Hey! Can I do a joke real quick? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, this one you'll like talking, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? What?

Starting point is 00:27:52 It doesn't cost $500 to have a garbanzo bean in your mouth. LAUGHTER Not fun. It's a stock joke. It's a stupid stock joke. Thanks. I feel like I've heard that one before, though. That was a completely original joke. I just thought up spontaneously. Can I be a regular now?

Starting point is 00:28:21 Amazing. Little hobo much, much closer to being a regular than Vandead K. Vandead, you talked about anal for about 45 seconds, which makes sense because your set was shitty as it could possibly be. And then Canada, what part of Canada do you live in? I'm from Toronto. Yeah. What part of Canada do you live in? I'm from Toronto. Toronto. Yeah. And there's a lot of comedians in Toronto.

Starting point is 00:28:49 You do good there? Yeah, I put on shows mostly and I host. I host OpenMight. That's how you get booked. No, no, I just buy doing your own shows. No, I got such a talent pool better than me. I'm not pretentious like that. I try to give the audience the best show possible.

Starting point is 00:29:03 What do you do for an actual living? Yeah, most of comedy comedy. No, yeah, no. How do you make your money? Universal basic in common can not yet not yet I wish we should I sell tickets to shows and I book comics. Yeah. Well, good ones like Headliners. Yeah. It's absolutely incredible.

Starting point is 00:29:32 I cannot believe it. You don't make money any other way other than comedy. Oh, I'm also in the reserves. The Iranian reserves. Yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah. That's not hacked. Oh, but, no, yeah, Canadian, ah! That's not hacked. Oh, but, uh, no, yeah, Canadian, yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:47 The Canadian Reserve isn't every military of Canada, the reserves, like, what do you guys ever fucking do? Is there a bunch of fucking pussies up there? Jesus! It's don't fight for anything. Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm actually a military intelligence, which is weird, but yeah. Yeah, well, I don't see the much military in Canada

Starting point is 00:30:07 or much intelligence up there. How many times do they make you get vaccinated? Military and Canadian, this is gonna be crazy right now, right? Two doses in a booster. Yeah. Holy shit. By the way, that gives me a chance to talk about my sponsor if you don't mind Tony.

Starting point is 00:30:25 I'm sponsored by Pfizer. A wonderful pharmaceutical company. Use offer code Homo, you get 10% off your booster. Ah! Oh my god, amazing. Band-Ed, Kay, that was something else, but that's what the show's all about. You signed up, you had your chance. Yeah, thanks for having me.

Starting point is 00:30:53 Well, the year's on the game, and that was your minute, and you're going to have to live with that forever. Thank you all, Stin Goodnight. You're leaving here with a little jokebook. Here you go, Van Dad. Oh, Andy drops it. There he goes, everybody. Van Dad, this way. That's not how you can, there you go, right back where

Starting point is 00:31:12 you came from. Right back to obscurity, he goes. The sweet land of obscurity. Got another bucket pool here, as you can see, anything can happen with these bucket pools. Make some noise to your next comedian, the Killtony debut of Cameron Illig everybody or I leg perhaps I L L I G Oh, we don't pan man, here he is

Starting point is 00:31:40 How's it going? Thinking of a lot about dirty talk, you guys do that? And bad, I'm very awkward and bad, I can't do it. I think it's easier for girls, I think girls have certain things they can say again, any guy going. And I fold every single time. Like, girls, you feel so good inside me. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I think so, right?

Starting point is 00:32:03 Right back at you. I agree, we're like, uh, ever call you daddy. Girl, ever call you daddy? I, girl, call me daddy. I said, yeah, I'm your dad. I'm so proud of you. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Starting point is 00:32:25 This girl recently said, I want you to come inside me and it was like I did two minutes ago. If I could, this is all willpower, baby, you know? I'm trying to get better. I watched that show Love on the Spectrum. You guys, watch that? Never mind. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:32:46 Ha ha ha. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey.

Starting point is 00:32:55 Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey.

Starting point is 00:33:03 Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. Hi, Cameron Illey. since Black Cam, you guys are friends from Orlando, both you moved out here together, right? I moved out here before and then he came. And you brought him out and you helped him get a job and you kinda put him up a little bit, right? Yeah. And then I- You worked out the golf course for like two months. Yeah, then he said no.

Starting point is 00:33:15 Absolutely. And then he blew up and that's amazing. Way, way, way on the fast track. How does it feel? First of all, great set. That was amazing. Very good stuff, way on the fast track. How does it feel? First of all, great set. That was amazing. Very good stuff. I love it.

Starting point is 00:33:28 Very fun. One note, a good note that I have for you that we've covered on the show a thousand times, but I'll give it to you again anyway, because it's such a good one is you don't have to ask them those questions. Those are holding you up. You know what I mean? Have you guys seen this show? You don't need to say that.

Starting point is 00:33:43 You're already connected. You already have momentum. You know what I mean? Have you guys seen this show? You don't need to say that. You're already connected. You already have momentum. You can just go on with your stuff. But other than that, fucking fantastic. So what's it like having Cam come out here and watching him blow up like that? I mean, he truly is absolutely ridiculously successful and famous just after a few months.

Starting point is 00:34:01 His sound clip of the rocks thing has hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of millions of views on both TikTok and Instagram. We visited my high school for the first time in 20 years this past weekend in Youngstown because I wanted to say hi to the principal. And as we were leaving that I knew from forever ago, I don't know why you guys are laughing at that.

Starting point is 00:34:23 That's weird, there's nothing. Nothing weird about that. What? That's impossible. Shut the fuck up, sir. Don't talk for the rest of the show. Anyway, the bell rang as we were leaving and these two 14-year-olds ran up to Cam and they're like, hey, have any rocks, ha-ha,

Starting point is 00:34:39 and they ran away. And it was amazing. I'm like, holy shit. I'm from Youngstown in this fucking kid. Like he's absolutely famous. Tick-tock man. Mind you, this is the same kid that had an 80 year old, apparently like homeless man come up to him on the streets of Chicago. Like, hey, you got any rocks on you man? Like that. So his range is incredible. Anyway, you started it. How does it feel?

Starting point is 00:35:03 It's pretty wild. I mean, mean I mean when he came out here first I mean my mom was pretty upset about it she's like why wasn't that you you know but it's fine I still drive him around my tour to Camry so if I can Oh yeah absolutely and you're still working at the golf course? No, not anymore. Where are you? What are you doing now? Now we're going to Jim.

Starting point is 00:35:30 We're going to Jim, oh boy. Yeah. What? The eternal spotter. What are you doing at the gym, exactly? I say, hey, scan your thing. And then they go inside. Wow.

Starting point is 00:35:43 Wow. That is incredible. Duncan Lilhobo, would you think about Cameron's set? Well, I just love insist anything. And so that show really cracked me up. I just love that idea of Daddy bringing down his little girl. And what?

Starting point is 00:36:01 What? What? It's the apocalypse. You have to surrender to you all. And I just thought it was you Tony's right. If you just get right into the inses stuff, people are gonna love it. Don't tiptoe around. I thought it's great. I thought...

Starting point is 00:36:19 Don't listen to him. I like your jokes. Like, you know, the whole inses. He's just like... He's creepy going through a lot right now. Don't listen to him. I like your jokes. Like, you know, the whole incest. He's just like, he's creepy going through a lot right now. Look, I'm creepy, huh? No, sorry. I'm creepy, I'm the creepy one up here, huh?

Starting point is 00:36:35 You call me fucking creepy? That's where you're at! What? Because I'm a puppet? Is that what it is? Well, you're the fucking puppet, man! You're the fucking puppet! Look. You're the fucking puppet. Look at you up here dancing around, dancing around, little Mary in that. Looks like you fly this from some of the starship.

Starting point is 00:36:54 Some dick on other starship in her fries. I'm so sorry. Please don't, I don't know what that means. Actually, what the fuck are you talking about? Like a gay captain Kirk? What? Goddamn. Little hobo is wild. I love it.

Starting point is 00:37:13 That's Tony. You know. Just let me know when I'm a regular. I can't wait to dump this flat piece of shit behind me. I absolutely love this. You might be a new full-time panelist. Who knows what could happen here? I pray to Satan that this comes through.

Starting point is 00:37:30 That's right. Shit. Cameron, a very, very fun set. You already have a big joke book, right? Are you? Yes. You've done it. You have a gel blaster. I have many gel blasters, yes. You have fun with your gel blasters, don't you?

Starting point is 00:37:47 We have a lot of fun with the gel blasters. They work at nighttime too, if you use the new glow in the dark pellets. I've been shot with the glow into the dark pellets at nighttime. Absolutely, Pam Patterson doing drive-by's, I love it. You can use the gun, hold the gun sideways

Starting point is 00:38:01 and it's still fires. All right, Cameron, very fun stuff. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're a great job. Follow him on social media.

Starting point is 00:38:10 Understore Cameron Illig, I-L-L-L-I-G. Now, I'm warning you guys that are all about bucket pulls. This is an obnoxiously action-packed episode. A lot of special treats are in town tonight This this first I'm gonna pre pull a bucket pool here, but this first special Treat that you guys are in for one a golden ticket Way back in Los Angeles has not been on the show in years in fact moved back to his homeland

Starting point is 00:38:46 in years. In fact, moved back to his homeland during the pandemic to be with his family. And we have not seen him since an absolute favorite of Red Banana Eyes. This is the return of Golden Ticket winner. First time in Austin. Make it loud for the great Steve Lee everybody. The return of Steve Lee. Kielktoon, Ed Lentz. Give me 10 more minutes. One more time for Steve, everybody. Come on, make some noise for Steve. All right, good night. That's my axe. Thank you very much.

Starting point is 00:39:29 Some of you are like, who the fuck is this guy, right? I'm Hans Game Dressing, a different costume. So I like to know. I was an exchange student in Kansas many years ago and my host father introduced me to a concept of Halloween. He was like, hey Steve, we're at a good store in back costume. They represent our own culture. So we went to the store.

Starting point is 00:39:58 My host father from Kansas bought a Godzilla costume. Like... LAUGHTER And I look around the store. I'm Chinese, so I look around. There's nothing Chinese. I mean, technically I could wear anything because everything's made in China. LAUGHTER And then my host father was like,

Starting point is 00:40:21 Hey Steve, I found something for you! I'm ninja costume. So in my first Halloween party, I show as a goddamn disabled ninja. Woo! All right. We stand. Steve Lee, the return of Steve Lee

Starting point is 00:40:40 with a fucking fantastic minute. All right, man. I miss the show, man. We miss you, Steve. It's been a long, fucking time. Legend of the game back when we were in Los Angeles and you moved back to China during the pandemic, correct? Yeah, and what happened was like, you know,

Starting point is 00:40:55 all my whole LA shut down and I was kind of broke. So I went back home, my dad passed away a year before. So I went home, take care of the tomb. And I was like, oh, I'm going to take a break, a few months break. And a few months turned into three years. And what happened was during the time I find out my mom has dementia.

Starting point is 00:41:21 And you know how I found out? She called me up, like she's like she asked me like, hey Steve, are you still my money? And she asked me every day. Ah, your mom's Jewish. Hey, Chinese and Jewish, you know, we're pretty, pretty similar. I can see the, I can see how you could be. You do look like if somebody put Woody Allen in a microwave. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. That is fucked up.

