KILL TONY - KILL TONY #304

Episode Date: November 2, 2018

Andrew Santino, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Malcolm Hatchett, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban - Date: 10/29/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866- 531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Hey, this is Red Band and you were listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv There you have all the past episodes, including video portions to all the shows

and you can click on tour dates. Not only are we at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, California every Monday at 8 o'clock in the main room but we are on tour dates. Not only are we at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, every Monday at 8 o'clock in the main room, but we are on the road. We are coming to Swansea, Massachusetts. And then we're going on this huge Texas tour. San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Fort Worth. Go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates for all the info.

Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, tonyhinchcliffe.com. Go there for everything Golden Pony. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every single episode. You can go to ryanjebelt.com to pick up a poster or a book or some prints. That's ryanjebelt.com. And last but not least, go to shopsquad.tv. There you have the Kill Tony shirt and you have a bunch of Death Squad merch that's just released, like a new Death Squad hat and shirt, and we got new stickers and mugs. Go to ShopSquad.TV. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Royal Famous Comedy Store main room for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Give it up for Tony Henchcliffe. Wow. Hi, everybody. We're here. Make some noise. We're live at the number one live podcast in the world. Brian Redband is here. He's all dressed up. How adorable. I've never gotten to work with a fat stormtrooper before. This is very exciting. We never die. Sounds great. Hell yeah. Hello, everybody, and welcome. That's adorable. You were trying to get me to dress up all week. Yeah.

And this was your big master plan. I thought you were. I love it. You are absolutely adorable. Why didn't you dress up? You don't like to dress up anymore? You did last year? No, I liked it last year.

I feel like Kill Tony landed on Halloween. It didn't feel very Halloween to me, but now I guess it sort of does. Now that I'm next to you, return of the bread eye over here. No bread for me. Alright, well, I can't believe you're going to be dressed like that the whole time.

You look like a construction zone on its period. Ryan J. E. Belt is here, everybody. He's going to draw tonight's episode. I'm excited. This one is off the chain. We're live on YouTube. Hello to the thousands and thousands

on YouTube. And for those of you watching and listening to the podcast, it is important for you to know that November 9th, just two Fridays from now, we are going to be Kiltonie East Coast, Swansea, Massachusetts, right between Providence and Boston. That's

Kill Tony and a stand-up show. The same goes for the next Tuesday in San Antonio, the 13th, the 14th in Austin, the 15th in Houston, the 16th and 17th in Fort Worth, Texas. Kill Tony, Texas. That whole middle week of November. I'm doing stand-up all by my lonesome

November 29th all the way to December 1st in Baltimore. I'm doing New Year's Eve in Dallas, Texas. So turn into 2019 with me in Dallas. So I'm excited about a lot of things. One of the things that I am doing is I'm taking the month of December off. Did you know that, Brian? And by off, I mean I'm just staying in L.A., doing spots. But the one thing that I am doing is I'm going to Toronto UFC 231 with our old pal Joe Rogan, December 8th. And I'm super excited about it because I'm a huge fan of former strawweight champion of the world

Joanna Jacek and she is going to be fighting that night for the bantamweight championship in the world now she lost her championship she had a couple losses to Rose Namajunas last year and I wasn't at either one of those matches a little fun fact for you

I was on a gig on a fucking cruise ship for one of them, and I was in some other crazy gig that I couldn't get out of for the other, and she lost both of those matches. Now, I have a theory that she wins when I'm sitting next to the octagon. We have a real connection, and that's why with BetDSI, I'm going to put some money down on that match specifically. She's never lost with me next to the Octagon. We've got a lot of big UFC fights coming up, including UFC 230 next Saturday. But whatever sport you're into, there's nothing more fun than putting some cash down on the game,

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Ka-ching! You guys ready to start this episode or what? Make some noise. We are live in front of a live audience. Sometimes we have to neglect you for a second to make more money than you could possibly ever offer us. And it's exciting to be here. This is always an exciting show, and sometimes it's better than other times.

Sometimes I don't have to have, you know, like one of those, like, wacky famous people on. Sometimes you just get to have the funniest humans you know, and this guy is literally, truly exactly that. We're going to have so much fun with him. He's been on the show a few times before. He's got a brand-new podcast called Whiskey Ginger. He's in La Jolla this weekend. You know him. You love him from I'm Dying Up Here and so many great specials and great things. The great and powerful Andrew

Santino, everybody. Come on. What? Santino's here. A little bit of music. Red Red Wine. For you. So good to be here, you guys. Your new podcast, Whiskey Ginger, is out this week or something. Just started Whiskey Ginger with Bobby Lee. He talks about sucking cock on meth. Ooh, hell yeah. It's a hot one. Have the kids around for that one. It's a good one.

Welcome back to the show, Andrew. We have so many fun things that are going to happen today. I have Ichabod's Bucket of Destiny from the legendary Ichabod. It's going to be a great night. One special adjustment to tonight is we have no... Jeremiah Watkins will not be here tonight.

He took a gig working on a Netflix project where he plays a new character in a band every week. Wow, that sounds like a great idea. Yeah, it seems like he'd be just about perfect for that. He plays his saxophone and riff if anything happens. If the ball goes his way, just knock it out of the park. Seems like it'd be really good for him.

It's not this show. It's a different show. Has he done anything like that before? A little bit. He dabbles in it on this show every once in a while. But he's not with us this week, so you are here for something special, because it is this man's first time ever being

the band leader. Here we go. It's the official Kill Tony band. It is Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris, the Kill Tony band. Wow. Wow. This is ridiculous. They are definitely kung fu masters of some kind. We have Joel Berg.

Oh, wait, it's still happening. Wow. This is incredible. I can't believe we get to spend the whole show with some Kung Fu masters. That is incredible. That is wow. He is completely physical. Wow, he's so into it.

You almost can't tell. There's a white strap holding the beard on. It's incredible. Oh, my goodness. And we're bearing into our ballerina shoes. My favorite is to look at people's faces in the crowd who have never been here before that are like, what the fuck did I come to? I want to know what this guy sounds like.

Hello, Kung Fu Master. Hello, Tony. Wow. He's like when they overdub the movie. That's his voice when they dub over an American's voice. That is right. You are very wise. All right. This is exciting.

You got your drums set up there. We have Chroma Chris or Young Santa Claus or something. Alright. A man of few words. We have Ichabod's Bucket of Destiny here. A bunch of people signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds of stage time. And then afterwards you get interviewed. Anything can happen. This is the biggest moment of some people's lives. If I pull your name out of the

bucket, you get 60 seconds. You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means wrap it up then or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Hell yeah. Everything seems a little quiet on your end tonight. Shy.

Alright, well. It's... All right. It's just a better... Brian's smoking a cigarette backstage. I told him it looked like the saddest out-of-work rebel fight. I know. It was just...

As if you would even make the voice. They only show you the guys that are tall and in shape. They don't show you the dudes that are sitting back, smoking sad, like, we gotta go out first, you know? Tony, I didn't know the Rebel Alliance had a Make-A-Wish program. By the way, I'm Master Jim. Master Jim? Yeah, I've been eating rice straight for 17 years to be here. It's kill or be killed tonight, Tony.

Okie dokie. All right, well. All right. Okay, we're starting the show. You guys ready for this? You guys going to play music when I say a name? Your first comedian getting 60 seconds tonight goes by the name of Brian Drolit.

Brian Drolit. Here we go. Wow. Here we go. This is a long walk. I think we know this guy. One more time for Brian Drolit, everybody. Thank you, thank you.

I'm in a great mood, even though right before I walked up here, some girl told me I look like Jason Bateman had sex with a giraffe. My name is Brian Jolette. I've been acting for the last ten years, so sometimes people recognize me from programs I've been on, like MTV's The Hills or MTV's Disaster Date, or maybe there's one person in here who recognizes me from what I'm currently starring in, MTV's The Hills or MTV's Disaster Date, or maybe there's one person in here who recognizes me from what I'm currently starring in, MTV's reruns of The Hills and MTV's

reruns of Disaster Date. This can be a tough business to make it in, but what was I thinking? I want to be an actor and my biggest credit is a reality show? That's like wanting to be a doctor and your biggest credit is you got sick once. What did I think James Cameron would be casting the next Avatar and be like, all right, we have a $4 billion budget for this one. For the lead, we can go with Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio or Heidi's ex-boyfriend's roommate that dated Audrina before she met Justin Bobby. I think that's our guy. But I do have some good news. I have a new Netflix documentary coming out that I'm the star of. It's called Completely Broke at 38 and Can't Pay the Rent. They said I was perfect.

And I think that's the cat. Thank you. Alright. Hell yeah, Brian. Welcome, welcome. How are you? Good, good. First time on the show, right? First time, yes. First thing you said was

on your way to the stage a girl said to you that you look like Jason Bateman. What did... Had sex with a giraffe. Now, let me ask you something. How would Jason Bateman's look change if he had sex with a giraffe? He'd be taller. Are you saying that

if Jason Bateman and the giraffe had a baby? I would look like that baby, probably. Is that what you're trying to say in the joke? Yes. Because what had a baby? I would look like that baby probably. Is that what you're trying to say in the joke? Yes. Because what you're saying is that you look like Jason Bateman. Yes. If he had sex with a giraffe.

Yes, pretty much. And I'm telling you, you don't look like Jason Bateman if he had sex with a giraffe. Okay. No need for the rim shot, really. I don't know. No disrespect, Tony, but I tend to disagree. I feel like this is what Jason Bateman would look like. Thank you. Thank you. If he was fucking a giraffe.

I think it made perfect sense to me. I got all of it. How tall are you? 6'6". You know how tall Jason Bateman is? I'd put him at like 5'11". He's exactly 5'11". You knew exactly how tall

he was, didn't you? Honestly, that was a guess I got lucky, to be totally honest. That joke usually works. Where does it work? Chuckle Hut. Pretty much everywhere I've done it. I mean, I've done it... But I'm not arguing, saying you're wrong.

I know. I know you're not doing it. Okay. But I'm not arguing and saying you're wrong. I know. I know you're not doing that. Yeah, yeah. I guess that's exactly what I did. How was the hills? That's wild. You did that, huh? Yes.

It was right when I first moved out here. How did they get you? How did they get you? They got you. They're like, we need somebody that looks like Jason Bateman fucking a giraffe. Yeah, that was it. It's the only thing we're missing up here on this board. We have every other look.

Can we get a bloated Jason Bateman? That was the casting process. They said, we could get Matt Damon, we could get Leonardo DiCaprio, but we need someone who looks like Jason Bateman fucking a giraffe for the Hills. Hollywood. Because when you fuck a giraffe, you look like you just woke up from a hangover at the exact same time.

