KILL TONY - #715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Kid Rock, Mark Normand, Kam Patterson, William Montgomery, Ari Matti, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - RECORDED– 04/04/2025 Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Right now, our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL https://nykdpouches.com/tony Find Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers nearby at https://voodooranger.com! Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://talkspace.com/tony Download the app today and use code TONY to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TONY  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever! ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Time. Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Bridgestone Arena here at Nashville, Tennessee. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony, give it up for Tony and Lance. Who's ready for the best fucking night of your lives? Fuck yes! God damn motherfucking right Nashville!

Make some goddamn noise for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land, here in Music City, USA. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Big Mike Michael Gonzalez, Matt Mueling on the electric, John Dees on the keys, and right there he thinks he's in Austin still. That is the one and only Dee Madness on the bass guitar. No reaction. No reaction. Dee, you don't even smile. You got fucking 15,000 people going crazy. You're sitting there with that straight face. There you are, you son of a bitch. How about, how about one more time for our little uh, opening act, our little crowd warm up. Winona Judd!

What kind of fucking Dreamland are we in? We might stay here. Let's, let's, why don't we do a residency in Nashville for a while, huh? for a while, huh? Amanda Jean Rowland on the beautiful fucking national anthem. We are here in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen. What a time to be alive. The number one live podcast in the world is here at Bridgestone Arena. Thank you so much for being here. We're going to have so much goddamn fun.

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. This podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Guys, have better sex with BlueChew. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex and starting now, BlueChew is offering a combo so strong it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks off you'll have to move towns with the

amount of noise you'll be making blue chew max has arrived and it combines the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis into one chewable the combo acts fast and let me tell you guys be ready when she needs it and get your first month of blue chew free great sex is a few clicks away sign up at blue chew calm I tell you guys, be ready when she needs it and get your first month of Bluechew free. Great sex is a few clicks away. Sign up at bluechew.com. Consult with one of their licensed medical providers and once you're approved,

you'll receive your prescription within days. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Bluechew free when you use promo code Tony. Just pay $5 shipping, that's promo code TONY. Visit bluechu.com for more details

and important safety information. And we thank BlueChu for sponsoring the podcast. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Consider this your official notice that Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday the 11th of May is the day for all the moms in our lives. So let's show them how much we care.

This year, go for a gift that ignites her smile and maybe even triggers a few tears with a special piece of jewelry from bluenile.com. At Bluenile, you'll find thousands of independently graded diamonds and fine jewelry pieces at prices below your expectations. As the original online jeweler since 1999, peace of mind comes with every Blue Nile purchase.

Thanks to some of the highest quality standards in the jewelry industry. Compliment mom's classic taste by designing a one of a kind diamond pendant or ace a piece with brilliant style with a classic tennis bracelet. Need to know more about a particular piece? For Blue Nile's jewelry experts are waiting 24 7 be a phone or chat From tech specs to budget wrecks. They'll help you find a piece your mom will love red band Oh Tony, I love blue Nile. They make such classy pieces at affordable price points It's so easy to purchase amazing jewelry from their website

I think I might get my mom a heart diamond this Mother's Day. A heart diamond, you're the sweetest little boy. My goodness that is so thoughtful Redband. Your gift will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside and in most cases even delivered overnight. And wave goodbye to buyer's remorse because Blue Nile also offers 30 day returns and a diamond price match guarantee. So treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease of convenience by shopping Blue Nile, the original online jeweler, go to bluenile.com today. That's bluenile.com.

The wait is over. The NBA season is here and FanDuel is the place to bet on all the action. I'm talking everything from point spreads to money lines, to player props. You can even pick who's going to win at all. Whether you're betting on a breakout performance or an underdog victory, tip off the season right with North America's number one sportsbook. Just download the app and bet on the NBA all season long. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connectsontario.ca. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show?

You know, we have two totally different shows between tonight and tomorrow night. Not easy to select, not easy to decide exactly who you're going gonna have on a Friday night in Nashville. And I gotta tell ya, I don't think I could've possibly have booked this fuckin' thing any better and any cooler. You are in for a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, your first guest who's going to be with us all night

One of the best one of the best comedians in the world a sniper a Genius, you know him you love him make some fucking noise for the great and powerful Mark Norman. Hell yeah. Let's fucking go. Smoking his cigar backwards ladies and gentlemen. What a bad ass mother fucker. Well you might as well stay up because I'm warning you right fucking now this roof is about to explode. As I bring to the stage a first-time guest in the history of the show. A man who I've wanted on this show since the very first episode. Who better in Music City, USA, than perhaps one of the funniest,

coolest musicians of all time, Nashville? I present to you, live, in the flesh, Nashville's own... Kid Rock! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E Oh, shit! It's about to fucking go down! Whoo! Oh, my God! What up, Nashville? Can I get a little hell yeah? Let's fucking go.

We are here. Kid Rock in the fucking house. An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. Kid Rock, Mark Norman, you guys know how it works. Over 200 people are here. We're gonna have a great time. We're gonna have a great time. We're gonna have a great time.

We're gonna have a great time. We're gonna have a great time. We're gonna have a great time. An amazing time is about to be had in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. Kid Rock, Mark Norman, you guys know how it works. Over 200 human beings signed up for the chance to be selected out of this bucket. They get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Which brutally interrupts them.

I conduct an interview, we have some fun, we meet them all at once. The whole thing's improvised, anything can happen. Who's ready to start tonight's fucking show? I have selected the first bucket pool of the night while we go wrangle them. I have one of our great golden ticket winners ready to get us started with a brand new minute and by great golden ticket winner, I mean perhaps the greatest golden ticket winner

in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, on an absolute hot streak, to get us started tonight. This is the unstoppable force known as Martin Phillips. Thank you. Oh man, how cool. I was on the road and a lady DM'd me and she said, hey, I'll show you around town. And my pussy I was like damn this city offers great tours like what what a package deal you know that's the way the city you know you might be stretching this out okay I'm an advocate for smoking during pregnancy because those monsters are cool too. And when you see a messed up kid, you're like, hey, his parents are chill. Let us drink. I think when I was a kid, the toothed area was cunning, so I put my grandfather's dentures underneath my pillow

with a note that said, here's a full set. Pay up, bitch. I glued it to gum. Martin Phillips! Getting us started here tonight. I love it, Martin. You are... This is a very special look. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm a cowboy, baby!

Ha ha ha ha! CHEERING Hell, yeah. I fucking love it. You look like if Brokeback Mountain had an actual broken back. You know, this is actually, I have something special on tonight because, you know, I do all these killer, kill Tony shows in big theaters so I have more room to mess around so right now I'm wearing $30 tap shoes. Those are tap shoes? You know how to tap dance?

It's just walking you know. Oh okay well why don you put the mic, why don't you put the mic on the floor? Let's see if we can pick it up. Hell yeah. Oh shit, this is a first in Killtony history. Who better to be our first tap dancer than the... ...Styl part of it. It's that easy. It's that easy to do. Unbelievable. So book me, Grand Old Aubrey. If this isn't a make-a-wish, I don't know what is.

This is a beautiful thing. It's like if somebody put Woody from Toy Story in the microwave. If there's a cash prize, just fucking give it to him now, right? Oh, I love it. Martin, you're enjoying Nashville? Yeah, yeah, it's cool. I just got here this afternoon, but... Jesus, you got thrown right into the vortex, huh? Yeah, I just jumped in, you know, and went a little out with it.

His whole outfit's also very hot. He's very uncomfortable, actually. Not, you know, I don't know. I'll tell you what, you wear that outfit. You go right down the street here to Kid Rocks. I'll have him waiting for you. All right. You go in there, drinks are on me,

and you crush as much pussy as you want tonight. Yeah! Let's go! Martin Phillips, the show has begun. There he goes. Make some noise for Martin Phillips, everybody. He's got us started here tonight. And it has begun. Martin Phillips, you'll see him at Kid Rocks Bar

getting trashed tonight. If you're wondering what he's like when he's trashed, he walks exactly the same. There's no way to know. Hello, everyone. You know, sometimes life throws a little roast your way. Maybe it's a Google review that has you looking like a villain, a mug shot you wish never happened, or a negative article that's haunting you like an ex at a party.

That's where Net Reputation comes in. They specialize in cleaning up your online messes so you can focus on what really matters. Roasting, joking, and you know, just having fun. So if your Google search results look like a dumpster fire, let Net Reputation put out the flames. Whether it's a negative review or an embarrassing article, they'll help you bury that stuff faster than I can bury a heckler. Visit netreputation.com where they'll make sure

the only thing that shows up when people search your name is that you're a genius. Not that one time you tried to sing at karaoke. Net Reputation, check it out right now. that you're a genius. Not that one time you tried to sing at karaoke. Net reputation. Check it out right now. ["The Real Deal"] Uh-oh. There she is, ladies and gentlemen.

We spared no expense for Nashville, Tennessee. That is indeed Heidi, live in the flesh. And the great Valerie, everybody. The real deal. All right. It is time for your first true bucket pull of the night, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to meet somebody here in an arena

for the first time in Nashville history on Killtony. And the first bucket pull tonight goes by the name of Patrick Callahan. Here we go. The heartbeat of the show, The Bucket. And it starts with Patrick Callahan. -♪ Hey, what's up, guys?

Wow. Wow. Let's get this out of the way. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I am a man. I know, you thought I was a lunch lady, but... Yeah. I am a man, but I get called ma'am a lot. I'll go to the drive-thru, I'll order my food,

and they'll be like, okay, can I get anything else for you, ma'am? I always panic a little bit. I'm like, uh, no, no. Then I get up to the window. They're looking at me all confused. They're like, I thought you were a lady. I'm like, yeah, she's in the trunk.

I got here to Nashville yesterday and I smoked some weed. Hell yeah. And I had the best meal of my entire life. You guys ever tried bread? You ever toasted it? All right, guys. That's me. That's it. All right. All right, Patrick Callahan.

Here you are. This is it. You're in it. A big house in the big house. Hi, Mom. Hell yeah. What's up, buddy? Does your mom look exactly like you? She does. It's kind of, people get us confused.

What exactly is your, what do you eat to be shaped like that exactly? It's a very specific shape. You have the arms of a normal-sized man. You have the kind of head and neck of a normal-sized guy. And even the chest, I dare say, is normal-sized. And then all of a sudden, it gets crazy. Are you Pragerz?

You're like, what is that? This is what happens when you lose, like, 100 pounds twice and then gain it back twice. How do you... When you... Oh, a lot of people in Nashville cheer for losing and regaining weight? I guess that's a pastime here. This is incredible about dude. Oh my goodness. What's up? This is incredible. So how did you lose the weight? Let's start with gain the weight. Your mom's cooking? It wasn't eating pussy. Hey.

It's when your parents always tell you to finish the plate, you know, please, right, Cub? Don't do that. You're not supposed to eat the plate, too. I know, I know, yeah. That's true. Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. You do. You look like Kid Rocky Road. This is incredible. Yeah, I get melted ice cream pretty good, thanks Red Band.

We got Red Band and Lap Band. Red Band and Bread Pan. That's me. I love it. How long have you been doing stand-up, Patrick? Almost two years. Almost two years, all of it here in Nashville? In Dayton. Almost two years. All of it here in Nashville? In Dayton. Dayton?

Yeah. Wow. You seem like you haven't been dating anybody your whole life. I have a lady, okay? You do? She's in the basement. Oh, okay.

I'm guessing that's where the kitchen is. I think her name is Wendy. True. I love it. I love it. You guys live together? Yeah. Is it a White Castle? Yeah. It's close to one, you know. You got Skyline around.

I love it. What do you do for work? I fix ice machines. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Swear. Pretty cool. Ha ha ha ha. Pretty cool, right? All right.

Amazing. Wow. How long you been doing that for? 10 years. 10 years fixing ice machines. It's sad, yeah I know. That's all right. My goodness.

Wow. What do you do for fun? Comedy. I don't know. I make a lot of, I produce like podcasts and stuff. Wow. What do you do for fun? Uh, comedy. I don't know. I make a lot of... I produce, like, podcasts and stuff. I'm trying to be Red Band, you know? Wow. You really set your standards very high. Amazing.

