KILL TONY - KILL TONY #29

Episode Date: January 2, 2014

Russell Peters, Moshe Kasher, Iron Patriot, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Brian Redban – Date: 12/16/2013 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at DeathSquad.TV. Me and Tony are coming to Texas. We have the first Texas tour that we've ever done here at Death Squad, and we need you guys to come out so we can come back to Texas more often and bring some more comics. Me and Tony are going to be there January 9th, starting in Houston, and we're doing a live podcast, and then we're going to do a comedy show right after it. There's special tickets that you can get so you can do both or if you just want to do one, either the comedy show or the podcast, you don't have to do both if you don't want to,

but might as well do both, right? So go to DeathSquad.TV for the ticket links. The following day after Houston, we're going to be in Austin, Texas January 10th, and Tiffany Haddish is joining us so it's going to be me, Tony, and Tiffany if you don't know Tiffany, check her out, she's been having some amazing sets on Arsenio, so much that Arsenio actually hired her on

so she does Arsenio Hall every Thursday now, that's how good she is she's great, she's blowing the fuck up, and you guys gotta check her out while you can. So it's going to be real fun. Austin, January 10th. And then following day, January 11th, me, Tiffany, and Tony will be there. So all the links are at DeathSquad.TV.

And then if you want to see one of these shows, what you're listening to right now, Kill Tony, we do this every Monday at the Comedy Store. It starts off at 8 o'clock with Kill Tony, followed by the Ding Dong Show. Both shows are free, and that's every Monday at the world-famous Comedy Store on Sunset in Hollywood, California. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you from the world famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony give it up to Tony Hinchcliffe

Yay, everybody it's crazy. Here we are. Hi, everyone. How you guys doing? Yeah, another awesome Monday night. The weather in L.A. is beautiful. A crisp middle of December.

75 degrees today. Another beautiful day to be alive. How's it going, Brian? Great. It was actually 85 in Burbank today. Had to send some photos to Ari Shafir in New York. I think that's where he is or lives.

The photos don't really tell the story of the temperature. You should put a little bubble above it that says, oh yeah, I'm 85 degrees. I sent screenshots of my weather app. Oh, that's beautiful. I thought you were literally just taking pictures of the outside. Like, hey, I'm 85 degrees. Oh, no, I sent screenshots of my weather app. Oh, that's beautiful. I thought you were literally just taking pictures of the outside.

Like, hey, look at the palm tree. Who moves to New York? I mean, I understand why he moved to New York, but shit. Yeah, New York City. Great city, great city. But when it's cold, it's just, yeah, it sucks. Fuck, yeah. Sir, can, it sucks. Fuck yeah. Sir, can I make that a double for you?

What the fuck are you ordering back there? Jesus Christ. Guys, I mean, what the fuck? Holy shit. I want the whiskey in one glass, the ice cubes in one glass, the other glass. Just give them this. I just don't want to hear it. My God.

What the fuck? It's a live show, people. What did you think? There's a movie screen? All right. We went to, I know you were out of town. I went to, I brought Death Squad to San Jose, and that was a really scary place

because the San Jose Improv, if you've never been there, it's an old theater where Houdini used to play. It's just a humongous place, and it's like, what? This is not an improv. But you're never going there before. It's really scary toongous place. And it's like, what? This is not an improv. But you're never going there before. It's really scary to try to sell

tickets to something that big. The whole bottom floor was all sold out. So it was great. We were successful for Death Squad in San Jose. And we're going to be in Texas. Tickets just went on sale for me and Tony's Texas

tour dates. January 9th we're going to be in Houston January 10th we'll be in Austin and January 11th we'll be in Dallas we're also doing a live podcast in Houston but they're all on sale right now so if you're listening to this in Texas here's your chance but the live podcast may

or may not be a kill Tony yeah so we don't want to give them the impression that it is, but it might be something fun and different as well, right? Well, maybe. I mean, it seems very hard to do in the next two weeks to figure that out. Right. Unless the Patriot wins the lottery and buys his own ticket.

Yeah. The Iron Patriot, everybody, our head of security, unmiked, completely unmiked. Yeah. Like you say, there's a million new ways to die. Josh Martin is the most worthless producer. You can't hear me? The microphone is pointing straight up in the air like an electric penis, something I never had in my mouth except once.

I didn't know what to do. He's not even around to hear me insult him. The guy whose job it is to keep the Iron Patriots microphone in front of his chest. Can you hear me now? You're damn right I can, you son of a bitch. Put your hands together for the Iron Patriot. Everybody's here. Our head of insecurity.

I'm excited about that show you're doing in Dallas, Tony, and I'm going to tell you why. You guys are doing it at a place called the Curtain Club on Main Street in Deep Ellum. This club is owned by an old friend of mine, Doug Simmons. And he used to, before he owned that club, he used to book Dirty Craver. He got us some of our best shows. And also, you've seen the Mailman video, Dirty Craver Mailman. It was filmed on that street. So you are going to hallowed ground right there.

Sweet. And let me tell you a little bit about Deep Elm. It was a hot spot. About what? About Deep Elm. It's just east of downtown Dallas. Is that the street? No, the area is called Deep Elm.

It's on Main Street and then there's Elm Street. That's the same street that goes down to where Kennedy was shot. You can see that too. But anyway, Deep Elm in the 20s and 30s was a hot spot. Unbearable. What are you talking about? What is this, like a fucking... In the 1920s?

No, I'm telling you, this is a historical area. This is like sci-fi meets National Geographic. Well, anyway, I started playing. Blind Lemon Jefferson played there in the 30s. It was a historical place. It laid dormant for a few decades, and then it came alive in the mid-80s, and that's when I started playing there. And next week, I'm going to do a song... You started playing there when it laid dormant for a few decades and then it came alive in the mid-80s and that's when I started playing there.

And next week I'm going to do a song... You started playing there when it became dormant? No, after the three decades of dormancy I started playing there in the mid-80s. It was just a warehouse... You brought it back. Yeah, in the 40s, 50s, and 60s, 70s it was dead. And then it came alive in the mid-80s and that's when I started playing there.

Yeah, and that's next week I'm going to do a song called One and One from a band, my first band, Roaming on the Dreamers. Didn't have time to do it this week, but we'll do it next week. Like, do you plan these seven-minute rants, like, during the week when you're like, oh, Monday I get to

fucking do this thing, and, like, you just vent it. Well, let me tell you something, Tony. You told us about parts of Dallas that we're never going to need to know about. When I first showed up here on June 11th, I thought I was coming to do podcasting. You know, the stand-up comedy thing is kind of a surprise, so I just kind of like to talk. I don't always have to be funny, I don't think. I'm here to do podcasting. Right.

But, you know, I do enjoy the stand-up comedy. That was a surprise, but, you know, that's why sometimes everything I say isn't funny. I like to give out information. Oh, we know that sometimes everything you say isn't funny. I mean, everything, there's definitely, I mean some things would have to be funny for us to

be so confused that we might think that everything you say is funny. You know, I was concerned about you because I saw a picture of you on the plane with Joe coming back from your weekend where you got to see UFC. Somebody made a comment on the Instagram that said they met you in the smoking

area. And I was concerned that you turned back to your old ways. I went outside and I had to go up. Joe Rogan and I did the Crest Theater in Sacramento this Friday. It was a lot of fun. Sold out show.

Sacramento was amazing. And then the next night I got to Saturday night, I got to go to the UFC with him and sit right behind him and watch people beat the shit out of each other, which was unbelievably exciting. And yeah. So but there was one point where I wanted to maybe, you know, I used to smoke pot on Saturday. And so when I went there, I had to go get pot. So I walked out to where the normal people are and to where the peasants, you know, like, anyway. And I got high with somebody. Yeah, you got me there.

Good job, Patriot. I smoked pot with somebody. Thank you. You are a blackmailing son of a bitch. Have you noticed any of the good effects from stopping smoking? Like have your nostrils cleaned up? Does food taste better? My nostrils were always clean.

Food tastes the same. And yes, I can run more. My cardio is better. So that is a positive effect. Uh-huh. Yeah. And are you still... The thing I hated when I stopped smoking is the urge continued for weeks and weeks.

It took a long time to go away. Are you experiencing that? Well, I have this nicotine pen that I've been using. Oh, oh. Does that help? Yes, it helps a lot. I get nicotine out of a pen. Yeah.

I didn't try that. I just did a cold turn. Patriot, we're going to work on our banter for next week. Yeah. We've got to get a little reset. Well, you threw me off because I didn't get to do my song. I was planning to do my song this week. Right, so four more minutes of unbearable bullshit.

No, no. That I said we have to save until next week. No, no. Patriot, are you okay? Like last week I noticed that we were making a lot of noises out of the thing. Well, I'm an enigma. I work in a serious way. There you go.

Well, I love you for keeping us safe, Patriot. Yeah, I'll continue to do that, Tony. Why do you have to say my name so weird? If you ever get a chance, look at his YouTube page. Because not only does he have a lot of music videos, but he has these short movies he made with his neighborhood kids and friends and stuff and it reminded me of like a lot of the videos i used to make but one of you rocked some of the most amazing hairstyles back then like you have like the huge mullet lion cut hair my hair went through different stages it did because in the right when

i um 85 when i was graduating high school i went for the the mullet, you know, like Duran Duran wore. And then by the early 90s, I let it grow out all one length. How come every story you take us through, like, the 70s, 80s, and 90s, what the fuck are you? There was one video where he was rocking the crazy lion mullet, and he had his pants pegged

with no socks on, and just like those dockers. Remember those dockers? Like penny loafers or whatever they used to be called? The best is Share My Banana. You've got to watch the live video of Share My Banana in which he hands out his – if you don't know, he was in an unsuccessful rock and roll band in the 90s in Dallas, Texas. And it's like the B-52s meets Nickelback. And what he would do is he has a song called Share My Banana.

