KILL TONY - #698 - SAM TALLENT + ARI SHAFFIR

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

Sam Tallent, Ari Shaffir, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 12/16/2024 TONY HINCHCLIFFE @TONYHINCHCLIFE TONYHINCHCLIFFE.COM BRIAN REDBAN @REDBAN DEATHSQUAD.TV SUNSETSTRIPATX.COM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliff.com for everything the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever! ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. The uncensored live stream of two nights here from Austin, Texas, December 30th and 31st. You can snuggle up in the cold with your loved ones or all by yourself or with a bottle of tequila or whatever you're into in this crazy world. Snuggle up, stay warm December 30th and 31st with the completely uncensored Kill Tonys

Live from the HEB Center in Austin, Texas. This is a new super annual amazing event. It is our biggest two night event of the year and we're super excited about it. It is on sale now. KillTonyLive.com. Get it for your loved ones. Get it for yourself. Love it or hate it. Live. December 30th and 31st. I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! Hey, this is Red Bay coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony. Let's go! -♪ Who's ready for the best fucking night of your lives, huh? -♪ Yeah! -♪ Fuck yeah!

-♪ Welcome here at the number one live podcast in the world, Yeah! Fuck yeah! Welcome here at the number one live podcast in the world. How the fuck we feeling tonight, huh? Brian Redban is here, ladies and gentlemen. How about a hand for the best stand band in the land, huh? Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Esteban Viejo, Juan Cortez, Michael Gonzalez, Matt Mueling on the electric, John Dees on the keys,

and D. Madness on the bass guitar. The whole family is here, everyone everyone. Very very excited about tonight's episode. Before we get started here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip ComedyX.com for tickets. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started.

You've always wanted to be part of something bigger than yourself. You live for experience and lead by example. You want the most out of life and realize what you're looking for is already in you. This is for you, the Canadian Armed Forces, a message from the Government of Canada. The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves?

Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or have out more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with Vanduul's Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connexontario.ca. ["The Next Ontario Show Theme"] Who's ready to start this fucking show, huh? Well, well, well. We're all here, and you know, this is just one of those episodes that,

it's just nothing can stop its momentum. Two of the greatest guests in the history of the show. Two of the funniest humans, two of our true brothers. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you two of the best guests in the history of the show, two of the funniest comedians in the world. This is Sam Talent and Ari Shaffir. The greatest powerful Ari Shaffir. One of the goats of gas.

Sam Talent, live in the flesh. Ari Shaffir, fully clothed tonight, you gotta love it. Turn over a new leaf. I don't do that anymore, it's childish. I love it. I love it, we've been through a lot together. We have seen a lot of each other. And it is good to have you back.

Thanks buddy, it's hard to concentrate I see a lot of cleavage right that way it's gonna be difficult. Beautiful little buttermilk biscuits right there. Absolutely fantastic. Right in the front. Wait I gotta tie my shoe real quick. Okay, got it. Got it. Oh, her laces are untied too, Ari. You might have to go tie her shoes. They're right there, huh? They're gonna be there all night long.

I could throw a little joke book right in there right now. No doubt about it. I could probably throw a big joke book in there. Oh, she's fixing it. She's no fun. She must be visiting from L.A. or something. I'm excited. I'm being fucking objectified, and I'm on 6th Street in Texas

by fucking comedians at the front row of a dirty comedy show. Stop fixing it, you hoe. What's your only fans? No? Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, fellas. I got it. Yeah.

They put the horny in horn players over there. That's right. Ha-ha. And we went... Ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-ba-ba-ba-ba. 226 human souls signed up for the opportunity to get pulled out of this bucket here tonight. You know what I'm gonna do? Okay. We'll see what happens here. 126 human souls signed up for the opportunity to get pulled out of this bucket here tonight.

You know what I'm gonna do? Okay, well, we'll see what happens here. Sure, we'll get that one going. We'll let, we'll let fucking big tits Jenkins pick the, pick the second. Pick the second. We pulled two at once. Oh, there they go, bouncing around.

Oh, look at that. It's a woman to start. It's a woman to start. It's a woman to start. So we'll do that one first and the one that fell out second. Go wrangle them. What are the odds? Did you see the boyfriend?

Don't worry, we'll do something you like next week. Yeah. Yeah. Have fun. Have fun sitting through three and a half hours of wicked, you f***. Oh, you're f***ed. Save space for Wicked. It was a wizard of ours.

Oh, you're so f***ed. And you're going to have to do it with your dick halfway out, too, if it's truly even Stevens. That shaft is going to be blasting with popcorn butter all over. If she has to be here with her tits half out, you have to watch Wicked with your shaft out. Yeah, but no tip. Just shaft.

Yes. Because there's no nipples over here. Yes, exactly. It's called the quality, brother. Exactly. And then maybe there'll be some women that walk by like, wow, look at that moneymaker. You know what I mean?

Just like what happened here. Nature is healing. We're gonna have some fucking fun tonight and I'm warning you right now, it shall start with a goddamn bang of unconceivable proportions. As you guys know, as fans of the show, everybody does 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.

They have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And tonight we start with a regular The time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. And they say they have to wrap it up there or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And tonight we start with a regular who needs no introduction at all. Yet I will still give him one. Some people call him the Victor of Van Nuys. Some people call him the Educator of Edinburgh.

Some people call him the Memphis Strangler. The vanilla gorilla. To start tonight's episode, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Hall of Famer with more appearances than any comedian in history. The most interviews in KilToni history. This is the Big Red machine, William Montgomery. Yeah!

Damn, let me see them titties, bitch. Holy shit. No, seriously. I don't know what this is about. Pfizer is about to release a new version of the COVID vaccine, and the worst part is that it includes a new YouTube album in the syringe. I don't know what this is about.

Quick housekeeping a note. Tonight's proceeds will benefit the defense fund of Harvey Weinstein. I'm gonna start selling shirts to say, I survived the Me Too movement. Let's be honest, though. Considering I've only talked to four girls in my life, including my mom, I didn't really survive

the Me Too movement. It's like being locked up at Rikers Island on 9-11, and later you tell someone, yeah, I was there. Okay, that's my team. William. One of the most loved humans in the history of the show. A master of likability, a master of charisma. It is so nice to be here and I think this woman,

after I tell you, it's literally, this is Tony, my six-year anniversary of being a regular on the show, so, bitch, I think you really... Who's that, your man right there? Do some more crowd work. Ask him some more questions. You're just gonna stop after asking if that's her man?

You're not gonna make a joke or anything? You're just gonna nod along? No, now I feel awkward because she really does have some really nice titties, it looks like. I mean, look at those things. So when y'all have sex, do you get on top of him? Wow, that's a great question. Or does he get on top of you?

Keep asking William. How do y'all do it? How do y'all do it last? Huh? She said, she said on top. You get on top. Oh, I bet your titties are really bouncing them. I wondered what you were getting at there.

That's very true. Me too, Tony. Me too, me too. Hashtag me too. I know, hashtag me too. Yeah. My goodness. What an amazing legend of the game.

You guys have seen William many times before Sam used to hang out with him in the mean streets of Colorado together. He was like, go ahead. You were there that fateful night at the Squire Lounge. They were doing an open mic there. And it's when I was drinking a lot, I would put my backpack behind me and I had a notebook in there filled with jokes and a homeless person stole my backpack that night. And that homeless person was Hans Kim.

Yeah, you were like, you were like, what am I going to do? How will I ever be able to remember all my genius musings? And it was mostly like when dad comes home, we have a song about it. That joke was in there. Yeah, that was in there. You got it back though. Yeah, I did not get it back. Well, we have a special thing that's happening.

I can't believe you organically brought this up. We have two special sacks for you. I got two special sacks. Oh, Oh well you really just stepped on the whole thing I was doing there. Thank you Ari. It was basically getting back to her fat tits. But you had to make it about your balls. I clearly have nothing I was getting to there as the host of the show. Yeah and, everybody knows that. Everybody, Ari has two ball sacks. More educational than it is comedy.

You may not know it is an anatomical anomaly, they call it. It's two sacks, but it's still also just two testicles. They live separately. Yeah, no, I was doing another she has tits joke. We're going to have to give her like 50 grand at the end of this episode to say that she enjoyed herself. It's gonna be great. That's what she makes monthly. Yeah. Yeah.

We're gonna have to promote something for her. Are your nipples pierced? Oh. Do you have like a small- Does that be really hot if they were pierced, are they? Do you have like a small business you'd like us to promote or something? You don't make things on Etsy or something like that?

Of course it is, anything. Do you have an OnlyFans? We can make this up to you. What do you do for a living? What do you do? A concierge. Wow. Okay.

What is that, an expensive escort? What is that? Is that what that is? How about your man here? Sir, what do you do? We'll plug something for you. You work in my... Okay, well you guys, you know, you need to start your own businesses or something. What can I say? William, what else is going on in the world?

I am praying to God I can convince Red Band to come to my parents' house at Christmas. Now Red Band, y'all, grew up in not the best situation. He hates Christmas and let's keep that between us. It's really not a good time for him. Again, he grew up in like this really poor family and he wouldn't get presents or anything. So the guy hates Christmas. So I'm trying to get him to come to Memphis. Come on, Red Band.

Is anybody in your family allergic to cats by any chance? Because I don't know if you know this, but Red Band literally is covered in cat hair, everybody. I don't know if you see that, but Red Band literally is covered in cat hair, everybody. I don't know if you see that, but there it goes, a little gift, a little gift for the audience. Oh, she's gonna catch it, she's gonna, there it is, yeah! Oh, wow! Welcome to another episode of Fucking Disgusting

with your superstar Brian Red Band, where Tony picks things off a Red Band and throws it in the crowd. Red Band hates Christmas because the cookies are for Santa. You have to leave Santa some breast milk. Oh yeah your algorithm's fucked. Yeah we get on Red Band's fucking phone one night and Mitzi's after this and we're all joking around about what our Instagram algorithms are and I swear to God, Red Band gets his up and it's all women and their children breastfeeding.

Wait, look at that one. That's like an eight-year-old kid. I couldn't believe it. That's a fully grown kid. Wow. Oh, my God. What a fucking loophole. God, it's still that way, Redman!

It's unbelievable. It is unbelievable. Sometimes the babies are dolls. Yeah. And it's full grown adults. There's like an 11 year old on one of the ones he just had out. Which leads me to my point, Sir, if you suck on her, what about me? All right, this is out of control.

Even D Madness is like, I can't even look at this shit anymore. All right, we're having fun. You really want Red Band to come over for Christmas? Yeah, Red Band, are y'all gonna come? Why do you want Red Band to come? What are you looking forward to the most? I don't know. With Red Band. Merry Christmas'all gonna come? Why do you want Red Band to come? I think you'd have a good time. What are you looking forward to the most? I don't know.

Christmas with Red Band. Christmas so much. Oh my goodness. I really don't like it. What a shock. Well, I mean, it's gonna be okay. Your mom is coming. I told you that.

Oh, yeah. Your mom's gonna be there. We gotta do mattress down in the bedroom I grew up in. So she's gonna be really comfortable, but we don't even have to talk about that though. Red band, please come. I'll think about it, William. Okay, okay. Wow, look at that.

How exciting, could be there and then. What's to think about, just go. Yeah. No, all right. I love it. William, what else is going on other than the Christmas spirits and whatnot? Not a lot, well, Tony, you're not gonna wanna hear this,

but I actually, now on Call of Duty, I started playing. Nobody wants to hear this, but now on Call of Duty, it's been a big part of my life the past week. Now I've Call of Duty. I'm playing the zombie thing, and I realize that I'm really close to getting opal camouflage on my AK-47. When you say no one's going to.