Starting point is 00:41:51 Thank you, sir. Indeed, that's what I do. Fucked up jokes. I wrote that down when you were performing. I looked at you and I'm like, here reminds me of something. What is it exactly? Oh, Woody Allen in a microwave. And what was the turning point was,

Starting point is 00:42:06 I woke up and my mom was talking for like two hours. I was like, it's not her friends. You wrote down like three pages of notes about like vaccine and things like that. I'm like, mom, who are you talking to? Give me the phone and I answer and I was like, who is this? And it's like, you know, is he speaking Mandarin,

Starting point is 00:42:25 but Hong Kong we speak Cantonese. And she said, oh, we're calling from the government. She speaks Mandarin. It's like if an American government agent call you and then they say, oh, I only speak Spanish. Right. It doesn't make sense. It's totally a scam call.

Starting point is 00:42:40 Yeah. So my mom almost got scammed. And I told her, mom, hang on the phone. There's a scam call. And her mom almost got scammed and I told her mom, hang on the phone, this is the same call and her face is turned and she was like a shame and and then and in two days later I told her, I don't know, my mom told me, yo Steve, you know, like a lot of people get scammed by calls, you know, like be careful. Red band, come on. He came all the way from China for this.

Starting point is 00:43:05 He's probably just getting to something. Jesus fucking Christ. Stupid hot dog. Son of a bitch. No, I was gonna get into it. So really, clearly, my mom, my mom, you almost got scammed two days ago and she completely forgot about that thing.

Starting point is 00:43:28 Right. So I realized, oh, it's Alzheimer. So my mom has Alzheimer. Ah. And it was like, it's a... What the fuck? Yeah, dude. Hey, hey, what's your mom's phone number?

Starting point is 00:43:42 Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. What the fuck do's phone number? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I like it. Can I do another impression? Yeah an impression of me. Yeah, okay? Okay, okay here we go. I will never be as funny as Redban and that's just the obvious truth Sit the fuck down Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Sit the fuck down! I love you, Joey! Sit the fuck down! Lil Hobo, I gotta tell you, you were so close to becoming a regular on the show

Starting point is 00:44:40 I take it back, shit! I take it back, man! I thought comedians roasted each other when they loved each other and I love you I know I love you too little hobo great. Thanks So stevely remind everybody of your condition for those of you that can't see his hands are turned down for what? By the way, I have feminine hands, so my jerking ob is really good, you know what I mean? Oh. That's why I don't need a girlfriend. Oh yeah, okay.

Starting point is 00:45:13 So what was it like being in China during the pandemic? A lot of lockdown. I almost went crazy. And actually I bought a VR. And he has like a VR, and he has a VR show. I was trying to go talk to him on VR, and on the way, I got dizzy. So I was like, a fuck this.

Starting point is 00:45:37 Yeah, that happens. So let me ask you this. You were in China when the famous incident happened with me. And if I remember correctly, when you know hundreds of thousands of Chinese people. Oh, is that when you call me fat? Wait, what? You don't have a mind. What?

Starting point is 00:45:59 No, no, no, no. What do you mean? No, go ahead. Okay. Weird. Do you call a Chinese guy fat or something? What? No, go ahead. Okay Chinese guy fat or something. What? No, never mind. You don't remember what happened with me Cancelation. Oh, yeah, that one. Okay. The fuck are you talking about?

Starting point is 00:46:22 Hundreds of thousands of people were tweeting at me because I called you fat Anyway, I remember you messaging me, correct? And you said what I did was nothing bad, something like that. Because if you see the whole thing, you're like roasting the guy. Right. Maybe like the word you were using was a little, you know, edgy. Right, sure. I agree that it was edgy. But like if you, if you watched the whole thing, you're like just roasting people.

Starting point is 00:46:46 Exactly. Now I noticed that you messaged me that, but you didn't publicly post anything like that at all. And you, I've helped you many, many times. I've given you a giant spotlight where millions of people see you do what you love to do. And but you were in China at the time. Yeah, I left the game.

Starting point is 00:47:05 I'm like, yeah, you guys go fuck that shit, yeah, I don't know. I don't care. You left the game. Yeah. Doesn't appear as though you've left the game at all, stevely. But is there a reason why you didn't post anything publicly while you were in China to defend me? Who's helped you?

Starting point is 00:47:21 I guess I'll be arrested by the Communist Party or something. That is exactly the answer I was looking for. So that you understand how lucky we are to be Americans. Can I just say something real quick? Yes, real quick. By the way, I love China. Me too. I need to go home.

Starting point is 00:47:40 So I just want to put this on the record too. We got to. Look at that on the record. Little Homo is a big fan of the Chinese Communist Party. And I have nothing against the CCP. And in fact, I would love to bring some of my products to China. So if anyone from the CCP- Are you made in China too?

Starting point is 00:48:01 What? They're fucking no, man. I'm made in America, bitch. That's right. Texas pride. A true Texan little hobo. Absolutely. Look at that beautiful.

Starting point is 00:48:18 That takes time to carve something like that. That's right. No way that's made in China unless, well, yeah. What? Well, I was going to say especially couldn't be made by anybody with hands like Steve Lee. Jesus Christ. That is tough work. Look at that. Oh, shit. Oh my god. You have the exact same hands. Oh, God, there's not even anything there. That is frightening. There's like hair, something in there. You have hair for...

Starting point is 00:48:48 Hair easy. Do you see that? That is scarier than anything. There's hay stuff in your hand. You are scarier than shit, little hobo. Thanks, man. I guess that's a compliment coming from you. So, Steve Lee, what else has been going on? Thanks, man. I guess that's a compliment coming from you.

Starting point is 00:49:14 So Steve Lee, what else has been going on? So you flew here for this, you messaged me, you told me that you wanted to come out, you warned me about this, we got you in and So tell us what's going on. So I'm since my mom's doing stage one, so I'm like, I got someone to take care of her for a month. So I'm like, yeah, let's go party. Oh, yeah. Did you really get someone or did you just leave a mannequin there and tell her that? I mean, his brother, maybe. Ah, yeah. I'll take care of your mom if you need me, too, bud.

Starting point is 00:49:37 What? That's not a joke. I mean, it's not easy taking care of an elderly parent. It's hard. You guys really shouldn't laugh at that, you know? These elderly women out there, they're lonely, and they forget to lock the door. Oh, little hobo. Redban perceives that as a sexual advance. I have nothing to do with this fucking puppet. Just you guys know.

Starting point is 00:50:05 I did not come for me. What the fuck? He's wild. Yeah. I love it. So, Steve Lee, what else is going on over in China? No, I was no. Or whatever you want.

Starting point is 00:50:16 Talk about anything. I bought some Bitcoin. You bought Bitcoin? Oh, yeah. Damn, right when everything else is appreciating the... I was telling you, like, I don't have money for the show like two weeks ago. And as like my Bitcoin went up a little bit, I was like, I got it for this trip.

Starting point is 00:50:30 Hell yeah. Did your Bitcoin really go up or did the person that your mom was talking to on the phone just tell you that? I love it. Steve Lee, what's your love life like? Zero. Zero. Really? I told's your love life like? Zero. Zero. Really?

Starting point is 00:50:47 I told you my hands, I got mine. Really? So, when's the last thing that you had happening? Anything? You get any Chinese hookers out there or anything? Oh, yeah, that of course. I love it. I love it.

Starting point is 00:51:02 Absolutely. Now, have you ever kissed an American girl? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, in that case, you just fucked that up. Really, really. I mean, jeez, stevely, really. I have. Oh, really? I've never kissed a girl. Oh. It's so sad. I want nothing more than to kiss a girl.

Starting point is 00:51:27 Just to feel what it's like to have loving lips. Touch me. To put my lips. Would you really like that little hobo? I would love it so much. Is there a girl out there in the audience? You know, we have a really great fan base here. Is there a female out there that be willing to come up here real quick and give a little hobo a big kiss on the lips anybody?

Starting point is 00:51:54 Look at this we got one Okay, you can just come this way if you want you can make it look at this The American dream Little Hobo. Kiss. Wow. Oh my God. That's incredible. Amazing.

Starting point is 00:52:13 Amazing. Incredible. I've only done rim jobs. Oh my goodness. Wow. Little hobo instant legend here in the Killtony universe. Steve Lee, so you flew all the way from China for this. How much longer are you in town for? I'm leaving tomorrow. Yeah, because I have a gig on Thursday at the comedy store. In China. In LA. Oh, okay. And then that's two more gigs in the Bay Area.

Starting point is 00:53:00 Okay. That's fucking awesome. So you're in the Bay Area this weekend Next weekend. Oh, yeah, yeah, no this this Friday. I'm flying back to San Francisco San Francisco. Yeah, this Friday Yoni aren't we in San Francisco this Friday? We are right? You want to do a five-minute guest spotter to me? Sure, why not? What are the fucking odds? We're at the Warfield, right? What are the odds of that? You guys got this, that really just happened. Right place, right time.

Starting point is 00:53:33 Thank you. Destiny taking over for you yet again, steeply. And it's great seeing you, man. I think it's so wonderful that you're taking care of your mom and you're making time for your art. You're a badass. Yep 100% out here hustling Anything you want to plug Steve Lee? Just follow my IG Steve Lee comedy Steve Lee comedy follow Steve Lee kill Tony legend watches past appearances always funny

Starting point is 00:54:03 He came all the way from China for this. Not all one more time for Steve Lee, everybody. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There he goes.

Starting point is 00:54:13 Steve Lee. We'll just have the next person grab it. Okay, yeah. All right. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, makes some noise for Tim Warner, everybody. We've seen him before. This is the return of Tim Warner.

Starting point is 00:54:31 Thank you. All right. I've been working on being a better person and I realize there's a thin line between optimism and delusional. You know, like every time a relationship ends, people usually say, oh, I'm going through a breakup. Well, that's bullshit because the breakup already happened. What they're going through is a competition to see who's going to fuck somebody first. And the women always win. Always, you know?

Starting point is 00:55:08 Do you know when a contestant shows up to the Special Olympics late, they call them tardy? It's kind of fucked up, you know what I mean? They're just slow. You know what they do at two times in a row, they call them retarty. That's just nuts. It's nuts. Where are you now, cancel culture? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:55:41 Everyone worried about the pot calling the kettle black. Well, that's nothing compared to what the pot says when the kettle leaves the room. You know what I mean, everyone worried about the pot calling the kettle black. Well, that's nothing compared to what the pot says when the kettle leaves the room. You know what I mean? That's really when the bad shit comes out. Oh, no. Oh, no. Mixed with Tim Warner, everybody,

Starting point is 00:55:56 before the bear comes out, it's 15. Woo-hoo! Tim, another perfect example of what I love about this show. You know, your first few times on the show, I remember you were all like, you were in a dark, dark place in your life, and your last couple times on the show, you seem to be getting progressively better.

Starting point is 00:56:15 You write your sober now and stuff. We've talked about this before. Believe it or not, I know he's dressed like a big hobo right now, but. Does someone said I look like Joe Pesci from Home Alone. Yeah, it is true. Fuck it. I really hurt my feelings.

