KILL TONY - #690 - ARI SHAFFIR + JIM NORTON

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

Jim Norton, Ari Shaffir, Jeff Ross, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 09/28/2024 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM Sign up using our link, https://kalshi.com/tony, and the first 500 traders who deposit $100 will get a free $20 credit. See why 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE: https://ziprecruiter.com/killtony. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Music Who's ready for the best fucking Skankfest night of their lives? Oh shit! Make some noise for Red Band ladies and gentlemen. Guys we're back at Skankfest for the first time in years. We're in an arena act, and now you get to see us in a real room. How's that? Fuck yeah. You get to watch a podcast that makes money.

Make some noise for Skankfest, Luis J. Gomez, Rebecca, Christine. We're here. It's been years. These shows here, specifically at Skankfest, are famously vulgar, a lot dirtier, a lot sloppier. There's a lot more feedback all the time. There's a lot of weird noises that happen that we're not normally used to

with our high level of productions Both in arenas at the mothership in Austin, so it's gonna be loosey goosey fun fun I'm gonna be pouring into this crown royal a little bit earlier than usual very loose fun Episode is that cool with you guys? Are you guys happy to be here? If there's anybody that expected a different show or anything or wants to go do something else, feel free to leave. We'll bring other people in. Is that cool? Everybody happy? Well, in that

case, this is a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. tickets. the end zone and celebrate every highlight real play. And as an official sports book partner of the NFL, Bet MGM is the best place to fuel your football fandom on every game day with a variety of exciting features. Bet MGM offers you plenty of seamless ways to jump straight onto the grid iron and to embrace peak sports action. Ready for another season of grid iron glory?

What are you waiting for? Get off the bench into the huddle and head for the end zone all season long. Visit bet mgm.com for terms and conditions must be 19 years of age or older Ontario only please gamble responsibly gambling problem for free assistance call the Connacks Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600 that MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show?

Here to watch us watch comedians, two, I can't believe I was able to get them, two of the greatest comedians in the world, two of our favorite comedians in the world, two of the best comedians at Skankfest, two of the best guests in the history of the show, make some fucking noise for Jim Norton and Ari Shaffir. Oh my goodness. Jim Norton and Ari fucking Shafir. First time hanging out since Madison Square Garden with you guys. Jim with fucking two absolutely incredible sets. Back to back nights and fucking to see the love that New York gave you was incredible. Ari Shafir ended up costing us $100,000.

Typical Jew. And a lot of trouble. We tried, man. We tried to play by the rules. Word on the street is that MSG is interested in working with us again literally under the only request is no Ari Shaffir. It's unbelievable that the world's greatest most famous venue in the world is like look we love you guys let's run it back one thing no Ari Shaffir. You can bring Diddy but not Ari Shaffir. Diddy's doing a whole fucking residency. We're gonna have fun tonight. You guys know how it works.

We have a bucket, a little bit of a lighter load than usual, but that's cool. We're gonna deal with it. It was a special super secret pop-up show here at Skankfest. Nobody knew about it except for a very, very small amount of extremely like seven people knew about it. And so we wrangled comedians real late with like 30 minutes left before the show time. But if I pull one of their names out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry Fremont Street bear. That's a big gay bear. You guys ready to start tonight's show? I'm gonna pre-pull a name. They're gonna wrangle the human being. Somebody from over here is gonna get them. This looks good, good enough to start.

And while we do that, let's have a regular do a brand new Minute, huh? Does that sound cool? You guys know the show at all? Ladies and gentlemen, here to do a brand new minute, make some noise for the undeniable superstar. This is the great and powerful KC Rocket. I'm just trying to get my back blown out this motherfucker. Snake eyes. I'm just trying to get my back blown out,

this motherfucker. Put me in a little basket, push me down the river like baby Moses. Trying to get baptized. Oh yeah, all right, cool. Man, love this city. City like this, night like tonight. It's good, get away from the fat cats on Capitol Hill,

you know what I mean? They got their little grubby fingies and everything. I love this city, a city like this. Night like tonight, it's good. Get away from the fat cats on Capitol Hill, you know what I mean? They got the little grubby fingies and everything. Movies, TV, especially movies, you know. Moulin Rouge? No, Moulin Asian, you know what I mean? It's just crazy to think about. And I was watching all the Terminator movies last night,

which was hard, because I hate machines. And I thought I'd do a palate cleanser so I watched all the Transformers movies and I was like I OD'd on Wippen to Spencer's gifts last night and they tried to revive me using smelling salts but they accidentally gave me poppers, so my butthole was massive. And crazy to think about it on the holidays. All right, thank you.

I'm Casey Rocket. Have a good night. Casey Rocket. A very, very lovely Vegas-themed set. You have a set of dice and some brand new undeniable Las Vegas shorts kind of sexy to think about yeah very cute and just shaking that thing yeah hats off to the Casey bulge not bad thanks it's real flat front though I didn't think about that I adjusted it so it would be that so that's funny but I adjusted it like that

the rocket doesn't fall far from the tree in this family. It's actually funny you bring that up because I actually adjusted it to look like that. So it could have... Totally normal. I wouldn't worry about that. You look good. How you been enjoying Las Vegas, Casey? It's fine.

Whoa. Are you only here for this? I'm here for Skankfest. Yeah. Having fun. It's fine. I lost a bunch of money on roulette. Who's that? Black Hooker? But they gave me something kind of cool. Consolation. When you lose a couple hundred they give you some kind of cool. This is from Hera's Casino. It's a picture of the Grinch with a gun. So it's kind of cool to think about. And it's signed by Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Wow! It's kind of, you know, passive.

Casey famously gives out pictures sometimes during his sets. One of the many trademarks of the great Casey Rocket. Thank you, happy to be here. Where do you get a pair of shorts like that? Oh, these old things? Yeah. You're dressed like half the hookers I've met in this town. That's usually what they change into at 6 a.m. after they don't shower.

And they don't tuck as well. You can see the thong through it, by the way. Yeah, the underwear that you're wearing underneath are blatantly more comedic than the shorts that you put on over them. Yeah, we're not going to make you do it because you're so smart and such a great artist, but You want me to pop them off? I mean, this is Skank Fest. What do you guys think? See what you're working with, buddy.

Oh shit, oh shit, a master of reveals. Oh yeah, even the band is getting into this. Look at that. How about a hand for Element OP, the band tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Joel Ratkowski, Nick Liberatori and Dave Lacey. Oh my goodness. Oh, that's a bolt. That's a bolt. Actually, that's more realistic. This is what I wanted to avoid

Damn that's a hog, bro. That's nice. That's nice. I've never been so embarrassed It looks like you have 13 erections right now, that's how my underwear looks in the back Smuggling in two of Diddy's victims in there. Oh, this is my nightmare. What a nightmare. Casey, you are such a goddamn superstar. Always the funniest. Hair all the way. I mean, there's just no break between your thighs and your pubes, I can tell.

That is just, it is hair all the way around. For those of you that might be interested in what the body hair of one of your favorite comedians looks like, it is 360 degrees all around the thigh with no, there's no lightning of it at all. Literally looks like, I mean, a full grown werewolf. Very hairy, Tony, thanks for asking. A lot of hair down there, and it's growing...

The bees. Kind of good. Yeah, that came from within. I got goosebumps down there. It's all standing up. I can tell. You know what would be great? If you left all the hair and only shaved your asshole. Do it, do it, do it, do it. I can't do it now. I would, I'd love something like that.