He would give the audience bananas and then he would do this shitty song in front of them, and they would throw the bananas at you, right? Yeah, yeah. Not all the time, just a few. But enough for you to get hit in the head with a banana in your own music video. Yeah, the video shows me getting hit, and that's quite painful. And then the camera cuts away really awkwardly after that, after you put your hand up to your eye like,

oh, I just got hit in the head with a banana. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, Patriot, I'm up to your eye like, oh, I just got hit in the head with a banana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, Patriot, I'm glad to have you. Thanks for keeping us safe. Another very, very exciting episode of Kill Tony. So with no further ado, what do you guys say we get this thing started?

You know what we, you know how we do it. I always have two awesome, amazing guests, and this week is no different. My vast account of hilarious friends reaches no boundaries. And another fun week of an example is in front of you. In no particular order, put your hands together for tonight's guest, everyone. We ready to rock? You know him.

You love him. He's got a lot of things happening. He has a book out. He's one of my favorite rising comics in the world Hilarious, I love him It's Pig Bottom, I love him on Comedy Central It's Moshe Kesher everybody Hell yeah

And also One of my favorite people A good pal of mine One of the biggest touring comics in the entire world You know him, you love him It's Russell Peters! Fuck yeah. How exciting.

Fuck yes. We are talking stand-up comedy. At the big table. Heck yeah. Yeah. Good to have you guys. Hey. How's it going?

Russell, I was thinking, is this like a refreshing break from stardom for you or like a humiliating experience? You know what's funny is I think I'm only famous to comics because I could walk around the mall and nobody knows who the fuck I am. You fill a stadium full of stand-up comedians? That's true.

That's amazing. That's true. We're everywhere. You should see how many comics show up. They don't like it. I'm just famous to them. It's different.

I saw your special, man, on Netflix. It's really good. You guys should all check out his special when you're done with it. Moshe? You should go ahead

and click over to Things You Might Like. Look up Moshe Kasher live in Oakland. That's there as well. They're both on Netflix. He's often suggested with me. Yeah.

I watched it. It was great. It's good on Netflix. He's often suggested with me. Yeah, and I watched it. It was great. It was good. Thanks, buddy. Slightly different scale, but yeah. And then after that, when you run out of comedy specials on Netflix, go watch House of Cards.

I don't have a comedy special on Netflix, so I'm promoting House of Cards. I really like the show. We could probably get these podcasts put on there, I think. Yeah, I'd love that. What do you think? Come on, Red Band, you can make it happen. That's the future, right? You're a bad guy, you can make it happen. That's the future,

right? You're a bad guy. You can make it happen. Wait till Apple releases Apple TV. You know where it's in the TV, and that's going to bring it to... Or this new Xbox. Everything's like, hey... I've got one of those, actually. Have you tried it yet? I'm not a gamer. I just happened to go to Target one night, and I saw it, and I was like, aren't these hard to get? And the guy was like, yeah, we just got two.

And I said, I'll take them. You're throwing them out the window while you're driving. Russell, stop rubbing your incomprehensible wealth in all of our faces. I sent it to my friend for his kid for Christmas. Oh, that's awesome. I couldn't figure out when I

bought it who it was for and I was like, I know somebody wants this. And then my friend was like, yeah, you know, Chris just asked me if he could get an Xbox. I was like, I got it! I bet your friends plant silly seeds like that all the time. Hey, it sure would be crazy if I had a Lamborghini, Russell.

If you want to go out on a lark, I'd love the Hope Diamond, Russell. Yeah, see? I'll lay a jet. It's so funny. I love your... You still have that green... No.

No, that lasted not even a week. What was it? A green what? That was a fucking mistake is what it was. It was a green Bentley. Wow. I was fucking duped. You're straight up hood rich, dude.

That's how I felt driving away. I felt like in the back of their head, they're calling me the N-word when I'm driving away. That's great. Look at that dumb brown. Say it, say it. Not saying it. I can't say it.

I'm so happy to have you guys. But when I get comfortable, it's on like Donkey Kong. He'll say it. Iron Patriot was definitely saying it. Not saying it. I can't say it. I'm so happy to have you guys. But when I get comfortable, it's on like Donkey Kong. He'll say it. The robot. Iron Patriot was definitely saying it. The robot will drop an inbox. Hello, guys. Hello.

Hey, Russell, I did a little reading on you today. Let me talk to you. Let me talk to you for a second. You were born in Toronto. I was born in Toronto. 1989. You started doing comedy. Thank God you gave it a year.

I thought you were going to say I was born in 1989. No, no, no. You were heavily influenced by George Carlin. He told you to get on stage Thank God you gave it a year. I thought you were going to say I was born in 1989. No, no, no. You were heavily influenced by George Carlin. He told you to get on stage anytime you could. That is correct. You had a big change in 2004. You got on a Canadian comedy show. The video went viral.

Yep. Now, things have been good since then. I noticed this year Forbes Magazine has put you number three of top earning comedians of 2013. Correct, correct. I got lucky. Forbes magazine has put you number three of top earning comedians of 2013. Correct. Correct. I got lucky. Now, Redman and Tony, can you guess who the top two comedians that beat him out were? I'm going to guess Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.

You're right about Seinfeld. He's number one. But number two is some guy named Thator that's a ventriloquist that won America's Got Talent in 2007. Oh, yeah. that's a ventriloquist that One America's Got Talent in 2007. Oh, yeah. Now, Russell, what I want to ask you is, what do you think you need to do to improve next year so you can get number one instead of number three?

Oh, shit. I think I need a hit sitcom that makes half a billion dollars a year. I did a little reading on you. Moshe, I want to talk to you, Moshe. Can I just acknowledge, before you get to Moshe, I want to talk to you, Moshe. Can I just acknowledge before you get to Moshe, that you have, I've noticed the last few weeks, because you're our research, I mean, you always

do that part that I don't do, where you sort of reintroduce people. And I just have to say, he's number three on the Forbes list of comedians. How do you turn that into some weird insult? What do you think you could do to be number one? Like, that's like, how do you ruin that?

How do you piss on number three? Well, in football, if you lose the Super Bowl, you're number two, but that don't mean anything. You got to get number one. Oh, my God. All right. I didn't even make Forbes at all. I was in Mad Magazine's list. You were the fold-out in the back.

That's right. I bought an ad in the penny saver. It looked like a building, and then you fold in it. It was Moshi. But I'm happy, though. You know, it's like, what? Me worry? Come on, guys.

We're doing Mads. Come on. Everybody, cheers to you. Yay, Alphandine Newman. Moshi, I want to talk to you real quick before we start the show. Looking forward to it. Okay. That's how we started the show.

You were born in Queens. You came to Oakland at the age of one. Yeah. You went to Santa Barbara to attend college. You thought you were going to be a professor. Stop just reading my Wikipedia page. No, no. You thought you were going to be a professor in Jewish history.

A lot of these people don't know. Tell them right now. That's true. And everything changed, though, for you. In 2001, you saw one of your old friends doing an open mic in New York. That's right. And everything's been good since then. You wrote a book about your life.

Now, something else interesting about you is you were raised by two deaf parents. Yeah. Now, I've always worried that we're neglecting our deaf fans of Kill Tony. Now, do you think, what do I want to say to you? What do I want to say to you? Do you think you could do sign language for the rest of the show so the deaf people will know what we're saying? I probably could.

To the audience listening at home, I just gave him the finger. Look at that South African guy. He'd be awesome. Oh, yeah, yeah. That dude, the angel viewer? Yeah. That's unbelievable.

He supposedly was in a gang that killed two people. Yeah, that's why he was throwing up gang signs the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. He did have a bounce to his sign language. Yeah. Why are you guys getting weird about this? What happened?

You don't know what we're talking about? You don't watch the fucking news? You were on vacation? Nelson Mandela died. The whole fucking world knew about it. They didn't have TVs where you went on vacation? Nelson Mandela died. The whole fucking world knew about it. They didn't have TVs where you went on vacation? Where were you vacating? 9-11, what's that?

I was in Tahiti during 9-11. No, not World Trade Centers. What? Yeah, Nelson Mandela's funeral. There was a bad sign language. Should we back up a bit? Nelson Mandela died recently, guys. Yeah, man Mandela's funeral. There was a bad sign language. Should we back up a bit? Nelson Mandela died recently, guys.

Yeah, man, sorry. He just runs out. Well, this is so exciting to have you guys. You guys love stand-up comedy. And so what we do is comedians sign up for the opportunity to do one minute on the stage. This katana's not loaded, is it? No, definitely not. It broke last week

under the stress of just sitting there. It literally just broke. I just want to say, though, to the comedians, there's a lot of pressure on what you're about to do. If you impress Russell, you could be traveling the world getting thrown Xboxes at you in front of 60,000 people.

If you impress me, there's an off chance that you could feature a cancellation week at a Funny Bone in the middle of America. I'm just saying. You guys know what we're doing.

Everybody does a minute. We try to help them out with whatever they talked about before or after that. You know your minute's over when you hear the sound of a kitty. That's that cat. And when that happens, you better wrap up,

because if you run that light, if you run that sound effect, then you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And he sounds extra angry tonight. He's an at-one angry bear. So wrap it up when you hear the kitty, and then we chat with you for a bit. Talk about what you talked about, talk about what else you might talk about,

just for a few minutes, and we all get through it. Welcome to episode 29 of Kill Tony, ladies and gentlemen. Yay. Very exciting. So, shall we? Let's get this party started.

Let's shall. A record. 44 comedians signed up for the opportunity to be one minute to that. Do they all get to go up? Yeah, you're here for a long time, dude. You're going to earn that Green Bentley. This is your New Year's show. I got rid of it just for the record, people. I do not have a Green

Bentley anymore. It lasted one week. I drove it home and it sat in my garage for a week. Why'd you give it up? I called the dealership. I go, dude, I can't fucking drive this. It's beautiful. I'd you give it up? I called the dealership. I go, dude, I can't fucking drive this. It's beautiful. I'm like, it's not fucking beautiful. It's fucking green, dude.