Which is like a big deal, Tony. I swear, it's a lot of time I've been putting into it. I'm not really good at the game, so don't ever look me up on there, but I put a lot deal, Tony. I swear, it's a lot of time I've been putting into it. I'm not really good at the game, so don't ever look me up on there, but I put a lot of time in. People can look you up? They could, I'm not gonna do my name out right now because I was trying to play with my brother

the other night and these random people kept on getting on, because at one point when I was drinking and doing a bunch of cocaine, I would get on just to talk shit and I was befriending people. So now when I logged back on, it was all these kind of, probably some nice people, but it was people I,

I don't remember talking to. So I don't want to talk to them now. I'll go on there. What's your name on there? I'll find you on there. What's your name? I mean, I'm not saying my name. Oh, okay.

I'll be your emotional support human. Yeah, it's fine. William, we love you. What else is going on? Did you eat anything good this week? You're a little healthy boy. You have a good appetite. I had a Philly cheesesteak in Indiana that was not good. I ate some egg rolls. Those were not good. It's been a really bad week for me with the food.

You saw me eat a piece of white bread last night. Yeah, you were dabbing your head with white bread. You were going up to everybody saying you were really hot. You would dab your head with the bread. It was hilarious. It was hilarious. I took it out of my coat pocket, act like it was a pocket square. And then your brother fucking stonewalled me, so I did it to him. And then I ate the piece of bread afterward.

And he was like oh hell good lord covered in sorghum that's a fucking funny bit I know he loved it I loved it too he is something else Selden Montgomery truly one of the funniest human beings just rolling around here not to win stand-up comedy surprises me. It's like a super talent that blatantly could do it. Yeah, I don't know. Well, he's about, we're renting a car and we're gonna take the drive from Austin to Memphis in a couple of days.

Why are you driving? I like to drive. I, unlike Red Band, have very nice memories of Christmas, so I am really looking forward to going back to my parents' house on Christmas. How long of a drive is that? Nine and a half hours. Why wouldn't you fly?

Seven hours if I take Adderall. And I might take some Adderall. So we'll see. Then I don't have to stop, and I drive really fast. But if I smoke weed or something, then I drive slow. So if I just take Adderall, I get in the zone. Auto zone. It's eight and a half hours

or one Montgomery family sing-along. Yep, we have really long sing-alongs. William, before I let you go, anything you're passionate about this week? I am passionate about getting my motherfucking opal camouflage on my assault rifle. There you go. Okay, thank you, Doug. I ain't passionate about getting my motherfucking opal camouflage or my assault rifle. There you go.

Okay. Thank you, Donnie. William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen, and it has begun. drop to the final shot. You're always taken care of with a sports book born in Vegas. That's a feeling you can only get with Bet MGM. And no matter your team, your favorite skater, or your style, there's something every NHL fan is going to love about Bet MGM. Download the app today and discover why Bet MGM is your hockey home for the season. Raise your game to the next level this year with Bet MGM, a sports book worth a celly and an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager.

Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BedMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. I am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it. Oh what, just like that?

Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's favorite treats? Skippable. Midnight snacks? Skip. My neighbor's nightly saxophone practices.

Er, nope, you're on your own there. Coulda skipped it? Shoulda skipped it. Skip to the good part and get groceries, meals, and more delivered right to your door on Skip. Now, we get to the bread and butter of the show. The true beating heart of KilToni. The bucket.

How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, everybody? I mean, my God. A sausage fest like this. There's guys up here that have two ball sacks. You got Heidi. The lovely Heidi., balancing the scales. All right, our first bucket bowl tonight goes by the name of Erica Kuharski.

We're gonna meet her all together right now. 60 seconds uninterrupted from Erica Kuharski. Yeah! Hell yeah! Peyton Manning and me were forehead twins! Yeah, you like that? Y'all got extra yardage. Call that a personal foul.

Korski! It's half German, half Polish. So Germany invaded Poland and then my relatives invades Poland That's my white guilt yeah dealing with a lot of that I just got married you guys With that forehead. Yep, it's possible. It's pretty great guys. I don't have mental illness anymore. We have mental illness. Definitely try it out. It's great. He's Hispanic. I'm white, so our couple name is Wet Cracker. To be politically correct, Moiss Saltine.

It's great. I went to school for, that's right. I went to school for archeology because right. I went to school for archaeology because I'm really good at digging up the past and telling everyone about it. Thank you, guys. I'm Erika Korski. Erika. That was very funny. I was laughing. I was laughing because Ari took a sip of his beer and poured it on himself.

Had nothing to do with what you were talking about over there. Oh, damn it. Somebody filled it up too much. It's a can. It's a can. It's a can, all right. Oh, my goodness. Hi, Erica. Hey, there.

How long you been doing stand-up? About 10 years. 10 years? Jesus fucking Christ, Erica. Don't clap for that, people. That's not a thing. 10 years. It doesn't seem a day over one year.

Thank you so much. Yeah. You've aged gracefully. And you're still a substitute teacher? No. Is that what you fantasized while I was up here? No, no, I'm not doing that. Where have you done these 10 years of hard work

in stand-up comedy at? Well, I started in improv for a couple years and then you're counting that with the 10. Yeah, so let's get seven. I'm sorry. You're gonna say stand up for seven? Yeah. Okay. Those three years of improv are really shining.

Yeah, you're doing a lot of yesing. It's the and we have to work on. All right, I can work on that. Yes, and. I liked the opener about the forehead. Thank you. That's a funny thing to say, right? Sam's a huge football that. I liked the opener about the forehead. Thank you. That's a funny thing to say right away. Sam's a huge football fan.

I do. A Peyton Manning fan. Coming from Colorado, he is a big Peyton Manning fan. So you could have said anything about Peyton Manning there, and he would have found it interesting. Oh, yeah. Perfect. Yeah.

I love to pander. That's my favorite thing to do. It's a good move. Love football. Football rules. Go on. Football rules, it's the best. If I'm not watching football, I'm not living.

Now we're talking. Yeah. All right. Touchdown, baby. Yes. Oh my goodness, she's saying keywords from football. I'm close, keep going. Oh, yeah, baby.

What are your thoughts on holding? On holding? Yeah. Oh, I hold that yellow flag. I don't drop it, baby. Oh! That makes no sense. Picking up the Kleenex.

This has gone a little far. Yeah, yeah. Not 10 yards, though. Hey, that's a first down. Whoa! Unbelievable. She's an improv genius, Tony. It is unbelievable.

There's a lot of brain behind that forehead. Yeah. Which is interesting. You mentioned the forehead a couple times during the set, but meanwhile, it is the sixth ugliest thing about you. I've got the notes here. I didn't find it to be the standout, terrible feature about you.

I found it... What was number five? Just curious standout, terrible feature about you. I found it... What was number five? Just curious. Greasy hair. Thank you. Yeah. It's unbelievably unwashed. I know.

It's unkept, especially for a big show like this. Yeah. It's like you have helmet hat. Yeah. Right? I got to take that off before I come over here. Looks like you haven't washed it

since your improv days. Erica, where do you live? Right now I'm just mobile, but we're gonna move here in Austin at the end of the month. You live in your car? We live in an Airbnb. Okay. Yeah, we were doing basement travel between the relatives, so I was in Atlanta for a month. When you say basement travel, what does that mean?

I've never heard of that before. Well, I have a lot of relatives, and we just go between aunts. So I have an aunt in Georgia that we were living in the basement. And before that, my parents' basement. So basement travel. So there's a lot of basements going on.

That must be what adds that dewy moisture to the hair that I've noticed. Radon. It's very humid. Thank you. There's a lot of moisture. Mm-hmm. Unnecessary moisture.

Erica, what exactly do you do for a living? Right now I'm in between jobs. I help my husband with digital media. Um, we do... We edit... So interesting. We edit porn. Okay, now we're getting there.

There we go. Let's open with that next time. Buck Peyton Manning. Seven years of comedy, really. Wow. Like, I have really pretty feet, so I've been... Wait, it's your feet? Well, that's the part that I do.

And then he does the video editing with a different company. Hold on. So you guys take videos of your feet and he edits them. Are you... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then he does the video editing with a different company. Hold on. So you guys take videos of your feet, and he edits them. Is that right? Hey, do you want to do the secret show?

Yeah! What's the edit for feet? Yeah, what's going on there? Is he putting in, like, special effects or something? Is there, like, little Ewoks fighting in between your toes or something? Little there little Ewoks fighting in between your toes or something? Little cotton.

Sometimes, are you into that? It's a giantess porn. What? I love giantess porn, it's great. Yep, they just, they love the feet and yes, they put tiny people next to it. They love... Is this a real thing or are you kidding?

I can't tell what's going on anymore. I dated a girl that did this. People love big women, but giant people love huge people. Where would people find your work? Where would people find your work? I'm wreckin' Becca. Wreckin' Becca. On what?

Basementfeet.com? How do we find? Basement feet. Relatives are us. Wow. Time for Red Band to pretend like he doesn't know what that is. Looking it up over here. Keep looking. Clips for sale. Do you like stomping wet dog food and stuff?

I don't do that. Why not? Don't you want to make money? That's where the action is. You got to order a custom. Yeah. Okay. No, it order a custom, sir. Yeah. OK. No, it's like special effects stomping stuff.

So Reckon Becca is on how would people find it? You can find it on Twitter. OK, there you go. So you look on Twitter. That's a video. You have a breast feed with your feet? That would not be the thing. I'll look into it.

That's a good idea. OK. Yeah. I'm all about the money. If a good idea. Okay. Yeah. Hey, I'm all about the money. If you can get some, get some. What makes your feet so, like, sexually exceptional? They're big. They're size 10. Whoa! Whoa, fucking disgusting.

Disgusting. Holy shit. Yeah. Brutal. Yeah, pretty good. Can we see one? No. Show us the bad one.

I'll give you $8 if I can see one. Whoa. Is this your sock removal? This is Reckon Becker? Yep, that's me. Isn't that sexy? Oh my goodness. Whoa, you're really stretching out that sock.

Well, there it goes. It's like watching reverse birth. Wow, this is incredible. Guys, I wish you could see this because you'd be incredibly not turned on or off. Yeah, it is. It's just, there's like angry ants in the background, like, put your fucking feet away.

You got merch? God, Jesus, all right. Yeah. Okay. Doing that, hoping comedy takes off. Yikes. But what you're trying to say... You better keep those money makers protected.

Those socks. Double socket, lady, because the comedy, it ain't gonna happen. Can you put your fist in your mouth? No. Very good. Red band, put the mic down. Very good. Great stuff. Great stuff.

Red band. Comedy from Red band, everybody. All right. Anything else crazy about your life we should know about? Life's just been kind of crazy. I got married in October. So just kind of getting back to the swing of things and trying to figure out where we're living and everything after you plan a wedding. I got married in October. So just kind of getting back to the swing of things

and trying to figure out where we're living and everything after you plan a wedding. So. Congratulations. I know. Thank you. Thank you so much. Where did you get married at? In Las Vegas.

Yep. So you guys just have been Airbnb-ing since then? Yep. In the basements, of course. We've been hitting the open mics. Oh, he does comedy, too? He does, yeah. Oh, terrible. I'm gonna let you out of here.

I'm gonna show you some mercy. I got an idea for you for a video. There's a room in the Holocaust Memorial in Washington, D.C. with just a bunch of shoes. Oh, really? Yeah. Here's a little joke book. Here she goes, everybody.

Erica Kuharsky, everyone. Let's boot little joke book. Here she goes everybody. Erica Kuharski everyone. Let's put somebody for walking. Right there. Suck it to me. Okay, well let's get that started. Ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, okay, very good.

All right. I got it. This person is in a wheelchair is what you're telling me. They need a minute because they're in a wheelchair. Okay, got it. Ladies and gentlemen, the next person will need a minute because they're in a wheelchair. Isn't that the greatest intro you've ever heard? Ladies, who loves handicapped people, huh? You know it could be the next superstar on this show. We love handicapped people.

Make some noise for Layman Merle. Layman Merle Hubis. Layman Merle Hubis, everybody. Doesn't seem like he's in a wheelchair. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Laman Murl Hubus. Hello.

