KILL TONY - KILL TONY #21

Episode Date: November 14, 2013

Natasha Leggero, Kirk Fox, Iron Patriot, Tony Hinchcliffe, Sara Mostajabi, Kimberly Congdon, Brian Redban – Date: 10/21/2013 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.tv. Please subscribe to us on iTunes and Stitcher. Just search for Death Squad and hit subscribe. If you want to go to one of these live shows, we have Death Squad Night at the Comedy Store every Monday. It starts at 8 p.m. It's free. And it's Kill Tony, so you can come see this live. And it's followed by the world famous Ding Dong Show with Don Barris. Just go to the Comedy Store's website or go to DeathSquad.tv for all the links.

We have live tour dates also, including November 20th. Me and Dean Deloray will be at the Punchline in San Francisco. And then the following month in December, we're about to announce a huge show at the San Jose Improv. So check out DeathSquad.tv for all the latest news and information. And check out ShopSquad.tv for all the latest news and information. And check out ShopSquad.tv for the limited edition Death Squad shirt. It's a kitty cat shirt. We got stickers, shirts,

and everything you buy from ShopSquad.tv pays for everything we do here at Death Squad. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redbeck coming to you live from the Comedy Store. How are you guys doing today? This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe! It always takes me so long to get to my seat the way that this setup is. We never really made that any easier. We never made any adjustments to the big entrance where I have to walk around three chairs. How you guys doing out there? This is so exciting. This is 21 Mondays in a row that we've been having this fun little get-together, and yet we're still at the very beginning of something that I think is very fun and exciting. Yeah, so here we are. 21.

21, yeah. The Iron Patriot is here, our head of security. Put your hands together for the Iron Patriot. I had a good week, Tony. What happened, Patriot? On Thursday, I was on the set of a new show called The Goldbergs starring Jeff Garland. Yeah. And we spent the whole day at the Santa Anita racetrack.

That track first came alive on Christmas Day in 1934. Came alive. Well, that's when it opened. But it was a great day. And Seabiscuit won its final race there in 1940. Okay. Do you like horse racing, Tony? Enough horse racing fun facts. Did you get to talk to Jeff Garland when you were... No. No, racing fun facts.

Did you get to talk to Jeff Garlin when you were... No, no, I didn't. He wasn't even... He wasn't there. There was an actor, George Siegel, and a young boy actor. It was grandfather and grandson at the racetrack for the day. Now, for those of you that don't know what he's talking about, the Iron Patriot also, when he's not working with us every Monday,

keeping us all safe in this room, he's an extra on TV shows. In fact, some of his most recent work was on Two and a Half Men, correct? No, that was in 2008, that thing I sent out on Twitter. Just for example, that's him. Creepily in the

background. So if you see this, get a screenshot if you ever see him in a show because this is the new Easter egg. And he gets a lot of extra work. If you listen to the show, you'll find out that almost every week he books something. Now you've got the Goldbergs. Do you think you're going to be in a frame on this race track?

How many people were at the race track? How many thousands of people were in the stands in this thing you built? Well, they had a bunch of extras. We were down at another part of the track, but the people that were actually – we watched a few races, and we were waiting every 30 minutes to film. But we were in another section filming the rest of the people, but the whole place doesn't fill up anymore. It's not like it was back in the glory days, but there was still a lot of people there. It was fun. Oh, so they were filming during actual races.

Yeah, yeah. Well, in the morning, we did some stuff before the people there you know we had to be there at eight in the morning and i was getting real sleepy they kept telling me you got to wake up but um you know it's really beautiful out there with the mountains have you been to that track tony who who told you the people that were running the extras like yeah i said hey you wake up move over there wow it's tough it's tough being a you know i like to think of myself as a background artist. But, you know, it's tough doing that because you've got to keep awake. And I was there for 12 hours.

You know, it was a long day. Wow. It's hard, you know. But I'm a member of SAG-AFTRA, and I get paid a little better than the rest of people. But, you know, it was a good day. But that episode that Red Band just showed, that was called The Devil's Lube. That was back in 2008.

And, you know, I spent a lot of time that day sitting behind John Cryer. That was the name of the episode? The Devil's Lube. Really? Yeah, that was the episode. Wow, look how edgy two and a half men was at one point. Oh, yeah.

And I was sitting behind John Cryer. He's got kind of an interesting hairdo. It almost looked like he had black spray paint painted on there. It probably was. Yeah. I don't know what was going on, but I got a close look at it. It's like, I'm kind of providing you some behind the scenes here,

Tony. Well, they have this amazing thing that I've noticed since getting the pleasure of working in show business, which is this thing where in the makeup room for men, there's like this pepper mill that's sitting next to sitting next to like hairspray and shit. And what they can do is they can take this fucking pepper mill and just basically grind pepper hair onto your head.

Oh, cool. And it fucking looks like hair afterwards. It's pretty crazy. And I think that... And it sticks on? Yeah. And I think that a lot of people are using this thing.

Yeah. And you can't see it on the camera, but I was up close. I could see. Heck yeah. There you go. So next time you're looking at the back of John Cryer's head,

make sure you get a sneak peek of what the... I hate to talk bad about him, but he makes a lot of money. He don't care. Heck yeah. Why burn bridges in a city that's telling you to wake up and keep moving? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love it. Yeah, yeah. You know, Tony, when I get to know someone, I kind of like to know what they eat. Could you walk me through your day? What do you eat when you get up in the morning? You really don't want to know. You really don't.

It would creep you out knowing what I eat. But I've known you over four months now. I just feel like we're getting closer. And what do you eat for lunch? He eats the same as what a bunny rabbit would eat. That's good. You keep in shape. Twigs, berries, cum. Alright.

I don't know why you do that. It's like just horrible that's what 13 year olds joke about vegans vegans don't drink cum Brian it's not a gay thing it's not a gay thing Brian nobody's drinking cum

they told me that smoking cigarettes takes 10 years off my life and then I read that being a vegan adds 10 years to your life and I don't want to quit smoking so there you go I'm a vegan that smokes a pack and a half a day well I'm here to support you Tony

if you need my support because I had to quit smoking at one time too it's tough I realize it's not very easy to do you don't, if you need my support, because I had to quit smoking at one time, too. It's tough. I realize it's not very easy to do. Heck, yeah. You don't want to end up in the iron lung, right? No, no.

You don't want to have that happen. I know it's tough. How long did you smoke for? I smoked for about probably 12 years. It was a long time. Wow. It was tough. It was tough.

That's what scared me. It concerned me. When you guys got me smoking weed again four months ago, it concerned me that I was going to start smoking cigarettes again, but I'm able to stay cool, and I didn't do it. I'm just, you know, token on the bud, but no cigarettes. It's great. Token on the bud. That's a guy that smoked a lot

of pot in the 90s, and has just started to smoke again. Yeah, I was token on the bud you gave me. We have our big Halloween show coming up October 31st in San Diego. Are you going to do anything for Halloween or is that a big day for you? Well, I usually go out for a few hours that night

just to make some tips on the boulevard. But I usually start heading home about 9 because it really starts getting crazy out there. You know, I mean, it's just way too many people. And they might just carry me away and you'd never see me again. I mean, it's just too many. I mean, they got a lot of police down there.

It gets crazy. I mean, the only other crazier place is like in West Hollywood, you know, down... Yeah. They have the parade down there and shit. That's when you're looking at different backs of heads of celebrities for different reasons. Yeah, yeah. When you said West Hollywood Halloween parade, your left arm twitched really hard when you said that.

We've noticed in the last few weeks that you have this left arm twitch. And then you said that to go against it, you're just going to press your hand against your thigh. Are you doing that right now? Well, I've kind of put my thing here to kind of hold on so I don't do it too much. Let go of it and just leave it out. Let me see if I can – see, I'm talking to you right now and everything's cool. Right. Wait, your right arm just –

Your right arm is twitching now. Wait a second. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's throwing blows, everybody. You're going to have to catch me, Tony. I'm not going to make it easy for you. Heck yeah. Man, if you get any extra work on Michael J. Fox's new show,

you guys are going to have to have a shake-off or something. That would be great, just the two of them fucking... You could play Michael J. Fox's mirror image. Yes, yes. I'd love to spend some time with Michael. Oh, I'm going to burn in hell. Here's the thing where you can't make fun of certain people, and I feel like Michael J. Fox,

if there is an afterlife where you have to check in at some gates, which I don't think there is, but if there was, I get the feeling that that would be one of the things. We get it. You made a lot of jokes. We got years and years and years of jokes. But how do you explain this Michael J. Fox? What did Michael J. Fox ever do to you?

And me just being like, fuck it. You got me. That's how I feel about Christopher Reeves. Yeah, I love the innocent people. You make fun of bad people. You've got to do that. that's part of the thing but it's it's i and it's my favorite thing to go against the good people yeah because those are the jokes nobody's coming up and i think christopher really proved that he was superman because he survived that long after having that accident most of us

would have been gone in a week after that christopher reeves thing yeah yeah he really was like superman yeah that was from ridingves thing? Yeah. Yeah, he really was like Superman. Yeah, that was from Riding Horses. He loved Riding Horses, yeah. Yeah. He looked just like at Santa Anita. Yeah. He was at all full circle, just like a racetrack, just like a horse track.

How did he die? Well, he did that kind of horse riding where you jump over the things and it's all this style to it and things. Yeah, fancy stuff. Yeah, yeah. Equestrian or something. That doesn't make it gay either. Vegan isn't gay. There aren't certain sports that are gay.

Gay is like a man love thing. No, I know. But I've had enough with this vegan cum thing. You know what's black on top of a stairway? Christopher Reeves after a fire. That's great.