So you returned to Bentley? I did. I didn't know you could do that shit. I've never returned to Bentley. It's a $200,000 car. I'm not keeping $200,000 of a fucking hit. Did they give you a receipt for that or something? How does that work? I just traded it for a different color. Purple, motherfucker.

Because the car is amazing. It's just the color that was like... I was going to paint it. They go, oh, don't paint it. You could have wrapped it. Then I just said, fuck it. I'll just get a different one. You could have wrapped it with advertisements

for Chris D'Elia's white male black comic. I'd rather have done Moshi Cash alive in Oakland. Oh, that's nice. See that love? Moshi's been good to me. I can't knock him out. Yeah, I gave him his start in this business.

People know that about me. He legitimized me. I know for a fact a few comedians that signed up tonight, there's probably going to be, I know for a fact, a few comedians that signed up tonight. This is literally, they came here specifically to start stand-up comedy, to do a minute here tonight. Oh, it's only a minute. Maybe we'll cover one of them. I mean, that's awesome.

I already pulled our first comedian, so let's get this thing started. Your first comedian tonight's name is Ken Gar. Here he is. So my wife called me on our one-year wedding anniversary, and she's like, how about tonight you pick up a porno on your way home? I'm like, okay. So I go to the video store, and I go in the back room with all the creepy guys. I was like, Dad, what are you doing here? It's weird.

And I picked up one, and I ran out. Like, you've got to pay for it. I'm like, shut up. So I picked up one called Naughty Girls 3, and I realized that girls don't get how the whole porno thing works because she's like, we can't watch this. We haven't seen parts 1 and 2 yet. I was like, it doesn't really work that way,

sweetheart. In fact, I've never made it through two and a half minutes of one of these things. So I turn it on, we're watching it and I forgot one thing. I hate watching movies with my wife because she talked through the whole thing. At first she's like, do you think that girl's prettier than me? Then she's like, do you think her boobs are real? Then she's like, I saw the cutest sweater at Macy's today.

I was like, did the sweater have two dicks in it like that bitch does? Shut the fuck up. So I go storming out of the room, and two and a half minutes later I shut the movie off. Thanks for my name. Ken Gar, thanks so much. Hey. Fuck yeah. Clocking in at 55 seconds.

Oh, well done. Nice, nice. Just shy. Nice. I like that. Keeping it tight. That's right. A-O.

No, you're not, right? How did we start? It all happened really fast. You could just say whatever you want. Here's my first concern. Not a concern, but it was that immediately when you said your wife asked you to bring home a porno video I'm like

did you write this joke in 2005 and I'm like where the fuck did he find a video store why don't you just save your money and buy a laptop

so I go I get the laser disc I put it in the trunk of my car could you believe the tape was chewed? They didn't even rewind. Nobody was kind.

Is it a true story at all? Yeah. I mean, basically where it came from was watching a porno with my, now an ex-wife. When did that happen? So this joke was written a few years ago. Yeah, yeah. So it really was. You were married.

There was videos. I had a lot Yeah, yeah. So it really was. You were married. There was videos. I had a lot of stock in Blockbuster at the time. Playing a cassette on the way home. It was a few years ago, yeah. But, I mean, it basically stemmed from we watched porno together, but she wouldn't stop talking about just anything. What porno would you watch together? Oh, just anything.

I mean, it was just kind of like, you know. Was there a Naughty Girls 3? I don't know, actually. I'm just saying, I always say commit. I have a theory in life and in comedy. Details separate good from great. So the more real the story is, like the more genuine facts in it,

that makes it funnier. Like when people just yell out a number, like I did this 800, whatever the number is, if that fucking number adds up to that, that makes it amazing. You know what I mean? Yeah, when you say you stole it, fucking number adds up to that, that makes it amazing. You know what I mean? Yeah, when you say you stole it, you're like, fuck you.

That seemed unnecessary. We don't really believe that you stole a video and started running it going, fuck you. That was a joke. That was a joke. Oh. But to the Iron Patriot... Apparently he's missing the point of the jokes, right, Ben?

To the Iron Patriot, too many details can also spoil the joke. That's also true, so let's not get over. Right. If we're critiquing, I got taken out when you called the woman a bitch, can also spoil the joke. That's also true. So let's not get over. Right. I got, if we're critiquing, I mean,

I got taken out when you called the woman a bitch, but that's a personal thing. I just always feel like when dudes, he gets mad when people call him a bitch. When dudes call women bitches on stage for no reason, no humor based reason,

like there's no punchline. It's just like, that's a bitch. That's a bitch. Now that we know the backstory and it's his ex-wife. No, no, no. It's the woman in the porn.

No, no, no. It came across-wife. No, it's the woman in the porn. Either way, it came across as like you were extremely mad about something. One of the things I've noticed is like you were saying, the more detail, the better. For example, she actually asked you to go out and get a porn video, right? Sure, yes. Did you go

by yourself to the video place? So she didn't go with you to pick one out. No. Did you go by yourself to the video place? So she didn't go with you to pick one out. No. So you had to guess what type of thing she might be into. Sure. But like you don't take us on that part of the trip. You know what I mean? That might be a part. Right. And that's the whole conversation with her on that.

Yeah. Good way to. Yeah. I used to go to the video store back when there were video stores. I would get I was still living with my mom and I would rent pornos. And I would go into my room. But the VCR I had, we had lost the remote a long time ago. So I had a broom in one hand. At least that's what you called it.

I had my broom in one hand. That's the truth. But that's true. People want to know that kind of disgusting filth about your real life. Just like I watched a porno and my wife talked. We're like, no, I mean, what her asshole look like? You know what I mean? No, I mean, I'm asking you,

what did your wife's asshole look like? It was not clean. Oh, jeez. That's an interesting approach. Well, I mean, I think the premise of the joke is she talked through every movie. And I think that's really think the premise of the joke is she talked through every movie yes

and I think that's really where the premise of the joke is I got an idea so now you can take that and then flip it now exactly right what if you set it up

as my wife asked me to bring home a video a movie a romantic movie to watch on my on our anniversary so I brought it home

I put it on she couldn't stop talking through the whole movie how about he doesn't bring home a movie how about he watches one on TV I'm just saying

I'm saying at the end of it, then you reveal it's not Sleepless in Seattle keeping with 2005, right? Right. It's in fact, you know, hardcore gay anal gangbang, which is what I'm assuming

you probably did rent in reality. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Or I could just watch it on the Xbox that Russell gives me.

Oh. So you really would. Speaking of your ex's box. Yeah. What's that point? Trust me, you'll return it. But you really went to a video store and you really did that. No. No.

This was a completely fabricated story. So here's the story. When you first said, was that true? And you said, yes, none of it was true. No, I lied directly to your face. You might be a compulsive liar is what the real problem is. So we came home one night drunk. And she's like, do you own any porn?

I said, yeah. She's like, oh, let's watch it together. Wait, this was your wife? Your wife on your one year anniversary? Do you own any porn? On your one year anniversary? That's what she wanted to find out about you. She never checked the drawers?

It wasn't your anniversary. It wasn't our anniversary. I just thought it was me. Was she your wife? Yes. Is your wife? Yes Is she real? Yes Were you alone?

At what point? Right now Yes Ken Yeah We took a lot of time And I felt like We got nowhere with you

Okay Look These are good notes for you Ken Yeah Thank you When you rewrite this joke Yeah You can make it streaming Or Netflix Netflix or fucking pay-per-view.

Or you porn or you jizz. Well, you know, or that. He's talking about his girlfriend now. Right. He's talking about the inside of those weird plastic pants he's got on. He just jizzed in his porn. Well, thanks for the notes. Ken, thank you so much. There he goes.

Ken Gar. Comedian Ken Gar on Twitter. No relation to Terry. Terry Gar. Is that a figure skater? Terry Gar? Wasn't she an actress? Who's Terry Gar? I haven't seen her around in a while, but yeah. What's she on again?

Three's Company, right? No, that was fucking that was Terry. That was Terry. That was Don Natsu, idiot. That's a very angry no from people. Oh yeah, Mr. Mom. Yeah, she was blonde and she was cute. I love how in the back somewhere there's just such a diehard Three's Company fan.

I mean, somebody's like, is it Three's Company? I'm the Three's Company. I was like, wait a minute, no. What the fuck? That was Priscilla Barnes and she played Terry. Here's a new name.

It's Sarah Kenny, everybody. Sarah Kenny. Sarah Kenny. So, I've been seeing this guy for the past couple of weeks, but I think it's because of all the acid. I mean, do you guys see him? I was really, I thought that the barista at my coffee shop had a crush on me

because he would always put a little heart in the foam on the top of my latte. And so I was really flattered, until I realized that he does it on everyone's latte. So I guess he's just a whore. It's finally happened that I've eaten so many pot brownies in my lifetime, so that now whenever I eat a regular brownie, I still get pretty high. So that's a freebie.

I think that's a minute I'm not sure I started this gluten free diet recently but I'm already vegan so it doesn't leave a whole lot I can consume on this diet so far all I've had is vodka, cigarettes and PCP I do notice some changes

a lot more energy. I look better, I think. It's hard to say. Isn't it weird sometimes how you can lose weight and become... There you go. You hit it. Sarah. So you have this one-liner

thing that you do, huh? If you were to do a longer set, would it be like that? A compilation of those? No. I never did one minute. So I just... I like one-liners because I can't write them. They are very difficult to write

actually. Totally. Very hard to write. And it can be a real lifesaver if you are even doing a longer set. If you lose something or you just want to throw them off real quick and blast them with something, it's fun to have those in the chamber. How long have you been doing stand-up? About a year.