Starting point is 00:56:32 He's like, dude, you plan this? I was like, no, it's how I dress. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like if it was Thanksgiving, I would have worn this. Yeah, it's like homeless alone. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:56:44 Ha ha ha. Very good. How are you? Yeah, it's like homeless alone Writing his jokes under the light of a barrel fire obviously Tim that was a fantastic fucking set all the way through tell us what else we need to know about your life since that's time we caught up with you. Um, I just, uh, last Tuesday I celebrated a year clean. Nice. Okay, for me. Congratulations. It's a miracle. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:15 Especially in comedy, but you know, uh, yeah, what a miracle. Yeah, really is. So if you guys don't believe me, go back, watch his old appearances on the show. I mean, it is crazy. You are like a totally different person with totally, total different sense of humor. Real jokes, fucking totally present on stage. You were kind of like an eggative Nancy, you were like, talk, you had like toxins flowing through your brain and body before that, you know, you were like,

Starting point is 00:57:45 how would you describe it, the old you? A mess. Yeah. Yeah, it was a fucking disaster. But you were having fun! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Starting point is 00:57:55 Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Yeah. Cheers to that. You're not fun, you're getting some stuff. Oh, oh, oh! God, little hobo! I love you so much! Thanks, I love you so much, Tony. Please, please let me be a regular here. You keep this up. You're going to be getting your second kiss tonight.

Starting point is 00:58:06 I can't wait! Yeah! I'll eat yours! Wouldn't be the first time I've had some wood near that, but Helena was like, hello! Ah! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited!

Starting point is 00:58:14 I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited!

Starting point is 00:58:22 I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited near that, but Helena, I'm saying hello. Ah, because I'm gay. I'm really not, but everybody wants me to be. But I must say that weener looks amazing out here at the end. We've been rubbing my leg the whole time. That's right.

Starting point is 00:58:47 Put a little mayo on that dog. You know what I'm saying? I would relish the opportunity. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to fuck it. Come first, you're going to have to catch up to me. You know what I'm saying? I want to stick up between your bones.

Starting point is 00:59:02 You know what I mean? I want to kill that boss. A cost of... What the fuck in a... Can I do a joke? Yes, little hobo. My viral load is undetectable right now. It's not fucking funny, you assholes!

Starting point is 00:59:38 The serious fucking disease, Jesus fucking Christ! You know what I mean? You just want to have some fun? Go down to the glory hall, just get your dick sucked and suck dick and bang down some sweet ass. Now fucking funny. Oh my god. So funny about all that. Jesus Christ. Get sick.

Starting point is 01:00:06 Look at my fucking hand. Ha ha ha. Where are condom y'all seriously? So Tim Warner, you've lived in Austin now for a few years. I always see you at our favorite local coffee shop, writing, kicking things around in your head. How do you like Austin, Texas? Tell the world about it.

Starting point is 01:00:30 I love the city. I love the city. It's been great to me, and I hope I can give something of value back, you know, more than anything. It's a fantastic city. It's morning as it sounds. I really think you are. You know, Austin's a fantastic city. As horny as it sounds, I really think you are. You know, Austin is a fucked up.

Starting point is 01:00:48 You all drive like maniacs though, huh? Yeah, they do. Yeah. Well, there's a little thing on the steering wheel. I don't know if you know, it's like a rod. You hit it up, it turns on the right blinker, you hit it down, it turns on the left blinker, you dump fucks.

Starting point is 01:01:01 Yeah. Especially that right blinker. You sit around, you do 90 to go to baths drop. What the fuck's going on in baths drop? Nothing. You don't need to do 90. Well, no, no, that's me, and I'm going golfing. It's not that people going fast, that's the problem.

Starting point is 01:01:20 It's the people going slow. That's the problem in the left lane. That's right. They need to get over. He's a fuck up! I was coming back from my buddy's ranch last week and twice in the left lane on these two lane highways. Twice, I flash people and they hit the brakes. Everybody. Not, not getting over, but the brakes in the left lane of a highway.

Starting point is 01:01:45 Oh shit. You can't... Yeah, even you know. Even you know Lil Hobo. Okay, road rage. Yeah, it's insane. Completely fucking insane. Mother of that.

Starting point is 01:01:58 A shock that you have a car, by the way, Tim Warner. It's absolutely incredible. Well, you just wrecked your car. The driver's out here, suck. Let me tell you, because I'm a pedestrian. No, I actually have a car to minium now. Oh, nice. Yeah, you live in your car. Yeah, what kind of car is it?

Starting point is 01:02:15 Now, it's, oh, I can't believe I don't know if I can say it right. It's a Volkswagen T-Jon. Ooh, a T-Jon. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, it's like, I went from a house car to a car to a minium. It's really nice. Tijon. OK.

Starting point is 01:02:31 Is that how you say? Tijon Tony. I love Tijon joke. I did a Tijon Tijon joke. Okie dokie. Not all of them are against people. That means a lot coming from you. It was great, man.

Starting point is 01:02:43 You are so unique. I didn't know what to expect. It was great, man. You are so unique. Like, I didn't know what to expect. You've got this real unique voice, unique look. I thought you're really, really funny. I can't wait to see you do more stand-up. I would love to have you on the secret show, Thur's, if you can. And you already have a big joke book.

Starting point is 01:02:57 I'll take more. I'll never say no. No, would you like some nicotine toothpicks? Yeah. From Zippx. Yeah. Zippippx. Yeah. Zip more, smoke less. By the way, those things are fucking unbelievable.

Starting point is 01:03:09 Highly recommend you order some airplanes. Really everything they're good for. They are amazing. And if you decide to unsooper up, I got some heavy duty fucking fentanyl, baby. There he goes! Mixed it with Tim Warner, everybody! Thank you!

Starting point is 01:03:28 Another very fun performance by Tim Warner. Now, let's do this inside one that I pulled. I pulled someone from the inside, everybody. If there's an eye and a circle next to their name, that means that they are inside the room. Clap your hands if you've signed up tonight. Okay, so there's quite a few spread around. Make some noise for the inside zone. This is one of your own. Usually a first timer or somebody that traveled from a faraway land to be here makes a noise for Sam Armfield everybody. Sam Armfield. Here he comes! Here he comes! Oh, Home Alone song!

Starting point is 01:04:14 How about a hand for the band? These guys are fucking unbelievable. If you blink, you miss it. The references that these guys are able to pick up on very quickly. I love the homelones soundtrack. It's a very good one. I highly recommend listening to it this holiday season. Use the promo code Kiltzoni, get 10% off the homelones soundtrack.

Starting point is 01:04:36 Here he is, the Inside Zone. Sam Armfield, everybody. Oh, oh. How's it going? So we all feel down sometimes. Sometimes I feel down, but I feel unaccomplished in my life. And then I just remember that I could destroy Michael Jordan in a swim race.

Starting point is 01:04:53 I mean, I don't know if you guys know this, but you can't swim. And I think if I was president, first thing I would do is end this mess in the Middle East and Ukraine. And the second thing I would do is start a program to teach black people to swim, because Jesus Christ, man, we got to figure this out. We could combine it into a bill with climate change, you know?

Starting point is 01:05:18 I think, because the sea's rising' you know? Oh shit. I have a theory actually. I think pools of water maybe are causing retardation because you don't see many black people that are retarded anymore. You know I feel like it's all white people. I don't know. It's either the water or the watermelon. I'm not sure. Thank you, thank you.

Starting point is 01:05:50 Sam Armfield, a lot of black people cannot swim material there. That is incredible. You started with it, you ended with it. Keeping the consent from me. Where are you from, Sam? I'm from Maine. Maine, exact. That makes sense. Check's out where there are no black people, correct? So you can, that's exciting stuff there.

Starting point is 01:06:17 Because you're like, hey, look at them on the TV. Those black people always on my commercials and whatnot. Well, plot twist, I'm actually 30% black, you know, so. No, you're not. I know, I know. And then the same thing to say. Is that real? You're 100% racist.

Starting point is 01:06:38 Yeah. Yeah. If you were 30% black, I would hope that the 30% would be your arms so that you would drown. Because they can't swim. I started swimming since I was free, by the way. You started swimming when you were three? Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

Starting point is 01:07:02 Well, Michael Jordan can't swim though. I mean, that was the whole premise of the joke. There you go. How do you know Michael Jordan can't swim? I heard about it recently. What do you mean you heard about it recently? I read it. There's some story.

Starting point is 01:07:20 Have you heard about this? You guys hear about this? I have heard about this. I'm Michael Jordan. Can't swim. You didn't hear about that I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I Michael Jordan joke he was a Chicago Bull that's bulls shit You have to rewind it listen to the joke again. I promise it's funny anyway You did not read that anywhere. I did I heard he saw like his friend died drowning when he was younger and he doesn't swim Eric Clapton you got Michael Jordan and Eric Clapton confused There is something I love a window. I believe. Oh, Phil Collins, thank you, sir.

Starting point is 01:08:06 And Eric Clapton's cake could swim, he just couldn't fly. Oh, man. Whoa. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Little hobo. Quickly climbing the charts for guest of the year, everybody.

Starting point is 01:08:28 Who saw this coming? Dr. Phil versus Little Hobo in a battle of the Titans. This is absolutely incredible. We're seeing it live. No doubt about it, Little Hobo. You are unfuckin' believable. I love you so much. I love you so much.

Starting point is 01:08:44 I love you so much. I love you so much. I do, I love you. Oh my god if you didn't have HIV I'd fuck the shit out of you. I really! I will load negative! I'm just recognizable. So Sam Armfield, have you ever done, what are we talking about here? You do stand up? I have never done stand up in my life. First time everybody, the goat of the first time. I listen to the show every day on my way to work

Starting point is 01:09:10 and I'm a big fan and I just like the ultimate hell yeah. What do you do for work? I swim coach. I like audit air systems, HVAC systems. My company is a contact with Costco. I manage the Northeast. Yeah, I used to sell weed, and now I just have work, and I know my check is mine, and you know, okay. Okay. All right, and what do you do for fun out there in Maine? I like picking mushrooms, edible mushrooms,

Starting point is 01:09:41 like sauteing them. I walk my border callee. I like listening to music and eating LSD. I don't, you know. I don't know. You. So how long has it been that you've wanted to do stand-up comedy?

Starting point is 01:09:55 Oh, see, I went to the comedy seller in New York City like a while back. And honestly, since I started listening to this show, I've just like, I listen to it all the time. And it's just like, I think it's like, it's beautiful, it's a beautiful art, and I've just, I mean, I obviously probably should have practiced a little bit first,

Starting point is 01:10:11 but I just went for it, you know? I planned this trip, like, I didn't. How long ago did you plan the trip? I'm like June. June? Oh, we used to work in June. All right. So June, you plan the trip,

Starting point is 01:10:23 and you bought a ticket for the show in June? Yeah, it's all your promo code, and I just went for it, and yeah. promo code. in June. So June, you plan the trip and you bought a ticket for the show in June? Yeah, it's all your promo code and I just went for it and yeah. promo code. And then I had no promo code. No promo code. These are full price tickets. No, it was promo code to like get them before and they were like pre-release and everything.