Well, welcome everybody. We're here as always. You know, the mainframe of the show, over 30 comedians signed up tonight for the opportunity to do 60 seconds in front of the

Patriot myself. And as always, I always have two great guests to talk with the comedians and hang out with us all. This week is no different. This is very, very exciting. So you guys ready to see who your guests are tonight? How exciting. Well, in no particular order, you're going to know this first lovely young lady from the most recent Comedy Central roast of James Franco.

Also, she has her own show on the Jazz Network called Tubbin' with Tosh. Please put your hands together for the hilarious good friend of mine, the one and only Natasha Leggero is here, everybody. Give me, give me, give me some. Freak the freckles off your face. Freaky, freaking swapping tongues. Click my link and spread your buns. Lose your dinner, make it numb. Blow it, baby, give me some. Freak the freckles off your face. Freaky freaking swapping tongues. Click my link and spread your buns. Lose your dino, make it numb. Blow it, baby, no Saddam.

She's got treats, everybody. I'm getting in the car, service taking for the car. I was afraid to leave my shit back there. I know. I know. All these comedians are in. It's all open micers coming to do time. No offense, open micers.

I think you're going to be great. I heard they don't say open mic anymore. You just call them mics. I guess. I guess they're all. It could just be a said thing that they're open. Does anyone want a brownie? Brownie giveaway.

Who's in? We got raised hands like crazy. You guys got to come get them. Get your brownies. Get your brownies here. And your other fantastic guest. He's the host of The Test, everybody. One of my favorite pals.

We work together almost every other night. The winner of the HBO Aspen Comedy Festival. You know him from Comedy Central, HBO. Put your hands together for my pal Kirk Fox. He's here. Oh, man. I don't want any trouble. This is good. Thank you, Tony.

Fuck yeah. Nice to see everybody. I'm not sure where we're at, but this is important. Hell yeah. I brought them brownies, so they're very distracted right now. That's all right. Can I just say one thing? Yeah. I did not make these.

I just want to get a bad reputation as someone who... No, these are like fancy. Were we supposed to bring gifts? No, someone just gave me these for something, so now I'm giving them to people. Jones on 3rd is like gourmet stuff, right? Yeah. And Tony, what's that? I see something to my right that I wasn't expecting.

Yeah. Natasha and Kirk meet. Every episode, he's been here for us. That's the Iron Patriot. Hello, guys. Okay. Hey, who is that? He's not a comedian.

His name is Jeff Crabtree. He used to play in a rock and roll band in Texas in the 90s. Now, if shit goes down, does he have our back or is he with the audience? Well, in all reality, his intentions are to have our back. However, he can't move. I mean, is he aware of that? He doesn't look like he's focused. He can't move in that state.

He doesn't look focused to you? No. He's got like laser beams coming out of his state. He doesn't look focused to you? No. He's got like laser beams coming out of his eyes. Yeah, but they're not going in the right direction. Natasha, could I talk to you for a second? I mean, do I have a choice? I got some thoughts. I did some research on you today.

Okay, all right. I think we were destined to meet because as a young boy in the late 70s, I lived in Winfield, Illinois, which was an hour and a half away from where you were born in Rockford, Illinois. And what year did you live there? Yes, I lived there as a young boy in the late 70s. Okay, so I would have been like two or three. No, I was born in 66, so I was a little older than you.

But anyway, I first became aware of you on the Duncan Trestle Family Hour, episode 16. Now, today I spent some time So you're like a robot savant. Yes. Yes. Today I spent some time

looking at pictures of your feet on the internet. Okay. This is what I noticed. I thought I brought my stuff on stage with me. This is what I noticed. I noticed that the fourth little piggy on your left foot has a cute little curve to it. Now,

do you think I could come on your show tubbing with Tosh and rub your toes under the water? What the fuck, Patriot? From now on, all of your questions for the guests have to go through here. Can I answer? Yes.

First of all, I'm sorry. Now you can answer. Unqualified and resounding no. You don't even know me yet, Natasha. And I have a question. Are you short? Why is that microphone positioned like that? I got a speaker in my chest.

Is half of you just plastic? I mean, are you very short and you're just deceptive? I want to see if I really have a curve in my toe, actually. Who doesn't? He has what's known as... How did you know that? It's the fourth little piggy on the left foot. I didn't even know that.

That is adorable. It's cute. It's cute. So you're an educator? Yes. You ever been to that website, Wikifeet? They show Celebrity Feet on there. Wikifeet?

Wikifeet. Are you serious? That's how deep your obsession is? You have a lot of free time during the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kirk, I did some research on you. Okay. Tell me about my toes, motherfucker.

No, I didn't look at your feet. Go ahead. Yes, I was watching an interview you did on Conan. Okay. And you were talking about how stressful it is on your new show, The Test, because they're giving paternity results out. It's very stressful. Okay.

So they said the show to relieve your stress. This is stressful also, talking to you. Well, they've been sending you to a massage parlor with a Thai woman. Yes, sir. And the Thai woman has been complaining because your back is too long. She says she has to walk too far. This is true. What I want to ask you is, now when she gives you the happy ending, does she complain that your banana is too long? Listen, we never even get to the happy ending. There's not even a decent beginning. It's hell.

You can tell us, Kirk. I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up, but thank you, Mr. Plastic Man. What band were you in in the 90s? I was in a band called Dirty Crabber. You can look on YouTube. There's some videos. You know that leopard skin bikini you're wearing on Twitter, on the Twitter picture? Are you talking to me or her? You know, Natasha, not Natasha, I need a background dancer with my banana song.

I got a song that goes, share my banana, share it all with you. You could be behind me with two bananas in your hand. I could? We could go to Vegas and be the hottest show there. Wow. Patriot. Is this one of the open micers? No.

No. He's done more than a minute. Yeah. Patriot, first of all, you're out of control, man. I'll shut up now, Tony. I'm sorry. What are you doing? What do we tell you about this?

There's no blocking the left arm twitch, and there's no crazy questions for the guests. You're still blocking it. I know when you're putting it up against your twitch, and there's no crazy questions for the guests. You're still blocking it. I know when you're putting it up against your thigh, and it drives me crazy. I'm serious. Take it off there. You're going to have to catch me fair and square. If your arm's going to twitch, I want to see it twitch. He has a left arm twitch that he can't control.

Why wouldn't he? But there's something about a guy in a suit like that. When you see that twitch, it just makes it so human. How does he wash it? I'm fascinated by that suit. I got an undersuit underneath that I can wash. Of course you do. You probably have three suits under there.

Yeah, I ordered this from Norway a year and a half ago. I didn't know if I was going to get it. It took a long time. There was lots of delays. The sculptor had health problems. He had legal issues. And I was excited to get it. It took a long time. There was lots of delays. The sculptor had health problems. He had legal issues. And I was excited to get it. But for a year, I'd been dreaming, I want to come see Death

Squad. And when I got the costume, it took me a month to work on it, and then it came down. You need to hire an editor ASAP, by the way. Every explanation is just 40 seconds too long. Isn't it fun to have someone who you can just tell them how terrible they are all the time? Why do you want to know how big Kirk Fox's dick is also?

Natasha, I enjoyed you on... Natasha, let me say something to you. That laugh scared the hell out of me. I enjoyed you on the James Franco roast. What I wanted to know is, did any of the jokes you did, were they written by Tony? Because I know he was a writer on them. Look, that's not how that shit... Patriot.

Tony helped me with some jokes. I don't remember if when he wrote, I mean, Tony helped a lot of people with jokes on there, right? Yeah. I think he got a lot of jokes in. Yeah, it was fun. You did great on it.

Tony is one of the best roast writers, I think, that there is. Well, thank you so much. Yeah. And, you know, it was a pleasure to work with you because Natasha killed it. Did you see it, Kirk? I saw parts with you because Natasha killed it. Did you see it, Kirk?

I saw parts of it. Natasha killed it. I saw your part. I picked certain parts to watch. In the live show as well, which a lot of people don't get to know how that whole unedited part of it is. I felt like they didn't edit it that much, though.

Oh, no, it's true. Yeah, they really left it long because it was just very, very funny. Anyway, you know why we're here. Many comedians signed up to do 60 Seconds. Natasha, Kirk, two of my good pals. We're going to sit back and listen. Am I too close to where it's all going to go down?

No, but if you want, you could scoot over a little bit. Listen, I don't want them influenced by my feet. That could only distract the Patriots. I don't want them to all start doing feet jokes. Right. Are you one of those guys? What's his name, Patriot? Iron Patriot.

Hey, Iron Patriot. And did you name yourself? Well, people call me different things. I'm really from the comic books. I'm not from Iron Man 3. Well, either way, Marvel's going to end up suing us. So what we're doing next week is we're putting a beard on his face, and he's going to be the bearded patriot from then on.

Well, you know what's interesting is, see, I originally wanted John, my sculptor, to make me an Iron Man costume. And he said no. He said, I want to make you something custom so you won't have legal issues. So I might be okay because this is kind of a custom thing. It's not like the movie. Not enough. Well, we'd have to check into that. I don't know for sure because he did that.

He didn't want me to get into it. He asked if I was going to make money with it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry, I engaged. Fuck yeah. So you guys ready to get some comedians up here? What? Everybody does 60 seconds. It's 60 seconds.

You know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the meow of a kitty. And that's time to wrap it up because if you run the sound of that kitty noise, angry West Hollywood bear comes out. He's been extra angry lately, so don't run the kitty sound too long. And he comes out quicker and quicker every episode. Red Band over here gets a little excited, and I notice every time it comes out quicker and quicker. So look out for that kitty meow.

You guys ready to do this thing or what? Let's do it. Your first comedian tonight. Wow, there's a lot of names in here. How exciting. I can't wait for what it's worth. It's Rob Weissman. Yeah, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna get strong next to you. Okay.

