KILL TONY - KILL TONY #236

Episode Date: October 27, 2017

Ron White, Ali Macofsky, Pat Regan, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Jeremiah Watkins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 10/23/2017 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out DeathSquad.tv for all the past episodes and everything Kill Tony. Click on Tour Dates, and you'll see where Death Squad is at next. We have a big Halloween show coming up October 29th at the world-famous Comedy Store. It's a Sunday, and we have Preacher Lawson on the show. You might remember him from old episodes of Kill Tony and most recently on America's Got Talent. Also, Death Squad with me and Kate Quigley are coming to the Midwest for a small tour.

You got Indiana, November 8th at Morty's Comedy Joint. You got Columbus, Ohio, my home club and town. That's at the Funny Bone, November 9th. And just announced November 10th, Pittsburgh at the Arcade Comedy Theater at their new theater that they just opened up. So check out DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Also, Tony Hinchcliffe has a website and he has a bunch of stuff there, including his tour dates.

He'll be in La Jolla Comedy Store November 10th, November 22nd, and 23rd, and 26th and 28th. He'll be in Australia. So go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. Ryan J. Ebelt is the house artist. He draws every episode. He drew this episode. He drew the poster. You can get all the prints and posters at his website, RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, don't forget

ShopSquad.tv. We have a few hats left, a few shirts left, some stickers, sticker packs that come with Death Squad fidget spinners, go to shopsquad.tv. Alright, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the world-famous Comedy Store Main Room for a brand-new episode of Kill Tony.

Give it up for Tony. It's Clash. Oh, my God. Hello. It's Monday night, and you're at the number one live podcast in the world. It's Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, what's up, everyone? Hello, humans.

It's Josh Martin right there. Comedians, make some fucking noise. What's up? Josh Martin. Bunch of people signed up for the bucket tonight and we're back in it, dude. A bunch of fun stuff happening. I've been doing a lot of stand-up. Just got back from a

couple crazy weekends. And the fun continues. Feels like there's a little bit of an echo in here. La Jolla, November 10th and 11th. Australia, I'm going back. November 22nd to the 28th. Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Sydney. And Philadelphia, January 24th to the 28th. Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Sydney. In Philadelphia, January 24th to the 27th

with my wrestling pals. We're going to the Royal Rumble that weekend. Like a bunch of fucking grown-ups for the second year in a row. I'll be in Indiana, Columbus, Ohio, and Pittsburgh November 8th, 9th, and 10th. We are taking our butts all around the country. And me,

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You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? This is it. You made it. We've been waiting a while for the return of this one. One of our favorite human beings. It's every week on this show. I always promise you the greatest possible guest

humanly fucking possible. And this is as cool as it gets. On top of the many, many credits I could name, he's one of my and my mother's favorite comedians. And yours as well. Put your hands together for the return of one of our favorite humans and one of the greatest comedians in the world, the great Ron White, everybody.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Oh, it's about to fucking go down, bitches. Sporting his trademark number one tequila. Multiple shot glasses. The crowd is going ecstatic right now. One of the baddest ass motherfuckers in the world, the great Ron White. Fuck yeah.

Sporting a nice big bottle of number one tequila. That's not plugged in for some reason. Oh, shit. Oh, Josh. Josh Martin on the ones and twos over here, everybody. Live podcast in front of a live studio audience. The number one live podcast in the world for a reason. Oh, that's just the fake microphone.

The number one. That's the one Josh puts up. The number one live podcast. It just the fake microphone. Just the number one. That's the one Josh puts out there. The number one live pen. It's the stunt mic. Ron motherfucking White, make some noise again. Come on. Thank you, thank you. See?

See, it works now. It works now. Ron, you've done the show a few times. We're excited to have you back. Is that a blunt? No, I would never do anything as un-American as smoke dope in public.

I wouldn't. I swear to God, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it. The great Ryan J.E. Belt is drawing tonight's episode. All of his prints of every single episode are available at ryanjebelt.com. I just saw an amazing t-shirt he made with our friend and guest of last week, Wee Man.

Yeah. Wee Man jumped in the saddle when you couldn't make it from Austin last week. Yeah, sorry about that. Wee Man stepped up big time, which is very hard for a guy like Wee Man to do. LA Speedweed, thanks for the fun. What a great green room we have tonight.

Very powerful. Real green. I'm actually getting a dial tone right now in my head. That's all I hear is a dial tone. I usually have that. Thank you, Speedweed.

I've gotten good at ignoring the impending panic attack that I always feel right before, right after smoking Speedweed. I all of a sudden hate my wife.

It's just something she did a couple weeks ago and now it's bugging the fuck out of me. I'll get over it. For the best flashbacks in marijuana, go to LASpeedweed.com. We have a band, Ron. You know it.

They're goofy as fuck. The saxophonist just got married this past weekend. No, he did not. Yes, he did. To his high school sweetheart. No, he did not. That's cool did, to his high school sweetheart. No, he did not. That's cool as shit. Let's do this shit.

It's the best damn band in the land. Make some noise for the Kill Tony band. It's Pat Reagan, Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris on the bass. Every week they do different characters, and I never know what they're going to do. We never know before the show. And they commit to these characters throughout the show.

Wow. Wait a second. Ugh, the butt crack. What is this supposed to be? Jesus, Jeremiah, no. Are they on roller skates? No. I almost brought my mother here tonight There's Roller Girl

What is this supposed to be? I don't know if I even really get this one at all They're bad girls, obviously We're male prostitutes, Tony We're sex workers Oh, wow We're working men of the night. So you guys are male

prostitutes. Sex workers. Yeah, we've seen you a few times around, Tommy. Wow. You got me there. Everybody knows. Our favorite customer. Talk about one shot.

Joelberg's already on. I'm getting roasted by these dirty hookers. I don't think we've ever bumped heads quite like that before. Oh, we have. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm so excited about this. Did somebody order a room with a view?

I mean, come on. All right. Well, I'm excited to see you guys try to stay in male hooker characters for the next hour and a half. Let's jump right into it, guys. It's motherfucking Kill Tony, shall we? I have a bucket full of names. Over 50 or 60-some people signed up for the chance, these human beings, for the opportunity to perform 60 seconds of stand-up or some kind of show in front of us and the

great Ron White. And then after the 60 Seconds is up, we talk to you about anything in the world. All of a sudden, you're a guest on a podcast. You know your 60 Seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. That means wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

Oh, yeah. There you go. I just squirted. You guys ready to start this motherfucking show or what? Here we go. Kill Tony. Probably 150-something or something crazy. I don't even know. We lose count of this show.

Oh, shit. Ha-ha. Oh, Jesus.? Oh, shit. Ha-ha. Oh, Jesus. Thank you, Daddy. Hey, girl. Jesus, Jeremiah. Wow. All right, I pulled your first name

out of the bucket. We're about to meet somebody. They're going to do 60 seconds, and then we're going to talk to them about anything. Sometimes it's a great young comedian. Sometimes it's a completely insane person. You never know what's going to happen. So let the fun begin with this. What feels like a new name. Sounds new to me.

Put your hands together for Orlando Villarreal. I don't see movement. Let's just keep moving on. It's probably scared. It is a new name. Oh, this looks interesting. Put your hands together for LandoVC.

LandoVC. I'm excited about this. Here we go. Put your hands together for Lando Vici, everybody. What's up? Check, check. Where's that guy? One time. Hello? Check. All right, a little louder, a little louder. What's up, everybody? My name's Lando Vici. Off to a great start, right? My real name is Orlando Vincent Cordova, so I go by Lando Vici. Off to a great start, right? My real name is Orlando Vincent Cordova, so I go by Lando Vici, all right? I don't speak Spanish very well, even though I'm Mexican-American.

All right, it's really embarrassing for me. I go to family reunions, go up to my uncle, say a little Spanish, pretend like I know something. Hola, tio, como esta? You know, hi, how are you, uncle? You don't look like a new, so. And he knows right away I haven't learned Spanish still, and he's like, oh, mijo, you shame to family. You must speak Spanish shame to family.

My Spanish so bad, he sounds Asian in that joke. All right, thanks, guys. I think I'm going to leave it right there. All right. guys. I think I'm going to leave it right there. Talk into the microphone. Yo, Ron White, Texas. What's up? There you go. Everything's bigger in Texas.

Except for your jokes. Lando, welcome to the show. How long have you been on stand-up? Five years. Fuck yeah. Five years. Where at? El Paso, welcome to the show. How long have you been doing stand-up? Five years. Fuck, yeah. Five years. Where at? El Paso, Texas. Right there.

Right on the map, the little point at the end. Yeah, they don't consider us part of Texas. There's a lot of that state we don't need. Yeah, there you go. It's Mexican heaven, though. How long have you been in Los Angeles? For about a week. What was that diva-like behavior at the beginning?

Were you asked to turn the mic up? What does VC stand for? Very cunty? I guess so, pretty much. You know, I've been doing stand-up for 31 years. I could barely get him to turn it on. You've been here for a week, and you're fucking giving out orders, man.

You got to chill a little bit. Now, what's your real name again? Orlando. Orlando what? Vincent Cordova. That is so weird because the first name that I picked up was a guy named Orlando Villarreal. That's not you. Totally different.

And you're Orlando what? VC. Vincent Cordova. So much Orlando in this room. I think the gay hookers have something to do with it. All I can say is I hope Orlando blooms here. What do you do for work? Photo and video. You know Willie Barsena? Anybody know Willie Barsena?