You look a little sleepy. Are you tired or do you always look like that? Some people just look tired. You look exhausted. Do I? I probably am. I don't sleep very well. Why don't you sleep very well? Is it because of your reality show background? Probably.

There's a lot of shame there. Alright, well. That's the OC, but we'll let him. It's the same shit. So basically that happened just when I first moved out here. I just met the Laguna Beach kids,

hanging out with them, and then my best friend started dating Heidi, and they set me up with Audrina. Wow, what happened? What was your storylines? If we watched those episodes, what would we know about you? What was your biggest thing that happened? When Hills fans see you, they're like,

Oh, it's Brian. It's the dude that fucking fucked that giraffe. Like, what do they say? I'm going to regret that giraffe. Like, what do they say? I'm going to regret that joke. You're going to think of me every time you tell that joke from now on. People know me as the forgettable guy that looks kind of, sort of familiar,

but they can't place it. And then when I tell them, they Google and go, holy shit, it is him. That's pretty much it. Wow. No memorable scenes? No one thing?

I guess my memorable thing would just be that I'm on the entire season one. You're on the whole thing and you have nothing to show for. The whole season one. And all I got was this t-shirt. You're just there? Yeah. I'm in all of season one. That's so incredible.

How many episodes are on there? What's that? How many episodes are in a season? Ten. That's a lot. That's a lot to not be there. I'm in the intro there? What's that? How many episodes are in a season? Ten. That's a lot. That's a lot to not be there. I'm in the intro, too. Yeah, that is interesting.

Did they give you an intro card? I got an intro moment, but no name. No respect for the guys. How old are you again? What was your age? I am 38. Wow, you were on the hills, and now you're over the hill. Oh, Joel Berg's here. Is that Joel Berg underneath that makeup? 38. Wow, you were on the hills and now you're over the hill.

Joelberg's here. Is that Joelberg underneath that makeup? Oh shit, is that the fractions of the Apollo 13 over there? Oh, there they are. Hello. They are the fucking best. They are my favorite thing in all of comedy. Hill season one was the best

season, though. So you were on the best one. I appreciate that. Wow. I mean, it's just incredible. You have nothing though. No moments at all. You're just like I was there. It's like I was in the movie the whole time. I have moments, but I feel suddenly very self-conscious talking about it, believe it or not. The definition of white

privilege. I had it all and now I have some of it. The biggest thing is people think I crashed a party that I did not crash. No way. When's the last time you fought to the death for honor?

Never. Shut up. Tuesday. Tuesday's your sister's name. Moving on. Back to you in the studio, Tony. I can't believe this Kung Fu Master has such an issue with white privilege. I love it.

I love this through line that we're finding out. All right. So, all right. Brian, how long have you been trying to do stand-up comedy? Yes, he did say trying. Keep trying. I actually, the first time I ever did it was on the hills at the Laugh Factory. Wow. Yes, he did say trying. Keep trying. Actually, the first time I ever did it was on the hills at the Laugh Factory.

Wow. So no pressure there. Right. Well, there really wouldn't be pressure there. When was that, though? How long ago was that? That was when I first moved out here, so about 14 years ago. 14 years ago.

But I didn't keep doing it. I did it just a few times, and then I got back into here, so about 14 years ago. 14 years ago. But I didn't keep doing it. I did it just a few times, and then I got back into it recently, like two years ago. So what were you doing? What do reality stars do when they're done doing that? Well, I wouldn't say I'm a reality. I was acting before I was on that show, and then I actually turned it down. I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to get the reality show stigma. Right.

Then you did it. Then I did it because they filmed me doing parts in movies and doing stand-up and things like that, so I figured at least I'm being presented as somebody doing that sort of thing. I'm not on an island trying to survive drinking coconut water. We understand you have deep issues

with the fact that you took the gig at the Hills. You're comparing it to other reality shows. My question was, what did you do after that? What did you do in between that time? A bunch of movies, acting jobs. Oh, you did real movies? Yes, real movies. Oh, like anything that we might recognize you from?

Wait, what if this was really Jason Bateman after fucking a giraffe the whole time? He's just like, you know what? He drinks some water or something. Just shakes it off. Yeah, I did a feature film, Lovesick. I wrote and produced my own movie called Dumbbells. You guys can check that out if you'd like.

And I just wrote and directed it. Shameless plug. I mean, he's asking me the questions. I also just wrote and directed a movie. No better time to plug things than when everything is going horrible that's a matter of perspective divine horrible

I just got up here and did stand up I think that takes a lot of courage I agree I was on the hills it's very easy to make fun of me but I'm not going to stand there and just take it you're such a reality star about it it's incredible You're going to stay there and just take it. You're such a reality star about it. It's incredible.

It's like, oh, you think I'm just going to take it while the cameras are rolling? All right. I mean, Brian, everybody knows that it is tough. And, of course, I adore everybody that has the balls that sign up for this show. I feel like that goes without saying. This is like episode 303. I've said it a million times. You have more balls than anybody that didn't sign up.

But out of all the people that you signed up, I mean, come on. Brian, I'm just fucking with you. What's something like, do you have any other hobbies or fun things that you do? This guy's definitely going to get the don't kill yourself fist bump after this. I'm a painter. I do paintings. Oh, that's cool. Of course you do.

That's another thing I don't make money at uh yes yeah right again yeah do you do like acrylic uh watercolor acrylic so like i paint superheroes portraits landscapes things like that oh cool yeah very cool where can uh where can people find that at uh canvas assassins.com wow there you go so that's what you're killing at killing at the canvas canvas assassins.com. Wow. There you go. So that's what you're killing at. Killing at the canvas. Canvasassassins.com. Brian, it was nice to meet you. I wish we would have found out a little bit more details about... I'm soaking it all in, Tony. I mean, yes?

Where did you move from? Why are you keeping... New York. Never mind. Moving on. New York. Never mind. Moving on. I love it when the characters are so into

character that they literally are just having that character all of a sudden on a comedy show. That's genuinely what I think a Kung Fu master would say. Incredible balance. There goes Brian. Oh. There it all goes. say there goes bright oh drink spill all's fair in love and war you idiot for those of you listening to the podcast me making fun of joelberg made him stand up and

do some weird wavy kung fu kick thing in the air and then he sat down and knocked over his drum set. And his drink. You're lucky you weren't closer to it. Okay. There goes Brian Jolette, everybody. Check him out at Brian Jolette. Brian, fun times. There you go. He's on Twitter at Brian Jolette.

CanvasAssassins.com And you really did the please don't kill yourself fist bump. I love that. You have to do it sometimes, man. It's a good thing. It makes me be able to sleep at night. You know, I did find them on one of those websites. This is what they look like now. And that was

five years ago. Anyway. I didn't even hear what you said. I had to pay attention to two other things for a second Seems like it's a good thing You guys having fun yet? You get the show?

I mean Chaos He went straight the fuck home That kid went home Watching him Like a view of him smoking a cigarette in his car Like slowly driving to Glendale. Yeah.

Sad. With the windows rolled up, just, I deserve this. Aww. He's dead now. People are going to think he's just a Halloween decoration out front. Your fist bump didn't work, Tony. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise.

Make some noise for KJ Robinson, everyone. KJ Robinson. Fuck yes. Here we go. It's all happening. What up, dawg? Yeah. I'm out here.

Yeah. Okay. Hey. I'm watching Making a Murderer. Season two is out. Yeah. I'm learning a lot from that show. I'm learning that Stephen Avery got bitches, man.

That shit is crazy. Why does Stephen Avery have so many women? Like, he getting his bitches the old-fashioned way. He writing letters. Who is doing that? His pen game got to be crazy. This shit better than Drake's. It's like, he got like 45, 65 women that just throwing themselves at him that he

writing some cold hooks like what the fuck i feel like uh uh steven avery pin game so cold he not gonna have no me too moments or none of that shit he getting his women in the old-fashioned way with tenderness that's how he's doing it. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have did that joke. Hell yeah. K.J. Robinson. Bitch! Fuck yeah. What's up?

I think mostly people are just surprised that you're watching Making a Murderer Season 2. It just seems like it's not really believable. Yeah, man. I like the jokes. I agree with you. And I thought they were really funny, but it wasn't the kind of funny that, like, people

like could verbally laugh at because we were just sort of like, really? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I kind of felt that. I mean, it just didn't. You don't think black people have Netflix or something? I mean. What did that mean? He looks like he watches it.

You like TV, right? Indeed. Yeah. What's your favorite part about Making a Murderer 2? My favorite part about it? I like how scary his new lawyer looks. Talk about that bitch. See, that would have been funny. Yeah, that bitch look like the Grudge 4. Like, she look like the new bitch from the Grudge. Yeah. Ah, see? Well, I mean, I would have got into that, but you know.

Yeah, man. I think you should. You got to leave with that strong stuff. The fact that he's in prison still getting women. He had women before and he had that other woman that was dating him in prison and he's always had that. I think you need to put the Making a Murder Season 2

twist on it. That is what the you know, I've already... I just didn't realize how many, like it was it's a lot. It's like a hundred and something. Like just lining up for Steven Avery's gray hair. You said what? You sound like you want to go

to prison to get some pussy. Nah, that ain't what I sound like. Not at all. You're impressed by the amount of pussy he gets. Yeah. That's a high number for somebody behind bars with fucking his workout game is terrible.

Like, he don't. He's not really, you know, cool looking in the face. He looks fucking he got that whole Muppet thing going on. Apparently bitches love Muppets. You watched the whole season? I did watch the whole second season. What else have you binge watched lately?

Coach Snoop. Coach Snoop. Y'all not fucking with Coach Snoop? That I would have found believable, right? Yes, yes. Tell me about Coach Snoop. I already have my own thoughts about making a murder season two. But Coach Snoop, now this I could listen to and enjoy.

What is it? What is it? Is that where he coaches? He actually doesn't say that not one time on the show. Does he coach you in football? Is that what it's about? Yeah, he's coaching Little League football. Girls, girls, girls.

Anyway. That was terrible, sir. How long have you been doing stand- stand up You've been on this show before Yeah you seen me up here before How long you been doing stand up Oh shit I didn't know it was you Hey stick with me over here KJ We're losing you quick

It's a live show Shout out to Tim You're gone now huh How long you been doing stand up huh KJ Not bad. Oh, shout out to Tim. Whoa, all right. He was just full. You're gone now, huh? Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up, huh, KJ? About six years, seriously. Five or six years. I love it.

All here in Los Angeles? No, from Michigan, Detroit. Okay. How long have you been in L.A.? Four months. What do you do for work? This. Nothing.

Right now. You do stand-up full-time? Yeah, I'm just hustling. You okay, Brian? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sorry, our Rebel Alliance pilot is having issues over there.