I got inspired by the Iron Patriot for a new joke. What is this? It's when the Iron Patriot has a nose itch and has to scratch it. It's a podcast that's audio and I chose a visual joke. Okay, one more.

Quickly. 60 seconds. Oh, I love this joke. What is the real reason that they created Facebook? Because it's easier to jerk off to your phone or computer than to your high school yearbook.

Oh, thank you, darling. Thank you so much. And I didn't even go to high school there. Oh, no, the West Hollywood Bear. No, we're having technical difficulties. Oh, so you want me to keep going? Meow. Yeah, there you go.

There you go. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. I have a question. Oh, are you done? Yeah. No, I think so. Is that like a common thing

to jerk off to Facebook? I mean, is that what people... I don't go on Facebook. I think the real question is, are people jerking off to their high school yearbooks? That's the real question. That I feel like I... God, she was most likely to say,

fuck it. I think you could look at it as a brave thing to say that, is the way this dancer would say it. I agree. It was brave. It took a brave thing to say that. Brave? I agree. It was brave. It took a lot of balls. Have you ever jerked off to your high school yearbook? I hadn't even thought about it.

I didn't even know it was an option. The truth is I can't wait to get home. Most people don't have to. High five. I'm not touching your hand How little reading material Do you have around your house Where the high school yearbook Is what you have to keep going back to

How long have you been out of high school A long time Reading material Do you still masturbate to still pictures No but we like to masturbate to something How long have you been out of high school? A long time. Why, reading material? Do you still masturbate to still pictures? No, but we like to masturbate to something other than a head in clothing. Right. From three decades ago. Oh, that's crazy.

Is there some girl that you went to high school? Can I choose another joke really quickly before I do that? Is there some girl from high school that you didn't get to finish? It's a plural. There are many girls that never got to finish. Now it's starting to make sense. Now this joke is starting to rock.

Do it again. Now that I have the backstory. Is it a pop-up high school book? Do you look these girls up from high school on Facebook? Now that I have the backstory. I got a lot more masturbation jokes, guys. Do you look these girls up from high school on Facebook? No, I don't. It's a joke. It's a joke.

Can I just have my joke? Yeah, but you're joking about something that no one I don't think does. We wouldn't have given you shit about it if it had gotten more laughs. That's the point we're making. We wouldn't have given you shit about it if it had gotten more laughs. That's the point we're making. We'll give you that joke. Do you want that to be your joke, how you're remembered?

Or do you want to take our advice and find a different publication to jerk off to? We're here to help. We're not even talking about how your first joke was about the Patriot. Yeah, let's talk about the first part of the Patriot. Can we do that? No, we don't need to go back that far. Can first joke was about the Patriot. Yeah, let's talk about the first part of the review. Can we do that? No, we don't need to go back that far. Can we please talk about the Patriot? Because that joke was a lot better. It's funny that you would say that because on Sunday when I was out on Hollywood Boulevard,

I did have an itch on my face. And it really is frustrating because I couldn't get to it. I couldn't smash it. Maybe you guys should take it on the road and just go back to your high school. Rob Weissman in the Iron Patriot. Yeah. Is that it? Fuck yeah.

Rob, do you work out? Oh, yeah. You seem like really buff underneath your shirt. Yeah. I P90X. Is that what that is? It's P90X. I thought he said he's like, I pee 90X. Is that what that is? It's pee 90X. I thought he said

he's like, I pee 90X. Like it was a certain type of piss that's extra powerful. Yeah. I pee 90X. It's the most powerful

piss you can pee. I'm learning this forum isn't exactly fair. I push my piss off. Out. She compliments me still. Comedy's not fair. I know.

It's terrible. That wasn't a compliment. Oh, fuck. No, it's cute. Well, all right. No, you just seem like your body, your chest and arms seem bigger than what your head would have attached to it. Yeah.

And that's through a pretty bulky shirt. It's just a shame you didn't have that body when you were in high school. You would have been banging all those girls. Now that I think about it, you are jerking off to the right book. There he goes, everybody. Rob Weissman.

Weissman did. You don't have to worry. Rob, you're funny. We're already off and banging. Rob, you're funny. Don't worry. Oh, yeah. No, they love it.

Cut to the next time we do the Tonight Show. I open with that joke and it fucking kills me. It's just like I rework it. But I don't want him to think we're just roasting him. Right. No, he loves it. He signed up for that. We're all here for each other.

I think he thought this was like stage time. It was. It was. That was 60 seconds we can never have back. This is what better exercise than talking to your peers immediately after doing it? I'll call him later. I feel bad. That's at Weissman Digital on Twitter, for those of you that are into people with 20-letter handles.

At Weissman Digital with two S's in Weissman. Tony, how do you get so many people at this show? Because it's an awesome show. Have you ever thought of cutting it down to 30 seconds? This kind of craziness happens every week. 30 seconds, I don't know. And doing 60 comics, each doing 30 seconds? 600 of them doing 10.

Jake's did seem like it went on for a while. He stretched the light. We had some technical difficulties. You'll hear the meow of the kitty. Riccardo Flanagan. Riccardo Flanagan. Uh-oh. Do you know what that means? If a comedian ever misses their spot,

that means they get blacklisted. And he makes those noises, and that means that that comedian's not allowed to ever sign up for this show again. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. You should have to make them give a letter of apology. There should be some sort of plead their case, perhaps. Depends if they're female or male.

They have to write into the Iron Patriot on Twitter. It could have been a bad accident. Hey. Fucker might be dead. Or he could have just watched Rob's set and been like, why would I put myself through that? There was once a few... Rob will come back under a different name.

A few weeks ago, there was a blind guy whose name we called, and we blacklisted him, and then another comedian's like, no, he's blind, he's downstairs. And then they went to try to find him. But if he's blind, he can't hear his name? No, he was in the wrong show.

Yeah, he was in the wrong room. That's what it was. They found him on Sunset. He thought Kill Tony was in the kitchen. And he was wondering why the audio wasn't so good. Anyway. All right, put your hands together for your next comedian. Timmy Day, everybody. Here he is.

Just let yourself go down. What's up? Okay, it is on. Sorry, I couldn't hear it over the music. My name's Timmy Day, guys, and I'm extremely excited to be here. I got a bike a couple days ago. Yeah.

First bike I've had in my life for more than 25 minutes because I'm from Detroit and they all get stolen. So I'm really excited. I've been riding around, and I found that I have a childlike sense of freedom now that I never noticed before. So it really inspired me to want to give back

and give back to kids who are very needy and don't have the opportunity to ride bikes like I've had in the last week or two. So I started a Kickstarter, and it's going pretty well. I've raised $15 in the last six days, and I think its success is due to the name. You can check it out. It's at pedophiles.kickstarter.com.

We want to give backstarter.com We want to give back to kids. We want to touch them on their hearts. On their hearts? We want to touch them on their hearts. You gotta obey the bear.

You gotta obey the bear. You can't talk over the bear. Okay. Okay. Make sure that's it it was definitely a minute. It was a minute 20 at this point. Maybe you didn't hear the part about the kitty and the bear whole thing. It must have really blown your mind when that bear just kept chiming in there at the end.

And your mic got cut, kind of. I like that you're drinking a 24-ounce can of pass. And you're also biking. Biking home. See, now, I never thought of that. Like, I know there's people drunk driving, but now the bikers are drunk, too. Now, are you encouraging pedophilia? Pedophilia, yes.

But not like sexually touching kids, no. But touching them on their hearts, yes. I'm just checking. I just wonder if I should call a friend of mine in law enforcement. Do you wear a helmet when you bike? Are you talking about motorcycling or bicycling? Oh, bicycling. Right.

Should I clarify? I didn't know. I mean, you couldn't tell. Yeah, you're trying to balance both. I will say it was a surprise ending. I didn't know you were going toward... Touching kids? Yes.

Okay. So you had me up until then. Because I like biking, so I was into that joke, and then you lost me. But I think you're on to something. If you could pedal toward something that doesn't include touching children but I think you're onto something. If you could pedal towards something that doesn't include touching children, I think this joke could work. I think you're onto something. And I'd leave the beer lower when you come up so we don't think you're drunk. We don't know that. We don't know when you started. I'm just telling you what I've learned in the past

I leave the drugs and alcohol in the car And do you always wear the Do you always wear the sunglasses? Fortunately I do, yeah And the backpack you always wear too I just don't want to leave it anywhere and have somebody take it The sunglasses on top of your head though You leave them up like that a lot?

Yeah, it covers the balding in the front of my hair Oh wow It's an interesting move top of your head though? You leave them up like that a lot? Yeah, it covers the balding in the front of my hair. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's an interesting move. I wake up every day and I think some people just wear hats. So it lets the follicles just, you know, it doesn't have to see the bright sun. Who would have thought John Cryer just could have had a bunch of sunglasses

on the back of his head and nobody would have ever known he was bald. It's an interesting We wouldn't have even known that it was to cover the hair except you mentioned it. We just saw you were wearing sunglasses on the head. It almost just seems like, even if not, you know, somebody wouldn't be like, oh, he's covering up

a bald spot. It's just like, oh, the sun might come back out for the first time ever tonight. And at the same time, the roof might blow off the joint. And then when everybody else is freaking out about the apocalypse, you're just like, I got this shit. What if you found out the sun makes hair grow? And with the sunglasses, you're actually keeping it from growing.

Fuck, man, that's tough. I would lose the sunglasses. Think about that instead of following children. He's asking the tough questions. Do you live in a van in Venice? I don't. That's a good guess, though. Would you like to?