Doing comedy a long time in L.A. Helped him out with a shoot this weekend. Yeah, it was cool. It was good at the Ice House. Cool. You want to pick up those names you just dropped? Yeah. Yeah. So are you just visiting

or you just moved here for a week? Just visiting. Leaving tomorrow. Leaving tomorrow. Did you do anything else fun while here in LA? Griffith Observatory. That was fun. I've lived here 11 years. I've never taken the time to go to the Griffith Observatory.

I'm quite impressed. Learned about the sun and the stars. I give tug jobs at the Griffith Observatory. That's my slut, Patty Reagan. Wow. Orlando, are you 100% Mexican? Yeah, a little Italian. I mean, you look sleepy is what you look.

People tell you that a lot? The dark eyes, yeah, that's the Italian bit, you know? He's in the gay community, what we call a chupacabra. You don't know if he's actually Mexican, but he loves anal. What? Ooh, the rattlesnake is out. Orlando, I feel like we don't really know much about you. Tell us something interesting about you that you think we'd be surprised to know.

He knows Willie Barsena. He already said it. Go ahead. You've had a lot of time to think about it now, Orlando. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't have a joke about it. Grandfather died the same day I was born, so that's kind of creepy.

That's the most interesting thing about you? Your grandfather died the day you were born? Yeah. No wonder this guy's yawning up here in the front row. Yeah, man, I live in El Paso. What can I say, bro? Yeah. What does that mean to you?

It means, like, when I travel outside El Paso, I don't feel so American. I bet when girls talk to you, they're like, El Paso. El Paso, I don't feel so American. I bet when girls talk to you, they're like, El Paso. El Paso, yeah, pretty much. Shut up. You shut up. You're a bitch sometimes.

You know that? I love it. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. All right, Orlando. What do you think the second most interesting thing about you is? I don't know if you guys have heard of Willie Barson.

No, that's about it, honestly. I wear a watch in public. You date a lot? I got a girlfriend, four years. Man, how boring is she? She stayed home, I'll tell you that much. In El Paso? Yeah.

She's getting some of that Longhorn, you know? Damn. All right, Orlando. Well, you know? Damn. All right, Orlando. Well, you might be one of the most least interesting people we've ever had on the stage before. You know those Dos Equis commercials? He's like the opposite of that. That's my time. No, no, no.

We decide that. You don't get to say that's your time. I decide when that's your time. He's the director. And cut. That's a wrap. Straight decide when that's your time. He's the director. Been here a week. And cut. That's a wrap. Straight to print. Alright. Alright, Orlando. That is your time. There you go. LandoVC.

There you go. Rapa Molina on Twitter. Fuck yeah, man. Whatever. He's like a Mexican more tired Jimmy Kimmel. I got two words for you. Shorter, funnier.

That's good advice. Alright, I pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's see what destiny brings us. Put your hands together for Eric Friedman. They have movement. He's walking towards the stage. Here he comes.

One more time for Eric Friedman, everybody. This first joke's dedicated to the band tonight. There's an HIV billboard in L.A. right now. It's just a girl and her doctor and it says trust matters. No, trust is why you have HIV. That's how that one, trust mattered. That's what the sign should say. What I'm getting at is dating's difficult. You hear a lot of people say, I think people think dating's difficult because they don't know what they're looking for. Like I had a friend recently, he's like, I know exactly what type of girl I want.

I want a girl who's horny all the time and wants to smoke weed and play video games. I was like, oh, you're looking for a 13-year-old boy. That's what you just described to me to a T. He's like, ugh, gross, I'm not gay. I'm like, that's not the bad part of what I just told you. Gave a homeless guy a dollar recently. I gave him the buck. He's like, I'm going to pray for you. Gave a homeless guy a dollar recently. I gave him the buck. He's like, I'm going to pray for you. I was like, oh, you're going to have to give me that dollar back because

it's not working for you. I don't want any part of what you got going on with him. I thought I was giving you money for drugs, not paying for bad luck. Fuck yeah, Eric Friedman. You did it, buddy. That was fun. Thank you. Is this your first time on the show? Yes, it is.

How do you feel? I feel all right. It was fun. I enjoyed it. How long have you been doing stand-up? It'll be three years in February. Where are you from? I'm from Agora Hills and then lived in Phoenix, and now I'm back in L.A.

Agora Hills is a nice area, right? It is a nice area. What do your parents do? My dad was an engineer and my mom was a teacher. What happened to them? They're still alive but in Phoenix, Arizona, so that means there's not much time left. There was a real plane crashy vibe to the way you said my dad was an engineer and my mom was. Well, they're in their 70s.

They're retired. Really? How old are you? I'm 32. 32. Wow. I think you're going to find in your career that there are way harder people to follow than Orlando.

Yeah. I know you seem real fucking funny right now, but... Oh, my God. Runway. Wait till you have to follow the gay sax player one night at 2 o'clock in the fucking morning. Horse of truth. Good luck.

I had to follow Ron Jeremy once out here already. That was... Wow. That was the weirdest. I'm afraid to ask what you had to follow him into. Back to his car. Luckily, it was comedy. Man, so you're sort of an L.A. guy, right?

Yeah, kind of. But you've only been doing stand-up three years. You're 32. Would you spend the first 29 years of your life doing it? I've been writing since I was 15. Writing what? Comedy, cartoons. I did the cartoon Court Ordered with Eric Meyers.

Wow. Was Willy Barsina also in that? No, there's a bunch of comics from here that are in it. Shout out. Court Ordered's great. Eric Meyers is great. And you're a cutie patootie. Oh, wow.

I'm getting compliments on both sides. I like this. Fuck yeah. How do you make a living? I'm a tour manager for bands. Wow. How long have you been doing that? We have one of those. I like this. Fuck yeah. How do you make a living? I'm a tour manager for bands.

Wow. How long have you been doing that? We have one of those. It's called a pimp. I'm good at collecting money. How long have you been doing that for? Almost 10 years now. Good Lord.

Look at you. Can you tell us some of the bands that you tour manage? I've been with the band Sublime for the last eight years. You know what I really want to know? I really want to know. Can't fucking remember how the rest of it goes. Wow. Look at that.

Do you have any fun road stories with Sublime? I have a lot. That's where most of my stories for stand-up come from, is being on the road. Can you give us an example? I contracted gonorrhea. I got stools and purple balls. I had a million dollars.

Well, I'd spend it all. You guys want to come open for us? Boom. I got stones and purple balls. Oh, my gosh. Your ass looks amazing. Sublime's the big one? Yeah.

That's the main one that I've worked with for most years. How long have you been with Sublime? For eight years since they came back. Wow. So Sublime with Rome now. Yeah. That's the main one that I've worked with for most years. How long have you been with Sublime? For eight years since they came back. Wow. So it's Sublime with Rome now. Yeah, yeah. That's great. I was at the High Times Cannabis Cup up north.

Were you with them? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was there watching them in the very, very front row. That one, yeah, that was a lot of fun. I was hosting the awards ceremony. Oh, nice. Yeah. That one was great.

We got a person to drive back a bunch of drugs for us from there. I bet, yes, indeed. I flew a person to drive back a bunch of drugs for us from there. I bet. Yes, indeed. I flew a private jet back that night. Man, you flew better than us. It wasn't me. It was the owner of High Times that took me. It was very surreal and I was stoned to the gullets.

I drove a bunch of drugs back that night. I dealt with some guy. Did you see the gun that was made out of joints that was gold? No. Did you smoke the Nate Diaz pot? No. It won the award, and it actually was freaky good.

Yeah. I thought when Nate Diaz won the award, I'm like, oh, they gave it to him because he's a big celebrity, and then I tried it, and it was crazy. It feels like he just got slapped. Yeah, he just put his name on a good weed. Anyway, this might be one of the most mellow parts of any interview we've ever had.

We just got really... Talking about Sublime just brought back a lot of... Can I just say thank you for spreading awareness about HIV. I think we really... I dedicated that one to you guys. How many years have you been doing that? Can I do a shot with you, Ron? There you go.

Eric Friedman. This is what happens when you go for it. He came in, did good. Good in the interview portion. He was very honest. He wanted a shot with Ron White and he asked for it. And that is how show business works, ladies and gentlemen. Now you get to do a fucking shot with Ron White.

Okay, now don't forget, this is the best tequila in the world, so don't forget to smell it and taste it. It is amazing. That's what I tell my clients. Thank you, bud. Is that me? I know you tell me when to leave. Motherfucking Joelberg in the house.

They just did one shot. One shot. Still available on Netflix streaming. What else, Eric? Any special skills or talents? Any hobbies or anything weird you're into? I play drums. Whoa.

Wait a second. Are we about to have a Mexican drum off? Do you have any Mexican in your blood at all? No, I don't. You sure? I've lived with them for a bit now. It's too bad. Really wish you were Mexican so we could do this.

Moving on, Tony. Have you ever hung out with a Mexican or anything like that? I have. Wow. Would you like to have a Mexican drum off? Do you guys like that? One of our favorite traditions. All right. drum off? Do you guys like that? One of our favorite traditions. Alright,

well, Eric, this is the part where Joel hands over the sticks, and you want to talk shit about playing the drums? I didn't talk any shit about it. When I asked you any special skills or hobbies, your first answer was drums, so there you go. Get over there, Eric. Don't be shy.

You want to do a shot with Ron White? Now you have to play the fucking drums. Joel drinking tequila, or as he calls it, breathing. All right, ladies and gentlemen, here he goes with his drum solo, challenging the throne of Joelberg. Joel will respond after this.