It feels good to have you guys looking at me. Like that. It's not typically something I do, so this is good for business. It's a special Skankfest secret wild episode. Casey, thank you for getting it started. You are a legend. We love you. There he goes, the great Casey. Let's go get it, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, my goodness gracious. It's Skankfest. This is Kill Tony at Skankfest! Secret show? Wow. Valerie Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen. Heidi is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro right now, literally. And Valerie Vaughn is the full-time Ring card slash waitress for the other one more time for Valerie, huh?

I'd hate to be the blind guy in the audience for that one. That was better than I imagined constantly So now it's bucket time everybody we're gonna meet one of these young skank fest comedians Maybe it's someone in the audience. Maybe it's someone that's been hoping to get on this show for years. Anything can happen. We're gonna give them 60 seconds and talk to them all together. Make some noise for Hector Garcia everybody. Here we go.

Hector Garcia. What up? We got any fans of borderline racism in the house? Yeah. I'm Mexican. I'm on the fence about it. You know I could go either way. I like racism in fun places like, you know, pool.

You guys like pools? My favorite racist game in the world, guys. You go up to a pool table, what do you see? Just the white ball chilling all free. But the colored balls are all locked up, right? You got to bail them out. What happens if your color, you fall off the table. Back to jail you go, wait till you post bond, but when you're white you slip through the cracks, you come back at the other end. White ball

privilege, bro. They put you anywhere on that table you want. Line me up over here. Got a good shot of that red, yellow motha-bucka by the rails. Half the balls are white, right? Like some kind of, still want to see us all in holes. People chalking up, throwing up white powder like LeBron James. They make the black ball go last. Like some kind of final boss you got to battle, like Shona at the end of the movie. But what happens, you accidentally make the black ball. Everybody out of the water, we can't swim in that shit.

No more drain it, fill it back up again. There's not even a Mexican ball. I think there's an undocumented Mexican ball. Lives inside the pool table, comes out at night, does all the... Why else would it look so nice? He's hiding from the white and green ball. That's the Border Patrol ball, the 14. Thank you guys. Hector Garcia. Proof that we have no border right now. You wrote this joke like a year ago. Welcome Hector. How long you been on stand up?

About eight, eight, nine years. Oh wow. Where at? Mostly in Phoenix, but I'm from Texas. Just moved back. You just moved back to Phoenix? I was living in Phoenix. I just moved back to Texas like last month. OK. What part of Texas? West Texas. Way in the oil fields.

El Paso? Like three hours east of there, middle of the Odessa area. Pecos, Texas, my hometown. Shout out Pecos! It's El Paso. Yeah. I like that you stuck with your theme. There's a moment there where it wasn't going, let's just say well,

but you kept going and the jokes were good and you were just like, fuck this audience, and they finally came around and they laughed so I respected that a lot and it's something we all do so next time we play pool world we'll remember that bomb it is true you stayed in the pocket you were very comfortable those are the pocket wait what in the pocket yeah because of what he was talking about pool oh yeah okay. So Hector, what do you do for a living? I just left my job. I used to make chips. What kind of chips? Not Tostitos. I made microchips. You know how we sold it to Tostitos? They put in their

machines. Then they make the chips. You make microchips? Yeah, I used to. Okay, what do you do now? I'm just just free right now. I'm not working. I left my job like two months ago because I ran out of pay time off. Wow. We're doing stand-up. If you had an unemployed Garcia on your Kill Tony bingo card.

All right. I took a severance. They gave me a severance. I'm like, hell yeah, I'll see you all later. So you left it with no net just to kind of do stand-up? No, they gave me a good chunk of money to leave to quit. Oh. I was like, oh yeah. They just want you to be do stand up. No, they gave me a good chunk of money to leave to quit.

Oh, how much? I was like, oh yeah. They just want to be rid of you. Oh, sorry. What? No, I said they wanted to get rid of you. How much? I'm curious to know how much they gave you.

They gave me like $30,000 to quit. What? Wow. You must have been a shitting ploy. Get the hell out of here. Yeah, the way you were talking about this severance package, I was picturing maybe the light six figures, but $30,000 is what you're left with how much do you have left now? Ummm... about 2,000.

When are you gonna start looking for a job Hector? Here pretty soon man probably next month I think. Next? I got my resume updated already you know. Okay what does it say on your resume other than making chips, not tostitos? I grew up doing tires and tow truck with my dad. Okay. Man of the people.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Have you ever thought of getting into the coyoteing relatives across the border? It's tax free. That'd be a good way to fill seats at a show, right? I just said, gotcha, put you guys in the El Paso improv for a minute. Coyote comedy. So Hector, you just moved back to the middle of Texas.

Seems like a tough place to do stand-up comedy. What's your plan with the comedy? It is, man. I started there, when I first started there was like one mic a week. I had to drive an hour to get to, and like that's why I moved to Phoenix, because there's so many mics over there. It was like better opportunity, but now I've been out got my feet under me so moving back hopefully I get to Austin I got a lot of friends

out there that I stay with when I go over there so we do go over there and hit shows and stuff like that so okay all right you quit your job and then just move to a place that has no company things are looking up yeah what made you what made you exactly go back there? Family. My family's getting old. My mom's getting old. Dad's getting old. I'm over here chasing this comedy thing and I don't want them to pass while I'm around. Why? Why? They're not leaving me no severance or nothing.

So what's your plan? Just to wait until they die and then move to a better city? So what's your plan? Just to wait until they die and then move to a better city? No, just to be back there man, just to make that my home base. Because I live in RV so I'm pretty mobile, mobile homeless, you know, I could live anywhere. Move back. What's your love life like? Newly single guys, no kids, never married. Wow, you sound gay. No kids, Mexican, no kids, 40.

You look like Wetback Mountain. All right, Hector. And he looks at his job. I'm not going to quit you. Unless you give me a little severance. I was actually dating a black girl. I was seeing if I could have a baby with her. You know, a wet black. Whoa, look out. I could have a baby with her, you know a wet black?

Whoa, look out. I like the confidence of grabbing the mic stand after that. That's pretty much it. There he goes, Hector Garcia, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next one. Thank you, Hector. This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Even though I work at a comedy club,

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Again, that's Zippercooter.com slash Kiltoni. Zipper Cooter, the smartest way to hire. We're gonna keep it moving along. Make some noise for Peter Angelo. Peter Angelo is next. Your next bucket. The owner of the Orioles? How's it going?

Little about me, I'm gay and that's a surprise to me. Because I look like I tricked gay men to beat them up later. Well my dates just look like a hate crime hostage situation. I don't know where I fit in because I'm a redneck. I like doing redneck shit. I like guns. I was a personal truck driver. But I don't really fit in with my redneck friends. I don't mesh with them politically or ideology, but I don't fit in with my gay friends either. I just fit in my gay friends. Um...

But I don't know what's with me. Like, I'm pretty sure I was built in a lab by the gay agenda. Like, for the most part, they're making dudes who could host Queer Eye and look good on a parade float. Best I can do is drive the float. I'll be like, can I wave? They're like, nah, we tinted the windows.

So I think there once was a scientist in the bowels of a laboratory finally got his experiment right. He's like, guys, I finally did it. I made a gay who could infiltrate a neo Nazi rally. Then you cut to me at a cross burning like, guys, white power, but a mouth is a mouth. I'm Peter Angelo, guys, thank you. Peter Angelo. I was having trouble keeping track of everything, so are you gay?

Yeah. You are gay? Yeah. Really? What the fuck, man? Wait, you're gay? Yeah. Really? Yeah. What the fuck, man? Wait, you're gay and I'm not? I know. This is fucking unbelievable.

I don't believe you could live on those things. And somehow you would know. You're like a good referee for this one. This is like the worst episode of Parent Trap. Unbelievable. How long have you been gay for? Well, Tony, that's not... Really? No, my whole life.