Nice. How long have you lived in L.A.? About a month. Where are you from? Chicago. What's your social security number? Where are you living? Culver City.

How do you like it? It's good. It's good. It's good. Bike straight up Las Pianas. Are you on a ground floor apartment? I'm on the second floor. Just for visitation purposes.

Yeah, not a big deal. I had a thought for one of your jokes. Well, first of all, you tell one-liners, but then you kind of add on to them, I thought,

like for no reason. I just thought like, and maybe that was like a confidence thing. I thought like, just tell and maybe that was, like, a confidence thing. Like, I thought, like, just tell the one-liner, be out. You know, like... Especially that first one. Yeah, exactly. Especially the first one. It's like, do you see him too? I mean... Well, you know, the reason

I did that is because I've told that joke several times and it's 50-50. Either they get it, or they think that my opinion of men has lowered because I'm on acid. Like, it's saying that I have... Don't worry about those words. Beer goggles. So I actually normally never. It's saying that I have beer goggles. I actually normally never tag that on. No, I hear you.

The other one I was thinking was that you go, I've changed from a gluten-free diet to the vegan. All I eat now is vodka. What was it? Vodka, cigarettes, and PCP. I thought dick instead of PCP and dick. All you can eat is vodka, cigarettes, and dick. I can throw a dick in there.

Consume that dick, girl. Do it. That's pretty good. Or a semen. Well, you know, if he's in the Navy, that's fine. Yeah, that's not bad. Awesome. What else? I guess that's... I really like that whore joke.

I'm a real sucker for those late misdirects. Yeah, I like those. Yeah, so that's fun. Did he really do that? There's some guy that's doing that? It's a common shape that they will make in the top, but you can see it as a heart or just them being artistic. Oh, that's interesting.

Maybe that's just like you're so lonely that you see a heart. That I interpret it, yeah. It's like the psychology thing. I see tits. I used to work at a sub shop back in the day. You worked at a sandwich? Yeah, a sub shop, and I would write hello in the mustard. Really?

Like a hot chick would come in, and I'd put my phone number, and then I'd put the bread on it. That's how you can get a girl. It'd be better if you wrote... Someday I will have a green Bentley. Yeah. I would do that in relish. Or if you wrote help. I have an idea too.

The thing about one-liners, and this isn't really an idea that I feel comfortable telling you because I'm not really suggesting you pick a persona, but the really successful one-liner community, because really anybody can tell a one-liner that's the kind of thing about them, is like

the way Russell tells jokes, like they're really his jokes you know what I mean? So like a one-liner the real famous one-liner guys are people that have picked a kind of persona like Stephen Wright or you know, Dimitri or Mitch or somebody that picks a particular way to deliver what they're doing. But do it to you, though.

Yeah, exactly. Don't create one. Even how you're answering us right now would be perfect. You know, that, sure. You know, that kind of rocket. This is what I'm saying. I don't give a shit.

No, like in a good way. I'm not saying in a bad way, but that would really work for you. You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. Sure. Well, there you go, everybody.

Sarah Kenny. There she goes. She's on Twitter at SKenny24. You guys remember when you first started comedy, did you have any jokes that, looking back on it, do you remember any terrible jokes?

I have a good career of terrible jokes. No, not for me, no. My shit was horrible. No, I had garbage shit back then. I was fucking terrible. I was horrible. Do you have any examples of a terrible short joke? I know the very first time I went on stage,

how bad I was. I hate when I hear guys go, oh man, first time I went on stage, I killed and the club asked me to come back and headline. Go fuck yourself. It doesn't work like that you know what I mean my shit was terrible I was like 19

do you have it on tape did you record it so you know what one of my friends had it on micro cassette because it was 1989 and that was the fucking hot thing to have

and then somewhere he lost it so thank god for that. It was terrible. My wife actually asked me to bring home a microcassette for our one year anniversary. Of audio porn.

No, just of you doing your early set. I remember a very early joke that's very bad. Actually, my first, first joke I ever wrote was a good joke. But then I had about five years of garbage. This is a bad one.

You know how every time you burp people say it smells like salami? That's why I've been eating nothing but salami. So the next time some motherfucker says that smells like salami, I'll say, that's because it is. By the way,

I fucking love that joke. That's where my sense of humor is. That sort of starts at salami and ends at salami. It doesn't move from salami. You double ended that salami. It's like a mis-misdirect. You think there's going to be a flip,

but it's just like, what? It's like, oh, he's going somewhere with this. You know what? He isn't, actually. He's on salami. It's just stayed in the pocket. I wrote my first joke in 1983. Whoa. I was in eighth grade.

Wow. You ever be breaking on the corner with your buddies? That was at the end of the year. What's up with the wave? Oh, my God. Eighth grade. Do you remember the exact joke? I do.

It was just, I said it to my friends in class and it was 1983 and that's when they thought AIDS was just a gay disease. And I said, could you imagine the cover of Time Magazine if it said,

AIDS, who gets screwed in the end? But I was 13. Don't expect fucking gold 13. That is. That's 13 gold on a weighted scale. There's an Easter egg about my first joke ever. It's actually on Moshe Kasher Live in Oakland.

I took it, dusted it off, and retooled it. I put the first joke I ever wrote on my first special because I thought it was kind of cool. That's awesome. So if you ever watch it on Netflix... M-O-E-S-H-E. It's the schizophrenic pride joke. That's the first joke I ever wrote. It's M-O-S-H-E, unfortunately.

That is awesome. Well, moving forward... The next comedian to perform in front of us tonight... Did too, didn't I? I spelled it Moesha. ...goes by the name of Bruce Boyman. The West Side

with some fat lies. It's no surprise. She got tricks in her stash. She's stacking up the cash fast when it comes to the gas. Everybody, nice to see you all together. It's great to be in Hollywood with all the interesting characters we got here. Britney Spears was in court and the

judge ordered her to childproof her house, so she got a hysterectomy. Then we got other favorites like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Interesting Hollywood character. By day he's snatching tweakers and by night he's tweaking snatches. Woof, woof. You know we love to laugh and we know humor is healthy for us. And I actually use comedy to cure someone of their schizophrenia. I told the schizophrenic some dirty jokes. The schizophrenic told the dirty jokes to the voices in his head.

Well, the voices got offended. Now they don't talk to him anymore. Wow. Bruce Boyman? Bruce Boyman Bruce Boyman I fucking love you Yeah That was great Or as we all know

Uncle Bruce It is It is funny That your last name Is Boyman You're the only real man That will be on stage All night

You are a man You are a man grown As they say In Game of Thrones I'm from the Straight neighbor of Queens, Brooklyn. Yeah, okay. Queens or Brooklyn?

The straight neighbor of Queens. Oh, Queens is gay because of Queen. Oh, yeah, right. What part of Brooklyn are you from? They love the band Queen in Queens. No, no. Part of Brooklyn. Canarsie?

Canarsie. You're a real guy, aren't you? Canarsie. I'd love to see him Like be roommates With Brody Stevens It seems like A great matchup Positive energy

So what How many What union are you in? Pipe fitters 75 Local chiropractic Are you a chiropractor? Was

Oh okay Wow Fuck Now you're snapping necks With jokes Yeah Now you're really necks with jokes. Now you're really cracking people up.

Woof, woof. That's funny. Woof. So happens I met a childhood friend, turned out to be a hemorrhoid surgeon. Yep, I'm not surprised. As a child, he was always a pain in the ass. His parents kept telling him to cut it out. Look what you did. I knew it was coming.

That bear is waiting for somebody to try to throw in another joke. You get one minute, you son of a bitch. There's no fucking early bird special here, Bruce. I gotta say, though, I was like Astro Boy. I kind of admired it, like how he kind of pretended to soft shoe like, oh, that's an interesting point you make.

Hey, take my wife, please. He almost did this right at the end. Oh, fuck. Yeah, Bruce. How long have you been doing stand-up? Seven years as a hobby. One year trying to go for the gold. What made you start wanting to go for the gold now?

I was telling you about problems with the ex-wife. No, don't you do it, motherfucker. Don't you dare. Don't you think about it. Drop the punchline. Step away from the joke. What were you gonna Wait

Bruce what were you gonna say What happened with the ex-wife tell us If you say you ever notice we're all gonna attack you With this katana Well Tony you were going to Email her And you did about my alleged conversion To a gay lifestyle.

And she was very impressed with your email. Are you the schizophrenic from your joke? Schizophrenic. Schizophrenic. Took a weird direction there. Tony, do email is excellent? Well, you know, after I butt-fucked him and everything, I'm like, I should probably...

No, I don't know what he's talking about. No, he's doing another joke. You're doing another joke, right? There is another setup. That was a setup? No, I'm not doing another joke. No, I mean, what happened? You guys got a divorce?

That's what happens with an ex-wife. No, you don't remember last time he was on. Last time he was on, he got a divorce and he moved down here to try his hand on comedy. Oh, that's right. You were regaling. You were regaling. She was amazed

how many penises you photoshopped up my ass. I don't understand. I don't remember what happened. How many weeks ago were you on the show? Two weeks ago. Yeah, photoshop. Back when I was a kid, you had to go to an actual photoshop. Two weeks ago. Yeah, Photoshop. Back when I was a kid, you had to go to an actual Photoshop.

The photo mat. Is this what it's like to be one of your friends back in the real world? You're just like, or like your kid, like, hey, Dad, how are you? Well, a funny thing happened to me on the way here, son. Do you only do jokes?

My dad? Oh, boy. Jeez. Bruce, you have an awesome style. I love it. the way here, son. Do you only do jokes? My dad? Oh, boy. Bruce, you have an awesome style. I love it. We have a lot of comedians to get through. I love what you did. I mean, I can't think of any tags

because, again, you're sort of like a one-liner guy yourself, so it's tight thunder. So I think you just keep moving on. You keep... Oh, please don't give up cards. Drop in the business.