Put your hands together for Eric Friedman. Eric Friedman. I mean, okay. That was a good beat. That was a good rhythm. I guess I could probably challenge for the Mexican drama. That was very Guitar Center. I mean, I pretty much do that for five minutes when we do sound check every Monday.

So with his retort, the defending reigning champion of percussion of Gil Tony, Joel Berg, ladies and gentlemen, Joel Jimenez. Whoa. Look at that. Man, he's flipping it around. Oh, it hit him in the dick. Now he's eating the cymbal.

Now he's deep-throating the cymbal. Oh, it's coming in his mouth. Wow. Wow, he's very dark aerialist. Ladies and gentlemen, come on. There he goes, Eric Friedman. You lost the Mexican drum up, but you got a shot with Ron White. Ask and you shall receive. Eric J. Friedman on Twitter.

There he goes. Nice job. And we move on. That was very good. You guys having fun out there? Tried to warn you. Alright. Put your hands together for Terrence J. Miller. Terrence J. Miller! Is that a human? Is that Terrence J. Miller Is that a human?

Is that Terrence J.? Nope Alright Got some scaredy cats tonight You must be present to win Aaron Bright All right. I knew this was going to happen. Great.

Wow. Okay. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm getting mature. And I know that because I like nature now. When I was a kid, I didn't care about nature. Now, nature's a priority.

I've turned down sex because of nature. One night, this girl was up to me. She was like, ooh, Aaron, take off your pants. Let's get it in. I was like, bitch, you just missed a shooting star. That is crazy. You down there, you just got a wish, and I just got a nightmare. Crazy.

I can't wait. I want to go get some food. I just found out one of my friends, he's a food blogger. So that's pretty cool. But the thing is, he's a pothead. You can't be a food blogger and a pothead. Everything you eat is five stars. I went on his blog to see what he was talking about.

This fool was recommending the Crunchwrap Supreme. I was like, hold on. He gave Funyun six stars. So I was like, oh, okay, this ain't real. Thank you, guys. That was fun. That was interesting. I think it's kind of weird that nature turned you into a black guy.

Mm-hmm. All right. All right, all right, all right. I have black in me. You do? Yeah. Fair enough. My mom is black.

Yeah, you do. I didn't say bad. I said interesting. I said interesting. Tony, I black. Yeah, you do. I didn't say bad. I said interesting. I said interesting. Tony, I had black in me as well. Oh, yeah? Oh, Jesus. Is your mom 100% black?

Mom's half black. Mom's half black. Dad's what? White. Real white. Blake Griffin? You said what? Really white.

Really white. Yeah. Is your full set longer than your? Really white. Yeah. Is your full set longer than your undershirt? Yeah. Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you look like a overworked Derek Jeter? Yeah.

All the time. All the time. Aaron, where are you from? Seattle. Seattle. How long have you been in L.A.? About a year and a half. What have you been doing?

This and working. Where do you work? I work at Phil's Coffee. Phil's Coffee. Yeah. Where's Phil's Coffee at? Downtown. I mean, there's, I don't know, there's like five locations, but we have one downtown L.A.

You work at the one downtown? Yeah. Good location? Great. Really? Yeah. I mean, there's I don't know. There's like five locations, but we have one downtown LA. You work at the one downtown? Yeah. Good location? Great. Really? Yeah. Are you telling the truth? Absolutely. Okay. Why would you work at a shitty coffee place? There's so many. Because I get to work in the morning, so nights are free. What other places do you perform

your stand-up? Other than Glory Halls. Anywhere I can get on. I've done a few sets here. They've all been bringers. Also host a show. What's your dating life like, Aaron? Because I can't tell whether you're good-looking or ugly.

It's an interesting conundrum that I find. I don't know. I can't tell. He's good-looking. He just needs to shave. I don't know, I can't tell. He's good looking. He just needs to shave. I don't know what it is. Like, do you get a lot of, like, checks? Jeremiah, what do you think?

It's either one or the other. I smell one of our own. I like him. He's got these large eyebrows, and I just feel like they could catch a lot of cum. Oh, wow. Aaron, have you ever been with a man before? I have not, no.

You have a girlfriend right now? Yeah. Yeah? How long have you been with her? Forever. Where'd you meet her at? High school. Wow.

How old are you? 25. 25, and you're with your high school sweetheart? Yep. What are you, Jeremiah Watkins? Aw. You got a barrier, and you're with your high school sweetheart? Yep. What are you, Jeremiah Watkins? Aw. You gonna marry her, do you think? No.

You're gonna fucking hate it. I'm gonna tell you that right now. What does she do? I mean, I don't even know her, and I can tell you right now. She's a trainer. Fucking hate it. She's a physical trainer. Ooh, a physical trainer.

That's a good job. Yeah, that's cool. Tony, I have a really strong elf fetish for this guy. Eugene Levy fetish. Those fucking eyebrows. That's a good Eugene Levy reference right there. When the Eugene Levy breaks.

And that's a bad Eugene Levy reference. There. I feel like there's something missing here, though. Your dad's white and your mom's white-white. What does your dad do for work? He plays guitar. What was that?

My dad passed. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Who did he pass it to? He was an engineer. He was an engineer? He was an engineer. No. an engineer? He was an engineer.

No. No? No, he worked for the Navy. Oh. Wow. Yeah. We've had a few moments of silence during this set for your dad already. Thanks, guys.

People die. Did he buy you a boat? The Navy, I love seaman seaman aaron i see a cross around your neck you religious guy uh i'm not very religious but i believe in god yeah yeah i'm a christian yeah just got weird in here you You ever go to church? Yeah. How often? Not every Sunday, but I go pretty often. I go to the church of Yasquim.

I don't really get it. All right. Well, Aaron, we've had some interestingly boring guests up here. I know. It's really just not much character. It's more of like an interrogation than anything else, really. It's hot up here. What's the most interesting thing about you, Aaron? That seems to be a common theme tonight.

We used to do this segment called Who Are You? Remember that? I played college basketball. Oh, point guard. Point guard. Yeah, that's what you look like. Now I get it. That's fucking like, I can't believe I didn't reference that.

Handle my balls sometime. Come over. No, Brian, that's a different sport. Well, Aaron, where'd you play basketball? At Stanford. Oh, I played at UCL Gay. How was your team when you played there? Sophomore year, we won the NIT, and senior year, we went to Sweet 16.

The point guard on my team back in grade school used to always cry. He would start crying the second we would go down by one point. But if we got the lead, he would just stop crying and be really good again. But then if they made another... A horrible crying problem. You ever cry? I'm not that big of a crier. What's the last thing you think you

cried at? If you could try to remember. What was the what? What's the last thing you cried at? I forgot your dad died. It's probably that. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, that was it. Yeah. Yeah, that was it. It was that? At least he never got to see you do this show.

Respect, respect. You are a real bitch sometimes. I love it. I love it. Respect. Aaron Bright, you even have the name of a basketball point guard. Yeah, it was fun. Any highlights to your career or anything fun like that? back. Aaron Bright. You even have the name of a basketball point guard. Yeah. It was fun. Any highlights to your career?

Anything fun like that? Ever make a buzzer beater or anything? I was the MVP of the NIT tournament when we won it. Wow. That was cool. That was cool. Yeah. There you go. Alright, Aaron. I don't know really.

How tall are you? Exactly. Like 5'10", 5'11". No, you're not. All right. I love it. Well, Aaron, it was nice to meet you. Thank you, guys.

There you go. Fun times. Way to go, Aaron. it was nice to meet you. Thank you, guys. There you go. Fun times. Way to go, Aaron. He had some good accidental punchlines. One of my favorite, one of his jokes was, my roommate's a blogger. That was like the whole thing. The way he said it was funny, though. I don't think it was on purpose.

That's a good joke. My roommate is a blogger. Well, he's also a stoner, so he gave everything five stars, which is a pretty funny premise. All right. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's meet another stranger. Put your hands together for Dave Yates.

He's running. We got a runner. He's at full sprint. Put your hands together for Dave Yates, everybody. All right. Halloween's coming up, and it's my best friend's birthday. And I want to get her a spooky cake. So I hopped on Google, and I

Google searched boo cake. And Google said, did you mean bouquet? But they didn't spell it the same way I did. I clicked on it. I didn't find so much cake. I found a whole lot of icing, though. No, no, I look like I know what kind of cake that is.

I get it, okay? But the only reason I do that joke is because there's going to be some innocent lady that's going to be real confused after the show and pull out her phone like, what's bouquet? Oh, no! My name's Dave Yates.

Thanks. All right. 50 seconds of Dave Yates. That was funny. Good to see you. It's amazing how many people can't get to 60 seconds. Yeah. Just drop a hot 50 and they drop the mic.

There it is. 60 seconds right then. Hi, Dave. Hi, Tony. How are you? Have you been on the show before? Yes, sir. You have?

He's actually been to the Death Squad because he did so well. Here I invited him to the Ice House. Is this a different look? You have a different look or something? I had a hat on last time. He has his own hot sauce called Ha Ha Hot Sauce. Is that true? It's very good. I ate it on pizza last night.

It's very good. Oh, you brought some. Wow. Tasty. You're getting a shot of tequila, dude. Try some. It's real good. Shot for a shot. I'll do it for him.

It has a good taste to it. Grape on pizza. Wow, so you have your own hot sauce company. Try it out of my belly button, Ron. What do you think? Oh, it actually made Ron laugh. I think it is ha-ha-hot sauce. Really fucking good, dude.