Starting point is 01:10:35 Anyway, I, uh, did we do that? We did, okay, thank you. I wrote it, I wrote a set and now like I've been like I was going to do the set, I was going to do the set and then like before I took my flight I just wrote a completely new set you know that's a smart move a lot of people fucking stick with that old set I can't imagine how bad the old set was you know I think I had some bangers in it I think I had some okay can you give us an example of the old set you remember I'm gonna talk shit you left some hangers in there bangers oh bangers all right

Starting point is 01:11:01 Bangers in there. Bangers. Oh, bangers. All right. Yeah, so what the kids are saying. Since I'm getting older, I've been revisiting some old movies that I used to love. I was watching Scarface the other day. And it wasn't the same anymore.

Starting point is 01:11:14 Didn't hit the same. Since I've traveled a bit, and I've met some Cubans. And Tony Montana didn't really sound Cuban to me. He sounds like deaf. He's like, so I hold my all fun, you know, like, I just couldn't get past it, it didn't sound authentic, and I thought maybe that's why he couldn't hear the DA coming up his marble staircase,

Starting point is 01:11:32 is like, what the fuck, you know. Yeah, that's a good cut. You made a good cut there, believe it or not. I would replace that with a third black people can't swim joke just gonna heartache. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Starting point is 01:11:48 Ah! Oh my goodness. Well Sam, congratulations. Anything else we should know about you, any fun facts about you, any special skills or talents, you're in it right now. The show that you supposedly listen to every day, you probably listen to those interviews and you go, ah, I could do better than that. And here you are, you're in it.

Starting point is 01:12:06 Right now, the lights, look at the lights, look at the lights. Look at that. And the soul-down crowd, those balconies, you see those balconies are filled up there. So you're in it right now. So tell us, what is interesting about you? If I can do the worm and I play a little guitar, I know, I noticed that when people come up and play music

Starting point is 01:12:27 You're like if they don't sing well, you're like, you know, I think I might have the chops. You really think so maybe Maybe yeah guitar player would you be willing to let this guy borrow your guitar? He doesn't trust a partner Trust the corner, Aarrington. Car Aarrington is vetoing your shot, your trip all the way from it. Michael Gonzalez nodding in a grince, the nicest guy on the crew, is nodding in a grince. Carter Aarrington has vetoed your opportunity. You're probably going to die alone in Maine

Starting point is 01:13:00 with your border collie, whining, and whimpering next to you. I'll still be listening, that's all good. Okay, how about we do this? Since Carter is not going to play guitar, how about you tell him what you would have played and you sing, and I'll tell you whether or not I would have liked it or not. Oh, what do you want to do?

Starting point is 01:13:19 I know what he knows you when you're going out. You're clarking and I'll get a shush. Nobody knows you when you're down and on. I don't know that, How does it go? Can you hom it a little bit? They'll play. These are professional musicians. What's upon a time I was a million years. Yeah, no, I wouldn't have liked it.

Starting point is 01:13:32 But I'll tell you what, you came a long way and anybody who listens to the show every day, I automatically kind of like them. So even though it was your first time, I was a little way and anybody who listens to the show every day, I automatically kind of like them. So even though it was your first time, I'm going to give you a big joke book, my friend. Thank you, Tony. Congratulations. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:13:55 Just because I like you. Yeah, weird. I know. Sometimes I'm a little bit nicer than other days. I'm well rested. My serotonin levels feel good. Woo! So they're always already gone.

Starting point is 01:14:08 I like that. Very good. Very good. I was also going to give him a check for a million dollars, but he's gone. So. All right. There you go.

Starting point is 01:14:17 That's how it happens. I pull a name out of a bucket. Anything can happen. And as you know, a lot of the greatest comics in the show's history we have found out of that bucket all of the historical figures of the show including your next comedian. This regular came on the scene in June of this year and when he did on his first scheduled appearance his second appearance ever on the show blew up and he has been doing this theater tour with me

Starting point is 01:14:47 and he brings me on stage, and I ride a wave of momentum that I cannot even begin to explain how odd it is for somebody that's only been doing it two years. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you regular and great fucking comedian, the one and only campatterson everybody? Oh! Oh!

Starting point is 01:15:07 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Starting point is 01:15:15 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I had broken up my girlfriend before I moved out here,

Starting point is 01:15:24 and not because of her is because of her family Her family was terrifying when I met her brother here just got out of prison So he wasn't even a human being yet, right? And he was in that bitch for like 20 years and when I met him like what's up? Never I'm gonna tell you something bitch. I love my sister They put your hands on the entire way. I will cut your toes off and mail them to your mama. Now listen, I have sisters too.

Starting point is 01:15:51 I don't give a fuck that much. You know what I'm saying? First, you gotta find out her address and shit. That's crazy. You know what I'm saying? So a couple days later, his sister, my ex-girlfriend, she was sucking my dick, right? And she tried to put her finger in my booty.

Starting point is 01:16:08 And I don't know how y'all feel about that. I don't like it. She called me out gone, so I just smacked her real quick off a reflex, right? And she cried a little bit. And she was like, huh, I'm from the tail. My brother, hold up, bitch, wait a minute. Go get some lulies with something first. And she would like, huh, I'm from the tail. My brother, I'm gonna hold up bitch, wait a minute. I'm gonna hold up bitch, wait a minute.

Starting point is 01:16:25 I'm gonna hold up bitch, wait a minute. Go get some lube with something first. You can't just rock it all, my booty bitch, that's gay. You feelin' that? Have a time. And there's another one. Another brand new minute from Pam. Motherfucking Patterson.

Starting point is 01:16:43 What's up? What's up, little Patterson. What's up? What's up, little hobo? What's up? That was amazing. Thank you, little hobo. You scared a fuck outta me, dawg. That's- Don't be a friend.

Starting point is 01:16:52 This is terrifying right now. I love getting my ass fingered. Okay. You're prostate, you know? That's the- It's called getting milked. I'm living a- This has to be like a nightmare. No, that's the... It's called getting milked. I'm living a...

Starting point is 01:17:05 Ha! This has to be like a nightmare. Red band of glycine right now, that's crazy to hear. This man is super white face, you my biggest fear in life. I want you to know that. Ha! In life, though. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:21 With a long white beard, a shaved head, I mean, this is fun. We have polar opposites. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look at that. White is face, meat, black is face. It's incredible. Wow. Wait a minute, be it, be it, be it, be it, be it, be it, be it.

Starting point is 01:17:37 What the fuck? I'm so fucked. Cam, patterns. Gang violence. Gang violence, indeed violence in the... Oh, no. You have done it again, my friend. Another new minute. Very hard to do. You're in it now. You're a few months in. Yeah. This is where, you know, it starts getting a little bit treacherous to provide a new minute every week with such high expectations.

Starting point is 01:17:59 That's my old shit gun. Yep. Old shit's gone. You blasted through it. And now here you are. You can't even tell that the old shit's gone. You blasted through it. And now here you are, you can't even tell that the old shit's gone and that this is new new and you're just doing it. A lot of pressure on you. Yeah. A lot of people watching. A lot of people, a lot of haters,

Starting point is 01:18:17 hoping that you fail. A lot of people back in your rooting for you, giving you good advice. You're absolutely murdering these theaters. Your appetite for you, giving you good advice, you're absolutely murdering these theaters, your appetite for laughter, your demand and editing of your jokes in the big leagues on the weekends that I take you on the road is absolutely incredible. How did you enjoy Youngstown since

Starting point is 01:18:38 Daddy in Philadelphia this week? Here's my mom and mom and I, and I'm saying, me and Tony, officially, brothers, we locked there for life. Hit that, really, we locked there for life. His dad really was in the mop. That was terrifying as hell. He had two gold pinky rings on.

Starting point is 01:18:50 Niggas, he's killed people before. Bro, you know what I'm saying? He is going to hate that you said that. Never mind. Never mind. I didn't meet his dad at all. I don't know where he is. Me neither till I was four.

Starting point is 01:19:09 Anyway. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. He was around a lot when I was a kid. It was after that where the traumatizing stuff started. Anyway, no, I'm kidding. So, Cam, you were indeed and you met my mom? Yeah, your mom was the best.

Starting point is 01:19:23 That's it. She's my mom now. We locked in. Yeah, funny shit. That's right. And I met your mom in Philly. Yeah. Hell yeah. We had a lot of fun.

Starting point is 01:19:31 I didn't realize. Yeah, it did. Started with your mom. Ended with my mom. It's a blast. Great time. Great. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:38 It was like a kind of like the Wizard of Oz. It started just black and white. And then it ended in color. In color. Full color. Oh, I thought, you scared me. Don't do that. You scared of f**k out of me, sir. Cam, what else is going on in life? What else is happening? After the colletti that we got now, key cards.

Starting point is 01:20:04 Oh, yeah. Yeah, you and the new one we? I'm still collecting them got their own key cards. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you and the new one we had got. We got some really nice hotel key cards. Oh, this shit was made out of bamboo, nigga. Wow. So real. Wow. Look at that shit.

Starting point is 01:20:16 So, what are they? That's wood, and them? That's real wood. What? Shit. Look at that little bubble. Put it in your mouth. That's wood. That's wood. put it in your mouth. Oh! That's wood! That's what you're gonna have to go. Not the strongest, John.

Starting point is 01:20:33 Yeah, I got a strong jaw. You'll find out about it later. Cam, you are incredible. I don't even know. What do you want to plug? Anything you want to get out there? Oh shit, we do the regular show every Tuesday at Vulcan. Come on, fuck with us. And then I got my show at Red Band Club every second in four wins, they.

Starting point is 01:20:56 So I'm not always there, so don't be mad at me about that. But we bring great people. So come pull up and see that. Other than that, I want to say thank you to my mama. I love you, ma. And uh, Yeah! Yeah. Come fucked up is that. You tell your mom that you love her and you call my dad a murder

Starting point is 01:21:16 on the same episode. Absolutely. And I love you Tony Dad. I love you so much. Uh, please don't kill me. No, if he was going to, we would've on Thursday night when we were there. It was fun bringing you into his house. I had to tell him I'm like, he's with us. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:21:34 Yeah. They made it work out. Walked in like this. I like it. I like it. Just keep me as good luck. Absolutely incredible. I like this. Kimé is good. Absolutely incredible. I mean, you are so much fun on the road.

Starting point is 01:21:50 Onstage, offstage, your fucking spirit is incredible. I mean, what you see is what you get with this fucking guy. For 24 years old, it's fucking ridiculous. Amazing. Great stuff. Unbelievable. We love you. How loud can this place get? one more time for Cam Patterson?

Starting point is 01:22:08 The untold area is still something. He's still something. He's on his way to not swim. All right. All right, ladies and gentlemen, oh this looks, this looks special, this looks fancy. I mean, what are the odds of this? Make some noise for Cam Fatterson, everybody. Cam Fatterson, is this real? Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Starting point is 01:22:48 Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! What's up white bitch? I ain't fat but I like rocks. It's a Halloween episode in K-Shorty, no, I came out as camfatterson.