The microphone fell out of my hand. This is why the dark side won in most of the movies. You stumbling around over there. Speaking of the dark side, back to you, KJ. Hey, that was pretty solid. Yeah. Fuck with you.

So how do you make a living doing stand-up? Shit. Doing it. Getting money. Hustle. Whatever. Come on. Matter of fact, I came in third in a contest last night, made $10.

$10. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're jealous. Yeah, you're jealous. Yeah, be jealous. Everybody else doing 10 minutes for free. The whole room just clapped for $10.

Where was the contest at? Covina, the Chatterbox. Shout out to the Chatterbox. What was the grand prize? Covina, the Chatterbox. Shout out to the Chatterbox. What was the grand prize? What could you have won? You said what? You were so busy giving shout outs that you're still missing. I got to enjoy myself, man.

There's a real live show going on, and it's happening right now. I'm up here. There's a slight delay, it appears, in the five feet between us right now. Okay, if you feel like moving up there is going to help, I'd love it. Feel free to use the whole stage as long as you pay attention the whole time. I'm paying. Let's go. What was the grand prize that you-

Oh, the grand prize was 50 bucks. No. Wow. Yeah. 50 bucks. Big money. What? Big money was on the line.

Yeah. I needed that. Shit. So you can't live off that. So how do you actually make your money? Right. Do you rob comedy clubs? line. Yeah. I needed that. Shit. So you can't live off that. So how do you actually make your money? Right. Do you rob comedy clubs? Whoa.

Wow. That's not even a joke, Brian Redband. You're just saying actual words at this point. I'd appreciate it if you'd not use your white freedom during my shit right now. Stick with me, KJ. Just ignore this guy over here. He looks like he deserves it. Anywho.

He's just playing a character tonight. He's a racist stormtrooper. I came out in the 70s. One of the racist stormtroopers. Just a goofy little Halloween character. Oh, man. So do you rob the comedy clubs? Saw that one coming.

It's the old bad cop routine. Did you see that? What's up up Santino? KJ You gotta answer this Rob I'm waiting for this robbery thing to be over with Right You don't rob people

Yeah we don't do no snitching though We're not snitching Alright I feel that Can't be asking me shit like that What the fuck is wrong with you? Alright so What's a side hustle? What's a side hustle?

Oh the side hustle I mean I used to have a job I'm just not working to. What's a side hustle? What's a side hustle? Oh, the side hustle. I mean, I used to have a job. I'm just not working right now. What was it? I worked in mental health. Oh. Yeah. Wow.

Interesting. Yeah. What did you do with mental health? I did some service coordination, and I helped clients with ADLs. How did you finally get out of it? Did they say you're healthy enough to... That's why you third, huh? That's why he third.

All right, so what do you do for fun? What do I do for fun? I hoop. Play PlayStation. You hoop? I hoop. Play PlayStation. Uh-huh. You go out at night ever? You hoop? Yeah, I hoop, fam. Hula or?

It's a cultural thing for him. Apparently. Yeah. No, basketball. Hoop. Basketball. I took a hunger strike for the last 13 years. Back to you, Tony.

All right. Hey, you're working a little menial up here today. Sorry, KJ. Well, we're going to keep the thing moving along. It was a fun time chatting with you. There he goes. KJ Robinson. Peace, peace.

It's a crazy show so far. Off the rails. Hell yeah, KJ. Fuck yeah. He's on Twitter at how to... What does that say? How to be KJ. All right.

Hell yeah. That's his daughter. Absolutely. I don't get it. Like, why would it be his daughter? Who... Why would it... He said how to be.

How to be. Oh, I just said be. Yeah. I just realized, yes. Still doesn't make sense. Yes, exactly. But I realized, yeah. All right.

Anyway. I pulled another name out of the bucket. 60 Seconds Uninterrupted goes next to Christian Dez. Christian Dez. Yeah. Is Christian coming? Is that Christian? Here he comes.

Oh, I like it when they come from that way. Hell yeah. This has to be his first time on the show. Make some noise for Christian Dez. Hi, everyone. So, it's okay when you make fun of Asians as long as it's obvious, you know? The problem is people make fun of Asians all the time without even knowing it. Like, I'm 6'1". If I were white, that wouldn't mean anything.

Do you know how many strangers in my life have come up to me all excited, like, hey, hey, mister, oh my gosh, you're super tall for an Asian. That's crazy. What, no, you can't say that to me. Wow, that was really bad. But, it was. I really thought that would kill. Anyway, okay, okay, give me a second chance. Anyway, so, of course I can't complain Anyway So

Of course I can't complain Asians have it pretty good I can have a Finish it, keep going Let's see what this one was Go ahead Asians have it pretty good Boom

Thank you So Asians have it pretty good We can barbecue in the park. We can sit at a Starbucks and not buy anything. And no one's calling the cops. In fact, if we smoke weed, we actually become less suspicious to police. Wow. Wow.

That was... Okay. Christian, nice to meet you. This is your first time on the show, right? Yes. Hell yes. You have dishonored your family. You will die.

Christian, we have done this show, I believe, 303 something like that times, right? 304. 304 times. You are the first person ever, ever, ever in the 60 seconds allotted that ever asked for a second chance. Ever. It's never happened before and I

love it, by the way. First time. I think that should be your fucking catchphrase. Okay. Give me a second chance. That's when the crowd just starts really laughing. Yeah, well, it was the only time the crowd started really laughing. Well, no, you had a couple other laughs, but they were just as accidental as the second chance laugh that you got. It was talking about how you thought it was going to kill, and woof, I believe, was the other one.

Yeah, seriously. How's it going, man? How do you feel after that? Is that a normal set for you? No, this is my first time. This is your first time ever doing stand-up? Oh, I love that. That's great.

That's great. Hell yeah. In that case, it was fucking great. Yeah, it was fucking great. Seriously. Yeah. It's all downhill from here. No.

How old are you, Christian? I'm 30. 30? I'm pretty old and this is so cool you just started doing stand-up comedy what made you come out tonight what made you try it and sign up what made you decide you were gonna come here my girlfriend's on a really long vacation i think you mean a slow boat to china no she was never supportive of the comedy thing, and she was totally right. She was.

How did you prepare for tonight? Did you go over it? I texted my friends, like, is this funny? Yeah, but did you say it out loud to a mirror, or did you record it? I practiced a few times to myself. I look pretty crazy. How many bricks did you break?

How many bricks did you break? Back to you, Tony. Stick with me over here. First of all, let me tell you this. This was your first time. You should be very happy right now. I am. This is your first time ever on stage.

You did better than Brian Jolette from The Hills who supposedly started doing it 14 years ago. He's no longer with us. Andrew reminded me. We've confirmed that he shot himself on the sidewalk. R.I.P. It's a special Halloween

episode after all. He's going to come back to tell jokes later. What do you do? What's your job? I do two things. I'm a mechanical engineer and a forensic engineer. Whoa. Forensic engineer. So when a lawsuit involves a failure in engineering matters, I counsel lawyers on, like, technical issues. Wow.

Very cool. How long have you been doing that for? Since college? That's awesome. Yeah. Where'd you go to school? I went to school at Cal State Northridge. Whoop, whoop.

There you go. Yeah. Okay, never mind. All right. So let me get back to the fact that you said that your girlfriend is on a long-distance trip. All right. And she's never been supportive of you. So how long have you been with her?

Three years. Three years. What's she like? What kind of, is she Asian too? She's a halfie. Oh, what's the other half? Pakistani. Whoa.

Look at that. Good thing you have a background in forensics. I don't even know what it was. And engineering, though, so you might be helping her. You never know. Yeah. Which she flies a plane into. You can just build back up again. She's up to it.

I love it. You have like a, he's like this weird nervous energy, right? I'm very nervous. This is my first time. Yeah. It's cute. It's almost like weird nervous energy. I'm very nervous. This is my first time. It's cute. It's almost like you're autistic. Are you autistic? Are you?

I don't mean that in a mean way. Are you there? I'm all the way here. I'm here. I'm not autistic. But you're sort of a silly. You have a silly personality. Everything's good.

You always this way when you're engineering and stuff? You got that big smile on your face? No, engineering's kind of boring. That's why I wanted it. You're loving this right now. Where do you live? I live in the South Bay. The South Bay. Manhattan Beach. Nice. Oh, okay.

Hell yeah. Man, you're living the good life out there. Okay. We're okay. So the two Asian jokes you told. Oh, man. Okay, you're living the good life out there. Okay. We're okay. So the two Asian jokes you told. Oh, man. Okay, so let's say this. Do you have any other Asian things that aren't stereotypes that we know that's personal? Like, is it something about your mom that's maybe funnier than either of those jokes that you told?

No. Is your mom the Asian one? Yes, my mom's the typical Asian. Like, that's why I'm an engineer. Give us an impression of your mom. No, I'm not going to have an impression, my mom's the typical Asian. That's why I'm an engineer. Give us an impression of your mom. No, I'm not going to have an impression of my mom. Give us an impression of your mom real fast. Come on, do it. Come on, real fun.

I can't think of anything. I haven't practiced. If you don't... If you don't, I will. Give us one quick one. How about mom or dad? Give me something that's given the impression of someone that's close to you that you think has a fine personality.

No, I can't. What's something that your dad yells at you a lot? I don't know my dad. That's funny. They do that. We love that stuff. Where did your dad disappear? Your dad?

So you were also black. No, he was Pakistani, but the type of Pakistani that packs their bags and leaves for... He also took a long trip. Yeah, a very long trip. Let's get back to this girlfriend. So you've been with her for three years.

Where'd she take a trip to? She went to Bali, Philippines, Singapore. Who'd she go with? Her family, like her parents. You believe that, huh? Is this the only thing that you're doing different while she's gone? You living out some other dreams, you know? Like I'm not cleaning.

Fucking rock and roll, dude. Yeah Like I'm not cleaning. Fucking rock and roll, dude. Tony, you're like, hookers, coke. He's like, I'm not cleaning up after myself, dude. It's one of the fucking, it just goes to show how hilarious

honesty is. There's no doubting that, that you are just so excited about not cleaning. Yeah. Wow. He says it out loud, too. He's like, this isn't the sink. I'm not doing them. She is my terrified. Wow.

How big of a mess are we talking about? What do you got, like, old yogurt cups sitting around or something? I don't even bother making the bed. I'm not even going to make the bed. What do you got, like old yogurt cups sitting around or something? I don't even bother making the bed. I'm not even going to make the bed. What's the dirtiest thing about your place right now? Like my jacket's on the couch. Whoa!

Get out of here, you freak! You fucking dirt freak! Oh, this is my new favorite segment of all time. It's called Dirty Asian Secrets with Christian Dez. Come on, give us another example. With the jacket on the couch, it is out of control. Clearly, I mean, you are in some real filth. What is the second dirtiest thing about your apartment?

