KILL TONY - KILL TONY #312

Episode Date: November 23, 2018

Adam22, Brian Moses, Josh Martin, Joel Jimenez, Chris Dillon, Jeremiah Watkins, Malcolm Hatchett, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban – Date: 11/19/2018 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, deathsquad.tv. There you have all the past episodes including video portions of the show also click on tour dates not only do we do the kill Tony every Monday

at the road famous comedy store in Hollywood we also are on the road we just announced a brand new show January 26 we have kill Tony in Phoenix a special kill Tony show there. Go to DeathSquad.TV and click on tour dates. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, TonyHinchcliffe.com. Go there for everything Golden Pony. Ryan J. Ebelt, he's the house artist. He draws every episode. Check out his website, RyanJEbelt.com.

And last but not least, ShopSquad.TV. There you have the official Kill Tony shirt, and you also have all the Death Squad merch, including mugs and hats. Go you have the official kill Tony shirt. And you also have all the death squad merch, including mugs and hats. Go to shop squad dot TV. And now here's a brand new episode of kill Tony. Hey,

this is red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the road-famous Comedy Store Main Room

for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe. Guys, we're here at the Comedy Store on a Monday. Make some fucking noise. Brian Red Band's here. Hey. The great Ryan J. Ebelt is here. We were all just in Texas this week.

It's good to be home. Welcome to the number one live podcast in the world. You guys are here. You made it. Congratulations to you. Life is good. We survived Texas. It's all happening.

But, you know, this stuff ages us quick. Hello to our live viewers on YouTube. Some fun stuff coming up. I'm doing stand-up all by myself in Baltimore in two weeks, November 29th, 30th, and December 1st. And then I'm doing Dallas, just stand-up, two shows on New Year's Eve. I'm going all the way back to Texas, taking Jeremiah with me to feature for me on those shows. There's two shows that night, New Year's Eve in Dallas. And some really exciting stuff. Who likes exciting stuff? I know I do.

And we have what appears to be breaking news. Kill Tony, the entire damn show, is going to be live. Back again in Phoenix, Arizona, January 26th at Stand Up Live. That's a 3 p.m. show. We're doing stand up. Yep. It's a Royal Rumble weekend in Phoenix, Arizona. So all the time slots at every comedy club are filled everywhere. So we got 3 p.m., which I actually love.

If you think about it, It's gonna be the same amount of people. Fucking everybody gets stoned, has a drink. What's the difference between 3 p.m. and 8 p.m.? I have more night time to reflect on the fun that we had earlier in the day. Do you want to stand up the night before at Copperhead Blues at a

place called the Desert Ridge Marketplace there in Phoenix? And Jeremiah's got the new Cat Burglar t-shirt. It's jeremiahwalkins.tv slash shop. I happen to see someone wearing it backstage and it is a very cool shirt. Like I said, all these road

shows, Red Band, we just did 11 shows in five days in Texas. All of them packed to the McGillicuddies and so much fun. But it ages us fast. And over 25% of new erectile dysfunction cases are guys under 40. And 4hims.com is a one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness for men. You know all about this. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I found out the hard way. Yeah, for those of you that don't know, believe it or not, I know this is hard to believe, but Red Band, you're like, what, 10 years older than me or something? I'm 44, yeah. And, you know, I used to go to a gas station and buy those pills that you don't even know what's in those pills. I mean, it made me sick before. It messes with your blood pressure and stuff. Yeah.

No, I almost passed out a few times. I was seeing trails once. And you don't have to do that. That's dangerous. Now you can just go to 4hims.com. You talk to a doctor on the computer. You don't have to go to a doctor's office. You just answer a couple questions, and the next thing you know, you have a prescription for ED.

They connect you with real doctors and medical-grade solutions. You can try HIMS for a month today for just $5. We'll get you started for just $5 While supplies last See the website for full details This would cost hundreds if you went to a doctor or pharmacy

Go to forhims.com slash kill That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash kill Forhims.com slash kill Everybody loves money Right? Money's a good thing Robinhood is an investing app That lets you buy and sell stocks Everybody loves money, right? Money's a good thing. You know. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos all commission-free.

They strive to make financial services work for everyone, not just the wealthy. Other brokerages charge up to $10 for every trade, but Robinhood doesn't charge commission fees. You can trade stocks and keep all your profits, which is crazy. Like, how do they even stay in business? That's nuts. They have easy to understand charts and market data. Place a trade in just four taps on your smartphone. Learn how to invest in...

Wait, man. This is cracking my neck. This is a great service. I agree. Learn how to invest as you build your portfolio. Discover new stocks and trade favorite companies with personalized news feeds. Custom notifications for price movements so you never miss the right moment to invest. Good Lord Almighty. And if it doesn't get any better than that, Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio.

Sign up at ktshow.robinhood.com. That's ktshow.robinhood.com that's kt show.robinhood.com yeah wow oh boy how do they stay in business it's true i'm gonna look into that one more time because i think they deserve it it's kt show.robinhood.com seriously guys like for those of you you know maybe maybe you worked your way up and now you know know, you're the, you know, general manager or whatever. Like, you're getting promotions. You have some extra money. You know, why not invest?

Why not learn? And with Robinhood, you know, you can discover new stocks and track some of your favorite companies with a personalized news feed and custom notifications for price movements so you never miss the right moment. I mean, you get a free Apple stock. That's just – just sign up just to get a free Apple stock. That's great. Or Ford or Sprint. Any of those. So it's really cool.

You guys ready to start this show or what? We are live back at the Comedy Store, the greatest comedy club on the planet, building this puppy up over and over again. We always have so much fun on this show. And we always have some of my favorite human beings as guests. Sometimes we have special treats for you, and this is one of those special treats.

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for tonight's guests. It's Adam22 and Brian motherfucking Moses from the No Jumper Podcast. Hell yeah. Have a seat. Come on over here. You down there. Brian Moses.

Adam 22. We're all here. We're live. You know Moses from the hit roast battle show. Adam from the No Jumper. Here we are, guys. You ready to have some fun tonight? Meet some people?

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. This is exciting. Indeed, it is, in a way, our very own Thanksgiving. We should have had a special episode, perhaps, where we sit up here and eat turkey, like the Last Supper or something like that. We should have done that. All right, well, welcome to the show. Adam, this is your first time on the show. I'm exhilarated. Welcome to the show. Adam, this is your first time on the show.

I'm exhilarated. We're pumped for you. There's a bunch of chaos that's going to happen all around us. And we have a band. So, you know, who knows? You might want to have them eventually one day on your podcast and launch them into superstardom. They are the best damn band in the land. Every single episode they commit to being different characters.

I never know what they're going to be. None of us know what they're going to be this week. They closed off that green room door. Oh, very special. They specifically had everything locked up. So I'm excited to see what they're going to be tonight throughout the entire episode. They're the best damn band in the land. It's the Kill Tony band.

Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Berg, Joel Jimenez, and Chroma Chris. Ooh, the lights went out. Wow, no lights? What is going on? Wow, This is amazing. It appears as though they are going to perform an exorcism here tonight. They have candles and crosses, and, I mean, this is amazing. Wow. Make some noise for the best damn band in the land. They are here. Wow.

Am I right? Are you a priest? Oh, my goodness. here. Wow. Am I right? Are you a priest? Oh my goodness. This is frightening. Am I right? Are you an exorcism specialist? Father McElroy. Nice to meet you. Hello, Father McElroy. Wow. Jeremiah

is Father McElroy. And wow. Clearly back here we have what appears to be, I mean. That's Father Guadalupe back there. Guadalupe Hidalgo. Oh, wow. Of Our Lady of Torturous Pain Archdiocese. Good Lord.

Our Lady of Torturous Pain. All right. Archdiocese. Okie dokie. of torturous pain. All right. Archdiocese. Okie dokie. We do exorcisms, but you should also come to Mass on Sunday mornings as well. And then we have

what appears to be your guys' altar boy over there. Chroma Chris is here. I'm Priest Pete. Thank you. He hasn't earned his title yet. It's so funny. For those of you that don't know,

Chroma Chris was on perhaps like 70 episodes of this show without ever saying anything. And in the last couple months, he's become a breakout star. Basically, he can do no wrong. He bats like 1,000%. Fucking incredible. I'm so excited

to do this. This is a fun little fucking crossover of a few of my favorite shows. Fucking No Jumper, The Band, Roast Battle, and Kill Tony. So let's do this shit, shall we? I have a bucket filled with comedians'

names. If you guys don't know how it works, if you're new to this show, a bunch of comedians and sometimes a human being that's never done stand-up comedy before, they sign up for the chance to get 60 seconds on this stage and then get interviewed by us, and we find out more about them, maybe something that they could have done differently in the future

or maybe just more about their lives overall. They get 60 seconds, and comedians, you know your 60 seconds is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. Aw. That means wrap it up then, or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Sure. Yeah.

Sounds like there's a cat in the cage. You guys ready to start this thing, or what? This is it. Live. This is it. Guys, I'm sorry, but the level of volume that I'm getting from you just isn't enough. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show? There we go.

That's what it sounds like on every fucking Monday. And your first comedian going up tonight getting an uninterrupted 60 seconds goes by the name of Angelica McKay. Angelica McKay. Where is the movement? I'm not seeing. Oh, could it be? No. Could that be Angela?

Nope. Nope. All right. Oh. Black. It appears as though Angela has missed her spot. That means that she is blacklisted. You missed your spot in show business.

That's your only chance. Now that person is banned from the Comedy Store for life. For life. Yeah. Pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Hayley Hackett. Hayley Hackett. There she is.