Drop in the business. We got his card. LA comedian. Russell, I think your friend has a kid that would love one of those. I do have one note. It's time to criticize the card. If you want to make it in today's hip comedy climate, you got to drop the AOL.com email address.

Wow. Step it up. Gmail it. Gmail. And a fax machine is unnecessary. Now your email has got 45 in it. Is that your age or the year you were born? Ouch.

There he goes. Bruce Boyman everybody. Bruce Boyman. So much fun. He's kind of like that style where the in-betweeners are almost as funny as the joke. Yeah, totally. The woof woof was just like, I got dizzy

when he said that. I'm just like, I don't know whether that's the funniest thing or the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It was like a family. It was like an uncle at a party. Oh, totally. It's just me. It's not your uncle sneaking into your room. It's your dog. Woof woof. Now I'm going to lick you a little bit but that's just a It's not your uncle sneaking into your room It's your dog Now I'm going to lick you a little bit But that's just a dog being a dog

You know what guys Let's have some fun with molestation jokes Fuck yeah Let's just keep it moving along A record amount of people signed up So let's get through as many as we can Jesus Christ Josh

Really? What a dick That was Really? He just went to get our drinks. What a dick. That was Josh, but he just went downstairs. What the fuck? Why would Josh sign up? Exactly.

Because I eat my comic and I don't get any states time. I got excited when I saw that you were on. What's up? What's up? Tony. I feel bad

because I do have a tough name for Josh to say. Totally. R's and L's are his kryptonite. So Tony and Wedban are going to... Tony I feel bad because I do have a tough name for Josh to say totally R's and L's are his kryptonite so Tony and Wedband are going to introduce you

you know how the show works right he had to give you the pep talk that's so funny hey Joshy your name got called buddy get your ass up here

you motherfucker it's Josh Martin oh hey guys Don't know what's funny but Let's do this I want to make it in life guys I want to be famous I want to be rich like rich as fuck

I want to be rich to the point in my life where I'm like, fuck Ikea. I can afford real furniture. Like that level rich where I don't have to put together my own furniture. I ran out of breath. I tried to squeeze too many words in a short period of time

and it's not as fun. I try to squeeze too many words in a short period of time and it's not as fun. And I'm just going to bring Bruce Boyman back up. And it's going to be much, much... Like, I want to make it to the point where I need security with me at all times, you know? Like, not because I feel like I'm going to get robbed or get killed, but I need someone to keep all these hoes away from me, you know like not because I feel like I'm gonna get robbed or get killed but I need someone to keep all these hoes away from me you know that's I don't know

I'm done you just give me the cat I gotta first of all I have to say that in the middle of that yeah you hit your time's up in the middle of that the absolute funniest fucking thing happened Russell turned to Moshe and he goes can you sign this for them? I have deaf parents.

I used to be a sign language interpreter before I started comedy. I love it when you ran out of air. What was that word you did? I don't know. I ran out of air like, oh fuck, I don't care. That was great.

What happened at the end of the Ikea thing? Did I just miss it? I ran out of air like oh fuck I don't care What happened at the end of the Ikea thing? Did I just miss it? I ran out of air I didn't take a breath I ran out of air for the last Oh my god you did not just say that You forgot to fucking breathe Josh next time You can just take a breath and finish the joke

It's not like a contest I wasn't ready It's not like a contest. I wasn't ready. It's not like you're in a balloon blowing contest or something. Wait, does your nose work? Is it clogged or do you breathe out of your mouth? He has a code. I mean, seriously, does your nose work fine? Yeah, it works.

Hey man, I think you're a good dude. Right on. Josh, I think you know that I love you regardless of anything. Not after tonight, yeah. No, you didn't do anything. No, it doesn't matter. I can't say anything because you got nervous, I think. Yeah, I wasn't ready.

I was just coming up from getting a drink. That's why you shouldn't sign up for the show. Anyway, what do you think, what was the end of the Ikea joke since you ran out of air? Let's try the full oxygen. I want to get to the point where I can say, fuck Ikea. I can afford real furniture

that I don't have to put together myself. I want to get to the point in my life where screwdrivers are like pennies. That level of rich. Because I'm doing better stuff, like getting blowjobs on the boat. That's the end of the joke? No, he did a different version

of it because he didn't say the word that he went... That was a lot of information to try to get out in that last breath. Now I see what happened. There was like two more sentences left. I don't remember what I was trying to say. I really don't remember anything. I think it was furniture.

There's a point where if you go to Pink Dot and something comes to $5.01, you give them $5 and a screwdriver. There you go. There's $5 and a screwdriver. These ain't shit to me. I'm getting my dick sucked on a boat. Exactly.

I mean, that's what you're getting at is the dick sucked on a boat. Exactly. I mean, that's what you're getting at, is the dick sucked on a boat. And it's funny that you're talking about Ikea and putting together shit, and then all of a sudden you're just like, because I'll be getting my dick sucked on a boat. That's truly the heart. I'd get to it faster.

I'd lose the, I don't know what the screwdrivers to pennies thing really is. I don't know what that was. To the point where screwdrivers, when you're rich, I'm sure Russell probably had to think for a few minutes like, what the fuck is a screwdriver again?

No, I have one. What do you do with it? Hand it to guys to fix shit? It's funny, the children's toys nowadays need a screwdriver to get the fucking safety shit off it. Oh, yeah. A female chauffeur? Josh, are those drinks coming? Or are you in charge of that?

Oh, yeah. Oh. I was just trying to get some drinks. Hey, Josh, you think I can edit one of these? We got to figure out a thing, Josh, where we get you on once every few episodes. But you have too much shit to run around and take care of. All these people signed up. We got to make a better system of this.

I am sorry. Yeah, it's... Let's just bring Bruce back up. It these people signed up. We gotta make a better system of this. I'm sorry. Let's just bring Bruce back up. It's much more enjoyable. What happened? I'm trying to get everyone to feel sad for me. I mean, I definitely feel sad for you right now, like big time. He's great. He's got no soul.

I'm good. I've known Joshy for a while. Yeah. I think we all have. Josh is great. Josh Martin, everybody. We love him. He's a staple here. It's weird when you know them. Yeah. It's funny.

You know, he's actually like sort of famous from this podcast. Like I've seen a lot of Death Squad fans come here. And he beat up Boone in the box office thing. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Right. He did.

That was an awesome fight. Yeah, it was. Yeah. I was a corner man for Josh Mouton. It was so much fun. There was a second where Boone hit Josh so hard that he spoke clearly. Anyway.

He literally went, the fuck are you doing? And then he got hit again and it went back. What are you doing? Then he got hit again and he goes, I was getting my dick sucked on a boat. He almost threw a punch at one point but he ran out of air.

I pulled another name when we thought Josh wasn't, by the way, Josh is at Josh Martin comic on Twitter. He's the associate

producer of the show. He helps us out a lot and Josh is a great guy. One of my favorite young rising talents and employees here at the Comedy Store. I pulled another name out when we thought he disappeared.

It's the lovely Courtney Millay, everyone. Hi. I just went and saw Blue is the Warmest Color in theaters. It's a French film, lots of scissoring. It just made me realize that I'm about nine inches away from being a full-blown lesbian. So, it's nice.

Everyone keeps talking about, like, turn up, turn up, turn up. But I'm just trying to get everybody to turn down. Like, can we just enjoy a moment at some point? Also, I don't really understand relationships where, like, people turn into whoever they're dating. Like, he longboards, so she longboards. understand relationships where people turn into whoever they're dating. Like, he longboards so she longboards. He watches football so she watches football. He's

in a musical theater so she grows a dick. The one thing I do like about relationships though is when couples fight in public you can always tell who has a tiny dick. Because though is when couples fight in public you can always tell who has a tiny dick because you can try to finish it if you want alright

you can always they never should have let Red Band and Hinchcliffe do a podcast together. What was the universe thinking? It's almost like you were talking about Red Band and then he got mad. Oh, it sounds like somebody is afraid of knowing who has a tiny dick.

Whoa. I'm sorry. The bear just hung himself. So, all right alright I got thoughts I think you got persona You're kind of like me when I started You're more persona than you are jokes yet Not that they're bad

I think you're pretty much You just need to be on stage all the time Writing all the time Your persona is far out in front of your jokes right now. And eventually your jokes will catch up. How long have you been doing comedy? Almost five years. Okay, well then that's a different thing.

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But you know what I mean? She just spoke ketchup. No, I just think you've got a funny energy on stage for sure. You're definitely funny. As soon as you came on, you were doing this like heroin kind of thing. Like, I think that's...

I'm not trying it's very true you're dead on she is unbelievable you're obviously funny and your jokes haven't caught up to you yet you have the confidence of no no she's funny like you can tell a funny person

you're very very charismatic and the jokes aren't at the same level as you're like a hot Kristen Schaal. Oh, thanks. That was Russell, by the way. What'd you say? She's like a hot Kristen Schaal.

That's true. She's hilarious. That's a compliment. Here's my thing. Five years, really? Just about. I've been here for two years. So I've been doing LA comedy for two years. I started in Washington State.

We'll count that as two weeks. So the two years in LA, how many times a month are you going up? This month? Ballpark the average of all the months. I'm sure this is your biggest month. Not nearly as often as I should be. Like how often?

I'm curious too. Yeah, ballpark it. That's what a ballpark is. Like three times a week. Oh, that's bad. That's bad. Are you kidding me? That's bad if you're living in the world

that these fucking freaks are living in, man. You gotta have a life, you know what I mean? You can't just fucking sit at the comedy store. But I don't have a life, and I'm still not doing it. Well, you do heroin. That's something. Spending all your money on tattoos, lady.

Just the two. Actually, my mom bought them for me. That's a premise for a wonderful joke. That's true. You know you come from a fucked up background when your mom's buying your tattoos. Happy birthday, honey. It's a swastika.