Come on, think about it. Don't give up on me. Keep thinking until you have a fucking answer come on is there something on the something around

the kitchen area I don't want to wipe my shoes at the door Tony Tony yes Chroma Chris just said

his browser history okay the moment has passed but thank you Chromacris just said his browser history. Okay. The moment has passed, but thank you. That's why I did not say it. Anything else dirty about your apartment right now? No. No, I mean, just clothes in my room.

When is she back? She's back. Her flight comes in at 1040, right? Oh, the dream dies tonight. Wow, you waited till the last minute. Did you sign up any other week here? Last week. You signed up last week, you didn't get on,

and now here you are with hours to spare. What do you think your girlfriend's gonna say to you when you tell her that you did stand-up comedy? Oh, I'm not gonna tell her. This went terrible. Oh, that's crazy. You you tell her that you did stand-up comedy? Oh, I'm not going to tell her. This one's terrible. Oh, that's crazy. You got to tell her, man. It's not terrible. No one's great

their first time, man. You have a great stage presence. You can work on it, listen to yourself and come back and do it again, man. I'm ready. I'm ready. I remember, dude, I remember the first time I ever saw, you know, Chris D'Elia here, and he was wearing all denim like you and a polo shirt, and he looked like...

He was Asian then. Yes, he was very Asian. Some said that he looked like Jason Bateman just fucked a giraffe, and that's how it starts, you know? You could be the... You could be the next Chris Derrera. Derrera. Hey.

Chris Diarrhea. All right, Christian. Well, congratulations on your first time ever. Sign up again. Come back again. We want to find out what the girlfriend said. I love that Christian sounds and looks whiter than the two

ninja masters that we have, by the way. Careful, Tony. He's doing the foot lift. Wow. All right. Nice butthole, dude. This place is out of control. Hey, next week we have Whitney Cummings as the guest, by the way.

How cool is that? Her first time ever on this show, the great and powerful Whitney Cummings. I'm excited about that. What was that? What did you say? Is that the corpse of the first guy trying to say his last words or something like that with a bullet hole still? A little spin kick your head off your shoulders. All right, guys.

I pulled another name out of the bucket. 60 seconds uninterrupted goes to Brad Goldby. Brad Goldby or Goldby perhaps. Here he comes. It's Brad Goldby. Brad Goldby, or Goldby, perhaps. Here he comes. It's Brad Goldby. Anything can happen. One more time for Brad, everyone. Woo!

What's up, everybody? How y'all doing? My name's Brad Goldby, 23 years old. I figured by now, in life, I'd have, like, at least, like, a deeper voice. I figured I'd have a few things, like, figured out, you know, by now. I figured out I wouldn't be fucking living at home. few things like figured out you know by now I figured out I wouldn't be fucking living in home figured I'd have like a girlfriend or something because I live in a small rural town and everything and all my friends are like moving on having families and shit like one of my friends just

had a daughter and it's like I was his friend since like seventh grade and shit and it's like I don't remember looking at him and thinking to myself, it's like, damn, I'll bet one day he'll make a good dad. I looked at him and I thought, man, I'll bet for 20 bucks and a shot of tequila, he'll run full clip into a fucking street sign. And he did. He did. I recorded it. I got that shit. Hell yeah. Brad Goldberg. Fuck yeah, dude. Welcome. This is your first time on the show? Yeah. That was great. How do you feel? Nervous.

I never perform for a crowd like this because it's like I'm a regular around Las Vegas. I came here with Ichabod tonight. Wow, you really blew that surprise that was coming up around the corner. Wow, you are a master of show business, Brad. You look like a young Ichabod.

Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, they call me that around Vegas. Young Ichabod. Coming up. Wow. That is not a compliment. That is.

So you drove here with Ichabod. Is that correct? Fuck that. No, we took a cheap ass greyhound. You took a greyhound with Ichabod. Is that correct? Fuck that. No, we took a cheap-ass greyhound. You took a greyhound with Ichabod. $10 tickets. Damn, it's $10 to get to Vegas. Or from Vegas to get here.

$10. It's like $40 on Southwest. That sounds like a rip-off. Tony. Yes. I once threw a kick so deadly I woke up in Vegas. All right. Nine more of those and we're seeing a tattoo tonight.

So. So Brad. That's fucking awesome. So you live in Las Vegas. You live in rural Las Vegas. No I live in Mesquite Nevada man. Yeah. It's like an hour outside of Vegas. God damn. You know those places when you drive Las Vegas. You live in rural Las Vegas, right? No, I live in Mesquite, Nevada, man. That's like an hour outside of Vegas. God damn.

You know those places when you drive to Vegas and you drive through and you're like, you see too many Trump signs? Yeah. You're like, ugh. Fucking brass. This is scary as shit. This is real fucking, this is top of the map on Grand Theft Auto 5 type of shit. Yes.

This is very fucking inbred. Go no further. You ever like hook up up with any of your cousins or anything? Tell the truth. The crowd will go crazy if you did. No, no, no. I'm the only family. Everybody else lives in Vegas in my family.

You're basically saying that you would have fucked your relatives. They lived a little bit closer to you No one wants to drive a god damn hour To fuck your cousin Everyone knows your cousin Either comes to you You might

I'm coming to fuck you cuz The bus leaves at 2.30 Not you specifically But I've gotten so high with you in a garage so many times. I'm having so many flashbacks. Hell yeah. Absolutely. You play any instruments?

No. No, not at all? No. You look like all of Leonard Skinner. I know, right? How do you play no instruments? You don't sing? Nope, nothing like that.

You have any special skills or talents? Something like a roller derby? This is the best. This is it, man. You've been doing stand-up for how long? I'm not even that bad. Four months. Four months.

Wow. Yeah, that isn't bad at all. Tony, I have a question. Yes, sure, Joel. Do you record your sets? Yeah, I audio record them all. You ever thought about cutting out all the likes that you say in your set? Yeah, I need to work on that.

Yes. That's my only note. So, Brad, what do you do for work out there in fucking Mesquite, Nevada? That's a scary place. I mean, that's one of those places that, like, moves me, like, emotionally. Like, it's like, I literally, like, that's the shit that sort of scares me. Wide open fucking spaces. Freeway that runs through the middle of nowhere. emotionally like it's like i literally like that's the shit that sort of scares me wide open fucking spaces freeway that runs through the middle of nowhere just one guy waving at you

all the time yep yep that's the shit that really scares me driving this is sad and like brad like if i was driving down the freeway and i saw you i'd be like oh my god that there's a haunted chick on the side of the street. This is frightening. She looked dead, man. She looked fucking dead, dude. Yeah. She had a $10 bus ticket in her hand. Fuck! First time I ever saw you perform in my regular

venue, you look over at me lighting a cigarette. It's like, oh, great. It's the girl from the ring lighting a cigarette. That's what I said? I told you you look like the girl from the ring? Yeah. Wow. You cut your hair since then. Fatality. I don't even work in Mesquite.

Actually, I work further out in Utah. I drive out to Utah. What do you do there? I work for a family dollar distribution center out there. A family dollar distribution center. Wow. A warehouse.

A warehouse filled with a bunch of little shit. A bunch of random shit made in random countries. Stocking? You stocking shit? What are you doing? I mainly just help out like order fillers who pick random things and put them in totes. And I just make sure they have all their shit. How long does it take you to get to work from Mesquite?

40 minutes. Oh my God. That's not bad. Man. 40 minutes to work, then go home, and then an hour to Vegas to do a five-minute spot. Oh, dude, what are you? Woo, for real.

Then you got to go back to mom and dad's house. And then back home, yeah. To where your mother and father are. That's, yes. Yeah. Do you have an entrance of your own, or do you have to go through the front door? Front door.

Oh, hell yeah. His own entrance, Andrew. You're so funny. Yeah, so I just get on my elevator to the basement. What I meant was, does the garage have its own, like, can you do the own,

I just didn't, you live in the house with them. Yeah. Is your room right next to theirs? Yes. What part of the haunted house do you live in exactly? The front, yeah.

You could never bring someone back to the house. I have before. Yeah, it's not good. I'd rather go to their place. Yeah, but you try. Like I said, everybody else my age is fucking moving on.

What are your parents like? They seem like they'd be pretty frightening, right? You're like the break in the mold. They're like, Brad's gonna be a big Vegas star one day. He's going to be one of the blue collar. Yeah, fuck. They're all right, you know? What?

It's like, you know, most of the people from my hometown, including my parents, I'm like, hey, I do comedy. They're like, oh, cool. Yeah. It took like three months. And then they take a sip of their Mountain Dew and ride away on their four-wheeler. That's cool. I don't have any teeth. Later. Comedy.

You do comedy. I do math. Bye. Bye. What's your mom and dad like? All right, I guess. Hard working. What do they do for a living?

Hard working. My mother does property management, and my father does maintenance work at a casino in Mesquite. Wow. I know. It's crazy interesting, right? Those are decent livings, Brian. Wow.

Which casino? Which casino? The Eureka. What is that? The better of the three. The better of the three in our tiny town. Check it out. People pick on you a lot

about your voice, your high-pitched voice. People are like, you sissy, something like that. No, only I'm like... That's what they say to me all the time,

so I can say it. No, I get picked on more about my hair and things like that. My voice more on online video games, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, as soon as you jump

on online video games, it's like they attack the Yeah, as soon as you jump on online video games, it's like they attack the voice. Oh, you sound like a bitch. Oh, hell no, I ain't playing against you. Oh, hell no. What are you, working Utah, you idiot? I never, I, ha, ha, ha. What games do you play besides

Gears of War? I know, right? Playing games with my heart right now. I just got Red Dead 2. Yeah. Now you get to play what it would be like to live out in the fucking Wild West

with a bunch of racist scary people. It's funny because you live in Mesquite, with a bunch of racist, scary people. It's funny because you live in Mesquite, Nevada. That's why that's funny. You're already living it. You don't need the video game Red Dead Redemption for that. You live there. You live there, and you still live there.

You're like the opposite of the Devil's Rejects. You look like they just took you right in. They were like, yeah, you. Welcome home, son. Yeah, I do impressions. Hey! Alright, Brad.

You know what? It was good. The jokes were fucking really good. By the way, you did a really good job. The lead joke was great. It did well. So all the joking, it was fucking really good. Very funny. Hell yeah. Very good performance. There he goes. Brad Golby. Brad with his,

Brad with that joke about the high-pitched voice did something that the Asian guy did about cleaning his apartment that he was honest. Yeah, it was really good. And it gets a huge reaction. But I think, Brad, wherever you're going,

do more stuff about your voice. The next part should be about you online gaming, because that's a perfect transition into, because your voice is, you know, it's terrible. It's a terrible voice. Just go run with it, you know what I mean? Run with it as far as you can.