I'm exhausted after this shit. My name is Laman Murl Huber. I go by Lee. And those of you calling me Stroke Lee, well, actually, it's kind of cool. You can call me that. I am divorced, and there's a lot of reasons for that divorce,

but I guess the best one was that I had problems in the bedroom. Yeah. Every time we'd make love, I'd start coming. I'd start laughing uncontrollably. I'd make crazy faces and she didn't like it. So I went to the doctor, found out I'm suffering from immature ejaculation. But while I was there he said, you know, prostate, ejaculation is good for your prostate. You should tell your wife that.

I said, shit, you're not gonna believe that shit. You're gonna have to write me a prescription. So I go home, hey, babe, remember that lecture you gave me the other day about following doctor's orders and shit? Well, here, and she looked at the prescription and said, that's awesome, why don't you take it to the pharmacy and get it filled.

So that fucker at CVS hadn't stopped calling me for refills. I guess that's my time. Layman, Merle, Hubert. Welcome to the show Layman. How are you buddy? How's it going my man? Wonderful. I'm just a little exhausted from walking up the stairs.

I love it. What is your condition exactly? I had a stroke on my birthday this year. Happy birthday. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was. Were you doing some kind of special celebrating or something like that that made the stroke happen? Were you drinking? Were you eating cake? What happened celebrating or something like that that made the stroke happen?

Were you drinking? Were you eating cake? What happened? No, everybody thought I was drunk because I started losing my balance. And then, you know, next thing you know, I sit down and I can't, I can't get out of the chair. But uh.

God damn it. Hey, it's not all bad, you know. It's not? What? No, no. Oh. I mean, consider that everything that I do, I can say I did single-handedly

Yeah reminds me my honeymoon well besides Plus I have the kung fu grip that I always wanted with my GI Joe. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, your GI Joe Joe Joe What does that do with you not 70s I'm an old guy. How old are you? Fifty-eight, almost fifty-nine. Fifty-eight, almost fifty-nine. You look great. Thank you.

Yeah. I feel okay. What do you do for a living? I'm a video producer, live stream producer, and comedian. But I used to own a comedy club in Arlington. Oh, wow. High Eners Comedy Club. Okay.

And I did comedy for a while, and then I'd taken a 10 or 12 year hiatus, but I'm back. Oh, yeah. Got divorced, and now I can do whatever the fuck I want. Damn right. Yeah. Absolutely. Except for clap your hands. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Well. Okay. All right. Challenge my ass. Good old jokes. I can still slap a bitch, all right. Challenge my ass. Good old joke. I can still slap a bitch, you know.

Hey. I love it. It's like looking into the future right now. Yeah. So there you were, celebrating with friends and family. What did it feel like? What does it feel like when a stroke is happening? Does it feel like anything or is it parts of stroke?

Mine took about two days. You know, I had been working and I thought my arm was getting sore because all the lifting and stuff and I was telling my buddy, but that was the first sign I just didn't know. And then I started losing my balance and I was at the party and then I sat down in a lounge chair and I couldn't get up.

Like my arm, like quit working and that was it. Someone had to carry me to the car. Wow. When he was saying that I just saw a bunch of fat dudes just kind of grabbing their arm at the audience. No, but I am, you know, I've been homeless for a while but I am gonna recover, don't worry. You're homeless?

I was. Oh, I was gonna say. My brother took me in after my stroke. And I've been in Granbury, sitting by myself, 16 hours a day watching Kill Tony. Hell yeah. I love it. I would have killed myself.

If it wasn't for Kill Tony, I probably would have. No, that's why I would have. Laughter is the best medicine. Absolutely. Absolutely. So what else do you do? Well, I haven't been able to do much, but thanks for asking.

You know, I like to do a lot of stuff for, I like to do a lot of two-handed shit, play pool, play guitar, you know, things like that I can't do, so. Right, that's what you used to do. I used to do a lot of stuff, but you know, I still got one hand, play darts. Yeah.

Yeah. I got into a fight with a guy and he said, you know, you're in a wheelchair, and I asked this other guy in a wheelchair to get out of here, so I said, let's do it. Fuck yeah. Put your other hand behind your back and we'll do it. Hell yeah. A little wild roller derby going on over there. Were you a smoker?

I am a smoker, yeah. You're still smoking? Oh, yeah. Respect. Yeah. I'm not quitting. Hell no. Right.

Hell yeah, you already survived the worst part that could happen. No, I actually, I just started again. I don't have a problem quitting. It's starting I have the problem with. What do you mean by that exactly? What do I mean by that? I quit all the time. It's just I can't resist the starting up again.

But quitting, I can put it down, no problem for a little while, you know? Wait, you can put it down, no problem? No, yeah, no problem for about six hours. No. Okay. And this ex-wife years that you keep mentioning, how long were you with her for?

20 years. What do you hate about her? I don't hate her. I'm still madly in love with her, but I just know that I could never be married to her again the way she treated me, so. How did she treat you? Let's talk about it.

You know, just the, when someone tells you you're the most important person to them in your life, and then all of a sudden they ghost you and treat you like you don't exist you know it's kind of a painful thing but well it she made me sleep on the porch one time but back porch in the heat because you didn't have a ramp to get in no this is a priest's stroke this is priest oh she probably caused the damn stroke yeah probably had a lot to do with it yeah Yeah, I ended up losing my house, all my money, and ended up, well, I had a career issue. I lost my career and then I ended up being homeless.

I bought an RV and it got stolen. How did they steal your RV? Long story, but I had met a person that lived in a nice kind of mansion in Dallas and said, not mansion, but it was a nice place. Yeah. Three stories. And they said I could park it out back. And then anyway, it got stolen from the back. They stole all my property and had me stay with my sister.

And then my car broke down and I couldn't find a job. Newark, Texas, if anyone knows where Newark is, if you want a job, you're gonna work at the dollar store. That's about it, you know. Okay. Hey buddy, I'm sorry, I got a question. These people said you could park your RV out back. Who stole your RV?

Well. The one-armed man. The guy that. He was insurance fraud. The guy that owned the house was mentally retarded, but he's kind of famous. Did you say he was mentally retarded? Yeah.

Was he actually mentally retarded? Yeah, absolutely. He's like 72 years old. How does a 72 year old mentally retarded guy own a three story house? His parents were rich and had a trust fund. Wow. Was he like fully retarded?

Like totally retarded? Yeah, full on. And loved the guy, loved the guy. Can you imagine that? Just a rich retarded guy. Yeah. I mean, how. Can you imagine that? Just a rich, retarded guy. I mean, how much fun would that be? Yeah, what's that like, Tony? Yeah.

Yes, I'm super retarded. A well-known thing about me. I'm an old retarded man now. This is 13 years. We've run out of jokes to make, everyone. I don't know what the bean is everybody. So I am retarded. Well I meant more the super rich thing. Well it's awesome. So let's go back to layman murrell huber here. Yeah I go by Lee but since my wife hated my name

so much I said I'm going by layman murle Huber. We went to get our marriage license. She said, your name's Layman Merle Huber, not Lee Huber? I said, yeah, because I wouldn't have married you if I'd known that. What a bitch. This lady. This lady's not a nice lady. I told her, you don't deserve that last name anyway, so,

you know, fuck you. I'm using the fuller name. Do you regret not hitting her when you had the chance? Yeah. I've never hit a woman, never will, but, you know. You never will, that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, I might hit a guy right now.

Hey, Art. Fuck, yeah. That would go viral. I got a lot of pen uprage. Layman, were you still married when you were living in the RV with a retarded rich guy? No, no. That's why I had to buy the RV. She divorced me and I gave her the house. So I said fuck it.

Did the retarded rich guy have like cool retarded things in his house. Like things like... Yeah, he's known as the king of punk in the Dallas scene. He's written a book. He's, well, in his punk... He wrote a book? Yeah. And it looks exactly like a book

you would think that he would write. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Red band, this is good news for you. It's a coloring book, right? It is, it's true. It looks, it looks like it. It's called Outside is good news for you. It's a coloring book, right? It's true.

It looks like it. It's called Outside the Lines. The pages are edible. He had autographs of every famous punk rocker you could think of. Black Flag, his rare albums. His parents were rich, so they got him backstage passes and like everything, I guess, and he got to know all these bands.

So he's kind of famous in the scene. But anyway, he's a cool guy. I liked him, but this girl that told me about the room I could rent there was trying to get his money. And she was after him, telling him she was in love with him. We have now found out who stole your RV. Exactly, her and her biker boyfriend robbed me.

Her what boyfriend? Biker boyfriend. Oh, I thought you said black guy boyfriend. Yeah, that's it. I'm like, yeah, it was them for sure. Biker. All white people involved. Yep.

Has anything good ever happened? No, the stroke is the best thing that happened to me in seven years. There you go, this is good news for Red Man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was, prior to that life sucked even worse, but finally I got some attention, got to lay in a bed and get fed, you know shit.

When you're homeless, it's like, it's a move on up. The real reason was that it brought my son and I, we hadn't had a relationship in a few years and he came to see me and it brought us back together. So, now you guys can play catch. Yeah. You and your son are close now, where does he live? He lives in Allen, he's a school teacher

and a football coach. Oh, awesome. He was at Allen High School, now he's doing middle school. Okay. All right, cool. What do you guys do together? Not as much as we used to, for sure.

Right. But he's a busy guy, but most of the time right now we just talk on the phone. I mean, he hasn't visited me in about five months or six months. I've never seen a sadder, more positive guy in my life. It's amazing. Yeah.

It's amazing. There's no reason to look on the negative side. And you know what? That's why you're leaving with some Zypix nicotine toothpicks. All right. And a big joke book. I know that you're leaving with some Zypix nicotine toothpicks. Oh, right. And a big joke book. I know that you're going to catch this. Do you believe in miracles?

Yeah! Yee-hoo! All right, carry this fucking guy out of here. We got to keep the show moving. How about one more time for Layman Merle Huber, everybody. Oh, everybody's leaving all of a sudden. Oh my God. Not wrong. Jesus Christ.

What a bunch of geniuses. Let's all go pay you the same. Suplex. This holiday season, the Center for Addiction geniuses. Let's all the time to aim even higher. You can help create a world where no one is left behind. Donate at camh.ca slash donate now from December 23rd to the 31st, and your gift will be tripled for three times the impact. You know what's great about ambition? You can't see it.

Some things look ambitious, but looks can be deceiving. For example, a runner could be training for a marathon, or they could be late for the bus. You never know. Ambition is on the inside. So that road trip bucket list? Get after it. Drive your ambition.

Mitsubishi Motors. How about a hand for Zach, our security guy, who's butt-f fucking poor layman? You're witnessing a live male rape everybody by one of the most homophobic security guards at the club. I know for a fact he'd rather eat a homeless woman's pussy Than lick a dude's butthole once. What would you do?

I would lick the dude's butthole once. What would you do? I would lick the dude's butthole once. Oh yeah, there's a specific homeless woman that we're talking about that hangs around there. So you have to see it. You would pick the dude's butt. Trust me, one swipe of the tongue.

Look, Red Band's with you, dude. Red Band's with you. He would eat the pussy. I've been there. It's all right. You've licked a dude's ass before? No, I do massage girls, you know. All right, very good. Way to recover.

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll was on the inside. We know this guy. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best magicians in the world has signed up for the show. This is Wes Barker, ladies and gentlemen. A real, like, famous, legit magician, Wes Barker. He's on the inside.

Here he comes. He could be anywhere. It's one of you representing the audience here tonight. How about a hand for the amazing staff here at the mothership? How exciting. This is Wes Barker, everybody. All right, hi. I am Wes.

I'm a Canadian. I'm a professional magician. I hate children more than you think. Being a magician made me hate the kids. Kids don't suspend their disbelief. You know, like if they see something, they say something with magic. It's pretty bad.

Like if we did magic right now, you'd love it, you'd love it, and you guys, you would learn a lot. It's magic show and then magic lessons kind of right about there, you know? But at least you would shut the fuck up, you know? Kids, they don't do that. Brutal, actually. I hate it. I'll give you an example. The red ball trick, for example. With a kid, I do this. I take the red ball, vanish, and then the kid would go, it's in your other hand. And they're right every time.