So you fart sometimes? Is that what you're saying? Sometimes, yeah. I have a cool soundboard. Incredible. Do you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us? We just found out Martin Phillips can kind of tap dance. I can whistle like a train. That's kind of cool. Oh, let's hear that. Alright.

Whistle. Terrible. Alright, fuck me. Uh. Fuck me. I know. Wow, people hated your train whistle. They should. It's autism, you know. Sounded a lot like a UFO. Something.

Yeah. Yeah. Amazing, Patrick. Amazing. Well, congratulations. You did get pulled out of the bucket. What do you guys think? Big or little? Big! How many you think big? How many you think big? How many of you think little?

How many of you like it when comedians do good on the show? How many of you like it when comedians do bad on the show? Oh, you are evil fucks. Let's go medium for you, huh? There you go. It's his first time. Oh, no. It's his first time ever ever ever getting a medium

Oh Do we got a replay of that? Oh, we have the direct we have the great Anthony Giordano in the directors truck telling me that we have a replay. We love replaying when people don't catch the books. Oh, there it is, right up his hands. Let's see it there. Play a little, give me a little goofy horn on this. Here it comes, the moment of a lifetime in an arena. Oh my goodness gracious.

Wow, look at that. If only it was that hard to catch diabetes. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers. Amazing. Guess what? The best beer on the market just got a whole lot better. Mini Rippers are mini cans of Voodoo Rangers, highly drinkable juice force, IPA or Tropic Force IPA. These mini cans deliver a quick impactful

hit at 9.5% ABV and are great for moderation, storage, portability and convenience. Red band. Tony, I love Voodoo Ranger mini rippers. You need to try them if you like your beer staying cold down to the last sip. Plus their mini size makes them the perfect pocket beer. It's a 10 out of 10 for me, Tony. You love keeping treats in those pockets. That's right, Red Band, from here on out, it's mini can full throttle,

because Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers are the new go-to bed to start your night with a bang! Seriously, these mini cans are fun, portable, and pack a hell of a punch. There's nothing worse than drinking a humongous beer and feeling like you ate a loaf of bread. Plus they get warm after a while. These stay cold. Find them at a nearby store or at VoodooRanger.com. I implore you, go to V sponsored by Nikkt. Look, you've heard us talk about Nikkt. They've taken nicotine pouches to the next level.

They're the only pouches that we use these days. My favorite flavor is citrus ice by a mile. Nikkt is a step ahead above the other pouches. They use the best ingredients for a cleaner, more refined experience. They're made with natural coconut fiber instead of wood pulp for a smoother, better experience that won't hurt your gums.

Nikkt pouches come in different strengths to help you hit the sweet spot. 12, six, and three milligrams with a range of refreshing mint, bold fruit, and unflavored options. There's always something to keep you satisfied and coming soon, Nick will have a zero milligram option so you can dial in the perfect experience

to suit your needs. Whether you're trying to kick chewing tobacco, traditional smoking products, or vape, Nick flavors hit just right. All right, bam. Tony, these Nicked Pouches are ridiculous. They're seriously the best. I love that Nick cans come with a built-in disposable lid

for your used pouches, meaning no litter and no mess. Ah, it's time to upgrade to Nicked Nicotine Pouches, just like we did. Right now our listeners get 35% off when you order through our exclusive URL nykdpouches.com slash Tony and you can use this code up to three times don't wait get 35% off now at nykdpouches.com slash Tony that's nickedpouches.com slash Tony Nick products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Ladies and gentlemen your next bucket full goes by the name of AJ Jackson. Straight back to the bucket we go. We want to see what the hell Nashville has to offer tonight. Oh shit! AJ Jackson brought a human with him. Yeah, I did. Make some noise one more time for AJ Jackson. So I got high as hell the other day and started watching Forrest Gump and I realized why that movie is so timeless because women are whores and men are retarded, huh? Alright, so I'm a 90s baby. I'm a big fans of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I think the Power Rangers badass, huh? Y'all know what else is badass? Abortion! Hell yeah I think the I think abortion clinics are still in the Power Rangers thunder right Ozzie get over here Ozzie

come here cuz abortion clinics they'll be dude, the patient will get out on the desk and they'll be like, you ready? You ready? And the abortion doctors will go, it's aborting time! Cod hangers, save her, power up! Baby blaster, blah, blah, blah, blah! Go go kill some babies. All right. We're gonna, we're gonna stop you right there, AJ.

Holy shit. Did you realize we are in the Bible Belt? Yeah. Hey, the fucked up thing is I am Catholic. Sorry, Father. All right. I get why you brought the dog now. You're gonna need emotional support after that set.

Sure thing. Okay, A.J., let's just talk about it here. First of all, this is the first time in the show's history where the dog did a better job than the comedian. We love the dog. I see why he was trying to get away from you the entire set. Ha ha ha ha. Absolutely embarrassing.

Yes, sir. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? A little less than a year. A little less than a year. And you came out 2025 in an arena with Forrest Gump and Power Rangers references. Those are two of my favorite things. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Still two of your favorite things. 30 years. That's called autism. Are you just call yourself autistic? Are you really autistic? I'm self-diagnosed. I don't know if you've seen our autistic people on Killtonie. They're autistic as fuck.

Yeah, they're ma- I'm more ADHD, attention deficit, horny disorder. Every time I- most people are like squirrel on my tits. Seems like you got a lot of excuses for being just a boring, normal dude. I'm autistic, I'm ADD, look at my dog. I got nothing, Power Rangers. Have you been diagnosed by a doctor with any of these things? Not doctor, not doctor. Right, just ex-girlfriends.

Not too many of those either, Tony. I bet, agent. Kid Rock. Power Rangers and Forrest Gump. I mean, save some pussy for the rest of us. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. AJ, what do you do for work?

So, uh, I'm kind of unemployed if you couldn't tell. Okay. Guys, save your boos. Save your boos until I ask for them. It's psychotic to just constantly boo. if you couldn't tell. Okay. Guys, save your boos. Save your boos until I ask for them. It's psychotic to just constantly boo. No, I did, I just moved to Nashville about a month ago. From where?

Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay. Tulsa, Oklahoma. I really can't help you. I'm trying to get them to not boo you. Every single thing you say is terrible to say here. There's nothing good about Tulsa. I get it, I get it, I get it. Do you like country music?

That's the wrong answer. This is incredible. I think if we would have planned this, if I'm like, okay, I'm going to create a heel that the crowd's just going to hate, that's literally why I asked that. I'm like, I'm just going to give them a fucking beach ball here. I don't really like country. I don't really like hot chicken. I don't like I don't like rainy nights and temperate days. Can we at least give an applause for the dog? Don't fucking... God. So creepy for you to literally spell it out like that.

Yeah, you know, I was looking for something. So what's the deal with the dog? Is this just... He's an amor... Uh, he's a support animal. He is completely not trained. No, he's just chilling. This is the least...

Definitely not. He's adorable. We love him. Everybody loves him. We kind of want to save him from you. Yes. But... He's not an emotional support animal.

Yeah, he's just like his daddy, I guess. Wow. I think that's a bomb-sniffing dog. As long as there's peanut butter on there. I wonder if he'll catch the little joke book. Do you think, can the dog, like, catch things? Ozzy. Does it ever catch anything? Uh, if he looks at you.

Hey, look. If I hit the dog in the face with a joke book, I'm gonna feel bad. Ozzy. Ozzy, look. Ozzy. Ozzy. Marshall. Ha. Ozzy.

This dog. Ozzy, Marshall. Ozzy, this dog. Ozzy, look over here. Oh my God. Have you ever taken this thing on a fucking airplane before? Well, it's never an airplane. Never an airplane. It's gotta be terrifying.

There's 20,000 people here. Hey, Ozzy, look. Ozzy, look. He's got a post for the camera. This is the least trained dog I've ever seen in my entire life. It's dog autistic too. I've seen, I've seen Costa Rican street dogs

that are better trained than this thing. Hey, look at this. The bounty hunter was really naved. All right, you take it. Ready? Boom. Wow, he caught it. I did one thing right. Oh shit. Oh, the bounty it. Ready? Boom. Wow, he caught it. I did one thing right.

Oh, shit. Oh, the poor dog. AJ, get the fuck out of here. You don't get the fucking fist bump kid rock after that. OK, so let's have a quick chat real quick. Save the booze for when they really, really, really, really deserve them. Granted, AJ deserved it, but...

Goddamn. See? Sweet Heidi, like a piece of ginger in between rotten sushi bites, just cleanses the room like a sage princess. All right, you guys ready for bucket pull number three? Yeah! Okay, but don't boo until the 60 seconds is up.

Deal? Deal! Yeah! There's some people booing me saying, don't boo, it's pretty crazy. But alright, here we go. Remember if you boo the whole time, the rest of the world's gonna make fun of your city for being a shitty audience and you don't want that.

Little insider trading information. Okay, you can boo if you want to. We get paid the same amount no matter how much you do. Ladies and gentlemen, your third bucket poll goes by the name of Ryan Adam. Ryan Adam. Come on, we gotta get a good bucket poll out of here. Has anybody here ever taken the Am I Gay test on Facebook? If not, don't bother. It's 35 minutes of gay porn and once you get to the end there aren't even any questions. I checked twice. My grandpa, he used to babysit me, but now I babysit him. I took him to buy some groceries, and in the middle of the aisle, he goes, $5 for a bag of Doritos.

Back in my day, I could get my dick sucked for a dollar. I said, Grandpa, you can't... You can't trick me like that anymore. There we go. Look at that. Look at that. An amazing set. Ryan Adam has arrived at the Kill 30 universe.

Yes, sir. I love it. You stayed in the pocket. There were 10 retards that still tried to boo during your set up at the top of the set. You plowed through it, you hit your punch lines, you killed it. You did it. Our first good bucket pull of the night, Ryan Atta.

Incredible, Ryan. How long have you been doing stand up? I'm going on seven years. Seven years, perfect. All of it here in Nashville? I'm from Atlanta, I drove up here today. I love it, congratulations. That's the way to do it. For my birthday.

Is it your birthday today? My birthday. Happy birthday, buddy. Happy birthday. Fuck yeah. How old are you today? I can't tell if you're 17 or 48. I'm 30.

Oh, that's not good. 30, yep. Nice, that's not good. 30, yep. What do you do for work, Ryan? I'm a restaurant manager full-time. I work at a sex shop part-time. Ooh. Yeah, selling dildos.

Yeah, is there anything new hot off the market coming up in the sex shop? Any state-of-the-art technology we should know about? Yeah, we got one that's called the Showstopper. Ooh! What's that? I mean, I have one in my ass right now, but tell the crowd what it is. It's just like a giant dildo,

and it has like an air suction control, little Jack Rabbit thing on it. Air suction? Air suction. Showstopper, that's what we used to call a rape whistle. Yeah. Tony, I actually have this. Like, the whole thing sucks out, though. Like, it comes out of the shell too easily.

Well, it's like a little air-pulse jackrabbit thing. We just got those on the shelves. They're like little... It kind of, like, vibrates, but it's just like, it sucks, and then it pushes air out real fast. You really have one of these? Shut the fuck up. What do you do with it?

I used it once, but like I said... What did you use? On your butt? No, no, no, it's a... Are you talking about the suction? Never mind. He's not even paying attention. It's just soaking wet. Red band appropriately wearing his Predator shirt. Are you talking about the suction? Never mind. He's not even paying attention. He's just soaking it.

Red Band appropriately wearing his Predator shirt. In honor of Russell Brand. Hell yeah. The number 17-ish. Okay, very good. Alright, Red Band. He also looks like the goalie from the Big Green right now, somehow.

Okay, so Ryan Adam, let's talk about it. You're born and raised in Atlanta? In Atlanta, yeah, about like 30 minutes south, but pretty much Atlanta. Okay. Yeah. And what do you do for fun? You got a girlfriend, a boyfriend, are you really gay?

I'm not really gay. But I do have a fiancé. And she's great. For fun, I like to ride my dirt bikes. Oh. That's about it. I like to go moto camping, where I go out into the woods with my dirt bike

and set up a little camp and stay out there for a couple nights. Hell, yeah. And then comedy. Fun fact. Comedy stay out there for a couple nights. Hell yeah. And then comedy. Fun fact. Comedy. Every bike's a dirt bike if you use the showstopper right beforehand.