Starting point is 01:23:14 A few years ago, I came out as William Montgomery, so we was having fun, don't kill Tony Man. I miss y'all so much, how y'all do? The great, the powerful David Lucas. What's up? Here to pop in and say hello to us on a very fun episode. Yeah, you seen Red Band dress as a hot dog, and your booty got wet. I, it is.

Starting point is 01:23:36 It is soaking wet right now. My booty self-moisturizes when I get excited. If Tony was in a hot dog ink contest, he would never eat the hot dog, just deep-throwed it. What? Ah! You're supposed to eat it, sir. Ha, ha, ha.

Starting point is 01:23:52 If you were in a hot dog eating contest, you would eat only the bread. Bbff. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Even the arrow in your head ain't straight. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah! Ah! Ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 01:24:06 Yeah! Woo! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Game violence bitch, I got these slippers on. Game violence. Oh shit. Oh shit, you are wearing the gang violence slides. Look at that.

Starting point is 01:24:26 My goodness. Stand up so they can see you and got no bottoms on. Oh, nigga. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 01:24:35 Oh. Tony, gonna take that little dang home and fucking out there then. Be careful, little hobo. That didn't go well, fucking. Oh, you're so much. I'm such a fan. I'm a fan of guilt. Don't well fuck it. I love you so much. I'm such a fan. I'm a fan of guilt.

Starting point is 01:24:47 Don't you ever tell you I love you so much. I love it when you come on the show. And you know, I actually, I've been working on an impression of you. Do it. Would you mind if I did it? Say the N word with it. I won't do that. All right.

Starting point is 01:25:04 I want to hear this impression. You have an impression of David Lucas? It's not that great, you know, I've been working on it, but yeah, I'd like to give it a shot. Okay, here he is. Doing his impression of David Lucas, here's Lil Hoba. Okay, here we go. Yo, the only thing I love more than having babies are vegetables. Vestibles are my favorite food.

Starting point is 01:25:21 It's like when I'm not eating vegetables of course, you're not eating vegetables. What'd you think? What the fuck is that? What'd you think? That's AI. That's scary, nigga. That's scary. Because this sound like me, nigga.

Starting point is 01:25:38 I think I eat pussy on the vegetables any day, nigga. Well, you know what? Actually, that brings me to my next impregn. Can I do another impregn. Absolutely. Watching the fear in David Lucas' face of seeing AI work is literally... I don't like that shit. I'm on child support. They can make that thing.

Starting point is 01:25:58 They can make that thing say anything. I'm about to hit with two kids bitch. I don't like that shit. I want to see another impregn. I'm about to hit it with two kids bitch. I don't like that shit. I want to see another impression. It is a high angel intelligence. The fallen angel Lucifer gives me the power to imitate anyone I want. Okay, here we go. The only time I really feel like... What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:26:19 I'm just gonna give you a few ways. The gym is like a temple for me. It's like church. And I hear I'm pushing been waiting. The gym is like a temple for me. It's like church. And I'm here. I'm pushing myself harder. So, like if you see me at the gym, I would appreciate it if you would avoid asking me for workout tips. Not a claimer. Just a normal exercise. Thank you. Thank you. Yo, this really that terminator shit, didn't you? We got a kill Red, man.

Starting point is 01:26:49 I don't like that shit, Red, man. You fucking 45-year-old nerd. Turn this shit on, that's scary, man. You can make me say anything. What the fuck? That's scary. Make Tony say that he likes women. I have never. That's here. Well, wait, I am never saying that he likes women. I have never. Let's hear.

Starting point is 01:27:07 Well wait, I do have an umbrella. You want to get my Tony impression? Yeah, let's hear it. OK, OK, here we go. Hulk Hogan is a bitch. I would love to smash his face in. Hulk, if you're listening to this, just know that you should stay the fuck out of Austin.

Starting point is 01:27:20 Because if you get anywhere near this place, I'll find you and fuck your geriatric balance of nature eating diaper, wearing ass up. Eat dicks, old man. I don't like this shit, bro. Did you see that about? Oh, come here. Oh, my goodness.

Starting point is 01:27:35 We won it. I don't. Tony, I don't like this shit, though. I have never seen you this scared before. Anyway, you know black people get a technology man to laugh. That's how they got us on that boat to America. That's it.

Starting point is 01:27:48 They said, nigga, it's BET over there. We got on that motherfuckers with some music, and that's how you know. We was locked up. Amazing. Is that journey? Don't stop believing. Amazing. Is that journey? Don't stop believing. Is that what that one?

Starting point is 01:28:10 All right, all right, all right. I don't know what it was. Tony, who shot you with an arrow? Some homosexual? God is bitch ass. God is bitch ass. I love you, nigga. I miss you, boy. What the fuck? I love you too, bro. You look fan now. Much to make fun of you. Look fantastic.

Starting point is 01:28:32 I lost 23 pounds, dog. 23 pounds. What I did, don't know joke, nigga, for real. What I did is cut out sugar. I still drink, nigga, but I cut out sugar. You cut out sugar. I still drank liquid but I cut out sugar. You cut out sugar. Set the fuck up bitch. Yeah, I beat your ass. And I get somebody to point, I wouldn't say turn the lights on but Bet you can't beat me up. They got bet that Amazing rocking the rocking the air Jordan incredible for a guy that can't jump. I can't you can't I got a nice word Oh shit, it's about to be oh never mind It's gonna be too many jokes grant come on jump. How high y'all want me to jump?

Starting point is 01:29:14 Here he is. Oh, how high do you think I can jump? I don't know I can't I can't even imagine you think I can at least get 12 inches I would love no one loves getting 12 inches for the game. Let's do it. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Whoa. Wow.

Starting point is 01:29:41 That was amazing. I was an athlete, but don't forget that. Wow. My God, I actually heard your knees go, ow! What? And I heard your ass go, hurl! Tony only gave him four moons.

Starting point is 01:29:59 They could have ever. If they had a four moon he could be gay. Tomorrow I can't wait to see Halloween. It's tomorrow, I can't wait to see Halloween is actually the more I can't wait to see what you're doing. You gonna dress as sexy red. My Gucci pink, my booty ho, bruh. Shit. I'm in Miami, it's like a whip, I rise.

Starting point is 01:30:18 That thing, that thing, that thing, that thing, that thing. What are you gonna be for Halloween? Not so Lil Wayne? BOOM! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Shit, I don't need no, bro. You got me right there. Yeah. Okay. Damn, that's crazy. Tony ain't never stumped me. You fucking fag. Oh, you're good. Jesus Christ. Okay, you're good.

Starting point is 01:30:50 You're good. How many kids candy bags are you gonna throw the bar? I'm not doing sugar, don't. Oh, that's right. Yeah, no sugar, big dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I leave all the sugar in your tank. Okay.

Starting point is 01:31:01 That's an old gay nigga reference. You remember it back in the early 2000s gay people Yo-tank. Okay. That's an old gay nigga reference. You remember back in the early 2000s, gay people being like, he got sugar in his tank. And that's how you describe it. So no-ton, you actually make 2T rolls, nigga, you ass. That is true. That is true.

Starting point is 01:31:18 The old shit in the middle of a rapper. That should have crazy muppet. And I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of it. Yeah. Because I'm gay. I knew that was crazy, bro. I swear to God. Lately on the road, the number one question

Starting point is 01:31:39 is, who do you have? Rick Deas or Hans Kim? And I'm like, Hans Kim, all the way, mother fucker. Fuck Rick Diaz. What? Yeah. And the number two question is, is Tony straight. I swear to God.

Starting point is 01:31:51 I'm like, dog, I call him gay, so much people actually take his gay. Yeah. Tony is a heterosexual man. No, it's not. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's the big deal.

Starting point is 01:32:03 He swings both legs. We 69. No. What's the big deal. He swings both legs. We 69. What's the big deal? Lehovah, why are you a feet black? What? What's it? What do you have? It's my shoes.

Starting point is 01:32:14 Those are my shoes. They were given to me. My iPhone, Lord of the Sea. Lehovah, what are your pronouns? What do you mean? Because you're looking like you could be a they-them. what are your pronouns? What do you mean because you look like you could be a they then oh my pronouns? Yeah, my pronoun is so eater Are you afraid of that kind of thing a little bit man?

Starting point is 01:32:38 I'm a shouldn't be there's a lot of power there. I'm you know what I know people who really like you David Lucas Thank you, man. Powerful people. Yeah. Oh, that illuminati, I do like that illuminati, but I'm scared to get people to hobo. I don't know how it works. I don't know if they bite me and I turn gay.

Starting point is 01:32:54 Like, I don't know how that shit works. It was like a vampire head. You would love it. You would love being gay in the illuminati. I'm too big to be gay. That should be a weight limit on gay, man. I'm too big to be gay. There should be a weight limit on gay, man. I am. I ain't no nigga.

Starting point is 01:33:09 Trust me or not. I ain't no nigga. My size got no business being sassy. You should be afraid. I'm too big. That's a lot of pressure on the nigga. Himroy's if I'm gay, little hobo. It is true.

Starting point is 01:33:21 I'm sorry if I gave it away, Tony. Shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I gave it away Tony. Shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I gave it away, David. I can't believe I'm up here talking to a dummy. Yeah. I'm losing my mind. You guys should know these two fuck and I've seen it happen. They have parties and mansions around here. They get high and do weird fucking rituals and everything. Just what you'd expect. Actually, we love all that shit in LA, bro.

Starting point is 01:33:53 We kind of flashed it. No, you didn't. There we go. It is true being gay and in the Illuminati is a great time. Yes, there it is. David Lucas, what else? You want to plug anything? Being gay and in the illuminati is a great time David Lucas what else you want to plug anything? Yeah, man 1124 the day after Thanksgiving my favorite holiday. I'm in Albany New York Beat me to it there. Look at that. 1125 and Sarah and Syracuse New York at the funny ball December 6th Tosalcom Homo December 7th, OKC, December 8th,

Starting point is 01:34:25 through the night, I'm in Vainience, and December 13th, I'm in Louisville, Kentucky, baby. Thank y'all for it. Wow. Good job, Danis. Love, Kyl Tony always. We're turning to Kentucky, home of his favorite fried chicken. There he is.

Starting point is 01:34:39 The great, the powerful, future Kyl Tony, Hall of Famer, David Lucas, right there, everybody. Yeah. Hi, O'Saturn everybody I was kidding when I say Pam Fatterson everyone so I'm going to now say who I actually pulled out of the bucket No kids, move me a log. Uh, you guys smoke weed? Move! Uh, I don't smoke weed anymore, smoke too much.

Starting point is 01:35:23 I got tired of taking five minutes to put pants on. You know. It's like how many fucking holes are in this fucking? You know, at a moment of clarity when I was trying to hold the automatic door open for somebody at Walmart. Fucking way too fucking-eyed. They were like, are you alright? I was like, you're welcome. But I drink now, or still, again, more. Also, I love drinking and driving. You guys like drinking and driving?

Starting point is 01:35:56 I'm a great drunk driver. I do have two DUIs, but two out of like thousands of times is pretty good. These are pretty good stats, you know. Pretty good set. Luke Newman. This is your first time on the show, correct? Second time. Second time.