110%. And during his performance, he let us know that he indeed came here with what was going to be a special surprise for this moment right now. So you know what's happening. He is a character that's been on the show, I think, four, five, maybe six times ever in its history. His first time on, he was such a compelling, interesting character that we decided to have him on again and again and again. He brought and is the creator of Ichabod's Bucket of Destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, as a special Halloween treat, I present to you Kill Tony legendary character,

Hall of Famer, the great and powerful Ichabod! Thank you! Oh, I haven't lifted that much in 20 years. Oh, yeah, check out everyone. I got dressed up for Halloween. I decided to be a toothless vampire who happens to be very, very hungry. Holy shit. I... Holy shit.

I'm going to take this Halloween opportunity moment to talk about The Walking Dead. Have you guys seen the show? This is a great Halloween show. But you know what? I would get bitten right away. I wouldn't be paying attention. Did that panhandler just bite me? Oh, shit. What the fuck? I want to

eat brains? No, I hate brains. It's gross. I faint at the sight of needles. I can't stand it. There's no way I could live with it. Grrr. Grrr. Grrr. Yeah. Uh-oh. A walk to, I would just, oh, damn. Finish it. What were you talking about? I don't even know.

Go ahead. Sure. Fuck it. You know what I would do? I would, like, walk, a desert would be a walk to the park. Yeah, I could just play with the buzzards. I could mess with those buzzards. I would, like, I'd go, hey, buzzard, buzz park. Yeah, I could just play with the buzzards. I could mess with those buzzards. I would like, I'd go, hey, buzzard, buzzard.

Yeah, I'm dying. I'm dying, buzzard. Come here. Come here. All of you, come here. Come here, buzzard. There you go. Go ahead.

Oh, yeah. I think that hurt. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. And I grabbed that buzzard right in front of all his friends. I'd bite his head off like. All right. All right, all right.

Come on. Oh, sorry. Thank you. I feel like if I didn't stop you, you would have just ran your new hour special up here. Tony, this is Tommy Wiseau's greatest character. Right? This is.

This is brilliant. This is the best. Imagine getting stuck next to him on a $10 bus trip, right? You ever want to eat these buses? Wait, what? Yes. I mean, again, I mean, there's definitely a through line tonight, which is that honesty is hilarious.

And I pretty much had a stroke when you said that you were hungry, Ichabod. I've never heard a comedian say that on stage in all my years. What is that? I just saw him quick turn in my resume for the intern. Wow, this is frightening.

Guys, it's Tony. Why is there white powder all over it? Just kidding. It's written in crayon. Ichabod's resume. It's not spelled correctly. Let's start with resume being spelled incorrectly. Do you know that's not how you spell it? There's no Y in resume.

Right. Spell it like the month of May. It's fucking hilarious. Looking for something to do. Work history. Collect money for women on Fremont Street. Yeah. That was pretty good. Help Uncle Ron connect to do. Work history. Collect money for women on Fremont Street. Help Uncle Ron connect to internet. It took a while, but we did it.

Personal assistant for a prostitute. But you spelled prostitute. Prostitute. T-O-O-T. Prostitute. And the actual, oh, that's amazing. Tute. DJing intros and outros for comics at Dive Bar.

That's pretty cool. Now, that's actually a legit thing that could help you get an internship here. He's got his medical history on there. That's good. Legal history. Only been to jail a few times. Medical history.

Trying to overcome PTSD. Skills. Rolling joints. Shooting history, trying to overcome PTSD. Skills, rolling joints, shooting pool, making cheeseburgers, moonwalking. Is that true? You know how to moonwalk? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, you don't know how to moonwalk. Alright, very cool.

And rocking out. Oh, and also scaring people without trying has been written in. Wow. I mean, Ichabod, you are really just perfect. You're amazing.

How's life been, buddy? You been doing stand-up? Yeah, yeah. He's still winded't tell you something else. I've had these thoughts for like a year now. I've been thinking about it over the last week or so. And I was thinking about I might want to – do you know anything about like if I was going to be a furry? A what?

A furry. No, that's Red Vans. Yeah, yeah. You're easily qualified for that. I have three questions, though. Okay. One is, is there one of these things where there's no going back? Who the fuck starts with three questions, by the way?

Answer these questions three. Wait, what? Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe just one more. What was the question? Can I just try it out or once I become a furry I'm kind of stuck? You can try it out.

What's number two? If you were a mass murderer and you saw a big crowd but one was a furry, would you avoid it or would you like, oh, bonus points. No, you'd probably shoot at that first. What? Okay.

If I have to, I will kill you for the second time. Ichabod, now you did your first ever stand-up comedy set on this show, right? Is that correct? Do I have that story in my head? First time on stage and everything, yeah. I tried it online a couple times, made people laugh online.

Wow, yeah, I bet you did. Yahoo chat room number 42. Yeah, exactly. Just fucking, what was that called? Chat roulette. Yeah, chat roulette. People end up seeing Ichabod on the other side, just, oh, shit! Just walk for me.

Yo, look at this haunted bitch. Another one. It works for you like it did the last guy Because of the hair and the whole looking scary thing Now Ichabod See you've been doing open mics You still live in Las Vegas You work at a bar correct Yeah

So what else I open for a band. I mean, Tony, you're using the word live lightly, right? Very, uh... You open up for a band. Keep going. You're opening up for a band. Oh, other things?

I'm sorry. I don't... I've been trying to work on my memory Hell yeah Have you tried taking off the hat and putting it back on? There you go Is it working? Nothing's happening, huh?

Fuck yeah, I love your style, Lickabot It's okay It's all good. You're doing a good job. How do you feel right now? Exhausted, but this is amazing. Do you know why? This audience is the number one live audience I have ever been to.

Thank you all very much. I know for a fact that's not true. I've seen you in front of better crowds before, Ichabod. And I want to give a shout-out to the number one chat room in all of YouTube. Oh, okay, you're talking to that chat room. Wow, there you go. A shout-out directly to the chat room. You know, those people in the chat room are so nice

that I'm sure they really appreciated Ichabod. There's nothing but big hearts on those people in the YouTube chat room live watching this show right now. YouTube chat room, ASO, what up, what up? Some of the nicest, smartest, most productive people. Anyway, well, Ichabod, I fucking love it that you always slide into my Twitter DMs and give me a warning of when you're coming here. And I was excited to bring you up.

It was a special surprise. What was it like traveling with Brad? You met Brad doing comedy? Yeah, he was actually standing next to me when you were in the Vegas thing, and then he came back the next week. I'm going to do comedy. He's been coming there ever since.

I took my hat out to him, and I said, dude, if you want to come out to kill Tony for Halloween, let's go. Why did you put your hat out? So he could remember that kid's name, right? And you guys came out together. That's so fucking cool. Yeah, it was a pretty fun trip. Took a lot of pictures

and stuff. I love it, man. Where were you guys staying while you were here? Oh, and then I moved. I hung out with this, I got a bunch of new roommates and stuff. I'm it, man. Where are you going to stay while you're here? Oh, and then I moved. I hung out with this... I got a bunch of new roommates and stuff. I'm trying to adjust. How many new roommates do you have? The two upstairs, and then there's two downstairs. Are you living with Brad and his

parents? No. Wolfman, Frankenstein, Igor. I don't fade out Wolfman, Frankenstein, is it mommy? Igor. I don't fade out in public. I have this fainting problem where I get excited and I faint,

but I haven't been doing that much this year. I've been doing pretty good and hanging in there. Good, man. Don't faint. Yeah, it's hard. Thanks. Fuck fainting. Don't do that. You take a lot of medicine for your PTSD? I've changed to marijuana. I think that's helping a lot better, actually.

How long has that change been for? January 1st. January 1st. You went off your meds, cold turkey, and you switched to just marijuana. Yeah. I still take my heartburn medicine, but as far as the PTSD, I experience different things. I think that's what's most important is the heartburn medicine.

Yeah. But otherwise, yeah. You take heartburn medicine daily? A little bit of Xantac, Tony. That's what everyone does. Do you think maybe you just have a gluten allergy? Have you thought about that? He makes cheeseburgers daily.

Have you not read his resume? I'm good at it. Flip those things over. Sear. All right, well. I would have loved to have been on that bus. When do you get back on the bus? Tonight or tomorrow?

6 a.m. 6 a.m. What are you going to do until then? What do you do to kill time? Good question. Do you have any suggestions? What can you do in L.A.? Wow, look at that.

I have to have a diet. He wants to take you home. Look at that. You guys will be like, fuck, isn't that? Hell yeah. Oh, I love it. You guys will look like a s'more next Oh, I love it. You guys will look like a s'more next to each other.

Suck on our toes. Alright, well. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen, Kill Tony Legend, the creator of Ichabod's Bucket of Destiny, Ichabod, everyone. Thanks, bud. Hang on. Hang on. Come on.

Hell yeah. All right. Well, let's go back to the bucket, shall we? You guys get it? You see what we're doing here, right? You guys still having fun? How about you? You good?

Yeah, very good. Okay. Let's do that then. You sure? Is that what she said? Okay. I mean, it's do that then. You sure? Is that what she said? Okay. I mean, it's so weird. We never do that.

So to do that for a half hour would just be so silly. It's special. Okay, then it's special it is. I'm excited about it. We have one of my favorite comedians on the planet here, and she wants to come on stage for the rest of the show, according to Red Band, who never does this, but he's interrupting me mid-show to invite her up,

so let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, the great and powerful Esther Pivitsky is here. Is this true? I'm so excited if this is true. It seems too good to be true. Oh, my God, it is! What do you want to do? Sit down.

Or you want to do a set? What are you doing? I thought I was going to do my stand-up for one minute. Hell yeah, do it. Do a fucking minute. Esther Pivitsky, ladies and gentlemen. You can do whatever you want. Come on, guys. This is a real fucking comedian. Paid regular. We started together a decade ago.

Make some noise for Esther Povitsky. So how does it work? I do a set and you guys judge me? Okay. Hi, I'm Esther. Hi. I was breastfed. I think that I was breastfed for longer than most babies because my mom always tells me that it was really easy to get me to stop breastfeeding because she could just look at me and say, we're done now, and I understood her.

And I actually responded and said yeah mom I have to go to work I I remember being breastfed and that's not good I feel confident that if I didn't remember being breastfed I wouldn't be on this stage right now.

I'd be... Go ahead. Is that my whole set? You can finish it. Okay, I'll finish it. I'd be out there having fun with all of you. It's just fucked up that

my first memory of being alive is of hooking up with my mom. I'll end there. Wow. Such a professional. Joining the ranks of Dom Irera and Ron White, Esther Pivitsky, one of only three Comedy Store paid regulars to ever do a new minute on Kill Tony. Oh, really?