The old muddy trails. Oh yeah. I love it, Ryan. Before we get you out of here, tell us something crazy about your life or childhood or something that would surprise us about you. My childhood. my dad was really big on meth whenever I was a kid. Wow a huge pop in Nashville for crystal meth ladies and gentlemen. Crystal meth. You can't you can't even make it up the crowd goes wild for meth of all things

Absolutely incredible. They they booed almost everything all night. You mentioned meth once the place goes nuts Kid Rock Said your dad was on meth he was big on meth probably had a couple Kid Rock CDs Probably had a couple Kid Rock CDs. Yeah, big old net. He was also a preacher too, a Baptist preacher. Wow. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Incredible. He was breaking bread and breaking bad at the same time. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Amazing. Pretty much that.

What does he do now? Uh, he's in, like, the trucking industry. He kind of got past all that, married a nice lady. Nice. He was in a nice subdivision manager somewhere. Oh, nice. I love it. That's making it 30 minutes south of Atlanta. True.

And what does your fiancé do? She's a bartender. Shout out, Ali. Love you, baby. Wow Look at that. Is she here? No, I should have work. Oh, she's dead. Yeah Well, she's gonna love to see how good you did here tonight in an arena in Nashville, Tennessee Yeah, custom-made Nashville Jokebooks by the greatones Eye, who's in attendance live in the flesh right here. There you go, my friend. Ryan Adam, your first killer of

the night. Other than Martin Phillips, of course. Hello. This podcast is sponsored by Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers. Amazing. Guess what? The best beer on the market just got a whole lot better. Mini Rippers are mini cans of Voodoo Rangers, highly drinkable juice force IPA or Tropic Force IPA. These mini cans deliver a quick impactful hit at nine point five percent ABV and are great for moderation, storage, portability and convenience. Red band.

Tony, I love Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers. You need to try them if you like your beer staying cold down to the last sip. Plus, their mini size makes them the perfect pocket beer. It's a 10 out of 10 for me, Tony. You love keeping treats in those pockets. That's right, Red Band. From here on out, it's mini can full throttle

because Voodoo Ranger Mini Rippers are the new go-to Beb to start your night with a bang Seriously, these mini cans are fun portable and pack a hell of a punch There's nothing worse than drinking a humongous beer and feeling like you ate a loaf of bread Plus they get warm after a while these stay cold. Mmm find them at a nearby warm after a while, these stay cold. Find them at a nearby store or at Voodoo Ranger dot com. I implore you go to Voodoo Ranger dot com. This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace.

You know, therapy can be costly, but Talkspace is affordable and in network with most insurance providers. Did you know that most insured members have a zero dollar copay? That's right, Tony. Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider makes getting the help you need easy and accessible and affordable. I think Talkspace is providing some of the best

mental health treatment out there. Huh, isn't that nice? Sweet boy. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider that's the right fit for your needs, typically within 48 hours. You can also switch providers at no extra cost. Talkspace makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort

and privacy of your own home. You can even talk it out between sessions by sending messages to your therapist. And as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash Tony and enter promo code space80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash Tony and enter promo code space80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show.

That's Talkspace.com slash Tony, promo code space80. And now it is time for one of the regulars of the show. Your first regular of the night, an absolute sensation. Once in a generation talent that we watch write and perform a new minute every single week, Nashville. I present to you the Nashville Arena debut of Cam Patterson. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, uh, thank you, thank you. That's a song. I just realized something about myself. I don't like phone sex. I was having phone sex with my girlfriend who was on FaceTime and she was playing with herself and I'll be in my meet and then she was like, can I use a toy? And I was like, yeah, no problem, you can use a toy.

And then she pulled out an 11 inch green dildo. And I was flabbergasted, really dawg. Can I understand something? Bitch, I said said a toy not hoax dick you dirty ho It's clobbering time dumbass bitch. That's crazy And like I don't listen I'm fine with my girlfriend having like toys to use play with pleasure herself and shit But it has to be the same size as my dick no bigger and I I've been in her house of me in times I've never seen a green dildo there ever though. Where's she been hiding this bitch for me? I really I want to go there and cut it in half and have two of my dicks

So she can use it when she needs like that piss me off. I understand something. That's like me going You know what? Can I use a toy and I just pull out a fat white bitch? It's clobbering time. All right, let me get back and say something. Fuckin' hilarious. Hey, Tony, wait, I got something. You know how I failed the last time? What'd I drink with?

You drank it? You dirty bitch? What did you just do, Mark? You fucked up my whole drink! Oh, sorry, I thought it was vodka. No, it's water. Dirty bitch. What did you just do, Mark? You fucked up my whole drink. Oh, sorry. I thought it was vodka. No, it's water. That's water. Oh, fuck.

Can we get Cam another cup of water? You all good. Oh, but we'll get you another water. God damn it. That went for you, nigga. What the fuck? I'm sorry. This all good, man.

I thought you were my slave. Whoa. What the fuck going on here? It's too many crackers to say that right now, man. I thought you were my slave. Whoa It's too many crackers to say that right now I mean in his in his no fence. We've never seen you wait dress get right so sleazy before This is a whole new look you wait a minute you came out with OJ's glove on your head Yes, we got Kid Rock and Crack Rock. Pfft.

This was a terrible idea. I spilled something on my shirt backstage, and then like, this is my head, my, I gotta cut my hair down. My hair don't look good right now. Oh my god. Oh Jesus Christ. This is a lot. This is a lot.

God damn. This not gonna work at all. Oh, actually, that's a hell of a lot. Wow. You look like a Katrina victim. Wow. You got this. You got this. You can black her every time I see it.

You look like if a box at Newport's was a person. This magic trick brought to you by Hennessy. Sorry about that. We got Hennessy in Tennessee. What the hell are you about to do? There is no winning this. You're about to just spill a bunch of water on a stage. Okay, okay, before it...

Okay, good. I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! That is incredible. Yeah, niggas! Science, niggas! Wow. Bill Nye the Science Guy! Bill! Bill Nye the Science Guy!

Yeah, yeah, nigga, I'm happy. Absolutely. I'm so happy that we're... Wow. Yeah, that is incredible. You're a cra... That's as you are like a real magician cam. I'm a magic nigga man You know Sam. Yeah magic dog. I always thought you were more of a David Copper house Okay, David Copperfield if you know what I mean that It flew over their heads But it'll hit you on your drive back to Atlanta or whatever.

It's as close as I could get to saying the N word. Okay, forget it. Anyway, absolutely incredible, Cam. Your magic, the jokes. Mark Norman, what do you think about this guy? That was fun. I didn't know you were a prop guy. Yeah, I know magic. Black people love science and hate their kids, but that was really something I gotta say

Well done. That is amazing. He's been on this magic kick. I saw him backstage. He made a whole rotisserie chicken disappear Oh shit Yeah, I didn't realize my face was up though. Yeah, it's cool, right? We have a Do the class. Oh shit. Yeah. I didn't realize my face was up though. Yeah, it's cool, right? We have a state of the art technology. Oh shit. What the fuck?

You see that shit, nigga? It's actually a mug shot that we got, we took it off of. Kid Rock, this is your first time seeing the great Cam Patterson. He's so confused right now. Like, who is this nigga? He's got a lot of energy, this is your first time seeing the great Cam Patterson. He's so confused right now. Like, who is this nigga? He's got a lot of energy, this little guy.

A lot of energy. He's got a lot of energy, this little guy. That is one way of putting it. That is one way of putting it. This is the best shit ever, man. Absolutely. How do you like Nashville so far? I like Nashville. Nashville is nice. I don't like all the bridal showers.

That's gay. The what? The bridal showers and shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't like all that shit. The best for that. Yeah. Nashville cool, though. I fuck with Nashville. Nashville nice. Yeah. Nashville is like white Atlanta.

That's what it is, really. Yeah. Yeah, it's white Atlanta. It is. Yeah. It is. A, it is. A lot of these bridal showers give second and third wedding vibes. I don't know if you're feeling the same thing. Feels like very few first weddings happen. Yeah, it's nice though.

White as fuck, that's a big lady. Hell yeah. Oh shit. Oh my God. That's a big lady. You guys know how to spot him like Doppler Radar's over here. He's like, big lady, big lady, big lady, big lady. Oh my god. You guys know how to spot him like Doppler radars over here. He's like big lady, big lady, big lady, big lady. Oh my goodness. Hell yeah. Look who's got the front row. Hell yeah. Big lady.

Pretty sure that was a compliment. Hell yeah. I would fuck her. I would. I would fuck her. Hell yeah. You only noticed her because you looked like Kool-Aid. You going to hell, dig? I saw the... Those two people have the best free seats in the house. You chose the wrong show to come 30 minutes late. It's a tomato, nigga.

That's crazy. I love you, white lady, that's good. Hell yeah, hell yeah. I love you, white bitch, hell yeah. Hell yeah. It's good. I love it. The first bucket pull, put a wig on and sat in the front row.

You gotta love it. Absolutely incredible. A tornado and a tomato. Hell yeah. Oh, my goodness. Cam, it's amazing. That is, I can't believe you were able to get the punchline to your joke to show up to the front row. That's a Tennessee Titan. This guy's got, this guy's the one that gets in between those legs every night

Every night every night he goes from Nashville to Rashville. Oh This is kill Tony It's gonna say God bless you soldier Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Here's another one. Boom. Oh, he got it. Hey! It's a good fucking catch. Cam Patterson, you did it again, you fucking stud. Make some goddamn noise for the young star. 25 years old, a juggernaut, and you found him right here on Kill Tony.

You guys ready for another bucket pull? Here we go. We're having fun here in the fucking dirty south here in Nashville, Tennessee. Make some noise for your next comedian. This is, without a doubt, his name is Chris Dunn, everybody. Here comes Chris Dunn what's up Bridgestone how we doing I can't believe I'm gonna say this to an arena but it's my wife's time of the month right now. Not her period. That's just what I call it when she covers 100% of our bills.

It's pretty emasculating. I'm the one who can't fuck for a week. I thought moving in together would solve the problem, but our pay periods haven't synced up yet. Mine's late. Are you kidding me? Shut the fuck up. Why boo?

Yeah she's four years younger than me. Okay never mind. Wow. I mean let's just look at the science behind what just happened here. Just for people watching wondering how comedy works in a crowd like this and for the perhaps where the bucket pulls that where the comedians out over there fuck yeah take note you cannot leave pauses for laughter if there is no laughter you could it's my wife's time of the month I pay the bills I'm no comedian, clearly.

I'm just gonna go out on a limb and guess that it might not be a good idea to tell your crowd to shut the fuck up. Sorry. No doubt about it. You kind of did everything wrong there, Chris. Sorry about that. Apologies don't matter at this point.

You're in the eye of the storm, my friend. How long you been doing stand-up? Under two years, just under two years. Under two years. Well, much like your last name, I do believe your career is done now. What do you do for work? It's not good.

I'm an Uber delivery driver right now. How old are you? 34. 34, and you're an Uber delivery driver. Mark Norman? Well at least one of your deliveries is good. So how did life end up like this? How did you end up 34, a white guy, Uber delivering? What happened? I was in bands. I did OK. I kind of started over when I started doing stand up. So I've started living shitty again fairly recently.

I was all right for a minute. You don't play music anymore? Not not professionally. But what what what did you do when you were doing it professionally? What instrument were you playing? Drums. What type of band were you in? Mostly like rock, punk rock type bands. But you decided to not do it anymore?

Didn't like it, always wanted to do comedy and started doing comedy. Do you think you're better at drums than you are comedy? Right now, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You guys think we should have a fucking Mexican drum off right now? Well, well, well, let me explain how this works to the Great Kid Rock. We have a tradition on this show where if it just so happens to be that a comedian knows how to play the drums. Well, then they get a 20 to 30 second drum solo and compete with the house drummer and they go solo versus solo and at the end of the Mexican drum off the crowd decides who they like more.