Starting point is 01:36:21 Okay, are you working right now? Yeah, I'm currently on the clock. At Shake Spears, the bar bar next store where we contain the comedian That is incredible I love it Lou. How's the night going for you? It was good. I was just taking out the trash and then They started yelling at me and now I'm here. You are that's how it works Well, the show business. Like, fucking love it. So the last time you were on the show, how long ago was that?

Starting point is 01:36:50 It was two years ago. I came out here to visit and did some recon and then saved some money and then drove out here. I've been here. That was a Vulcan. It was a Vulcan, yeah. Yeah. And how did that go?

Starting point is 01:37:04 It went well. I got a big jokebook. Okay, very cool. And so you've been doing stand up for the two years since then, obviously. Yes, I've been doing it for like six, seven years now. Where did you move from to be here two years ago? Oakland, California. Oakland, California.

Starting point is 01:37:19 Okay, very good. And your family and everybody's still out there. Yeah. And you work at Shake Spears? Correct. And what else? What else do you do for fun here in Austin Texas? Oh, what do I do? Not much. Go swimming. I love the 2 DUIs out of thousands of times, jokes. That was fantastic. You have a long drive home from Sixth Street. No, there's not too bad like 15 minutes. Okay. All right, tell us something interesting about you. This interview is... What's interesting about me? Yeah. I don't know, man.

Starting point is 01:37:57 Oki-doki. Hell yeah. I think you're gonna make it. Thanks I Don't know as a bartender here on six Street Seems like that's what you're building. I'm not even a bartender. I'm just a door guy. You're a door guy Yeah, the rag on the pocket. I mean, that's just slash bar back. Okay. Yeah, all right little hobo What'd you think about? I love this drunk driving joke. Yeah, I thought it was incredible It's a good point. Those are some really great. It's a great outcome if you think about it But I'm a wonder after two after two DUIs. Yeah, do you have that tube in your car? You got a blow in two to drive? No, I don't I got lucky That's that's really scary. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:38:49 Because they should have put that fucking tube in your car, man. They should have. There are the fucking streets just driving around him and with your bullshit statistics. He didn't run in kids and going back to the bar, wiping shit down. But I thought you were real. Don't listen to him. He's getting drunk. No, it's good advice. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:39:12 And Josh, a great, I thought you didn't. Oh, thank you. So you've been out on Sixth Street for a while, working as a door guy? Yeah. The craziest thing you've seen, a couple years that you've been a door guy here on Sixth Street. The places for those of you that don't know about Sixth Street in Austin, Texas.

Starting point is 01:39:26 It's literally a festival every single night, bigger than any festival in your hometown. It's like that on Sundays and Wednesdays and especially fucking weekends. It's absolute chaos. It's so much fun. The best people watching. The most exciting shit on planet Earth. And a serial killer lurking among us. Yeah, wait a second, little hobo.

Starting point is 01:39:47 You ever go by that bridge on Reini Street, down by the river? That's a beautiful bridge. Oh my God. I love going out there late at night, just watching the stars. I heard that they found a tiny little left wooden hand there, at one point.

Starting point is 01:40:07 Do you know where it is? Well Luke Newman, you had a pretty decent minute and you already have a big joke book. You a smoke? You a smoke? You a nicotine fan? I'm trying to quit. Well, you want to hear something. Well, you know what's great for trying to quit?

Starting point is 01:40:30 Zipix toothpicks. Zip more smoke glass. You're going to leave here with a big pack of that. And we're going to keep moving along. There goes Luke Newman. And everybody. Already, thank you very much. Thank you guys.

Starting point is 01:40:41 Woo! Don't let it go. All right. We're flying through it here tonight. There goes Luke Newman. Thank you guys. Oh, I'm flying it up. All right, we're flying through it here tonight. There goes Luke Newman back to work. He's on the clock and is one of the most boring interviews of the night. So we're keeping it moving here. Pulled another name out of the bucket.

Starting point is 01:40:55 We still have in fun out there. It's a long episode. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Alright, this looks like a first time on Killtony name. I usually remember the Anthony's and the Tonys on the show. Mixed the noise for Anthony Papalie, everybody. Anthony Papalie. Hey! I was watching a porno today and they like censored all the curse words in it. Like bleeped out the curse words. I was like, who's this for? Really?

Starting point is 01:41:28 Like who's watching a porn or like, man, this chick is hot, but she's got such a potty mouth on her, you know? If you notice like porn titles are so negative these days, it's always like, guy, fucks his stepmom stuck under a dry or after Hurricane Katrina, you know? It's never like, guy, fucks his wife of 25 years after a nice dinner at the cheesecake factory. Yeah, it's never sweet or positive.

Starting point is 01:41:51 I don't know, porn scares me, right? Every porn was like a guy with a trade coming to your house to fix something. And he fucks your wife. Scares me, man, so I've been learning all these trades. I want to fucking YouTube looking up electrical work for some reason. My wife the other day was like, hey, let's order a pizza. I was like, let's just fucking make one.

Starting point is 01:42:15 I don't need a guy coming over today. Anyways, that's my day Anthony. Thank you so much. Anthony Papalee. Okay, you don't look like an Anthony. Oh, I am. You are? Italian, 100%. What?

Starting point is 01:42:31 If you're Italian, you're 500% Italian. Holy shit. I love the sun. Oh, my goodness gracious. What are you really? What kind of brown are you? What can brown do for you? What are you?

Starting point is 01:42:44 I'm Indian. You're Indian. Okay. Absolutely. Oh my goodness gracious. What are you really what kind of brown are you what can brown do for you? What are you I'm Indian your Indian? Okay? Absolutely my goodness gracious Wow Wow Very Indian huh I'm pretty Indian yeah, I mean except for the name thing but Indian African Indian now just like Indian Indian Indian Indian Indian Indian Indian Indian yeah, wow You look like you wrote on the top of the train for a long time. Oh, yeah, no sunscreen. This help there hanging out

Starting point is 01:43:15 You look like a slum dog hunter there. Thank you I'll take it. Wow. That is absolutely incredible What are your parents look like? Are they darker than you? They're just darker, yeah. Wow. How do you think that happens? Why are some Indians darker than other Indians?

Starting point is 01:43:32 What do you think happened along the way on your bloodline? I think it's just like the sun, like to be outside. We work at that. Fake in Sora. You don't think someone along the line? Maybe. All right.

Starting point is 01:43:46 Go. Yeah. What do your parents do for work? My mom doesn't do anything. And my dad runs his own business. What's the business? Because there's like education consulting. OK.

Starting point is 01:43:59 I'm not right. That's kind of Indian. What do you do for work? Well, technically on Wednesday, I'll be out of the military after six years. Whoa. Yeah. Congratulations.

Starting point is 01:44:09 You've got a long time, baby. What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

Starting point is 01:44:19 What? What? What's the name, man? I don't know. Yeah, you're getting now, right? Well, the getting is good. Yeah, you're getting out right while the getting is good. I feel good. So what branch of the military were you in?

Starting point is 01:44:31 The elite branch coast guard, US coast guard. Fucking good. What? It's good. Yeah. Coast guard. That's interesting since you come from a race of people that can't swim.

Starting point is 01:44:44 Like Michael Jordan. Mmm. I'll take it. What did you do in the Coast Guard, exactly? I worked on ships for a bit, public affairs, kind of a little bit of everything. On a scale from 7-Eleven to 9-Eleven, how much did you like it?

Starting point is 01:45:00 How much did I want? Nothing, forget it. Fair, fair. What's your love life like, Anthony? I'm married. Married? Married man, yeah. Oh my goodness.

Starting point is 01:45:09 You have kids? No kids, no. No kids, are you trying? No, I don't want to, I don't know. Okay. Why do I have a feeling that your calm is dark brown? It's, uh, depends what I eat. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:45:21 Um. Let me calm down. What's happening? I barely get red band a laugh like that he was. The thing is, he was choking on his tongue at one point there. So how long have you been married for? Three years. Now normally Indians strictly marry other Indians.

Starting point is 01:45:47 Is this another case of that? Fuck no dude. Whoa! Let's step down dude! What do you got? What kind of? I dated a barini, another arrow brown, just another kind of brown. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa So you told your dad that she was in there. I was like, she's fucking indian.

Starting point is 01:46:06 Exactly. First, don't even look into it. Exactly. She's brown. I've done that before with my parents. If it's ever a, uh, a, uh. Yeah, yeah. If it's ever, let's just say, if it's ever been a half-black, half-white girl,

Starting point is 01:46:23 I've always said super-atallien. Hell yeah. Works every time. Yeah, like, oh, she's gorgeous. Look at her curly Italian hair. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Yeah, it's genius. They love that shit.

Starting point is 01:46:33 Hell yeah. Um, so, uh, that's that. What do you do for fun, Anthony? I like to just hang out. I don't know what kind of hanging out. What are we talking about? All I do is mics and stuff. I don't do anything. I hanging out. What are we talking about? All I do is mics and stuff. I don't do anything.

Starting point is 01:46:45 I'm boring. Billy. Yeah. You have any special skills or talents other than stand up? Uh, well, not really now. I play guitar, I guess. No, you don't. I do photography.

Starting point is 01:46:58 Just a spray. Billy. Yeah. I'm pretty boring. I don't know. You have any special moves in the bedroom? Uh, what do you do? You do a slum doggy style? I don't know. You have any special moves in the bedroom? Uh, what do you do? You do a slum doggy style?

Starting point is 01:47:06 I don't know. I mean, I like to eat this. I like to eat this. You like to eat this? Oh my goodness. That's how you ended up. Yeah! That is? That's how you ended up extra brown. I love it.

Starting point is 01:47:18 I like the slum. Yeah. Brown chicken. Yeah. What? Ha. Okay. that's fun. You like to eat ass. Sure, yeah.

Starting point is 01:47:29 So you have a Bahrainian. Bahrainian. And you eat her ass. Oh, you do, yeah. Is there something different tasting about a Bahrainian ass that's different than the other asses that you've eaten? I've only had white and Bahrainian. White and Bahrainian.

Starting point is 01:47:42 So for those of you that don't know, that is like- I'll be honest. Bahrainian is a cleaner. Whoa. We had white and baranis. White and baranis. So for those of you that don't know, that is like... I'll be honest, baranis are cleaner. Whoa! They used, you guys use badeis, she uses a badeil the time. So I'm like, let's go, dude. Fuck it, yeah. Okay, the badeil.

Starting point is 01:47:56 So the white ass that you ate explained to us, what the taste was like. She didn't use a badei, so it's kind of like the soup of the day, whatever's going on, you know, if I could... Ah, shut up, you know. You know what I'm saying? Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:12 The soup of the day. The soup of the day. The soup do do sure, if you will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness, Anthony Papoli. I like your style. How long have you been on stand-up? About eight years eight years

Starting point is 01:48:26 Yeah, where I started in San Francisco and then when I joined the military moved around a lot So yeah, and you really are out on Wednesday. I'm out of Wednesday Yeah, this must be a very exciting week. I'm excited. You're the number one Comedy show on planet Earth right now. Yeah, you're out of the military on Wednesday as literally as World War III appears. I'm so excited. I gotta watch it now, yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:50 Get to be a viewer. That's sick. To be a real civilian. We're all gonna participate. Don't worry about it. Read the book of revelations. It's already down. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:49:00 Normally when a draft hits an Indian, everybody plugs their nose. Oh, yeah, normally when a draft hits an Indian everybody plugs their nose, but I like your style Anthony. I'd like to hear other jokes that aren't completely porn related. Oh, yeah, for sure. I got other chocolate. I got other chocolate. So, you know, fun times, though. Congratulations. Hey, thanks, man. You seem like you're very comfortable on stage. Your eight years really shows.