It fucking sucks. But adults, we have such a strong grip on reality. So kids are smart in a stupid way. But adults, we expect the physics to go the way it goes every time. Prime example, sir, you're a grown ass man. Same trick. Which hand is it and point to it? I wasn't going to risk it with you, honestly.

Both hands. That's my time. Thanks, everybody. Wes Barker. A real professional magician. We know him. You hang out a lot. You're part of this, part of the, you hang out in Austin, right? And he entertains the fuck out of us sometimes

on after the show a lot. Wes, do you have a favorite fabric? Yeah. Yeah. I love that you thought you had to tell us that you were Canadian. It's amazing. I started wearing this recently, and I thought it really suited me.

Now I'm wondering if it does. Hell, yeah. It felt good. Thank you. I appreciate it. You're going down Jay Leno's path so fast, you might have an eye patch and a bruised skull in a week. This is incredible. Three different types of denim. Yeah. Jesus Christ, bro. Canadian tuxedo, baby!

It is something else. It is something else. So Wes, how's everything been going? Yeah, things are good. I kind of like, about six months ago moved here, but like part-time because my wife lives in Toronto, so I'm back and forth all the time. And yeah, I probably signed up 35 times, so it's fun to get pulled up. And this is your first time getting picked? Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. You got some other fucking tricks for us, dude. What's up?

Yeah, I didn't even really do a real, I mean, that was just sort of like a silly little trick. I can do a real trick right now. You guys want to see a real fucking magic trick? I do. So I'll give you the inside scoop. I need some... Sometimes, Hemet, what do you need? No, I need someone with a purse, but I'll find that in a second.

You keep talking. Well, just somebody give him a fucking purse. There you go. We love magic. give him a fucking purse. Right there. We love magic. We need a huge purse. We love magic here. Nice. And, oh, he's going through the purse. It's very exciting.

Okay. There's no denim in there. Ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, we get trashed and we have him and any other magician that's around do magic tricks while we drink fucking whiskey And it's a lot of fun It's a pretty good time I always say that at the end of the day up in heaven when all the entertainers are together if that's really how heaven works

It's everyone just watching magicians. That's how I picture it That's much better than good magic Tony do you have any money on you? I know you always have money on you I actually St stunningly don't. No, last night was the Christmas party here. Whoa, look at new money over here. What's it like being a rich retard? Jesus fucking Christ, this fucking guy over here.

Hey. Whoa, good luck getting that hundred back. That's illegal. Ari Shavir signs it, mine now. Okay. No, he ruined it. There it is. So Ari described himself on here and you'd recognize this anywhere, right?

Okay. You'd recognize this $100 bill anywhere. You've written on it and everything. So some magicians will fold a hundred really small, and they'll turn it into a dove. Yeah, I don't do that, but you never get a chance. It's pretty cool. You should check it out. I do more like that. It's gone.

Now, Sam, left pocket. Where the fuck is the money, man? Check. Sam, check your left pocket. No, stop right there. No one's moving. Left pocket? There's no way. There's nothing in there. I'm just fucking with you. Okay. I just want to see if you believe in me. Here we go. So, that's why I got this purse. This is like a little insurance policy.

If you can find something here that's worth $100. Okay. You're missing $100. I sure am. It's a magnifying glass. Whoa. Oh my goodness. In case your husband wants to have sex with you later.

Wow. Keeping that one, all right. And then... A magnifying glass. What the hell? Whoa. Some mini tongs. Oh.

This lady's wild. Where do you live? Wow, the security here. Gloucesterville or Riverside? The security here is so busy, butt-fucking handicapped men that they're letting people with knives into the venue. That is Zach famous.

If you're wondering what his name is, it's Zach the security guy. I don't even know if it's... Butt-fucking handicapped men instead of doing his job. I'm not even sure what that is. What did I miss here even sure what that is. What did I miss here? Oh that is...

That's a Hitachi. Wow. Redban, our senior dildo analyst, knows exactly what it is. A lemon! This is what we need. Can I have the knife back please? Yes please. Okay, so if you ever misplace your money, you gotta check the fruit. Sometimes inside lemons... That is a real lemon. It is dripping. You can see...

Oh my god. There's no way. If only we had some tongs. Pull it out. Now, wait, now put it on the vibrator. Now open it up, display it like a magician would. Here we go. You like that, don't you, Ari? Yeah. Yeah.

This is... Wow. This is incredible. It's not. Whoa. It's Ari's name. Wow. Unbelievable.

Wait. Sam's money, Ari's signature, my juices. What a night. Amazing. Congratulations. That was a fun trick wasn't it, Sam? Yeah, it's my favorite trick ever. All right.

Time for me to make that vibrator disappear. Whoa! Hey! Hey! Whoa! Hey! Hey! Whoa! Wait, who put this cum in my pants? All right, we're having fun. Oh, and a fart noise on top of it all from Red Band. Oh, you made T Madness reappear too.

Absolutely incredible. He's wondering why the underside of his hat smells like lemon right now. You may fall in love with the sound. D-Maddis has challenged that fucking other retard to a fight. Beat the shit out of him. Wait, he's not retarded, Ari. Oh, well, whatever he's got.

He's black. Jesus. D-Maddis. My God. Oh, my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Amazing. Wes, there's been a lot of rumors of Canada becoming the 51st state of the United States of America.

Have you thought about this? Dude, I've had so much, I always, every three years I have to get a new visa to work down here. It's O-1 visa, it's expensive, it's pain in the ass. So like, it would kind of annoy me because I have a visa right now and all my friends don't. But you know, I mean it'd be way nicer to work down here.

It's a way better spot. It's the entertainment, you know, capital world. We could be an American, so all you have to do is never wear that outfit again. What? And you could be an American. You don't like this? It's unbelievable.

You're fucking wrong, man. Okay, if I'm wrong, then I don't wanna be right. Fantastic, fantastic stuff. Amazing magic. That was incredible. Make it sound. Make some noise for the great Wes Barker, everybody. Thank you.

Woo. We're having fun here tonight. This guy's been on the show before. He had an unbelievable set, so much so that we had him back in an arena here. This is his first time in a long time. This is a brand new minute from a solid comedian. I hope it goes great tonight. This is J.P. Hinsdale, everybody. The long-awaited return of J.P. Hinsdale. What's up, Austin? Yeah. I love Texas, man.

You know what I love? I love guns. Yeah. Guns are a permanent solution to a temporary problem mostly my medical bills the gun control laws in Texas are weird though man you know you can open carry an assault rifle and a sword what fucking caliber of gun do I need to get to get you to fuck off back to the Renaissance Fair? Oh I got shit to do today. It's weird it's like the governor wants us to open carry everything including a baby to term.

Listen I'm not dumb enough to think I should have an opinion on abortion. I do think it's funny that a guy in a wheelchair doesn't believe in accidents. Because my mom does. Okay, JP Hinsdale, strong eye contact. Leering at you. Hello, JP, how are you? How's it going, buddy? Fantastic. Unbelievable. You look great.

No, I don't. I feel like my organs are dying, let's be honest with each other. You should talk to that stroke guy from earlier. Yeah. Oh, we've exchanged numbers. That's good. What, what numbers? Your weight? Yeah.

JP, how's life going? It's, it's going okay, man. It's, it's interesting. Yeah. It's been a weird ride. Tell us about it. I don't know, man. It's, I've been, this is the first year I was openly bisexual.

Oh, you're bisexual now. What a big twist. Yeah, we talked about it. Unbelievable. That's okay. From tie-dye to try-buy. I know. Look at you.

But you gotta try before you buy. Okay, so what's the analysis? I've been wondering for 40 years what that would be like. Tell us, what is- I didn't really understand how that was gonna go for me. But it's mostly like a lot of dudes come up with their girlfriend asking if they can hug me and then whispering in my ear that they'll blow me in the bathroom.

Do they? Do they blow you in the bathroom? Sometimes. Sometimes they just, you know, they just want to say it. I mean, I'm looking at the shape of everything that you have going on. Is it just, is there, do you see? They obviously see something I can't, like physically. Right.

Yeah. And no matter who's blowing you, it's just a mystery. Yeah, I mean, you literally. Just muffle underneath the belly fat, you know? Because, I mean, where is your dick exactly there? Because I see a bump. I know where it is. Yes.

If you're willing to fund the expedition... It's in this general region. I don't think so. I think it's underneath that. I think all of it? It's... It's nice and warm, though, isn't it? It is nice and warm. And isn't it? It is nice and warm. Yeah, yeah.

And it's important because winter is coming. Oh yeah. No birds are going to come steal it off you. No, no, no, no. I mean, who are you? Who's sucking that dick? I live in the dark corners of the world. How would you even get into it?

Are you going to pull my stalk? I mean, I'm literally curious where it is. What's that bulge down there? I don't know. Well, when you go like that, it disappears. You see that next to his left thigh? It's Kirtles. Is that your neck?

I'm not saying it's out of lust, but definitely curiosity is what drives them. Were you gay before, or were you into women? I'm into both, but I just had a rough run of it, so things are a little complicated for me in my brain. You had a rough run of dating? I had a rough run of it, so things are a little complicated for me in my brain. You had a rough run of dating? I had a rough run of everything, really. How do you pee? How do you pee? Carefully.

Okay, very good question, John Bies. Let's go back to you fucking anything that moves. Oh, yeah. Let's kind of stick on this subject here. So what exactly, what's actually going on here? I want to know what life is like for Jabba the Slut. Definitely plenty of sci-fi conventions, you know. I'm, you know, I'm big on that, you know, the cosplay.

You're big on everything. Yeah, yeah. Are you fucking people? Sometimes. You have the body of someone who's gonna launch children into a lake. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to pay child support.

I don't know what to say. Okay, is that what you're worried about, getting someone pregnant? Sure. Why not? You know. All right. Yeah, that's my biggest worry Tony. That's why he's fucking guys now. Yeah, it's like I got bigger fish to fry, like gravity.

All right, you look like you have been indeed frying a lot of fish. Do you regret eating Wonka's blueberry? It is incredible. Do you regret eating Waukes blueberry? It is incredible. I mean the snozzberries did taste like snozzberries. What do you do for a living JP? Remind us what you do for a living. Honestly, this.

What do you do for a living? How do you make money to survive? I don't. So how do you survive? I do okay. Remember I had a relative that died, and I've been kind of like living pretty modestly on that. OK. Yeah.

How much was left? How much was your actual inheritance? Like, I don't know, man. It's not like you. Definitely no. It's not a crazy amount. It's enough for me to maybe live a couple of years and just focus on this. What's the cost? Well, yeah. What's the just focus on this. Fingers crossed. Well, yeah. What's the amount? I'm like, I'm around...

$45,000? Something like that, yeah. How much of that is spent on food and crops? Um, I mean, you want to check my Uber Eats account? Like, that's a... We can, we can, we can trace that, you know? What do you eat? What do you eat when you're at home? What don't you eat?

What's left? What's left at home? What's your go-'s left at home? What's your go-to? You get like a loaf of bread and some noodles? I know, it's late night Thai food is the death of me, literally. What is it?

It's like, well, this is the reason I can't fill my foot. Can you not feel your foot? Sometimes, but also I have the fucked up legs, so it's like hard to gauge. It's diabetes or just nature. Right, you got the old gay leg. Yeah. Okay. What do you eat at night?

I mean, Thai food usually. Thai food? Yes, Thai food. That's your go-to. Any Thai food I can get. Well, you can't tie a belt. No I can't. No I can't.

And Velcro doesn't work either. Thai food's kind of healthy, though. Oh, our senior health correspondent, Brian Redban, everybody. Thai food, as in pad thai, straight noodles, straight gluten, late at night. And it's being analyzed as healthy. I'm glad my nutrition has finally chimed in.

So. The guy who posted about eating a moldy Wendy's burger last week is telling us that Thai food is healthy. Breaking news. A man who's never touched broccoli in half a century. Oh, you're offended about my you've never touched broccoli. Okay. JP, what's the most disgusting thing that you ever ate to where you're like, God damn, I'm disgusting? Um, I had chicken fried bacon dipped in maple syrup. Yeah, how was it?