Thanks, man. Good flavor. You got a lot of bite to it. What size bathtub do you make it in? Toilet, actually. Toilet. Toilet hot sauce. How many of these are you slinging?

What's your... I mean, I've sold hundreds of bottles. I sell it as my merch after shows. Oh. Literally hundreds. Yeah. I've been selling it for three years. Well, no wonder.

Is that what you do, basically? You sell hot sauce? Yeah, and I do Postmates. How long have you been doing that for? Since I moved here seven months ago. What's the weirdest delivery that you've had to deliver? Something stand out to you? Yeah. DiGiorno.

It was really strange. I had to deliver stem cells to Kathy Lee Gifford's daughter. Wow. That's pretty fucking interesting. I guarantee that was a breach of privacy that you just did. Where do you get stem cells at? Some nondescript building in West Hollywood, man. Postmates just gets anything, huh?

Dumpster dive that building. Right? Stem cells, sure, they're for her daughter. She's getting those injected right into her so that she never dies. So that was cool, you know? Really? Not everybody tips. That's the shitty part, man.

Right? They're circumcised. Dave, when you're doing Postmates, have you ever tried to upsell your hot sauce to somebody? No, but I probably should. Yeah. Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea. You should make little

packets that have your website address where you can buy it or whatever. Stick them in the bag. Stick them in the bag. Act like the place gave it to them. I mean, I would. As soon as I get the FDA approval, which costs a lot of money, I will, because I can't run the risk of someone fucking their shit up and then I'm screwed.

Thank you, Ron. What do you do for fun, Dave? What do you consider fun? I like going to see live music. I like supporting other friends' comedy shows. I make hot sauce. I play

guitar. That's fun. Yeah, right? Caucasian guitar off. Caucasian guitar off. Caucasian guitar off? Wait, is that true? You think that's even a thing? They just lost their guitar player.

Is that the music for a Caucasian guitar? Yeah. It is. All right. Let's do this shit. Where'd Pat go? Pat doesn't even know he's going to be part of a Caucasian guitar op.

Pat's having a colonoscopy right now. Dave, are you in love? No. Dating, though. How's that going for you? It's alright. Yeah. I mean, it's good mean i'm not bad with the ladies but i'm not like puss crushington you know like i'd you know puss crushington

very good dave puss crushington how is my aol screen name. You liar. Like your last date, what was that like? Last date went to the symphony, actually. This is the most boring episode of my show I've ever had in my entire

life. 250 seconds. You consider that live music? No, man. The last time it was on, they asked me, so I'm trying to think of different things that are interesting about me. Like, I like fish, and people make fun of me for being a hippie, and then I don't drink. They're like, oh, you're sober? That sucks, and blah, blah, blah. You're like, I'll show you. I'm going to the

fucking symphony. Yeah. You think I'm boring? Watch this. Watch this. Where'd you see the symphony at? Chicago. Oh, you went on a date in Chicago. Yeah, that's where I lived before moving here. Oh.

That's the most recent date you went on? No, but nothing memorable, like going out to eat and stuff. How long have you lived in L.A.? Seven months. Wow. What area of town do you live in? Culver City. How do you feel about Culver City?

What are your thoughts? It's all right, man. There's worth places in this town for sure. All right. I really just don't know what to do anymore. I think there's something off in the cosmos or something. Have we ever not released an episode? Have we ever just done it

just for the live fun and then just sort of pretended like it didn't happen? Oh, you will let this episode come out. I see what you did there. I have a question. Do you know the Scoville rating on your hot sauce? The Carolina Reaper, the one that I use, is 2 million on the Scoville

scale, but I don't use the whole pepper, so it's like a nice consistent burn. Right. The Carolina Reaper, the one that I use, is two million on the Scoville scale, but I don't use the whole pepper, so it's like a nice consistent burn. Right. The Carolina Reaper is unedible, completely unedible. This is really nice stuff. I'm going to give you a full-blown fucking endorsement. Thanks, man. I appreciate that, Ron. Yeah.

Wow. Holla, holla. You can't use my name or anything, but... A full-blown endorsement. The new labels will come out next week. You can say you met someone who loves it. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. If you'd like to. Alright, Dave. We're going to get somebody else up here.

Nice to meet you, Dave. He's on Twitter at Yates Comedy. In-N-Out. Good set. I don't think this is that bad an episode, dude. I know. You've given up on it a little fucking early. What do you guys think?

We're having fun, aren't we? Yeah. No, I love it. I'm just fucking around. Oh, God. I think it's just the heat. Today was a hot day. Everyone's got a little slower energy today.

Something. I don't know what's going on. I think it's fine. I was just busting everybody's balls. We're the number one live podcast in the world. Alright, put your hands together for Brian O'Shea. From deep in the corner, this is going to be a long

walk. Ooh, he's got a fast pace. He's got a good solid jog. Good solid jog all the way. Wow, it's like a before and after with Dave Yates. Here we go. I didn't start beating off until I was 28. I was the wet dream king of the south side of Chicago. If anyone pissed me off, I'd sneak in, pull my pants down, and spend the night on their couch. You ever get so high, you feel like Biggie

Smalls without the confidence? Just overeating and breathing weird and shit? I smiled at a girl in the third grade. She said I had yellow teeth. Then my daughter walked up and I drove her home. Is that about a minute, right? Damn it. A little more. You got another 22 seconds, too. I'm into...

Holy shit. I'm into holy shit I'm into big girls big fat girls the bigger the better but I haven't had any luck lately so I bought a water bed instead you're there you got it Brian, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Tony. Why do I feel like you just got done directing a horror film? I'm a creepy fuck. I'm a creepy fucker. I'll agree. You really are. You just exude it. I know.

You have the look that big showbiz people, when they retire, they go for that look. Like Jim Carrey and David Letterman. David Letterman. Are you retired? No, I'm homeless. But it's cool, bro. I got that look.

What's your street? What's your corner? Wow, it just got real in here. I got a car. Yeah yeah well you guys work on the street he's not working on the street how long you been homeless for brian uh let's see probably since um april yeah i left interesting what happened you tell us i was staying with a buddy in chicago i'm trying to get sober and shit yeah Sober from what? You know what? Actually, it's weed. I've smoked coke and shit for years.

Oh, it's probably that, but go ahead. Wait a second. It was an unbelievable moment. I immediately am back to thinking this is probably our greatest episode we've ever had. I love this. Let's keep this honesty and cool, compelling thing going. There was a moment there where you said it's weed. And then you said you've smoked coke.

Which is basically crack, buddy. This gets you 20% off your first order. Speedweed.com. Your weed problem. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, I mean, from like 19 to 21, I smoked fucking coke on weed, like sprinkled it and shit. What have you been doing the last 55 years? Yeah, exactly.

So from April, like I was saying, I went to New York and just didn't do comedy as much as I should because I was smoking too much weed. I was there for like four months and I've been here for three months and for like two months I was smoking too much weed but now I'm on my grind. I got ten days to over. When you smoke too much weed are you like wow this is too awesome and amazing. Like I feel great. No headaches.

It's like the biggest smallest thing I do is eat, watch YouTube videos and fucking not do anything. Like just sit in my car and fucking eat. You're addicted to being lazy. Yeah. Yeah, man. That's interesting. So what have you been doing the last ten days? How has not smoking weed changed your life? What's your new day-to-day? Well, actually, at 1pm

they have a 12-step meeting here that I attend every day. For pot? It's for a wide range of substances. Okay, well, I mean, you're really honing in on the pot thing, it seems. What's the widest range of substances? I mean, honing in on the pot thing, it seems. What's the widest range of substances? I've done heroin, PCP, crack.

When's the last time you did heroin or crack? Heroin was probably three or four years ago. How about crack? Crack, probably 20 years ago. Wait, how old are you? I'm about to be 43. But get back to the weed. It's the real problem here.

It's ironic because I'm addicted to Grindr, too. Jeremiah Walken sneaking in a pot joke. Tony, I relate to this guy because I smoke PCP, but I'm addicted to LaCroix. Uh-huh. Wow. Period. Brian, what part of town do you stay in? Actually, I had this deal with this guy with Airbnb.

I clean up, and then I could stay there in between guests, and I just fucked it up because it wasn't clean enough. What did you do? The person complaining that it was, like, dirty. There was, like, mold and fucking hair in the shower. And, like, there was some food in the fridge. Oh, Jesus. You were being dirty.

That might matter. It was an Airbnb. You were staying there for nothing. Yeah, the guy was, like, we worked out a deal. Like, I clean it. And then the... How'd you fuck that up, dude? I know, right?

Jesus Christ. What a fuck up. I might have a second chance, though. You like fat girls. Try Air BBW. So he said you could stay in the Airbnb when it's not being rented out as long as you keep it clean, which literally means keep the hair out of the fucking shower. And shit out of the refrigerator. One job.

What did you do? They said you had hair in the shower. And what do you mean? It's not like it was filthy. I actually tried to clean it, but it was not good enough. He needs a lot of work. I fucked up, though. I take responsibility. I fucked up.

You need a maid. You do. You need an employee. You need an employee. Another homeless person that's good at cleaning. You hire them for a nickel a week and fucking bring them on. Let them stay in the fucking place too, but have them clean it up. Come on.