Yeah. Ron White's special just came out on Netflix last week, and I recognize some of the material that he worked out on this show on that special. That's how cool it is. You're in a class with Ron White and... Ichabod. It's Ron White and Dom Irera. Thanks, Tony.

That's fun. What are you doing? You're just hanging out? I was doing a set in the belly room and I've never seen a live Kill Tony and I walked in and it was super funny and then I texted Brian and was like, I want to interrupt the show, but that'd be insane. And of course, Brian was like,

do it. And then I decided I would just do a set. Are you guys going to give give me notes I want the real treatment it was great uh you seem like a professional uh you seem really good you you know what I what I love is that you had you know not only did you have the meat and potatoes of the room laughing at your biggest punch lines but during your setups I could hear like girls giggling throughout the crowd because they so genuinely were invested in the premise

that you were talking about that they were making audible noises. One of the signs of a pro and I'm not kidding, is having just fucking laughs throughout the entire thing. People think you have to go like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Or even, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat, cat a cat cat i can you know what i mean that's really

that's really the way to do it it's just to keep plowing through and you do that you know you've always had a killer instinct fun fact ladies and gentlemen i started uh stand up here over 11 years ago, and Aster came onto the scene and she was a fucking an amazing, powerful hurricane of a force. She would pretend to be a 14-year-old girl that just stumbled into the comedy store.

She was really 21, but I mean imagine if that was fucking 10 years ago. Like pajamas. So imagine what she looked fucking 10 years ago. Like pajamas. So imagine what she looked like 10 years ago when she was actually 21. I don't mean to give your age away, but holy shit, right? Well, it's funny that you say that because you're saying I walked in here looking like a little kid and then we dated for a year. It's true.

Yes. It is true. When I was 23 and she was 21, not only did we date for a year, we moved in together. We signed a lease and everything. And we got a dog. Where's the horse of truth? And then for those of you who don't know,

this is the fucking best part. Then Tony and I broke up and I met Brian. This is true. And he used to call at like 3 in the morning trying to talk to her, and I would answer the phone. I'm like, I didn't even know who Tony was. I was like, hey, whoever you are, get the fuck out of here.

This is my girlfriend. Do you remember that shit? No, that never happened at all. That definitely never happened. When Esther and I were done, we were pretty fucking done. You live in a studio apartment for a year. I think that goes

that way for just about anybody. For two comedians that had nothing yet. We were struggling. I was working shifts at the fucking Starbucks. But I haven't met you yet. Hello. Oh, look at this. Hello.

Look at this. Hell yeah. Esther, have you ever lived in a monastery? No. Would you like to? No, I'm Jewish. I can't do that. We eat rice.

Answer me! Esther, you want to hang out for the rest of the episode? Sit up here with us? No, I have to go. I really appreciate you accommodating me. I'm so impressed. This is awesome. We do this every Monday for over five years now.

I love that you just think that you stumbled into this new experiment that I'm doing. It's going great. Keep it up. Wow. This is the show I've been inviting you to do when you want to for the last few months. No, I would love to come back. Of course.

Esther is a star and creator of the hit show Alone Together with another friend of ours, Benji Aflalo. They're amazing in it. I'll say it to you live on this show because I think it's an honor to have you on here for the first time ever, which is I think she's a monster and I think this is our future Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

It's truly a pleasure to have her on this show. If you don't know about her yet, you're going to and you're going to say you were here tonight and you saw little Esther Pivitsky. Thank you so much, you guys, and thank you to the crowd here for letting me come in. Wow, look at that. There she goes.

I love that. The beast. Microphone needs to be... The beast. Esther fucking Pivitsky. I got that shit. Her mom's the best kisser I know, too. Wait, say that again? Nothing.

Something gross. You're going with her mom? Yeah, I don't get it. Her mom is closer to my age than she was when we were dating, so I used to have this thing where I would always flirt with her mom extra hard. Her parents are great. We love them. Bye, Esther. Bye, Esther.

One more time for Esther Pivitsky, ladies and gentlemen. That was fun. Go watch the episodes of Alone together. I should have asked her if they're on Amazon or what the hell they're on now. It's on Hulu. It's the only show we watch at the monastery.

Oh, I love that. It's actually really good and Chris D'Elia's on it. Chelsea Peretti. I pulled the name out of the bucket and we'll get to that after this next comedian. We have a regular on this show. He writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. He's a goddamn sensation. We met him

I think five, six, seven months ago sleeping in his car, this and that. Now he's got everything going for him. It's really exciting to watch his new minutes every week. Make some noise for the great Malcolm Hatchet, everybody. Hell yeah. . Put your feet down.

What's up? Since I work at a restaurant now, my friends always hit me up and be like, yo, can I get a discount? Yeah, you can get a discount? Yeah, you can get 0% off. We ain't that cool, nigga. You paying full price.

Trump trying to get rid of transgenders and shit. He trying to get rid of women. Trump gay, bruh. He trying to get rid of all the pussy. I don't know about y'all guys, but I ain't trying to be on Earth where niggas will smell like Old Spice only.

I need to smell some Victoria's Secret. Some Victoria's Victoria's Zip It. How long is Lil Wayne gonna be little? You a grown-ass man. Grow the fuck up, Weezy. Fuck yeah. That's a brand new minute from Malcolm Hatchett.

Calling Trump gay. I love that shit. Hell yeah. And it is true. We knew Lil Wayne. I mean, when I was a kid, he was like a kid. When you was little, yeah. He signed a deal.

Now he's not little anymore. That was cash money, though. No, he's still little. Yeah. He's still tiny. Yeah. You ever meet him? I wish.

Shit. I'll tell him about it wish Here he is right now, Lil Wayne You thought Esther Povitsky was crazy Put your hands together for Lil Wayne I'm just playing Lil Wayne If you love Lil Esther, you'll love Lil Wayne This weekend you got to hang out With Justin Roland From the creator of

Some of the best shows ever And Paris Hilton Did you talk to Paris at all? Justin Rowland from the creator of some of the best shows ever. That was tight. That was tight. And Paris Hilton. Did you talk to Paris at all? Nah, bro. I ain't talk to her. I was trying to figure out what was I doing there with her.

Right. Who gives a fuck about Paris Hilton? How about Justin Rowland? How was that? You guys have a fun relationship? You guys? Yeah, he real cool, bro. He love the show.

He love it. Yeah. Dude, he loves the show. I wish you would come hang out. He said he's going to come soon. That time he was supposed to come, he got like, he real busy, bro. Yeah, they're making Rick and Morty season four right now. It's crazy.

What was this event that you were at with all these people? I was at George Clooney's house. George Clooney has a tequila company and they had a party. That nigga went in there. I was like, what the fuck? Did you just call George Clooney the N-word? Is that what I just saw?

It wouldn't be the first time. Now, did you look around his house? Did you, like, smell any of George Clooney's towels? Did you do anything? Nah, nah. I was just trying to figure out why I was there. Why were you there? I got invited, but shit, why?

You got to be humble sometimes. Did anything stand out to you about George Clooney's place? Yeah. It ain't the car, god damn it. You get lost trying to go in the motherfucker. I was like, is this still his yard? It's nice, man. It's nice.

I fucked the costumes. I'm looking at the wall paint, the pictures and shit. He can decorate. Yeah, but kind of pictures and like what kind of artwork? He had a picture and it was some cool shit. It said, kill Tony. I was like, oh, we in the house now. We in the house.

All right, I see what you mean. Let me do my minute for you, George. No. I love that. So Justin Roiland's fun. Everything's good there. Yeah, he real. He's been hanging out at George Clooney's place.

Who was the coolest person you saw there? Justin. You slept in your car that night? Nah, I tried to leave, man. He was like, nah, don't leave. Here's the guest room. I was like, fuck, I got naked. I went to sleep.

You spent the night at George Clooney's place? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Justin's house. Wow. That's a big deal, too. That's actually cooler. Justin Roiland's the creator of fucking Rick and Morty. Dude, I was trying to leave.

I was like, nah, I'm going to go. Chill. You're too nice. No. And he was like, get in there. That is so cool. His place has to be fun, right? It's tight.

I feel like a kid. Cartoon shit everywhere. I slept like this. Sucking your thumb. That's so awesome. It was nice, man. Did you eat good food? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Dude, he ordered some pizza like two in the morning. It was like four boxes. Did you eat good food? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, he ordered some pizza at like 2 in the morning. It was like four boxes. I ate like two of them. Everybody else was like, yo, you homeless and greedy. I was like, yup. I love that. Malcolm, I love it because a rising tide lifts all ships.

All right, motherfucker. You got anything crazy in that fanny pack? Oh yeah, I got some some heroin. Nah, I just I just got some some weed and some EBT and stuff.

Wow, you really do. You have weed and grape swisher sweet. Smells better than pussy. I'm just playing ladies. All right. Well, there you go. We got another brand new

minute from him. Anything coming up you want to plug or anything like that? Oh, yeah. If you don't remember then. Watch my stories. Peace. Follow him on Instagram, Malcolm Hatchet. What's your Instagram again?

Malcolm Hatchet? All right. One more time for Malcolm, everybody. So fun. All right. One more time for Malcolm, everybody. I pulled a name out of the bucket before I even brought up Malcolm. Who's this?

So let's just go right to it, shall we? You want to guess at how I pronounce that name? This, ladies and gentlemen, coming up is Maccas. Maccas. Oh, shit. Here we go. It's Maccas. Apollo 13. Right out of the Apollo 13.

Come on. Let's see how loud this place can get for Mackus, everybody. Make some noise. Come on. What's happening? I'll make sure we get this straight before I get started. I'm going to make sure y'all get my damn name right so we won't have no problems. I'm going to say it.

You repeat it. It's Marcus. Damn right. Real quick, who here watch pornos? You know how I watch pornos? I had to start watching pornos recently. Watch pornos too much, I'll fuck your head up. You get to a point where you can't

separate fantasy from reality. You know, them pornos, they just start fucking anywhere. They just start at the gas station. It's like, sir, could you pump my gas for me? He be standing there like, hey, I don't pump gas. I pump ass. And they just start fucking right there at the gas station. Y'all be careful why too much of that.

You get to the point, you start misinterpreting what people are saying to you. I go to the doctor's office. I'm following the nurse inside the office. It's a fine-ass nurse. Soon as we go in, she closed the door. First thing she said to me is, Jack it off first, sir. I said, excuse me?

She said, jack it off first, sir. I said, what you saying? I thought you were going to finish. She said, what? I said, you said, oh, you mean take my jacket off first. Hell yeah. Marcus. Marcus.