Really? You look like Larry the Cable Gay. Yeah. I was gonna get him done. I was gonna change my name to Larry Fucks the Cable Guy. Yeah, that works. You're top or bottom? Both. I would hate to be under that fucking amount of torque. to Larry fucks the cable guy. Yeah, that works. Your top or bottom? Both. Oh, I would hate to be under that fucking amount of torque. Yeah, I don't know how my boyfriend does it.

I like the fact that Aaron's like, I'd be delighted to fuck you, but you on top. I would just say, we're not having that. We gotta be a lighter guy. I'm not a queer. You're not a starter guy. You're like, I've been there for a while, good. Work up to me.

Amazing. Stone Cold Steve Bottom. Absolutely incredible. You might be one of the toughest looking gay men I've ever seen in my life. Yeah! This is incredible. You look like a bear that hunts bears. What kind of guys do you attract? Do you attract guys that are like little cubs or what are they? I attract a lot of bears, but I like twinks Looks like we have a new golden ticket winner ladies

Uncle gazer Absolutely in I love the materials personal interesting. I wish I had heard more about your opinions on the game of pool. Turns out you're the one that loves putting balls in holes. I sure do. I sure do. You ever put your ball in an ass? No, I got to try that, though.

Yeah, all right. That's the next step. Residuals. Now, how did you come out to your parents? Were they shocked? Would you hold them down and taste it dad taste it why don't you hug me spill my finger they were fine with it but again I think they were scared of me so it's worked out oh that's right he's either a school shooter he's gonna blow his friends.

Let him blow his friends out of here. Alright, they're giving the shots of taking him. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. That's what it sounds like when I cum. What do you do for a living? I was a commercial truck driver for years. Yeah.

A gay truck driver. Now it's comedy and I am an axe throwing instructor. What? An axe throwing instructor. I teach people to throw axes. Let me show you how to split something open. Yeah. Yeah. Let's attack the wood. Spread those axe cheeks.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, let's attack the wood. Spread those axe cheeks. Can I fuck you? Let me axe. You ever hold an axe to a guy's throat as you're fucking him from behind? Oh they love that. It was a joke question. Look, I'm sorry, this is my life. I've just had a lot of real issues here in my life. No, no, no, I was just going to ask you about rest areas. That was actually my

next, that was actually exactly where I was going with it. Yeah, break it down for us. You know, truck drivers famously have lot lizards and what not. Is there a gay, is there like a lot gizzard or something? Is there a version of it probably but like grinder exists I don't need to go pick up a prostitute right on the i-5 though how are you gonna find one so my so have you opened grinder try it my open grinder here it is my phone would explode it's not like yeah I don't need to I like a lot of guys because because like I'm you know Straight passing the trucker they think that's extra hot and like oh fuck me in your truck

I'm like no, I don't really want to do that. Well, where do you fuck them in their ass? Yeah Absolutely incredible. I just can't picture you Taking it in the ass. It seems like he's fucking with us for comedic effect. How many of you want to see a guy fuck him in the ass right now on this stage? Is there a gay man out there that's willing to fuck this? This is Skankfest! The next bucket bowl just has to take it.

Let's call my boyfriend, get him up here. Is your boyfriend here? He's not at the festival right now, but he's with me in Vegas. He's a 150 the festival right now, but he's with me in Vegas. Yeah, he's a 150 pound Chinese man Wow, where did you meet this guy? Grindr well, I guess his grinder is just the answer Does he rub you wrong time? Every day.

Wow. So you stopped driving a truck. Yeah. Why didn't you wanna fuck in the truck? That seems like it'd be kinda fun. Yeah, it's just full of dirt and sweat and, well, clean it. You gotta smell it later. That's what an asshole's filled with.

Look. Great band. That's a good point. Great band. Look, it takes enough work to douche my ass. I'm not going to do a truck too. My goodness. And so, I mean, this is just incredible. You think you're ever going to get gay married? Nah. No?

I don't think so. It just doesn't interest me. That's not fun. Right. Why would I do that? Right. You're just having fun. Yeah.

You're just having fun. Yeah. You're just having fun. Yeah. You're just having fun. Yeah. You're just having fun. You're just having fun. You're just having fun. You don't think so. It just doesn't interest me. That's not fun. Right. Why would I do that? Right. You're just having fun playing with your ding-dong, that's your boyfriend's name. Yeah. So much fun. I mean, Peter Angelo, I gotta be honest, this is one of my favorite interviews in a fucking long time. Yeah, we're ruled, man. This guy's great.

Big gay bear. You got books? We don't have any joke books with us tonight. He deserves one. But I'll tell you what, here's what I will do. If you, when you eventually make it to Austin, Texas, I will give you an automatic spot on whatever Kill Tony you show up to at the Mother Show. You get a minute there.

Peter Angelo, ladies and gentlemen. Fuck yeah. Alright. We're gonna do something fun right now before we get back to the bucket. I'm gonna bring another regular up here. God damn it. Jesus fucking Christ almighty. Mommy, watch film. Oh, it's on.

What a fucking show this is. God damn it, one more time for Valerie Vaughn. Valerie. Valerie. Valerie. I mean, what a fucking, this is unbelievable. What a great night night you get tits in your face. I get a cold brew Cold brew sit next to an old Jew. It's not even a full one. It's pre-opened and fucking tiny. Not even cold. It's warm. So here, give that fucking half a mo' a beverage and let him

shut up. Make some fucking noise for Jim Norton. He has me crying. Somehow was just able to make me cry and sweat at the exact same time. I don't know if you noticed this, but I'm now covered in liquid. It's not Peter Angelo's semen. Ladies and gentlemen, another special treat. This is a super secret, amazing pop-up show, so it's amazing to me how many of our amazing built-in star comedians that were able to join us tonight. This next man is one of the fastest rising stars in all of comedy. His only mission left in life is

becoming a citizen of the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the Estonian assassin Ari Mati! I'm gonna marry you! Please do, bitch. I had to move apartments. You ever do that, sir? Cool. I had to move apartments because the last apartment I got, it was on the 32nd floor it was one of those high rises with one of those balconies and let me tell you my mental health is not at a position where I can have an immediate solution

to all of my problems. Dude I couldn't even chill because I would just get high and look at my balcony like do it pussy. I've never thought about killing myself but I have romanticized it. I would love to kill myself over something minute. Like my girl gets back and she's like, you got the wrong coffee beans again. And I'm like, haha! Like I have a friend right now, he's trying to leave his girlfriend and his girlfriend did the classic emo thing where she goes you know if you're gonna leave me I'm gonna

kill myself and I never understood how is that a threat Like, I don't like you, bitch. And now you kill yourself? Sounds perfect. Thank you very much. Absolutely unbelievable. Yet again, another brand new minute from thepowerful Estonian assassin, Ari Mati. Thank you, my angel Tony. I mean, absolutely fucking incredible.

I'm gonna be honest with you, I missed the first 25 seconds because I don't know why, but I even wrote it down. You got tits in your face, I got a cold brew. I don't know why, that is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks, but it's killing me and I wrote it down to get it out of my system. I couldn't hear or think about anything else while wiping tears away.

Thank you Jim Norton for ruining my moment. You got tits in your face. Thank you Jim. I got, pause, a cold brew. Oh Thank you. Oh my god. Are you Maddie brand-new Vegas shirt clearly fresh out of the box? Yes Already roasting me in the green room dog A golden shirt that's not iron. What an oxymoron. I get it dude Fuck Estonia famous for their saunas

Not so much for their steamers obviously I Tried to okay. I fucking stop laughing. I tried I Tried to iron it, but it's made of plastic it started melting dude. I almost burned down the golden nugget So I can't fucking irony Tony you know I'm like Estonia we don't have rolling blackouts so you could just steam it in the shower and hot water it the shower creates steam, therefore you don't need for that at all. Ari, how are you enjoying Vegas?