Here we go. From around the lucky corner The farthest possible distance Adam 22 Brian Moses Jeremiah Watkins Brian Redband Joel Berg and Caroma Chris

Your first comedian Hayley Hackett everybody Hi everyone So I got fired from my job yesterday. I worked at an escape room. And for anyone who doesn't know what an escape room is, pretty much people pay to be put into a room that is difficult to escape, and you have to do all these puzzles.

Anyways, done with that. So this group came in, and they said, yeah, we're really good at escape rooms. Could you give us the most challenging one? I said, for sure. Put them in a room. They solved all the puzzles. And then at the end, I was like, so you want a challenge? And they said, yeah.

And then I turned off the main power line and said, good luck, and went across the street to have my lunch. Well, it was across the street, so if they actually got out, I'd see them, you know, they would have escaped, I would have been like, congratulations, you get 50% off your next escape room, but my manager let them out first, and he was like, why, why would you do this? And I was like, well, you know, I just really like trapping my sims. When I was younger, like, you know, I just really like trapping my sims. When I was younger, like building the four walls and watching them freak out. So I thought this would be

pretty much the same thing. Thanks. Wow. That bear sounds angry tonight. Hayley Hackett, you've been on this show once before. I have. Welcome back. Thank you. How was that minute?

It was better. I wish I could have escaped from your set. It's true. I don't really remember it, but I say better because I don't think it could have gotten any worse than that.

The good news is, Hayley Hackett, you are the hottest chick with Down Syndrome we've ever had on the show before. What, you think I was going to warm you up slowly? At least half soon. The Down Syndrome dolphin is here. Wow, that's

incredible. Yes, Jeremiah Watkins. All weird looking girls are equal in the eyes of God. Tony, she's DTF. Downs to fuck. Yes, Joel Berg has arrived already on the first date. She's like, what just happened to me? I'm just like, this is a new insult. That was intense.

Like, all right, let's process. It's all right, don't let it hurt. Like I said,, this is a new insult. That was intense. Like, alright, let's process. It's alright. Don't let it hurt. Like I said, you're a hot Down Syndrome chick. I didn't say you're a Down Syndrome chick. We're not just making Downs. It's Downs to Fog. Hot Down Syndrome. Do they have a Tinder for people with Down Syndrome though? Because I just want to really reach my full potential. It's called Tinder.

Holy shit. Joel Berg is at full blast. For those of you that don't know. He's negative two now. Jesus Christ, man. He's going to be giving out tattoos by the end of this show. My God. Wow. Haley, how long have you been doing stand-up for? Like a month. Aw, that's adorable. What do you do

for work? I just got fired, so is anyone hiring? Did you really work at an escape room? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I do espresso work escape room? Oh, absolutely. Jesus. Wow. Yeah. I do, like, espresso work, too. You know, coffee. Espresso work. You mean you have a coffee machine? Yeah, Keurig. So they fired you at the escape room?

Keurig. Yeah. Why? Oh, I didn't show up to a shift. I was working my more important espresso job. So you escaped. I did escape the escape room. Seems like a hard job to get out of.

Yeah, really. The stakes are super low. They really just show up and put people in a room. Everything else is automated. The other job, you're a what? A barista? A barista. Haley, what the fuck? What? Why are you so fucking happy?

I'm happy to be happy. Why would I not be happy? You just got fired from a job. I literally haven't seen white people like this since yesterday pause wait okay i don't understand what's happening right now you just lost your people in l.a would be fucking losing their minds right now people lost their homes you're like no i lost the job i do coffee work no dude i'm sorry am i demeaning her by not calling her down? No. Just saying she's unemployed and she should be happy? Brian, Brian Moses, let me tell you something. Black people work in a... Tell me about black people.

I will. I will. Me and Adam 22, who know rappers, want to hear all about black people. Tell us. And unlike both of you, I was born and raised in an all-black neighborhood. I know San Diego and New Hampshire over here. Not exactly the hood. But let me tell you something.

I know a lot of black people that work in escape rooms. All right? And, I mean, they're called prisons. Shout out Shawshank. The Apollo 13 is here, everybody. Oh, is that them right there? Is that the black people? They're over there.

They got to have their own spotlight. It's still hard to see them. What up? Oh, shit. I think I'm in trouble with the Apollo 13. For those of you that don't know, there's a cool group of black people that show up every week, and I call them the Apollo 13

because it's like they're from Showtime at the Apollo, and there's like 13 of them. For real? from Showtime at the Apollo, and there's like 13 of them. For real? Haley, you're a month into the game. You do a lot of open mics? Yes.

A lot of male comedians flirt with you? No. Really? Is that true? That's surprising to me. My mom tells me I look intimidating. Ah, that's a nice thing to tell a daughter that doesn't get a lot of dick. It is. Oh, sweetheart, it's because you're intimidating.

They're scared of you. That's what it is. Guys hate being intimidating. I'm seeing someone, so. Oh, that's cool. How long have you been with that someone? Like two months. Six months?

Two, two, two. Oh, two months. Yeah. Is he a comedian? Yeah. Oh, and you just started a month ago, which means you saw him and you're like, I can do this shit. It was more like he saw me and was like, you're funny. You should go up.

And I was like, eh, I think you just want to get in my pants. And you let him. Huh? I said, and you let him. Oh, yes, both. I went on stage and I let him in my pants. So, win-win. Great work, Haley. That's great work. How's that going? Good. I just on stage and I let him in my pants. So, win-win. Great work, Haley.

That's great work. How's that going? Good. He doesn't have to answer a question. Have you seen this ass crowd? This thing is amazing. Wait, you're into her butt? I did squats today.

I'm very proud. Hey, how's the sex part going? It's better. Than the comedy? Oh, yeah. Leaves and bounds. Leaves and bounds. Does it last longer than 60 seconds?

Yeah. That's fun. He should get the four hymns. Yes, indeed. I hope he's next, by the way. That would be great. Did he sign up for the show tonight? Yes.

He's here? Maybe. Can you point at him and shine a big light on him? I will point at a stranger. Yeah. Well, maybe he'll talk about it if he gets up here later. Let's keep it moving along. There she goes, Hayley. You're no relation to Buddy Hackett, are you? No.

I had a hamster named Buddy Hackett, though. There she goes, Hayley Hackett, everybody. Hayley Hackett. Double H. Hayley Hackett. Little fun fact, if I was going to be a girl, my mom was going to name me Holly, and I would have been Holly Hinchcliffe. Double H.

That's when I hear a name like Hayley Hackett, I think of that, Holly Hinchcliffe. She does a tour with Malcolm Hatchett, and they're going to be like, Hatchett and Hackett. I would have been such a beautiful woman. I bet she dates Malcolm after she stops fucking this other guy. What'd you say? I hope.

I said I hope she starts fucking Malcolm after this other guy. Could happen. Anything can happen. We're going to need a follow-up interview at some point. In about a month. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Your next comedian. You guys get it?

You having fun yet? All right, good. Your next comedian goes by the name of Eliseise golgowski elise golgowski here we go here she is one more time for elise golgowski everyone Hi, I'm vegan. Thank you. Oh, no, the silence was the response I normally get.

No, I became vegan because I felt like people liked me just a little too much, you know? So I stopped eating animal products. I still wear them, though, because I'm not above looking cool. Like, I have this old leather belt. I don't wear it but I like to suck on it in between meals for the protein. No but I also became vegan after I watched the documentary What the Health and they teach you that eating animal products is just as bad for you as smoking. So that's why I cut all that shit out so I can still smoke and not feel bad about myself. I just wish that documentary taught you just how bad your

farts become. Seriously, my farts are soylent but deadly. No, I was actually, I was... Elise Gorgowski, everyone. Elise Gorgowski everyone welcome welcome this is your first time on the show right? yes my first time how long have you been on stand up? two years now two years?

yes do you really feel like your farts are worse than the average person's? well when I was eating meat they were like doable but now it's than the average person's? Well, when I was eating meat, they were doable, but now it's like, oh, shit. It's much worse. It's a lot worse. I don't know what it is. It's like, I guess, decomposed.

How long have you been vegan for now? I've been vegan for about almost a year and a half now. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, don't. Red Band. That's so stupid. That is the shame light.

It's a shame. I told you they were soylent, man. There you go. There's your one. You get one of those. Brother Red Band really got me with that one. And there we go. There's the bad influence. He really got me. Oh my god.

Oh. Oh. Oh. I congratulate you, Redback. Okay, yeah. There you go. Father whatever the fuck. Michael Roy, Holly. Holy. So, Elise, what was the number on your

veganism? I just heard a fart noise. Oh, it's about a year and a half now. A year and a half. Hell yeah. It took you a while to think about it because you don't have enough nutrients in your brain. No. That's why I sucked on the leather before I got up here.

Gotcha. Yeah. Has anything changed in the year and a half? Do you feel different? I poop easier. So that's nice. Prove it. Prove it.

Give me that bucket. The way you laugh, Elise. There's enough shit in that bucket already. Don't worry. The way she laughs. Will I get an extra minute? Yes. If you poop in the bucket. Definitely. I mean, shit.

So, Elise, you've been doing this for two years. You've been vegan for a year and a half. Why? Do you really still smoke cigarettes? Only when I'm drunk. How often do you get drunk? Every night. Really?

I don't have a car anymore So there's no reason to be sober Hell yeah If I had that laugh I would want to drink every night as well I mean it's pretty unbelievable You don't eat meat But you still laugh like a slaughtered goat Man

So Elise tell us more about you. You from L.A.? No, I'm from Florida originally. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It just goes downhill for me.