Starting point is 01:49:34 I don't know if you know this, but there was somebody, I believe, up here earlier that has been doing it 12 years in Canada that you guys remember Van Dad? Mmm, I met him. Van Dad. Van Dad. Yeah. It was really bad. Really bad.

Starting point is 01:49:47 It was really terrible. You want to sing a song, perhaps, about Van Dad? Do you have anything, a little hobo? Do you have anything else for? Song about Van Dad? Yeah. Well, is he here? Yeah, Van Dad's out there somewhere, right?

Starting point is 01:50:01 All right, sure. I guess I could dedicate one more song to that piece of shit. Yeah, it's been a while. He started the episode. He was the first bucket pool. But Vandead, I've gotten a word that Vandead is watching from the back of the room right now. So we would like to do it. Lil Hobo has one more song for Vandead.

Starting point is 01:50:19 Okay. Alright, let's do it, Ribbon! Here up, kid. At least you gotta be your tribe. That's what's important, right? The sun will come out tomorrow. At your bottom, dollar that tomorrow. We'll be fine, just thinking about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow

Starting point is 01:50:55 till there's none when I'm stuck with a date that's great and lonely. I just stick a bunch in and grin and say. You suck, you suck. I'm the most vulnerable and I would've never seen it. You fucking suck. You're awful,. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. You're so sweet Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Thank you! A little hobo. A little hobo is something else. What a special treat you are, little hobo.

Starting point is 01:51:50 There's so much! I love your Austin! I love it. What is it again? Anthony Papoli. Again, I'd love to see more than just porn jokes, but here's a big joke book anyways. Sign up again for the joke. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:52:09 There you go. And then he probably... Alright, believe it or not, we have a couple more special treats for you. This is an extra long episode. Is that okay with you guys that you're at an extra long episode? We got as many bucket pulls in as we could in this wild chaotic episode. So here's something crazy about a month ago I pulled some chick out of the bucket. She bombed. She said that her boyfriend also signed up He came up. He did really really good. You guys might remember him from about a month and a half ago or so So here he is. I asked him to come back just to see if he had it one more good minute And this is the return first time ever of Justin Hedrick, everybody.

Starting point is 01:52:48 Let's just see how this goes. Be quick and painless. Justin Hedrick. How's it going? So I grew up in a mostly black neighborhood and dominated at a little league baseball. Probably helped out of dad to play catch with. But the rest of the team, the rest of the team were great at stealing bases, which show up on Saturday and there's wouldn't be any fucking bases.

Starting point is 01:53:23 I went to an orgy a few weeks ago and we all got COVID. They attempted to find the source with no luck, so I think I'm in the clear when they find out about the herpes. I did a 23-meowal back, not the DNA test. I got jumped by a car full of Mexicans. On my way here tonight, a homeless guy came up and he told me for $20, he'd let me spit on him and call him the n-word. I was shocked. Even with inflation, you can still have a good time with $100. My name's Justin. This is incredible Justin. This is exactly what I suspected when I asked you back a month later. I remember your performance showing such great promise.

Starting point is 01:54:12 It was your very first time on stage. It was your first minute. I asked you to come back to do a second minute and here you go. Working beats the whole way through. So you prepared for this month, right? Yes. And do you have fun doing it? I did. I was able to get to two open mics. Yeah, and that's about a minute of material now Phoenix for worth Texas, right? And so what else has been going on? Tell us more

Starting point is 01:54:36 It's gonna be a quick interview because we're running in late into the show God me in a direction. I'm nervous as hell. Anything at all. Even though the guy earlier made me feel much better, the 12 year guy, I was here today. I was here today. He was talking about Van Dad K. I'm so bad that Lil Hobo is done two songs in dedication of him. I've got 15 more.

Starting point is 01:55:03 Justin, is there anything that we talked about last time you were on the show or didn't talk about that I should have covered about your life or your history? All we talked about was that I look old, which I do. I don't really think that, I don't think you look great. Yeah, I think you look fantastic. You like Lil Hobo, seems like you worship Lucifer? No, not really. Oh, you will.

Starting point is 01:55:24 Well, no, you will. I mean, the times that are coming and seeing that are your fucked. You'll take the mark. We all will take the mark. Jesus, little help. What are you doing? Relax. You're double vaccinated!

Starting point is 01:55:47 He took the mark twice. The mark. I love it. Justin, I mean congratulations dude. You really, there's something, I mean you have a natural knack at this. That's two minutes where you've gotten laughs and applause throughout. It is incredible. We're going to keep it moving here, but I don't know what do you want to come back again in another couple months and I'll just we'll just do it again. We'll do it again. We'll burn it back again. Let's see if you can do it three times in a row.

Starting point is 01:56:18 There it goes. Justin Hendrick. I don't know what it is about this guy, but I like him. He's good. You fucking does it. So there you go. That was a quick one. You guys want one more special treat, huh? Yeah! There's another guy who's just like Justin, isn't a golden tick a winner, isn't a regular on this show,

Starting point is 01:56:37 but I love giving him a shot. I gave him many shots in the beginning, and you know, the crowds were against him. He wasn't doing that great and then his last time on the show he did absolutely fantastic. Took all the notes that he's never been given and put it together. He's back once again. You guys know him. He's Kiltzoni famous makes the noise for the one and only uncle laser everybody My sister got married today says she caught her stepson jerking. And then I needed to talk to him because that isn't jail. And I'm just like, well, what do you want me to do? This kid is strangely weird, like retardedly weird,

Starting point is 01:57:34 like not in a funny way either. He's weird, like, he's weird, like, he's like, not boobies and fucking baloney sandwich strange. He's like school shooter strange. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, weird fucking guy. Says she caught him jerking off with two sticks of butter out in a lawn chair out back, Flirling his pecker around to the neighbor's dog trying to get the neighbor's dog lick the butter off. I said, why am I the first one you're calling about this?

Starting point is 01:57:58 She goes, I ain't having a bios call. I said, call the fucking cops, Claire. That's not normal. I jerked off a regular growing up, okay? To fucking girls gone wild, info mercials, okay? You ever jerked off in 32nd intervals of fucking side boob, magical, okay? I jerked off the real sex HBO.

Starting point is 01:58:17 I keep that goddamn previous button channel on goddamn Nickelodeon. You know how many times I've actually come to Hey Arnold? So many times that when I have sex with a woman, I have to wish, just wish my ear. Go deeper football, Hen. Yeah. Boom, Uncle laser. Still showing improvement.

Starting point is 01:58:37 The stock continues to rise. Woo. I love it. Closing with the bang still a little bit of a long set up there. I don't think they all have it, but the back end is fucking good and relatable. I mean, I too, also, real sex, taxi cab confessions. I was a real, sometimes jerking off through the scattered, pay-per-view porn screen. I did that.

Starting point is 01:59:04 PT late at night. Oh. I used to fucking jerk my dick that Missy Elliott song, put-per-view porn screen, I did that. Or BET late at night. Oh. I used to fucking jerk my dick that Missy Elliott song, put that tank down, flipping it reverse it, I'd beat the fucking brakes, the foreskin of my dick. Yeah, I definitely, I'm with you on that, I smirked my smith in a flying flag and everything, I was totally with you.

Starting point is 01:59:19 I mean, Tony, I once put my dick in a industrial grade vacuum shack, like vacuum shop vac, if fucking pull off all my forskin, I still can't even wear a batonsuit with mesh lining in them anymore. Damn, wow, look at that. I'm gonna work off with a Ouija board once. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 01:59:36 Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Hey, I won't be honest for a quick, though. My grandma had these dolls in her house as a child when I stayed over in summer, and I'm terrified of these motherfuckers. I always feel I was getting touched tonight by these fucking dolls.

Starting point is 01:59:50 It turned out to be just the babysitter, you know what I'm saying? But these days, take me back to a trauma period in my life. Yeah. Don't be afraid of us. LAUGHTER They're like a gang rape, you know? They're like 18 or more. I'm not a gang rake, you know, there's like, A2. We just watch you. Little hobo, every time you say something kind of frightening, I notice that when you look

Starting point is 02:00:17 at the audience afterwards, like, you say something and then you kind of turn slowly towards them and it makes everything a little bit scarier. Well, it should make it scarier. I just looked at them because I love them so much. I don't see people out there. I just see meat. What the fuck little helper? What's wrong with you? This guy is out of control

Starting point is 02:00:54 Uncle laser I love this set again. We are running deep in the red here a long episode beautiful fucking boots I mean holy shit. Hey, you know the only thing better than four fucking aces Four ladies do I was gonna say four kings, but uh... That's because you're gay, dude. That's right, still gay. The running joke is that I'm gay. So gay, that you can let your girlfriend stay with me. There you go, Zungalaser, everybody.

Starting point is 02:01:20 That's a good idea. Yeah, I would never fuck your girlfriend, because I'm gay. That's right. Alright, what an episode. Perhaps one of the longest in a very, very long time. We got through a lot of bucket pools. We got through a lot of special guests, a lot of special treats. And now, there is only one way to end an episode like this.

Starting point is 02:01:48 The record holder for all time appearances, all time interviews, the only living member of the Kiltoni Hall of Fame, the Tijuana Tarantula, the Memphis Strangler, the Denver... Dracula, the vanilla gorilla, the big red machine, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed! Lights out! William Montgomery, everybody! Yeah! Yeah! Riddle me this, Tony. What's black and white and red all over a bloody race war? Red all over a bloody race war. Riddled me this, Tony.

Starting point is 02:02:47 Who can count to seven unless he's talking about how many grandchildren he has? Joe Biden. Riddled me this, Tony. Why is Red Band's mom's pussy so big? She's a whore. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Starting point is 02:03:08 Ha! Ha! She's a whore. Ha! Ha! Okay, next riddle. Who's the least scary villain in all of Gotham City? Catwoman.

Starting point is 02:03:19 Great Scott Batman. How will you ever manage? Catwoman. That's not a villain. that's a hoarder. What's next, plan mom? Too late, there's already poison ivy and don't get me started on. Oh, shit, that's not a rash. That can be cleared up in 48 to 72 hours.

Starting point is 02:03:38 Time to tune in next week when Batman faces a pansexual makeup influencer Meanwhile you got penguin stumpy ass. He makes red band look like Bruce Wayne and Then two face god, you know who be even more frightening Matthew Perry in a hot tub Get the fuck out of here. No wonder Batman always wins. Okay, that's why I turn. Yeah! Wow, a minute 40 seconds of thunder and lightning

Starting point is 02:04:13 from the man who has done it the most all time. The great, the powerful William Montgomery. Fresh off of five sold-outs shows in San Diego, fresh off of a huge, huge month, another month of successful cameos. Tony, you're one of the top earners on cameo. Yes, William. Tony, the penguin is hurt. The penguin is hurt. The penguin is hurt. The penguin is hurt. The penguin is very injured right now, Tony. It's almost Halloween. I'm worried about the penguin.