Don't give up on this. Go back and talk your way back into this fucking place. Teams make things happen. Right, band? Right, band? Buy a maid outfit and show up tomorrow. So where are you staying at now Because I always wonder if I was homeless in my car

Would I still live in Van Nuys Or something like that You have a car I hang out here and I just stay around here Do you have a car Move to Santa Barbara You're in Malibu Really fucking sweet

So what kind of car do you have? 064 Taurus. It's beat up and filled with a bunch of shit. What's it filled with? Fucking shit. I could probably, 75% I could probably throw out. Just fucking clothes I don't wear. Stuff from the Airbnb.

You clean it into his car. It's like old Coke, old PCP. What was your low? What was your lowest low on drugs? You seem to have done a lot of drugs throughout your life. What do you remember? I'm from Chicago, so probably just homelessness in Chicago. Couldn't go to my mom's house.

Fucking sleeping in hotels. Sleeping on fucking wherever. Just doing weird shit, getting wasted. You had a hotel? No, I slept in a fucking stairwell of a place. I used to work at a hotel and shit. What hotel did you work at? It was like Hilton.

I was a waiter. Wow, Hilton. Fucking yeah. Wow. Some shit. You were a waiter at a Hilton at one point? Words. I was thinking Rutter Fenn.

What other jobs have you had in your life? I was a salesman. Where were you selling? Travel. Mr. Travel. You ever jack off and a tear comes out? Probably. Saddest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.

What other jobs did you have? I was a poker player from 2005 to 2011. How'd that work out? Ha, ha, ha, ha. 2011. How'd that work out? Yeah, basically I won $50,000 in like 2008 on a Wednesday. I paid $300 on a Wednesday evening.

I played a tournament and won $50,000, and I sort of rode that out. I won $30,000 in another $300 tournament in Vegas. Then what happened Thursday? Right. Yeah. You hit like a full no house. It sounds like you really royally flushed it all down the drain. Yeah.

But then, yeah, I got into this. What drug did you, like, what made you start doing heroin? Were you always doing drugs in high school or in college? Did you gamble? Yeah, let's act like we never fucking did a bunch of drugs. I mean, heroin's a bunch of drugs. Heroin's a pretty big step. Crack's a big step. Have you done heroin, Ron?

Wow. Now I see you snorting it. You didn't do the needles. I had a hard time finding my way. I also had days that I had no place to stay. I got you. I pulled out of it a little before I was fucking 43. I'm a late bloomer, dude.

Yeah, you are. We'll see. I don't think you've really bloomed yet, dude. You might be a never bloomer. Bloomless. No, I was like, I mean, a fun fact. I was a virgin until I was like 24. Didn't start beating off until I was 28, like I said.

Wait, wait, wait, 28 like I said wait wait wait I almost just passed out for a second hold on you didn't have sex until you were 24 that I could even sort of accept but then you said you didn't jerk off until you were 28 didn't you realize

when you had sex with a girl what you were capable of didn't that feeling feel good I didn't really start having sex until like 35. Not even on a Wednesday? How did we just go back 11 years? What just happened? Whoa! What just happened? This has got to make some sense.

Start over. What? I was a virgin when I was 24. It was a one night stand. Didn't mean to ejaculate. 24. It was a one night stand. Didn't mean to ejaculate. Like three years later, another one night stand. Fucking maybe ejaculated. Started beating off when I was like 28.

And I really didn't start dating until I was like 35. But I got it in, believe me. When I had some poker money, I was fucking all about that shit. I used to be a gang member too. I'm shot. And tomorrow, fun fact. What? You're a gang member too I'm shot And tomorrow Fun fact Wait what You're a gang member

See a lot of people By the way Often say Tony why do you go so long With a guest Because some of them Start giving the correct answers Fucking eight minutes in

Tomorrow Tomorrow I was a gang banger Tony Tomorrow I have an interview With CBS News Here in LA For the Chicago CBS News

Because my friend, freematsopron.com, he got wrongfully convicted and I was part of the trials and shit and they're interviewing me about it. Like Dateline style?

Yeah, I guess. Whatever, yeah. You're going to be that guy? I was a gang member. I've been shot. What do you mean? What did you do for the gang? I mean, I wasn't very good at it.

I mean, it was a bunch of white dudes. You were also a lousy fuck. It's hard to do a drive-by when you can't get your arm out of your car because there's newspapers stacked up to the ceiling. You keep nodding off. Yeah. Give us an example. You're on a comedy show here. It was like, give us an example.

You're on a comedy show here. You might as well give us an example of one of the most dangerous things you ever did as a gang member. We, I borrowed a gun from a dude in the gang. We went to this rival's house. We fucking broke all his windows, and I had the gun for protection. Then I went and gave the gun. What kind of gun was it? Just a super-

The shittiest little gun. I don't even know if it worked. It was like a.32 or something. I don't even know if it worked. It was like a.32 or something. I don't even know if it fucking worked. Wow. And I gave the gun back. And then that night, we went to get beers and got in a fight with some dudes. And we ended up beating the shit out of them.

And a fucking cop pistol whipped me at the end of the night and left a scar on my face. A cop pistol whipped you? Yeah, I ran from him. Where'd the cop come from? You really were bad at this. We called him Super Cop. He lived in a neighborhood. And he fucking saw me about to break this dude's window

because he had just broke the window on my car. So I had a golf club, and I was ready to break this dude's window. And a cop put a 9mm in my head. He said, freeze. And I threw the golf club in the air and just started running. And then eventually I was running around a car. It was like little kid shit. Like we're running around a car.

And I just got so tired, I put my hands on like this. And he was just like, bam, cracked me right in the face with a 9mm. You had a gun yourself. Well I had returned it earlier in the evening. That is the whitest shit. You should do this on stage. This is fucking hilarious dude. Yeah I should. A golf club

is the whitest weapon and you should have yelled 4 before you broke the windows. Then the cop would not have chased you. Seems like in all your years of gangbanging, your most dangerous stuff pretty much comes down to breaking windows, huh? You were like the window breaker guy. Yeah, like fighting.

Yo, Brian, go break this motherfucker's windows, dog. Yeah. So you broke windows, man. Did you have a nickname in the gang? O-Dog. My last name is O'Shea. And O-Dog's from Menace to Society. Who's that character? Yeah, he's got braids.

I know a lot of... Speaking of O-Dog, I know a lot of dogs that have a better life than you do right now. Yeah. This is a dream. This is fucking...

Dude, I'm happy as fuck, dude. You should be. Dude, I just fucking... I think I did all right even though I fucking mist is a dream. This is fucking, dude, I'm happy as fuck, dude. You should be. Dude, I just fucking, I think I did all right even though I fucking mistimed it. Like, dude, I'm fucking happy as shit right now. I'm about to cry and shit.

You're the most interesting interview by far we've had on the show tonight. I'll tell you that. I almost asked you to come over to my house and stay for a while, but I didn't. At the last minute, I didn't. Ron White and Ron Plight up here.

No? Okay. Brian, do you have any short-term goals or anything? Yeah, I have a sponsor. I'm doing the shit. I'm going to meetings every day. What's your sponsor? Mine was Monster Energy Drink for a sponsor. I'm doing the shit. I'm going to meetings every day. What's your sponsor? Mine was Monster Energy Drink for a while.

Is this dude Mike? He's really fucking dope. Wait, what was it? His name's Mike, but I fucking anonymity. You shouldn't be saying that, right? He's fucking dope, though. Well, if he's dope, then you probably shouldn't be near him at all, Brian. Sounds like my sponsor, Speedweed. Check out LA Speedweed.

There's a lot of comedians, though, that fucking do what I do. I know. And one day maybe you'll be one of them. Oh, shut up. That's okay. That's a legitimate fucking statement. Maybe you will. I mean, you've got potential. Yep. Why not?

Brian O'Shea, I think everybody's rooting for you, dude. Come back. Come see us again. Brian O'Shea, I think everybody's rooting for you, dude. Come back. Come see us again. Brian O'Shea, oh diggity dog on Twitter. Oh dog for you gang members out there. Were you a blood or a crip? A what? A pope?

That sounds like the most polite gang ever. We just wear wacky hats, break windows, you know. Hey, you guys know what I was doing when I went off stage? What? I was seeing a client. It was Dane Cook. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. Let's make some fucking noise Monday night for Jackie Little. Jackie Little. I don't see any movement. That's not Jackie Little, and that's not Jackie Little. This is Jackie Little. Hell yeah.

Come on, one more time for Jackie Little, everybody. Oh, my God. The last time I got applause like that, I was being sentenced. The last time I got applause like that, I paid my rent on the 11th. Last time I got applause like that, I went to an audition and got a callback from my parole officer. Man, you know what? Fuck, dude. I should have came here first. I moved to fucking Monterey originally.

I'm originally from New York City. That was the wrong thing to do. There's no black people in Monterey. Seriously. The first restaurant I ever went to, I went to wash my hands. The hand sensors didn't even recognize me. Seriously. I'm not even kidding you.

I took a fencing class because I thought they were going to teach me how to get rid of the shit I was stealing. No, just a bunch of motherfuckers fighting around with swords and shit. Seriously. In February, they had, for Black History Month, they had an eight-man march. And only six of us showed up. Yeah, you fucking laughed. Three of those motherfuckers were my roommates.

Seriously. Two of them from that fencing class, and the other motherfucker was my parole officer. Oh, dude, it's fucking brutal. Hey, how many people got kids out there? I got a 20-year-old at home. We just broke up, but she still lives there. Thank you. That's my time. Fuck yeah.

Jackie Little. Fuck yeah! Whoo! I'm excited about this, Jackie. I am excited. I am. First of all, let's get this straight. My name is not Jackie. My name is Timothy Paul McCray, but you called Jackie, and Jackie's a friend of mine, and she wasn't going to come up here, so I came up instead of her.