I have a friend looking for someone with a Kickstarter. Fuck yeah, man. Well, there you go. That's at Invalid Timmy on Twitter. Thanks, guys. Oh, wait. What's his name again? Timmy Day. Timmy guys. Oh, wait. What's his name again? Timmy Day. Timmy Day.

Oh, this is Timmy Day. Okay. Good job, Timmy. I think that joke can work in the right prison. It really is. It's a long way for pedophile wordplay, right? It'll get you killed, but you'll go out smiling. You're right. Fuck yeah. Do you guys remember, we were just at the Podfest a few weeks

ago, and with Maren and Benson there, it came up, they were talking about their first few minutes that they wrote and performed. Do you guys remember any of that, that you first had, your first first set? My first set was right on this stage stage in the belly room yeah wow that is so cool killed yeah and then my next one i just bombed because i thought that's just how i was always gonna be yeah i didn't know this room was so easy right see look

anyone they just laughed at anything no it was yeah was, yeah. What about you, Kirk? My first set was downstairs. November 11, 2002. And I did three minutes where I was pretending I was Jesus' brother, James. Wow. Because I had the hair and the beard, and I was really going with that angle. You played a character? Listen, I went out strong, man.

James of Nazareth? I did not get one laugh because I was actually pretending that I was him. I wasn't being a character. I was being him. And then after three minutes, I said, this was funny this morning in front of the mirror. And then they laughed. And then I understood comedy. Right.

Did you wear the Jesus outfit? I wore James' outfit. Which was mostly jeans and a t-shirt. Jesus was the one that wore the decorative sheet. His brother wore denim? Yeah. That's why it didn't work as much.

It almost sounds like the kind of thing... I might bring back that joke. Yeah, I was just gonna say it seems like the kind of thing... Fuck,, I have a Kickstarter for James' brother. But that was... I remember that night. Yeah, that had to be interesting. I remember thinking of, like, types of characters that I would... It seems like an easy way to break that. I had read an article where they found a little casket,

and they thought James had been in it. And so I just went with that angle. That's so funny. That's the name that they had for him? Jesus' brother was James? Yeah. Wow. Listen, I didn't pick the name.

I just went with the comedy. It didn't work then. It doesn't work now. Some jokes just fucking don't... Patriot, if you're ever going to do a set of stand-up, the man under the suit, what do you think a major premise of your first three minutes would be?

I'd just introduce him to who I am and tell him about my first crush on a female brother was Thelma on Good Times. A female brother? I'd close with that. I wouldn't open with that. For some reason. Close with that.

Make that your closer, Patriot. Yes, yes. The great close with that. I wouldn't open with that. For some reason. Close with that. Make that your closer, Patriot. Yes, yes. The great metaphysical poet John Donne said, no man is an island. But if what I'm saying is true and every man's at the center of his own universe, ironically, the opposite is true. We'll decide

if it's ironic. I saw both arms twitch after that. I don't know if you really believed in what you just said. It was a double twitzer, Tony.

Oh my God, what is that? That John Donne material is great for comedy. Yeah, I know. Super topical. I'm very deep. Okay,

we got another name. Put your hands together for your next comedian, Eric Carter, everybody. Eric Carter. I remember this guy. He's from Mississippi. What's up, everybody? How we doing?

I'm getting drunk in Hollywood tonight because I got a place to crash. It's called a 405. Before, I became a comic. I used to want to It's called a 405. Before I became a comic, I used to want to be a time traveler. I wanted to be a time traveler until I saw what it did to Michael J. Fox. No shit.

But I don't care. Thank you. I was waiting on that. I don't care how cool you think Brad Pitt is. He's always fucking Billy Bob's leftovers. South is rising again. Now, it's fun. It's fun.

It is fun as hell being a southerner in Southern California. Everybody's real nice. The prettiest broads buy me drinks. This is what whores feel like. No whores out there? Wow. Eric Carter. Now, I remember you just arrived from Mississippi a few weeks ago.

That's right. You made your stand-up debut on this show. I lied about that because I was so damn nervous because I felt like I let you down. But my very first stand-up was in Hermosa Beach, and that little masturbator, Robert Wiseman, he's the one that got me doing comedy. The one who jerked off to the yearbooks. Oh, okay. Wow. Really throwing your one off to the yearbooks. Oh, okay. Wow.

Really throwing your one friend under the bus there. And that video's actually on YouTube. It's called Carter's First Time at Stand-Up, and I was living in a youth hostel in Hermosa. Carter, you do not need to scream. I'm sorry. I'm excited. I'm starstruck.

Starstruck with a D. Oh, man, Eric Carter. I mean, he is charming. He really is, right? Starstruck or starstruck, sir? Whatever the correct way of saying it, but you get where I'm going. I'm just curious. Eric, what if it's Eric Carter or Carter?

Yes, ma'am. It's Carter. Your name's Carter. Eric Carter. But you go by Carter? Yes, ma'am. It's Carter. Your name's Carter? Eric Carter. But you go by Carter? Yes, ma'am. Are you just saying that to agree with me? No, I really do.

Like, when I used to play football as a kid, Coach always called me Carter. Carter. Carter. Carter. Yeah. I think you could really benefit from a catchphrase. What's that?

Like, you know, like, yeah. Because you said, oh, shit. And everybody loved it. So maybe you should, like, you know, like, yeah. Because you said, oh, shit. And everybody loved it. So maybe you should, like, you know, work on it. I'm going to trademark that. Carter, I got to say, I like your passion. Thank you. I like you, too.

You came out swinging. And I really, for some reason, I think you and your pal, Wiseman. Yes. You're the fucking future of comedy. and your pal, Wiseman? Yes. You're the fucking future of comedy. No, I think you guys are a one-two punch

that will eventually click. Well, we're about to start a podcast. I know you fucking are. I know you're about to do something. It's going to be called ER, Eric and Rob. Why wouldn't it be? Yeah. I like you.

I think you're in the right business. Heck yeah. You know, the joke I liked was, I don't care how fine Brad Pitt is, he's still fucking Billy Bob Thornton's leftovers. And I got to tell you, that's a good joke. That's true. Thank you.

Patriot, I did not know you had impressions in your repertoire. I like that. I like the way he sounds. I can listen to him all night. He's funny. Thank you. Patriot, I did not know you had impressions in your repertoire. I like that. I like the way he sounds. I can listen to him all night. He's funny. Thank you. I can listen to you too, Patriot. Also, Carter, you got swagger and you got confidence. Yeah, totally. That's what I said. That passion. Thank you. Well, I didn't drive six states out here to be a little candy-ass

artist. I drove out here to be number one and I ain't selling for nothing less. Fuck yeah. Just shoot for the top ten. Just shoot for the top ten. Just shoot for the top ten. One is highly fucking... It's unreachable. Slow it down there, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

I'd be happy to be 18. Patriot, what do you think about this gentleman's feet? If you guys open a toad. I like to listen to, but I told you, I only like girls' feet. I don't like guys' feet. No. I don't go that way. That's why you should always wear covered shoes on stage.

Well, I just got back from Dana Point. That's where I live at. I've been on Laguna. You live in Dana Point? Yes, ma'am. Heck, yeah. That's the only place where they sell that shirt. Everyone from Mississippi, they end up in Dana Point.

I'm fortunate enough. I got a rich, fancy aunt from out here. She's letting me live with her rent free and I just give her muscle and I'm her cousin Eddie from Mississippi. Oh my God. Wait, what exactly is give her muscle? Just get some cameras in that goddamn house. I do maintenance around here.

Oh, you say give her muscle? I mean, not that way, but I pretend. What, you do poses for her and she lets you stay there? That's crazy. Mississippi's awesome. That's a long drive out here, right? Like an hour? Yeah, and it's damn worth it. You have a very good attitude.

I love him. Isn't he great? I told you when you were here a few weeks ago, come back, Eric. I'm so glad you did. Put your hands together for Eric Carter, everybody. Hey, thank you. You're welcome. Here, hit the rock. Hey, thank you. You're welcome. Here, hit the rock. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Good luck. I got you, Eric. Am I crazy, but I feel like no one in LA talks like that. No, they don't. I know, but there's got to be other people here. How come he's the only person I've ever heard not in a movie? Everyone. No, they don't. That's why... Fresh off the boat. I know, but someone... There's got to be other people here. How come he's the only person I've ever heard not in a movie?

Everyone from Mississippi is in Dana Point. Yeah. Really? That's where the money is. That's where they think the Hollywood dream is, is Dana Point.

They go there for the Dana Point sign. But just so people know, Dana Point is like very glamorous, like past Malibu. It's like beautiful beach. Oh, and everybody's real friendly there, too. Well, Dana Point... Dana Point is south. It's south of Malibu. It's a beautiful beach. Everybody's real friendly there, too.

Data Point is south. It's south of Malibu. Well, whatever. It's nice. John Reeve talks kind of like him. He's a little more of a sophisticated. There he goes. It's Eric Carter on Twitter. That's CallMeEC.

CallMeEC on Twitter. He's obsessed. Fresh off the boat. That guy could be a star. He's like Larry I feel I have played golf with him already. He didn't come here all the way from six states to be no candy ass number 50. I didn't fucking leave Mississippi behind

and a million dollar estate to come out here and not fucking kick ass. I have met a lot of brand new comics. Did you see those slippers? Heck yeah, he's from Mississippi.

He's a real leather. He killed that cow. In Hermosa. That was way to Dana Point. You did a great job, honey. We see you. He's actually got a great point about Billy Bob's got some mojo. Right? Does he? I mean, he's actually got a great point about, you know, Billy Bob's got some mojo, right? Does he? I mean, he must. Yeah.

I mean, he was like. But that was when he came out with that movie Sling Blade. He got like Academy Award. He was like a number one movie. So she fucked him. Right. Yeah, you're right. I don't think it's that big.