Tell us more. Oh my god, I highly recommend the Golden Nugget. What a piece of shit. It's the best. Dude, it's the best. It's got that fucking smoke in the walls. makes me want to get a wife and hit her You know I'm saying Trust me so just staying at the circus

Is this your first time in Vegas? Yeah first time Wow I played my first gamble yesterday. I gamble Yes, I don't wear condoms I lost all of it. what did you play black and Jack Wow yes it was a big it was a lady with the big tits I just kept giving her money and then I think they bend the rules there and they try to fuck me but oh shit and then I saw fist fight in the pool today oh yeah pool yes the golden nugget has a pool. Oh Sure, that wasn't Peter and his boyfriend that wasn't a fight

Who won the fight in the pool, yeah the security did But it is funny when two guys are starting to fight in the pool because you know, they have to like Yeah, like talking shit going at each other so slow. Just... How close were you to this fight? Very close. Can you hear? You can hear what it was about? I heard, fuck you.

No, fuck you. Ooh. Well written by the people. And it's funny when that sort of stuff starts happening, how the men will, you know, clear the way, but women are always in the way of punches and kicks too. No spatial awareness. Just bitches with cocktails It's it's all Vegas do you can't attention to your surroundings bitch Have you have you really romanticized killing yourself are you just kidding no no no I'm not concerned

I'm just curious. You're not concerned. No no you seem fine. No, no, no. I'm not concerned. I'm just curious. You're not concerned. No, no, you seem fine No, but it is you know easy way out. I always feel good if I feel stressed about my set I'm like I can just do it Know when you can stand call kill Tony Hall of Famer That's no doubt about it that fucking in memoriam video would kick or if I jump off something and make it come back Good yeah, I get it winner Or if I jump off something and make it come back, blah, blah, blah, blah, dude, ha! I get it. America's the talent winner. No doubt about it.

Positive push! It would be wild to make you an American citizen post-life. Post-mortem. Yeah, it's mortem. Mortem. Postumously. Yeah. Post-mortem, both good words.

Yeah, all good words. Post-life is not bad, though. How you like in America? What's going on with this green card? It's fucking annoying. I know I have a temporary work visa, but I think we can hook it up, you know. There was a woman that proposed to you, the audience is not, I don't think there might, so perhaps I should let people know that at the top of your set a woman is... Oh, she's Estonian, dude. I know this girl.

You found an Estonian here? Yeah, she's Estonian, literally. What what are we gonna do with two useless passports he does a bit oh she a bad again see these a you what what would you do to Ari Matty if he said yes? Would you really marry him? Yes! Would you suck his dick until it comes in your mouth? So Estonian. These are Estonian angels, don't talk to them like that.

These are not American women. They will steal your stuff. Wow, she just threw an actual ring at Ari Matty. Oh my goodness. That's law. Look at this shit, huh? Did your husband give you this? Don't tell him.

Ah, okay. See, this is how we do. We scam our way to citizenship. Absolutely. She's very attractive. Okay, this is how we do we scam our way to citizen She's very attractive Very beautiful. Yes. She's that they're all banger. Look You like Estonian women. I love them. So what's stopping you from being with this beautiful woman that just threw a ring at you What it's a pretty good sign. Okay, I said yes There you go. Ladies and gentlemen It's a pretty good sign. Okay. I said yes

There you go ladies and gentlemen Anything else we should know Ari? Better luck at the casino today, you know Are you able to work in America? Yes, I am. Yes, totally legal. I mean stand up. Can you take jobs and stuff? Absolutely. How am I promoting my own shows then? Yeah.

Ari's doing great stuff. Theaters all around, the killers of Keltoni, his own gigs, a ton of stuff. Yes, it's going really good. Everybody's very supportive. Okay, this is... Great. This interview is taking turn. Why don't we bring up Jim Norton's bit again? Get the crowd back on board. I didn't hear you, but I agree with it.

You're killing it, Ari. Great job. Another new set. Ari and Matty, ladies and gentlemen. And it goes on and on. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be. Tony, Tony, I'm sorry, one second. This is the wrong flavor. If I could get another flavor. Valerie, if there's any chance I could get a different flavor of White Cloth. What flavor would you like?

Just another flavor. I'll tell you if it's right after I get it you have no request of another play like a watermelon No, no, no get the fuck out of here Almost forgot where we were until this fucking bum genie came out of a fucking Jesus Christ welcome to skank. Can I have the one call? He's fucking kidding you retard. Jesus Christ. He was waiting for it too. Oh my God.

Some of these people literally spend like half of their net worth to come to Skank Fest for three days. Wow. Thank you so much. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, that's right. I'm finally realizing why Ari only shaved half of his face.

That is the, let me rub my head between your tits side of his face. Can we get another cold brew for Jimmy? I'm thirsty too, guys. Did you piss in a glass and throw it on me? I'm talking to you, Ari. See you on the night we're both full. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pulls 60 seconds uninterrupted. Could be the next star, could be the worst set of the night, anything could happen. Make some noise for Connor Laughren, everybody.

Here we go. They didn't tell me there were going to be boobs backstage, that's not fair. We'll try this anyway. I recently got an Amber Alert on my phone while I was watching porn. Can't have those moments back. You ever get post-nut clarity pre-nut? Reality came rushing in real quick, I tell ya. I was getting into it. I was watching the video, all of a sudden that alarm goes off.

I was like, oh my god I Guess they're looking for you. I uh Right on Sick of these woke movies guys, I tell you I'm sick of them They're getting into superhero movies now, even those are woke. Aunt man, what's next? Uncle Lady? Guys. Alright. Good enough. I'm calling it. Alright, Connor Loughran. Welcome Connor. Hey buddy. You were just on the show a couple weeks ago in Austin. It got me here.

It's been amazing. That's right. Yep. Louis J. Gomez was one of the panelists and he invited you here to Skankfest and here you are. Yeah, buddy. Happy to be here. It's all happening.

Very funny writing. I like the writing. The jokes were good. I love the fact that you used the breasts. You came out as your opening line. You used some. It was really funny, man. They were unavoidable back there. I had to talk about it. Oh no, I mean, but you used it on stage. It was a fucking nuisance.

They are lovely. It is. Connor, tell us more about you that we don't know yet. Alright, we talked about I'm a convicted felon last time. What'd you do? I wasn't there. For what? Drugs, don't worry. Not one of those bad ones. It's okay. It's not that big of a deal to be a felon. You could still be president of the United States. Hopefully. Listen brother, my

hair's not real either. Let's fucking do this thing. I love it. I'm getting after it. No, it's been more about me. Shit. I've been doing comedy six years in Cincinnati. Just moved to Austin. Got on your show fucking immediately. Felt like a bunch of strokes of luck. It's feeling great. How's Vegas treating you? What are you doing for fun here?

I had to book myself. I mean, I had to pay my own way. That's fine. Who gives a fuck? But I'm at Boulder Station. It is it is the saddest hub of like down and out we're gambling the rent people that you've ever seen in your life like it's like the people that were getting their head slammed in the door in the movie casino that's who's at Boulder Station Wow I like there's a little resentment there too like I'm having a great time the hotel sucks I need to paint my own way.