How long have you been in L.A.? I've been out here since 2010. I came out here to go to school at USC, and then I just stayed out here after school. Right, right. What'd you study? Theater. And what do you do for work? I'm a video editor. I actually edit some stand-up specials.

Oh, really? Yeah, I did Michelle Wolfe's Nice Lady for HBO. Oh, wow. Yeah. I mean, that must have been a lot of hard work. Yeah. Shit. It's laugh track, laugh track, laugh track. Add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add, add.

No, I mean, maybe her special. I couldn't. Anyway, I gave that Netflix show of hers a try. I don't know. I mean, literally, because I had to see. I'm like, oh, they have a weekly talk show. Let's just move on. Let's just move on before I burn all the bridges. You're going to get me in trouble, Elise. Sorry. Wow. You sort of have a deep voice. Sort of. Yeah. Is that a thing that you noticed? Do you have any jokes about that?

Not yet I mean I think it's sexy in a masculine way Yeah for sure You could be the dude on a phone sex line Dude I feel like I'd make more money Right?

Like more Because it's 75 cents to the dollar No? No? Okay No no indeed Elise tell us something interesting Like more because it's 75 cents to the dollar. No, no. Okay. No, no. Elise, tell us something interesting about you. Any fun facts about you that we'd be surprised to know you specialize in whitewater rafting or anything like that? Hey, you're from Florida.

You know, like cool Florida shit. I mean, I like to shoot guns and stuff. I can wrap the real slim shady. That's pretty white. You got to do that. Is that true? Yeah. Wait, you know how to do that?

Yeah, that's actually my, when I had a car, I used to do that to see if I could drive home. Wow. And if I got through it without stuttering, I'd be like, okay, it's cool. The cops will, you know, that's the sobriety test in Orlando, Florida, actually. Is that true?

Yeah, they make you stand on one leg when you do it, too. My goodness, how many times has that happened to you? It's happened enough times to memorize the lyrics. Well, I have good news for you. Oh! Wow. May I have your attention, please we go live from the comedy store We're gonna find out if Elise is better at rapping

Than she is at comedy Will Slim Shady please stand up I repeat Will the real Slim Shady please stand up We're gonna have a problem here Y'all act like you've never seen a white person before Jaws on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst through the door And started whooping her ass worse than before.

The first one before was throwing over furniture. It's the truth. Oh, wait, no way. You're kidding. He didn't just say what I think he did, did he? And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots. Dr. Dre is dead. He's locked in my basement. Feminist women love Eminem. Chica, chica, chica Slim Shady. I'm sick of him. Look at him

walking around grabbing his you-know-what limited you-know-who. Yeah, but he's so cute though. Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose, but no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedroom. Sometimes I want to get on TV and lose my cat, but school for a time, green to hump a dead moose. My bum is on your lips. My bum is on your lips.

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss. And that's the message that we deliver to little kids, and expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is of course They're gonna know it in their courses by the day before they got the discovery channel Don't they we know that but mammals well some of us cannibals who cut other people open like antelopes But if we attempt to do it then there's a reason that I'm being another man How long did the chorus Look at that

Look what you can get doing that And not with comedy I just had visions of Iggy Azalea Who needs a ride home I have to drive your car though I mean I'm a fan of mumble rap That was dope So it's a little nerve-wracking.

That was awesome. Wow. I need that breath support. That was awesome, though. Thank you for letting me do that. Karaoke Tony, yeah. It was amazing. No, I fucking love it.

That was an amazing performance. I feel like if I knew the words to that song, like, by heart, that there's no level of drunkenness I could be at that I wouldn't remember the words to that song. I mean, you were great. You were like Tekashi69 By heart, there's no level of drunkenness I could be at that I wouldn't remember the words to that song. I mean, you were great. You were like Tekashi69 if he was an actual six.

Come on, a six is pretty good in L.A. You know what? Honestly, yeah. It was really good in L.A. All right, well. Elyse, fun times. You know, we're plowing through it. Thank you for signing up.

It takes a lot of courage. Thank you for having me. And good luck with everything. Elise Golgowski, everybody. One of the, perhaps one of the plainest M&Ms we've ever had on this stage. All right. Let's keep this fun train moving along. Make some noise for your next comedian, Evan Leslie, everybody. Evan Leslie.

Evan Leslie. From the lucky corner. Here we go. All the way from the deepest corner. It's an exciting audience. We have special people out there. Cassandra Cass is here. We have the Life Aquatic. Steve

Zissou is here in the front row. One more time for Evan Leslie, everyone. I moved here from New York. I think the only thing I miss about that city is there's no stigma for riding public transportation. Like I just take a girl home on the bus and we'll still fuck. It's amazing.

It's not like that here, you know? Like people here just fear the bus. I told this girl I was gonna take a bus home from a show. She's like, oh my god, I would never ride the bus. I'm afraid I'll get kidnapped. It's like, how the fuck do you kidnap somebody on a bus? Throw a bag over their head and ring the bell? Get off of the next stop like alright

now we're gonna walk a mile and a half to my house stay quiet boom there you go Evan Leslie look at that Evan look out there look at them. They love you. You didn't have to sing Slim Shady to get that type of reaction from the crowd.

Are there any rap songs you know by heart that you might want to perform? Oh, man, I wish. Man, Evan, that was fun. You've been doing stand-up a while, right? Yeah, nine years. Have you been on this show before? Yeah, almost exactly a year ago on Christmas when Jeremiah ran the rascal scooter into the table

and knocked the water over. Classic. One of my better moments. Evan just actually recorded his own special a couple weeks ago. My car caught on fire driving to Vegas, so I used the insurance money to try and fund an indie special.

Wow, that's fucking amazing. Jesus. I was there. You would have thought with that extra money you could have upgraded to a medium t-shirt. Fucking Ross Dress for Less. You know what I'm saying? Shit shrinks quick. Absolutely. My god. It should have been.

All right. So, Evan, where do you film your special at? This place, Skipdown Playhouse. It's like a little 30-seat theater. Kind of reminded me of the lower east side Manhattan sort of black box theater thing. I love it. I was there, Tony. I blessed the room before this.

Oh, yeah. Is that true? You performed stand-up or something? No, he was there. I blessed the room before this Is that true? You performed stand up or something? No he was there Malcolm opened though I had him do like 20 to open Oh wow that's great I fucking love that man And it was packed all 30 people were there

It was like 28 Because I needed the top rows for camera shit But yeah pretty much packed There you go that's fucking amazing Free food, free liquor, free much packed. There you go. That's fucking amazing. Free food, free liquor, free weed. Oh, yeah. That's how I got them in there. Wow.

Jesus. My God. You almost had to pay people to fucking come. Basically. I literally was going to hire extras if I couldn't get people to come. I was like, fuck it. I'll give extras $10 to watch me do stand-up. I don't give a shit.

Well, that's cool. You did a $10 to watch me do stand-up. I don't give a shit. Well, that's cool. You did a full hour? 30 minutes. Oh, okay. It's like more of a mixtape, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. How do you survive?

What do you do for work? I used to walk dogs, but now I mainly just board dogs for WAG. What do you mean by board dogs? I just, rich people give me their dogs to take care of for like a week. So they just stay at my place and I like walk them and take Instagram videos of them and shit. That's your full-time job? Oh, yeah. That's amazing. You're basically a stay-at-home dad dog?

Yeah, it's fucking tight. My God. How many walks a day do these dogs go on while you're out there filming shady specials? Luckily, a lot of the ones for boarding are tiny and old, so they don't need that much. I kind of over-walk them because I get bored and then they're fucking exhausted.

We have a live feed from your apartment right now. Is that what it sounds like a lot? Yeah, if we don't give them bacon and shit. You give them regular bacon? No, they beg for it like that and we're like, no, fuck you. I don't own you. They beg for the bacon?

Are you doing a fucking bacon strips commercial right now? They beg for the bacon. Bacon! Remember those stupid, they still have those? Bacon's? Is that what they call those? Bacon strips. Bacon strips.

I know a few altar boys that beg for the bacon. There's too many carbs in this. Oh my god. Oh, wow. What's the craziest thing that's ever happened while you were dog-sitting for rich people? You ever do the peanut butter thing? What's that?

Yeah. Oh, the peanut butter thing? What's that? Yeah, you ever get someone... The peanut butter thing, nah. Nothing's super crazy. They've all been fucking chill. I wish there... I mean, crazy shit happened when I was walking dogs, but that's what I talked about last time on the show, just that I've been bit a lot.

Yeah. How about in your normal life? What else do you... What do you do for fun to get away from stand-up? I have a black bisexual girlfriend. Wow. Man. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on. Hold on a second. Now we got some questions. Here we go. First of all, the labeling, by the way. No name? You started with black. I have a black bisexual.

If anybody missed it, pull out your Kill Tony bingo cards. That's a black bisexual. There you go. In the church, we call that three sins in a row. Wow. Are you ever out in public and you feel like black dudes are looking at you like, what the fuck? We get the opposite. Since we've been in L.A., it's been positive catcalls.

We've had groups of black women in cars like, we love what you're doing. Wait a minute. Hold on. Black women. Not feeling it, right? They even did the emoji. They did the emoji. They're like, I don't even know.

Yeah, it's very confusing to people out here. So you have a black bisexual girlfriend. You guys stay, what is it? What's the fucking word when you just stay with one person? Are you guys monogamous? She just realized she was bi a few months ago so it's been slowly easing into

bringing girls... Were you together when this happened? She just got new boobs also. She also just got brand new tits. How do you know this? I'm going to love you guys. You should see her outfit today, by the way.