Marcus. It's Marcus. There it is. From the base of your voice, God damn it. It's Marcus. There it is. There's no R in it, though. I'm so jealous of that.

Black people can do that and put it on a shirt and it's so fucking cool. We can't do that. It's cool as a motherfucker, ain't it? We're not allowed to do that. Shit. It's called it, though. I'm so jealous of that. Black people can do that and put it on a shirt and it's so fucking cool. We can't do that. It's cool as a motherfucker, ain't it? We're not allowed to do that. It's called flavor, baby. Why is the guy on your shirt fatter than you are, though? That's old Marcus. How do you end up with a fat guy on your shirt?

That's Marcus from last May. Tony, I knew you were going to go there, goddammit. Did you lose weight or something? Yeah, I did. I moved to California. Why do you have Forrest Whitaker on your shirt? Walking around here like Tyron Woodley. Can I see it?

With goddamn Forrest Whitaker. He's even got the goofy eyes on that thing and everything. That's Rick Ross. How many of those shirts did you get printed up? Oh, I had a lot. I actually sold a lot of them where I'm from and shit, you know. Where are you from? Arkansas. Arkansas. Hell yeah. The land of Bill Clinton.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We still claim his ass, I guess. How old are you, Marcus? 30. 30? How long you been in Los Angeles? A year and a half. What do you do for work? I'm actually an Uber driver. You're Edmund an Uber driver.

What's that? Edmund? Actually, actually. I'm a little country. Edmund an Uber driver What's that? Edmund? Oh excellent I'm a little crudgy Tony now come on now Okay I'm sorry I'm just trying to Fucking get it alright You're actually an Uber driver is what you said

Yeah yeah yeah Yes Joel Burke You're 30? Yeah I'm 30 I've never seen a black guy that looks older than that Usually black don't crack but You look like maybe 48 You're 30? Yeah, I'm 30. I've never seen a black guy that looks older than that. Usually black don't crack, but you look like maybe 48. Some wisdom from the ninja master over there.

Okay. You look older than 30, just saying. Wow, Jesus. Yeah, I'll double down. I fought to the death last week. You think I care? Okay. I fought to the death last week. You think I care? Okay. You're bombing as usual.

Go ahead. Oh, hilarious. Oh, so you've been here the last few weeks. Uh-huh. You're welcome. I've been here not laughing over there in the corner. Go ahead. Oh, shit.

We're about to have a... Wait, no, don't put it back in the mic stand, Joel. Put it back in the mic stand. All right. So, Marcus, what do you do for fun? What's some fun facts about Marcus? What the hell do I do? Shit. Let me ask you this.

Is that your real name? Well, it's Marcus, but I'm country. I always said it like that. Because I grew up in a small town in Arkansas, and I moved to the big city, Little Rock, California. And I said it, and they was like, why the fuck you say your name like that? I was like, I ain't know I was saying it wrong. You're from the country in Arkansas.

Yeah, Camden. What do your parents do? What are they like? Well, my daddy was a tree climber. A tree climber? Yeah, a nigga climb trees. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, hold up.

Come on now. Come on now. You better be funny, too. Come on. What you got? Wait a minute. What did you say? My daddy was a tree climber.

He climbed trees. He could cut them down and shit. What you got? I'm going to give you a little second. Go ahead. I don't know. I could say it. Back to you, Tony.

I don't know if I want to say it either. I'm waiting to see if Brian's just going to do a sound effect and bail us all out. Come on, Brian. Yeah, it means no worries. I know Brian raises his hands when he says them. Come on, Brian. Shit. Climbing a tree.

Oh, wow. All right. Wrong ecosystem. How about your mom? What's she like? She just does home cooking and stuff like that? Good country cooking? Lots of butter?

You trying to get my mom a donut or something? I mean, let's find out. Hey, man. Hell no. Shit. She actually, I put on Uber too. So she be Uber driving. She drives Uber too?

Yeah, I put on Uber. Why do I feel like your mom makes the best biscuits? Is there any truth to that? Does your mom make good biscuits? Is that a racist question? Is that a racist thing to say? No. That I think his mom makes good biscuits?

You trying to get me? I'm checking in with the Apollo 13. They make good biscuits. You trying to get me? I'm checking in with the Apollo 13. They make good biscuits. Thank you. Thank you. That's why it's good to have the Apollo 13. We love the Apollo 13. I don't know why I said that like Trump just then.

We love the Apollo 13. They love us. We check in with them. We love them. They do good things. Both sides. I feel like you're trying to give me the key of Tony tonight. Stop talking about my mama, Tony.

No, I'm saying good things. I think you're hiding the fact that your mom makes the very best biscuits. Mom can cook, though. Mom can throw down in that kitchen, though. What's your favorite thing that she cooks? Other than crack. Other than crack I ain't scared of you motherfucker Joel was waiting to get his revenge over there

He just couldn't wait That's right Make it funny motherfucker That's right I'm fighting for my life up here Marcus you awaken the beast over there he's a full Joelberg you told him he's been bombing for weeks

he'd get animals up alright well Marcus anything else crazy going on in your life I just got chosen on this little audition. I don't know how big this movie is. It's an independent film and shit. Yeah? Independent film.

What's your character? I'm a hustler. A hustler? I don't believe it. Like a down south hustler? Is it a southern movie? Or do you have to sound... Go for it, Tony. Do you have to do like, you have to sound Go for it, Tony.

Do you have to do like a voice? Do you have to do a character? Or do you get to play yourself, basically? What do you mean? Tony's like, how black do you need to be? So I'm looking. I might want to be that role. I'll kind of be myself on cell phone, and they fuck with my character, I guess. Your character?

Oh, my God. That is so cool. They fuck with my character. How did you get booked on that movie? They like my character work. You say shit. It's so cool. That's what the casting director said. They said, that casting director said I like how he says stuff Yeah you sound cool A bunch of white people

We like how you talk We enjoy how you fellas speak They like how I enunciate my words and shit Well Marcus What's the film? Can we be looking for it soon? What is it called? What's that film? Can we be looking for it soon? What is it called? What's that shit called?

I don't know What do How do tree climbers make money? I don't understand what they're climbing for Like Is it for charity or something? Like climbing trees? Like branches

Marcus stick with me I don't think you can fight neither Branches. Marcus, stick with me. I don't think you can fight neither. Go ahead. Stick with me. What was he? Why do you climb trees? Like you cut down branches and stuff or something? Yeah, he would cut down trees and shit, yeah.

Oh, and he would climb them first. Yeah, he would climb. He would call with it. You know, he had the little spikes and shit. You know what I'm saying? Oh, my goodness. He would come up that motherfucker like this. Wow. Does he my goodness. He come up there, motherfucker, like this hill. Wow. Does he still do that?

Yeah. Oh, now though, he's like 50, but he's still doing it. But he loves it. Yeah. He take right life risks every day. I love it. Does he have like safety ropes and things like that? Yeah, he got all that. He got the little truck and everything.

He keeps looking at me. For those of you listening to the podcast, Joel keeps removing clothing. Half naked now. Yes. Exposing the body that appears to be the end of the movie Man on the Moon with dying cancer riddled Andy Kaufman. You get less intimidating the more

clothes you take off, Joel. I don't know if that's how it's supposed to work. Yeah. Your chest just never grew, didn't it? What? You got a little ass chest, boy. Oh, I got a little ass chest? Yeah, a little ass toddler chest. You look like fucking

Suge Knight with diabetes. Wow. Oh, Jesus. Don't be the draw for that bullshit. You look like fucking Suge Knight with diabetes. Wow. Oh, Jesus. Don't be the draws for that bullshit. You look like no Suge Knight. Oh. Tattoo his ass tonight. Come on. You look like fucking Rick Ross got leukemia.

Wow. You're just saying black people and then diseases, by the way. You can't give yourself the drum thing after you say something either. It doesn't make it funnier. Jesus. Oh, it says large, large binks over here with the fucking

Star Wars shit. You son of a bitch! He's at full Jolberg. He's on on his throne the crowd is in chaos give a fuck kill me right here we have a new band leader and his name is Joel Jimenez

alright Marcus I mean you know they may make fun of the way you look but they cannot make fun of your character you look, but they cannot make fun of your character. You know what I'm saying? I think you are priceless, my friend. That's right.

It was so nice to meet you. Thanks for coming on the show. You did it. There he goes. There goes Marcus. He's on Instagram at YouKnowMarcus with three A's. Triple A in the middle of Marcus No R's

M-A-A-A-C-U-S What do you think? One quick one? Really? You guys want to go back to the bucket one more time? That lady doesn't want to But you weren't having fun in the beginning By the way, have you seen Cassandra's Halloween costume?

She's Jessica Rabbit right there Stunning Driving me crazy That is true fun in the beginning. By the way, have you seen Cassandra's Halloween costume? She's Jessica Rabbit right there. Oh, stunning. Fucking driving me crazy. That is true. My goodness. Wow. Look at that carrot. Brian has a little baby carrot underneath this table right now.

Please. Patty cake, patty cake. Alright. Keep doing it. Man, I don't know if I'm going to say this right, because with bad handwriting and a Sharpie marker, things get a little tough. I'm going to give it a shot anyway.

Andrew Gettle? Gettle? Gettle? Andrew? There he is. Oh, wow, right from the middle of the audience. This is good. This is always good.

No, no, this is definitely his first time. When they come out of the middle of the crowd, that usually means straight out of the audience. Fuck yeah. Make some noise for your final comedian of the night, Andrew Ghetto's Kill Tony debut. Yep, I'm an amputee.

Or cyborg, you know. That's cool. Well, showering should be a pretty good stress reliever, right? Right? Yeah, if you got two legs, you privileged fucks. pretty good stress reliever, right? Right? Yeah, if you got two legs, you privileged fucks. Tell you what, showering with one leg, something else. You get in there.

Once you get in, you're all on your own. You know, maybe you got a bar or something to hold on to. Maybe you just sit down. Hard to get the job, any job done, sitting on your ass. You know. Maybe you're just a fucking beast and you stand there with the strength of a flamingo. I

don't know. Fuck yeah. Was that it? You want to do more? Fuck yeah. Was that it? You want to do more? Fuck yeah. Do you have anything else or you want to be done there? I'm good. Fuck yeah. Congratulations. There you go.

Say your last name for me so that I get that right. Andrew Gettle. Andrew Gettle. Fuck yes. This is your first time on this show. Yep. And how long have you been doing stand-up? First time.

First time ever doing stand-up comedy. I love this. I love this. And for those of you listening to the podcast, he is indeed an amputee. He's got one leg. What is that just about the knee? Cyborg, I said. Hell yeah.