Glad Lewis invited me. Paid for nothing. I don't have enough clout to say all that exactly, yes, but yeah. You covered me, I appreciate you. Yeah, that's amazing. How much time did you do in jail? Sorry. Like seven minutes. Give me stand-up. What's that?

Sorry. 90 days. Whoa. Actually, let me be Sorry. 90 days. Whoa. Actually, let me be clear. 76 days. I wrote a letter to the judge to get out early. I was like, hey, my grandpa's dying. And he was, but seriously. And so

the judge let me out early, gave me early release. And then for that week, I became the write a letter to the judge guy for the entire cell block. Cause it worked. He's like, this guy's got some degree of verbiage. He'll pull it off. Wow. There's a movie in that somewhere.

Yeah. Catch me if you will. All the black guys are like, can I get all I got too? Like, no. Doesn't work that way. I actually hung out, mostly I hung out with the black guys in jail.

Oh, in prison there were black people? No, yeah, there's a ton. There's a ton, that's who I hung out with. It's actually like it's a disproportionate amount. I don't remember this many outside but here they are. Oh yeah, not in the neighborhood that you grew up in. No, I'm actually from South Hills Pittsburgh. I was born a block away from Wiz Khalifa if you can believe that. You can't. Yeah, all right. Sure. You must have been the yellow he was rapping about yeah, I went to camp with Biz Markie I do All right Connor well what else is going on? Anything else we should know about? What was some of the worst stuff that happened to you in your days in prison?

I mean, uh, my cellmate snored as loud as like three dads. You know, like how loud a dad snores? It was like three of them. What did he do to get in jail? I don't know, snore too loud? Talk to the guy. I... Jail's not like prison, you don't ask everybody why you're here, because it's not rapist. Nobody's like trying to fucking fuck up a guy because he's in jail for rape.

You're in prison for rape. But you're so me, you should probably have talked to him like every day. I talked to him a little bit. Listen, I'm trying to forget this a little bit. What's your favorite color? It was me. All right. Well, he was a snore, also the rape, I guess.

No, I mostly hung out with the Crips because there was a comedian, a fellow Cincinnati comedian, his cousin was in the Crips, and while I was locked up, he goes, you know Marquis? I was like, yeah, I just played Spades with those guys all day.

Wow. Yes. It worked out. They'll call you gay for doing that, fun fact. There's like a racial hierarchy in jail. Gay, gay, gay, gay worked out. They'll call you gay for doing that fun fact. There's like a racial hierarchy in jail Okay What? Shouts out. Just ignore him. They'll call you gay for doing what? They'll call you gay for hanging out with black dudes. Like if you're at a table playing cards with black dudes

They're like you're definitely getting fucked by those guys. I'm like maybe if they're cool with it, but uh Yeah, if you don't write the letter getting fucked by those guys. I'm like, maybe if they're cool with it. But, uh, yeah, if you don't write the letter. All right, Connor. Well, fun times. Congratulations. You got pulled out of the bucket twice in three weeks. Connor Laughlin, everybody. Hey y'all, this podcast is sponsored by Cal She. Do you know who will win the presidential election? I know I certainly have no idea or how many seats the Democrats or Republicans will win in the House or Senate well there's finally a legal way to bet on the outcome of these elections via a platform called Cal she Cal she is the first legal

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That's Cal-She. K-A-L-S-H-I dot com slash Tony. You get a $20 credit. We're proud to have Kal-Shee as a sponsor and I hope you check them out. Your next bucket pool is inside. It is one of you. I have been informed that it is one of you. And it is the one that goes by the name of Sam Adamo everybody or a domo perhaps is this him here Sam come on up Sam Bro I drive a fucking piece of shit It sucks. I drive a Honda Civic with 200,000 miles on it from 2009. It's my favorite thing. It's the best. I have this thing in that car I call Civic Superpowers. I don't give a fuck what happens in that car.

Like I was driving down the street the other day, there was a guy next to me in a Maybach. It's a fucking $200,000 car. He's fucking weaving to avoid potholes. He's scared. He's a fucking prisoner. I'm free like a bird Fucking cutting people off. I'm not even checking my blind spot I'm like you want to do this fucking balls in your court. You want to touch me? This is your call, bro, you know Why is it legal to Fuck a 16 year old cuz it's above the age of consent But you can't see a picture of her after because it's considered child porn.

I didn't write the laws, it's just, you know, I don't know how much sense it makes, it's like you could suck on her tits in real life, but if you see them digitally, you're doing five, who wrote this cock tease? Thank you. Sam Adamo. Hello.

Adamo? Adamo, yeah. Adamo. What ethnicity are you? Italian. Family's Italian. 100% Italian? Yeah, both sides.

Which is gay to talk about, but it's what it is. It's not gay. I was just curious because your eyebrows look Iranian. Yeah. Yes. Those things are fleek-esque. Yeah. I get that a lot. Do you take good care of them? You got to suffer to look good, yeah, yes, those things are fleek ass. Yeah, you take good care of them You got a suffer to look good. Yeah, you color those in you darken them. That's a trend right now

Oh, I get them very aggressively waxed skin comes off. It's a whole thing, but it's a It's a price you pay your accent says pieces in January over your eyebrows saying October 7th. Yeah That says Peace of St.Generio, but your eyebrow is saying October 7th. Yeah. Where are you from, Sam? Montreal, Canada. You still live there? Yes, I'm from there, born and raised. Born and raised, still there.

How do you feel about Montreal? It's kind of weird. We got French, so it's a weird city. The stand-up scene is kind of split in half. We don't, to do it in English is a little odd, but it works. It's a good feeder city Fucking you know it's a fun city a lot of people come to give it a rip Which is nice, but a lot of tourists a lot of fucking random French people just come to English shows Whoa whoa?

Fuck get him out of here. What's this fucking asshole? How many years? Fuck get him out of here. What's this fucking asshole? How many years? Yeah, seriously how many years? This isn't that show guys old enough to fuck your mother You can go to go to one of the podcasts that don't have a format if you want to yell stuff out It's every other podcast Anyway, I like you seemed a little at one point you seem like you kind of gave up like a little bit of faith Like you seem like you like he felt defeated But then you asked like a really important question that I've been looking for right before yeah I'm asking the hard-hitting question and I felt like I

would really hope there's a lawyer here that could answer it's quite the pivot yeah I had no choice it wasn't going well and we had to double down it is what it is yeah it's the room of this magnet was a little different to what I'm used to you know the pacing is a little off but you know whatever I'm used to. The pacing is a little off, but whatever. I'm happy to be here. What is this piece of shit car that you speak of? It's a Honda Civic, 2009. It's a quality car.

I call it the Batmobile. No, it's great. It can take a licking. It does whatever it's got to do. It's still alive. It's affordable. Yeah. It's a Jewish Cadillac.

Exactly. You roll back the odometer. Yeah, it's a Jewish Cadillac. Exactly. You roll back the odometer. Put it on blocks, drive it in reverse for a couple of hours. Amazing. What do you do for work, Sam? Drop shipping. I've been doing stand-up two years,

so I just fucking got to make it work. Drop shipping? Drop shipping? Yes. It's e-commerce. I sell shit online. Okay, he buys a bunch of cheap shit and resells it on Amazon for five times more. Yep. Yep. We figured that out Mostly sex toys, dildos Really? Is that true? Are you trying to be funny? Yeah, no, it's the fucking gods. So explain to us the business model of specializing in dildos

Yes, and a friend of mine would like to know how do you get shit off one? Spoiler alert, I'm the friend Another spoiler is my purple It's uh, it's it's not that glamorous, but when you start there's a real temptation to look up the names of the people looking to buy them. Just don't do that. Just don't look up the people buying dildos. It's very demoralizing.