It's so true. That really actually is a great premise. I have tattoos, so a lot of people think that I come from a fucked up background, but that's not true, because my mom paid for these tattoos. That is a great joke. She really loves me.

And if you delve more into true shit like that with your natural delivery and charisma, like, it's a slaughter fest. Oh, I think I got the joke for you, okay? You started with what he was saying, my mom bought them for me, then go with what you were saying, she really loves me. At least that's what the note in the letter that she, it's something like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, you haven't seen your mom. I get where you're going. Hey, look, hey, I don't always spin gold either, you know what I mean? But who is that on your forearm? Oh, it's my father. That's kind of why she I don't always spin gold either. You know what I mean? Who is that on your forearm? Oh, it's my father. That's kind of why she was down for it. Holy shit. Yeah. Do you have jokes about having

your father on your arm? No. No. Five years and you don't talk about your father being on your... This is what I'm talking about. What's on your hip? I got the birth of Venus, you know, Aphrodite. What about your Uncle Phil? Where is he?

Does your father like to watch you? She's not the fresh princess. I know. I don't know why I said Phil. Hey, we got another one. Yeah, right. I could have said any name except for Uncle Phil. My dad, this is my dad.

He's tattooed on my forearm. It's only awkward with a tattoo when I'm in a sexual situation. Well, that's the joke. Every time I masturbate, my dad's looking me deeply in the eyes. And I'm not talking about my tattoo.

If you don't like the guy, you jerk him off with your left hand so your dad stares at him. You bring my daughter home at a reasonable time. You hear me? You accidentally squirt on your dad. You don't want a date, are you? Have you squirted on your dad before?

Actually, one person came on my dad and I yelled at him. You yelled at your dad? This is amazing. Do you see, woman? You've got gold, Jerry. This is all of your new material. My boyfriend came in my dad's face. Like, that's a fucking, that's amazing. It was really traumatic.

Only you can get that out. All right. And you literally have your bat on your arm. Yeah, I did. He thought I was serious. We just wrote you a fucking whole set. You want to come on the road with Russell? I would love to.

Do you want to hang out in one of those? No, that would be fine. That would be fine? Yeah. Would you rather go on the road, honestly, real talk, with would be fine. That would be fine? Yeah. Would you rather go on the road, honestly, real talk with Russell or with me? I like your real talk. Yo, real talk, son. I just look like this.

What are you, breezy? Courtney. If I start to believe you, then yes. Courtney, you got all that new stuff. I think it's all absolutely hilarious. Hey, can I say something? Oh, shit. Here we go.

Now, she started off talking about that movie movie Blue is the Worm of Color Why don't you give us a 7 minute synopsis on it Patriot In the 1980's is actually when that movie was written. It was written by a guy named J.P. Walker and then it was Who gives a shit

I watched it because the SAG sent me the DVD Now how many people in this crowd have seen that movie? He watched it alone by himself in the movie theater. That's for sure. Because when I went, there were like two old lady lesbos, two young lesbos, me and my friend, and then like three or four sprinkled straight guys throughout the crowd.

But hey, let me ask you guys, though. What do you think about starting your joke with a movie that most people haven't seen? That's not good, is it? I thought it was going to go in a different direction. Is that your way of letting us know that you're smarter than us? No, I just wanted to bring up scissoring.

I think it is good, actually. I think, like Russell was saying, people love specificity even when they don't know what you're being specific about. They feel like you're letting them in on your world. So I don't have a problem

with the French lesbian. Did you guys understand that it was about lesbos? We figured that out. I think they got it. How many girls have you been with in your personal life? That's none of your business.

Well, we almost got through this whole segment without being sexist, but you did it. Brian has a little bit of a knack for that you can watch episodes episodes 1 through 29 I'm doing fine so don't worry

Courtney you're fucking awesome there she goes she's on twitter at Margaret Mollet that's M-O-L-L-E at the end I think she's mad at us oh no she's just ragging how could she be mad at us. I think it's just the red man. I think red man just fucked the whole thing up. She's just ragging.

How could she be mad at us? We just wrote her her Montreal set. Yeah, exactly. True. Yeah, she's got it. She's got it. Charisma.

Jamar, are you going on tonight? She's awesome. If you ever get to see her do music, she does great music on stage. Yeah. So if you ever get to see her do any of her music.

Very funny. Put your hands together for Dave Gregory, everybody. Dave Gregory. Gregory. What's going on? So I wore skinny jeans today. That was bullshit.

Anyways, I have a bunch of roommates. And one of my roommates, he has this thing where he likes to experiment sexually. And it's good, but I just don't like the way he tries to get me involved with his shit. You know, we'd be like watching a Lakers game. And he's like, hey, dog, check this out, check this out. If the Lakers win, I pay you $5. But if they lose, you lick my ass. I'm like, what kind of fucking deal is that, man?

Or we like, you know, playing, like pick and teams or fantasy football, he'd be like, all right, dawg, check this out, check this out. If you win this season, I pay you $100. But if you lose, we 69. I'm like, all right, dawg, like what's going on? Are you gay? Like, speak to me. He's like, I'm not gay,

man. I just got a gambling problem. Like I said. Oh, that's it? Yeah. Was that a minute? 45 seconds. 46 seconds, yeah. It's true. Black people are fast. Yeah. My roommate was actually Indian.

Not even joking. Oh, that was real? Yeah, that's a real joke. Well, I mean, no, the joke, yeah, no. He liked to experiment sexually, but the scenario was made up. But he didn't say, if the Lakers lose, you lick my ass. Yeah, that's really gross. No, he didn't say that, but he did like to,

he always talked about getting his asshole licked. That's time to move out right there when your roommate walks. Well, I live by myself now, so I'm not down with that shit anymore. Then why did you wear skinny jeans? They were actually bought for me, so I was like, fuck it. Keep the dildo inside. Yeah, as a gift. I'm not going to be mean.

Ass-licking roommate. Have you never had your ass licked? No. It's great, man. I've never had it. It's the best, man. Fuck that. What are you guys, fucking children.

I will lick a woman's ass in a heartbeat. I don't want my ass fucking back. Why? Hold on. I got a thing about this. I'm afraid of shitting. I got IBS, all right? I don't need to fucking... Because a lot of guys don't do it because they think it's gay. But if there's a woman doing it, it is by

definition not gay. By that very they think it's gay. But if there's a woman doing it, it is by definition not gay. By that very definition, it's gay to enjoy taking a shit. It has nothing to do with gaiety. I have more to do with I'm afraid of shitting on her face. Now that I respect. I don't hate women. I would never let a woman eat my ass because that's disgusting. Because I don't want to kiss her after.

What do you mean let her? I don't know. Fuck that. Are there a lot of people trying? I've had it a few times offered. They're just lining up behind Red Band and it looks like a human centipede. I look like a woman's ass in a heartbeat.

But it is amazing that your roommate has that fetish. Let me tell you, the joke is actually conglomerate. We're not talking about your joke anymore. We're talking about licking ass. He's talking about my joke. You're talking about licking ass. I'm not going to be talking about both. I'm talking about your roommate having an ass-licking fetish. It's crazy to me because normally you just have'm talking about your roommate having an ass-licking fetish.

It's crazy to me because normally you just have to worry about your roommate eating your food in the refrigerator. Exactly. Not your asshole. Directly. LA is a crazy place, man. Not post-refrigerator. He likes processed food. That's horrifying. Oh, my god.

If we're getting off of the ass-licking tirade, I will say this. I didn't believe it for a second that he said that to you. So I would have liked you to lead up to it. Start off with something mild, if you must do the gay. Start off with something mildly gay.

You know, like, you gotta give me something not even sexual at all. And then, and blah. And then licking my ass. That's a 1-2-3 situation. You don't just walk into a ring and start throwing right hands. You jab, then a left hook, and then you slip in a right hand.

Whatever. It starts off too extreme. $5 ass eating. That's way off. It'd be even more realistic. I did like that because it was like, I'll give you $5 or-eating, that's like way off. It'd be even more realistic. I did like that because I was like, all right, I'll give you $5, or you eat my... It's such a fucking crazy comparison,

which I understood. It's either Abe Lincoln or Abe Stinkin. Which he did, but then he didn't give us any other examples of it. The premise I had before was I was talking about how you like to get his ass licked, and then I'd go into that bit. Right, he does only have one minute

to get to this asshole. Or maybe say that he always flirted with you, because he was your roommate. The joke is, it's like a mixture of two roommates, because one roommate was actually like a closet gay. He'd always make gay comments, and then he used to talk about licking his ass, which I thought was kind of gay,

because there's no masculine way to get your ass eaten. How come? If it's a woman, it's very masculine. I don't know. I mean, it's kind of gay, but I mean... What if it's a lumberjack? That's no masculine way to get your ass eaten? How come? If it's a woman, it's very masculine. I don't know. It's kind of gay. What if it's a lumberjack? That's incredibly masculine. It could be a power lifter. Let me lick that ass, nigga. You know what I'm saying? By the way, you had me at the

N-word. I appreciate that. It really locks it down. Are you from L.A.? No. Where are you from? Brooklyn. What part? East Flatbush. Hey, Flatbush. Oh, Flatbush. I know Flatbush. What school did you go to? Brooklyn Tech?

Brooklyn Tech. I actually grew up in Florida, so yeah. So you're Haitian? Yeah. Damn, that's good. My mom's Haitian, yeah. Yeah, I could tell. You're the only one ever that can tell.

I grew up around enough black people to know I figured, you're from New York as well, right? I'm from Toronto, which is wannabe New York Yeah, they got this one black dude in Toronto It's crazy Jimmy, black Jimmy Oh, you mean Nick and Jim? Is that what you meant to say?

Yeah, that's right Very funny, Dave Wait, hold on, hold on The punchline of the joke is great It's a great punchline. Now I got a gambling problem. Great punchline. It needs to be said.