Yeah, she's a bit warped. I don't think there's anyone in this room that couldn't fuck her. Yep. Eric Carter told me that. Did you ever hear Mike Tyson tell that story about how he caught Brad Pitt and Robin Gibbons was at his house after he broke up with her?

So Brad Pitt also, he got the leftovers. Mike Tyson left that. Fucking good story. Yeah, great job. Great job, Patriot. Come in with some fucking good stories. What do people listening think this man looks like?

They know what he looks like. He's one of the... They made a T-shirt for Kill Tony. One of the fans did. And lo and behold, when the smoke cleared, it's just his face. It's the entire T-shirt. And it says Kill Tony in front of it. They love him, man.

The Patriots. We found out so much crazy stuff about this guy. I mean, he's so cool. I was actually starstruck when I got to meet him for the first time just a couple weeks ago. The man behind the suit. And he came out. Sure enough, he rolls out of his car, three crates of all this stuff that he brought because he always comes dressed as the

Iron Patriot. He can't even sit down in that uniform. He has to take the bus here because it'll let him stand up the entire way from where he lives. Do you stand under the bus or do they hook you to the front? No, I go halfway back. That'd be pretty funny like this, yeah. If I was her, yeah.

Oh my God, that's the greatest thing I've heard. That is my favorite Iron Man joke ever. Yeah. Oh yeah, exactly. How do we get that for just like 30 seconds? Excuse me, Mr. Bus Driver. This is going to sound crazy at first. You arrive in this outfit?

Yeah, yeah. I'm good to go. When I get off the bus, I walk down here and I'm just ready to do it. I don't have to worry about bringing it all down here and all that crap.

You know, I'm ready. That is amazing. Yeah, one more time for the Iron Maid show. And you can park anywhere. All right, let's keep this fun train moving along. Your next comedian

goes by the name of Matt Gass. You know what that means. Wow. It was an interesting ending. Maybe they hear how hard we are on them. No, it's not that. They always come up to me the next week like, hey man, I think I got blocklisted last week.

All right, put your hands together for Melanie Baldonado. Thank you. Thank you. Am I here? Oh, thank God. I don't know why people go out of their way to buy license plate holders that don't match the description of their cars. I saw Spoiled and Loving It. It was attached to a Honda Civic. Spoiled and loving it?

How about low maintenance and satisfied? I never get the princess ones. Yield to the princess. I saw one of those attached to an old Kia. It's like, what's your dad the king of? Koreatown? Where's your driver? Oh, man, I'm single.

Boo-hoo for me. I've got problems, but I'll tell you my biggest problem is that I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm still in love with the person my ex-boyfriend could have been. It's too late for us now, though. John Stamos. I think that's my minute.

That is, exactly. You nailed it as soon as you said, I think that's my minute. That's a great premise. The premise of the license plate holder is not matching the thing. Those are two funny ones. I wonder if there's something, you know, like you never, if there's one that's another one like that, like something cool. And I know you're not doing that good because there's a pink mustache on the front of your car. Like they're giving people.

And that could be like, you know, whatever. You could mix that in there. But it's such a great premise that it's, yeah, I don't know. I'm obsessed with the vanity plates. Those are funny, too. I saw one the other day. It was I won an Emmy. That's so sad.

You know that's a double assistant editor one time only. You think you're only going to win, and you have to know you're only going to win one Emmy when you get that as your license plate. Oh, my neighbors, it says I'm a doctor. Like, how hard up are you for pussy? Right, right.

Is he a doctor? I mean, he's probably like a dentist or something. Right. Yeah, he's not a great doctor. The Koreatown one, I liked a lot, but it seems like you could use something other than Koreatown because that's a good idea for like, you know, what is your Prince of?

Prince of, I don't know, Koreatown seems kind of, I don't know, maybe not right. Yeah, it seems like a localized. You can say Kia Town. Koreatown's great. Koreatown's definitely a local, local reference. And I still wouldn't see exactly, because a Kia is still a Saturn, right? Isn't that the same company? Or am I wrong? I don't even know what's

what. Kia. What's Kia? Kia Sorento. It is Korea? Kia's a car. It's a car? No, I know it's a car. Jesus, the Korean guy's freaking out right now. How dare you? It just seems like it didn't seem shitty

enough for the joke. I would try to think of something shittier. We get it. You live in Koreatown, right? No, I don't. I don't, but... I just don't think that place is that bad. I don't think I will believe it. Pick another town.

Pick Dana Point. I don't know. No, I agree with you. I think you could play around with that. Does it usually work really good? It does, but I feel like you're supposed to have a third in comedy, and I can't think of a good third to kind of top those two. So just like there.

Did Judy Carter tell you that? Right. She did. Did she really? Really? Judy Carter and then somebody else did. You're being serious right now, or are you fucking with us? I've read like five comedy books. I'm very, very studious.

Wow. I'm on my sixth. Don't laugh. Wow. Why have we not written books? What are we doing? I've written them. You don't send them to the publisher. Judy Carter will be like, oh, you were a homecoming queen?

Then you should wear a crown on stage like she says bring a wand Jamie Masato is my favorite I have one of those I had done the Laugh Factory open mic a few times that's a good joke about your ex-boyfriend I'm going to use it

wait what was Jamie's advice to you Jamie's advice to me you Jamie's advice to me, and you know, you wait out there for hours to get up at this crazy middle-of-the-day open mic. I mean, it's ridiculous. I'm pretty sure they still do it the same way. Anyway, it's terrible.

You can't swear or whatever. Oh, that's a different story, actually. Anyway, he told me, for comedy advice, he goes, buddy, buddy, very funny, but you know what you need to do? You come back, you be wearing cowboy hat. Everybody will connect with you. You be middle of America.

Very good. Someone told me that. And you didn't do that, did you? No, definitely not. That's why it's taking you a little longer than you were hoping. Yeah. But is it true that Mitzi, who owns this place, she told some guy, like, you should change your name to Johnny Bananas

and wear a yellow suit like a banana. I think she would do that with people that she didn't like. Instead he wears a Patriot suit. But I also, I've heard tons of stories of her giving people, like, crazy advice. Like, I heard one even recently, most recently, a couple weeks ago, somebody's like, you know, Louis Anderson was talking about how he said, you know, he performed here, blah, blah, blah. And she goes, wear a sweater.

Next time I see you, I want to see you wearing a sweater. He wore a sweater and, like, just started booking a bunch of shit immediately because he's a sweater comedian that's what she said he was and it turns out there wasn't even like a definition of sweater comedian but mitzi's a different thing you can't get there mitzi to judy carter right exactly judy carter is someone who's trying to quantify comedy and like almost like it's math or something right what's the best piece of advice that you've read or gleaned from these books that's really worked for you you know I'll tell you the best piece of advice I got in college

it tops all the books and it's do something you like so well you do it for free but do it so well they'd pay you for it that tumps it all I want to know all this reading I think from Comic Insights, I like, Louis Anderson has a piece of advice in terms of timing,

and he says, don't say it until you feel like you have to say it. Like, when you feel the, like, in terms of your timing, to get it down, I guess, until you feel like it has to burst from your body. So just. And Louis knows a lot about things bursting from his body.

Here's a piece of advice. Mitzi told me she's like, treat 3,000 people like three, and three like 3,000. Oh, that's amazing. That's amazing. Hey, can I ask something? Nope. Does anybody know, when is the last time Mitzi was at this club?

Two weeks ago. Really? There you go. By accident. She walked in here by accident. What the fuck is this place? I mean, how sick is she? Where's that fucking banana I'm looking for? Give me a sweater. Fuck yeah.

Hell yeah. Well, there you go. You have a beautiful smile, too. What's her name? Melanie Baldonado. You can follow her on Twitter at MelanieBComedy. I think I already do. You do now.

I think that pink mustache thing will kill, by the way. Yeah. Because then it doesn't even matter what the vanity, but it's just funny picturing that thing. I actually saw a Porsche yesterday with a handicap placard hanging from the rearview mirror. It was a brand new Porsche. What about it? No, I saw a Porsche. It was a brand new Porsche. What about it?

No, I saw a Porsche and it had a handicap placard. It was like, you know, I'm handicapped, but give me a car that is the hardest thing to get in and out of so no one will even notice that I'm handicapped. Right. I would buy a handicap placard. I want one of those. Hell yeah.

You could buy them. How much are they? I think it's pretty cheap, like 80 bucks. You do live there! Really? You can buy those in Koreatown? Yeah, they're pretty easy to get. Actually, we know a couple comic friends that actually have them.

Are they handicapped? No. But they have the handicapped thing so they can just park anywhere. Is there like a secret passcode in Koreatown to get one of those? Like do you have to go to a Chinese restaurant and be like, I'll take the number 73? Something like that.

86. All right, your next comedian goes by the name of Bo Scott, everybody. Here we go. Good name. From San Diego.

I know this guy. American comedy coach. Hey guys, my name's Bo. I'm going to try to make you guys laugh. Before I do, there's something I need to get out of the way. Alright, now that shit's out of the way. Let's begin. Alright, there's been a lot of talk about bananas in here tonight. Figured out how to get free bananas for life.

You can grow that shit. Look how fucking good I am at this. That's why I don't understand why there's still starving people in the world. I realize money doesn't grow on trees. But food fucking does. It does. I don't understand that shit, man. Halloween's coming up.

I'm giving out bouillon cubes. I don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween yet Thinking about either a mailbox There you go Fizzling out there at the end I had a good punch right there at the end What was it going to be? I was going to say I was either going to be a mailbox Or I was going to put goats on all my fingers

And be Edward Goat Hands Alright, anyway mailbox or I was going to put goats on all my fingers and be Edward Goat Hands. Alright. Anyway. You had a chance to finish before that line. Yeah. What was the physicality you were doing there? I have a right arm twitch. Are you kidding?