That's what I prefer. Hell yeah. So what happened to the leg? How'd just about the knee cyborg i said hell yeah that's what i prefer hell yeah uh so uh what happened to the leg how'd you lose the leg is that a weird question ask yeah i was gonna get into that uh i got myself into a motorcycle accident about six months ago wow so this is all new to you huh yeah yeah yeah pretty new uh uh yeah the doctors told my wife that I may never wake up. Right. If I did wake up, I'd be a vegetable possibly, and I woke up. Well, you sort of were a vegetable because you only had one root after that. Yeah.

Well, when I woke up, they cut my leg off. Ah, goddammit. They made it to your awake? Yeah, I had to make the decision actually myself because it was just all fucked right It's just gonna cut off or have it like smelly for the rest of your life or something. Oh, yeah The old smelly lake Brian, what was the decision? Andrew was a nice guy, but he had a case of the stink leg Tony Tony had a great joke, but uh But I'm stumped

There you go Where did it happen And how did it happen Motorcycle accident It's a motorcycle accident I don't remember what happened There was no witnesses What was it all Italian people

It was on like a highway I didn't see nothing. I live in a small town. I live like 15 minutes out of town. 15 minutes outside of what town? Baker City. Baker City. Yeah, it's in Oregon.

In Oregon. Yeah, far east side, way away from Portland. Wow. So you don't remember the night at all? Uh-uh. Nothing? Yeah. Do you know if you were sober maybe that day or not?

I don't remember the whole day. I mean, I went through, I had this whole side of my skull popped off. Wow. They put it in my belly for like 28 days or something. That's how they preserve it. Wow. And then they put it back on. I had a seizure.

Now I'm on all sorts of medication. Yeah, it was a pretty big deal. And yeah. Holy shit. That's awesome, man. That's fucking amazing. You're alive now. So how old are you, Andrew?

I'm 28. 28 years old. Look at you fucking living your dreams. And what do you do for work? No more nightmares. All right, Joel Berg. What do you do for work? Well, I don't work right now.

You've just been kicking it. I'm an artist, so I sculpt and paint a lot. But I did work in a... Did you do that? I designed it, yeah. That's cool. That's very cool.

You guys can't see, he's got a cool geo leg. Is it hard to get used to, or was it pretty natural when you got that? Can you take it off and show it to them? Can you pop it off? No, don't, don't, don't. Pop it off, dude. I don't want to smell.

Pop it off. Show it to them. Very tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. I'm pretty sure that's what Joel was trying to do earlier with his, he does ninja leg better than you. Fuck yeah.

There's some real kung fu going on. He's too powerful. Andrew just popped off his leg. I can't do it, Tony. Fucking awesome. Yeah, he got a solid stumping right there. I fucking love it, dude. Fatality.

Did you say you have a girlfriend? Yeah, I have a wife. I'm married. How long have you been married for? Two years. Two years. Fuck, yeah. And she stuck with you through the accident? She was fine? Yeah, she was great. Good thing you weren't married to your

left leg, you know what I'm saying? What a divorce. She could have got it in half, you know? You guys are fucking children over there. Is your wife here tonight? She's with you? Yeah, she's children over there Is your wife here tonight? She's with you? Yeah, she's right over there

Wow, look at that She's waving She only has one arm, by the way You guys are perfect for each other She's got three legs You guys are adorable Badass woman, though I mean, I was in the hospital for like 60 days

She never left the hospital She was there the whole time She'd give you any Amazing time. She give you any of the That's really sweet. She gave you two months to leave and you fucking stuck it out. She give you any of the hospital hand

jobs or anything? She ever move that fanny pack to the side and fucking I know a lot of you are wondering why would he wear the fanny pack in the hospital bed Tony? You don't know fanny pack people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were wearing it in the hospital bed, right? I was in a wheelchair for a while.

I mean, that's why I got the fanny pack. You're damn motherfucking right. So it leads me back to my question. Did she ever move it to the side? Ever fucking spit on her hand? You know, I don't. She didn't, unfortunately. Are you sure?

Maybe you just don't remember. She seems like a great chick. She may have been. She may have been. She may. She may. It's the song one. That's why it's funny.

That's how many legs you have. Does she ever. Does she ever give you foot jobs just to spite you? Well, actually I make her. Yeah, my dude. Do you tend to pop that thing off before having sex or does it sort of just come off

and you guys both giggle or something like that? Is that like a part of it? There's no laughing involved when this thing comes off. It's solid. Have you ever tried to tuck it in there? No. You guys ever 68 or whatever the fuck you would do?

That's a 71. I think she would get pretty weirded out if my stump ever got near her area. That's not true. You haven't tried it yet. World that shit up. Yeah, maybe I'll have to try. Maybe she did. Maybe she is.

I feel like she knows more about this stump than she's leading on. I feel like sometimes she might throw a finger in it at nighttime or something like that. You know what I mean? Just fucking get slippery. Did they let you keep the leg? No.

I actually asked. Yeah, they don't do it. They didn't put it in your belly with your skull or anything like that? Preserve that shit? Yeah, no, I actually asked. Yeah, they don't do it because... They didn't put it in your belly with your skull or anything like that? Preserve that shit? Yeah, no, they didn't let me. Good news, Andrew, we have your leg. Bad news is it's in your belly. Ah!

No! Ha, ha, ha. Oh, well, that's so fucking cool. Wait, you have a Mac Miller shirt on, so that means your old leg and him are both dead, right? Wow. Wow. Yep.

Yeah, that's actually why I'm in L.A. I'm going to his Celebration of Life tour. Is that true? Wow. A tour, but there's a concert at the Greek Theater. Yeah, yeah. It's a great venue. Wednesday, yeah. That's so funny. Greek Theater. It's a great venue.

Do you have an extra ticket? Jesus. It'll cost you an arm and a leg. Maybe just a leg. Honestly, yeah, the leg's doing the heavy lifting there. Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? This is my first time. How long have you been standing up?

Anything like this ever. I'm a fan of the show. My wife and I. How long have you been listening to the show? I don't know. Before the accident, I think. Up in Oregon. Did you come to see us when we were in Portland? I didn't.

No. It's about a four-hour drive. Oh, it's a four-hour drive to Portland? I didn't, no. You didn't. You're not a big fan at all. It's about a four hour drive. Oh, it's a four hour drive to Portland? Yeah, yeah. Wow. We're a lot closer to Boise. You go to Boise I think often. Yeah. Well, I've been there twice, but yeah. It's about as often as one can go to Boise.

I am, of course, at McGoobies in Baltimore at the end of November. Oh, McGoobies! It's the worst gig in the world because you have to say the word Magoobies. It's a world famous comedy club. Everybody loves it. Come hang out at Dingleberry's Comedy Club.

They have the fucking most annoying names. Do you ever feel weird when you order a chopped salad? For those of you listening to the podcast, he's talking to the guy with one leg because he feels like a chop and him could relate to one another. Yeah, thanks for breaking down the joke. It didn't get a laugh when you said it. I mean, it could have.

That wasn't a joke. If you didn't break it down. Do you have trouble ordering a Caesar salad? Yeah, whatever. All Alright, moving on. I thought mine was better, but okay. Do you have a Nomain salad? I mean, awful.

What the fuck? When you order a chicken bucket, do you order with no legs? No, I always get the legs. That was the best one. That was good. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow. So, Andrew,

you have phantom pain sometimes? You got phantom itches? Not so much. I have four nerves that kind of fire, and when I have this bucket on, maybe feels somewhat like fireworks going off or something like that I have this bucket on maybe feels somewhat like fireworks going off or something like that

but I'm on medication that you still ride a motorcycle or are you down to just a unicycle now yeah not yet okay this crowd just doesn't like good shit okay because that was fucking amazing it really was Okay, this crowd just doesn't like good shit. All right, okay. Because that was fucking amazing.

It really was. That was a really good one. You idiots. Good, good, good, good, good, good. All right, all right, Joel. Jesus Christ. Joel is overcompensating for there being no Jeremiah tonight. Dude, let's kill or be killed tonight. I don't give a fuck.

Hey, ladies. Alright, alright. Wow. So Andrew, what else is on your to-do list? Is there anything else other than Mac Miller and trying to do stand-up?

No, not really. I've been painting a lot and building stuff. I do mixed-media sculptures to hopefully get... I don't know if you ever asked me that. What I did for work is I used to make bronze sculptures,

so I was a TIG welder. Wow. Wowdy, that's cool. Yeah, so that's what I would like to do. You ever think about making yourself a bronze leg? Yeah, I have. That's a great idea think about making yourself a bronze leg? Yeah. It's pretty heavy, right? Yeah, it'd be a little ridiculous.

I don't know what bronze is because I've never been third place in anything in my life. I've never actually felt it. I love gold. Alright, well let's do it, shall we? Anything else you want to say or talk about?

No, this was awesome. Thank you. Yeah. How about the stylings of Andrew Gettle, everybody? How about making some noise for his amazing wife who stuck by him through it all, huh? And that is Kill Tony live. We did it.

Make some noise one more time for the great Andrew Santino. Look at this drawing from Ryan J. Ebelts, everybody. That's fucking incredible. Look, that's you. How about one more time for the great and powerful Andrew Santino audience? His new podcast, Whiskey Ginger, is out with guest Bobby Lee La Jolla this weekend. Next week we have Whitney Cummings, everyone. Whitney Cummings for her first time ever.

How about one more time for the first ever band leader opportunity for Jolberg? Wow. Powerful. Jolberg's on social media sites at Mostly Sorry We love you guys Thank you for coming Hell yeah, Kroma Chris, ladies and gentlemen, was here tonight A man of few words Kroma Chris, what did you think about tonight's episode?

It was very Kung-fusing a few times, Tony But I think you mastered it Alright Very kung-fusing a few times, Tony, but I think you mastered it. All right. Swansea, Massachusetts, November 9th. San Antonio, the 13th. Austin, the 14th. Houston, the 15th.

Fort Worth, Texas. Four stand-up shows and one kill. Tony on the 16th and 17th. I'm in Baltimore at Magoobies in Timonium, Maryland. Just outside of Baltimore the end of November. New Year's Eve, Dallas, Texas. And yeah, go to betdsi.com

and use the promo code KILL120 and they're going to match your initial deposit. That's good up to $1,000. One more time, that's betdsi.com, promo code KILL120, and they'll match your deposit right now. Why not go through a few bucks on some really fun things,

make the football season, make UFC, really anything. You can bet on anything. Go to betdsi.com right now and check it out. With over 20 years in the business, you can trust them and their amazing interface. Watch Andrew's special on Showtime. It's great. Please do.

Go to the Showtime. It's on the Showtime app, right? You go on the Showtime app. Yep, absolutely. Thank you so much, live audience. We love you. Hopefully we'll see you next week and again and again and again. Fun times, everybody.

Thank you. See you guys. Good night. Thank you. See you next time. Outro Music