Like, it was really good. And then like something went wrong in my brain where I felt, like, it's when I knew I went too far. No, it was a blood clot. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of made, like, something went off. I kind of, like, tripped for a minute. Like, it was not good. I was like, I shouldn't have done this.

Wow. Yeah. It's too much of a good thing. Absolutely. It's like, I shouldn't have done this. Wow. Yeah. It's too much of a good thing. It's like Texas. It's too much. And then it cancels itself out. And then you die. And then, yeah.

OK. It's like when you take a bunch of different kinds of drugs and let them fight them out for your affection, you know? Yeah, but instead it's pad thai and egg rolls. Exactly. Oh, no. I mean, I'm a big fat guy, but get it together, probably. You can't be chicken frying bacon.

Do you want to be my life coach? No. Do you have siblings, JP? Is there like a 600 pound sister or something? No, no. How much do you weigh? Um, 378. I don't buy that for a second.

Let's get the scale, everybody. This is a special segment on the show. What did you say? 378. What do you think, Tony? What did he say? Hey, hold on. Time out, everybody. What did he say?

Three, seven, eight? Hey, and that was the last time I had a scale that wasn't broken, so I'm just, that was seven, eight. That's what I've been sticking with so I don't put a gun in my mouth. Well, we got three. You would just eat it! We also have a gun here, everybody.

What are you very exciting? What's your number, Tony? I'm guessing 412. 412 is actually what my initial guess was going to be. Hey, should I go? So we're going prices right? I'm gonna just pull 420. Should I go shoes on or shoes off?

That's the fact that I move. Yeah. I was gonna ask you. That's really gonna go over the top. Yeah. All right, take away the.7 shoes. Hey, we should weigh the shoes first and then I'll put them back on.

I'm gonna go 390 here. I'll read it to you when you step on. 420 for Ari. That's a safe bet. I'll take the under. I'll take 377. Whoa, 377. A very optimistic pick by the great Sam Talent.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, here, live, in front of everyone, the scale is being activated by the great Ari Shaffir. Yoni has brought an iPhone close to the stage. Ari at 196. And this is one of those moments we will never forget, as J.P. Hinsdale... Oh! The scale is making... Oh!

Oh! Take your shoes off! Oh,! Oh! Take your shoes off! Oh my God. Take your shoes off! Oh my God. Take your shoes off! This scale is freaking out. Oh my God. The scale just freaked out.

Ladies and gentlemen, 437 pounds. Oh my God. Wow. I already explained some things. This explains a few things. JP, you're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius.

You're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius. You're a genius. You should be right. This explains some things. This explains a few things. JP, please. Just a couple of things it explains.

I beg of you to wait at least a couple of months before killing yourself. Don't do it like the night that this episode comes out. I mean, I'm so far along. Let's just let nature take its course. Just take note that everybody underbid, including Ari's extremely bold 420. You are about... It was flaring on every inhale and exhale.

It was going up between about 435 and 442. But I probably lost 10 just coming up here, so... Well... I'll take the win, you know? At some point, the scale said,'ll take the win, you know? At some point the scale said, -"What the fuck, man?" Yeah. -"Yeah." It said, humans only.

Oh... my God. You should have taken your hat and glasses off. I know, man. Yeah. Have you ever weighed in nude? Yes. Yeah, that's fucked. I've done that. Yeah, but it makes me sad for other reasons.

Yeah, yeah. Because all the fucking young doctors come in to laugh. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucked. I've done that. Yeah, but it makes me sad for other reasons. Yeah, yeah. Because all the fucking young doctors come in to laugh. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucked, man. Dude, you're 70 pounds heavier than you thought you were. Yes. Yeah. That is a big deal. That's one Tony. It's been a little bit rough, too.

It's true. It's been a little bit rough on the therapy, and it's, you know, it happens. It's been rough on the bones and joints, too. Yeah. Pfft. Yeah. on the therapy and it's you know it happens it's been rough on the bones and joints yeah yeah okay so i'm not a doctor my wife is i'm just gonna tell you you should avoid wicker furniture yeah honestly fuck it it should avoid me if it was sentient it would yeah well then then it's that's that fucking problem you know no patio parties for you. No exactly no hammocks for sure no

No, no, is there something that you is there some type of physical activity that you think you could get into breathing? Have one like I've helped you or something if you had some kind of support is there something perhaps You know Michael Gonzalez works out every day at on it Jim How would you like to have a little buddy Michael you want Would you want to take a buddy to On It with you? Would you like to take me on as an anchor to your progress? How does that sound? You want to take him working out? Yeah, let's fucking do it.

There you go, you're working out with Michael Gonzalez. Here's the big joke book. You know, I'd love to have you on the secret show, though. Oh. Someone wants to fucking eat some Thai food with you. I think you were saying Thai people, by the way. It's a lot of stuff there. Well, he is into both ladies and boys, so... He's got charisma, this guy, though.

He's pretty fun. Yeah. A lot of charisma. It's called Crisco, but, um... Crisco. We love you, JP. You're the man. You're very, very likable.

I love you too, man. Thank you. JP Hinsdale, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. All right. See you. On to the next one we go. This NFL season, get in on all the hard hitting action with FanDuel, North America's number one sportsbook. You can bet on anything from money lines to spreads and player props or combine your bets in a same game parlay for a shot at an even bigger payout. Plus with super simple live betting, lightning fast bet settlement, and instant withdrawals,

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One of the regulars of the show, ladies and gentlemen, an absolute phenom. Not easy to write and perform a brand-new minute every single week in front of millions of people, but somehow this young buck does it week after week after week. I present to you one of the true top Young Rising comedians in the world, the one and only, the great and powerful, this is Cam Patterson. -♪ Yeah, yeah, man, I'm a young man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, Yeah, yeah, man.

Smile, bitch, please. Goddamn. Bitch look evil in the front row. That's evil as fuck. I just changed my profession. I am now a magician. Somebody give me a purse. Somebody please give me a purse. I'm magic now, nigga, I do magic shit.

I was easy as fuck, I do magic, give me a purse. I was easy as fuck. That guy was fat as hell, back to this minute, that's not gonna work, here we go. You know, I went to the Black History Museum in DC. What's so fucking funny? That's not funny. I went there, I saw a lot of history and it was dope.

I liked it a lot. My favorite part about the whole museum was I met this thick ass white bitch and she was crying at the Emmett Till exhibit. So I whistled at her, cause times have changed. If you so sad for the nigga bitch, make it up to me. That's my time.

Jesus Christ. Fuck yes, Cam Patterson. It was amazing. I didn't realize until you acknowledged it how many women offered up their purse to a white Canadian guy wearing nothing but denim. So fast. Every woman was like, I have a purse.

Go, take mine. Oh, shit. All of the same women put theirs under their chair when you came out. It was incredible. I never had a purse, nigga. Please, please go back behind that curtain, nigga. It was good, man.

Very fun. Did you really go to the Black History Museum? Hell yeah. What's that like? It was dope, man. My little cousin, uh, what the? Oh. I fucking hate you, Red, man.

That's some good shit. Now, you know what's bad about it? It was really bad. They had a, so the whole thing was dope. It was cool as shit to see y'all love it. But the worst part is that after my whole family was there, cause my mom's birthday was this weekend, my grandma came, my little cousin came.

Were you guys part of the exhibit or were you just going there to check things out? My grandma was, but my grandma was like, I knew that bitch. Cause she old. But, uh, nah, it was, uh, it was dope. The worst part about it, though, the worst part, is that there's, like, a cafeteria there,

and all they sold was fried chicken and collard greens. And I thought that was some bullsh-t. I did not like that at all. But the rest of it was pretty cool, man. So is it mostly black people going there? Like, man, I can't believe they did this to us. No, it was white people. It's white people going, god, I'm glad I'm white.

Yeah. It was white as fuck. A lot of white people in there. I told you, a thick ass white bitch in there. She was thick as hell, bro. Now, did they have the same stuff as a normal building? Is it like fire sprinklers, or do they just have big hoses and stuff? What exactly is...

Black History Museum jokes, ladies and gentlemen. A rare treat on this show. Nigga, that's hilarious. Thank you. That's funny as fuck. Thank you. Deep Madness is looking down. I can't get a read on it. If you don't subscribe.

Who put it again with these hats? No, what do you mean? That's a beautiful hat. That's a Gucci hat he's wearing. He don't know what he got on. That's what I'm upset about. He don't know. What is it?

Hey, don't touch a blind person without a hat. Nigga, I ain't touch no hat. Nigga, it was him. No, that was John Deez. I'm all the way over here. I'm all the way over here. That was John Deez. That was the other one.

I'm all the way over here, I swear to God. It was the other one. It's like we're at the museum. Oh shit. Oh shit. Wait, it was John Deez, man. Wait. No, it was John Deez, man! Wait, even... Not with John Dees, man!

Wait, even D. Mountain's... What are you gonna say? Even D. Mountain's can't tell them apart. It's true. It's true. All their hands smell the same. The cocoa butter scented hand was the... Cocoa butter and blackened arms. I'm color blind, too, D. Yeah, we're all just human beings.

Yeah, but how much you have visual, right? Yeah, I have visual. Yes, sir. Yeah. That's the funniest way to say, do you see shit? Yeah. Do you have visual, though, nigga? Yeah. Okay, then Do you have visual, though, nigga? Yeah.

Okay, then. Yeah. You have visual. He just sight checked me. He's gonna pull my card. Can you see pussy? Okay, then. No.

Not you. I'ma just be quiet. He's colored blonde. This party is out of control. It's like when the exhibits come alive at the museum. Yeah, that's what happened. So much talking about the Black History Museum. All of a sudden we got two black people bullying a black bass player.

It's called progress. It is progress, man. We're making progress. It is progress, man. We're making progress. Man, your life is good. I love it. I love it. OK, D-Madness, Jesus. Now he's talking about how good his memory is.

I might not be able to see a thing, but I never forget a bitch. What? He's got all these blind catchphrases. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. God bless D. Madness. God bless you.

And God bless the United States of America. So, Cam, the road's been good. DC was fun. Hell, yeah. Black History Museum. There's a lot there been good, DC was fun. Hell yeah. Black History Museum. There's a lot there. Yeah, it was dope. My little cousin took out of school

so she can come see it with my grandma and shit. And she didn't give a fuck about none of them. She's six. I was like, look, that's Harriet Tubman. She was like, Harriet Tubman! And then walked away. She don't give a fuck about none of that shit. But she had a good...

The funny shit, you know, I've been doing vlogs and shit on the road. And my auntie is like, she a thug, that's like my best friend. And she called me and she was like, you see, that's her daughter. She was like, you see my daughter? I want to tell you something. Put that bitch on camera, she a star.

Usually when people call about their kids, they go, don't put my kid on camera. My auntie was like, put that bitch on camera, she a star. Hell yeah. And we didn't. Right. I'm the only star in this family, nigga. Damn right.

Damn right. And it continues. The great and powerful Cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen, has done it again. Make some goddamn noise for Cam Patterson. All right, back to the bucket we go. This is another new name. Make some noise for Peter Grant, everybody. We're going to meet them all together now.

Peter Grant. USA! How you going? Fuck yeah. You guys can probably tell by my accent that I'm an alcoholic. So yeah, fuck yeah. Cheers. Have one for me. Yeah, fuck yeah. Good to see you. I, as rough as I. Have one for me. Yeah, fuck yeah. Good to see ya. As rough as I seem, I get it. My day job, I work with people with special needs.

Thank you, one person. Fuck yeah. I work in construction. Yeah, so everyone that I work with has special needs. Any blue collar boys in here? Not enough. Fuck yeah, dude. I'm a carpenter. I hear you guys need a wall built. Not by an immigrant. Hell yeah. I only have myself to blame for getting into construction as well because I took career advice from a man named Benny Benassi. Couple familiarities. Fuck yeah. If you don't know the song, the

music video came out when I was 12 years old and it was just a bunch of hot chicks doing construction work in slow motion. I was 12, it's like, all right, Captain, sign me up, right? It was just. Push me and then just touch me. Feel like you get my satisfaction. Yeah, now I just get called queer for a living.