Like what do you mean? It's a lot of gay men. That's not what you'd expect? It's a lot of gay men in the Bible Belt. It's a lot of gay men in the Bible Belt. There's a lot of gay men in the South. I've sold like zero in years. Like two or three years to anyone in New York. Like no one has any shame there.

It's all people in like Alabama, Mississippi. They're buying from a Canadian WAP. Fuck it. Just pressing the fucking fulfillment button. Like you fucking disgust me. Bunch of big double headed ones to J Trudeau. I knew that would bump. fucking fulfillment button like you fucking disgust me. Bunch of big double headed ones to J Trudeau. I knew that would bump.

Sam, what do you do for fun? You seem like the kind of guy that buys bottles at night clubs. Fucking hate those guys so much. No, I don't drink much. I played soccer competitively most of my life. I don't now since kind of starting stand-up, but yeah, I I like to play in the winter on like a recreational team, bro I got kicked off my my team last year actually, so I'm without a club right now without a team Wow Why'd you get kicked off?

because an article was written about the in a file calm oh I have a podcast and I was talking about the indigenous and the local in Canada yeah it's tough and the local newspaper local newspaper on the reservation bordering Montreal wrote about it they're not a right now yeah it's great it's incredible and no the guys on my team got freaked out. They kicked me off. So for fear that it might, you know, it might get us, you know.

It'd be a shame if I came out on the number one live podcast and the world just sit with a team name and just fucking blew their cover. Can you tell us what you said about the indigenous on your podcast? I told them to put the bottle down. You know? I like this version of you. Crown Royal, you know, it's ruined many a native family Where I'm from it is what this guy's so much better than a stand-up. Yeah. Yeah, this this loose version of you

That's like I shouldn't but I'm gonna say it no bro. Everyone tells me yourself now You're not like trying to be anything. I know I was sitting down. I went up cold It is what it is, but no you get warm now is what you're saying sure Yeah, yeah, my dick is growing right now, bro My lululemon underwear on us so are your eyebrows? Yeah, the eyebrow are you calling those in that those aren't natural I swear to god you want to touch it. You want to rub your fucking face on? Go ahead. We got to do it. Whoa here. We go. It's like Trump's hair. Yeah, but stick it is right It's like something you stop up a hole and not let mice into your apartment

What's your love life like Sam, what's it like for a dildo seller? I have a girlfriend her family's very proud of me I know I've been dating my girlfriend for six and a half years. So we met in school You've been with the same girl for six and a half years? Yes, sir. OK. Does she ever get high on your supply of dildos? She got one. She got one?

Yeah. What color is it? It's whatever color my skin is. You made sure of that. You're not getting a black one. End of story. It's my dick, Tony. It's my dick.

You have a great look too. You have great facially. You act as well? No. No, I've never acted. There's no money for, there's no money in stand-up in Montreal currently. We don't have, I don't have an agent or anything. It's not a... Mike Ward makes money. Pardon? Mike Ward makes money. He does, yeah, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's really good to us up there.

So, do you spend most of your time in Montreal? You go a lot of other places? You ended up here because you're a fan of the Skanks? My buddy's actually on the festival. He's got a club up there. I'm a regular of other places, you ended up here because you're a fan of the Skanks. My buddy's actually on the festival, he's got a club up there, I'm a regular at his club, so he just had me come down. He signed up, he's the best, he's awesome. So I'm just taking it in, man, I'm kinda couple years in,

just wanted to take it in. Sure as glad you're not saying his name. What's up? How old are you? 27. How long you been on standup? A little over two years. So this is a pretty big deal for you right now.

It's huge, yeah, it's fucking massive, I'm really happy to be here here I've been in New York a couple times but I've never been this far west so it's great to be around you know the festivities dude I rarely see like potential on someone but this this you is is like if you find this you on stage you'll be great I was just going to say the exact same thing yeah absolute and it's not because of your time up here. It's because there was something in the passion of what you were saying and the way that you were saying it.

It's not because you were warmed up. It's because you felt like it was kind of wrong what you were saying, but you wanted to say it because it was wrong when you said it. But it's not really wrong because you're in the free speech mecca. I could imagine why you would be a little bit more scared in Canada where people have gotten in trouble for jokes and can get in trouble and your prime minister is a giant fucking retard. Yeah.

He is. He talked at my school when I was 15 and I was like, no one's going to buy this and fucking eight years later he was elected. Wow. Next thing you know you're selling dildos to change But you're right like it's you know it's That's what got me and shit on the podcast though when I was talking about the natives I wasn't celebrating it. I'm like this is an inconvenient thing. What are you gonna?

This is an inconvenient thing. What are you gonna do? It's fucking you know What is your dad and what are your mom and dad doing like what are they like? Every Sunday Yeah, yeah, we do that mostly in your dad's super Italian. What does he do works in the leather shoe business? He sells back hands at home No, you know he does and he's he's he's educated. He's not a fucking retard like most What does he do? He's like me. Yeah, you know stick over here. What does he do Sam? He's uh? He works in marketing. He's just got a job and mom stay at home. No no just also white-collar

What does she do insurance? Okay? Jesus? Yeah? Also white collar. What does she do? Insurance. Okay, geez Louise. Yeah. There's a lot of questions Tony, isn't your mom Italian? What the fuck?

Jesus Christ, all right, all right. I'm not gonna, no one's ratting your family out. Make some noise for him, the Kill Tony debut of Sam Adamo, ladies and gentlemen. There you go, Sam Adamo. Wild times out here. If Skankfest was real, somebody would be in his seat right now. What?

If Skankfest was real, somebody would have just taken his seat. If Skankfest was real... What's Skankfest? Somebody would have stolen his seat while he was up here. Yeah. Can I have a water, please? Someone may have. They have very tiny waters. Yeah. Alright. Can I have a water someone may have they have very tiny waters? Yeah, all right, can I have a water?

Okay, your next bucket pool ladies and gentlemen goes by the name of truly joy truly joy Joy, Julie Joy. Hey what's up? So I recently hit one year clean and sober and it's pretty tough looking like this because no one believes me. The other day this guy came up to me and he told me that I reminded him of that cool turtle from Finding Nemo. Honestly that wasn't the first time I've heard that. Then this other guy comes up to me and tells me that I look like if ketamine was a person. I thought that was pretty accurate. I get it though.

I look fry. I look like if Cheech fucked Chong and had a baby. Got time for one more? Alright guys, what do you call a gay dude that doesn't get sensitive? A cool ass dude. What do you call a lesbian that doesn't get sensitive? A cool-ass chick. What do you call a non-binary person that doesn't get sensitive? All right, Julie Joy. Welcome, welcome, Julie. Went a little over your time there. We're so close. Hi, Julie. Is. Is my saying that right, Chooley?

Yeah, you got it. Hell yeah. So your entire identity is what you look like. Kind of, yeah. It's what it seems like from your minute. Yeah. So let's talk about it. How long you been doing standup?

Like four months. Okay, where do you do that at? I started in LA at Fourth Wall in Hollywood. Okay. You know that place? No. You do? No. LA I know.

You know LA? I do know LA. Oh cool. I'm taking a meeting. This is incredible. You definitely do have a look to you. Have you always had that type of charisma, hair, everything? Yeah for sure.

Awesome! Do you surf? I don't really surf. Do you skateboard? I love, I like riding longboards. Okay. Did you ever do shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots? Dude, honestly, I made a joke about this last night out of Mike.