Fuck yeah, dude. Ball. Butt. Butt. Ball. I'm keeping it real. I'm keeping it real. Dude, I've been here for fucking, I've been here like the last 10 weeks, and I've signed

up for the last 10 weeks, and I had to come up under a fucking alias. So, fuck it. Here I am. Yikes. I say let's count it. Let's count it. So wait, you're saying that you put in your name and as your friend Jackie's name.

No, no, my friend Jackie signed up but then saw some people get ripped up here just now and so when they called her, she decided that she wasn't going to come up here. Right, but that's not how this show works. But your name's in the bucket, too. My name is in the bucket. My name is Timothy Paul. As a standard, we're going to talk to you for a couple minutes,

but just to let you know that's not – In the future, we usually just cut your mic. Yeah, or else everybody would just do that every single time. The first person sitting there. They're not either. Anybody out there, clap your hands if you've signed up for more than ten weeks without getting on this show before. See, there's a bunch of other losers out there, clap your hands if you've signed up for more than 10 weeks without getting on this show before. See? There's a bunch of other losers out there.

Yeah, it's not fair for any of these people, and it really pisses me off, actually. There you go. Brian's extra mad. Yeah. I mean, I feel like editing you out of this episode. Anyway, so let's just get into it, Jack. It didn't bother me a bit, dude. You didn't want to go up. Can I do a shot with you?

Fuck yeah. All right, there you go. So, Jackie, let me a bit, dude. You didn't want to go up. Can I do a shot with you? Fuck yeah. All right, there you go. So, Jackie, let me ask you a question. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up on and off for... I don't even know. Since the Fugees broke up? Yeah, pretty much.

Pretty much on and off for about four years. Wow, you hold that mic so well, I really thought you were going to bust a Rhymes. You know what I mean? Pretty much. Pretty much. On and off for about four years. Wow. You hold that mic so well, I really thought you were going to bust the rhymes. You know what I mean? It's fucking good, isn't it? It's good. Why so on and off? Because I'm an actor.

Oh, really? Have you been in anything? I do stage. Oh, really? I do a lot of stage, yeah. Like what? I do? I do stage. Oh, really? I do a lot of stage, yeah. Like what? I do a lot of Shakespeare. Yeah?

Really? Yeah. Can we hear a little? Sure. What do you want to hear? Yeah, sure. Certainly. I just finished doing my second season out at Theatricum Britannicum.

We know you're good. You just played Jackie Little for 70 seconds. Yeah, yo! Do you want to hear something? Yeah, I would love to. All right. I just played The Wall in Midsommar. In this same interlude it doth befall that I, one snout by name, present a wall. And such a wall as I would have you think that had in it a crannied hole or chink through which

the lovers, Pitimus and Thisbe, did whisper often, very secretly, this loam, this rough cast in this stone does show that I am that same wall, the truth is so. And this, the cranny, is right and sinister through which the fearful lovers

are to whisper. Wow, that's beautiful. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Hey, Tony. I don't remember that part of Django Unchained. No. It wasn't Django.

As a Mexican, I take offense to the wall. Sorry. And did you say chink at some point in there? You said chink? Yeah, yep. I liked that part. I liked that one. Thank you.

Man. All right. Well, Timothy, we're going to keep flying through. We're going to get somebody else out of the bucket up here. There you go. Timothy McRae or something like that. Good set, Timothy. And we are making it official.

Don't ever try it again. What? It won't be funny next time. It's been done. And don't try it again. The what? Don't get up here like that. I mean, we're...

But I thought it was okay. Yeah, don't cheat the game. Yeah. No, yeah, exactly. Yeah, guys, you can't ever do that. Don't confuse seeing through the game with winning the game. Right.

Yeah. It's better to burn out than to fade away. That's a line from North Dallas 40. True. That's one of my favorite lines. To get 20% off the best and softest underwear and socks you will ever own, free shipping and a 100% satisfaction guarantee, go to meandys.com slash kill.

You guys ready to go back to the bucket? Put your hands together for Lamont Oakley, ladies and gentlemen. Is this it? I was born an uncle. No, I came out of the womb and I had a 28-year-old nephew. That's crazy. You wonder how this is possible. Well, my parents were 27 years apart, which was really freaking crazy.

It was like growing up in two different households. Like, I had my dad talking about shit that happened in World War II, and my mom is singing James Brown. So I was a very confused kid. I didn't know whether to root for the Nazis or to, you know, get on up and shit. It was weird. I used to be a rapper, but I stopped rapping because rappers started doing weird shit, like giving away their money.

I was like, I don't want to be that type of rapper. I want to be one of the glamorous motherfuckers. It's crazy. So I also used to be, I used to, so when I did my rapping, I was like, I had like abandoned stuff and it was crazy. So one day, I had a friend there and she came to the show and I was like, oh, man, I never, you know, I wish I just had panties thrown at me on stage just one time, you know. But, you know, it was a. You could finish it.

I was a really good friend, but it was the wrong friend to have because she was about five foot two, 280. So thank you very much. Lamont Oakley. because she was about 5'2", 280. Thank you very much. Lamont Oakley. Lamont, you got up from sitting right next to Jackie Little. You're really Lamont Oakley, though, right? Yes, I am. I can show you my ID. Is this your first time on the show? Yes, it is.

That's cool. Where are you from? I'm from Oakland, California. Wow, a lot of Oakland here. Bay Area. What do you do for a living? I'm a bellman and I'm an actor. I'm a theater actor, too. Wow.

Where are you a bellman at? At a fancy hotel. Oh. You ever do any services for anyone at a hotel before? Do any services for anyone at a hotel before? Um. I can't answer that. Okay.

Neither can we. Must be a really fancy hotel. No Hilton or any bullshit like that. Oh, no, no crap like that. Tony, I felt like that was a groundbreaking set because I've never seen a black guy wear cargo shorts on stage. You use those pockets for anything, Lamont? Yes, I use them for my marijuana. And I think I have my parking ticket in this one.

You got a lighter in one of them? You know, I think I do. That's a good thing to have oh man take a shot with you fuck yeah an applause break for having a lighter so Lamont how long have you been in Los Angeles you visiting

you still live in Oakland no I've been here since 2002 I just moved to Hollywood from Long Beach you just moved to Hollywood from Long Beach how long have you been in Hollywood it's been since August. Interesting. August. Is that far from the hotel that you work at or closer to it?

It's like equal distance. You're not really giving me much about this hotel. I'm trying to figure it out. I'm trying to human GPS this motherfucker. Does it rhyme with the Beverly Schmilton? No. So have you ever taken anything up to somebody's room and they go, come on in, you know, I want to

eat your ass or anything like that? Yeah, straight to buddying. I'm sure that happens a lot. Hey, will you eat my ass, please? You know, I wish that would happen sometimes. Yeah, where are you going to go with that? Turn around.

Can you give us an example of a time that you've had to be a bellman and something strange has happened? You don't have to... Damn. See, I'm serious. Not that much crazy shit happens. The strangest thing is just like

I don't know, there's homeless people who think they can fool us. We just met a couple of them and they're addicted to weed. Honestly, dude, it's the fucking weed, bro. I've smoked crack. I fucking put a lump of heroin in my

ass today, dude, but the fucking bowl I smoked ten days ago has me. My sponsor won't even talk to me. I appreciated the level of fucking honesty from the dude. I know it's sad and dark and fucking shit, but, you know. It's kind of fucking, you know, I know it's sad and dark

and fucking shit, but, you know. So who's stayed there that's been an asshole? Like, who's somebody that you're just like, fuck this guy? He's not gonna go there.

Yeah, I mean, you can't, if he really hates this guy, I'm sure he doesn't give a fuck about this guy. Is there a celebrity that was a... It's all people you don't know.

The celebrities are all kind of chill. Oh. But, yeah, there have been, like, some major assholes. Like, there's, like, the people that come through that

they act like they're your best friend the first time you meet them, you know? That's how you know they're not going to tip you. Of course. Because they're friends now and friends don't tip friends. Exactly. They think it's all good. Do their last names all end with Stein? Whoa.

Okay. This is why we don't let Brian talk that much. He's talking a lot this episode for some reason and it always gets weird. Welcome to Racist Hour. Back to the sound effects we go with Brian Redband. This is my first time doing stand-up, actually. What?

Wow, there you go. That's good to know. That would be something that people getting interviewed would say at some point. I gotta tell you, that was amazing then, dude. If that was really your first time

doing stand-up, that was great. Yeah, you did way better than most of the people did. This is insane to me right now. You have a cool awkwardness about you. I like it. I mean that. There's something interesting about you.

And he's only looking at your ass. There you go. Red man. Did it again everybody. Eat ass, ass, poop poop, and butt butt. Yes. Red man's Jew jokes brought to you by MeUndies. Yes.

Oh my god. Why would you do that? Of all the jokes to make. That was a Harvey Weinstein joke. You didn't even say that. You said Stein. And then you just said Steen. It's the same thing.

That's another racist joke right there. You were just accidentally racist again. Lamont, so let's talk about you doing stand-up for the first time. Is this something you've wanted to do for a while? Yes, yes it is. How old are you? I'm 33.

33. It's the same age as me. Age of the Lord when he died. I know. He looks way younger than you. It's scary. Were you one of the kids on Reading Rainbow? That's a good one.