Fuck yeah, I'm Peter Grant, thank you guys. All right, Peter Grant, welcome, welcome. Hey Tony Inchcliffe, how are you? How are you Peter Grant? How long you been on standup? Just over six years now. Where at? Mostly up in Vancouver, Canada.

Okay. Yeah, and the accent originates from? Australia. Which part? Melbourne, outside Melbourne in the country. Yeah? Yeah, I'm a little small town boy. Hey Sam Town, how you doing? Melbourne. Outside Melbourne in the country. Yeah? Yeah. I'm a little small town boy.

Hey, Sam Towner. How you doing? Good, man. And you really work construction? I do. I'm a carpenter. OK. Yeah.

A carpenter. All right. Carpenter. Sorry, man. No, it's good. It's good. Look, you don't have to do it. You could sound like a great human being.

I used to have long hair. You used to have long hair? Yeah, Jesus was my inspiration for a while. OK. And then I found out hair? Yeah, Jesus was my inspiration for a while. Okay. And then I found out that was bullshit, right, Texas? What does that mean to you exactly? I grew up Catholic and then started smoking weed and I like conspiracies more than God, I think.

You don't, you, now you believe in conspiracies and you don't believe in God? Yeah. What do you think created the universe? The Anunnaki. Wow, okay. Sorry, I'm one of those fuckers. It's got a point. It's okay. Venue was built on that. That makes some sense. You're part of that bloodline, right? The Anunnaki? Yeah. Yeah, we came a long time before things were recorded. All right, Peter. So now you live in Vancouver or what? I just got married this year to an

American woman. So I'm legally down here, married, special visa. Where does she live? She's from West Virginia, but she lives with me now, Tony. Where at? Austin, Texas for now. Okay, for now. Are you planning on moving somewhere? Yes, we've got a house up in Canada that needs to get off our mortgage and then we're down here. So you're gonna move back up to Canada? To sell the house and then back down to Austin. Okay. What does she do for work? She's a retired chef.

She's a retarded chef. I can't imagine how delicious the Thai food must be. I know a 470 pound man that would love to be married to a retarded chef. JP. What gave it away? The fact I walk downstairs. Is he still walking down? Yeah.

Do the stairs still exist? Him and the stroke guy are in a race right now. It has been a true freak show here today. What's the freakiest thing about you, Peter Grant? I love cigarettes. Oh, wow, yeah. That's such an Australian answer. I like the romanticization of it though.

Uh-huh. What does that mean? Thank you, Red Band. Just look at Red Band. What do you mean exactly? Just look at Brian right now. I don't need to look at Brian. I've worked with him for over a decade. Why don't you describe using your artistic capabilities exactly what you mean exactly? Just look at Brian right now. I don't need to look at Brian. I've worked with him for over a decade.

Why don't you describe using your artistic capabilities exactly what you mean? I only have two heroes in life. One is Melania Trump, and I've already accomplished that. And my second guy is the... I married... What do you mean you've already accomplished that? I married to get into the country.

Oh, Jesus. What? My wife's American. Sorry. So romantic. So you were doing really well for a minute. No, we're deeply in love. I love my wife.

That's not a question. I wasn't asking that. Yeah. No, I feel like I have to retort what I said before. Sure, sure. OK, the most interesting thing about your entire life, Peter, because you seem kind of like you have like construction guy vibes that just aren't really hilarious to me.

You seem like a normal guy that's trying it out kind of. Or maybe you're nervous or something. A little bit nervous, I'd say, for sure, Tony. Absolutely. So give us something crazy. Tell us something nuts. You ever save, almost die or save? Yeah, I was the first responder on a guy that jumped off a bridge a couple years ago.

Did he land on JP? He wouldn't be the first responder then. He'd be fine, yeah. No, yeah, I held a man while he was dying and yeah. What did you say to him? You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be just fine. I know you could tell by my accent that, um, don't mind the

didgeridoo, I just have a little Australian gas. You could tell by my accent I'm an alcoholic. Looks like you need some special needs that I cannot take care of. What did you say to him? I'm sorry mate. It's not looking so good. You jumped off a fucking bridge. He already had the hospital tag on. So he already still had hospital. Oh, wow.

Ready to go. Yeah. So out of a mental institution, I believe so. And then jump off the bridge. And then I was just telling him to keep breathing because I didn't know what else. Great. Good. Bro. Yeah, that's excellent work. If someone say that to me now, and then jumped off the bridge. And then I was just telling him to keep breathing because I didn't know what else to say. Great advice. Good work, bro.

That's excellent work. Did someone say that to me now? Take breathing? All right. This country's lucky to have you. Thank you, Sound Town. I appreciate it. Your wife is for a living is a retired chef?

Yeah, she picks and chooses her job. She doesn't really work full on anymore. She does expedition chef all around the world. So she gets to pick and choose where she goes now. Retired has a different meaning in this country. She's a part-time chef. Part-time, there you go. She's a chef who's on Smoko.

That's good for me. I get it. I get it. Yes, I like it. What do you miss most about Australia? I was just back there. And Texas has a lot of it, but it's just easy.

It feels like here there's a lot of stuff going on in the cities. I know that sounds like a fucking retarded state back there, but it's just everything's calm, and I miss the calm. It's a lot more here. I'm from a small country town. I'm not used to the cities.

So I've been living in Vancouver. It's not much of a city compared. What do you hate most about Australia? Ooh. The people. What do you miss most about Canada? Not much. What do you hate the most about Canada? Oh, Trudeau, probably.

Okay. I've lived there and watched him live in the country. What do you love most about America? I love your amendments. I think that it's good to have a structure in play. Oh, how's that win you got? I like that you have a structure in place. You finally got the crowd on your side. Right in the but I guess that's a good thing. I think we need stronger, stronger fucking, what's the word, borders.

Yes, thank you Red Band. Red Band helping me for a change. Look at this, it's happening here. Little joke book, there he goes. Thank you guys. All right. Peter Grant, Peter Grant, he's a normal guy. All right.

We having fun out there still? All right. Make some noise for your next bucket poll. We're gonna meet them all together. It's Lino Rodriguez. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Lino Rodriguez. Let's put on this show before. Here we go. All right, guys. Lately, I've been trying to be a good boy

because I've been a nasty boy. I've been a nasty boy. I'm trying to be sober. I'm trying to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee and the occasional cocaine and prostitute. I call it New York sober. New York sober. Yeah. No, I'm just joshing, guys.

I fucking hate coffee. You know, cigarettes are cool. I'd rather die early than be bored for seven minutes, you know? Everyone thinks they look cool when they smoke a cigarette. I think you have to look cool before the cigarette ever enters the equation. Yeah, some people look like James Bond, 007. But when I smoke a cigarette, I look like I belong outside of a Waffle House. They call me double eggs over easy.

I don't know, guys. Lately, I've been listening to house music in my studio apartment because I'm optimistic, you know? That's the same reason why I listen to yacht rock on my canoe. Anybody else? There you go. All right. Jesus Christ, I thought it was never going to end.

Lino Rodriguez. Seems like you had a lot of fun up there. You got some laughs proving that this audience isn't perfect. You know what I mean? Some people are just laughing at the space in which it seemed like there should have been laughter. But no real reason for laughter at all at almost any point throughout the entire thing. Is that how it's been going? Ari Shapiro, what do you think about that? Yeah, you have like a Mitch Hedberg delivery, but like a fat Mark Norman face. Yeah.

I thought his delivery was like Mitch Hedberg now. I'm like Mitch Hedberg just on the inside, you know. Yeah, Mitch Hedberg just on the inside, you know, just. Yeah, Mitch Hedberg. You fat guy. So yeah, you fat fuck. How much do you think you weigh, Lino? I'm like 170, 180. No, you're not!

No way. Time out. What? How much do you actually think you weigh? Like, 200. Get that fucking scale out here. Even Heidi knows. Don't step on it yet. Don't step on it.

Quickly, don't step on it. All right, let's sit. No, don't step on it. Lino, take fucking direction. Lino! I'm listening, I'm listening, sir. Lino! All right.

What do you really think you weigh, Lino? He started sweating. So sweaty. Out of nowhere sudden, by the way, out of nowhere. Not during his sweat, was there, not during his set. All right, if I'm being honest with you, I'll probably weigh like, all right. Lino, look over here,

because you seem to be getting lost in the lights. You have like an inordinate amount of confidence. I don't know where it comes from. You're just like a rock star that with no fucking instrument or talent in the world Yeah, focus. Yes, sir. What do you truly think that you weigh? I like 260. Okay. There you go I was gonna guess I think we all about agree. Go ahead step on the scale. You said 170 What do we got there, Sam?

265. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. 170, bro! You had so much fucking confidence when you said that. I've been eating my vegetables. I don't know. I'm sorry.

You know you haven't. I thought I looked good. I thought I looked good. All right. You didn't think that that would happen. No, no, no. What a nightmare. I know.

You know what will curb your appetite, Lino, is some Zypex nicotine toothpicks. Have you gotten a small joke book before? I have gotten that before, yeah. Well, there you go. Fill it up. Lino Rodriguez, everybody. There he goes. There goes Lino.

Yeah, you're done. We're going to fly through some bucket pulls here as they get worse and worse. Ooh. The Horn players, love a fellow Rodriguez. Your next bucket full, 60 seconds uninterrupted, goes by the name of Eric Galagos, everybody. Eric Galagos or Galegos. Here he is. You guys, I recently matched with a girl on Tinder and her bio said, fun and down to earth.

Yeah, I wish I knew that was code for living in a tent. Dude, I was walking down 6th Street earlier and I saw someone with a shirt that said, end Alzheimer's. It's like with what, a shotgun? Dude, y'all ever notice how potholes and crack heads are really similar? Yeah, you know, it's like they both spend all their time in the street, all they do is annoy people.

And when you run one over, you're like, ugh. I blame the city. I mean, the election's finally over, right? You know, some are really excited. Some are really sad. I mean, I'm worried, because I'm pretty sure I'm getting kicked out of women's basketball next year. God.

Whoo! Oh, yeah, that's my time guys, thank you. A solid set. That was good. That's how it's done. That was good. He had the same confidence as the last comedian that tricked a lot of you into laughing. But he had actual jokes on this one, some smart witty things.

Oh yeah. Good work man. Thanks. I like the homeless pothole thing. That was good. Yeah, that was pretty good. Hell yeah, thanks dude. How long have you been doing stand up? Uh, I've been doing stand up for about a year. this one, some smart witty things. Oh yeah. Good work, man. Thanks. I like the homeless pot hole thing.

That was good. Yeah, that was pretty good. Yeah. Hell yeah. Thanks, dude. How long have you been doing standup? I'm about to hit two years in January. And you've been on the show before. Yeah, I was on in June. Right. And how did that go?

It went okay. Not as bad as this though. No, not at all. You've been working hard. You've gotten a lot better. Dude, I'm fucking trying, man. Austin's awesome. The opportunities here are some... Do you think it helps to follow a complete zero?

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, maybe a little bit, yeah. It's a lot easier to go up after a human nothing, right? Yeah. It really was. More like lean? No. Yeah.

Oh, it was lean-o. Yeah, that was lean-o. Not lean. No. Okay. Oh, it was Lino. Yeah, that was Lino. He was not lean. We know. Okay. Fuck that. So Eric, tell us about what it's like being a young comic here in Austin that's working and progressing. So you've been doing it for two years.

Dude, you're just trying to fucking stay happy. Yeah. Good luck. Tell us about that. What's that process like for you? What do you do to stay happy? Man, I luck. Tell us about that. What's that process like for you? Man, I just, I, sorry to interrupt. I try to take it really seriously. Try to just every free moment.