I've been hearing that like all day, every day, and I haven't heard it like at all. Since I'm in Miami, bitch, came out, out cuz I'm from Florida and like it was crazy wait is that the the sexy and I know it guy yeah yeah yeah that's him every day I'm chuckling okay like that I like the stuff you said about yourself the Chi-Cheng Chang joke what the first two you had about your appearance were good yeah and the joke jokes like you we do that like when we first start just to fill the time. But you should concentrate more on your own stuff because you're very interesting looking, you have an interesting point of view.

Ketamine was a great line. Ketamine. I got a question for you. What do you call a non-sensitive, non-binary person? They cool. Oh, good. Wow. The bear, the bear punched up your joke.

Truly, what exactly do you do for a living? So I have a house in Florida that I own and I rent it. So you're homeless? I'm more or less like nomadic. I've been living in LA for the last like six or seven months. Where do you live in LA? I live in Santa Clarita at my friend's house. On his couch? I have a room. Yeah. Is it the living room? No, it's actually...

I can't picture you having your own enclosure Of all the things you look like, you look like a guy that doesn't have his own bedroom. Believe it or not, I do. Well, this belongs in Ripley's because I do not believe it. You have a room that has a door. I do. You close it when you go. And it locks.

No way. Yes, dude. Is it a real lock or do you do it with your imagination? It's a real lock, dude. Okay. For real. What do you do during the day when you're not at the gym working on your calves? That's a twig.

Damn. Oh my God. Wow. Oh my God. It's good, you know. How do you even stand on those? What holds you up? You little puppet leg man.

Thank god the air conditioning's off or you'd get blown over. Those are the most realistic looking prosthetic legs I've ever seen. You got the hair and everything. They put hair on them now. God bless us, all of us. My goodness, this guy. No size change between the calves and the thighs whatsoever. It's incredible. It's a very leg driven episode of Kill Tony.

We're getting to see a lot of people in shorts for the first time. Skank Fest, famous for their short wearing comedians. You come to this festival often? This is my first time. I honestly came out here to sign up for Cool Tony on Wednesday. How did you know? I didn't even know. Well, we had a sold out giant massive show on Wednesday.

Oh, that's a good way to get the word out. So you signed up on Wednesday and you just stuck around. Yeah, somebody told me about an open mic last night. So I just went there and then. You went you went I went to the open mic last night Oh, you stuck around for an extra night. Yeah, but I know what I'm out here I want to do comedy like I'm just gonna go to skank fest and then I just found myself in the line Yeah

It's a wonderful skin. Yeah, so this is technically my third time signing up for Kill Tony, because I was in Austin like a week and a half ago. So I was just like, damn, third time's a charm, I guess. Yeah, there you go. Look at you. Well, that really makes you think what you just said. Yeah.

It's amazing. Have you ever had a concussion? Uh, yeah. Do you remember how you got the concussion? That's a good question. Well, I'm curious because he's wearing one of those new pads that they put over the football helmets on top of his head. That airs. Yeah, you know it's like being tall you run into shit a lot.

I do know and I don't know what you're talking about. I've been tall my whole life. Yeah yeah but you also don't have that much hair bro no offense like I got like hair in my eyes so like I'll bump into shit you know that that's a decision that you make having hair like that I like my hair I actually cut my hair like a year ago and I didn't like it that much like I mean I like the curls you like it year ago and I didn't like it that much. Like I like the curls. You like it like that? Yes. Even though you're massively concussed and blaming it on the hair that gets into your

eyes you're suffering. I wouldn't say massively. I would. You've got a concussion just walking into shit? No, you said the hair though, but if you hit your hair against the wall that didn't give you a concussion. Dude, if you're... So the last time I feel like I got a concussion right I was in my friend's warehouse and

he has like this like it's like a two-story short-ass little thing and I was going underneath and I thought the fucking garage there on my head. That shit hurt so bad. Redband solid job there. That was right on it, Redband. That was underrated, Redband. How was I supposed to know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm legitimately jealous of your hair.

I'm supposed to be negative about stuff, but then... No. Absolutely incredible. What's your love life like? Legitimately jealous of your I'm supposed to be negative about stuff, but then no Absolutely incredible. What's your love life like you seem like the kind of guy that would fuck everybody's girlfriends You're living under a buff. Well, I do have a special person in my life fucking a retard But like a month and a half ago I Asked her for a break because uh, my life been... The only thing that's going well right now I would say is comedy. But everything else has been... Ahhhh, I'm not sure I'd say that.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're doing great. You're doing great. I apologize. It's okay. So what was too stressful that you couldn't handle? Honestly, it was just like she's like amazing, you know what I mean? And I was just like, my life was just, I was just like going crazy, to be honest.

Like I was like having mental breakdowns, my living situations sucked, like, I thought people were my friends and they were kind of like dicking me over and I was like going down and I was just like, I don't know where I'm gonna be. Were you on drugs? No, I've been sober for over a year now.

But what were you on before the soberness? Uh, weed and cocaine mostly. Why'd you get sober? What made you decide to like? I'm glad you asked that. Thank you. Okay? Thank you.

I got sober. Thank you. Jews are great questioners. I got sober because I was doing shitty drugs with shitty people and having shitty experiences. How do you think they felt? You were their bottom. They're like, dude, I did cocaine until 8am with a weeping willow last night.

I got chia regrets. Were you sober when you hit your head or were you drinking? No, I was sober the last time. Like that time I talked about it. The house in Florida that you rent out for your entire living, did you inherit that from a dead grandparent? I did. How long ago did that happen? That my grandfather passed away. Yes. He died when I was, I would say like 17 years ago. And you got the house how long ago?

Over COVID. And how much do you get a month from that? 1800. Okay. Yeah. Why was there such a gap between when he died and they gave you the house? Were they hoping anyone else would take it?

Because this is what happened to his sister first. This is what happened. So, my mom bought the house, or my dad, sorry So my mom bought the house or my dad, sorry, my grandfather bought the house but also put my grandmother's name and my mom's name. So it was like once they passed away it was in my mom's name and then COVID happened. We're gonna go to our senior real estate correspondent Ari Shafir on this. Okay so what you got to do is diversify first of all. That's the most important thing. You could have sued your mom for neglect.

Yeah, and gotten that house earlier. You got it, that's the important thing. Those are assets, regardless. And instead, all you got from your mother is her hair. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's enough of that. Chooley Joy, ladies and gentlemen, there he goes. Way too long of an interview. What was Tony thinking?

I've been waiting for more. Wait a second. Wait a second, is that? Hold on a second here. What the fuck? Our house drummer, Michael Gonzalez. What are you still doing in Vegas? You were supposed to go home.

I was. I'm still here. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the full time kill Tony drummer, Michael Gonzalez! Get him a stick! I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you, Michael, I didn't know you were still here. I don't know what's going on, but something tells me that I can't pass up on an opportunity like this. I think we should have a fucking Mexican drummer. ["Dreamin'"]

["Dreamin'"] Well, Dave Lacey, the great Dave Lacey. Wait, right? Nick Liberatory. We're gonna do a little drum solo competition. Oh, fuck yeah. And then we'll get right back to the comedy show, but this is always fun.

These are two of my favorite drummers in the history of comedy. Nick, famously the drummer of the Goddamn Comedy Jam, where we've all performed and had a shit ton of fun, and it's a fucking freak of nature. Michael Gonzalez, I've worked with every single week and all around the world for the last almost four years continuously.

So let's have a, what do you guys think, a little drum solo competition? This is a little drum solo from the great Nick Liberatore. ["Drum Solo"] Liberator! Wow! Holy shit! The great drummer of L-M-N-O-P. That's E-L-E-N-P-N-O-P-Y. And now, our house drummer, still in Las Vegas, nobody knows how, nobody knows why, just performed in front of 8,000 people on Wednesday night at the Resorts World Theater. Making his Skank Fest debut with a little drum solo makes some noise for Michael Gensler. I'm gonna go ahead and do it. Let's go! Wow! Geez! I think we all won here tonight.

