KILL TONY - KILL TONY #31

Episode Date: January 4, 2014

Bob Oschack, Brody Stevens, Iron Patriot, Tony Hinchcliffe, Kimberly Congdon, Sara Weinshenk, Brian Redban – Date: 12/30/2013 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. This week, January 9th, 10th, and 11th, Tony and me are going to Texas. We're doing our first Death Squad tour. It's our first time in Texas bringing Death Squad. We need you guys to come out bad so we can start doing this on the regular. We're also going to have a limited edition tour poster that me and Tony will be selling for a very small price that we'll sign after the show. This is only going to be sold at these shows, and these are just for Texas. So if you're a collector of any kind, this is the first time we've done this where we've actually made a poster for a live show.

So those will be available at the show. They're limited edition edition and they're limited quantities too. So we're going to be in Houston January 9th. We're going to do a podcast and then we're going to do a comedy show right after the podcast. These are two different shows. They do

sell a ticket that lets you go to both of them for a cheaper price. So check it out. Also the following day we're going to be in Austin January 10th, the following day, we're going to be in Austin, January 10th. And then January 11th, we're going to be in Dallas. And the Austin and Dallas shows, we're going to be joined by the very funny Tiffany Haddish.

If you don't know who Tiffany is, go Google her, YouTuber Tiffany Haddish on Arsenio. She's a lot of fun, really funny, and very dirty. And so it's going to be a lot of... This is going to be a good show. I don't know what I was going to say. Anyways, please go to DeathSquad.tv for all the tickets.

And again, if you live anywhere near Texas, or if you know anyone that lives in Texas, please tell them to come out and support Death Squad. Also, don't forget shopsquad.tv. That's where you can get your limited edition Kitty Kat t-shirt and stickers. And if you

want to go to a live taping of Kill Tony, we have Death Squad night at the Comedy Store every Monday at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, California. Starts off at 8 o'clock with Kill Tony and it's followed by the Ding Dong Show. Both shows are free, so please check us out there also.

And don't forget to subscribe to us on iTunes. Just search for Death Squad. Hit subscribe and don't forget to rate and review all the shows that we do here at Death Squad. Alright, and now here's a brand new episode, Kill Tony. Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Fuck yeah, everybody. Hi, how are you? Good to be here, everybody. Hi, how are you? Good to be here, everyone. What another lovely Monday, episode 31 of Kill Tony. Brian, how's it going? Great. I am almost done. I have the old DeskWad studio.

DeskWad started in my office. And then when I moved to the Ice House, I pretty much abandoned a room in my house, used it as storage. I haven't been in it in a year and a half. I remember that room. That was the first podcast I ever did was Brody Stevens' first podcast,

the Brody Stevens Experiment. It was the first one I had ever even dabbled with and that was crazy and that was definitely at your place in a tiny room. It turned into where my cat lived and shit and puked. And I couldn't even look inside to see if the cat was alive anymore.

And so I've been like just, you know, it's been one of those things in the back of my head where I'm just like, God damn, I need to clean that room one day. Did you do it? Yeah. I spent the last three days cleaning that room. So what's the room now? Now it's a new studio, I guess. So I have another studio. But it's great.

It's amazing how like a room that I hated for so long, now I can't get out of it. I just love sitting in there now because it's the cleanest room. It was a fun little studio. The art and everything being tightened in. That was fun. I'm excited about New Year's Eve

being tomorrow night, guys. Anybody else excited for 2014? Yes. I'm excited about New Year's Eve being tomorrow night, guys. Anybody else excited for 2014? Yeah. I'm excited, and I'm extra excited because today my new Asics came in. If you know me, you know that I'm a big Asics fan. On its Suka Tigers till I die. And I have, you know, a couple people have mentioned that my nickname is the Golden Pony, I have, you know, a couple people have mentioned that my nickname is the Golden Pony, and I have my first ever golden pair of Asics that got delivered today.

It was so hard for me not to wear them tonight, but I'm debuting them tomorrow night. I mean, they are fucking sweet. They're wrestling shoes, and they are shiny gold. What do you wear that with? I'm wearing it with everything. Short jean shorts? Yeah, I'm wearing it with everything that I wear. I've already thought about that. I'm like, these are not going to go good with

khakis, but fuck it. They're going to rock with jeans tomorrow night. You should dazzle them up. They cannot be. Wait until you see these things. If I put dazzles on it, it would just lame it down. These things are fucking obnoxious. On the bottom of it, it's all stars, like

gold and black stars, and it says dream it, do it. i don't even know what it means but i'm excited i'm inspired by my own pair of shoes wow um so yeah it'll be fun 2014 we have some crazy gigantic guests coming in for kill tony in the next year that are very excited to do it um you know tony clifton is coming in very early January 2014, which is unbelievable to me because that was one of the big things that got me into comedy was Andy Kaufman

and Bob Zmuda and Tony Clifton and that whole team of risk takers. It's going to be interesting seeing Tony on this show because I can't even imagine how his, like when a comic does their one minute, what he's going to say. Oh my god, I cannot fucking wait. It's going to be ridiculous. I just have dreams about it, of

excitement. Like sometimes I just wake up with a smile on my face thinking about what it's going to be like. Who are you going to team them up with? You should get like a Holtzman or something. I have no idea. Right, that's what I'm going to do. The night the Comedy Store belly room exploded. We got a storm trooper in the audience today.

Hey, look at that. All the way from the planet Death Star, everybody. Put your hands together for confused stormtrooper, it appears. I like that. I wish more people wore costumes. Iron Patriot is here, the head of security. Put your hands together for him. Patriot, are you threatened by the stormtrooper in the corner? No, that's a cheap costume. Oh!

No, he didn't. And it has begun. I see that down on Hollywood Boulevard every day. I thought I'd get a break from it when I come down here, and it's even here now. Fuck yeah. That's why you're the number one Iron Patriot. Look at that death glare from the stormtrooper.

Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. You guys are going to have a battle of the plastic later. Yeah. It's going to sound like fucking I don't know what. We had a good year, Tony. I'm looking forward to 2014.

I live a clean life, so I don't need to make any New Year's resolutions. But you, on the other hand, you're trying to stop smoking completely. I think Wednesday the 1st would be a good day for you to stop completely. I quit smoking cigarettes. I'm just on this vapor pen now, and I really like it. I'm just going to stick with this for a while. No, I think you should stop that. No, I'm not going to. I think he's right. No, I think you should stop that. No, I'm not going to.

I think he's right. No, I'm not going to. That still has nicotine. I know you're weaning yourself off, but it's time to get off the tip. Patriot, I really appreciate your advice, but you can go fuck yourself. I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want.

I think you should start smoking cigarettes again. I bet you do. I miss my smoking buddy. We had a lot of fun smoking cigarettes together. Yeah, it really sucks when your smoking buddy leaves you. Well, I know, but I'm a chain smoker, Brian, and it's already bad enough. And I'm not? No, I know.

We could be chain smokers together. And we inspired each other. Sometimes I'd be done with a cigarette, like I'd be ready to go inside, and you'd light up another one, and I'm just like, I wouldn't say alright, I'm not going to have another one. I would just smoke another one. We're bad for each other. I know, man. We're bad. By the way, whose

miscellaneous cell phone is up here? Somebody lose a cell phone? Josh? Anyone want a cell phone? It looks like... Oh, really? Okay. Anyway, I'm very excited about tonight's show we have two awesome guests uh you guys ready

to get this thing started or what fuck yeah people um i'm so excited about tonight for our first guest uh he is a writer on the late late show with craig ferguson more importantly he's one of my favorite comedians in the world. Super fucking awesome, hilarious guy. I remember hearing about him and then getting to see him. I heard his reputation. People are like, you don't know Bob Oshak, this and that, when I first started working the door here. And when I saw him, he blew my fucking mind to shreds. I'm so excited that he's on the show. Put your hands together for Bob Oshak is here. Bob Oshack is here. And the other guests, the star of Enjoy It, every Sunday on Comedy Central.

Ladies and gentlemen, one of my best pals in the world, Stephen Brody. Stephen is here. You got it. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Brody and Bob. Bob and Brody. You got it. Push and believe.

Push and believe. Bob, how you doing, buddy? I'm super excited to be here. It's my very first, I told you this on the phone earlier in the day when I sounded a little shaky. Yeah. It's my first podcast. Bob Oshak.

First podcast. Really? Thank you. What's up with the depressed fourth row back there? Why aren't you guys in there? They're looking behind them. podcast. Bob Oshack! First podcast. What's up with the depressed fourth row back there? Why aren't you guys in there? They're looking behind them. No, it's you guys. Yeah. Get into it, you motherfuckers. How have you escaped

not doing a podcast living in this town? Seriously. I'm just old, I guess. I don't know. I don't even fully understand what we're doing here. This is on the radio of some sort? But only a computer radio. But, you know, half of this it's not schtick. It's genuine.

I'm genuinely confused and scared right now. And then you've got that in here and I don't know what the fuck is going on. Can I talk to you, Bob? Yes, sir. I did some research on you today. Of course you're the writer on the Late Late Show with Greg Ferguson. Thank you.

You guys got this skeleton robot named Jeff Peterson. That is true, yes. He's pretty cool. He's not as awesome as me, but nobody can be. But anyway, do you write any of the funny things that he says? That robot. Anything the robot says? Yeah.

A few things here and there. For the most part, he kind of comes up with that himself, just like you're coming up with this brilliance on your own. Thank you. That was a good question, Patriot. Oh, that was good. I thought it was a pretty good... Go ahead, Patriot.

Let me talk to you, Brody. Sure. Okay, Brody, this is the third time you've been on Kill Tony. You must be doing something right. Yeah. I've been on Kill Tony. You must be doing something right. Yeah, I've played my cards smart, smart cards, and I know that good things have been happening up here. I had a great time, and I knew that hopefully Tony would get me back in, and that day is tonight.