Totally, totally. It is very funny. And before you guys continue in Haitian, like just, what's Haitian for try licking your ass one time?

It's Creole, please. It's Creole. Okay, right. You don't say I speak African, do you? I do, actually. What? Just try it.

He speaks Jew fluently. Yeah, I do. He speaks Jew. Just try, get your ass licked one time before you knock it, man. Come on. I mean, actually. He speaks Jew fluently. He's allowed to speak Jew. Just try. Get your ass licked one time before you knock it, man. Come on. I mean, just everybody in here, try it. Fuck it.

I'm going to do it. All right, I'm going to do it. Report back. YOLO, man. Totally. There he goes. Dave Gregory, everybody. He's at IamDaveGregory on Twitter.

That's funny stuff, man. Yeah, Dave Gregory. I'd delve more into all that stuff. Do you let girls lick your ass, Tony? You know, it's actually, honestly, it's never happened to me. I don't know how I would react. It just seems I'd probably start laughing because I'm a goofball. It seems like it would be ticklish.

I'm a little bit silly like that. I stop ticks. I can't get into it. They start moving their hand back and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, me too. This party's about you. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, me too. This party's about you. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly.

It's your birthday. It's like the last thing I need is extra stuff that I might like. Like it's hard enough for me to pull off like eight minutes in a bedroom. Oh, see, I'm a savage. I'm a creep. It takes you like you need to get like. I'm a visual and I'm a creep and I'm a visual creep. You are a creep.

In the best way. I mean, Russell has some of the best stories. I'm a visual creep. You are a creep. In the best way. I mean, Russell has some of the best stories. I am a fucking creep. Check out the Champs podcast. It happens to be my podcast. I am a degenerate fucking creep. I picture you really being kinky. You come across like you're the kind of guy that before you even hook up with a girl,

you just go through like you put on one of those latex bodysuits. I remember your fucking stories. Oh, yeah. I'm a pig. I'm the worst. It's like he's my Jew counterpart. That's right. But we're like Jack Spratt and his wife. You stare at the feet and I just get my ass licked the whole time.

This is really nice. Where did you guys go? I know she applauded demonstratively when I said licking ass is good. So if anybody wants to try, I'm just saying. Are you an ass licker or an ass lickie? Both ways. Fuck yeah.

Wow. I'd lick your ass. If you're letting me, I'm saying. Hashtag just saying. Whoa. Josh, where are you? Buy the drink and eat that stink on this week's Kill Tony. I put another drink on the table.

Wait, we have our ass-eating music ready to go. That's right. This means it's time to grab your baby wipes, everybody. I miss being single, man. That made me so jealous from the sidelines. All right, let's do it. Let's throw another name out here. Here we go.

Ooh, this is interesting. Young the Critic. Oh, Young. I've been looking at this guy sitting up there for weeks. This is interesting. Here he is, Young the Critic, everybody. Hi. So, I'm really shy

and I was happy to make my first friend in comedy recently. His name is Jared. He's a black guy. Very optimistic. He's like my height. Wears glasses and a hat. I can't even think.

He looks a lot like another black friend of mine named Asad. Who is also very optimistic. My height. Wears glasses and a hat. And Asad is even creative too. But instead of doing comedy, he's an MC. So he raps. You know you have a lot of black friends when they have stunt doubles. And it's getting to a point where I had to let a few friends go at this point. For example, I sat down with my friend Jamoke, and I had to let him know,

listen, Jamoke, I can't fuck with you no more because you remind me of Wandishi. Yikes. Alright, yikes. Those are real names. Those are real friends, by the way. I'm going to take a guess. This is your first time doing stand-up.

Am I right? Am I close to right? Please tell me so or else I'm going to kill myself. I've been doing it for seven years. Pretty much. My whole thing is I like the people behind this show and I like Death Squad. I've been having such a fun time that I just wanted to be a part of it.

We're still going to brutalize you, motherfucker. Uh-uh, it doesn't work like that. Yeah, exactly. That's fine. I knew I was going to come up here. I might eat shit, but it's like whatever. It's fine. No, I love it.

This is like if – because I've been seeing you for weeks sitting up on the lit-up banister, Young. So what's funny is this is like – you know how Spike Lee sits in the front row at Lakers games? This is like if Spike Lee got on the court and got fucking dunked on and shit. Because that's what it is. You're a diehard fan that decided to sign up. But had clearly never heard of how basketball was played in any way.

So you're learning how to dribble in front of a bunch of people. We watched him dribble a little bit. Yeah. So then I'm right. This is your first time ever doing any kind of stand-up comedy. Into the microphone. I mean, you know, like I went up a couple times. I think it was a couple years ago.

But it was like at a bar show. It was nothing like this. And the thing is, like, I am such a big comedy fan that I am cognizant of the fact that this is a comedy story. It's a big thing. No, it's great. I had a lot of fun. Do you have any idea how racist it sounds when you bring up that all your black friends look alike? Did you think about that at all?

I didn't say that at all. You weren't listening, Tony. How dare you? It's actually not racist when a Korean guy does it. Are you Korean? I am. I am. Yeah, I could tell right away.

This motherfucker is like the ethnicity whisperer. He really is. He knows everything. I mean, we are in LA. Russell,

definitely, I know you know that, but it's a pretty good guess. No, it's a pretty good guess. Well, wait, can I ask you a question?

Are you going to do it again or should we just give you a dap and be like, good courage or do you want pointers on the next time? Good question. Both because

my whole thing is I really love this show. I love everything about this show so essentially to bust my nut again comedically speaking I wanted to be here. I don't think you busted a nut. You know what? More of a bubble. But I't think you busted a nut. I just, right. You know what? You know what? More of a bubble.

Okay. But, but I tried to hit it at least. No, you did. And that's commendable. Most people wouldn't do that. I'm not talking shit.

I mean, I know it's awesome. But he has a great question. It's, did you want to do this to do it? Or are you such a big comedy fan that you think you're that big? Cause by the way, we're all really big comedy fans.

That's why we end up doing, being standup comedians is because when we were kids, we're that big. Because, by the way, we're all really big comedy fans. That's why we end up being stand-up comedians is because when we were kids, we're watching Carlin and Pryor and everybody like, what the fuck are they doing? How's that possible? So we're actually all originally stand-up comedians. The question is,

and it's a great question, did you do this tonight to do it or is it something you actually want to do in the future? Man, I can't retire on this. Well, there you go. So then the advice is simple. Lose everything you just talked about and go do stand-up comedy every single night

because you love it, because you want to do it. And if you don't then don't do it. I would start one step before you losing what you talked about tonight. I would drop the young, the critic thing. Totally. Like, I don't know. Okay, so the whole thing was, you know, I was suggested to write a different name to kind of get noticed. Was that by Jamuki or whatever?

No, no, no, no. Writing a name to get noticed. Those are my Seattle friends. Those are my Seattle friends. No, I think that you should not do the critic thing. Definitely. Cool, cool. What is your name?

Young. Young what? Your name, Hove? No, no, no. the critic thing. What is your name? Young. Young what? Hove? No, no, no. I mean, Young's the only part of my name that could be pronounced

properly. What's the other part? Yeah, what's your last name? Come on. Make yourself at home. Come on. Look at the decorations of this set.

Make yourself at home. What's your fucking last name? You want the sword? You want to hold the sword when you say it? No, don't give the Korean guy a sword. You guys have been really

hospitable, really gracious. I took up enough time. Young, can you say your last name for us? He won't do it. He's on the run. He's on the run. Guys, give it up for Young. Young the bailer. I wonder why he won't say his last name. He must be North Korean. His last name is Young. Young the Baylor. I wonder why he won't say his last name. He must be North

Korean. His last name is Young. Young's got some cases, man. There's some fucking darkness behind Young the Critic, man. I have a friend named Young Ho. Really? Yeah, it's his real name. Wow. That's an amazing fucking name. Young the Critic. That was his first time ever on stage.

He's on Twitter at Young is the Man. Wow, that's a good Twitter handle. You got that? Fuck yeah, Young. Hey, give Young a loud round of applause, everybody. He's an awesome person. Great fan of the show. I love that you got the opportunity to come up tonight. We're going to move on to our regular portion of the show.

We have two girls that go up every single week here that have been being built since episode one here on Kill Tony. It's very exciting to watch them grow and come up with a new minute each week and this week will be no different. Those two regular girls are here and we'll start in no particular order this week. Let's go with, she dropped out of college

because she started getting regular spots on this show. She dropped out of the University of Florida to chase her comedy career. Here she is, the awesome, the likable Kimberly Congdon. Hey guys. So we have a new guy at work, right?

Comes in, we make small talk, he tells me he's a Jesus freak. I'm immediately turned off. Next day he comes in, he's like, but can you buy me some weed? Cool. Third day, brings Adderall. Fourth day, I kind of like this guy.

I'm okay with it. And I'm so fucked up. I think it's because I had a weird childhood, you know? Like, my dad never let me watch rated R movies because he thought they were too violent. But he was okay with hitting my mom in front of me. You know? And I was like, Mom, just leave. Don't be so dependent.

And she's like, I can't. He has good health insurance. I'm like, that's the reason you're in the hospital. I know. I hate codependent people. I think that's why I hate twins, you know? Like, you couldn't even split your own egg. That's all I have.

Wow. She's getting good at this. 57 seconds on the mark. Magical little set. You know, I've known Kim since before she ever rocked the mic. Really? Yeah. I met her when she first moved out here.

He was one of my first friends. Oh, because you know McCalla. I know her cousin. Yeah. That's how I originally met her, too. That out here. He was one of my first friends. Oh, because you know McCalla. I know her cousin. Yeah. That's how I originally met her, too. That's how she got the spot. And then I heard one day, you know, she went on stage. I was like, what the fuck?

Yeah. That was here. Yeah. And then ta-da. Here I am. 29 sets later. Yeah. A lot better than the last couple weeks.