I go fucking with you. How many of you have Nick Liberatore winning? I have a feeling that I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win.

I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm we all won here tonight. Michael fucking Gonzalez. How many of you have Nick Liberatore winning that one? How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning that one? You know what that means. We'll see you back in Austin on Monday. You're still the drummer.

Still the drummer of the show. Wow. How about one more time. Still the drummer of the show. Wow. How about one more time for Nick though, fucking stepping in. We're gonna go with one of our regulars, I do believe ladies and gentlemen. I hope he's ready. I've not been able to warn the crew,

but this should be and hopefully is a brand new minute from one of the greatest regulars in the entire history of the show. Another absolute fucking shooting star. This is a brand new minute aka or a riff session if you will from the great and powerful Cam Patterson. My little sister just came out and told my dad that she was gay. It worked, it's on. All right, we got it back.

We're good. My sister just told my dad that she was gay. And my dad is not progressive. My dad is 64 years old. So he got a brother that's been gay his whole life. He's 57. My dad just go, he's not gay, he's just confused. That's what he been saying the whole time.

And my sister came out of the toilet and said, dad, I want to tell you that I like girls. And my dad went, hey, I'm gonna tell you something. You've been my daughter for 18 years. I love you, I'm always gonna love you. And it doesn't change anything, I feel about you, but you're going to hell. And my sister said, well, see you in hell then, nigga.

And then my dad said, I'm not gonna be on the gay side of hell, I'll tell you that much. As if hell had two sides. I wonder if Hitler would have happened. What if he did? The Jew did kill his son? Okay, that's it. I didn't have anything. Exactly. One minute from Cam Patterson.

I had fucking nothing, dog. I don't know how to business with you. What's up? You're fantastic. That was terrible. I'm gonna kill myself. I told Cam that we were doing a pop-up Kill Tony literally about three hours ago, so I'm mad as fuck. I'm not happy though. Who are these niggas? I'm mad as fuck right now. I haven't got a fucking head. I'm mad as fuck. Don't be mad.

Fuck you, I'm mad. We love you, Cam. I'm angry, nigga. Everybody loves you. I've never seen you sweat this much. Sweating like crazy. I know it's fucking terrible, dog. I like to be decent at comedy sometimes. I'm gonna fucking blow my fucking brains out. Cam is a perfectionist. I mean, just fucking terrible, dog. I like to be decent at comedy sometimes. That was, I'm gonna fucking blow my fucking brains out. I mean, this is quite the point at all.

Cam is a perfectionist. I'm mad. I've never, you are soaking wet right now. Yeah, I'm fucking angry. I've never seen you swim before, but I'd imagine this is how wet you would be. This is how wet you would be if you could swim. You look like me waiting for my HIV results.

Cam is wearing his free Kill Tony shirt, by the way. You could swim you look like me waiting for my HIV results Cam is wearing his free kill Tony shirt, by the way Oh, yeah, I love being called that by you it's always wonderful Please what I just want to wipe my face I am swear like mother Use my shirt? Nah, I'm okay. Okay. Cam, how are you enjoying Vegas? It's alright. I've been in strip club two nights in a row.

I've been making them do push-ups in my section. You make the strippers do push-ups? Yeah, bitch, earn the money, yes. Wow. I've never heard of anything quite that diabolical before that's pretty funny how many I could a lot how many can they do not a lot and and they can't do like girl push something like real nigga push up and if you get if you do more than 10 I'll give you a hundred right there Wow but they

never get more than 10 they never do give you 100 right there. Wow. But they never get more than 10, Tony. They never do. And it's always beautiful to see. Absolutely. If you get to eight, you just throw them some rocks. No, I throw pennies on them when they do three. Where are those pennies now? Huh?

Wow. Push-ups, huh? Anything else? You make a new sit-ups or any? Are there any other challenges? Nah, they always be like, I can do squats. No, bitch. Push-ups, huh? Anything else? You make up new sit-ups or any other, any other challenges? Nah, they always be like, I can do squats, no bitch, push-ups. Right.

Push-ups, ho. They're all working on that ass, but strippers have a weak upper body. Horrible upper body. Well, nah, not really, not really. Cause they gotta climb a pole and shit. So they should be good at it. They should be.

What's the most they've done? One bitch did 50. 50? Yeah. How much did she give her? She scared me. That's she scared me. Yeah.

I gave her like 150. I gave her 150 for that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm a good person, man. I'm supporting the whores. You know what I'm saying? That's great.

Having a good time, man. Hell yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. That minute fucking sucked. I'm gonna kill myself. No. No, you're not gonna kill yourself.

No, it was actually kind of interesting. It was stuff about like the idea of heaven and hell. Nah, I mean, yeah, it's gonna be something one day. No, you're not gonna kill yourself. No, it was actually kind of interesting. It was stuff about the idea of heaven and hell. Nah, I mean, it's gonna be something one day. Yeah, it will be. And then I had talked about it in an interview and shit. I'm mad. I loved that minute. I absolutely loved it.

You're at Skank Fest. They're not used to seeing. I don't give a shit. These people aren't used to seeing or trying to decipher black people talking. So what you think may have been a failure really wasn't. You had the white people in the room that are used to black people laughing. There you are. All 14 of them agree. All 12. That was great. The family stuff was funny about your

fucking sister being gay. No, but it's got Yeah, it's disgusting what she's doing, but yeah What your father's right? How old is this sister? 18 well, do you think she's really a lesbian? Oh, no, you think she's faking it? No, she's like she probably I mean, I met all her boyfriend. They all scared me. So yeah. Yeah She's in the public school system at 18. So now she in college. yeah yeah she's in the public school system at 18 so now she in college okay now she's in college yeah right yeah but yeah she fits she thought she was a lesbian well in the public school

system is when she figured that out yeah probably right has she ever brought any of you ever seen her with a girl no No. She just told your dad she's a lesbian? She like to play jokes on him. I think so. You think she's joking. You're hoping she's joking. Oh, I know she's joking. Wow. Probably not, though.

Who knows? You're just like your dad. You think she's confused. She is. Why are you gay? Why are you gay? Confused they're going to hell. That's all they're saying, see?

Do you know your dad's brother you said is gay? Yeah, he gay here. Do you know him? Yeah. You do? You know your dad's brother you said is gay? Yeah, he's gay. Do you know him? Yeah. You do? You know your dad's brother and your dad? Is he? Yeah, dad.

Kenny Patterson? Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up. Where is he? Stand up! Stand up! Where the fuck's Kenny? Wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh my God, there he is!

Kenny rules. Wait. There he is. Kenny rules. Wait. Wow. Let me ask him, let me ask him. Yeah. Wow. He's your brother, Gabe.

Oh, is that your dad? That's my dad. I'm sorry, I thought you were the Gabe brother. I was just showing off my ass. Why would you do that? That didn't make him old Gabe. He's going along with it. He's going along with it. He's going along with it. He's doing the right thing. Kenny Patterson's the man.

He was also, of course, at the theater on Wednesday night backstage, and indeed, we had another, I had a 15-minute roast session on his feet. They are the most frightening feet you've ever seen in your life. If you really want to see the true stars of Skank Fest, now that you have identified Kenny Patterson, glance at his feet. Try to get close to him later on in the night. Catch a fucking glimpse. It looks like, literally, he walked through a volcano to get here. They are unbelievable. You don't know where the ash and...