Thanks. Yeah, you got the TV show going. That's exciting. You got a new podcast thing, Positive Push, on YouTube. I was watching that today. You got that? You did a recent episode of Red Band. It was really good.

Brian was on. A lot of hits. Positivity. Yeah. The one thing that seems to be missing from your life is that special lady. Now, what I want to know is what kind of woman do you think would make Brody happy? Would she go on the road with you? Would she be an extrovert like you?

Would she be 10% gay? What would she be like? I hope she's 10% gay. That's, you know, what I'm saying. Maybe 20%. I'm into that. On her end. I would say that I am the tweets I'm receiving, the at replies, the women are

they've become more attractive recently. Yeah. So I'll let that build up a little bit. Yeah. But, you know, I think the girl I'd like to settle with has got to be, you know, a common influence. Scratches, massages.

She's got to. Scratches. Yeah. Hope Cook. You like to go choky? I just think, what's that? You like to get choked? No.

Choked? Yeah. She can choke my chicken. Whoa, there you go. I'm doing bits, guys. No, but I want a girl who would take care of me. I need that. I'm too hard on myself.

And that's what I'm looking for, a domesticated woman. Thank you. Fuck yeah. That's how I feel. So you use Twitter as a barometer on that, huh? So you used Twitter as a barometer on that, huh? Well, you could see the photos, and these girls are more attractive than what I was getting before on there. It's actually tangible, factual evidence.

And that feels good. This is how surreal this whole thing is. I've been up here, what, seven minutes, six minutes? I just now noticed the full Stormtrooper guy. That's how odd. Usually that's something you notice right away. In this kaleidoscope of psychedelic funk, I just now noticed the guy.

How you doing? I love it. It really is. It's got to be different. And you probably heard the word podcast so many times. You really do have the big celebrities here. Just a couple people down. Look who it is in the stand, ladies and gentlemen. It's D to be different. You probably heard the word podcast so many times. You really do have the big celebrities here. Just a couple people down. Look who it is in the stand, ladies and gentlemen.

It's Darius Rucker. It's Hootie from Hootie and the Bulls. Hootie, everybody. Guys, right next to him, you love him, podcast icon Chris Hardwick is here. I saw that, too. I noticed that. That's funny. I'll come up with more as we get there. You got it.

The nerdest here. He really is a who's who of host of At Midnight where I work. There you go. The crowd warm-up. Well, yeah, I warm crowds. Thanks, Tony. Wait. Actually, I like to do an audience warm-up.

You know, they offered me to do it tonight. I said, Red Band, this crowd's so hot, and they get it. They don't need to be warmed up. They understand the format. They're here to see the show. They know how it works. And I say, let's push it to another level and have a great show tonight. What do you think, audience?

Hell, yeah. Professional. Is that all you got? Is that all you got? I'm excited, too. Let's crank this thing. I'm excited, too. Bob, you do warm up at Ferguson, right?

I do. I do. I do warm up at Ferguson, right? I do. I do. I do warm up at Ferguson. You're taking that gig from me. I don't have the energy. I just give out T-shirts. And there might be a few in the mix if we play our cards right, people. I love it.

The Kill Tony T-shirts could be launched here tonight. Look at the page. Let me ask you a question. Can I ask one question, Tony? Yeah. It's kind of weird to me how I'm saying stuff, I keep it right here in the pocket, and then I do a little bit of that,

and I'm not getting, just being honest, done a lot of shows. One hour in the main room. 20 minutes last night with Bill Burr and Sarah Silverman. They gave me energy. I'm not feeling it here. So we gotta pick it up a notch, or're going to get Brody being irritated.

So let's go. You got to give me some love. What do you think, audience? I'm not feeling it. Still not feeling it. Not feeling it. Not feeling it. Why are you not clapping?

I'll warm up myself. It's horse shit That's how I feel You know what I'm I'm gonna second what Brody said I'm not feeling it either So We could just pick it up

I got some t-shirts If anybody wants Two different approaches same result There you go I'm so excited to have you two on because the chemistry, I feel like, is definitely going to balance each other well. So what do you say we get this thing started? Over 30 comedians signed up for the opportunity to do one minute in front of a packed belly room and tens of thousands of listeners and viewers from around the world. We have people from Alaska here tonight.

Put your hands together for this guy. Traveled from the middle of Alaska to be here. I played baseball in Fairbanks. North Pole Knicks. That's where he lives. Fairbanks. That's what he told me. I saw Juno.

I saw Juno. Bought a LL Cool J cassette. Mama said knock you out. In Fairbanks, Alaska. Went to you out. In Fairbanks, Alaska. Went to Sizzler in Fairbanks, Alaska. Welcome. So a lot of you know that the comedians get picked out of the bucket randomly. They get to do one minute.

At the end of that minute, they know they're done because they hear the sound of the meow of a kitty. That's what it sounds like. And that means your time's wrapped up. Don't go too long or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. He seems extra angry tonight. So let's get this thing started. Your first comedian tonight doing one minute on... You guys ready for Kill Tony 31?

Very good, Brody. That is a difference maker. Brody, you are a monster. And your first comedian tonight goes by the name of David Ramek, everybody! Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Fuck yeah.

Well, thank you for letting me up here, Tony. This is my first time, so thanks a lot. Have you ever heard this expression? Baby, I'm going to fuck the shit out of you. Whoa. Yeah, that's what women like to hear. Baby, the sex with me is going to be so fantastic, I'm going to cleanse your colon.

Huh? You're going to have the greatest bowel movement you've ever had in your life. You're going to be sitting there and you've ever had in your life. You're gonna be sitting there and go, woo, he really did fuck the shit out of me. Here's a joke for you. What do you call 12 male porn stars serving jury duty? Why, a well-hung jury,

of course. And what does BP and the welfare have in common? All it took was one spill to be paying for a mistake the rest of their life. Very good.

I haven't heard the animal. Thank you, people. Very good. I haven't heard the animal. There it is. Thank you. Thank you, people. Okay, he went up first. Good job. Put all that, Tony.

You want to go? You have any natural instincts? I think you're probably the one to cover this one, bro. I mean, from the get-ready. I'll just start and get up. Guys, I want to say this. Audience, thank you for coming around. I had to put the hammer down, and I think we're good.

Bob and I are very – we're everyone's friends up here. I like you made fun of yourself. You did the joke. I just – the F word, the F word up front. It's a little whatever, but then you said, I'll tell you a joke. That was funny. I don't know if you intentionally meant to do the FFF. Hey, I'll tell you the joke. So that was funny.

First time, so I give you credit for that. Keep doing it. You know, I thought you did okay. You got it. I will be honest, I was a little nervous going up there. And you went first. It's not easy. We're all nervous when you got up here.

Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up? Talking to the mic. Four years. Where are you from? Originally? Connecticut. How long have you been here?

Newtown? 16 years now. Too soon. Fuck yeah. It's all about delivery. It's all about delivery. It's all about delivery. What's your name, Dave? Yeah.

Dave? Yeah, you've got the delivery down. I mean, just find out... I'm literally pulling this out of my ass, Dave, as I talk to you, because you're looking at me and I'm scared. I saw... The thing is, lift your jacket, just the right flap

of your jacket. He should show that. That's something he's got to show off a little bit. No, he shouldn't show that, because I saw that through his jacket flap there, I thought, oh God, he's wired with explosives. And that terrified me. Double bombing. Keep, yeah. Tony! I like it, though. I like it. That's what I do.

That was funny. Did you guys notice he has the cum stains on his pants? Yeah, those are blatant. I like it though I like it That's what I do That was funny Harry Did you guys notice he has the cum stains on his pants Yeah those are blatant Let me see Are you talking

Yeah How can you He said Is your zipper down Red Band said that about the cum stains on his pants I was like

how can Red Band see my pants Oh Was those last two jokes because it seemed like the last two were just you know like street jokes Were those your jokes or did you just do two jokes, because it seemed like the last two were just street jokes.

Were those your jokes, or did you just do two jokes? Have you heard those before? No, I don't know if I ever told those jokes before. I thought of them myself. The well hung? Yeah. That's a good bit. It's a very good joke.

It's a very good joke. Dave, who cares? I'm kidding. It's Dave, right? Yeah. Who cares? Do you care what anyone has to say right now? Do you really care what anyone has to say?

There's a correct response to this question, by the way. I'm just going to let you know. There is a correct response. Do you care really what we have to say? Yes, I do. Wrong answer. Fuck no. Fuck us.

Fuck these people. Listen to what's in that heart of yours, Dave. Dave, I say listen to me. I'm Jewish. Don't listen to anyone. Listen to me. Listen to me. 818 till I die.

I know Jews, okay? Trust me. Arizona State in a holiday bowl. I get it. okay? Arizona State in the Holiday Bowl. I get it. University of Texas just lost the Alamo Bowl. Their coach got fired. Our coach is fired. Do you think Mack Brown cares?

Fuck no. Of course, he just got fired, so who cares? Go for it, Dave. Don't listen to anyone. Continue wearing affliction shirts and go kick ass. You got it? I love it. Get the fuck out of here.

Make the world your bitch, Dave. David Ramek, everybody. I love it. Get the fuck out of here. Make the world your bitch, Dave. David Ramek, everybody. I love it. We're already bolting along. He's David Ramek on Twitter. R-A-M-I-C. For those of you that want to follow that. I am taking notes. David, what's the last song

that you listened to on that iPod that you have? What was the last thing? Wow. See that? That was the last thing? Wow. See that? That's what I'm talking about. Limp Bizkit. There we go. That cum shit, it's embarrassing though because I wear the shirt that I live next to a Starbucks

so I'll wear the same shirt that I went to sleep in the next morning to Starbucks and a lot of times that same shirt's usually a to sleep in the next morning to Starbucks. And a lot of times, you know, that same shirt's usually like a cum rag, you know, and stuff like that. And it's just embarrassing. I've talked about this before. Yeah, you mentioned it last week, exactly seven days ago,

you talked about this same shirt on the walk to Starbucks. Right now, even Dave Rannick is saying about you, Red Bandit, ooh, that guy's creepy. As he scrapes dried cum off of his pants. No, he really did have it. And his fly was down. That was a good observation. Dave, was your fly down?