You've definitely had an improvement. Thank you. Because you seem like you had a little bump, but it seems like you, you got over it. Totally. Which is what's the most important thing is to be able to, you know,

it's not pick yourself up when you're down, but just to come back and be able to, you know, kill it when also, you know, not everybody does great every week and obviously starting out. So, you know,

it's just important that you keep showing these fun glimpses um the last two jokes were awesome the egg splitter and the one before that which was uh uh my dad yeah that's that's great it feels real it seems real i'd get into that a little bit more um i'd make that one bigger i'd get i'd find a way to extend that and the j Jesus freak one, I don't get it. It sort of just ends up like, okay, we get it.

You like Adderall. That's worth a chuckle since you're so likable. But I don't know why he would tell you. Jesus freaks don't actually say that they're Jesus freaks anyway. So in the beginning of that, I'm like, why would he tell you?

He invited me to Bible study when he first came in. Now we're talking. And then started lecturing me like, hey, we're on Bible study. And then the next day was like, but can you get me some weed? This is another great example of, again, your point from earlier where the key is in the details. Okay. Instead of saying he's a Jesus, he said he's a Jesus freak, which throws me off from the beginning.

You figured he was a Jesus freak. Yeah. You say he invited you to Bible study. So by the end of day three, if you're doing Adderall, you go, hey, what do you say we go to Bible study,

huh? You know what I mean? Oh, right. You're really studying the shit out of that Bible. Right. And it's all true. Yeah.

And with Adderall. No, I know because it told me. All of it. Speaking of details, I think maybe dropping the phrase in front of me would help your joke.

He's okay with hitting my mom. Even though it's brutal, it's not as brutal as in front of me. That's when everybody in here had this like, whoa moment. Okay, I was trying to figure out how not to make it as dark and bring everyone down. And then maybe there's a way you can turn it to go into some little cute persona. Because you've got to sell that line. But he was okay with hitting my mom. I mean, I don't do cute that well, but you know what I mean? Like, he's okay with hitting my mom.

I mean, whatever that is, you know. Yeah, cute like that, you know. So that, because the punchline's great at the end of it. Sent that to her cousin. Aww. Adorable. But yes, I think abusive relationships are kind of funny.

They are. it was hilarious As a Canadian, since we grew up with healthcare Right It's kind of funny that you make a big deal That's what I wanted to ask You're lucky you're not Canadian You'd be a tough hooker, I'll tell you that Too soon, Kim

Kim, you killed it, you did it again The lovely Kimberly Congdon, everybody Follow her on Twitter at Kimberly Congdon. That's Kimberly with a K and Congdon with a C. C-O-N-G-D-O-N. Russell, quick question. I just thought of it. The sandwich shop that you worked at when you were younger, was that a Belly Busters?

That was called Captain Submarine. Oh, that's cool. Interesting. I went to a Belly Busters. I know my buddies own a Belly Busters. Belly Busters is West Coast. Toronto. There was a Belly Busters. I know my buddies own a Belly Busters. Belly Busters is west coast. Toronto.

There was a Belly Busters in Toronto? Yeah, there's two of them. There's one downtown. And I'm from Toronto. Why the fuck don't I know this? That's why I asked at the Belly Busters. Oh, you went to the one way up on Yonge Street. Yep.

Not that I know, but if I did, that's where it would be located. Oh, that's a great place. Yeah, it was awesome. They make these fucking massive subs. It was really good. Hey, speaking of Toronto, I'll be there this very weekend. Is this dropping soon? It'll be out probably after

this weekend. Hey, when are you going to be? I don't know. It's some weird string of events. I'm doing the comedy bar. I'm doing some weed club. The Underground. Kiss your life goodbye. I don't smoke weed. You're going to that? I know, man.

What am I supposed to do? When are you there? This weekend. What's the dates weed and everybody's like, you're going to that? I know, man. It's like, what am I supposed to do? When are you there this weekend? What's the dates? Like, you're there Saturday, Sunday? Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Oh, somebody's opening up at Blue Jays Stadium. I'm flying to Toronto on Sunday for Christmas. So if you're there, I mean, we'll hang out. We'll get a belly buster. Look at that. Kill Tony. Making comedy friendships bigger.

This is a great podcast. Alright, it's time for our other regular lady that goes on every week. She's fantastic. A little bit different, exciting, different type of energy. It's Sarah Weinshank, everyone. Here she is. What's up, everyone?

I house sat for a friend. It was weird. They had television. I felt like Goldilocks sitting on their couch just trying to get comfortable. Didn't know what to watch. They had television. I ended up watching MasterChef Junior while I was sitting on the couch eating Mission tortilla chips, feeling like a piece of shit, watching children that were 10 years old torch creme brulee. They were whipping whipped cream.

They were searing ahi, guys. When I was 7 I wasn't even allowed in the kitchen next to the disposal. I spent most of my childhood collecting moths. I thought they were butterflies.

I was not allowed in the kitchen. What kind of parent allows their kid into the kitchen? Next to fire, you know, there's peelers. I still can't peel a fucking potato. There you go. That classic Sarah Weinshank delivery where it starts easy and then all of a sudden it's just hilarious.

She's like Jupiter. Like you're like, wow, that's a great planet. And then the gravity sucks you in. Yeah, totally. Holy fuck, I'm in Jupiter. That's good. I'm into that. That's a good thing.

It's a contagious cadence you have. Yes. I have a couple of real controversial things to say. Uh-oh. You know how they say to young comics, there's probably a lot of beginning comics that listen to this podcast, right? So they say to all the beginning comics,

move the mic stand. And that is something you should always do. No, you did. But there's a much subtler thing that they don't tell people, which is don't look like someone told you to move the mic stand. I swear, I'm not trying to be a dick. That's real. I notice that

in young comics. I can tell that they're getting on stage and they go, I have to move the mic stand. And they move the mic stand. It feels like a two-step thing. Instead of it being one smooth... You move the mic stand, not because it's like, I have to move it. It's like, I'm just going to get started doing my

thing. That's just a personal preference. This is in my way. Let me get it out of the way. Not poor motor skills. You're not the only person that does it. I've seen it a thousand times. Right. Cool. And the other thing is, I think that I know this isn't very popular at the comedy store, but you should probably get out into some alternative rooms as well. I think that you've got

great energy here at the store, but I think you would really blossom if you were doing some of the mics that are sort of on the east side with a lot of the alt kids there too. I know a lot of people are like, alt and club. No, I don't think that at all. I totally agree with you on that. Absolutely. When it makes sense.

Right. Yeah, definitely. Because you have a different – You have guys who are just trying to do regular shit. You are different. Your cadence is reliant. Yeah, and it makes it hard to help and tag and write for you. But it's fun to watch it grow,

and it's fun to see it be mended into something that exciting. We're running out of time, so thank you so much, Sarah Weinschenk. Follow her on Twitter at Princess Schenk. That's Schenk, S-H-E-N-K. And I think we need more Jews in comedy. Yeah, more Jews, more wine shanks. The other thing about a delivery like that is you never have to worry about somebody stealing

your material because that can't be stolen. That's like her thing and it'll either work or it won't work, but no one's going to take it because that's hers. You guys got anything coming up that you want to promote in the next few weeks or anything? Yeah, New Year's I'll be in San Francisco at the Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium. at the Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium.

Awesome. That's badass. Where? Knob Hill Masonic Auditorium in San Francisco for New Year's. It's got to be so great. Just go to Moshe Kasher, M-O-S-H-E-K-A-S-H-E-R.com

for all my upcoming tour dates. Russell? Russell Peters? Russell Peters' new special is on Netflix. Yeah, I have nothing going on right now. What have you? I literally have nothing going on. I'm at zero. When I'm on Netflix, Yeah, I have nothing going on right now. I literally have nothing going on. I'm at zero. When I'm on

Netflix, I'm just like, is there anything that's not Russell Peters on this? Even I get annoyed with myself. Spanning through it. Looking for other things. It's great. I'm in the writing stage right now and I'm still at zero. That's awesome. I'm at that feared...

That's what's exciting, you know, is to be at a new level with new expectations and to start anew and to have to shoot for the moon. Remember I told you. I told you a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, and I felt like we had a great talk about it because I was talking about perspective and even the Bentley, and I think things like that are... That was the night I drove here in the Green Bay.

Yeah, and that's in fact what got it started because I was so confused because it was such a nice car that it just made me feel weird inside to be around something so nice. I'm at zero. I have nothing right now. Is that a good feeling or a bad feeling? It's a scary feeling because next year is my 25th year of doing stand-up. Crazy.

Wow. It's extra difficult for me now because you're like, well, how do I stay relevant? How do I write without sounding repetitive? Pushing it. That's what's next. That's extra difficult for me now because you're like, well, how do I stay relevant? How do I write without sounding repetitive? Pushing it. That's what's next. Yeah, I got my next special ready to tape, and I'm afraid to tape it because I don't want to go bankrupt. Well, that's where I'm at. I'm going to go bankrupt.

But you did it. I'm saying that's courageous to me. I love it. Yeah. Hey. It's so exciting. Let's see what happens. Patreons together from Moshe Keshe and Russell Peters, everybody.

Thank you guys so much for being here. The Iron Patriot is our head of social media on Twitter. Follow him on Twitter at Comic Patriot. Tons of fun pictures of the shows, news about the shows, pictures of him being an extra on television shows. It's so funny to follow him. Red Band and I are in Texas. January 9th, 10th, and 11th.

Austin, Dallas, and Houston. How exciting. And I'm in Youngstown this weekend, so that doesn't matter. And that's pretty much about it. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com and DeathSquad.tv. Thank you so much, audience, for being here tonight. We're making history, people. Thank you.

Oh, bingo,'ll write a screenplay Oh, think I'll take you to L.A. Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday Oh, shit.