I don't work as much as I used to. Like I don't, I work part-time so I can put more time. What's that job? I fix cell phones. Oh, okay. You look like a falconer. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. You should have a gauntlet on. Put your arm out. Let's see what happens. There you go. Red Band has no comedic timing whatsoever. Great. You'd have to look to see if he would do it. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a bunch of trained birds in there. Deep madness approach to the sound effect board over here.

Fuck yeah. The old no look Red Band sound effect. The bird landed before you put your arm out. That's how great of a falconer you are. It's incredible. Have you made any friends out here? Are there other warlocks in town? Yeah. A couple. Yeah, a couple guys under bridges. A couple trolls. If we had to guess which of these comedians was the up-close magician, it would have for sure been you. Yeah, no doubt about it.

No doubt about it. Do you know any magic tricks? Uh, I know how to make a girl disappear. Uh... Not bad. That's frightening. Very crazy answer there, but it's a comedy show, so we'll just let it ride. You look like you kill women is what he's saying.

Yeah. I'm pretty good at it. If you're lucky, all you do is kill them. Rape. So, Eric, what is your love life like? Do you go on dates? I've been on a couple dates here in Austin, nothing. I never go on a second date.

Which is what? Let them put them in your trunk? The best date you've had in Austin, how did that go for you? I took a girl to see KC Rocket. Okay. She said she'd never seen a comedy show, I wanted to take her one.

Okay, how did that night end for you? She just avoid your advances by going like this. Sideways, yeah. I don't know. It was a show, right? It wasn't through a telescope? No, it was an actual show. Okay.

No, it went pretty well. She was pretty cool. I introduced her to some friends. It was cool though. She was very interested in my black friends. She suddenly... she got very black all of a sudden. Wow. Oh, I love your set. I was like, where did this come from? Wow. What do they call that? A code change? What is that? Code switch. Code switch. Yeah. That one. They used to just call it a switch. Okay, so she went and fucked a black guy that day.

Let's go to your worst date in Austin, Texas. How's that gone? She just... Did it start by her fucking a black guy? I'll be right out. I drove like 30... There's like a town 30 minutes south of Austin. You gotta be cool about this. Oh don't you dare be nothing in my pussy before I go on this date. Hey get that bitch ass falcon out of here. Hey who's bitch ass falcon is this? He even got his arm up. Let's go steal my damn wig. Fuck yeah. There you go. That laugh and stare at you was pretty evil. He was like, haha. Keep it up, fat man. I'll be wearing you soon.

Hahaha. That's enough meat to feed my falcon for a year. Oh yeah. What do you think you weigh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Don't overestimate by, you know. I think I've weighed the same weight for like the last like 15 years.

Wow. I think I weigh like 155, 60. Yeah, that makes sense. I would bet on that and there's no need to check. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have very much meat on my bones. Eric, what's your weirdest hobby?

You seem like a guy that has some weird hobbies, something wacky. Not crying. That's my weirdest hobby. Do you cry? I cry a lot. How often? If the movie's good, I'll just start crying.

I don't know why. I just, I lean into it. How often are we talking about? Once a day, once a week, three times a week, once a week? Thrice? Yes, three times a week. Let's say that. Wow. Full balling. Shakes.

No. Just tears. Only if it's Star Wars. Tears that roll down your eyes. Yeah. Like a lot of tears like an Indian that sees one piece of trash. Only when the door is closed.

I cry at movies too. Schindler's List makes me cry. It does. I hate the ending. Fuck you, man. That's fucking bullshit. What the fuck? All right, Eric. Well, you have a big joke book already, a little joke book? Yes, sir, I got a big one.

Okay, well, there he goes, Eric. Eric! Galeigos, everyone. All right, another bucket pull. Ladies and gentlemen, this looks like a new name. Make some noise for Judah Z. Judah Z. What's going on, Austin?

Doing good. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm having my birthday come up soon. I'm turning 41. People tell me I look great for 41, but that's not fair, because people look like shit. Again, in my middle age it's not all that bad, you know, like all middle age men. I always know the seven day AccuWeather forecast. That's right, I always know the weather. But that's because I'm Jewish.

And it's easy to know it when you control it. All right? I'm actually in an interfaith marriage. I'm Jewish, my wife's anti-Semitic. Can't play until we raise the kids, you know? Growing up Jewish, I actually always thought I was gonna marry a Jewish girl, but then I decided to marry an attractive one instead. My sister hates that joke.

Yeah, her and her ugly kids. People think because I'm, that's it. All right, thank you guys. I'm Judah Z. OK. Abrupt ending there. Normally a true Jew would make the most of their time. I thought I cut it a little short.

That was a Jewish minute, 56 seconds. There you go. Wait till you get paid, then go the whole time. So Judah, Judah, Judah. Judah, Judah Day. I saw the name, and I'm like, oh, fuck. I didn't put my last name, because it's even more Jewish. What is it? I knew it was short for something. Jewenstein. No, that's not it. It's a good... I didn't put my last name because it's even more Jewish.

What is it? I knew it was short for something. Jew-Jewenstein. No, what's... No, that's not it. It's not Hirsch. What's Hirsch? Hirsch?

Yeah, but I feel like Judah-Z. You changed your name from Hirsch to Z? It's less Jewish. Why not H? Zeb is my middle name. Oh, okay. Yeah. Even more Jewish.

Wow, Judah Zeb Hirsch. Yeah. Jesus Christ. God. I know. You're really making it easy on the comment section right now. Yeah. Spamming it away. Right. Because you guys can have spam, right? It's not real pork.

I'm a good Jew, so I eat bacon every day, but only great value bacon. What do you think is the most Jewish thing about you? I'm offensively Jewish. Okay. What do you think is the most Jewish thing about you? I'm offensively Jewish. What does that mean? Yeah, I'm okay at business and, you know, my name is Judah. That's pretty Jewish about me. That's it? Yeah, that's kind of it.

Nothing else? I'm circumcised. Would you like to see what happens when I ask Ari Shafir the same question? He's King Jew, though. No, that's Jesus Christ. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Ari? Yeah, what's the question, Tony? What's some Jewish stuff about you? You Jewish at all? Barely. I paid $13 in taxes last year.

I'm not happy about that. That's a waste of 13. Still kind of bothers me. I guess that'd be the most Jewish thing about it. It still bothers me, the $13 I paid in combined federal and state taxes last year, yes. I'm upset you brought that up, because I kind of buried that. That is more Jewish than me. Yeah, that is.

You beat me. That's why he's the King Jew. Yeah. I wonder which one of you would last longest in a gas chamber. That's what makes sense. That's what I'm thinking. I smoke a lot. He's already holding his breath.

Here we go. Oh, I got Ari all the way on this one. Judah's shorter. The gas won't get him. All right. Judah, what do you do for a living? I don't do too much now, but I used to work. Boo, bro.

Yeah, what are these answers? So why don't you just answer the fucking question? I don't do too much. You're going to be interested to know when I come around to answering the question that you ask, what the fuck do you do? I don't work now, but I used to. What did you do? I used to work for a James Bond villain.

Okay, what did you do for a James Bond villain? I was like a henchman. Okay, what does that mean? You know, like if you're a James Bond villain, you're like, hey, I need someone to buy me like a nuclear sub. You gotta ask somebody to go do it. Do that or like sell missiles. He's riffing, man.

No, no, this is a true, yeah, this is what I used to do. What do you mean? What exactly did you used to do? You used to work for a guy who... That is now in jail. He's like a real life James Bond villain. Yeah. And I was like his like right hand henchman.

Okay, well he's in jail, so let's talk about it. You don't have to be so vague. Yeah, you already told the judge, tell us. I was thankful that I was away, but yeah. Don't worry, he's been convicted, but yeah. Is he in jail or a floating glass box? No, I... No, I...

Yeah. They got him in federal penitentiary here, yeah. So he was like an international criminal. There's like a few books about him, like a documentary or two. What is his name? Oh, his name's Paul Le Roux. Okay. Paul Le Roux, yeah.

You could Google him, yeah, you'll see him. And what exactly did you do for him? Instead of such bra, I was his henchman. So he set up a very large criminal empire in the Philippines, and I was living there. Oh, no. I know. That's really all I'll say.

I know what that means. No prostitutes. No, they weren't. All my drugs. Yeah, they weren't prostitutes because they can't consent. They can't speak. They could be consenting. They don't speak English. Yeah, but 14 is still too young. All right.

It's legal there. That doesn't make it okay. How do you spell that? LaRue? L-E-R-O-U-X. Oh, Frenchy. Oh yeah. Look at him. You used to, did you like hang out with him? Yeah, I had to meet him every day at like 5 p.m. at his house. He's a full crazy guy. How long did you do that for? Like two years in my early 20s. What's the craziest thing he made you do?

I mean, I had to go to Papua New Guinea and bribe some forest ministers and stuff like that, but he was into crazy stuff. He was like selling missiles to the Iranians and... No, that's... Really? Yeah, his Wikipedia is hearty well like a wicked pedia it was a good time though you know I was in my early 20s we had a good time you know did he pay you well yeah I got paid pretty well

what's pretty well what's the hourly wage for a henchman yeah you know you don't really work by the hour you work you work on success of a project, you know, so you be like, so how much money did you make when he sold missiles to Iran? I was in it. I didn't do that. Sure. OK. Like I said, I'm Jewish. I'm doing all right. I'm doing all right. But yeah. You would think as a Jew, you would want to sell them to Iran.

He's not a Jewish. He's a South African. It's a Rhodesian. Yeah. He's a kind of crazy. Rhodesian. That's the worst one. Yeah. He's like a Jewish. He's a South African. Yeah, he's a kind of crazy. That's the worst one. Yeah, he's like there when his friends. Yeah. Before they turned it into Zimbabwe. Yeah, he was a crazy guy. Why your last name Z now? Because of all the genocide you committed. Alleged genocide. Okay. Sound like this guy disput Dispute it out of it. It's like five Gazans. Yeah. Come on, who isn't committing genocide there? They just keep showing it from different angles.

Look at the shadows. Where's the teeth, you know? Did you work with him until what? 2019, 2020? No, I stopped around 2011. And then he got arrested in like 2012. And then he just got arrested in like 2012. And then he just got sent to like two years ago.

No, no, I'm not a Jew rat. Don't point those Jew rat fingers at me. No, I didn't rat on him. You guys call each other Jew rats? Yeah. Isn't that a double entendre? What's that? Oh yeah, it's redundant.

Yeah. You can just say rat. Yeah. Or Jew, they're kind of interchangeable. Either one works. Yeah, it's redundant. Yeah. You can just say rad. Yeah. Or Jew. They're kind of interchangeable. Either one works. They both work. A Jew rad is like saying an Italian bago.

All right. Are you scared that you just admitted this to millions of people? I wrote a TV show about it. I'm trying to like. What was it called? Wings? It's called Henchmen.

Oh, Henchmen. Wow. Yeah, it's a comedy, true crime comedy series. Oh, you wrote a comedy for a change. Yeah. Okay. Oh. Tony. Come on, we're having fun here.

My anti-Semitic jokes landed. We're having fun here. Okay, so you really married? You really have an anti-Semitic wife? Yeah, my wife doesn't like Jews too much. I can't blame her. I mean. Is she Palestinian?

No, she's uh, she's Swiss. She's Swiss? Swiss, yeah. Supposed to be neutral. Yeah. No, no. Definitely not neutral this one. Yeah. Definitely does not like Jews. Can't blame her. Why do you keep saying you can't blame her?

Ari, Ari, Ari, when you meet an anti-Semite, can you blame them? Or you're like, I get it. Remember that joke? I understand. Ari, Ari, when you meet an anti-Semite, can you blame them or you're like, I get it? Remember that joke? I understand. Okay, I'm gonna give you a little joke but there you go buddy, there he goes. Mazel tov. Judah Z.

All right, last bucket pull of the night. Make some noise for your final bucket pull of the night. Corinne Alia, everybody. 60 seconds uninterrupted from Corinne Alia. Sparkling water? That's basically just trans water. Thank you. It's not real.