Yeah. Yeah, he is. He's trying to make a call back to an underdeveloped joke. Why did you do that? I don't know. You don't know why you were pretending like you were playing the drums for that first joke? I don't know what that was. Are you a mystery to yourself? I was really good at it. When I first started comedy, I was really bad at it.

Do you know anybody that... I'm just curious. No, I'm fascinated. How did the banana fit into that? So can we just explain to the audiences at home, like he was doing some crazy physicality where he said that fruit grows on trees, but then it was like he was playing a drum?

I think it's better that the people at home don't know what he's doing. He had one foot up, and the other foot was like, or hand was karate chopping, making a weird sound. It had actually nothing to do with what I was saying. Why did you do that? For those of you just listening to the audio, when you get home, go home and just download the video

just to watch this one part and make sure that you have a rope or a gun with a bullet in it handy. Now, were you implying that you can make money doing that? I do make money doing that. By that move? Yeah. I can do it for a lot longer than that. I only had a minute,

but I could go for it. Do they pay you to stop doing it? What kind of Persian kingdom are you working in where some guy's making you do that for hours at a time? Look at the white guy that I keep over here

for only $100 an hour. He doesn't even know what he's doing. He just keeps doing this thing where he lifts his leg and moves his arm back and forth. We feed him bananas. So basically your last joke, you could put for Halloween 10 goats on all your fingers and be Edward Goat Hand. Right. You could really substitute any now. Anything.

You could be Edward Cow Hands. You could be Edward Banana Hands. Goat was the best I could do, I think. Edward. What's funnier than Goat Hands? Anybody. Anything. I want to know

because that's my favorite joke of all time. Let's just say going with Goats on that was a bad decision. Thank you, everybody. Nothing gets worse than Goat Hands. You can make any bad joke at that point. No, it's awesome. I'm speechless, which is a good...

That's good. I really just... I'm still confused about... Do you often break out into some physical things that are incongruent to what you're talking about during your set? I just try to make things uncomfortable. People will get to know me over time, but right now...

Oh, that's cool. That's great. People don't know about me, but you guys will know about me one day. Oh, that's great. No, we believe you. When you moved the mic stand? Yeah, actually. Yeah, I like that.

I thought about that. I got to be honest with you. You made me very uncomfortable, so you succeeded. Would you call your comedy abstract? Or, yeah, off the wall, I think I would call it. I hate doing comedy on walls and shit. Yep. Heck yeah.

This is a fun room. Yeah, it is. It's fun, right? Don't let it fool you. Believe me, all your sets aren't going to be this good. Yeah. We're not always going to be here for you. Nice.

You connected, man. You believed in what you said. That's all that matters. How many great shows do you have? Do you have a lot of great shows? Yes. That's good. Do you get up a lot?

Yeah. How many times a week? Two. I had a show last night in San Diego. I grew up in San Diego. Cool. What part? Pacific Beach. That's where I learned to do this.

I can do this for hours. I made 60 grand last year. For folks at home. Usually I'm in a car trying to get the brakes to stop. Fuck yeah, Bo. Do you live down in San Diego?

No, he just moved here. Yeah. Oh, no, no. I just moved here. Yeah, actually, like two weeks ago. What are you, his manager? Did you just fly him here

when I asked? Wait, was that a trick question? Look, he's going to be a big deal, guys. You don't get the foot thing, but he's been working on it and now he can do it pretty well. He started out with his left foot, and that wasn't working.

Right. I can't do it on my right foot at all. Isn't that the one that you did it with? Are you dyslexic? Wait a fucking second. This joke is starting to work. Holy shit, you're on to something. Fuck yeah, who would have thought

if we could get a Q&A involved with that joke that's true we're going on the road with you I'm there heck yeah just us

and fucking goat hands I love it thank you so much Bo Scott there you go see you Bo San Diego that's

at Bo underscore Scott on Twitter. We'll see that movie. For those of you listening, if you want to chat with Bo Scott, it's Bo underscore Scott. I'm not done with him. I'm fucking calling him. And there's also a line here.

I got to find out what makes that guy tick. There's also a line on these sign-up sheets that has their name, their Twitter handle, and the topic. His topic was Halloween backslash goats. Well, guess what? He fucking nailed it.

He did. He did not forget either. Halloween's coming up. Halloween, Halloween, goats. Let's keep flying through this Mike Stanley everybody Mike Stanley Hey everybody How are ya?

It's good to be here I just went back home To Detroit Which is beautiful This time of year You guys The way the sunlight Hits the poverty It's just Breathtaking I just went back home to Detroit, which is beautiful this time of year, you guys. The way the sunlight hits the poverty. It's just breathtaking.

Times are tough. I was in my buddy's apartment recently drinking Sanka, chit-chatting, stealing his neighbor's Wi-Fi when he pulled an envelope off of his coffee table and he goes, look at this. Jury duty. How am I going to get out of this? And I was like, look, look dude you're 35 unemployed and live in detroit if i were you i would probably take it just for the paycheck unless you've cooked up some pyramid scheme that involves you taking bong rips and playing xbox i don't really see a lot of

career opportunities coming down the pike my man and he said i know how i'll get out of it i'll just say i'm racist yeah you are racist he said. He said, come on, Mike, I'm not racist. I said, if your plan to get out of jury duty is to say that you're racist, that means you're automatically assuming that whoever's on trial is going to be a minority, which sounds pretty fucking racist to me. And he said, well, I heard that if you say you're racist,

they have to let you out of jury duty. Oh, shit. There you go. All right. Hell yeah. It's got a long jury duty joke. First of all, I'm glad that you took the sunglasses off your head

and got rid of the PBR from earlier. That's rude. That's a different guy? No, I'm kidding. Fuck yeah. That's a lot of? No, I'm kidding. Fuck yeah. That's a lot of jury duty. Yeah. Hell yeah.

That was a clever joke. I thought it was good. I wanted to hear the whole thing. I thought it was quick, and I just wrote it last week, so I thought it was fast enough to be able to do it. That meow is hard to hear.

It is. That's why the West Hollywood Bears are out. Yeah. Yeah, the whole thing's basically... So can you really get out of jury duty if you're racist? That's what I heard. That's what everyone says. Every time anybody get out of jury duty if you're racist? That's what I heard. That's what everyone says.

Every time anybody has to serve jury duty, they're always like, well, I'll just say I'm racist. Really? That's terrible. Which I think if you're. I don't think. I think maybe your friends say that. Probably. Has anybody else heard that, though?

Yeah. That's what everybody says. God, you're all racist. When I was at jury duty last time, they made an announcement to the loudspeaker, and they were like, just because you do not speak English is no reason you cannot perform jury... Because people were trying to get out of it

by, like, I don't speak English. And they were like, absolutely not. That still means you have to be a part of this system. Well, the thing about it is, they don't pull you aside and ask you in private. So he has to announce it in front of everybody. hey everybody i'm a racist it's like good luck with that he should just walk in wearing a sheet and a hood yeah then he won't even have to say it i think that was in the family guy that whole racist thing also i think that's how peter got out well

you know it would be what could be funny is if what if the person that you have to tell that what if what if the person doing the questionnaire, like, are you racist, is like a giant black guy. Right. He's like, well, who are you racist against? Well, exactly. If you're in Detroit, good luck fucking running that at the flagpole in a crowded courtroom.

Right. Well, what if he says, I'm racist. Yeah, everyone is. This is Detroit. Just fucking sit down and let's vote. Is it true you could buy a house there for $30 right now? Not $30. You can get one for like $10,000 for

sure. $10,000. Or a car for $30. Depending. You can get them for like $2,000 in some spots. $2,000 for a house? Yeah. Right. You could get one for $30. You just put $30 down and you make payments of $10. The Chinese are actually buying up a ton of land in Detroit right now.

The Chinese are buying Detroit? They're buying huge chunks of it. It's a good idea. They're going to make a beautiful golf course in Detroit. At least the car business will start booming again there. Not the way we expected it to. Seriously, think about it. You can buy a house

for $100 right now. If you just buy, like, a whole fucking neighborhood for, like, $1,000, you know that shit in, like, 10, 20 years is going to be worth more. Yeah, but you'll be dead. Yeah, we could just all fly to Detroit and have, like, a crazy weekend party. Listen, let's all get together and just go to Detroit, every one of us, and buy up a little town. Just fucking let's party it out.

Let's start our life together. Brian, what makes you think that there's not going to continue to be an exodus there? You think people are going to have a resurgence in that shit town? I mean, the government just gave them a shitload of money very recently to rebuild. And if you actually go to Detroit, if you go downtown, it's actually really nice downtown.

It's okay. It's a lot better than it was. And they just got a shitload of money to make it better. And I saved a fortune on car insurance. Is there an art scene there? Yeah. Cool, man. Art's a guy who just lives downtown.

That's the art scene. Hey, did you guys ever see that movie, Pauly Shore, Jury Duty? Unfortunately. That's a pretty funny one. But there was two times I went to jury duty. There was two times I went, and I think this is how I got out of it. The most important question they ask you is, if you have to take

off for a trial, will your employer pay you while you're doing the jury duty? And if you answer no to that, I think you'll get out of it, because that's what I did two times. Listen, I think just show up in that outfit, I think you can get out of jury duty. I'm here to fight crime. Yeah.

Get the fuck out of here. Get back on the front of the bus, kid. Yep. Benji told me that Pauly, speaking of Pauly Shore, that he was live tweeting his colonic today.

I saw that. I actually saw Benji retweeting. See, Benji and Sandy are two of my really great friends that on top of doing many other great things, they open up for Pauly all the time. They have a lot of followers on Twitter. The people that follow, they follow Pauly.

And anytime Pauly does something insanely silly or crazy, maybe even that he shouldn't be doing, like for example live tweeting a, what is it called? A colonic. I feel like that's a butter vine. I saw this picture. maybe even that he shouldn't be doing. Like, for example, live tweeting a, what is it called? A colonic. A colonic. I feel like that's a butter vine.

I saw this picture. Yeah, but I saw this picture earlier of just Pauly being like, here we go, bro, hashtag colonic. And it's just a picture of Pauly underneath a blue hospital sheet with his feet sticking out at the end of the bed. Heck, yeah. It's nothing sacred. His colonic's putting the duty

in jury duty, if you know what I'm saying, people. Hello. A duty joke? Nothing? All right. Still making sure. Do you ever give yourself the cat? Yeah, I get the bear sometimes. It is pronounced with a liquid U.

Duty. Oh, a duty. No liquid U. Duty. Oh, a duty. No, duty. Duty. Jury duty. Oh, yeah, it is. I mean, if you want to get technical. Jury duty. It's not jury duty.

It's a liquid U. Duty. Duty. Thank you. Oh, it's a duty that we're doing. No, it's a duty. It has a Y in it. Duty.

It's a fucking duty, am I right? What are we talking about here? Fuck yeah, Mike Stanley. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. At MikeStanley1 on Twitter. Good work, Mike. That's the only MikeStanley1 on Twitter right there. Believe it or not, he was able to get that.

I bet there's a lot of Mike Stanley 2s, 3s, and 4s that are like, whoever this one guy is. But he's got six Ys on the end of it. All right. Your next comedian goes by the name of Josh Borst. He's dressed like Minnie Pearl. He can slap Danny so much. Whoa.

You know what that means? Blacklisted. Is that all the music rights you can afford? Josh Borst, good luck with your career, because Kill Tony is never going to be part of it again, motherfucker. I don't even know who it is. What makes it funny is that I'll have to apologize to him next week. Hey, look at this.

Sarah Weinshank, everybody. Cards win by the way they held their eyes. So if you don't mind my saying, I can see you're out of aces for a taste of... What's up, everyone? How we doing? I'm not well. Not at all. I called my dad to see how his doctor's appointment went.

He said, it went great. The old man's got a prostitute of a young 20-something. Thanks, Dad. My dad's one of those people that's out of shape. My dad is one of those people that's out of shape. My dad is one of those people that's out of shape. He's like one of those out of shape older men that thinks that he's in shape. And he's constantly giving unsolicited workout advice. You know what you gotta do?

You gotta shock your body. You gotta shock it. As he's just eating like pastrami on rye. He's like, yeah, just gotta shock it as he's just eating like pastrami on rye he's like yeah just gotta shock your body the only thing worse than getting unsolicited workout advice from someone who's out of shape is getting unsolicited workout advice from someone who's super douchey and fit

right like no thanks I'm good like don't be giving me workout advice unless I ask I spent a long time last week No thanks, I'm good. Like, don't be giving me workout advice unless I ask. I spent a long time last week thinking about who invented the salad tongs. Then I Googled it. I still don't have an answer, so that's good. She wasn't even going in that bear's making noises.

Bear just wanted to say hi to her. I think Sarah's a natural performer. So do I. Sarah, I think you're funny as fuck. Thank you. Did you learn how to connect with charisma from Judy Carter? No, I don't even know who Judy is. I gotta be honest.

Good. Don't. Stay away from her. Unfortunately, I don't know Jude. Oh, you're already on a nickname basis with her, though. Fuck yeah. Was there an end to the salad tongs thing? I'm curious.

Well, I was originally going to talk about how I have a weird train of thought and how I was driving and that just popped in my mind and then it was really bothering me. I don't know. I always have looked at... The reason why I ask is because I've always looked at salad tongs as a pretty interesting device, you know, because for cleaning purposes, they come apart normally, right?

I mean, some of them, most of them, at least you snap them together and then they're a thing. I mean, if you snap them apart, they look really silly because it's just like this giant fork and this giant spoon. It's just for lazy people that can't just... Well, yeah. I was going to go salad tongs then into lazy Susans.

Right. Potentially, actually. Do it. I would. One day. It almost seems like salad tongs were invented because of the one person and the one family, the first family member for somebody to lose an arm.

And they're like, you know, it's going to get weird when Steve has to get his salad. I wonder if we should just connect the fork and the spoon so that he just has to go like this. Does your dad give you a lot of advice? Oh, yeah. My dad gives me a lot of advice. Are you close with him? I'm close with him.

Yeah. We're close, but we're not like too close. You know what I mean? You don you close with him? I'm close with him, yeah. We're close, but we're not, like, too close. You know what I mean? You don't live with him? I don't know. Like, we're not, like... You mean you're not fucking your father? The only thing he's inside is your heart.

He's not giving you muscle? Like, no. He's not giving me muscle. I mean, no, like, I'm really... I don't, like, overshare stuff with him. You know what I mean? Like, you know how some people overshare with their parents? We're not like friends.

He's like my dad, so we're close. He likes pastrami? The answer is yes to everything. We're close, and yes, he likes pastrami. I like your dad, too. Where does he live? In Encino. Oh, that's nice.

Oh, he's an Encino man. He is. You guys didn't work with me with jury duty. Don't laugh at that Pauly Shore joke then You sons of bitches You can pick When you want to laugh You don't get to have

Your cake and eat it too That's the kale talking guys Yeah I think you're gonna I think you're gonna be a star Thank you Yeah you really do Have a fun charisma about you

Thank you And are you nervous really do have a fun charisma about you. Thank you. And are you nervous right now, though? Am I nervous? I'm a little. I was nervous when the microphone, when I,

I thought it wasn't on, but I was like, fuck it. Yeah, the guy in front of you turned it off. I feel, I feel excited and comfortable,

but a little bit nervous. Doesn't she remind you of Kate Micucci? Kate Micucci? I don't know who that is. Is that the name of your vagina, Natasha? Doesn't that remind you of Kate Micucci? She's in Garfunkel and Oates.

Oh yeah, totally. Now I feel like an asshole. I do know who that is. It's not my name. Just keep doing comedy. You're funny. Hell yeah, absolutely. You're funny. Hell yeah. Absolutely. You're an actress also? Awesome stuff.

I do like, yeah, some stuff. Make sure you act. Go act. Yeah. If you want a podcast, meet me after. There you go. There you go. Do you have a boyfriend?

Yes. Is he a comedian? Podcast just got canceled. Podcast is canceled. No, he's not a comic. He's not? He's a normie? He's a normie. He makes film stuff. Oh, he's not a comic. He's not? He's a normie. He's a normie.

He makes film stuff. Oh, he makes money. Great. That's awesome. He's not super successful. Who is? Yeah. Once you get rid of this guy.

This guy seems to be holding you back. You don't even know what he does. Stick with your father father he cares about you I'm with Kurt on this one I thought it was funny when she said she didn't want unsolicited advice even from the person that's in fit that is in shape I forget he's here sometimes

yeah I know and then all of a sudden it goes off I feel like it's an alarm like where's my snooze? Shut the fuck up. That would be great. Just like the voice, if we had buttons to where we can silence the Patriot, if all three of us agree and we can't see who's...

We could figure that out. There you go. Are you backing up? For those of you that got confused when he said alarm clock and was like, what is that again? Hold on. What have we taken the patriot away from? He works on Hollywood Boulevard?

Sometimes he does that. Most of the time he's working extra work. Are we keeping you from defending America right now? No. Because if that's the case, get the fuck out there and protect us. I'm watching what's going on in this room. Show them your big move that you would do if you had to defend America. What would you do?

Ka-boom, ka-boom. I feel safer. There you go, dude. I'm watching. I'm always watching. I don't want any kind of Batman massacre going on in here. I'm looking around to see if there's any crazy people in here. There she goes.

The very funny Sarah Weinshank, everybody. Great job, Sarah. Great job, Sarah. Good job, Sarah. Follow her on Twitter. That's Princess Shank. S-H-E-N-K. Princess Shank. S-H-E-N-K.

So it's like Shank. Shank. All right. Hey, why don't you get up here and do 60 seconds? Put your hands together for Scott Kidd, everybody. Scott Kidd. I swear to God, this guy gets on every week somehow. I know.

Is it on? Is it on? Hey, everybody. How y'all doing? How y'all doing? On November 2nd, an Avenger will return. But in the meantime,

he's at Pebble Beach playing golf. It's Thor. Thor plays golf, apparently. But he only uses one club, his hammer. And every time he hits the ball at the tee, he goes, Thor!

That's all I wanted to do. Fuck it. Alright, Scott. Scott, that was really something else, bro. That's all you wanted to do. And look how, he did an entire piece of artwork around the topic being Thor. It's like all diamond and roughed.

You put a lot of time into 11 seconds. I can do more, but... It's all right. We don't want you to. I like it. It's okay. No, yeah, he's goofy. He's funny. He gets on like every week.

I'll tell you what, Scott. Go sit down. Go sit down, Scott. Thank you so much. Give it up for Scott Kidd, everybody. You did good. You did good. Next time, do 60 seconds. I have more jokes.

It's okay. Go sit down. Do I have to get the Patriot on you, bro? Scott Kidd, everybody. There he goes. With Thor. You got to do Thor. You don't want anyone to ever do less than 60. Right. It's a newer thing. It's just insulting when somebody does it.

Is that his time? That's after me probably pausing to stop. So you did about 22 seconds or so. Anyway. Why wouldn't you just fucking wave or something like that for 30 seconds? Right. Anything. You could have done anything. You could have not known whether the mic was on like everybody else did tonight.