Is she still wearing that outfit? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Your black bisexual girlfriend is here? You know her. I do? We got to see. See her back in the back?

Oh, shit. Damn. Whoa. She looks way too hot for you. She looks way too cultured for you. No offense, but like... Damn, is that Aphrodite's granddaughter? Holy shit.

That is unbelievable. My goodness. Aphrodite the third. If you had started out with, I have a black bisexual girlfriend with fake tits. Oh, yeah. I should have done that part, too. It would have been cool.

And by the way, fake tits, I have bingo. That's Kill Sony bingo. Wait, so how does she know? When did she find out? You guys were like, how long are you guys dating? Then she found out she was bisexual. I pretty much knew right away when I met her because I've got bidar, sort of. You have a bidar?

Yeah, I can just tell when girls are... How do you think... Why do you think the universe... Bread, man! Bless you, my father. It's, uh... There's, like, a different... Father.

There's, like, something different about their personality Where it's like I don't know I can't explain it I can just like tell it's like more grounded a little bit And like They already are sort of outside of the normal society So they give slightly less of a fuck Are you running a cult? Did you tell her she was bisexual?

You're like you might be bisexual Let's do something fun here I want to see how well your BIDAR works Did you tell her she was bisexual? You're like, you might be bisexual. We should bring more girls in. Let's do something fun here. I want to see how well your BIDAR works. Can you spot any other bisexual people in the audience? What about us? Is there anybody out there? As long as you don't point at me, I'm going to be happy.

It's hard because I haven't spoken to them. Maybe that girl over there with the blue hair. Is that a girl? Blue hair is a cheat. Where's the blue hair? Saying that a girl with blue hair is bi is a cheat. I love the light just scanning the darkness. There's no way this is going to work from here.

Uh-oh, blue hair. Hello, blue hair girl. Is there any truth to the fact that you're bisexual? No. He's sitting on that dude's lap. I need a conversation with the person first. I can't just spot them from the distance. No, she's lesbian. Look at the guy she's with.

Come on. Do not talk to Rachel Maddow like that. Why would you do that? I can't even see this person. Anderson Pooper, dude. All right. Well, Evan, I mean, so much fun. How long have you been with the black bisexual girl?

Yes. We've been dating like, what's her name? Four years. Oh, her name is Shangidzai. What is it? Shangidzai. Hell yeah. How do you meet her?

Nigga, hell yeah. I mean, she's black, black. Not that light-skinned bullshit. You don't got a Beyonce. I don't know. I mean, that's... How did you meet her? Blackpeoplemeet.com?

I made a wrong turn one day. He was catfishing on Black People Meet. When I was living in New York, she was dating a comic. You took his girl? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she was dating a comic. She was dating a comic, and he was kind of, like, not good at it.

And, like, not really her type anyway. Comedy or? Yeah, comedy or just being a man. Wow. Is he here, too? No, that'd be dope, though. He storms the stage. Well, I mean, maybe it's not. She's into women, too? No, that'd be dope though. He storms the stage. Well, I mean, maybe it's not. She's into women too,

so maybe she likes that about him. No, he was like a bitch. Wow. I mean, still, if she's a real bisexual, there's bitches too. Would you beat him in a fight? Oh, fuck yeah. I'd fucking kill his ass. Anyway. I like the confidence. How would you kill him?

I could just literally punch him to death. Really? Are we watching an episode of Crashing right now? Wow. Oh, yeah. So she saw me just stand up a couple times, and then after they broke up, she was working at an improv theater,

and I would do mics there. And one night she got really drunk and was like, I think pale guys with curly hair are hot. See ya. Went back into the bar and then I started talking to her over the course of the next couple weeks and stuff. Man, Jeremiah. Father McElroy, thank you.

Sex with a woman. What's it like? It's pretty dope. It's pretty dope. It's pretty dope. Wow. All right. Well, I mean, Evan, very fun to meet you.

Hell yeah. Great interview. Great set. Getting the show really kicked off. Evan Leslie Jones. He's on Twitter at Evan Leslie Jones. All one word. There he goes.

Damn. Father Matt. Jesus Christ. You're fucking getting amped up over there. Were you about to do a fucking solo? Sorry. Sometimes I let a little stank stank out of this thing. Oh, wow. I like Evan. He's out there gentrifying pussies. I'm really into that kind of shit. Language.

Sorry about that. She looked like the kind of girl that he couldn't get. Right? That was impressed. He's got game. He really is. He must have something going that we don't know about yet. Yeah.

A bank account. Maybe she has a debt. He's a dog walker. I pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for your next comedian, Ashton Tate, everyone. Here we go. Oh, from the back lucky corner again. Oh, from the lucky corner.

Hey, you guys are drinking? Cool. You ever play that drinking game where you watch a movie and you take a sip whenever you remember you're by yourself? You ever do that? I've never done bondage, but once I accidentally masturbated with my shoes tied together. That's a good time. Got this book on Kama Sutra recently, except it was an audio book, so it was just a good time. Got this book on Kama Sutra recently, except it was an audiobook,

so it was just a guy repeating, I can't do this. That's... This is my impression of a frat guy right before he shoots himself by putting a gun in his mouth. It's, uh, no homo. All right, just one. No homo. Uh,

I just, one, uh, so my, uh, grandpa, he's not a feminist, but,

he still supports the cause, Cosby. Uh, all right. Thanks. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Very good. I can't believe I just heard a Cosby joke that I haven't heard or thought of. Right. That's incredible. The Cos. I mean, that was an unbelievable set, dude.

Fucking great stuff. Thank you. Is this your first time on the show? I did the, when you guys did Sketch Fest in San Francisco two years ago, I did it there because I used to live there, but this is the first time since then. You live here now? Yeah, yeah. How long have you lived here?

Four months. Wow, congratulations, dude. You're here, you're fucking doing it. How's life going for you down here? Pretty good. Hell yeah. In what way? I mean, I get mad at my job sometimes.

What's your job? I just work in an office. Really? Yeah, I tried to break my keyboard last week. Yeah, over my knee. I'm surprised you work in the office since you look like a before version of the Geico caveman. Yeah. I think you could get good commercial work.

I think he looks like a little Theo Von-y. Oh, shit. Yeah, I guess I could sort of see that. Like if Theo Von got in a fire or something like that. Theo Vaughn's market. That's the first one. Father, I don't think you get to do your own rim shot like that when it's quiet afterwards. You could do a sermon.

It was so quiet in here. So, Ashton, how long have you been doing stand-up? Six years. Six years. Six years. And so what's the office job that you do? Just low

level accounting. Low level accounting. You get along with people in the office? Yeah, they're all, they tell great stories. Yeah? Yeah. Do they always look directly at camera when they're telling the stories? Well, they actually, they know I make videos, so the other week they're like, we all love, not me, but they're like we all love the office so we're going to recreate the office

and we're going to have you film it and edit it do you want to do that? And I couldn't say no so I just said yes but they're lazy so they haven't done it. Wow, there you go. That's a fucking little procrastination inside the cubicle world of Ashton Tate.

So what's your living situation like? You're four months into Los Angeles. San Francisco is expensive too though. That's where you're from? Yeah, yeah. I had a good deal there. I was, I just moved into Studio City. Like a month before that I was staying in my friend's garage for free

for like three months. But I just got a place in Studio City so that's cool. Do you have any garage sex? No. Do you think it was the garage's fault? Yeah. Yeah. The garage was a cock block.

Oh, is that cock? So you have a roommate now in Studio City? Yep, the GF. Ooh, the girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. Did she already live there? She just moved. Yeah. She moved there first?

We moved in there together, yeah. You moved in there together. She met you when you were in the garage? No, we had known each other in San Francisco. Oh, so you've been with her a long time. Yeah, a little long time. She was staying in the garage with you? No, she was like finishing her job and then she came down. Oh. She stayed in the garage briefly, but

then we found a place. And you guys never really had garage sex when you were... Nah, she hated it. She hated it. Nothing worse than rolling over on the clicker and the whole fucking wall opens up, you know what I mean? Yeah. Knuckle deep. Yeah, man.

You could have put it in her muffler, dude. Anyway, uh... Father Guadalupe! My goodness. The power of Christ compelled me. That's not Christ. So, Ashton, tell us some more fun facts about you. Or else I'm going to keep talking about you and your girlfriend.

No, no, that's cool. I am from Florida. What is that? Peace be with you. Yeah. My favorite song is Free Bird. No, I can't freestyle that. You can't?

I can't, no. Do you blame me? Mama told me when I was young. Okay, okay, Jeremiah. To stand beside me, my only son. Okay, Father McElroy, thank you very much. That's enough of that. So you're from Florida.

Yeah. So listen closely to what I say. My first job in Florida, the manager of the third... To be a simple kind of man Okey dokey. Red Bond, you should say three Hail Marys for that sound effect. I'd be more impressed if you could play it on the saxophone, Freebird, but... But, uh...

Wow! Man, I've never heard Freebird remixed with Mary Had a Little Lamb before. This is incredible. And her fleece was as white as snow. Holly, you should see me after the show. You should have never told me that, Tony Hinchcliffe. All right, so Ashton, man, that was a fucking unbelievable set. I mean, just really great. You know, I'd like to invite you to the Ice House

if you can do a Death Squad show at the Ice House in a couple weeks. Yeah, I'd love to. How about that? There you go. From the garage all the way to Pasadena, Ashton Tate, ladies and gentlemen. He's on Twitter at MichaelMoreFood. MichaelMoreFood, spelled M-O-R-E, Michael Moore Food. Michael Moore Food. Spelled M-O-R-E. All one word. There you go.

Thank you, Father McElroy, for resetting the processions. Hell yeah. Alright. Pulled another name out of the bucket. The fun train keeps moving along. Make some fucking noise for Daniel Magdon. Daniel Magdon.

Daniel Magdon. That sounds like a new name. Here he comes. Daniel Magdon, everybody. What's up, guys? So whenever I lived in Dallas, I was a waiter for a little bit. I was not a fan of the job, man. Like, I have a lot of friends who are waiters, and they were like, I wasn't about it, man, you know,

because to me, waiting tables, the whole job was just ruining people's conversations and then demanding money from them. It's like the rudest hostage negotiation ever. Like I was always just ruining people's conversations. I had this one table, there was this dude and like his super pregnant wife or girlfriend or whatever, and I went up to say hi to them and the conversation I walked into was, look, honey, I just need some proof that this baby's mine. And I was like, who wants chips and salsa?

Ah! It's a horrible conversation to walk into, man. Like, at least get appetizers first, right? Like, honey, I think you're a cheating whore. How about some queso? Will that make this better? That's all I got. Wow. You're adorable.

Daniel Megan. Thanks, guys. My goodness, look at you. You're adorable. Daniel Magnus. Thanks, guys. My goodness, look at you. You're like Louis C.K. through 12. For those of you listening to the podcast, he's such a little boy, I'm afraid these priests are going to buttfuck him. Hold on.

It already happened. Wait a second, ladies and gentlemen. Chroma Chris. On a scale of one to ten, how old are you? Wow. I'm old enough for you, my man. Oh, my fucking God. I'll see you in the confession booth.

Coming to theaters soon. Chroma Chris, the story of an underdog. This is unbelievable. Oh, my God. You do look like the guy that molested me, though. Whoa. You've been molested? No.

You've got to lead with that. Come on. I wish. I would be so much more interesting if I was molested. That's true. Well, it's never too late. It's never too late. Daniel, you are adorable.

How old are you? 22. Really? Yeah. Really? So fucking cute. Because I feel like that's what a 16-year-old would say if he was able to have an ID that got him into the comedy store. Yeah.

Whose shoulders are you standing on? You're still the second cutest person with Down syndrome we've had on the show tonight, though. I will tell you that before you get too cocky about these newfound good looks. For those of you listening to the podcast, he's a redheaded, young-looking, little, adorable, chubby boy. He has the pigment of a full-grown man with an alcohol problem, though. He's like a bright, like a tingy red. Daniel, you drink a lot? I don't drink at all. Oh, of course you don red. Daniel, you drink a lot? I don't drink at all.

Oh, of course you don't. What do you drink, milk out of a bottle? Little fucking cutie pie you. Yeah. Like you look like Louis Anderson and the boys he fucks. What? I'm sorry, is that like a drop something? This is the reaction that you normally get from like adult men who meet you is that you're really cute.

A lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I agree. I'm killing Hollywood. I mean, look at him. Look at him. He's red-headed. Look at you, little fucking gingerbread cookie you.

Man, I never thought we'd have the real-life Eric Cartman on this show, but it's happening right now. It's incredible. I mean, it's unreal. Where are you from other than Walkerville? The Chocolate Factory? I don't know. The North Pole, perhaps? I grew up in Missouri.

That's too much. You're from Missouri, Aphrodite? What part? She's from St. Louis. Okay. I grew up in Caledonia, which is... Yeah, nobody does. Hey!

Nobody does. Hell yeah. That place fucking sucks, man. In the words of Aphrodite, that must be the white part. It is. It's very white. Wow. Daniel, what's something That we'd be surprised

To find out about you Because I picture you You know after this You go back You get in your Fucking race car bed Fucking Oh that's fantastic

You think I have a bed I think you put You really think well of me What is your sleeping situation Top bunk I don't know Just like a Like a couch cushion

I just kind of Is that true Yeah Really You found a couch cushion Kind of, yeah. Come on. Tell the truth, Daniel.

The truth will set you free. What do you mean? What do you really sleep on? A couch cushion? No, I don't even know what it's called. It looks like it's made of that type of shit. Go ahead, Daniel. Stick with the answer.

Just ignore that. Yeah, but where does this couch cushion reside? It's in a bedroom in a house that I live in. Do you pay rent in this house? I do.'s in a bedroom in a house that I live in. Do you pay rent in this house? I do. How many people are in the house? Like eight or nine or some shit.

You live in an orphanage. I do. I've been dancing around it this whole time. Sorry to break the news to you. You need to stop paying them rent immediately. Fuck yeah. Little orphan Danny over here. Hell yeah. What's stopping you from getting a bed?

Just getting a bed, just spending 300 bucks or whatever. I don't have that type of money. I mean, people would pay you to cuddle. You are so cute. You really are. You are adorable. Have you thought about selling your body? I contemplated it for a second, but I'm too squeamish.

What do you do for work? The last time I did the show, I was working at the water store. The water store? Yeah, I forgot that. That is so cute. It was amazing. Let's make a product everybody's going to want. Come to the water store.

Everybody needs it. They sold alkaline water, and they claimed they could cure cancer and shit. Oh, really? Yeah, they sold health crystals, but what they claimed were health crystals, but they were just aquarium rocks you get at Walmart, and they were selling them for fucking 15 bucks a piece. It was incredible. It sounds like such a Marilyn Monroe story from a boy from Missouri.

I'm out here selling water crystals. It was lit. It was lit. Come home with me. When he tells it, though. You are so fucking adorable looking. Daniel, you said you used to work at the water store. Now where do you work?

Now I'm in the sandwich biz. Motherfucking Jersey Mike's. Really? Wow. Damn. Looks like you're getting high on your own supply. Fucking self-serve, huh? Goddamn right.

They let you eat for free there? Yes. Yeah, what do you like to get? I just like just throw turkey and cheese on some bread and I just eat it in a corner somewhere. Oh. Geez, why in the corner? I don't know.

For comedic effect. So do you feel like you're in the middle of this sort of like romantic struggle or do you just feel poor? I'm just poor. So it's not like you're in the middle of this sort of romantic struggle, or do you just feel poor? I'm just poor. So it's not cool or romantic or fun? I don't think so, no. I mean, I'm having a good time with it, man.

I can pay rent. I just make sandwiches and do comedy. It's fucking lit. That does sound nice. Hell yeah. You got all you need. You're here in L.A. being a comedian. You're 22, even though you look like a 47-year-old Seattle lesbian.

It's incredible. Yeah, you're either a young boy or an old lesbian lady. I'm not sure which one it is. Real versatility. You could play pretty much anything in Hollywood. I fucking love it. The Velcro shoes aren't making you look any

younger. Those are Velcro shoes. They are you look any younger. Whoa, those are Velcro shoes. They are. Oh, man. Apollo 13. Do you have trouble with knots? No, they were just cheap. I just bought them one day.

So I was like, fuck it. I didn't think too much of it, honestly. Daniel, where are your parents at? They're out and about. Yeah? Where? Do they know where you are? Yeah.

What do they think of what you're doing right now? They're pretty cool. My dad, he's... Here you go, son. Take this couch cushion and go have a good career out there. Head west with this thing. They think you're still in the treehouse? Yeah.

They just never asked. He's just up there reading comic books, Margaret. Just let him be. He's just up there reading comic books, Margaret. Just let him be. He's finding himself. What's your favorite kind of porn? Oh, man. You know, I like girl on girl porn because strange dicks kind of get on my nerves, you know?

Yeah. Really? I don't know. If you don't see your own red-headed, pale dick, it frightens you? You see the 10-inch black cock and you get kind of uncomfortable? A little bit.

That's because he's from Missouri. That's a different kind of situation. We're not used to that. Oh, man, I keep watching this. I'm going to make an accident on my couch cushion. All right, Daniel. So interesting. So fun to look at.

Make some noise for him. It's Daniel Magden, everybody. He's on Twitter at Magden Daniel. M-A-G-D-E-N-D-A-N-I-E-L. Alright. Let's keep it moving along. We're having fun out there. We have a nice, fun-looking

diverse audience. I'm excited. A lot of different color hair in the crowd. We have a young professional wrestler over here. You two are sitting close together. You guys are in a relationship with this guy? Oh, you don't know each other? Oh, okay. I was going to say I would love to

watch the two of you fuck. That'd be amazing. I mean, that would be amazing. The big show on top of the little show over there. Alright. We love one word names on this show. Let's see what happens. the little show over there. Alright. We love one word names on this show. Let's see what happens. Make some noise for Seth, everybody. Seth signed up his front row.

Wow, there he is. Alright. I'm a stay-at-home dad. Any other feminists in the crowd? Huh? A few of us? Alright. You know, the wage gap does bother me, alright? Because that's 20 cents I could be living off of. Any other feminists in the crowd? Huh? A few of us? All right. You know, the wage gap does bother me, all right, because that's 20 cents I could be living off of.

You know? It's my wife's money. My money, really. All right. You guys seem okay. You guys are unsure about me, I can tell. Let's see if we can get you with this one. So, for us feminists, right, women are just as good as men. Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

And they can do just about anything a man can do as well, right? I think the YouTube shooting is a little bit of evidence to the contrary. Right? Is that too dark already? All right, I'll get you back. I have kids. I've got three kids. Does that help?

You like me a little bit more? I want my kids to be good people, okay? I don't want them to be the type of people where their teacher gets the Amber Alert and thinks, man, I hope that's Sophie. There are a couple parents out there. All right. All right.

It happened. Jesus, Seth. Do you always start your sets with a meltdown? With a what? Do you always start your sets with a meltdown? No. It seems like you guys don't really like me. Let's try this again.

Let's try this one. All right. I'm going to throw this one at you. Let's see if you like it. I'm going to telegraph the setup and the punchline. That one didn't work either. Let me throw this one out before I go. There's a couple parents out there. I can tell. Tony. Yes, Jolberg.

As a priest, I have sex with children, but this guy looks like he fucks kids. It's funny because you do look like you fuck kids. I have that air about me. Are you registered? No. To vote. To vote.

Yes, to vote I am. I thought it was weird that you assumed that everybody would know the details of the YouTube shooter thing. Why is that? Because I just don't think anyone knows that it was a really unsuccessful shooting attempt. I know, but I don't think they know. Sure. I just want to throw that out there. I actually have a YouTube shooter joke, and I have to explain it.

I have to spell the whole thing out for them. It's pretty much a really killer bit, and I do it well. I didn't really hear yours because I was already taking notes. I was writing down the word walking meltdown. But in mine, I know it doesn't end in well, let me try this one out.

Is that sort of your style? Well, I feel like if I can call the temperature of a room after a joke doesn't land, it helps. I think you're over-calling the temperature in the room. I think you're like a walking meteorologist comedy fucking mixer. Oh, you didn't like that one? Well, bad news.

Coming at midnight. Scattered showers. The audience picks up on that. And then if they see that you're not You're like fumbling around like that Then it makes them uncomfortable And it makes it worse actually The fact that you have to call out the temperature in the room As often as you do is a myth

That I'm surprised you haven't busted yet I mean if I look like a sex offender There's no way I'm going to win them back, right? I think you're fine, Seth. I think you just need to let it breathe a little bit. I mean, even after you said it, you're saying polarizing subjects. You're talking about them, and people just haven't even grasped what you're saying yet. You know what I mean?

Like, you're getting into a misogynistic joke. Let them, like, milk it. You know what I mean? And then say, oh, you guys don't like that? Here's another bad joke. That kind of thing. Sure. How many mean? And then say, oh, you guys don't like that? Here's another bad joke. That kind of thing. Sure. How many kids do you have that are disappointed in you?

I mean, how many kids do you have? Two that are disappointed. Is one of them Daniel Magdon that was on before you? Oh, I love that kid. I'll adopt that motherfucker. I claim no ownership of him. How old are your two kids? I actually have three kids, but you asked how many were disappointed in me.

One's a kid still. There you go. She doesn't know. She doesn't know yet. Okay. So I have a seven-year-old, a four-year-old, and then a two-month-old. Oh, three's company. I don't know how you had that one loaded up so fast.

What does your wife do for a living? Good question. She teaches at USC. And why do you stay at home? Do you work? No. What does your wife do for a living? Good question. She teaches at USC. Oh. And why do you stay at home? Do you work? No. No, I do this.

So you're really a stay-at-home dad that's, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Just under a year. Okay. And how old are you? I'm 32. 32, and your oldest kid is, you say seven or nine? Seven. Yeah.

Right. Huh. Man. Are you Canadian? Are you trying toadian the math are you canadian no i feel like canadians are funnier than i was typically man that you hate yourself and it's sort of uh it's sort of fun to watch yeah yeah i mean if that's really your thing if that's where your gut always takes you're like i'm not funny Then I say fucking own it all the way. Instead of trying to dilly dabble and do jokes and shit, just talk about how much

you fucking suck, dude. Nobody else is doing that. Just like, I suck. I'm not funny. I don't have fucking jokes. That shit would kill. What's something that you think you're good at? Great question. Jesus, dude. No, I... I mean, by the way, great question sucking Jesus dude

no I good at I mean by the way I think I'm a very friendly person friendly genuinely I think I'm very friendly

that's kind of like the easiest thing to be yeah exactly that's what you're good at being friendly I know that's one thing that's like

what they teach kids at like special schools and stuff like be friendly say thank you. Fit right in. Are you into bondage by chance? Do you dress up as a gimp or anything like that?

You have to be into something crazy. She stomps on your nuts. There has to be a twist to all this. This is like the school teacher version of Walter White. What's your double life? There's something going on. You're shocked that I'm asking you in front of people and cameras. No, no, I'm honestly trying to think about what twist you're sensing.

Drugs, sex robots, racists, anything cool? No, no. Where are you from? I'm from Utah. I want to stick on this question. So more wives. You got more wives? No, just one.

Just one. That makes sense. It's boring, bro. I'm going to stick on craziest thing about you. Like wildest thing about you. Something that we'd be surprised to know about you. Sports? Music? Anything? You do anything?

You ever do anything? Yeah. I play softball. But that's not going to be surprising. Yeah. Oh my God. I play a little bass guitar. Okay. I play the alto saxophone in high school.

Wow. You can make babies? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. That's what's up. I'm working on some lightsabers in the garage. All right.

Wait a second. Some weapons. All right. Yeah. There we go. You're working on weapons. Father McElroy. Just curious. You said you're from Utah.

Are you of the Mormon faith? Yes. Yes. And technically, just so you know, it's no longer the Mormon faith. We're supposed to refer to ourselves as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is too long. It's super long. Oh, we have a live feed of the sound of your garage right now.

Beautiful. My goodness. Man, so for those of you with your Kill Tony bingo cards, make sure you cross out Boring Mormon. make sure you cross out boring Mormon. If you end up wanting to actually go to heaven join the Catholic faith. There you go.

Wow. Or as we call them the Church of Fatter Day Saints. That's right Jeremiah. No we do not. Alright Seth. You're a fucking baby daddy. And thank you for helping to raise your kids.

There's a lot of parents that don't take care of their kids like the comedians that we saw before you. Sure. Hopefully they're not too damaged. Yeah. Just don't ever let them see you do stand-up comedy. And everything's going to be good. Fair enough. There he goes.

Seth, everybody. He's on Twitter at stlawrence7. Does it usually get dark like that? A little fun fact for you. We have a regular on this show that performs a brand new minute every single week. However, unfortunately, Malcolm Hatchet could not be here tonight. So in his place, doing a spot not out of the bucket but predetermined by the show and, of course, by popular demand. We met this guy a few months ago.

It was an instant success on this demand. We met this guy a few months ago. It was an instant success on this show. We love him. He's controlled chaos, very wild, brilliant improviser, and just an all-around really funny guy. He's originally from Memphis, Tennessee. He's been doing it like 11 years.

This is a brand new minute from one of our favorite new people on this show. Make some noise for the one and only William Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. Here he comes. Here he is, a real funny guy. One more time for William Montgomery, everybody. So I'm a waiter at a dog restaurant, and it's sort of weird because they make me

talk in an English accent the whole time. So it's a bunch of... Oh, M.O. sir, you need another bowl of water? I got high the other day and thought blood was coming out of my ears. It was. other day and thought blood was coming out of my ears. It was. Let me hear y'all make some noise if you've ever been so stuck underneath your parents' bed that you can't breathe. So I'm almost finished writing a troll movie. I just can't nail down a title.

It's down to Troll Police 2 or Trolls 2 Troll Police. I found a key ingredient to margaritas the other day, cocaine. I don't know if y'all have ever seen La Bumba before. Wow. Wow. So fun. Thanks so much for calling me up right before Thanksgiving. Oh, my God. you're so silly Not a lot of people know this about me

But I like to go to airports Not necessarily to fly Just to steal people's luggage And Thanksgiving is a good time to do that Hell yeah and Thanksgiving is a good time to do that. Hell yeah. The first time we met William Montgomery, he told us about how when he was younger,

he used to find Hyundai Elantras and flip them over. Down in Scottsdale, Arizona, it's a very arid climate down there, and I don't know if a lot of y'all are close to your aunts, but I am, and I'll be quite frank, it'll be sad around this Thanksgiving season not being around Mary, Aunt Mary. Did you just give a shout-out to your fucking Aunt Mary? Screwed up for Aunt Mary, y'all.

Wow, what are you going to be doing for Thanksgiving this year? I have a good friend, Ben Jordan, who is... Ben Jurgen? Ben Jordan, spelled Jordan. He was a good buddy in high school. He was in the grade below me. I remember I was on the student council. I don't repeat that.

I don't like to brag, but I was on the student council, and we would go get Little Caesar's pizzas to sell during lunch and Ben and I would get high as hell and then go back to Memphis University School and Fuck yeah.

Man. So William, everything's been going good for you on the comedy scene. I know that, I know for a fact it seems like you are one of the most well respected by the comedians it seems like these guys must see you going up a lot the fans of the show love you I love you

I've, on YouTube I read the comments and people are nice, then I got it on a subreddit I'll be quite frank, there's a subreddit that's not around anymore. It's called Pretty Dead Girls. They're pretty and they're dead. Yeah. And what would you do on this subreddit?

I was a photographer. Oh, man. I love how he sets himself up. This guy's fucking brilliant. It's unbelievable. It's a goddamn anomaly. He's doing his own panel show. He's like, tell me, Tony, about what has been brilliant.

It's a thing of beauty. I don't want to overexpose it, but it really is a never-ending. You are just a fucking truly, truly a machine. What I did earlier, my best joke is the dog restaurant joke. And I like to, my two good British accents I have are. Oh, Ebony's. And Nick. I got to be honest. Those British guys didn't like it.

Those were the two... Yeah, who the fuck was talking shit over there? I heard that. I heard that. My British blokes. Jesus Christ. The Revolutionary War never ended. Yikes.

Still have a couple of the red coats over there. All right, William. Well, I mean, you're an absolute killer, dude. You know, one thing that I told William in sort of a breakthrough that I had on a one-on-one with him, I can't remember whether we were here or up in San Francisco, is, like, you know, he's been doing this 11 years. And we've had a lot of people that have been doing this a long time. We've had people that have been doing it 20 years, 15 years, five years, three years, and, you know, all different, all different lengths of time. But this is one guy that came out here recently to LA and, you know, packed his confidence and comedy that he built in Memphis with him. I feel like a lot of people are

like, well, I got good enough. Now I'm going to go to L.A. and start from scratch and hope I make it. But not you, man. You're just staying in that pocket. It's really exciting to watch. And I'm really, really, really rooting for you, William. I think you're like a real fucking the real Zach Galifianakis of the future or something like that. Thank you for letting me on. Here he goes, William Montgomery, everybody.

What do you guys think? Should we go back to the bucket one more time? I don't know. It doesn't sound like you guys really want it. Should I go to the bucket one more time? All right. Here we go. Back to the bucket we go Well this seems interesting

I'm excited to see if this is a real human being Make some noise for pterodactyl One word pterodactyl Pterodactyl Oh he's flying Is that a real human? Oh, God. I'm very excited about this.

Make some noise for the first time on the show, Tara Dactyl. Hey, guys, we're going to try and do this with one mic, but we have to introduce Jeffrey Lineman. What can we say about Jeffrey? Let's see. So Jeffrey has gotten dumped by his girlfriend three times in the past. Do you want to talk about that, or do you want to talk about butt play, or what do you want to talk about, Jeff? Yeah, we can talk about, I mean, my girlfriend. Jeffrey does look like a guy that likes cuckle horn. Do you want to talk about cuckled porn? Sure, yeah.

I mean, Jeffrey, do the pterodactyl dance while we talk about you. All right. So Jeffrey has a long-term girlfriend. We invite her to the comedy shows that we do. We save a seat for her every time, but she'll come one of these times. It's troubling because I also have a crush on Tiffany. There definitely is chemistry. She's a real girl, by the way.

Oh, yes. Jeffrey has a girlfriend, but she kind of likes Rick. Thank you. Wow. That was very impressive. That was three times worse than anything we've ever had on the show before. That was amazing. I loved it.

I love this. I love this. That was the closest thing to a... It was an introduction, really. I guess so. Maybe we'll have you guys back on again so we could bomb six times at once.

This was incredible. This is like if the guys that shot up Columbine hadn't killed themselves at the end of it all. Because I believe there were three bombings in Columbine as well when they did that. This is very impressive.

Maybe change your group name from Pterodactyl to Columbine. Man, I mean, it's incredible. You guys play on Seth's softball team with him? I probably would. Jeffrey's a self-described introvert and also germaphobe. Wow. That sounds like a setup. Knock it out of the park, Jeffrey.

Yeah, I mean, I have a few exceptions. Hit him with a punchline, Jeff. Oh, God. Yeah. Did you guys all just meet each other right before this? You're like, let's just fucking wing it, guys. We can do this. It's going to go so well.

It's so easy. This crowd will just fucking laugh at anything. We could literally do nothing. Jeffrey did just take a stand-up comedy class for $700. Is that true? Do you want to tell them one of your jokes? That's right. I did take a class. Yeah, I did.

Maybe all three of you should have taken it. Father from downtown. Do you want to tell them one of your jokes? It's like the New Jersey Trill. I love the Jerry Garcia character in the middle carrying the whole thing. This is great. The cool thing about dating a religious girl

is you can pray together and you can play together. I mean, I'm a priest, but fuck these guys. Oh my God. Oh my God. That was a good... You know what? Let's do something fun.

For the first time in the history of the show, we're going to let the audience beat the shit out of these guys. Huh? You guys want to do that? You guys down to get your asses beat here today? It's what the audience really wants. I think Jeffrey's game for it. Oh, I mean...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus. Oh, shit. Lady, don't actually throw things. Don't bother, by the way. I actually sort of liked it. What was that, a wine cork or something? A wet paper towel.

All right, we'll allow it. Jeffrey incited a reaction. Does that ever happen where people threw things on stage? That's crazy. No, they sort of deserved it. We want it. Normally, literally 999 times out of 1,000, I'd be like, never do that again. But for pterodactyl, I mean, come on, right?

In fact, I'm wondering, you know what? Maybe we could talk to the fucking El Tocho in the kitchen. Do we have a box of tomatoes, perhaps, we could hand out to the audience? Go full fucking Muppet Babies on these guys? Tony, I regret not molesting these kids. They would have been much more interesting. Well, I'll tell you what.

We can't end the show this way. Pterodactyl, I love that you went for it. You guys have literally three times as many balls as anybody else that came up here tonight. However, I'd put something, maybe put it together like anything at all. This was like... Jeffrey was so nervous about this.

Oh, God. Pterodactyl, I want you to be extinct. Oh, my God. Wow, Red Band. The electricity at the store. Red Band crushing without a poo-poo or a pee-pee joke is poo-poo pee-pee. Literally, the ghost of Mitzi is fucking with the lights. What's happening?

How did he do that? All right, pterodactyl. There he goes. They're on Twitter at Mystic Mondays. I'm pretty sure they did this for a shout-out right there so that you guys got it. There you go. I love you guys. Hey, you tried you guys got it. There you go. I love you guys. Hey, you tried. There you go.

There you go. The human centipede of bad comedy, everybody. There they go. Wow. Lonely Island. That's no way to end the show. We're going back to this bucket one more time, right? We have to. Oh, shit. Thank you. Okay, let's give this a try. Make some noise for Chris Heist, shit. Thank you. Okay, let's give this a try.

Make some noise for Chris Heist, everyone. Chris Heist. Chris Heist. Oh, we know this guy. Oh, we know this guy. Here he comes. He's been lucky lately. Here he goes.

Your final comedian of the night, Chris Heist, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks, everybody. See, my name is actually Heist. That's my real night, Chris Heist, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks, thanks everybody. See, my name is actually Heist. That's my real name, Chris Heist. Which makes it really awkward when I go to the bank. Especially because I look like this. I just hand them my ID. They're like, is this code?

It was really odd the other day. After doing business at Teller, they handed me back my information and was like, thank you very much, Mr. Heist. and was like thank you very much Mr. Hest I was like you work at a bank you don't know the word heist I'll show you a fucking heist and I bust out

all the financial documents to prove how corrupt their fucking organization is I was like that's a fucking heist thanks everybody I'm Chris Heist there you go. You were literally three times better than the last people on stage. It's because he's part of the Trinity, Tony.

He does look like he flies spirit. Chris, this is your third time on the show. I know everything about you and remember everything about you because you are such an unforgettable character. Thank you. Thank you. So welcome back. Guys, which one of the apostles is this again exactly? Oh, okie dokie.

He's the Holy Ghost. I'll take it. Oh, there you go. So Chris, how's life? This is your guys' first time seeing Chris Heist. I see Chris around. They just let you in with no shoes on? Yeah.

They just let you in with no shoes? Oh, no, it's a stage thing. Yeah, I love it. He takes off. Chris smells better than he looks. You smell pretty good. Yeah, he said it last time. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's people are surprised, I guess. Chris wears shoes to the comedy store and then takes them off if he gets pulled. Like if he comes up to perform, he wants to connect with the stage, he said. I do the same thing with my underwear. I wear them to the comedy store, but right before I go on stage, I take them off. Okie dokie. Anyway. So how would you describe your look?

I don't. I mean, it's just laziness. Post-exorcism. And minimalist or whatever. Yeah, post-exorcism. The holes in the shirt look really intentional. They're really not. Let me ask you something.

Those jingle jeans? Let me ask you something just out of my own curiosity. Because we've seen you a few times. You're always clean. Like I get it, right? I get what you're sort of doing, right? I get it. I like it.

I respect it. Let me ask you this. What would it take for us to put you through one of those like full-blown show makeovers where like maybe next week we give you a spot. You get to start the show. You go up first and then you go backstage. We have a whole team of fucking like hair. Fuck.

Get you a job. Because I feel like I get it. Like a lot of, we were talking about this last time. A lot of people don't like how I look. That's okay. I get it. Look, I get that like a lot of we were talking about this last time a lot of people don't like how I look that's okay I get it look I get that part too but I'm just saying like cause and I

also understand that a lot of your material is written around sort of that like you know I mean you're surprisingly you know a character like your jokes are smarter than you look yes yes in fact many people you know, a character. Like your jokes are smarter than you look.

Yes, yes. In fact, many people have said that. That is part of the misdirect, but I'd be interested to know because I mean like how long would it take to get back to this? Like no time at all, right? The beard and... Oh yeah, if nothing's cut, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So what do you think? What would it take? What would we have to do? Where would you start on negotiations

about getting a makeover on Kill Tony? The first ever Kill Tony makeover. If it's a temporary thing, we could talk about it or whatever. I don't know. I don't like to fucking... I don't know. You know me.

To some extent, I mean, I'm just... I feel like it might be the biggest... I just do this. I just do that. What would it take? I'm not good at fucking... Yeah, bargaining. I prefer not to, you know,

I'm stubborn. How much money would it take? How about 20 bucks? No, no. I appreciate it. It's never going to happen. We'll GoFundMe if we have to. How much would it take? What was Chris doing before this?

Do we know? Yeah, I was tutoring at a college in Florida. What is this Florida shit tonight? What's happening? I know, right? It is. If anybody looks like they panhandle, it's Chris. But I don't.

I mean, if you guys... It's a good panhandle joke I just did. It's about Florida and how he looks. Okie dokie. Well, I forgot to say last time. I mean, like you said, the type of stuff I do is not for everybody, but some people really like it.

And my albums are all free online, crusites.com. I love it. But you've always looked like this, right? Yeah, for like 20-something years or whatever. Right. Don't you think it would be an interesting, like, just an interesting little experiment or reload to fucking, you know, go all the way, come out in like a business shirt and a tie and just sort of fuck it.

Have you written a book? It'd be fine. It's like some people in the crowd like it, the idea or whatever, but in the other sense, it's like I fucking hate compromising. But I get it. I don't know. We'll talk after this. That's weird that you wouldn't just do that, though.

It seems like there's something wrong. It seems like a great opportunity. Okay, yeah. If it's something like... I hate conforming, man. Obviously, yeah. What if we let you open three episodes in a row with your new post look? I mean, well, now you got to do it.

Yeah, but I can't... Do stand-up looking differently is what you're saying? Or do it like this and then go? Yeah, I mean, I'd be interested to, right, I mean, I'd be interested to see what. But I'm never going to be on The Tonight Show. That shit just isn't for me. How do you know that? Because, oh, man. You could be the most interesting fucking thing that The Tonight Show's had on since fucking Johnny Carson.

No, but they would. I don't know if you've watched the Tonight Show lately. You could fucking destroy If they listen to my albums, they'd be like, fuck no. Like, seriously. They're not going to listen. I know. That's the point. They shouldn't. They should not.

Well, I mean, this is something we definitely have to talk about. I would love to have made a deal live on the episode. I mean, that's how you get a crowd to go crazy. Right. Are there any other ugly people that want to make over in here? I think it looks great. Grazie.

Maybe you guys can perform a live exorcism on it or something. Yeah, sure. Go for it. Father? People have tried before. No, Jeremiah. He's not into this. Well, Chris, we've always had fun with you on the show,

and it's a shame that you're banned until agreeing to the makeover. But thank you so much. Thank you, guys. There he goes, Chris Heiss. You know, I'm sorry. There's just something in my gut. I'm sorry to everybody that wants to go home, but I just feel like that's not the way to end the episode.

I'm sorry. I never do this. Thanks for sticking around to my guests, to the amazing priests over there. That was like a blue ball. I just feel like there's something missing. Okay. Alright, let's see what happens

here. Put your hands together for your final comedian of the night, Kim McVicker. Kim McVicker. Here we go. Hey, my husband, he says that I'm on my phone too much. And in fairness, I was on my phone when he said it. But I don't feel like I'm on my phone any more than anybody else.

But my husband was like, babe, I feel like you're on your phone too much. And I was like, feel like? He never uses that word. He didn't even use it on our wedding day, and now is the time that he's choosing to use it? But I didn't say any of that. That was what was going on in the inside. Because on the outside, I'm like a really good wife. Well, I'm a wife. So I was like,

babe, he was like, I'm in competition with your phone. I'm like, you're not in competition with my phone. You lost that a long time ago. Do you know how many things my phone can do? When I use Google Maps to try to figure out how to get here, my phone wasn't like, oh, you're just now trying to figure out where you're going. No, my phone just told me how to get here. my phone wasn't like, oh, you're just now trying to figure out where you're going? No, my phone just told me how to get here. My phone has never once asked me for a blowjob. Fuck yeah. Who wants to go to the bucket

six more times? Alright. Kim, that was a fun set. You've been on the show a couple times, right? Yeah, I literally was in the bathroom when you called my name. Well, there you go. Well, then you took a shit on stage right after that. I literally did.

Yeah, that's fair. Kim, no, it was a fun set. We're going to move along because we're a little bit over time. There she goes, Kim McVicker. And since that doesn't feel like a perfect ending anyway, instead of going to the bucket, let's get a brand new minute. She started stand-up on this show at the age of 62. You know her, you love her.

She's a goddamn icon. Let's hear a brand new minute from the one and only Aphrodite. Here she is. I can feel the ground shaking behind me. Come on, guys. It's Aphrodite. How y'all doing? How y'all doing?

You know, we got a lot of holidays coming up, right? Damn Santa Claus. I hate these motherfucking holidays, all these old goofy-ass songs on the radio. Every motherfucking story you go in the fuck is wrong with these people i got a new holiday i started myself new national holidays this holiday is called let a whole rest national doll holiday The whole rest national doll holiday. Let the hoes rest.

Tell your nasty ass husbands and your nasty ass boyfriends to keep their ass at home today. The hoes are tired. The hoes feet be hurting. Some of them been sucking so much dick they can't even close their mouth no more wow that is how it's done the one and only Aphrodite you are amazing you're a god damn legend I love it you're talking about topical stuff you're doing it you're writing you're fucking performing you're a goddamn legend. I love it. You're talking about topical stuff. You're doing it. You're writing.

You're fucking performing. You started fucking late in the game like so many greats and we absolutely love you here. You're stylistically amazing. Your stage presence is incredible. You stay in the pocket. You're writing and you're delivering jokes

and I love that you come here every Monday and that you're a part of this shit. You are so fucking cool. It's all because of you. Stay up here and take the post-show group picture with all of us, will you? I will.

There she is, Aphrodite, ladies and gentlemen. I love you! And that is Kill Tony, live from the Comedy Store. We have a drawing from Ryan J. Ebel. While you all sat there, he drew this. RyanJEbelt.com for all the prints of each episode. Look at that crazy shit. He draws it every single Monday.

Such a fun episode. Make some noise for Adam 22, everybody. Make sure you check out the No Jumper podcast. Anything else you want to promote or plug, Adam? Anything? I have a new cool fucking No Jumper hoodie that I'm excited. I'll be rocking that next Monday here. Yeah.

No Jumper, my podcast. Check it out. Hell yeah. Appreciate you, Tony. Thank you, by the way. Thank you so much for doing this show. So much fun. Make some noise for Brian motherfucking Moses over here.

Roast Battle's very own. Roast Battle has gone absolutely global. It's literally all over the world on all Comedy Central. Listen to the podcast. Yeah, Roast Battle, the podcast. Coach T does an amazing job. Yeah, you just had Earl on. I heard that's a great episode.

It's a sick episode. If you like Roast Battle, you're going to fucking love the podcast. Yeah, I had a pretty controversial episode of Roast Battle podcast. You and Earl Skakel are our highest rated episode. Dropping fucking truth bombs over there. We're just burning bridges with Viacom. Brilliant, brilliant idea. Surprise, we have to stop the show.

Thank you, Tony. Thank you. How about you make some noise for the one and only Jeremiah Watkins, everybody, huh? His new podcast, Jeremiah Wonders, is absolutely killing it. He's got a new episode out with Joe DeRosa, right? He's got a new episode out with Joe DeRosa, right? And the new Cat Burglar t-shirt, again, is available at jeremiahwalkins.com slash shop. There it is.

There's the Cat Burglar t-shirt. It's really cool. Jeremiah, anything else? Follow me on social media at JeremiahStandUp. Love you guys. Thank you. How about you give a hand to Still Batting 1000 after today. How about one more time for Chroma Chris, huh?

Chris, what do you think about tonight's episode? Sensational. Boom. Did you see that? But also, Tony, can I give a shout out to Ben Lambden of Lambden Guitars again. Check it out if you're looking for a new guitar.

Yeah, he made Kermit Griss a guitar. That's awesome. Yeah, what's the website again? LambdenGuitars.com. Hey, how loud can this place get one more time for the one and only Joel Berg, huh? Joel Berg's on social media mostly. Sorry, anything else, Joel?

Yeah, thank you to anybody that came to our shows in Texas. We love you. You guys were great. Texas, you truly were amazing. All the clubs. It was so special. I'm going to be back there in Dallas with Father McElroy, Jeremiah Watkins. We're doing stand-up comedy, two shows at Hyena's Baltimore. I'm doing stand-up at the absolute end of November, the 29th

to December 1st. And Kill Tony's coming to Phoenix, January 26th, 3 p.m. Stand-up live Phoenix January 26th 3pm. Stand up live on January 25th at Copperhead Blues at Desert Ridge Marketplace January 25th, the night before that. And I'm going to sneak this in. If you are a fan from

London, England that happens to be listening to this episode, make sure you listen next week for what might be a very exciting announcement. And me, Tony, and Malcolm are on a show tomorrow at the Improv if you live here in Los Angeles. And the Kill Tony shirt is available in the lobby.

Yes, I'm working out new material tomorrow night at the Hollywood Improv. If any of you are interested in what my new transgender porn bit is all about, I'm very excited about it. So watch me probably bomb harder than pterodactyl

tomorrow night at the Hollywood Improv. Hey Todd, can I plug my new podcast? Oh sure Aphrodite, go ahead. I have a new podcast show everybody. It's called Stupid Central. Oh shit. You can catch it on YouTube. It's about the stupidest shit you ever want to know

about. Well there you go. Loosen know about. Well, there you go. Loosen up. Be stimid. There you go. Aphrodite, everybody. We love her. And yeah, that's it. Thank you to the live audience that come here every Monday. You guys are unbelievable, and hopefully we'll see you guys again soon. Thank you. Good night. To Maridamasi Thank you.