Starting point is 02:04:51 What happened with the penguin? We don't really know what happened. He and Catwommer got in a fight. No, he's really hurt, though. So... What? The penguin fell down some stairs, or he got thrown down some stairs, something with Catwoman. Penguin's super hurt. We're all worried about him. So send up a prayer

Starting point is 02:05:12 for Mr. Penguin when you get a chance. He's super hurt. I mean, he was a very old friend of mine. Yeah, he got thrown down the stairs or something with stairs a couple days ago with cat weapons. Oh my goodness. He's got some CIA activation shit or something. Yes. I love it. So William, what else is going on? Oh my gosh. I mean, after the penguin got so hurt, I mean, we pretty much grew up together Tony, so it's been really hard.

Starting point is 02:05:44 Something about he and the cat woman, something about stairs. Um, he's been super fucking hurt. Why did you just shake your head and disgust at that, sir? Okay, so the penguin is hurt. I got that part. Penguin's hurt. So what else is going on? William? Penguin's hurt. Okay what else is going on William? Penguin's hurt. We're all looking for Catwobbin.

Starting point is 02:06:08 Hey, yeah. I got that. No, but nothing else really Tony. Yeah, I've learned on the longer shows, I can't yell as much, which is a nightmare because I've gotten so used to yelling, I can't yell as much. So I've started actually whispering some of the punchlines. Oh, that seems like the crowd is in a ruckus about this

Starting point is 02:06:26 This is like Mike Tyson doing it. I'm karate or something like that I Okay, I'll prove my point. It's actually much better. I think okay. Here he is trying something new Give him a chance. This is like Francis and Aghanu boxing. You might be surprised here. We go I like it when my mom goes out of town because I get to sleep I knew, given the chance, this is like Francis Nagano boxing, you might be surprised. Here we go. I like it when my mom goes out of town, because I get to sleep on her side of the bed. Ha!

Starting point is 02:06:52 Ha! Whoa! See, it's actually much better. Wow! Paul Walker, more like Paul Crasher. Whoa! Look at that. I like it. I heard the reason Paul Walker died was because I don't

Starting point is 02:07:09 have a reactor. Forgot to say, oh my goodness gracious. See, it's actually much better. Yeah, luckily it's been working out. Wow, that's really, really interesting. So no more yelling. No more yelling. I'm done.

Starting point is 02:07:23 How's your grandfather? My dad grandfather that we covered last week, why would you fucking bring that up dumbass? Fucking almost Halloween, you piece of fucking show. Why would you, the penguin's heard. Okay, I got a little laugh, yeah, I was worried about the penguin talk and then... Yeah, a big toy. Fuck you, dude.

Starting point is 02:07:45 Oh, but yeah, yeah, no, been whispering stuff. And this actually, Tony, is a very exciting episode. I literally have a brand new actual sponsorship. I'm super excited to tell y'all. I think I had mentioned on the show before that I don't wipe my butt hole anymore. I started doing this method where I get in there, I take a big shed, I get in the shower, do do, gets all clogged up in the fucking drains. There's hair down in the drains. Now a little fun fact is that

Starting point is 02:08:19 well so much of the fun stuff that he talks about is silly and wild. This is actually true. He famously does not wipe his ass. This is a thing that his parents have talked about. To me, his girlfriend has talked with everyone about how she finds little clumps of shit in the shower drain. It was ripping apart my relationship. Every time that he shits instead of wiping like a fucking human being,

Starting point is 02:08:50 he literally has to get into the entire shower and wipe his hand back and forth along his asshole and let the little shit pieces go down the drain. I know it is absolutely shocking to find out that one of your favorite comedians, I kind of like sticking my fingers in my asshole. I think that is what everybody would say. I think that is what everybody would say. That is absolutely true. Don't let these baits emasculate you, baby.

Starting point is 02:09:16 You're an alpha male. None of us wipe. Oh, well, little hobo. I mean, your asshole is made of hay. Yeah. little hobo I mean your asshole is made of hay. So tell us more what is this sponsorship? So basically yes this is I'm dead fucking serious right now the penguin stuff I was lying about I was thinking that was gonna be much fun here But it was a giant fucking Halloween disaster, but no, my new sponsorship is Dude Wipes, okay? I have.

Starting point is 02:09:48 We love Dude Wipes. Yeah! I can now wipe my butt hole in the shower. I'm wiping. I use the Dude Wipes in the shower. I should be using them. Wait, that would not be how you use the Dude Wipes. You wouldn't have to get in the shower to use a wet wash.

Starting point is 02:10:05 I can wash my hair at the same time. I'm cleaning out my asshole, Tony. You know I'm a big time saver. I literally have been doing that. Really? T.T. and brush my teeth at the same time. I shit. They dissolve in the shower, though.

Starting point is 02:10:18 They're safe for your drinks. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I can't even fucking understand your stupidity. Why'd you listen to that? We got it. We got it. So. I can't get you. Roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo-roo- Oh my goodness. The place to sit teon. Who wants a fucking two-get your hands in the air? He is asking that everybody-whoa! Really? Maybe put a little arcade to it, will you?

Starting point is 02:10:55 There you go. Do it well! Okay. Do it well! There you go. There's Dude Wipes coming. Put your hands in front of your face. Stopping! What is it, dude? Oh, I'm so scared.

Starting point is 02:11:11 Thank you. Thank you, dude. Who wants to know? Yeah! Wow, he has literally got boxes of Dude Wipes. You get a Dude Wipes. You get a dude wipe. You get a dude wipe! Wow, this is unbelievable.

Starting point is 02:11:30 The dude wipe! Dude wipe! You get the whole thing. Oh my god, what's that? Put a little arm. Put a little arm. Put a little arm. Wait, put a little arm.

Starting point is 02:11:39 William, William, where are you? There you go. There you go, a little arm. Little art gutter in. I'm working on it. Wow, there are dude wipes flying through the air. Remember that any injuries from the dude wipes are not responsibility of the joke-rogan Hiltoni Death Squad Golden Pony Productions. Wow! Token! Happy people!

Starting point is 02:12:11 We have a YOLI! Are you getting this? Oh my god! Oh my goodness. Whoa, this guy. This is absolutely incredible. What a moment in Hiltoni history as the crowd is excited at getting dude wives. Dude wives!

Starting point is 02:12:32 Tony, those are the best dude wives too, be sure. I hope it's not the way. He's really are an unbelievable product. William, you got some over there, up there on that. Those guys want some dude wipes. All right. There are dude wipes absolutely everywhere. People from the balcony,

Starting point is 02:12:54 they're paying me a thousand dollar free one of these guys out there. Wait, somebody up in the balcony. William, somebody up in the balcony. Where were you in the balcony William somebody up in the balcony Whoa,! Whoa, maybe people like that. Yeah. You know? There you go.

Starting point is 02:13:34 We have 20 bucks. We have 20 bucks. I'm gonna sing out the roof. Imagine how much money he must be making right now. We will! We will! money he must be picking right now. It made it. What's the dude I... It made it. It made it.

Starting point is 02:13:52 What's the dude I... It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it.

Starting point is 02:14:00 It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. It made it. Alright, alright. This is absolutely incredible, a historical moment in the show. Incredible! So many people just got dude wipes. There are so many boxes still behind you, I guess. I'm getting worried that anybody that didn't get a package of dude wipes is going to get some on the way out.

Starting point is 02:14:24 How interesting is that? My little earpiece. And it's chilled, the best one. Brought to you by Dude Wipes, which is an absolutely unbelievable product. Everybody uses them. Use offer-cone-dunking! And congratulations. You know, of all the sponsorships that you've said that you've had before, this one actually seems real

Starting point is 02:14:45 It's a very real win get your dude wipes. I'm wiping my ass I'm proud of it. I used to be a bear is about wiping my fucking ass Oh, but now I'm not a bearer anymore because it's not wives for like a pussy or something. It's for dudes but holes I swear to God I'm not putting some fucking woman pussy fucking thing near my butthole. It's only, it's only dude wipes. Yeah. In honor of Catwoman, I'm gonna let the cat out of the bag and just say it.

Starting point is 02:15:14 I mean, the people over at Dude wipes, they do believe the owner or something important, very high up. Literally heard about you not wiping your ass and literally it is a true real partnership with William Montgomery. So support dude wife, an unbelievably great product that loves William and loves Killtony and congratulations. That's a really big deal to have an actual sponsor when your job is yelling and whispering for a living. Coming up with a penguin stuff. That was a disaster. Yeah. Yeah. Usually when somebody tries something that doesn't work, they don't repeat it 15 more times. So it's part of your brilliance and look at you. I mean, you're a sponsor by Dude Wipes.

Starting point is 02:15:58 So who am I to judge you? I know. No fucking women pussy shirts going in my asshole. Absolutely. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, how about one more time for the legend? William Montgomery, everybody. Oh, look. And that's another episode of Killtony. Uh, extra, extra long.

Starting point is 02:16:20 Gelblast, Orred Rose, Yellow Rose, connectmobilehealth.com. Hall of Orm, Austin Security Guard Service, NinjaBuses.com. gelblaster red rose yellow rose connect mobile health dot com hall law firm Austin security guard service ninja buses dot com CM smokehouse bones i and zippx how loud can this place get for dunking trussle and little home so late city November 17th comedy zone in Charlotte North Carolina December 14th of the 17th in the great comedy works in. January 11th, 12th and I do believe the 13th unbelievableDungeonTrustle.com for tickets. The Duck and Trustle Family Hour. Little hobo, thank you so much.

Starting point is 02:16:56 I love you, I love you dude. You're the fucking man. I love you so much, you're fucking fantastic. Thank you Austin! Unbelievable, Duncan Trustle. One more time for the best standband in the land. Yeah! Carter, Aarings, and D-Man is Paul Deemer, Michael Gonzalez. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight over there. Whoa! That's awesome.

Starting point is 02:17:23 That's a strict D-S. With a little Mortal Kombat twist, he's gonna be auctioning that off in the lobby after the show. The drawing from Ryan J. E-Belt is in and it is absolutely incredible. Check this out. Look at that, that's from the artist that draws it during the actual filming of the episode back in Los Angeles. He's drawing every episode. Ryanjeebcom to check to check it out and yes exclusive Killtoni merch available for sale in the lobby on your way out Red Bam. And check out my comedy club the Sunset Strip right next door Sunset Strip ATX.com. I love you guys. We love you guys. Thank you so much, good night everybody! Hey! Hey!

Starting point is 02:18:05 Oh, good night everybody! Oh, good night everybody! Oh, good night everybody! Good night everybody! Oh, good night everybody! Oh, good night everybody! You totally red-bandy! We look everybody!

Starting point is 02:18:23 Woo! Woo! We love everybody Everybody can you by the river? I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, I'm not Love everybody, see you next Monday. Love everybody, see you next Monday! ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ‿ʃ� you you

KILL TONY - #635 - DUNCAN TRUSSELL + LIL' HOBO

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.