Or given Thor a different clump. Hey, you know what I'd like to know from the comedians is how many of them actually use a clock at home to practice to. Because it might help to just put a timer for 60 seconds. Zero. Zero. No one does that. Well, sometimes when I know I'm only doing 60 seconds I don't go I remember one thing I did try out when I first

before I went on stage I got a little amp and I got a microphone and I was like testing out using a microphone like making sounds in a microphone and stuff because I had never even used a microphone up to that point before. But looking back at that, that's really dumb. Did you guys have anything that you

did before you went on stage? Did you do that before or after you swallowed cum? I told you. I only tried to be a vegan for a very short time and I... Wait, how did that work again? How did that joke work? You guys...

Oh, you sons of bitches. Alright, every week Wait, how did that work again? How did that joke work? You guys are... Oh, you sons of bitches. All right. Every week, this is an interesting twist that I don't think I got to explain to you guys before, is every week we have two of the same lovely young ladies that go on and do a new 60 seconds each week since episode one. We've reached that point right now.

So with no further hesitation, coming up first this week, put your hands together for Kim Congdon, everybody. At Kimberly Congdon on Twitter, a Kiltoni regular. What's up, guys? So I read this story in the news about an orphan,

a 15-year-old orphan that's looking for a home. His name's Dave Yon. He's from Florida. And he's going to different churches and he's pleading for families. He said he'll take anybody. I'll take any family. And he's going to different churches, and he's pleading for families. He said he'll take anybody. I'll take any family. And it was a big outcome.

People from Sweden, Australia, Iran. Now, I just imagine this. Well, everybody, we have Davion here today. And we're standing before the Lord today because this is a blessing. Today is a blessing, people. Davion, pack your sandbags because you're going to Iran. Yes, we bought you a praying mat. You are no longer Davion Smith.

You are Davion Abubjar. And you are going there. And like a month later, they're interviewing him like, Davion, how do you like your new home? He's like, man, this is awful. I gained 50 pounds dropping out of school. They took my hand because I stole an apple. I'll take any orphanage.

I'll take any orphanage. That's all I've got. Nailed the Bennett. That's an actual news story, right? Yeah. Was it in Texas? It was in Florida. Florida got adopted by an Iranian family.

No, he didn't get adopted by them, but the story had said that there was people writing in from Australia and Sweden and Iran, and I was like, that would suck if he finally got his family and then he got sent and Iran. And I was like, that would suck if he was like, finally got his family and then he got sent to Iran. But here's, the way that joke, that joke would actually, the way it should be is like,

he just wants a family. And then suddenly there's 500 families that want him. And now suddenly he's interviewing these families. So he went from just wanting anyone to like, all right, so where would I be living? Really? No, I'm not. What about you?

Oh, Dana Point? Okay. What kind of car? Would I have a car? Am I going to go to college? Do I have a brother or sister? So all of a sudden, he becomes the biggest dick.

Right. Do you still want to take that 11.30 with Iran? Fuck no. Yeah. You're funny. Thank you. You're committed. Hell yeah.

Definitely. See what? You guys let two different girls go on every week? Yeah. Why? It just organically happened that way. I'm 23. So you're just a child.

Yeah. At the end of episode one, we realized that it was all guys. It was like a real sausage fest in here. And we're like, right before we ended the show, we're like, are there any girls here? Is this her 20th time doing this? It's her 20th time. She was on episode two.

Sarah was on episode one. That's the next comedian. Oh, cool. So she came in and saved the day. 20th time. She was on episode two. So you're on every episode. Sarah was on episode one. That's the next comedian. Oh, cool. Okay. So she came in and saved the day. And then she started very shortly after that. And she actually started on the show. And do you go up other places around town?

Yeah. She quit college to be a stand-up artist. Yeah, I dropped out of college like four or five weeks ago. Yeah, it was originally supposed to be temporary. Out of Harvard? We were like, you could do. Yeah, it was originally supposed to be temporary. At a harbor? We were like, you could do this show. I was at the University of Florida. And you just said, I'm done with school.

Let's go. Well, I was here for an internship. My true calling. She said, later, Gators. And then I started being stand-up, and then I just didn't want to go back. It's a really smart Florida joke. Again, you guys missed. Really smart.

You can't just pre-write that. To say, later, Gators. That's the Florida, University of Florida. That's excellent, Tony. All that. To say later Gators, that's the University of Florida. That's excellent, Tony. That's our bus system. Do you only do jokes about your home state? Yeah, I do. I've done a couple Trayvon Martin

things. Eventually, you've got to move to other states, though. Make sure. Let's try a Georgia joke. Try a Georgia joke. Fuck yeah. Very funny. Kimberly Congdon on Twitter.

There she goes. Kim Congdon. Thank you, Kim. What's amazing is that it's a new ballpark 60 seconds every week that they're kicking out. So it's like a fun, you know, it just keeps you in check. I mean, basically, we all sort of maybe pushed ourselves that hard yeah but she's doing it and it's going to now be

on the internet for the rest of her life well yeah so then when she's selling out Madison Square Garden her fans could be like wow look where she

started from she was doing that Iranian joke alright and ever since episode one here's your other lovely young lady

the one and only Sarah Mostajabi, everybody. I'm half Iranian, Kim Congdon. The other half is just Europe got together, fucked some Cherokees. I don't know, this is how it turned out. And my dad called me this week, and he asked me if I wanted

an all expenses paid trip to Iran to visit my family. I think he misinterpreted when I told him I want to get stoned. Not what I meant. Dad, I watch the Lifetime channel. I know how this shit goes down. If I get in trouble for being sexy here,

I will just be beaten to death there. I'm pretty sure that he just wants to send me there so I can learn to not talk and look at the ground all the time. Hate to break it to you, Dad. You're never going to get nine-year-old me back. It's not going to happen.

Alright, thank you guys. to happen. All right. Thank you, guys. Good job. Fuck yeah. New 50 seconds. You know, you're doing really, really good lately. You definitely have taken over the narration that you used to do of, like, my life sucks. I'm just going to narrate for the next minute of how shitty my life is and how I'm hairy.

You took that to, like, to actually doing bits and stuff, and it's really cool seeing you. You've grown a lot. You started comedy on this podcast? I've been doing it four months. So your first time you ever performed was on this show? The third time ever standing on stage was here. Why do you want to be a comedian?

Making people laugh in stand-up comedy, it's like the first thing I ever fell in love with that didn't have a heartbeat aww aww now going back to that narration shit again

I was just talking about I mean it go shoot yourself falling back on it I just I really like it really is like the first thing that I it's like really just me

and and it it makes me feel great and you know I mean you guys know, standing up here and make people laugh with shit that you made up, it's such a good feeling, you know?

It is cool. I'm going to give you one piece of advice that will change your life. Alright. You actually have that microphone pressed against your chin. Yeah. And it's a habit that it's like your little escape pod.

Keep that fucker away and just open up. Well, also, no one... Like this thing... No, but you press it against your chin. I'm just saying because it's so dirty. For sanitary... You should be glad he wasn't looking at your boobs

the whole set. I've been putting dirty things in my mouth for... All right. Yeah, she's used to that shit. Yeah. No, that is used to that shit. Yeah. No, that is what it is. You fall in love really easily? I just did my first potluck spot right before this.

Still hooked to your chick? We're going to stay focused on what's going on here. Do you fall in love really easily? Yes, it's horrible. Every single person. Do you have a boyfriend right now? No. So who do you fall in love with

anyone that looks at me mostly anime characters anyone who'll give me attention oh you have no respect for me here let me suck it out of you I know it's not healthy you should open with that one

I love you there you go oh what the fuck instant fan I loved her first fucker I think that was jam band I usually fuck

older looking hipster dudes to your end Jesus Christ you think Kirk's a hipster he's got the leather jacket and the black cream glasses come on

that's just being cool first of all I have a stigmatism and I've worn this every day for four years. I don't know how hip that is. Right. Hipsters look at guys like Kirk

and they're like, that's what I want to be. But that doesn't make Kirk the hipster. I didn't know I was older. We're going to get a fresh pair of airwalks. There you go, everybody. Sarah Dresses on Twitter. Sarah Mosajabi. Good job, Sarah.

Dresses on Twitter. At Sarah Dresses. There we go. Another fun episode of Kill Tony down the hatch. That's at Natasha Leggero on Twitter. Anything coming up that you want to promote? We have tens of thousands of listeners, believe it or not, guys. Well, I'll be in Manhattan November 14th through the 17th

at Caroline's. And you can watch my hot tub show. I do an interview show in my hot tub. That is super cool. And that is on my YouTube channel, YouTube slash Natasha. With Pig Bottom. Is Pig Bottom still on it? Pig Bottom is my spa boy.

Played by Moshe Kesher. Moshe Kesher plays a character named Pig Bottom. That is her manslinger. Do you know what a pig bottom does? Basically, I remember... Anything. Does it have goat hands? No, he does not have goat hands.

Kirk, what's happening with you? Next week, I'm going to be doing 60 seconds on Kill Tony. Watch the test. What's the test on? The test is on television. CBS? KTLA 5 every day at 10.30. Watch it. It'll change your life. Hell yeah. It'll make you wonder

why you're not at work. Heck yeah. One of my funniest pals. We're going to be getting coffee with you sometime this week for sure. The Iron Patriot. Thank you so much as always everybody. We're going to Halloween. We're going to be in San Diego. I'm also going to be in Toronto November 5th through the

10th for the Toronto Dark Comedy Festival with David Tell and Gilbert Godfrey. I get to be there for that. Red Band. Yeah. And I'll be with Dean Del Rey in San Francisco in November. Go to DeathSquad.tv for all the tool days. Thank you so much everybody. Thanks Natasha. Thanks Kurt. You're welcome,

Tony.