Thank you. It's not real. Thank you. Michael Gonzalez has a nickname at our gym. Yeah, they call him Big Mike. It's really crazy, because I never knew he had the same nickname as Michelle Obama. Thank you. Thank you. Um, people are getting upset that they're putting the Ten Commandments up in all the classrooms in Louisiana. I'm not sure why. Those kids can't even read. Thank you. Okay.

My boyfriend has been training jujitsu lately and that makes me really happy and excited that he's been training to protect me from all the other homosexuals. Thank you, that's it. Karin Alia. All right. You've been on this show before.

Yeah. Welcome back. You have a new thing where you say thank you all the time after like every joke. Is that working for you in open mics or something like that? Yeah. It is. How do you think that would play in like an hour long set

if people paid to see you saying thank you 158 times? I like it. They would like it. I like it. They would like it. I like it I think it works. You like it. Yeah, you think it works. I can't wait to see which direction this go Yeah, you're welcome You are here very well It is it is it plays well in a minute What's under you have to be back in the home?

What's that mean? Thank you. Oh... It works. It works. What ethnicity are you again? Cajustani. That's right.

Explain to Ari you should fear what that is. Yeah, let him know if he... What is it, Dagestani? No, so I'm half Cajun, my mom is from Louisiana, and I'm, that is Pakistani. Cajustani. Yeah. Yeah.

I got nothing, fellas. Uh... I got... That means you can't read and you're not allowed to read. Ah! Yep. Hey Ari, thank you. Amazing.

Is it true that you go to the same gym as Michael Gonzalez? Yeah. This was a big, big reveal. Did they really call him Big Mike? Uh, I think, yeah. Wow. Yeah, I saw his name, he signed up for something. I was like, who the hell is this?

And it was like, Michael Gonzalez, like, oh wow. You signed up for something as Big Mike? Oh. Oh. My goodness. Oh. I can't believe you're signing up for things as Big Mike. This is amazing.

Is the gym just for petite brown people? Um. Um. Um. Oh, no. I said petite. Oh my goodness. Thank you.

I didn't actually know that. I thought it was you. Oh, it's for sure you. Yeah. Big Mike Gonzalez has a new nickname on the show everybody. Big Mike, join the fray. You're welcome. Thank you. I appreciate that. You sign up as Big Mike. So what's been going on with you since the last time you were on the show,

Corinne, Aliyah? A lot of things. Okay, Michael, stop talking to the rest of the band. You can talk to them after the show. He's literally in the in-ear microphone for the rest of the band going, she literally made this shit up, guys. Yeah. I did not sign up as Big Mike. Dude.

We're 15 minutes away. You can rationalize you calling yourself Big Mike after this. Yeah. As soon as I started the joke, he was like, oh God. And I was like, yeah. I told him I was gonna say it before I after this. Yeah. As soon as I started the joke, he was like, oh god. And I was like, yeah. I told him I was going to say it before I go on. Yeah.

She's like, you'll thank me later. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So. Not that much, just training, just working out, doing Muay Thai. I still do that a lot, three times a week.

There was a guy up here who was eating more Thai earlier. Yes. No doubt about it. No doubt about it. I love Thai food, too. Yeah? We are the same. And you really have a boyfriend that you work out with?

Yes. And you guys all work out at the same gym? Yes. As Big Mike over with? Yes. And you guys all work out at the same gym as Big Mike over here? Yes. Who's stronger, your boyfriend or Big Mike? Tell the truth now. Oh shit.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Tell the truth now, Big Mike says. Big Mike, Big Mike, Big Mike, Big Mike. Oh, he loves it. He loves this new nickname. Oh, my God. I think we know the answer.

I think we know the answer. I take my shirt off, right? Oh, wow. He wants to take off his shirt so badly, ladies and gentlemen. Take it off. He's going to reveal why they call him big Mike. You want to take it off? Oh my god. Oh my god Wow. Oh my god

Wow Why do you encourage him 85 pounds of shredded beef Absolutely Why do you encourage him Tony? 85 pounds of shredded beef. Absolutely crazy. Big Mike baby. Wow. Hey Big Mike, thank you. Oh my goodness. They're going, they're going. Wow.

That is one of the most ripped quesadillas I've ever seen in my entire life. You see his cum gutters? Those are pretty nice. There you go. That's a crunch rap right there. Hell, yeah. Absolutely unbelievable.

What's your boyfriend do for fun? Uh... He's around. He's around? Yeah. Like, around? Like he's a big fat guy? What do you mean? He's around. He's always around here. Yeah. What do you mean? He's around. He's always around here.

Are you avoiding a gunshot? Yeah. No, no. OK. He's like, Jesus. Jesus. He's Jesus. Oh, it's Josh.

Is that true? Yeah. Really? Now who's taking the big mic? Josh, the guy that helps deep madness. Good job, Josh. Wow, that's incredible. I can't believe, I would not have guessed that about I thought he was gay to hold it.

innocent little Josh. Where'd he go? He went into hiding? Where'd he go? He walked off. It's very shy. He can't believe that this has come up. Josh, do you want to pop your head out here?

Wow, yeah, he does. Oh, there he is. Whoa, oh my God, wow. Whoa. Oh my God, he almost fell over. The guy in charge making sure D-Badness is safe at all times. Just almost fell over. Who put that hat on D-Badness?

I did. Oh, oh okay. You Pakistani bitch! I love it when D gets a little mad. He gets defensive sometimes. And this guy drinks all the evening long. From the time this sound check starts. It's different from his norm.

A lot of people don't know that D Madness, as well as being a great musician and famously homophobic, loves having a few cocktails at night. And towards the end of the show, he could get a little wild. Hell yeah. That was your boyfriend? Yeah.

Have you always been attracted to much older men? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Okey dokey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get a big joke book last time you were on? I got a big one and a little one.

There you go. There she goes. Corinna Leah, everybody, on to the next one we go. Your final comedian of the night. You got to ask yourself, a show that starts with William Montgomery, well, how can you possibly end it? Well, there's only one way to end a show that starts with William on Gundamery, and that is with the future American citizen.

Yes, indeed, it is the Estonian assassin, Ari Mati. I love America. Life is so good in America that you guys create your own problems. That's how cancel culture started. Bitches with blue hair with nothing to do. Can you believe what Tony Henscliffe said? Kill yourself, you miserable bitch. Life is good! Even me, a couple of nights ago, I'm at home, it's 3am, I'm at home.

It's 3 a.m., I'm fucking... By the way, this is how men look like when we jack off. It's fucking... It's fucking dark, dude. Don't ever walk in on your man masturbating. It's fucking... Like, I don't know how women do it man masturbating. It's fucking... Like, I don't know how women do it,

but I imagine it's a bit, you know, like... ... Heh. Heh. It's a bit more fang shui, you know? Oh, maybe there's a candle or something. Atmosphere. Dudes are just fucking on the shitter pants by our ankles.

Must get the poison out. I have to make rational decisions. Holy fuck, I almost bought a BMW. And there I was, 3 a.m., I was doing my thing, and only in America can you do this. All of a sudden, I feel my tummy want a little bit of yummy. You get that Uber Eats? What? I want a tummy. I want a little bit of yummy. You get that Uber Eats?

What? 3 a.m. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There could be a hurricane outside. Pablo is coming. Dude. On a bicycle with my burger. I pay five extra bucks, public will parachute in fucking.

325 I had a belly full of burger belly button full of gum. What a country. Absolutely ridiculously amazing two minutes and 30 seconds. Thank you. With five times as many punch lines as anyone else. The whole show combined was able to match that set. That is incredible. Thank you.

Absolutely amazing. My big fat ticket to America. I love him. The Batchelor. Double R's happening. I love him! The Batchon! Double Ari's happening at this moment. Double Ari's, yeah. It's gonna change the world. That was fantastic, Ari. Thank you.

You've done it again. Absolutely incredible. How's life been going for you? Life's been so good. Ah, the titties. Yeah, they are. The boobies. Boobies! Might be time to get on the... We love boobies!

Beep, beep, beep. Someone's... Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Hell yeah, those things just make you want to get on the shitter and pull your pants down to your ankles. Ha, ha, ha. Yes.

You can't even look back at it. I love it. Look at them fucking corn fair titties. You know what I'm saying? They really are. In Estonia, we have them all malnourished. You know? We just have the nipple.

We're like, oh my God. I found one with a bump. Calling your friends over. Amazing. We had a little Christmas party here last night. Christmas party was great. Every chick here was in a relationship. Amazing. Yeah. That's Yeah. It was. That's always a fun party.

It was. Everyone had a plus one with them. It was a real fucking look but don't touch type of party. I have been actually, speaking of masturbating, um... Pfft. I'm actually like incredible. Like I'm see I got too deep into the pornography for a while. I was down bad.

Oh, also in Texas, you know, they're like no Pornhub HQPornhub.com not sponsored, it's recommended. High definition curated, curated by a pervert. Wow. High definition? High definition, 8K. Tch. Um.

Yeah. Yeah. You see the bad childhood. And it was going so, for a while, I went off the rails, you know, like, just like my tabs started getting fucking shorter and shorter. You know when you go so deep that there's no more words, it's just fucking scribbles. So what I did now is like, I cut porn out of my life. No more, no more.

And now I just do it, dude. Sam, today in the shower from memory, bro. You thought of me? Like fuck, not, not. He was trying to not come fast. Yeah. Titties, titties, titties, titties, titties. Sam, Sam.

No, I like did it in the literally in the shower, eyes closed, dude, like fucking, like I'm Neo, dude. I'm so fucking powerful, dude. Congratulations. It's crazy, no porn needed, just fucking instinct. I know hard work, that's what I'm saying. Oh, you're listening to Big Mike over there. Big Mike knows all about that.

I don't think you have a lot of cum in the side of you. It is. It's a tiny, tiny amount. Michael comes like this. Huh? Huh? Pew! Oey oey oey! Meow! Pee! Pew!

Old Big Mike McLittle loads over there. This is how you get Mike's coming. Mini Gonzalez. Oh my goodness. Ari, you're so fucking funny, man. Thank you, Ari. Thank you. All the time, too.

This fucking guy on airplanes, on restaurants, backstage, at the bar, all the time. Always. It's unbelievable. Hey, Ari, I've never done this before, but in this show I've been on at least a dozen times, probably more, but how would you like to open for me in San Antonio in February? Let's do it. Yes.

Boom. Look at that. Somebody hook me up. There you go. That's off the book money, so don't worry about the company. Oh, I love off the book money. Fuck Palestine. We're just adding a show. The good news is he's going to pay you what he paid in all of taxes last year. Magic.

Ari, you are the absolute fucking man. Thank you so much. Thank you, Gil Tony. You're watching a shooting star in real time with the stylings of the future American Ari Mati. And we did it. How about a hand for our fucking amazing guests, Ari Shaffir and Sam Talent. They're on tour, buy their tickets.

You know where to find them. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in. Ari Shaffir has a brand new special on Netflix, January 14th everybody. Do you believe in miracles? Pretty much did it. Yeah. Tony just yelled at the Netflix guys,

what the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Me and Joe did. We had dinner with the Netflix executives and we said, don't be gay. That's all you have to tell them.

Sometimes you got to tell these fuckers what's up. Hell yeah. Lady made 100 bucks tonight in the audience. Wow. That's all you have to tell them. Sometimes you gotta tell these fuckers what's up. Hell yeah. Lady made a hundred bucks tonight in the audience. Wow. How about one more time for the great Sam Talent with two L's, huh? Thank you.

Two of the best guests to ever do it. The drawing from Ryan J. Ebel is in. It's incredible. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Is that baby Red Band? Oh my God. Baby Red Band with a Tony haircut. Look at that. Oh my God.

He already had fat tits all the way back then, folks. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Red Band. Check out the Sunset Strip atx.com. Love you guys. There you go. We love you guys. Thank you, everybody. Did you guys have a good time tonight?

God bless you all. And God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night, everybody. I'm going to a good boy. Bye!