I can't answer that. For the listeners, that was a good one. Here. Lamont, what's some of the acting that you do? Is that mostly stage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do a bunch of plays. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. What's the weirdest character you've ever had to play? I had to play a gay baseball player where I was naked on stage and had to rape a man in a shower. And what was weird about that? Man, can you give us one of your lines from that?

Like, what were you verbally saying while raping a guy? Could you do a demonstration on me? Wow. Yeah, let's demonstration on me? Wow. Yeah, let's do it. Sax off. From the sax scene to the sex scene. Here we go. Lamont Oakley reprising his role in...

Go ahead, Lamont. Give us a little slate. Lamont, slate for us. I can't... I don't know. It was something... It's not rape. I didn't quite reach around, but I was't know. It was something. It's not rape. I didn't quite reach around, but I was tempted to.

Go for it. Go for it. Wait, hold on. Wait, wait. Lamont, what happened then? What do you mean? Just then, that was a real connection. Did you have lines in this movie, or was it a gay porn?

No, I had tons of freaking lines. So I sort of grabbed him here, I put this thing in my butthole, and I acted. You know what I mean? I got a question. Lamont, in this scene, did you have your socks on? No. That's not very black of you, but all right, moving on. No. That's not very black of you, but alright, moving on. But I did get that note

to take off my socks sooner. Did you really? Yes. What's your real sex life like? You fucking a bunch of white bitches? No, no, no. Do you want to? Yeah, it's fine. My sex life is as busy as I need it to be.

Really? How busy is that? I'm very busy, so it's gotta be on call, you know? Really? We're always on call, you know? Really? We're always on call. Yeah. But it's like it takes planning and shit, which sucks because I'm always busy. It's like, oh, can we meet up Thursday? No, I can't Thursday.

How about Saturday? I'm like, fuck, I work Saturday. You should try Wednesday. I know. I have $50,000 worth of sex. What? There's this thing. Oh, my God. Lamont. There's this thing. Oh my god. Lamont. There's this thing called... Okay, so there's this

thing. Have you ever heard of Lamont Crunch cereal? You haven't. But there's this thing called Lamont Crunch cereal. That's what I would do to your butthole. That's my I would do to your butthole. That's my stereotype Patty Reagan right there. What the hell is going on today?

I don't know. Something in the air tonight. Lamont, special skills or talents or hobbies or anything? Oh, I used to drive a tractor, a bath hoe. I used to dig holes. John Deere? Is that true? Yeah.

Wow. You used to work with a hoe? Yes, several. What? What's that? Yes. Were you in Philadelphia? Yeah.

All right. Over here, Lamont. So where were you driving this tractor at? I was doing it in the whole L.A. area. What did you say? In the L.A. area? In the L.A. area, yeah. We used to put in sewers and stuff for people. So I used to actually touch shit with my hands. Like the straight up shit.

Why didn't you put just gloves on or something? I did, but straight up sometimes I did. Really, you'd use your bare hands sometimes. Sometimes. I don't know what came over me. That's part of the job sometimes. It was crazy. Yeah. I don't know.

I could never do that now Well Yeah, that sounds pretty terrible What's it like being Red Fox's kid? Alright, Lamont Pretty sure that's it No Twitter, huh? No social media for you?

Well, I have a Twitter, but I never use it. It's at MrChugMug. Why that? Why'd you go with that Twitter handle? Because I can drink beer really fast out of a mug. Wait, wait, wait. Is this true? Yes. How fast can you do this? Prove it. I can drink like...

Where's Josh Martin? This is another situation It's been a while Can somebody get us a goblet of beer or something Daphina Can you get us a giant thing of beer real quick Like a large stupid beer Like a big giant fucking bucket of beer

How about a Pabst Blue Ribbon in the can Poured into a pitcher Maybe two How much beer can you chug at once? I'll raise some. The most I've done is two. Two big beers or two cans of beer? Like 24 ounces.

Two 24 ounces? No, one. Do you want to have a Mexican beer off? That's the biggest mug I had. Joel, do you think you can handle this? Yeah, fuck yeah. All right, make it four PBRs and two pitchers. Four PBRs to the main room.

Oh, my God. Is Josh Martin even in the room? I don't think anybody's there. And get one ginger beer for me to butt chug. Did you hear any of that? Butt chug. We need two pitchers with, we can't really do 48 ounces. No, no, no.

Let's just do four PBRs. Four PBRs. Wait. Big daddies. Just listen to me. Brian, stop talking. Why? Two 24 ounces and two pitchers.

So two pitchers filled with beer. Or four PBRs. Two pitchers. Four cans of PBR. But pour two in each pitcher. Two pitchers. Four cans of PBR. But pour two in each pitcher. I can't believe this still isn't happening. You don't have pitchers?

No, I just did four PBRs, and they could drink each one. When they're done, they could put it down like a grown adult. But no, that's different. The mug's different than the can, Brian. I don't know if you've ever chugged a beer before, but the gravitational pull maintains it in a can. Not if you put your car key on the other side and make a little vent, right, guys? We know what the fuck's going on.

But that's not his specialty. He says Mr. Mug Chug on Twitter. That's his thing. We want to give him some type of advantage, right? Wait, what is Joel about to chug his beer out of? He's chugging Jeremiah's dick. All right. Really? Oh, he is. It's chug his beer out of? He's chugging Jeremiah's dick. All right. Really?

He is. This is like a very wide open episode. Did you see his underwear, by the way? Joel's underwear. He's wearing some weird kind of thong thing. For you podcast listeners, that is correct. For the video listeners, they can look at it right now. The VR people are loving this.

Is this beer thing happening? This was one of my worst ideas I've ever had Oh here we go, Joss has got it right there Wow, there they are I guess we're about to There are no mugs We're about to shotgun 24 ounces Of PBR

What do you need, like a key or something, right? What is that? Are you guys just going to chug it right out of the can? All right. A mug would really show off my skill, but. Well, you don't got a mug, so here we go. I guess I could do this. All right.

You're going to have to improvise tonight. Go ahead. Here we go. It's the first ever. Open up both of them. I'm going to chug them both. All right. In a very up and down episode of Kill Tony,

you are now at the first ever live Mexican chug off. Joel Jimenez versus Lamont Oakley. Come on, let's give it up here. Ready, set, chug. You guys still have beer left Oh shit Joel's getting to his knees to get better gratification pool He can smell the dick from that gentleman. Oh, he's now smelling the ass.

He's going deep. Fuck, yeah, he's got some of that Pabst brown ribbon. Wow, they can't even do it. I feel like I could do faster than this. Wow. Uh-oh, Joel. Who's going to have the... All right, first one down.

All right. All right. Who's going to have the Alright, first one down Alright That was one minute and 27 seconds Joel clocked in at eight ice cream headaches During that, for those of you Paying attention There you go, the first ever Mexican chug off There goes Lamont Oakley He's off the stage Mike goes back

in the mic stand. Thank you, everyone. There he goes. His first time ever here at the Comedy Store. First ever comedy performance. Keep doing stand-up, dude. Keep doing stand-up. Lamont Oakley, ladies and gentlemen. Popped his cherry in front of you. One more time for Lamont. Alright. We have a regular. A young lady writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. All right.

We have a regular. A young lady writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. She doesn't get pulled out of the bucket. She's the Frankenstein of Kill Tony, debuting a new minute for you here yet again. Been with us since she was like 19. Put your hands together for the great Allie Makowski, ladies and gentlemen. Hi.

I watch lesbian porn because it's the only good kind. People assume I do because of my hair. I do, I do. I watch lesbian porn. It was crazy. I was watching it, and then I went on Facebook right after

to share the news with friends and family. And as soon as I go on Facebook, all of my ads change to the WNBA. I've never watched the WNBA. I would never watch the WNBA unless they all just started fucking on the court. I started watching porn so I could sound more enthusiastic in the bedroom because I kind of have like a monotone voice and no guy wants to hear me be like, oh yeah.

Sweet, uh-huh. So now after watching like tons of porn, this is what I do when I'm having sex. I'll just be like, oh, fuck me. But I can't tell if I sound like a porn star or a race car. Okay, thanks.

There you go. Allie Makovsky with a brand new minute. Did it again. Comes in, slays another day at the office. How's life going, Allie? Oh my gosh, it's so good. I'm so happy Ron's here. I wish I could ride a minute a week.

I wish I could too. I was serious about that. I really don't put out a minute a week. I put out about a minute a month. Allie Makovsky, they used to call me Allie Jackofsky because I would jack people off in alleys. Patty motherfucking Reagan,

the band leader. Allie, anything happen in your real life this past week? Oh, I got a little diamond on my tooth. Wow. It's removable, right? Is that a a little diamond on my tooth. Wow. It's removable, right? Is that a real little diamond?

I think so. Where'd you get it from? There's a tattoo shop in Echo Park, and there's a guy who does it. Which one? And I'm getting another one in a couple days. You're getting another diamond on your tooth? Yeah, but it's subtle. People just think that I have extra saliva in my mouth.

Or you have shit in your tooth, right? Yeah, but it's subtle. People just think that I have extra saliva in my mouth. Or you have shit in your tooth. Yeah, yeah. Ellie, I've wanted a grill for the last 15 years. If anybody out there makes grills, hit me up, man. I want some bottoms. Yeah, let's get Joelberg a fucking grill. How much do you pay for this diamond tooth?

I don't want to say. No, yeah, say it. I want to hear you say it because we've all heard you on this show talk months ago about how you're broke and starving and now all of a sudden you have fucking teeth of diamonds over here. It was $80. What? You can't remove it though, right?