If Chris Dunn wins, the rules are that he becomes the new drummer for Kiltoni and has to move to Austin, Texas and literally be the drummer every week. I can already tell the crowd hates this idea. They love Michael Gonzalez, but let's see what's gonna happen. Ladies and gentlemen, going first, this is Chris Dunn. All right. He lost a stick there at one point.

Doesn't get much more embarrassing than that unless you count the set that he had earlier. All right. We got a little replay of him losing his stick. Let's see that real quick, Anthony. Let's see it. Absolutely embarrassing. Everything's going okay, and then God. Oh, and it hits him in the head.

Jesus, we didn't even notice that the first time. Let's see it again. See the replay up there? It's unbelievable. I mean, even God himself is like, nope. Look at that. Ha ha ha. All right, here to defend his throne, undefeated all time in Mexican Drum Offs.

This is the legend himself, the one true Mexican king, Michael Gonzalez. Let's go! Wow, wow, oh boy. I mean, what can I say? There was Kid Rock noticed your Bel Biv Devo. Uh, homage in there. How many of you have Chris Dunn winning the Mexican drama? How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? Well, well, well.

I wish there was an even smaller joke book I could give you, Chris. This is a stunning, stunning performance. Congratulations. It could have gone any way, but it went terrible for you, Chris. That's the heart. That's the nature of the beast. The thumping heart of Kill Tony. And you are a prime example of fuck. There he goes. Chris Dunn, everybody. And you hear that music, you know that the Mexican has retained victory yet again. This podcast is sponsored by Bluechew.

Guys have better sex with Bluechew. Bluechew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex and starting now, Bluechew is offering a combo so strong it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks off. You'll have to move towns with the amount of noise you'll be making. Blue Chew Max has arrived and it combines the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis

into one chewable. The combo acts fast and let me tell you guys, be ready when she needs it and get your first month of Blue Chew free. Great sex is a few clicks away. Sign up at bluechew.com. Consult with one of their licensed medical providers and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription

within days. Bluechew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. The best part, it's all done online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. I'd love to hear more from the Kill Tony resident sexpert, Red Band.

Oh hey, what's up Tony? I love Blue Chew. They're giving the best ED treatment out there. Blue Chew won't stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house. That is the mission. They say there's nothing sexier than confidence, and Blue Chew can help you with your confidence

where it counts. In your pants. Oh, make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Blue Chew free when you use promo code Tony. Just pay $5 shipping. That's promo code Tony. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information.

And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. This podcast is sponsored by Blue Nile. Consider this your official notice that Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday the 11th of May is the day for all the moms in our lives. So let's show them how much we care. This year, go for a gift that ignites her smile

and maybe even triggers a few tears with a special piece of jewelry from BlueNile.com. At Blue Nile, you'll find thousands of independently graded diamonds and fine jewelry pieces at prices below your expectations. As the original online jeweler since 1999, peace of mind comes with every Blue Nile purchase. Thanks to some of the highest quality standards in the jewelry industry. Compliment mom's classic taste by designing a one of a kind diamond pendant or ace a piece with brilliant style

with a classic tennis bracelet. Need to know more about a particular piece? For Blue Nile's jewelry experts are waiting 24 seven via phone or chat. From tech specs to budget wrecks, they'll help you find a piece your mom will love. Red Band. Oh Tony, I love Blue Nile.

They make such classy pieces at affordable price points. It's so easy to purchase amazing jewelry from their website. I think I'm gonna get my mom a heart diamond this Mother's Day. A heart diamond, are you the sweetest little boy? My goodness, that is so thoughtful, Red Band. Your gift will stay safe because every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging

that won't give away what's inside, and in most cases even delivered overnight. And wave goodbye to buyer's remorse because Blue Nile also offers 30 day returns and a diamond price match guarantee so treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease of convenience by shopping Blue Nile, the original online jeweler. Go to BlueNile.com today. That's BlueNile.com. Oh my God, wait a second. Wait a second wait a second that's Feminist Stacey. Oh my god wait a

second we know this lady from the first few hundred episodes of the show, Feminist Stacey, one of the famous old band members, a feminist out of Los Angeles, California, how did you become one of the bucket-pull girls, Feminist Stacey? Kid Rock, meet Clit Rock. Oh, God. Oh, no. And yes, it's at least five inches. Oh, my God, I cannot even imagine

what that pussy looks like. Your beard is unkempt, Feminist Stacey. I'm not taking my estrogen pills at the moment. Oh, Jesus, you are extra angry tonight. Look at you. You savage beast. It's amazing. All the booze that we've gotten tonight, the place is completely quiet for a feminist in fucking Nashville. Stacey what are you up to oh

well I've been in Austin trying to support women's rights to choose so more kill Tony regulars aren't born oh my god why do you make these faces? Oh no, don't do that Feminist Stacey! Oh no, oh god! Oh disgusting. Mark Norman, I'm gonna queef on you next. No, don't do it Stacey. I'll do it, I'll do it. Anyone else hard?

Feminist Stacey looks a lot like Jeremiah Watkins, the former bandleader of the show out of Los Angeles, California. Many global tours under his belt. Now doing, of course, all of his own shows, working with Dr. Phil, working with the Goddamn Comedy Jam, working with fucking...

Stand up on the spot. Really, he's part of every fucking comedy show in the world. And it's good to see your face. Bucket pool number five will indeed be next. How about one more time for feminist Stacey. With a little. I love you Nashville.

Yikes. A little blast from the past of Kill Tony. All right, your next bucket bucket bowl make some noise. Oh Jesus Christ can't we all do this at once? All right, there they are. We're keeping it moving. Thank you ladies How about one more time for Heidi and Val? Goddamn, I mean Heidi's ass is unbelievably ridiculous ass is unbelievably ridiculous. Usually I can keep it professional and not audibly say that but how about one more time for Heidi's ass everyone?

You can tell America is back by the sweet cakes of Heidi's ass. All right your next bucket full goes by the name of Mitch Kralinger, everyone. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Mitch Kralinger. As someone who works in the field of marine biology, sometimes people ask me about sea level rise, because that's a scary thing you hear about. And I have to say, I'm not really all that worried about our ocean levels rising up. Because for me, I just see that as job growth.

I'm just getting more to explore. My career is growing at an alarming rate of a quarter inch a year, which to put that into perspective, that's the same rate that my hair is falling out. So if you see me in like a year from now, now you can look at the top of my head and then decide if you still really want to invest in that oceanfront property. One of my favorite facts about sea turtles is that their sex is determined by the temperature of their nest. So if the sand is really warm

Then they develop as females and the sand is cold to develop as males Because even in the world of sea turtles males and females cannot agree on what temp did I go over time? No, even in the world of sea turtles Males and females cannot agree on what temperature the thermostat should be set to all right Jesus fucking Christ a very oceanic set What's your question exactly? I'm curious to know. I'm worried I missed the, what's that? You didn't go over your time.

You just talked about dorky ocean shit for 60 seconds. Oh yeah, that's what I like to talk about. That's why I was worried I got the. Are you a comic or a substitute teacher? Exactly. That was fucking odd. How long you been doing stand up? About a year and a half. A substitute teacher? Yeah. Exactly, that was fucking odd. How long you been doing stand-up? About a year and a half.

A year and a half. Is all of your material that you've written ocean stuff? What the fuck was that? Like 60% of it. Why? Because it's what I do. I'm passionate about the sea, you know? What exactly about the sea are you passionate about?

I don't know, it's what I do for a living. What do you do for a living? So I'm an aquarist, so I'm in a department called Aquatic Sustainability. Oh, boy. Yeah. This is the only time. I'm not a Greta Thornburg.

It's not what I'm... Don't worry, I'm... Ocean life is the only time you're around something wet. Oh. Oh. is the only time you're around something wet. Ah... So what exactly is your job at the aquarium or whatever? Um, so aquatic sustainability is basically trying to make, um, like a lot of facilities like more aquatic sustainable for the environment, like oceans, like aquariums and things like that.

So... I'm... They hate the ocean. I mean, yeah, nobody really gives a fuck. It's giant bodies of water and nothing seems to really be changing drastically. Tennessee is landlocked, motherfucker. Yeah, I know. I used to live in Tennessee.

I used to live in Tennessee. Where do you live now? I live in Atlanta. Okay, all right. Here we go. Okay, what's a redeeming, exciting quality about you? Is there anything that fucking isn't aquarium related? Because much like an aquarium, you are tanking right now.

I know. Like any fun facts, I can wiggle my ears individually. Whoa, that's actually crazy. I've never heard of such a thing. Look right out there at that red light on that camera and do one ear at a time. Let's see what we got here. KID ROCK! Kid Rock. Oh wait, you can do it? Oh my God. Wait, Kid Rock can do it. Holy shit. Kid Rock has 145 more talents than you. That's incredible.

Kid Rock, international fucking superstar for three plus decades is like, I got that too. My ear wiggling, I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year.

I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year.

I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year. I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white My ear wiggling, I'm going to take for the fifth consecutive year, white boy of the year once again. Hell yeah. Wow. Mitch Kralinger. And so you thought that some of that aquatic material was just going to crush this arena tonight?

No. Okay, so you kind of were planning on doing bad. Well, you know, chances of getting on her, you know. So I was like, well, you know, I got my marines. Let me ask you this, Mitch. I got my stuff. You're here right now, you're still here, you're still in it. Yeah.

Are you glad you signed up? Yes. Okay. Well, at least you have a good attitude. Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch Kralinger, everybody. We are running out of little tiny joke books fast. Bones Eyes, Nowhere to be Found. I think he might be in the back sewing some up right now.

This is unprecedented, the amount of little joke books that are going out. We get to take a break from bucket pools for just a moment and this is a very special moment ladies and gentlemen because this spot was given out to this person many many months ago because it was decided as soon as we knew we were doing the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville that this specific all-time great Golden Ticket winner deserved a spot here. She is from Nashville, Tennessee. One of the all-time great Golden Ticket winners. Her first time here at Bridgestone Arena.

Make some noise for the great and powerful Fiona Collins! Wait a second, she looks better than ever! That's Heidi! Oh! One more time for Fiona Collins! Yeah Hell yeah Hell yeah. So, I did recently get engaged. I really used the hell out of my God, no, my fiance, he is like a good bit older than me. And the only like, okay. The only real difference I've noticed there is when I give him roadhead, I guess all ahead I give is kind of roadhead.

When I give him roadhead though, he will turn his hazards on? Like what the fuck? Safety first, yeah. Thank y'all so much. Look, safety first, yeah. Thank y'all so much. like Stephen Hawk Tooh. Ha ha. Ha ha. Boom. Holy shit. That is without a doubt your Doritos joke of the night, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Fiona, how amazing is this?

You're here in your hometown, down the street, from your home club. You have some family in attendance, I do believe. You look fantastic. Thank you. Life is perfect. Kid Rock. Born and raised? Natural? Born and raised, yeah.

And you know we call that here, she's a fucking unicorn, right? Yeah. God damn right. Kid Rock meet Kid Roll. That's it. If you guys were in a band, that would be the name. Rock and Roll. Rock and Roadhead. How exciting that you're officially engaged.

I know. That's amazing. Anyone can do it. Amazing, amazing. Is your, is your father gonna roll you down the aisle? No, I think I'm just gonna like army crawl or something. The past. This is one of those moments that can only happen on this fucking show. This magical dialogue. And he's older, right? So you'll both be in a motorized scooter soon. Yeah.

I'm excited to teach him how to use it. Yeah. Hell yeah. I love it. Seriously, though, is your father in your life, is that how that works? Does he kind of like, is he just going to hold your joystick and push it slightly forward

and walk alongside of you? How does this work exactly? No, my mom will walk me down the aisle. Okay, perfect. Well we have good news for you. We are here at Bridgestone Arena and the great people at Bridgestone have donated a new set of tires for... Ah! Ah! It is incredible. So you can go through any type of weather, ice. If the snow tries to stop you, you will plow right through it. Um...

It is incredible. Wait, is your dad not around? Uh, he's somewhere. Oh, jeez. He really missed out on some parking. Yeah. That's a really good point. When did your dad, was he ever part of your life?

He was, yeah. And then when you got sick with this debilitating disease, he hit the road? When did your dad, was he ever part of your life? He was, yeah. And then when you got sick with this debilitating disease, he hit the road? Yeah, kinda. Really? Oh jeez, I was kidding. Oh my god.

Every once in a while, I ask a question, you just find out the exact truth all together. No. You know, why don't you, I bet he ends up watching this. Why don't you look at that camera and tell your dad exactly how you feel? I'm okay. Fuck him. Yeah, yeah. He's somewhere.

I heard recently that he's been in a relationship with a woman. Okay. Oh. Ha ha. Oh. Fuck him. Yeah, yeah. He's somewhere. I heard recently he said I stopped speaking to him because I got famous, but. Ooh, I like that. Yeah. Good for you.

Spicy, let's change the narrative. Yeah, I like that storyline. God damn right. He didn't walk out on you, you rolled out on him. Yeah. No, I army-grulled away from him. Fiona, you are an absolute fucking icon. You are, I mean, in this little KilToni universe, you might be one of the most beloved people, and tonight you came out fucking guns a-blazing and absolutely crushed it. I've been so looking forward to this for you, and it's awesome.

You did it. The American dream. How loud can this place get for the great Theo Niccoli, huh? Yeah! I'm not. All right. I mean, that standing ovation was a little offensive. All right. I do believe we have a bucket full in the back. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a one word name. Make some noise for maniac, ladies and gentlemen. Maniac. It's a one-word name.

This should be interesting. All right. Actually, this is Matt Adkins. They weren't able to find Maniac, I guess, and they handed me the piece of paper, so this is Matt Adkins. One more time for Matt Adkins. CHEERING Matt Adkins. One more time for Matt Adkins. Yeah, so I've been doing comedy for about a year and a half, give or take, and you know, people they ask you, how do you come up with jokes? What's your writing

process? Sorry, I'm out of breath, but and I tell them, well it's pretty simple man. It's a lot like my ex, you know. After a few drinks, they really start hitting me, you know. Uh, huh. Um, you know, I'm built kind of like Bugs Bunny, but, uh, you know, I eat more than carrots. I eat ass, too. Yeah! Yeah, you eat ass.

Hell yeah. I also kind of look like Jesus if he sold fat and all, you know? Yeah, I don't get it. Like, he's kind of gaslighting us talking about, oh I came back from the dead in three days. Fuck whatever, dude, we do that nowadays, no problem. We got Narcan, dude. It's the big fucking deal. He needs to come back down here and see things that changed a little bit. Ha. Uh, all right, that's it, I guess.

Matt Adkins. Welcome to the show, Matt. Thank you so much, Tony. How long you been doing stand-up? A year and a half, give or take. Where at, all in the here in Nashville? Uh, I go to Nashville, I go to Huntsville. I started in Venue 220 in Pulaski where the KKK was founded.

Oh, wow. Very exciting. Kid Rock is Kid Rock is hard as a rock right now. What do you do for work? Well, I'm a painter. I paint not like artistry, but like houses and stuff. OK. Commercial, Commercial whatever whatever you got Okay Absolutely. What do you do for fun? You look like you have some interesting habits

I mean I kind of like to do any a lot. I mean I'm a skateboarder fucking I'll go hiking I'll fish Oh, yeah, I'm like an ATV as a person, you know all over the place. Okay. I Really love it. How about drugs? You look like you've done every drug except for a daily multivitamin. Um, let's see, acid, mushrooms. Uh, one time in Indiana I did a Suboxone and I almost fucking died. Tell us about that. Yeah, so I was like, we me and the homies, we, I won a contest at Hardee's. I worked at Hardee's. And yeah. One of the people there was like, dude, sign up. You might fucking get on.

I was like, I ain't no way. But here, you know what? If I do, I'll take you with me. I got on and then we was at the hotel and he's like, man, we need some weed. And I was like, dude, I'll find us some weed. What? A dude come walking out and the way he walked out, he had that, I'm a dealer walk. And I was like, he's got it.

So I went over there and he's like, man, I can't get you no weed because my dudes out of town but I got these Suboxone strips and I don't know what did it make you feel like for about ten minutes I felt really good we were I was rapping tech 9 in the trunk and yeah and a few other things I was hanging out with this dog named Chico at the hotel and then... Was the dog real? Yeah, the dog was real. Some old lady's dog. And then, shit, I don't know.

We went to Wendy's and I think that's where it went downhill. I got a frosty and that made me throw up. That's actually happened to Red Band. He just overdosed on the Wendy's one time. Oh, shit. Had a little blood sugar attack, didn't you, big boy? Come on. Come on.

I love it. Tell us the craziest thing about your life, other than your near overdose, that we would find interesting about you. I got my hair ripped out by a drill, which was, I thought it was my shirt, too. I didn't even know. And my headphones. But shit, I don't know. I got struck by lightning, kind of, I thought it was my shirt too, I didn't even know. And my headphones.

But shit, I don't know. I got struck by lightning kinda, I guess. Whoa! Some... You got struck by lightning? Yeah, well it hit the house and I was hanging on to the, back when refrigerators and freezers were separate, I was hanging on in my Spider-Man costume

and that's when I found out, don't fuck with Electro, you know? I swear to God, I was in a Spider-Man costume and it hit the house and I was hanging on in my Spider-Man costume and that's when I found out don't fuck with Electro, you know? I swear to God I was in a Spider-Man costume and it hit the house. I was like, and I swear to God I flew from here to probably that stair set right there, dude, up against the wall. I never felt nothing like that. No power like that before. Shit was crazy. Did it change you? Did you notice a difference? Did it give you any special powers or anything? I feel like I could move quicker after that. Can we see how fast you can...

Can you put the mic in the front. Wow. Dude, you've got to start a cult. Dude, I've been told that I can be a cult leader actually. I'm not even playing. Oh yeah, I can see it. That's the third person now. Really?

Within a week that's told me that. Just thinking about the thought of like somebody. Can I get a fist bump from? Oh yeah, hell yeah. Hell yeah, bro. You're like Charles Manson, but. Without all the ladies, right? Yeah, and he killed.

All right, Matt Atkins, I like your style. Here's a big Nashville joke book, my friend. Oh! Ooh. Lightning does strike twice. Another drop joke book by Matt Atkins. All right, we finally wrangled a one word name all the way from section 104, row B, seat 12.

We thought we had, what was that? This podcast is brought to you by Aura. By the time you hear about a data breach, your information has already been exposed for months. On average, companies take 277 days to report a breach. That's nine months where hackers have access to your personal data, your name, address, phone number, even your social security number, before you even know it's out there. Think about it. Nine months is enough time for criminals to open accounts in your name, rack up debt, and disappear. All while you're left dealing with the mess. And when the company finally tells you, it's too late. The damage is already done. Data breaches aren't slowing down. They're getting

bigger. And the delays in reporting them aren't helping. Right now, your personal information could already be on the dark web. And you wouldn't even know it. How long do you wanna wait before taking action? That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users' phone numbers, emails, and social security numbers, delivering real-time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to $5 million

in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst-case scenario. Aura goes the extra mile by scanning the dark web for your sensitive info and alerting you instantly if anything is found. And if ID theft strikes, no need to panic. Aura's US-based 24-7 broad resolution team works around the clock to fix it fast and get you back on track.

Aura is a complete online safety toolkit, which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing, data broker opt-out to stop companies from selling your personal information, a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords, and more. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free when you visit aura.com slash defense. That's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's aura.com slash defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.

Okay, Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? A little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active all-wheel drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow! That's like $99 a week!

Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or Ford.ca today. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the long-awaited Maniac, ladies and gentlemen. The Kiltoni debut of Maniac. Fun fact, I'm not racist. In fact, my ex-wife is black. We were married for eight years. Three kids together.

And just because I hate that bitch doesn't mean I hate all black people. It's case by case. Another fun fact, I used to fuck my couch. Oh yeah. When I was a kid, I'd fuck the shit out of that couch. The problem is I trained on this couch and the cushions go straight up and down just like this.

And that's how I trained. I had to lay on top and punch straight down. So when I got my first piece of pussy, my angles were off. Pussy's more of an upshot, right? So I had this poor girl laying on the bed, and I'm just laying on top of her, and I'm just stabbing straight down and just fucking the shit out of the crease between her thighs.

And I'm just giving it to her for like 30 seconds and then she stops me and she says, hey guy, it's not even in. And I had already finished. It's a roof. Don't we? Wow, maniac. What's up, what's up, what's up?

Holy shit, look at the energy on this guy. Incredible. Mark Norman, what do you think? Was the couch still at the energy on this guy. Incredible. Mark Norman, what do you think? Was the couch still at the Raymour and Flanagan when you fucked it, or was it? Every time, baby, every time. Wow, was it a black couch? Yes, absolutely, leather.

You know the one. Oh, leather. You know the one. I'd fuck the couch too. Maniac, you are energized. Are you on Adderall or something? No, sir, no, sir. Just manic. This is just natural. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're manic. Yeah. Do you have high highs and low lows? Absolutely, yes, sir. How often do these manic episodes happen for you? My wife would have to tell you specifics, but pretty much every week, you know, we grind. And then, of course, exciting stuff like this.

Bro, I'm manic as a motherfucker right now. How y'all doing? Wow. Woo! I love it. You're very honest. A lot of people that come up here with bipolar disorder are not aware of it at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got ups and down syndrome. So let's talk about it. How long you been doing standup? Four months next week. Four months, wow. Yes sir, yes sir, yes sir. One of the least experienced comedians out of everyone,

yet somehow you stayed in the pocket delivering your stuff super into it. Yes sir. You didn't lose traction, nothing threw you off at any point. What do you do for a living? I do HVAC, commercial industrial. Yes sir.

And you said that you're married, which is very surprising. I'm married with seven kids. You have seven kids? Yes, I do. Holy shit. Wow. Wow. Oh my God.

I got manic last weekend and built him a tree house, because that's what we do. Wow. How old are your kids? From, so we got 18, 14, soon to be 13, 12, 11, 10, and six. Wow. This is amazing. How's the 18 year old turning out? She's doing fucking awesome.

Got her own job. Trying to trace our college. Ha ha ha ha ha. Wow, she's going to Tracer College. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're like Elon Musk without the money. Just a bunch of rusty parts in the yard. Yeah. Yeah, this is feline Musk. Wow. So what do you normally do when you have this kind of manic energy?

When you're not building tree houses or doing stand up, what do you do with it? So I pretty much grind seven days a week. I work for the greatest company, Southern MVP. And then I work for myself on the weekends, doing HVAC residential and all that. And then I got a lot of hobbies, boxing, comedy, doing shit with my kids.

Like I stay busy. Is it positive? Let's see some shadow boxing for Maniac. I gotta see it. I wanna see your form. Put that mic in the mic stand there. Let's see what we got. Whoa, he's a southpaw, huh?

Okay. All right, little tippy tappy. All right. Incredible. Floyd. You ever been in a fight? Uh, once or twice, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Who was she?

A big girl. Incredible. Oh, gosh. Incredible. Wow. No smoke. What's the, how do you as a father, because I cannot picture you as a father to an 18 year old girl. Yes, wow. Has she ever brought any boys home or anything? No, she's gay. Yeah, we rocking out in the heart. Yeah. She came out, she's got a Yeah, we rocking out in the heart. Yeah. She came over.

She's got a wonderful girlfriend. I love her to death. Right, right, right. She came to me about two, three years ago. And she was like, daddy, I'm gay. You know, I hope this doesn't freak you out. And all I heard was no dicks. And so.

Wow. You know what I mean? It's all a father can really ask for. I love it. You talk about that on stage? No, not yet. Just now. You should. That's great. And it's personal to you. Yes, sir.

Amazing. Amazing. So you were truly pleased when she told you that she was gay. Absolutely. Absolutely. I love all my kids. Let me ask you this. What's your oldest son's age? He's 14. 14. So what would you say if the 14 year old boy told you that he was gay? I'd be freaked out if he was interested in touching anybody. No, no, no. Not if he was gay. My 14 year old's autistic. He battles epilepsy. He don't let no one, he only let nurses touch him. So if he ever like wanted a connection with anyone in that kind of way, we would celebrate it. Absolutely

You know, you said swallowed maybe you thought we would celebrate it You said he suffers from Epilepsy epilepsy. Yeah, I suffer from speaking weird. Yeah Maybe where it comes from. I like your fucking style, maniac. It's incredible. We got one big joke book for you, buddy. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Got it.

Appreciate your big dog. Let's keep it moving along. Before we get back to this bucket, ladies and gentlemen, I must warn you, this place is about to get very loud. I'm bringing up another regular, and it's a very special regular indeed. This man has been an icon in this show's history. And soon, I'm sure we will be able to get him his United States citizenship.

But for now, he remains the Estonian assassin, Ari Mati! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááá áá áá áá áá áá á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á á I was walking home last night and guys will notice feeling you know when you're walking late at night and you're like behind a woman you don't know and you're like behind a woman you don't know and you're walking the same direction and there's that tension she turns left you turn left she turns right you turn right and you're kind of in a rush but you also don't want to seem like an assailant it gets really strange you know when you notice that she knows you're there as well the body language changes a little bit. They start clutching the bag, warming up the hamstrings. And then there's a really tense moment, you know, like when they finally look. And now you like gotta try really hard to not walk like a rapist.

Would a rapist do this? Then you take an alternate route and then you reappear from another street. You gotta be like, don't worry, I just live where you live. Thank you so much. Boom. Ari Mati, for the record, with a new minute 55 seconds. This guy never misses, never takes the show off, and goes above and beyond. Basically doing two sets at once, almost a two minute long set. Of course we let our regulars go as long as they want. Ari, how the fuck did that feel? You just did it again, buddy. It's almost a two minute long set. Of course we let our regulars go as long as they want. Ari, how the fuck did that feel?

You just did it again, buddy. Thank you. I was, to be honest, I was kind of stressed back there, huh? I love it. You know when the show started, they started booing. I was like, oh dear God, if they bore near this act out, I'm fucked, oh dear God, if they bore near this act out, I'm fucked, huh? I love Nashville, second time here for me.

Oh my God, what a place. Tell us what, what do you love about it? The beautiful women, they got them, you got white girls that got some badonkadonk here. They do. I love that you noticed that. Just the fucking, and I love the cellulite on your ass. I love it. Fucking...

It is... Feel those craters would come. There is a very real thing that happens. That Harry B ass. Yep. There's a belt. There's a big white girl ass belt. I noticed it because I'm from Ohio and then when we went to LA, everybody from Ohio that moved to California noticed that there's a fucking flat drop off. Girls from California tend to have no ass.

No ass. California, no ass. Right. No assville. Texas, they got good asses. But here, and here, and up into Ohio, I'm sure Kid Rock actually knows. He actually probably has a map from his, a pirate ship-like map of what white girls' asses size is around the globe. And the jean shorts cut off with the boots.

Very nice. The jean shorts. Oh yeah. We love the jean shorts cut off with the boots. Very nice. The jean shorts. Oh yeah. We love the jean shorts. That hand was sticky. You gotta love it. Where are my white girls with jean shorts and fat asses tonight?

Anywhere? This girl's raising her hand. How are we supposed to believe that? Get on your chair, you slut. Get on your chair, you slut. I'm kidding. I am a white girl with jean shorts and a fat ass. I guess everyone is. No one's beating our sweet little fucking tomato pie up here.

Hell yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid! I love it. Kid Rock, oh my God, such a big fan, such an honor to meet you. I love you. Thank you. I love you. We both say the N-word. I love it.

It's God's country. I love it. I love that. I love the little boy church shirt you got ready tonight. It's my Def Jam shirt today. I love it. I love that. I love the little boy church shirt you got ready tonight. It's my Def Jam shirt today. I saw it at the store, I was like, it's Def Jam time. I thought it was picture day.

It's like a Cosby sweater. 80s gap commercial, right? Yeah. It's a wild shirt. Did you get that from what, a vintage store or something? Yeah, I was at the secondhand store and I was skeptical because it looks so big but and but then I watched Def Jam all day I was like if they can pull it off I got it you know I'm saying I love it I can't wait to get like a fucking onesie with my face on it

you know I'm saying you know that Def Jam shit bam people will buy that that's merch yeah what else do you have fun up your sleeve here in Nashville? Any other big plans? Fuck, I don't know. You been eatin' good while you're here? Yeah, it's that chicken. They love the chicken. They love the fried chicken,

everything that gives you diarrhea. Yeah. Nobody has a solid shit in Nashville, huh? No. Uh-uh. There's no abortion here, but you got the miscarriage with the food. You just pee out your butt. It has bourbon, tacos, barbecue.

It is a healthy flow here. Normally you go on the road and your body kind of clenches up a little bit. You tend to retain. If you're a comedian out on weekends, it takes a day or two for you to come up with a solid shit. Not in Nashville. Not in Nashville.

Country fried fucking steak and eggs at the Sun Diner, my favorite breakfast here in Nashville. And right afterwards, both times, today and yesterday, I'm just speeding back to the hotel. It is unbelievable. They got that gumball. They really. Hey, I got a gumball.

Yep. But no porn here. On my phone. No, no, crazy, right? What the fuck is that? I know. I didn't know what to do, so I bought a gun. Ha ha.

Psst. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. I love it. Ari Matty, you are a goddamn superstar. You did it again. You did it again, folks. The Juggernaut, the Estonian Assassin, Ari Matty. We're trying to get him his American citizenship. It's a lot harder than you think it would be. You could probably make a call, right? Kid Rock knows a guy. Ooh la la. Heidi and Val absolutely killing it tonight. Time for bucket pull number eight. Ladies and gentlemen make some noise for Ryan Sharp, everybody. Here we go.

You guys still having fun out there? Here he is, Ryan Sharp. How are we doing tonight? It's weird. I'm 23. I'm from Pittsburgh and I live with a roommate and it's weird having being an adult male with an adult male roommate Because some nights I'll be at work and I work overnight so I don't get home till 2 a.m And they'll text me like hey, there's a fresh batch of brownies on the counter don't forget to clean up after yourself feels like living with a wife sometimes and Don't forget to clean up after yourself. Feels like living with a wife sometimes. And other times, I'll wake up at 1.30 in the morning and I'll open my door and he'll just

be standing there looking at me like that. Like, hey, does this look infected to you? What? It's okay. It's okay to have those types of relationships with your homie where you can look at their fucking dark star and be like, no man, that looks totally fine. Yikes. So Ryan Sharp basically saying that,

blah, blah, blah, blah, you have a roommate and your roommate showed you his butthole once. You could have done that in five seconds. It took you 60. Okay, you're 23. How long have you been doing standup? About a year. Amazing.

So is that your best joke? Yeah. Really? I never quite to be good at this. I got I do you have anything shorter? Do you have like one short joke? Do you have like something that's like 10 or 20 seconds long where it's like da da da da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da There must be something, right? You got a one-liner or something.

Shut the fuck up with... Who boos a 23-year-old, you fucking dorks? Shut up. None of you chased your dreams at 22, so stop being a faggot, okay? Stop it. You can boo the fucking 40-year-olds that have been doing it eight years, but don't boo a 23-year-old one year in. And that's coming from me.

You got a short joke? Pull your dick out. Okay, we're going to create you a short joke right now just by asking you the right questions about your life. You ready? You just got to answer honestly. You're 23. Did you go to school?

No, I dropped out. Of college? No, 10th grade. Okay, sweet. You dropped out of 10th grade. What made you drop out of high school at 10th grade? The prison system. Tell us more.

Whoa! I was a really bad drug dealer. And I got arrested in school. How did you get arrested? Some kids like, oh, his backpack smells like weed and they searched me and I had a quarter ounce of weed on my backpack. Yep, that'll do it.

Have you been selling drugs since then? No, no. That made you stop? Yeah. Did you go to the juvenile justice system? Yeah, I was there for about three years. Three years? Oh my god, it's like the Lil Wayne of Lil' Kids.

That's incredible. They put you in juvie for three years? Yeah. Fuck. How old were you when you got caught with the weed in your backpack? 16. 16, and they kept you there until you were 19?

Oh yeah, yeah, I got out right after my 19th birthday. You were like the oldest kid in juvie. Not really. Really? Yeah. You were like the oldest kid in juvie No, not really really yeah, I've never even heard of such a thing keeping a 19 year old in that system Okay, all right, so you're a shitty drug dealer. What do you do for work now? I'm a manager at Chipotle. Hell yeah Let's talk about it. Hell yeah. How long have you been a manager at Chipotle? About six months.

Where is the Chipotle Pittsburgh? Yes. Most of the people that work for you, are they white, Mexican? Mostly black. Okay. We're getting closer now. We're almost to the joke. Can you guys feel it? A lot of black people working for you at a place. And what's that like, Ryan?

Feels good to have... No, I'm joking. I love it. He stopped himself and said, I'm joking. You did it. That's a joke. It's good to have black people working for you. Doesn't it? Indeed it does. When you tell them what to do, do they always listen to you?

You seem like you'd be kind of easy to bully. No, they listen to me. I'm the most well-rounded manager we have. When you say you're the most well-rounded manager. I mean it more than one. Sure. But what are the other managers like? Braindead and retarded.

Wow. Let me be the first to tell you, you're fired. You no longer work at Chipotle. That's a wrap. That'll be the best thing that happened up on this stage. Okay. You get free burritos? Uh, yeah.

Nice. Hell yeah. If you couldn't tell. That's all I eat is food from work. Absolutely. What do you do for fun, Ryan? You're 23, you're't tell. That's all I eat is food from work. Absolutely. What do you do for fun, Ryan? You're 23, you're in Pittsburgh. What do you do when you want to get wild? Um, I uh, my buddy's actually a comic that I'm here with and I record a lot of his stuff and I go out and do open mics and support all the bros and shit.

Sure, other than comedy, is there something else that you're into, any other hobbies? Music. What do you do musically? I produce music. Yeah. Do you ever sing? Not as much anymore, but I still. What do you do, you sing?

What was that? You ever sing? No, no. What do you do exactly? I just make beats and mix and master. All right. Incredible. Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you? Besides this. Ha ha!

This has to be up there. Come on, Ryan. This is what you want. I can't think of anything. Come on, Ryan. This is what you want. I can't think of anything. Virgin? No. All right. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom that you do?

Have you ever done a trick that works for you? You have any special things you do to please a woman in the bedroom? You're pretty sure that's called sexual harassment nowadays. No, not if she consents, Ryan. I'm saying that when you're having sex with a consenting woman, do you have any tricks or anything that you do? Any special maneuvers? The Eater Burrito Bowl? Yeah, I pour the burrito, I take the burrito

and I empty it out and then eat it out of her. That's my special go-to. Jesus Christ, Ryan, you are crazy. This is wild. Do you love doing stand-up? It's a fun hobby. I'm not really good at it, but I do it anyway. It's just for the love of it.

It's fun to get on stage and embarrass myself. There you go. I guess that's about as good as it's gonna fucking get with the styles of Ryan Clark, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. Is any woman willing to fuck him? There's a dude that raised his, a couple dudes raised their hands.

One guy. Sorry, buddy, I tried. I can't believe, can't believe he's not luring those black chicks from work back to his apartment with those sick beats. He's probably been... Yeah, yeah. Ryan Clark's sick beats. That is something to imagine. Ladies and gentlemen, it's perfect that that set was pretty lackluster because I have something on deck that you're not going to fucking believe

Not only is this one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show He also happens to be one of only three living members of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame This is a very special surprise drop-in from Kill Tony Legend, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show, one of the greatest roasters on planet Earth. This is David Lucas! Yeah! Yeah. I'm sick of this body positivity shit. They tried to make it real popular a few years ago with Lizzo.

And even she was tired of being a fat bitch. She lost weight. They tried to make us start feeling bad for fat people again this year, and I'm a fat person. I don't think the world should accommodate big back motherfuckers, you know? Y'all saw that shit where that fat ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car? It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber. That fat ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car.

It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber. You should have ordered a tow truck, you know. You can't let nobody that size get in your car. That bitch get in your car, your fucking oil light come on, man. If she would have tried to get into my car, your fucking oil light come on, man. That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's...

That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's...

That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's...

That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... I love naturalists for the white women. Yeah. I feel like if I don't fuck white women, then Martin Luther King died in vain. All right, that's about it.

David Lucas, thank you. David Lucas. Yeah. Martin Luther King-size comedy. Ha-ha-ha. Look at Tony, nigga, you got on Netflix without showing your pussy. I'm surprised. Yeah!

Ha-ha-ha. I was like, I know they gonna have this nigga topless on the first episode. Hell, yeah. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Your sweat is streaming everywhere right now. You got on that shit that can't get wet, Tony, so we don't know if you sweating.

Uh, Kid Rock, uh... What's up, Kid Rock? What's happening, bro? Kid Rock, of course, friends with the greatest president of the United States of America. A fun fact about David Lucas that you might not have guessed by looking at him is that David surprisingly is right wing, right thigh, and right breast. David's been up to the house. Yeah.

I've been to your house kid, you a party motherfucker, bro. You actually look dehydrated today, Link, and somebody- He was at the house last night. You a party motherfucker, bruh. You actually look dehydrated today, nigga. Somebody... He was at the house last night. We had fun last night at the Southern White House. David was at the Southern Waffle House. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! All right, damn, Tony.

You the only nigga that took his pants off when he walked in the kids' rock house. Ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha. You think I ass is out? I love it. David, you are a beast. Hell yeah, bro. How you been enjoying Nashville? Oh, bro, Nashville is dope, bro.

I got to hang out with Kid Rock and Mark Norman last night. Who was in that bitch till 5 a.m., dog. We were. Yeah. Kid Rock is the most part and motherfucker and we found out He only has two jokes That he says all night they can look at Kid rock you need an IV digger. You don't look all right, right? You look like David Spade fucking hell of a week Kid rock look like the T-Move version of Randy Johnson.

I look like fucking Brad armpit. Hey, you look like one of them things we used to have as a kid where you gotta drop it in water for it to expand, nigga. You look dehydrated, nigga. Your ass need a sip of water. Somebody bring this nigga a liquid IV, man. Like white trash Ellen. So great. Tony was the only girl to come to Kids Rock House and not get fucked. I got lucky.

I got out of there just... You don't know that. Yeah. Couple of more beers, boy. Them goddam cowboy boots would have been on the side. Nothing. Yeah. Mark? Kid Rocks got a lot of women, but David was the only one whipped last night.

No, can I tell the joke? Can I tell the joke? Driving up the Kid Rocks house? Sure. All right. If I tell it, it's not racist. So I'm the only black person in this suburban driving up the Kid Rocks Southern Mansion, right? And I noticed that I was the only black person after we had to enter a gate and wind around a curve.

And I'm like, damn, it ain't no other niggas in the car. Y'all can do whatever y'all want to me right now. And Tony was like, we actually brought you to fight his other way. Yeah. I was like, can't rock that one. Oh, yeah. His boat jangle's unchained. Mark, you got to Capri pants, nigga. Shut your ass up.

You got your ankles out like Heidi, nigga. What the fuck wrong with you? You miss it. Ari Matty was wearing your shirt from eighth grade. It is true. We went from Ari Matty to Ari Fatty. This is incredible. Tony shut the fuck up nigga.

You look like you about to assassinate a nigga with the pressure coming out of your ass. I put a 7-6-2 round in that ass boy. You can shoot a nigga from a half a mile away. I know it. It be silent all you hear is Nigga drop dead What a wild I thought care I'm gonna talk more shit tonight all the shit we were talking last night. Oh Well, it's just a school night

It is I have a show tomorrow I don't drink before shows so I'm a little yeah, yeah, yeah. This nigga, heart don't start beating till tequila touches tongue. Ha-ha-ha-ha. It is fitting that you're here at Bridgestone Arena since you are burnt rubber. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Boy, you got skid marks on the front of your drawers, nigga.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I do it. I do it. Well, you David's been eating lunch at Hattie B's and dinner at Hepatitis B's. Laughter Tony looking like the type of nigga to get in bed with a big t-shirt and a bowl of ice cream. Laughter You're fucking killing me tonight. Laughter

This is a one-sided fucking victory for you. Hell yeah, it's like we sitting on the opposite side of the car, you know what I'm killing me tonight. This is a one-sided fucking victory for you. Hell yeah, it's like we sitting on the opposite sides of the car, you know what I'm saying? Kid Rock, that's my nigga, what's up Bobby? What up? Yeah. Go for it. Come on, call him what you wanna call him.

The N-word. I'm just joking, don't do it. Mark, don't get that man in trouble. He don't give a fuck. I was just fucking around. Kid Rock's the only white person to put the N-word on an album and nobody says shit. That's how badass he is. Yeah.

No fucks, no political correctness. Zero. The American dream, the First Amendment at its finest. But that makes you free, dog. You ain't like the rest of these gay ass artists that can't even sleep at night. You're free. That's true. Thank you.

You're free too now. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Mark looked like he would've owned the only trendy slave plantation. The whole, a plantation full of RuPauls. I don't know. David Lucas. Yes, sir. Ladies and gentlemen. Yes, sir.

You know what time it is. Done it again. You are a legend. The Hall of Famer, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. One more time for the great and powerful King of the Roasts, David Lucas, everybody. The man, the myth, the legend. We are flying through it, we're almost there.

Let's get another bucket pull up, make some noise for Max Tidy, everyone. Max Tidy, the Kill Tony debut of Max Tidy. There's Heidi, and here's Max Tidy. Hey. So I seen a video of a guy killing a bear with a blow dart gun the other day. Yeah, cause that's what pops up

when you type in, Guy blows bear. Nashville, we shave our balls in here? We shaving our balls? Yeah, yeah, I like to do mine with a straight razor. Act like I'm holding my dick hostage. I start saying weird shit and I'm like, You know how I got these scars? My dick looks up like circumcision. Oh, man.

You guys, this crowd probably doesn't have to imagine, but imagine getting into the Ku Klux Klan and finding out you're not a racist? How embarrassing is that? You got to get the tattoo covered up? Just says J-K-K-K? Hey, solid. Cool. I'll take that. One good note.

What's up? Max Tidy, welcome to the show. How's it going? Good. How long you doing standup comedy? Nine years. Where at? South Bend, Indiana, mainly. Wow.

Is that, that's where you still live? Yeah. Why, what made you stay in South Bend? A child. Okay. You made a child. That happened. Oh, are you dating one? Oh, I'm not Kid Rock, bro. Oh, man. It takes a set of ball with two balls to make a joke like that. You've seen the crowd he's been running with.

I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, man. Epstein's Island? It's a joke. Okay. Dude, my family loves Kid Rock, bro. My family loves Kid Rock. Max, you better fucking show goddamn respect to the king himself. Give it up for Kid Rock. Let him hear it. Come on. Well, you don't need to do that.

They already love him. It's a lot of hosting. You're tur... Okay, Max. Is that your real name, Max Tidy? Max Tidy. What do you do for work? I work at a dispensary. Okay, how old's your kid?

Six years old. Six years old. And you're able to support yourself and the kid off of a dispensary job? Yeah, we've been doing the thing. Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. All of it in Indiana? That's legal there?

I work in Michigan. I just recently moved to Indiana. Okay. So you drive up to Michigan? Yes. And you work there. How long is your drive daily? It's like half an hour. Okay. Yeah. And what were you doing before the job at the dispensary? I worked at a whiskey distillery. Okay. All right. Gateway occupations. Uh-huh. And have you ever thought about, are you still with the mom? No. Okay, does she have visitation rights? Oh yeah, we like, we have like a schedule set up. Okay, and how often do you have the kid? I get him like for my two days a week and then like every

other Sunday, then like once a quarter I get him for a week and then like every other Sunday then like once a quarter again for a week straight talking about like my visitation rights right now yeah it's interesting yeah that's the decision that I made I like that rock assuming those are super supervised dude my dad loves you bro why do you keep saying that everybody's's fucking dad loves Kid Rock. You're stating the obvious here. That's a good point. Half the country. Yeah. Okay, Max, what do you think is the most interesting thing about you?

You've seen this show before. You understand the interview portion of this show? A little bit. Um, I don't know about the most interesting thing. I could make them not like me more. Okay, do it. If that's what your gut tells you. Can I do one more? Can I do one more bit? I mean, how long's the bit?

It's like 30 seconds. 30? Maybe 20. Let's make it 20. Let's make it 20. Have you guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns? You guys heard everybody mad about these pirate guns? The R-15. Oh God. Yeah, I think they're mad about the shooting at that pirate bar. The Sandy Hook?

Okay We're gonna save you. Here's a medium joke book. There goes Max Tidy everybody. Oh There he goes We have a special treat for you, ladies and gentlemen. We're running a little bit ahead of schedule here, so I'm gonna get this guy up here. He is not a Golden Ticket winner. He is not a regular,

but he is a developed character on the show. Make some noise. This is the Nashville Arena debut of Uncle Lazer. I'm a man who's got a gun, I'm a man who's got a gun I'm a man who's got a gun, I'm a man who's got a gun I'm a man who's got a gun, I'm a man who's got a gun I'm a man who's got a gun, I'm a But summer's coming. So we'll see. Yeah, we'll fucking see.

It sucks quitting shit you're great at. Listen, I'm great at cocaine. I can turn a Sunday fun day into a no-call show no Monday in a motherfucking instant, you hear me? But I had to quit. I started smoking POTS in this little hippie bitch here. She, alright shut up. She smokes this shit called Dabs.

You ever done Dabs? Okay, well, listen for those of y'all that don't know what Dabs are, it's the highest rated THC. Basically when you smoke Dabs it gives you Down syndrome for the rest of the week Okay, he got shit to do that date not gonna fucking get to it. All right And then she wants to get all sexual with me She's like hit me with that horse cock daddy and I'm like first off who talks like that, you know Second of all if you're gonna be lucky to get my little pony, you know, because I got cerebral palsy at this point. Rah!

She goes, hey, are you okay? Do you need anything? I go, nah, my mom's coming to get me. Don't worry about it. My name's Uncle Lassie, y'all been fucking great. Uncle Lassie, coming from a place of experience and honesty, talking about what he knows, very real stuff, this is the real guy, live in the flesh, this is who he is,

this is what he does, he keeps a harmonica on him at all times, and a pair of outfielder sunglasses. He is an actual gas station visiting, a gas station visiting human being, rocking the Stone Cold Muscle shirt right at home here in Nashville, Tennessee. It's a beautiful head of hair. Thank you, officer.

Thank you, Mr. Mark. Like a homeless Pat McAfee. Dollar General, I'll take that. Hell yeah. How you been enjoying Nashville? It's a good time. A lot of country folk out here. Good time.

Just trying to put the cut in country. You know what I'm saying? What are we talking about? Hell yeah. Yeah. How's it been going for you? Any wild nights? What you been doing?

Tony, I'm out nowhere in Nashville, and this is more of an Austin restaurant, but I think I found out who the Rainey Street Wrangler is. Okay. For those of y'all don't know, there's a serial killer in Austin. He done killed like 30 boys that fit my description to a tee. But the other night, there's a little girl, I see a little nighttime ballerina, and she calls me and she goes, hey, if I give you $3,500, would you come

over here and fuck me in front of one of my clients while he watches and I said is that gonna be cash or check you know and I went and I get there and he's wearing he's wearing a diaper like an adult diaper and I'm thinking when I drive there I'm like he's probably some decrepit old man you know just trying to live out a sexual fantasy well I get there he was six eight two hundred eighty five pounds and he was nonverbal He just looked at you real weird sound like a diesel engine when he opened the door And I had to fuck my best friend while he watched in a corner To the greatest hits of Creed and I didn't know they had a Spotify playlist for cuck holding music

But son of a bitch hit- WAAAATTTT HEEEY! And I was there! What? Jesus Christ. When ass wide open. When the honk's wide open! Oh.

Three foot nine with a ten foot dick. You know, talking about old son. Hell yeah. Alright. Uncle Lazer getting to perform in front of Kid Rock. This is my idol. I know. This is my fucking idol.

I'm nervous as shit right now. No, no, come here. Thank you, and it's good to, don't be weird. This is incredible. This is like if David Lucas got to perform for the Kool-Aid man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Boom, boom. Lazer, I love it. You were on the, you were on the final part of my depth chart here, and you came in swinging, crushing, great stuff, Uncle Lazer. Thank you, Tony. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Nashville. I thought I was done with the bucket, but then we realized we have not had a female

comedian yet tonight. So I went through about fucking 50 names until I found one. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pull of the night, your first female comedian of the night. Make some noise. One minute uninterrupted. Oh, that's right, Fiona was up. Yes, your first standing female comedian of the night. Make some noise for her. It is Joanna Dixon. Joanna Dixon. Hello, hello, I'm too short for this. Hello, so I just got engaged to a comedian, which was really fun until I realized very

quickly that date night equals open mic night and weekend away equals waking up at 6 a.m., getting in my car, driving 8 hours to the Bridgestone Arena parking lot for the Kill Tony show. So that was my weekend away. How fun! No, yeah, so I didn't come into comedy for the things that, you know, people usually do. Money, fame, women, single ladies. Yeah. No, I just really wanted to be included in his hobby. Isn't that fun? Well, anyway, well, so, you know, he needed a host, and I'm not afraid of a microphone. And people ask me all the time,

what is it like to be engaged to the Frisco kid? And I don't know if I'm in a real relationship or in the longest bit of his whole career. So, yeah, that's my time. Oh, my goodness. I'm too short for the stand. It's okay, Joanna. How's it going? How long have you been doing stand-up?

Like, kind of two years. Kind of two years? Okay, where at? Different kind of shows. My fiance, he runs the music depot in Northwest Arkansas, so I host there, and I host around Northwest Arkansas. Okay. Yeah.

Alright. Tell us something interesting about you. Other than your fiance. Yeah, well the interesting thing is that my fiance is Mexican and loves my black cat. Okay. Other than your fiance. Name something un-fiance related about your life. You. Me. Yeah. I'm a waitress. Okay. Name something un-fiance related about your life. You.

Me. Yeah. I'm a waitress. Okay. And I serve really horrible people that don't wanna tip me. That's in Northern Arkansas? In Northwest Arkansas, yeah.

The land of Walmart. Walmart employees don't wanna tip me money, so. Okay. Boy. Do you talk about your fiance the whole time when you're delivering their food? Yeah! Is that so horrible? Yeah!

Sorry you're not in a happy relationship. That sucks. Whoa! Ooh. When's the wedding? Because he might get deported. Whoa! Ooh! Ooh! When's the wedding? Because he might get deported. November. Look at that guy. Let's see this fiance. I'm being told that Anthony

has found the fiance in the audience. He's right there. I think he would be happy to be deported to South Central LA. How the fuck does that guy live in Northwest Arkansas? That's some lawn work out there. He heard it was NWA, a nice white area.

Where did you guys meet? At church, at the Lord's house. Where else would we meet? All right, Kitten Rock. He's in the relocation program. I know. I know. Did he want to? To God's country, yeah.

Did he want to get up tonight, and then you ended up getting up? That's how it works. Oh. Well, sucks to be y'all. Joanna Dixon, congratulations. You are the last little joke book winner of the night. Oh!

Oh! All right. You know what, ladies and gentlemen? We've had a lot of fun tonight. I think there's only one thing left to do. I gotta tell you, this is an amazing moment in the history of the show. If you could have told me at any point in the last 12 years that we would be lucky enough to be doing one sold out arena here in one of my favorite cities in the world, Nashville, Tennessee, I would have told ya, holy shit, that's incredible. It's amazing that we're doing back-to-back nights.

Not only because I love Nashville, and because I have so many awesome friends and what feels like family here in Nashville. The great Zany's Comedy Club here in Nashville, one of the best comedy clubs anywhere in the world. The great Dorfman brothers and fucking Brian Dorfman and so many great people, the great Lucy. There's just so many great spirits here in Nashville, Tennessee.

But there is one man who was born and raised in Tennessee. Who just so happens to have the record for all time appearances on the show, the record for all time interviews on the show, the Hall of Famer, the Memphis Strangler, the Titan The Dark Knight of Nashville. The Monster of Memphis. The Vanilla Gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine. Lights out, William Montgomery. Yeah! Booty, booty, booty, booty!

I've got a sweet little boy Yesterday, yesterday I've yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday

Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Yesterday, yesterday Oh my god. It's him, live in the flesh, the GOAT, William Montgomery is here! Rocky Top, you'll always be home freedom to me. Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top Tennessee! Rocky Top you'll always be Home sweet home to me God oh Rocky Top!

Rocky Top, Rocky Top, Tennessee! Rocky Top, you'll always be a queen of the bay! Good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top, Tennessee. Nashville. Nashville, the weirdest thing happened to me today. I flew in on Delta and we did not crash. I'm shaking down this bullshit. Virginia Giffrey, the girl Jeffrey Epstein gave to Prince Andrew to have sex with when

she was 16, got hit this week by a school bus going 80 miles per hour. And my only question is where in the hell did Hillary Clinton find a school bus that goes 80 miles per hour? You know that bitch ain't finding no school bus! And you know Keanu Reeves was driving that motherfucker saying, the bus can't go under 50 miles an hour. I don't know if anybody realizes this but three out of the four coaches in the final four are Jewish. I mean first it's Hollywood then the banking system now this what's next, the right to vote? In response to the US tariffs, Canada is imposing large tariffs on dog food and flamethrowers, which is bullshit because I'm gonna have to get a second job to pay for this shit.

No. You know I love feeding red bands mom dog food. She fucking crawls around like a dog on her hands and knees and she fucking eats it off of my back, dude. And your mom can't get up there, Red Bull. Okay, that's own, William Montgomery. Wow. Nashville, it is so nice.

I had a horrible time in the hotel last night. I ordered two large Papa John's pizzas, and then I got an alert 30 minutes later that it was canceled, and then I ordered a bunch of White Castle, and I ate the White Castle, Tony, and then about 30 minutes later, I get a text message,

and it's my pizza at the front desk. What did you do? Ended up eating the two pizzas after the White Castle, so. Nashville, you're gonna make my ass fat up here! That happens. Uber delivery does that sometimes. I know, but oh my gosh, it's so nice to be back in Tennessee. It really is.

Tell me some of the things that you love about Tennessee. This is your home state. No comedian, I believe, has made it quite as wildly proud as you. I mean, there's so many greats from here. Well, I was, excuse me, Tony, I was a Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Tennessee. And Tony, what are my fondest memories of the first time

I fled a tunnel in my asshole the first time I butt chugged Tony. That happened up in Knoxville, Tennessee about three hours away. So it really is so nice. Sign it up. Wow. Ended up getting raped a couple times that night. It was like real nasty but so nice to be back. Wow. Pi kappa alpha, huh? Yes. Red band was Pi Pi Pi. Yeah yo fat ass like these PIE'S RIDING BACK! Tell me some more things that you love about Tennessee. You are home in front of

an arena. Look at your face up there all around that band. You see that up there, William? Well, I think people in this audience might like to know I lost my virginity right outside of Sevierville, Tennessee! Yeah! Oh, yeah! I was puttin' it in the first time right outside of Dollywood! But yeah, so that's a good memory, did that, got a couple staff infections in my butt.

Wow. Such honest answers from William Montgomery here. What's with the new outfit? I see you got a tracksuit on. Usually you look like you're in a jug band. I started doing the row machine a whole bunch. I've done 500,000 meters since January and I got on the eBay, the Adidas eBay store. Shout out to Adidas eBay store. You can get everything for like half off, 75% off. So I've been going ham on eBay recently. But yeah, Adidas store and they said if I mentioned it tonight, I might get a new sponsor, Tony. So everybody buy a pair of the basketball socks, please on the Adidas eBay site after this, please. Wow.

Cause I told them I'm going to mention the, the basketball socks. If so, if, if there's an influx of the basketball socks, they will know it's because of me, Tony. But wow. I think basketball. Incredible. That is amazing.

Bah with the bah, the bah, the bah. Wait, why was I not invited last night? Why could I have not gone to the party last night? Well, you flew in late. We invited you. Oh,. Yeah, we invited you. Oh, yeah, and we invited you. Yeah, I sat next to some weirdo on the airplane who was telling me about how he's back in Austin.

He has a lady with a family who he loves, and I'm thinking, this guy's getting catfished, and then he starts telling me about Sasquatches, how when Jesus comes down and saves everybody, the evil people on earth will still be around and the Sasquatches are gonna come out. It kind of, so just waiting for that to happen. Toad, ah!

That guy was the weirdo. William, these people wanna know what fires you up, dude. They wanna see you amped up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Maybe some candy apples! Okay, that's all I got, Tota. Let's take it to Fairfood, Tota! You were going down a list of universal Fairfoods. That is not Tennessee... specialized to Tennessee. What are you planning on doing tonight? What's your big plan?

What do you like to do in Nashville? I don't know. I'm gonna be hollering at Red Bay, and hopefully, and he's gonna let me go out with his fucking ass, and then I'm gonna fucking go back, order some Papa John's again, and then on purpose, order the White Castle. I gorged myself last night.

I actually just found out that if you vomit in between eating, you can eat a whole bunch more food. I had never done it. I'd always heard about that before. It's an eating disorder, which is very sad, but I was stuffing myself last night, Tony. I was just so excited to be here in Nashville. So I can eat some motherfuckin' food tonight!

Ah! Ah! Beautiful. I don't know if that's good for you to do, this new White Castle and pizza thing. It's good for my heart. My coach told me it's good for my heart, my new White Castle and pizza. It's good for my heart. My coach told me it's good for my heart. My rowing coach, seriously. Wow.

Yeah, it's like it puts a pressure on your heart. I wear my my heart rate monitor when I'm doing it. My heart rate goes way up right before I put my finger in my mouth. I get so nervous before I fucking make myself throw up and my heart rate goes to the roof at the beginning part. Who who's your coach, Rosie O'Donnell? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm sorry Kid Rock, I don't think I understand what...

Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, cause she's a fat bitch. Ha ha ha ha ha. William lights out Montgomery. I don't know, I want to see you around for a long time I know you're making a joke about your rowing coach I think you should stop eating White Castle and pizza every night. Well Tony that's weird because I

don't think I'm ever gonna stop eating White Castle! Nashville, Tennessee! How about one more time for the great and powerful William Montgomery! Tennessee's home! William! The Big Red Machine Montgomery!

Guys, this has been a crazy honor for me. Can you please do me a favor? Let's see how loud this place can get for motherfucking Kid Raw! place can get for motherfucking Kid Rock. An American patriot, a fucking legend to rock and roll and a legend to Tennessee. One more time for Kid Rock. And how about one more time for one of the great comedians of today, the great and powerful Mark Norman. Fresh off of the Ryman Auditorium last night.

This guy's fucking crushing it. Mark, anything you want to plug or shout out? I love Nashville. Thanks for having me. You guys are the shit. Make sure you check out Kid Rock's Bar on fucking Broadway. So much fun. How about one time? Tony Hitchcliffe, everybody. Thank you. Come on. Thank you to Wynonna Judd, Cactus Mosier, Amanda Jean Rowland, McVader, Yoni Christie, Notorious Productions, Red Band.

Love you guys. God bless Bridgestone Arena. Outback presents Zanies here in Nashville and God bless the United States of America. We love you! Thank you! Good night everybody! I'm a man, I'm a man I'm a man, I'm a man I'm a man, I'm a man I'm a man, I'm a man

I'm a man, I'm a man I'm a man, I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word

I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word I'm a man of my word The Thanks for watching! This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest, all because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. By the time you get that breach notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future at risk, and the company that lost notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future

at risk, and the company that lost your data, they'll just apologize and move on. This can all sound really scary, which is why I'm so glad we're partnering with Aura. Hackers don't wait, so why should you? Aura monitors the dark web 24x7 for your phone number, email, and social security number. If Aura detects your info, you'll get an instant alert. So you can act before the damage is done. Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance and a US based fraud resolution team

that works around the clock to shut down fraud fast and get your life back on track. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial, plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.com slash defense. That's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you

and your loved ones. That's Aura.com slash Defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.