You want to go check? Maybe it's part of the character. All right, let's give Dave a nice hand. Win up first. That's a tough spot. It is a tough spot. Opening. He's opening.

It's a very tough spot. Patriot, how are you doing over there? Are you feeling comfortable? I'm doing good. I think you guys covered that pretty well. Do you guys have a bit that you used to do when you first started out that maybe you're embarrassed you did? Or is it something that you don't find funny anymore and you can't believe that you ever said it to an audience? There was this joke about a well-hung jury I used to do.

No, I don't know about you. I used to come on stage. I used to do a character when I first started out on stage. I called him Steve Taft. And I would wear a toboggan and glasses and I would smoke on stage and I would come up to Europe's Final Countdown. You countdown you know that song and I do a kick right when the music hit that crescendo yeah I had no jokes it was all attitude and I don't

know if I was like possibly like people may think it was some sort of parody of someone rather than it was just shit right but it was actually just shit and that's where your comedy really started the first of the first thing it was it was doing a character yeah self-exploration that's where your comedy really started. The first thing you did in comedy was a character. It's all about self-exploration. That's why I was telling Dave. It's all about self-exploration. Not the type of self-exploration that leads to stains

on your pants. More of the artistic type. That's amazing to me that you started out just doing a character with no jokes. In this exact room. How long have you been in the Writers Guild now? I mean, now you're a full-time writer. In this exact room. And now you're locked. How long have you been in the Writer's Guild now? I mean, now you're a full-time writer. In this room,

I used to, on this very stage, I used to perform in front of deathly silence. My, how the times have changed. That's a joke about how you guys are quiet. No, no.

No, they're good. They're getting good. They're getting good. Brody, how about you? Are cringe moments you're talking about? Like early things? Well, maybe cringe moments. maybe just something that you...

Can you ask me the question? What's the official question? Okay, the official question is, do you remember any joke that you may have done in the very, very beginning of your career that maybe you're embarrassed about or ashamed that you did or that got silenced? Well, I still do pretty much every joke that I started with

20 years in. I don't leave them. I take them with me. There's stuff that I've done definitely that I think early on, looking at my early on cable access show, I've seen things and said things.

But it's all about learning. I don't look at it as a negative. It's like you've got to break some eggs to make an omelet, quoting the great Jeff Ross. So it's like it's all good. You gotta fail. You gotta have these moments. So I hate to sound like a preachy coach, but

those are good. Bad sets are actually good for you. You learn from them. I was just telling somebody, one of the comedians asked me if there's a workbook that I would recommend and I said no, that you just have to go out and do the open mics for exactly that reason. If it goes well, great, but if you fail, then that's even better because you get to learn how to stay in the pocket for longer.

When you're first starting out being a quarterback, I'm sure it's very scary watching those linebackers come at you. The Drew Breezes and the Tom Bradys and the Peyton Mannings, they wait that extra second for that receiver to get extra open because they know that a hit really doesn't hurt that bad. The pads were made so that you can take that hit, so you can stay in the pocket and get ready for it because that's how you make big plays.

Well, I think because they practice hard. Peyton, I mean, they're dedicated to football. Like Kobe, well, he's older now, but these guys are dedicated to it so they can stay in the pocket. It's like being a comedian on stage with jokes. You stay in the pocket, not because you're not going to get hit. I mean, you could. You just move it like Matrix, like Yoda. That's what you do.

So it really is jokes and stage time, period. That's what you start with, and then you go from there. time. Period. That's what you start with and then you go from there. Comedy is a filthy horrendous wench that you have to give your soul to and by no means

is it guaranteed that she'll give you that love back. True. I don't know about your soul but I would say your time. I would say time. I want people to think about that for a second. If we could just wait a couple more seconds and just let people

take that in. If any of you want that cross-stitched on a throat pillow, I'd sell them out of the trunk of my 98 Honda. Oh my god. I love this. Let's go. We're supposed to critique people. Your second comedian tonight goes by the name of Cat Eyes.

Why does that sound familiar? Is it related to Cat Williams? Cat Eyes. Where is Cat Eyes? Is that Cat Eyes? Cat Eyes taking his time, I do believe, from beeping the gullet.

Here he is. Cat Eyes, everybody. Cat Eyes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, check him out. I like it Oh, yeah. Yeah, check them out. I like it. Fuck yeah. I already like it.

How y'all doing? I'm very well. Thank you, Cat Eyes. I was back there asleep. Sorry. Y'all woke me up. I'm feeling good. Okay.

What do y'all want me to do? Is this Kevin Hart's uncle? What? It's a joke. We're kidding. Go ahead. Go ahead, Cat Eyes. Okay.

Is that my joke? You got 37 seconds of stand-up. Okay. Online dating. I'm still working on that, so online dating. Everybody got good stories, bad stories when it comes down to online dating. So fellas out here,

let me tell you one of my dates that I went out on. Be careful because the lady that you do meet online, when they have a profile, they have 25 pictures up there of their ass on that profile. They want you to concentrate on that. Only the booty. They. They want you to concentrate on that. Only the booty. They don't want you to concentrate on whether you have a brain, whether you...

That was actually cat eyes. Continue. Go ahead. You took a lot of time on the front, but let's see where you're going. They show you their booty. The booty and everything. But the women that you might want in your life is the one you don't pick on profile. Because, you know, they take your time to put on the profile things.

You know, the nice good questions. You say, well, you know, what do you like to do for fun? The lady that you might not pick, you know, I like to go out for fun. I like to be with the man I love. I love to just go out there and just be in love with the man and whoever I'm dating. Yeah, we're really not getting anywhere. It's been a minute 36 and still no punchline. I know it's a long one.

It's a long one. It really is. And it's too long. So let's start figuring out what's going on here. Are you really online dating? Yeah. How's it going? what's going on here. Are you really online dating? Yeah. How's it going? I have a bigger question.

Do you really work at some sort of medical care facility? I think I've officially been more scared than by Dave's explosives. I work at a colonoscopy clinic. Okay. Oh, now see? I feel like this is a setup. Deliver the punch now. Go, cat eyes, go!

Slug us with a right hook. You guys might be laughing about a colonoscopy clinic, but it's the only job I know. It's a shitty job, but somebody got to do it. There you go right there. There it is. That's what we were waiting for. That's what we were waiting for.

And I know where you're going with that, Bob. Okay. Okay. Bob, he's joking, but he's right. It's like you, the first thing you know, it's like you're in your scrubs. You got the tennis shoes, all that stuff. I don't – I mean, maybe you're just raised here, but it is who you are. I mean, you work at that place.

Right. So that's – I'm not saying be a character and go with that guy, but I could see a little bit of traction on that. Yeah. I could see that. Go with what your reality is. And, you know, you've got a good personality. You can talk, so it's like the jokes, look, they need some help. But you've got to laugh, you've got to look,

and Bob is like saying, write for that. And then see what happens, and then you start getting more comfortable with yourself and all that. Cat eyes, do me a favor. Here's what I mean by how much your physical appearance affects audience expectations. Okay? This is what I mean. Turn and look at that row of people right up there on that second row.

I want you to guess which of those six people on that front row is probably going to do jokes about the Death Star. Just by looking at it. That's how much people judge based on physical appearance. Play into that. Steer into that, okay? That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Another thing that I love about your outfit is that that isn't a work badge on hanging there. That's a tap card. That's an actual bus pass. I like that.

But the ID is on it. It's inside of it. Do you take the bus to the colonoscopy clinic? Yeah. There's more comedy. Heck yeah. What the ID is on, is in the inside of it. Do you take the bus to the colonoscopy clinic? Yeah. There's more comedy. Heck yeah. What about, I mean, think about it.

You got to look up people's assholes for a living. I mean, it's like. That's funny. See? There you go. You see what I'm saying? It makes more sense when he's in the scrubs. Think about the doctors that I work with.

Just imagine when they was like little bitty kids, you know, in the classroom. And, you know, the kids say, well, what you want to be when you grow up? I want to look up people's assholes for a living. It's really like witnessing the birth of Jesus right now. It really is. This is a whole, I think we've all learned. I actually feel like I should charge you a fee for how much we're helping you discover your comic persona right now. Isn't this what Mitzi's daughter makes money doing?

Yeah, I'm telling you. This is what it's all about right now. Oh, thank you. Tap into that reality. Stop talking about stuff that pissed you off about not getting a damn date. I'll tell you what, Cat Ice. I think that's sort of evident. Like Bob said, tap card

into reality. I mean, tap into reality. You got it. You should have gotten a bigger laugh. Everything I do, laugh at. Why upset me? You think I'm wrong? Were you above pink dot for two weeks? Don't anger me.

You could talk about dating, how hard it is to date. Like you go home and you smell like your job. Yeah, I smell like my job. But I mean, you can't pick up no date at a nightclub. Why not? You know what I mean? Think about it. I mean, I got to tell them.

I don't want to tell them that I look at people's assholes and assist looking at people's assholes. You know, I can just tell them. Does every girl you date? I'm not getting the kick out of this asshole starts to suck. You don't even look at him. You assist. I just assist.

Does all your ex-girlfriends complain of me guy all the time? You gotta work up to the asshole, I think is what he's saying. That's actually a good bit right there. What this guy's saying. That you need to work... You actually don't even get to look at the assholes. You assist the guy looking at the assholes.

That's how you know that's your career apex is the asshole. The closest you get it is on a good day you might catch a whiff. That's sort of like the same thing. You know, if the date don't work out, you're an asshole. Maybe you'll eventually...

Can we put a cap on the word asshole? I mean I keep hearing asshole Let's be positive First thing you'll want to do is switch it to anal Thank you Which is amazing because maybe you'll meet a girl there And you know that's pretty backwards Like not many relationships start at

The butthole Yeah A lot of people work their way up to that The looser the butt, the bigger your chance. Okay. Exactly. You can really tell by how... I feel like this is therapy or something.

It is. We should be wearing scrubs. How much we're helping you right now. Do people ever go in there and just don't wash their ass, and you're just like, really? You know we're going to look in your ass. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, all right. You know, now, when one patient came in and we have to interview them to find out whether it's a... Did you clean yourself out? That's the main thing so we can be able to look all around. Because they're supposed to give themselves a... What do they call that? Minimal.

Minimal. Or they give some type of juice type of stuff. A cleanse. Yeah, it's called semen. Okay. Okay. But, yeah. Let's move this thing along. type of stuff. A cleanse. Yeah, it's called semen. Okay. Okay. But yeah, they have to

move this thing along. But I remember one time one of the doctors asked the patient, you know, Is this going to take a minute 37?

No. No. Okay. No, it's not. But it asked the patient, you know, do you drink alcohol? Look, listen.

Okay, we're listening. We're listening, cat eyes. I don't know why. Is that your name at the clinic, by the way? We were paging cat eyes Just picture some doctor Cat eyes, cat eyes Cat eyes, help me with this

Call yourself brown eyes That's funny You got it Cat eyes, great job Thank you Talk about working at the proxmox I feel like we actually helped that guy. Yeah, totally.

I feel like we helped him. He seemed to be on a theme of anal tonight because that other guy was telling that joke he's going to fuck the shit out of her. There you go. Very good observation there, Patriot. Now I know why the Iron Patriot is here. Yes, exactly.

He finds themes through the show. All right, that's good. He's a master of tone. That's very good. Brody, you're pushing along. Cat Eyes said asshole a lot. It was a lot of a-hole.

I like what he got. I like what he's doing. I want to get more comedians up here. Crank out more comedians. I agree with that. Your next comedian tonight goes by the name of Mike Menendez. Here he comes.

Butthole surfers. Football season's over. For my team, I'm a Miami Dolphins fan. And I'm going to tell you something. What is it? Ouch. Ouch, right? I'm going to tell you something.

I love football. I love it to death. But I hate Breast Cancer Awareness Month in the NFL. All the pink shit that they wear. The pink cleats, the pink wristbands. You know, everything. The pink logos. And it's not because I'm a fan of breast cancer.

I'm not a fan of breast cancer. If you have it, get out of here. Get rid of it. Now. But I am a fan of equality in sports. And there's no male equivalent in female sports. There's no testicular cancer awareness month in the WNBA. Where every game is

played with two balls. That's not a thing. But that would be a great idea. And you're probably looking at me saying, that's ridiculous. That's absolutely a thing. But that would be a great idea. You're probably looking at me and saying, that's ridiculous. That's absolutely ridiculous. Fuck you. It would double the score of every game. Testicular Cancer Awareness Month. You see the scores?

My God, the Sparks scored 125 points today. Check it out. We got it just in time. Thank there we go thank you guys appreciate it interesting i'm gonna tell you what that first of all i like that if you you're the first person tonight to come out with any premise whatsoever um so that's exciting that's a very good start uh let me give you a great note, something that I noticed from the very beginning was when you said you were a Miami Dolphins fan,

you're getting into your thing, you're just getting cozy. Somebody goes, and you lost connection. You were just building the bottom level of this sandcastle. You know, that's so important, this foundation. We're just meeting you. We're in your first 10 seconds, somebody just says something ransom stupid sports shit

and then you you're out for a second you lose your oxygen like it's just like a total disconnect it might not seem like it but i can notice those things and you know it it's that much bigger of a difference by the time you're really into it because then people don't feel like you're a pushover, like that you're mendable if you stayed in the pocket on that and just ignored whatever that was because it was nothing anyway. All it was was a speed bump that you didn't even need to acknowledge whatsoever. And you knew you had a minute. So it's just a little something, but it's actually much bigger than it seems. Brody, you're nodding, right? I agree with you. I notice I go,

I know you only have a minute and a half or whatever, but yeah, I noticed it, so took you out of the game a little bit. You just ignore that. Saying the sports team is also just going to get you people yelling at you. Fuck yeah, bro! The one thing that I ever tell people

when they go, what do you want me to say? This happens every night. Somebody goes, hey, I'm bringing you they go, what do you want me to say when you're Britain? This happens every night. Somebody goes, hey, I'm bringing you up tonight. What do you want me to say? I go, just don't mention that I'm from Ohio State. I don't tell them what to say. I just tell them what not to say.

Because a big-time host here, Frazier Smith, loves college football. And he loves saying, this guy's a big Buckeye. And so before I even get up there, I hear guys in the OR going, boo, fuck this guy. You know what I mean? It's like, fuck. I haven't even gotten up there yet. They could have really liked me,

but fuck. And by the way, I'm a Dolphins fan. But that doesn't fucking matter. Nobody gives a shit in comedy. Just say you're a football fan. Right. I love the NFL.

I'm sad that it's coming to an end. I'm excited about playoff. Acknowledge the sport. Don't get too specific or else you're going to get haters out of the wazoo. But let's also remember these guys are going to do it. I'm going to let Bob pick it up. If they're in a tough situation, do 90 seconds. So everything's amplified. It's 60. It's one minute. Okay. So even more

so. But they're still good. This is the reality. You're doing a minute here. So if a guy talks, everyone knows, ignore that guy. Push through. What's your name again? Is it Dave? Steven.

Mike. Mike. Mike. Okay. I think I speak for everybody at this table. I don't really... The material's going to come. Whatever.

Feel what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? Are you having fun up there? Yeah. Because you looked a little like you weren't really having fun. I'm a bit out of it today. Yeah, it's okay. We all are.

I'm in an unhappy marriage. You know what I mean? Like, seriously, we're considering a trial separation. But you know what? I'm up here, and I'm, you know... People sometimes think I have Down syndrome. I smile so much. But let me tell you something.

That is a shortcut to immediate likability. And half the battle on this stage is likability. 90%... If you're likable, you have a lot better advantage of masking a lack of material or anything else than if you're not likable. Okay? Feel what you're saying. Experience what you're saying. But have fun.

You seemed a little somber. But he warmed up. I noticed when he started that last 30 seconds, he got a little more confident. You know what I'm saying? Feel what you're saying, right? Feel it. Experience. Have fun.

Fuck it, man. You already separated yourself from 95% of the world by just getting on stage tonight. Totally. And giving this a whirl. Totally. You already have. Totally. That's fucking something to celebrate. Look who's next to you. Goddamn Iron Patriot.

Yep. There's a stormtrooper here. And you made him laugh because I saw his shoulders go like that. Yeah. Look, he's laughing right now. He's laughing right now. And they're trained killers. Yeah.

So think about that. Something happened at about 30 or 40 seconds into that when you moved the mic stand a little bit more to the side, you took more of a step up, you had gotten one laugh, like Brody said, and you were in it. So what this is, is you've got to remind yourself what happened in that 30,

35 second mark, that laugh that you got that pushed you even more, that you were ready to come out again because you landed a big punch. It's like the UFC, you know. When a fighter lands a big punch and you see that other guy wobble, you see that other fighter like, holy shit, I'm going to do this right now, and they just start throwing punches. That's what you, I could tell you were just about to,

you were sort of just getting into it, and then you actually realized that you had nothing better than the original two balls thing. But there was something in your physical motions that got powerful there at the end before you trickled out. The trick that I think they're both saying is being able to figure out what clicked at that 30-35 seconds

from the beginning. How do you open with that kind of stepping up to the edge and really delivering something you believe in? I said it and I was out of it. Right. But feel like you got that laugh before you even get that laugh and it'll make that laugh even harder by the time you get that laugh. And I want to say one thing.

Don't take this the wrong way. Shoes good, pants good, shirt not good. No. You're wearing a Nike shirt from Sports Authority. It threw me off a little bit. And then I saw it was Nike. I was disappointed. But good shoes, good pants.

Let's get a nicer shirt. You got a look. You got a Jonah Hill thing going on. Go with it. This could be an endorsement situation. Are you endorsed by Nike? I'm not endorsed at all by Nike. I just want to clarify.

Division 1 baseball. Who were you guys sponsored by when you played baseball? Pony. Golden Pony. They make Pony. They're owned by Puma. I think he's right. Golden Pony. Do they make Pony? They make Pony. Don't insult Pony. I'm not insulting Pony. They're owned by Puma.

I think he's right. What's your point? Is Mike giving you shit right now? Let's find out. Go ahead, Mike. I'm not giving you shit. Keep going. I'm just asking.

Defensive number one mistake. Mike, relax. I agree with Brody's note. Lose the swoosh. It's not personal. Just don't do it. Mike Menendez, everybody. There he goes.

I love ponies. Respect. Mike's great. Great job, Mike. Good. Good hug. That was a nice moment. This is a trespasser.

You lost your phone? We got it. Josh has it. Josh. Josh, I heard that. Go that way. Get out of here. Go to the back.

Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the back. What are you doing? Okay. Get the fuck out of here. Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the back. Go to the back. What are you doing? Okay. Get the fuck out of here. Why are you here? Move.

Move out of the way. There you go. Is this why we have cameras? Get him out all the way. Get him out all the way. Get him out all the way. Get him out all the way out of the building. That kid was tweaking. Josh, all the way out of the building.

Josh, put him in a chokehold. Now. It was fine. Here's what I think we all learned. What the fuck was that? No, but here's the thing that I really, really enjoyed out of that whole experience. The head of security stood there and didn't do a goddamn thing.

He never does. Thank you, Iron Patriot. He never does. He truly is the next Chewy Castro. Bob, let me explain. I've got to stay in position here where my mic is. Gotcha. I'm here to do some podcasting.

Gotcha. I get it. We call him the head of security. The truth is that he can't move. He takes the bus. Bob, he literally takes the bus here because he has to stand up the entire time because he can't

sit down. I'm sorry. What just happened? I don't understand what that was. My adrenaline just started. My body, now I'm starting to shiver. It's weird. I felt his weird energy coming from the very beginning when he was coming around the corner. That's how crazy my instinct, I'm like, this guy's about to do something.

He reminded me of this girl that came on a couple weeks, a girl came up here a couple weeks ago and was just like, I'm going to show my tits for stage time. And I had Jimmy Schubert and Kirk Fox on at the same time. And they're both like, you know, if you know anything about those two, they're like, all right, let's do this. And I'm like, oh, shit. And I lost it. So the next thing you know, we had a trespasser. But I had that energy from him.

Lost his phone and then he kept walking. This audience is a good audience and you guys made it possible. Let's keep it going. Here we go. I love it. That guy gave me the finger. I had to grab the bucket out of him. He tried to grab my fucking bucket, man.

Nobody grabs my fucking bucket. Nobody puts the bucket in the corner. Son of a bitch. He almost had 118 pounds of steel on top of him. Your next comedian goes by the name of Tim Greer. What's up? How y'all doing?

So, I'm getting old. Like, the older I'm getting, my mom's bugging me about kids. This is my thing. I'm pro-abortion. I am. I'm pro-abortion. I feel like for every abortion, you save a child from abduction. Like, I think that's, you know. I think it's fair. Seriously. I can't afford kids. I don't even have a cell phone. If you know anything about bootlegging phones, I have a magic jack.

I can call people with Wi-Fi. I'm serious. It's really hard for me to think about actually having kids. I feel like if I had cute kids, I would sell them like pit bull puppies. Like, look, I got I had cute kids, I would sell them like pit bull puppies. Like, look, I got these babies. They pretty and they half black. My kids have to be half black. Yes, my perfect girl is Jewish, freaky like a Hispanic.

Seriously. Because Jewish girls have good credit. Mexican girls are freaky. I would say smart like an Asian girl and loyal like a Middle Eastern girl because Middle Eastern girls don't get to do shit. Seriously. Yeah.

Interesting. That was good timing. We were getting there. The end, yeah. There he is, Tim Greer, first of all. That's fun. Pro-abortion. I'll go first.

Tim, your material doesn't match in any way, shape, or form who I thought you were. I'm going to be honest. I thought you were going to come up here. You seem, you come across as a very likable guy. You remember that? I was telling the guy right before you the importance of likability. You got that. You walk up, you're smiling, all that stuff. I honestly

wouldn't have thought the seventh word to come out of your mouth would be pro-abortion. You know what I mean? It kind of throws people. I don't know if you're trying to work, no pun intended, dark, but you know what I'm saying? To me, gut instinct,

after watching a minute of that, that's not who you are. I don't know if you're trying to shock or whomever, but you have like a good onstage persona. Does that make sense at all? Very true. No, I totally agree. If you find the material that matches who I think you come across as to others, I think you're going to be pretty damn good. I just don't. That just seemed like it was really, really sharp, sharp-tongued kind of harsh material.

Okay. Bob, nice job. Thank you. Now, you weren't so harsh on Dave, the first guy I went up. Well, that's because I was terrified. Okay. So I – okay, Tim, what Bob said, I feel that you, I thought it was good. I liked when you said pro-abortion.

That's funny to me. It's kind of polarizing. It's a statement. Boom. So I liked that. I was kind of with you on where you were going. And so I think that bit could be fleshed out. I feel like your mic technique is a lot of, even I eat the mic, but your mic technique was good.

You're dressed well. I feel like just keep doing what you're doing. I'm not going to beat you down for that bit. I don't mind. Obviously, there's a political thing with Bob and myself. He's from the Bible Belt. I'm from Southern California, and we have different opinions on that. So I'm okay.

I like what you said, pro-abortion, whatever. It kind of like woke people up. The only thing I didn't like, what you said, was likeabortion, whatever. It kind of like woke people up. The only thing I didn't like, what you said, was like, how's everybody doing? You don't have to say that. I don't like it when, hey, how's everybody doing? I know it's a greeting, but go like right into it. After that, you went right into it. That's right.

I thought it was good. Make sure the second word you mentioned is pro-abortion. That's a great advice, Brody. Dig that hole right away, Tim. Dig it right away. I didn't mind it. I didn't mind it. It's not a political thing, but here's the thing.

If you are going to do a bit about abortion, you're digging a huge hole. Make sure you can get yourself out of it. I don't know if you are. I say expect some turbulence. I don't think if you really say, I'm pro-abortion. First of all, you don't even know what that means. It's like a double negative whatever. They might be a little confused.

There might be a few who get upset with it. I don't think it's so bad. That's my opinion. But Bob has kids, a wife, a family. I live alone on an air mattress. Have you ever gotten a girl pregnant and she had to get an abortion? Then maybe you could say I'm pro-abortion. I'm a pro at talking girls into getting abortions.

I think that's hilarious. Well, that's double dark. Well, I'm evil. See, I can sell that because it's different. I'm just going to take it and turn it into a golden bit. But thank you so much. No. So you've helped.

It's actually true. But I agree with what Bob said. Are a lot of the other topics that you talk about dark and creepy or are you more of a – because you do have this likable, super likable charm. Yeah. I talk about a lot of dark stuff. He's going through that period. Right, right. I would say they're right in that why go dark?

I mean why make it hard on yourself? I'm not saying they're wrong. You are digging yourself a hole. Like I say as a comedian, why make it hard on yourself? I'm not saying they're wrong. You are digging yourself a hole. Like I say as a comedian, why make it hard on yourself? You don't have to. There you go. This is your journey. That's subjective, though.

This is your journey. You're driving the car. We're just along the highway, and you drove by us for a second, and we offered our minuscule opinions. You go where you want to go. But I'm just telling you my snap judgment of you, I was just like, whoa, okay, here's where he's taking us. I didn't see that. Pro-abortion.

I was okay with it. I thought it was like a Kanye West vibe. I was with it. Why are we not laughing when I say stuff? Because I'll tell you what, it bothers me, and I did an hour in the main room on Saturday night. I crushed it last night going after Bill Burr and Sarah Silverman.

Not going to come up here and be disrespected. You know what? Hold on. And I did 15 minutes two Wednesday nights ago at 12.05 in the original room. So, you know, fuck you. Right, Tim? Fuck you guys. Yeah.

Talk about abortion all you want to, Tim. I don't give a shit. There you go. Tim Greer. He's abortion all you want to, Tim. I don't give a shit. There you go. Tim Greer. He's at TGreer on Twitter. That's G-R-E-E-R 33. TGreer 33. Now, here's something funny about Bob because, like he said, this is his first podcast.

And every time that I announce who my guests are on this show, I announce it only over Twitter. You know, it's just a little thing that I hope that people will eventually, you know, sort of know about or whatever. So I just trust that Twitter will lead people there. So I had to look you up. And then I realized, I look up Bob Oshak. I'm wondering if I'm spelling it wrong. It's just this one little eggs popping up, which means that you haven't come up with

a profile or anything. You've never tweeted before. Not one tweet. I don't think you're following anybody, but you have over 100 followers. That, I didn't know that, to be honest. I thought it was around 18, 19 followers.

I'm shocked by that. So there's people that know about you, and you don't even tweet. You have a Twitter presence without even tweeting. I joined Twitter because I live in a shitty part of Culver City called Culver City.

And I always want to know whenever I hear the gunfire is it gang related or a domestic situation. Wow. And I get the little Culver City tweet feed so I'll know

whether or not to hide the kids in the bathtub. You know? That's hilarious. It is true. It's true. You can really find out. Oh, and I also follow Patton Oswalt. So those are the two. Oh, there you know? That's hilarious. It is true. It's true. You can really find out. Oh, and I also follow Patton Oswalt.

So those are the two. Oh, there you go. So there you go. Wow. Yeah, maybe I'll tweet something sometime. Maybe I'll make it about abortion, since that's such a crowd pleaser. Did I read you've been married to your high school sweetheart? Yeah.

And you've been with the same person your whole entire life? Same woman. No one else. Since high school. That You've been with the same person your whole entire life. Same woman. No one else. Since high school. That's amazing. 1989. So I'm 41. So we started dating when I was, I can't do the math right now, 17, something like that.

Wow. If I got my wife pregnant on our first date, our kid would now be old enough to rent a car and try to find me. Because I would have. Can I add one thing? I would have split town. You got to use that. I don't know if this audience knows or the podcast audience knows.

You can tell Bob and I, we're not agreeing on a lot of things. Audience with Bob, me, Brody, dark, big, aggressive, went after that guy who tried to attack Tony. You know that Bob and I worked together for over a thousand television shows?

We did. At Fox Sports, Best Dance Sports Show. Bob was the head writer. Head or writer, all that stuff. From the beginning, basically, all the way through the end, 1,000 shows. I did all the warm-ups. Bob did the news, the jokes.

This is 12 years ago, Brody. Can you believe that? Well, yeah, we started in 2001. Yep, 12 years ago. So there's a lot of history here. So we're all good. Thank you. We're family.

You wouldn't know that. See, that's how this town is. You never know who knows people. Work with Bob. 1,000 television shows. That means something in this town. Wow. It really is.

You know, I think, Tony, I think the lesson here is that despite how we look as people, you don't really know what's going on up here, you know? You don't. You look at me and you think, oh, you know, folksy, you know, middle-aged, out of touch, doesn't know how to tweet. You would never think that this motherfucker had a single word. Oh, what the fuck? Come here. I'm even thrown off by that.

Somebody fucking punch me right now. You are ripped. That's crazy talk. That came out of nowhere. I was doing a character, Brody. I love it. I was telling Bob before the show, he's like, what's going on? What is this?

I go, just have fun. By the end of the show, what I take pride in about the show, I told him, I go, most of the guests that I've had on, almost all of them, by the end of the show end up going, man, by the end there, I was having so much fun. I was so warmed up. I wish it went on forever. I'm pretty sure we're seeing that happen right now in the middle of the show with you. Sure, sure. I'm having a great time. Jimmy Schubert didn't show up. His first podcast, by the way.

First, no tweets, first podcast. Were you Land of the Lost? Anybody? Thank you. It's a shame he's only had sex with one woman his whole life because another lady could have enjoyed those abs. Oh. Very good. There you go.

Again, that's why we've got the Iron Patriot here. Yes. And he's also only had sex with... He sort of knows how to close out a conversation with one big boom. And he's also only had sex with one woman his whole life. He's not married. When you have sex with one woman, do you have to mix it up? Just have her get stung by bees once a week or something like that?

No, no. You just kind of phone it in. You role play. I'm going to sound like I'm doing a bit here, but I'm also the only guy she's ever slept with, so neither of us know how much better sex can be. She thinks it's normal to roll off of her after about 45 seconds

of arrhythmic humping. So, mock us if you must, but we, ignorance, ignorance is bliss. Oh my God.

That is so fucking funny. Brody? I'm thinking about that Jeff character on Ferguson. Is he supposed to be like a contestant from Price is Right? Because he has like a name tag, Jeff. It looks like the old Price is Right.

I don't know if anyone even knows what we're talking about. We have a robot sidekick you're referring to. Yeah, that's part of the reference. It's actually operated by someone who's a genius. So I can't take any credit for that. But he's a writer as well. No, he's not. He actually performs the robot solely. Josh Robertson. He does it and says as well. No, he's not. He actually performs the robot solely.

Josh Robertson. He does it and says the words? Yep, he's operating it. It's pretty impressive. And Craig just trusts him to play around. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. It's amazing. The chemistry is, I can't take any credit for that whatsoever.

That's amazing. In all honesty. I like Craig's monologue in that he gets right up in the camera. It's really loose and different. I love that he grabs it. It's good to see that. He grabs the jib sometimes I notice and will just really

connect. I was talking with Waterboxx earlier about television personality who didn't look at camera. It's all about connecting and I think Ferguson does an extreme job of that. It's not easy to...

Thank you. Stay seated. It's difficult easy to... Thank you. Stay seated. It's difficult to establish intimacy when you are a TV host. It is. He does that incredibly. It's amazing. Listen, I'm lucky. I've worked for four years on that. That's why I live in a cocoon. That's why I started writing. I've been

on a job for four years. I don't know how to tweet. I don't know the importance of the... This is a podcast? Yeah, I don't know, I don't know how to tweet. I don't know the importance of the, this is a podcast? Yeah, I don't know. I don't understand all that stuff. I mean,

when I started, like, you have experienced unbelievable success since I started writing. Thank you, Bob. You know what I mean? Whitney Cummins.

Thank you, the one guy applauding. Whitney Cummins, we were hanging out. You're okay. I like you. I've just lived in a cocoon for four years.

It's a great job, but someday it'll end and I'll be like, wow. But that's what, Bob, I think it's refreshing that you don't tweet. I think you should be podcasting, actually. I'm not on the Facebook? That's okay, but I don't have the Facebook. I do have an iPhone.

All right, you have an iPhone. I do have it. It's a four. But you know what? You're doing a great job, and you're one of the nice guys. People don't badmouth you. Totally. You've earned everything you've got.

You used to host all the Sundays and Mondays here, one of the nice guys. People don't bad mouth you. You've earned everything you've got. You used to host all the Sundays and Mondays here. One of the original hosts. And that's really one of the most badass things you can be in comedy and I know a lot of comedians always make self-deprecation jokes about it. Oh, it doesn't pay the bills and this and that. But I'll tell you man, when

I got here and people meet a door guy and they find out how much they love comedy, they give them a list of about five guys that are just monsters and you are on that list. And so there's an anticipation when you first are in the back of the room and they're like, and you hear the next comedian go, who's next? And the piano guy's like, Bob Oshak. And you hear that name that you've heard people who you already look up to saying, look out for Bob Oshak, this and that.

And then you're sitting there and your expectations are already sky high. And in comedy, there's nothing worse to follow than high expectations. But you do it, man. It's fucking fun. Check out Bob Oshak live sometime. You're here Wednesday, right? Or follow me on Twitter. He'll follow you back.

All right. Let's continue with. Your next comedian tonight. I feel like I'm being fucked with. No. It's not at all. This is your first podcast. Yes, it's about you.

We want you to shine. This is the kind of life you could be living in the podcast world of compliments and praise. Put your hands together for Ben Platt. But gollum at the evil war crept up and slipped away. Oh, wow. Could this be our first guitar comic

in Kill Tony history? Good evening. Good evening. Good evening. My song is Vampires Are People Too, and I sing it to you with a California accent. The whole world can believe what they want about Dracula, except me. I know that he lives, and he's not who you think.

Throw him in prison and rip out his fangs. They will grow back like knives. Put him in solitary. He will escape hungrier. For Burger King, vampires are people too. Vampires crash the gates To heaven will they fly Round round paradise Before they say goodbye And do they love their mamas Same as me and you

Remember forever Vampires are people too In exactly 59.5 seconds, Ben Platt nails his landing, confident smile afterwards, a vampire song. I've never seen anybody stick their landing this confidently in the history of this show.

Most confident guitar comic I've ever seen in my life. Nailed the minute. You know, normally... You know, every comic's goal when they get on stage... Ben, right? Ben? Every comic's goal when they get on stage

is to make the attractive blonde in the audience laugh. And you, sir... She's cracking up. I'd like to introduce you to the attractive blonde in the audience who laughed your entire set.

Hell yeah. Neither could I, ma'am. The very fact that I could hear you is a test of how many other people were laughing, but my point is, that's the goal. You hit it out of the park. That alone makes you a winner, Mr. Benjamin Platt. Heck yeah.

Can I jump in, Tony? Yeah, definitely. Of course, Brody, you're a guest on the show. Why are you guys laughing? It's a good point. We're both guests. We're all guests on Tony's show. It was nice.

You're a nice guy. I like your left-handed. The shirt's tucked in. I like the look. Very bold and Colorado. No, it's not. Not a Nike flannel. Sorry, Mike. I would say just enunciate more. If we're talking about the bits, enunciate more.

Didn't, I don't know. It's like, I don't know if it's stand-up or a coffee house song thing I would say enunciate more and then we'll see where that goes but good guitar likable there's there's something there and I couldn't agree with him more I wouldn't exactly call it enunciating I would say that as a guitar comic who's always going to have to face at many open mics the issues of audio do you have two mics? Do you have one on the guitar? Do you have one up there? What's that level?

What's that level? I think your guitar was a little too loud for the singing so it could be a little bit lighter just a little bit more acoustic and mellow because in comedy it really is going to, I mean and no doubt about it you have that likeability that also counts for a lot but they're definitely going to want to hear the exact words that you're saying.

We could hear you in the beginning, but once the guitar came in, it was just a little bit too loud. Maybe project a little bit more. That's something that I definitely had to learn when I first started out. I wasn't pushing. It's just about 10% vocal push that adds all the difference in the world. You know what I see? It's a big guitar, man. You could hide behind that

thing. I'd go with the banjo. Again, why no laughs? Why no laughs? So not only am I uncomfortable, he's hurt too. So think about that when you don't chuckle based on my cadence. People get hurt. Ben, what are you going to say?

Were you in the hangover? You weren't. So I know what I'm doing. I'm going to play that game. Me against you. Go ahead, Ben. What about the joke? What was the joke?

Yeah, that's the tough part. There's a bigger issue here, Ben. I don't know what your act was about, to be honest. I know you were doing some sort of accent thing. Right. It's an audio issue. You couldn't hear me. That's what we're saying. Not really. We could hear it a little bit,

and it was likable. We could tell you were talking about vampires, and it was cool. Can you summarize it real quickly, what we just watched? Into the mic. I started out, and I was talking about the whole work, and believe what they want about Dracula, except me. He's not who you think. Throw him in prison

and rip out his fangs. They will grow back like knives. Put him in solitary. He will escape. Hungrier. For Burger King. Vampires are people too. Ah. Okay. You know what? I agree. I think a banjo would help that out.

Yeah. Thank you, Bob. Thousand shows, professional, helping me out. The joke didn't work? I don't know if there really was a joke in there. Yeah, it's really not. It's a long way. It's sort of an abstract thing that you're doing up here.

Which is good. That's good. I don't know what to make of you. How long have you been doing stand-up? About six months. Six months, okay. I don't know what to make of you. How long have you been doing stand-up, Ben? About six months. Six months, okay. And do you always want to be up here doing a Dracula voice while you play guitar?

No, not always. Okay. I would recommend maybe chucking the Dracula voice and making it more about who you are. Let me tell you something. Tonight, and I don't mean to disagree with the attractive blonde, and trust me, if you're going with which to pick of the two, you either have the beautiful blonde or the six-pack here. But if the vampire thing takes off tonight, if somebody's like,

you're going to be stuck doing vampire voice for the rest of your life, just like Gallagher's stuck splitting watermelons because that took off. So be careful. You may want to make sure you're yourself on stage as you play guitar because that may be who you're stuck being when you become a super successful comic. You see what I'm saying?

It's true. It's six months in. This could just be your toboggan-smoking-cigarette character that Bob was doing. Steve Taft. Yeah, Steve Taft. That's true. Can I throw in one more thing?

Why is it that new comedians, they're so defensive with an attitude. That's why you don't make it. This is Hollywood. This is show business. When you bring defensive energy and I'm picking up on it, that's why you don't make it. Sorry. I pick up on energies.

There is something about, you know, they talk about network or schmoozing or doing yoga or all that. There's something to that. So when you pick up, I'm picking up energy. I go, out. See ya. I'm gonna hire you. Because it's negative energy. If you give me positive energy, something to work with. Ben, I love your smile. I love your energy. We're gonna get another comic

up here. Thank you so much. Ben Platt, everybody. Ben, I hope you come back. I wanna... They love Ben Platt. Ben, please come back next week or the week... Come back soon, alright? Sign up again. I want to see what you do next. And next time, don't be such a defensive

asshole. Exactly. The poor guy was just smiling. Brody, what did you do? I couldn't have met a more gentle, mild-mannered man. Fuck you, Ben Platt! All these guys, they're too defensive.

They stand up here with their guitars and their flannel named Ben Platt, smiling at me. Why would you do that? You don't get it, Ben. Six months, you're not going to fucking make it. I've done a thousand shows. You got it. Brody, you're not going to fucking make it. I've done a thousand shows. You got it. Brody, you just stole his soul.

You got to keep doing it, though, but be nice. He did it. This is the return of Eric Carter, everybody. Internet sensation. And one of the luckiest motherfuckers in the world. It's Pitch. What's up? How y'all?

Oh, yeah, fuck, how y'all doing tonight? I am from the deep south. I am from the deep south. I hate NASCAR. I don't watch Duck Dynasty. I'm glad I got that out of the way. Let's rock and roll and be positive. Man, living in California for five months, shit's so much different.

Y'all use different words. What y'all call skinny jeans, we call women jeans. What you call vegetarians, we call pussies. we call pussies. My first three months of doing comedy, I lived in a youth hostel in Hermosa Beach. A lot of fun because I got to bang foreign broads, but it did have its awkward moments.

I had this Japanese guy that couldn't speak English sleep in a bed beside mine. But that wasn't the creepy part. The creepy part was he had a box of Kleenex right by his pillow and I never heard him once blow his nose. I'm assuming he was tugging that Pokemon. And by the way, I want to

apologize to you. My first kill, Tony, you was here. I did two inbred jokes. I wore a white linen pants. Yeah, your time's up. I want to linen yeah your time's up i want to hear this go ahead i want to hear it no go on eric all right go on no i lied to you you did yes i told you it's my first time and i wasn't because i was intimidated by you and i respect you and i want to get that out of the way you got it buddy good job tonight positive energy brought some energy thank you eric you. I appreciate that.

You're talking to him? Oh, I'm sorry. Awkward. Go ahead, Tony. You brought the energy, as always. People love you. It was great again. What was the note? It was...

It's one thing that I've noticed that you've done because I've watched you a few times. You've on the show a lot you're a lot of the listeners you know go crazy about you there's been a lot of tweets that you're like you're definitely a fan favorite so let's get right into something that i've noticed since you've been on a few times that i think either you could use it to your advantage or you could nip it in the butt now but i think keeping it on is a bad habit isn't going to help you. And that is when you hit a punchline, you do this thing where you show everybody that that was a punchline. If it doesn't go great, you go, you do this thing and then you go on to the next thing. But you can either do it or you can't. You can either commit to it, showing the questioning

of it, or you can lose it. But where it is now, somewhere in the middle, you're just showing a little bit of weakness. You're showing them that maybe they didn't get a punchline, whereas either you can ignore that mellow laugh and plow on, or you can really commit to, that didn't get a laugh, and then move on. But where you're at right now, it's in between the two things, and it's just coming across as weak in this super powerful set that you have. You come up, you fucking almost German suplex the mic stand behind you. Very interesting maneuver.

There's definitely different ways to do that other than the two-handed 360. So, you know, I mean, that's just one thing that i notice uh you know you definitely have perspective which is always fun how about you guys what did what did you notice about eric what's well i don't know eric it's my first podcast by the way eric so glad to have you thank you i appreciate that eric um i uh i i've never seen eric before obviously he's some sort of superstar here on the uh on the uh show but do you, and I couldn't see you because I'm at a bad angle, but do you smile at all during your set, or do you always,

okay, that's what I was just going to say, because you looked very serious as you were doing your material. Not serious, but just like really intense and into it, almost like a southern preacher-like, which sort of works for you, but every now and then maybe a telltale smile of sorts, which, again, if you were given it, then disregard this note would help out

because there was a super intensity to what you're doing that could get a little overbearing if every now and then you don't let people see a crack or whatever and see that you're having fun too. Does that make sense? Yeah. I keep pounding the smiling thing. No, no, it's true. But I'm telling you, man, I milk my smile.

I genuinely smile a lot during my act. And if it doesn't work for certain people, I don't recommend they do it. But for you, I think that does help out. You know, that you do act like you're having fun and experiencing what you're doing. You see what I'm saying, coming from my perspective. Yeah, well, smiling

is important. You know, I'm not saying laughing, smiling. So I'll smile. That's why I do the... You get people on your side. You know, I'm not saying laughing, smiling. So I'll smile. That's why I do the, you get people on your side. It does. It does. It does. It's a way to ease off the gas ever so slightly when you have your pedal to the metal the rest of the time.

So I can't speak specifically to that, so I don't know if you're smiling. But I'm just saying I liked your energy. You're holding the mic. Are you left-handed? No, I can use both, though. Okay. So I like that. Wow. Wow. With the mic. Are you left-handed? No, I can use both, though. Okay, so I like that. Wow.

With the mic, you can do both. Yeah. Holy shit. You should try that with a mic stand next time. You used to box as a child? Yeah. How old were you? Not as a child, as a teenager. I did it when I was 14 to 16.

Did it all season for soccer. When soccer season was soccer. Okay. When soccer season was out. Child boxing sounds hilarious. Yeah. Just as an aside, I don't know if you want to go anywhere with that. Just make sure you smile while you're talking about it. I watch the comedians.

I really, I mean, material's not my thing. I can't really harp on a 60-second material,. I look at the general thing. So what I see, I think you're on to a good thing. Likeability, smile if you weren't. Just keep doing it. You got that accent. Keep it. Don't lose it. What's going on up there?

I'm here talking. Thank you. We're doing a podcast. So I say keep doing what you're doing And just be likable and nice There's a reason why they're saying good things on Twitter If it ain't broken, don't fix it Just keep doing what you're doing And you're well dressed

You doing a lot of spots? You staying busy at night time? You going up a lot? Yeah, I've been hitting up at Mike's South Bay That's exactly what you need to be doing Eric Carter Hold on, the Iron Patriot. Hold on. I think the Iron Patriot is going to end this with a theme.

I know karma's a bitch. My bitch. If you don't watch football on Sunday, give me your man card. There you go. I like that. A little something for the listeners at home. And a big fuck you to the live audience. That's an Eric Carter joke from a few weeks ago.

There you go, Eric Carter. That's enough. There it is. He's on Twitter at CallMeEC. He's Eric Carter. Now, an exciting thing. I don't know if I got to mention this to you, Bob. Every week, we have two young ladies that since episode one, they have been doing a new 60 Seconds each week,

and they are with us here tonight. This is their part of the show where they do a new 60 Seconds, and this is that part. Oh, this is exciting. Exactly. So there are two monsters being built here in the confines of Kill Tony, and tonight will be no different. First, you know her as at Princess Shank on Twitter, and she is a fantastic, she's a little

bit different. She's weird and goofy, so know that going into it. Here she is, everybody. It's Sarah Wine Shank. Powerful. What's up? Eh. Visors.

I don't understand them. It's like either wear a hat or don't wear a hat. What is the purpose of a visor? Go full hat or go home. Even more confusing, bald man wearing a visor. You would think that he would like to reap the benefit of a visor. You would think that he would like to reap the benefit of a full hat.

Not always the case, guys. I was thinking about it the other day while I was looking at my furniture, wondering if I would ever really need coasters. Like, is my furniture ever going to be nice enough to not get rings on it? That shit doesn't matter now. Am I ever going to have napkin rings? I don't know. But I won't ever have visors. That's for sure.

Alright. There it is. They're such monsters that they know exactly when the minute is. That's 59.52. The visor bit. And then the coaster thing is a new thing and you ran out of visor stuff. I just wanted to make sure that I knew what was going

on there. The visor thing is hilarious and I think it could be bigger. I mean, I don't even know where it begins. It's almost like it's a convertible. It's like a... I don't know. Is there anything that pops in your head when you think of a visor, Brody? Football coach, Steve Spurrier. Is that that same weird football heckler guy?

It's okay. Shut the fuck up. It's all right. It's all right. He's a Dolphins fan. No. Jesus Christ. I like the visor.

I like, you can tell that you've been doing, well, you've been here. It's obvious. You've been watching the show. You went right up. Even when you said, how are you guys doing? You kind of made a joke about that because we talked about that earlier. That was a little funny thing.

Again, we're back. I don't see everything. But the visor bit, it's tight. Seems like there's a lot of visuals. Boom, boom, boom. You had good stage, like your own little personal stage posture up there. That was good. So I say keep doing that. That was good. Confident.

You know. But I know you were rushed at that second thing and it seemed like you were a little frustrated but I'm not going to hold that against you because you're up against the clock. So I was trying to think of visor stuff all week. So pissed off. It seemed like it. I mean you got pretty much a double

applause break in the first 30 seconds of your set. So I mean it showed. I mean there's no doubt about that double applause break in the first 30 seconds of your set. So, I mean, it showed. I mean, there's no doubt about that. In fact, I would even. There's not really much more you can do with visors. Right. I know. And the way that you have it, I think it's almost pretty important that you sort of lock it in where it is.

The way that you said, you know, I don't understand visors. You had it there. And then the big one came, but what I really don't understand, bald guys and visors. And then you had it. You nailed it. But I think it's tag worthy right there. Almost something like, you know, why do you want the top of your... Why do you think we want to see the top of your

head? You don't want the sun in your... You don't want the sun in your eyes. We don't want your bald head in our eyes. Like, I don't know, like something. Like, get into it. Think about how it made you feel. Hey, Tony. Oh into it. Hi, Tony. When a Jewish person wears a visor, it's a hat. It's called a yarmulke. That's an interesting one.

If you're wearing a yarmulke and a visor... That's true. Tony just picked me up. That's what I just said. If you're wearing a visor and a yarmulke, that's probably one cheap visor you bought.

There's something there. Nothing on that? Not a single giggle. It's because the person's Jewish. You know what I got upset with when you said a Jewish hat and I go, it's a yarmulke. Nobody laughed. Again. How do you not laugh at that? It's funny.

How many Jewish people are here? Show your hands. Three. All right, that's my point. I like that you said show your hands and they all clapped. You guys made me laugh. That was good. I thought you were really good.

I don't know you. Evidently you come here every week or something. Yeah, she's a regular. Yeah, you're very funny. What are you trying to get at with the coasters thing? You're saying your furniture is so bad, you don't even care if it gets rings. Yeah, but I didn't know if I was going to go into that or not,

so I didn't even go for it. I just don't think I'll ever need to buy coasters. That won't ever be a thing for me. Like napkin rings and coasters. I only have like disposable ones. Because by the time you have money to buy coasters you're going to just have I don't know. I don't get it yet. I don't know the perspective.

Your coasters would cost more than your table or something. Yeah. Basically. Essentially. It doesn't matter. By the time you have coaster money you're going to have new furniture money so you don't give a shit whether it gets rings or not. I see coast. At coaster, I go coast.

There's a joke like something with New York, that coast, west coast. There's a joke there. I'm thinking maybe it's like a marriage thing. I look at my coffee table the same way I look at Blobbity Block because I don't care if it gets a ring or not. Something like that. I don't know. See how my mind works.

I love jokes. Like the Kardashians. The coaster thing needs work. Something like that. I don't know. See how my mind works. The Kardashians. The coaster thing needs work. Yeah, definitely. There's nothing there yet. It's a half-assed coaster joke. But the visor thing is hilarious. It's in the mix. That's just one more 40-second chunk to add to all the

other hilarious stuff that you built. That's Sarah Weinshank, everybody. A Keltoni regular. Positive energy. She's always happy, smiling, fun to hang out with. She's a good person. She gets it on stage and off. And so does our other regular. She dropped out of college at the

University of Florida because she became a Kill Tony regular. She went from gator to hater. And now, here she is. She's Kimberly Congdon, everybody. Hey, guys. So I have a lot of opinions on things. I've been noticing some things that bother me lately.

And this is one of them. If you have a tattoo that says blessed, you probably aren't. You know? I feel like the only people that have blessed tattoos wear jorts and wife beaters. They don't have sheets on their mattresses, you know? And, like, their mothers had eyebrow rings. Like, those kind of people.

and their mothers had eyebrow rings. Those kind of people. The font is always like that nightmare before Christmas across the chest. That's not blessed, people. They watch their friend give a homeless guy a 20, and when the friend walks away, they turn around like, he said I could have half of that. Thank you.

There it is. Another 59.39 seconds. They definitely know the time. I just want to jump in real quick. I like that there's a bit there, like the blessed tattoo. You establish that right out of the gate. We know we're doing that.

I think it just needs to be written more. It's a good topic because we all know that you see those guys blessed, you know, the basketball guys or the UFC guys. And I think you just have to get more specific with examples. Make it visual. You did. You said, hey, it's that block letter. And then you give examples like the UFC guy.

But I can't say specifically. It's a whole thing. But it's a good topic, and there's a lot. You made it clear where you were going. Now you just got to, like, just write it. The parameters are there. It's an interesting bit. I like it. You know, I guess this applies to Sarah earlier, too.

Take with it whatever. I don't get on stage a lot. So whenever I go on stage, whatever I do, my stage time is precious. So I know my material backwards and forwards, even if I've never, ever done it on stage. And if it sinks after one try, I toss it out, no matter how much time I rehearsed or whatever. If it doesn't work at all, what's up? You seemed like you were kind of struggling to remember the bits. So they were in your head. You weren't reading, you weren't really focused on the room

and you weren't really focused on yourself. You're kind of in between, trying to figure out where you were going next and trying to hold on punchline to punchline. Know your material. Know it backwards and forwards. Brush your fucking teeth with it so that you can say it backwards if you had to. Stop when I snap my fingers and go right back through it the other way around.

I've got my shit. That's why I was nervous about doing this. Right. Because I wanted to script everything I said tonight. Right. Because I don't know how to do spot. But I learned that I'm actually really good at this. And I now have 100 Twitter followers.

But you see what I'm saying, Kimberly? You've got a great, and there's great material. I guarantee you, you know how to boom, boom. It was a setup. You had your great setup. And then I just saw you going tag after tag after tag. You know those like the back of your hand barrel through that? Boom.

That audience is in your grip. It's definitely. Same thing you said. It's true. It's pretty well written. And you've got it there. You just want to be able to flow with it so that we're not waiting. You know what I mean?

It's sort of like we're like, come on, get to it. It's like we're rooting for you. But it's a vast improvement on other things because it's really a great premise that even though we all can't get it. Well, everyone laughed right away at the premise. It wasn't even a joke. It was an observation. So right away you know that laughed right away at the premise. It wasn't even a joke. It was an observation. So right away, you know that you're bonding

with the people. That's the best laugh in the world when you just get a laugh with what's basically an observation. Yeah. And then, so you know the audience is on board. Then it's just boom, boom, boom.

So you had them. You've got the material right there. Just make sure you know it really tight. And really drive in how big of losers these guys are. You know what I mean?

Like, I almost can't believe you can almost see like the unevenness, like the tattoo artist was laughing while giving the guy the blessed tattoo. Like, you're not fucking blessed. Like, add stuff about how the tattoo's permanent, but his respect from people is temporary.

Right, exactly. There's so many things to play off that. Get into the blessed. There's so many things to play off that. He's only blessed after he sneezes. There's so many things to play off that. He's only blessed after he sneezes. There's so many skin tags on that. Okay. There you go.

There's the... Wasn't even a good joke, and you gave me something. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Fuck yeah. And you stayed on that the whole time, right? Blast?

Uh-huh. Yeah, I did. If you ever feel yourself flailing, just do it in vampire voice. Maybe that'll help out. Have you been doing spots? Have you been going up other places? I have been doing spots, yeah. And Sarah, you too? Yeah.

This one I was trying to do. Every time I go up I talk about different things that annoy me about people, so that's why I wasn't Right. That's definitely a part of your natural voice. And you speak well. You speak Right. That's definitely a part of your natural voice. You speak well. You speak clear. You enunciate. Keep doing that. Was the whole dropping out of

college, that was a joke, right? She was a full-time college student. Her cousin is friends with Brian and I. We met her as soon as she got here. The cousin told us she was interested in doing comedy. Her first time ever on stage was right there. And she kept coming back every Monday.

Since she decided not to go back to college, she dropped out, went to Florida, picked up her stuff, came back. And now lives with her son in the Valley. You're all in, Kimberly. You put all your chips in. That's the only way to succeed. That's the only way to do it. So if you're all in, be all the way in. That's Kimberly Congdon, everybody.

She's on Twitter, at Kimberly Congdon. That was episode 31 of Kill Tony. Bob, you got anything coming up you want to promote or anything? No. Let's try to see how much we can blow up your Twitter. That's at Bob Oshack. No, it's not. That's B-O-B-O-S-C-H-A-C-K.

It's Shackknife. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, that's right. It's not even. S-H-A-C-K. S-H-A-C-K It's Shackknife. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, that's right. It's not even... S-H-A-C-K-knife. S-H-A-C-K. One word.

Shackknife. At Shackknife. Let's see what we can do to increase... Blow up your MySpace. Do you have a MySpace? I don't know. I did recently launch a Friendster, if anyone's interested. You know what?

Let's just give out your phone number, Bob. What's your phone number? Call Bob anytime. Well, it was so much fun to have number, Bob. What's your phone number? Call Bob anytime. Well, it was so much fun to have you, Bob. Brody, what's going on with you? You got any shows coming up? What am I doing tomorrow? What's tomorrow?

You're here on what? New Year's Eve. I'll be here New Year's Eve tomorrow. Yep. You can catch my shows on the internet. They'll be up there forever. Steven Brody Stevens, enjoy it. Follow me on Twitter, all that good stuff. I want to say

thank you to everybody understanding that I'm in a very vulnerable situation and I have a lot of attention. You guys are great. The audience, thank you for being here. All the comedians, you're good sports. And I think when we say something to a specific comedian, when I say it, it's not necessarily for that guy. It's for everybody. Not that I'm an expert, but

whether you like it or not, I've been doing it for 20 years, so you'd be not smart to take some of my experience. Tony, just real quickly, thank you to at Mikey Beatty who just followed me right then, so I guess I'm now at 101.

It's already begun. That's at all things Brody on Twitter. I'm Tony Hinchcliffe, Ryan Redman. We're in Texas, baby. Yeah, January 9th, 10th, and 11th. Go to deathsquad.tv for all the tickets. And thank you so much for coming out, everybody. Up next is the Ding Dong

Show, the longest running show in Comedy Store history at 10 p.m. Thanks for coming out, everybody. Have a good night. And everything's cool in the mind of a gangster Cause gangster-ass niggas think deep Up 365, I got 24-7 Cause real gangster-ass niggas don't sleep And all I gotta say to you Wannabe, wannabe, cocksucker, pussy-eating pranksters Is when the fire dies down, what the fuck you going through?

Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. Thank you.