It's not permanent. Yeah, it's not permanent, but it like sticks for, you know, who knows? No, we don't know. Who does know? I mean, I don't know. Who would know that? It just depends on if you take care of your tooth or not.

Do you take care of your teeth? Yeah, I brush them. Do you brush your diamonds every day and night? Yeah, I floss the diamond. It's great. I feel like a, you know, fancy lady. Did the guy who did Shakespeare do it? His name's Paul Wall? Paul Wall. Okay, alright.

I'm bobbing right now, aren't I? Are you drunk? I just say I threw up backstage. It was the first time I wasn't paid for it. Alright. Wow, really? You threw up? Not really. So, Allie, anything

else happen this week? Has your tooth stood out to anyone or anything like that? Anything else? Allie Makovsky? Nothing that stands out. Sorry. Okay. So what about anything else in your career?

You're a really good comic. You do this all the time? Are you getting time other places? Yeah, well, it was crazy on Facebook. It popped up the memories, and a year ago, like yesterday, was when Russell Peters had me open for him after being a guest on here. Not trying to, like, influence you in any way, Ron, but it was pretty cool. I'll tell you this.

Last month, she did a special guest pop-in at my show at Cobbs in San Francisco, and Jeremiah, you were there for that monster energy outbreak tour. Uh huh. And she absolutely fucking annihilated. I mean, it was incredible. It was very awesome. Way to put him on the spot times two.

Ellie, do you want to pick up those names you dropped? No, I'm not actually putting anyone on the spot. It was one name I dropped. Anyway. You know what? We'll talk. I'll give you a spot. I'll be here. Actually dropped anyway Wait that works Right the band has been here every way no Ryan. I thought we were friends here Ron I I gave another guy a spot that was on here. Yeah. He fucking hated it. He did? Yeah, fuck. I was like, oh, what did I do? It was like the guy drank a cup of his own warm sperm on fucking stage.

I love it. It was ugly. Well, Allie, we love you every single week on this show. Writing and performing a brand new minute. There she goes again. Allie Makovsky. It's me, Allie Mack. It's me, All Mack. It's me, Ali Mack

on social media. Not Ali Mack. Oh, okay. Keep changing it every few months. That's a really good strategy. Yo, I'm serious about that grill, man. If anybody makes grills... Amazon Prime, dude.

They have them. Yeah, but I want to get fitted nice. If anybody makes grills, I'm down. Try Sears. JCPenney's has. Oh, wow. You guys want to hear something really amazing? This is fucking life for you.

Put your hands together for Timothy Paul McRae. No. Son of a bitch. You would have had it. Now you're banned for like a year, dummy. Just goes to show you, be patient, people. Don't try to cheat the fucking system. Ten weeks, it never

was gonna happen for me. Timothy Paul fucking McRae, you goddamn motherfucker. This looks like a new name. Put your hands together for Mina Q. Let's do it. Let's put a big ribbon on this fucking thing.

Come on, people. It's the last comedian of the show. It's Mina Q. Oh, yeah, we remember Mina. Mina? You know, I hate being black. I'm sorry. I mean, broke.

Broke. I get those confused because they're so interchangeable, you know? I just wish I could choose one because it's, like, really hard. I'm broke. That is true. But I'm broke because I've been dating women for, like, the last 15 years. because I've been dating women for like the last 15 years. And like the only thing I really learned during that time is that you can't have a girlfriend.

No, that's it. You just can't have a girlfriend. Like fuck that shit. The friend zone is where it's at. But I am single now. And now that I'm single, I decided that I kind of feel like I want to go vegan, you know? I'm not eating pussy, so it's

like a really good time for me. The thing is, like, I already came out gay, so I don't also want to come out vegan. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I mean, the way I look at it is like, I was born gay. You know what I mean? Like, being vegan is a choice. It's like,

I just, I can't, I can't do that to myself. It's hard out here. Oh, time's up. Thank you. Meena Kill. You got the greatest ass I've ever seen in my life. Honestly, I'm gonna tell you,

just in general, like, that is, that means the world to me because I try so fucking hard at the gym, like, you have no idea. As soon as I heard that lesbian thing, I was like, motherfucker. Fuck sucks.

You ever been with a man before? Yeah, I've been with guys. Yeah? I've been with guys. Is that fun for you at all? It's cool. Do you like? I don't know.

I don't know. I feel like that's, I don't know. Was it earlier on or how long has it been since you were with a man? I haven't been with a guy in, like, 15 years. It's been a long time. Everything was, like... What is that like to be a lesbian and be with a man? Like, everything's cool up until, like, the penis thing, and you're just like, ah!

No, it was just because I realized at some point, like, I was more interested in, like, other stuff. Like, I was... Boobies? I was grabbing his tits, and it was just weird. You were grabbing his boobs and stuff? Yeah, you know, I was doing things in other stuff. I was grabbing his tits. It was just weird. You were grabbing his boobs and stuff? Yeah. I was doing things that weren't really...

Sucking on his nipples? Do you want to feel my boobs? Eating his gooch out? Yeah. All right. That part was weird. I'm getting so horny right now. Stupid!

Wait, what happened? What was that? Whoa. Angry. Oh, wow. Hold on. There's a blatant super lesbian over here that just literally yelled out, men are stupid. For a second, I'm like, why is that dude yelling that?

And then it hit me like, oh, wow, that's a fucking superpower lesbian. Look at this one. She looks like she watches Fox News and shit. Look at this. Fucking big time gun owner over here. Hell yeah. No, I love it. Look at you.

How many times have you flicked your beam to Rachel Maddow? How many? What the fuck? My goodness. Mina, do you know these ladies over here? I don't know these ladies. She does know. She wants to know you.

Oh, shit. Holy shit. Somebody's getting an old lady here. You guys are definitely going to play a game of basketball tonight. You're not the first person with blonde dreads I've ever laughed at. What the fuck? Will you arm wrestle Joel Jimenez? Nope.

No, Brian doesn't get to pitch ideas on this show ever. Anyway, Mina, have you ever been with a white woman before? I'm looking at this fucking lady over here. It looks like she wants to beat my ass right... Whoa! Look at that. Danny Lucas on the spotlight. For the podcast listeners and the video listeners, you can't see shit. Oh, Brian, you are a negative Nancy, and you're talking way too much. I really wish you would just stick with the sound effects. You're really not good

at this thing. Yep, anyway. So the momentum killer, Brian Redband. I have been with a white woman. That was your last question. You have a preference? Not really. I've never been with an Asian woman. Is that something you'd be interested in?

Whoa, Jesus. Come on, guys. Oh, man. See that? You, Jesus fucking Christ. All right, come on, guys. Oh, man. See that? You're just heckling. This is why Hillary lost, guys. It's also why Bernie lost. They don't understand rules.

Rebellious lesbians. I've been with Asian women. It's amazing. You've been with what? I've been with Asian women. It's fucking great. Give it a try. I wouldn't fuck that girl, but I've been with Asian women. It's fucking great. Give it a try. I wouldn't fuck that girl,

but I would fuck an Asian woman. Wow. How could you say that? You look exactly like Ron. You see her? Really? She really does. Ron has better tits.

You look like the lead singer for Rascal Flat. She's Rascal Flat chested. All right. Let's put a... All right, lady. You're the worst. All right. Go back to background acting on Orange is the New Black.

Mina Q! I am Mina Q on Instagram. There she goes. And like that. That's another episode of Kill Tony, ladies and gentlemen. Here's your drawing from Ryan J. Ebel. The great Mina Q is on Instagram at IamMinaQ, M-I-N-A-Q. Your drawing from Ryan J. Ebel.

The great Ron White. Do you have any dates coming up or anything you want to plug? I know I do, but I have no idea where they are. Thank you so much for the delicious number one tequila. J-U-A-N. Delicious all night long. It's good. Go to taterstequila.com and we'll send it to your house.

You'll love it. You'll absolutely love it. There you go. There you go. That's my pitch. Jeremiah Watkins. Yes. I will be in New York City for the New York Comedy Festival, November 7th through 15th.

And then come see me and the Wave Headline La Jolla on November 30th. Patty Reagan. Band leader, Pat Reagan. Check out this band, The Cure. Chroma Chris is on Twitter and Instagram. Chroma Chris. Joel Jimenez. Just happy to be here.

Watch Nathan for you, season four. I was in the art department. I worked on it. All right, peace out. Mostly sorry. Hey, Tony, you're going to be on the show Sunday. We have a big Halloween show here at the Comedy Store main room. Tony's on it.

Preacher Lawson from America's Got Talent and Kill Tony is going to be on it. It's going to be a lot of fun. La Jolla, November 10th and 11th, Australia. November 22nd to the 28th in Philadelphia. January 24th to the 27th, I'm on tour. That's all at TonyHinchcliffe.com. MeUndies, baby! MeUndies.com backslash kill for 20% off your underwear and socks right now.

How about one more time for the gay hooker band, everybody, and the great Ron White, ladies and gentlemen! Ron motherfucking White! Thank you. Good night, everybody. See ya. Like a rhinestone cowboy Riding out on a horse In a star-spangled rodeo.

Like the rhinestone cowboy. Getting cards and letters from people I don't even know. And offers coming over the phone. Coming over the phone Well I really don't mind the rain And a smile can hide all the pain But you're down when you're riding the train That's taking the long way And I dream of the things I'll do

With a subway tone To never To never Have an L on her forehead Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star Get the show on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star Get the show on, get paid

And all that matters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait you